Focus on Email Writing:

By Ahmed Nasir
March 2017 – Paper 22
Your friend is doing a project about places of interest in your country, and has asked you for some help.
Write an email to your friend, giving some information.
In your email, you should:
• describe a visit you made to an interesting place in your country
• suggest reasons why people enjoy visiting different places of interest in your country
• explain how you can help more with your friend’s project.

After exploring all the analysis questions for each respective paragraph, rank them from 1-5 (1 being the best and
5 being the worst)

Introduction
A ____ I was about to facetime you when my phone pinged with your mail. Count me in this adventurous project of yours
(hurray)!
B_____ Thanks a bunch for the early birthday gift. You’re the best, Charl! And yes, USA is full of captivating sights and
here’s a quick note that might help you with your project.
C_____ I was bubbling over to read your email about the project of yours! We’ve got attractions of that sort beyond number
and let me tell you about my recent visit to such a place.
D _____ I was brimming over with joy when I got your email this morning. This fascinating project of yours sounds exciting,
and I think I’ve got the perfect idea for it.
E_______ Congratulations on passing your exam. Hope things are all well there.

1) How does each introduction establish the relationship between the writer and the audience (recipient)?
2) Is there any indication of personalising in any of these introductions?
3) How does each transition phrases eases into the main body?(check the first sentence of the main body)
Paragraph 1 - describe a visit you made to an interesting place in your country
A _____ If you’re buzzed-up about exploring cool places, I can’t help but let out a shriek – Disneyland! It’s not just the
cynosure of Tokyo, but it’s where dreams literally come true. So, on my 16th birthday I just wanted to fulfil my dream of
getting my adrenaline going on a Ferris Wheel (hey, don’t judge!). Not only did I get my head spun and bobbed on those
white-knuckle rides, but I simply let the child in me run wild, hugging and smooching every single Disney Character there!
Safe to say I had the time of my life.

B _____ You know I have a thing for candy floss-cloud mornings, don’t you? So, last weekend I trekked to the Golden
Gate Bridge at the crack of dawn. When I reached there, the fog was so thick that I started to expect nothing from views.
But then literally like magic, all the fogs shifted from the spires of the bridge to reveal the quivering sea that was acetylene-
blue, separating the land into islands and sky into pink. Far out to sea, rivers of pulsing light saturated the sea with gold. I
felt like I was daydreaming. Boy, it was such a soothing sight!

C ____ Remember the underwater shopping mall I was babbling about all summer? You guessed it right! Last weekend
my sister and I took the chance to relish its splendour. Its beauty truly defies description. I stood mouth agape, until I
spotted playful dolphins jostling humungous manta rays. It was almost impossible to choose what to do: shop, dine or
capture the bewitching undersea life.

D _____ As you know, Wyoming is home to the first-ever established national park in the United States:
Yellowstone National Park. I’ve been there only once, but I can tell you it’s one of the most entrancing and enchanting
sights in the country. With its proud and watchful mountains, tranquil lakes, and wildlife galore, it is truly a divine panorama.
And who can forget Old Faithful, the majestic geyser that erupts 20 times a day?

E _____ When I got your ‘911-email’ about the Travel & Tourism project on places of interest, I thought you’ve just hit the
spot. Just yesterday, I went to the famous Rasfannu Beach in Male’. It was a typical sunny day here in this ‘Sunnyside of
life’. While enjoying a smoothie from the deck of the pavilion, I couldn’t help but admire the spectacular view of turquoise
clear water meeting cloudless azure sky. The soothing scenery didn’t of course go unnoticed – the atmosphere was filled
with the mirth of carefree children and beachgoers.

1) What phrases are used to start off the content of each letter and how do they incorporate personalising?
2) How are the places of interest described in each paragraph?
3) Analyse how ideas flow in each paragraph.
4) Do you feel that any of the ideas expressed above can be left out from the respective paragraph?
Paragraph 2 - suggest reasons why people enjoy visiting different places of interest in your country
A _____ Need I tell you we Japanese love jet-setting as much as we do a good ‘hirune’? Here, our motto is simple: work,
save, travel and repeat. Whether it’s backpacking to Mount Fuji or sightseeing in the scenic bamboo forest, Arashiyama,
we just want a retreat from the frenetic work life of ours. And then there’s this fad of going to places like the Imperial
Palace, where you can enjoy serenity and gen up on our history.

B _____ When you think about it, who wouldn’t want to escape from the hustle-and bustle of concrete jungles and
enjoy peace and quiet in these wondrous places? People here are also seeking opportunities to reconnect with nature
like going birdwatching in nature parks or stargazing. You must admit these places help evoke childhood memories
and make new ones with our families.
C _____ Need I say people not only flock to majestic places at weekends? For us New Yorkers life’s literally a beach.
You could see beachgoers in their hordes sunbathing or frolicking with their kids on Bronx or Brooklyn Beach with any
hint of sun out there. And who can blame them – everyone wants to get away from the chaos of life and unwind whilst
appreciating the smiles plastered on their kids’ faces.
D _____ People frequent to this monumental park to catch a glimpse of its highlights like the Yellowstone Lake and the
Grand Prismatic Spring, the rainbow coloured hot spring with its vibrant blue centre. It’s hard to argue their logic of
clapping their eyes on such famous attractions. I mean what’s better than breathing in some ‘wild’ air and taking a selfie
on the Grand Canyon after a hectic week’s work?
E _____ To be honest, there’s no place worthier than a pristine beach in Maldives and, lucky us, we’ve got hundreds!
People here just love to escape from the hustle and bustle of life and revel in nature. Although I must admit, there’s
growing curiosity amongst the youngsters in historical places. I guess they can’t resist taking a selfie or two with the
picture-postcard buildings and relics.
1) How are the paragraphs begun to link them to the previous paragraph?
2) How does the selection of ‘places of interest’ here show the writers thought about the ‘reasons’ well in advance?
3) Do you find the ‘reasons’ to visit the places of interest logical enough? Which of those reasons sound the most
convincing?
4) How is the two ideas connected in each paragraph? How do they achieve the casual tone?
Paragraph 3 - explain how you can help more with your friend’s project.

A _____ Don’t bother asking, I’ve already attached enough pictures of the most iconic places here! I could even pester
some museum-goers for feedback or maybe interview a curator, if you like. So, you finally found out the dictionary
maniac can be helpful (wink)? Yes, I’ll proofread your project.
B _____ Oh, I nearly forgot - I have a project I did last year on the same topic (lucky you!). But I guess you can still
scrape up more points to make yours perfect. If you like, I can collect a few local travel magazines – they often have the
coolest reviews and pictures of tourist attractions.
C _____ Hey, I didn’t forget your little request – trust me, you asked the right person for help. I’ve already catalogued
almost all the captivating places in my country and, lucky you, my brother (the camera dude) has caught these paces
on his lens – every angle of them! It’s like you’ve hit the jackpot, isn’t it? I’ve created a Google Drive folder and already
shared it with you. Take your pick and let me get more information on them.

D ____ Don’t shy away if you need any help researching a location you pick. Plus, you know I’m always up for exploring
and count me in on any trips you want to make for your project. I know my way around the coolest places and people to
talk to here
E ____ Just remember, I’m only an email away if you need any help. I can get you more photos of our heavenly
country (check out the ones I attached). All you have to do is ask! Plus, I can get some feedback from the tourists
clustered around beaches. You know I’m not half bad at being a reporter!

1) How is the flow of ideas kept smoother at the beginning of each paragraph?
2) How did each writer personalise and kept the tone casual?
3) How do you feel about the help offered by each writer? Which one sounds the most suitable?
Ending
A _____ Good luck!
Sayōnara
Nafhaa
B _____ I must dash now. But do call me if you need more help.
Love,
Aifa
C _____ I must dash now. Don’t be shy to ask for any help!

Best wishes,
Ilmaa

D _____ Let me know what you decide. Send my love to Pam and Lily.

Cheerio,
Nadhuha

E _____ Best of luck!

Risala

1) Which of the above ending do you find the most suitable?

2) Overall, what do think is the best written email?

Responses contributed by students of Bilehdhoo School