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The Friendship Formula: How To Make Friends and Build Close Relationships
The Friendship Formula: How To Make Friends and Build Close Relationships
By
Austin Barnes
This is not a free e-book and may not be given away nor
copies sold. Please visit:
http://www.Conversation-Miracle.com
interesting. They add fun and excitement. They are one of the joys
feeling.
My Story
In high school I had friends but no real close friends. Just out of
high school, I was involved in sales for two years. After studying
many friends.
However, I kept hitting a brick wall in my relationships. The
relationship would only go so far and would not get any deeper.
variety of reasons.
• Dating
• Husband/wife
• Parent/Child
• College
• Business
• School
• Etc.
Before we get to The Friendship Formula let me share with you
relationships.
Chapter #1
Foundational Principles
Principle #1: Not everyone can be a close friend or best friend.
Due to our differences and other factors, not everyone can be our
There are strategies and techniques you can use to put you on the
to your life.
There are some people that help us become better people, while
others tear us down. Some people use us, other enhance our life.
Choose to build close friendship with those who add value to your
life.
common that make a friendship. This does not mean that you have
• Sharing secrets
• Lying
• Verbal abuse.
You build trust by keeping your word and treating others with
respect.
Chapter #2:
Levels of Conversation
people. You may talk about the weather with a clerk, but not share
friendships.
Level 1: Clichés. How are you doing? How was your day? I’m
Level 4: Feelings, emotions, needs. How did you feel your day
discouraged.
Level 5: Personal feelings, goals, plans, and openness.
Observe your conversations with others. These levels will jump out
However, the people you share level 4 and five are probably close
Chapter #3:
acquaintance.
Acquaintances
who they are and a little about them. They know you and you have
Casual Friendship
A casual friend is one with whom you have some connections
with. There are some similar interests and you may enjoy the
Close Friend
A close friend is someone with whom you can call up and just chat
about the day. You have similar interests. You enjoy talking with
them. A person can be open with them and share their feelings,
Best Friend
Due to the time and energy it takes, we have very few of these.
dried.
sharing.
If one person is sharing on level 2 while the next is sharing on
share with me about their feelings on level four, it was not a close
Keep reading.
Chapter 4:
Friends
Reason #1: They have not taken the time to build friendships.
Friendships take time. If a person is working all the time and not
spending time with people, they will not make friends. It also takes
calendar time. You cannot become close friends in just a few days.
This can be a big issues. The Friendship Formula will help you on
this one.
Reason #3: There is a changeable problem in their personality
I have watched and observed people and discovered these are the
If you have trouble with making friends, talk with someone. Ask
there are things about us that will hinder some people from
Chapter 5:
TICKS.
Time
Interest
Connections
Kindness
Sharing
With this formula you can rapidly make friends and take
Time
If you want to make friends, you will have to put time and effort
people a week.
Second, it takes calendar time to build friendships. You can make a
over days, weeks, months, even years to really build the deep
Take control of your life and schedule people in. That is the only
What can you do right now to start spending more time with
people?
Interest
interest in them. The best way not to make friends is to try and get
about.
Many people will not show any interest period. This can often be
people? You act interested and you will soon start to feel
interested.
1. Asking Questions
2. Listening
Asking Questions:
What questions does a person ask? Later you will see a list of 117
and questions.
your job)
When asking questions you are finding out their opinions, facts,
values, and thoughts. They will enjoy being with you because you
Listening
• Gently move your eyes around the eyes and nose area to
avoid staring.
Kindness:
person, even though you may not feel like. Here are five ways to
show kindness.
Smile
A smile on your face will brighten your day as well as the people
around. The smile shouts to the world that you are confident and in
a good mood. It invites people to want to talk with you. Your voice
Greeting people with a smile, shows that you are glad to see them.
this he was saving face and I was not going to use it as a wedge in
the relationship.
When people mess up. Don’t exploit it or make a joke (unless you
twenty years. They were wronged in the past and they just won’t
let go.
against a parent can affect current family life. Let things go.
Our words can either tear down or build it. I can watch couples
These little kind acts all add to be being a good friend. What’s
more is that when you apply these, other people tend to treat you
Have you every had something exciting and went to share with
someone and they tossed abucked of cold water over you? Instead
Find Connections
The key is to find what you have in common and strengthen the
connection. How? Ask questions. As you listen you will hear them
mention topics you enjoy talking about. Jump on those
connections.
You will also hear activates they enjoy doing. If you enjoy the
activity also, that is one way to build the friendship.
Build Connections
Now that you know what you have in common, strengthen those
connections. Spend time going to the movies, playing games,
rollerblading, etc. Talk about the topics that interest you.
On virtually every person you will find that you have connections
in different areas. What you want do is build the friendship around
these connections
Sharing
At college I applied two keys to building friends. I asked questions
level at times about their feelings and goals. However, I was stuck
back at one or two and not sharing much. In a sense they were
lopsided friendships.
feelings, etc.
The results were amazing. I smashed through the brick wall and
was able to build some close friendships. Some of those I still have
Interest and listening are important, but you have to share about
your feelings, your disappointments, etc. Here are some ways you
This takes wisdom but at different times let your friend know how
you may sincerely say you enjoy talking with them and visiting
with them.
Level 1: Clichés.
Level 2: Facts.
Level 3: Opinions.
Chapter 7
Time
Interest
Connections
Kindness
Sharing
Interest in them and being Kind. As you talk and listen, look for
weeks or months.
Below are questions that can help you get to know people..
Just pull out a few the next time you visit someone. When asking
these questions. A few tips as you ask these questions and use
TICS:
3. Don’t grill the person, make sure you share and ask
questions.
CONCLUSION
remember TICS and get out their and make friends and build
relationships.
lately? program.
2. Did anything interesting happen 15. What sports do you play or like?
3. What are you doing to stay busy 16. What did you do this weekend
4. How did you end up getting into 17. Have you been to _________?
where would you go? 70. What traditions did you have
59. How do you know the host here 72. What subjects did you enjoy in
at the party? school?
78. What makes you laugh? 89. What is your favorite time of year?
80. What have been some things in life 91. Growing up, what were your
that you have really enjoyed? childhood ambitions? Why did they
really scared in life? 92. What are some main differences you
83. At the end of your life, after looking 93. What are your top three abilities?
back, what do you hope to 94. What have been some difficult or
85. Where were you born? How did do you see in your position (birth
86. If you were going to give a talent each brother and sister?
show, what would you do? 97. What special traditions does your
place to eat?
98. What advantages or disadvantages 105. What is some of the best
do you see in your growing up advice you have ever been given?
experience where you almost died 108. If you could ask God one
and did that change your thinking? question, what would be?
101. If the house was on fire and 109. What is your earliest
102. Of all the places you have family life, what things would you
visited, which ones have you liked do similarly, and what would you do
some things you wish people had 112. What Museums do you enjoy
school?
have done in life which you have want to accomplish in the near
115. If you knew that you would 117. Identify three things that you