DOES AGE MATTER IN A RELATIONSHIP?

People say “age is just a number” all the time, but do they practice what they preach? My
experience says the answer is… sometimes. As far as relationships go, it can get complicated.
Age signifies so much more than just a number: it can reflect your maturity, your stage in life,
and your experience.  At the same time, age can be deceptive.  Not every 21-year-old is on the
same playing field--some are already gearing up for the ninth inning while others are just
jumping into the dating game.  It’s often “different strokes for different folks,” as the old saying
goes.

Does it matter if men date younger women? If so, how much of an age gap is an
acceptable one?

Many single men (LDS men included) supposedly go by this rule of thumb: “You can date
someone who is half your age, plus seven.” As we get older, this allows for more flexibility in
age gaps. Whereas the dating pool at age 21, for example, varies from age 18 to about age 26 or
27, it becomes a whole different dynamic for the mid-singles crowd. By age 31, the commonly
accepted age range difference can vary between anywhere from those aged 22 or 23 to those in
their mid-40s. And so forth.

Why is that exactly?

Our younger years are prime years for developing and learning much about ourselves.  But, each
year as we (hopefully) become another year wiser, we become more secure in ourselves and
much more stable in our personalities.  In fact, our psychological and physical development
slows, meaning the mental gap between age groups narrows.  Think back to your own
experiences with your brothers and sisters.  While a little sister two years younger than you
seems completely annoying when you are seven, but 10 years down the road, she seems far less
immature.

The other beauty about becoming more secure in our identities is that suddenly, society's
judgments don't matter as much to us.  Certainly, a five-year age gap would have made a
significant difference to both of us just a few years prior to that time. As we were both in our
20s, though, it didn’t matter to either of us. Now that I am in my 30s, a five-year gap matters
even less. 

So if it's okay for men to date younger women, does it matter if women date
younger men? What’s good for the goose is good for the gander—right?

Sadly, this is not necessarily so, and there tends to be more of an unfortunate stigma
attached to older women dating young men. Many women who date younger men,
whatever the age gap may be, find that they have the unfortunate label of “cougar”
attached to them. It can give new meaning to the phrase, “Rise and shout, the Cougars
are out!”

Some single adults have observed that age does matter to others in the dating pool.

In other words: A few years  really shouldn’t matter all that much in the eternal
perspective.

So then, when should age become a concern?

Height, weight, number of Lord of the Rings figurines in his or her collection.  While
some of these numbers can be superficial and shouldn't tip the scales heavily in our
decisions to date someone, age can raise some serious concerns.

But remember: every person you date comes with baggage.  All you have to ask
yourself is, "Am I willing to carry their baggage for the full 26.2 miles?"

 Maybe for you, the chance to be with this person for eternity is worth a few diaper
changes or a couple of lonely years in your old age.  Age shouldn't be your only
grading critieria, but it should be a serious consideration.
So then, why do age gaps happen?

For many mid-singles (31 and older), it can feel like dating options become somewhat
limited after attending young single adult wards and activities is no longer an option.
While it is still OK to date people younger than you are, it also becomes more and
more acceptable to date those who are more than a couple of years older than you, too.
Statistically, the number of potential spouses of the same age decreases as the years
go on. This is one possible reason why age gaps matter less later in life.

But is having a large age gap between two people who are dating advisable?

To quote another well-known saying: “All’s fair in love and war.”

According to the majority of the members of my mid-singles ward, as well as married

friends, the half-your-age-plus-seven formula is a valid one for both males and
females alike. But it is not necessarily a rule of thumb. The most important question
tends to be not one of age but of compatibility and maturity—both emotional and
spiritual.

In Doctrine and Covenants 88:40, we read:

“For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth

embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion
on mercy and claimeth her own.”