DINNER AT THE VERY HAUNTED MANOR

Written by Roan Lucas

FADE IN:

EXT. VERY HAUNTED MANOR - NIGHT

The air is full of frost and malice, as the WITCHES CRY rings
about the grove. A full moon crosses over the horizon,
bathing the Earth in a haunted glow. Somewhere, a baby cries.
We see the Winslow Family's Very Haunted Manor, a name that
is also painted on a sign outside just so people know what
the place's whole deal is. THUNDER cracks in the distance, as
rain pours down from above.

CUT TO:

INT. VERY HAUNTED DINING ROOM - NIGHT

The room is extremely ornate, with various trinkets and

tokens from various mythological sources neatly placed around
it. There is a tiny replica of the City of Babyllon on a
counter nearby, multiple Holy Grails in the wine cabinet, and
a framed photograph of a smiling naked woman holding an
unbitten apple taking a selfie next to a snake, which appears
to be her very good, trustworthy friend. A storm brews
outside, rain pattering against the window as none other than
BELIAL 'BAD GUY' IMPROBUS IV finishes his meal. He wipes his
mouth with a literal ghost and picks his teeth with a human
finger bone, before clapping his hands and disappearing the
meshed pile of flesh and gore before him. He drums his
fingers against the table while gazing expectantly at SIR
ENDER, an animated suit of armor sitting across from him. Sir
Ender still has a full plate of howling souls in front of
him.

BELIAL
Darling, what's wrong? You've
barely touched your meal.

SIR ENDER
I do not have the capacity to
eat.

BELIAL
Tut tut. That's no excuse.

There's another moment of awkward silence. Belial drums his

fingers against the table, before noticing the rain outside.
 2.

BELIAL (CONT'D)
Lovely weather we're having. Why
don't we take an evening stroll?
I've been just dying to spread
some nightmares.

SIR ENDER
Not in the mood.

BELIAL
Oh, come now, Sir Ender. It's
been so long since our last
outing. There are so many mortals
out there to send into hysteria!

SIR ENDER
Not. In. The. Mood.

Sir Ender pushes his plate away from him, and storms out of
the kitchen. The plate of souls is immediately turned to mist
by one of the ghostly servants and whisped away. Belial
frowns, and excuses himself from the table.

CUT TO:

INT. VERY HAUNTED LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Sir Ender takes his place aside the mantel, his armor basking
in the glow of the fireplace. On the opposite end of the fire
place is another suit of armor, though this one is not nearly
as lively as our good friend, Sir Ender. Belial enters,
rather fed up. He elegantly steps his way through the various
bones scattered about the place before seating himself on a
couch that is also a giant centipede.

BELIAL
So what are you doing now?

SIR ENDER
Standing still.

BELIAL
Why?

SIR ENDER
It's my job. I'm a suit of armor.

BELIAL
No. You're an animated suit of
armor. Key word: animated.
 3.

Belial shakes the suit of armor, rattling it. The helmet

bursts with flames, completely incinerating half of the
living room.

BELIAL (CONT'D)
Well there was no need for all
that.

SIR ENDER
(dryly)
Sorry. Reflexes.

BELIAL
Could you just tell me what's
gotten you so heated?

SIR ENDER
It's nothing. I do not feel like
going out.

BELIAL
Yes, and you didn't feel like
going out yesterday, and the day
before that and the day before
that and the day before that.

SIR ENDER
These are all true facts.

BELIAL
But why? Speak to me, Sir Ender.

SIR ENDER
It's... it's nothing.

BELIAL
Don't be so closed off. Show
me... your heart.

Very passionately, Belial tears open the chest compartment of

Sir Ender's suit of armor. It's empty.

BELIAL (CONT'D)
... You know, the metaphor
doesn't really work out so well
considering that you're...

SIR ENDER
That I'm empty? I noticed.
 4.

BELIAL
Yes, yes. That! But my point
still stands.

With a bit more sincerity then we're used to him having,

Belial takes Sir Ender's hand.

BELIAL (CONT'D)
Release your woes, darling.

SIR ENDER
It's stupid.

BELIAL
Sir Ender... you're a talking
lump of metal and I eat bugs for
breakfast. We're all stupid here.

SIR ENDER
That is oddly reassuring.

BELIAL
Shh. Release your woes.

SIR ENDER
Well... I feel like I'm not scary
anymore.

BELIAL
Not scary? Why, that's the most
ridiculous thing I've heard.
You're a beast! A horrifying
abomination!

SIR ENDER
You are too kind. But alas people
are not scared of living suits of
armor anymore. They're scared of
war, and corrupt politicians, and
global warming.

BELIAL
Pish posh! Sir Ender, you are the
most devious, irredeemable,
horrific monster I have ever laid
my eyes upon. Gods and men alike
quake in your foul presence.

Sir Ender's flames rise to a bright red.

SIR ENDER
Stop. You're making me blush.
 5.

BELIAL
And nay, if the humans aren't
scared of us anymore, then we'll
just have to give them a taste of
our classical horror. Darling, be
the global warming you want to
see in the world.

SIR ENDER
I was with you until the end. But
your point still stands.

BELIAL
Fantastic. Now then, shall we?

He holds out his arm, and Sir Ender locks his with it.

BELIAL (CONT'D)
Now then, let's have the knight
of our lives.

Side by side, they walk away.

CUT TO:

EXT. VERY HAUNTED MANOR - NIGHT

Belial and Sir Ender walk down the cobbled path, lightning
flashing in the distance.

SIR ENDER
Oh haha. I get it. Knight.
Because I'm a knight. It was a
pun.

BELIAL
Yes. Very good, honey.

They continue walking into the night.

END