Chapter 2

.
I'm back on the couch,with a remote in my hand, hoping from channel to channel.Being
unemployed make you watch too much TV,you end up feeling like a casting member.It
also teach a lot.I've found myself learning to speak multiple languages through it.
"Ndaaa" that's me when I speak Tshivenda.One of the most complicated languages in
South Africa.Maybe it's me who is complicated,at the end of the day I'm a Zulu girl.
Phone rings.
Ntando!
I completely forgot to call her.
"Ndaaaa" I say picking up.
"Gosh you are watching Muvhango?"
"Yes,I wish I was interviewed by Ndalamo,not those mean unattractive assholes"
Even if I was getting the job at JC Bakers I wouldn't get along with my seniors,that
interview panel.I would be fired before the day ends.My uneducated,qualification-less self
would show them why chickens don't pee.
"Did you tell them that Yanga? That they are assholes" she ask.
"No,I wish I did though"
"I'm glad you didn't" she say.There is haze of relief in her voice.
"What are you doing there?"
"I just came back from tea break.I will send you airtime shortly"
I sigh.
"Ntando no,I don't need airtime"
She is already doing a lot for me.Shelter,food,cosmetics and transport money for job
hunting.
"I will send airtime Yanga,if you call home send my regards" she say and end the call.
She is the most stubborn person I know.Julius Malema have nothing on her.When she set
her mind on something there is no convincing her otherwise.
It's no surprise that she is single.This month we are be celebrating her nine months of
singleness.Ever since Vusi dumped her she has never looked in menville.
Single,packed and stored.
She is nothing like me.I'm also single but take one night rides now and then.
Ewww sies! I know that's how people would react.When a girl engage in casual,random
sex she get labeled as loose.Oh she is a bitch.Who is going to marry her?
It's a men's world.When a guy does the same thing,the labelling still go to the other
party.Girls.He is never a 'bitch' for fucking casually and randomly,but the girls he do it
with are 'bitches'.
Look it's 2019 we are breaking the boy/girl boundaries.We are all human beings,only sex
organs make us different.
If a boy can crave for sex and pick a random girl and fuck her and send her back home
with two pieces of KFC and R200 for hair braiding so can girls.We hold as much right to
do what we like with our bodies at the expense of willing victims.I have several cellphone
numbers in my phone waiting for me for me to call.I won't call,I was just chowing and
passing.Check mate!
Relationships are complicated.Definetely not my kind of association.If they only required
sexual attachment maybe,just maybe, I would be in a relationship too.But they need
emotional attachment,which is too much for me.I haven't even built a future for myself,I
hardly have a life.To me life is more than just breathing and waking up in the morning
pressed with pee.Life is about financial stability,mind peace,happiness and freedom.And I
have none of that.
Phone beeps.
I check.It's R55 airtime.
I don't know how I will ever repay this girl.I send her the 'thank you' text and call my
mother.
"Hallo it's MaJali speaking"
She always introduce herself when answering the call.
"Mama it's me,Yangomuhle" I say.
My mother is old school,she can't read from the cellphone screen or type a text.She can
only write on a piece of paper and her writing skills don't go beyond family members
names and her signature.
My father is a bit literate.Working in Johannesburg helped him.He always read Isolezwe
in the mornings, loud for my mother to hear.That's the most romantic gesture I have seen
him showing to her.Reading a newspaper for her,other than that they are
old,boring,married people who live together.
"Oh my child how are you? How is Durban? Are you getting any job?"
Well the most important question here is"Are you getting any job?" Again I'm going to
disappoint her.My father's old age pension is still going to be their only source of money.
"Mama I'm still looking.Today I went for an interview in the bakery,if they hire me they
will call before this week end" I say.
"I will pray for you my child,they will call.Mbuso's school jersey is torn,he also have a
school trip next week"
I take a deep breath.I feel useless.My brother,whom I sworn will never go through what I
went through as a child is suffering.
"I have nothing at the moment.The few notes I have are for printing CV's and going to job
interviews" my heart aches as I say this.
"Don't be choosy Yangomuhle,take any job.Go to white people and ask to do
laundry.That's how we did during our times.Knock for jobs,they won't come to you"
Oh mommy dearest! So clueless you are.
"Times have changed mama.They no longer hire people from their doorsteps,they have
agencies hiring for them"
"Go knock at those agencies and tell them you are hungry and desperate" she say.
Everything is simple in her world.Explaining this to her would be wasting my airtime.She
will come up with another simple,impossible solution.
"Can I speak to Dad? My airtime is running out" I ask.
I hold for a minute before she reach to him.
"Shenge" he say.
A smile creep on my face.I can count a number of times my father called me by my birth
name.It rarely happen.He always call me by our clan name,Shenge.He have a way of
pronouncing it that make it sound like a female name.
Shengee.
I like it.
"Hey Babawami how are you?"
That's how I refer to him,Babawami.My father.
I have two siblings.Mbuso who come after me and the 12year old Sabatha.I'm eight years
older than Mbuso,which means I had a period of eight years as the only child in the
family.In those years I gained entitlement of my father.He was 'my' father,ubaba
wami.Even on this day I still refer to him as 'Babawami'.
"I'm good my baby,I just miss you.Have you eaten today?"
I smile,rolling my eyes while at it.
"Yes I have eaten,I live with Ntando remember" I say.
"Pass my gratitude and regards to her"
Here comes Isidingo repeat.
"Okay I will tell her.Tell the boys I love them,my airtime is running out" I say increasing
the TV volume with one hand.
"Okay bye,take care of yourself"
I blow kisses on the cellphone speaker, "mncwa mncwa".
My passion for soapies is amazing.I was watching the same episode last night,today I'm
glued to the screen watching the same thing.Life of an unemployed young woman.
It's been a week,I haven't heard from JC Bakers.Today I'm in town dropping my CV's
again.The sun is scorching.Yellowbones are turning pink,blackbones are turning grey.
The managers are unfriendly when you come to drop a CV without any post that say they
are hiring.Nevertheless we still show our irritating faces in their offices.We are desperate
and out of options.
This other one abruptly told me he doesn't have space in his office to store unnecessary
papers.That's how he referred to my CV,unnecessary papers.
You know what's funny? He was once in my shoes.Job hunting.Desperate and optionless.
Now that he is up there my CV is unnecessary papers.This is not just a paper,like
Cambridge salespaper.I spent R5 printing each sheet.R8 taxi fare to the police station to
certify that it is indeed me who own these papers.
There is nothing to rush back to the house to,I stand with the crowd watching a magician
in Workshop.I'm just passing time I don't believe in magic.I think it's a skill rather than
supernatural power.
Take this man I'm watching,he is convincing the audience he can give them five
Wednesday lottery numbers.
Black people love easy money,they are throwing their money to him.R10's for kids bread
are flying to the thin silver tray placed in the centre.People wearing ANC t-shirts are
giving away their R20's,which could afford them Pep summer tops.Look I know some
people who wear political t-shirts don't wear them because they are supporters of that
political party,these t-shirts serve as tops.
I'm not trying to shame anyone,the nightwear section in my wardrobe is full of them.The
night before my interview I was wearing a DA one.I thought it would improve my English
for the next day.
I ussually wear the ANC one when I'm angry.You know when I'm angry I want to be
angry once and for all.It helps.I can be angry at Thabo for lying about sending an
Ewallet,then include all other liars in my anger.The ANC,ward councillor and president
Cyril Ramaphosa.
All liars under one anger.Simple.
If this sweaty,black shiny man was capable of guessing lottery numbers he wouldn't be
here under this hot sun drying his throat convincing strangers.It's each for own rise.He
would be somewhere in Ballito drinking expensive whisky,surrounded by maids.I mean if
anyone was able to guess correct lottery numbers that person would qualify to play golf
with Patrice Motsepe.Levels.
I need to avoid peak hour.I don't want to push and fight in order to get inside the taxi.
"Come sit at the front" the driver say.
I look at him.Checking him.
Inviting smile.Lip biting.Eyes on my legs.
"No,thank you"
I get inside and go to the back seat.I will not be courted by a taxi driver.They chase after
every skirt,they treat their girlfriends with KFC streetwise-two and too arrogant.Beside
that I'm not front-seat friendly.I hate counting change.Or maybe I don't hate it,I'm just not
good at Maths.
My Maths is 40%.Exactly the minimum pass mark.I do not like showing off,not with
Maths.If the educators say the pass mark is 40% what make you show off and get 80%?
What are you doing there?
Time reads 03:44pm.I should start cooking supper.It's not like there is anything fruitful
I'm going to do except watching TV and browsing Facebook.
I will cook pasta and mince.Ntando's favourite meal.I,personally,don't care about what's
for supper.I eat what's in the pots and sleep.
Weird right? Who doesn't have a favourite dish.Well meet Yangomuhle Buthelezi.
My phone rings,disturbing me from watching the pot boiling.
I do not recognize this number.My Mandeni senses immediately kicks in.So much
witchcraft is happening.People can spell you through your voice.You'd be all smiles
answering unknown calls thinking it's miraculously Boxer's Customer of The Year call
BOOM you are fainting after saying hello.
KZN is like Limpopo's brother's child.If we had enough resources we would've opened
'Broom flying school' long time ago.Right now we are still taking baby steps.Just
lightning and food poisoning,nothing big.
So it's wise to answer the phone and keep quiet if you don't know the caller.Cautious.
"Is Yangomuhle there?" the caller ask.
It's a familiar woman's voice.I call all my ancestors before responding.
"Yes, I'm here" I respond.
"It's Amanda"
Do I know any Amanda?
Amanda Du Point maybe? Maybe she saw me watching Skeem Saam and thought "What
a sad young girl! Let me call her and employ her"
"Amanda who...?" I ask before excitement surfaces.
"Amanda McKenzie"
Oh shucks what a waste of Amanda!
"Oh hey.Can I help you Amanda McKenzie?" I ask.
"I phoned Sosha and told him about you"
Oh it's the beautiful receptionist! I didn't get her name on the interview day.
"The beautiful lady,my bad.What's up?"
She chuckles, "I talked to Sosha about you.Can you manage being a sales agent?"
Say what! Girl I can manage being anything that deposit salary in my bank account.
"Yes yes I can"
I'm literally jumping.
"Come tomorrow and see your contract"
A contract? Tears make their way down to my cheeks.
"I will be there,thank you so much"
I cannot hide the excitement in my voice.
Look at God.
He didn't only turned water into wine,now he is turning Yanga into a sales agent,whatever
that is.
Look at Him.

Chapter 3
.
When Ntando arrives and hear the news the bottle of Merlot pops on the table.
"Ntando tomorrow is a working day,Tuesday"
She fill the glass and take the first sip.She is an alcohol lover.I have crowned her the
Brutal Fruit queen.On her real queen days she pour it in a juice bottle and carry it to
work.One of the most good looking alcoholics I know.Your bank teller.
"Yeah Tuesday is a working day and my bitch is a worker.Doesn't it rhyme?"
She is taking sip after sip.Soon she will be crying.That's the most annoying thing about the
drunk Ntando, she cries.She cry about everything.The past, the future.Dead wild
animals,dead people.Anything,sad or not sad.
"It doesn't rhyme cupcakes"
It doesn't but in the USA this could be a hit song if given to a famous singer.
Time for sane,soul touching,good music died when Whitney Houston died.Now all we
hear is; I'M RIDING A LAMBORGHINI WITH MY BITCHES,MONEY DRIPPING IN
MY POCKETS FUCK FUCK FUCK.That's the type of music Grammy awards go
to.Songs of the year.
Only a few clothes-on singers succeed in that country.Most of them take their clothes off
in order to be recognised.If you don't believe me look at who is successful between
Fantasia and Miley Cyrus.
Now who sing better between them?
That one should be successful,but because she is not taking her clothes off she is barely
making progress.
Money used to make the world go around now it make the brain go AWOL.Rich people
are mad.
They are also sick.They have rare sicknesses.
I'm not making fun of them trying to comfort my struggling ass.I have seen rich people
going to doctors for things like gout,anxiety and insomnia.
Does that sound familiar to poor fellows? Maybe insomia.We have woken our parents and
told them we cannot sleep and they woke up and took rough salt and spread it all over the
bedroom.Chasing away bad spirits.
"Mom I have anxiety"
MaJali would fetch sunlight bar soap and warm water.Stamina babe.
Anxiety? Show me where exactly this ANXIETY hurt? Go wash the dishes you lazy bum!
I only drink one glass.Tomorrow is my first day in JC Bakers,I can't show up hungover.I
have to make good impressions.I don't want them to regret giving me this chance.
I take the bottle cap and close it.
"That's enough Ntando,you are working tomorrow"
She roll her eyes.
"Who cares? Mr manager want to take the girl out for dinner"
I was ready to go to bed but this need me to get my ass back on the chair.
"Start from the beginning.How did he approach you? What did he say? What was your
response?"
She rest her hands on the table.She is already blushing.
"It happened yesterday.We were knocking off,walking to our cars then Mr manager
stopped me and asked about my day.Then he offered to take your girl out on Friday,and
your girl was like 'I will see if I'm not busy" she say.
She have a proud look on her face.
"Will you be busy ma'm?" I ask lifting my eyebrows up.
"No,I was just playing hard-to-get" she say.
I don't understand this hard-to-get game girls like playing.If I like you I like you,but I
guess it give them some satisfaction.With me you don't need to fool yourself thinking
when I say I don't like you I'm playing hard-to-get.No if I say I don't like you get that into
your thick skull,I don't.
By the way this is great news.My girl is going to get laid soon,hopefully.Maybe Mr
Manager will manage her stubborn ass.
"Clear space in your phone memory.I want you to take pictures from the beginning till the
end" I tell her.
She laughs.
"That will scare him off"
"It's either that or I'm coming with you to see everything myself" I say getting off the
chair.
This week is going to be an awesome week for us.Ntando got a date and I got the job.It
cannot get better than this.
My alarm clock has two legs.She has took covers off me and it's only 5:30am in the
morning.
My sour life.
She is an early bird,it make her think everyone hate sleep.
"What are you wearing? I was thinking of that peach dress you wore to my mother's
birthday party.It's simple,yet elegant and speak power"
I don't know where she get so much energy early in the morning.I'm still yawning and
chewing my sour morning saliva.
"Don't you have hangover?" I ask.
"Don't worry about me,get up and go to the shower"
"It's still early,let me have another five minutes"
I pull up the covers.
She pull them down forcefully.
"No.Go do your sales.Get people to buy cakes"
I grunt and get up.
"I don't even know what my job description is" I say taking off to the shower as instructed.
"They will tell you sweetcakes" she yells.
She is one year older than me but she has resumed the MaJali role very well.Of course my
mother is not a drunkard,but they share the same protectiveness.She is more happier than
me about the job.
I wear my peach dress,black boots and leather jacket.
Do people still wear leather jackets?Well in KZN they are still a trend.They've been
trending since I was in grade 1.We don't get tired of them.They change designs,add more
zippers and style pockets.I love them.Buying one was a dream come true for me.I couldn't
stop taking pictures.
Just in case you are wondering I do own a pair of Carvella.
I have my lunch packed.I don't know if I will be starting today or I'm just going to sign the
contract and start another day.
Eitherway I'm ready.
"Wish me luck"
She suffocate me in a tight hug.
"You don't need any luck,you just need to be the best that you are" she say.
"I'm nervous but I'm going to be okay.Please steal pictures of Mr Manager I want to see
how he looks.You cannot have another Vusi.The ugly mean-looking tall-ass nothing"
She burst out laughing.
"Tall-ass nothing?"
"Nothing in the brain" I tell her.
"Empty vessel"
I laugh, "That made lot of noise"
Today I didn't get a seat next to the window.I'm sitting behind a Shembe man so I'm
staring at his bushy black hair that haven't been cut over a decade.
Their church is very strict.No shoes on Saturday.No warm food.No warm bath.No dogs.I
heard they also have a no meat season.
One thing I like about it is that the God is a South African.They believe him,they can see
him and he help them.That's what belief is about.
I find religious fights petty.Each religion work for those who have faith in it.Believe it
will happen,have faith in your heart and in your mind. Positivism grant your dreams
reality.
I'm here again.
I'm nervous.I don't want to mess this job.I have so many responsibilities.
"Yangomuhle" it's Amanda,the reception lady.
"Hey how are you?"
She smile,brightly.
"I'm wonderful,you look great.Are you ready for your first day at JC Bakers?"
I look around.People wearing overalls with red JC Bakers letters written on their backs are
walking up and down.They are getting ready to start their day.
Am I also going to wear an overall? God let me not to the overalls of JC Bakers.I can't.
"I'm ready,just nervous" I tell her.
"Don't worry you will be fine.Do you remember the interview office?"
I nod my head.
"Go there you will find Cynthia,she will tell you everything and give you your contract"
I thank her and walk to the same office I was interviewed in.Cynthia is that black educated
woman who was dissing my CV.The one who told me I'm not educated enough to mop the
floors.
"Good morning" I greet her.
They are too good to return the greeting.She is looking at her laptop.No acknowledgment
or whatsoever.
After two minutes she look up at me.
"Ms Buthelezi"
I don't know why she is calling me.Maybe this is how she greet people.
"Hello,I'm fine thank you" I say.
"JC BAKERS decided to take you as the sales agent.Do you know what your job
description is?"
"No"
She chuckles, "You will be assisting customers with sales.Which means you will be
working in the store,guiding them and giving them description on their choice of cakes"
"I don't know anything about cakes" I say.
"For now you will be using this book,give yourself time to learn about each cake.The store
is not busy,soon you will be flowing in the job"
I take the book and open it.It consist of cakes pictures,recipes and ingredients.I don't think
this would be hard.
"So it's different aisles,like wedding cakes,birthday cakes,casual functions and all?" I ask.
She push the chair backwards and get up.
"Let's go to the store,take your contract over there"
Amanda was right,the store is beautiful.The cakes are displayed behind shiny glass.They
look absolutely beautiful and tasty.
I'm not sure about this one though,it's a brown couch cake.
Who want a cake that look like a couch? Maybe Gomma-gomma workers.
"Can you see this one in your book?" she ask.
I look at the cake and page my book.
Here it is.
"It's an orange cake" I say.
"When you explain to a customer you tell everything.Like this is an orange cake with
Mocha icing and pistachio truffles,fresh from the oven and one of the best cakes for
family gatherings"
I nod my head and walk to the next one.I look at my book.
"This one is a vanilla bean cake with strawberry-basil icing and ganache drips.It's
chocolate covered,worthy addition to your dinner dessert lineup" I tell her.
Her mean face melt.A smile crack on her lips.
"This is what I'm talking about" she say.
I mentally give myself a high five.
We walk to all the sections,she is more friendly now.
"You know you are the only person who will work here,beside cleaners and packers.You
will own this whole store"
I look at her amazed.
"There is no cashier?" I ask.
"There are two cashiers by the reception area,here you are alone"
I didn't see them.I haven't seen anything in this place anyway.Not even the owner.My role
model.
"When must I sign the contract?" I ask.
"After you've read everything with understanding.I will be in my office,familiarise
yourself with the store.You don't me around you,you are a fast learner"
I spend almost thirty minutes walking around,looking at the cakes then refer to the book
for description and names.
The contract is drawn for twelve months.I fill in the date of my starting day and put my
signature over the dotted lines.
It's official.I'm employed and the pay is good.
Everything is smooth.The only boring thing is that I work alone.The cleaners came
earlier,they did their job and left.
I have a little table and chair by the entrance.I will call this my office.There is no
crowd.Only three or five people per hour.Most of them are white,I'm praying my English
don't run out.I will need to drink lot of water when I get home.My ancestors are probably
confused.Like what's the heck is Yangomuhle talking now?
"Girl!"
It's Amanda.
"Hey"
I secretly wish I was working closer to her.She is friendly,beautiful and good hearted.I
wouldn't be miserable and glued to cake's book.
"How are things in your store?" she ask.
"I'm enjoying it.It's not as complicated as I thought it would be" I say.
"Okay it's tea-time.Let's go for a break"
I take my bag and follow her.
The kitchen.Everyone is looking at me.I feel like a leaner in a new school.
"Hello everyone" I greet.
Unlike their seniors they return my greeting.
"This is the sales agent,Yangomuhle Buthelezi.She just came today" Amanda introduce
me.
Everyone start introducing themselves.I'm not good with names,I'll probably forget all of
them.They are friendly and easy to be around with.
All ovens are on,it's freaking hot in this place.I'm the only one who is drinking
juice,everyone is drinking tea.They have kettles and teacups.
"I can borrow you my cup when I'm done" I don't remember her name correctly.It's
between Funisile and Funani.
"I'm good with juice,thank you" I say.
Tea break is only fifteen minutes.I put my lunchbox back inside my bag and walk out with
Amanda.
"Have you tasted any cake?" she ask.
"No,I don't like cakes"
"What do you like?"
"Money"
She laughs, "Who doesn't?"
We chat until we part to our departments.I send Ntando a short text reminding her to take
pictures of Mr Manager.I want to judge him.It's a sisterhood tradition.
I have a customer!
I put my bag on the table and walk to him.Mr Smartypants.He is dark skinned with one of
those cute trending haircuts.Smartly dressed in a white crispy shirt and slim fit black
pants.I think it's one of those model C black guys who speak English 24hours a day.
"Good morning sir.Welcome to JC Bakers,are you finding what you are looking for?" I
say with a smile plastered on my face.It's one of the rules.By the time I go home my
cheeks will be aching.
"I don't need any help"
He doesn't even look up as he say this.His arrogance smell all over the store.He is busy on
his smart phone.
Tweeting,maybe.
"Are you looking for any specific cake?" I ask.Helping customers is my job
description.Even arrogant customers.
He look up.He is annoyed.
"I said I don't need any help" he say and look down on his phone again.
There are two ladies standing behind him trying to look at the cakes infront of him.
"Well then move your smart ass somewhere else I have customers to help,you are
blocking their view.This is not a tweeting section" I say.
He look at me in the strangest way ever.That 'Did you just say that to me?' kind of look.
I smile one more time,displaying no friendliness this time.I motion for him to move with
my hand.He look at the ladies behind him and move away.
Good for him!
My friendly smile returns.
"Ladies welcome to JC Bakers" I say.
"Thank you.We are looking for a triple-layer chocolate cake" one say hesitantly.
"What are you celebrating?" I ask.
"It's our niece's baby shower"
Preggies! I wonder how far she is.Maybe it's one of those unplanned pregnancies where
the father disappears.Now her aunts are trying to comfort her by throwing her a baby
shower.I wonder how old she is.
Okay order Yangomuhle!
"Why chocolate triple-layer cake? Yes young girls like over top things,but I can assure
you not a chocolate triple-layer cake.I have a confetti cake with chocolate filling and
vanilla buttercream,I think you should come and have a look at it"
They follow me I show them the suitable cake.They fall in love with it.Job done.
"You made this easier,we would've probably took the whole tripple-layer cake" the other
one say.
"I'm here to help ladies.Enjoy your day,good luck to Preggy"
Did I just call their niece Preggy?
They laugh and thank me.I return back to my table and read the book.I don't like
reading,but since I'm getting paid for it I'm going to do it with passion.
"Girl!"
Okay this is her opening line.I close the book and look at her.
"The boss want to see you"
Oh no!
"Did I do something wrong?" I ask.My nerves are scattering all over.
"He didn't say anything,just that he need you in his office"
If I didn't do anything wrong why am I being called to his office?
"Oh my word! What kind of a person he is?"
"Relax,he is not going to fire you" she say laughing.
I really hope she is right.She walk me to the Boss's office and leave me outside the door.
God let him like me,I silently pray.
I knock and wait for permission to open the door.
"Get in" his voice doesn't sound friendly at all.
Okay I'm imagining things.I push the door and step inside.
OMG!!
This cannot be my boss.I scolded him out of his own store.I'm really doomed.
I'm fired.
It's over.

Chapter 4
.
His office is beautiful,but right now I don't have time to digest its beauty.I'm having a
silent prayer session,also calling my ancestors asking for luck.I could lose my job.
I've been sitting on this new expensive,comfortable couch for almost four minutes.He is
on his phone,hardly feeling my presence.
Eventually he clear his throat and look up.He is too young to be owning this successful
place.God's favourite children.Born with silver spoons and golden forks in their
mouths.Highly favoured children whose address God never forget.
"Beloved MaShenge,I was not tweeting"
Why is he explaining himself to me?
I shift uncomfortably on the couch,hopefully my voice won't vibrate as I say this.
"That's alright sir,you don't have to explain yourself to me" I say.
He nod.His right eyebrow is raised,there is a smirk on his face.
"Just to be safe,in case this is not a tweeting section"
Right! He is mocking me.He just want to embarrass me before I go back to the
unemployment world.
"I would like to apologise for treating you like that.Speaking like that to people is not who
I am.You showed arrogance,I mean you could've told me nicely that you don't need
help.There was no need for you to dismiss me like an irritating mosquito.But it's your
place so I understand and I would like to apologise"
"I showed arrogance?" he ask.
Lord! I just added another reason for him to fire me.
Who am I to tell my boss he is arrogant? I'm judging him,I don't even know him.
"Sometimes I imagine things sir,forgive me"
He chuckles, "I see MaShenge"
I clear my throat,we may have not done proper introductions.
"It's Yangomuhle Buthelezi sir" I say.
"Not MaShenge?"
"It is MaShenge,but not to you"
I'm MaShenge to my father and uncles.They have the right to address me like that.
He doesn't know me,he can't just call me MaShenge as if I'm some woman selling
vetkoeks and doughnuts in his neighborhood.
He massage his trimmed chin,it look like he is finding this whole situation funny.If I was
to stand up from this couch I would fall,my knees are shaking.I'm nervous,I wish he can
tell me what he has decided already.
"I will give myself that privilege.You called me Smart pants,I will call you MaShenge" he
say.
I draw in some air,unsure of what to make of his decision.It's not like I will ever call him
Smart pants again,he is my boss.I only called him that once.Why is he insisting on calling
me MaShenge more than once?
Anyway important things first.
"Am I fired?" I ask.
"You want to take me to CCMA?"
Will that even be possible? I just signed the contract today.
Even if it was possible I wouldn't waste my time with running to courts.I would look for
another job.Simple.
I was fired at my other job for getting in a fight with my manager.I didn't bother with
trying to get justice or anything out.
I worked in a restaurant,as a cleaner.This lady came and threw a tantrum about a dirty
table.
I went there as per my job and cleaned it again.She then decided to throw dirty remarks on
my hair.I had natural afro back then,she said it was smelly and falling off to the table.
One of my talents is to get people,carefully and nicely,off their high horse.
I did that.
I placed her nicely on the ground with her long nose and fake ass.Respect is two-way
street,but my manager didn't believe in that.The customer is always right,that's what he
told me.
Well I'm not about to hold on some rule that was made by a high-on-marijuana unknown
person.I'm a human being,being a cleaner doesn't change that.It doesn't depress my
feelings and values as an individual.
I showed the manager which side of hell to take his hypocritical ass to and then the fight
happened.He thought he was an Indian man,getting up in the mornings to lift 200kg
weights and do twenty push-ups.He grabbed me by my clothes,trying to pull me
away.Well I grew up eating pap and sugar,I don't need to lift weights in order to slap
someone and throw him against the table.
"No sir,I will not take you to CCMA.I will look for a job again" I say.
I can't control how sad my voice sounds.Job hunting is not a game.Not when jobs are
scarce like this in South Africa.Not when you get hired for knowing someone inside the
company.Not when you have responsibilities to take care of.
"I didn't call you here to fire you,I called you here to give you this"
He hand me a piece of paper with printed JC Bakers rules.I run my eyes to the end of the
paper.
No.20-Romantic relationship between JC Bakers employees cannot be prohibited,however
romantic acts inside the company are not allowed.
Well this is funny.Whoever made this rule was a salty miserable person.
"What is a romantic act?" I ask.
"Sex,kissing..."
I,unintentionally,cut him in.
"Those are romantic acts?"
It looks like I just confused him.
His lashes flutters, "Yes"
"What if I'm not making romantic sex or kiss,just doing it with no romance involved?" I
ask.
Awe transform his face.
I fold my legs.I'm not fired,relief has dawned.
"Sex and kissing are romantic acts,whoever do them any other way has lost the roots of
life"
Roots of life? He is good.I,for one,didn't even know this thing called life had roots.
I give him a lopsided grin.
"Loud and clear sir" I say.
I wonder why it wasn't Cynthia who gave me these twenty commandments.Maybe it's one
of the rules.
"Do you have any objection?" he ask.
"No sir"
"That will be all MaShenge"
I fold the paper and gather myself up.I'm still employed,God is good but I have to watch
my mouth.
I don't want to be reported for saying distasteful words to customers.I have to learn to be
professional.
Before I go through the door I turn and look at him.
"Another thing sir"
He have his forehead furrowed.
I flash a smile, "I'm proud of you"
His mouth set in a hard line.I don't know why I'm saying this,I guess I had to let him
know.I'm proud of what he has done.
"When a black person is winning,we are all winning.I'm proud of you,as a black sister" I
say in addition to my statement.
He give me a half smile,then every expression drain out of his face.He just close
up,looking flush.
"Thank you" the corners of his eyes crinkle as he say this.
I nod and walk out,before I go off the line again.
I'm enjoying my job.I may suffer from boredom but maybe it's for the best.
The less people I interact with is the less I'm likely to offend anyone.I talk too
much,people have been telling me this all my life.
It's not a surprise though,I'm the first born and the only girl in the family.Being the first
born is like being a deputy parent.I always tell my brothers what to do.Mbuso is a good
boy,he always listen and follow the rules.But Sabatha,he need a belt.
Maybe not a belt since I'm not allowed to hit them.I can just report all his mischievous
acts to Aunt July,the one who overfeed me.
Yes her name is July,she was born in July.That's how lazy and uncreative my
grandparents were.They couldn't even think of a famous person's name and name her after
that person.Maybe Mirriam,from Mirriam Makeba or Judith.
No,they just named her after her birthmonth.July Buthelezi.
She is not the one to be messed with.She once pinched my ear inside the police station,in
front of the constables,sergeants and captains.
She doesn't care what the government says about children's rights.
Beating a child is illegal in South Africa,not in the Buthelezi premises.You either live by
the Buthelezi rules and eat Buthelezi's food or you live by South African rules and wait
for the parliament to send you cooked food.
Lunch is at 2:30pm.Amanda is here with her bag to fetch me.
"I'm going to miss this one,I'm not hungry plus I'm still trying to learn these cakes"
Her brows snap together.
"You are not hungry since tea-time where you ate two slices?" she ask.
"I will eat when I get home.I don't eat frequently,I don't have big appetite"
"I see,you don't want to gain weight"
Really this girl?
"I don't care whether I gain weight or not,like I don't care at all" I say.
"You are slim that's what you are going to say anyway"
Is this beautiful girl I envy so much insecure with herself?
"I really don't care,beauty doesn't lie on the weight of the body.Bath,comb your hair and
dress up nicely.You are my girl"
She smiles, "You are something else.I love your energy.Can I be your friend?"
Whoooah!!
Is this primary school,second year? Can I be your friend,like really?
I remember saying this to another girl in primary school,three days later I wrote her a
letter calling the friendship off.
"Dear Nosihle I want to tell you that I'm no longer your friend,I'm now friends with Lindi"
that's what the letter said.
"Why are you laughing?" she ask.
"You are so old school,who still do this?"
She also break into laughter.She is beautiful and free spirited.I don't know about pairing
her with me and Ntando though.Her being friends with me means she will be friends with
Ntando too.And Ntando and I are alcoholic friendly.
"Okay because you are my friend call me Yanga.That's how Ntando,my other friend,call
me" I say.
"That's great but I like Yangomuhle.And it will help you differentiate between your other
friend,Ntando and I"
"That's also fine.Do you drink?" I ask her.
"Occasionally.You?"
I wink at her.
"I am you.I also drink occasionally,although I wish I can drink everyday"
My father would faint if he heard this.My mother would die and rise again to beat me and
die again.
They don't know me as an alcoholic.I have never drank in their presence and I will never.
I'm not like my cousin Kanyo,Aunt July's first daughter,she can drink infront of pastors
and bishops.
We preached her when she lost her fourth job after showing up to work drunk with
creased clothes.
"Kanyo alcohol is your worst enemy"
She looked at us with a beer-craving face.She didn't care about where she was going to get
another job.She cared about where she was going to get another free beer.
"The Bible say love your enemy and I love alcohol" she said.
I've made peace with the Bible interpretations.Everyone interpret it according to their own
understanding.She is also allowed to let it guide her.
"It's a good thing you don't.I will see you later,I need to go eat"
"Okay girl" I say.
I'm getting into this 'girl' thing of hers.
She make her way out.I open my book and study my cakes and their icing.I find icing
names difficult.
Rose-water rasperry icing.Vanilla bean icing.Caramel and Espresso icing.Mocha icing.
I wonder who design them?
Maybe it's that white dude from the interview panel.Whoever it is is really talented.
Someone clear their throat next to me.I look up and nearly get a heart attack.
"Sir"
"Can you call me Sosha?"
He doesn't wait for my answer he go on and ask me why I didn't take lunchbreak.
"I'm not hungry" I say.
"It's lunchbreak.Lunch and break.You eat and take a break.You can do both of them or
one of them"
He is back at his Smartypants arrogant self.Who said I don't know what a lunchbreak is?
"Am I breaking one of the rules by being here?" I ask.
"No"
"Okay thank you"
I shift my gaze back to the book.
"Have you tasted any cake?"
"No sir" I reply without shifting my eyes off the book.
"Which one would you like to taste?"
"Not any"
"Do you know how to bake?"
My God!
I look up at him.
"I can't bake sir,I mean Sosha.Can I read this?"
I do not like being disturbed.I would've reacted hastily if it was someone else,but he is my
boss I'm asking him nicely.
"Of course MaShenge"
Urgh!
"Why are you here by the way? Is it not 'lunchbreak'?" I ask quoting 'lunchbreak' with my
fingers.
"I come here during workers break,it's my store.You are the one who is not supposed to be
you,who is invading my space"
Wow!
I'm too forward ain't?
I found him here after my tea-break,he is here again on a lunchbreak.It means I'm really
the one invading his space.I shouldn't be here.
I close the book and get off the chair.I grab my phone on the table.I should use this time to
call Ntando.
"I didn't say go" he say.
"I'm going.It's okay,I need to call Ntando anyway"
He give me a once-over.It make me feel awkward.
"Boyfriend?"
He is asking personal questions now.
"Yes" I say and make my way out.

Chapter 5
.
My whole week has been great.I love my job and enjoy every moment of it.Amanda and I
spend most break times together.Since my first day I haven't stayed in the store during
break time.I don't want to invade the boss's space again.I haven't seen him since that day
when he told me I'm invading his space.
By the way today is Friday.Ntando is going out for dinner with Mr Manager.She couldn't
snap a picture of him for me but we were able to look at him on Facebook.His name is
Sanele Hlophe.Like all the Saneles I know,Mr Manager is a nerd.
I was in school with two Saneles.There is also one in my neighborhood.They are all
nerds.I don't know if it comes with the name but I've concluded I will never give my
children neutral names.
Have you met a nerdy Muzikayise? I doubt.But we've all met a nerdy Sanele and Asanda.
On his Facebook profile picture he has eyeglasses on,cheesy smile and Home Affairs
pose.By Home Affairs pose I'm referring to the straight,chin-up pose done at Home
Affairs when taking ID picture.Not even a thumb-up from Mr Manager.
In his picture he had snoop plait in his head like Bow Wow back in the early 2000's.Even
him has cut his hair.He now do cute men cuts.Only Snoop Dog still do this,but he is
'Snoop' Dog what else do you expect?
Men plaiting is no longer a thing,where is this manager coming from?
"He plait his hair?" I asked Ntando in a judging voice.
"Yes but he is still cute,don't you think?"
It took everything in me not to tell her the truth.Men who plait their hair are cute for the
LGBT community.No shade.
Jub-jub may have gotten away with it.He looked cute with the snoop back in his
'Ndikhokhele Bawo' days.This doesn't mean every men will look cute with it.
I actually hate it.I can't share my Isoplus hair spray with my boyfriend.
Cut your hair.Be a man.
Are we now supposed to complement men styled hair?
"You have a nice hairstyle Adam"
No.When ladies look at a man they don't want to be blinded by zigzags in his head.They
want to see his teeth.Display your teeth,in a white manner.
"Yeah he is cute" I told the biggest lie of my life.
Nerdy look plus hair plaiting in a man don't equate to cute in my world.
However if he treat my girl right he could end up being cute.Behavior can grant you
looks.
Do you remember how ugly Senzo Meyiwa was?
But the guy started jumping like a shark,keeping goals for our Bafana Bafana.Eventually
there was no cute guy like Senzo Meyiwa in South Africa.May his soul rest in peace.He
will always be in our hearts.
I'm sitting on the kitchen chair chopping veges for my supper.Ntando has been in her
room for more than thirty minutes.Sanele will be here anytime now.I don't know what's
keeping her.
Oh Jesus!
She has changed the dress,for the third time.
"What was wrong with the black one now?" I ask.
"Too dull.How does this one look?"
She turn,giving me her fat behind.
"This one is too tight,your ass is out"
Ntando's body is to die-for.She is what the society now label as sexy.Slim waist,big
ass,round boobs and full lips.She has never done any surgery.This is how God created her.
She turn around with a smile.She is impressed with herself.
"That's the thing,I want him to see what he stand to have on his dessert menu"
"Dessert? You are calling your body a dessert?" I ask laughing.
"Chocolate dessert babe" she say.
You go Mr Manager! Chocolate dessert is about to drop to your menu.It hasn't been
touched in months.
She is not done,she disappear to her room again.I pour chopped veges in a pot and add
water for boiling.I don't know what is it that I'm exactly cooking.Maybe vegetable soup
served with bread.I'm lazy today.
There is someone at the door.I yell for Ntanto to come out of her room.I'm certain it's her
date.
"Open for him" she yell.
I walk to the door and open.
He is here.He is slim and tall.If it was another day I would've thought he is a Jehovah
witness.
It's Friday evening,most people have locked their ties in the draws.Not Mr Manager
here,he have his black tie on.He look like he is going to a formal meeting.
I flash a smile.
"Sanele,right?"
He nod.
"Precisely.Ms Yangomuhle?"
I throw my head backward and laugh.
"No ways,please call me Yanga.Come in,your girlfriend is still editing herself"
I lead him to the lounge.He have flowers in his hand.I think he is going to be cute this one.
"Are those for Ntando?" I ask.
He smile, "Yes"
Wow! I have never had someone buying flowers for me in my life.Only this one time
where my high school boyfriend bought me a R5 red,single rose for Valentine's day.I
wouldn't count that,it was a plastic one bought from the local tuckshop.
He flash a friendly smile and ask.
"Are you well Yanga?"
"Yes I'm well Mr Manager"
He crinkle his nose and chuckle.
Ntando walk out.She look sizzling hot.Those are not the shoes we agreed on though.We
agreed on pumps,now she is wearing black pencil heels.
"Sanele" she greet in a formal manner.
Sanele get up from the couch and give her the flowers.
"Beautiful lady,how are you?"
Ntando blush for a moment.I have my arms folded.I'm observing every reaction from both
of them.
"I'm good.Thanks for the flowers,they are lovely"
She lift them to her nose and smell them.This is live Bold & Beautiful.They hug
briefly,then Ntando go put the flowers in the kitchen.
He look at me smitten.
"I will bring her back before 10pm"
My eyes pop out.
"10pm???"
The voice come from the kitchen, "Yes Yanga 10pm"
I roll my eyes.She can't start now.The guy only gave her flowers.What's going to happen
to me when they start dating?
She walk back.Her heels are making the irritating click-click sound on the floor.
"Fine.I won't be here though,I'm going out and coming back in the morning" I tell her.
"Come on,I will bring you something nice"
We always argue about going out.Neither of us want to be alone in the flat at night.I
usually go out and leave her.Today the tables are turned,I don't even know what I'm going
to do all these hours alone.
I pull my chin up.
"I will also bring you something nice"
Our arguments are always petty.
She sigh.
"Fine,see you then"
They make their way out,leaving me miserable with boiling vegetables.
I'm not going anywhere.I don't have money to waste and I'm tired.
Phone beeps.
It's a text from my mother.Mbuso must've typed for her.It's another long list of what I
must buy when I get paid.Half of my salary is going home.Sigh!
I miss them.Next month I must buy Mbuso a smartphone so that I can be able to video-
call them.Hearing their voices is not enough.I miss seeing their faces.Their smiles.And
Sabatha's cheesy face.
The call follows.I put the lid on the pots and pick it.
I smile,we just parted a few hours ago at work.
"Miss me already?"
She laughs.I hear car sounds where she is.
"Yes I miss you.Where are you?"
"In Ntando's flat" I say.
"Great.I'm coming to take you out"
Oh Lord!
"Amanda I'm tired" I say.
"I'm not taking you to work.I'm taking you to my cousin's house party"
I sigh.
I didn't intend to go anywhere tonight,but I can't disappoint her.This will be our first night
out together.
"Okay I will send you the location"
I dish my meal and eat like a hunter.My All-Star takkies are washed,thank God.
I take a shower,this is emergency.I wear blue skinny jean,white crop-top and my navy
jacket I bought in the free market with R80.It's not my party,I don't have to go all out.I
comb my hair and push them back.
I'm not deep into make-up.I only use lipstick and face powder.I also like drawn
eyebrows,but I can't even draw a cartoon.I've tried drawing them twice,it looked like two
different fruits.Banana on the left,sugarcane on the right.
Sugarcane is a fruit right?
I grew up stealing it from trucks.We would lurk by the road with some neighbour kids,and
wait for the sugarcane truck to pass then climb on its back while it was moving and drop
sugarcane at the side of the road.
It was lot of fun until the day the truck driver caught us.He made our parents pay R20s for
it.The only reason I didn't get good hiding that day is because my father was home.
Amanda call when she is outsize our building.I take my bag and lock the door.
I wasn't lying to Ntando after all.I am going out.Check mate!
I quickly text her reminding her about the photos.She must take photos of their dinner,I
want to see everything.
Amanda is in a black car with tinted windows.I don't know the name of the car.I've never
owned one,but this one look expensive.
She open the door with a smile.
"Girl"
I hug her and look at the man at the driver's side.
"Oh this is Sphelele"
I give her the look 'girl explain'.
"He is my fiancee" she say.
I can see her secretly rolling her eyes.
She has never mentioned the fiancee to me.I greet him and open the door at the back.The
inside of the car is even more beautiful.
"Whose car is this?" I ask.
"It's Sphelele's"
"Amanda I told you my things are your things.Why can't you say it's our car?" the guy say
furiously.
Amanda sigh.
"It doesn't make any difference.Why do you have to criticize everything I say?"
"If you didn't say inappropriate things everytime I wouldn't be criticising anything"
Alright! I fold my legs and sit back on the seat comfortably.
I should've brought popcorn.It's going down.
"Sphelele I'm tired of arguing over stupid things"
"Stupid Amanda???"
After that question the car fall into silence.
Looking at this matter with my Sis' Dolly eyes this is not a healthy relationship.If they
fight like this at this stage what's going to happen after marriage?
I've never seen Amanda wearing a ring.Not even once.Maybe he didn't go down on one
knee,he paid lobola.
I like that kind of proposal,the bakhongi-at-the-gate kind.I don't want to think how my
family would react if I was to go home with a ring on my finger whereas there are no
cows in the kraal.Maybe I would be forced to buy a goat and apologise to the ancestors for
confusing them.
I break the silence.I hate awkwardness.
"Where are we going?" I ask.
"Glenwood"
Nice.I think I'm going to have fun.
"Why didn't you tell me at work?"
"I wasn't even sure I'm going to go,Sosha persuaded me" she say.
"Our boss?" I ask shocked.
How is the boss related to Amanda's cousin's party?
"Yeah,you will have fun.We are not a family of boring people"
I think I need some clarity.
"Our boss is going to be at the party too? You invited him?" I ask.
"It's our cousin's house party,of course Sosha is going to be there"
My phone beep.It's Ntando's WhatsApp message.I think it's the pictures.I will check them
later.
"You and Sosha share the same cousin?" I ask.
"Yes,our mothers are siblings"
Wow! I can't believe her.She told me Sosha is her friend.Now he is her cousin.
"You said he is your friend mos" I say.
"He is my friend.We were friends before we found out our mothers are siblings.It's a long
story"
It sounds interesting.
Did the other sister eloped and had children out of the country then came back ten years
later and found that her family nolonger lived where she left them?
My word! I hope they were only friends.What if they were lovers and then found out that
their mothers are siblings?
Her and Sphelele don't utter a word to each other until we reach the classic,authentic
double-storey house with frameless glass doors and green grass all over the yard.
There are about five cars parked outside.I can hear music playing inside from here.
"Is this the house?" I ask foolishly.
Ofcourse it's the house.I see the cars,I hear the music.
"Yes,let's go drink this miserable life away"
She open the door at her side and get out.Her fiancee is not happy at all.I think he is not
going in for the party.He stay in the car.They don't even say goodbye to each other.He
reserve and drive away.
"Fiancee?"
She sigh and arrange her weave.
"An uptight one.I don't want to talk about him,don't ask"
"Only one question please" I say.
She look at me and nod.
"Do you love him?"
Her body language answers me first.She doesn't love him.
"Not really" she say.
I want to ask her why they are together but I only asked to ask one question.
"You are going to party in stilettos?" I ask changing the atmosphere.
"I'm comfortable in them"
She is right,she is comfortable in high shoes.She wear them from the morning till we
knock off at work.She make no efforts in walking with them.
She is nothing like me.I only wear high heels to formal functions,weddings and when
taking pictures.
The inside of the house is insane.Crispy white walls,soft grey upholstery and pale wooden
furniture.But forget about the house,the people inside it!
I can't believe Amanda took me here.This is not a party,but a fashion show.Every girl is
wearing stilettos.
I'm the only one wearing All-Star takkies and the only girl wearing a skinny jean.They are
all wearing dresses.Not my Mr Price summer dress.I'm talking about dresses from the
fashion magazine.
She said this is a party? I need a drink really fast.
A Khanyi Mbau appear out of nowhere and hug Amanda
"Girl you look hot" she say sizing her up.
Amanda smile, "If I'm hot then you are fire"
They both laugh.
I don't think I want to be here.I'm out of place and I have a feeling I'm gonna clash with
someone.
"This is my friend Yangomuhle,she work at the bakery"
She look at my feet then at my face.She is thinking what I'm thinking.Out of place.
"You have a nice name" she say.
I'm in awe.
Yes I do have a nice name but right now it's introduction time.Maybe she think my name
is the only nice thing I have,given my dress code.
"I know sweety" I tell her and take a few steps away from them looking around.
I can hear her talking to Amanda.
"And this? Where did you get her?"
Amanda keep it low,I can't hear her.
"Amanda you associate yourself with everything"
I think it's time I walk back to them.
I look at her.She has cut the conversation.
"Who did you say you were?" I ask.
"It's Mbali,my older sister" Amanda answers for her.
"Look Mbali I may be low from your league and not as smartly dressed as you are,but girl
see these takkies"
I lift one foot up and show it to her.
"They will rearrange your face,I will grab you with that horse tail on your head right now
and mop the floors with you.We don't know each other,stay in your lane and don't talk
about me"
Amanda tell her to go.She leave with no hesitation.I wanted her to say one more word
then I would've practiced what I preach.
Amanda look at me apologetic.
"I'm so sorry"
"I'm not mad Amanda.I know how to handle my business and if she keep going like this I
will handle her" I say.
"Let's go to the living room and have some food and drinks"
We bump to other girls,they greet and pass.The living room has a fire place,beverage
center and undercounter refrigerator.There is a sound system with speakers throughout the
house.Music is playing,not too loud nor too soft.They are playing deep house music.It
speak to the heart.This type of music can make you drink your grocery money.
There is a beautiful custom table that expand to almost twelve seats.Fancy people are
sitting on it with drinks in their hands.
"Amanda" one of the guys say.
His eyes are not on Amanda though.They are on me.He is surveying me.
"Beautiful people,this is my friend Yangomuhle"
Now all eyes are on me.They are looking at me the same way Mbali looked at me.I
repeat,I shouldn't have came here.
"Hi Yangomuhle" one of them say.
"You have a nice name"
I look at the girl who said that.I give her a big smile and tell her I know.
My name is not the only nice thing about me.They are going to piss me off.
"Food first?" Amanda ask.
I shake my head.I have boiled vegetables and bread in my tummy.It was the worse meal
ever.I pray not to drink too much and end up vomiting it.I'd make a trend on social
networks.
I'm on my second Castle Lite.Amanda is sitting on another guy's lap.They seem to be cosy
with each other.This make me question her hoe-ness grade.
Which level is this?
Sphelele drove her here.Now she is on another man's lap.This is a joke.
It seems like most of the girls are here with their men.I've had a few words chats with one
of them called Noxy.She is not bad,just that she is nosy.She don't even know me and the
first question she ask me is "Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Are you okay?" It's the guy who has been breaking his back dancing to every song.He is
now standing next to me being friendly.
"Yeah I'm okay"
His eyes land on my lips.I hate the look on his face.He bite his lower lip.
"I'm Sabelo" he say.
"You have a nice name"
Well that's what everyone say in this house.
He chuckles.His hand is now running on my arm.Wrong move!
"Can I get you anything Yangomuhle?" he ask.
"Yes,you can get your hands off me"
Laughter! I can't believe all these monkeys have been eavesdropping.
He get his hands off and click his tongue.
"I was just being nice.You are not even the type that make my dick hard"
This is such a low blow.To the wrong person for that matter.
"You're talking about dicks,that's too deep.I'm talking about drinks.You are not the type I
want to get me a drink" I tell him.
He wrinkle his nose,in a disgusted manner.
"You have a type? Yet you are wearing R50 jeans"
Amanda get off her man's lap.She is about to come to my defence.She have a mad look on
her face.
"And you are wearing R2k shirt,yet you don't have 'that thing'.What a waste!"
I say and gulp my drink.The thing about 'that thing' is nobody knows what it is.But every
girl can tell if a guy doesn't have it.It doesn't have a name.Not self detectable,not
purchaseable.It's either you have it or you don't.
"Sabelo you will not talk like that to her" Amanda say glaring at him deadly.
"This bitch is full of herself Amanda.Who does she think she is?"
"Sabelo!!" say a familiar voice behind us.
My boss.He is wearing a casual black t-shirt,navy short and Adidas sneakers.He is not
alone.There is a short yellowbone next to him.
If this is his girlfriend they don't compliment each other.Blind match.The girl is too short
and too yellow.
"Buzz off Sosha" he grab a beer and walk out furiously.
I roll my eyes and check the notifications on my phone.
"Don't mind him" say the guy next to me.
His girlfriend is one of the fancy girls,she is wearing a short tight,backless dress and
purple weave.
Amanda take her glass and come sit next to me.
"He is a jerk by nature" she say.
Her eyes are flickering with anger.
"I don't care about that asshole.Who is that?" I say pointing at the man she was sitting on
with my eyes.
She lower head to me and whisper.
"My best orgasm"
It has been confirmed,her hoe-ness comes with a masters degree.
I suppress my laugh by taking a sip on the drink.
I lower my voice and say, "You are a hoe,you know that"
Her eyes gleam.She also take a sip of her cocktail.
"Trust me,my Maths has told me" she say.
"What about Sphelele hoe?" I ask.
"No orgasm there"
No ways!
I look at her in shock.The corner of her mouth quirk up.She confirm it by drooping her
eyelids.
Never judge the book by its cover.Such a yummy hunk gone to waste.
"Lord have a mercy!" I exclaim softly.
Naakmusiq song start playing.Girls get up and sway their hips.
"Yeah yeah yeah!!!"
Now this is a party.In South Africa it's not a party until someone start shouting 'YEAH'.
Other guys join the dance floor.I'm recording a video for Ntando.I must take a few
pictures for Facebook.I can't let my presence in this fancy house go to waste.
Extra face appear on my selfie.I turn my head and look at him.
"Boss what are you doing?" I ask.
"It's Sosha MaShenge"
I press the Home button and lock my phone and push it inside my bra.
"Am I too ugly?" he ask.
"No.You are cute,to be in your phone though"
Amanda has joined the dancers.He steal her seat next to me.
He rest his back and look at me.
"It's nice to have you here.I hope Sabelo didn't spoil your night"
I shake my head, "Nope"
"How do you find my customers? Do they treat you right?"
Gosh! He is bringing up work.I can't think of customers while drinking Castle Lite.
"I'm tipsy Sosha" I tell him.
His eyes dart to his girlfriend at the end of the room.He chuckles and rest his elbow on the
table.
"I don't want trouble" I tell him.
She is looking at me like I'm a lioness lurking for her man.
"Where is Ntando?"
He knows Ntando!??
"My Ntando?" I ask in amazement.
"Yes" he say in a steady voice.
I cut the story short, "She went out"
A line appear between his brows.
"She???" He look surprised.It's like he thought Ntando was a guy.
"Yes,my Ntando is a girl"
He curse and fold his fist over his mouth.
"You are a lesbian?" he ask in subtle tone.
A smile creep on my face.On my first day at the bakery I told him Ntando is my
boyfriend.I can't believe he still remember that and her name.
I suppress the smile.
"Yes"
Flush creep up on his face.He look pale for a second.
My breasts vibrate.I send my hand inside the bra and take the cellphone out.
<Buthelezi calling>
My heartbeat escalate.The Castle Lite drain off my system.
Ngqengelele is calling.Do you know who that is? I jump off the chair and run to the radio
system.I unplug everything.Everyone scowl me.
"What's the fuck!"
"We are dancing"
"Why are you turning the music off?"
Oh Lord!
They don't understand.My father think I'm on bed at this time.I didn't come to Durban to
party.If he hear the noise here he would catch the first Durban taxi in the morning and
come drag me back home.My mother would call a special prayer and chase the demons
off me.I cannot risk that.
"Shhhhhhh" I shush everyone.
"What's the fuck!" It's my hater,Sabelo piercing me with his eyes.
"Shhhh" I repeat then answer the call.
"Babawami"
All eyes are on me.The girls are giggling behind their hands.
"Shenge how are you?"
"I'm fine,how are you?" I say conveying the 'shut up' message with my eyes across the
room.
"We are also fine.Vodacom gave me 60 free minutes"
Fuck Vodacom! I don't have 60minutes to be on the phone.This crowd will skin me alive.
"Really? That's great"
"How is work?" he ask.
"It's good but I'm always tired.Right now I can barely keep my eyes open"
Satan is rocking on his chair with a big smile on his face."You go my child".He is
impressed with me.I'm representing his kingdom very well.
"This thing expires today but let me not deprive you sleep,you work hard.Mbuso and
Sabatha are saying hello"
I smile, "Tell them I love them"
"Okay goodnight my child.I love you,take care of yourself"
"Love you too.Goodnight"
I sigh in relief.That was close.
"You're a nuisance" one of the girls say connecting the plugs.
"Sorry guys" I yell and go back to my seat.
"You owe us" Mbali say smiling.
Who is she smiling at? I'm not her friend.
Music restart.The atmosphere return to normal.
"Who was that?"
I look at him.How is that any of his business? He is my boss,nothing more.
I take a calm breath and tell him it was my father.He respond with a nod.
I turn to the girl opposite us and ask the bathroom.
"Take this passage,there is a bathroom on your left" she say.
I take my bag and follow the passage.I push the door on my left and enter.I don't know
which one is the owner of this house but I'm sure it's a guy.His neatness is on another
level.This house defines his individual character and classic taste.
There is a mirror on the wall.I glance at my reflection,my lipstick has vanished.That's
what you get for buying R10 lipstick from China shops.
I do my business and wash my hands.I need to powder my face and reapply the
lipstick.When I get paid I need to buy real deal cosmetics.I also need to do something with
my hair.Maybe braid.
The bathroom door opens.I turn and look with my heart beating loud.
Wtf!
"Boss" I say.
"MaShenge it's Sosha"
I don't care about his name.Why is he following me?
"What are you doing here? I'm still busy"
He rub his head and apologise.I wait,expecting him to walk out.But he doesn't.
"You are interesting to be around with" he say.
I knit my brows, "How so?"
He nibble on his bottom lip.
"I'm still wondering what is sex and kissing without romance"
Is there anything I said that he has forgotten? I also find his memory interesting.He
remember even the silliest detail of our conversation.
I zip my bag and clutch it under my arm.I stop next to him.
"A kiss that doesn't mean anything.Kissing for the sake of kissing or arousal" I tell him.
A twinkle gleam in his eyes.
"You are confusing MaShenge" he say.
I lift his chin up with my finger.His lips quiver.I lean my face to him and steal his
quivering wet lips.I smoothly brush his lower lip and suck it.I feel his hand grabbing my
waist and break the kiss.
"Don't stop" he say in a whisper.
"Boss I'm just setting an example.I'm not being romantic with you"
A muscle in his jaw twitch.He exhale,audible.I smile at him and open the door and make
my way out.

Chapter 6
.
Sosha wanted to take me to his house after the party.My boss.Typical casanova.He was so
clingy.So irritating.He was following me around the house,trying to get cosy with me
infront of his shortie girlfriend.
He tried to make a deal with Amanda.I overhead him and set the record straight with him.
"Sosha I'm not going to take a ride in your car.I'm going with Amanda"
He rubbed his hands together and tried to convince me he didn't intend to do
anything.Amanda excused herself and return inside the house.
"I can see the kiss confused you.You now want to sleep with me.That's not going to
happen because I don't sleep with a guy who want to sleep with me.I sleep with a guy I
want to sleep with so that I don't end up feeling like a victim"
That got him speechless for a minute.He was struggling to come up with words of his
defence.
"And you are my boss" I added.
Sphelele came to fetch us.I don't know when Sosha left.I'm sure he was disappointed.He
thought I would throw myself to him.Yes I kissed him,but it doesn't mean I want to be
romantic with him.He is my boss for goodness' sake.
Today is Monday.I have to go to work but my nerves are short.I'm not sure about facing
Sosha sober.Maybe he hate me,who knows.I turned him down.Mr It-All's don't take
rejection well.They have this mentality of thinking every girl want them.
"Are you ready?" Ntando ask walking through the door.
She is ready.She is wearing her black and white uniform and black boots.Today she
offered to drive me to work.Her day start at 8:30am, mine start at 07:30am.
"I'm ready" I say looking around to see if I'm not leaving anything behind.
"You look worried"
She knows me like the back of her hand.It irritate me sometimes.She always see through
me.
"What if Sosha fire me? Maybe he feel like I played him.I mean I kissed him Ntando,he
may have..."
She cut me by laughing.
"He can't fire you for denying him your pussy.It's life.You get some,you lose some"
She is not taking this serious at all.She take the lunchtins over the kitchen counter.She
pass mine and put hers in her bag.
"I shouldn't have kissed him.I hate Castle Lite" I say making my way out the door.
She pull the door and insert the key.
"You would've kissed him even if you weren't tipsy.You like teasing and playing guys"
she say.
It's true.I would've kissed him.Castle Lite or not.I've teased a lot of guys and I've never
felt guilty.This is the first time I have regrets.
The whole journey Ntando is gushing over Sanele.How he is romantic,funny and
loving.Yesterday she was talking about the same thing.I had the Sanele talk for
breakfast,lunch and dinner.
"He is a good father to his son,he support him and know every single detail of his life even
though they don't live together"
I sigh.
We are almost there,thank God.
"When are you telling him you are his girlfriend?" I ask.
"Maybe after two weeks"
She is Ntando Mthethwa,I expected that from her.
"But you like him" I say.
"He need to beg and fight to win me over"
SMH.
She pull at the side of the road,opposite JC Bakers.
"Which one is Sosha?" she ask looking at three men I've never seen.
"He is not there" I say.
"I'm going to fetch you after work.Make sure he is with you"
Is she kidding?
"He is not my friend Ntando"
I push the door, "The person you will see is Amanda"
She grunt through her teeth.I'm not sure if she will like Amanda.She can be uptight at
times.
"Enjoy your day" I say
"I will call you on my lunch break"
The day has started.The bakers are making noise in the kitchen.Amanda is on the phone
on her desk.The cleaners are moping the reception area.I could've been one of them.God's
grace happened.It's too cold in the mornings to be touching water.
"Morning" I greet the cashiers.
"Hey Yanga.Have you seen Cynthia?"
"No" I say.
"Go to her office.She want to see you"
My heart start racing.Did Sosha tell her to fire me?
I make my way to her office.I don't even knock,I let myself inside.
"Good morning Cynthia"
She is drinking coffee.Her desk have papers scattered all over.
"Yangomuhle take a seat" she say.
She was expecting me.I sit on the chair,making a silent prayer.
"Did I do something wrong?" I ask playing with my hands.
"Not at all.I wanted to tell you Mr Cele will be monitoring you today"
My eyes widen, "Why?"
"I think he just want to observe how you work and treat his customers"
This is going to be the worse Monday ever.How am I supposed to work while my
boss,whom I kissed,is watching me?
I take a deep breath, "Okay,thanks for letting me know"
I walk out with a heavy heart.It look like I'm not going to enjoy working here.I have
spoiled things for myself.I shouldn't have teased my boss,now he is going to make my life
horrible.
"Girl" Amanda greet with a smile.
I wave at her and make my way to the store.
One table,two chairs.The other chair is already occupied.He is wearing white t-shirt,red
blazer and jean.
I collect my nerves,take a deep breath and greet.
"Good morning"
He look up, "Morning MaShenge"
I put my bag on the table and pull my chair to the end of the table.He look at me briefly
and concentrate on his phone again.
One of the bakers walk in.He give me a pamphlet with addition of new cakes.Now this
give me an opportunity to leave the table and go wander through the passages of the store.
A couple of customers come,I help them.Sosha has been sitting on the chair by the
entrance for almost an hour.He is busy on his phone.I think he is addicted to social
networks.Or he is chatting with his shortie.
"MaShenge" I hear him calling me from the other side of the store.
I really don't like how he call me but I've made peace with it.I make my way to him and
find him standing in the BIRTHDAY aisle.
"Boss"
He push the phone inside his jean pocket and take a loud deep breath.
"MaShenge I didn't want to sleep with you.I wanted to drive you so that I can see where
you live"
He mentioned going to his house,I guess he has forgotten that.
"That's fine.Can we work in peace?" I say.
He turn and face me.His are piercing through mine.
Why is he doing this here? Now?
"I heard you wanted to..deal with Mbali physically"
Oh is that how he call it? Fancy.
"I wanted to kick her ass,she was talking nasty about me to Amanda" I say.
"I also heard about your interview.Your attitude to be precise"
I don't know where this is going.The word 'attitude' don't sit well with me though.
"Was I arrogant to you on the first day? If I remember correctly I only said I don't need
your help"
Grudges! He is digging up excuses to fire me.
"If you want to fire me because of what happened Friday night just say so"
"I'm not doing that"
"Why are we talking about this then?" I snap.
Gosh! I should calm my tits.This is my boss.
"You talk too much.Defend yourself more than necessary.You see 'red' in everything.You
can't even take a compliment,you strike"
I'm being challenged.Tested.Shaken.Moved from my good girl stool.Overturned.
"I don't take judgement very well Mr Cele" I say.
"I'm not judging you"
Right! I nod and purse my lips.
"Why are you so angry?" he ask.
I blink a couple of times,in great disbelief.
Now I'm angry???
"Who said I'm angry?" I ask.
"The only reason a person would behave like you do is if they are angry.The only reason a
person would defend herself so much is if she didn't have enough defending support.The
only reason someone would talk so much is if she felt like her voice wasn't heard"
I fold my arms and inhale with my jaws tightened.
"Can I continue with my work?" I ask after a moment of silence.
"What is your pain?"
I throw the book on the floor and walk away.I'm trying so hard to fight back tears.
Who the fuck does this guy think he is?
How dare he judge me like that! He don't even know me.
Ten minutes later I walk out of the bathroom.I find him helping a customer.I don't think
I'm going to make it to one month in this company.
I sit on the chair.My book is on top of the table.Maybe I do have 5% stinking
attitude.Why did I throw the book on the floor?
"I'm doing your job now MaShenge.You are going to return the favour"
He is not mad about my little tantrum.Maybe he is not as bad as I thought he was.
"I'm sorry about the book.I just didn't appreciate how you talked to me.You don't know
me,don't judge me" I say.
He pull his chair and sit.He look really young.30years maybe.I wonder how he reached
this stage of life.
"I want you to tell me about your life" he say.
I did say this is going to be my worst Monday.He keep spoiling it from every angle.
"There is nothing to tell" I say opening my book.
"You said you don't want to end up feeling like a victim after sex"
Gruuunch!! I grind my teeth.Does he ever forget anything?
"Can we discuss this?" I show him the book.
"The cakes,because that's the only thing connecting us.I'm sure you don't act like this with
all your employees"
He inhale sharply.
"No I don't" his eyes dwell on me.
I don't know what's wrong with him.His eyes bore through me.He is undressing
me,leaving me naked.He is uncovering me,with no permit.
"I'm doing my job correctly.I do everything the company asked me to do.What do you
want from me?"
My Indian boss was better than this.He never bothered me.He was not nosy.He didn't dig
his claws into my life.He wasn't clingy.He didn't make predictions of my life.He didn't
care.
"I want to listen and hear your unheard cries" he say.
I want to leave but I need money.You know what,I will zip my mouth and only talk to
customers.
Who said I want his ears to listen to me?
I remember everything.My white skirt with black dots,my pink fake Nike vest and gold
sandals.The skirt made it easy for him.Today I still wonder if someone would've came if I
was wearing a skinny jean.It would've took him time to pull it down.Unlike the skirt,it
made it easy.In ten seconds I was naked.
My help came,but he was already done.Correction,she was not my help.Three hours later I
was surrounded by MaJali,my mother and his mother.
"What were you doing in his room?"
"Yangomuhle is this the school you were going to?"
Each question was accompanied by a slap.My mother don't tolerate lies.She didn't give
birth to untruthful children.I made a flop.It was my first time visiting a boy.I was
15years,he was 24years.
"Yangomuhle uyajola!!!!"
My mom couldn't believe it.
But an agreement was made.An agreement to shut up.I broke up with him,but he already
broken my virginity.
"Don't utter a word to anyone.You will disgrace me"
I haven't.Only Ntando knows.I vowed to never become a victim of sex again.He wanted
it,I didn't.
Now who does this guy think he is? He want to listen my left foot.
"Is everything alright?" Amanda ask during lunch.
"No.I'm working under supervision of your cousin,I hate it"
I'm praying for an emergency call to come through his phone.I've seen enough of his face
for the last seven hours.
Sometimes we pray when God is listening to Dumi Mkokstad new tracks via
headsets.Sosha is still in the store,relaxed.I will be counting hours.Only two and half to
go.I will manage.
Chapter 7
.
The day couldn't end fast enough.An hour felt like a day.He just sat there and judge me
with his eyes.I prayed for a phonecall or urgent meeting to rescue me.God didn't take my
prayers serious.He stay until the last minute.
"How are you getting home?" he ask when I prepare myself to leave.
"By car" I say.
Throughout the time I've been keeping our conversations as short as possible.
"You can ride with me,I will drop you off"
I briefly run my eyes to his shiny black shoes and tell him 'No thank you'.
Amanda walk in as I'm about to walk out.She glance at my face briefly and look at
him.My face is evident of the anger brewing inside me.
"Is everything alright?" she ask directing the question to him.
"Yes.Did The Diamonds send for their cake?"
"They are fetching it in the morning.Musa will come early to finish it off" she say taking a
few strides toward the first passage.
"We need space to store it over night.Maybe remove these two because it's big" she point
at two Family Treats chocolate cakes at the front.
He follow behind her.
"You think it will fit here?" he ask.
"Yes,I will ask the guys to remove glass this side"
It's 17h06 already.Ntando must be outside waiting for me.I'm not doing unassigned
overtime.
"Yangomuhle you're leaving already?" Amanda ask as I'm about to exit.
I glance at my phone,17h08.
"Yes,my time is up" I say.
"Oh I thought you could help us for a few minutes"
Help? I can't work overtime and be told I'm helping.I didn't come here to help.I'm here to
work.Every unit of my work need to be paid for.
"I can't,I have to go" I say.
"Okay I will call you later"
Ntando is waiting.Not inside the car,she is out looking at everyone passing infront of
her.Later she will be asking me who they are.Lord help!
"And then?" she ask when I walk past her.
I sigh and open the car door.She get inside right after me and stare at me.
"Don't look at me like that" I say.
"What's up with the long face?"
"Drive.I will tell you later"
She doesn't drive.She is still watching people walking out of the bakery.
"Sosha is not going to come out anytime soon" I tell her.
"Why? Did you fuck him to sleep?"
Really now?
"Ntando I'm not a hoe" I snap at her.
"Office sex doesn't mean you are a hoe..Wait,is that him?" she point at the dark guy
walking out of the bakery.I think he is one of the cleaners.
I sigh, "I said he is not going to come out now"
She tap her fingers on the steering wheel.Her eyes are fixed at the bakery.Another man
walk out,she ask if it's him.
I don't even know why she is so interested in seeing him.He is not special with anything
except being my boss.
I connect the cable to my phone and turn up my Westlife playlist.Good music of all
times.I don't know why this group stopped singing.They healed broken hearts with their
music.I also listen to One Direction.They are good,not to Westlife level though.
I fell asleep in the car.Music and anger drugged me.I wake up when Ntando shake me.
"What's wrong?" she ask standing by the kitchen counter.
I pull the chair and sit.
I take a deep breath, "Sosha"
"What did he do?" she ask passing me a piece of Lindt chocolate.Not my favourite.I prefer
Kit-Kat,and that's beside what I can afford.It doesn't tingle my tastebuds.
"First of all he don't know me,he have the guts to judge me and tell me I've been weak in
my life,I talk too much because I want to be HEARD and angry bla bla bla"
Her eyes pop out.
"You're angry for what?" she ask.
"I'm an angry human being" I say fighting tears.
Awe surfaces on her face.
"Wow!"
"There is nothing I said to that guy Ntando.He just judged me,he don't even know my
second name"
Talking about this is making me more angrier.I get off the chair and tell her I'm going lie
down.
God knows what my remedy is.I fall asleep again.I always feel better after sleeping.
"Yangomuhle wake up,water won't fetch itself"
My mom.
I love her,but not too much.I love her because it's natural that I must do.She gave birth to
me.She is a strict mother.
Unlike other kids,growing up I was scared of her more than I was scared of my father.She
set many rules,mostly for me.
As a girl growing in the Zulu rural areas a manual of life was enforced to me.
"A girl do this,like this"
"You are a girl you can't do this"
"Yangomuhle you can't sleep till 6o'clock" she would roar at 5am.
You know how I love my sleep.It's the most peaceful state my life can ever be at.
"Mbuso is still sleeping too"
That's talking back to a parent if you don't know.Disrespect.
Ignoring and not talk back is also disrespect.You can never win with her.
"Mbuso is a boy,you are a girl" she would say pulling down the blankets.
Sometimes she would sprinkle cold water all over my face.Being a girl came with many
responsibilities.
She didn't understand how much sleep meant to me.I needed it more than I liked it.
Sometimes I thought about being in a coma.It's tragic I know.But maybe it's peaceful.
Not alive,not dead.
I don't want to die and leave my brothers,but at times I longed for two weeks or one month
of peaceful,undisturbed sleep.
She didn't understand.Not even when I tried to talk to her.
"I feel violated Mama.Kwenza abused me,I get nightmares"
Hands on the waist.Furious look on her face,supported by nc nc nc.
"Yangomuhle what did I say to you? You want people to laugh at us.Get yourself
together,you went to the Mdletshes willing"
Look I didn't know agreeing to be a girlfriend was agreeing to sex.I was not ready,but they
convinced me it was what I signed up for.
After two years of fighting internal battles I decided to take charge of my life.Sex life to
be precise.
Making the rules.
I've been okay.
"Yanga" I hear the voice from far.
My body shake,several times.I force my eyes to open,mumbling curses.
It's Ntando.She don't have timing this girl.I was at peace.
"You have to wake up" she say.
"Urgh! Give me five minutes I'll go bath"
She laughs, "It's still Monday"
What???
I look at the window.It's dark outside.
"How long did I sleep?" I ask.
She throw me my phone.I check the time,it's 19h10.
My stomach growls.I was angry during lunch time,I only ate quarter of it.
"Did you cook?" I ask her.
"I'm on it"
When she cook she cook seven colours.She give the pot all her heart and energy.It's a
storm.
I use Rajah and Knorrox when I cook.Ntando cook using different herbs.See how different
our cooking skills are.Without Knorrox I'm nothing.There is no Yanga in the kitchen.It's a
doom!
She clear her throat and look at me with a huge grin.
"What is it?" I ask.
"You have a visitor"
I don't have anyone in mind.My visitor used to be her when I lived in Umlazi.I barely
know people around this place.
She sit on the edge of bed.The way she is looking at me,I know a bomb is coming.
God let it not be one of the imbeciles I shagged.
"Well I called Amanda using your phone and asked for Sosha's number"
Wtf!
My eyes widen.
"I was angry" she say defensively.
"Did you call him?"
God let her say no.
"Yes"
Jesus Christ!
"And what did you say to him?" I ask praying for the best but expecting the worst.
"I told him which highway to take when he go to hell"
I burst out laughing.
Who raised her?!
"And he is here"
I stop laughing immediately.Her face is serious as witchcraft in Nigeria.
"What's the fuck Ntando?" I say getting off bed.
"He forced me to give him my address.He say he want to see if you are okay and
apologise"
And she gave him just like that!
He is my boss.I only want to see his face at the bakery.This is out of the line.
She grab my hands,excitement is written all over her face.
"You didn't tell me he was this hot.I say HOT Yanga.Not fire hot,chilli hot.Like my
tongue is wagging out like a hungry Bobby"
I'm gonna ask again.Who raised her? Because Mrs Mthethwa didn't raise this.
"It's a yes from me.It's a yes from you.He got two yeses.Yesss"
I lift my eyebrow, "Who said it's a yes from me?"
"I said it,Ntando said it!" she open the door and walk out.
Where is the crazy people hospital again? I heard others say in Pietermatziburg.I think
someone need to be admitted there for a mental analysis.
Now that I'm calm I think I may have exaggerated the whole situation and wrongly
interpreted it.
There is a knock at the door.I'm still changing my clothes.I don't think Sosha would have
an audacity to come knock in my room.
Maybe it's Ntando.
But Ntando never knock.
"MaShenge"
Oh hell no! Not in my room.
"Don't come in" I say.
He is already in.He don't look like someone who has intentions of walking out.
I sigh and sit on bed.
How did my day get here?
"Ntando,your friend called me" there is an emphasis on 'your friend'.
"She just told me.Look I exaggerated the whole thing to her and overreacted.I'm the one
who owe you an apology"
I cannot read the expression on his face.I wish we can do this quickly so that he can leave.
"Are you okay though?" he ask.
"I'm sharp"
He look around the room for a second then sit on MY BED.I don't know how he grew up
but where I come from you only sit when you are told you're welcome to have a seat.
"Why are you sitting?" I ask.
"I want to talk to you"
"About what?"
"About what happened earlier" he say.
"I said it's okay,I'm the one who overreacted"
He pull a pillow and push it under his elbow.Now he is making himself comfortable in my
room.
I'm being tempted.Tested.Shaken.Reshuffled.
"I don't enjoy your presence,do you know that?"
He look at me with a wide smile on his face.I don't know which part of my statement is
tickling him.
The door swing open.Ntando's face peer in.
"Dinner will be served in five minutes.Juice or cold drink Mr Cele?"
"Juice please"
Is this a joke? Are we in Durban Playhouse? Is this 99% Zulu comedy? Is she TallMoAss?
Cracking lousy jokes.
Maybe we are.And I'm an uptight audience not finding the jokes funny.
No she was not kidding.It's not a comedy attempt.
It's a horrible reality show,like Mary Mary.Horrible,boring and vavavroom-less.
We are on the table with Justin Sosha Cele.It's awkward,for me.
"Who are you beside being Sosha the young,successful businessman?"
I shoot a look at her.Can't we have this horrible dinner in silence?
"I'm a son and brother to three siblings" he say.
His 'Myself' is shorter than Sabatha's.
"Any wife or husband?"
Ntando have no chill.
He glance at me briefly and answer.
"No,I'm single"
Since when he is single? Maybe according to Home Affairs.
"Lies! You have a yellow shortie" I blurt out.
Ntando jump in, "If a guy say he is single he is single"
Right! I focus on my food.
Ntando is not giving him any time to breath.She is asking queston after question.He is
answering all of them gladly.
"Dinner was nice Ntando,boyfriend" he say diverting his eyes to me.
I look away.Can't he leave already?
"It's a pleasure dear" she say getting of the chair.
She take her cellphone and disappear to her room.
She is full of surprises.
I pray this man don't utter a word.Again God is busy to answer that lousy prayer.
"Please walk me out"
This is simple Yangomuhle,don't overreact.
I get off the chair, "After you sir"
"Ladies first"
I look at him, "I'm walking you out,not the other way around"
He take in the sight of my face for a minute then lead the way toward the door.
I stop outside the door.This is enough.
"Okay bye" I say.
"MaShenge"
It sound like he is complaining.I narrow my eyes at him.
Ungrateful?
He sigh.
"Thanks for walking me out"
That's more like it.
I nod and turn to walk back inside.His hand grab my arm.
"MaShenge I will listen when you want me to"
I ground my jaws and stay silent.
"When you want me to,I will be there" he let go of my arm and leave.
I take a huge,deep breath and walk inside.

Chapter 8
.
Ntando is Sosha's new fan.She started following him on every social network,and I get to
hear about every detail of his social updates.
"Your Sosha went out with his brother.You should see how handsome they looked"
He has became Yangomuhle's Sosha.I don't know how I got ownership of a full grown
man.
"He is not my Sosha" I would throw water on a duck's back.
Arguing her about it is wasting my precious breath.She is the great Makhosi who spent
three years under the water with snakes and hippos.Spiritual gifted and ancestral
connected.The greatest of them all,the one who see the unseen and unfold the future for
you.
"You guys will be together,he is the one for you" say the greatest Makhosi Mthethwa after
connecting with the ancestors.
There you have it.My future predicted.I will be with Sosha,my boss.
It's nice,isn't? I mean having a friend who can see the future for you.Even my heart don't
know that.It doesn't even dance when I see him.
Her sudden sangoma qualities are bothering me.Maybe if she had colourful bangles
around her ankles or a buffalo tail.But she don't even inhale snuff.
How am I supposed to believe her? The girl can't even eat half chicken alone.
Have you seen how much meat the zangomas eat?
I've seen two finishing the goat alone.Two zangomas vs big fat boiled goat.Two hours
later they were washing ugqoko.
Haven't you heard love professors? When you meet 'the one' you will know immediately.
Listen to the groom speech on weddings.
"When I saw her I knew she was going to be my wife" they all say.
Sosha is just my boss,whom I enjoy his absence at the bakery so much.I haven't seen him
for the last two weeks.Amanda said he is busy with other projects.I don't know what those
projects are but may God please delay their process Amen.
When he is not around I feel like I can breath.I don't have anyone penetrating me and
uncovering me with his eyes.
Today I received my first salary from JC Bakers.Do you remember when I signed the
contract and bragged about how good my salary is going to be?
Well I didn't even get a new jean out of the good salary.
I sent R1000 home for the grocery,R500 for my brothers new school uniform and pocket
money.Mbuso nolonger eat lunch served at his school.If he don't have pocket money he
go the whole day hungry.
Guess what his reason is? I'm too old to hold queue for soup and rice.He is only in grade
10.
I had to pay half of the rent and contribute to the grocery.Ntando has done a lot for me,I
should meet her halfway now.
I'm left with less than R1000.I have to buy cosmetics,do my hair and save money for taxi
fare.
Amanda!
Damn I was supposed to buy her something.A little gift to thank her for getting me this
job.
It's month end,people are smiling ear to ear.
Not me.
I have a pounding headache.I'm applying all my Mathematics strategies and sequences
trying to balance my expenses and account balance.Nothing balances,I need more money.
I go to Spar and buy Fererro Rocher chocolate for Amanda.I'm sweating as I give the
cashier a whole R100 for a lousy chocolate.
That's 10kg rice and 2kg sugar.The fancy life is really not for me.
When I get back to the house Ntando is already dressed.She is going home for the
weekend.
"You should learn how to drive,if you had a licence I was going to leave the car for you
and ride with my Dad"
This is the third time she is telling me about learning to drive.I thought when I get a job I
would register in a driving school.I don't see that happening now.
I sigh and sit on the chair.
"I don't have anywhere to go,so it's fine"
"Come on,get Amanda or Sosha to take you to their fancy parties" she say.
"No thank you.I don't wish to meet that Sabelo guy again"
Her phone beeps.
She read the message,her smile is stretching ear to ear.
"Sanele is something else" she say shaking her head.
Just in case you are wondering,they are still not dating.The poor guy is still writing sweet
messages,promising her earth,rivers,valleys and heaven.
"What is he saying?" I ask.
"It's a long poem"
Wow! A poem,that's wonderful right? Bank manager slash poet.
I help her with the bags and walk her to the car.It's sad seeing her leave.I wish I was going
home too.I miss them,but time is not right.
I'm alone now,staring at the television with a pocket of Lays on my chest.I'm not going to
cook,I will eat bread and sleep.
My phone ring somewhere on the couch.I'm careless at times.I get it when the caller is
about to drop.
It's my mother.
I answer.
"Hello mama"
"Halo Yangomuhle how are you?"
I spoke to her two hours ago and told her I'm doing fine.She is something else.
"I'm fine MaJali" I say.
"Eyy mntanami I bought so many things for the house and forgot to buy electricity.It's
0.00 here,I don't even know how I'm going to cook"
I take a deep sigh.Just when I thought I did enough for them.
"Okay give Mbuso the phone I will send R50 electricity"
I will have to cancel my hair.It's not that important,I can just wash with Ntando's
shampoo.
"Yoh thank you baby,I don't know what I would've done.Your father bought cement and
blocks with his money"
"It's fine Mama,I will it send now" I say.
"If you can send R10 MTN too,I want to call your aunt"
I also don't have airtime,but I can't say no to her.After the call I send R50 electricity and
her airtime.I also upload R20 for myself.
Sometimes I wonder how it would be like if I had a sibling older than me.Being a first
born is not easy,especially when your parents are not financial stable.
How would my life be if I didn't have the responsibilities I have?
Maybe I would be in varsity,if not working to save money for it.
Growing up I wanted to be a nurse.There was a time where I was researching about the
profession.I had a list of available colleges and quotation of overall fee.My mother nearly
fainted when I told her how much was needed in order for me to study.
"Fifteen dozen rand??"
Not dozen,thousand.
"Yes Mama R15 000" I said.
"So much money! Yangomuhle you see the situation we live in"
She was right.I knew no matter how much my father would've saved it wouldn't be
enough.He renovated our home with his retirement package and added his cows.You
know Zulu men and cows.My Dad love his cows.He was sad,he wanted to sell some of his
them but I told him it was alright.I wasn't the first to finish matric and look for the job
afterward.Only a few further their studies in my area.
I accepted my life and made a promise.Mbuso is going to be the first Buthelezi to have a
degree.He will go to university,no matter how tough things get I will fulfil that promise.
Now it's 7de Laan,I take my phone and log on Facebook.Trust me I have nothing against
white people,their soapie is nice.I just don't like reading translations in order to
understand.It rob me the actual soapie,I end up reading without seeing action.
My Afrikaans don't go beyond boerwors,vat'n sit and vetkoek.Oh how can I forget the
National Anthem Afrikaans verses? I'm not that bad after all.
I'm scrolling down the newsfeed liking and commenting to those who do the same for
me.I mean Facebook is like a stokvel...
Pardon is stokvel an Afrikaans word? Let's add that.
I was saying Facebook is like a stokvel.You like my posts,I like yours back.There is
nothing for mahala in South Africa.Not even a Facebook like.It only happen to
celebrities.Don't think we are going to automatically like your unknown ass posts.Work
for it.
There is this girl who shared a post of Kwenza Mdletshe.Apparently he sent umembeso to
his babymother's home.Her wall is flooded with pictures of them wearing matching
outfits,smiling.
He is happy,everything is okay.He don't have a past he cares about.
Life is good,he forgot.
My hands are trembling,my armpits are itching.I want to comment under the pictures but I
don't know what to say.He is also in the comment section replying to the comments.
My phone has been ringing for almost ten minutes.My hands are frozen.I can't reach for it.
I hate every moment of my life.
"Yanga it doesn't mean you are weak" I hear Ntando's voice in my head.
Am I not weak? It's been eight years since it happened.If I was strong I would've forgotten
about it and moved on.I would be happy,like he is.
"Why are you so angry?" he ask again.
This time he is not standing between cakes aisles.He is in my mind,asking.His thick
eyebrows arched on his prominent brow ridge.His voice is hunted,doleful and pleading
with me.
Why are you so angry?
I'm angry because my voice has been shut.
I'm angry because I cried for help but help didn't cry for me.
I'm angry because he don't care about what he did.
I'm angry because I took the blame.
I'm angry at my mother,but mostly I'm angry at the rules that deprive me the right to be
angry at her.
"She should've fought for me" that's what my inner voice always tell me.
She should've took my side.She should've told my father.I know my father would've
fought for me.
"You want your father to divorce me?"
I still don't understand how my situation would've led to divorce,however I didn't want
that for my brothers.
But I know my father is not a monster,she is.
"Yangomuhle she is your mother" it's a dominant voice that always guide me.The one I
always listen to.
Bang!! Bang!!
It's someone breaking the door.I don't know when the person started knocking I've been
staring at nothing,absent minded.
I open the door.Two security guards are pacing out the door.
"Hello" I greet in a low,unsteady voice.
They greet me back and ask if everything is okay.Ntando sent them,I guess she is the one
who was calling.They don't want to leave I have to let them in and show them I'm just
watching TV.
I call Ntando back.She start by telling me how angry she is,I apologise and tell her
everything is fine.She is not satisfied,she drop the phonecall and make a videocall.
I can lie to anyone but not her.I tell her about Kwenza's umembeso pictures.
"I understand babe.I wish I was there with you"
I force a smile and tell her I will be fine.
She shut her eyes and exhale deeply.
"Go to my room,inside my closet and take a bottle of wine"
Say what???
"Are you serious?" I ask in shock.
"Yes there is a bottle of wine I bought last week"
Unbelievable!
"No I'm not asking if it's there.I'm asking if you seriously hid a bottle of wine from
me.Ntando since when we don't share?"
She laugh uncontrollably.I keep my face as straight as possible.
"Really Hazel?" I say.
Hazel is her second name.She hate it with her whole life.
"Fuck that name,I'm giving you my baby and you're calling me that"
I laugh.
"Thank you Hazel"
If there is one thing she does effortlessly,it is making me smile.She is my sister,friend and
smile keeper.
I don't enjoy drinking alone but tonight I need to.Getting drunk will drive me to
sleep,which I desperately need right now.
When I wake up in the morning there is an empty bottle of wine next to me.If this doesn't
make me a drunkard I don't know what will.
A whole bottle alone? Even so,who get on bed with a bottle and sleep with it?
Cuddling alcohol bottles,really Yanga?!
I take a long,warm bath and dress up in Reebok tracksuit.I comb and tie my hair into a
knot at the back.I may not be the most precious thing your eyes have landed on,but my
eyes honey.I can fish any man I want with them.
The most beautiful facial feature I have,even if I say so myself.Beady and clear.I have
long,natural eyelashes that I flap rapidly when I'm about to burst.
I make hot chutney and eat with toasted slices of bread and black tea.
Today will be even more boring.
I call Buthelezi.I didn't speak with him yesterday,they said he is gone to the veld with his
cows.
I don't know who he love more between us,his kids and Jamlude.When Jamlude is sick he
also get sick.That's how connected he is to his cows.
"UDangadanga unenxeba elibi kabi" he say right in the middle of our conversation.
I don't even know which cow is Dangadanga.I only know Jamlude because she was born
when I was fourteen years.
"Oh that's bad" I say faking empathy.
"I have to clean it before it affect his whole leg"
Now this is boring.I prepare my voice and jump.
"Oh my word! The pan is burning" I scream.
"Shenge???"
"Dad I will call later"
"Okay mntanami,that's fine"
Thank you!
I can't talk about cows the whole day,they also don't talk about me.Okay that's stupid,but
the point is I don't want to talk about cows.
Ntando's phonecall is no better than my father's.She is also telling me about Sanele.
Look I like Sanele,he bought me a necklace last week.But I can't have him for
breakfast,lunch and supper.Worse they are not even dating yet.
I want to hear about his bedroom persona,at least that's interesting.Right now all I get to
hear is how he call ten times a day,send sweet messages bla bla bla.
I turn the TV on and wait for soapie's repeats.I'm still addicted to them.
I log on Facebook for a time being.So many juicy stories are found in here.Especially in
the groups.
The girl has posted again.This time she tagged Kwenza Mdletshe and wrote: City View
things #ShopTillYouDrop.
I don't know who this girl is but she is a Mdletshe too.I guess it's a relative.
I log out quickly and call Ntando.Something just woke in me.A flame of anger.
"Miss me already?"
I'm holding the cellphone with one hand,tying my All-Star with another one.
"This dog is in City View shopping with his relatives" I say.
"What are you talking about?" she ask.
"Kwenza Mdletshe,he is parading the shops with all his teeth out.He is having a nice
time.It's nice nice,life is nice"
I grab my purse and take R50 for taxi fare.
"Yanga what are you doing there?"
"I'm going to the motherfucker.I want him to remember what he did.If he don't remember
on his own I'm going to help him"
"Yanga don't do anything stupid"
Stupid? It's not something stupid.He need to remember.
"Yangomuhle!" she yell over the phone.
I drop her and switch the phone off.When I get in the taxi I switch it on.I need to know
their exact location.I comment under the post asking the girl where they are.She start by
reacting with love on the comment and reply.That's how careless people are on social
networks.She don't even know me.
I couldn't get fast enough to GAME.
It's been almost six years since I last saw him but when my eyes land on his face I know
it's him.He is smiling with the cashier.Nice.
"Hello" I greet.
They look at me.There is a little confusion in his eyes.
I lift my eyebrow, "I'm here to see you"
"And you are?"
After that question I'm not sure what happened.I wanted to answer him but anger dried my
voice.The only thing I was able to do was pick stuff on the counter and smash on his face.
"Call the police" I hear someone yelling.
There are two security guards holding me.The store manager is talking to him,they are
helping him.
I'm the crazy one.The bad one,as always.
They lead me to the backroom and grill me with questions.I have nothing to say to them.
"Let her be Moyana,the police will make her talk" one says.
"Crazy bitch"
The other one chuckles and assume that I'm a crazy ex-girlfriend of the guy I was
attacking.
When the door opens I'm ready to be cuffed and kicked in the ass with hard boots.
But it's not them.It's not the police.
"Mr Cele" say the one who called me 'crazy bitch'.
"I'm here to take her"
They stand still,staring at him.
He motion for me to get off the chair then glance at them.
"I have spoken with your manager,she is going home"
He take my hand and lead me out.All eyes are on the crazy girl who just attacked his ex-
boyfriend.

Chapter 9
.
Awkward silence in the car drove me to sleep.I open my eyes when the car stop moving.I
don't recognise where I am.
I look at the person next to me then everything flash back.I went to City View and
attacked Kwenza Mdletshe inside GAME store.I nearly got arrested,he came out of
nowhere and saved me.
Where am I?
Why did he save me?
He study my face for a moment.
"Ntando called me,she asked me to go fetch you" he say.
"Why did you come?" I ask.
He have a vacant look on his face.I glare at him waiting for an answer.
"Why did you save me?" I ask in etched voice,my eyes are glued to him.
"Ntando asked me to"
It take him two minutes to say that.
"You listen to Ntando? She is your coach"
He give me the direct eye contact without staring bit minimal blinking.
"Why are you so angry?" That's what he must be asking without voicing out.
I take a deep breath and ask, "Where am I?"
"We are in Morningside" he say after clearing his throat.
I give a rictus grin and stare out of the window.
"Let's go inside" he say.
I look at him,infrequent blinking my eyes.
"I do not live here Sosha,take me to Ntando's place"
"I need to sort some stuff pertaining the Game drama"
Drama???
This is how he call it? It was a drama show.Like South African parliament,drama was
going down it was fun.The EFF was punching the ANC,it was dramatic.Nice show.It was
a drama.
I give him an icy stare,my lips are trembling.
"You said drama?" I ask.
He make audible exhalations.
"I have to contact the store and see what can be done" he say reversing his original
statement.
"Why are you saving me?" I ask for a second time,if not the third.
"Because I need you in the bakery on Monday" he say.
Good boss,hey.Taking care of his employees,even on weekends.
"Can we go inside the house MaShenge?"
I save my breath and get out of the car.My eyes land on a gigantic,double storey house.
The African child's dream house.The one we pointed out from magazines as kids and
screamed 'this is my house',not warned that the only time we would be inside those kind
of houses is when we mop the floors and making coffee for 'Madam'.Young,uninformed
and sold with dreams.
It has big,tall arched windows.Balconies,screened-in front porch.A free standing garage,a
pool and formal garden.It was designed with a wide,sober imagination.
He clear his throat.I turn my eyes off the house and look at him,shyly.Poor rural girl
staring at the house like it's little heaven.
"Let's go inside" he say.
I nod and walk after him.
I don't know if this soft brown rug laid on the doorstep accomodate my All-Star,but I walk
in anyway.
He lead me to what I think is the living room of the house.It's bigger than Mbuso's room
and mine combined.
The floors are gleaming with spotless silence.Not even an ant,or stubborn fly.There is
nothing,except the fresh sweet ascent of the flowers tucked in a vase in the middle of a
glass coffee-table.
"Can I get you anything?" he ask.
I could do with a glass of icy juice,but I don't want to accept more than what he has
offered already.I don't want to be comfortable.I want him to do what he want to do and
take me home.We will meet again Monday,as boss and employee.
"No thank you" I say.
I hear his footsteps descending.I relax my back on the couch.It's a big leather couch that
could fit my whole family.
There is a flat screen on the wall.At the far end there is a bookcase,neatly stocked with
books.On the wall hang family pictures,I assume.
After a moment I hear footsteps coming near and turn my head.It's him with a glass of
juice and slice of cake on a saucer.
"MaShenge" he say putting it on the coffee-table.
"I said I don't want anything" I snap at him.
"Surely you need a cold drink after...."
Fuck him! Again and again.
Why do he always have to tell me what I want? Yes I need a cold drink,but why he predict
that for me?
"Sosha you think you know everything.Maybe you know the cakes and fat cheques and
expensive shoes.But you don't know me,you don't know what I want.You cannot save
me,you cannot listen to me.You cannot do a thing for me.You don't even know my second
name,you don't know where I come from.You don't know anything,except this fancy life
of yours.STOP TELLING ME WHAT I WANT!!!"
The bomb just exploded inside.I'm fed up with this guy.
"Yes I don't know you,but sometimes strangers are the ones who listen and understand.I
don't have to be your family or friend,I can just be your shoulder to cry on" he say with a
focused gaze on my face.
I narrow my eyes in irritation.
"Who said I need a shoulder to cry on?"
This guy is too forward for my liking.He is worse than Thah Simelane.
"Said the brokenness and rage in your voice and the hopelessness in your eyes"
Okay this is it!
I'm leaving.
"MaShenge" he call walking after me.
"Don't call me MaShenge I don't knit your mother's petticoats"
His hand grab my waist.My eyes pop out,I look at where he is holding me.He let go
immediately.
"You need help" he say.
I frown,tears are about to escape.
Who is he?
"I need help???" I ask in almost whisper.
"I'm listening"
"Who said I need you to listen?" I ask with my lip curled up.
"Close your eyes"
Oh now he want to shoot me while my eyes are closed.Maybe drug me and sell me to the
Russians.These rich people operate like that.
Have you seen the movies? Or better read African diaries.Human trafficking is real and I
refuse to be abducted with my eyes closed.
He moist his lips with his tongues.
"MaShenge close your eyes"
I close them,involuntarily.
"Take a deep breath,a deep one from the depths of your soul"
I draw some air in and exhale as deep as my nostrils can allow me.He don't tell me when
to open them,I open them and look at him.
"Why are you so angry?"
Thick eyebrows arched on his prominent brow ridge.His voice is hunted,doleful and
pleading.His lower thin brown lip is folded between his teeth.His eyes are a fire with
passion.
"Why do you care?" I ask.
He massage between his eyebrows with a finger,his eyes run all over the walls.
"If you can tell me that I will tell you why I'm angry" I say.
His eyes frozen open.He didn't anticipate that kind of deal.
"So?"
"I'm interested in you" he say.
I lift my brow up.He need to break this 'interest' he have in details.
He exhale through his mouth.Now this is funny.He look uncomfortable and shaken up.I
mean,I'm scaring the whole Sosha Cele.
"Look,I love being around you.I want to get to know you better,maybe prove to you that
I'm not arrogant"
I don't understand how he love being around me.I've been snapping at him everytime he
comes nearer me.I don't remember a single day I was 100% nice to him.
He continue, "And I know deep down you're a good person.You are the first person who
ever told me she is proud of me,and you didn't even know me"
My Mamgobhozi underlying persona sit up and put her eyeglasses on.This is a woza nazo
type of issue.
"How so?" I ask.
"You told me privately.It was just me and you.You were not pretending for the
recognition of the crowds"
I'm touched.My unfiltered mouth don't always cause damage.I've spoken some meaningful
words that touched some people.
"Do you realise it's not always going to be family or close friends who will make a
difference in your life? If you have words that can build a person speak those words.If you
have ears to listen to someone lend those ears" he say.
I see him over the anger bottled down in my heart.He is not a bad person I painted him to
be.
I walk back and sit on the couch.
"For me Sosha it's different"
He follow behind me.
"I don't want a stranger to listen,I want my mother to listen and hear that it was not my
fault" I say.
"Make her listen"
He make it sound so easy.
"She won't.And I have to make peace with it but I'm so stubborn and not too strong to
forgive the situation"
He nod, "I completely understand"
A few seconds of silence passes.Then he turn to face me.
"Can I ask you a favour?"
"I don't do favours" I say.
He give me a coy smile.I keep my face straight.I do not do favours,that's that.
"It's not a big favour trust me" he say.
"No"
He sigh, "Fine.Have your juice"
I don't fight him this time.I reach for a glass and take a sip.
"You are beautiful" he just say out of the blue.
I choke on the juice and laugh.
"Where is your yellow shortie?" I ask.
His expression close up.He massage between his brows with a finger.
"I don't own a yellow shortie" he sound hurt.
"Were you dumped?"
He chuckles.
"No"
"Is she going to be happy to find me here?"
He give a minimal eye contact and take a saucer over the coffee-table.
"This is my house MaShenge..Please have a piece,this is my favorite cake"
I take a fork and dig a small piece.We don't share the same taste.I prefer Spar's
doughnuts.I tolerate the second piece then put the fork down.
"You said we are coming here so that you can sort the GAME drama" I remind him.
"I already did" he say.
I wonder when? I put the glass back on the coffee-table.It's not how I was raised,I don't
know the kitchen of this house.
"Then we should go" I say standing up.
He look up at me,and remain sitting on the couch.
"Sosha" I call.
"Let's hang out,you will go later"
Now he is being Mr Smartpants.
"No,I want to leave" I say.
He mumble something and get up.I know my way to the main door,I lead the way.
"Wait,the door is locked" he say behind me.
His arm go over my shoulder to the door handle.Right now I'm holding my breath,his
cologne is filling up my lungs.I feel a little bit dizzy,like I'm going to faint.
He unlock the door,but instead of pulling it he pull me and make me face him.
"Give me your words,I will give you my ears.Let us be strangers who strengthen each
other"
His eyes are penetrating right through me.They carry the meaning of each word he utters.
"That's okay" I say absent minded.
"MaShenge please get to know me a little better,I'm not a bad person"
I don't trust the sound of my voice right now.
I clear my throat first then say, "I never said you are a bad person"
"Are there Celes in Ndulinde?"
My eyes widen.How does he know Ndulinde?
"I saw your C.V" he say before I can ask anything.
"They are few" I tell him.
He moist his lips again.I look away.
"You are my boss Sosha" I say.
"I never said I'm not"
No Yangomuhle snap out of it.You are not a liquid.Snap out!!!
I reach for the door and turn the handle.
"Let's go" I say.

Chapter 10
.
He keep stealing glances at me.I feel uncomfortable,I don't know if it's him or the songs
he is playing.
Why he is not playing Drake like other guys?
I like Adele,but this moment I feel like the message is directed to me.
YOU NEVER KNOW IF YOU NEVER TRY
TO FORGIVE YOUR PAST AND SIMPLY BE MINE.
I DARE YOU TO LET ME BE YOUR,
YOUR ONE AND ONLY.
Can he drive a bit faster? The atmosphere in this car is suffocating me.
He start humming and dancing to the music melody with his head.I don't want to be an ass
judge like Randall from SA Idols,always criticising people's talent so I'm only going to
clear my throat at this dancing and zip my mouth.
He decide to make things worse and sing out,along with an iconic Adele.
"I KNOW IT AIN'T EASY,GIVING UP YOUR HEART"
Okay I will be Randall,just this once.
"Sosha let Vusi Nova represent you and focus on the cakes"
He burst into laughter.I'm not sure I've heard him laugh this loud before.He look really
young,especially today since he is wearing shorts.
"How old are you?" I ask when he stop laughing.
"I'm six years older than you"
I do my Maths,he is 29years.I don't want to ask how he know my age.He have my
documents.
"How old were you when you finished school?"
"I didn't finish school"
Huh???
His eyes are focused on the road.I have cocked my head to the side,staring at him.
He didn't finish school? Woza nazo reloaded.Maybe I'm also interested in knowing him
better.
"What do you mean you didn't finish school?" I ask.
"I dropped out at grade eleven" his voice is kept genuine,almost-believably.
Skillful liar!
"Nice one"
"I don't have matric" he say.
My eyes widen.He is kidding right?
"Umalusi?" I ask.
He chuckles, "Yes"
"Why?"
His lips curve into a smile.
"MaShenge I just told you I dropped out at grade eleven"
He is dead serious.I can't believe I'm educated than him.I cannot describe the feeling I
have right now.I'm educated than my boss.
Wow!
Cynthia and her crew dissed my qualification-less CV whereas the person paying their
salaries don't even have a matric dance photo.He didn't make it to MATRIC printed
school tracksuits.
"Then how did you become successful like this?" I ask.
He lower the music volume and change the lane.
"After dropping out of school my father sent me to my gran's house.She was gifted with
brains,she had no academic qualification but she was doing better than many people.She
was a baker.She baked scones,birthday cakes,breads and many other cakes.When I got
there she told me; ayikho inkomo yobuthongo.Every morning,winter or summer,we would
wake up at 3am and start baking.She was a no-nonsense taker,she didn't mind whooping
my ass"
He is smiling as he narrate the story.I can hear how much he adore his grandmother.Even
the ass-whooping part is amusing him.Unlike me,sometimes I get teary when I think about
how much ass-whooping I got as a child.I cannot count the times,it was almost everyday.
"I hated her because I thought she hated me too.Until I realised how useful she made me
feel.She didn't care about my Maths and Physics.She died when I was eighteen,it was a
heart attack.I began working in different bakeries between the age of nineteen and twenty-
one"
"Where were your parents?" I ask.
"They lived in Richard's Bay with my siblings,we didn't get along.I was rebellious and
dumb at school"
He is not smiling anymore.He is cheerless and sullen.This make me question his
relationship with his parents.
"Bayede got the job after graduating,he is a doctor,and helped me with the capital.I bought
the equipment and started baking for myself.It was not easy,especially for me as a guy.I
looked stupid to many people.My breakthrough came when I was 26years,Bayede got me
a building deal.I bought it and named it Justin Cele Bakers,the rest is history"
All I can say is "Wow"
.I thought he had it easy.This is a lesson; never judge a book by its cover.
He drive with one hand.Guess what he is doing to other hand? He is biting the nails.
"That's disgusting" I say under my breath.
He glance at me.
"Huh?"
His face is puffed up.He is no longer the Sosha I'm used to.The persistent,nosy,irritating
one.The gleam I use to see in his eyes is dead.
The rest of the journey is quiet.I feel like I can relate to the sadness of his silence.
The car park infront of the building.I take a deep breath.We've been silent half of the
journey.
"Thank you"
He nod his head.
I open the door and get out.I walk away without taking a single glance back.The earlier
episode of Kwenza Mdletshe is nolonger in my mind.In fact I don't care whether he is
getting married or not.Something else is troubling me.I just can't point it out.
Ntando has left many voice messages.I send her a short text telling her I'm okay.I will call
her later when I'm ready to talk.
I take a glass and pour tap water.I can't sit down,I feel like pacing up and down.I take off
the takkies and put on my sandals.This jacket is making me hot,I take it off and tie it
around my waist.
I make my way to the window and look down where I left him.
"He is still here" I whisper alone.
Deep down in my heart I knew he was still here.It's like I didn't expect him to leave.
"Okay have a grip Yanga" I tell my inner self.
I take TV remote and sit on the couch.There is an irritating movie playing.No I haven't
watched it,I only saw one character and got irritated.
I hold my neck and groan out loud.This is a torture.I'm torturing myself.
Wait,Amanda's chocolate!
Remember I paid arm and leg for a chocolate gift.Why don't I give it to her cousin and ask
him to give her for me?
Yeah that's a good plan.I mean Monday is too far.This thing is going to melt.
I knock on the car window.There is soft jazz music playing inside.
He push the door open.I get inside and close it.
"Ummm..Can you take this to Amanda for me?" I say after a moment of awkwardness.
He take it and put it between the seats.My eyes are on him,I'm trying to observe his
expression.
"Are you okay?" he ask without looking at me.
"I don't know.Are you okay?"
He turn his wan face to me.I fail to look at him in the eyes.
"I'm not okay MaShenge" he say and inhale sharply.
"Is it because of your past?" I ask.
He moist his lips with his tongue.I look away before my intestines freeze completely.
I feel his hand lifting my fingers.I look at him,he is staring at me.He take ownership of my
hand.It's not comfortable,I feel like opening the door and run away.
"I'm not okay because of you" he say.
I didn't expect that answer.I don't want him to explain further,I just want to get out of this
car.
"It didn't take me a second to know that I have feelings for you.Yes,I'm confessing.I have
feelings for you.I love you"
I pull my hand away and shut my eyes.
"No Sosha"
His breath lose pattern.His eyes are piercing through my skin.
"MaShenge I can't not have you.Not being with you is not an option"
I open my eyes and look at him.
"What do you mean?" I ask in my Yangomuhle voice.
"You have to be a Cele"
Have to???
I've been given the 'have to' duties all my life.I refuse to let a guy I've known for a month
tell me what I have to do.
I narrow my eyes, "Don't ever tell me what I have to do,okay?"
"I'm not making demands.I'm pleading with you"
It didn't sound like he was pleading.I take a breath.I need to tell him this in a calm
manner.
"I'm not going to date you Sosha.Firstly you are my boss,secondly I don't have feelings for
you"
"Why did you come back?"
The question throw me off guard.I look at him slack-jawed.
He ask again.
"MaShenge why did you come back?"
I clear the dust off my throat.I need a bottle of water.
"For Amanda's chocolate" I brief my explanation as much as possible.
"Well I'm not a liar,I stayed because I was hoping you will come back,and you did"
The first line doesn't sit well with me.I'm not lying,part of the reason I came back was to
bring Amanda's chocolate.Telling half of the truth is not lying.
Maybe it's time for me to say goodbye
"Thank you for everything you did for me today,I appreciate it.See you Monday"
"MaShenge we are still talking" he say.
I push the door and get off.
"Bye Sosha"
"Fuck you!"
The car speed off in full speed.I hold my breath for a minute.
GOD PLEASE PROTECT THIS FOOL
I lie on bed and send Ntando a text.She call immediately.
"Finally!" that's how she answers.
I put my feet on the wall.I need to be comfortable as I dish out the late episodes of
Yangomuhle's life.
"Ntombi kaDingiswayo guess what just happened" I say.
"Sosha texted me,I know you assaulted Kwenza inside the store"
That dog deserved more than just an assault,but I'm not on about that right now.
"Did he text you again and told you he just insulted me?" I ask.
"What???"
I thought they were BFF's.
"Yep,he gave me a 'fuck you' and sped off.I wouldn't be surprised if I hear he has been in
a car accident"
"What did you do to him?" she ask.
"I only said goodbye Sosha"
This is making me laugh.He looked so angry.He was not breathing fire,fire was breathing
him.
"Yanga do you realise that you are hurting him?"
Urgh! Aunt Ntando.
"By saying goodbye Sosha?" I ask laughing.
"He have feelings for you and you can see that..."
I cut her short, "No sister I don't see anything.I just see my boss who is too friendly"
"He is not too friendly,he is inlove with you.When I called him he dropped everything and
drove to City View.This guy is rich Yanga,he is actually stooping down to our level by
being friendly.He should be somewhere with the rich Gwala girls,his level kind of
people.But he loves MaShenge and you are playing with his feelings"
"How am I playing with his feelings? I told him I don't have feelings for him.I've never
given him any misleading thought" I say sitting up.
"You don't have feelings for him?" I sense an argument coming with her question.
I extend my breathe.
"I don't"
"Why are you uncomfortable around him? I mean he don't bite you,he is always nice.Why
would you be uncomfortable around him if you're not hiding anything?"
Did I tell you she have a big forehead?
"Ntando you are boring" I say.
She burst out laughing.I'm so annoyed.
"I want to die,I'm going to pray that God take us tonight" I tell her.
"Who is us?"
It's funny how she fear death.If God was the ANC member she would've bribed him long
time ago and asked for life extension.
"Me and you" my voice is half buried with laughter.
"You're nuts.I'm going to die when I'm 90years old, in my sleep"
"Nice choice of death" I say.
"Are you...Hold on my man is calling" she put my call on hold.
Who is her man calling her now? Yesterday,when I last checked the bank manager slash
poet was still begging for her love.
She need to explain herself this girl.
I drop the call.I don't enjoy listening to this Vodacom woman telling me my call has been
put on hold repeatedly.
She call again after a few minutes.No it's not her,it's a strange number.
You know how I roll with unknown numbers.I answer and keep quiet.
"MaShenge"
Oh hell no!
"Hello are you there???"
I clear my dusty throat.Where did he take my numbers? Work!
"Hi" I say.
"I'm sorry about earlier"
I keep quiet.
"I took things left-handedly,I didn't mean to say that to you.I'm so sorry"
It was the first time he said something bad to me.Not even an hour has passed,he is
already apologising.I've been horrible to him almost everytime he is around me.
"I'm not mad Sosha,I really didn't mind" I say.
He is not on the road.It's quiet where he is.I don't want to think he could be in his house
already.
"Can I have a chance to speak with you? Please"
Ntando is right this person is stooping down to my level.He can have any girl he
want.Why is he after me?
Maybe I should finish what I started.He will get what he want and back off.
"Bring the condoms" I say.
"MaShenge!!!" he sound appalled.
"Hopefully after this we will get back to normal,being a boss and employee.It will be sex
without romance"
"Fuck it Yangomuhle! I don't want meaningless sex.Hell,I don't even want to sleep with
you.Why are you not giving yourself a chance to know who I am?"
He is angry again.There is so much rage carried in his voice.
I sigh and rest my head against the pillow.
"I don't want a relationship,my life is too complicated"
"Let me help you,it doesn't have to be complicated" his voice has softened.He is now
begging.
"Sosha you are my boss"
Why am I making this lame excuse? I said I don't have feelings for him.
"At the bakery I am.MaShenge I'm not just a boss,I'm a human being.I have feelings,and
have no control to who I fall in love with"
This phonecall is going to make me dizzy.I can't think straight nor breath properly.
"No Sosha" I say in a low,defeated voice.
I sound weak than a dying patient saying his last words.
"I'm coming to fetch you MaShenge,put warm clothes on"
He end the call.I take a pillow and slam it against the wall.
"Why didn't you say no?"
"Flowing like a liquid.Who are you?"
"He just controlled you Yanga"
My mind is running a race.Where is Yangomuhle?
Damn you Sosha Cele!
What am I going to wear?
I rush to the bathroom and take a shower.
Warm clothes.Is my white poloneck okay?
"Ntando pick up the phone" I hiss pacing around the room with a cellphone against my
ear.
"Hey" she answers when Jesus is about to come back.
"I need help asap.What can I put on as warm clothes?"
She knows everything in my wardrobe.From underwears to dresses.We come from the
same village,even though they relocated to Groutville after Ntando finished high
school.We grew up together,we were neighbours.Her mother was my primary school
teacher,her Dad is a farmer.Even today when we buy clothes we still fit and model infront
of a mirror.
She answers with a question.
"What are you dressing up for?"
Curiosity killed a cat.That's why I hate cats,they are lazy and curious.They are same like
news-sniffers,most of them are lazy.They don't even comb their hair,they just wrap their
heads or put a pantyhose on and follow the news lead.It's rare to find a news-sniffer
washing dishes,unless the sink is by the window where she can look at people walking on
the streets.
"Sosha said he is coming to fetch me" I say making a silent prayer,begging the Lord to
have mercy.
"Say what? Oh my word,you are going for a sleepover"
Ntandoyenkosi Mthethwa!
"No,we are not dating" I say.
She start laughing.Time is ticking forward,Sosha will be here anytime.
"Ntando what must I wear?" I ask out of patience.
"Your lacy,matching red panty and bra and that black dress with opened back"
Sigh!
"Warm clothes Ntando" I remind her.
"He will bring his warm cloth"
The dirtiness in her voice,Lord forgive.
I say goodbye and end the call because she is useless and overjoyed.
Black pant,poloneck and black boots.I've never been so dissatisfied with my look before.

Chapter 11
.
I'm having second thoughts.I shouldn't have answered my phone.
Urgh! He would've came inside the apartment and got me anyway.I should've put my foot
down when he told me he was coming to fetch me.
I walk to the car,I can see his eyes staring at me through tinted windows.The thought of
the pair of his almond shaped,coffee-brown eyes set on me make my knees kiss each
other.Maybe he even have his stellar smile on,rubbing between his thick arched
eyebrows.He has won this round,he must be proud of himself.
"I got her" that's what must be gracing his monied,academical-dumb mind.
I need to stick to my word.I don't want a relationship,and he is my boss.Taking me to cold
places won't change that.
He get out and walk to the other side.He open the door and wait with a blissful smile on
his face.
"I've been waiting" his voice carries so much ego.
Maybe it's my paranoia.
I get inside,he close the door for me.Wow! This is how princesses in the movies live.I sit
like a madam and fasten the seatbelt.
"Are you okay?" he ask before starting the car.
"100% okay Mr Cele"
He chuckles,in a mocking manner.
"Too much confidence Michelle"
My eyes widen.His lips are quirking.He is proud of himself.
He just proved my all-game line wrong; you don't even know my second name.
He knows my second name.
Now I'm wondering because it's not included in my identity book.My first suspect is
Ntando,she have a runny mouth that one.
Not only do I hate that he just ended my all-game line,I also hate that he called me
Michelle.
How old am I? I'm only twenty-three years old for Michelle's sake.
I don't know where Aunt July heard the name,I hate it.She used to work for white women
in Ballito,maybe that's where she heard it.It's funny because she can't even pronounce it
properly,yet she named me.
The Zulu warriors just stand over her tongue and fight the damn English tooth and nail.
"Misheli" that's how she say it.
I'm not laughing at her though,most Zulus have the devil-may-care audacity of
pronouncing English words in their accent.They also misplace R's with L's.
You should see my mother when she complains about too much 'lama' on her bread.When
you correct her she tell you pronouncing it as rama or lama won't change the taste of
it.She can be savage that woman.
"Got nothing to say?" he ask with a coy smile.
If only he drove without separating those light-brown,thin lips and filled my stomach with
his deep,alluring voice.
Okay order Yangomuhle!
"No Justin,I have nothing to say"
He glance at me and laugh.Thank God he is quiet the next few minutes.
"Do you listen to Jazz?" he break the two-minutes silence.
"On Sundays"
"Only?" he ask.
"Mostly"
He nod and reach for the button.The instruments fill the car.I rest my head back on the
seat.
Jazz make me emotional.When I'm emotional I become vulnerable.
I haven't asked where he is taking me.I don't know why I trust him so much,my
knowledge about him can't even fill a single page.
What if he is not what I think he is? Caring,friendly and honest.
His palm come in contact with my knee.
"I'm not going to hurt you" he say and remove it immediately.
I don't know how he is always able to read what's on my mind.Maybe my body is not as
secretive,it just give away my inner thoughts.If he is not an undercover sangoma,you can
never know.
"Where are you taking me?" My voice almost break.
I'm suddenly overwhelmed with fear.The people we know are more dangerous than
strangers.They gain our trust and plot against us with a closer look.
I don't think I can survive if he do something to me.One incident was enough to destroy
my whole life.I'm still trying to pick up the pieces and mould them into a happy,confident
Yangomuhle I once was.
He pull at the side of the road,unexpectedly.
He take my right hand and squeeze it.
"What's going on?" he ask.
"Where are you taking me"
"I'm taking you to where I started.I'm not going to hurt you.I just want to show you so that
you can understand me,from A to Z"
I wipe the beads of sweat on my face and nod.
"Please trust me" he say in a begging voice.
I give him my trust and allow him to take me to his beginnings.We take Inanda
Highway,curiosity overcome fear.I start asking questions,about anything we pass by.He
has switched off the music.He is listening to me and answering all questions with divine
contentment.
Okay where are we now?
It's been a long drive,I've been focused on asking nonsensical questions I didn't pay
attention to the road.
I can see Bridge City from here,it's only a few metres away.
"This is it" he say parking infront of a cracky,orphaned small white-painted house with
broken windows.
"Was this your home?" I ask.
"My bakery"
He is smiling.Excitement is written all over his face.The weather has changed out of the
blue.The wind is blowing mercilessly.
God don't let this building collapse on us,I make a silent prayer.
He insert the key to the wooden door and turn it.When he push the door a rat run out and
pass through my legs.
Lord have mercy!
He look at me,his jaws are on the floor.
"What?" I ask.
"You're not scared of a rat?"
Is this guy for real?
"I've never heard of a rat that killed a human being before" I say.
I grew up in Ndulinde,some seasons we share a home with rats.They are actually
friendly,they don't just bite you and leave.They bite and blow on the wound so that you
don't feel much pain,unlike bloody mosquitos.
I hate them for one thing though,eating clothes.They don't eat your favourite dress under
arms,they eat it at the back where everyone will see.
He shake his head and laugh.
"Neither have I but I'm scared of them"
A grown 29year old man scared of a mere rat? Maybe I would've understood if it was an
Alexandra one.I heard those are bigger than chickens.
Kanyo once told me if they walk in your house, yes they walk in they don't sneak,she said
if they don't find any food inside the pots they open the cupboards and start cooking
themselves.I pray God to never lead me to that place and hold KFC queue with rats.
Lol.I should've caught that rat and kept it in my hands,just for control.
There is nothing attractive inside the house,except for an old steel table and white buckets.
On the wall there are pictures of him.He posed with cakes in most of them.
No doubts,he was struggling.
"I lived here,this side was my bedroom" he point at the side with four blocks laid on the
floor.
"I baked on this table,the equipment is in JC Bakers.I would wake up at 3am,just like my
granny taught me,and baked till 6am then took the buckets,filled them with cakes and go
sell them to tuckshop owners and street-vendors"
I nod,scanning the whole house with my eyes.I wonder why he is not renewing it and
make something profitable out of it.
"You've made quite progress,I mean from this to JC Bakers.You should be proud of
yourself" I say.
He stand against the table with his hands pushed inside the pockets.
"You can also make progress,emotionally"
Why are we talking about emotions now?
I turn my back on him and open the buckets.I'm secretly hoping for a rat to come out and
jump to his face.
"What skills do you have?" he ask.
Skills???
"I knit"
Well I'm lying,I don't knit.I don't know what my skills are.
"One day you can open your own clothing factory"
I burst out laughing.
He is a dreamer.He dream big,he don't weigh options and possibilities.He dream straight
to the top.
"You can do it MaShenge.I did it"
I turn and face him.His eyes bore through my skin.I cock my head to the side and adjust
my confidence.
"We are different Sosha,we come from different backgrounds.You lived for you,every
cent you got was for your own pocket.I have a family to look after,living standards are
high these days.I cannot save even R10 for myself.You cannot compare me and you,your
siblings were taken care of by your parents.You had a choice,I don't"
I hate explaining myself to people who think life is 1-2-3 process.What worked for Zuma
won't work for Ramaphosa.We have different destinies.
"I can help you" he say.
"I do not need your help Sosha.I'm okay with how things are,all I want now is my brothers
to have a future brighter than mine"
"Why are you so stubborn? Not only to me,you are even stubborn to yourself.Being
stubborn doesn't mean you are strong" say the expert of my life.
I fold my arms,my lips are pressed in a firm line.If I spit one word he will change his
perspective from stubborn to crazy.
He walk to the door and firmly shut it.He insert the key and lock.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"I'm closing the door"
Now he is being cocky.I can be worse.
"What is your problem?" he ask.
"It's you" I say.
His forehead crease two lines,he flash a rictus grin.
"Me?" he ask.
"Yes you are my problem"
He chuckles, "You know I'm not your problem"
"Open the damn door,I want to leave"
"No"
No???
Is this a test?
He catch my flying fists.He lift me up and pin me against the wall.I put on a good
fight,but he is stronger than me.Getting him off me is like trying to move a rock.
I spit on his face,he let me go.
"I hate you" I scream at him.
"MaShenge!"
I don't care how much anger his voice carries,I hate him and I have no regrets about
spitting on his face.
I pick one bucket.
"Let me go" I say.
"Ey voetsek"
Oh voetsek? I throw it on his head.
He will open the door and let me out whether he likes it or not.I'm not going through this
again.
"Stop being crazy" he say ducking another bucket flying to his face.
He haven't seen crazy.Buckets are flying all over the room.It's quite a scene.Eventually I
get tired of throwing.I sink on the floor and cry.
"Do you still think you don't have a problem?" his words,'problem' to be precise,sting in
my heart.
"What made this Yangomuhle?" he ask.
For the first time I feel like lying is not an option.Like being honest with him is going to
set me free and the only option.
"My mother" I say.
I don't know if the volume of my voice is loud enough,I hardly hear it myself.
"What did she do to you?"
I swallow back the tears and wipe my nose.Although my voice isn't steady enough it's able
to generate every word that I need to narrate what happened at 15years.
He is sitting on the dirty floor,beside me.He have my fingers entwined in his.
He is listening.
I look at him occupied with thoughts.
"I'm weak.Am I not?" I ask.
"MaShenge..."
I stop him before he can say another word.
"Some people have been through worse,right? Some didn't make it out,they were raped
and killed.Some were gangraped,but they are okay"
He inhale sharply and tighten his fingers in my hand.
"It's okay,I understand why you are so angry.If there is one thing I can say is that you are
a real strong girl.I'm so proud of you"
"Proud of me?" I ask dismissively.
"For making it to this day.If you were not strong you would've committed suicide.It's not
easy being alone,especially after being what you went through"
He cup my face and turn me to look at him.His eyes are bloody red.Maybe he feel my
pain.
"You need to get counselling and talk about everything" he say.
"I am talking about everything" I say.
The veins are pulsing visibly on his temple.
"I mean talk to someone professional"
"You promised to listen,now I want you to listen.I don't want to talk to a professional,I
want to talk to you"
He pull my head to his chest.He is breathing over my head.I find this awkward yet
comfortable.
"Okay MaShenge,you will talk to me.I will listen,even at midnight"
His heart is beating next to my ear.My oxygen is him.I'm breathing him in and out.His
cologne smell expensive.My Exclamation perfume was diluted by wind an hour ago.
"MaShenge" his voice is too deep and too close.
Cold flush through my intestines.What is he doing to me?
"I love you,please give me a chance"
I don't know why I'm crying again.I could tell him no.He is not forcing me.
"You are my boss Sosha" I say.
"So are you.You are the boss of my heart"
I open my mouth for air.He is taking my breath away.
"Why do you want me?" I ask.
"Because I've been dreaming of having a girl who won't bow to my feet,but who will
stand next to me and hold my hand"
I clear my throat.I don't trust my voice.
"That could be any..."
He cut me short, "That's you"
My mouth is hanging open.Words are failing me.
"I..ummm I don't know" I sound too weak.
"I do know.You are mine"
I allow him to lean too close to my face.I hold his stare.I swear he can see right through
my racing heart.His lips meet mine.He give me a light peck and plant a kiss on my nose.
I blush and look down.
"Mine" he emphasises.
I want to argue,as per my Yangomuhle nature,but his stare dry my throat.I can't get the
words out.
By the way what words? What is it that I want to argue?

Chapter 12
.
He have his one hand on my thigh while driving.He keep stealing glances at me.I'm his
girlfriend,he told me.I'm flowing like a liquid to everything he says.I don't say no.
"Babe we are going to my house,I will bring you back later"
Yeap,I'm babe now.I'm going to his house as he said.I told you I'm a liquid,I flow.
I have fears about this thing he has started.I'm not an emotional stable person,I don't know
how long he is going to put up with me.
What if I hurt him? I don't trust myself.Relationships need compromises.Will I be able to
consider his feelings when taking personal decisions?
I'm not certain about this and I'm putting my job on the line.If this romantic relationship
don't end well our work relationship will be affected as well.Finding a job is not a child's
play.Mixing business with pleasure has been warned against for ages.
I'm scared of losing my job,but not as much as I'm scared of hurting him.
Sigh! Now I'm a bag of mixed emotions.
We are here again.I still can't get over the beauty of his house.Its size is ridiculous for a
bachelor though.Why do he need a second level? The base alone can be enough.
He open the door for me.I'm not used to this.The only experience I have is of the
taxi,whereby the taxi conductor open the door and tell you to jump off fast.They are nice
when they want you to ride in.They even call you fancy names.
"Let's go mamazi"
But when it's time to get off the taxi the name change to what you are wearing.
"Red hat hurry"
He take my hand,his hand is warmer than a wool glove.The wind is still blowing,my hair
is a mess.I should've tied it,now people will think I escaped from a psychiatry hospital.
"Let's go this way" he lead me to another open room.It's large as the living room I sat in
earlier.There is a black sofa in the middle,giant TV screen on the wall and one single
painting of an African woman.She is beautiful,she has a baby on her arm.Her hair is
short,she have ubuhlalu around her neck and isigqomoza on her head.This is how some
women back home are.African queens,raising future leaders with love.
"Do you love art?" his voice nearly make me jump.
I've been gazing on the picture for more than two minutes.My phone keep beeping,it's
Ntando.She want to know what's going on.She is annoying,but this is exactly what I
would've done too.
"No,I just love African mothers" I say sitting on the couch.
I'm feeling warm now,there is a fireplace.This remind me back home,in the kitchen
around fire on winter nights.The only difference is that his fireplace don't generate smoke.
"Do you like being a mother?"
Oh what a question? I didn't expect art-to-motherhood turn.
"I would love to be a mother one day" I say and turn my face to him.
Did he look at something else except me all this time?
"Do you have children?" I ask.
"No,but I would love to have to have them one day,with the right woman"
"What kind of a woman is the right woman to you?" I ask curiously.
"The one who won't leave my children" there is depressed outraged strain in his voice.
"I see" I say directing my eyes to the screen on the wall that just came to live.
"I'm coming back"
I'm glad to see the back of him.He have a way of making my lungs dilate for more than
enough oxygen.
I don't know the name of the movie I'm watching.I feel like I'm sitting in the cinema.I can
see even the ants in the actress' bedroom.Sabatha wouldn't leave the house if this was our
home.He love wrestling and karate movies.I think he will be violent when he grow up.He
already is,he beat kids in his school.That's why I'm hesitant about installing DSTV for
them,he will watch wrestling five hours a day and practice it at school.
I feel him walking in.The atmosphere changes.I'm holding my breath again.I don't know
why he took his jacket off,now I'm staring at his arms.On his right arm there is a tattoo.I
don't like tattoos,I was told they are symbols of Satan.I don't know who gave Satan the ink
ownership.Same as number 6,they say it's Satan's number.I'm not a religious person,but
I'm on Jesus' side.Whatever they say belongs to Satan I'm against it.
But I'm not against fit,masculine strong arms infront of me.I even like his tattoo.FIRE!!!
He put old school basket on the soft phenomenal carpet in the center.He walk out and
come back with a full-bodied red wine.Whatever it is that he is setting up I'm in.
"Do you eat Italian food?" he ask taking out two plates from the basket.
Now my Ndulinde-ness is being put on a test.I've never tasted any Italian food in my life.I
don't even know how it look like.I know Indian food,only because I've worked in Indian
restaurants.
Why do we have to copy food eaten by people who live 100 0000 miles away from us?
Can't we just stick to dumplings and usu?
SMH.Fancy people are too forward.
"Yes" I say.
I'm becoming a professional in this lying business.
He chuckles.I raise my eyebrow at him.What's funny?
"I know you are lying" he say.
I sigh and rest my back against the sofa.
"You will enjoy it,trust me"
I'm glad he thought about feeding me.,I'm famished.Even though I'm not sure the
Buthelezi intestines will welcome Italiano sorridere.I'm not sure what that means,it's
Italian though.
"This is antipasto platter" he say.
I just nod my head.I wonder who cooked this for him.The door was not locked when we
came.Maybe he has a housekeeper-chef.
"Here we have rolled salami,pepperonis and prosciutto"
He take out a glass bowl filled with bread chunks.I know olives and shrimp.The question
is who is going to eat olives? I see olives,shrimp???
"You will love zabaglione even more.It's coming for dessert"
"Zaba what?" I ask in my Zulu accent with my brows furrowed.
"You are so clueless.Italian food is simple,you can learn it and love it"
Oh! He failed school and studied Italian food.
"Do you know isiphuphutho?" I ask.
"Uphuthu?"
"No isiphuphutho" I say.
"No,is it food?"
This is astonishing coming from the antipasto platter chef.
"Zulu food is simple,you are clueless" I say.
He shake his head and laugh.He should be ashamed of himself.He know Italian's curry to
their desserts yet he don't know food from his own tribe.
He pour wine into glasses.He don't fill them,I want to say something but I was taught
about how a guest should behave.If you are a guest you follow the house rules without
complaining.I need a whole bottle but if it's half glass they drink here I will also drink that
half.
"Can I make a toast?" he ask.
I shrug my shoulders.All I want is to gulp this drop of wine and eat the antipasto platter.
"I would love to make a toast to you" he say.
My eyes widen.
He smile and raise his glass up.I also raise mine.
"To the beloved MaShenge,her strength and future"
I smile and click my glass on his.He take a small sip and put the glass down.I also put
down my empty glass and take a chunk of Italian bread.
He was right,I'm enjoying his food.He pulled a romantic gesture and tried to feed
me.Maybe if I came from another place I would've liked it.I'm not even eating with his
sticks,I'm using my hands.
"I swear this is the happiest day of my life" he say in a deep,deferential voice.
I want to tell him it's also my happiest day but my heart won't allow me to.
"Are you okay?" he ask.
I nod my head.
His eyes go to my empty glass,he ask why I'm not refilling.
"You want your man to pour for you?" he ask before I can answer the first question.
I'm dumbfounded.He have his ways.He smile and take my glass and pour wine.
He look at me with a lifted eyebrow.
"More?" he ask.
There is a ghost of a smile on his face.
"Fill it" I say shyly.
He fill it up and pass it to me.I cannot live without him.
"Why you are not comfortable and honest around me?" he ask.
"It's not that I'm not comfortable,I'm scared"
He look at me awestruck.I take a huge sip of wine.
"I'm not sure about this.I'm not stable,emotionally.Sometimes I get angry and aggressive"
"That's why I suggested professional counselling.I will be there for you MaShenge,always
but I don't have solutions.Professionals can give you solutions of how to deal with your
emotions"
I exhale,impassioned.
"Sosha there must be something you can do" I say.
I can't stand the thought of talking to a complete stranger who won't be listening because
she cares,but because she is making money.
He run the tip of his tongue over his lower lip.I hate it when he do this.No,I hate my dirty
mind.I can do unimaginable things to those wet lips.
"I can hold you throughout the night.Listen without judging and show love to you"
He slightly narrow his eyes,there is a coy smile on his face.
"What?" I ask smiling.
"I can also help you explode"
I clear my throat.I'm not sure which exploding he is referring to.
"Okay" I say and gulp the wine down.
"Do you want to explode?"
Gosh this guy!
"No Sosha,I'm fine"
He laugh and stand up.I make a silent prayer,he must leave for a few minutes I want to
breath the frustration out.
No,he is not leaving.He turn the music on.Luther Vandross-A House Is Not A Home.
"Do you know the lyrics?" he ask.
I shake my head.There are songs I can sing without knowing the lyrics.Like Beyonce's
Halo,I always sing along with her but I don't know half of the song's lyrics.
He pause the song halfway,he has a remote in his hand.
"Pretty little darling have a heart
Don't let one mistake keep us apart
I'm not meant to live alone
Turn this house into a home
When I climb the stairs,and turn the key
Oh please be there,still inlove
I said still inlove
Still inlove with me,yeah"
He is not a great singer,but he sing every single word to my heart.I take his hand and
squeeze it.Even though I don't have words to say to him my feelings for him stem from
the depths of my heart.I don't want to hurt him.I want him to always be happy,like this.
"Where can I get counselling?"
He is surprised.Not so long ago I was arguing the counselling idea.
"I can organise it for you babe" he say.
I prefer MaShenge over babe.Babe is how Ntando and I call each other.
"How much do they cost?" I ask.
"I will organise everything,don't worry about the costs"
"I appreciate your help Sosha,but I can pay for my expenses"
He clear his throat and take his almost-empty glass and finish the drop left.
"As JC Bakers employee your medical expenses are to be covered by the company until
the end of your contract.Did you read it properly?"
I look at him,and say nothing.There was nothing like that on the contract but I will let the
sleeping dogs lie.
"I will hear from you" I say.
He move closer to me and take the glass from my hand.He hold both my hands and look at
me with a quaint smile.
"You are beautiful,with your hair"
Did he have to mention my hair?
He push it backwards with his hand.I feel his fingers running on my scalp and half-close
my eyes.
"I love you" he say.
"Where is your yellow shortie?" I ask.
"I don't have a yellow shortie"
I remove his arms off me and look at him with displeasure.
"Is this how we start?" I ask.
"I will talk to her today"
Sigh!
This is what I hate about relationships.Complications.Now I'm going to be the reason
another girl cries.She will hate me.Not that I care,fighting for a man is not the game I like.
"Can I go now?" I ask.
"It's not like we were in a relationship,we just shared those moments"
I don't know why he is explaining himself.I don't care,I also have my people.I just hate
that he had to lie.
"Okay Sosha.It's getting late,I need to go" I say.
"You will go,please sit on my lap"
I look at him weirdly.He sneak his arm around my waist and ask me to move up.
I feel something hard between his legs.This is the part where I give myself a mental high
five.I didn't even touch his ear,he felt me from the distance.
"I wish you didn't have to leave" he say pulling my head to his face.
We get lost in each other's lips.I break away when his hard shaft start poking me.
"Why are you stopping?" he ask breathing heavily.
I tap his nose with my finger.
"It's time I leave Sosha lami"
He chuckles and poke me with his shaft purposely.Well good things come to those who
wait Mr Cele.
"Until MaShenge want to" I tell him.
"So you are MaShenge?" he ask smirking.
"Apparently"
His phone rings.He look at the screen and smile.Maybe it's her.
"What?" that's how he answers.
He is laughing throughout the phonecall.I decided to pack the cutlery in the basket while
he is on the phonecall.
"No you don't know her" he tell the caller,his eyes are on me.
He motion me to come to him with his hand.I hope it's not a crazy friend wanting to speak
to me.
"MaShenge say hello"
This is our day one,already I'm saying hello to people.He beg me with his eyes,I take the
phone and put it on my ear.
"Hello"
"Hi" he say and start laughing.
I look at Sosha with a frown.The person is laughing nonstop.I think it's a drunk friend.
"Listen MaSondiya dump that fool as in now.He is not good for you,if you want a man
you can contact me I will organise you a hunk"
I really don't know what to say.Sosha can hear him,he is laughing along with him.I feel
stupid.
"Tell me which type do you like? Tall or short?"
"Can I ask who you are?" I say.
"I'm your agent"
Sosha reach for the phone and take it.He put it on his ear.
"Go to hell Bayede" he end the call and pull me to him.
"Who was that?" I ask.
"My old brother,he is a stupid doctor"
He said he have three siblings.I guess his relationship with them is great.He mentioned
Bayede helping him with the bakery capital.I wonder where his parents live now.
My phone also ring.He tighten his arms around me.
"It could be my father" I say.
"You will call him back"
I sigh.
I should be going now but he is clinging on me like a monkey on the branch.I don't know
how I'm going to narrate all this to Ntando.She will want every single detail.

Chapter 13

I expected her to come back in the afternoon but she is here at 11am.Her drama is a buy-
one-get-one-free,she bought popcorn and pizza.My life is not a movie,what's the popcorn
for? Pizza is alright.I'm not up for stirring the pots anyway.
I came home around nine o'clock yesterday.If it wasn't for this hard head of mine he
would've gotten me on his bed.He was persuasive,asking me to sleep over.
It's amazing how my manner of approach has changed towards him.I was begging him to
let me go.If it was any other day or any other guy I would have put my river skills on
motion.I was the champion of river fights.By the river,in the afternoons,is where senior
girls laid a challenge for younger girls to fight against each other.It was fun,until you
faced Mnto.I would call her the female version of Mike Tyson of Ndulinde.I heard she got
married.I wonder if she is not beating her husband.
"But you are a hypocrite" she say throwing popcorn in her mouth.
We are lying on our stomachs inside her bedroom.I'm not a hypocrite,everyone get
unexpected turns in life.I'm also surprised by the 'my love' texts I'm getting.Maybe I get
two per hour if I don't reply immediately he calls.I have to tell him what I'm doing,what
I'm wearing,what I ate and all life unchanging questions.
"I didn't sleep with him,we only kissed" I defend myself.
"It doesn't make any difference you love the guy.How was his kiss? Out of 10"
Wheew! I bite my lower lip.This question make me want to run to Morningside and
kidnap him..Order Yangomuhle!
"I will give him 8/10" I say.
She give me a snide look and laugh.
"Where is the 2%?" she ask.
"He sucked my tongue more than he sucked my lips.You know I'm a lip-kiss lover"
"Why didn't you tell him?"
My phone beep.I know it's him.Ntando reach it first and read my message.She knows
nothing about privacy.
She read it out loud.
"Bayede say you gave me a love portion.I cannot stop thinking about you.I love you
MaShenge"
She frown,slightly and look at me.
"It's his brother" I tell her before she ask.
"Oh you met his brother?"
"No Ntando.He only made us talk on the phone"
She exclaim, "Wow! Sosha is serious about you"
I sleep on my back and put my knees up.Luckily she is not scrolling down my messages.I
don't want her to see my replies.
"He wanted me so badly last night" I say.
"Don't give him the cookie yet.He must cry and beg first"
I look at her.That's absurd,I want to get laid.I want to hear more of those little moans I
heard yesterday when we were kissing.
"Don't tell me you already want to open your legs for him" she say.
I burst out laughing.It's not always opening the legs,sometimes it's getting on your knees
like you are praying.Yes you do pray in tongues,just not to God.
"I felt his hard 4-5 pipe.I can't help but wonder how good he can move" I say.
She sigh and pull her new braids.
"You know what? Let's make a deal" she say sitting up.
I look at her in great anticipation.She normally never meet the end of our deals.I'm a
woman of my word.
"I'm not giving Sanele any cookie until we finish a month together.The same goes for you
and Sosha"
I don't know when she set Sanele free.She is in a relationship now and hers is
official.They are already putting each other on WhatsApp statuses.I don't know if I will
ever reach that level.I don't ever see myself going public with my relationship with
Sosha,with my boss.I don't want people to think I slept with him in exchange of the job.
One month? I can do that.I can always help myself privately.It's not like sexual pleasure
only come in a dick form.God blessed us with fingers.Now there are even artificial dicks
and vibrators.Who need a man?
We seal the deal with fist-bumping.Sanele and Sosha here is to four weeks of furnitures!
This new life I've started requires me to be professional.No eye-wandering searching for
Sosha.No dragging feet with the job because the boss said he is inlove with me.Here I'm
an employee.Yangomuhle,the sales agent.Not MaShenge.
"Girl it's tea time" it's Amanda.
I last saw her when I clocked in.She is gorgeous as usual.I wonder if she knows.I pray she
doesn't.The less people know the better.
"I'm sorry about sending only a box of chocolate.My budget was tight this month,I just
wanted to appreciate you for getting me the job" I tell her.
She sip her bottle of water.It's not your Elangeni College kind of water.Her water
graduated from university of Oxford with cucumber degree and lemon slices
distinctions.You can never win with these fancy people.They eat cucumber,drink it and
put it over their eyes.
As a good Buthelezi girl I do not waste food.I was taught better.
"Yangomuhle it's either you eat that cucumber or give it to someone else" that's what my
mother would say if I was to put cucumber as eyeglasses.
Amanda look lost.She ask me what chocolate I'm talking about.I tell her about the
expensive chocolate I bought for her and gave Sosha to deliver.The one that cost more
than 10kg of samp.
"Sosha didn't give me any chocolate.He didn't even mention it"
This gotta be a joke!
"I asked him Saturday to deliver it" I say.
She shrug her shoulders.I want to go to his office right now but I remember he is my boss
here.I can't act like he is my errand boy.I send him a text.
"Don't stress about it.I didn't expect anything in return,girls look out for each other" she
say.
I'm not stressed about the chocolate,I'm stressed about the money I spent on it.The rock of
the money.
He don't reply to my texts.He is ignoring me on purpose,I heard he will be in his office all
day today.
Cynthia walk in followed by Dennis.Dennis is the head baker.Do you remember him? The
one who think calling matric certificate umalusi changes weather in Africa.
They greet and go through the aisles checking whatever it is.This is the most relaxing job
I've ever got.Quarter of the day I'm sitting on the chair.There is no crowd in the store.I
have started uploading cake pictures on my Facebook timeline.Getting customers is my
line.
"Yangomuhle" Cynthia call,striding toward me with her pencil heels.
I close the book and lend her my attention.Saturday is the boss' birthday,they are planning
a surprise party for him.All his employees should be there and bring gifts.
I love parties but this one baffles me.Where am I going to get money to buy a gift?
Yes they sell cheap gift card and chocolate in Shoprite,but this is Sosha Cele.People will
probably bring Louis Moinet watches.
No,I'm not going.Something urgent will come up or I will just fall sick.
I keep hoping I will see him and sort out my 'expensive chocolate' issue.Maybe he ate
it,that would make me mad because buying expensive chocolates for rich people is not my
hobby.I only bought Amanda because she fought for me to get this job.He must not raise
my BP.
When Asih,the cashier,start laughing like a hyena I know it's time to go home.I wait a few
minute to see if I don't have a heavy-footed customer.
No I don't.
I throw my book and cellphone inside the bag and make my way out.
"Yangomuhle" Amanda call tapping her fingers.
I walk to her.She is smiling.I wonder if she ever get wrong days like the rest of us.Maybe
hoe-ring is the best therapy.
"You are still sitting here?" I ask.
"I have to wrap a few things up"
She take a small white envelope on top of her desk and pass it to me.
"Sosha asked me to give you this" she say.
Overtime alert??? That's what written outside the envelope.
I tear it open and find a piece of paper inside.It's handwritten.
I HELPED YOU IN THE STORE THE OTHER DAY.I'M SWAPPED,IT'S TIME TO
RETURN THE FAVOUR.
I'm awestruck.I didn't ask him to help me,he did it voluntarily.When am I going to get
home?
"Please tell him I said I can't work overtime,I have other things to do" I pass the message
to Amanda.
She grin like a Cheshire cat.Her eyes are tuned to a heavy human figure behind me.My
nostrils welcome a familiar cologne.
"Tell him yourself,he is right behind you" she verify my senses.
He clear his throat.I fight to keep my throat moistened.
"Amanda please get us something to eat and coffee" he say.
He is so pompous.I wonder who 'us' is.Amanda wink her eye and take her purse inside the
bag and leave.
Workers are still trailing out.I should be walking with them.Why am I standing?
I turn to him with a stilted face,putting a blanket over the effect he has drastically caused
to my body.
"Thanks for replying to my messages today.Have a wonderful evening" my voice come
out as I prayed it to.Assertive and pragmatic.
"We will have a wonderful evening" he say,frankly.
Words fail me.His eyes are fixed on me,he is not even blinking.Maybe I have magnet in
my eyes.
"Sosha the time I signed to work for in the contract is over" I say.
"You owe me a favour,let's go before I kiss you right here"
There goes my skinny long legs behind him.I wish Mntoh can come and beat me one more
time,for being a weakling.I could've put a fight.It's not like I was going to get fired for not
returning a stupid favour.
He let me in and close the door behind us.Where are aircons of this office?
I sit on the guest chair and put my bag on my lap.He stand behind me,breathing behind my
neck.He wrap his arms around my shoulders and squeeze me in a tight hug.
"I missed you" he say.
His hands gently lift my face up.I bend my back,he smash his lips on me.I've missed these
lips.If Ntando was to see the scandal happening inside my panty she would be
disappointed.Maybe not,the deal is one month without sex,being horny is okay.I'm only a
human after all.
He break the kiss and smile.
"Go sit on my chair" he say.
Really now? I balance my elbow on the desk and put my hand on the cheek and look at
him.He smile and walk around to his chair.
"You are stubborn like a frog" he say.
"Where can I help?" I ask.
His desk is cleared.There is his laptop bag and well stacked papers at the side.His office is
neat,the only smell I inhale is of his cologne and scent of polished furniture and raw smell
of printed papers.He is a neat freak,but I'm not worried I heard only the most creative
people keep their desks messy.
"We need to eat first,we can't work with empty stomachs" he say.
"I'm not hungry"
He lower his eyelids and nibble his lip.I tighten my folded palm and calm my escalating
breaths.
"I'm hungry" he say.
He is not referring to the hunger I was talking about.He is referring to the hunger my
ungodly cookie is crying about.
I'm happy to hear the door opening and Amanda's voice filling the room.It was an
awkward moment.
"I got you sandwiches.I hope you are not allergic to ham Yangomuhle" she say putting
two wrapped foil on the desk and cups of coffee.
In my home there are rare cases of allergies.Most allergic people are allergic to red
meat.There is no time to be allergic when you have no money.You eat what's on the table
and deal with effects by stamina.
Let me use this opportunity to be allergic.I sit up straight and lift my right leg over my left
knee.
"Actually I'm allergic to it" I say.
"Ummm...Can I get you a piece of cake?" she ask.
"No I'm fine girl,I will have coffee with a piece arrogance"
Mr Arrogant lift his eyebrows.I keep my poker face on.Amanda excuse herself saying she
need to wrap things up and leave in ten minutes.
He is staring at me.There are two sandwiches infront of him.I take one cup of coffee and
tear sugar sachets.Wait...I was mad at him.
"Sosha what happened to Amanda's gift I gave you?" I ask.
"I threw it out the car window"
I put the cup on the desk.He did what?
"I beg your pardon?" I say bulging my eyes.
He is opening his sandwich like World war III is not about to begin.Oh he is slow.
"I was angry you left me in the car while we were still talking"
I put my hand up.
"Can we not talk about you? Let's talk about the fortune-costing chocolate I bought for
Amanda and asked you to deliver it for me" I say.
"It was just a Ferrero Rocher,I will replace it"
Oh wow! That chocolate haven't been tasted by half Ndulinde girls,they only see it on
salespaper and adverts.I feel hot breath coming out of my nose.
"MaShenge I'm sorry.I planned to replace it.It slipped my mind" he say,suddenly
apologetic.
"You could've replied to my messages or replaced it in the morning when I first texted
you"
"I forgot my phone in the morning"
Mxm! I collect my skirt and get off the chair.
"I will pay it back" he say.
"Why did you throw it in the first place? It may have been 'just a Ferrero Rocher' to you,to
me it was a cut from my salary.I could've done my hair,bought my brother a pair of shoes
or a shirt for myself.You could've brought it back to me,it wasn't just a Rocher it was my
money"
I make it half way to the door,he catch me by arm.I can't even look at him.What kind of
disrespect is this? Maybe a woonga junkie got that chocolate lying by the road and sold it
for R25.
"I was wrong,I'm sorry.I will replace it today" he say.
I exhale and ask him to let me go.He hold both my arms instead of letting me go.
"Let's not fight today,please.I had a great day,I want to end it with you.I will make up for
my mistakes.Can you please love me? For a few hours" his voice changes when he
beg.Something always stab through my heart.I find myself asking if I'm not too harsh or
overreacting.
"Okay,but I want Amanda's chocolate.First thing in the morning on her desk" I say.
He smile,his eyes gleam with joy.
"I won't make any mistake" he say.
I make my way back on the chair.My coffee is probably cold now.Eish Ntando! I didn't
update her about my overtime.She is going to send a Russian army.I open the bag and take
out my cellphone.I send her a short text.She reply immediately: NO SEX YANGA!
Well...
"What's amusing you?" he ask.
"Life" I say and take first sip of my cold coffee.
"Is it Sosha effect on life?"
He is full of himself.
"You have no effect in my life,stop fooling yourself" I say.
He chuckles and lick his lips.
"I love you,that should be effective.And I'm going to give you a nipplegasm before you
go,just to tone you down a bit"
I choke on the coffee.This life is not my ride.What is a nipplegasm? My nipples are
getting hard.
"I spoke with Craig,he is a pyschotherapist and life coach.He can help you,Bayede highly
recommended him" he say.
I really appreciate his effort.I can't wait to meet Chris.What is nipplegasm and when is he
finishing that sandwich?

Chapter 14
.
He eat half of it and drink coffee.I'm watching him,putting pattern to the way his jaws
move when he chew.I like how he frequently lick his lips.He like his own taste,but I can
do it better.My hands are itching to run over that trimmed chin.Trace his jawline with my
fingers.Oh I can do things to that earlobe.I'm glad he have no earring on.I've already
forgiven him for having a tattoo,I can't forgive him twice.Men with earrings turn me
off,except Arthur Mofokate.
"You look like you want to devour me" he say.
I quickly dart my eyes around the room.Nobody like being caught staring.It's creepy.
I take sip of the coffee,to smooth my dry throat.
"That's quite an observation Mr Cele" I say.
He turn on his chair like a principal.His tongue is sweeping over his teeth.I sit fraction
closer to the desk.I have my thighs tightly pressed together.
"You are beautiful,and I will take you out of your misery" he say caressing his chin on my
behalf.
"What misery?" I ask.
"Is it going to affect you if I kiss you?"
Now I'm in a misery,but I heard the 'if I kiss you' which lead my eyes to his lips
"Huh?"
God I sound stupid!
"The ham" he say.
Oh my allergy!
I shrug my shoulders and tell him no.A smirk cover his face.He have me wrapped around
his finger.He pull a file at the side of the desk and open it.My heart sink to the floor.We
can do this after 'nipplegasm'.
Oh sucker!
He lift his eyes from the file and look at me with a tight-lipped smile.
"Are you okay?" he ask.
No,fuck you.
"Yes" I say,maintaining eye contact.
"I love you"
That was random.He get off his chair and walk around to me.He balance his hands at the
sides of the chair.I start breathing Sosha Cele,he is my oxygen.There is drumbeat in my
chest.He turn me around.I force my head up and meet his gaze.
"Why are you so stubborn?" he ask lowering his face inch by inch closer to mine.
"I'm not" I say,whispering.
Yanga pinch MaShenge,bitch why are you whispering?
His fingers come to a halt on my arm.I feel the effect of his touch and swallow.
"I want you to want me,because you said I will have you only when you want me" he say.
His memory is fresher than his cakes.I don't know how he is able to record every single
thing I say.
"I want you" I blurt out.
His hand venture up my arm.He draw air through his teeth.His lips are slightly open.Not
even a blink can take his eyes off mine.Love is plainly written in the socket of his eyes.It
can be heard through his shallow breaths and felt on his skimming hands.
I can't do this anymore.I give in to the urge of my quivering lips.I put my hand at the side
of his face and smash my lips on him.
Rule no.20 has been broken,but he is the boss there will be no consequences.Power is
everything.
He send his hand under my shirt.He ignore the buttons and force it down.I can't risk
having my buttons bursted.Not only for taxi decency,how will I explain the missing
buttons to Ntando?
"Unbutton me Sosha" I say.
He comply with the rule and start unbuttoning my shirt.By grace of my ancestors I'm not
wearing my 2year old black bra.I always make mental notes to get rid of old
underwears,but when it's laundry time I always give them a second chance.
"It's not like anybody will see them,it's underwears" that's my backup line.
He part my legs with his hand and position his knee between my thighs.He pull the bra
down,my boobs are exposed like Zodwa Wodumo's vagina.Oh my bad,it's Zodwa
Wabantu.I can't keep up with these 20th century celebrity names.
My breath pick a new pattern.He start breathing next to my collar bone.I don't know how
someone's breathing make me so wet.I'm doomed,I will break the deal first.
He move up to my tendon,and earlobe then breath in my ear.I feel the tip of his tongue
touching inside the lobe tenderly.I whisper something I can't make sense of.His knee is
pressed against my panty,my clit is throbbing against it.He trail my neck down with soft
kisses.
"I like your boobs,can I taste them?" he is still asking.Bathong this guy!
He take one nipple between his fingers and roll it.He put more pressure on my mound
with his knee and tug my hair behind my earlobes.
"I'm waiting for a go-ahead or stop MaShenge" he say staring deeply in my eyes.
"Taste them" I say in a husky voice.
"I'm going to bring you to the brink of nipplegasm,just like you bring me to the brink of
love"
What's the fuck is brink of nipplegasm? He said he is going to give me a nipplegasm.What
changed?
I don't even know what he means by saying I bring him to the brink of love.Do I not show
him love? Okay maybe not,but I care about him.
At the drop of a hat my nipple is fully inside his mouth.He squeeze my other nipple.I let
out a deep moan,I wish his knee was still pressed between my thighs.He let out a low
growl and lift his eyes to my face.
I close my eyes and arch my back,pushing my boobs to him.He tease the nipple with his
teeth,it send my legs further apart.
"MaShenge" he say cupping them in his hands.
He swipe his thumbs over the nipples.I let out another moan and open my eyes.I make out
a curse from the movement of his lips,fuck.His leg venture through my legs again.I move
my hips up and grind against his knee.His lips part,he let out a growl.
I see stars alignment and dig my nails into his waist.I want him,even if it's just his
fingers.He kiss me before I can voice my words out.I moan in his mouth,he give my
nipple a tighter tweak.
"MaShenge what do you want?" he ask pulling out his knee that I've held tightly with my
thighs.
"I want you Sosha,please"
I can't believe I'm begging him to fuck me.I'm going against my morals.I do not beg for a
man to get on top of me.
He smash his lips on me and send his hand down my skirt.He sneak one finger at the side
of my panty.My throbbing clit wait for his finger to slide,but he don't insert his finger,he
lift the lacy thong and drop it.It slam on my dripping cookie,surprisingly I want him to do
it again.
"I want your love MaShenge.Tell me you love me,show me you love me and care.Don't
fight me,I'm in love with you.Tell me you love me" he say and lean over my boobs and
suck my nipple again.
"Sosha please,finger me at least" I whisper with my eyes closed.
"Mmmm" he moan and tease it with his teeth in a cycling pattern.
I cry out,my body cannot handle this anymore.
"Not too loud,the door is not closed,Dennis is still here"
Wtf! I open my eyes and look at him.
"Close your eyes and fuck my knee.I will help you" he say.
Is that the best he can give me? The knee.Not even fingers or tongue.
He grab my boobs again and squeeze them.His thumb nibble the nipples softly.His touch
send electric sensation throughout my veins.I start bucking my hips and grinding myself
against his knee.
"I've been hard from the frantic kissing baby.I'm so horny,I want to fuck you badly but I
want you to be on my bed" he say.
He pull my nipple into his mouth again.The warmth of his tongue let out rays of tingling
sensation,it shoot from my fingers to the toes,making them twirl.He press his knee harder
and fold my other nipple.
"You can feel me MaShenge" he say.
I don't know if he is asking or telling me,but I can feel him.His heavy breaths,and
electricity his touch send to my body.I grind faster against his knee.He help me,his hand is
roaming the expanse of my upper back,the other one is fondling my nipple.I feel a wave
washing over my body,it rush down to my toes.My body is stiff for a few seconds,then I
recover from the brink of nipplegasm.I feel lighter.I open my eyes and look at him,as
usual he is looking at me like he is magnetic drew.
"You are beautiful" he say.
He peck my lips and stand up.My eyes land on the front of his trouser.There is a baby arm
poking out.Why can't he give me that?
"How are you getting home soaked in wet underwears?" he ask.
"Don't you have something I can wipe myself with?" I ask buttoning my shirt.He is not
romantic,he should've buttoned my shirt for me.
He put his hand on my shoulder and ask me to get up.
"I will wipe you" he say.
I'm looking at him,expecting him to pop a handkerchief or towel,but he lift my skirt up
and pull my panty down.I get a little excited thinking maybe he changed his mind.I'm
dying to know if he can fit inside me.Doom! He is only wiping me,with my panty.
"Sosha what am I going to wear?" I ask.
"Nothing" he say in a husky voice.
Veins are pulsing visibly on his face,his jaws are clenched.He sneak my panty in his
trouser pocket and pull me to him.I'm lost in his lips for a moment but when he break the
kiss my mind go to my panty,in his pocket.
"I'm keeping it" he say.
My eyes widen,he can't be serious.He is,he walk around the desk and sit on his chair.
"Sosha bring back my underwear" I say.
His eyes have turned red.His other hand is under the desk,maybe he is trying to monitor
his giant.
"MaShenge I said I'm keeping it"
This is such a depraved situation.Why is he keeping my dirty underwear? I lean to his
desk,silently asking myself how hussy he can be.He want me,his eyes give it away.Desire
begin to prickle through my erogenous zones.
"When are you going to visit me?" he ask.
"We can go even now" I say.
The deal bitch,my subconscious nudge me.
His eyes flash,he smile and cock his head to the side.
"Tempting" he say.
I bury my forehead with my hands and sigh.He is such a piece of work.
"Do you love me MaShenge?"
I remove my hands and look at him.He is staring at me,not even blinking.I didn't expect
that question.
"We are doing this thing Sosha" I say.
"Yes,and I love you.Do you love me?"
I take a huge breath.He is waiting,I have to say it.
"I love you"
There,I've said it.He forget his erection,his eyes flash with joy.He is smiling.
"I'm happy to hear those words.I will be the best" he say.
We spend the next hour talking,about his family mostly.Bayede is his old brother,he is a
private doctor.He has a daughter named Maya,he speak highly of her.I think she is a poilt
brat.There is another brother,Mlando,he have multiple degrees and girlfriends.He is two
years younger than Sosha.Then there is a sister,the center of the universe,she live in Cape
Town.Her name is Tshitshi,she is 21years old.A smile creep on his face everytime he
speak about his siblings and his niece.But not so much when he speak about his parents.
It's 19h33 when we leave the bakery.I'm wearing no panty,he take that to his advantage,he
keep sending his other hand under my skirt.
"Saturday is my birthday,I'm official turning 29years" he say.
My heart sink when I remember I'm not going to be there at his surprise party.I would've
loved to see his shocked face.
"Mmm that's nice" I say mindlessly.
"Can I be with you Saturday night?"
I look at him,he look like he is holding his breath.
"Is it about sex?" I ask.
"No,it's about us.I want to be with the girl I love,29years is my blessed year"
I put my hand at the side of his face and peck his lips.
"I will come" I say.
It's never the right time to say goodbye,we kiss and part.I have my bag clutched under my
arm,my hands are grasping the sides of the skirt.I have no underwear on,somehow I feel
like I've broken the deal.I cannot let Ntando know what happened in the office.What
happens behind office doors stay behind office doors.
"Finally!" she say when I walk in the lounge.
She is already in pyjamas,with a bowl of cereal on her lap.She didn't cook.Sigh!
"Babe how are you?" I ask.
She scrutinize me with his eyes.My shirt is still straight,my skirt is alright too.She can
look all she want,her eyes won't penetrate through my skirt.
"I'm good.How was office sessions?"
She is trying to fish information.I put my bag on the couch and lean over it.
"I was actually helping him with paperwork" I say,with the most honest face.
She sweep her tongue over her teeth and look at me,her pupils dilated.
"Which type of paperwork he likes the most?" she ask.
I take a deep breath.Unqualified sergeants! I'm an old criminal,you can call me
Mastermind.
"Ntando I'm tired.My fingers are aching from typing" I say walking away with my head
hung backwards.
"We are having cereal and coffee for dinner" she yell.
"That's a great meal,thank you!"
I get inside my bedroom and close the door.Pheeww!

Chapter 15
.
I cannot wait for Saturday.This week seem to be going slow.I decided to take R100 from
my transport money and buy Sosha a tie,as a birthday gift.I know it's hilarious because my
transport money is going to be short.He is genuinely trying to be a 'boyfriend',the best I
could do is meet him halfway.Show him some love too.I trust Ntando's lifts to save me.
I haven't seen much of him in the bakery this week.Apparently he own a gym too.I think
his mission is to make people fat by giving them cakes and burn those fat by offering them
gym.He is not doing them any favour,trust me.He is just making money out of them.
"Girl see you tomorrow" say Asih,the cashier.
I wave my hand at her and flash my staged smile.She is suddenly too friendly to me.I don't
know what she is playing at.I don't trust these dyed-short-hair girls,they drink too much
and very wet mouthed.Her questions always circle around Sosha.It's a pity he have to pass
infront of her everytime he comes to the store.If there is anything I pray don't happen,is
having people know that I'm seeing my boss.I pray for that more than I pray for rain in
Mpumalanga.
I find Ntando standing in the middle of the lounge with two dresses.
"Babe which one?" that's how she is greeting me.
Today I'm tired.All I want to do is eat,bath and sleep.I'm not a stylist.
"I don't know Ntando.Where are you going?" I say sliding on the couch.
"Movies honey" she beam.
Is my calendar behind? It says today is Thursday.Don't people watch movies Friday
nights? I mean working people.Tomorrow is Friday,a working day.
"Okay I'm going with my purple baby" her face is brighter than Rihanna's diamonds.
"So Sanele don't know the right days to go out?" I ask.
"Every day is the right day to go out,that's if you are with the right person" she say.
She was this crazy with Vusi too.I hope this one is really 'the right person'.
"Well,my man has a lot on his plate.He is not just managing the place,he owns it" I
brag.It's the first time I'm bragging about something that is not mine,that doesn't change
my wallet's weight and add no zeros to my bank balance.
She roll her eyes, "There is a book called The Y in Your Man Is Silent"
"Okay fuck the author" I say.
She laugh and walk away.I can't believe someone wrote a book like that.I'm not much of a
reader but I have to see this one.I believe the author was not talking about Sosha
though.The 'Y' in my Sosha is not silent.He told me I'm the only person he is going to give
his heart to.I put a star on that text and saved it as important message and took screenshot
of it for future purposes.
Sanele come and get his BET awards-attending girlfriend.I sit my never-spoiled ass on the
couch and watch e.TV late night movie.I get a packet of peanuts and treat it like my
popcorn.Come Saturday baby,tables will turn.
Even though I'm not coming to the party I stay and help with preparations.We finish
around 7pm,Amanda drive me home.Today Sanele decided to bring dinner for us,I mean
for Ntando.He is such a cute darling.
"Are you setting alarm for 12am?" Ntando ask as we clear the table.
"What's happening at 12?"
She lift her brow and look at me like I should know.
"You said it's Sosha's birthday" she say in a ridiculing tone.
"I don't see how midnight and his birthday relate" I say.
She sigh dramatically and put glasses in their place.If there is earthquake at midnight she
should warn me too.
"You have to be the first one to wish him a happy birthday" she say.
I burst out laughing.Do people do that in real life? No thank you,I appreciate my beauty
sleep.The only time I'm waking up at midnight is on the 1st of January.
"I will call him when I wake up in the morning" I say.
"Geez Yanga! Relationships need sacrifices.Just set a text to automatically send at 12pm"
Thanks to advanced technology.I don't even know what I'm going to write in this
message.Maybe I should ask Mr Google,what is a sweet birthday message? Mr Google
has seen me through desperate times.
It's Saturday I will sleep until sun penetrate through my ass.That's how my mother
describe sleeping until the sun is up.
Oh I wish!
"Michelle you gara see this" her voice suck the drowsiness out of me.
She is bursting in my room,rolling in English.Time is 6:13am in the morning,did she
swallow a dictionary?
She bump on my bed and pull the covers off my head.
"I know you're not sleeping" she say.
I open my eyes and yawn.She is scrolling her phone,her eyes keep widening.
"Morning Ntando.What is it?" I say.
She don't answer,she give me her phone.I rub my eyes and look at the pictures.Wow! This
is a beautiful car.
"Nice one" I say.
"Do you know this girl?"
I frown.Oh the postee! I look at this familiar yellow face.I remember her from the house
party.Sosha's shortie.
"It's the yellow shortie" I tell her.
I'm shocked by her profile.Dr Mpume Mahlangu.Yeses! I undermined her,thinking it's one
of those light skinned gold diggers.
Whoooooah! Hold on right there.She tagged Sosha???
She captioned the post; "Happy Birthday Ndosi"
Wtf!
"She bought him a car???" I ask shocked.
"Can you believe it? A whole Audi Q7!"
My fingers are trembling.I'm losing my mind.Sosha said they are not together
anymore.Why is she buying him a car on his birthday?
My phone rings.I look at the screen,it's him.I reject the call and switch my phone off.
"Yanga!!" Ntando exclaim.
"I'm not up for this"
The last thing I need is competing with a doctor for a man.She bought him a car,I bought
him a lousy tie.That's like the car washing price of that car.
I hate that my heart is broken over a guy.This is why I hated love relationships,they bring
more pain than joy.I shouldn't have fallen for him.The higher the expectations the higher
the chances of getting hurt.
Ntando walk in with a cup of coffee and scones.I've been on bed since morning.I haven't
bathed nor eaten.I'm a bad loser.
"I can't believe this is you" she say.
I shrug my shoulders,"Neither can I"
I take coffee and sip.It's tasteless,I need something stronger.I stuff a scone in my mouth
and ask if she has any miraculously dropped-inside-the-wardrobe wine.
"You have to get explanations from him.Avoiding him and drinking will not help you,at
least get closure" she say.
"What is he going to explain Ntando? I asked him about her,he said it was nothing serious
and promised to end it.If he wanted me to be a sidechick or bootycall he could've said
so.We are too old for this shit"
When I switch my phone on his messages come flooding.In most of them he is asking if
I'm okay,others are talking about tonight.Like a drama queen that I am I send him the
middle finger emoji and block his ass.
Amanda also left a message telling me about the time of the party.Mpume will probably
be there,with another expensive gift.I would be a fool to show my face there.I don't want
to end up causing unnecessary scenes.
Ntando go out and come back with a pizza and bottle of Henessy.She cancelled her date
with Sanele,to be with me.I'm grateful to have someone like her by my side.
"Oh Amanda called" she say like it just dwell on her mind.
"She wanted to know if I'm coming to the party" I guess.
"Yeap.I told her you are only coming to the bakery on Monday,to work"
I know she was sassy about it.One minute she is warning me against alcohol the next she
is the one pouring glass after glass for me.Like any other drunkard we grill some red meat
and wors and make chakalaka.We are celebrating my broken heart,yeep!
"I still think you should talk to him.Right now he don't even know what's wrong" she
say.She is getting drunk.
"Whatever it is I don't want to hear it.Did you see the comments on the post? People were
congratulating him,saying what a good woman he have"
She drop her head and make a yawn.
"Since when your self esteem is this low? Take your man and leave her with her
PhD.Make it worse,hold the front seat in the car she bought and take pictures"
I burst out laughing.I thought I had drama,but hers come with a salad.I could do that,to
spite the doctor.But my emotional wellbeing is more important.I don't need unnecessary
drama,my life have too many problems.
We are ready to go to bed.It has been a long day but I feel a little better now that I'm
tipsy.The knock come from the door.I leave Ntando attending to it and make my way to
my bedroom.
I take my dress off and grab a t-shirt and put it on.I don't know what's more heavy
between my head and heart.I drag myself to bed.Who said sleeping without taking a bath
is a sin? Gurl you will be going to hell with your dettol-washed body.
"Yanga" she say pushing the door.
I lift my head up and look at her.She have a stupid grin on her face.
"Is Sanele here?" I ask.
"No,Sosha is"
I drunkenly laugh.What is he doing here? I'm ignoring him on purpose.Reading between
the lines is really a skill.
"Should I let him in?" she ask.
"No,I don't want to see him" I say.
She sigh and walk out.He is a fool to think I will be sleeping with him knowing very well
that 'his doctor' bought him a car.She is now his doctor,not his yellow shortie.
The door push open again.
"Is he gone?" I ask without lifting my head up.
"No" say a deep voice.
Wtf! He let himself in my bedroom? I go sober instantly and sit up.
"Sosha what are you doing here?" I ask.
He is wearing navy t-shirt,Denim short and dead expression on his face.My eyes land on
his left wrist,he is wearing a new watch.It's not his Hublot,this one look expensive,its
design is unique.
"I'm here to fetch you" he say,so maliciously.
Henessy crack me into a loud laughter.He is serious,he is here to fetch me.
"I'm not going anywhere,as you can see I'm already on bed.Please close the door on your
way out" I say.
He walk closer to the bed and stand next to the dressing table.I'm glad I'm tipsy and
angry,his presence is not affecting me at all.
"MaShenge you blocked my number.What is going on?"
My eyes widen.He is really asking that?
"Sosha go to your girlfriend...what's her name? I don't want to call her the yellow shortie
now,I have respect for doctors"
He exhale,audibly and rub between his brows with a finger.I don't know why I always
notice when he do this.
"Baby I don't understand,what kind of love is this? Why are you not letting me explain to
you? I understand why you are angry but you should've talked to me,like you talk to
Ntando"
I yawn and put my knees up.I was hoping for a peaceful night.
"Sosha I asked you to be honest with me.Trust me I'm not mad at you because I love you
too much,I'm mad at you because you lied to me and made me believe lies" I say.
He stare at me for a good minute.He is not even blinking.I hold his stare,he don't scare me.
"I didn't lie.Let's go I will explain when we get to the house"
"No" I say in a twisted scowl.
"I love you,not anyone else.What you saw on social networks was a
misunderstanding,please come with me"
I don't get how a brand new car can be a misunderstanding.Didn't she buy it for him and
tagged him with a Happy Birthday Ndosi caption?
"She didn't buy you a car gift?" I ask.
He swallow, "She did,but we are not together.I ended things with her"
"But you guys still go out together and take pictures?" I ask.
My very own personal investigator,Officer Ntando Mthethwa,investigated.The day before
we spent the afternoon in his office he was with her.
"She is a business colleague" he say.
"Can I spend the night with my business colleague too? Mr pillow" I ask.
He chuckles and pull my arm.He think I'm joking.I pull my arm back and glare at him.
"Sosha I'm not going to your house.This shit is over,I have too many problems in my life,I
can't add other useless problems on top" I tell him.
"MaShenge you said you love me" he say in a descending tone.
I lie down and pull covers up.
"Well I don't,please leave"
There is a moment of silence.
"MaShenge I must leave?" he ask after taking a deep breath.
"That's what I said" I say.
"I can sleep here,if you don't want to come to my house.I will talk with Ntando"
Hebana! This is a single bed,meaning only one person must sleep on it.
I look at him, "Sosha go spend the last hours of your birthday with people that love and
afford you"
He stare at me,I give nothing away.At last he walk out,with his head downturned.
Ntando was waiting for him to leave,she storm in seconds later.
"And then? The soldier look defeated" she say.
"Well I told him to go spend his birthday with people that love him"
Her eyes bulg out.
"Oh no you didn't!" she say,jutting her jaws.
"It's over" I say with every piece of my heart crushing.
I don't know how I'm going to face him at work.This is why they say don't mix business
with pleasure.Now my life is going to be awkward.We haven't communicated since
Saturday night,not that there were any means for us to communicate because I blocked
him.
"Why didn't you come to the party?" I've been answering this question since I came.Asih
is annoying than all of them.It's like she can sense that the stupid fling ended.
"He is dating a doctor,did you see it on social networks? She also came to the party,she is
gorgeous" she is dishing all this in my working space.
"Don't you have work to do Asih?" I ask.
"Oh sorry" she say and walk away smiling.
I have to stay calm,my job require me to be friendly,I can't let out all these emotions
bottled inside me.As usual,I will pretend as if it doesn't hurt and get through the day.
"Yanga" hiss someone at the entrance.
Not her again!
"Ya" I say in a stolid voice.
"Come,hurry"
I sigh and follow her out.Her eyes direct me to the reception desk.Sosha is writing
something on the desk.She is waiting for him,pulling her long weave with manicured
fingers.
"That's her" she say.
I digest a lump that has formed in my throat and nod.He lift his head up and look at our
direction like something poke him.Our eyes meet,I hold his stare for a few seconds then
walk back inside the store.They say what doesn't kill you make you stronger,but not
this.It's killing me.
"Shenge" he answers.
"Hey babawami how are you?"
I scrolled down my phone,my fingers stopped at his number.Ntando is at work.He is the
only person I would like to talk to.
"I'm fine my baby.Are you not at work?" he ask.
"I'm at work,I just wanted to hear your voice" I say.
"Is everything alright?"
I take a deep breath and tell him everything is alright.
"I'm happy to hear that.Your brother fought with another boy at school,I'm coming from
the meeting.They want me to cover his medical bills,he got hurt badly"
Sigh! I know it's Sabatha,Mbuso is not Bruce Lee's twin.
"I don't know what I'm going to do,I'm penniless.Can they wait till month end?" I ask.
"No Shenge I will sort it out.I've been meaning to sell some goats,they are crowding the
kraal now" he say.
"Oh that's better,buy me something nice when you get money"
He laughs, "Even when you are working you are still bothering me Shenge,but what can I
say? I brought you on earth"
I'm smiling.All my worries have faded for a moment.
"I love your sharp brain" I say giggling.
"You are worse than your brothers.Jamlude is limping,your brothers are bringing my cows
home by dark,at 8pm!"
Urgh! Not my hard-earned airtime for Jamlude's endless health crisis.
"Eish my boss! I will call you later,say hello to mama"
He chuckles, "Okay my baby,tell that big-head I will moer him with a knobkirrie"
Who is big-head now? I end the call with a huge frown on my face.

Chapter 16
.
For some stupid reasons I'm avoiding Amanda.Sosha went out with his girlfriend so it's
safe to spend my lunch break in the store.My heart is broken,so is my appetite.My lunch
will rot in the tin.I spend lunch listening to Luther Vandross through headsets.He is his
favourite,I don't know how playing him is going to help me forget him.
Thirty minutes after lunch I'm cruising through the aisles appreciating cakes.Sitting down
was driving me crazy.I see Amanda making her way to the entrance.I want to disappear
into thin air.
"Girl" she greet.
"Hey Amanda" I say flatly.
"How are you doing?"
She is looking at me with glazed eyes,I guess she knows.
"I'm fine Amanda" I say,my face kept straight.
I've only known her for a month and few weeks.I don't know how long she has known
Mpume or how deep their relationship goes,as his cousin's girlfriend.
"Your day ends now,Craig is here" she say.
I look at her with confusion painted face.Today she have her ring on,it's all that glitters.
"I'm not following" I say.
"You didn't see your new schedule? On Mondays and Wednesday your day ends at 3pm"
What the hell is going on? I thought this was the most successful bakery in Durban.How
are they having short-times so early in the year?
"Why? If I may ask" I say.
She narrow her eyes and tell me that Craig is here.It's like I'm supposed to predict who
this Craig is,and why am I getting a short time because of him?
"He say he was told to come fetch you" she say.
I collect my belongings and make my way to the reception area.There is coloured guy
waiting there.He must be Craig,he is looking at me.
"MaShenge" he say.
I'm a bit shocked.Who is he to call me like that? My memory crawl back,it's the
psychotherapist guy.Chris,Craig.Craig!!
I clear my throat and return the greeting.Asih's neck is stretched longer than a giraffe's.She
should've done journalism,news is her speciality.
"Time has fled,we should get going" he say.
I lean by Amanda's desk and stare at him.We are strangers,not friends.
"Where are we going?" I ask.
He take out a business card and give it to Amanda.If she don't get me on the phone she
will take it to the police and open the case.Only after that I agree to go with him.This is
Durban,you ought to thread carefully.
We get in his car and fasten seat belts.He smell like a million rands.Every feature of his
body was moulded in no hurry.God took his time.He is a compensation for all the ugly
Roberts and Bhekis on earth.
He look at me and smile.Maybe I was supposed to smile back.
"My name is Craig Cowlings,your pyschotherapist" he introduce himself.
Let's call him Craig Nkomo,forget -lings.I nod my head and ask where we are heading.He
tell me it's a road trip.I've never been to a road trip before.Where does it end? Do you
drive until you can't drive no more and return back home? Is it a trip with no destination? I
don't think it's clever,petrol prices are rising everyday.
" Are you not a professional?" I ask.
He chuckles, "My degrees in the field say I am"
"So why are we being informal,taking road trips? Shouldn't we be in your fancy
office,digging on my past with you counselling me?"
He start the car with a smile on his face.I look at him waiting for an answer.
"You don't have any professionalism reputation" he say.
I don't understand,maybe it's English.
"What?" I say with my forehead puckered.
"A little bird told me you are not a professional person"
The little bird is Sosha Cele.I'm amazed.He go around spreading that I lack
professionalism.
He glance at me shortly, "I also heard about this."
"This???" I ask lifting my eyebrows.
"Attitude"
Oh wow!
"What else did you hear about me Mr Nkomo?" I ask.
"Mr what?"
I burst out laughing.I didn't mean to say that,my mind tricked my mouth.
"My surname is not Cow,it's Cowlings" he say,holding back his laugh.
"I chose to ignore 'lings'.It sounds nice.Craig Cow,flip that,Craig Nkomo.Welcome to my
tribe" I say.
"Oh God!" he mumbles.
I'm too comfortable in this car.I have rolled down the window.I've never done this in
Sosha's car,I'm always a professional passenger.Then they say I don't have
professionalism reputation!
"I also heard that you are beautiful and taken" he say.
I had forgotten that I asked him a question.I'm busy looking at this health magazine I
found here.
I look at him, "Oh ya I'm beautiful,but I'm not taken"
"Are you not Sosha's girlfriend?" he ask.
I sigh and flip through the magazine pages.He is the one I wish I can forget,but
cannot.The heart is the dumbest organ human have.
"Well in his dreams you are,and he love you" he say when he realise I'm ignoring the
question.
I lift my eyes and look at him again.His head is kept straight forward.
"He is with the doctor.I know my level Craig" I tell him.
"You are thee girl! You have levels?"
"Whatever! But I'm not going to fight a doctor for a man,I have cakes to sell"
He is mocking me with his eyes.This whole thing is funny to him.
"I took the minister's sidechick and made her my fiance.What levels are you talking
about?" he say,bragging.
I'm not surprised.He do look like a girlfriend snatcher.His smile is dangerous,it can hook
even the biggest fishes.
"You had money to maintain the relationship,I cannot compete in expensive three-way
relationship,that's the difference"
He rub his chin with one hand while gritting his teeth.
"It's not about money,confidence is the weapon" he say.
"I have confidence,too much of it.I just can't spend it on love triangles"
I can't fight for Sosha with confidence while Mpume fight with Audi cars.Next year she
could buy him a private jet,and I will be there highly confident in my Mr Price leggings
and Rage unpaid pumps.
"There is a fine line between confidence and intolerance" he say.
My English was 76%,of course I know confidence and intolerance are two different
things.
"Tell me something I don't know" I say.
"MaShenge don't have confidence,she just lack tolerance of challenging situations"
First,I hate that he is referring to me as the third person.Secondly,he is calling me
MaShenge,that's Sosha's language.And thirdly,he is making untested opinions about who I
am.
"That's absurd and judgemental" I say.
"Avoid that by introducing yourself to me.Who are you?"
I take a moment putting together 'myself'.He take out a Stimorol gum and throw one piece
in his mouth.He pass it to me,I guess he want me to chew too.In the sensitive world this is
wrong,you can't offer someone air refreshing gums as if their mouth got bad odour.
He glance at me, "I'm addicted to gum"
I shake my head and take one piece.I will throw it out as soon as taste finishes.
"I'm listening" he say.
"Oh well I'm Yangomuhle Buthelezi.I'm a sister of two handsome boys.I work in the
bakery and I love fishing"
"You love fishing?" he ask,clearly surprised.
"No,I said that to make my introduction drag longer"
He chuckles, "You are hilarious"
"Was that enough?" I ask.
"Tell me about your background.Where do you come from? Not only physically,also
emotionally.What is your journey?"
I take a deep breath and tell him my journey,from Mandeni to Umlazi,from Umlazj to
Glenmore.It has been a long journey.Funny,in the long journey I've walked there has been
zero progress.I can't point at anything and say this is my work payoff.
But a smile creep on my face when I tell him about the man God chose as my father.
He is laughing his lungs out.
"I'm telling you Craig if he can sit with you for more than thirty minutes the next hours of
your life will be about Jamlude or...ummm what's her name? I forget this other one's
name,she is black and white on the face"
I also can't stop laughing.The other day Kanyo called that cow Nkawana because she has a
white face.My father was spitting fire,he didn't want his cow to be compared to
animals.Yes you heard that right,his cow mustn't be compared to animals.
"I respect Zulu men and their cows" he say.
"That makes the two of us"
"Your mother?"
Huh? I look at him.
"I want to hear stories about her too" he say.
Now I'm a storyteller.I roll down the window and throw out the gum.
"She shout,give orders and control life" I say.
"Sounds like my mother,it's their nature"
I let out a chuckle, "Mother's nature is to protect their children"
"That's true.Do you get along with her?"
I shrug my shoulders, "She is my mother,I'm her daughter"
"That's where it ends" he finish the sentence for me.
My mom is my best friend-well that doesn't apply to some of us.Our mothers are our
seniors.Our Gods on earth,that's what they say.You just take orders and do what they
say.If not,you are a disrespectful disgrace.Your opinions don't matter,even to things that
concern your whole existence.
Boys have it better.Them speaking out portrays their leading qualities.Boys are future
leaders,men are leaders.They have their voices,from birth.
"I'm happy to meet you MaShenge" he say after a long moment of silence.
"Do you mind calling me Yanga?" I ask.
"Not at all,I'm happy to meet you Yanga"
"Likewise" I say.
We've been on the road for a while now.I glance out the window,we are leaving the city
behind.It's time I ask the destination of this road trip.
"Are we leaving the country?" I ask.
He chuckles and turn to old one-way goofy road.Only this car and construction truck are
chasing this route.
"You know your man would kill me" he say smirking.
I keep my peace.We pass construction workers working at the side of a hill.He stop a few
yards away from them.There is a forest not so far.
"Are you planning to murder me?" I ask.
"Your man would cremate me alive"
I sigh,he is not stopping this 'your man' thing.I don't have a man,I have two fingers.
He open the door at his side, "Let's go"
I follow him up the hill.Fortunately I grew up in the rural areas,climbing hills is a cup of
tea.
"Are we hiking?" I ask.
I'm the one who is leading the way now.Poor coloured guy,he is panting after me.I'm
taking long strides with my long legs.
"Kind of" he say.
I whisper to myself, "Hell,so many firewoods in this place"
You can take the girl out of Ndulinde but you cannot take Ndulinde out of her.I'm seeing
firewoods,good ones,the type that burn for hours.He is probably seeing decorations of
earth.
"You are an athlete" he say,taking a deep breath with his hands on the knees.
I'm appreciating the view,nature.All I ever see is maze of vehicles and crowds of
impatient people.I haven't had fresh air in a long time.Not diluted with baking powders
and expensive colognes.
"Here" he say behind me,passing a piece of folded paper and pen.
It's a blank white paper.I look at him for an explanation.
"You are not just Yangomuhle,a sister of two brothers and sales assistant.If you can't
voice it out,write it down.Who are you?"
I stand for a good while staring at a blank piece of paper.The definition of who I am
covers everything that I've been.This paper won't be enough.When I lift my eyes he is ten
feet away,wandering,observing nature.
I find space on the grass and sit.At first I'm blank as the paper.I close my eyes and draw in
fresh air blown by trees.My mind refreshes.There is more to me than what's written on my
CV.I'm not just a girl,I'm a thousand words to be told.
Now I understand why authors need a quiet environment in order to write authentic.The
pen is just flowing on the paper.Within minutes I have no space left to write on.
Still,I can't voice my words out.A piece of paper has limited me,just like the society.I
break the pen and throw it away.I squash the paper and throw it away too.
"Fuck you life!" I curse and lie on my back,watching the sky.
Only the sky is a limit,people say.They lie,some of us can't even reach the roof top.
"Are you done?"
I'm startled by his voice.I've forgotten that I came with a coloured guy.A fake one,he have
his complete set of teeth,and no tattoo.
"Yeap" I say.
"Where is the paper?"
I sit up and stretch myself.
"I threw it there.It was not enough" I tell him.
He walk over to where I threw it and pick it up.He briefly run his eyes on it and then look
at me.
"It's not confidence,it's intolerance" he say.
I shrug my shoulders, "You win then,can we go?"
We climb down the hill on silence.I'm worked up,over a piece of paper.Maybe I do have
anger problems I need to deal with.If someone was to start me right now I'd probably kill
her.
"How are you feeling?" he ask before starting the car.
"Like a bomb waiting to explode" I say.
The sun has set.On the freeway cars are chasing after each other.You'd think it's CRS
racing.They are just rushing to their homes from work.Rushing to see their children and
wives.
"Is it okay that you are feeling like that?" he ask.
I take a deep breath, "No"
"I can help you,if you allow me to.This is my profession,my way of making a living,but
I'm not just doing it for money.I want to be a pair of ears to those who haven't been
listened to,hold their hands and help them rebuild what has been destroyed"
I'm ready to start this journey.I need peace in my life,I've had draining eight years of my
life.I'm not forgiving people who didn't ask for forgiveness.The person I want to forgive is
Yanga herself.None of it was her fault.
"Can I eat in your car?" I ask.
"Not pie" he say.
I roll my eyes,he sound like Ntando.Can't these car owners chill and let us eat pies in their
cars? It's not like pie crumps will dent the car,they can always wipe the seats.Fortunately
I'm just eating my cold chicken and slices of bread.
His phone rings,it's on that speaker thing.
"Dr Craig my man"
It's Sosha Cele.My mood drop with 2%.
"I didn't kidnap her" Craig say in response to his greeting.
"Your ancestors are working overtime.Are you on the road?"
"Yeah I'm driving MaShenge home" he say.
Oh! He switch to MaShenge when he speak with him.I told him I'm Yanga to him.
"How is she?" Sosha ask.
Craig have a stupid grin on his face,he flash a glance at me.
"How are you?" he ask me.
The question was directed to him.I'm not in the mood to talk to Sosha,unless it concerns
the bakery.And I'm still vandalizing this drumstick bone.It's my favourite part of eating
chicken.Funny I always get looks when I do this in public eating places,even black
people.White people are slowly changing us,we are losing our traditions.
He chuckles, "She is fine,busy chewing bones of her chicken"
"Chewing bones???" he ask.He sound alarmed,like a white person would.
Craig is dead with laughter, "Yeah and swallowing them"
I shoot a look at him.I'm not swallowing them,I'm only making finer pieces out of them.
"Yoh!" he exclaim on the other side.He sound really shocked.
Fancy westernized black people!
"She is a carnivore" Craig say.
Okay where do I switch this thing off?
Oh yes,call ended.
"Why are you ending the call?" he ask.
"Because now I'm the joke of the year"
I'm not even feeling the road,he is so easy to be around with.I thought he would be an old
straight-talking man who would force me to talk.I guess his friendly personality is what
make him the highly recommended pyschotherapist.With him I don't feel like I'm talking
to a professional.It's like I'm talking to an old friend.
"Was that Sosha?"
Jesus! I have a friend who peep through the windows and register every car that is
dropping me off.
"Hello to you to Ntando" I say.
Today she is walking around the house in only panty and bra.It's not that hot,she is
dramatic.Maybe she should switch to stripping professionalism.
"Did you talk with Sosha?" she say leading the way to my room.Now I'm looking at her
ass.This is bad luck according to Ndulinde.I'm crying for Lord's mercy!
Which question should I answer?
"It was Craig,the therapist Sosha talked about" I say.
"Oh great,did you talk to him?"
I ignore her question and throw my bag on bed and take my shoes off.She tap her fingers
and repeat the question.
"Ntando I'm ignoring you" I say.
She scroll her phone, "Okay I'm going to hear it straight from the horse's mouth"
"Okay okay we didn't talk.Stop talking about him,I hate him.He was parading with his
girlfriend in the bakery"
Her eyes pop out.She don't believe it.
"What the heck?"
I shrug my shoulders, "I'm done with men,now I'm only chowing and passing"
"Never! We are calling him,he is coming here to explain himself" she say scrolling her
phone.
I charge towards her.She cannot call him,I want no explanation.
"Ntando!!"
She run through the door with a phone pressed against her ear.I've been climbing hills and
mountains,I don't have time to run after a half naked idiot.She can call him,they will speak
alone.

Chapter 17
.
I soak myself in a warm bath.I run my soapy hand on every reachable part of my body.I
grew up in the rural areas,collecting firewood in the forest,running after Buthelezi's
goats.The sun scorch metres closer in the rural areas than it does here in Durban.Maybe
my Geography sucks,but the point is it's ridiculously hot in the rural areas.I should have
damaged skin,living conditions put me in a pickle,but my skin is peaches-and-cream.It's
flawless except for the scar at the back of my neck where MaJali pinned a burning
firewood.We were in the kitchen cooking supper,she said something about me cooking
slowly,I talked back and got a firewood pinned above my shoulders.I was
14years,somehow by then I should've known how to do all domestic activities.It's a
policy,how to be a girl.
Let me get out of the water before my skin pale.I lotion and put my dress on.I've gotten to
the point where I don't know what to do with my hair.This is why many girls own
wigs.Beyonce by day,Zahara by night.
Ntando has put clothes on,she is impatiently waiting for Sosha.I will be in my
room,playing my music.She think I'm being dramatic and unnecessary.
"Just hear him out and take it from there" she say.
I made it clear from the beginning,I'm not taking part in this.She thought she is Sis' Dolly
and went ahead and called him.I drink a glass water and go to my room.
Mthethwa people are rude,most of them.Ntando is no different either,she is rude.She has
decided to hold her stupid meeting in my room.
Sosha is dragging a chair.I still have headsets tucked in my ears,Ntando grab the phone
away.
"Babe come on,just listen" she say.
My keep-calm vein is dominant these days.I keep my face composed and seal a glue on
my lips.
Ntando is sitting on bed next to me,Sosha is sitting opposite us,on the chair.
She throw the first question.
"Why did you say you are single?"
"I was single,but now I'm not" his eyes are fixed on me.
"What about Yanga? You are just going to cast her off the side like that? She is a
human,you can't toy with her feelings like that"
I sigh and turn and face the wall.I don't have time for this.
"She is the one I'm with.MaShenge is my girlfriend Ntando.What happened was a
misunderstanding,I didn't accept the car.I love her,Mpume knows that"
Ntando jump on his neck, "Who is Mpume to you?"
"We were together,on and off.It was never stable" he say.
"Are you on now? Because recently you are taking her out for lunch and dinners"
Well I'm also curious to know.Are they on now?
"It's pure business" he say.
I hear Ntando standing up and clapping her hands.
"You are not for the faint-hearted yoh!" it sound like she is leaving.
I turn and look at her.She have to take her guest with her.
"Sort it out guys,for working relationship at least" she say,looking at me with begging
eyes.As soon as she disappear out the door I turn and face the wall again.
"Dennis will handle everything that concerns the JC and The Mahlangu Events.I apologise
for giving you wrong impression" he tell my back.
My phone? I search for it with my hand.Damn Ntando,she left with it.The lightning that
will strike her is still doing push ups.
The door closes.He is locking both of us in,his cologne has filled the room.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"I love you"
I stand up and look at him deadly.He come and stand infront of me.
"Sosha please get out" I say in a calm,fixed tone.
"It wasn't a romantic lunch,it was purely business.I didn't accept the car,I wouldn't accept
such gift from a woman I don't love.I love you,not anyone else"
My eyes are warming up.I keep blinking,I don't want to cry for something so stupid.
"You were not honest with me Sosha" I say.
"I know and I'm sorry.Please give us a chance,I will draw every line you want me to
draw"
I sigh and sink back on bed.His eyes are pleading with me,so is my heart.
Take him back,you want him Yanga.
"No Sosha" it's my last kick.
"It can't be that the girl I love is not in love with me whereas..." he pause and take my
hand.
"Sondiya"
I suppress my smile.Pheww! I feel like blowing a vuvuzela,my heart is doing the Maasai
dance.Yes I'm the Sondiya princess.
He is staring deeply in my eyes, "Please"
Well...
"No" I say.
My lips are tightened in a straight line.Nobody told me it was this nice being begged by a
man.Some of us are not used to this.The only time a guy beg us it's Spar trolley-service
guys begging to push our grocery to the rank.
He sit next to me and stare at his knees.We stay silent for almost five minutes.This
Mpume situation is a bit challenging.She is clearly not accepting that their relationship is
over.But I'm happy he didn't accept the car,it give me hope.
"Must I forget about you?" he ask glancing up at me.
There are horizontal wrinkles between his brows.My wandering eye has landed on his
lips.
My sanity whispers,not all that dripping is juice.
Of course I ignore that little whisper and pull his face to me and steal taste of the yummy
lips.
"Don't forget about me" I say.
His lip curl up,his eyes are gleaming with happiness.He entwin my fingers in his hand and
stare at me.
Why forgiving him is so easy? I'm not a forgiving soul,that I know.My heart is a nest of
grudges and hate,but with him it's different.
"When Amanda told me about you I couldn't wait to see you.Then Cynthia described you
for me,she was amazed by your personality.You are not like anybody I've met,and that's
how I pictured you before I saw you"
I let my smile crack as wide as the joy in my heart spreads.
"But you didn't see me,you were busy tweeting" I say.
"I saw you when you came in the morning,wearing a peach dress,walking through the
reception like it was your fifty time in the bakery"
Only if he know how scared I was.Where was he because I didn't see him until after
lunch? Maybe I saw him and thought he was a general worker.
He kiss my hand and smile.
"I'm officially your boyfriend,and you are my MaShenge"
"Yes sir"
I move and sit on his lap.I'm the girlfriend mos.He wrap his hands on my waist and ask
how I find Craig.Honestly I feel like today Craig made me discover things about
myself,things I wasn't aware of.He didn't even try that hard,he knows what he is doing.I
feel like I'm embarking on a new,positive journey.I also just discovered that I like being
begged by a man.Those heart felt 'please' and deep eye stare!
"Did you call home today?" he ask.
"Yeah,I called Dad"
He pull my face for a kiss.He love wet kisses,I guess.He have my neck in his
hands,kissing me like the world is coming to an end.
He pause and look at my eyes, "I missed you"
He turn and pin me on bed.His shaft is poking me.Every part of my body is screaming his
name.My hands are skimming all over his back.
"Yoh babe" he cry breaking the kiss.
His eyes are getting smaller,veins are pulsing on his temple.I want something from
him,it's behind the trouser.There is no need for me to act like Maria,I already have my
RSVP seat in hell.
I kiss him again.The room is now on 34 degrees Celsius.His hand has sneaked in my
boobs,he is tweaking the nipple.
Ntando!!!!
I stop him,my eyes are popped out.
"Baby?"
I exhale, "I can't do this"
"Two minutes baby,please"
That's an old strategy.He know he won't go for two minutes once he is in,unless if he is
like Amanda's fiancee,Sphelele.Like a chicken,taking three strokes then tap out.
"I made a deal with Ntando,we must not have sex for a month" I say.
His eyes widen then he burst out laughing.
"What's gonna happen if you break the deal?" he ask while pressing his hard front on me.
"Nothing but I don't want to be the one to break it first"
His hand slide through the side of my panty.He rub my throbbing clit.
I gasp for air,he smiles.
"She don't have to know" he say.
"How?"
He get off bed and walk to the wardrobe.He open it and look inside,for more than a
minute.
"You don't have a scarf?" he ask.
"I do"
Urgh! He see the gift bag.He has seen the cheap tie I bought him.
"You wear ties?" he ask.
He is being dumb.Of course I bought it for his rich ass.
"I bought it for you but you got a car" I say shrugging my shoulders.
He walk back with it in his hand.I planned to return it back to the shop during the
weekend and ask for a refund.I would've kept it for my father but he don't wear ties.
"It's a beautiful tie" he say.
I smile, "Belated happy birthday"
He kiss my forehead and squeeze me in a tight hug.I melt like ice,drowning in his
sophisticated cologne.
"This tie is very useful right now" he bring it to his lips and smile.
I cock my head to the side,curiously looking at him.
"It will keep you shut" he say.
My eyes pop out.How hussy this guy can be?
"Do you have protection?" he ask.
I laugh, "Gosh Ntando is going to catch us"
He walk to the door and confirm the lock.
"She won't" he say.
He look excited.I don't know if it's sex or the fact that I'm about to break a deal.Not so
long ago he was denying me this legendary party,saying I should be on his bed first.
I take my bag,the daily black one,and take out a packet of condoms.He is looking at me
like I'm a freaky sex thug.
Hey I'm just looking out for me.What if I incidentally meet a guy and decide to have sex
with him? Those things happen,that's why I carry safety coats in my bag.
"Are you ready?" I ask.
He take a deep sigh, "Yes I'm ready"
My eyes narrows.What's up with a sigh now? He better not be sighing because of two
missing condoms in the packet.
He pull me to his arms, "I'm sorry"
TV is playing in the lounge,she is still watching Rhythm City.And he is still lingering on
my lips like his life depend on them,this should be snappy.
"MaShenge I love you,this is not our first day together.It never happened,we will have our
glorious day surrounded by red roses and sweet melody" he say pulling down his trouser.
He is not speaking Portuguese,it's my language.
I smile, "Yeah this is not happening"
I used to think Anastasia from Fifty Shades of Grey was a freaky submissive bitch.Look at
me now.
"This is torture,I want to hear you scream" he say.
He is taping my mouth with a tie.This is hussy,hot and dirty.I'm getting wet with a mere
contact of his fingers on my skin.He hook the dress off my shoulders and plant kisses.I
like his lips on my flesh,but we have only ten minutes or so to kill this thing.
He read the message in my eyes and pull my panty down.I watch his enormous king as he
put a coat over it.If there was any song to describe this moment it would be Ngiyalibona
iKhenana.His palm is under my neck,our eyes are locked together.He push the tip in and
groan.Like wtf! Ntando is going to hear these groans.I pinch his butt,he smiles and thrust
further in.
I'm in the groove.Ladies House taught me better,you don't just lie like a slaughtered
chicken waiting to be marinated,you get in the groove with your man and move.
I'm not going to lie I've had best sex in my life,this is not the first one but I just never
connected to it like this one.Today I'm connecting to every thrust,it's not just my body
embraced to his,it's like our souls are tied together.I can read passion written in his eyes
with bold font.My breakpoint come earlier than his.It's amazing how he learn my body
within a few minutes.
I'm in recovering mode when he quicken his pace and apply some force on his hand
behind my neck.No matter how cute a person is cuming will always bring the Robert
Mugabe in him.
He take time to catch his breath,his head is buried on my chest.
"Uuuh uuuh uuuuh" I'm telling him to untie me.
He look up and smile.His eyes are bloody red.Gosh they are going to be the evidence of
what happened.Nqaba nami nkosi!
He untie me and start kissing me.I want him to,I'm getting addicted to his lips,but time
and place is wrong.
"MaShenge you are the chosen one,I love you" he say and plant a kiss on my nose.
I get a bath towel,we clean ourselves.I wrap the condom foil with a toilet paper and lift the
mattress and put it under.I will get rid of it when it's safe,when the Mthethwa coast is
clear.It's silly,we are both laughing as we clear traces of evidence.
"Open that window" I tell him.
I get my Exclamation perfume and spray it all over.I inspect one more time and unlock the
door.
"Can I have a glass of water?" he ask.
"How will I explain your thirsty to Ntando?"
He grins, "Okay come here,I will drink you"
Really now? I take a deep breath and walk out.The TV is watching her,she is busy on her
phone.I try to pass quiet like a cat but her ancestors poke her.
She look up, "Hey are you okay?"
"Ummm yeah,just getting a glass of water"
I'm trying so hard to maintain a cool face,my chest is going to break from the enormous
laughter inside.
"Are you forgiving him?" she ask.
I shrug my shoulders, "I will see"
Her face drops.I make my way to the kitchen with a smile plastered my face.Stolen sex is
nice bathong!
We spend the next fifteen minutes arguing about going to his house.In Zulu this situation
is called ukuntshontshela uhlanya.
"So I will sleep alone?" he ask.
"That's what bachelors do"
He make a deep sigh before standing up.I get my jacket and walk him out.He didn't leave
his tie.Ntando stand up when she see us.
"And then?" she want an update.
I look at Sosha,he is looking at me.There is a smile on his eyes,only me knows what the
smile is for.
"Yanga must I hate him or love him?" she ask.
A smile creep on my face.She can't hate my boyfriend,she will only hate him when I hate
him.
"Love him" I say.
"Halala! This is nice,you guys look good together"
I roll my eyes, "It's a princess and the frog"
I get soft pinch on my butt.Fortunately Ntando don't notice,she is still gushing over my
new flame.
"Honesty is the most crucial quantity in a relationship.If you are honest to each other this
relationship will last I tell you.Also respect each other and trust each other"
She should open her Sis' Dolly blogs.
"Yeah,thanks for the advice" Sosha say.
She smile,so modesty.
"Okay let me not keep you,Yanga don't forget we are banting for four weeks" she say.
Banting my smiling pussy!
I give her the knowing smile, "Banting all the way sis"
I wink my eye and follow Sosha.I wonder if I will be able to fake dryness all these weeks.I
like rating good services.
"Banting,really?" he ask outside the door.
"Keep your mouth shut Sosha"
He force me to walk him to the car.He is not ready to leave.I'm going to miss
Generations.This guy is clingy,but I like it,he is like my little monkey.
"Today was a great day" he say after take a deep breath.
He look at me,there are pronounced lines on his face.He look worried.
"Well it ended up great for me too" I say.
"Are you going to leave everytime something happens? Leave without getting any
explanation,with no hesitation?"
I exhale and brush my hair backwards with hands.
"I will try to do things rationally.It's not what I'm used to but I'm willing to learn"
He nod and squeeze my hand.I blow out,it's frustrating to be inlove with someone and
hold back.I cannot let this fear overcome the feelings I have for him.
"Sosha I'm crazy but I love you.I know I'm stubborn,especially when I'm angry,but please
don't let me go.When I leave,for no particular sane reason,please stand on my way and
remind me who you are to me,and that is uyisosha lami"
The next thing I know I'm suffocating in his strong arms,getting kisses on my forehead.
Chapter 18
.
I've had the most amazing three weeks of my life.I've had seven sessions with Craig,they
all went well.I'm not a renewed person,I'm still Yanga but now I'm the worthy Yanga.I'm a
strong girl,that's what he said.He made a request to come with me to Ndulinde this coming
month.He want to see my parents,especially my mother.I'm not sure it's a good idea but he
is insisting on it.
Craig is not the only person I've been having private sessions with,Sosha also gave me a
few mind blowing sessions.I'm slowly turning into a Sosha-addict.We've been turning his
car into our bedroom and clearing evidence after.I didn't know I was this secretive,all
along I thought the horse kicked my chest.But it didn't,I have a secret I'm taking to
grave.For the record,Ntando and I are approaching our last week of sex-less
relationships.Hence the girls getaway today afternoon.
Amanda is coming,as well as Lihle,Ntando's colleague.We are going to Le Paradis
Lodge.Amanda suggested it,she is good with fancy places.I didn't even know there was
such place in KZN.
I walk in her room and find her packing.Three set of swimwear? That's a bit dramatic.
"We are not permanently moving to Widenham" I say,whooped by the size of her bag.
"Pictures baby.Not every dress I put on is for occasion,sometimes I dress up to take
pictures" she say.
Now that she has mentioned it I think I need to pack some more clothes,for taking
pictures.Ladies trip is 20% about taking pictures,30% of gossips and boys talk and 50%
drinking.I have to drink responsibly,the drunker I get the more wet mouthed I become.I
can't risk babbling about my Sosha sessions to Ntando.
Speaking of that soul let me call him and check up.Maybe he is done sulking about my
trip with the girls.It ring three times then he drop the call.
I sigh.He always do this.I'm not rich but I can afford calling him.
Seconds later he is the one calling.My cheeks visit ears,new love will amaze you.Even my
ringtone sound sexy when it's him calling.
I answer, "Hell Sosha"
"Hey MaShenge,for a moment I thought it was my sister on the phone"
Is my number not saved in his phone? He can't do that,I already saved his number as My
Love in my phone.
"You are kidding,right?" I say.
"No,she also call me Sosha"
I roll my eyes while smiling.Little stupid things offend him.
I reconstruct my greeting, "Okay,hello babe"
"MaShenge,are you okay?"
He just had to soften his voice,like he just sucked the living hell out of me on the seat of
his car.I'm imagining his eyes growing smaller and smaller,his breath shallowing as his
shaft extend its length.
He always ask, "MaShenge are you okay?"
This explains why I get tingles on my toes when I hear him asking if I'm okay softly.
"I'm okay babe,I just miss you" I say.
"Then come to me,tell Ntando you will join them next time"
God! We've talked about this.I cannot cancel my first Paradise trip,not after seeing those
bottles Ntando packed in the car.I haven't drank in a long time,no wonder a plane crashed
in Belgium.
"You know I can't do that,this trip means a lot to Ntando" I explain one more time.
He is silent for a few seconds,then he ask what time we are coming back tomorrow.I know
he want me to come to his house after,for a sleep over.
"Around 9pm" I say.
We will come back around 4pm,I'm lying because I know when we come back I'll be
damn tired.I can't go to his house,my joints will be aching.When I take over,WOT
mode,I'm not just representing Mandeni I'm representing all women of South Africa.I
have to bring my A game,I can't do that after scuba diving.I heard Amanda saying we will
go scuba diving.I'm certain I won't be joining,rather I will remain in the lodge,maybe in
the pool with a glass of wine.
His extended sigh is audible through the phone's speaker.
"This is torture,I miss you" he say.
My heart felt that,a little voice in my head is begging me to cancel the trip.Oh Lord!
"Borrow me tampoons" Ntando's voice break in the room.
She has no timing.I shoot a look at her,she realise I'm on the call and laugh behind her
hands.
"I miss you too baby,can I call you later? I want to dress up"
"Okay baby,I love you" he say.
Now I don't beat around the bush,I hold nothing back,I profess my feelings undoubtedly.
"I love you more" I say.
When I drop the call Ntando walk in and apologize for disturbing my phone call.
"You are on your periods?" I ask.
"No,I'm just getting armed.I want nothing to spoil my trip"
According to the internet it's 40minutes drive from Durban to Widenham but we've been
on the road for almost one and half hour.Lihle is the one driving,I don't know if she is
slow by nature or she just can't drive.
"Lihle your driving is infuriating me more than Sphelele" Amanda say.It's her first time
meeting Lihle and Ntando but you wouldn't tell.Her ongoing personality squeeze her in
every crowd.
I laugh, "I thought I was the only one.Girl you are driving too slow"
"A car accident would be more infuriating,trust me" Lihle say.
Her gogo-driving get us to Widenham after two hours.The place is damn cold,the beach is
just 200m away.But Ntando,the Ndulinde born farmgirl,has took her clothes off and wore
her bikini.She is going to the swimming pool.
We didn't have swimming pools in Ndulinde but we swam in rivers.I don't understand
why she is so excited about getting in the water.
"You know this is self-catering unit,we have to make food?" Amanda ask her.
She wrap a towel on her waist,she don't care about food.There is a bottle of Viognier on
the table.Two glasses have been poured from it,by her.Did you know real drunkards love
white wine?
"Lihle is the braai master,she will sort it out" she say.
We let her go simply because talking to her is like talking to a rock sometimes.She dash
out with a glass of wine and cellphone,along with its selfie stick.
Lihle is on her braai master duties,she is not even asking for help.She is moving
around,dishing out all details of her life.Now we know she last had sex in March with a
Pedi boyfriend.
I don't think she is over him,she still refer to him as the best man she ever had.I don't
blame her though,I've heard many girls complimenting Pedi guys.They are romantic and
they know how to treat a lady.The only exhausting thing about them is the "Mma o re..."
They refer to their mothers everytime they speak.They don't finish a sentence without
quoting from their mothers,it's bomma this bomma that.
"Mma o re ke thabela kofi" I say inadvertently loud.
Amanda burst out laughing.I also laugh because Lihle is rolling her eyes.
"There is nothing wrong with them loving their mothers" she say in defense mode.
Amanda switch to Pedi accent and deepen her voice like a man.
"Bomma bare there is nothing wrong with us loving our mothers"
I crack the river laugh,the kind of laugh girls break when they fetch water from the
river.Lihle should let us laugh at the Bomma Bare freely,the guy left her,it shouldn't
offend her single ass.
"Enough about my Pedi prince,how does it feel like dating Sosha Cele?"
What's the fuck? I can't believe Ntando told her.She had no right to spread my business
like that.
Okay,I also told Amanda that she is dating her manager.But the point is she shouldn't have
told Lihle that I'm dating Sosha.
I need a refill.Amanda is gawking at me.There is a shallow smirk on her face.
I clear my throat and ask, "What is the difference between fortified and unfortified wine?"
She cross her legs and sip on the wine.I gulp down my Malbec,now it taste bitter.I didn't
want her to know.She is not just a friend,she is also my colleague.A receptionist for that
matter,her job comes with news-dishing talent.
"I know you,even when you have your back turned" she say.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I knew that Instagram picture he posted was you"
My eyes are about to fall on the floor.He did what???
"When did that happen?" I ask.
She must not give me that look,she know I don't have Instagram.
"On his birthday,he captioned it The Best Gift" she say.
My thirty seconds of anger vanishes.I was his best gift? Gosh I'm blushing.I regret
dumping him on his birthday.I wish I can turn back the clock and correct my mistakes.
"Tell us,how is he like on boyfriend duties?" Lihle say,she is so persistent.
I sigh, "He is great Lihle,he is everything I thought I would never have"
"I know he love you,I mean he chose you over a doctor.I want to know how he is on
boyfriend mode,especially on bed"
My eyes widen.I thought Ntando was the worse newsdigger in the world, BOOM her
colleague is worst.First of all I haven't slept with Sosha,I'm banting.Secondly I only kiss
and tell to Ntando,not everyone.
"We haven't slept together" I say.
They both exclaim.
"You lie!"
"What are you waiting for? What if you die tomorrow?" Amanda ask.
I choke on my drink,this girl need Dr Nala.She need to repent,even the hell is not ready
for her.
"Ntando and I decided to wait a period of one month before engaging in sexual activities
with a new partner" I say.
Amanda pick a slice of cucumber from the bowl and bite.
"What are you getting in reward?" she ask between the chews.
"Nothing" I say.
Ntando walk in dripping with water.I don't know what her purpose is.She is
quivering.What was her motive of swimming on a cold evening?
"I think I'm having pneumonia" she say.
She is being dramatic.Pneumonia is no child's game.
"Ntando just put on warm clothes and drink" I say.
Lihle has prepared a feast.She is my dream roommate.The girl can cruise the
kitchen,single handled and excellently.I've switched to Malbec,it goes perfectly with
Lihle's meat.
Did I tell you how beautiful the view is? Quite clamour of waves clashing compliment the
serene atmosphere of this place.I can't wait for tomorrow morning.
Amanda wipe her mouth with a saviette and make that annoying teeth gritting noise.
"I need a man,the wine went straight to my clitoris" she say.
Ntando look at her gobsmacked.
"You can't be horny on the table,that's yirkish"
She laughs, "I'm not sitting on the food"
Ntando is being dramatic as usual,there is nothing wrong with being horny on the dinner
table.
"Call Sphelele" I tell her.
She roll her eyes, "I told you his penis don't have my g-spot on its GPS"
I think she is drunk.Lihle is standing on her toes asking her to explain further.
"Guys you shouldn't worry about me,I have my side toy.He knows exactly where to go,he
don't swim around like fish in a bucket"
Lihle raise her glass, "Womandla!"
"Amen" Ntando say.
I can't believe these two bank tellers are promoting cheating.She is cheating on her fiancee
for goodness' sake.This matter could be solved with one hour of sex talk between Sphelele
and her.All she need to do is tell him where to touch and what not to do.
She refill her glass and take few sips.I sense more laundry being dished out.
"He becomes worse if I drank tartaric,he cum within two minutes" she say.
We are all looking at each other.She drink tartaric???
"Why do you drink tartaric?" Ntando ask.
She burst out laughing.She think it's a rhetorical question.
She stop laughing and look at us, "You guys are serious? Like you don't know brown
sugar and tartaric acid mixture!"
"No" we say in unison.
"Oh great at least now I know a few people that are going to heaven,you guys will send
my message to my father" she say.
What? I'm not going to heaven,not with dirty secrets and excessive drinking and countless
sex encounters before marriage,she must tell us.
"Come on sing little bird" I say.
"No,I don't want Sosha to kill me,homemade bedroom-enhancing mixtures are not
scientific proven"
Urgh! She want us to beg now.It's not like tartaric acid and sugar kills,I grew up eating it
with porridge when we were out of lemons at home.
"If it's those Facebook created ones I will pass" Ntando say.
Lihle nod her head, "Me too.I will stick to plain yoghurt and kiwi"
Okay I think I'm the only one clueless about these things.Even Ntando is recommending
eating pineapples.I can't believe she have been keeping such fruitful information from
me.You know what,I'm going to heaven.I just realised what an innocent child of God I
am.
"I don't want you and Yanga to humiliate us next week when you finally give up the
cookie jar please drink med-lemon with black halls.Their balls must fit in your
mouth,pretend to be choking even when they are not choking you.It's a strategy of getting
the car keys and bank pin.Who knows,next month you could be inviting us to join you to
your all-cost-covered New York trip"
Clap once,clap twice!
What is her surname again? McKenzie,I wonder if Mrs McKenzie know what she gave
birth to.She is the kind of friend every girl need in her squad.A girl every mother warn her
daughter against.
MaJali would tell me "Yangomuhle I don't want to see you walking with that Mkhize girl"
She is not all sex talk,she also know what a girl's body need after a long journey.We are
surprised by four masseuses.All white,buffy with muscular arms and thick solid chests.
I needed a massage but I'm not sure about being massaged by a strange white man.She
could've booked female ones.
"Ma'am please lie on your stomach" the one standing next to me request.
Ntando turn her head to me,she knows the story.She flutter her lashes before resting her
head down.I don't like the sadness I see dawning on her face.
I take a deep breath and lie on my stomach.I ask him to focus only on my upper body.His
hands start doing their magic,I block every nonsense that keep striking my mind and let
my body relax.
The fact that he is white make it more exciting.Apartheid really ended,this guy gave up his
sleep because my black body needed a massage.I'm his source of income,I'm indirectly
paying his bills.They need our money,that's why they are here.Shout out to Nelson
Mandela in heaven!
In the morning they serve us breakfast.The girls are going to scuba diving,I'm the only one
staying behind.I try,as much as possible,to distance myself from death.
Luckily there is a white lady who offered to keep me company.She want us to play table
tennis.I've never played that,the only tennis game I know is igqomu.She teach me the
basics,it's not that bad.I enjoy myself,deep down I feel like Serena Williams.The tennis
queen.
Ntando brought the whole bottle store,I snatch a bottle of Roussanne and make my way to
the pool on my bikini.
Time for pictures.
I pose for a few and then upload them on Facebook.They must know I'm in Le Paradis,the
little paradise.
A few minutes later my phone is ringing.He must've seen the pictures.
I answer, "Babe"
"I've been waiting all morning for your pictures"
Did I promise him pictures? It must've slipped my mind.
"Oh I didn't know" I say.
"I thought at least I would be the first one to see your half naked pictures" he is sulking.
I notice the emphasis his voice make on 'half naked pictures'.There is an underlying
statement behind it.
"You can download them from Facebook" I say and take sip on the glass.
"They were not meant for me Yanga,if they were you would've tagged me"
I'm in shock.Did he just call me Yanga? No that's not appropriate,I'm MaShenge to him.
"Why are you calling me Yanga?" I ask.
"That's your name.Didn't you say you are not MaShenge to me?" he say.
I roll my eyes till they touch my brain.I won't allow a sulky man to spoil my good
morning.
"How is your day looking like Dubandlela?" I ask in a soft,low toned voice.
He is mesmerized.His mood improve instantly.I gain my MaShenge name back.
"They want to meet you babe" he say.
"They???" I ask in alarmed tone.
"My brothers and Myalo"
No ways! It's too soon,what am I going to say to them? I don't even have fancy clothes.
"I'm not ready" I say.
"MaShenge they are not going to bite you,they just want to see the girl who stole my
heart"
"No babe,I don't want to meet them"
He is disappointed.I tell him to show them my pictures.I really don't want to find myself
on the table surrounded by company of his educated brothers,I know they think I'm with
Sosha for financial benefits and job security reasons.His friend,Myalo,spoke like a
London citizen over the phone.I'm not ready for that kind of company.
The lodge has been unruffled and harmonious with just me and white guests.Now the
black scuba divers are back,the walls are shaking.They can't keep their voices low.Even
after Bco and B12 injections,weaves and undiluted English,black people are still black
people.Their voices don't have low button,unless they are in the petrol station asking for
R100 petrol.
"How was scuba diving?" I ask.
"We didn't do it,we went fishing with a white grandpa" Ntando say.
Lord! I burst into laughter.Didn't they say they are going scuba diving?
"Where are the fishes?" I ask.
Their response is camera's shuttering sound.They should've stayed on their lane,like
me.Scuba diving is not for the faint-hearted.
Chapter 19
.
It has been the best weekend ever.I had the time of my life with the most amazing
company a girl could ask for.It was a breath of fresh air.The only disruption was Sosha's
constant calls.He wanted to be up to date with everything I was doing.Not to mention that
I had to send pictures.Dozens of them.
I was a bit worried about Ntando and Amanda,Ntando can be a nutcase at times.But they
got along like steak and kidney.Amanda was our entertainment channel,Mzansi Bioskop
to be precise.We heard strangest stories,half of them were hardly believable.She also have
a monkey tail of ex's.She has kissed so many frogs before finding Sphelele,her prince.Is
he even a prince or just another frog who put a ring on her?
Now that we have to go back to Durban the clock is on Caster Semenya mode.One minute
we are enjoying our last bottle of wine,next we are packing and loading the car boot.Two
minutes later we are on the road back to Durban.
"I feel like God fast forwarded time" Lihle say.
At least I'm not the only one feeling like that.This weekend has been unbelievably
short.Tomorrow is working day already.Here is to mocha icings and vanilla buttercreams!
Amanda sigh, "I have to see Sphelele tonight.God has to intervene I will start at Sam's
house"
"All in the name of orgasm?" Ntando ask.
"In the name of life"
She is something else!
"He will know you've been with someone else" Lihle say.
She is the one on the wheel again.Maybe she should buy a taxi and be a driver once and
for all.
"He won't and beside I will wash with icy water" she say.
She don't shock us now.We are used to her.Her surprises are like murdered body in
KwaMashu street.Yes you are never ready but it's like salt in a meat.If I ever decide to be
a whore I want her to be my mentor.The girl is good,she deserve a round of applause.
"Ouch!!" she say scrolling her phone with her eyes widen.
"What?" Ntando ask.
"I uploaded a status,Sosha has seen it.He knows we are on our way back"
God! How can she be so careless? I told them I told Sosha we are coming back late.
He is calling.Great!
I glare at her and answer.
"MaShenge"
"Hey babe"
Ntando is busy whispering that I must put the call on loudspeaker.
"Where are you?" he ask.
I give Amanda a nasty look and tell him I'm on my way back.All in the name of status
update I'm going to Sosha's house tonight.I miss him but I'm tired.I was looking forward
to a peaceful sleep but he keep on begging.I give up and tell him to come pick me up in
two hours.
"And?" they ask.
"He want me to come over"
Amanda shrug her shoulders, "You could've said no"
"He didn't give me a choice,thanks to your status update"
"Don't you want to go?" Ntando ask.
"Not when I'm tired like this"
She nudge Amanda,they both laugh.Lihle also relate to the joke and laugh along.
"What's funny?" I ask.
"That you are not happy because you are going to his house with tired hips and legs"
Did I say hips and legs? She think I'm like her,living for orgasms and tartaric acids.
Sosha is something else.I asked him to come pick me up in two hours.That would've been
18h00 onwards.But guess whose car is parked infront of our building?
Ntando is the happiest to see him.Lihle is sitting on the seat,frozen.I poke her neck before
getting off the car.This is my boyfriend,no need to freeze when you see him.
Ntando is already opening the front door,getting inside his car.She don't close the door,she
lean out.
"Come guys,there is Nandos" she yell.
Sigh! Maybe the Nandos was bought for me,but what can I say? They are already rushing
to his car.
When he see me his smile widen.I can't help but smile back.I missed this face.
"How are you?" he ask.
Now they are quiet,just chewing the meat and staring at us.
"I'm fine"
I'm suddenly shy.These bitches are not making it easy with their piercing stare.Shouldn't
they give us some space?
"Come" he say stretching his arm.
Ntando get out,making way for me to get in.I glance at them,they are not leaving.What
happened to privacy right?
He pull me for a hug and peck my lips.My childish friends make giggles.So silly!
"Are we leaving now?" he ask.
My eyes widen, "No,I still have to bath"
"I also have bathrooms in my house"
"And get my clothes,unless if you are bringing me back later" I say.
"What? No get your clothes,I will wait"
I thought as much!
Amanda snatch a pocket of Stimorol on the dashboard.
"You know he never replaced my chocolate,right?"
Whaaat?
I look at Sosha,he is looking at her with his eyes narrowed.
"I never replaced it?" he ask in amazement.
Amanda throw a piece of Stimorol in her mouth and shake her head.
"Nope" she say.
He can't do me like that.I bought the chocolate for a significant reason.I can't be begging
for it to be replaced one month later.
"Babe she is lying,I replaced it the next day as you requested" he say.
"Lies!!"
He exhale and pull his wallet out.He give her R100 and push it back in his trouser.
"That's my khakha" she say kissing the note repeatedly.
This girl! She just robbed him.
"Hello" Lihle greet in a reversed tone.
Her greeting is overdue.
"Hi how are you?"
She smile, "I'm great,thanks for asking"
I roll my eyes at her,she roll hers too.She better stop being smitten by my boyfriend.I'm
operation gudluz' udokotela,she don't stand a chance.
I pack my overnight bag and take a quick shower.I brought clothes with me to the
bathroom because there is no way I can explain matching underwears to Ntando.
She is waiting for me in my room,inspecting my bag.
"Really?"
She lift up a packet of condoms.
"Just in case" she say.
Always a great thinker!
"Thank you"
She pass me a sachet of Bioplus.Just what I needed,I will move like a tigeress.Thirty
minutes later I walk out with my bag.
He do what he always do to unintentionally make me wet.He run his tongue over his
lower lip.I ask my heart to beat normally.
"That was quick" he is mocking.
"I bet it was"
"Do you want to drive?" he ask.
Is he still mocking? His face tell me he is not.
"Sosha I don't know how to drive"
"I will tell you what to do"
He make it sound so easy.If it was just a matter of being told what to do why so many
people are failing their driving tests? I think you have to understand a car first and know
its parts.Right now I don't even know where a brake is.
"Next time" I say.
He pull me for a passionate kiss before starting the car.Today he is into Marvin Gaye,he is
playing softly.My conversation is filling up the car.I only leave the sex talk and dish all
about Widenham.
"So you love a house near the sea?"
I don't remember saying anything about houses.
"No,I loved Le Paradis" I say.
"Because it's near the beach?"
"Partly"
He nod and keep quiet.Well I haven't told him about our deep sea fishing on a boat earlier
today.It was the most amazing experience.
He laugh out loud.
"So you are now a fishergirl?"he ask.
"The fishing master,you should've seen me"
The corners of his eyes squint.He grin,broadly.
"Really? How many fishes did you catch?" he ask.
I say the first number that come to my head.
"Ten"
"Wow! This means I'm never buying fishes again"
I laugh, "I still buy cakes,what are you talking about?"
I don't feel the journey,we are chatting like old lovers.He get my jokes,I get his.It's Geisha
and Summarai.
We are now entering his driveway.There are two cars parked outside.I know they are not
his,not even once did I see him driving either of them.
"Eish! They didn't leave" he say.
I have a huge frown on my face.Who didn't leave? Whose cars are these?
"I told them to leave my house long time ago"
It looks like he is having a conversation with himself.
"What's up?" I ask.
"It's Myalo and Mlando"
It's a joke! He said I'm coming to visit him,him alone.
"What???"
He park the car and scratch his head.
"Eish!"
I narrow my eyes and gaze at him.
"Are you driving me back or what?" I ask.
"I can't drive you back,I want to be with you tonight"
He take my hand and look at my eyes.He is about to beg me to stay.
"MaShenge let's go in,you will go straight to our bedroom"
I have shares in his bedroom? How,I mean I don't even know what colour it's painted in.
"Or wait here,I will go tell them to leave" he say.
Sigh! Now I will be a mean girlfriend who chase his brother and friend out of his house.A
new girlfriend for that matter.
"It's fine,we will sneak in" I say.
His face drops, "Are you angry with me now?"
I shake my head and open the door at my side.
There is no one in sight.
Great!
I follow him,stepping softly on the floor behind him.
"And then this one?" the voice come out behind us.
This is a fucked up situation.
I turn my head slowly and look at the person.No ways!
"And then this one?" I also ask,directing the question to Sosha.
He exhale and rub his forehead.
"Babe let's go"
If I knew this asshole was going to be here I wouldn't have came.
"Babe???" he say in a twisted scowl.
"Sabelo!" Sosha say in a warning tone.
He wrinkle his nose and look at me from head to toe.I throw him a dead look and follow
Sosha.He take the stairway and lead me to a huge bedroom with soft grey toned walls with
crisp white details.There is a well made king bed and flat screen TV.I expected his
bedroom to be like this.It smell like him.There is space between everything.He is a well
organised person.
"Let me put your bag in the closet" he say.
I hand it to him.
"Should I unpack?"
"No" I say.
I'm not at ease.I feel like his brother is going to walk in anytime.And that Sabelo! The day
I bring my Ndulinde persona he will wish he was never born.
Sosha walk back and stand mindlessly in the middle of the room.He look stressed out.
"Must I get you anything?" he ask.
"No"
He rub his hands together and sit on bed.
"I didn't cook" he say.
"I'm not hungry Sosha"
"I am.Can I drive to the restaurant fast and get something?"
I sigh and throw my head back.Now he is leaving me with people I don't know
downstairs.
"Okay fine"
I crush over his legs as he walk out.How on earth did I charm this man?
I'm left alone in a gigantic bedroom.I'm tempted to inspect the room,curiosity is killing
me.
I hear voices,it's like they are coming closer to my bedroom.I mean Sosha's bedroom.
"She is here" say Sabelo's voice.
He is bringing them here? I really don't know why this guy dislike me so much.
Is this still about his hand that was brushing my arm?
"Helloooo" greet a strange voice.
I lift my eyes up,they meet Sabelo's.I can't help myself,I roll my eyes.
"Hello,sawubona,molo,dumela" say the other one.
I've never met him nor seen pictures of him but this is Mlando Cele.He is sizzling hot,with
bushy eyebrows and roaming big eyes.He has 'CASANOVA' written on his forehead.He is
wearing a slim white t-shirt.It's short sleeved but he has rolled the sleeves off to his
shoulders.He have a tattoo,I think it's what he want to show off.
"Hi" I say after monitoring my voice a couple of times.
"The beloved MaShenge" the other one say.
Clearly he is Myalo.His voice sound exactly like it sounded over the phone.He come for a
handshake.I don't hesitate to shake his hand.If he is not a Nazareth who mistakenly cut his
hair then he is a son of inyanga.There is something about him that make me respect him
without knowing him.
The playboy position himself on bed beside me.
"What did we do to you?" he ask.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Why do you hate us?"
I stammer for a second.Who said I hate them?
"I don't hate anyone" I say.
"Even me?"
This Sabelo guy rhaaa!
"Not you" I say.
"Back to the sender"
You know what,I'm not going to waste my breath on him.
Mlando chuckles, "Okay we are not hated,take your seats gents"
What? I didn't invite them to sit with me.
"So MaShenge how many cows your father wants?" Myalo ask.
"One calf" Sabelo reply.
I find myself asking, "You are also MaShenge?"
Damn! I said I'm not wasting my precious breath on him.He just know how to rub me in
the wrong sides.
"Did we introduce ourselves?" Mlando ask looking at Myalo.
He is sneaky,with everything he does.His eyes just roam all over the place.
Myalo chuckles, "Eish! Pardon us ntokazi,my name is Myalezo Mchunu"
"And I'm Raymond Cele"
Really now?
"Nice to meet you,I'm Yangomuhle Buthelezi" I say.
"You have a long name and surname.You need to change one of them" say Myalo.
I don't know what he mean,I like my name and surname like that.I'm not going to change
either of them.
"Gents we have seen MaShenge let's go continue with the game" he tell them.
Sabelo say yes,Mlando say no.They leave him behind and go.
He look at me, "I hope you know Sabelo is mental disturbed"
What???
My eyes are popping out.He burst into laughter.
"You should see your face right now"
Damn! How old is he?
"So why are you driving my brother crazy?" he ask.
I lift my eyebrow, "Crazy?"
"Dumping him on his birthday and taking him back.Refusing to come to his house and
refusing to tag him on your posts.Do you love him?"
I'm thrown off guard by the question and the list of my faults he mentioned.
"I do love him" I say.
"He is not as strong as he looks,please take care of him"
There is something genuine in his voice.He mean it.I want to ask questions but I let it go
and just nod my head.
His phone ring in the jean pocket.Fright transform his face.
"Oh fuck it!" he curse and walk out.
I release a long held breath.They were not that bad,except for Sabelo.I feel at ease now
that I've done this and got over with it.I'm yet to meet the old brother,Bayede.I hope he is
like Mlando.

Chapter 20
.
He is driving me to YMCA,he's been quiet half of the journey.He didn't want me to
leave,there is a function he is attending tomorrow night,he wanted me to accompany him.I
haven't gone home in four months,I miss my family.I also got paid,there is no reason for
me not to go home,and besides I'm only going for two days.Sunday afternoon I'm coming
back,I could spend the night with him.
I break the silence.
"Do you know amahlala?"
"No"
I thought as much.
"I will bring you two" I say.
"I don't want them,I want you"
Oh Shepard!
"I'm coming back Sunday Sosha,you can have me for Sunday dessert"
That get him smiling.We haven't had any inside-the-car scenes this week.I've been
banting,seriously banting.I'm still catching my breath,Sunday night was lit.I got on my
knees for the first time and follow Amanda's instructions.I choked on his balls and sucked
his shaft like my future depended on it.He was pulling my hair,groaning like a bull getting
slaughtered.I didn't get any bank pin or car keys,I only got a ride to work.What work for
Amanda won't work for Yanga.It's life,it doesn't have a manual.
It's month end,my hostel brothers are going home.The taxi is full within minutes.I plug
headsets in my ears and let Toni Braxton unbreak my journey.
Long distance travelling is good with one thing,you can sleep without worrying about
missing your stop.I wake up when we are passing the Total garage,the atmosphere has
changed.I already feel at home.I never realised how much I missed Mandeni until
now.Nothing can take away the Sappi fart.That's how we refer to Sappi's chemical
smell,we call it Sappi fart.You learn to love it and crave for it as you grow up.
"Wola,eita sthol' amagqomugqomu la" he is outside the taxi window as soon as it parks.
He sell peanuts.He has been selling them for as long as I remember.I don't know what
drives him,he is always happy and smiling.It doesn't bother him whether people are
buying or not.We call him Magqomugqomu,you know black people can name you
Madreads for having dreadlocks.
I do a little shopping at Spar and rush to the rank.
"Yanga!"
And the greet-greet start!
"Hi Thenjiwe how are you?" I ask.
By the way we don't hug each other from my hood,no matter how long we haven't seen
each other.
"I heard you got another job..Hey did you hear that Cebi is pregnant again?"
We get right on hot topics.Hugs for what?
The car is still short with five people.I load my bags inside and attend to her.
"You don't say"
She clap her hands, "I'm telling you dade,the last one can't even talk yet"
"And she is popping another one already?" I ask.
"For Mkhonzi,imagine!"
Yeses! Village gossip is the best thing since female condoms.You know I have ignored
my gossip queen talent since I went to Durban.Now I just realised how much I want juicy
Matshamhlophe gossips.
"You lie" I say.
That's the strategy all newsniffers use to fish more news.They say you are lying to get you
to dish more news.
"I'm telling you,Mkhonzi's wife is vowing to file for divorce should Mkhonzi take in the
baby"
Yoh! Maybe I should take her number so that she can keep me updated,this one is sweeter
than honey.RGB got nothing on her.
"And you,when are you getting pregnant?" she ask.
"Am I not supposed to get a husband first?"
She laughs, "Where are you going to get a husband these days?"
I shrug my shoulders.I must get in the car before this get more personal.We are living in
the era where being childless at 23years is eyebrow raising.People start to question your
fertility and throw abortion accusations.Teenage pregnancy has became a norm.Falling
pregnant at the age of 40 make you look childish.
Among passengers of this car is a fat goat.It's right next to my legs,the owner is busy
eating fried chips paying no attention to how it is pushing my leg with its forehead.My
passenger rights are being violated.Not to mention the fat lady next to me pushing me
with her hips.This is some kind of demotion,from BWM X3 with aircons to a van with
loud chatters and angry fat goat.
It's a bit dark when I get off the car.I call my mother to send Sabatha to come help me
with the bags.I want to have a private conversation with him regarding his animalistic
behavior.
"He started me" he say.
I expected him to defend himself,he never start anyone,they always start him.
"Everytime someone start you you always react physically.You have teachers to report to
at school,do you know that there is children's prison?"
"No" he say.
"Well there is,keep beating other children I will come visit you with half loaf of brown
bread and tin fish"
He is silent all the way home.It looks like I managed to scare him a bit.
I find my mother ironing her dress.My father is in the kraal.Shushing his cows to
sleep,maybe.
"How was your journey?" she ask.
"It was alright"
She hang her dress and start polishing her black pumps.
"I will go shopping tomorrow,we are out of everything here,the cupboards are empty"
I withdrew the grocery money and kept it separately.I take it out and give it to her.
"Thanks my baby.I have to go to bed early,please prepare food for your father and
brothers"
"Is it okay if I make tea and bread?" I ask.
"Did you buy milk?"
My father don't drink tea with no milk,there is noway I could've left it.
I have to buy electricity first,there is R2 in the meter box.Thanks to banks and their
technology,I can buy electricity without having to run to KwaJama.
My father eat ten slices of bread.Mbuso is right on his footsteps,he eat eight slices.I
should learn a thing or two about baking,these people don't play with bread.
Speaking of Mbuso,where is he? I haven't seen him.It's not like him not to come and greet
me.I call Sabatha,he is sitting by the door lost in his thoughts.He is thinking about jail.
"Ya" he say.
My word!
"Are you saying that to me?"
He scratch his head, "Sisi"
SMH.
This child!
"Where is Mbuso?" I ask.
His eyes run around the room.I don't get response.
"Sabatha!"
"He went to his girlfriend"
Wtf!
"What???"
He squint his little eyes and give me a huge grin.
"Take your chips and chocolate inside the plastic bag.I'm coming back"
I make my way to my parents' rondavel.How can my mother 'go to bed early' without
knowing where her son is?
I knock and wait for her reply.
"Come in" she yell from inside.
I push the door and walk in.
"Mama where is Mbuso?" I ask.
She is busy applying Gentle Magic on her face infront of the mirror.
"How am I supposed to know Yangomuhle? You know how boys are,he is probably
somewhere with his friends"
There is zero care in her voice.Mbuso is only 16years,he is still a child.
"Or he is somewhere with someone's daughter" I say.
"You can say that again,the Buthelezis got charms for days"
It's about time I buy Mbuso a phone,moments like this need a 'get your ass back home'
text.
"You are not worried mama?" I ask.
"No,Mbuso is a boy"
Right!
"Don't forget me in your tea" she say.
I can't say I'm shocked.The world has been always like this,what's shocking is that there
are no changes.
Oh! He is back.The boyfriend is here.He is sitting at the corner of the room on the small
wooden bench.
"Hello sisi" he greet.
Sabatha has a frightened look on his face.He don't want me to sell him out.
"Where are you coming from?" I ask.
"I was playing soccer with the boys"
His humble personality and innocent voice can fool you.
"You are now pro soccer players,not even a grain of soil on your sneakers" I say.
I have no idea how I'm going to confront him but it has to happen,before I go back to
Durban.I serve them tea and give them their goodies.
"It's going to rain cats" say the voice from the door.
I laugh, "Mountains are moving already"
He shake my hand and sit on his chair.
"The Buthelezis have done a good job,protecting you from accidents and sicknesses.We
thank the ancestors to have our daughter back home alive and healthy"
He pause and smile, "Durban treated you good,there is a hump of a hip bakithi"
He has started.I burst out laughing.
"You're boring you know.Must I give you your tea now?"
"Let's start at your elders" he say.
We leave the boys and go to the ancestors rondavel.He burn the incense and talk to the
ancestors,reporting that I'm back and thanking them for providing me with a job.
I cough,trying to be fancy,he bring the lid with burning incense closer to my face.
"Hey inhale" he say.
By the time we walk out I'm in need of a glass of Malbec.
The boys leave when they finish eating.I stay with Buthelezi getting all late updates about
Jamlude and her siblings.Around 9pm we've drank more than three cups of tea.
"Mdletshe is slaughtering a cow tomorrow" he say.
That surname make my body cringe.
"Are you going?" I ask.
"No"
Whoah! My father is saying no to free meat?
"Why?"
"I don't like the Mdletshes,something about them set me off"
I nod and start cleaning MaJali's kitchen.I wonder how he would react if he was to find
out the truth.I doubt he would judge me.He wouldn't care that I dated at 15years,the matter
would be his daughter being sexually violated.He has never turned his back on me.Would
he turn it on my mother if the truth slipped out? Maybe I don't want to find out.
He stretch his arms, "I must go rest now"
"Okay goodnight"
He stand up to leave.
"Don't stay up until late,you can clean up in the morning"
I nod and wrap a few things up and plug the kettle for my bathwater.We do have a
bathroom,it's outside the yard.I can't go there right now,I'd probably bump to ghosts.I pour
water in the dish and go bath in my room.It's a three room house;my room,the kitchen and
the boys room.My parents have a big rondavel as their bedroom then there is ancestors
rondavel and the guest's one.Now they are building another one,I don't know for who.
Holy Shephard! I didn't call Ntando and Sosha when I arrived.Where is my phone?
I open my bag and search for it.I remember pushing it inside the bag after getting off the
car.
What in Matshamhlophe is this?
I unwrap a piece of white cloth I never packed.A stack of money drop.
Wtf!
I never misplace money.I count the notes,it's R2500.
Ntando already left thousand voice messages.She is cursing in most of them.I call her
first,I want to know if she didn't put her money in my bag by mistake.
Luckily she answers immediately.
"Hey babe" I say.
"Babe my foot! Why did you ignore my calls? Do you know how worried Sosha is?"
Lord!
"I will call him just now,my phone was inside the bag.Did you put your money inside my
bag?"
"No" she say.
"There is R2500 in my bag,I don't know how it got in my bag"
"Oh now I remember it's mine"
I laugh, "I know you thief.Was it R100 notes only or there were R200s?"
"You are boring,by the way chow that money I'm sure Sosha sneaked it inside because
you are a crazy bitch who wouldn't have accepted his money"
He wouldn't do that,he just paid my salary.I chat with Ntando a little bit and end the
call.She is with Sanele.I wonder if she is still honouring our deal.Only two days left,she
must hold her horses.
His phone rings,as usual he cancel my call.Two seconds later he is the one calling.
I answer, "Hey babe"
"Hi"
He is angry.
"I'm sorry,my phone was inside the bag,and when I got here I became busy.I was not
ignoring you,I just saw your calls now" I explain.
"You could've sent a text MaShenge.Only a text!"
Ya neh! I apologise one more time.
"I really don't like what you did.I've been stressed out not knowing if something happened
to you"
Lord! How many times do I have to tell him I'm sorry?
"I'm fine Magaye.You know I just found R2500 inside my bag,I don't know who put it
inside"
"Oh"
Is that all he is going to say?
"You carried my bag to the car Sosha.Did you put it?" I ask.
"Are you angry?"
I exhale and close the bag with one hand.
"No I'm not angry.Did you put it?" I say.
"Maybe I did"
Ntando was right,he think I'm a crazy bitch.Let me surprise him with calmness.
"Thank you Ndosi,I really appreciate it.I won't be short of anything this month and..."
He cut me short, "Were you short last month?"
"Yeah but I survived"
"MaShenge do you really love me?" his voice carries so much concern.
"Yes"
"Why don't you cry to me then? Are we not partners?"
Sigh!
"When I need your help Sosha I will tell you.What are you doing there?" I ask,changing
the subject.
"I'm trying to sleep,the house is empty and lonely.I wish you were here,to chat with me
and hold my hand to sleep"
I don't like his tone,I feel like something is terrible wrong with him.
"Where are your brothers?" I ask.
I expected him to be with them since it's Friday.
"They went home" he say.
Now that explain his mood.
"Why didn't you go?" I ask.
"I'm perfect here in my house,it's just that I miss you"
Maybe I should've stayed and came here next week as he wanted.Urgh! But I also missed
my family.
Now everyone close to him is with their families and he is not.My heart is breaking.
"What happened Sosha? Why don't you want to go home?" I ask.
"Because nothing has changed.My mother still overlook my success,she love Mlando only
because he is educated and lifeless,and she smile with Bayede because he can end their
life"
Maybe I need to sit down for this.
"What makes you think like that?" I ask.
"I'm grown now MaShenge,I know the truth"
"What truth?"
"Our mother left because of her"
He is completely confusing me.His mother overlook his success,flip,she left them.Which
one is it?
"Which mother left?" I ask.
"Our real mother,she left when Mlando was three years.She didn't look back,we only got a
call from her sister,Amanda's mother,when she died.We didn't attend her funeral because
we were angry"
I remember the day I went to his house and asked if he want to have kids.He mentioned
wanting to have children with the right woman who wouldn't leave his children.This
explain his fear,he was left by his mother.
I know no sane mother would completely disown her son because he dropped out of
school.Yes she would be angry but seeing him picking up his pieces and making
something out of his life would've granted him forgiveness.She is not their biological
mother.
If their mother left Mlando at three years it means Tshitshi is this woman's daughter.She is
their half sister.
"I'm really sorry baby" I say.
"I'm fine,I just regret not attending her funeral"
He is no way near fine,not today.
"Are they okay at home?" he ask.
"Yeah they are fine"
"Jamlude?"
I laugh, "She is fine although I haven't seen her"
"She need some mates"
"Yes"
"Really?" he ask.
He is confusing me.
"Ummm yeah...I think" I say,doubtfully.
"She will get them soon"
I sleep with a broken heart.I didn't know his family was that dysfunctional.I have a mother
but I can say I know the pain of not having a mother.I wonder what he meant when he
said Bayede can end their life.
Did he mean he can kill them?
No Bayede sounded nice over the phone.He is a doctor for goodness' sake,he heal lives,he
don't end them.

Chapter 21
.
The first thing I do when I wake up is to call him.He never answer my calls,not even two
seconds after deep sleep,he cancel the call and call.
"MaShenge"
Why does it sound like he is on the road?
It's only 5:10am!
"My love,did I disturb you?" I ask.
"Not really.Why are you up so early?"
To fetch water,cook breakfast,feed the chickens,clean the yard.The list is endless.I just
sigh and tell him I ran out of sleep.Right now I'm in Zululand,my day start at 5am.The
chores are endless.
"Where are you?" I ask.
"I'm driving to...going to help Dennis in the bakery.Love we have crazy orders this week"
he say in a foreign,stuttering voice.
He didn't mention it yesterday.The strangeness in his voice don't give me peace.My
instincts are whispering 'liar'.
Urgh! I have to trust him.Trust is important in a relationship.He has never given me any
reason not to trust him.
"Okay work well baby,I love you" I say.
Silence.
Hebana! He have to say he love me too.
"Sosha!"
"I love you too" he say.
"Why did it take you a minute to say that?" I ask.
I don't know when I became this annoying.I have these nonsensical little demands that I
make.He usually laugh them off and honour them,but today he is not laughing.
"I don't know if there will be a day when you'd want to take your words back" he say.
It's weird how he get insecure at the drop of a hat,with no particular reason.I don't know if
it's me he don't trust or it's his broken self.
I tell him, "They are not just words,I'm verbally painting a picture of how I feel about
you.I'm in love with you and I have no doubts"
"I wish we can stay like this no matter what happens"
With no second thought I tell him we will never change.His love has affected me like a
drug,being without him haven't crossed my mind since the night of mouth-binding stolen
sex.Yesterday he opened up to me about his family,that added to the already sea-deep love
I have for him.I never thought I could love someone like this.I never tried to find out,I just
gave up without trying.I thought sex was nice,I just discovered how insanely mindblowing
it is when you do it with someone you have deep feelings for.Nothing can compare to his
deep moans,hair grabbing and husky love confessing.
I splash cold water on my face and get started with my girly duties.My father is in his
kraal.It's his daily morning routine.He greet his cows before he greet us.Mbuso is with
him,running after calves.
MaJali scream my name from her rondavel, "Yangomuhle!"
She is dressed to go.I walk in and sit on the chair near the bed.
"Good morning" I greet.
We haven't bumped to each other since we woke up.
"Morning baby.I want you to iron the dress I will wear later to the Mdletshes"
She is going to the Mdletshes! This is adding to my bad morning.I nod my head take
isishweshwe on the side of the bed.
"You should also come,your peers will be there,they haven't seen you in a long time"
"No,thanks" I say.
She throw a carf around her neck and insert pin in the doek on her head.She use the pin to
scratch her head when it get itchy.We call the pin hlokoloza.
"Their son is getting married soon,it could've been you"
For a moment I'm speechless.Am I supposed to feel unfortunate because he is marrying
someone else?
"I'm glad it's not me,I don't want a rapist husband" words escape my mouth.
She turn around swiftly.
"What???"
I stand up to leave
"Nothing"
"Yangomuhle don't dare insult Mdletshe's son,do you hear me? He didn't force you to
come to his room.Didn't you say you love him? The thing with you youngsters don't listen
to parents.Amaqhikiza are there for a reason,to guide you when you get on the boys
stage.But no,you do things behind everyone's back.I don't even know why we are talking
about this,I said get over it.And don't try to jeopardise that boy's marriage,you took your
mother's golden platter to him willingly.This topic is closed!"
Yes it is closed.I swallow my emotions and walk out a strong girl.I make breakfast and
call the boys to the kitchen.On sunny days my father eat his breakfast under the peach trea
in the middle of the yard.
"I'm gone.Do you need anything from town?" she ask from the door.
"No" I say.
She look at Mbuso,he shake his head.Sabatha count endless
goodies.Chocolates,spongecakes and all.I know he will get none of the things he
counted,she will come back crying with high prices.
"When are we coming to visit you in Durban sisi?"
Oh that promise!
"When are your next school holidays?" I ask.
"In September"
"If you haven't fight with anyone until then I will come fetch you" I say.
I don't know who he took after.We are not a family of violent people.Yes 'we',I included
myself,is there a problem?
He finish eating and leave.Finally I get the opportunity I've been waiting for.
"Who is the girl?" I ask.
His eyes flush with fright.
"What girl?"
"Your girlfriend" I say.
He cast his eyes on the floor.
"I don't have a girlfriend"
I take sip on my juice, "Okay leave it.I was planning to buy you a Samsung next month
but since you don't have a girlfriend I will cancel"
"A Samsung smartphone?" he ask excitedly.
I give him the back of my hand.He pull his chair and move it closer to where I am.
"Please sisi,I want to have a smartphone.I know how to use it"
I ignore him and start humming a song.I can be a dramatic sister when I like.
"Her name is Thando,her family is new in the area" he say.
"And she is your girlfriend?"
He look away, "Something like that"
"Mbuso you know you have to finish school?"
"I know"
"How are you balancing boyfriending and school work?"
I fix my look on him.He don't have an answer.He knows the two can't be balanced,he can
only excel in one.
Kids! I doubt he have pubic hair yet.
"Go fetch your school bag" I say.
He come back after ten minutes.I don't know how does it take to pick a school bag from
the next room.I check his school work.He is still on top of his game.Later I should check
the troublemaker's books.
"Am I going to get the phone?" he ask.
"Yes"
He smile and bump his fist on the table.
"Yesss"
"Tomorrow you will accompany me and buy condoms and morning after pills in Plaza" I
say.
His eyes pop out.He didn't think that far.That's how careless these kids are.Some fall
pregnant on their first sexual encounter.
"I'm not ready to be an aunt" I say.
"Is there something like that?" ask the voice from the door.
This man love eavesdropping.I hope he didn't hear the rest of the conversation.
He put his plate and cup inside the plastic dish that serve as our sink and sit on his chair.
He look at Mbuso, "I hope you heard your sister,she is not ready to be an aunt.Look at the
situation we live under,Shenge has became a breadwinner,I don't work anymore.You
cannot add to our troubles,take care of yourself"
Mbuso nod, "I understand"
When he leave the room Buthelezi's eyes are on me.What now?
"How do you know all that? Condoms and pills?" he ask.
I want to laugh.I'm fuckin' 23years for goodness' sake,soon to be 24years.
I shrug my shoulders, "They taught us in school"
"Is it?"
Yoh! I burst out laughing.
"I wonder what's funny" he say.
"I'm thinking of an old joke"
"It won't be an old joke when my sjambok run over a big headed man's back"
Yeer! I think I need to go to my room.I unplug my phone and wave my hand at him.He
just shake his head.
By the way I miss my man.
I try calling him a number of times.His phone is off.This is strange,he can't be that busy to
the point where he switch his phone off.He don't ever switch his phone off.
Ntando is also not answering her phone.Maybe Sanele didn't leave,she is busy stealing
sex.Broken deals!
I try Amanda.
She answers, "Girl"
Her phone is on,and she don't have a problem answering it.
"My only lover" I say.
"Gerara here! How is home?"
"It's good babe,I just miss y'all"
She let out a chuckle, "You mean you miss Sosha"
"Him too but his phone is off.I guess the bakery is keeping him busy"
"The bakery???" she ask in disbelief.
"Yeah,he said he is going to help Dennis"
"I thought he went home to attend Mpume and her crazy family" she say.
Whaaaat!
"They were in his home?" I ask.
"Oh my gosh Yangomuhle I don't want to be a snitcher.Wait for him to tell you,it's not my
place"
My heart just sink.I didn't expect him to lie.I thought we ironed that part,for sweet or bitter
truth.There is no work at the bakery,he went home to attend Mpume and her family.And
he didn't see it fit to let me know.
I've swept the yard,rearranged the kitchen,filled water drums and wiped even a shadow of
dust on the tables.I don't know where the boys went,it's quiet in the yard.My father is
down by the river with his cows.I have the opportunity to cry,but what am I crying for? I
should have a backbone.Nobody said this relationship thing was easy.
My phone rings.
It's him.
"Hello"
"MaShenge"
I really need to calm down.I'm no longer the crazy Yanga.Craig told me to always take a
deep breath and process my thoughts for a minute before spitting words out.
"How was work?" I ask.
"It went well.My phone ran out of battery,I didn't bring my charger,I'm sorry"
Deep breath!
"It's fine" I say.
"I miss you"
I want to scream 'FUCK YOU!"
"Me too.Look I'm a bit busy right now,can you call later?"
"Okay baby,I love you yezwa"
Whatever!
"Yeah,bye" I end the call.
If it was 1990 I would've slammed the damn thing.Now you can't slam the phone after a
frustrating call,do you know how much fixing the screen is?
I go around the yard,rectifying every little mistake there is.Picking up papers and
stones,throwing outside the yard.
MaJali add to my anger by calling me and asking me to come with a wheelbarrow to the
taxi stop.I need to win Lotto and buy a car.
When we get home she change into her sishweshwe and leave to the Mdletshes.I have to
pack the grocery in the cupboards and start cooking supper.
Ntando finally decide to call me back.
I answer, "Bitch"
She start singing, "Kuthi huuu kuthi huu kuthi huu"
"Did Sanele propose?" I ask.
"Yes,he proposed that we go dine at The Royal Hotel.Does it ring a bell? I will be eating
like a royal queen that I am"
God why are you frying us in a small pan?
"That's nice" I say.
"Yes kuthi huu kuthi huu kuthi huu banomoya,mabedlula kuthi huu"
Oh Jesus Christ!
"Congratulations Ntandoyenkosi" I say.
"Congratulation glady accepted.What's up with you?"
I sigh, "A lot babe,I will tell you all about it tomorrow.The latest is Sosha lied to me.He
said he was going to the bakery whereas he went home to attend Mpume and her family"
"What does she want now?"
"I don't know,the whole thing is kept from me"
"I'm so sorry babe,maybe he will tell you when he see you"
I just sigh.He shouldn't have lied in the first place.After the call I carry on with my
duties.Mbuso arrive and sit on the chair and look at me like I'm the one who killed Tupac.
"What's up?" I ask.
"Why was mom shouting at you in the morning?"
My forehead crease into lines.How did he hear that and how much of it did he hear?
"It was a stupid argument.What did you hear?" I ask.
"Nothing"
I exhale, "Whatever you heard was a misunderstanding"
"Okay"
I pull my phone and log on Facebook.I need to keep my mind busy with something
otherwise I'm going to have a heart atack.I scroll down the newsfeed.Smiling at funny
posts,internal crying with sad ones.
Boom! Again Justin Sosha Cele is tagged by Dr Mpume Mahlangu.Today they just killed
me.My heart is broken into tiny pieces.
Why do I have to find out about everything on social networks?
They are having a baby!
"Sisi are you fine?"
I forgot about the company I have.I fix my face and look at him
"I'm fine Mbuso"
Is my strong front cover going to be able to hide my broken heart until I return back to
Durban?
He is having a baby and he lied!

Chapter 22
.
I know as soon he realise his babymama has posted he will start calling me.I walk to my
room and call Ntando.She is angry and disappointed.I ask her not to pick his calls if he
call her.I switch my phone off and put it away.I carry on with my pots,putting a brave face
infront of Mbuso.Today I will ignore the rules and dish for everyone despite their
absence.I cover their plates and plug my bathwater.
I don't know how I fell asleep.I remember coming to my room and lying on bed with
headsets in my ears.I'm snapped out of dreamland when my mother's voice break inside
the room.
"Why are you sleeping so early?" she ask.
"I was bored" I lie.
"You are leaving us tomorrow,please come sit with us in the kitchen" she say.
I have to fake presence and smile to jokes I didn't hear.My father is telling his Jo'burg
stories all over again.Everyone is happy,except me.I hate Sosha for stealing this moment
from me.If he didn't break my heart I would be enjoying this time with my family.
I clear my throat, "Tomorrow Mbuso will accompany me to Plaza"
"What about me?" ask Sabatha.
"You are staying behind,who is going to look after the goats?"
He pull his face and look at me.Now I have to beg Buthelezi to let him go.
"They will come back early babawami.Mom can take the goats out for him,is it Mom?"
She nod, "Yes but I want them back by 2pm.I have chores to do,I can't look after the goats
all day"
He plug water immediately.He is bathing.Was he going to sleep without taking a bath if
he wasn't going to town?
"Mbuso where is the iron?" he ask.
Mom burst out laughing.
"Sabatha since when you know how to iron?"
He dash to their room and come back with creased clothes.He set up the ironing board and
plug the iron.I stop him before he can start burning them and offer to iron for him.
We go to bed around 9pm.I haven't switched on my phone and I'm not planning to.I know
I promised to wait for his explanation before taking decisions but he chose to lie to
me.How am I ever going to trust him again?
Before I leave I need to cook and clean.The boys can't even wash their sleeping blankets.I
soak them,they will wash them when they come back.At nine-thirty I get ready to
leave.Sabatha dressed up around eight,he has ran out of patience now.
I have to start in the ancestors rondavel.My father strongly believe in the
ancestors.Sometimes he slaughter a goat out of the blue just to thank them.For doing
what? I also don't know,maybe for dying.
I'm crossing my fingers we get the car.Today is Sunday,cars are scarce.There is a boy
heading our way on full speed.
"Buyani!" Sabatha shout when the boy is few feet away from us.
It's one of his friends.He stop infront of us and look at me.
"Sis Yanga there is a person who want you in the car" he say.
In the car???
"Who is he?" I ask.
He shrug his shoulders, "I don't know him"
I don't have any friend who own a car around here.Who could it be?
"What's that in your hand?" Mbuso ask.
The boy smile, "It's R20,he gave me to buy chips"
I'm dying to see the person.I pick my pace around the corner and cast my eyes to our taxi
stop.My eyes are deceiving me! It can't be him although it's his car.I mean how in the
whole Mandeni did he find this area?
"Who is it sisi?" Mbuso ask.
I'm still grounded with shock.Why did he come here? Does he know people in this area
can kill him for just parking the car like that? They will accuse him of lurking to steal
their livestock.
"Sisi!"
I snap out and look at him.He is waiting for an answer.
"Ummm...that's my boss Mbuso" I say.
I wonder how long he's been here.I walk toward the car followed by my brothers.When
we are nearer the front door opens.He get out and lean by the car.There is no joy lost in
his eyes.He is glaring at me,chewing on his lower lip.
I turn to the boys, "Go wait under the tree,stop the car if one comes"
Sabatha go,Mbuso remain standing.I lift my eyebrow,he don't budge.
"Hello" Sosha greet after taking a loud inhalation.
Only Mbuso return the greeting.I just look at him.
"Can I speak to your sister?" he ask.
Mbuso look at me,I nod.Only then he walk away.
"What are you doing here?"
"Why is your phone off?"
I take a deep breath and a minute to process my thoughts.
"I switched my phone off because I didn't want any call" I say.
"I know the reason behind that,I'm here to explain"
I fold my arms and stare at him.Now he want to explain? I have to be crazy before he
explain things to me.
"What are you here to explain? Your doctor's pregnancy or your non-existent bakery
day?" I ask.
"I didn't mean to lie,I didn't know where to start.I got the call from my father at 4am
telling me the Mahlangus are in his house to report the pregnancy"
Deep breath!
"Okay.Is there anything else?"
"Bayede will be her doctor,I have to know if she is telling the truth" he say.
I nod, "That's nice.I have to go"
He grab my arm,I nearly trip and fall.
"MaShenge don't do this,get in the car"
I don't know how Mbuso and Sabatha got to us so fast.He let go of my arm and look at
them.
"I'm not hurting her,I'm her friend.Please get inside the car,I will give you a lift"
Sabatha don't waste another second he walk to the back door and hop inside.Mbuso look
at me for assurance.I have no choice but to take the lift.The car is filled with palpable
silence,he only steal glances at me now and then.
I only open my mouth when I tell him to drive through Mandeni Plaza.
"Where are you going?" he ask.
I keep calm for my brothers' sake and tell him I'm accompanying the boys to the shops.
"I will wait for you" he say.
We go through clothing shops and buy a few things then go to McDonald's.I'm taking my
time because I didn't ask anyone to wait for me.I give Mbuso their taxi fare and school
lunch money.I also need to buy meat at Roots,my mother only came back with 2kg of
braai pack and sausages.Okay before I finish all my money let me buy Mbuso morning
after pills and condoms.I hope I'm not motivating him to sleep with the poor girl by doing
this.Safe is better than sorry.
Three hours later I accompany them to the rank.Sabatha is carrying a box of pizza like he
is carrying the Money In The Bank contract.
I find him eating KFC pieces,there are other three closed boxes.I close the door and fasten
the seatbelt.
"Where are your brothers?" he ask.
"In the car,they are going back home"
Did he think I'm taking them to Durban with me?
"I bought them food,you too" he say.
"I'm not hungry Sosha"
Disappointment flush over his eyes.
"Maybe they are hungry.Is the car still here?"
He is the chairperson of Annoying Movement SA.I take two boxes of KFC and cross the
road to Ndulinde rank.He could've bought one box,this is making me look like a
millionaire in our rank.I don't tell them who it came from,I just give them and bid
goodbye for the second time.
He is done eating.He is now drinking a bottle of water like a donkey.I get inside and close
the door.
And now? He should start the car.
"Let's go" I say.
"I can't go another hour without speaking to you MaShenge.Please forgive me,I needed
time to figure things out.I really didn't know how I was going to approach you,worse over
the phone.I didn't lie because I was hiding things from you,I lied because I was scared"
I exhale, "So you are having a baby Sosha?"
"I'm not denying anything but I have doubts.She was sleeping with me,she still have my
contacts even though we no longer contact each other casually.She could've told me
first,not run to my parents like she lost my address.Knowing her the way I do I think she is
pulling a stunt,but she will curse the minute she put her thought to it"
Now I'm no longer mad about his lies,I'm worried about the future.
"If the baby is yours what are you going to do?" I ask.
"I will father the baby"
"And the mother?"
"We will find a way to co-parent and create a warm home for the baby"
This is the beginning of my nightmare.Am I even ready to take on this third leg journey? I
doubt.
I feel his hand running over my arm.
"Nothing is going to change between us.I love you,everyone know that.Mpume know
that,my brothers know that,now my parents and the world know that"
Parents and the world? I'm baffled by the 'world' part.
"What do you mean the world know that?" I ask.
"Yesterday Mpume posted what her mind think,I posted my truth and published a public
statement.I have a girlfriend and I love her so much.Right now I don't care what anyone
thinks,you are my girlfriend who is also my employee,I love you and I'm fucking you"
Somebody kill me now! Who is this guy? He say the last part in Zulu.Do you know how
nasty "I'm fucking you" sound in Zulu? He need Jesus.
He take the KFC box and put it on my lap.I start eating the chips.KFC must be buying
izambane likapondo the way they are stingy with the chips.Your ancestors really work if
you get more than ten.I don't know if my tastebuds has a problem,they taste like they were
boiled rather than fried.
"I know where I went wrong and I'm aware of the damage I caused.However I'm not a liar
MaShenge,there are times when I run out of the right words.That's my shortcoming.All
I'm asking is please don't leave me,we still have a great future together.I have big dreams
of you and I.All I need is you by my side,no matter what happens"
What he want is what I promised him yesterday.Can't a girl go back on her word just a
little bit?
I take a deep breath,this need to be processed for more than a minute.
"If it get too much for me are you going to let me go?" I ask.
"No"
I narrow my eyes,looking at him,expecting him to change his answer.
"I will make it less too much but I won't let you go" he say.
Is he trying to tell me I'm stuck with his big head for life?
"So it means I will have to cheat?" I ask.
He raise his brows, "I beg your pardon?"
I rest back on the seat.
"I beg yours too"
He chuckles and shake his head.
"I'm not just a soldier MaShenge,I'm an army and I'm watching all boarders of my state"
I look at him,he give a lopsided grin and start the car.
So I've forgiven him,that easily? Maybe,I'm eating his chicken now.
We are in Durban and we are taking the M17.We are heading to his house,without
Yanga's consent.
I sit up straight and look at him.He keep his eyes on the road but he can feel my eyes on
him.
"What?" he ask.
"Who said take me to your house?"
He just smile and keep driving.I'm not bothered,I'm just wondering if I will be sleeping
over.It's up to him.
Funnily I've walked through this door more than once nevertheless my breath is still taken
away by the interior design and spotless neatness.I've never been inside his kitchen
though,today is my first day.There are three gigantic stoves with ovens,excellently
coordinated by the wall.I know he can afford the tripple-stoves lifestyle,but I find it very
weird.
"Sometimes I bake here" he explain without me asking.
"I see" I say.
"You have to learn some skills or go to university"
Is this about stoves? I look at him,he is dead serious.
"We talked about this Sosha" I say.
He open the refrigerator and take out two bottles of water.The drama bathong! There is
sink and glasses,no need to act like the Morokas of Generations.
"I woke up by dawn,can I go have a shower?"
He got in Ndulinde at 7am and got lost around the area for another hour.It's not a
complex,the mountains and empty roads make it impossible for strangers to find their
destination if they have no help.
"That's fine" I say.
"Please feel at home,this is your kitchen"
I'm alone now,I have no idea what to do.Maybe he want me to cook or fix something for
him to eat when he come back.I don't even know what he likes.Maybe I should've asked
what he want me to do.
Ntando!
She will know what to do.She once moved in with a boyfriend for a month.She knows
girlfriend duties.
My word! I didn't switch my phone on.I call home first and tell them I arrived
safely.Ntando take her time to answer.
When she finally answers she exclaims like Pastor Lukau woke me up from the dead.
"Oh my God Yanga!"
"Hey babe I need your help"
"If it's about killing Sosha I'm more than willing to help"
Oh Shepard! I didn't update her.The last time we talked we were angry at Sosha,now I've
forgiven him and didn't tell her that we are forgiving him.
God stay with me.
"About that friend,I'm in Sosha's house" I say holding a massive prayer with my heart.
"Bitch what???"
She is beyond shocked.
"We just arrived,he is the one who fetched me from Ndulinde.I will tell you everything
tomorrow"
She laugh, "Oh my word! You are a two-faced bitch you know.So you guys are good
now?"
I smile,looking at the walls of 'my' kitchen.
"Yes,now I'm stuck in the kitchen I don't know what to do.He went to take a shower and
left me here" I say.
"Food Yanga! Make him food,he is hungry"
"I know that,the question is what food to make?" I say.
"There is bread in that house,the guy is the baker surely there are eggs.Make a yummy
sandwich and juice"
She is right.Sandwich!Why didn't I think of that?
"Make sure you spread mayonnaise at the sides so that it leak out the bread and drop on
his fingers"
Lol.I don't want him to lick his fingers,I want him to lick my body.
"Okay I have to get started" I say.
"Update me with a text"
What's there to update about now? SMH.
He walk back dazzling in sleeveless vintage black t-shirt and stretch pant.I decided to
warm the chicken pieces we left earlier in the car.I serve him with icy juice and sit
opposite him.
He is looking at me with a huge grin.He is making me shy,I've never served a guy in my
life unless I was getting paid for it.
"Thank you" he say after a moment.
I expect him to eat but he take out his phone and take a picture.
I laugh, "What are you doing?"
"Storing memories MaShenge"
Memories? I wonder where my panty is.When I leave this house I need to take
something,for memories.

Chapter 23
.
Monday morning I'm at work getting eyes from everyone.Getting off his car in the
morning added to little whispers going around the bakery.The big question must be,is she
doing this for the job?
The brave ones like Asih asked me straight up, "Are you sleeping with him to secure your
job?"
It's unnatural of me to struggle with right words to get someone off my back,but with her
I'm always left shaking my head.The girl could die for news,she sniff them with her big
nose like it's nobody's business whereas it's our business.I just told her to punch the till
and stop worrying about me and my vagina.Speaking about that organ,it's on fire.I didn't
secure my job,it was secured by my personality and signed off in a contract,my vagina
secured me house spare keys and R200 for lunch.I don't know what I'm going to do with
spare keys,it's not like I will ever go to his house while he is not there.
"Girl it's lunch" say Amanda walking in.
"I didn't bring food,I will eat out"
"We can share"
She don't understand,I have R200 budgeted just for today's lunch.I can't let this
opportunity of lunching in a restaurant like Cynthia go to waste.
"No it's fine,I'm craving fish and chips anyway" I say.
"Craving? Are you pregnant?"
I burst out laughing.She overanalyze things,my middle name is condom.Sosha knows,I
don't care how horny he is he need to get a condom,even if it's in the next room.And I
always make sure it's inserted correctly.
"No I'm spoiling myself" I say.
Fish &Chips is a few minutes away from the bakery.I eat while chatting with
Ntando.Today she is going for a sleepover in Sanele's house.Remember today is our
official sex day,she want to put Amanda's remedies into action.She is a hypocrite because
she is the one who was dismissing them saying they are dangerous bla bla bla.
My lunch is almost over I should get going.I don't know if I'm being paranoid but I feel
like people are looking at me.I pick my pace and turn to the bakery.There is a car pulling
up.It look exactly like the one Sosha got as his birthday present.
I go straight to the store and get on my chair.Today it's a bit quiet,most Mondays are like
this though.I hardly use the book now,I know every cake there is inside this store.Only
few additional ones need me to refer to the book.
"Hello" say the voice next to me.
I look up a bit surprised.I didn't hear any footsteps.Maybe I was too focused on my
phone.It's none other than Dr Mahlangu.I keep my face composed,she could be here for
cakes.
"Hello can I help you?" I say getting off the chair.
"Yeah I'm looking for a cake,I'm having a babyshower"
My eyes land on her stomach immediately.She is flat as I am.By the way when are
babyshowers hosted? I thought when the mother start walking like a penguin,from six
months upwards.I didn't know people do babyshowers for fertilized eggs.
"We have different cakes,you can choose from girly decorated ones to boyish decorated
ones.What are you expecting?"
"A boy"
Oh wow! Are we sure she is a doctor? She sound like she need a doctor herself,a
psychologist to be precise.
I lead her to the right aisle and describe the cakes for her.She is staring at me the whole
time.Sizing me up maybe? Trying to aim where her fist can land nicely and effectively.
"So which one do you like?" I ask.
"You look like a good girl"
I lift my eyes up to her immediately.Was that a prescribed comment?
She take a deep breath and continue.
"I don't think you understand how long I've been with Justin.I've loved him through thick
and thin.We have fought,laughed,created memories and shared our lives together.I'm not a
crazy doctor as your online friends label me,I'm just fighting for the love of my life.I
believe every happy couple faced challenges and fought them along their journey"
It sounds like introduction of a prepared speech.I haven't been online in days so I don't
know what she is on about.
"I don't get your point" I say.
"Why would you destroy something I've worked so hard to build?"
She sound bruised,like she could break down any minute.
"What did I destroy? How exactly did I destroy it?" I ask.
"You knew Sosha was with me,you saw us at the party"
"I knew but I didn't care.The person you should be dealing with is the person you gave
your heart to.Destroying and building your relationship was between the two of you.I
don't understand how your failed relationship is my fault,I only fell inlove with a man who
said he love me"
Her glances dart around the store,then she let out a chuckle.She is no longer the broken
hearted girl she was seconds ago,there is rage pumping from her eyes.
"I'm trying to be civil with you.I don't think you know who I am"
Lord of South African doctors! Is she really doing this?
"Trust me I don't know half of the people in this place and I have no wish of knowing who
they are.Are we done here?"
"No,we are still talking farm girl" she say.
Now she is challenging my well-reasoning angel.I don't come from any farm,I come from
the rural areas.As the genius who spent seven years in medical school she should be able
to differentiate between rural area and a farm.She is insulting me,white people took all our
farms,I don't own even a yard of land.How am I a farm girl?
"You know I can drag you with your hair until you show me which farm I own?" I ask.
She smile, "Your height don't scare me,I'm not Mbali"
I need to walk away before I do something I'm going to regret.I'm meeting Craig later,he
want to see the progress I've made.Dealing with her is going to delay my progress.
"You will find me on the table when you've decided on your cake" I say taking steps
away.
Then she make the biggest mistake of her life.She grab my arm.Nobody grab me like
that.Nobody!
I don't know where Amanda was hiding,she just fly out of nowhere and pull me away.She
deserved more than two slaps,I don't even know what she is wailing for because I didn't do
anything to her.I was yet to start farming her face as a farmer.
"Did anyone see what happened?" ask Cynthia.
Everyone is now in the reception area looking at her.I make my back to the store.If
anyone need me they will find me here,Mpume found me here too.
Minutes later Amanda walk in and tell me Cynthia need me in her office asap.I don't know
how much trouble I'm in but I'm ready for anything.
"Yangomuhle sit down" she roars.
I was going to sit down anyway.I sit and look at her.
"How dare you attack a customer?"
I take a deep breath and process my words.
"I didn't like what she was saying to me so I walked away.She went on and grabbed me
then I slapped her"
She shake her head, "Do you know who she is?"
"Whoever she is she wasn't supposed to talk shit to me and grab me like that"
"Dating Mr Cele doesn't mean this is your bakery.Go home,we will call you for the
hearing.You broke the rules,they were written clearly on the contract you signed"
I nod my head and get off the chair and leave.I take my bag in the store and walk out of
their bakery.I don't know how I feel,a part of me isn't surprised that much,but there is a
pang of sadness in my heart.I need this job,for me and my family.
Craig has been calling,he don't understand,our sessions were covered by JC Bakers.I don't
have money to pay him out of my own pocket.
I take a long warm bath.I keep asking myself how did my day end like that? Ntando will
be disappointed.
I wonder if I need a lawyer for the hearing,if so then I will be my own lawyer.
When I walk out of the bathroom my phone is ringing.I take it out and look at the
caller.It's Amanda.
"Girl! Guess what?"
I don't have time for guessing.I just sigh and ask her what's going on.
"Your slap caused a miscarriage"
Whaaat? I wait two seconds for her to tell me she is kidding.
"I'm telling you,prepare yourself for the worst" she say.
When Ntando arrives I'm lying on the floor lost in my thoughts.Why did I get involved
with Sosha Cele?
"I heard what happened" she say.
Oh! Amanda told her already.
"Yeah,it's a mess"
"Where was Sosha?" she ask.
"Out,I think"
She sit on the couch and sigh.
"What are we going to do?"
"I'm waiting for the hearing"
"I'm talking about Mpume's situation" she say.
I shrug my shoulders.I know the bitch is lying but she will get away with it because she
have all resources she can support her lie with.
"She can get you arrested,I think we need to call Nyambose"
"What is he going to do Ntando?" I ask.
"He will decide"
We call her father and explain what happened.He start by shouting,for a moment I regret
ever calling him,but he promise to come and sort it out.
He don't ever come here,we only see him in town.You know what it means,spring
cleaning.
"Are there any dildos somewhere?"
Really now?
"I don't do plastic" I say.
We clean the kitchen and lounge then go to her room.
Bottles!
"You are unbelievable you know" I say hardly believing my eyes.
"I drank this when you were away"
She is lying.There are more than two bottles,hiding alcohol is a hobby to her.We change
her bed and go to my room.We are being dramatic,her father won't enter our rooms.I
rearrange my wardrobe,hiding Sosha's shirt behind my dresses.I stole his shirt,for
memories.It smell like him,I block his picture from my mind instantly.I don't want to
think about him.He could be hating me right now,I don't know how far Mpume is with her
lies.
"Bitch!"
What now?
I turn and look at her.
Hell no!!!
"What is that?" I ask.
"You see it's a condom foil"
I try to hold myself but fail and burst out laughing.Satan really work overtime.
"I can explain" I say buried in laughter.
"When? How? For how long?"
I have no choice but to speak the truth.Her jaws are on the floor.
"You are unbelievable!" she say.
"I'm sorry"
She shake her head, "Sorry don't fix anything.You broke the deal,this whole week you are
cooking"
"What? Ntando I'm not even sure you've been abstaining"
"Did you find condoms in my room?"
Sigh!
"Exactly.You are cooking darling"
I can't believe I was that careless.I was supposed to get rid of all evidence.
"Anyway how was it? How big is it? How long did he last?"
She have her arms folded as she throw her questions,curiously looking at me.Right now I
don't know who is worse between her and Asih.
"I will tell you when I'm emotionally okay but the conclusion is Ray J got nothing on him"
I say.
"Get out,tell me more"
Yep,she said that at once.Get out,tell me more.
I laugh and continue with cleaning.As per punishment I also need to cook,not just any
food,appropriate meal for Nyambose is coming.
I've been expecting police all afternoon,I mean I assaulted a pregnant woman.But they
don't come,I guess she didn't lay charges.I won't count my eggs yet,anything can happen.
Nyambose arrives,he is your rank manager type of man.You could swear he swallowed a
baby,his belly is a like a balloon.
He is shouting from the door.I thought he was done shouting when he shouted over the
phone.My ears are going to burst,he has a rank voice too.
"I don't know which language I must talk to you in,you two don't listen"
I like how he is shouting at both of us.He don't care that Ntando didn't do anything.We are
crowded on the single couch,looking like rained chickens.
"Does Buthelezi know?" he ask.
My eyes are going to pop on the floor.Buthelezi cannot know.
"No" Ntando answers.
"Who started first?"
Again,I explain how everything happened.
"What exactly were you fighting for? It can't be the word farm girl"
Silence.
"You were fighting for a boy?" he ask.
Silence.
"This is his mess then,give me his name" he say.
I don't have a choice,I tell him it was about Sosha Cele.I don't know how this is his mess
though,he didn't send Mpume nor motivate me to slap her.
I dish supper,he is going to hunt down Sosha after eating.You won't believe how much he
eat,he can eat for the whole South Africa.I used the biggest jug we have to make him
juice,he has poured three glasses already.
"I need to see the doctor's report of that girl then we will find a way foward,with that boy"
he say.
That boy is Sosha.If Mpume really miscarried,which I highly doubt,me and Sosha won't
work out.
"No Dad you need to have your doctor checking her,I don't trust her and her doctors.They
could lie" Ntando say.
The knock at the door disturb us.Ntando get up and go check.
Someone is at the wrong place,on the wrong time.My palms sweat
immediately.Nyambose has already seen him there is no warning him to run out.
He glare at me and Ntando.
"Who is this?"
I clear my throat, "It's Sosha"
"The one you were fighting for?"
"Baba I wasn't fighting for him,the girl called me farm girl and grabbed me" I say.
He don't care about that,he tell Sosha to sit down.Sosha is ready to die,his face is puffed
up.I'm sure he think Nyambose is my father.
"How did your girlfriend enter Yangomuhle's workplace and attack her?" he ask him.
He is rubbing his hands together,I can see beads of sweat on his forehead.
"I was not in the bakery when it happened" he say.
"What kind of a man are you? You can't control your polygamy.Tell me what's going to
happen now that your other girlfriend is claiming Yangomuhle caused her to miscarry?"
I'm still stuck on polygamy.I'm not in any polygamous relationship,if there is anything
like that.I also don't like how he is referring to Mpume as the 'girlfriend'.
"She can't provide proof so I will take it as a lie" he say.
"When are you paying lobola?"
Wtf!
Ntando is laughing behind her hands.How did he change the subject so fast?
"Soon" Sosha says.
My eyes turn to him,I hope is just covering up.
Nyambose look at me, "Did you hear that? Go dish for him and stop beating people"
Can he talk without raising his voice? He should've married MaJali,they would've
complimented each other.Two Mapononozas in one room.
Before leaving he threaten Sosha,scratch that he is not threatening him,he is promising
him.
"I dare you to fire her,we will sue your bakery.Next time this girl is going to send hitmen
to kill her right inside the store,your security system is crap"
Ntando walk him out.Now that he has mentioned it I realise how unsafe I am.Mpume's
words start ringing in my ears "I don't think you know who I am".It sounded like a threat.
"What happened Yanga?" his voice disturb my trail of thoughts.
Did he just call me Yanga?
"Huh?"
"What happened?" he ask again.
"She came to me in the store and blabbed about how unsympathetic I am for taking you
from her.I tried to explain myself then she called me farm girl and grabbed me when I
attempted to leave"
"And you hit her?" he ask.
I nod my head.
"What if she was really pregnant?"
"My emotions wouldn't be numb just because she is pregnant.Being pregnant don't give
anyone any rights to downgrade people and grab them.I'm not a farm girl,I don't own any
farm.Even you,you cannot show me any farm that is on my name.Doctor or not,pregnant
or not,nobody talk to me like that"
He stare at me for a good while.I hold his stare,not even a blink take my eyes away.His
eye won't scare me,I swallowed a bull's eye.
"Then you cancelled your session with Craig?" he ask.
He have all details mos,why is he still asking.
I keep quiet and look at him.
"Why Yanga?"
It sound wrong when he call me by name.
"Sosha I'm currently suspended from the bakery,I can't pay Craig on my own" I say.
He only ate few spoons of his food.I guess I didn't cook well,it didn't impress his Italian
appetite.He get up on his feet and push his hands inside the pockets.
"Let's go" he say.
"Go where?"
"My house.Go pack your bag"
He is ordering me now.He knows that I hate it.
"I'm not going to your house" I tell him.
"Don't piss me off Yangomuhle"
I put my feet on the coffee-table and fold my arms.He can be pissed off until he is pissed
on again,I don't give a damn.
He take a deep breath, "Please let's go to my house.I don't know what Mpume is thinking
where she is,I don't want you to be away from me"
Eventually he convince me to leave with him.I pack my bag again and get ready to
leave.Ntando is also on her way out.
"He is angry" she whispers.
I just roll my eyes.
We hug goodbye and seperate for the night.This guy is not talking to me now.He is not
even playing music to cut down the awkward silence.
Two hours later I'm in his house alone.He is nowhere to be found.I don't know why he is
doing this,maybe he want me to boil and explode.He fetched me from Ntando's company
so that I can watch walls of his house.
I stay up until 23h00,hoping he will come home.Even his phone is not going through.
I have no other choice but to close my eyelids and force sleeping.
I wake up in the morning at 6:43am,still this guy is not here.My insecurities have kicked
in,in my mind he is with Mpume.This is the greatest insult of them all.If he needed time
with her he shouldn't have made me come to his house.I'm not his housekeeper.However
I'm going to make my housekeeping worthwhile.
I start off by taking a shower.I put his lotion because I like how it smell.I'm not just
lotioning,I'm also taking it home with me.
I dress up and find my way to the kitchen.There are construction workers by the road,I bet
they are hungry.He have four trays of boerwors,I guess he like braaing.I throw all of it
inside the oven.
Some people don't like boerwors,they like chicken.I find 2kg of frozen chicken and slam it
against the wall.
That's how us,black people,defrost.We have so much anger that we kill the chicken even
when it's dead.Two minutes later it's defrosted into pieces,I put it inside the pot and boil it.
Remember I'm making breakfast so I need eggs and toasted bread.I put pan on the stove
and start frying eggs.Fifty two eggs from the 60eggs pack,he has only eaten eight.
I have cooked for the whole South Africa.I dish on the new set of plates and take drinks
from his bar fridge.
"Good morning" I greet a group of workers.
"Morning sistera"
"I made breakfast for you.Can I bring it here?"
"Yes sistera,thanks yoh"
They can't believe it.They whistle for others to come closer.I leave them looking for shade
to sit under.
The voice shout behind me, "Don't you need help sistera?"
I do need help.Two guys follow me.We make two back and forth trips then we are done.
"You can keep the plates" I tell them.
"These plates are expensive" one say.
I smile, "I know,keep them"
There is a car pulling up infront of the house.It's not his car,a strange man get out of it.I
hope it's not Mpume's hitman.He is wearing smart to be a hitman though.
Oh! He is with him.He get off the passenger door,he is wearing different clothes.They are
staring at me as I make my way toward them.
"Good morning" I greet and walk past.
I wipe the kitchen counter and throw dirty dishes inside the sink.My stomach is
growling,I'm also hungry.I finished the bread,what am I going to eat now?

Chapter 24
.
He walk in after a while.He is standing by the counter and staring at my back.
"Hello" he greet after clearing his throat.
I keep quiet.I'm gazing inside the fridge,contemplating on what I can eat.I don't like
anything in here.I want the boerwors I gave those people.I should've saved some for
myself.What happened to 'take a deep breath and process your thoughts'?
"MaShenge"
Oh now I've gained my name back,yesterday I was Yanga.
I turn and look at him, "Hello Justin how are you?"
"I'm good,how are you?"
"I'm good too"
He is trying to observe my expression.My emotions are kept in the can,my face is calm as
Sphelele's sex.Amanda said he do it calmly.His dick is very humble,she said.You know
it's crazy how every girl want a humble guy but nobody want a humble dick.The guy must
not be stubborn but his dick must be stubborn,what's the heck? Someone once said girls
are the most confusing species on earth.Well I disagree,we are not that complicated.We
just want everything in round squares with triangle corners.Yes I said triangle corners but
why did you make triangle corners?
"I slept in my brother's place.I didn't want to fight with you,you were on fight mode
yesterday"
I let out a contemptuous chuckle,he think I'm stupid.I'm not,I finished school.
"I didn't ask where you slept" I say.
"Can I hug you?"
I lift my brows up.He is testing me.He disappeared all night,there is no way I want a hug
from him.Who knows where his arms have been!
"No thank you.You know what,I think I have stayed enough in your house"
"What do you mean?"
Is he that dumb?
"I want to leave" I say.
He grab me just when I attempt to walk away.It take everything in me not to react
harshly.He pull me closer to his face and glare at me.
"Why can't we fix things like adults?"
"I want to go,please"
My 'please' is not begging,it's a sweet cup of warning.I normally don't do warnings.
"You are not going anywhere"
OMG! Who is he? He just said it like he is my husband.Where are his cows? The ring?
Did anyone hear car hoots? Somebody must've sang; isencane lengane.Wtf! I pull my
hand away but he tighten his grip.My blood start boiling.
"What's happening here?"
The voice come from the doorway.I thought the man left already.What is he still doing
here?
"Sosha let go of her hand" he say.
He let it go immediately and give me one dead look.I take a deep breath and turn to walk
away.The man stop me.He call me by MaShenge.I recognise his voice immediately and
spot the resemblance.Suddenly I need earth to open up and swallow me.I bet he think I'm
the lunatic girl.
"He slept in my house" he say.
He is too old to lie.My age-analyzer say he is 35years or nearer.No man,this is his
brother,age won't stop him from covering up for him.
I nod my head and walk away.I can't disappear fast enough.It feels like Bayede's eyes are
glued on my back.I didn't want the first time we meet to be like this.It has undoubtedly
painted another picture of me.A crazy girlfriend.
Sosha walk in the bedroom after a while.He find me sitting on bed with my bag next to
me.I'm nolonger sure leaving is what I want right now.We need to talk,like adults.
"What must I eat?" he ask.
"I don't know what you want to eat"
He stare at me for a little while then take my bag and walk out.When he walk back he
close the door behind him and lock it.
"Mpume was not pregnant" he say.
Delayed news! He would've made tortoise of a journalist.
He sit next to me and take a deep breath.
"I'm sorry for the drama,I sorted it out"
"What do you mean you sorted it out?" I ask.
"She won't trouble you again"
I will only believe that if I don't see her posts in the next three months.For now I'm going
to sleep with one eye open.
He put his arm around my shoulder and turn my face to him.He keep kicking his dry
lips.He is really hungry,now I feel like Lucifer's firstborn.
"Your appointment with Craig is scheduled for 2:30pm today" he say.
I nod my head.If there is anyone I'm dying to see it's him.I need to offload,a lot has
happened since our last session.
He put his hand on the side of my face and peck my lips.
"We are going to be okay MaShenge"
My heart melt like ice.I'm happy to be MaShenge again.He lock his lips on mine and push
me down on the pillows.He rest his chest on top of me and bore my eyes with his stare.
"You jilted me all night baby" I say.
He broke my heart,he is the one who preached about staying and talking things through
when there are problems.Yet he is the one who left,I don't even know what for.I gave him
my side of the story.
"I'm sorry" he say.
He don't look sorry,he is smiling.I take my eyes off him and curl my lip up.He let out a
chuckle and pull my earlobe with his lips.
"Do you know how much I love you MaShenge?" he ask.
I press my lips firmly and shake my head.I feel his hand going up my thighs.His eyes are
magnetic drawn to me.
"I love you more than I love myself" he say.
He shut my smile with a kiss.His fingers lock on my hand.All my anger has vanished,I'm
melting from his stare.Love is crazier than me.It forgive so easily and pump more
kilograms regardless of the yesterdays.I'm not sure about kilograms being the unit of love
though.
"What's the name of your hairstyle?"
I frown then giggle.Where is the hairstyle?
"This is my hair,I only tied it in a knot" I say.
"You're beautiful"
He should compliment this beauty more often rather than disappearing all night.There is a
baby arm sliding in between my thighs.He swipe his thumb over my lip and smile.
"Did you call home today?"
He never forget to ask me this question.One day I should activate my gold-digging human
and tell him I don't have airtime.You know as a black South African girl I think I've lost
my roots,how can I date a guy for more than a month and not even once had I asked him
for airtime or data? One thing people should understand about South Africa is that it's no
America.Yes we also like flowers and chocolates but not before airtime and data.I mean if
you buy me flowers without buying me data first how the hell am I going to upload my
flowers on Instagram?
"No,I last called them yesterday morning" I say.
He nod and smile.His smile reach his eyes.
"Your brothers will kill me one day"
I laugh.I'm glad he got the message.My brothers would kill for me.He must watch
Sabatha,that child is capable of killing.He is already punching other kids faces.
Oh fuck!
He is moaning on top of me.His shaft is completely inside me.How the hell...?
My nipple is latched inside his mouth.He is sucking,moaning and thrusting.The sensations
are pulling me in all directions.I can barely keep up to where they are travelling next.I'm
screaming like a white lady getting a black dick for the first time.My wave build up and
break into thousand colourful stars.I float in New York city for a minute.
"Baby please hold me" his voice disturb my cloud nine.
His thrusts has picked a new pace.He is now running a marathon on top of me.He is
breathing audibly through his mouth.
I wrap my arms around his waist.I'm turned on to hear him crying out for his mother.I bet
the poor mother is traumatised in her grave.
"BABY PLEASE HOLD ME" now he is screaming.
I don't know which 'hold me' he is referring to because I'm holding him.I tighten my arms
around him and move my waist up to meet his thrust.His hand grip on my shoulder,my
bones are about to dismantle.I've watched many scary movies but I haven't came across a
face that match his at the moment.Not even from alien movies.
He roll off me and collapse next to me.It's funny how girls never feel a man's weight
during sex.Now that I'm looking at him lying next to me I'm like how the heck did my
chest carry this 50kg? Worse I'm hungry.
Wait.....the condom!
My heart is not beating normal.There is a little kick in my stomach.I think I can feel the
head at the side of my stomach.
"Sosha" I say in almost whisper.
"Mmmmm"
Don't tell me he is still out of his senses.You fuckin' spread your seeds inside me,hello!
"You didn't use the condom" I say.
He open his eyes and look at me.They have nothing but lust.He pull me closer and suck
my lips slowly.His shaft is getting hard again.It's my date of death today.I don't know
where he is getting all the energy from.I thought he was hungry.
I lie flat on my stomach,trying to catch my breath.He was spreading my legs like I'm some
karate trainee.My joints actually hurt,maybe I should befriend the gym for a few months.
His hand grab my arm, "MaShenge"
I force my neck to turn and face him.His face is wan.He lick his dry lips and penetrate me
with his eyes.
"I'm hungry" he say.
I let out a sigh.This is torture.I'm also hungry,why must I be the one to make food? There
is no bread to start with.Can't he bake it or something? Gosh.
I leave him lying on bed and go to the bathroom.I need a quick shower then I will go see
what I can do in the kitchen.Come to think about it I've never done the girlfriend tradition
correctly,I need to put his t-shirt on and drag his sleepers.That's what girlfriends do when
they think ain't no ass hotter than theirs in the guy's eyes.Relationship stage-We Share
Everything.
Somewhere in the house there is TV playing.Did Sosha leave it playing? He need to stop
wasting electricity.Rich people are the reason why we have loadshedding in South Africa
then they blame it on us because we don't have lawyers.
Oh no! Bayede is still here.He is sitting on the kitchen table.I need at least Empangeni
Jesus to save me.I heard there is Jesus who live in Empangeni.It must be nice residing
there,you can marry and get Jesus himself to pronounce you wife and husband.I wonder if
that one can turn water into wine,if so our next girls trip must be in Empangeni.
I can't appear like this,what am I wearing? Scratch that,how did I end up dressed like this?
It's too late for me to run,he has already seen me.I don't even know where to cast my eyes
to.I hope he didn't hear all those 'baby hold me' screams.
"MaShenge"
He is acknowledging me,I guess.I walk forward with a stupid look on my face.I have no
idea how to react in his presence.He is a big brother,and he can end his stepmother and
father's lives.Yes I heard that correctly,this man is capable of ending lives.
"I'm sorry to invade your kitchen,I needed something to eat" he say.
I would love to give myself a hard slap right now.
"Did you find anything?" I ask.
"Yes,fruits"
I'm the worst brother's girlfriend on earth.He only ate fruits! I make my way to fridge and
take out frozen pies.I don't even know how much they eat.There is a huge difference
between rural men and urban men.There is no difference between urban men and girls
though.They all diet and exfoliate their skin.In rural areas there is no time for dieting,there
is free meat and dumplings every weekend.As for skin exfoliation,those men don't even
lotion their bodies.
I don't know what to do while waiting for the pies to cook.Now I'm standing next to the
oven like a lost person.
"How are they in Squmbe?" His voice can be mistaken with Myalo's.It's confined with
maturity and authority but it's friendly at the same time.
"They are okay" I say.
Squmbe is Mandeni's Spar.Only our Spar got a nickname,Squmbe.Most people,like
him,mistake the whole Mandeni town as Squmbe.
"When are we going to see them?"
His question is a bit confusing.Who is them?
He chuckle to my silence response and free me to sit with him on the table.
"His clothes suit you" he say.
He is pulling my leg,I look like a rich street kid.
"Thanks"
A moment of silence passes.He is staring at me like he is contemplating on how to start
whatever it is that he want to say.
Eventually he ask, "Do you really love him?"
Mlando asked me the very same question.Now it feel they are doubting my feelings for
their brother.
"I'm not with him for any other reason"
He nod, "That's all he need"
Well I think my pies are ready.I take them out and put them on the plates.The empty space
on the side of the cupboard is ridiculous.I shouldn't have gave his plates away.Craig is
going to call his own therapist as soon as I leave his office.I'm not normal,whoever
counsels me need to be counseled too.
I serve Bayede and put my plate and Sosha's on the tray.
"You are going to eat in your bedroom?" he ask.
"Yes"
"I'm a guest,where is your hospitality people?"
Oh my word! I did say I'm the worse brother's girlfriend,here is proof.
He smile, "I'm kidding,go eat your man"
Eat your man or eat with your man? Huh! I will say his tongue slipped.
"Next time you are angry at him please give away his watches,and make sure I'm around
before you do it"
Wow! So I'm the crazy girlfriend now? This is motivation to never let anger get better of
me.
He is asleep! No he is not,he open his eyes as soon as I sit next to him.
"Must I feed you?" I ask.
"Next time"
He take his food and dig in.Within minutes he has finished both pies.He was really
hungry.
"Do you want more?" I ask.
"No babe,eat"
I know one pie will satisfy me,I put one on his plate.He finish it again! This is way above
me now.
I take plates back to the kitchen after eating.Bayede is still here,maybe he is moving in.
Urgh! He is asleep,for real now.His phone is next to the pillow,I feel devil's long finger
poking my shoulder.Go for it Yanga!
Password? Geez!
The hand grab the phone from my hands.I nearly get a heart attack.He was snoring
seconds ago.
"What do you want?" he ask.
Oh Lord!
"Time" I say after clearing my throat.
He unlock it and push it back in my hands.The time is 12:17pm.He have lot of
notifications though.
"You still don't see time?"
I ignore him and scroll down his inbox.
"MaShenge don't do that.I'm not hiding anything but I still have stuff to delete" he say.
There is a text that start with; I miss your dick...
I go blind and deaf same time.His hands grab the phone away.He is wide awake now.I
didn't check the date of the text but I'm fuming.
He inhale sharply and shift closer to me.I can't even look at him.
"Can we not fight this week?"
I give him silence reply.
"Can I have a look at your phone too?"
What???
My eyes are going to pop out.It's not just freaky porn videos,I have inappropriate
messages and pictures.I still need to delete some stuff.
"No battery" I say.
"I will charge it"
I shouldn't have touched his phone,it was like digging my own grave.
I bite my lip seductively.
"I want you to charge me" I say.
"Huh?"
I throw my leg over him.I can't believe I'm using my father's kraal as distraction.Everyone
is a whore,each is whoring in her own way.I catch him like a fish,meaning my vagina is a
net.His hand is already under my legging.
"So are you charging the phone or me?" I ask.
"You baby"
There you go soldier boy!
Wait...
"Where is the condom?" I ask.
"Not today,please"
Wtf!
"Dude are you trying to get me pregnant?"
He chuckles, "No.I just love feeling your flesh"
"Condom or no sex,you decide"
"No sex"
What? Nooooooo.
"You don't mean that" I say in shock.
"I do"
This devil is serious.Unbelievable!
"Then take me back home" I say.
"But you are not here for sex,you are visiting me"
He keep shocking me,now I'm not here for sex.
"Who told you that?" I ask.
He burst out laughing and bury his face on my chest.
I'm late for my appointment.Too late,almost thirty minutes late.Sosha is the one to
blame,he should've done it like Sphelele and let me go.
He don't work with me only,when I get in his office he is busy.I wait an hour before going
in.
"How are you?" he ask.
I smile, "I'm fantastic"
He lift up his eyebrow and rub his chin.
"I'm not lying,I'm good Craig" I say.
"The fight? What was it about?"
Oh that!
I sigh dramatically.I wish we can forget about it.Who is feeding him these news anyway?
"The girl wanted me to slap her so I did" I say.
"You played right in her hands.What if she was really pregnant?"
"I didn't hit her stomach,I slapped her face"
He pass me a small booklet.It's about self-control and confidence.I don't have self-control
and confidence,that's why he is giving me this.
"Do you know what serious offence assault is in South Africa,especially on a pregnant
woman?" he ask.
I shake my head.Nobody has been arrested for slapping someone in Ndulinde.We slap
each other like it's nobody's business.If someone talk shit to you and you don't have time
to argue with her you just slap her.It's allowed,even at home Sabatha and Mbuso are not
allowed to talk to me however they like.I'm older than them,slapping them is not assault.
Any elder around my home is allowed to instill manners in me or any child.A strange
woman once chased me with a stick for standing with a group of boys before school.Till
today I don't know who she was.All she said asked was "Did MaJali send you to school or
here?" Then she popped a stick out of nowhere and chased me.
Now that I've came to Durban I realise that it was assault.I wonder if she knows what
serious offence assault is in South Africa.
"You are bigger than that Yanga,you're bigger than everything that has happened in your
life.Now that you've exposed your weakness to everyone people are going to use it against
you.Your anger will be your downfall"
I chew on each word he say.There is sense to all of them.Clearly I have a long journey
ahead of me.I'm no where near normality.
"Do you remember how defensive you were? Denying to have an issue?"
I nod, "I remember"
"I want that spirit back,in a different form"
I look at him attentively.If there is anything I want it's self-control.
"Go against the girl challenges want you to be.If they want you to be angry tell yourself
'I'm not angry,I'm bigger than that'.Take a different direction,don't let situations determine
where you must go.Deny being who people want you to be"
If I was in church I would've shouted Hallelujah.Deny being who people want you to
be,that's my goal right now.

Chapter 25
.
I got a call from Amanda saying my hearing is next week on Wednesday.I don't
understand why this is taking so long.Not knowing what the future hold is driving me
crazy.Am I still JC Bakers sales assistant? I expected Sosha to give the heads up,that's his
company,but he is quiet about it.He is only keeping me in his house.I've been here since
Monday,he bullied me into it.My stay has been nothing but peaches and cream.I've been
eating food I've never tasted in my life,the kind of food I watch on Cooking With Chef so
and so.Now even if you wake me up at 3am in the morning and ask me to eat with fork
and knife,honey I will take fork with my left hand and knife with my right.I'm on that
level of life sweety.But more than anything I enjoy the company I have.He is the best,each
minute I spend with him deepens my love for him.He is so caring and sweet and
understanding.I'm Beyonce I tell you, I'm dangerously in love.
I miss Ntando though,we call each other three or four times a day.She call me Phashasha,I
can't describe how much that annoy me in words.Phashasha is a woman in my
neighbourhood,she don't have a home,she live with whichever man she is sleeping with at
the moment.She is like the queen of vaat'n sit.
By the way I'm cooking isikhintshane.He said this is my kitchen,so I will cook what I
like.It's my first time cooking dinner in this house,when he come back he will have the
surprise of his life.I'm sitting infront of the stove,I have to make sure my pot don't burn.
I keep checking the time,it's way past bakery knock off time.I'm getting irritated,he said
he is gone to sign a few documents.
"My love"
His ancestors really work,I was about to send him two page message.He peck my lips and
ask if I'm okay.Well I am now,he is here.
"There was a woman who came to look for you in the bakery"
"A woman?" I ask.
"Yeah,she was dark and short.She left her number for you to contact her as soon as you
can"
I don't know any dark,short woman who might look for me in my workplace.I take her
number and save it.I will decide later if I want to call her,I work hard for my airtime.
"Do you want to go out?" he ask.
"No"
"People know about us.How long are we going to hide?"
I haven't thought about it.It's not something I'm intending to do soon.I don't have the right
clothes,weave nor make up set.I don't want to trend on Twitter;
#FromDanoneToMahewu.You know how cruel people on social media are.
I ignore the question and change the subject.
"I cooked today"
His pupils dilate with excitement.
"Really? What did you cook?"
"Isikhintshane"
The frown on his face! Today I'm bringing back Mthaniya's world.No Zulu person must
be clueless about his traditional food.King Shaka worked hard to build this tribe,we can't
let pizzas destroy it.
"What is that?" he ask.
We talked about before,I only changed the name.I'm calling it the Mandeni way.
"It's a mixture of beans and maize meal"
"Oh that's nice"
Maybe not.His face transform into awe as soon as I put the plate infront of him.He look
exactly like me on the Italian dinner night.
"We are just eating it like this?"
I smile and put a glass of juice next to his plate.There is no fork and knife.Who told you
Zulus that you can stab food before eating? You are mocking how our king died,huh!
"Eat with your hand" I tell him.
Gosh! He eat with his fingers.
"Use your whole hand and squeeze it then put it in your mouth"
I feel like a food coach.He is not enjoying it,he is having a hard time with swallowing.I
could give him a spoon but that will be an insult to isikhintshane and our ancestors.
"Down it with juice" I say.
He grab the glass and gulp the juice.
I show him how to squeeze it into the right shape.He ask me to do it for him and start
laughing.
"What's funny? You shouldn't mock our traditional food,you will anger the ancestors" I
say.
He laugh even more.
"So you shape it into a shrewd penis and eat"
He is unbelievable! This is food,you can't compare it to such disgusting organ.Not really
disgusting,but you get my point.It's not appropriate.
"That's inappropriate to say,especially about food" I say.
"Roll the penis for me baby,I'm hungry"
Sigh! I shouldn't have cooked isikhintshane,he is turning it into a huge stupid joke.
"I like spinach and pap" he say.
I think he is indirectly asking me to cook him pap and spinach one day.Well I hate
spinach,I grew up eating it for breakfast and supper.
I only say "Mhhh" and continue with squeezing isikhintshane for both of us.I wonder if
this is how our grandparents wooed each other on their dates.Think about it,this is
romantic.
He look at me with a smile, "Thank you baby"
"You're welcome my Italian soldier"
He offer to clean the kitchen for me.I'm not a fool,I know he is just spoiling me for the
sake of first trimester.He won't be doing this after five months,he is a South African
man.Even if he does it his friends would tell him I gave him korobela and take him to a
sangoma.In Mzansi we don't believe in 'nice men'.
He walk in with a phone on his ear.He is done cleaning? That was fast.
"She won't agree" he tell the caller.
He/she must've said something funny,he is blocking my ears with his laugh.I can't hear the
television anymore.
"Talk to her,she is here"
I want to screeeeam.He always make me speak with his friends.I don't even like some of
their voices.They just rumble with their advanced English,asking me silly questions and
laughing.They involve me in their silly arguments and expect me to pick sides.Sometimes
I just don't have the energy,I have my own crazy friends.One is an alcoholic who keep
bottles inside her wardrobe and another one is a sex addict.
Do I have a choice though? I don't want to come across as a mean girlfriend.
"Hello"
"MaShenge"
For a second I'm not sure whether it's Myalo or Bayede.
"Are you okay there?" he ask.
I lift my eyes to Sosha,he is listening attentively.
"Yes"
"Can I steal your man for an hour or so?"
I can't help the frown forming on my face.I don't know how he plan to steal a 29year old
man,eitherway I'm not staying in this house alone.
"No" I say.
"You don't understand,I need the cake otherwise I'm dead"
Now I'm confused.What does Myalo want from me?
"The fool forgot his sister's birthday,in the morning she is coming to his house" Sosha
explains.
Now that make sense..No it doesn't.
"Guys what's going on?" I ask loud for both of them to hear.
"He want me to go bake his cake in the kitchen,now"
Oh! That's his version of stealing him from me.He could've been a poet,the art of words!
"That's fine,I will help him too" I tell Myalo.
He glare at me, "Are you crazy?"
Why is he whispering?
"I'm not crazy,we will bake the cake" I say loud.
"MaShenge I can't live without you" Myalo say laughing.
I also laugh,he is glaring at me like I'm the one who made his head big.He take the phone
and tell Myalo to fuck off.
OMG! He look super sexy with his apron on.I stand for a good minute just staring at
him.Ain't nothing sexier than a man in the kitchen.
"You said you will help" he say.
"I'm helping"
I mean who got the butter out of the fridge? The saucepan? Pheww! I'm taking a little
break.
"What's the name of the cake you're making?" I ask.
"German chocolate cake"
Do you know the patience and passion and fight I put waiting to see the German chocolate
cake? I had two cups of coffee,just so I can stay awake.
He is done with the cake.I expected to see a German flag or anything that shows the cake
is a German one.But there is nothing,It's just a cake like any other cake.
He put it inside the refrigerator and take his apron off.
"No!"
He turn and look at me with questioning eyes.
"Don't take it off" I say.
"Why?"
"I love the baker you.Why didn't you wear the hat?"
He chuckles, "It's a toque blanche"
"Whatever,you wear the thing in your head,it's a hat"
His French accent is amazing.By the way I miss his French kiss.I take a bath first,he is
still cleaning his mess in the kitchen.There is a blotter I always see and ignore in his
shelf,today I can't help myself,I open it.It's handwritten with a heading; Dear Sir,on top of
the first page.It's a collection of poems or short stories,I don't know.
I feel his presence and lift my eyes up.They meet his,he don't look pleased.Maybe this is a
confidential journal.
"I only read the title" I say putting it back in its place.
He don't say anything,he take his watch off and leave the phone on bed and walk to the
bathroom.Now I'm curious,what's in that blotter? Who wrote it? Why is he angry?
He walk back after a while and unwrap the towel and get on bed.He was teaching me how
to sleep naked the past few days.
"Are you okay?" he ask.
I take a deep breath and look at him.You'd think I'm lying if I say he was angry ten
minutes ago.He is giving me adorable eyes and smiling.
"I'm not okay" I say.
His smile is replaced with concern.
"What's wrong?" he ask.
"The blotter is what's wrong.Is there something you are hiding from me?"
His hands tie me, "No baby"
"What's in the book?"
Sometimes I sound like a crazy girl.My tone just flip out of nowhere.After self-control I
should book for voice-control lessons.
"It's nothing,just my poems" he say.
A deep breath and a minute!
"Can I have a look?" I ask.
He nod his head.I get the blotter and lie on his arms reading it silently.These words don't
sound like him however the writing style is his even though it was a bit sloppy here.
"You wrote this?" I ask.
"Yes...I just...Yeah I wrote it"
He look uncomfortable.I'm in shock.Am I dating Kwazi Nsele? If he can write something
like this he might as well contact him and ask for connection.He surely would open doors
for him in the poetry industry.He is one of the best poets I know,and he come from the
rural areas.Slowly but surely we are making it in life too.My people are striving for their
future,they are showing the world that drinking water with cows didn't affect them,instead
it made them better.
"Can you read it for me?" I ask.
"No baby,no"
I kiss his lip and look at him with a puppy face.
"Please" I beg.
He sigh and take it.
"Let's sit up" he say.
I get between his legs and rest my back on his chest.He wrap his arms around me and
balance the blotter on my our entwined hands.
"Dear Sir,again I cannot come forward
Not because I don't take your classes fruitful
But because I will need more time and more ears.
Your time is limited,my time need timeless timing.
I,Myself,could never be presented in designed couple of minutes.
I would not bother myself and waste your limited time,
Save time for others,put zero for me.
I'm not trying to be rude,Dear Sir I'm needy than the rest.
My Myself don't have a favourite song,it's out of your category.
My category of a favourite song is the pattern of rain drops
Falling on the corrugated roof of my father's aloof house.
The pattern of my heartbeat against my chest
As I lurk behind the door,waiting for anything to happen.
The pattern of my Toughees thwacking on the tiled floor,
As I dash from one room to another,blood dropping off my skin.
As I said Dear Sir,zero is better for me.My Myself is too much.
I heard about their favourite places,they chose so well
That's why I clapped my hands more than anyone.
Sir let me clarify,I do have something to say
Listen I,too,have favourite food
It's in a quiet place,the plate I eat with no words
No salads of reminders of what a failure I am
Food that fill my tummy,as well as my heart
Dear Sir,the bell will ring just when I begin
My Myself need no ringing bells,as I said
Put zero next to my name.
My,Myself,is a young boy looking for answers
So Dear Sir if I return your answersheet blank
If I don't raise my hand like others
Know that I'm not trying to be rude
I cannot answer your questions before
Mine have been answered.
Use your red pen,it's my favourite colour by the way
And put zero next to my name"
The book drop downface on my thighs.His hands reach up to my shoulder.I'm carrying my
heart with my palms.It's like a bag of cement.My mind just raced back to the picture of
him in his school uniform in his study room.He had his school tie wrapped on his wrist,the
collar of his shirt was pulled up,there was no care on his face.He was not interested,not
even on the cameraman taking the picture.
"How old were you when you wrote this?" I ask.
"14years"
Wow!
"I felt it" I say.
"Did you call the woman?"
Oh snap! I completely forgot about it.
"I will call her tomorrow,I don't have airtime"
He reach for his phone and scroll it infront of my face.He is buying airtime,my God is too
muchooo.By the way I do have airtime,I was practising my Africanism.My heart smile as
my phone beep.
"Thank you baby" I say.
He give my neck a smacker and throw his phone back on the pillow.
I reverse the conversation, "You had a rough time growing up,hey"
"It's not something I like talking about but yeah.Bayede was sent to the boarding
school,Mlando had a nanny and I was that 'go play outside' child"
I get that he say he don't like talking about it but curiosity killed mangobe.I ask him to
elaborate the 'go play outside' child for me.I've never heard anything like that in my life.
"It's a story of another day" he say.
"Did they beat you?"
"Yes"
His hand go down on my breast.I've concluded their are his favorite part of my body.His
hands usually stay on them,even when we are watching TV.
"MaShenge I have IED" he say.
I can fake everything but I can't fake knowledge.What is IED? A political party,maybe.If
so,I'm behind him all the way.
"What is that?" I ask.
"It's intermittent explosive disorder.I can be very,very angry and irrational"
I turn my head and look at him.The word disorder scares me.His eyes are filled with
sudden fear,he is swallowing nothingness.Is it that serious?
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I have recurring outbursts,when they occur I become aggressive and violent and..."
I cut him in, "Violent???"
"I will never hurt you,it's something I work on everyday.I take antidepressants and mood
stabilizers.Once in a month I attend cognitive behavioral therapy"
Holy Shepard! This deeper than I thought.There is behavioral therapy involved!
"Please don't leave me,I can see fear in your eyes.I direct my anger to the gym and walls.I
would never hurt you MaShenge"
I sigh, "What makes you angry?"
"It can be absolutely nothing"
What? He is a madman.
"I love you.I'm not lost when I'm with you,you make me so happy" he say.
I swallow, "Oh okay"
Disappointment flush through his eyes.I didn't say I love him too.I'm still shocked.
He take a deep breath, "My grandmother taught me how to pray,let's pray"
He is kidding,right? Praying is a skill.
No,he is dead serious.He is putting his gown on,I take we can't pray naked so I put mine
on too.I wonder what's wrong with it,Adam and Eve must've prayed naked,there was no
Trustworthy in Eden.
I don't know how to pray,I just ask and ask and ask.He is good at it,he know all God's
nicknames.I will listen and contribute Amen at the end.

Chapter 26
.
Two seconds after telling her I regret it.She is blowing things out of proportion,assuming
crazy stories of what Sosha might do to me.In her mind she has concluded him as a
madman.
"Ntando do you even know what IED is?" I ask.
"You said it's a mental condition"
God! How do I make her unhear this? I shouldn't have ran my mouth knowing what a
drama queen she is.This is a confidential matter,Sosha told me because he trust me.
"Alright please do me a favour and not tell anyone" I say.
"My lips are sealed"
My eyes land on his picture on the wall.He has been gone for hours.How long does it take
to wish Myalo's sister a happy birthday? I run my fingers on the frame of the picture.It's
crazy how I went from uncomfortable in his presence to a complete sucker of it.I always
want to be around him,if he leave the house a few hours I get miserable and angry.
"I love him Ntando,with his condition and all the things.He is a great person,good hearted
and humble.I'm afraid I might not be giving him the same support he give me,the support
he deserve"
"You are there Yanga,even after he told you about his madness" she say.
"It's not madness,stop saying that"
"Okay I'm sorry but you are there,you love him and give your cookie to him seven days a
week.That's supportive enough"
I hear a little voice screaming outside the door.I thought suburbs neighbours don't bother
each other.Each person stay in his house.Apparently they don't even know each other's
name.It's not like Ndulinde where I know a woman behind the mountain and her kids and
who she is sleeping with.Here people don't know each other.Hell,they don't even greet
each other.
"I don't give him seven days a week,last night we only cuddled and slept.Stop imagining
stories,do you hear bitch?"
She burst out laughing.I open the door and find a pair of eyes gazing at the door.She slide
in at the side and run inside the house.She is wearing a pink dress and boots.
Baam! Something fall to the floor.
"Babe let me call you back" I tell Ntando and end the call.
What's up with this kid? I gaze around to see if she is with anybody.Bayede's car is here.
"MaShenge" the little voice scream somewhere inside the house.
This child calls me MaShenge! She is screaming my name as if she know me.
She come running to my direction and stand infront of me with her face popped up.
"I want croque monsier" she say.
The frown on my face!
"What???"
Bayede's voice break in, "Maya"
He look at me and smile.I want to return the smile but what's the fuck is this Maya saying?
Crook what?
"Good morning" he greet me.
"Morning"
He send a message to Maya by lifting his eyebrows.She giggles and greet me.She is
beautiful,her hair look like mine.Natural,black and silky.Should it bother me that I have
the same hairstyle as a child? Girls of my age have Peruvian weaves on.
"We are here to say hi" he say scooping her in his arms.
"I want a croque monsier"
Oh it's croque not crook.Maybe it's a toy in her bedroom,in my mind I'm thinking of a
little plastic crocodile.
"Your uncle is not here" he tell her.
She turn her big eyes to me and clasp her hands together.
"MaShenge pleeeeease"
My word! I can't even google the thing,they are looking at me.I have no choice but to
prove my ignorance to the big brother.
"What is that?" I ask.
"It's ham and cheese sandwhich"
It's a joke! Why such big words for bread,ham and cheese? What's the drama for? Either
it's a semishi or kota.This is South Africa not France.
"Why can't she just say that?" I ask laughing.
He smile and kiss her cheek, "She is a French princess"
She jump off her father and grab my hand.I'm not good with children,there is no value in
their conversations,they find topic on everything.I prefer adults,they talk about things that
matter.Men,sex and liquor prices.
"Can I have my ham fried?" she say tapping her hand on my arm,she is motivating me to
go.
I look at Bayede in complete awe.She has never met me before,she don't know if I like
her,yet she want me to make her food.
"She can be too much,don't worry about her she is not even hungry" he say.
"It's okay,I will make it for her"
Thirty minutes later we are watching cartoons.I don't watch cartoons but what can I
say.Her smile is too beautiful,it's hard to say no to her.She talk a lot.She was coaching me
on how to make her sandwich and everything I already know.But right now she is dead
quiet,her eyes are glued to talking oranges on the screen.
See why I don't watch cartoons,speaking oranges! The orange is talking to another
orange,there is a pear laughing its lungs off,I mean seeds not lungs.It's too unreal,even
action movies are better.
"Maya it's time to go" Bayede say walking in.
I doubt she heard him.She is too absorbed,she don't wanna miss a thing.He pull her
arm,the fight break.She don't want to go before the thing on TV finishes,Bayede have
somewhere to rush to.
"Can't you fetch her later?" I ask.
"She will trouble you"
"I'm sure I can handle her"
Well I regret that as soon as her cartoons end.She is running around the house,taking
everything.I can't deal with her,she is making my head pound.
"Maya sit down" I say for the tenth time.
She jump on the couch and sit with her leg thrown over.I switch the cartoons on for her
thinking she will be interested.She is not,she is interested in me.
"Where is your room?"
"I don't have a room here"
She frown, "Where do you sleep?"
"With your uncle"
I didn't realise how inappropriate that would sound.I sleep with your uncle,holy ghost!
"Uncle Sosha broke the window and the bathroom door"
I look at her shocked.She laugh and cover her eyes.
"When?" I ask.
"I don't know,maybe Saturday.I heard my father talking to uncle Mla"
Suddenly she is interested on the cartoons and I'm interested on the Saturday
episode.Which Saturday?
I go through every room looking for a broken window and bathroom door.Maybe he fixed
it,I see nothing wrong.Now that I know about his condition I understand why he thought it
was okay to throw Amanda's chocolate.He is an irrational thinker when he is angry.I
remember how he drove off that day,and his out-of-the-blue 'fuck you'.
Hands sneak in around my waist.I nearly faint and drop on the floor.
"Are you okay?"
I exhale in relief.I don't know how long I've been standing here,watching empty space.
"Yes" I say.
He turn my head and peck my lips.I want to forget about the window and bathroom door
but my eyes have landed on his left hand.There is a little scar I haven't noticed all along.
"I'm sorry" he say.
"For what?"
"I didn't plan to stay this long,Myalo kept me"
Snap out of it Yanga,there is no broken window.
"I'm not mad"
He smile and kiss my cheek, "Thank God"
"Maya is here" I say.
Excitement grow in his eyes.
"You've met her.Did she like you?"
I shake my head and chuckle.I wouldn't care even if she didn't like me.She is a kid,she like
her dolls more than people.It would've taken a few packs of sweets and chips to get her to
like me.
When we walk in the living room Maya jump off and hide behind the couch.Sosha call out
her name.She stay quiet,he start walking around looking for her.
Wtf! We saw her hiding behind the couch.
"Baby help me look for her" he say smiling.
I narrow my eyes at him,he have to get serious.I played real hide &seek where we hid in
the forests and bushes.I was hiding under a fat cow,not behind the couch.This is hide
&seek at its weakest.
"Look behind the couch" he say.
Really now? I get off the couch and walk around the couch.She laugh and jump up.Did
she really think we didn't see her? LOL.
Later Bayede fetch her,he have a bunch of flowers in his hands.I wonder who he is dating
and why he is not marrying her.The clock is ticking,he should settle down.
"Daddy whose flowers are these?" Maya ask.
"They are MaShenge's"
Whaaaaat?!
I remove myself from Sosha's arm and get on my feet.Did he say the flowers are mine?
"Thanks for looking after her,I don't know what you like but I know girls like flowers"
Oh my goodness! I just got flowers for the first time in my life.This is not Isidingo,I'm not
acting,I'm getting flowers for real.
"Do you like them?" he ask.
"Like? Are you kidding me? This is my first time getting flowers,I adore them"
My phone! Where is it? I need to take pictures and upload on Facebook and WhatsApp.I
need to make calls.
"Is he single?" Ntando ask.
"I don't know but you are not single"
"Says who? Go confirm in Home Affairs,I AM SINGLE" she yell the last part.
I laugh, "Sanele buy you flowers,don't be greedy"
I feel someone's presence behind me.I tell Ntando I will call her later and cut the call.
He don't look happy.I insert my phone in the pocket and walk to him.
"Is everything alright?" I ask.
"Yes baby"
I sit next to him and put my flowers on my lap.
"Ntando is suddenly single,your brother need to watch out" I say.
"Yeah"
I look at him in the eyes and ask if he is sure he is okay,to me he don't look okay.
"Your flowers are beautiful" he say.
I smile, "I know boo"
He bite his lip and stare at me.Now I see what's wrong,he is jealous of my flowers.I burst
out laughing.
"Are you serious?" I ask.
Oh my God! He is seriously jealous.
"Things have been hectic,I spend most of my time thinking of how to make each day work
between us.I want to make you happy,but we fight a lot so I'm always trying to make
amends.Some things slip my mind"
"Where is this going Sosha?" I ask.
"The flowers.It sucks that my brother had to be the first one to buy them for you"
This is jealousy on steroids.I got flowers,that's the most important thing.
"You cannot be the only person who make me happy on earth" I tell him.
He can sulk all he want,I need pictures.I pose different styles.He laugh at some of
them.Today I'm breaking the internet.They must know who I am.The florist...No! What's
the name of a person who have flowers? I'm that person.Finally I know how it's like being
Bonang.I should start my own reality show too; Being Yangomuhle.Oh and write a book.
I'm not Phashasha,sooner or later I was going to leave his house.I don't understand what is
making him sad.We are not married,I was going to leave eventually.
I have packed all that's mine and some of his things and my flowers ofcourse.Empty pots
are waiting for me in Ntando's place.She didn't forget about the broken deal and
punishment.I still need to serve a week in the kitchen as my punishment.
"Love I'm ready to go" I say.
He open his eyes and look at me.There is sadness all over them.As much as I want to be
with him I cannot live with a man.It's not how I was raised.I don't want to Phashasha's
partner.
"You are really leaving me MaShenge?"
Oh Lord! I want to sigh so loud and heavily.
"We talked about this Sosha" I say.
"But how am I supposed to live alone in this big ass house?"
He have all the jokes,we can call him Trevor Noah.He bought this big ass house way
before I came but he is asking me how he is supposed to live in it alone.How should I
know? I wasn't there when he bought it.
"Madam want pasta Sosha,I need to go" I say.
"I want to go to Ndulinde"
He is confusing me.He don't have a home in Ndulinde,why he want to go there?
"You want to go where in Ndulinde?" I ask.
"I want to go to your home and give Jamlude her mates"
He is not saying what I think he is saying.It can't be!
"I don't understand"
He sit up, "I want to go next month"
"What??"
"I want us to be rightful together.This house need you MaShenge,I believe you are the
woman I've been looking for.It's warm when you're here with me,I want to have that
feeling for the rest of my life"
This is how someone drop a bombshell.I was not ready at all.There is no single sheet of
doubt in his eyes,he mean it.
"Sosha we just met about two months ago" I say.
"Yes,and there haven't been an hour that passes by that I don't think about you.You've
been nobody but yourself.I want you,but we can wait if you still have doubts about me"
Didn't that stuck with me? It did.Do I have doubts about him? I'm not sure.I've never
imagined myself getting married.We both have internal battles to fight,how is it going to
work? Two broken souls tied together.Positive plus positive equals to positive and
negative plus negative equals to positive.There might be a chance that we would come out
okay however we are not integers.We are not Mathematics,we could be joining our broken
souls to create hell.
"Have you decided?" she ask again.
She asked me an hour ago.I don't know why she expect me to decide so soon.Well it's
been three days actually,Sosha is waiting for an answer.Today I cancelled lunch with him
and ate with Amanda.I didn't know what excuse to bring up for my indecisiveness.
Yes,I'm back at work.My hearing went well,Peter was on my side.Isn't that eyebrow-
raising though? Sosha remained silent the whole time,Peter jumped to my defence and
showed them the footage of Mpume grabbing me.I know I'm not his favourite
person,neither is any breathing soul,he look irritated by oxygen itself.I suspect Sosha had
a hand in it.
I let out a sigh, "I haven't decided Ntando"
"Then let him lobola the doctor"
She must not bore me.
"He want to lobola MaShenge,or maybe the crazy doctor is also MaShenge?"
My phone rings.It's one and only Buthelezi.I answer with a smile on my face.
"Babawami"
"Shenge how are you?"
I'm not fine,a man want to come pay lobola for me and I'm undecided.
"I'm good,how is everyone?" I say.
"We are all good.Can I speak to you?"
He is speaking to me right now.For him to ask like this make my heartbeat race.
"Is there something wrong?" I ask.
"Yes"
I look at Ntando with my eyes widen.She signal for me to put the call on loudspeaker.If I
faint she will faint too.
"What did Kwenza Mdletshe do to you?"
Ntando grab the phone from me.It was about to fall because my hands are trembling.
"I don't understand baba.What do you mean?" I say.
"It's me who don't understand.You and your mother have to make me understand"
Damn you Mbuso! I moist dryness in my mouth.I need a glass of water.No,a glass of
wine.
"He did nothing" I say.
Ntando give me a look.I know she want me to tell him.It's what she wanted from the start.
"Who are you protecting Shenge? You or other people who don't give a damn about you"
The question stab to my heart.I'm protecting my mother and her image.She don't want to
be a mother of a girl who lost her virginity at the age of 15years.It would paint her as a
bad mother.Children represent their parents.Girls specifically represent their mothers.
"I'm not protecting anyone" I say.
"Tomorrow come home"
Ntando cover her mouth in disbelief.
"I'm working tomorrow" I say.
"It's an emergency,they will understand"
I can't believe Mbuso did this to me.Why did he eavesdrop and ran his mouth? I'm in a
bigger mess now.My father will choke the truth out of me.Where will that leave my
mother?

Chapter 27
.
Travelling from Durban to Mandeni take 1h45mins but today it only took 45minutes.I'm
not ready to arrive but here we are.I cannot go home empty-handed,luckily I have
money.Girlfriend allowance honey.Only the lucky ones get it,others were born to react
and comment on our posts.I do grocery and head to the rank.The taxi get full
immediately,it's like the universe have something against me.Since when Ndulinde taxis
get full within ten minutes.It's not grant day,where did these people get money to
gallavant in taxis?
God is good! Mbuso is the one waiting for me.He have a lot to answer.
"Hello sisi" he greet taking the shopping bags.
I pay the driver and put my sunglasses on.In the rural areas taxi drivers are chilled,you pay
when you get off the taxi.There is 99%opportunity for passengers to run without paying
but there haven't been an incident like that.You can mess with anyone but not taxi
drivers.They don't only drive taxis,they drive souls to heaven too.
"Hey snitch" I say.
"Is the bag not heavy?"
No,your balls are heavy.
"Why did you tell Dad?" I ask glaring at him.
"I'm sorry"
It's too early for sorries,I want an explanation.
"Do you understand the mess you've put me in?"
He shrug his shoulders and pick other shopping bags.I grab his shoulder and make him
face me.
"I did this for you and Sabatha,the truth will break our parents and it will be all on you" I
say.
"I don't care"
What did he just say?
"Repeat that Mbuso"
"The truth has been breaking you for years,it's time it break someone else.You deserve a
break"
He say that and walk on like he did nothing wrong.I'm dumbstruck,when did he learn to
speak like this? He is a quiet child,if it was Sabatha I would've understood.
Oh! He have a girlfriend now.It make him think he is an adult.I wish I can snitch on him
too but he is a boy,it's okay for him to do anything he likes.
My mother is in the kitchen,by the look on her face I think she is waiting for me.She is a
thunder waiting to explode
I look around hoping to see a man who got me here,he is nowhere in sight.
"You are finally here" she say getting off the chair.
I drop my bag on the table and stand by the fridge.I don't know what's on her mind,the last
time I checked she was Becky Lynch.I have a man,I can't have swollen cheeks.
She look at Mbuso, "Go check the blankets outside"
Mbuso grab a chair and sit.She repeat herself,Mbuso don't budge.
"I see what you're trying to do,you want me to die.Open the drawers and take the
knives,both of you"
This is her backup strategy.She accuse us of attempted murder so she can have her way.I
hate Mbuso but I'm grateful he is here,I don't trust this woman.She is going to want
answers that I don't have,God knows how bad her slap is.
I thought I've grown the last couple months.I've been hustling and providing for my
family,I felt like an independent young woman.But standing here,against the fridge,with
my fists folded as if they can squeeze my wild emotions into place,it make me realise how
my personal growth and efforts go unrecognised.I will never be addressed as an adult or
breadwinner.I'm a child who always have to follow orders and get scolded like a little
baby.
"What do you know?"
She is asking Mbuso.
"I know everything"
I frown as she frown.
He know everything?
"What did you tell him?" she ask me.
"Nothing"
The confrontational moment is broken by Buthelezi walking in like he just murdered
someone.I give Mbuso a look,he birthed this moment.
He look at me,it feel like his eyes are penetrating to the depths of my soul,uncovering the
truth and old wounds.
"Shenge is there anything wrong with your bums?"
I pull the chair and sit my ass down.All of a sudden everyone's eyes are on me.I feel twice
a victim.
"What did I do?" I ask.
"Mbuso heard you and your mother arguing.I would like to know from you Shenge,what
did Kwenza Mdletshe do to you?"
I look at my mother,she have this indescribable look on her face.Something just tick
off.The Yanga I've always been ermeges,the one who speak her mind,the one who has
been shut by society policies.
"Is MaJali my mother?" I ask Dad but looking at her.
"How can you ask a question like that Yangomuhle?"
I don't know if the tears in her eyes are hers or crocodile's or hippo's.
"Why are you not there for me? Why do you shut my feelings? Do you know how sad it is
to have a complete stranger understanding your pain when people close to you shut you
down?"
She get up on her feet,she is breathing fire.She has never been questioned by a child in her
life.The contents of argument don't matter in her world,age matters.She is a mother I don't
wish to be and I'm the daughter I don't wish to have.
She point her trembling finger at me,suddenly Mbuso is on his feet too.
"This Shenge of yours is the one who went to the Mdletshes.At 15years I didn't even look
at a boy's direction,Yangomuhle you disgraced us.What were you hoping for visiting a
boy? Don't you have seniors to ask advice from? Kwenza did what all boys do,you
should've known what love is.It mean compromises and sacrifices"
I don't want to be rude at her but I'm mad.My madness has built up for years,she don't
know me as she think she does.
"Excuse me madam,don't call my body a compromise" I say getting off the chair.
"Don't you dare speak to me like that!"
I block her slap and hold her arm.I can show her flames but she is my mother so I just
glare at her.She start wailing like a widow who is not on the will.
My father ask "Why did you keep quiet Shenge?"
His voice has changed.He don't care about his soaked-in-tears wife,he is looking at me
with pity.
"She told me it was my fault,I had to keep quiet.It was haunting me day and night.Yes I
was wrong for visiting him instead of going to school but it doesn't justify the pain he put
me through.I bled,I cried,I told him to stop.He didn't stop,he went from begging to
violent.I will never forget that day,nobody deserve to be violated like that"
Mbuso shake his head and look at her.
"Mother do you know what rape is?" his question carry a bit of irritation and anger.
"I know rape,my cousin was a victim.Rape is when someone forces himself on a
woman,that someone can never be a lover.Yangomuhle had sex with her love while she
wasn't ready because she didn't follow the right route.She should have sent impahla to the
Mdletshes.Had she done that iqhikiza would've warned her and told her what to expect"
I sigh and sit down.She is ignorant and she is not faking it.The blame is still on me,she
don't understand what she has done.
My father clear his throat and order her to sit down.It's about time we engage on this
subject without age being a matter.I really appreciate Mbuso for being here.He is next to
me,holding my hand.The tears in my eyes are not tears of being a rape victim,but of being
a survivor.
He ask "MaJali have I ever touched you after you've said no?"
Mbuso start coughing.He didn't think they retired from the sex industry,did he? I will
laugh about it tomorrow.
"No" she say.
"Your voice matters MaJali,so is Shenge's.No one has a right to touch her if she say no.I
don't care if that person is her lover or what.You have destroyed our daughter as well as
our sons.They will go around with the same mentality.They won't be so lucky,they will
force themselves on girls and go spend their lives in jail"
He is right,Kwenza is lucky.He did it and got away with it.It make me wonder how many
Yangas he has created.
"Do you even see your fault in this mama?" I ask.
"I do.Do you see yours?"
Oh wow!!!
"Do you really care that much about dating traditions? You are so angry and unforgiving
for it that you push aside the real matter.The matter is your daughter was raped and shut
by her own mother.You are the only one at fault here"
Again I will ask,when did Mbuso learn to speak like this? He is so matured.He is looking
at her with so much despise.
"Pack your bags MaJali,you will come back here when you're ready to mother my
children"
This is exactly what I was scared of.They cannot separate,for the sake of Sabatha at least.
"Babawami that's not the solution.I think we need some education as a family,there is
someone I know,he would like to talk to you guys" I say.
"Who is that someone?"
"My therapist,Craig Nkomo"
Mbuso look at me, "You have a therapist?"
"He is covered by Sosha,I mean by the bakery I work in"
My father give me a two second look that send shivers down my spine.I didn't lie
though,Craig is paid by the bakery,I just shouldn't have mentioned Sosha.
The meeting is adjourned with my parents not talking to each other.I stay behind and call
Craig.He's been wanting this for a while now,maybe he will speak some difference into
my mother.
I'm angry,yes but I've grasped a realisation that plenty old school women don't understand
what rape is.The general definition of rape between lovers contrast the virginity-breaking
of their era.A man would fight the girl for her virginity,the girl was to defend herself until
she couldn't fight no more then her tiredness would give the guy a ticket to sleep with
her.It wasn't rape,it was a game but the idea of it has affected the mentality of many
elderly women.
During girls' river meeting with senior girls some girls did share stories of how their
virginity was broken.While some girls were pampered with roses-on-bed and strawberries
before their flowers were snatched,they were fighting to escape the dark room where
iqhikiza has locked them with their lovers.They had to be chased,pushed,tied and fought
in many strategies before they lied down and let men on top of them.This is what my
mother went through and this is what she think I went through.Yes Kwenza was my
lover,he fought me and forced me to lie on bed,but it wasn't some sort of ukulalana
tradition.He raped me.He destroyed my life.
"You're home?"
I look up,it's the troublemaker.
"Yes.Why are you home early?" I ask.
"I'm hungry"
The rice is almost ready,I already cooked the stew and added some salads.I'm the Durban
sister,the house should smell different when I'm home.I feel like roasting wors,just to
tease the neighbour's nostrils.
"Give me a few minutes,food is getting ready" I say.
He look inside the cupboards, "There is bread"
"I know,for breakfast" I say like an adult.
"I won't eat breakfast"
Really now? I think I'm on the right track,a baker brother-in-law is what he need,then he
can eat bread and cakes free of charge.
He is stuffing it in his mouth,downing it with colddrink.He is done within minutes,he is a
Buthelezi after all.
He look at me with a smirk on his face.He is a mere kid,it's just that he act like Batista.
"What's up?" I ask.
"I think I might have a girlfriend"
Lord! I crack out and laugh.How long is his penis? 2cm maybe.
"How do you know?" I ask.
"She always smile at me and she let me touch her hair"
My laughter is short-lived,my father's words replay in my mind.They will go around with
the same mentality,they won't be so lucky,they will force themselves on girls and go
spend their lives in jail.
I ask, "Sabatha do you know touching a girl inappropriate,without her consent is
harassment?"
There is a frown on his face.It's like I just spoke to him in French.They are not told about
these things.
"Well it is,you can go to jail for it.Next time you touch a girl get her permission first" I
explain.
"Oh...Okay"
I think the whole family need some knowledge.Maybe the whole community,there is a
mentality to be destroyed.A couple days ago Sosha asked me what I want to be,I think my
nursing dream has been substituted.I just want to help people understand the importance
of their voices.Maybe it's time we move focus from girls to boy,there are lot of things
young boys need to be taught about.
"How are you going to do that without a degree MaShenge?" he ask when I tell him about
it on the phone.
"I don't think I need to have a certificate in order to talk to people.I will just talk to them
and ask them to talk to me"
He sigh audibly, "Fine,I will talk to Craig and see what I can come up with"
"This is why I love,you are an angel sent from above"
"The angel is still waiting"
Time to say goodbye! I'm not in a good space,I can't make any decision now.
"I'm proud of you sthandwa sami" he say when I'm about to end the call.
"What did I do?" I ask with a stupid smile on my face.
"For being fine and calm in this whole situation.You've grown and matured.I'm so proud
of you"
He is making me blush,I'm massaging the chair as I speak.My foot is drawing a map on
the floor.
"Thank you Ndosi,I'm happy to hear you say that" I say.
"I can't wait to come home and see your beautiful face every night.I just hope you will
give me a chance to be who I want to be to you"
I'm disturbed by a loud voice yelling outside.I know this voice,the tone of its yelling.The
devil just sent his advocate.She will turn this house into living hell.
"Baby I have to go"
"Okay love,call me later" he say as if he will let me call him.
I end the call and walk out the door.
"Yangomuhle you are home? You look white"
Shade or compliment? You'd never know,this is July Buthelezi.
"Thanks aunty.How are you?" I say.
"I'm okay baby.What did you bring from Durban?"
I'm about to answer when a chicken speed past.She exclaim,looking at it.
"Do MaJali feed these chickens? I've never seen a chicken so thin,it's like a walking
skeleton"
The chickens are okay and I've never heard of a thin or chubby chicken.It's either the
chicken is tall or short.
Looking at the size of her bag I think she is sleeping over,meaning I'm sharing a room
with her tonight.I'm doubtlessly not looking forward to it.
I don't know where her brother is,my mother is lying on bed looking like a depressed
person.This is what Mbuso wanted,the tables to turn.Speaking of that one,where is he?
Everyone has eaten except him and Dad.
"You should get a job for your cousin at your work" she say mouthful.
I don't know how many spoons of mayonnaise she has dip.Her mission is to leave the
bottle empty.
"It's not my company aunty" I say.
This is how everyone think around here,they think if you are employed you miraculously
get power to hire people.
"You have the connections,you know managers and owners,I'm sure you can cook
something for her"
Oh Lord! She just don't get it.Employee,employer,those are two different things.
"Sadly I can't,I also got there by CV" I say.
Time is going there are still no signs of Mbuso and my father.I'm starting to get
worried,they were not okay when they left.
"What's happening here Yangomuhle?"
She is realising that something is wrong.I don't know how to tell her,she is a drama queen.
"Mom and Dad fought"
She raise her brows, "What are they fighting about?"
"Me"
"You?"
"Maybe your brother will tell you better than me,that's if he come back"
Two hours later I'm still waiting.Now I'm waiting for my mother,Aunt July,Mbuso and
Buthelezi.Mom and Aunt July went to look for them now they are missing too.
Sabatha don't care,he is singing and washing dishes.No wonder people are missing,the
mighty one is washing dishes and nobody asked him to.
"Your phone is ringing" he scream pointing at it.
It's right infront of me but I don't know when it started ringing.I don't recognise the
number so I answer and keep quiet.
"Am I speaking to Yangomuhle?" the caller ask.
"Yes,who are you?"
"Thank God! My name is Fezile,I came to your workplace last week but you weren't
there" she say.
I'm trying to track Fezile down my memory lane.No,it doesn't ring a bell.The only Fezile I
know act on Isibaya.
"How can I help you Fezile?" I ask.
"Ummm...Can we meet up some day? There are things I would like to discuss with you
regarding my fiancee"
"Who is your fiancee?" I ask.
I'm agitated.
"Kwenza Mdletshe"
Holy oxygen!
"What exactly do you want to discuss?"
"Your past with him"
She sound nice over the phone but niceness don't mean she is a good person.Why can't her
fiancee discuss his past with her?
"I'm sorry sisi,I can't" I say.
"Please,I have a daughter I need to be sure she is safe before I tie our life to this man"
I sigh, "I will get back to you"
"Thank you so much"
I need to talk to Sosha first,he will advise me on what to make of the situation.I wish I
discussed these kind of things with my mother not a boyfriend I just dated.
Time reads 21h12,they are still not back.Sabatha has went to sleep,I'm in the kitchen alone
and stressed.Their phones are not available,it must be network problem.
Kanyo! Damn,why haven't I thought of her? I can be slow at times.
She answers when I'm about to drop.
"Sure Khazi"
I get right on point,there is no time to waste with greeting.
"Our parents are missing" I say.
"Which parents? I'm here with Ankela and Mbuso"
Oh thank goodness!
"They've been gone since 2pm,what are they doing there?" I ask.
"We are burning Kwenza Mdletshe's house"
What??? She just said that like it's the common thing to do.
"Are you serious?" I ask knowing very well she is serious.
Kanyo love trouble,everywhere she goes trouble follow her.I'm sure she is the one who
came up with the idea.I don't even want to know how she got to the Mdletshe's with my
father and Mbuso.
"Yes I'm serious,the police are coming" she say with excitement.
They are going to jail! I feel moist under my arms.I walk out and look at the Mdletshe
direction,there is smoke dancing up to the sky.This is not good at all.I want to go there
and check what's happening myself but I can't leave Sabatha alone.
It's dark when I see my mother's figure walking toward the kitchen.I've been standing
outside for the past hour.
"Mama where is Mbuso and Dad?" I ask.
"The police took them,all of them"
This was bound to happen but I was not ready anyway.I let the tears I've been holding
flow.
"What do you mean all of them?"
"Your aunt,Mbuso,Kanyo,your uncles and your father"
My whole family! I can't believe this is happening,Mbuso need to be at school tomorrow.
He keep asking, "MaShenge are you okay?"
I don't know why I called him while crying.I can't even talk and explain what's
happening.My heart bleed for Mbuso,how is he going to sleep on the floor of a holding
cell? He didn't even eat before leaving,I'm sure he is hungry where he is.
"Must I come?" he ask.
"Yes"
The fact that I fell asleep last night shock me.I remember rocking the pillow,crying in a
pattern.When I've cried for too long I always end up crying in pattern and cry harder when
I lose that pattern.The sun is up,I should get off bed and get ready to go to the police
station.
My mother walk in with a cup of hot tea.
"You are up?" she ask.
"Yeah"
"Drink this and wash your face,your boss is here"
My boss? Who is my boss again?
"Jestini Cele" she say after reading my confusion.
I jump off bed,almost spilling the tea.
"He is where?"
"Here"
Wtf! There is no fancy chair to sit on and goats shit all over the yard at night it smell like
pee every morning.
He is really here,he is sitting on the floor on the reedmat.MaJali even took responsibility
of making him breakfast,Fusion juice and buttered bread.This man eat croque monsieur
and drink 100%fruit juice.
"I have told him everything" she says.
"Oh okay"
She narrow her eyes,sending the message only me,Mbuso and Sabatha know.I
greet,bowing my knees a little.He is frowning,he don't know a good girl that I am.
We get in the car and head to the police station.Good grace my mother stayed behind with
Sabatha who refused to go to school.I'm getting all the support I need.Kisses and hugs and
thigh brushing.
Someone is entering the police station gate as we are getting off the car.I know him even
when his back is turned.A wave of fury crash through my veins.
"He is here Sosha" I say attempting to get back to the car.
He hold my arm and ask me to calm down.The last time I saw this guy I nearly got
arrested,I crushed the Game store till.
He stare at me while squeezing my hands.
"Do you want justice?" he ask.
"I only want my family and peace of mind"
"I understand but he need to get punishment eitherway.Go stay in the car,I will get your
family"
I stay two good hours inside the car with no single update of what's going on.I didn't eat
breakfast,my stomach is growling.My head feel too light like I could faint any minute.
Kanyo's loud voice make me open my eyes.They are all coming toward the car.Are they
going to fit here? Two uncles and aunt,my father,Mbuso,Kanyo and Sosha.Well they are
black,of course they fit.
"Did you see the ghost around 2am?" Kanyo ask.
"Stop lying"
They are laughing like nothing is wrong,except my Dad.He is looking out the
window,with his jaws clenched.
Kanyo is holding front seat with us.I know she wish to take selfies but she haven't bathed.
"Khazi is this your brand new phone?" she ask.
I look at her confused.Which phone is she talking about? This phone is old,the screen look
like dessert after long period of droughts.It's cracked all over but that's how all South
African girls are.We are clumsy and we are not doing anything about it.We just don't
care.She make a sign with her eyes.
"Yeah" I say.
"You go girl,it's a whole Apple iPhone.Make sure you don't lose it,pack it in your
pockets"
Oh my gosh! Can we not have this conversation infront of elders? Aunt July is a fast
learner,she can figure the iPhone out.
This family is loud,they talk like they are miles away from each other.Now everything is
out,everyone knows.They are willing to fight the Mdletshes but no one has addressed the
issue with me.My uncles can't even look at me in the eyes.
"Son are you not getting inside?" my father ask.
"No baba,I have to rush back to Durban"
Well I'm still discussing work with my boss.I stay inside the car and watch them until they
disappear.
"Are you okay?"
His voice disturb my train of thoughts.
"Yes"
"You don't look okay to me" he say.
"I'm worried about my father"
"Talk to him and tell him he didn't fail you.He had no control over another person's
animalistic behavior,it's not his fault at all"
I exhale, "I'm also worried about the decision I have to make"
"You don't have to worry"
I look at him in awe.He is persuasive not dismissive.
"I don't have to worry?" I ask.
"I can wait,years and decades,as long as you love me.I just wanted to do things the right
way and honour your parents.If you are not ready it's okay,you are young and handling a
lot on your plate.The moment you say yes I will come,your voice will always direct
me.The thing is..."
He pause and squeeze my hand.His face is packed with emotions.
"Ever since I met you I'm scared of being without you.It's the world I don't want to live
in,but I can't let my fears be the core of our union.I want you to be sure I'm what you
want.I just hope you don't change your mind.I hope your feelings don't change while we
are waiting.I love everything about you,please don't break my heart it's already six pieces
clustered together in a heart form"
My hands grab his neck and bring his face closer.I've never loved before,but I do
now.Every square inch of my body dissolve to his voice as he tell me he love me in the
most raucous voice.We lock our lips together,it's soul-gripping.I'm certain,he love me and
I love him.What holding me back is my past but I'm not going to let that happen.No.
"He need some time to cool down,maybe a few weeks then I will tell him" I say.
"Who?" he ask.
"My father"
He frown slightly and cock his head to the side.
"Maybe not a wedding soon but you are paying for chowing me papa" I say.
The smile on his face is priceless!

THE END