Compassionate Self-Accountability

I have been thinking a lot lately about the subject of self responsibility, as I reorganize my private practice so that I can
focus on working with clients who are willing to acknowledge their center-stage role in the creation of their lives.

I'm gratified to notice that the idea of owning one's own choices, decisions, behaviors and beliefs is starting to pop up
everywhere: in the media (Oprah and Dr. Phil), in psychology (moving from the pathology/victim model to one of
empowerment), in books, and in various presentations given by members of the healing/intuitive arts community.

I'm calling this article "Self Accountability" instead of "Self Responsibility" because of something I read in a delightful
book by Rick Foster and Greg Hicks, called "How We Choose To Be Happy."
(www.choosetobehappy.com) 

The authors' definition of "accountability" is: "The choice to create the life you want to live, to assume full responsibility
for your actions, thoughts and feelings, and the emphatic refusal to blame others (or anything) for your own
unhappiness."

The book states that, "The word accountability can be misleading. Many of us associate it with being called to account.
This is a harsh cultural concept that says we must be responsible to an external authority. This interpretation is full of
shoulds -- mandates delivered from on high. There is a difference between accountability and responsibility. Although
accountable people are responsible, responsible people are not necessarily accountable. Responsible people do all that is
required of them . . . but that doesn't mean that they're happy, especially if, along the way, they're blaming the boss,
complaining about the kids, and allowing external events to control the direction of their lives."

In working with this issue with my clients, we address self-accountability on two levels: behavioral and through expanded
consciousness.On the behavioral level, looking at our choices, decisions, commitments, actions, etc., is very
straightforward. For example, if you eat food that causes your particular body to hold onto old fat and to create new fat,
you will gain weight. If you don't exercise or move, you will likely experience the results of that decision. If you don't
practice self-care, your body could decline.

I will admit to watching Dr. Phil on occasion (sometimes his cute, good-old-boy cliches trigger my gag reflex, but you have
to hand it to the guy for putting self-accountability squarely in the face of those in denial) and I especially enjoyed the
chaos that ensued when he suggested to a panel of overweight individuals that they are fat by choice.

Of course genetics plays a role. But I've seen too many large people, who come from a long line of genetically large people,
decide to take control of their lives, make other choices and create new possibilities, to say that genetics is the only
"cause."

So, over the years I have begun to take for granted that we are powerful choosers (often to our own detriment). Our
decisions, actions, choices, etc., are directly related to our current state of affairs. But that's only the tip of the iceberg.

Exploring the expanded consciousness level is a little trickier and it requires an open mind.

One of the things I believe is that we have attracted whatever we are experiencing. I mean literally. Whatever we give
attention to accepts our invitation and shows up. Thoughts, beliefs, intentions, patterns, habits, neuroses have energetic
substance, and "reality" manifests through the Law of Attraction (like attracts like).

Are we aware of sending out these invitations? Mostly not. We have a lot of unquestioned material floating around in the
inner world which we just don't think about. That unquestioned material, some of which we put in our pockets during
childhood and adolescence, is very magnetic, and if you want to know what you REALLY believe -- what part of you is
REALLY driving the bus -- take a look at your outer life. It is a magnificent mirror of your vibrational/energetic
signature.

This is where it gets interesting, because we are often certain that we are doing everything possible to make good choices,
decisions, etc., yet we keep on finding ourselves still wallowing in familiar manure. Could it be those pesky beliefs,
patterns, etc.?

Basically, we don't want to take responsibility or be accountable. We go to great lengths to find excuses for our choices.
We create amazing cover stories in order to make sense of what appears to be beyond our control. We want something or
someone else to be responsible.
But then, who do I blame, you say? If there's nothing/no one to blame, how do I make sense out of all the stuff that
happens? If I'm not possessed by demons, or under the powerful influence of some planetary aspect, or a victim of the fast
food industry, or the Confused Adult Child of Politically Incorrect Parents, or a leaf in the wind, then what is the deal?
Are you saying that I'm doing all this? You mean I need to blame myself? 

You're doing it, but probably not on purpose.

Any form of blame -- of self or other -- is a waste of time, and it is a distraction from getting on with taking friendly
ownership of everything you've focused on up to this moment. I think that no matter how influential genetics, past lives,
karma, childhood events, angels, history, astrology, etc., may be, you are still the chooser right now. What you choose,
moment to moment -- both energetically/vibrationally and behaviorally -- overrides all other influences. Yet we love to
pretend that isn't true.

I believe that the Divine gifted us with the absolute ability to direct our lives, and that the choice to frolic here on planet
Earth was a joyful one, made so that what we are can have ever-more-interesting experiences (in all different shades and
textures). What if it isn't a punishment to be here? What if suffering is just another choice? What if -- on the Soul level --
there is no such human-created concept as "lessons?" What if it really is about joyful exploration. Why do we resist that
possibility?

Choosing to be compassionately self-accountable means that the buck stops gently with you. That instead of focusing on
what is wrong and who is to blame, you instead turn your attention to the solution, or what you'd prefer, and you take a
stand for yourself -- over and over again.

Is it easy to swim against the tide of decisions you've made in the past? Maybe not. Is it possible? Absolutely.

Lynda Hilburn, MA, LPC, CCH, Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist, Counselor, Psychic, Boulder, Colorado

The 'empty chair' technique

 
Guest articles > The 'empty chair' technique
 
by: C. N. Ramya, Counseling Psychologist
 

Introduction
Gestalt therapy is a complex psychological system that stresses the development of client
self-awareness and personal responsibility.
The goal of Gestalt therapy is to raise clients' awareness regarding how they function in
their environment (with family, at work, school, friends). The focus of therapy is more on
what is happening (the moment-to-moment process) than what is being discussed (the
content). In therapy, clients become aware of what they are doing, how they are doing it,
and how they change themselves, and at the same time, learn to accept and value
themselves. Gestalt therapy takes into account the whole person including thoughts,
feelings, behavior, body sensations, and dreams focusing on integration.

Empty chair technique

When you go see a Gestalt therapist, the office will usually have an extra chair--an empty
chair. This chair serves an important function. The "Empty Chair" technique is one of the
various ways in which Gestalt Therapy can be applied which is developed and popularized
by Frederick "Fritz" Pearls.
Rationale - When the client expresses a conflict with another person, through this
technique, the client is directed to talk to that another person who is imagined to be sitting
in an empty chair beside or across the client. This helps the client to experience and
understand the feeling more fully. Thus, it stimulates your thinking, highlighting your
emotions and attitudes. For example, the therapist may say, "Imagine your father in this
chair (about 3 feet away), see him vividly, and, now, talk to him about how you felt when
he was unfaithful to your mother." There are innumerable other people, objects (your car
or wedding ring), parts of your personality (critical parent, natural child, introversion,
obsession with work), any of your emotions, symptoms (headaches, fatigue), any aspect of
a dream, a stereotype (blacks, macho males, independent women), and so on that you can
imagine in the empty chair. The key is a long, detailed, emotional interaction--a
conversation. You should shift back and forth between chairs as you also speak for the
person-trait-object in the other chair. This "conversation" clarifies your feelings and
reactions to the other person and may increase your understanding of the other person.

Outcome
Cognitive change – Through this process, client will come to an understanding about how
the imaginery person will be thinking about the same issues. He also learns that whether
he was projecting any thoughts on the other person.
Behavioral change – client will come out with new behaviors in the supportive
environment of the therapy and then they expand their awareness. More than passively
accepting the environment, he will start taking stand on a critical issue and making choices
that will result in getting what he wants.
Affective change – the client feels capable of dealing with surprises he encounters in
everyday life.

Application

 Gestalt therapy has been successfully employed in the treatment of a wide range of
"psychosomatic" disorders including migraine, ulcerative colitis and spastic neck and
back.
 Gestalt therapists have successfully worked with couples, with individuals having
difficulties coping with authority figures and with a wide range of intra psychic
conflicts.
 The therapy has been effectively employed with psychotics and severe character
disorders.
 It emphasis on personal responsibility, interpersonal contact and increased clarity of
awareness of what is, could be of great value in meeting the problems of the
present.
 Empty chair work can help people re-own rejected, "alien" parts of them, it can also
help resolve conflicts between aspects of one's personality.

Contributor: C. N. Ramya, Counseling Psychologist

Published here on: 22-Jan-07
Classification: Counseling
MSWord document: emptychair technique.doc