PROLOGUE

THANDEKA
The sun is piercing through my skin as I hang my laundry on the washing line. I bet it is going to
rain tonight.
It is a week before Christmas and I cannot wait to see my boyfriend when he comes back home
to visit his family. It is the first time that I spent more than three months without seeing him. It
has been six months since he visited the village. All sorts of ideas have been creeping in my
head whenever I think about this issue but my love for him keeps me going strong. I lost my
phone in a taxi to Thohoyandou and I haven’t spoken to Robert for over four months.
I rub my tummy as I could feel my baby kick. I am eight months pregnant and so excited about
it. I already know I am going to be the best mother for my child and Robert will be the best
father. I was thrilled from the first week I found out I was pregnant. I immediately called Robert
that afternoon and he was just as excited.
It is a bit noisy outside my yard because kids are gathered by my gate. The little boys are playing
soccer. I don’t mind since they keep me company. I usually sit by the veranda and watch them
play happily as I get busy with my sewing.
“I thought you would be at your boyfriend’s house,” Thulani says from behind me. I turn to
meet him with a bottle of black label beer in his hand. Thulani is forever drinking. He is my elder
brother and the only family I have since our parents passed away. I disowned every other
person when no one took us in after the funeral. I was only seventeen when they left us as
orphans and Thulani was twenty one. What pains me a lot is the cruelty of my Aunt. She had my
mother, her sister, registered in her policy and all she cared about after my mother’s death was
the policy pay-out. Thulani gave her the documents thinking she was helping us, only to find out
she had her own plans. Most people do it. I have read a lot about it.
“Why would I be in my boyfriend’s home?” I ask turning my focus back to the kids outside the

1
yard.
“Because he has been back for two days now.”
“What? How do you know that?” I quickly turn to him without showing off the shock on my
face.
“Because he passed by the lounge yesterday and bought some guys two crates of beer…I see he
is chowing money these days.”
I pretend that I am not shocked by what he is revealing to me.
“Well…I will be visiting him today,” I calmly say.
“I see.” He grabs a sit next to me. He can see through me and I know it.
A lot is going through my mind. How can Robert be back from Johannesburg and never came to
visit me?
I start to breath heavily as anger is starting to brew in my heart. I quickly rush to my room to
freshen up so that I can go to his house. His mother knows me and I know it would not be a
problem if I arrive unannounced. I freshen up and pick a long pink dress that shapes my belly
nicely. I reach for my umbrella and hurry out to his house.
It takes me a good 30 minutes to reach his house. His red Polo car is parked outside so I walk to
the kitchen door.
I knock a few times before a beautiful yellow-boned lady comes to the door. She is rubbing her
tummy which looks just like mine.
“Hello…?” she says with a smile, scanning my tummy. “Ohhh…look at you…are you having a girl
or a boy?”
“Uhm…I don’t know,” I quietly say without sounding rude. How would I know when Robert
hasn’t sent me money to go see a doctor for ultrasound? I always go to the village clinic for
monthly check-ups.
“I am having a boy,” she reveals with a smile. “Oh, where are my manners? Come inside.”
“Thank you.”
“Mme a Robert is not around…but Robert is taking a nap…the other people I don’t know where
they disappeared to,” she says with a chuckle. This woman is too gorgeous for a fully pregnant
woman. She is wearing a tank vest and leggings. She has her long weave falling on her
shoulders.
“Oh…alright.” My gut is telling me something I don’t want to believe. I try to stay as calm as I
could because I might be making wrong assumptions in my head.
But this is too obvious.
“Can I get you something to drink? It is hot around here…by the time we go back to
Johannesburg, I’ll be so dark and numb,” she says with a smile and I fake one back. I am starting
to panic. I glance at her glowing finger. She is wearing either a wedding or engagement ring.
“Uhm…can I please see Robert?” I ask and she frowns.
“What business do you have with Robert?” I think she is sensing what I am sensing.
“Well…I heard he is back…and I thought…” I say and Robert rushes into where we are sitting.
“Hey Thandeka…long time hey? My mom is not around you know…but I am happy you are
here,” he says walking towards me. His voice is shaky.
2
“I am here to see…” I try to say.
“Baby…please go iron my white shirt for me and run me a bath,” he says to the lady, who is
now standing with her hands on her figureless waist.
Baby?
“I am not going anywhere… why do I have a feeling that she is here for you?” she asks with a
trembling voice.
I am here for him.
“Oh please…” he laughs. “Why would she be here to see me?”
I could not help by let my tears fall down my cheeks. The man I love so much, is right here
standing infront of me and making a fool of me. How can he be so cruel?
“Tell me…why you are here?” she stands in front of me. I can see her hands shaking and I am
shaking too.
“Please Tumisang…stop being so dramatic,” Robert says.
“Don’t tell me to stop being dramatic…how many times have I been fighting your whores
Robert…now I know why you never wanted us to come visit your parents…who is she to you?”
“Stop stressing the baby Tumisang, you know what the doctor said,” he says with so much
concern and it hurts me, “Thandeka is just a neighbour who is here to see my mother.”
“I am here to see you Robert…stop making me a fool,” I say without raising my voice.
“Robert…you are doing this again…again Robert…you impregnated me and this damn woman at
the same time, Robert…are you crazy?” Tumisang starts shouting and my tears are falling down
my cheeks like a cascade. Robert is standing in the middle of the living room with his hands on
his waist. This is more than he can swallow. Two fully pregnant women in the same room?
“I will never forgive you this time,” she shouts rushing to the corridor. I hear her bang the door
and turn the key. My man, my man runs after her.
“Baby…please open…let me explain…Tumisang…please baby,” he tries calling for her but she is
screaming inside the room.
After a little while Robert walks back to the living room.
“You had to do that, didn’t you?” he shouts at me.
“I beg your pardon?”
“Why are you here Thandeka. I thought we were done.”
“What do you mean we are done?” I hiss at him. “I called you so many times with Thulani’s
phone but you kept ignoring them and the last time we spoke you told me you were coming
back so that we go see the gynaecologist. You promised to come pick me so that I stay with you
in Joburg. Your other woman is carrying a boy and I don’t even know because I am still waiting
for money from you.”
“How can I even be sure the baby is mine?”
“You have got to be kidding me Robert…” I raise my voice. I didn’t mean to raise my voice at
him, but I did.
“Look, I am sorry things turned this way. I fell out of love with you and you didn’t have a phone
for me to let you know,” he says and my heart starts pumping out of my chest. I wished for him
to apologise and beg for my forgiveness. I wish he could tell it was a mistake. Atleast, I would
3
believe him. For the sake of our baby.
“How long have you been with Tumisang?” I ask and he shakes his head. I shout, “How long
have you been with her?”
“Just a few months.”
“Just a few months and she is fully pregnant and wearing a ring? Don’t make me your fool…”
“Eish…please man. I’m sorry things turned out this way…there is nothing I can do.”
“So what about us? What about all the promises you made to me?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Look…I don’t have no money. I don’t have no job. How am I going to take care of your child?
You are the one who said you were ready for a baby and you wanted one.” I start to cry again.
How could I be so stupid? I was blinded by fake love all these time.
“I will do the tests when the baby is born…and if it is mine then I will support him.”
I hear the door opening and Tumisang is weeping.
“I cannot do this anymore,” she says pulling her luggage.
“No baby, please calm down,” Robert says, blocking her way to the door.
“I can’t do this anymore…for the whole year I have been fighting you about these whores. They
won this time,” she pushes him and hurry out of the door. He runs after her and leaves me
sitting on a couch like a hot potato.
So they have been together for more than a year. I have been in a relationship with him for four
years. We met when we were doing matric, the year I moved to this village after my parents
died in an accident. We moved here to stay in my mother’s old creepy house. It has been me
and Thulani trying to survive. I met Robert when I started my first day in his high school. He
used to walk me home and I fell deeply in love with him just after a little while. He furthered his
studies in Univen while I try to hustle for food with my brother. When Robert was doing his last
year, he was offered a job in a company in Johannesburg. I remember he told me he will come
back for me. He promised me heaven and earth; and I had no reason to doubt him. No reason
at all.
“Thandeka…please leave, please man, did you see what you just did?” Robert yells when he
walks back to the house. He picks the car keys from the coffee table and rushes out of the
house again.

INSERT 1

GUNDO

I haven’t slept since I received the news about my younger brother who passed away this
afternoon – my damn son too. What a way to start a new year. The accident happened in
Phundamaria road when he was driving back from a trip with his friends. I still wonder what
Khuthi was doing with Ronnie, my brother, and his friends. Ronnie was drunk and he lost
control on the curves just outside Louis Trichardt. He was driving his new GTI 7 which he bought
himself for his 26th birthday. I remember our father was not pleased with him because he was

4
well-known for his bad behaviour and the car was only going to bring him more trouble.
Unfortunately, Ronnie is gone now for my father to tell him ‘he told him so’ in his face.My son
followed too. My heart is aching and I am finding it really hard to believe they are really gone. I
am failing to imagine how the family, back at home, is doing right now. I can’t imagine how my
mother is doing with her dear life. She loved her son and her grandson dearly.
There is no use in lying on this cold bed, tossing and turning, so I decide to wake up and prepare
some emails to send out to my team while I go spend a week or so in Venda with my parents.
I can’t mourn as yet. It feels like I am letting go of my only son.
Where do I even begin?
I should have been driving to Venda already but there are some documents I need to send off
to my insurance company and to also get Ciara to her mom. It was eleven o’cklock at night
when I received the news.
I walk to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee and before heading to the office to do
some work.
I could do anything right now to numb the pain I am feeling.
I open my laptop and start writing emails and sending them off to the relevant people. I will be
away from my empire for two weeks and things should still be running in my absence.
“Daddy…is that you?” I hear my sweet angel’s voice coming from the staircase.
“Hey angel…why are you up?” I hurry to her.
“I can’t sleep…I keep dreaming of uncle Ronnie.” She sobs. I scoop her from the ground and
walk to the living room and sit on the couch, with her on my lap. She overheard me on the
phone with my mother earlier and the worst part is that I cried with her watching. I did not see
her standing by the door, I only noticed her when she was sobbing sitting on the floor. I think
she heard about her uncle Ronie and not about her dear brother, Khuthi.
I have no strength to tell her about it.
“Sweetie…Uncle Ronnie is in the good place now.”
“But we are never going to see him.” She sobs.
“That’s why we took a lot of pictures with him so that we can remember him with them.”
“Is it that’s why you take me many pictures…so that when I am gone you can remember me?”
she asks with her eyes so wide and twinkling with tears.
“No…no…no sweetie…you are going nowhere.” I say and squeeze her into a tight hug. I do not
know how to explain death to a six year old. I know she is hurting. I rock her back and forth until
she falls asleep again.
I have no choice but to go to bed again so that she can sleep in my arms. I am only taking her to
her mother in the morning. Her mother and I are divorced but are perfect parents to her.
Khuthi’s mother disappeared on me five years ago, I don’t even know where to start searching
for her.
I lay in bed until I see the sun beaming through my curtains. I roll from the bed and take a quick
shower before going down to my home office.
“Good morning papa Ciara,” Rosie greets as I pass the kitchen. “Did you sleep well?”
“Morning…yes I slept well, thank you,” I lie.
5
“And Ciara…is she alright?”
“I hope she feels better…please prepare her luggage for two weeks. I will be going to Venda in
an hour and her mom will come pick her up after breakfast…and please don’t wake her, she
didn’t sleep at all. I will call her teacher to excuse her from school.”
“Alright…would you like something to eat?”
“No, thank you,” I say and disappear to my office.
I shut the door and start sending off emails. I don’t want to talk about Khuthi’s death. Not yet.
I am trying very hard to concentrate on what I am doing. I have been sitting in the office for an
hours when I hear a soft knock.
“Hey…I am here to pick Ciara,” Diana says, walking into my office slowly. She is looking
gorgeous and sexy in her black pencil dress and red stilettos.
“Thank you.”
“How are you doing? Come here.” She walks to me with her arms wide open, ready to comfort
me. I stand from my chair and allow her to embrace me. She caress my back as I rest my head
on her shoulder. “You will be alright. It will be fine. You just need to be strong.”
“Thank you,” I say, pulling myself out of her hug.
“Just remember that I am here for you…alright?”
“Yes…thank you.” I clear my throat.
“Don’t stress yourself about the office, I will make sure that everything is in order,” she says. I
know she will take good care of everything. She is the finance manager in my company and she
is capable of bossing everyone around to do what she wants.
“Uhm…yea…and I will ask one of my cousins to pick Ciara on Thursday so that she can attend
the funeral.”
“I will drive with her on Friday.”
“You are coming to the funeral?”
“Yes. Ronnie was my favourite and even though my relationship with Khuthi was rocky…it will
only be appropriate if I attend their send-off. He was my son too.”
“Please dont tell her about her brother. She is struggling to deal with her uncle’s death.
“I will tell her when I see that she is fine.”
We walk out of the office to the dining room. Ciara is finishing her breakfast so I sit on the chair
opposite to hers.
“Are you alright my angel?” I ask and she nods. “Daddy is going to see you on Friday, alright?”
“Can I go with you today?”
“No baby; I want you to go to school tomorrow…uncle Ronnie wouldn’t want you to fail
because of him,” I say and she nods. Sadness has dawned her face. We wait for her to finish
eating. I help carry her luggage to the car as she follows with her mother. I watch them drive
away before walking back to the house.
*****
I have been driving for about five hours and I feel really tired – actually numb. I did not manage
to sleep during the day and now I can feel my eyes shutting.
6
I cannot call it being in denial, I just feel like putting my mind on something else for me to
survive a minute of the day. I didn’t want to drive home. I parked the car in the filling station
and sat there for hours, trying to imagine how life will be without him.
I dont know how I am going to survive this one.
I am now driving on a bumpy gravel road to get to the village where I come from. It is already
dark so I am driving with bright lights on.
I drive slowly as I burry myself in the memories I shared with my little brother on this road. We
used to play soccer on this exact road with the kids from the other villages. He used to be the
best goal keeper and we all thought he was going to be that when he grew up. Instead he chose
to run my father’s businesses in Thohoyandou and Louis Trichardt. My father has two lodges in
Thohoyandou and two restaurants in Louis Trichardt. Ronnie was the one taking over since my
father retired after he turned 65 years.
I notice a woman carrying a bucket on her head far ahead. I wonder why she is walking alone in
such darkness.
My phone rings from the passenger seat and I reach for it. I swipe it to answer after I see who is
calling.
“Hello my angel,” I say to my little girl.
“Daddy, are you there yet?” she asks.
“I am almost there…are you alright?” I ask. I was concerned about her since yesterday when she
saw her father weeping in front of her.
“I am just thinking of Uncle Ronnie and how he promised me he will take me to Cape Town to
swim with the dolphins…you know he also loved dolphins like me?” she asks and I close my
eyes. I do not know what to tell her to make her feel better about her uncle’s death. I don’t
know what to tell her about her brother’s death.
“My angel…I will take you to Cape Town to swim with the dolphins,” I say and she sighs.
The car bumps into something and I jump in fear. I quickly stop, switch the ignition off and look
around for the woman who was far ahead from the car earlier. I cannot see her except for a
white bucket which is in the middle of the road.
“Oh no…oh no…” I say as I unbuckle the car seat.
“Daddy, are you there?” Ciara shouts from the speaker and I quickly put my phone back to my
ear.
“Sweetie, daddy has to go alright. Please try to sleep my angel so that you go to school
tomorrow, alright? Daddy loves you.” I hung up before she says anything else.
I slowly open the door and jump off to hear soft sobs.
“Oh my God; I am so sorry. I am so sorry I was not watching where I was going?” I kneel close to
the woman who is sitting in front of the car. She looks at me and cries her lungs out. “I am sorry
ma’am. Please let me take you to hospital.”
“I am fine,” she says in between the sobs.
“Uhm…but you are hurt. Please let me take you to hospital. It is the least I can do,” I say and
she shakes her head.
She drops her head and keeps sobbing. I wait for her to stop crying, with one knee on the dusty
7
road. I am panicking.
“Today was supposed to be her first birthday.”
“Excuse me?”
“My daughter, she was supposed to be a year old today.”
“Uhm…ohhh…I am so sorry to hear that,” I try to find the right word.
“If only her father didn’t leave me heart broken, she would have been alive. You know what he
did?”
She cleans her face with the sleeve of the jersey she is wearing. She stares at me, her beautiful
eyes on me.
“What?”
“He made another woman pregnant…and at that time I was also pregnant. I guess I couldn’t
take it…because I lost my baby afterwards. She was born without a heartbeat,” she says and I
shake my head.
My heart is bleeding for her. This is more painful than losing a brother whom I shared 26 years
with. A son I natured for ten years. She couldn’t even hold her child for just a night. I can never
understand what she is feeling.
“I am so sorry to hear that. I am really sorry.”
“It’s alright…I was made with a very strong heart.” She chuckles while wiping her tears. She
raises her eyes to meet mine and I see a beauty in her. She has her hair tied. What seemed to
have been a neat bun is just a mess, yet she is beautiful. A real beauty.
“Did I hurt you? I bumped on something, that’s why I stopped.” I am worried about her.
“No, you didn’t…I lost control and the bucket fell,” she says pointing to the bucket.
“You were carrying eggs with that?” I ask when I notice broken eggs all around us. She nods her
head before she stands from the ground. She wipes her tears that keeps running down her
cheeks and dust her long black skirt.
“Where are you going with a bucket full of eggs?”
“Home…I sell eggs just to get by you know? You should come and buy some for your family,”
she says with a chuckle.
My chest is tight from the pain I am feeling, but her smile is warm enough to melt it.
“Oh…let me buy this batch,” I say reaching for my wallet. I give her a few two hundred notes
that I could find in my wallet and my pocket.
That is the least I could do.
“I cannot accept that…it is not your fault that I fell. I was not watching where I was going coz my
mind was far away.”
“I insist you take it.” I place the money in her hand and hurry to pick the bucket for her. Just a
few of the eggs were not broken.
“What are you doing walking alone in the dark anyway?”
“There was no transport and I had to get the stock.”
“Come…I will drop you home.”
I walk to the passenger side and open for her. She walks slowly and jumps in as I carefully put
her bucket in the boot.
8
We drive in silence for ten minutes. I keep stealing a glance of her as I drive.
She is very beautiful.
“So when are you going to get more stock?” I ask trying to make a conversation.
“I will go tomorrow,” she says without turning to look at me.
“I could take you there tomorrow.” I say. Just something – anything, to take my mind off things.
I am not looking forward to choose my son’s casket. If there was something I could do to run
away from doing so, I could. But it needs to be done.
“No thanks…I will manage.”
I focus on driving until she asks me to stop at corner by the fig tree. She doesn’t stay far away
from home but I have never seen her before. She is probably young – very young.
“Thank you for the ride,” she says unbuckling the car seat.
“I promise you, your angel is watching over you,” I say and she smiles sincerely. That is what I
believe.
She waves at me and I smile.
I watch her as she disappears into the darkness. For the first time since I learnt about my son’s
death, my heart is kinda smiling.
That three seconds smile was just enough!

INSERT 2
THANDEKA
Who is that? I ask myself as I watch him drive away. I have never seen him around here ever
since. I wait a little longer to see where the car will turn. I see the car turn to the gate of a
beautiful house that I always admire when I go drop the eggs – Mam Angie stays there. He must
be there because of Ronnie’s funeral. I heard in the morning that he passed away in an accident
while coming from a drinking spree with his friends. He was with some kid who also died – may
their soul rest in peace, and his girlfriend who is now in a comma at the hospital. This is really a
tragedy.
I didn’t know Ronnie too well even though he was my ex’s friend. It is so sad to lose young lives,
always sad.
Come to think of it, that guy looks like an older version of Ronnie. He is obviously Ronnie’s
brother.
I hurry home with a bucket on my head. This guy really helped me with the money he gave me.
I can never accept money from strangers, but I have orders to deliver tomorrow. My customers
always pay for me to go stock up the eggs from Mr Mulungwa’s farm. So I really must replace
the broken eggs.
When I walk into the house, Thulani is watching TV with his beer in hand.
“Are you ever going to stop drinking?” I ask as I place the bucket on the table. He drinks
whenever he gets a chance to do so.
“Why would I stop when it helps me numb the pain?” he says and I laugh. He turns to glance at
9
me. I haven’t laughed in ages.
“What pain?” Thulani is a care-free spirit. He doesn’t have a woman or a child and I wonder
what he means by pain. What pain is he talking about? We have mourned our mother’s death
by now and we have accepted our poverty and both of us are working to do something with our
lives.
“I don’t prefer to cry every night like you do…I rather drink myself to sleep,” he says. I stare at
him. I didn’t know he hears me crying myself to sleep every night.
I have never stopped crying since the day I was rushed to hospital to deliver the baby. It was
just a week after the encounter with Robert and his woman. It was just weeks after New Year’s
Day. I thought I was going to give birth to a premature baby whom I would nurse until she was
strong enough. Instead, I was taken to hospital and by the time the doctors performed the
operation, my baby was still. From the moment I held my dead child, up to today, I count not
pass a day without crying.
With the words spoken by Thulani now, I would be crying this instant; however I feel peace in
my heart.
“I promise you your angel is watching over you,” I remember the stranger’s words that made
my evening, infact my year. I will never forget this words. For a good year, I have been
struggling to forgive myself for not taking care of my health. I was too stressed and I was not
eating well since Robert left me. I always blame myself for not being stronger than I should
have been for my baby.
I walk to my bedroom and take the money out of my pocket.
“Whaaatt?” I silently say.
I see a lot of two hundred notes in my hand. I thought it was a lot of twenty rands notes when
he gave me in the dark. I count the money to R4600. I make that kind of money in months –
many months. I put it back to my pocket and walk back to the living room.
“Uhm…do you know Ronnie’s brother?” I ask. I know Thulani knows the whole village. There is
no family he doesn’t know.
“Which one…the filthy rich one or the one before Ronnie?” he ask and burps. Thulani though. I
wonder why he likes drinking so much. If he didn’t, he would be a perfect charming gentleman.
“I don’t know…I think I saw someone who looks like Ronnie.”
“I bet he is the one before Ronnie. His name is Rudzani. The other one works in Joburg…I don’t
think he is here yet.”
I start pacing up and down the kitchen. I do know what to do with the money in my pocket.
How can I accept R 4600 from a person I do not even know? I have never done it before and I
am not going to start today.
“What is wrong with you?” Thulani asks from his chair. He is almost drunk, if not already.
“Can you please come with me to Ronnie’s house?” I beg.
“What are you doing there?” he asks with raised eyebrows.
“I am looking for this guy Rudzani. I really need to see him.”
“Haibo…what do you want from him?”
My brother loves money and I am not going to tell him that I have over R4000 in my pocket. I
10
rush out of the door to Ronnie’s house. The Range Rover is parked outside the garage. I bite my
nails as I enter the gate and walk slowly to the kitchen door. I am praying that he comes to the
door.
What am I doing? These people are mourning.
I turn quickly but the door opens before I could disappear.
“Haw Thandeka…are you delivering eggs this late?” Mam Angie calls out.
Busted!
I take a few steps to stand by the door with Mam Angie. The door is wide open and I can see
Rudzani having supper. I see him stand and walk to the door.
“I am not delivering the eggs Mam Angie…I am here to ask to see…”
“To see me?” he says standing behind Mam Angie.
“Yes please.” I say to him. “Mam Angie, I will be delivering eggs tomorrow afternoon.”
“Alright nwana wanga,” she says and makes a way for Rudzani.
“Hey…are you alright?” he asks while closing the door. I can now breathe as it is now just the
two of us outside.
“Yes…I am alright.” I say walking towards the gate. He follows behind me. I had to get away
from the light.
“What’s wrong?”
“I came to give you this,” I say placing the money in his hands.
“But I said you should keep it.”
“I cannot keep this much money coming from a stranger…no…no”
“I won’t be a stranger if you tell me your name…and I tell you mine.”
“I know your name.”
“Then what is yours?”
“I’m Thandeka.”
“Please keep this money Thandeka. Please keep it.”
“Please give me just R1000 to cover for the broken eggs. I honestly do not need the rest.”
“Why don’t you keep the money? You will supply my aunt and family with eggs until what I
gave you is depleted?” he asks and stares back inside, “Look, we are about to have a meeting
inside. I need to go.”
He takes my hand and puts the money in my hand.
“Excuse me,” he says and walks back inside. He seem sad. Ofcourse, he should be sad. He lost a
brother.
*****
It is Friday late afternoon and I sweeping the yard. I am not a morning person so I always settle
to sweep the yard when the sun sets. During the day I do the sewing for my customers or run
my egg business. I live such a boring life and I always remember the life I lived in Soweto with
my parents. Life was fast there, unlike here.
Thulani is always out. He is either at work or drinking somewhere. He does construction piece
jobs, buys groceries for us and drinks the rest of his money. I have no friends, except for my
11
neighbour’s daughter. Her name is Maria and she works in Thohoyandou.
The past week I have been thinking about Rudzani. My heart can’t seem to forget about him.
Robert has left me with a scar and I am not going to trust easily. I think I warmed up to Rudzani
because of what he told me about my angel. No one has ever told me that for the whole year
when I was weeping all alone. My heart welcomed his words to a point that I took off my
mourning dress that evening. For the whole year I wore nothing but black dresses. I never
wanted to let go of the memory of my dead child.
“A real woman wakes up and sweep the yard at dawn…not at six pm,” Maria says while walking
towards our yard.
“Haisukha…not me.”
“Who is going to marry you?” she says with her hands on her waist.
“Who says I want to be married?”
“Listen to you,” she opens the gate and walks closer to me. “You are not wearing a black dress.”
“It’s time to move on,” I smile at her
“I’m happy to hear that…but what happened?”
“Let’s just say I now know my angel is watching over me…and she has to see me happy always.”
“I like that. Now put the broom down and let’s go.”
“Where to?”
“Ronnie’s house…didn’t you get the message that it is our turn to chop the veggies? The elderly
woman will go there in the wee hours to cook the bigger pots.”
“I didn’t know…do were really have to go?” I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to bump into
Rudzani.
“You do not have a choice…unless you want mam Angie to come shout at you.” She says and I
laugh. I know mam Angie very well. She is too sweet, but not all the times. She is Ronnie’s aunt
and she will obviously be there overseeing everything.
I hurry to the house and pick an apron from behind the kitchen door. I also pick my favourite
knife from the kitchen drawer and walk to Maria.
“I hope to see my crush today,” Maria says as we walk out of the gate.
“Your crush?”
“Ronnie’s brother…his name is Rudzani.” She says and my heart skips a beat. “If only he was not
a womaniser.”
“Oh…he is a womaniser?”
My heart drops.
“Yoh…Rudzani is a serial womaniser and he uses his money to lure all this women…he will never
change that one,” she says and I gasp.
He just gave me money.
“So even when he is a womaniser…you still like him?”
“Well…I just fancy him,” she blushes. “He has his own kind of woman…not girls like me. I just
love him from the distance.”
“I see,” I mumble.
I am disappointed – for some reason.
12
“I think you could match with his brother. His name is Gundo…he is uptight and the eldest. He is
reserved and your kind of guy so.”
“I don’t want no match Maria. I don’t trust a thing called a man.” Mostly when she just told me
that the guy I have been thinking about, for the whole week, is a serial womaniser.
I wish I hadn’t spent his money on anything.
“Just because Robert broke your heart?” She says lightly without realising how much damage
Robert caused upon my life.
I literally cried for a year.
“Are you okay?” she asks. I nod.
I am fine. I am just disappointed that Rudzani turned out to be what Maria said he was. I was
not looking to be his girlfriend. I just thought he had a good heart.
“More hands….oh please hurry to the back…you young ladies like to drag your feet,” an old lady
yells as we reach the gate.
I hear giggles. When I turn, I notice Rudzani standing with two old ladies. He smirks at me. He
lifts his hand to wave but I quickly walk past him.
I have no time for womanisers.
He mustn’t dare!!!
He must not!!

INSERT 3

GUNDO

The funeral went as planned and it was a beautiful send-off for my younger brother and my
only son. I got to see so many people I haven’t seen in ages. My marriage with Diana had turned
me away from my family and I only realised it this whole week. Everybody is excited about my
divorce with her. I loved her with all of my heart but I am too tired for a union with her. She
was so humble when we met but money turned her into a controlling monster. Some days I
could see the woman I fell in love with but sometimes I could not find her. Lately she is
reminding me why I had married her in the first place. This could be her plan to get us back
together but I am not keen. It is good that we meet for work, Ciara and the adult fun that we
used to meet each for. She is still as sexy as the days before she had our daughter. But thank
you to a union with her.
My aunt was left speechless when Diana showed up on Friday evening and worked with the
women from the community. I watched her for a little while and she seemed like a different
woman. She did the runs around and stayed up the whole night, leaving my family without
anything bad to say about her.
I didn’t expect her to be here. Khuthi and my ex-wife didn’t get along. I think their cracked
relationship was the other reason we couldn’t work things between us. I couldn’t watch my son
and wife tearing each other apart like enemies. I just couldn’t.
I also saw Thandeka last night. She was chopping the vegetables with the group of young

13
women. I don’t know her but she has a soft spot in my heart for some reason. Maybe I am just
touched by how she wept about her daughter the night we met. Also, her returning the money
that I gave her because it was too much.
I chuckle.
Who does that?
She is obviously not from around here. Her skin, her hair and the way she dressed last night did
not scream village that much. She didn’t wear a black dress like the night I met her. She looked
different last night, even acted weird when our eyes met. I wonder if I was rude to her the night
when she came to see me. But I asked her nicely to be excused as I was supposed to be part of
a family meeting that was about to start in the living room.
Maybe she thought I was making an excuse. I really don’t get why she has turned cold towards
me.
Not that I care!
But I had been thinking about her the whole week and I wonder why. My heart is shut for love
and she looks too vulnerable anyway. I am leaving for Joburg in a few days.
I should just let it go.
“Hey Gundo…” Diana says from my bedroom door. I didn’t realise that I left it open. She is still
wearing her long pencil dress that hugs her figure perfectly. She also has a black doek on her
head for respect. I am grateful that she stepped in as Khuthi’s mother. We couldn’t get hold of
Khuthi’s mother. I pray that she doesn’t surface from wherever she is, to come and create
havoc when we are done mourning my son’s death. Her three sisters were here though. They
will tell her that I did my best to trace her.
“Hey…are you alright?” I ask.
“I am super exhausted,” she says throwing herself on a couch next to my bed.
“You should rest before driving back to Pretoria.”
“No…I think I just need a massage,” she raises her head and winks at me. I know she wants
more than a massage and I am not going to give it to her in my parents’ house. If anyone walks
in on us or hear us, I would be interrogated about sleeping with my ex-wife without intensions
of re-marrying her.
I am never marrying her again.
“You deserve one,” I say and she rolls her eyes at me.
“I was thinking that I hire some of the people around here you know? There were a lot of
women who want jobs. How about we don’t renew the cleaning company and hire a few of the
ladies from around here? It could save us a lot of money.”
She is good with these things.
“How are you going to get people from here to there? Won’t they be our burden?”
“That shouldn’t be our problem. I will leave the message with your aunt to give out to the few
ladies I was working with last night. Whoever is interested will find her way to our offices. And
remember back in the office, I already have more than ten CVs of people who want cleaning
jobs. I think we shouldn’t renew the contracts.”
This is an awkward time to be talking about work and stuff.
14
“Why are you doing this?” I ask.
“Some lady jokingly asked me for a job and all the other ones also cried for one…and I got to
think of this.”
“Fine. Do what you got to do.”
Can she leave now?
I just need some time alone.
She stands from the couch. She gives me a lustful smile, walking towards me.
“We spoke about this Diana…we cannot be together anymore…like never-ever”
“Only when I am in my clothes we cannot be together?” she says while walking to the door. I
watch as she cat walks out of the room. She still makes me horny by looking at her and she
knows it very well.
But, no! Never! Unless I want to complicate my life even further.
She shuts the door!

******
The first week after the funeral has been the worst for me. I have been receiving condolences
messages from my business associates. Every text message reminded me of how much I am
going to miss my son. I am /not looking forward to going back to my house to pack away his
things. If I wasn’t for Ciara, I was going to stay a little longer.
This is my third week in Venda, after the funersl. We had to do the rituals after the funeral.
Also, my father requested that I help with shortlisting and placing managers to take over
Ronnie’s duties. I have an empire to run in Joburg, I am not going to manage traveling back and
forth to take care of the restaurants and lodges.
We found two guys who seem promising. I will oversee everything from Joburg, if there is ever
a need.
Thandeka never showed herself. I want to ask that she supplies the eggs to the restaurants. It
would be great for her small business. From what I heard from my aunt, she works hard.
I didn’t see her ever, after the funeral. It was a bit hectic during the first week after the funeral.
But I still didn’t see her during my second and third week, even when I took a walk around the
village at times. She was nowhere to be found.
I am packing my bags in the car, with a heavy heart. I am disappointed. I wished to see her
again before leaving.
I don’t know why though.
“Can I give away Khuthi’s toys?” my aunt asks. There is a toy box in the garage, including his
favourite roller skates and skate board. He probably skated in the yard, coz the roads here are
gravel and uneven.
“Yeah,” I say. He had the same items back at home. I bought him more toys to avoid travelling
with all these things every time he visited his grandparents.
“Everything is going to be fine,” my aunt sadly says.
“Uhm aunt Angie…that girl who sells eggs, have you seen her around?” I ask before I could ask
myself.
15
“The last time I saw her was weeks ago. She delivered eggs that could last us a year. You should
take a few trays before you leave. You wanted to buy some from her, right?”
“Oh, yeah…but I think I am running late. Let me get to joburg before it gets dark. I am going
back to the office tomorrow.”
*****
Sigh!
I just got to the office an hour before my normal time. I left the house in the same hour I used
to leave the house when my son was still alive. I would drop him first, then Ciara before coming
to the office. It wasn’t the case today. I only dropped Ciara at school, which is just around our
office park.
We used to get stuck in traffic to Khuthi’s school.
I switch my laptop and start by paging through some old newspaper which are on my table.
When I hear my PA settling on her chair just outside my office, I pick my phone and ring her.
“Sir?” she says. She is probably shocked that I was in the office before her.
“Morning! Can you please get me coffee?”
“I thought you were coming in after an hour Sir, I didn’t place your breakfast order with the
cafeteria.”
“No, get me filter coffee. I will skip breakfast today.” I have no apetite.
“Sure, thing.”
Email alerts goes off when I connect my laptop to the WIFI. I hope everybody did what they
were supposed to do when I was not around.
Oh!
Most emails are not meant for me to action. I am just CC’d to emails going back and forth
between teams.
I am glad there is nothing much that I need to do today. I still need to gain my strength back.
“Betty, where is my coffee?” I ask her over the phone.
It seems like they digging just one cup of coffee.
“We have new…”
My door opens slowly and a lady in a black jeans and black t-shirt walks into the office. She
nods while pushing the tray to where the tea table is.
I hang up.
“Thandeka?” I say and she quickly turns to me. She drops the sugar jar, landing on my black
fluffy rug.
My poor rug.
“Ru…oh no… I am so so sorry,” she says and covers her mouth with both her hands.

INSERT 4
THANDEKA

16
‘What is with the clumsiness though?’ I thought to myself as I land on my knees to pick the
sugar container.
Oh Lord! How am I going to clean this mess?
Luckily the sugar fell on one spot of the mat. It is not as bad, really.
“Don’t worry about that, you can get that cleaned up later,” Rudzani says while standing up and
putting his hands in the pockets. Wish I could wipe off that smirk on his face. What is he doing
here anyway?
He is wearing a long white shirt and chinos. Not your typical chino pants though. They look like
quality.
“I will quickly go get you another bowl of sugar,” I say while getting on my feet.
“No, no, relax. I don’t take my coffee with sugar. I see you have the cream. I have my coffee
with just cream, thank you,” he says.
Who doesn’t take coffee with sugar?
I glare at him. He looks very different. As if I know him.
“Okay then,” I say and place his coffee on the table. I place the cream and rusks on the table as
well.
Why am I even shaking?
“You disappeared,” he says as I am ready to push the trolley out of this enormous office. I look
around his office and there are so many awards trophies in the glass cabinet situated in the
corner of the room. Pictures of him in different suits and occasions are plugged neatly on the
grey walls. I also notice a picture of that boy who passed away – the very same picture was on
his small casket that day. He really loved his nephew.
He has the longest white table and a white couch kind of an office chair.
It should be nice to be him.
“Where did you go?” he asks. I even forgot he was standing next to me.
“I scored the job from Ms Diana. I had to jump on the offer without thinking twice.” I honestly
didn’t know he also works here, in the fifth floor – just opposite Ms Diana’s office.
“Who is running the egg business?”
“My brother,” I chuckle. I just think Thulani will deliver only two buckets and give-up. I just
don’t see him knocking on people’s doors and counting eggs in their kitchens.
“You should ask him to see my aunt…he should supply for my father’s restaurants. I don’t get
how Ronnie didn’t think of empowering one of our own,” he says.
Well, Ronnie was my EX’s friend so I had to cut ties with him when Robert left me. There was no
way I could ask for a favour from him. I hardly knew him. But in all honesty, I didn’t think about
supplying my eggs to restaurants. My customers were just my few neighbours.
I push my tray to the door. I think we are done.
“Thandeka, do you mind joining me for coffee?”
What?
We just met again and he already wants to jump into my pants?
I roll my eyes, with my face away from his.
Men!
17
“Unfortunately, I need to come back and clean your mat before going to get the boardroom
ready for a meeting,” I say. There is no need for me to be rude.
He stands infront of me and stares into my eyes.
Lustful thought running in his head, I suppose. I stare back at him and our eyes lock.
Why does he have to be this handsome?
I clear my throat to remind myself who I am standing infront of.
I know where to play when it comes to this man. What I heard after the funeral was worse than
what Maria told me. I need to play far, very very far from him.
There is a soft knock on the door. We both turn our attention there. Ms Diana peeps her head
before slowly walking into the room. Her longest weave makes her look expensive and rich.
“What the hell happened here?” she calmly asks, command in her voice. Her eyes are on the
rug.
“I…accidentally spill the sugar but I am going to get it cleaned up,” I say.
“What are you waiting for, roll that thing out of here and clean it up.”
“Roll it out? Come on, she just needs a dustpan and a brush, no need to roll this huge thing out
of here,” Rudzani says at my defense.
“Are you kidding me? I don’t want ants crawling in here,” Diana says.
“Yes ma’am,” I say.
“First bring me my coffee from my office,” she says to me and then turn to Rudzani, “We need
to catch up Mister.”
I push my trolley out of the office and leave it outside the door. I hurry to get Ms Diana’s coffee
from her office. Her PA sits next to her door, just like Rudzani’s. I grab a mug of coffee and take
it to her.
“Can I come back later to roll out the mat?” I ask. I mean, they need to catch up and I don’t
want to seem like I am eavesdropping.
“You don’t have to roll this out Thandeka,” Rudzani says.
“Since when do you give orders to the cleaners?” Diana asks, her gaze on him.
“Come on Diana, that thing just needs a dustpan and a brush, that’s all…I can even do it
myself.”
Diana swivels her head between Rudzani and I, in shock. What did I do?
“I will take the rug out now,” I say, my eyes pleading with Rudzani to let it go. I will drag this
thing out of here and wash it.
“There is no need for you to drag that enormous thing out of here. Just go get a dustpan,” he
says from his seat.
“She needs to get this rug out of here,” she sternly says.
Lord help me.
“No, she doesn’t have to.”
“Since when do you argue with me infront of our employees?”
“You are just being unreasonable, honestly,” he says.
My eyes dart between the both of them. Diana stands from her seat and walks out of the office.
“Get a dustpan,” he whispers and I rush out of the office. I am glad the dustpan option won coz
18
that rug needs a group of people to drag it out of here. I grab the dustpan from the store-room
and hurry back to clean my mess.
Clumsy hands!!!!
I carefully brush out the sugar into the dustpan and hurry out of the office. The PA raises her
eyebrows at me and I shrug at her. I also don’t know what just happened. I am worried about
Ms Diana, she looked pissed.
What was Rudzani thinking? I don’t want to be fired before I even get paid.
I drag my tray to the kitchen and clean a few cups before cleaning the boardroom.
By lunch time I am exhausted. This job will open a lot of doors for me but it is not as fun as I
thought it would be. I am grateful though. We work in a very beautiful building – it motivates
me and the pay is good enough. I can do a lot with the money. Also, what could be hard about
making tea? I don’t scrub floors and clean toilets.
Maria is munching on her sandwich when I get into our rest office. She is the one who dragged
me here after I had an encounter with my EX. I remember I couldn’t breathe when I saw him
with his girlfriend and child.
Maria had my back.
That Saturday I was wearing one of the black dresses I once made when I was still mourning my
baby. It is a very beautiful maxi dress with long sleeves – which is my favourite. I felt good but
the moment Robert stood in front of me, I felt out of place. He was wearing a perfect black suit
matched with a black shirt and brown perfect shoes. That was not your typical suit that people
just throw on for a funeral. He looked good. His girlfriend was in a pencil skirt and a tucked in
white blouse. Their baby was in a pram the whole time but I am sure he looked the part.
All of a sudden, I couldn’t breathe. I felt like digging my own grave next to Ronnie and that little
boy. We didn’t speak that time. He just glanced at me while the pastor was preaching.
The second time I noticed my ex was when we were serving lunch after the funeral. I was
standing next to Maria who was serving the pap while I dish the gravy and a salad. He stood
infront of me with two plates. I could feel his presence before raising my eyes to him.
“How are you Thandeka,” he asked.
“I am fine,” I said, threw the gravy and a salad on his two plates and called for the next person
to come forth.
I wished that was our last encounter, but it wasn’t. Robert was with the other guys for the
after-tears while I helped wash the dishes. When I was done, I decided to go home as I needed
to make a delivery of the eggs before it was dark.
The jerk followed me.
“Thandeka, can we talk?” he asked when he was already behind me. I wondered where his wife
and kid were.
“What do you want from me?” I asked while increasing my pace.
“I wanted to see the baby,” he said. I don’t know if he was mocking me or what? Didn’t his
family know? The news were all over the village.
“It died,” I hissed, trying not to dare cry. I don’t want to go back there. Ronnie’s funeral also
brought so much emotions. Watching Rudzani shed a tear – with a cold face, when they rolled
19
down the caskets broke my heart. I cried at that moment. I didn’t want to cry again. It was
enough for that day.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked.
Why didn’t I tell him? Why didn’t I tell him?
Maria taps me on my shoulder. I turn to her and wink a few times before cleaning my eyes. I
was lost in my own thoughts.
“What is wrong?” Maria asks. I shake my head. We are not talking about this. We are not
talking about EX ever.
Robert is a jerk and I think all men are.
I warm my lunch box and settle next to her. We are both renting a room in Joburg CBD. This is
just a temporary arrangement because I don’t feel safe in that flat. We are going to need to
move to somewhere safer.
“Have you seen the big boss?” Maria asks with a tongue out. She winks at me and laugh.
Really?
“I saw him. I am working on his floor, remember?”
“I wish I was you. First floor is not interesting,” she says.
Liar! She wants to crush on her crush every day.
I choose not to tell her what actually happened in his office. It could be weird to explain it to
anyone.
I also don’t want to fight Maria for any man. I didn’t tell her that we met before the funeral and
that he is the one who changed my world for the good with the words that touched my soul. I
don’t want to break her heart. She liked him first, even when it is from a distance.
The clock ticks one thirty. Time to prepare tea for the boardrooms which are booked for the
meeting. I throw my lunch box into my locker and put my apron on.
“Thandeka…” I turn towards the door where Ms Diana’s voice came echoing from.
“Ma’am…”
“I am changing your shifts to floor 2…” she says and turns to another lady who is also packing
away her lunch box into the locker, “What is your name again?”
“Johanna.”
“Johanna, I am moving you to floor 5,” Diana says, “With immediate effect.”
Haw!

INSERT 5
GUNDO
Is it me? Or Thandeka disappeared on me?
AGAIN?
I have been calling for tea and coffee three times a day and there is no sign of her. I know I have
been busy the past two weeks, I bump into everybody else but her.

20
I am not entitled to her but I like watching her. My heart welcomed her from that very same
second she was weeping for her child. She looks much happier now. Not that I know what she
looked like before we met.
Why am I smiling? I shake my head while walking to the large window. I should take this woman
out of my mind.
It is almost three o’clock and I should be getting ready to pick Ciara from school. Her piano
lessons ends at four. Ciara loves music. Khuthi was very different from her. He loved soccer and
extreme sports, hence he was so close to my younger brother. He always said that I am not as
cool as Uncle Ronnie. I always try to keep up with these kids, I think I am just a little uptight for
them.
I turn to the door when I hear a soft knock.
“Yes?” I call out.
“I missed your call. I was wrapping up the Marketing meeting which will be held on Monday,”
my PA says from the door. I rang her desk phone earlier.
“What time is the meeting?”
“Ten o’clock, sir. You have an hour with the team before you meet Mr Lungelo from the bank,”
she says.
“Fine.” I put my hands in my pockets, hoping what I am about to ask her is right, “I wanted you
to go call Thandeka for me.”
“Thandeka?” she looks like she is cracking her head, “ooh, you mean the one from editorial?”
“No, the one who brought tea the day I came back from my leave?”
“Oh,” she raises her brow and quickly looks away when I tilt my head at her. She doesn’t need
to make sense of any of my business issues. “I will get her for you. I hope she is not yet gone.
They knock off at three o’clock.”
I hope so too.
I nod at her and she closes the door and disappears.
Oh, she is right. I can see a few of the cleaning ladies rushing out of the building. It is amazing
how they transform after their shifts.
This is going to be a longest weekend. I thought I could see Thandeka and invite her for drinks
when I drop Ciara to her sleep-over party.
I walk back to my desk while folding the sleeves of my shirt.
I dart my eyes to the door when I hear a knock.
She is here.
She hesitantly walks inside and I rush to stand. I feel like a teenager once again. My smile
probably makes me look like a fool.
“You called for me,” she says while closing the door.
Doesn’t she look perfect in her white dress? What did I say about these cleaner ladies. They
wear uniforms and aprons, but the moment they know off they turn into these beautiful
beings. Thandeka joined the crew. She look stunning. It is my first time seeing her with make-
up. It is just a hint of it but her face looks so pretty. I love it.
“Yeah, where did you disappear to?” I ask while walking to her, “Please, take a seat.”
21
“Is there anything you need me to do for you?” she asks. She looks so different today. Very very
different.
“Not, really, I need to talk to you.”
“Sir, my friend is waiting for me and our bus is going to leave in less than fifteen minutes. If I
miss the bus, it is going to take me hours to get home,” she says.
“I can drop you home.”
“No, Sir,” she says.
“I insist,” I say and she shakes her head with a frown on her face. Why does she hate me so
much?
“I need to go, sir? If you don’t mind.”
“I do mind.” If she wants to play hard to get, let’s get to it.
“I think I need a cup of tea,” I say while walking back to my seat.
She stares at me as if she has seen a ghost.
She wants it the hard way, let’s do it.
“Sir,…”
“Please,” I say and lower my eyes to the laptop. Don’t say I am using my power. I want her
attention, can she give it to me? She is fucken the only one my heart wants , at this very
moment. I feel like a jerk, but I am fine with it.
She walks out of the office. I also walk to Diana’s office. She is packing up her bag, getting ready
to leave.
“Can I ask for a favour?”
“Sure,” she says while setting her laptop bag on the floor to be able to pull it out of the
building.
“Any plans tonight?” I ask and she gives me a sweet smile.
“Have anything in mind? I have all the time in the world.”
“Please pick Ciara from school and drop her at Daniella’s house for a sleep over party later? The
nanny has her bag ready. I am sure she will just jump into a quick shower.”
“Oh!”
“Please.”
“Sure.”
“Sharp.”
I walk out of her office to mine. My relationship with Diana is now strictly business and
parenting. Years ago we used to sleep together when we wanted but I have learnt to keep it to
business unless I want to mess everything. It took me a while to get over her. She is sexy and I
am a loner. I divorced her on the paper but still relied on her. The story is different now. I feel it
is time for me to move on with my life. I need to let go of the past and start my life afresh. I
need to let go of Khuthi someday in the future. For now, I just need someone to help me live a
day without him. Watching TV and working on new business ventures is not helping but making
me feel worse. Ciara stays in her room all the time.
My watch says three thirty and Thandeka is not back yet. Did I just push her away? Would she
just leave without bringing me a cup of tea? I am sure she knows I cannot fire her for asking her
22
to work when she has clocked out. But it would be very disrespectful of her to leave the boss
waiting for tea. That would be just wrong.
What is this woman doing to me though? I laugh at myself.
I am sweating. Maybe I am panicking.
A knock on the door makes me jump a bit. My face drops when I see my PA on the door. I
glance at my watch and it is already twenty minutes since Thandeka left. She definitely left.
“Sir, are you going to need anything before I go?”
“No, thank you,” I say. I could be telling her to go search for Thandeka but that would make me
look like a looser. It is already after half past three and most people are preparing to leave. It is
Friday and we knock off at three thirty. I mean, I have been an employee some time in my life
and I know it too well that everybody doesn’t want to be in the office at four on a Friday. I
prefer productive workers rather than unhappy employees dragging their feet in my offices. It is
Friday and people should just go live their lives to the fullest, except me.
“I will see you on Monday.”
“Monday it is.”
She closes the door. I start clearing my desk. There is no reason for me to stay here. I don’t
have any deadline to chase after.
Another knock on the door and I wait to see who is going to walk through the door.
She didn’t leave. Thandeka walks to the coffee table and place a tray of tea. She doesn’t look at
me but I can tell that she is pissed.
“Oh, I thought you left.”
“I thought you said you need a cup of tea,” she coldly says.
“It takes you twenty minutes to make just one cup of tea?”
“If I need to go up and down the elevator to a different floor to get you just a cup of tea, yes…it
is possible to take twenty minutes.”
“Different floor? Why are you not using the kitchen from this floor?”
“I work on the second floor.”
“But, the other day…”
“I now work on the second floor and I shouldn’t be here at all if I want to keep my job.”
“Is this about the rug?” I ask and she doesn’t say anything. “Please take a seat.”
“I need to leave, sir,” she says it so coldly I felt it. She doesn’t want to be here. I should not
force it on her unless I want to find myself in trouble. We are always preaching to employee to
not make others feel uncomfortable. I don’t want cases of harassment in my company.
Okay, maybe I am being unreasonable. She has already missed her bus. I am such a jerk, right.
“Forgive me, really. I just needed company.” I sigh. “Since the funeral, I haven’t done anything
fun or…just anything at all. I didn’t want to piss you off. I just wanted to invite you for drinks.”
She stirs at me. I don’t even need this cup of tea. It is fucken hot for God’s sake.
“Fine, I will join you.”
I turn to her. What did she say?
“What did you say?”
“I will join you…to lend you an ear. I owe you one after what you told me about my angel. It
23
was something that I engraved in my heart,” she says and points at her chest. Wow. I didn’t
know. “I know the most difficult part about death is going on without them. I had to let go of so
many people in my life, I know how much it hurts.”
She looks like someone who has seen it all.
“Okay…uhm…let me get my things and we can go.”
“So you never needed a cup of tea,” she says with a smirk. I smile back and focus on getting my
things in my bag. I lead the way to the basement, where my car is parked alone. I own this part
of the basement.
I drive us to a queit restaurant just across our office building. It is not busy yet. I bet it will be
full in no time. It is the hottest spot around this office park. Thandeka doesn’t look pissed but
she aint pleased. She is returning a favour and I need more than that. I want more than her
feeling pity for me.
“How are you finding our working space?”
“Everything is beautiful…and I like working on the second floor where all the creatives are,” she
says.
“Ouch!” I place both of my hands on my chest as if she stabbed me.
“What? Ohhh..no offense. I rather be with the creatives than the bosses. You guys make
everyone walk on egg shells.”
“I didn’t know I make people walk on egg shells,” I say.
“Oh well…maybe it is Ms Diana that everyone is scared of.”
“She is a handful but don’t let it get into your head. She is like a barking dog, you know? It never
bites.”
She sips on her virgin cocktail. Her eyes are twinkling but she doesn’t look relaxed.
Maybe I am just expecting too much on a first date. Is this even a date? Does it qualify when I
forced her – in a way?
“So, what did your boyfriend say when you told him you were up and leaving Venda for a job?”
“Boyfriend? Me?” she chuckles. That cold chuckle.
“What?”
“You see this thing called a man,” she points a finger around, “I am never…never…never-ever
going to let it in here,” she points her chest, “Never.”
Oh!
That never-ever-ever seems like the same one I tell myself about Diana and I getting back
together. I mean it that I will never get back with Diana, does it mean she surely doesn’t need a
man in her life?
“What if someone really likes you? From the depth of their heart? What if you really find a man
who is falling in love with you? Wont you give him a chance.”
“There is no man who is falling for me.”
“There is.”
“Who?” she turns her eyes to me.
“Me.”
“You?” she does that cold chuckle again, but this time it turns into a laugh. She laughs at me
24
like I am some kind of a fool.
“What?”
“You are used to doing this, aint you?” she says coldly, “They all fall for this trick, don’t they?”
She is no longer laughing.
She sips her drink.
“Do you know something that I don’t?” I ask.
“Ofcourse…so you can quit trying your luck, I won’t fall for it. You don’t have to call me to your
office after working hours to make you tea that you won’t even drink. I know men like you, I
think everybody knows men like you by now…so please, save yourself the embarrassment.
Please. I am here to work, to do something for myself and I don’t need you to complicate my
life you always do others.” she sips from her drink and stares at me, “Do you really need
someone to talk to…about your brother’s death or you also made that up so that I come here
with you?”
“I…well…” I try to respond but words fail me.
Ohhh! What do I even say?

INSERT 6
THANDEKA
Maybe I shouldn’t have been hush!
Either way, he needs to know that I am not going to fall for his tricks, honestly. I haven’t heard
stories about him at work but I bet they are there. He just sweeps them under his fluffy black
carpet.
“I really needed someone to talk to,” he says. I feel bad. Maybe I took it to far just to emphasise
my point. “I am sorry about the tea thingie.”
He lands his eyes on mine. I stare back at him. Why can’t I trace this bad thing about him? All
the stories I heard at the funeral, I cannot see him doing them. Apparently he has a number of
children in the village but he refuses custody. He is just like Robert. I don’t need such drama in
my life.
“You know what? Let’s just have these drinks, forget about my tea request and this previous
conversation…let’s just have drinks and I will drop you home afterwards, is that okay?”
“Fine.” I am here already, so it is fine. As long as I am having my virgin cocktails.
“Thank you,” he says. His eyes lights up.
Why did he have to be a monster of a man though? He looks like a guy who has a good heart.
Who am I am fooling? Would he father hundred children if he was a monster towards women?
He is charming and wonderful. He is a man any woman would fall for, hence they all fall for his
tricks.
“Did you have a relationship with Ronnie?” I ask. This is what we are here for, correct?
“We were pretty close when growing up,” he says and smiles.
“I am sorry about his death. That little boy too…I am sorry he died,” I say and he stares at me
25
like I said something wrong.
“That little boy…yeah…I bet I will get over it with time. It hits me hard sometimes,” he says. I
understand exactly what he means. I know the feeling too well.
“Time heals…and the thought that these people become our angels, watching over us, makes
things better,” I say. He beams at me. It is his line and I am allowed to use it.
“How come a Thandeka landed in Venda? What is your brother’s name?”
“Thulani,” I say. “Parents died and we had to move there. It was years ago.”
“So where do you originally come from?”
“Soweto.”
“Oh, just around the corner. Is it where you are staying now?”
“That house is sold or something…even if not, I don’t want to go back there…bad memories. I
stay in town with Maria. I don’t know if you know her. She also comes from our village. She digs
you a lot…but she says from a distance,” I say and chuckle.
Too much information Thandeka. I think I got carried away.
“She digs me from a distance? You should tell her to halla at me,” he says with a smirk. Of
course. So that you can tap her ass, right?
“I think I need to go,” I say. It is getting dark. I think we have been seated here for a while now. I
called in two more glasses of cocktail earlier and refused dinner.
“Oh, did I say something wrong?” he asks.
“No. it is just getting dark.”
“Yes, you are right. I was just enjoying your company,” he says while picking his wallet, “Don’t
you want to order something out so that you dont cook when you get home?” He lifts his hand
for the waiter who rushed to our table. “Can you please prepare me a take-out box of your
house specialty dish?” he turns to me, “What are you having…for take-away?”
I don’t want to cook when I get home. It is Friday.
“A box of any of your best pizzas,” I say and the waiter leaves, “It is easier to share pizza with a
room-mate.”
He nods.
The waiter brings the food after a good twenty minutes, he settles the bill and leads the way to
his luxurious car. White seats and all. I like it.
It is sad that I cannot share this with Maria. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I should admit, I
had a good time after my little outburst. He talks a lot, in his own nice way. He didn’t sound like
that boss that makes everyone walk on egg shells.
He parks beside the road and stares at an old building that accommodates thousands of people
who came to Joburg to hustle – including me.
I know what he is thinking, it doesn’t look safe at all. Maria and I are already working on a
move.
“Thandie, I had a great time. Thank you,” he says, “I apologise for being a jerk at first. I just
wanted your attention and I had a load to…offload about the funeral and everything.”
“Thank you for pizza,” I say.
“Would…” he shakes his head. I bet he is keeping whatever it is in his heart. He stares into my
26
eyes. I stare back, searching for this monster that he is hiding from me. It is not there. Instead, I
see hurt, sorrow and disappointment.
“Thank you for the pizza and drinks,” I say while unbuckling the car seat. I open the door and
join a crowd of people rushing into the flat. The queue to the elevators are always packed so I
always take the stairs rather. It takes me ten minutes to get to floor seven. There is no need for
gym.
Maria is lying on the bed that we share together.
“Pizza?” she says.
“Thought I could get us some.”
She sits and grabs a slice from the box. I do the same and settle on the bed.
“Where did you go?” she asks, her face on a small TV.
Should I tell her the truth about the dinner date which turned into just drinks and chats? Chats
that I ended up enjoying?
Why am I even falling for a man that I know will squash my heart, chew it and spit it like a gum?
I know that very well but my heart decides to have a soft spot for him, all of a sudden.
“I had to meet with the boss…for some work…” I say but we are disturbed by the noise from
outside the window. There is always something happening outside our flat every night.
Weekend evenings are the worst. We both jump from the bed and stare down the window. A
group of men is fighting outside – for what, we don’t know. The crowd surround them and the
police are already flooding the scene.
“We need to move.”
“We do,” she responds and shove the pizza in her mouth.
*****
I don’t know what I want now!
It has been two weeks since that meeting with Rudzani and we haven’t spoken ever since.
Okay, I have seen him walking out of the 2nd floor boardroom now and then, but he greets and
smiles and rushes to the elevator.
That is what I wanted, right? The answer should be YES but my heart is shouting NO. Where are
the stories about him flirting with women? Did he just change over-night?
I pull the tray to go set up the boardroom for the creative writers and design team. I love their
brainstorming sessions. I always find myself eavesdropping and making quiet decisions on my
own. I love their jobs.
It is nine thirty, so I have enough time to set up the boardroom before they start at ten.
I push the door and force my tray in. Everybody turns towards me?
Haw! What time is this meeting kanti?
“Come in Thandeka,” Phuti says from the front. He is head of design team. “The meeting starts
at ten. Don’t mind us.”
“Sure,” I nod and start setting up the tea station, quietly without disturbing them.
“So, the boss lady gave us a budget to use for the boss’s birthday. What do you think we should
do? and please do not tell everybody when you walk around the corridor. It is a surprise.”
27
“Are we buying alcohol?” one guy asks.
“If we get a sponsor. We are not allowed to use petty cash for booze.”
“Let’s just have a braai on the rooftop. Let us host a township chisanyama vibes for the boss. He
loves those kinds of things.”
“Chisanyama theme on a Thursday? The boss will be rocking a suit.”
I laugh queitly. He is right. He is always on a suit or somewhat-formal.
“We will have his PA book him for a golf meeting or something and call him to come to the
office to handle an emergency when we are ready for him.”
“I like that,” the other one says.
“Please guys, he deserves this. He hasn’t been himself since the death of his son,” Phuti says.
I almost dropped a mug. My clumsy hands failing me again.
It is his son who passed away? Kanjani? I thought the son belonged to the elder brother. Oh my
God Rudzani! My heart is aching for him. All these time I thought he was mourning his brother.
How can I be so stupid? He really needed company that other day and I played a jerk.
“Let’s make it happen,” Phuti says before the door flies open.
“Are you having secrets meeting behind my back?” Rudzani asks with a smirk on his face. He
always manages to put a smile on his face. Despite this dark cloud that is surrounding his
family.
“No, Sir. The invite said nine thirty so we thought to start. We didn’t discuss much,” a white lie
came from Phuti’s mouth.
“Let me get tea, we need to push this meeting to just thirty minutes. I have to rush somewhere
after this,” he says while walking towards the tea station, where I am still preparing.
My throat dries up as he walks closure to me. I feel guilty for pushing him away the other day.
He really needed a shoulder like I did the whole year. We all need that one shoulder to cry on
even if it is just once.
“How are you?” he asks with a smile. He picks a mug.
“I am fine. HOW ARE YOU?” I whisper.
“I feel good,” he says while pouring tea into his mug.
Everybody stand from their seat to join the queue. This is my queue to leave. I hurry out to the
corridor. I close the boardroom door and lean on it before taking a deepest breathe. I feel so
bad. Maria is not even around to tell me why she didn’t tell me that the boy belonged to him.
She was too quick to tell me all the bad things she told me about Rudzani. Losing a child is a
worst feeling ever. I cannot even wish it on my worst enemy. Maria is not here. She had to ask
for a few days off to go home. My neighbour, her mother, is suffering from stroke.
I push my trolley to the kitchen.

*****
“He is driving into the parking lot,” Phuti says so that everybody can settle down. We are at the
roof-top, waiting to celebrate the big boss’s birthday. Everybody is in a good mood. My
colleagues and I were requested to join. The whole building is at the roof-top. Rudzani has
about hundred or less employees. It is a lot for a one man show. I heard that Ms Diana doesn’t
28
own it like Rudzani. She handles the corporate services for the company. She does call the shots
though. She does.
We are standing, waiting for Rudzani to come in. I am eager to see the smile on his face when
he sees all of these things. The team turned this place into a hot chilling spot. I have not been to
many spots but if this one existed, I would go to it all the time.
“He is coming…he is coming…” Phuti hisses.
The door opens and Rudzani walks out. He is wearing a red golf shirt with creamy sporty shorts.
Those calves. He is wearing pure white sneakers and a white cap. Behind him are two guys
dressed just like him.
He laughs so handsomely.
“Suprisee!!!!!” everybody yells except me. I am still beating myself for being a jerk when he
needed someone to offload to.
“What?” he laughs, looking around at everyone who is smiling at him. He wasn’t expecting this
at all. His face says it all.
He walks to the small stage and takes the little mic from Phuti.
“What do you guys want?” he asks and giggles. We all laugh. “If it is a double
bonus…weeelllll…”
“We don’t need a bonus, sir,” one guy yells and the crowd breaks into laughter.
“You know I have been wondering why everybody was such in a good mood in the morning…on
a Thursday,” he says. “But on a serious note, thank you guys for doing this for me. I never
thought that I was going to celebrate this day without my son, you know…but I am glad you
decided to host this for me. You know when Khuthi passed away, I never thought I will ever see
myself smiling again? I mean genuinely smile? It even feels wrong to be happy without him. if
he was still around, he would be running around your offices, interviewing you guys for his
school projects and all,” she shakes his head. “He would have woken up today and ask me to
skip work because we had to celebrate my day. The teachers knew that he would like to skip
school on his and my birthday…every year.”
This is so sad to listen to. Everyone is quietly listening to his speech. This boy, his boy, sounds
like he was a beautiful soul.
“God always know what he is doing…always…so I have no choice but to accept and move on. It
is friends and families like you who make things easier. Thank you.”
“It is our pleasure boss.”
“By the way, where did you get the booze from?” he asks while pointing at the few guys holding
bottles of alcohol.
“We contributed…” the guys at the back yells one after another.
“Who gave you permission to drink before four?” he asks and looks around again, “I am
kidding. Let’s drink and celebrate the fact that I am a year closer to retirement. Cheers guys.”
He jumps out of stage and grabs a beer from Phuti.
Can I say my throat is dry right now? I wish to get to him and apologise. Now I know why his
eyes revealed sorrow at times. He keeps the smile but sometimes it is not there. I am tempted
to go see him but he is always surrounded by people. I am glad that Ms Diana is not around
29
today. Since the day of the rug, things are different.
I watch as he sneaks out of the party without anyone noticing. He looks pretty sad. Everybody is
dancing and drinking. Maybe this is my only chance to apologise and have a word with him. I
don’t have to go through the PA to get to him today.
My heart is throbbing as I take the stairs down to the fifth floor. The music fades away as I turn
down the passage to Rudzani’s office.
I knock on the door and wait for him to respond. I knock again.
“Go back to the party,” he yells from inside. I open the door and close it again. “Whatever it is
can be solved tomorrow.”
He is standing facing the huge window. He has thrown the cap on the coffee table.
I watch him for a moment. He clears his throat and keep his gaze outside of the window. Does
he even know that I am here?
“I am so sorry about your son,” I finally say and he quickly turns to me.
He clears his throat again, “Hey you…sorry, I am miles away.”
I take a few steps towards him.
“I thought the boy who died was your nephew. I didn’t know he was yours. I am so sorry I shut
you out when you needed to talk about it the other day,” I say.
Womaniser or no womaniser, this man lost his son.
The problem with me is I get emotional sometimes. He is supposed to be the one sniffing the
tears away, but I am the one doing that. That pain I felt when my baby’s corpse was taken away
from me…all that pain come flooding in my heart. I screamed and kicked until the nurse
disappeared with her that day. I needed one more touch. It is the same pain he felt when the
casket went done. I remember he shed a tear. I looked at him and cried that day.
“Hey, it’s okay….” he says while walking towards me. He stretches his arms for a hug and I
throw myself in.
The warmth I have been longing for…
“I will be fine! Time heals,” he says while caressing my back. I allow him. Just this once.

INSERT 7
GUNDO
Oh Lord!
She rests her head on my chest and sniffs her nose while cleaning her tears with one hand. I
would love to always have her in my arms, not for crying, but for everything else. She has a
beautiful heart; just as I thought.
I caress her back until she starts to breathe normally. I don’t want to let go but I have to. She
wraps her arms around my back.
What a perfect moment.
What a heavenly moment for me.
“I am fine now,” she says after trying to snuggle out of the hug. I had gotten so comfortable to a
30
point of squeezing her in.
I am falling in love – deeply in love with her.
“Sorry,” I say with a chuckle, while letting her go. I wish to pull her for a kiss but that would be
inappropriate. It would just push her further away from me – which I don’t want her to do. I
have been trying to give her space since the day we went out for drinks. I had to keep my
distance to avoid coming out as harassing her. That is the last scandal I want under my name.
No matter how much I desire to be with her, I need to keep my distance if she doesn’t want me
close. Things would have been different if she didn’t work for me.
“I am sorry, I get emotional at times,” she says after clearing her throat and taking two steps
backwards.
“It’s okay,” I say, staring at her.
Thandeka is a beautiful woman. You can put her on these black uniforms she rocks every day
when she walks into the building but she would still look amazing. She has this smile that makes
her look even more beautiful. Pity she doesn’t smile too often. I take it she has been hurt hence
her coldness towards me.
“I am sure the crowd is looking for you right now,” she says and sniffs her nose.
“I feel out of place. I am grateful for the party, but I need some peace and quiet,” I say, “Do you
want to join me? I promise I won’t bring up topics you don’t want to discuss.”
She stares at me like she is searching for what God knows what.
“No Sir.”
“Stop calling me Sir…please call me……..”
“No…no…I insist, Ms Diana said that is what we call you, always.”
Diana. I trust her to intimidate all my employees.
“Would you like a glass of wine?” I ask while walking to a small cabinet in the corner of the
room. I keep my drinks in here, for days like these.
“No, Sir. I should be getting back to others. I just wanted to apologise for how I treated you the
other day. That’s all,” she says, finishing her last line by the door.
There she runs away from me, AGAIN.
She shuts the door and leave me to my whisky alone. I wonder if people will be productive
tomorrow. I am not a bad boss but I am expecting them to be at work tomorrow. We have a lot
to do.
At three thirty, I hurry to pick Ciara from school. She is in a good mood today. I can tell by the
smile she has on her face. I jump out of the car and get her heavy school bag into the boot. She
jumps on the back-seat and buckle in.
“I made this for you,” she says while passing a paper towards the front.
A birthday card.
“Thank you my angel. This is so beautiful,” I say and she beams at me. I glance at the hand-
made card and I am pleased. It gets better with years.
“You should frame it and put it in your home office.”
“Ofcourse…” I say. I always frame her handwork.
“I have another surprise when we get home. Wanna guess what it is?”
31
“Uhhhmmm…a car?” I ask and she giggles.
“Nooooo.”
“Sunglasses,” I say and she giggles some more. I spend the rest of the trip guessing what the
surprise would be but she only laughed and asked me to guess again. When we get to the drive-
way, she rushes inside the house for a minute and comes back to fetch me.
“Daddy you need to close your eyes,” she says after I picked my laptop bag and her school bag.”
“But these bags are going to fall,” I say and she asks me to leave them in the car. I do as
requested. I close my eyes and hold on to her tiny hand. I know my house so well – she is taking
us to the back yard. I hope it is not another party. I just want to shower and watch some golf.
“Daddy, don’t peek,” she says while opening the small gate leading to my perfect back-yard.
She leads me further in and ask me to open my eyes.
Oh! Right!
Diana is sitting in the lawn. She has a perfect picnic set-up and a small harvest table filled with
perfect food.
“Happy birthday daddy,” Ciara says while jumping up and down.
“Thank you my baby,” I scoop her from the ground and hug her perfectly.
I will deal with Diana later. Ciara deserves to be happy once again. Seeing her giggling and
chuckling warms my heart.
“Happy birthday,” Diana says from the picnic mat. She is wearing a white short dress. I have a
thing for white dresses and she knows it too well.
“Thank you,” I say. Ciara pulls my hand so that I can seat and join her mother. I hate what Diana
is doing to our child. Giving her hope as if we are one perfect family?
Ciara instructs me to take off my sneakers. Once again, I do as requested. She picks a few food
items and start eating.
“Wanna do something fun?” I ask after a few minutes and she nods happily.
“Why don’t we go for an evening swim?” I ask. It is almost evening but can I get any excuse to
run away from Diana without hurting Ciara.
“Really? We can swim tonight?” she asks happily.
“Why not, it is hot. Go and ask aunt Rosie to change you into your swimming costume. I am
coming to change too?” I say and Ciara shoots up. She loves swimming. We used to swim every
Saturday afternoon but things are different now. She runs to the house and leave me with her
mother.
“What do you think you are doing?” I ask. “I told you I don’t want to do this with you. you are
giving Ciara false hopes.”
“Is there no hope?”
“I don’t know for long I need to tell you this….there is no hope. We are not getting back
together,” I say while standing up. “Don’t you ever bring my daughter into your mess. I am not
spending time with you…with her.”
“Is this because of the cleaner?” she asks. I stop on my tracks. I was almost at the door.
“Excuse me?” I turn to her.
“Is this about that new cleaner?”
32
“It is none of your business Diana. It is none of your business.”
I leave for the house. I meet Ciara on her way back. She is in her swim-wear. Her swimming cap
is on and a towel hanging on her shoulders.
I hurry up to my room to change into shorts. I get into black shorts and also hang my towel on
my shoulder. Ciara is splashing happily in the water with her mother watching.
“Mommy, come and join us,” she calls out.
“Mommy has to go,” I turn to Diana and nod at her, then turn back to Ciara, “me and you are
swimming to that other side of the pool. If you win, you can watch TV until eight thirty tonight.
If daddy wins…no Tv for Ciara,” I say. Ofcourse I will let her win.
“I want to watch TV daddy,” she shouts happily.
“Then win a lap,” I say and jump into the pool.
*****
You decide to host a party on Thursday but can’t even stay awake for an afternoon meeting the
following day? I don’t even know what time everybody left yesterday and how much they
drank. It is just evident that they partied more than they should have because I am sitting here,
watching them yawn and look uninterested in putting a portfolio for a new client.
“Which one would be best for their product reveal in our next issue?” I ask the team. We have
two proposals on the board and they are supposed to be debating about which one is best.
This is a new client, I need to be here for their very first issue.
“What time did you guys leave last night?” I finally ask, “I cannot allow these kind of behaviour.
You guys were supposed to be responsible. I never spoke about giving you a Friday off and you
know it takes a lot for me to schedule this kind of meetings,” I say, “Please reschedule the
meeting and call me when you are sobered up.”
Everyone stares at me.
“What? I don’t care it was my birthday. Today is a working day and you should have thought
about it before downing the booze last night,” I say, “You can go.”
This is the first and last time this is happening. Diana should stop approving these weekdays
celebration. I scheduled this two hours to work on this and all they were doing is yawn and
stare at me. What kind of creatives are they…they can’t even be creative at all times.
I have an hour and a half before another meeting; I might aswell just chill here and work, alone.
Time is money – lots of it.
Everyone leaves the office and I walk to the back to make myself a cup of a strong black coffee.
“One or two?” I whisper to myself as I walk back to the front. I think it is quite obvious that
women are attracted to beautiful boutiques, exclusive boutiques. It should look expensive and
inviting.
A door opens and a tray rolls in before Thandeka follows. She stops and stares at me.
“Oh, sorry, I thought there was no one. Those guys said you are rescheduling the meeting.”
“I am still stuck here. Come in. Don’t let me stop you from your work…oh, I don’t think anyone
will be drinking your tea today. Atleast I am having a cup of coffee…your work didn’t go to
waste,” I say and smile at her. I think I just sounded like a high school kid for a minute.
33
“No, it is alright,” she rolls the trolley to the back and I keep my eyes on the board. I need to get
this right.
“One or two?” I ask myself as I try to imagine the spread on our magazine. I am thinking about
what would sell.
“Two,” Thandeka says from the back.
“What?” I ask, turning towards her.
“The second presentation looks much better.”
“You think so? I feel like it is too…basic. What do you think?”
“This is your first time client, right?” she asks while walking towards where I am sitting.
“Yes!”
“I’d pick the second presentation.”
“Isn’t it too basic for a boutique that sells a dress for a thousand rand?” I ask. The first
presentation shouts “money!” The second one shouts “elegant!”.
“But it will work,” she says keeping her eyes on the board.
“Sit down,” I pull a chair for her, next to me. She surprisingly takes a seat.
“Okay, this is my opinion right? I fee like you guys repeat concepts all the time,” she says and I
raise my brow, “No Sir, this is my opinion after eavesdropping in these Friday meetings… Your
clients are expensive, fine, but cant you bring something different?”
“Something like??”
“Don’t advertise the money but the elegance of the clothes. For once, think about a woman like
me and my friends. Don’t you think I also want to walk into a boutique one day and pick a
dress? But if your client portrays herself as what is on the first presentation, she is kicking me
and Maria away,” she says and chuckles, “But if you put the second one…I’d be interested to
walk into that boutique and check the place out myself. Ms Diana can still walk into the same
shop. The difference is I will walk out without a dress and Ms Diana will walk out with one…but
atleast we both felt like we belonged.”
I nod.
“Who knows? I might one day spend my one month’s salary on a perfect dress.”
“Would you spend a month’s salary on a dress?”
“Me?” she laughs, “Not me. I make my own dresses.” She explains more about the clothes she
makes but my focus is on her lips. They move perfectly. They curve into a smile now and then
and they are juicy as hell.
She noticed me staring at her and she returns the favour. She licks her lips and I see that as an
invitation. I lean towards her and land my lips on hers. She closes her eyes and let me kiss her.
She lets me kiss her even more. I move my one hand to her cheek. Her smooth skin turns me
on.
She flinches and we both open our eyes.
“Sir, I can’t,” she says and jumps up.
NOT AGAIN!
“Why not?” I stand and walk to where she is now standing, “Why not.”
“Please no,” she says.
34
“You are falling in love with me as much as I am falling deeply in love with you. Why can’t you
let us be?”
She shakes her head.
“Thandeka, why not? Don’t tell me that it is because I am your boss because I will fire you…”
she widens her eyes in fear, ‘No…no…I mean I will fire you and place you somewhere else
where you wont have to be in this building.”
She starts packing the mugs on the tray.
“Look at me,” I pull her hands and move her closer to my chest, “What is wrong?”
“I know men like you,” she says while trying to get her hands out of my grip.
“Men like me?” I keep the grip, “Men like me do what? Tell me. Men like me do what?”
The door flies open. We all turn to the direction. I am still gripping Thandeka’s wrist – not
painfully though.
“Phuti said I’ll find you here,” Diana says, “When you are done, would you please help me look
at the lease agreement with Mbovu CC? They need to move the machines on Monday.”
“Sure,” I say and Diana shuts the door.
Thandeka angrily pulls her hands from me and continue to pack the mugs.
DAMMIT!

INSERT 8
THANDEKA
I pack up the mugs and biscuits on the tray, with Rudzani staring at me. I am in trouble with Ms
Diana, I just know it. She found us in a compromising position. She had always said that we are
here to work and not to flirt around the office.
Rudzani sighs deeply.
I pay him no attention while I do my job. He is not worth being fired for. He will definitely forget
about me once he has sexed me up. I came here to hustle, not to jump into a womaniser’s trap
in just a month.
“Thandeka listen,” he walks closer to me, “Can’t you give us a chance to try this out? Please let
me in your heart and let it decide for itself. Please….I haven’t fallen for any woman in a very
long time.”
I laugh coldly. He really thinks he can fool me. He got it all wrong.
“Oh, please,” I say while packing up the sugar bowls and the flask.
“You think you know me, you don’t know me. You know zilch about me,” he says sternly. His
eyes are burning with desire. “Look, I don’t really understand why you keep pushing me away.
Are you playing hard to get so that you can see how serious I am about you? Is that so? Tell
me?”
“I know that you just want me to spread my legs for you and leave me thereafter. I know it
every well.”
“Then you are very wrong. I want more than that from you.”
35
Oohhh! So I am right, he also want to spread my legs for him?
“Listen, I am not the kind of woman you think I am. You found me in the village and you already
conclude that I am stupid and desperate, I am not. I am better than that. I know about you
fathering children with different women. I don’t want to be the third woman or the fifth or the
hundredth. I know my worth…which you have no idea of. See, I deserve a better man than you.
I deserve way better.”
“Oohh.”
“Forget what happened a minute ago, it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have been so stupid. Please,
excuse me,” I say while pushing the trolley.
“Okay, okay can we at least meet up for supper after work? I really need us to talk.”
“No, I don’t want to get in any trouble with Ms Diana.”
“What you do outside this business is none of her business.”
I shake my head. I need this job. He is not worth it. I bet I am not even his type, he is just taking
advantage of me because I am just a village girl and seem desperate.
I push the trolley out and get to the kitchen to wash the dishes. I had to tell him where to get
off but it felt so wrong. I keep smiling when I think about the kiss. He kissed me so perfectly
though. Robert doesn’t even come close at what he did to me – so simply. He sure has enough
experience. I chuckle when I think about his hand on my cheek. It was so warm and my body
was filled with chill. My body tingled with pleasure.
If only.
If only he was not a damn player!
I dry the mugs and place them back on the cupboard. I put back the biscuits in the container.
Seems like everyone has hang-over. On any other day, they would have asked for more biscuits.
“Hey Thandeka,” Phuti says from behind me. He yawns.
“Yes,” I say.
“The boss said you had a great analysis of the presentation for the boutique. He asked if you
can run them with me again so that the team can work on it.”
“What?”
“He said you picked presentation two but he had to rush to another meeting, he didn’t give me
details but he said you can run it with me. Apparently, you came with a great angle.”
“Oh…okay,” I say while wiping my hands with the apron.
“Do you have ten minutes to spare? Come to my desk,” he says.
“Sure,” I smile at him and he walks away.
I push the trolley away to the kitchen store and follow to where Phuti sits. I only come this side
when I have to pick the mugs to wash them twice a day – in the morning before they start and
in the afternoon after lunch. I always admire their colourful cubicles. Phuti pulls a chair from an
empty workstation and place it next to her.
“I can’t wait to knock off,” he whispers when I settle on the chair. I giggle. He is not the only
one who looks like he could need some time off. I heard most of these people drank until
midnight. Luckily the cleaners walk in first at six o’cklock to make sure the office look as neat
before the bosses walk in.
36
“It is Friday…why didn’t you ask the boss for a half day?”
“He was already pissed with us in the morning…asking him to give us a day off was going to piss
him even more,” he says, “So, what did you say to impress him?”
So, I impressed the boss!
“Oh, I was telling him that presentation two looks more inviting and very different from what
you guys would go for,” I start explaining more and adding more ideas to put on the
presentation. He likes it aswell. He asks me to pick the clothing items that would work best for
the magazine spread.
I pick a pink suit with a pink formal blouse. I also pick a few playful dresses. Which girl doesn’t
like fitting dresses and fitting high-waist something? I pick a few of those aswell.
“You have an eye on these things hey,” he says while taking notes.
“I am a dress maker,” I say. Obviously I still have a lot to learn but I can put together a perfect
dress.
“I like these,” he says, pointing at the two pictures of the dresses that I picked.
“They are beautiful. Very sexy and playful,” I say and he nods.
“Mr R was right about you…you are a creative,” he says.
“Thank you.”
“Oh damn, look at the time?” he says when he notices his colleagues packing up. I am still
enjoying this session. We can do it all day, all week.
“Do you have to go?”
“I need to sleep,” he says, “I will incorporate your ideas with the team and present to the client
on Tuesday. By Wednesday we should be doing the photoshoot. You should come by and see
how we do things.”
“I will love to,” I say while getting up. “Thank you for letting me do this.”
“Thank the big boss,” he says before I walk back to the kitchen to make sure that everything is
fine before going to change into a dress. It is just after three and I don’t even know what I am
going to do the whole evening. Maria is still at home.
I get into the rest-room and fix my face and hair before rushing for the half past three bus to
town. I rush to the bus stop and jump into our bus.
This is my very first weekend alone in our flat. I don’t have plans so I spend the whole Saturday
just lazing around the flat. Maria called me last night, telling me that she might not come back.
Things are not looking good for her mother. She is in hospital and things are not looking good at
all. I am worried. I cannot stay in this room alone. Already the guys sleeping in the living room
are starting to look at me funny. I cannot afford to move to the new flat alone.
“Look for a new roommate,” Maria said last night. She said she is resigning to care for her
mother. I understand. I’d do anything to have my mother on a sick bed so that I can care for her
until she is fine and well. I truly understand.
On Sunday morning I head to a Shoprite just across the street. They have a board with
roommate listings. On the other side of the road is a Caltex. I go there aswell to get a few
numbers on the board.

37
I see an advertisement for an evening cashier. Maybe I can apply for this job and cover for rent
in a safer flat.
“How does your night shift work?” I ask an old petrol attendant sitting on a crate.
“Six to six,” he says.
It won’t work. I catch my morning bus at five thirty. It would be impossible to make it work.
“Thank you,” I say and walk back to my flat to get my laundry.
Life around here is fast, hey! I can stand everything except hanging clothes on the windows.
Really? This exercise is just untidy. I cannot hang my clothes on the windows so I take my
laundry to the Laundromat. I can part ways with a R150 than hanging my underwear and
dresses on the windows. Apparently if you hang your clothes in the washing line, before you go
up the stairs your clothes will be gone. I cannot risk that.
*****
I am looking forward to today. Mostly, because Phuti will tell me if the team liked and agreed
with my ideas. It is half past six when I am changed into my uniform and ready to start my day. I
walk to the kitchen, open the drawer to see my week’s schedule. We have three meeting in the
second floor boardroom. It is not a hectic Monday.
“Morning,” Sis Judith greets. She is the cleaner on our floor.
“Morning sis Judith,” I say while getting to the kitchen store to get the trolley to start my daily
routine.
“Thandeka,” she calls, “I was told to take care of tea today.”
“What? Why?” I ask.
“Ms Diana was here on Friday looking for you in the afternoon. She told me to take care of the
tea for the boardrooms today.”
“What about me?” I ask and she shrugs.
I take off my apron and head to the fifth floor. There is no one. They will be here after seven
thirty. I take a sit on the couch that is placed by Ms Diana’s office.
In a few minutes, her PA walks to her desk, followed by Rudzani’s PA.
“What time is Ms Diana coming in?” I ask the PA who tells me she will be in after thirty minutes.
I sit back on the couch and wait for her to show up. I hope Rudzani shows up first so that I tell
him that my job is given to a cleaner. This has everything to do with him. Maybe he could do
something.
The elevator opens and I hear the shoes before Ms Diana appears. She is pulling her laptop bag
and a small handbag hanging on her wrist. She is wearing a short white dress. She sees me but
doesn’t acknowledge me. She stares at me and walk past me.
“Ms Diana, I am here to see you,” I say, walking behind her.
She walks into her office. Her PA shrugs to let me decide if I want to walk into the office or not.
I choose to walk in. I need my job.
“Ms Diana, I wanted to find out which floor you allocated for me.”
“You are fired,” she says focusing on plugging her laptop.
“What?” I whisper.
38
“You are fired.” She opens the drawer and picks a brown envelope and throws it on the table,
next to where I am standing.
“Please Ms Diana…I need this job,” I say.
“You should have thought about that before opening your legs for the boss.”
“I never…never opened my legs for the boss.”
“Where did you disappear to with him after the meeting? After I found you two making out?”
she asks.
“I…I was with Phuti because he wanted me to…”
“You think I am stupid to fall for those tears threatening to fall?” she asks and a tear drops. I
cannot lose this job. “I brought you from the village to work…but you decided to back stab me,
huh?”
“Back stab you? I don’t know what you mean,” I say.
“Take the money…advance payment. I don’t want to see you here again,” she says, “Take the
money. You are going to need it to catch a bus back to the village.”
“No, please…”
“I have work to do. Go take your stuff and leave,” she says. My tears do not move her. I pick the
envelope. I need the money if I am fired. I walk to the door and she clears her throat, “And…I
don’t ever want to see you with Gundo ever ago.”
I turn to her.
“Gundo?”
“I don’t ever want to see you with him.”
What is she talking about? I have never seen Gundo here before. Does he also work here?
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“I will make your life a living hell, do you hear me?” she spits angrily, “Get out of my office.”
I open the door and walk outside. The PA stares at me with pity eyes.
“Where is Gundo?” I ask her.
“I think he is travelling this week, ask his PA,” she says and points at Rudzani’s PA.
What?
I stride to the PA. She has her eyes on the laptop.
“Sorry sesi, where can I find Gundo?” I ask. I have never seen Gundo around here and I never
knew he shares the PA with Rudzni.
“The boss is travelling this week. He flew out this morning. He might be back on Friday
afternoon. If not, then he will come to the office on Monday, next week.”
Why are they calling Rudzani with his brother’s name?
“What is the boss’s name?”
“Gundo!” she says with her brows raised.
What? I stare at her, shocked. She drops her eyes back to the laptop and leave me staring
blankly to space. My eyes catche the name next to the office door. Mr G Radzilani is written
next to the door. I had always, always focused on the R. Some of the workers calls him Mr R.
Mr Radzilani.
Oh, my God!
39
Ms Diana’s door opens. I turn towards her.
“He fucked you just right, didn’t he? What did I tell you?” she says and crosses her arms. Both
the PAs gasp to the news.
I hurry to the elevator. My heart is heavy. I want to cry. I want to talk to Gundo. How can I be so
foolish? All the signs where there. He was so perfect. I searched for the bad side of him and
never found it. Still, I convinced myself it was an act.
The elevator opens the same time that Ms Diana’s door closed. I hurry back to the PA.
“Can I please have the boss’s cell number?” I beg. I need to call and apologise, AGAIN. I need to
take back my words.
“Are you crazy? I don’t want to get fired too.”
“Please, it is important,” I whisper to her.
“Sesi, please excuse me. I don’t want to get in trouble…please don’t involve me,” she shrugs
and shakes her head, “I advise you to get out of here before you cause more damage. Ms Diana
can kill for her husband.”
“Her husband?”
“Please leave before she walks out of her office again,” she says and stands. She walks away
from the desk.
Ms Diana’s husband?
Gundo is Ms Diana’s husband?

INSERT 9
GUNDO
I would kill for a good home-cooked meal right now. It has been three days and I cannot down a
mere burger. I hate eating in the hotel room. I also hate dining alone. It makes me look out of
place. I prefer buying fast food, park the car by the beach and eat. I am in Cape Town, with the
hope of opening a branch down here. I don’t know if I am ready to partner but it is always great
to grab any opportunity when it rises.
It is three thirty and I am done with today’s meeting. I could change into a pair of jeans and
take a drive to Canal Walk to get Ciara a pressie. She asked me to bring a teddy from Cape
Town. I can stroll around the mall and shop until I get tired. There is nothing fun to do for me. I
think I am getting old, to be honest.
I hang my jacket and walk around my huge hotel room, reading emails from my phone.
Oh, the photo-shoot took place today.
I ring the office and it landed to our receptionist who forwards the call to creative team, Phuti
answers the call.
“Good day, Phuti Masango speaking, how may I help you?”
“How did the photoshoot go,” I ask.
“It was perfect, to the T,” he says happily. I trust him. He has been the team leader since I
started my company. Just like me, he knows not to compromise the quality.
40
“Does the client feel the same way?”
“Ofcourse. They liked the angle that Thandeka brought,” he says and I curve my lips into a
smile. How I miss her difficult self.
“Did she manage to attend the shoot,” I ask.
“No Sir, she left the company on Monday,” he says. I feel like a dagger is thrown on my chest.
What does he mean she left the company on Monday? Did she resign? Did she have to go to
Venda for some reason?
“Do you know why?”
“Apparently she resigned.”
“Are you sure?” I ask. Why would she resign when she started a month ago? It doesn’t add up.
“Yes sir, I asked her colleagues and they all said the same thing.”
“Okay, forward my call to Diana’s office,” I say
“Sure boss,” he says and I hear the waiting tone. Okay, this tone needs an update. Something
young and funky.
“Good afternoon, Lindi speaking, how may I help you,” she says in her corporate voice. I am
glad to know that my employees have a good phone etiquette.
“I am looking for Diana,” I say.
“Mr Radzilani, Ms Diana is in the third floor. She has a meeting with the supply chain team.”
“This is what I want you to do, I want you to go down to HR office and ask them to pull
Thandeka’s file. She was a cleaner there. I want you to scan it to me.”
“…okay,” she says hesitantly.
“Is there something wrong?”
“Not at all, Sir. I will get to it right away.”
“Good.” I hang up and throw my phone on the bed.
Why would she resign? It doesn’t make sense at all. I unbutton my shirt and take it off before
picking a clean golf shirt from the closet. I had the maid iron and hang my clothes. I change the
formal pants into a pair of grey jeans and sneakers. If I need to stroll around the mall, I better
be comfortable.
My stomach grumbles. I have been drinking water and no good food. This is why I hate
travelling. I forsake my diet. I pick my wallet and head to the restaurant on the ground floor. I
am too hungry, I need something to eat. My phone is in my hand, waiting for the scanned file
from the office. We usually require an exit interview when an employee resigns. I want to see
her reasons and take her cell-phone numbers.
A smile creeps on my face. Thandeka. Just the thought of her makes me smile. She loves me for
some reason and she hates me for other reasons. I burry myself in the thoughts of her. I want
to be in her world. I want her to love me. I want her to fall deeply in love with me the same way
I am falling for her. I want good times. Good times only.
“Hey, mind if I join you?” a voice asks and I shoot my eyes to a lady, smiling perfectly infront of
me.
“Ah…I won’t be good company,” I say and she pulls the chair anyway.
“I’ve seen you around for a few days now. Are you on a solo-holiday?” she asks. I am not that
41
kind of a guy who would take a solo-holiday. I always travelled with Diana when we were still
married. I travelled with Khuthi and Ciara almost every school holiday except for times when
Khuti visited my family in Venda. I am not a solo-traveller and will not start today.
“Business that needs to be taken care of,” I say, checking if the waiter is perhaps walking to my
table with food. I am starving.
“Oh, just as I thought. There is this new joint in V&A, wanna check it out?” she asks. My phone
rings.
“Hello,” I say. It is the office number.
“Sir, Mr Ndlovu from HR said Ms Diana handled the hiring of the recent cleaners so if there are
in files, they should be in her office.”
“Go check the file in her office.”
“Sir, I will have to ask her where she put them. She doesn’t like it when I fiddle with her files,”
she says and I keep quiet, “Okay…okay…I will check for you just now.”
I hang up.
I don’t care if everybody say I make them feel like they are walking on egg shells. Laughing with
them makes them forget who hired them.
“Are you always not friendly?” she asks and pulls a smile.
“Not really,” I say. My waiter walks to the table with my order. This is close to a home meal.
Mash potato, spinach and meat. I had to request my spinach not to be creamed.
She stares at me. I stare back. What? Am I supposed to ask her what she likes to eat? Thank
God she calls the waiter for a drink.
“You don’t like to talk much, do you?” she asks. I have Thandeka to find, that is why.
My phone rings and I pick it at second ring.
“Yes?”
“I heard there is something you are looking for,” Diana says lazily.
“Please tell your PA to email it to me.”
“There is nothing she is going to email to you. I didn’t keep the files of the cleaners. I don’t
intend to keep them forever.”
“Did you fire her?”
“Who?”
“You know who I am talking about.”
“Thandeka? She resigned. Maybe she couldn’t carry on with your fling. I am disappointed in you
Gundo. Do you know the amount of damage you would have caused if someone else walked on
you gripping her hands and forcing her into something you were forcing her into? She
resigned.”
I hang up. I was not forcing her to anything. I wanted her to tell me what she really thinks of
me. Fuck it! I just lost my appetite.
“It should be stressful to …”
“Would you shut up?” I say, pick my plate and take it to the restaurant window for take-outs. I
don’t want a booty call. I want Thandeka.
I don’t believe that she resigned. Diana fired her and I think it is about time I do the same to
42
her. Where do I even to find Thandeka? I know she might not want to see me ever again, but it
is my job to get her back to the company.
Where do I start to find her? I ask myself while driving to Canal Walk. It is after six but the sun is
still shining. This is Ciara’s favourite place because she can play and swim until late.
Aunt Angie! I remember she knew Thandeka very well.
“Nwana wanga,” my aunt greets when she answers the phone. I ask her about how everyone is
at home. I hardly talk to my parents. Dad only cares much about his business and we are now
distant since the funeral. My dad and I both lost a child each. It will take a whole lot for things
to get back to normal.
“You remember that girl who sells eggs?”
“Thandeka.”
“Have you see her around there recently? This week?”
“No. I have seen her friend though. I heard Thandeka is working there at your company. I
command Diana for helping this young ladies with jobs.”
“Aunty, may you please give my number to her friend?”
“Haw!”
“I am in Cape Town and I have a task for her…about the eggs,” I say. It will take me the whole
evening to explain why I need them to contact me. “Please ask her to send me a please call
request.”
She agrees. I have the friendliest aunt ever but she is feared by many.
I get to the mall and stroll up and down until I got a perfect gift for Ciara. She likes animated
gowns, so I get her one. I don’t know how many teddies she has and packing that thing will just
be a job and a half. I get it wrapped by the counter and head back to my room. My aunt called
me when I was driving back, that Thandeka’s friend went to the hospital to visit her sick
mother. Thandeka’s brother was not home. She left my number with Maria’s sibling. I am only
hoping that she calls me.
Thursday is the longest. I didn’t get any SMS or text from any number I don’t know. I wish I
could just fly back this afternoon but I have a morning meeting before travelling back.
“Please call R10 airtym pls,” an SMS just chipped in. Do people still personalise their please call
me? I don’t even remember since when I used one.
“Hello.”
“Hi, is this Maria?” I ask.
“Yes?”
“I am looking for Thandeka. I have been looking for her for a while. Can you please send me her
number?” I ask her.
“Is this Gundo? Rudzani’s brother?”
“Yes it is. I waited for your call back since last night.”
“I got the message late and didn’t want to bother you.” If only she knew I didn’t sleep. I wanted
to be bothered.
“Can I have the number please?”

43
“Okay, I will write it down for you and you can call me in a minute,” she says and I agree to
hang up. I call her back in a minute and scored Thandeka’s number.
Thank God!
The number does not go through. I am now parked at the hotel after the meeting. I am not
going up until I get hold of Thandeka. I call the friend again. I probably look desperate but for
some reason, I don’t care. I am just worried about Thandeka now that she doesn’t have a job
and her friend is in Venda. I saw where she stayed. It didn’t look safe at all.
“Hello,” Maria answers.
“Look, I am sorry to bother you…but the number is not going through.”
“She might be out of battery. We have issues with the electricity in our flat. We used to charge
our phones at work. I will try to call someone I know from the flat, maybe he can help.”
He? She stays with a he?
“Maybe you can tell me the flat number. I will go there tomorrow morning.”
I have never been worked up by a woman I am not even in a relationship with. A woman who
doesn’t even want me in her life. I have never.
The flight lands at OR Tambo at eleven thirty. Thandeka’s phone is still off. I go to get my car
and drive straight to Joburg CBD. I didn’t want to say anything when I dropped her here the
other evening, but this place is a no-no. It is not even late afternoon but you would think
otherwise. I lock my car and try the doors a few times before making my way to the flat. I am
wearing a tailored suit and feel like these guys sitting by the entrance are going to pull it off
from my body.
I get to Thandeka flat door and knock a few times. A guy wearing a checked pair of boxers
opens the door while eating a sweet corn. He moves his eyes from my head to toes before
landing them to my face.
“I am looking for Thandeka,” I say and he walks back inside.
What? Do I follow? Is she not here? What?
“That door over there,” he says and points at a closed door. He turns to what-is-supposed to be
a living room, instead it is divided by curtains.
I knock on the door that he showed me. I knock a few more times before staring at the
direction where the guy is standing.
“Knock. She is in there,” he says.
I knock a few more times, a little harder this time.
“Thandeka, it is Gundo. Please open,” I say while knocking on the door. The door opens and
before me is the most beautiful woman in the whole world. She is wearing a shirt dress that
gets to her knees and her relaxed shiny black hair is tied to a very small bun. She stares into my
eyes like she has been longing to see me.
“How did you find me?” she inquires me.
“Can I come in?” I ask.
“Sure,” she hesitantly opens a way for me. She is the tidy type. Her room is clean and her
laundry is folded on the table in the corner of the room.

44
“I have been trying to call you,” I say and she walks to the corner of the table and picks her
phone.
“My phone died. Some electricity issues…I don’t know what is going on.”
“I heard you resigned.”
She shows me to sit on the bed while she stands by the window. Her curtains seem to be the
only clean ones from what I have seen from the outside.
“She fired me. I saw it coming after she saw us in the boardroom,” she says while her eyes on
me.
“I was away on business…”
“I heard.”
There is silence. I clear my throat, hoping to get the strength to ask her out again. I don’t want
to mess this moment so that she doesn’t run away from me. I cannot even bring the issue
about her staying in a flat full of men on the other side. She is scared, hence she locked herself
in here.
“Hey, Phuti told me the client loved your idea, by the way. They did a photo-shoot on
Wednesday.”
“Really?” she says and her face lights up. I love that. She looks so beautiful, and lovable, and
and and….
Her smile fades away after a few seconds. Reality hits home.
We stare at each other until the noise from outside the room startle us. An argument erupted
from the living room.
No! she cannot stay like this.
“Sorry,” she shyly says, “They get loud sometimes.”
“Hey, I just scored some hotel vouchers from my trip. I was supposed to come back on Monday
so they gave me a voucher. Don’t you want to use it?”
There are no vouchers. I just want a decent way to get her out of this place while I make a plan
for her to get out of here for good – without seeming controlling.
“Sir…”
“Stop calling me Sir,“ I say, “Do you even know my name?”
By the way she calls me Sir, I am starting to doubt she knows my name. She smiles and looks
away.
“Your name is Gundo,” she says.
So she does know my name. I smile at her.
“You can start calling me Gundo,” I say, “So, about the voucher. I would like you to use them for
this weekend. I want to go home and sleep on my own bed. Can you please use them?”
“No…I cannot…”
“I am not taking a NO from you today,” I say while standing up and taking off my shoes and
jacket, “It is either I camp here on your bed or you go with me.”
She laughs. She could be laughing at the way I am being dramatic. I am about to land back on
the bed when she yells that she is packing.

45
“Fine, fine…I will go with you,” she says and covers her face.
“Good.”

INSERT 10
THANDEKA
Oh, my God!
I could live like this every day of my life. It is just a dream I know won’t happen. Gundo cashed
his voucher at Melrose Arch, Fire and Ice. I always passed Melrose Arch when we pass by to
work, in a bus. I never thought this place is as beautiful as this. The hotel is just as stunning. I
admired it from the first time I walk in. Those huge long chair by the reception? Just stunning. I
was not bothered by everyone staring at me, walking beside Gundo. He is wearing this perfect
fit suit and I look dull, with my relaxed hair. I need to get the braids on or something. I never
wanted to leave the flat this past week. I thought shutting myself would be much better.
I tried looking for a job after I was fired. I went back to the filling station to ask for the job. I was
discouraged by the petrol attendants who kept asking me if I was sure. When I asked why, I was
told that a week doesn’t pass without them witnessing a hijack just outside the station. It
means the gun shots I hear almost every second night are always coming from here. I couldn’t
take the job when those old men told me that they fear for their lives every night.
Gundo left! Gundo. I couldn’t tell him that I thought he was Rudzani. I was so sure. All the signs
where really there but I never seemed to care. I cannot wait to tell Maria all about it. I am just
waiting for my phone to charge a little more.
Everything in this room is white and black, including the chair by the window. This is very
beautiful and mind blowing, my God.
I sit back on the bed. I don’t even have Gundo’s number to thank him for allowing me to use his
vouchers. He dropped me here and asked to go to the office to work on somethings. He
promised to come back so that we can have dinner. I wanted to refuse, thinking about Ms
Diana and how she will flip when she learns about this.
My phone pings a lot of messages including texts from MTN indicating to me who tried calling
me when my phone was off. I notice Maria and Thulani’s numbers. I know them by heart. I also
received a few calls from this number that I don’t know. What if it is someone from the office
trying to get hold of me? Maybe, Ms Diana changed her mind. Maybe she was told that her
husband and I never did anything more than just a kiss which lasted a second.
That kiss.
I can easily recall it whenever I close my eyes. It was perfect. Too perfect.
I dial that number and waited.
“Hey,” a yummy voice says.
“Hi.”
“Are you missing me already?” This is Gundo’s voice.
“What?”
46
“Are you missing me already? Or did you need me to get you anything?”
“No. Not at all,” I quickly say. What more can I need from him? He has done more than enough.
For the first time in the whole week, I will have a peaceful sleep. I couldn’t sleep, knowing that
men were in the next room. Even though the door was always locked.
“What’s up?”
“I was just returning the calls I missed during the week.”
“Oh yeah, I tried calling you on Thursday. That is my number. Keep it and use it whenever you
need to,” he says. I can sense a smile on his face.
“Thank you.”
“So, are you settled? Do you like the room?”
“Do I like the room? Are you kidding me? I loveeee this room. It feels like they gave me the
best,” I say.
“They did. I asked for the best.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate.” I say.
“It is only my pleasure. Okay, let me get this documents out of my way and I will see you
tonight, six oclock?” he says.
“Six o’clock, it is.” I hang up.
Why is this guy so good to me? Am I even supposed to be doing this with him? I mean this
dinner he spoke about, it sounded serious. What will his wife think?
I groan and lie on the bed. This thing with him always feels right yet it is wrong. I don’t know
how I am going to get through the night.
Dinner date!
I get up, put my shoes on, pick my sling bag and walk out of the hotel. I saw an Edgars just down
the street!
Yes! It is right here. It is huge with more fashion collection than all I have been to. I just need a
beautiful dress, with a beautiful pair of shoes. Ms Diana paid me and I deserve to spoil myself
now and again. I will only leave once. I pick a short nyana red dress. Not too short to give
anyone wrong ideas. I love this sandals. As long as they are not those high stilletos heel, I can
handle them. They are also on sale – what a bonus. I pick a pair of dramatic earrings to make-up
for the pushback hairstyle.
I paid a good R540, but it is worth it for me to feel good and in place. For once, I shut the idea
that it is wrong to be with him. He has only being good to me and I am not trying to compete
with his wife. I just want to feel good tonight, that is all.
By five thirty, he calls and tells me that he is here. He probably couldn’t wait to dine with me.
Or he is just the punctual type. He told me to look for him at the restaurant, he is sitting where I
will easily notice him.
I put on my dress and fix my hair again. I would have been looking like a dollar if I had my braids
on. I fix the little make-up that I had put on before getting dress. I look perfect.
Ahhhh! I don’t have a matching bag or even a clutch bag nyana. I cannot take this horrible
looking bag. I take the room-tag and slide in on the little envelope that came with it and head to
the restaurant.
47
He was right. He sitting where I can see him. He can see me too. I smile as I stride to him and
him staring at me as if shocked. His brows are raised and his mouth is slightly open. My few last
steps are a rush. I am shy. He just made me shy.
“Wow,” he says when I settle down.
“Please remind me this when we leave,” I say while pointing at the card. He doesn’t take his
eyes off my face. I stunned him.
“You look amazing,” he says softly.
“Thank you,” I say, “I wanted to look the part.”
“Wow.”
“What are you having?”
“Whiskey. It is a Friday and I am not baby-sitting,” he says and I raise my brows. “My daughter
is not around so I can drink as much as I want.”
“Ohh,” I say. There is a lot I don’t know about him.
“What are you having?” he asks and shifts the menu towards me. “They have nice milk-shakes
but make sure you take a half portion so that there is still space for dinner.”
“I want wine,” I say. He seems stunned. What did I say? I want to have some fun tonight and
forget my problems that await me when I walk out of this hotel.
“Okay, would you like something light or ?”
“You can pick me your best.”
“I am not a wine person but I sure know a thing or two.”
He calls out a waiter and ask for a bottle of Shiraz. He says it is not too sweet but less bitter
compared to a merlot. The waiter brings the bottles and pour a half-full glass for me. He takes
our food order.
“You are so kind to me these day,” he says. He figured that he shouldn’t have said it but I wave
a hand at him.
“There were just some things I heard about you.”
“What do people say about me? I am always the last to hear,” he says and stares beautifully at
me. I wish he didn’t have a wife. I wish he was not married at all.
“That you are a womaniser,” I say and his eyes pops open, “Relax, I thought your name was
Rudzani and I heard Rudzani is a serial heart-breaker.”
“WHAT?”
He stares at me, confused, and laughs. I feel embarrassed already, he doesn’t have to remind
me. I join him and our laughter feels the room.
“I didn’t know.”
“You can mistaken me for anybody but Rudzani, please,” he says and waves his glass in the air,
“Rudzani has always been a mess of a man. I tried my best to get him to think straight, I never
win. He is just a mess.”
“I can imagine. The things I heard about him are heart broken.”
“So, all this time I was punished for my brother’s sins? All this time when you break my heart
with your words?” he says and laugh.
I am embarrassed.
48
“I am sorry, I just thought you were trying your luck on me like Rudzani does every girl he
meets,”
“I am not my brother,” he says. I feel his words. They are like music to my ear.
The waiter walks to our table and refill my glass. He looks at the glass and ask if I am enjoying it.
I nod at him. He picked the perfect one.
“So, what is next for you?” he asks.
“I am going back to Venda next week if I don’t get a job.”
“About that, why don’t you come back to the company? I can get everything fixed on Monday.
You can take your job back.”
I shake my head. I don’t think so. Not when his wife is there. She is going to my life a living hell.
“I can’t come back there.”
“Why not?”
Your wife! His wife is the problem.
“I can’t. Ms Diana won’t be very pleased.”
“Okay, be Ciara’s au pair,” he says.
“A what?”
“I need someone to assist her with little home-work and extra-mural activities. I have to keep
her at school for long to get her assisted with her homework and staff. I am looking for a person
to do that from home. Sometimes I pick her up late after work and sometimes I cancel meetings
because I need to rush to the school. You can do that. You will stay in the flat-let outside of the
main house.”
“Uhmmmm Sir, I …”
“Don’t call me Sir,” he says, his eyes on me.
“Thank you but I can’t take the offer,” I say and he looks defeated.
I cannot be in Ms Diana’s house when I know her husband like me more than he should. When I
know that I enjoyed his kiss and would kill to do it with him again. I am not hypocrite.
“Why don’t I get you a bachelor flat in the better part of town? You can pay me when you get a
job,” he says.
“I can’t accept that, really.”
I am not trying to be ungrateful. His offers are just, out of this world. How can I allow him to get
me a flat like he is my boyfriend? If I agree, I might turn into his side-chick and get to do things
with him when his wife is waiting for him at home. Robert cheated on me and got a woman
pregnant. I can never allow another woman to go through what I went through. I can never
wish that pain to an enermy.
It hurts. Mostly when you give all of your heart to a person. I might subject to getting my heart
broken again. Having to watch him leave me to go sleep in his wife’s bed. No.
“You know what? Let us talk about fun things,” he says.
The waiter puts our plates on the table.
“Fun things like?”
“Like, what would you like to do on a typical Saturday like tomorrow?” he asks.
“Catching a movie. Not on TV, but in Cinema,” I say, “I never been to a cinema.”
49
“Why don’t we catch one tomorrow?” he stares into my eyes. I thought he would laugh at a
fact that I have never been in a cinema.
“Sure,” I respond without even thinking.
This wine, THIS.
The rest of our supper, we shared about our childhood. While I was running around the streets
of Soweto, he was selling in his father’s shops in the village. His father was too hard on him so
said he had to leave Venda just to run away from his father. Running away helped, because look
at him now. He has done great for himself. I didn’t want us to bring the relationship topic. I
don’t want him to tell me about his perfect family. I don’t want to talk about Robert with him.
“I had so much fun,” I say after taking a last sip of my drink. I finished the whole bottle, all by
myself. It makes sense though, it is eleven o’clock when he settled the bill. I wonder why his
wife hasn’t called.
“It was fun indeed,” he says, “We will have more fun tomorrow. I already have a perfect movie
that we are going to watch.” He stands. I do the same after picking my tag. “Let me walk you to
your room.”
He takes my hand so that I don’t stumble. His hand is warm on mine. He leads the way from the
escalator to my room.
We laugh when I struggle to put the tag on the whole. This wine!
“Let me help you,” he says and then opens the door. I walk in and he stays outside.
“Thank you again,” I say and he stares at me. Instead of him telling me it was his pleasure, he
leans and kisses me. I let him. He lifts his hand to my waist and I hang mine on his shoulder. I
take a few steps backward for him to come in.
That kiss again. He does it again while rubbing my butt with his warm hands.
“Your wife,” I find myself saying.
“What wife?” he moans the words while lifting the dress up.
“Please, we can’t,” I say and break the kiss. There is no way he is not going to want sex tonight.
“Uh,” he raises his hands, “I am so sorry. I don’t want you to thin that I want you to sleep with
me because I am helping you. It is not my intention.”
“It’s okay. We both got carried away,” I mumble the words and he walks to the door.
“Good night Thandeka,” he says and leaves.
Why does he have to be married???? I throw myself on the bed and black-out.
INSERT 11
GUNDO
That was damn close.
That was fucken close. I press the elevator to take me to the parking. Instead of pressing the
Parking, I rush back to the corridor to get to her room.
I knock a few times. No answer.
“Thandi, please open for me,” I whisper. “Thandeka?”
I am shuttered when she doesn’t open. She must have dozed off. She finished the whole bottle

50
of wine all by herself.
Rather I go home. I am seeing her tomorrow afternoon when I take her out to the movies for
the first time. I wish to make it special.
My house feels lonely. Ciara is gone to her mother this weekend. My helper is never here on
weekends. I pull my jacket off and rest on a recliner couch with my iPad. I book a movie for
tomorrow. I am over excited to do this with me for the very first time.
It is after midnight, and I am still sitting here, thinking about a girl that make a perfect fit for
me. She is humble, very humble. She is very respectful.
I drag my feet to my bedroom only to doze off when I lay my head on the pillow.
In the morning, I get up first thing and hit the pool for a morning swim. I am lazy to go down to
the gym. I hardly do if I had something to drink the previous night.
Five laps and I am done. I jump out of the pool and reach for the towel. I dry myself before
heading to take a shower.
Breakfast!
Saturdays are usually for pancakes. But Ciara is not here to shove it done my throat. I make a
breakie shake instead and make a phone call to Thandeka.
“Morning,” she says, her voice so sweet.
“How did you sleep?”
“Like a baby,” she says.
“I figured. I came there knocking on your door and you had already dozed off.”
“Really?” she laughs, sweetly. “I heard your knock but thought I was dreaming.”
“Our movie starts at 12:30, I will pick you at 11 o’clock.”
“You were serious?”
“I was. I already booked us a seat.”
“Okay, 11 o’clock it is then.”
I am all smiles when I hang up the phone. I head to the living room and switch on the television,
which is playing while I burry my thoughts in ideas to keep Thandeka in joburg. If she leaves
then I am doomed.
She doesn’t want to take her old job back. She doesn’t want to be our au pair. She doesn’t want
me to get her a flat. An advert flashes on my screen. It is a college in Rosebank. I pick the
remote from the table and rewind back.
“Registrations are still open. Book your space now before it is too late,” a young lady says on
the screen.
Yah! I hope this one works, really. I hope it does because I am not going to allow her to go back
to Venda when she can stay here with me. From what she told me, she doesn’t have no one
waiting for her down in Venda. Her brother is a man. He can take care of himself and she can
always visit him. There is really nothing for her there. She should stay here with me.
It is few minutes before eleven. I grab my car keys and happily drive to Melrose to pick
Thandeka up. I text her to let her know that I am parked just outside the hotel.
She texts back, saying that she is coming right up.
What are we going to do after tomorrow. I really don’t want her to go back to that flat ever
51
again. The next time she does, it will be to pick the rest of her stuff.
I watch as she walks out of the reception and look around for the car. She sees me and walks
towards me. She is wearing a blue tight jean and a blouse, with a sandal. Thank God she got the
memo. We are catching a movie at Sandton City and we might have to walk around the mall
afterwards. She picked the right attire.
“Hi,” she says after jumping into the car.
“We are about to break your virginity, are you ready?” I say and she stares at me with her
brows raised, “I mean the movie virginity? First time ever?”
“Ohhh, yes,” she says and laugh.
What did she think?
I drive us to the mall, in silence. None of us want to talk about last night. It was steaming hot, I
wish to continue, anyday, anytime.
I collect the ticket at the self-service booth and get us snacks before leading the way to the
cinema room.
“Here is our couch,” I say and she stops behind me.
“Oh, it is different.”
“Yeah,” I say and sit down. I got us a love nest so that there is no barrier between us. I want her
to lean on my shoulder when she watches the movie. I want her to rest my leg on my thigh if
she wants to. I want her to just have fun with me.
“What’s the movie we are watching?”
“The Hate U give,” I say and she nods. It is based on a teen novel by some girl from America. I
saw the reviews and liked them. She wouldn’t like my choices of movie. I am into biographies
and hardcore action. Nothing romantic and funny about the things I watch.
What did I say about the love nest? We are in the middle of the movie and she sometimes rest
her head on my shoulder. This is such a sad movie. It gets into your skin this young girl fights for
what she believe.
I scored myself a point. Thandeka is loving the movie. I can see Ciara in this young girl’s
character, Starr. Ciara is going to be an activist somewhere in life when she grows up. I can just
tell by how she debates and tries to get her point heard. I see myself in Starr’s father. I want to
raise my children to believe in their voice. That is just me.
“This is a beautiful movie,” she says and sniffs. She is a crier! I don’t blame her. It triggers all
emotions. It gives you goose bumps at times.
By the time the movie is over, she had laughed and cried and laughed and cried again! It shows
that she enjoyed.
“You are such a cry baby,” I tease while leading the way to Cape Town Fish Market for lunch. I
feel like fish and I bet she will enjoy too.
“That was just an interesting movie,” she says and slide her fingers in my hand. Without looking
at her, I lock my fingers with her. It feels right. It feels natural.
“I am glad you liked it.”
“Thank you for breaking my movie virginity.”
“It was my pleasure,” I say and laugh.
52
We order food and the waiter brings it a few minutes later. I ordered us a bottle of wine. This
time we are sharing the wine.
“I am going to Venda next week. I thought about it last night,” she says and sips.
My world is shattered. What she mean she is going to Venda next week? I need her here.
“Havent you decided on the options I gave you?” I ask.
“I don’t want to be a nuisance,” she says, “I cannot stay in your house, I cannot let you pay for
an apartment Gundo. I do not want Ms Diana to show me flames.”
“Well…”
“I will grow my egg business. I saw this other advert that wanted sales representatives for some
Farm Eggs in Venda. I was thinking that I try it out. Maybe I can supply to them. Also, Thulani
said that your father’s restaurants are ordering from me.”
I sigh! I wasn’t prepared for this.
I don’t want her to go.
“Uhm…look…my company is awarding bursaries to five successful students to register to any
college around Joburg,” I say. I hope I don’t sound too obvious. “Why don’t you try it out?”
“I don’t have matric,” she shyly says.
“You can try out to finish your certificate before picking any course that you want.”
“You reckon?”
“Yes!”
“The process will take a little while, won’t it? I can always make a turn home.”
“Friday is the closing date. Why don’t stay and see how it goes.”
“Okay.”
“You know what?” I put the glass on the table, “Let me be honest with you. I don’t want you to
leave for Venda because I am not going to see you again. I am falling deeply in love with you
and I don’t want you to live. Why don’t you stay? I will do everything to help you find your
feet.”
She stares at me.
“Your wife…”
“What wife?” I ask.
“Ms Diana.”
“Diana is my EX wife. She is not my wife and she will never be my wife ever again,” I say. Is it
why she stopped us for making out yesterday? Diana?
“I thought….”
“No! Diana is not my wife. I am single,” I say, “I wouldn’t be here if I was married. I am nothing
like my brother.”
“Oh, wow,” she says and covers her face.
“I am single Thandeka…and I want you,” I say. I pick her hand and caress it.
“Why me?”
“You are so humble. You touched my heart the very second I met you. I want to be the one to
heal your pain. I want you to help me heal my pain.”
She lets out a weak smile.
53
“Can you drive me back to the hotel?” she asks.
What?
“Did I say something wrong?”
“No. I just want us to go,” she quietly says. I am disappointed. So disappointment to cut our
date short. I call the waiter to settle the bill and get us the take-away boxes. I drive us back to
the hotel Fire & Ice. She doesn’t look at me or say something.
Am I losing her?
“Thandeka, I don’t know what you want me to do to show you how serious I am about you. I
really don’t know,” I say. This is getting frustrating. Everything I do seems not to be good
enough. Why can’t she just let me in her heart? Why?
She stares outside the window as I park the car next to the hotel. I wish I knew what to day or
say for her to listen to me and take me serious. I want her fucken heart. Doesn’t she see this?
“Thank you for joining me,” I say. Atleast she gave me her time. We spent the whole afternoon
together. That is good enough and I should learn to appreciate.
“Let’s go in,” she says while unbuckling the seat belt.
“Who? Me?” I ask. Fuck! Didn’t I just sound like an idiot? She nods her head and walk out of the
car. I follow behind her with the take-away boxes. We didn’t eat much. And we also have an
almost full wine.
We get into the elevator and stare at each other. The more I gaze at her, the more I want her. I
want this woman.
She leads the way to the room and unlocks the door, with me behind her. We walk into a
freshly cleaned room. She throws her bag on the floor and stand by the window.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“I am fine.” She says.
“What’s up?”
“Do you really love me the way you say you do?”
“I do,” I quickly say like she would take back her words.
“I have been falling in love with you since the day we met. I was afraid to let you know because
I thought you would use me. I thought you were Rudzani. I thought you were married.”
“I am not married.”
“What if I stay and you break my heart?”
“I won’t.”
“What if I give you my heart and you find that I am not actually the woman that you are looking
for?”
“That won’t happen.” This feels like an interview.
I walk towards where she is standing. She stays still, with her hands folded.
“I love you Thandeka,” I murmur, “You drive me crazy.”
She places her hands on my chest and closes her eyes.
“Please promise that you won’t hurt me,” she whispers.
“I promise,” I say and land my lips on hers. She keeps her hands on my chest and receive the
kiss. She closes her eyes when I pull her body close to mine and continue to kiss, my manhood
54
growing in my pants.
“I am falling in love with you too,” she whispers, her eyes still closed and her lips close to mine.
I attack her with another kiss just to seal the agreement.
I am in love with this woman!

THANDEKA
INSERT 12
Oh!!
It was just a dream!
I wish I could sleep so more so that I don’t get to forget this dream. It was a sweet dream. I
dreamt of Gundo and I sealing an agreement that we are going to act on our love. In my dream,
we made out to almost a point of no return. We drank wine while talking about everything. We
even ordered two more bottles of wine. My throat is dry, I would swear it wasn’t a dream.
Hmmmmm!
I like him so much.
I feel warm hands wrapping me and pulling me.
“Gundo?”
“Good morning,” he says and I turn to face him. It was not a dream. He is here smiling at me. I
turn back to the window and slide closer to him. He is not wearing a shirt so the closer I move
to him, the more I feel hot on my skin. I am wearing a sleeping shirt. I might have been drank
when we decided to sleep, because this is one of my ugliest sleeping shirts.
“I thought I was dreaming,” I say and he tightens his arms around me.
“It feels like a dream. It really does.”
I turn to face him. He beams at me and stares right back at me.
“You are such a wonderful man,” I say, “Why me?”
“Stop doubting how perfect you are.”
“The thing is, we are so different and our lifestyles are too different.”
“It is you I want to be with,” he says while poking my chest, “I don’t care what class you are, as
long as you have the heart you have. I will love you.”
“But…I am…”
“I am not going to change anything about you. I like how you look, I like how you walk, I like
how you dress. I won’t change anything about you.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“We have to check out at ten, what time is it?” he asks while getting his phone under the
pillow, “Nine thirty. We have an hour and a half.”
“I don’t want to go.”
“I can book more days.”
“No…no…no,” I say. He has already done more than enough. I bet he has to pay an arm and a
leg for just one night. Atleast he had vouchers for the weekend.
55
“You cannot go back there,” he says.
I laugh and say, “But you said you are not going to change me.”
“That place is not safe. I had to watch my back when walking around the corridors. It is not
safe,” he says. He is right. It is not safe. I had always wanted to move out the first day I moved
in there.
“Fine, I will move out when I get another place.”
“But I didn’t say I can get a flat for you.”
I don’t know if I should agree. I don’t know if this comes with the girlfriend package.
“Move in to the flatlet today and we will sort this out tomorrow.”
“Gundo.”
“Please. Let me do this. I don’t mind.”
“I’ll take my job back. I need the money and now that I know you are not married to Ms Diana, I
think I can handle her.”
“Alright, that is good.”
“Let me go home. I will come back next weekend and by then we will have a way forward.”
“Why don’t I go with you?” I ask.
“Come on, I’ll just take a bus to and from, I promise to come back.”
“If you promise,” he says and I nod. I get out of bed and get into shower. If I need to catch a bus
to Venda, I need to do it before 12 o’clock. I pack my small bag and Gundo drives me to Bosman
station to get a bus to Thohoyandou.
I found myself a perfect boyfriend! I smile at a text I just got. He tells me he already misses me.
I have parted way with him for just three hours and he is already missing me.
Who would have thought I will ever fall in love? Fall in love with a perfect man who has
everything I can ever imagine. He could buy me a house if he wants. He can do anything for me
when he wants and we have been dating for only a day.
Thank you Robert! Thank you for breaking my heart because I wouldn’t have known what love
felt like. I wouldn’t have known that sparkle in a man’s eye when he loves you dearly. Gundo
loves me. I have zero doubts. He has tried showing it to me for a while. I have pushed him away
so many times that I am wondering why he sticked around.
God! Your plans are always perfect!
I pick my bag and hurry to catch the taxi to the village. It is an hour from Thohoyandou so I only
get home at around five thirty.
“Thulani, really?” I ask myself when I open the gate. He hasn’t swept the yard for so long. My
mother’s house looks like a mess.
I stride to the house, glaring at the dirt that surrounds the yard.
“Really?”
He is not home. I don’t have the house keys.
There is no one at Maria’s house. I would have stayed with her while waiting for Thulani to
come back from drinking.
His phone is not going through so I sit by the porch and watch as people walk past our house. It
is getting darker by the second.
56
“Hey, Boko,” I call out a guy who stays down the road. He is passing with a bottle of beer in
hand. He drinks with Thulani, he should know where he is.
“Thandeka, you are back.”
“Have you seen Thulani?”
“He it at the lounge…the one next to Ha-Rabali depot,” he says and points down the road.
“Thank you.” I know where the place is. I put my bag under some boxes and hurry down the
Street, to the lounge.
It is parked at the beer lounge. You would swear it is not a Sunday. You would swear it is a
Friday. I search around until I notice Thulani with his friends. I charge towards him until I stop at
my tracks. My brother is sharing a beer bottle with my EX. I cross my arms and watch them
laugh as if they were friends.
Does Thulani knows how much pain this man caused me?
I need the house keys. I charge towards my brother without a care that he is sitting with my
friends.
“Thulani, can I have the house keys,” I say at him. everybody turns towards me, including
Robert. I wonder why he isn’t in KZN or wherever place he is supposed to be at.
“Thandeka, wow,” Robert says. He looks like he has seen a ghost.
“Hi,” I say to him and turn to my brother who is patting his pockets for the keys. He seems to
not know where the keys are.
“Did I lock the house?” he lazily asks while standing and searching his pockets some more. He
better find the keys.
“I heard you left Thavhadulu,” Robert says.
“I did,” I am satnding, with my arms folded to my chest. Can Thulani find the keys already?
“Oh, here!!!” he pulls the keys from his pocket and hand them to me.
“Thank you,” I grab the keys and walk away.
I shouldn’t have come back!
“Thandeka, wait up,” Robert says while running towards me. what happened to him between
the time he was here for the funeral and now? He looks different and unclean. He had always
looked cool! Or maybe it is because I had never seen any guy cooler than him? I didn’t know
people like Gundo existed.
I rush out of the lounge and head up the road with Robert whining to talk to me.
“What do you want from me Robert?” I yell at him.
He catches his breath with his eyes on me. I am now standing.
“Can we talk?”
“I told you before, we have nothing to talk about.”
“I am sorry about our baby,” he says.
“Our baby?” I laugh sarcastically.
“Yes. I heard you didn’t took it well. I wish I was here to….”
“Shut up!” I yell, “I don’t need your sympathy right now. I needed you then, I don’t need you
anymore.” I walk away but he rushes towards me.
“Please Thandeka, talk to me,” he begs behind me, “I feel gulty for the death of our child.”
57
Good!
“My child.”
“I feel guilty.”
“Don’t!” I walk away. He tries to grab my hand and I shove it away, “Robert, don’t you dare
touch me. don’t you dare touch me.”
“I just want to talk.”
“I said….” My phone rings. “Hey.”
“Whats wrong?” he asks.
“What do you mean?”
“You sound offish. Are you okay?”
“I am fine. Just a little tired. What up?”
“I miss you,” Gundo says and I blush.
“I am going to be back before you know it,” I say sweetly, “I miss you too.”
“Okay, chat tomorrow, right?” he says and I bid my goodbye. I put my phone in my pocket and
attemp to move on.
“Who was that?” Robert asks while following behind me.
“What is wrong with you?” I yell at him. He is starting to annoy me. why does he care now? He
didn’t care when I was mourning my child. He didn’t care when I asked him for money to care
for my pregnancy. He didn’t care when he told me not to upset his pregnant girlfriend. He
didn’t care. Why does he care now?
“Where do you stay in Joburg, maybe I can come visit you?”
“I stay with my boyfriend,” I say and he drops his mouth. What did he think? That I will stay
here and wait for him to come back to me?
Oooohh please!
He walks me until I get home and shut the door. He kept begging to explain himself. I don’t
need his explanation. I need him to stay the hell away from me.
*****
It was just last week Sunday when I arrived to Venda. A week flew by so quick, I am already on
my way back to Joburg. Atleast I got a chance to see Maria and her mother. I wish a speedy
recovery to my neighbor. She has lost weight, so much of it.
Gundo got me an apartment at Auckland Park. He says it is just 20 minutes from his house. It
should be thirty minutes to work, I am fine with it.
Eish, I had to block Robert who kept calling me the whole week. It is his turn to feel guilty and
miserable our my baby’s death. I don’t care. I am over it.
Gundo picks me up at Park station and take me to my new bachelor apartment. It is just perfect
for me. it is in a safe area and the complex is superb!
“I’ll see you tomorrow at work,” I say to him when it is time to go home. He needs to get home
to his daughter. I am a big girl. He kisses me and leave.
I had to catch two taxi’s to work today. I will need to find a bus that goes straight to Sandton
where the offices are. It will be better than taking two taxis.
58
“Is Ms Diana in yet?” I ask her PA who seems shocked to see me.
“She will be in just now…maybe ten minutes.”
“Sure, il wait for her.”
Gundo is on his way here too. He texted me to ask where I am. When I told him that I am at
work, he asked me to wait up for him. I don’t have to wait for him; all I need to do it to see Ms
Diana.
Speak of the devil.
She walks out of the elevator and pushes her laptop bag to her office. I only follow her in her
office when she is settled.
“What are you doing here?” she asks when she sees me standing behind the visitor’s chair.
“I came to ask which floor I need to report to.”
“Excuse me?” she has a nastiest frown on her face.
“I came to ask which floor I need to report to. I came here to take my job back,” I say and she
stares at me.
“The nerve!” she hisses.
“Floor two or five?” I ask and she laughs.
“Is this a joke?” she asks and laugh again.
“Floor two or five?” I ask again instead
INSERT 13
GUNDO
“I love you daddy,” Ciara yells as she runs to the school gate, pulling her school bag. My baby
looks fine now. She no longer wakes me up to tell me that she misses her brother. We are
gradually doing fine without Khuthi in the picture.
I grab my laptop bag from the boot and get to my office. My PA is already here, my coffee and
sandwich ready for me on her table.
I turn towards Diana’s office door which is slightly open. I am invited by Thandeka’s voice.
“Ms Diana, I am not here to fight with you,” Thandeka says calmly, “You unfairly dismissed me
Ms Diana, no warning, no nothing. It was wrong and I am here for us to solve our issues.”
“I don’t have time for this,” Diana coldly responds.
“We can talk about it when you are ready, for now just tell me where I need to report for duty
because I don’t want to disrespect you.”
“Are you stupid?”
“No, I am not.”
“Get out of my office.”
“I came back to work. Please give me a floor, Ms Diana.”
“Just because you are fucking the boss doesn’t give you the right to come to my office to tell
me that nonsense.”
“This has nothing to do Mr Radzilani, believe me,” Thandeka says, “He didn’t hire me. You did.
Let us fix this.”

59
“Get out of my office.”
“You unfairly dismissed me Ms Diana. I came back to take my job.”
“Get the hell out of my office,” Diana screams.
I open the door and find Thandeka standing at the end of the table and Diana seated.
“What is going on here?” I ask, I heard just a bit of the convo.
“These are the problems you bring us when you fuck around with employees…cleaners to be
precise,” Diana says.
“You are not going to talk to me like that Diana, you are not going to talk to me like that.”
“Then fix your mess.”
“There is no mess to fix here. Give her the job back.”
“What? Are you hearing yourself?”
“Very perfectly.”
“Driven crazy by them fucken thighs, huh?” she asks and laughs loudly.
“Thandeka, please go wait by the couch outside,” I say and she walks out without protesting. I
walk to close the door. Diana has provocative words. She can destroy your soul with her bitter
words that shoots at you like daggers. I don’t want Thandeka to think less of herself because of
what Diana might say.
“You are not going to talk to me like that infront of my staff.”
“Staff or a whore that you are…”
“Consider this your first official verbal warning,” I say to her before walking out of the office. I
had married that woman before. I know it will be a waste of time to try and argue with her. She
is manipulative and controlling.
Thandeka is not seated outside when I walk out of the door.
“Where did she go?” I ask my PA.
“She said she will be back.”
I get into my office and settle on my chair while connecting my laptop. I send Diana a formal
email indicating to her that her first verbal warning was issued to her. I am not going to deal
with her issues. I will just fire her nicely.
My door flies open.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“I am tired of your nonsense. I am keeping a file for you so that you do not go around making
up stories.”
“What happened to you?”
“I am tired of you Diana, very tired of you. I cannot deal with your issues. This is not our
marriage… this is my business. I am not going to tolerate how you speak to me as your boss or
how you talk to anyone who is in this building.”
“Gundo…”
“This is what I want you to do, I want you to take the file that you are keeping with you in your
office with all the details of all the new cleaners you hired…go to HR office and fix things. You
are the head of Corporate Services not the CEO. Prepare their official hiring with HR, bring me
the submission to sign. I don’t want to be dealing with CCMA…just because you want to do
60
things your way. She was right, you cannot just fired anyone without any formal measure. She
didn’t do anything wrong.”
Diana stands in the middle of the office with her hands folded to her chest. I am not intimidated
by her. I never was and it will not start today.
“What is so special about her?” She asks.
“Who is special?” I ask knowing very well what she is talking about. She should just learn to stay
out of my business, it doesn’t concern her.
“The cleaner.”
“What makes you think there is something special about her?”
“Why is she back?”
“Go prepare a submission for the hiring of the cleaners. Give me to sign and have it submitted
to HR. I have a meeting to prepare for.”
She walks out of the office while I send her an email of what I need be done. Submission date is
today, 16:00.
Thandeka is not coming back like she promised. It has been thirty minutes. I want to call her to
find out where she went but I will look like I am paranoid. I am just worried that she might have
walked away from here and changed her mind about working here. Diana is very cruel,
honestly.
My coffee is very cold by now. I pick my phone and take a walk to second the floor. Thandeka is
not by the kitchen where she would usually be if she has work to do. In the kitchen there are
two ladies washing the mugs.
‘Let me pass by Phuti’s desk,’ I thought to myself.
“You should consider working with us. Talk to the big boss to bring you here. Your ideas where
out of this world,” I hear Tshinaki say. She is in Phuti’s creative team.
“Nah! You know where to find me if you need a consumer’s eye,” Thandeka says.
“Come on, it’ll be cool. Do you see bab Nqcobo from the photo-studio upstairs? He started off
as a security guard. He was studying photography part time and when he got his certificate, Mr
R hired him. He takes best pictures now.”
“My first love is fashion designing. I want to pursue that more than anything else.”
“That makes sense why you put those items together. Bongi and I confessed we wouldn’t have
picked two of those outfits.”
“Yeah! I can do fashion all day, any day but don’t put me behind the work desk and computer,”
Thandeka says.
I clear my throat when I reach Tshinaki’s work station. The girls turn to me.
“Mr R, we didn’t see you there,” Tshinaki says and Thandeka smiles. Her smile is very beautiful,
genuine and refreshing.
“Where is Phuti?” I ask.
“Smoke break,” she says and I check my watch. It is not even nine o’clock. Well as long as he
delivers… what is a smoke break? I bet he hardly takes the coffee break.
“Thandeka, can I see you?” I ask.
“Yes, Sir,” she says and follows behind. I call for the elevator and we get in. it is awkward that I
61
want to grab her and kiss her and run my hands all over her but I cannot…because we are at
work. We get to the fifth floor and she follows me to the office.
“Should I get breakfast for you?” I ask while getting seated.
“No, I’ll have lunch later,” she says.
“So, I spoke to Diana to hire you guys accordingly. Will you able to start tomorrow? I will
approve the submission and pass it to HR tomorrow morning.”
“Yeah, that is fine,” she says.
“I overheard you chatting with Tshinaki.”
“You should stop eavesdropping,” she says and sticks her tongue out, making her look cute and
playful.
“Why don’t you go shop around for the fashion design school? There is that college in Auckland
Park that you can attend? Maybe you can work half day and go take evening classes.”
“All colleges need grade 12. I don’t think I am ready to go back to school. I failed. I struggled
with matric. It was such a drag. I cannot easily focus on books,” she sadly says.
“Okay, why don’t we go to Venda and get the sewing machine you left down there? You will
make clothes and I will model for you,” I say and she beams at me.
“I make dresses for myself,” she says.
“Let’s take that machine so that you can make yourself more dresses,” I say and she lifts her
head to me and nods. I want her to do what makes her happy. I want her to live a fulfilling life.
That is more important.
“I’m leaving, since I am only starting tomorrow,” she advises.
“Am I seeing you after work?” I ask, “I will just need to put Ciara in bed and I will come see you.
Maybe I can bring a movie and snacks and we can chill, you know?”
“I’d like that,” I say. I stand and walk up to her, “I love you.”
“The feeling is mutual,” she says and giggles. “I have got to go.”
“Yeah!” I said. I didn’t even reach her for a kiss as she is already flying to the door.
*****
Diana walks into my office and throws a file on my table. I check the watch and it is just after
three.
“Thank you,” I say without looking at her.
“I think it is time for Ciara to move to my house now that you are seeing people.”
“Ciara stays with me.”
“I don’t want to confuse her. I don’t want her to think that we are broken up. It will break her
to learn that there is a new girl who you are fucking around with.”
I lift my eyes to Diana. She is standing with her hands folded to her chest.
“Mark your words when you speak to me.”
“Fine. There is your file.”
I pick it and browse through it.
“Where is Thandeka’s personal form here?” I ask. She is not on the list.
“I couldn’t find her details.” She shrugs. I think her form is shredded or something.
62
“Are you kidding me?”
“Nope. I can’t find hers.”
I pass her a pen, “Write her name down with a pen and I will sign the submission. She stares
angrily at her. “Thandeka Sibiya, write it down.”
She adds the name and walks away angrily. I will deal with her bit by bit. She must not dare me.
I sign the submission and ask my PA to drop it to HR before she leaves for the day. At 15:45 I
head to Ciara’s school to pick her up. I drop her home, help her with just one homework, she
did the other tasks at after-care. I think we are going to need an au-pair. It doesn’t make sense
the time these kids spend at school. I remember when we grew up, we used to play every
afternoon. We would come back from school, drop our bags, change into shorts and play the
freaking whole afternoon. Now Ciara has projects, homework and researches.
She goes to bed at to eight and I hurry off to see Thandeka. She is already in PJs when I get to
her. It is late.
“I promised a movie,” I say while walking to the TV. I got her a fully furnished apartment to
avoid getting new ones. She appreciates my efforts. I can easily sleep knowing that she is safe.
“I am tired,” she says and yawns.
“Okay, come here,” I call her out and sat down on a couch. I lie and shift for her for a snuggle.
She has just taken a bath. She smells fresh.
“You ran before I kissed you in the office,” I say, reliving the moment.
“I want to be your girlfriend outside of the office,” she says. That is smart. I will try to control
myself when I am at work and I will let her do her job.
“Did Diana hurt you with her words?” I ask.
“I didn’t take her serious. She still wants you and of course, she is going to hurt me because you
are fond of me.”
I flinch. I don’t want her to think like Diana has any space in my life.
“Are you bothered that she still likes me?”
“No,” she says, “My ex also begged me to give him another chance.”
My heart skips a beat. I don’t want any other man close to her.
“Are you ever going to give him another chance?” I ask. Fuck! I don’t even know why I asked.
Now I sound like a sissy.
Thandi sits up straight and turn her gaze at me.
“That man broke my heart Gundo. He tore into pieces. He broke me,” she stares to the ceiling,
trying not to cry, “He chose another pregnant woman over me; when I was also pregnant with
his child. His girlfriend called me a whore and he still fought for her infront of me. He begged
me not to embarrass him. He asked if maybe I was impregnated by another man so that I could
leave him alone. My heart couldn’t take it. I lost my baby. I lost the most precious thing that
was going to make my whole life whole again. My life was going to be whole again but she
didn’t make it. I hate him. I despise him. I wish him death when I think about the pain that he
made me go through,” she is crying now and I feel like a jerk for asking the stupid question, “I
wasn’t good enough for him. I never was. Probably because I didn’t even pass matric when he
did. I was just a poor stupid girl with no brain. All I did was hustle for food to get by. He used me
63
while he had his perfect life here in Joburg. All he did was to come back to the village and sleep
with me because I loved him so much. So, Gundo, to answer your question…NOOOOO…I am
never getting back with that man even if he was the last on earth.”
I pull her to a tight hug.
“I am sorry babe, I didn’t mean to work you up,” I say and she continues to cry the pain out.
“I am sorry. I have been harbouring the pain for so long,” she says in between the sobs, “He
made me so so so angry this past week. He made me so angry.”
“It’s okay my love, its okay,” I say while I caress her back. “I am here now, I am here.”
I have a task to teach her what love is.
“No, you don’t have to feel…”
“It is my job to feel however I want for you…and if I ever hear you say NO to me ever again…you
will have to deal with me,” I say and she chuckles with tears still wetting my shirt.
Its okay! I am here now.

CHAPTER 14
THANDEKA
I need to pee.
I open my eyes and they land on a softly snoring handsome dark chocolate man who is now
mine. My very own man, Gundo Radzilani. We fell asleep on the couch. Thank God it is a huge
soft leather couch, which is why we managed to snuggle together. I don’t even know what time
it is.
I try to squeeze myself out of his snuggle but he pulls me closer and tighten the snuggle. He is
awake. He smiles at me with his eyes still shut.
“Where are you going?” he asks in a hoarse sexy voice.
“I need to pee,” I say and he lets me out of his snuggle. I get out of the couch and he turns to
look the other way and sleep. He looks perfect. He looks amazing.
I rush to the toilet and he is still snoring when I return.
God why me? What did I do to deserve a man like this? I never imagined being in a place like
this with a man so perfect. He is not pretending to me. He loves me the way he says he does. If
not, he would have forced that we have sex. We make out all the time but never gotten to that
part. If it was Robert, he would have demanded some compensation. I never read between the
lines. Robert didn’t love me much since he started his life in Joburg. He would buy me and
Thulani some stuff but would demand some appreciations. Gundo wanted to help me from the
first day he met me. He gave me money which I wanted to return. He never expected it back or
even mentions it. He talks about that day we first met but he would never mention what he had
done for me.
I pick my phone from the table to check the time, it is 04h30. We slept the in each other’s arms
the whole night.
“Gundo, it is four thirty,” I say while softly shaking him.

64
“What?” he mumbles, “Come to sleep.”
“It is four thirty,” I say, my voice slightly raised.
“What?” he asks and pops his eyes open.
“Yeah, you need to go.”
“Dammit,” he says while sitting up, “I will need to go before people wake up to start their day.
The traffic on the high way is horrific.”
“I know,” I say while watching him get up. He sits up and rubs his eyes. My man is so sexy. So so
sexy.
He finally gets the strength to stand up. He walks up to me and snuggle me into another hug.
“I’ll see you after work, right?” he asks.
“Yeah, sure.”
“Why don’t you come visit me tomorrow? We can wait for Ciara to go to bed and we will have
our time,” he says and I nod.
“Now, go before traffic starts.”
“It is not even five o’clock and you are kicking me out,” he says while putting on his sneakers.
He picks his car keys, phone and wallet and put them in his pocket. He pulls me for a hug and
kisses me on my forehead before he rushes out of the apartment.
I switch the geyser on and switch on the TV. If I go to bed, I won’t be able to wake up for work.
Today marks my first day at work after two weeks. It was the longest two weeks of my entire
life. I was introduced to the independent life and I loved it. I cannot allow anyone to take away
my independence.
At five I jump into a shower and get ready for work. I am not looking forward to meet Ms Diana
after our yesterday encounter but I have to get my job back if I want my independency back.
I make it to the office at six thirty and the other cleaners are here. I put on my black jean and
black shirt. I don’t even know which floor I am going to work on. I choose to assist the ladies on
the second floor. If I could choose, I would never pick to work at fifth floor. I want Gundo and I
to be as professional as they may come. I don’t mind only seeing him at home.
“We have a meeting with HR at ten,” Martha says when we are on tea break. I am not looking
forward for the meeting though. It looks like a meeting with Ms Diana. I am not her favourite
person at all.
“What is the meeting about?” I enquire.
“I don’t know. Ms Diana told us yesterday before we knocked off.”
Oh! I am not looking forward at all.
I assist the ladies on the second floor until the time for the meeting. We are all seated in the
boardroom when Gundo walks in with the HR Team. Can I have some time to appreciate my
man? He has a perfect slim fit navy blue suit on with a crisp white shirt and blue tie. He doesn’t
look anything like the man I slept with on the couch. He looks like he has all the power in the
world. He looks hot. He looks sexy. He looks like a boss. He looks like he can be eaten raw.
He addresses us about our new working policy and procedures. He introduces us to Ms Leremi,
whom we will report to if there is anything.
Thank God! Thank God I won’t be dealing with Ms Diana any more.
65
We are also given the new and final work schedule. I am pleased to know that I stay on the
second floor with Martha. I can work perfectly with Martha and I won’t bump into Ms Diana
and Gundo every day.
The rest of our Tuesday was as normal as they can get. We prepare for the meetings until the
end of the afternoon.
By half past three I catch a taxi from the office gate to Auckland Park. The last time I spoke to
Gundo was when he was here. This is how I want everything to be. I don’t want people to think
that my work if influenced by him. I am a hard worker, and it would be unfair for anyone to
claim that my promotion, if there ever will be, is guaranteed because of the boss. I want to
climb my own ladder. No one need to know that Gundo feels anything for me.
At to five, I am at home and ready to prepare my supper. My phone beeps on the kitchen
counter.
“I am picking you up at eight,” a text from Gundo. I send back the smiley face and start packing
my overnight bag. I promised to spend a night with him at his home.
*****
Wow!!
His house is enormous.
I have been blow’ed away by the space in this house.
Who lives in such a huge house??????? I knew Gundo had little money, but this kind????? I
never thought!
“I hope you like it,” he says when we walked into the kitchen. This is a perfect white kitchen
with everything you can ever imagine. Half of the things I see here were on the magazine I have
ever paged in my life.
Does this man even love me? I don’t even know why these wild thoughts are sneaking in my
mind.
“Are you alright?” he asks while walking towards the fridge, “What would you like to have?”
“Cold drink,” I say without even thinking.
“You would be lucky if I have a bottle of cold drink in here,” he says while opening the fridge, “I
only have tonic water and dry lemon.”
“Juice,” I say.
“Juice we have,” he says and pulls a bottle.
“Thank you.”
“Are you alright?” he asks. I think I am intimidated with the things I am seeing.
“Yeah.”
He walks and stands infront of me. He takes my hands and kiss them.
“Please allow me to love with all of these things you see?” He asks. He could tell that I am
intimated, “Please?”
“Yah…come on.”
“Be comfortable, okay?” he asks and walks to the other side and prepare plates of food. I am
watching him and getting horny at the same time. He sets the food on the white dining table. I
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join him until we are done eating. When I want to take the dishes, he decided to take them
from my hands and shove them in a dishwasher.
“Come join me,” he says and leads the way outside.
“Wow, your backyard is the coolest,” I say when we walk outside. There are lights all over the
yard until the swimming pool. We sit by the porch with juice in hands.
“See the flatlet I was talking about?” he asks while showing me the small house at the end of
the back-yard.
“It looks beautiful but I am fine with the apartment you got me. It is perfect. It gives us space to
miss each other.”
“I don’t want to miss you.”
We sit under the stars, talking about how life going to be perfect for the both of us. He has
future plans with me. Future plans that scare me.
“My brother is coming over on Saturday, I want you to meet him,” he says.
“Oh, I don’t know.”
“Please, meet him. I am sure about us. Ciara is going to her mother during the weekend and the
helper takes weekends off. It will be just the two of us and Rudzani will just come by for lunch,
that’s all.”
“Okay, fine.”
“You’ll get to see how different my brother and I are,” he says and laugh.
Time to bed we had to sneak upstairs. We didn’t want to meet Ciara. I have seen her on
beautiful pictures of her all over the house. I am not ready to meet her. I am scared if she is
going to like me. I don’t want to compete with her mother so I rather give our relationship
enough time to sink in before Ciara jumps on board. Gundo opens the door to his bedroom. I
sneak in and he does the same. He shuts the door and we giggle.
“Imagine I have to sneak around in my own house, imagine,” he says.
Without a waste of time, we retire to bed.
****
We have been sneaking around his house for the whole week. He would wake up, get ready
with me and drop me at work at six before coming back for Ciara. I want to go back to my
apartment today after the lunch with the brother.
For the first time we can have breakfast together. I am in his kitchen, wearing his white shirt
when he is on his boxer.
We did it last night. We made love and it was so magical. I never thought I would feel like that
ever in my life. It was when we were watching a movie, having wine. Gundo started by kissing
me and the next thing my dress was off. He kissed me for so long that I started getting wetter
and wetter. He rolled me on the floor and got on top caressing my boobs and my thighs and my
everything. He only entered me when I was almost about to reach orgasm just by kissing him. It
was nice. It was mind blowing. It was hot. It was wow.
“Thinking about last night?” he asks from the other side of the table.
“I loved it,” I say with a grin.
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“I love you,” he says and I beam at him. I love him too. “I could do it over and over again.”
I get wet instantly. I blush away.
“What time is your brother coming?”
“It should be after two,” he says, “I hope he runs late. I might receive a call from Namibia, work
related.”
After breakfast, I get ready for the day. Thank God Gundo ordered food for lunch, all I need to
do is to set the table.
I am wearing a pair of jean and a white tee that Gundo got me during the week. We were
passing Zara and he liked it for me. I am wearing pink sandals and style my braids. I got to a
chance to do my hair during the week. I like braids. They make me look matured and beautiful.
“You can set five plates…Rudzani said he is bringing friends over,” Gundo says.
“Thank God we ordered the lamb chops enough for three and a full chicken on the side,” I say.
“You can get the table ready. If he ever shows up when I am in the office, press this green
button when he is by the gate. It will open the gate.”
“Got it,” I say. He walks to kiss me and disappear to his office for a conference call.
Five wine glasses. Five juice glass tumblers. Five plates. Cutlery. Two bottles of wine. A jar of
Juice. The dining table is set for the guests. I hope Gundo gets done before they arrive. Pretty
please.
I set out the snacks platters with healthy nuts and biltong. Gundo told me how to set
everything.
I hear the buzzer ring.
Oh, they are here!
“Hello…anybody there? Rudzani here,” I hear a voice and turn to the small screen on the
buzzer. I press the green button and I hear him say Thank you.
I clean my palms with the jeans and walk to the open the door.
“Helo, helo,” he says from the door with a bottle of Heinken in his hand. He is alone, no guests.
Does he know how much trouble I went through to set up for five people instead of three.
“Hi, I am Thandeka.”
“The beautiful Thandeka,” he says and kisses the back of my hand. He is too touchy. Just the
way they described him.
“Please come in… Gundo is busy in the office, I will call him for you.” He walks in and places a
cooler bag on the table. I shut the door.
“No, don’t close the door. My friend is coming with his girlfriend. They are busy getting their
small human out of the car.
I open the door and head to call Gundo. He tells me he will join me in a minute. Rudzani is
sitting in the living area, scrolling for the right channel.
I am busy warming the food and setting them in the platter plates.
Yoh! I need a glass of water. I have been going around the house, trying to get everything ready
for the lunch. I pick a glass and get myself water.
“Helllooo,” a familiar voice startles me. My clumsy hands fails me so I drop the cup before
turning to the door. It is him. He is carrying a baby, with that girl beside me.
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He sees me and frown.
“Oh, sorry,” I say and quickly look away.
“Come this side,” Rudzani calls out. Robert walks there with his family.
I need to breath! I tell myself while picking the glasses on the floor.
“Babe, are you okay?” Gundo asks. He is now beside me.
“Yes, I am fine, it is just a glass,” I say while reaching for the mop.
He lets me clean the mess while he walks to the guests.
“Hey, what’s up man?” Gundo asks his brother and greet the guests. I mop the floor and
continue to warm the food, trying not to be clumsy.
“The cooler bag is on the kitchen table,” Rudzani says.
“Thandeka, do you work here now?” Robert asks curiously. He turns to the living room to check
if anyone is wtaching. Is he out of his mind? He stares at me for so long without saying a word.
I pick the platter plates and take them to the dining table, leaving him standing at the kitchen. I
focus on the platter while ignoring Robert. He walks back to the living room and sit next to her.
I need to ask to be excused once everything is ready. I will be in the bedroom and i will tell
Gundo once his guests leave.
“How long have you been here?”Gundo asks his brother.
“I rode here with Robert yesterday. I am crushing with him. Remember him? He was Ronnie’s
best friend,” Rudzani says, “He wants to ask for a little job favour in your company. They
retrenched him in his old job. If there is ever a man you need to do a favour for, is this guy. Do it
for Ronnie.”
“What do you do?” Gundo asks.
“Finance. Budgeting,” he says.
I can’t breathe whenever I look at Robert, his girlfriend and his son. She obviously doesn’t
remember me.
“Isn’t this baby just cute? Thandeka, look at how this baby is sooo cute,” Gundo says.
Gundo picks the baby and starts playing with him. He walks to me and show off the baby to me.
He throws the baby into the air and shows him off to my face again.
“Meet aunty Thandeka,” Gundo says to the baby.
My heart tightens when the baby smiles at me. He looks exactly like my baby. I remember the
face, even though my baby was just a corpse. The boy chuckles while everybody laughs. The
laughter fills the room while I feel suffocated. His laughter changes into baby screams. His
screams starts sounding like my own cry. I can’t breathe.
“Gundo…Gundo…can I talk to you?” I ask from where I am standing. I don’t know, I feel like the
room is shutting small.
“Babe, what is going on? Babe!!! Babe, are you okay?” I hear Gundo yell before everything
blacks out.

INSERT 15

69
GUNDO
What is going on here?
I throw the baby back to his mother and rush to get Thandeka from the floor.
“Babe, babe…are you okay?” I yell, while getting on the floor, “Babe….Thandeka…Babe…”
“Did you just say babe? Is she your girlfriend?” Rudzani’s friend asks. Isn’t it obvious? Why
would I call her babe? Isn’t she too old to be Ciara?
She weakly opens her eyes and stare right at me.
“I am sorry…” she mumbles after a good few seconds.
“Are you okay?” I help her sit.
I pick her from the floor and carry her to my bedroom.
“I am calling the doctor to come check up on you,” I say while getting to the phone on the
pedestal.
“No, please,” she weakly says.
“You just blacked out for a minute. I am worried about you,” I say.
“I am fine.”
“What just happened?”
“Robert.”
Robert is her ex that left her for another woman. He has broken her soul deeply. Why would a
thought of him make her faint?
“What about him?”
“He is in your living room.”
“What?”
“That is the Robert I kept telling you about. Ronnie was his best friend.”
Damn! Damn! Damn! I feel like kicking myself. The baby I kept shoving on her face is her EX’s.
The same EX that she despises so much. “That baby looks like my baby girl…like the very same
exact copy of the corpse I held that day in hospital. I wasn’t ready for this.”
I pull her into a hug and squeeze her tightly.
“I am so sorry, I didn’t know.”
“I should have told you the second I saw them.”
“I didn’t give you a chance. I was just excited to see Rudzani and the whole time before that I
was in the office. I am sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she mumbles.
“Let me go and tell them to go…”
“Stay here with me,” she requests sweetly and reaches for my hand. I will always choose her
over any other unnecessary thing that may ever come our way.
I switch the aircon on, for her, and sit on the bed beside her. I caress her back and force her to
sleep. I tell her the only time I will walk out of the room will be when I am sure that she is fine
and she is resting. After a while, she closes her eyes and I continue to rub her back. I stare down
at the beauty of a woman I call mine. Brushing her back is making me feel hot. I am turned on.
It takes me back to last night.

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We were watching a romcom – my box-office pick. I am choosing only the best movies recently
or maybe Thandeka just enjoys everything and anything. It was quite a romantic movie and I
always found myself stealing glances of her. She kept giggling – making me fall in love with her.
Mid movie she rested her head on my shoulder. Looks like she like doing so. When the movie
was almost over, I slightly move her head, making her to move and stare at me. Her eyes were
glittering with love. The spark was there. I was turned on and couldn’t keep it to myself. I start
kissing her and she sweetly returned the favour. The more I kissed her, the more I kept growing
under my pants. She moaned while I groaned – just kissing. We had already taken our night
shower so she was smelling damn fresh.
“I love you,” I whispered to her ear and she did the same. I reach for her night dress, pull it off
and throw it on the side. I reach for her bra and pull it off, together with underwear. Thandeka
has a beautiful body. Her small hips are in place and there is no sign that she was ever
pregnant. I rubbed my hands all over her body, starting from her full cupped breast. My hands
explored her body while we kissed and moaned in each other’s ears. I laid her down and start
sucking on her breast. I had to do that so that I do not nut. I was so strong that I was about to
cum before getting inside her. I wouldn’t have survived her hands on my cock.
She licked her lips while I licked her nipples.
Damn! It felt so right. She reached for my head while I sucked the nipples for their dear lives
while my other hand was between her thighs.
She was ready for me, but I wanted her to be more than ready. I wanted to make her reach her
orgasm – to have something to remember about our very first time.
“I…like…that,” she said when I traced my tongue down her belly…going down to her pot. She
flinches when I was about to suck her water. She pulled me back for more kisses on her lips.
She was not yet ready for those others lips to meet my lips. She is shy.
Her body started trembling at my touch and I knew it was about time to get down on it. I didn’t
even have a condom, and I was worried that if I stopped then she was going to change my
mind.
“Are you ready for me?” I whispered in between our long kisses. I was already rubbing my thick
strong member on her thighs. She nodded, telling me that she was ready for me.
“I don’t have a condom,” I said and she held tightly on me. The more she pulled her body on
mine, there more I was losing my control. She spread her legs and allowed me in. Lord have
mercy. I groaned so loudly while she moaned loudly. She was fucken tight – evidence of her
singleness. She held tightly on me until we both got comfortable…inside of her. It didn’t take us
both long for her to scream loudly while I swear loudly when her inside became tighter around
my steel.
“Gundo, is everything okay?” Rudzani asks from outside the bedroom door. He saved me from
my own thoughts.
“Yeah, I’ll be down there in a few minutes.”
I hear his footssteps walking away the door. My cock is twitching. Blame it on those thoughts I
just had.
Morning after pill – we need to get them before the end of the day.
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Thandeka starts to softly snore and this is my queue to head downstairs.
“Hey, is she alright?” Rudzani asks when he sees me. They are eating.
“She will be fine,” I say. I am pissed at this man who is sitting on my chair, eating my food like
he is my friend. Why didn’t he leave? He knows well why Thandeka found herself on the floor
but he has the audacity to chill in my house.
The nerve!
“Yoh! She got us scared,” Rudzani says.
“Would you mind taking the food with you?”
“Haw…are you kicking us out?”
“Your friend upset my woman, it would only make sense if he walks out of my house before he
annoys the hell out of me. You can follow him if he wants.” I don’t care that I am the one who
shoved his baby on my woman’s face. He watched and laughed.
“What?” the lady asks. Robert seems to understand.
“He will tell you when you get home,” I say.
“Man, what is going on?” Rudzani asks.
“It’s fine. It’s fine,” Robert quickly says.
“What is he talking about? What is he talking about?” she whisper while they stand.
“I will explain when we get home,” he says. She looks defeated like this is what she deals with
every day.
“I’ll come and see you on Monday,” Rudzani says. I even wonder why he is in Joburg.
I close the door and clean up the dining table. What a waste of time? I pack away the food and
carefully put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I pick the remote and scroll around until I land
on a golf tournament. I haven’t played golf since my birthday. With Thandeka in my life now, I
have better things to do.
Thandeka takes my attention when I notice her walking down the stairs.
“Hey, are you okay?” I ask and she nods before she lands next to me.
“I am fine,” she says. I don’t believe her at all. She looks drained.
“Come here,” I pull her to lie on top of me. She gets on top of me. I like snuggling her like this.
“We need to get you morning-after pill.”
“Do we have to?” she asks and I stare at her.
“Don’t you want to take them?” I ask.
“I am joking. If I ever fall pregnant now, itl be to replace her. That would be unfair.”
“But you do want to have babies with me?”
“I do.”
That’s enough. That is what matters. It can be weeks later, it can months or years later, if I am
doing it with her, I am content.
We get her the morning-after pills and get ourselves tested for HIV. I want us to be fully open to
each other.
In the evening, Thandeka insists that she wants to go to her apartment. I tried begging her but
she insisted and said she needs a Sunday all to herself.

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I am bothered by it but ended up understanding. She cannot always be in my house like we are
married. She also needs a break from me
*****
Monday morning are always the most hectic. I only get a chance to have coffee at eleven. I
have been signing off papers and going through submissions all morning. I haven’t spoken to
my woman all morning after the call she gave me when she woke up at five o’clock. That was
hours ago. It is funny that she is just a few floors below me.
A knock interrupts me. Sometimes I wish it is Thandeka coming to join me for coffee. I know she
will never show her face unless it is necessary.
“Sure, big boss, can I come in?” Rudzani says from the door, imitating a lady’s voice. He walks in
and close the door.
“What are you doing here?”
“Thought I should check up on you and find out how your cherry is doing.”
“She is okay.”
“That’s good,” he pulls the chair across the table, “Well…Robert is still waiting for your email
about the job.”
“I am not giving him any job.”
“Why not? He needs it. Are you one of those men who take things personal? He told me about
that cherry….she…”
“He told you and you are still here vouching for him? Are you kidding me?”
“Come on….that man is Ronnie’s friend. He needs our favour.”
“Do not use my brother’s name in vain. Leave him out of your bullshit.”
“You make it sound like he was not my brother,” he says loudly, “Look man…you gat to learn to
put bros before whores my man. I am sure she is just one of the many whores who are after
your money.”
“Get the fuck out of my office.”
“What?” he shrugs as if he didn’t just call my girlfriend a whore.
“If you are going to insult my girlfriend, then rather you get out of my office,” I repeat and he
stands. He knows better not to fuck with me. I am nothing like him and he mustn’t confuse
that. He is my brother but an idiot.
“You are going to come back to us when she milks you dry,” he says while standing. My office
door opens after a few knocks. Diana opens and stands there.
“Hey, do you have a minute?” she asks before darting her eyes to my brother, “Heeeyyy…look
who is here.”
“What’s up Diana?” Rudzani asks.
“I didn’t know you were around. When did you get here?”
“Just a few days ago. You are looking younger, hey?” he says and she checks herself out as if
she believes him.
“You look older now,” Diana says and Rudzani cracks up loudly.
“Why don’t you excuse me please? You can catch up elsewhere,” I say to the both of them.
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“You will never change. Always grumpy and uptight,” Rudzani says while following Diana out of
my office.
The rest of the day was just so long. I wish to see Thandeka to see for myself how she is doing.
She didn’t want to see me before leaving the office. I had to rush to pick Ciara and spend time
with her until she goes to bed.
“Daddy, I am not sleepy,” Ciara whines when I get her into bed.
“You are going to close your eyes until you fall asleep like you did when you were at crèche,” I
say to her. “Did you eat that chocolate that I told you not to eat?”
She shakes her head.
“No daddy,” she says. I tuck her in and get to watch TV later on.
It is boring!
I need my Thandeka here. Her phone is off. I try it a few times before grabbing my keys from
the table. I check on Ciara, she is asleep. I tell Rossie that I am out and will be back later. I head
straight to Auckland Park to go pick Thandeka up.
This woman drives me crazy.
I park the car and rush up the stairs to her door.
“Are you crazy?” Thandeka laughs out loudly. I hear her laugher before seeing her sitting at the
stairs next to her room. Her ex-boyfriend is standing by the door.
“Thandeka, I was trying to call you,” I say while standing at the bottom of stairs.
“Gundo,” she whispers and quickly stands.
“I came to pick you up if you would like to spend a night in my house.”
The guys looks away from me and Thandeka keeps her eyes on me

INSERT 16
THANDEKA

Mondays are not very fun. Mostly when there are meetings all day. I had to wash cups, refill
coffee and wash dishes some more the whole day. If I was a very important person somewhere
in the world, I would make a Monday to be part weekend too.
We hosted about six meetings this morning and by three thirty, I can now confirm that I am
paid well for my job. Other days are fun and easy. I bumped into Ms Diana today and she gave
me a cold shoulder. I am not worried because I don’t report to her and chances of sitting down
with her in the office are just so slim.
Maria calls me when I am in the bathroom; I am trying to touch up my make-up; it has been a
long day.
“My friend,” I say happily when I answer her call. Instead of responding and shouting to my ear,
she cries out loud on the phone. “Maria, what is going on? Are you alright? Maria?”
I let her cry in peace, with me listening because the more I ask what is wrong, the more she
74
cries out loudly.
“Things are getting worse with my mom,” she says in between sobs.
“What are the doctors saying?”
“There is nothing much they can do. You know this useless hospitals,” she sobs.
“Let me send you money to go to a private doctor, maybe they will be able to help, you know?
If things don’t change, you can even come here and try other options. I told you I moved out
from our old flat.”
“No Thandi, I know how things are expensive that side…I cannot burden you that much.”
“Gundo pays for almost everything. I hardly use my money.”
“Gundo, Gundo?” I hear her sobs subside.
“Yes. We have a lot to talk about when we meet,” I say, “Gundo is…everything you can ever
imagine Maria. He loves me. The sex is boss. He spoils me. He…”
“Gundo, Gundo…the big boss.”
“The big boss,” I say, “We might drive up there in a few weeks. He wants me to bring my sewing
machine so that I can be able to sew whenever I want. I got me an apartment…I stay alone.”
“Wow,” she says. She is now done crying.
“I will ewallet you money and you can take her to Thohoyandou to see a doctor, okay?”
“Thank you Thandeka….I can never thank you enough.”
I want her mother to stay with her. She cannot die now. I can never wish a pain of losing a
mother to anyone. Sometimes I wish I could just walk to my mom cooking for me. I miss those
days when she used to shout at me for not doing my chores. I miss her lashing me and Thulani
for not listening to her. Anything just to spend another minute with her.
I hang up after I tell her about Robert walking into Gundo’s house. The world is just small. But
who am I kidding? Robert was Ronnie’s friend and he was bound to know Ronnie’s brothers. I
am just glad that Gundo didn’t know him much – so things are not awkward.
Three thirty I rush to catch a taxi to my apartment. I want to surprise Gundo with pap and spicy
chicken feet today. I cooked for him once and he loooovveee it. One call to him and he will
drive here without a doubt.
I throw my bag on the bed and change into comfy clothes. I get into track pants and a t-shirt. I
switch the TV on and head to the kitchen to start cooking. I jump when my phone rings. It could
be Gundo checking up on me, or telling me that he is coming over. We always miss each other
when apart.
Ohh, it’s not him.
“Thulani, is everything okay?” I ask. He hardly buys airtime.
“Oh, so I am not allowed to call my sister when there is nothing wrong?”
“No, I was just not expecting your call.”
“Look, I need a favour. I want someone to come drop my parcel to you.”
“What parcel?” I laugh. My brother sounds different today.
“Some documents for a small piece job I need to do there in Joburg. I need to sign them
wabona? You can bring them when you come back next weeked.” I told him I might be coming
to Venda for a weekend. I am going with Gundo.
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“Oh, okay…anything for my brother,” I say. I would love to see him do something with his life
other than drinking every day of his life. Joburg can be a good change for him. It is working for
me and it can work for him too.
“Yah, send me the location on whatsapp,” he says.
“You bought data?” I laugh. Thulani is just that kind of a guy who buys 20MB for a month…just
to get by, you know? Sometimes he takes forever without buying no data and he survives just
fine.
“Are you sending me, my sister? They want to come today.”
“Sure.”
I send the location after hanging up. My phone beeps. Battery! I haven’t charged it all day.
Reeaaallllyyyy??? The lights just went off. Bloody Eskom, no wonder people call it Eishkom!
What am I going to eat now?
I try to quickly send Gundo a text to bring me food but my phone dies on me!
Just perfect!
I throw my phone on the bed and also throw myself there. I have nothing to do until the lights
are back. I don’t know what to do with my life so I decide to nap. It is only just after six and I
know the lights will be back in two hours or so. What else am I going to do until then?
I dozed off because I am waking up to a loud knock on my door. The lights are back on; meaning
I napped for more than two hours.
Oh!!! Thulani’s parcel! I fix my braids while rushing to the door.
“Oh, wow,” I say when I open the door. Before me stood Robert. I try to close the door but he
quickly reaches for the door handle.
“Please, Please Thandeka…please I need to speak to you.”
“Did Thulani send you to my house?” I say while trying to push the door to close.
“Can I come in? Please I need to talk to you. Please, Thandeka…this is about my son….please….”
“Leave….my…”
“Thandeka, please….I don’t want us to cause drama…please…” he says and I hear footsteps
behind him. Probably the neighbours – how embarrassing. “Thandeka, just hear me out for a
minute…just one minute…one minute.”
“Fine…” I yell after giving up on this push-pull exercise. He is not giving up. “Fine…one minute.”
I let go of the handle and walk outside.
“Close my door…you are not getting into my apartment.”
“Your apartment?” he asks while closing the door.
“What do you want from me?” I ask with my arms folded to my chest. “You have a minute.”
“My son needs an operation. He was born with a growth on his back. We have been going in
and out of the hospital…trying to get it fixed…..”
I don’t know why he is telling me this. I am still dizzy from the nap so I sit on the stairs that lead
to the ground floor and keep my face away from him.
“I got retrenched….and we no longer have medical aid. I need this job from Gundo.”
“Go ask him to give you a job and leave me alone.”
He is crazy.
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“He doesn’t want to give it to me after finding out our history.”
“Our history includes you breaking my heart….causing me to lose my child…our history includes
that…Gundo loves me so mark to let anyone hurt me. Forget about the job,” I spit out.
“Please Thandeka. Let us move on from that, I need this job…please talk to him for me… If he
truly loves you then he will agree to give me a job if you beg him for me.”
“Are you crazy?” I laugh out loud. He must be damn out of him mind…selfish bustard. My eyes
meet Gundo, standing infront of me.
“Thandeka, I was trying to call you,” Gundo says, darting his eyes between Robert and I.
“Gundo,” I whisper, suddenly losing my voice. I quickly stand.
“I came to pick you up if you would like to spend a night in my house.”
“Yeah…yeah…my phone died earlier before I could get a chance,” I say, “Come in.”
I walk to the house with Gundo behind me. I don’t care about Robert right now. If I were him,
I’d run away. I pack up my bag with him sitting on the couch, quietly. He looks disturbed.
“I am done,” I announce and he leads the way to the car. He is quiet, I know he is unhappy
about finding me with Robert. I want to explain myself but that would make me look like I am
guilty.
He drives out of the complex.
We are offramping from the high way and he hasn’t said anything. This is unlike him.
“I wanted to make you pap and spicy chicken feet earlier…but the electricity went off before I
could even start,” I say.
“I thought you despise him,” he says instead. He doesn’t turn to me.
“I do.”
“Then what was he doing in my apartment at that time of your time.”
“Your apartment Gundo? Your apartment?” I am now sitting on the passenger seat, facing him.
“What was he doing in your apartment at this time of the night?”
The time is 20:45.
“He wanted to ask me if I could talk to you about the job in his company.”
“I am not giving him a job in my company.”
“I know.”
He drives into the garage and pick my bags before disappearing to the house. What am I
supposed to do? I follow behind and stopped by the kitchen. I know my way around the house
now and the fact that Rossie never comes downstairs after her shift. Ciara is supposed to sleep
like a baby; she is a baby.
I fix myself a sandwich and grab a bottle of juice from the fridge. Gundo walks into the kitchen,
grabs his juice and walks out again. I wash my dish after eating and join him in the bedroom.
“Gundo, are you going to talk to me?” I ask. I don’t expect him not to trust me. He knows that I
hate Robert so much. I would be a fool to go back to him.
“Rather we go to sleep,” he says.
“Rather you take me home. I cannot be here for you to make me feel guilty for whatever thing
that is in your head. Either we talk about it or you take me home.”
“I don’t understand how he got your address. I don’t understand why you would laugh with
77
him. It was just days ago when you were on the floor because of him…I have to nurse you for
the bullshit he did and yet you give him your time? It just doesn’t make sense…”
“My brother gave him my location. I don’t know what Robert promised my brother but Thulani
asked me to send him my location.”
“Let me see.”
“No,” I say and he stares at me, “I am not going to prove myself to you…I will understand if you
don’t believe me but do not expect me to prove my innocence to you because some days I
won’t be able to prove my innocence and it will be a problem.”
He pulls off his shirt and drops it on the floor. He takes off his sweat pants and leaves them on
the floor too. His body is so perfect and inviting. I wish for him to do to me what he did last
Friday. I want to feel how he feels tonight.
He gets in bed.
“You know what Gundo?” I ask and he stares at me, “I think you can take back your apartment
after this month. I will get a place to stay.”
“Really now?”
“Yes. I heard you speak about your apartment….”
“It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“But you did and it makes me wonder if …”
“No need to wonder about anything. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I got that apartment for
you and it doesn’t matter what you do with it. I am just shocked by what I found…I thought
when you said you despise him so much…I thought you meant you don’t ever want to see him
ever again. Hearing you laugh with him was just something else.”
“Do you believe me? Do you believe that I was not laughing with him? That I didn’t give him my
address? Do you trust me?” I ask and he keeps quiet.
Oh, wow!
I walk towards the window and stare outside to a full moon. What a beautiful evening. It would
have been lovely if we were seated outside, watching the moon and talking about our future.
Here we are, solving an issue about the useless man who is supposed to stay in my past.
Anyway, why did Thulani give him my location?
I grab my toiletry bag and head to the bathroom. It is really uncomfortable for me to sleep in
his bed when I didn’t shower. Gundo smells perfect throughout the day. I run the bath and
when the water is full, I take off my clothes and fold them before putting them on top of the
washing basket. I tie my braids and when I am about to get into the water, I feel a warm hand
on my shoulder. I turn. It is Gundo staring down at me – his eyes so perfect and full of love.
He pulls me to his arms and snuggle me.
“I trust you,” he whispers before clearing his throat.
“Thank you,” I say.
“I don’t want to lose you over stupid things…” he says and I rest my head on his chest, “I love
you Thandeka.”
I love him too and I wouldn’t want to lose him over anything stupid.

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INSERT 17
GUNDO
The day Ciara will walk on us making out in the living room? I don’t even want to think about it.
We have been sneaking around for weeks, it is almost a month now. The bedroom got boring.
The swimming pool got boring too, so we had to move to the living room. Thandeka takes the
beast out of me. Maybe because she is young and hippy and active and adorable and sexy and
everything you can ever imagine. She is my fragile egg. My kinda cow girl.
She is snoring beside me. Her hair is covering her face and her bare back is exposed for me to
see. My beautiful girl.
I jump out of bed and run her a bath while trimming my beards. The water is warm and ready
for her.
“Babe, you are going to run late,” I say and she opens her eyes. “I am going to Cape Town today
so my flight is at seven.”
“Can I stay in bed?”
“Let’s go to Cape Town…now…”
“And work?”
“Ask to take some three days off.”
“I would love to but Maria is bringing her mother over. She is taking her mother to that hospital
in Garankuwa. Maybe they will help her.”
“Oh…okay. It would be rude if you leave them alone,” I say while walking towards the
bathroom. She grabs the morning gown and put it on, for the why? I don’t know because I am
still going to glare at her perfect body when she gets into the bath-tub.
“What are staring at?”
“You know what I am staring at,” I say and she sticks her tongue out.
She gets in the bath tub and chill. She closes her eyes and soaks herself.
“Babe, are you okay?” I ask. She seems so distant.
“I am fine, yeah,” she says while sitting up to start bathing.
We get ready before driving her to work. I get us breakfast from McDonalds and eat it from the
parking lot. She looks disturbed a bit, just like earlier in the morning. I have seen her like this
just a few times since our trip to Venda. I took her to Venda two weeks ago, to fetch her sewing
machine. She was super excited but upon her return, she was a bit disturbed. At first she said
she fought with her brother. Then she said, she is fine; but here she is…looking blankly to space.
“Thandeka, are you okay?” I ask and she turns to me. “You seem distant again. You do this a lot
lately.”
“I am fine.”
“That is a lie. I need you to be open with me. I am going to work in Cape Town for three
days…I’ll be worried sick to know that you look like this sometimes…please babe…”
“My brother and I had an argument about giving Robert my location right?” she asks and I nod.

79
She told me about the fight with Thulani. “When I tell him that he caused a misunderstanding
between me and you…I had to tell him about us… that we are an item and we are serious.”
“And? Doesn’t he want me to be with you?”
“He told me that you are divorced with Diana on paper…but you two still shag whenever you
get a chance. I know he is lying…even though he tried convincing me that it is the case…I am
disappointed in him for making up such lies about you…mostly when he knows nothing about
you. Thulani is my only brother and should be in my corner all the times. He should be happy
for me and not try to break up with the man that loves me…”
“Uhm….well…”
“I mean, I know that he chills with Rudzani and the stories he told me were out of jealously.”
“What stories?”
“It is not my place to say,” she says and I stare at her to tell me, “He says Rudzani told him
about this when an argument erupted that you have always been the better brother out of the
three of you.”
“When was this?”
“When we arrived to Venda in your porche. Thulani said that you were the topic after passing
the lounge in your car.”
I remember the lounge was packed when I drove past there. There are always groups of guys
drinking and playing cards all day. Rudzani always find himself there whenever he is in the
village.
I deeply sigh!
“Oh…well…”
“Don’t worry yourself though…those guys are just useless and all they do is speak down on
people who are trying to hustle. My brother is no different…I am just hurt that he couldn’t shut
his mouth, knowing that whatever lies they were spreading were going to harm me.”
“Well, I need to tell you something.”
“Tell me what?” she stares at me, worried.
“Diana and I divorced a while back because I was tired of her behaviour…but…when we were
busy with the divorce, we would always find each other in each other’s beds. Rudzani once
walked on us, that is how he knows. But that stopped about nine months ago. I decided to be
done with her because I was just confusing myself and I knew I wanted out. Since then I have
never done anything with her. Whatever they are talking about happened a year ago.”
“Ohhh…”
“It is wrong that the guys are talking about my issues…but I don’t want you to fight with your
brother because of me. Part of what he is saying is true…but it wasn’t recent issues.”
She sighs.
“Are you okay?” I ask while taking her hands to mine. I kiss them and stare into her eyes. I want
her to believe me. “I don’t want anything to do with Diana ever again. The only time I spend
with her is when we are in meetings or I am picking Ciara at her home. That’s it.”
She stares back at me and nods. I hope she believes me. It is just unfortunate that I am stuck
with her. I can’t easily get rid of her. The court gave me an order to keep her job after the
80
divorce as it is her only source of income. Other than that, I would have parted way, including
professional ways, with her nine months ago.
“I think I am running late,” she says after checking the time from her phone.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, really. I am fine. I cannot be worked up by things that happened when I didn’t even
know you existed. I know how to handle her now…so I am not worried.”
“I love you,” I kiss her hands and then her lips. She hugs me and walks to the office building. It is
twenty past six so I have a good hour to rush to the airport.
I wish I could postpone this meeting to someday so that I don’t leave her wondering or building
doubts about us when I am far away. I watch as she hurries to the reception. She is wearing one
of the dresses she made. Quite amazing work. It could need some expert ironing but she does
perfect dresses that I would hustle in to the stores.
*****
I don’t think I can ever survive long distance relationships hey. I miss Thandeka so much,
sometimes I keep her on the phone for an hour before bed. She sounds fine. It could be the
guests keeping her happy. I love that she has a giving heart. It was always a struggle with Diana
to help someone in need of assistance. Thandeka is different. I watched her giving her friend
money before she jumped into my car. I also took her shopping for some things for her brother.
They were not in good terms but she filled that house with everything he could need. He lives
for alcohol.
“I am coming back tomorrow…” I say over the phone while lying on the bed.
“When am I seeing you?”
“It is my weekend with Ciara and Rossie doesn’t work on weekends, remember? I will come
pick you up on Sunday night.”
“Sunday night? I miss you so much,” she says. I can just imagine her little pout.
“You can still come tomorrow night, you know? You will stay in the bedroom til she goes to
sleep.”
“No, its okay. Your daughter also need your attention. I will see you on Sunday night.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am sure.”
“When are you meeting her, by the way?”
“I will tell you when I am ready. She is still mourning her brother’s death…the fact that she will
think that I am taking her mother’s space will take her back.”
Isn’t she just considerate? Someone would be in a hurry to jump into the picnic stage with the
child. She understands my co-parenting job very well and I appreciate her for that. She makes
loving her so easy.
“Okay, I love you and good night.”
“I love you too.”

81
My Friday started with a longest meeting before I had to rush to the airport to my flight back to
Joburg.
Dammit! My flight is delayed and Rossie needs to knock off at five. She has to catch a taxi to
North West before it gets dark. I send Diana an SMS to pick Ciara up before Rossie leaves. I will
only be home after seven.
“I will pick her up just now,” – a text from Diana.
I am so annoyed. Flight delays on Fridays are the worst. Bad weather I guess.
I only make it home at seven thirty. Diana’s car is in my drive-way. I thought she picked my
daughter and left.
“Daddy…you are back,” Ciara says from the kitchen. She is covered in flour. “Mommy and I are
making you cookies.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“They are yummy.”
“No sweet things before bedtime Ciara,” I call out. Or else she will be asking to swim to lower
the sugar rush.
“How did the meeting go?” Diana asks from the stove. She is wearing a white dress and an
apron.
“It went well,” I say, “You can finish up and be excused. Thank you for jumping in to help.
Flights got delayed.”
“Supper will be ready in a minute daddy. You need to taste my lemonade daddy. You need to
taste it,” Ciara says happily.
“Ofcourse. I’ll go change,” I say and head to my room. I change into track pants and a t-shirt
before heading downstairs.
“Finish up Ciara, you need to shower…bed time is in few minutes,” I say.
“Can mommy stay for supper? Please? We cooked nice food for you daddy,” Ciara says.
“Here is Ciara’s famous lemonade,” Diana says and hands me a glass.
Damn! The glass just reminded me how thirsty I am. I take the glass and gulp it down my throat.
“You love it…you love it…” Ciara says while clapping.
“Yeah,” I say and head to the living room to watch TV.
I switch the TV on and walk to get the aircon remote. I feel damn hot, all of a sudden. I get
settled on the couch and watch some news.
Am I that tired? I can feel my eyes getting heavy by the second.
“Daddy…we are making pink frosting….”
“Ciara, why are you yelling?” I ask and she looks confused. What?
“Daddy…it is cold in here…” she complains.
Is this kid kidding me? LOL. I feel drunk and hot and uneasy. It is damn hot in here. I try to sit up
but my body feels so heavy.
“Okay, Gundo…you can go to bed. You seem like you would need some sleep. I will clean up
and take Ciara with me,” Diana says and I nod. I drag my heavy self to my bedroom. I take off
my shirt and trackpants and throw myself on the bed. I drag the aircon remote from the
pedestal and switch it on.
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Damn!
I doze off like I am drunk.
I am woken up by a heavy body getting on top of me. I open my eyes and a flash lights on my
eyes.
“Hey, babe,” I weakly say with a smile. I miss her so much. I rub my hands on her thighs while
she plays her one hand on my chest. “Hmmm…white silk number? Do you know white lace is
my weakness?” I smile like a fool. This girl drives me crazy. She caress my chest some more until
I force myself to sit.
What?
What the?
Thandeka doesn’t have manicure that digs on my flesh.
“What? What is happening?” I ask and the flash deams. “Daina?? What the hell are you doing?”
Diana’s face becomes clearer to my face.
“Don’t you miss us?”

INSERT 18
THANDEKA
“Look at you…you are blushing…” Maria says and claps her hands while laughing, “I asked you a
question.”
“What?”
“How is the sex? In details?”
We are lying on bed on Friday evening. She and her mom came to visit me on Wednesday and
her mother was admitted in hospital yesterday. It is just the two of us for now and we sure can
stay up without a problem. We used to stay up the whole night when we were in Joburg CBD.
We would talk about everything and everyone.
“The sex is amazing…I told you,” I say, “He has taught me so much it is not even funny. He
explores my body like he knows it better than I…he gives the best tongue.”
Maria laughs out loud and cover her eyes when I go deeper on how I face sit him and how he
bends me when he wants it from behind. I sound like a slut right now and she keeps clapping
her hands and laugh some more.
“Do you go down on him?” she asks.
“Ofcourse,” I say and her laughter fills the room. I can’t help but laugh out too. I don’t believe I
am saying all of these without feeling embarrassed. Gundo is special.
“Do you swallow?”
“Obvious,” I answer. I always do. First it was a gag moment but I got used to it.
“You two are relationship goals,” she says while cleaning her tears. She was laughing them tears
out. I have changed that’s why she is having a fits of laughter. I was once an innocent girl.
“You should see the way he looks at me…I adore him.”
“When are you seeing him? Have you met the daughter?”
83
“You know what spices our relationship? The sneaking around the house when I go see him. We
have been doing it for almost a month because I am not ready to meet the baby…so when we
sneak around and chuckle and make love in the living room…that is just so fun and hot…and it
gets me wet by thinking about it.”
“Oh…wow…”
“He flew back from Cape Town tonight…I will surely see him on Sunday evening because he
cannot leave the baby alone in the house and come pick me up.”
My phone beeps and I smile, thinking that my man is already missing me.
A photo of Diana wearing a white lingerie pops on my phone screen.
“What the?” I ask myself quietly. Why would she send me a picture of herself wearing a
lingerie. Wrong number perhaps? But, it doesn’t make sense.
“Are you okay?” Maria asks while sitting up?
“Yeah,” I say blankly.
“You look like you have seen a ghost.”
I turn the phone screen to her. She pulls the phone and checks out the picture.
“This is Diana. What is she doing sending you a sexy picture?”
“I have no idea.”
“She wants him back, doesn’t she?”
“She does.”
“But why would she send you a picture of herself wearing a lingerie?” she asks while giving me
back my phone. “Don’t get her into your head. She is a she-devil and you know that.”
Thulani’s voice yelling at me to stop being stupid rings in my head. He was a little tispy that
night so he spat the words on my face, angrily. He told me to stop fooling myself.
I need water.
I delete the picture while walking towards the kitchen. I get a glass of water. My phone beeps
again before I could even finish drinking my water.
It is a video from the same number. I don’t know if I should open it or not. I drop the phone on
the kitchen table and go join Maria in bed.
“So, what are you doing back at home? Don’t you want to take the egg business from Thulani?
He drinks the money,” I say, trying to shut Diana out of my head. I need to delete that video
before she messes with my head.
“Yoh Thandeka, I don’t know how you do that job. I don’t think I can do it…for little money,
worst of it.”
“Little money? Are you kidding me? It used to help with a lot.”
“I don’t think I can deal with people. I grew up in that village, unlike you…I cannot be walking
into my EXs houses and selling eggs for them. Some of my classmates now have houses around
there…imagine me carrying a bucket of eggs.”
“You are being fancy right now.”
“Allow me to be,” she says. “I know what I need to do.”
“What?”
“I need to get married to Rudzani,” she says.
84
“He is a bad boy…you said it yourself.”
“I know…I know…but he is hot as hell.”
“As hell.”
Rudzani is very handsome and stylish. He is the younger version of his brother yet they are so
different. Are they even different? The phone still awaits me in the kitchen.
“I am waking up early to go visit my Mom…”
“I will go with you to see her. I hope she is settled now and getting the right treatment.”
“Thank you again for doing this,” she says. It is my pleasure honestly. She would have done the
say if I was in her position. Maria tried to be there for me when I lost my baby. She tried getting
me out of my mourning clothes…it is just that she was not Gundo who only needed to tell me
that my angel is looking down on me. Maria tried and I appreciate her and her mother.
She starts snoring lightly while I sleep staring on the ceiling. I have been tossing and turning for
two hours now.
I grab my gown and head to the kitchen. I pick my phone from the table, walk to the living room
to search for my headsets before settling on the couch.
“I guess now you will stay away from my husband,” a message reads.
I am going to break my heart if I watch this video. Curiousity is just killing me. i don’t know why,
but I am starting to sweat as I plug the headsets.
There on a screen is my boyfriend, smiling sweetly to the camera. He has that weak, sexy smile
that he gives me when I am on top of him.
“Hey, babe,” he says, his smile so perfect and bright.
I can see his hands rubbing her thighs while she plays her one hand on his chest. I can see her
manicure. Bright yellow like she had at work this week.
Oh! My God!
“Hmmm…white silk number? Do you know white lace is my weakness?” He smiles and I can
hear Diana moaning until she stops the video.
I don’t know how I finished the bloody video. I think I am numb. I think I am hurt. I think I don’t
know what I am thinking.
Oh my God. I throw the phone on the table and tears come gushing on my face. This hurts so
much. It hurts so so much.
I pick the phone and dial his number. I don’t even know why I am calling him. Maybe I want him
to tell me that he can explain. Maybe I want him to tell me that he is sorry and I will be able to
forgive him and move on.
“I thought you got the message loud and clear,” Diana says before hanging the phone.
*****
“Thandeka, I am going to be late for the first visiting hours to see my mom…lets go…”
I open and eyes and stare at her. She has a questioning look on her face. Without a warning, I
start crying my lungs out.
“What is wrong?”
“I am not feeling well,” I cry out to her.
85
“Why don’t we call Gundo and get you to the doctor,” she says and I shake my head.
“I will be fine.”
“You are scarring me Thandeka.”
I stop crying. My head is throbbing with a headache.
“I am so sorry…I am fine. I just need to sleep. I didn’t sleep.”
“Should I make you food before I go?” she asks and I shake my head. “Is it about that picture
you received from Diana?”
“No…Maria…go see your mother,” I say and she stands. Where do I begin to tell her that the
man I was telling her about is actually sleeping with his EX wife? Actually, he is still sleeping
with her. It means this is what they do when I am not there. Thulani was right. My brother
warned me.
“Are you sure you are going to be fine?” she asks.
“Yeah. I am sure.”
She shuts the door and leaves me covering my head with the blanket. I feel like I am going
crazy. I feel like I am the fool here.
Gundo starts calling me. I switch the phone off and try to go to sleep. He can go to hell.
I am woken up by Maria when she came back from the hospital in the afternoon. I have been
sleeping all day, all morning. She drags me to the kitchen and fix me lunch.
“This archaar will give you energy,” she says while dishing a spoonful to my plate. She brought a
bucket of archaar from Venda. They make the best archaar there.
“How is your mother?”
“She is doing great. She is a strong woman.”
“I am sorry I couldn’t go with you. I will make some time next week.”
“Don’t stress yourself. I sent your greetings to her.”
I switch my phone on when we are watching TV in the evening. Two messages pings in. both of
them are from Gundo.
“I think I am catching a bug. Been in bed all day. I wish you were here to nurse me in one little
nurse white uniform number.” – the first text. I click my tongue loudly and Maria turns her
attention to me. I give her a smile and open the second text.
“Load shedding or what? I was trying to call you earlier and your phone is off. Missing you
babes. Cannot wait to see you tomorrow.” – Another text. He doesn’t know that I know of his
secret with his EX. Is she even an EX or he is just making me to believe that she is?
*****
For the whole three days I have been ignoring bumping to Gundo or Diana. I succeded until
now. Gundo just walked into the boardroom that I am preparing for an afternoon meeting. He
locks the boardroom door while I watch.
I click my tongue and continue packing up the mugs.
“What is wrong with you Thandeka?” he asks angrily. He has been blowing my phone since
Sunday night when he was supposed to pick me up. I have been ignoring it and whenever I get
home, I would shut my apartment and pretend that I am not home when he comes knocking. I
86
told Maria to stay out of it. When he knocks, we would hold our breath for a good thirty
minutes until he gives up.
“Thandeka, I am talking to you,” he says while standing infront of me. He picks my hands from
the trolley and turn me to look at him. He yells at me while shaking me. what does he want me
to say? I don’t have anything to say to him.
“Thandeka…I have been calling you since Sunday. What happened to you? I have been knocking
at your apartment since Sunday. What is going on.”
I stare at him. I don’t want to shout at him. I don’t want to yell at him. I don’t want to cry.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw on Friday night.
“Thandeka…stop being so childish and talk….we are adults…come on…” he looks frustrated. I
try to pull my hands from him. “Thandeka…this is getting tiring.”
“Maybe you can start by telling me what is going on with your EEEXXX wife,” I hiss at him.
“What are you talking about?”
I laugh. He really thinks that I am stupid. Maybe I should thank God that Diana revealed the
truth to me. He is pretending to be innocent.
“I know Gundo. I know,” I hiss angrily.
“You know what?”
“I know the truth,” I say and take my phone from my pocket. I forward the video to him.
“What is this?” he says and I continue to do my work in silent.
He plays the video.
“Hmmm…white silk number? Do you know white lace is my weakness?” his voice from the
video fills the room. He looks shocked. He drops his mouth and repeats the video.
“I don’t ever want to see you Gundo. Never, ever…” I say while pushing the trolley out of the
room. He keeps repeating the goddamn video and I feel like going back to him and punching his
nose for wasting my time and making me a fool.

INSERT 19
GUNDO
What the hell???
My head is so heavy. My nose are blocked. My eyes are so itchy. What kind of a bug is this?
I force myself to sit. I had the weirdest dream last night. Julia was on top of me. She kept
grinding me until I grabbed her waist. I have never been horny like that in my entire life – in
that dream. We had sex. What kind of a wet dream is that?
I pull my phone beside me. The time is eight thirty. Why hasn’t Ciara knock on my door today?
She usually wake me up by seven to make her breakfast. I drag my feet out of bed and get to
her room.
What is wrong with me? This headache I have feels like the one I get when I am hang-over. I
haven’t touched alcohol since last weekend.
Ciara is not in her room. I pick my pace and hurry downstairs to the kitchen. Maybe I couldn’t
87
wake up and she was hungry. She is not in the kitchen. The house looks clean and there is no
sign of anyone.
I try to remember what happened before I went to bed. It looks like I blacked out. How can I
black out when I have Ciara for a weekend? I am not that irresponsible.
“Diana, where is Ciara?”
“She is sleeping,” she says like she is still in bed.
“You left with her?”
“Yeah. You were not feeling well when you arrived back from Cape Town. So I took Ciara with
me when I left later that night.”
“Are you serious? I feel somehow…”
“Should I get you medicine from the pharmacy? You looked like hell last night.”
“No…I will be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Please bring Ciara tomorrow afternoon when Rossie gets
here. Thanks for taking her. I was worried sick,” I say.
“Don’t worry. You would do the same if I were in your shoes.”
I pick a bottle of water and down it at once. Whatever bug I am catching should be very strong.
I drag my feet back to my room. I am so drained. I throw myself on the bed and doze off again.
It is noon when I open my eyes again. I check my phone for a text or a missed call from my
darling. I last spoke to her on Friday noon.
No text. No missed call. No voicemall. This is weird. Maybe her guests are keeping her too busy.
I still feel the same way- heavy head.
“I think I am catching a bug. Been in bed all day. I wish you were here to nurse me in one little
nurse white uniform number.” – I text her. I wish I could ask her to come but I don’t want to
seem like I make her jump when she is in her space. If she calls back and ask to come…I will
allow her. I won’t mind her feeding me.
I force myself to eat but only to throw up. Dammit it! I hate doctors. I only GO there if I am
taking Ciara, never for my own consultation. I am not going to start today unless I cannot stand.
Thandeka’s phone has been off all day. I have been trying to get hold of her. It is unlike her not
to respond to messages. I bet it is loadshedding again. I can hardly tell when it hits my
surrounding as the generator kicks in, immediately.
“Load shedding or what? I was trying to call you earlier and your phone is off. Missing you
babes. Cannot wait to see you tomorrow.” I send the last text before dozing off again.
****
I stayed in bed the whole weekend. When Rossie got here, I went to Thandeka’s apartment to
check if she was there. I dragged my feet there because I was still not feeling well but was
worried about Thandeka. I banged on her door for so long I ended up giving up. The security
guy told me that he did see her with her friend but when I knock she doesn’t open.
Since Saturday morning, she hasn’t responded to any of my text or called me back after finding
my missed calls. She has been to work but she disappears before I can get to her. Today I asked
my PA to check her schedule for me. I want her when she is in a boardroom.
“There is going to be a meeting in Boardroom 202A in fifteen minutes, Sir,” my PA advises after
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dropping the phone.
I head to boardroom 202A. She is here setting up the tea station. I am so pissed right now. I lock
the door and walk towards her.
“What is wrong with you Thandeka?” I ask her angrily but she just continues with her work, not
acknowledging that I am here.
“Thandeka, I am talking to you,” I hiss at her and pull her hands from the trolley and turn her to
look at me. “Thandeka…I have been calling you since Sunday. What happened to you? I have
been knocking at your apartment since Sunday. What is going on?”
What is going on here, huh? She stares at me without saying a word.
“Thandeka…stop being so childish and talk….we are adults…come on…” I hiss at her. I am
frustrated by now. “Thandeka…this is getting tiring.”
“Maybe you can start by telling me what is going with your EEEXXX wife,” she hisses back.
“What are you talking about?” I ask and she laughs.
“I know Gundo. I know,” she hisses angrily.
“You know what?”
“I know the truth.” She takes her phone from the pocket. Few seconds later, my phone beeps.
A whatsapp video from her.
“What is this?” I ask and she continues to do her work in silent. I play the video.
What the fuck? This is exactly how my dream played when I woke up on Saturday morning.
What on earth is this?
“I don’t ever want to see you Gundo. Never, ever…” she says and head for the door. she unlocks
the door and leaves me repeating this hell of a video.
WHAT THE HELL?
I grab the chair and throw myself on it. I cannot believe my eyes. I cannot believe what the hell
is going on.
Minutes later a group of people walk inside the boardroom.
“Oh boss…are you joining us for a meeting?” Phuti asks while everyone grabs the seats for the
meeting.
“Excuse me,” I say blankly while heading for the door. I pull my blazer off as I am sweating up.
Diana is sitting in her office when I budge into her office.
“What the hell is this?” I throw my phone on the table.
“What is that?” she asks without even taking the phone from the table.
“What the hell is this?” I shout. “What is going on???”
She picks the phone and watches the video.
“Oh, it is a video you asked me to take of us making love.”
“What the hell Diana? When did I make love to you?”
“Trying to pretend you didn’t enjoy it aint my problem Gundo. That aint my problem.”
I walk up and down the office, trying to figure what the hell happened to me. When did I make
love to Diana? I don’t remember anything. I don’t remember anything at all.
“What the fuck happened?”
“You invited me in and one thing led to another.”
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“There is no way Daina, there is no way that I will ever find myself in between your thighs,” I
say and she rolls her eyes. I look like a fool to her, don’t I?
“So, she came running to you with the video?”
“How did she end up with that video by the way? What are your intentions?”
“She was harassing me and I sent her to proof it to her that me and you are far away from being
done. Come on Gundo, the spark was there on Friday. you kissed me. You even asked me to
take the video.”
“That is a fucken lie and you know it.”
I pick my phone from the table and go to my office to get my keys. I need to get out of this
place before I lose my mind. I drive straight home to take a shower. I am sweating like hell. I am
trying to figure what might have happened, really.
My memory takes me back to Friday afternoon when I called Diana to pick Ciara from school.
My flight was delayed. I got home and found them baking. That is the last thing I remember.
Everything after that is blur.
Thandeka won’t pick up my calls. I don’t blame her but she has got to believe that I did not
intend to sleep with Diana…that’s if I did.
Surveillance cameras!! I remember while getting into a vest and shorts. I need to retrieve
Friday’s data.
I hurry to my office and get to my cameras. I only have the cameras for the kitchen, the living
room and the corridors and Ciara’s room. I don’t have one inside my bedroom.
What the hell? I cannot retrieve the kitchen camera. It looks like it is wiped up or the camera is
not working. I can see the living room where Ciara came to talk to me, followed by Diana
waking me up. The cameras in the corridors shows Diana walking to my bedroom in her evening
gown and she left my room at 23:30. What the hell?
Nanny cam! I remember we have a nanny camera in the kitchen. I had it installed when we first
brought Rossie in the house but there was never a need to retrieve the data as she never gave
me a reason to.
I rush to the kitchen to get the nanny camera which is on the cupboard handle. No one can ever
notice this thing unless they know.
“Yes!” I say while I attach the small device on my computer. I rewind the video to Friday night,
before I was in the house.
I can see Ciara making lemonade with her mother.
“Baby, go change your uniform so that we can start cooking,” Diana said to Ciara. Ciara ran out
of the kitchen and Diana walked to her handbag. She picked a small glass from her handbag,
pour lemonade into a juice bottle before adding the substance from her handbag.
What the?????
She sloshes it in the fridge.
I fast forward it to when I walked into the house. There I am taking a glass from her and
drinking…and thereafter leaving the room feeling sick.
She drugged me.
My phone rings from the table.
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“Gundo, hello…”
“Good evening Sir, this is Principal Lionel. We have your daughter in school and it is way past
after-care. Is everything alright.”
I swear under my breath.
“Sorry, I will be right there…” I say while jumping to my car keys. I spent the whole day trying to
figure this mystery. She has taken it too far this time.
I rush to pick Ciara from school.
“Baby, I am sorry I am late. I was tied up with something.”
“It’s okay daddy. I finish my homework. Can I swim tonight?”
“You can swim for thirty minutes tonight. You are a big girl for finishing your homework,” I say
while taking her hand to the house. “Go ask Rossie to help you change before supper.”
She rushes off and I head to my bedroom. I try Thandeka’s phone but it rings none stop. I pick
my phone and car keys and rush to her apartment.
I cannot lose her; I really cannot lose her.
I knock a few times without no one answering.
“Thandeka, I know that you are in there…please come out so that we can talk?” I say while
knocking, “Babe, I know that you are in there. I need to tell you what happened that night.”
Silence!
“Thandeka, please…please open up for me. I just need ten minutes of your time…please…after
this, I will never ever bother you…please…i…” The door opens and she walks out with her hands
on her chest. I jump. I just don’t believe she opened the door.
“I don’t want you to bother me ever again….so please get down to it,” she says sternly.
“Can I come in?”
“My friend is in there.”
“Let’s go to my car,” I say and she stares at me. I lead the way and she follows. She jumps into
the passenger door while I get into the driver’s seat. “Thank you for agreeing to see me.”
“Sure.”
“I don’t want to lose you,” I say and she laughs. “Thandeka, she drugged me.”
“She drugged you?”
“I have proof. From where I am standing, I don’t even know if we slept together…but from the
dream i had… I think we had sex…I did… and…”
Thandeka starts crying.
“Babe…please don’t cry…I am so sorry….”
She keeps crying.
“Please Thandeka…don’t cry…I promise you I will get to the bottom of this…please…”
“I loved you Gundo. With all of my heart I loved you…but I bet I am a fool…once again…”
“No no no…”
“With all of my heart I loved you…”
She keeps crying.
“And I promised you that I will love you with all of my heart too,…that never changed. I
promised you that I will never hurt you….i still keep my promise….”
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“Gundo, you slept with your EX. How do you explain that? That you were drugged? You were
drugged Gundo? How much of a fool do you think I am?”
“Remember what you said to me? that you would never prove yourself to me and it is up to me
to believe you or not?…I want you to believe me right now. I did not intentionally sleep with
her. She drugged me, I have proof to take to court. She drugged me and whatever that
happened afterwards is blur to me. I wouldn’t risk losing you Thandeka…I would never do
anything to hurt you. you came into my life and changed everything….why would I risk all of
that over just one night?”
She doesn’t stop crying.
“I will be fine with time.”
“Thandeka please…believe me…I never….”
“My brother warned me remember? You confessed it all…remember? You and Diana always
find each other in each other’s beds…remember? I was just a fool to believe that you stopped.”
“I never…..”
“Stop lying to me…” she yells while banging the dash board.
“Thandeka….i wouldn’t be here if I was not innocent.”
“I have to go…”
“Thandeka, I am begging you to believe me.”
“You smiled at her when she was on top of you…you smiled at her when she played her hands
on your chest. Are you telling me that you didn’t see it was her on top of you? When she yelled
your name?”
I watched the video. I wouldn’t believe her myself if she was the one in my position. I just wish
our love would be stronger than this whole ordeal.
“Babe…please believe me…”
“I don’t believe you Gundo.” She shakes her head aggressively. “You used to sleep with her
remember? What would stop you now?”
“My love for you.”
“Nice try…” she says, “I need to go.”
“Please Thandeka…stay…”
“No, I need to go.”
“Where do we stand?” I ask as she jumps out of the car.

INSERT 20

THANDEKA
“And then wena?” Maria asks when I storm into the house. I couldn’t pretend that this whole
thing is not hurting me. I am hurt. Atleast I stopped crying when I was outside.
“Gundo, cheated on me with his EX wife,” I say and she reaches for my hand so that I could seat
down. She rubs my back while I tell her how deeply hurt I am about this. She listens. Maria is a
good listener.
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“How did you find out?” she asks once I am fine, cool and collected. “Is it the lingerie picture?”
“She sent me a video of them kinda making out.”
“Haw…a video? What did he say about it?”
“That she drugged him,” I say and throw a sarcastic chuckle.
Maria stares blankly at me as if trying to analyse the situation. I don’t know how I am going to
move forward from this. I was so sure about us.
“Can I see the video?” she asks. Is she crazy? Why would I show her a video of Gundo and his
ex-wife, “bring me the phone…let me see? Or is Gundo naked naked?”
I shake my head and she puts up her hand for the phone. I refuse but she keeps an eye on me
until I give in. I pass her the phone and she plays the video.
Gundo’s voice is making me sick and hurt some more – honestly. Diana’s moans are disgusting
me.
She keeps repeating the video until I walk out of the house. I need some air. I notice Gundo’s
car still parked where I left it. It is dark but I can see that he is still seated inside. I want to rush
to the car and tell him to leave, just so that I can talk to him again…but it would be unnecessary
for me to cause such drama – I am the one who left.
Where did we go wrong though? I mean, our sex was good – even though he had to teach me a
few things now and then. We were so deeply in love.
I have been sitting here for a good thirty minutes and Gundo is still parked in my complex. I
wonder what he is thinking about. Is he sorry for what he did? Is he ready to come clean? Too
many questions but no answer.
He finally reverses out of the complex and I walk back to the house.
“He was drugged,” she says when I walk into the room.
“Ofcourse, he was,” I say sarcastically. I get a glass of water from the kitchen and join her on a
couch.
“This video doesn’t make sense to me….”
“What doesn’t make sense? Gundo is…”
“You know Daina is a devil Thandeka. She planned this whole thing….so nne Thandeka, I believe
that he was drugged.”
“Oh…wow…”
“Oh, wow what? if Gundo was stealing a round with Daina, why would he record it with his ex-
wife’s phone? Come on…it doesn’t make sense.”
“But…”
“Well…the man is yours so I don’t have a say but I think he is right…come to think of it.”
“Something doesn’t add up.”
“This is not Rudzani who sleeps with any skirt that passes him. Gundo had always been Gundo. I
literally know Diana as his wife and one girlfriend that he had in high school…literally. I don’t
think he is capable of hurting you the way you are making this out…”
“Oh please.”
“Maybe give him another chance to explain himself.”
“I really don’t know.”
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“Why are giving this woman power over you? She did this intentionally…knowing that you are
going to tremble and leave Gundo. She wants him back…you even said it yourself.”
Thursday morning I tried hiding to avoid bumping into Gundo. I even spent an hour in an empty
boardroom from the first floor. I didn’t have meetings to prepare for. Maria has been
convincing me to not jump into conclusion and listen to Gundo’s side of the story without
judging him. I know talking to him will be the right thing to do but where do I even begin? What
do I believe? Gundo never gave me a reason to doubt him before but the news about him and
Diana sleeping together after the divorce is just disturbing and making it harder for me to
believe him in this situation.
I have been fooled before; I don’t want to be fooled some more.
Gundo just passed the kitchen with a client. He turned to look at me with saddened eyes before
leading his visitor to the creative boardroom – new client briefing.
“Things are going to be much better now that Diana is fired,” Martha said and laughs out
loudly.
“What?”
“Diana is fired. She deserved it. That woman was just a devil nje.”
Everybody calls Diana a devil…everyone.
“Why was she fired?”
Martha clears her throat and gets closer to me, “It is said that the boss was shouting at her on
the fifth floor. I don’t know for what but apparently, it was big.”
“Who told you? No one goes to the fifth floor unless when necessary.”
“People heard the outburst from the fourth floor. Where were you an hour ago?”
“Floor 1.”
“Do you know Diana and Gundo were married?”
“I did know…but please let’s not.”
“So, is it true. You and the boss are dating?”
“Martha….”
“What? People talk. It is apparent that he drops you to work some days and shows up hours
later. So, did he fire her for your sake? I mean Diana hated you from the day you started
working on the fifth floor.”
“Where did you get all these things?” I thought we were discreet enough for people not to
notice our relationship.
“People talk…but if I must tell you…he was furious. He literally dragged her out of the office and
threw her handbag away. It was bad.”
“Ohhh…”
“If he fired her for you…then you are one lucky girl,” she gives me a cocky smile and walks out
of the kitchen area.
I am damn curious why she is fired!

*****

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It is almost three o’clock and the meeting is still on. Martha refused to walk in the boardroom
to get the mugs – we allowed to collect crockeries at three if the meeting is taking the whole
day; so that we are able to knock off after washing off everything.
I can hear Gundo’s voice from the door; I am getting butterflies in my stomach. I gather my
confidence and knock before walking in.
“May I clear up the tea station?” I ask and Gundo tells me to go ahead.
I quietly push my trolley to the back and clear up the table.
“Sir, we can have this done in two weeks…and the team will get back to you with three
presentations,” Gundo says sounding a bit offish.
“You guys are not selling me anything yet. I want you to give me an example of what you are
thinking of offering my company…that’s why you have a creative team, right? We can leave
here tonight if we have to, right?” the client says and everybody giggles. Gundo stares at me –
he looks too sad or uninterested in this meeting.
I pack up the mugs, hurry outside and wash them before changing out of my uniform.
“Did you speak to him?” Maria asks when I answer the phone. I am touching up my face. “Stop
sulking Thandeka…stop sulking and talk to him.”
“He is in a meeting since morning.”
“Wait for him, chat and he will drop you home.”
“No.”
“Yes…THandeka, I swear if you don’t speak to him I will take matters into my own hands. I’ll
come there and confront Diana…with you.”
“I heard she got fired.”
“What?” Maria laughs, “She wouldn’t be fired if she was the queen of the house…or if she was
not wrong…ni co zwi vhona?”
I don’t know but I am curious to find out.
I decided to wait for him at the fifth floor. The PA’s are still here when I grab a seat at the
waiting area.
“I am going…his meeting seems to be going on until after hours,” Gundo’s PA says while
packing away her things. Daina’s PA is also packing her stuff away.
“I’ll just wait for fifteen minutes,” I say and they both leave. I don’t even know why I am sitting
here because I said I don’t ever want to talk to him ever again. It is just that deep down in my
heart I wish, he is telling the truth about the whole thing. My heart wants him.
I am so confused.
Okay! It has been thirty minutes. I pick my bag and hurry to go call down the elevator. I am
texting Maria when the door opens. I bump into his chest like how it happens in movies. I didn’t
bump into him with the intentions of falling into his arms…it just happened…and it felt so right.
“These phones…” he jokes while letting go of me and getting both our phones from the floor. At
least I wasn’t the only one with clumsy hands this time.
“Thank you,” I say when he hands it to me. I inspect it. It is not broken.
“How are you?”
“I am…okay…you?”
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“I am fine. Just had a long day. Please join me…in the office?” he says while leading the way to
his office. “You can take a seat.”
“Thank you.” I grab a seat while he mumbles something. “What?”
“I said bloody hell…” he says without turning to face me. He is standing by the window, staring
at the busy streets.
I clear my throat but he doesn’t turn to me.
“Are you okay?”
“Just a fucked up day…just a fucked up day,” he says without turning. He so cold today. I don’t
blame him, I told him I don’t want to ever speak to him.
“I am sorry I didn’t give you a chance to properly explain yourself about what happened on
Friday night. I don’t know what to believe…but after trying to analyse everything with my
friend…some things are not adding up…and…”
“I curse the day I met that woman,” he interrupts but not turn back to face me. He is angry,
very very angry.
“I heard you fired her.”
There is silence in the room. He keeps staring outside the window. I am squashed in a corner of
a couch. I am still waiting for him to talk to me – properly.
“What really happened that night?” I ask. I have to swallow my pride because my heart still
wants him. I don’t know if I am fooling myself but…what if Diana really drugged him? But what
if she didn’t?
“She drugged me.”
He has said it before but can we get deeper than that this time?
“She drugged me with something that kicked in an anterograde amnesia…I cannot remember
everything that happened that time.”
“Anterograde amnesia?”
“Like you lose a memory of the events before it hits you. I can’t remember anything. I got the
doctor to test me this morning,” his says. His voice is deep. He sounds broken. It hurts me to
hear him sound like this.
“So, you don’t remember making love to her?”
He stares outside the window and don’t say anything.
“Do you know what that means?” he spits out without turning to me. “She fucken raped
me….do you understand? If she slept with me then she raped me. How absurd, right?
Dammit!!!”
I am frozen.
“Gundo…”
“I never ever want to see her ever again in my life. She can go to hell for all I care. She has done
the most inhuman thing ever…the most inhuman thing…” he says angrily. He cannot face me
even now. I can feel the anger in his voice. He is breathing heavily and I can see his shoulders
moving from where I am sitting.
I close my eyes and try not to cry. What did God have to make me an emotional being? I’m
hurt…for him.
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“Why don’t you open a case against her?”
“With what proof other than the fact that the video shows that she did drug me? The doctor
did find a small amount of some drug that causes anterograde amnesia…but what am I going to
use to prove that I slept with her without my consent?”
“What if…”
“Leave it Thandeka…leave it…”
“But it could help….”
“You didn’t want to speak to me the other day Thandeka…and…”
Right!
“I am sorry…I can help you get through with this.” I don’t even know where this is coming from?
He shakes his head.
“I will deal with it.” He turns to look at me.
I want to give him a hug. I can see pain in his eyes.
“How do I prove that a woman raped me?”
“Gundo?”
“How? How? How do I prove that? How?”
I stand from the couch and walk to where he is standing. I don’t even know what to say.
“Can we figure this out together?” I ask. “Remember you always said you wanted to take me to
a vacation? Lets go now…so that you can get away from all of these? Ciara cannot see you like
this. Your office cannot see you like this Gundo. You need some time to figure this out.”
He stares at me.
He is so hurt.
He looks destroyed.
“Can I?” I snuggle myself to hug him but he doesn’t wrap his hands around me.
Its okay, I just want his pain to go away.

INSERT 21
THANDEKA
Gundo is cold. He has been cold since he stepped into this house. He booked us a vocational
house in Cape Town. He got us a beach house; all to ourselves. I thought he would open up to
me by now but he has shut everything and everyone. I don’t know how to help him. I have tried
everything I could to help him, but the more I try the more I get burnt.
I woke up and made him a perfect breakfast, but instead of joining me, he asked to be excused.
I had to watch him walk by the beach, all alone, without me.
It hurts to see him like this. I even try not to talk about that night or to ask about Ciara or Diana
or anything related to Diana.

97
It was the best decision to come here though; I don’t think Ciara would have handled seeing her
father this way. I don’t think his employees were going to survive his wrath. He flips when he
wants and I am the one to take it all in.
I finish my coffee while watching the TV that is just making noise in the room. I wish I knew
what to do. I wish I knew where to take him to feel better, unfortunately this is my first time in
Cape Town.
I love it here but everything is expensive. I wouldn’t want to live here but vacations are very
fine in this place.
I clear up the dining table and go wash the dishes. Just like in Gundo’s house, there is a
dishwasher so I put all the dishes in there while I clean the kitchen. I can call for house-keeping
services, but rather I keep busy or else I will lose my mind. Gundo is already stressing me.
He is not back yet when I decide to take a long shower and change into a pair of shorts and a
vest. It doesn’t look like we have any plans today.
“Are you done with breakfast?” he asks while walking into the living room. Done with
breakfast? I was done an hour ago.
“Do you want me to fix you something you would like to eat?”
“I just want to take a shower and take a nap,” he says. He deserves a nap. He doesn’t sleep at
night.
“Babe, don’t you want to take me to Table Mountain? You promised to show me the place,” I
say, hoping that he agrees to go out and get some air. It has been our third day and we haven’t
done anything nice since we got here. He is forever not in the mood.
“Can we do it tomorrow?”
“Sure,” I say and go back to drying the dishes. I am the one who insisted that we come to Cape
Town. I bet I have got to deal with this.
“Babe, I am so sorry…” he says, probably after notising that I am saddened by all these.

“Its fine, really. We will definitely go tomorrow.”

“I just don’t want to be bad company…I know I will be bad company.”
“Can I go down the beach to the bar we saw yesterday? Maybe I can read a book and have a
drink or something.”
“Okay,” he says and retire to the room. I wish things were different.
I finish cleaning up the kitchen, grab a magazine and take a walk to the bar just down the
beach. Our house is literally five minutes’ walk.

98
I grab a recliner chair and slide in it after ordering a glass of wine.
“Ma’am, here is a bottle of Spier,” the waitress says while placing a wine basket near me.
“Oh, no…did I say a bottle? I just need a glass. A glass will be fine,” I say. It is still morning. I
cannot have order a bottle of wine in the morning; it looks wrong.
“It is coming from that gentleman over there…” he says while pointing at an older nyana guy
wearing white shorts and white shirt. He takes off his sunglasses and wave at me.
“Uhm Sir…I would really love to stick to my order please…I just need a glass of wine,” I say to
the waiter.

“Yes, ma’am,” he says and pours me a glass. He picks the wine bucket and disappears.
“You just broke my heart,” the gentleman says while taking a seat next to me. I cannot believe
him.
“My apologies…I just wanted a glass, that’s all…” I say.
“What is a young beautiful lady like you doing all by herself?” he asks while drinking from his
glass. I just want to soothe the pain with this wine but this guy looks like he has been drinking
all morning.
“I just needed to chill here by myself,” I say. I wish for company but nothing to break Gundo’s
heart when he sees me. “Please excuse me…please?”
“Are you sure?” he asks as if I am not supposed to be refusing his company. I nod and leaves me
in peace. I am glad I asked him to excuse me because Gundo is walking towards the bar in his
golf shirt and brown shorts. He looks easy and comfy. He decided to trim his beards. He hasn’t
trimmed his beards since we got here.
“Hey, I thought I could join,” he says while getting a seat. He orders a bottle of water.
“I am glad you did. It is a perfect morning, right?” I say.
“It is,” he says.
“Are you alright?”

“I am sorry I have been an arse since we got here.”

“I understand Gundo…I asked us to come here so that you get time to figure things out. No
matter how much it takes, I want you to be fine and ready to tackle the world,” I say and he
nods. For the first time in my life, I don’t what people say. If people try to put two and two
together, in the office, I don’t care. Gundo’s recovery matters more than hear-says by people
who live for gossip. Apparently we are the talk of the company. Martha only told me half of the
things they talk about. I don’t seem to care.

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“I promised you that we are going to have fun and I want to keep my promise.”
“Babe, come on…that can wait.”
“You are so selfless Thandeka. I can never thank you enough for staying by myself. I am grateful
that you stayed with me,” he says. I feel guilty for doubting him at first. But wouldn’t doubt him
after having a history with his EX? I am only human.
“You would do the same if I was in your shoes.”

“You know Diana fucked up my life?” he starts.

“Babe, let us not talk about her. Let us talk about us?”
“Fine…you are right,” he says. “Do you still want me to show you around?”
“Ofcourse…”
He takes my hand and helps me to stand. Thank God he is starting to be himself.
“Charge it to house 4,” he says to the bar man as he pulls my hand to the house. The wine is
making me feel a little bold to kiss him when we reach the house. I wish he doesn’t refuse me
because that will just ruin my whole day. I plant a kiss on his lips when we get to the house and
he kisses me back. instead of devouring me, he closes his eyes and try to breath.
He is not ready.
“Babe, I am sorry,” I whisper to him. I take his hand and wrap around my waist while I pull him
for a tight hug.

He is going to be alright.
We are going to be alright.
“Lets go sailing after Table mountain,” he says after what seems like forever.
“Sure…” I say while grabbing my bag. Gundo hired a car so we do not have to call an Uber or
anything. He drives us to the table mountain.
I love Cape Town. I think I love this place. Everything is just so different from what I know.
Everything is amazing.
We did the cable way in Table Mountain for a few hours. He took me a lot of pictures and we
took a lot of selfies. These are going to archives since I do not have social media.
After table-mountain, we took a long drive to the other parts of Cape Town. He is driving
everywhere with his hands locked on mine. He tried to be himself. I appreciate the efforts. I
miss having my man around.
He parks by the harbour.

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“What are we doing here?” I ask while he opens the door for me.
“I just want us to have some fun.”
“Fun in the water?” I ask. I cannot swim. He laughs at me. I like to see him laugh, he looks
handsome when he smiles.
“Everything will be okay…you wont need to swim for whatever reason.”
He takes my hand and lead the way to the yatch. It looks big and expensive. When did he
organise this???
“Babe, when did you organise this?”
“While we were snapping pictures earlier. A friend of mine owned me a favour and this was a
perfect pay back,” he says. We are welcomed by a guy wearing a uniform.
Gundo, really?
He is lucky that I read books about such a life. He is lucky that I keep up with rich families on the
DSTV channels that he is paying for me monthly; otherwise I wouldn’t be appreciating the
gesture. I know how expensive and thoughtful this is.
“I am your captain and Jane will be your waiter,” the old guy in a suit while leading the way
inside.
There is a dinner set-up. A perfect set-up.
“Really Gundo??” I laugh. He has flowers everywhere.

“Yes, what?” he asks while pulling a chair for me.

“This is not necessary.”
“it is very necessary,” he says while taking a seat, “I have been a jerk these past days. I just want
us to have a good evening.”
“Thank you, I appreciate.”
Jane comes and pour the wine into our glasses. My mother could be turning in her grave for the
amount of alcohol I am consuming recently. The thing is, the feeling is nice. That happy, tispy,
feeling is very nice. It makes you feel like everything is fine.
Janes takes our food order after dropping some fancy starters. I have dined with Gundo a few
times to know what fancy food is. He dines perfectly but still allows me to be me.
“Do you like it around here?”
“Cape town?”

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“Yes…”
“I love it. Everything is beautiful…but it seem expensive.”
“If you didn’t have to worry about the pocket…how is it? Overall?”
“I think it is perfect…if I don’t have to look at the budgets… I think it is perfect. It is far away
from everyone and no one would just rock up and knock on your door unexpectedly,” I say and
his face lights up. “Whats up?”

“No…nothing,” he says.
“Babe, am I allowed to ask how far the case is? I am worried sick about you.”
“I don’t know who she is paying but apparently my case is not a case…”
“What do you mean?”
“My evidence is not good enough…apparently.”
“Are they kidding me? we saw her put something to your drink…the doctor confirmed a poison
in you body…who could be so blind to see that there is a perfect case?”
“The other part of me is glad that there is no case…” he says and I pop my eyes out. “Honestly
Thandeka, I don’t know if I am ready to go through with the case? I feel powerless right now. I
feel like a weakling. I feel stup. I feel like a failure. All I have is a mere video and she is refusing
to confess what happened that night. Maybe I should just let go of everything…I don’t want to
go through with these…I really cannot….”
“Babe, she needs to pay for what she did.”
“At what cost Thandeka. The more she lies about what happened that night…the more she
takes my power. I have to beg her to be honest with me and she keeps refusing. She protested
the case I opened against her….i can get the best lawyer but what about my dignity? What
about my dignity Thandeka?”
“Don’t you think you have enough resources to fight her? She needs to pay for what she did to
you.”
The waiter puts the food on the table and disappear. I lost my apetite. I want Diana to pay for
what she did. I want her to pay a hundred folds.
“I have the resources but I don’t think I am bold enough to tell everyone that I was raped. I am
a man Thandeka…I am a man…”
“SO what?”

“So I cannot allow anyone to see me as a weakling.”

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I shake my head. He doesn’t know what he is talking about.
“Fine.” I say.
Diana needs to pay for what she did. She has to pay…really.

“Do you love Cape Town?” he asks for the hundredth time.
“Baby I love it if I don’t have to consider the pocket,” I say for the hundredth time.
“Lets move here.”
“What?”
“Let me get us a house here…and bring Ciara…and we can start over from scratch. We wont hv
anyone visiting us without our consent...it will just be us. The three of us?”
“What?”
“I want a new start…with you. Look Thandeka…I am setting up a company here in Cape
Town…we can start small until we are big enough like Cape Town… I will hire a CEO for Joburg
branch…you can be a creative and we can always start small.”

“Gundo?????”
“Please Thandeka…just me and you…” he says.
I need to choose between helping him deal with his demons OR running away from his demons.
“Gundo…”
“Please Thandeka…lets start afresh…just you and me…and Ciara….”

INSERT 22
GUNDO
She has her back on me and her eyes on the ocean and the lights afar from us. It is an hour after
our dinner. We are sleeping in the yacht tonight. Jeremy gave me an evening pass. I wrap my
hands on her waist, from behind, and she flinches a bit. She relaxes when I snuggle her some
more.
“Are you not feeling cold?” I ask and she shakes her head. Her body is cold though.
“It’s a bit chilly, yeah…” she says.
“Lets go inside…” I say and she nods.

I lead the way to the little guest room perfect for the two of us.

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“When did you pack the bag?”
“When you were at the beach club,” I say while she reaches for it and getting a silk night dress I
picked for her.
“You had everything figured out,” she says.
“I did…if Jeremy didn’t give us the yacht, we were going to sleep at another town. I watch as
she checks for toiletry bag. She doesn’t look fine and I swear it is my fault. I could be asking for
too much for her to start with me in Cape Town. If she doesn’t come with me then there is no
point in me moving here. I will go where she goes but it could be too much to ask her to pack
her life for me. I mean, it has been just a few months since we started dating. I don’t even know
if she can put up with Diana trying to ruin my life.
“Babe, I am sorry for making you so sad and ruining our evening. I wanted tonight to be special
for us…and not deal with Diana and every other problem that comes with her name. I am so
sorry.”
“It’s okay Gundo.”
“I want to move. I want to start over. But I won’t move here if you are not coming with me. I
don’t want to live any other day without you…so if you don’t want to move then I don’t have
any choice but to stay with you in Joburg,” I say. It is the truth.
“I haven’t met Ciara…what if she doesn’t like me at all?”
“She will adore you. You can meet her immediately when we return and we can move after
then…”
She shakes her head and my heart is beating up my throat. Please Thandeka I need this…I need
you too. I wish she understood how much this means to me.
“I still think you need to face Diana,” she says.
“For what Thandeka? For what?” I yell. This is so frustrating. I don’t want to stand infront of
people and try to prove that I was raped by a woman and still don’t even remember a damn
thing. I don’t want to waste my time. I don’t want to toy with my feelings. I will be fine. Time is
the best healer. I for one know that.
“You need to deal with her so that you deal with that anger you have. Ciara and I are going to
suffer from all that...”
“I am sorry babe. I just got frustrated…but I will work on my anger.”
“You need to deal with this whole situation…Gundo.” Here we go again. I take a deepest
breathe and stand from the bed. “You cannot always run away Gundo…what about the days
where you wont be able to run away.”

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I walk towards the door so that I can walk out of the room.
“I will move with you,” she says.
I turn to face her. she is still sitting on the bed.

“what did you say?” I ask while walking back in.

“I will move with you and Ciara,” she says and I pull her for a hug. That is what I want. I am
going to marry her and make her my wife and have lots of children. There wont be a need to go
back to Johannesburg ever again.
“Thank you my love….thank you for doing this with me,” I say while squeezing her tightly.
“Can I go and shower now?” she asks and I let her go.
“Go and take a shower…I will start sending off emails to my agent…we need a beautiful and a
cosy house by the beach, right?” I ask, happily.
“A beach house is a win-win,” she says while taking her dress off. Her perfect skin turns me on
just by staring at it; I am just not in the mood…for some reason.
I think she can tell that I am not in the mood because she quickly covers herself with a throw
which was on the bed.
“I am sorry,” she says.
“Sorry for?” I ask and she walks to the shower. I could be searching the internet for beautiful
houses for us but I think Thandeka and I need to really talk. Maybe I am forcing her to move
with me when she honestly doesn’t want to come here with me. I walk to the bathroom and
she is already in the shower. I seat on the toilet seat.
“Babe, am I forcing you to move with me?” I ask and she says no. But that NO sounded so so
cold. “But you don’t sound excited to be moving here with me? are you worried about Ciara?”
“Babe, I said you are not forcing me…I will move with you.”
I stay on the toilet seat until she is done showering. She picks the towel and walk out of the
shower while wiping her body.

“Oh, sorry…you are here,” she says and tries to cover herself.
“What is wrong?” I ask. She never saw a reason to cover herself while I am in the room.
“Nothing, I am fine…”
“Thandeka….”
“Come on Gundo…you know why I am covering myself,” she snaps.

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“I don’t…”
“You don’t want to touch me. you don’t want to look at me. You flinch when I touch you under
your waist…ofcourse I need to cover myself when I am infront of you because I know that you
still have a lot to deal with. That is why I am begging you to deal with this Diana situation. We
cannot live like this forever but for now I truly understand and I will be behind you…fully. I just
need you to deal with it.”
“I didn’t know…”
“I cannot always say it out loud all the time…I understand…but I need you to work on it babe…I
don’t want you to be like this forever,” she says while tightening her towel. I stand and walk
towards her.
“I am…” I untie her towel and she sighs deeply ”…fine.”
“Gundo…”
“Shhhhh!!!” I say while cupping her breasts. She moans when my lips meets her nipple. I have
been starving her for so long. I keep working on her boobs while I lift her leg to the toilet seat.
She is getting it right her and right now. I leave traces of my kisses going down to her honey
pot. I can feel her body warming up. I can feel her swiveling from the tingling feeling.
“Gundo…”
“Shhhh…” I say while getting to lick her up. She moans at my tongue. Her whole pot is above
me as I am sitting on the floor. She tastes sweet and the room smells of her lavender shower
gel. I play my tongue on her as she moans and play her fingers on my hair. She is receiving my
tongue well and she is enjoying me.
The moans become heavy and her tigh which I am tighly holding on is starting to tremble.
“I just came,” she says after a longest while. I had dedicated my tongue to please her…to make
it up to her despite of what I am going through.
I stand while she drops her leg from the toilet seat.

“Wow,” she says as she picks the towel from the floor.
“Do you want more?”
“Come on…no…” she shyly says. she wraps her towel and clean herself again before walking to
the bedroom. I brush my teeth and jump into the shower for a quick one.
“Should I get us some wine?” I ask when I get into the room while wearing my boxer and vest.
“I can have a glass…yeah,” she says and walk out of the room to search for a bottle of the wine
and two glasses.

106
“I will have half of a glass,” she says when I walk into the room, “I feel sleepy already.”
I pour half a glass for her and a full glass for myself. I join her on the bed. She is reading a book.
“What are you reading?”
“The Royal Msitress…” she says, “I bought it at the mall on Tuesday and I only started it
tonight…it quite nice.”

“What is it about?”
“A royal prince who was supposed to marry a princess but he fell in love with a waitress…” she
says.
“That sounds very interesting…but that can wait…right now I need my woman…” I say while
throwing a kiss to her lips. She kisses me back until I had to stop her.
“Are you okay?” she asks while sitting up straight.
“Yeah…I am fine. Maybe we can call it a night?” I say, hoping that she agrees.
“Let me read the chapter of the book…and I will join you…please babe…I cannot put it down.”

I turn my side lamb off and retire to sleep.

*****
I found a perfect house for Ciara, Thandeka and I. It is a perfect three bedroom house with a
cottage house. Ciara will take one room and the other one will be a guest bedroom. We have
been back from Cape Town last week and I have been in and out of meetings, trying to get
everything done for my Cape Town offices to operate as soon as possible. I know this is a huge
move but I also need this move. My own bedroom and house suffocate me. I feel like I am
imprisoned. The dreams are still haunting me but I have to be a man and shove them
somewhere.
I have a meeting with Ciara principal. I need a transfer letter from her. It is three ocklock when I
pull up at her school. I head to the principal’s office. Ciara should be busy with her homework
and by the time I am done with her principal, she should also be done with her after-care
activities.
“I received your emails Mr Radzilani and I have forms ready for you,” the principal says. she is
an old white lady with those old school glasses.
“Thank you Ms Ruth…thank you for jumping in when I mentioned the urgency of this.”
“Not a problem…it is my job at the end of the day…”

“How is she doing though?”

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“She is quite a bright student…very bright to be exact. I don’t know how she handles all these
mural activities she does…but her academic results are amazing…I always wonder how she does
it.”
“I told her that by next year she needs to choose two extra mural activities. She cannot do
everything that the school offers.”
“Let her be…by age 10, she will pick her most favourites.”
“Do you think she is ready for a move?”
“The good thing about our school is that the syllabus is the same in all schools. She won’t
struggle at all…and she is a bubbly child at the end of the day,” she says.
She prepares a transfer letter for me and prints it out. All I need to do is to send it off to the
school in Cape Town. There is one school branch just by the shore…next to where my offices
will be.
“Thank you so much Ms Ruth,” I say while standing for the seat.

“It is only my pleasure,” she says.

“I bet by now she is done with her homework…I always prefer that she doesn’t touch her books
when she gets home,” I say and her face changes. “I will go pick her up now.”
“Sir…but her mother already picked her up by lunch time…she spoke about a trip she had to
take with her.”
“Excuse me?”
“Ms Diana picked her up.”
“How can you allow her to pick my daughter?”

“She is the second person to pick your daughter up. You signed the receipt for that, Sir…”
“But…”
“Is there any problem?”
“No…I just didn’t know that she is coming to pick her up.”
“We had an impression that you know since she picks her up as often as you do.”

“Not a problem,” I say while walking out of the room, “Thank you for your time.”
I rush to the car while trying Diana’s number. Her number is off. My phone beeps, it is
Thandeka. I make a U-Turn and hurry back to the office. I begged Thandeka not to leave the
office so that she is able to meet Ciara. Today was the day and it is already a mess.

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“Hey…” Thandeka says when she gets in the car.
I drive home as fast as I could.
“I have been trying to call Diana…” I say parking the car in my drive-way.

“Why?”
“She picked Ciara from school without me knowing…” I say while rushing out of the car to the
house. I rush inside to Rosie who is preparing supper. Thandeka walks in after me.
“Papa Ciara,” Rosie greets.
“Where is Ciara?” I ask. “Where is Ciara?”
“I thought you were bringing her after school.”
Dammit! Diana!
Her phone finally gets through when I am already in the car with Thandeka, ready to drive to
her house.
“Hello?”
“Diana? Where is Ciara? How can you pick my daughter without letting me. Why didn’t you tell
me?”
“She is my daughter. I want her. we are moving to Polokwane.”
“Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind?”
“Lost my mind? No!”

“I want you to bring my daughter back right now,” I hiss angrily and she laughs.
“Take me to court Gundo. Take me to court and hear if whether they will grant full custody to
you? I am her mother.”
“I am her father.”
“Says who?”
“What?”
“Says who?”

“Diana what are you talking about?”

“I asked who told you that Ciara is your daughter?”
“I was married to you Diana?”

109
“So what?”
“So what, what?” I ask.
She laughs loudly.

“Look, we need to go. I am a few kilos from Polokwane.”

Where is she going to Polokwane? She has never been there other than with me. her family
comes form Kimberly.
“Diana…what do you mean who told me Ciara is my daughter?”
“Because she is not.”
“Don’t mess with my head Diana. That girl looks everything like me.”
“Oh, she does…doesn’t she?” she asks, “Get your facts right before attempting to fight me at
court. I think it is about time i show you who I am. I want you and that cleaner girlfriend of
yours far away from my daughter. Ciara is not yours”
“Diana?”

“I have to go.”
“Don’t dare hang up…don’t…”
“Get your facts right,” she says and drops her phone.
DAMMIT!!!!!! I yell while hitting the steering wheel.

INSERT 23
THANDEKA
“DAMMIT!!!!!!” Gundo yells out while hitting the steering wheel.
I ask Gundo to stop hitting the steering wheel.
Am I talking to myself? He keeps doing what I am asking him to stop doing
“Stop it Gundo…stop it!!” I yell out but the more I yell for him to stop, the more he swears and
hits the steering wheel even more aggressively. My tears are streaming down my cheeks.
“Gundo, stop it please.”

He turns to look at me and his eyes drops. He tries to control his breathing.
“I am sorry….sorry…I…I am sorry…”

110
“See what I mean when I say you need to deal with Diana once and for all…look at
yourself...you are behaving like a man I don’t even know…”
“What does she mean that Ciara is not mine?” he asks while breathing heavily.
What kind of a person is this woman? Gundo already has a lot to deal with…and now this?
“You cannot let her work you up like that Gundo…” I say while wiping my tears. “How can you
allow her to have a hold on you like this? You look like a monster right now.”

“I cannot take her nonsense…how can I accept the crap that she is serving me?”
“Doesn’t Ciara look like me on the pictures that I have shown you?”
“She does…” I say. She really does. She has his cheeks and eyes. “She is just messing with your
head. She knows that you are going to get angry over anything that has to do with Ciara.”
“We need to go to Polokwane,” he says while starting up the car.
“No…wait…”
“We need to search for her. I need to find her.”

“Where are you going to start searching for her?” I ask. “Does she have a family in Polokwane?”
“She doesn’t know anyone.”
“Then where are you going to start searching for her?”
“I don’t know but I am going to get my daughter,” he says while putting the car on gear.
“You are not even in a good state to drive Gundo.”
“Are you coming with me or are you staying?” he asks without staring at me. first I was made to
choose whether I want to stay in Cape Town…now I am asked if I want to drive to Polokwane to
search for my boyfriend’s EX. I guess this comes as a package, doesn’t it?

“Fine…I will go with you…” I mumble.

He reverses out of the drive-way and straight to N1. There is no music playing, no radio, and no
talking…just a piercing silence. I keep stealing glances of him. He is hurt. He is broken. He is
devasted but trying to keep it together. I reach for his hand which is resting on his thigh. I hold
it tightly. I want him to know that I can feel his pain. I can feel every little thing that he is
feeling. He pulls my hand to his lips and kisses it. Atleast, he is becoming warm.
“Rudzani, I am looking for Diana…is she by any chance there at home? No…there is no
problem…I am driving to Polokwane right now…I am looking for her….Okay call me if she shows
up at home, it doesn’t matter what time,” Gundo says on the phone before putting it down.

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We turn into Polokwane and park by the garage. Gundo pulls his phone and log onto his
company’s bank account to check if any of the money is used. He is checking if any booking was
done or if any transaction was done using his account…but there is nothing. No trace of Diana.
He calls a few of the hotels and lodges around Polokwane and none of them gives him the
information even when he tries to pose as a husband looking for his wife and daughter. He tries
all the stories he could come up with but their response is the same.
“We haven’t seen a woman and daughter with that description,” the receptionist of City lodge
says. Gundo furiously throws the phone and hit the steering wheel.

“Why don’t we book a room? You need to rest Gundo,” I say.

Without a response, he starts the car and drives us to Garden Court Polokwane. He gets us a
room to sleep. We will drive up to Venda in the morning. Maybe Diana will show her face at
Gundo’s home.
I only have my handbag with nothing but a wallet, tissue, my mini make-up bag and a novel that
I am currently reading. I have nothing else in my bag. I am supposed to be at work tomorrow.
This is going to be an interesting evening. I take off my dress; I cannot sleep in it unless I am
going to call out for an iron in the morning. I don’t even think Gundo will have patience to wait
for me to iron my dress. I hang it in the closet and cover myself with a towel.
“You can put the towel away.”

“Babe…I don’t want to stress you…”

“I am fine,” he says from a chair. I could argue with him and tell him that he is not fine, but
what would I be meaning to achieve? I drop the towel and get into the duvets.
It was a stressful evening so I doze off until I am woken up by the TV. Gundo is still sitting on the
same chair. I pull my phone from under the pillow. It is four oclock.
“Gundo, are you not going to sleep?”
“Huh?”
“Are you not sleeping?” I ask.

“I was waiting for you to wake up. We need to leave.”

“No Gundo…you haven’t slept.”
“Thandeka, I need us to go…” he says. This time I disagree. He needs to sleep. We are not going
anywhere. “Thandeka, can you get ready? We need to go.”
“Leave me here Gundo. You will pick me when you come back.”
“You don’t want to go with me?”

112
“I love you Gundo but I am not ready to die. You didn’t sleep…your mind is miles away and you
want to drive? No…atleast sleep for two hours…if not, leave me here.”
There is silence in the room. He finally joins me but with his clothes. that’s good enough. He
just needs to rest his head for a few hours.
“Thandeka?”
“Hmmmmm?”

“What if Ciara is not mine?” he asks. I am forced to uncover myself and turn to face him.
“Babe…don’t stress yourself…”
“No, let us be realistic. I can never trust Diana ever in my life…what if she is not trying to work
me up…what if she is right? What if Ciara is really not mine.”
“But she looks like you Gundo. Your exact photocopy?”
“What if that is what she made me believe and I ended up making everyone around me to think
that she looks like me?”
But no! Ciara looks everything like Gundo. I haven’t met the girl but all pictures cannot deceive
me. How is it possible that she can look like him?
OH MY GOD! A rush fills my body. No way. No.
“Are you okay?” he asks and I quickly turn to the other direction. I nod and he sighs deeply, “I
don’t know what to believe…”
“Gundo, lets sleep,” I ask. He snuggles me with his jean making me uncomfortable. After a few
minutes he starts snoring, his arms wrapped around my body.
I am the one who is stressed now. It can’t be possible that any of his brother or father fathered
Ciara. No!
“God, please do something,” I pray in my heart. Gundo is going to drop dead if any of his family
member is Ciara’s father.
Gundo keeps snoring behind me. It is already after nine and I haven’t slept since then. I am
trying to find a way to turn Gundo away. Maybe if we go to Cape Town right now, this might
take a different turn. I am not sleepy at all but if I wake up, Gundo is going to wake up too. I
stay in bed, trying to figure a way to make him drive back to Pretoria.
It doesn’t work because when he wakes up, he orders me to get ready to leave. He doesn’t
even care about what I want to suggest. He takes his things and tells me he will wait for me in
the car, probably to make sure that I don’t take too much of his time.

I am shivering from what is the possibility of the truth...

113
After twelve we are parked at his house. He insisted that I come with him; apparently his
parents are in their Thohoyandou house. Aunt Angie is always at the village house with Rudzani.
Gundo told me that Rudzani drowned his business and sold it before moving back home a year
ago. He is nothing like Gundo.
But What if???
“Are you well? You were not making sense over the phone,” Mam Angie asks when she is
leading the way to the house.
“Have you seen Diana?”
“Your EX-wife?” Mam Angie says.
“Did she come?” Gundo asks. Obviously she didn’t come through Gundo. He is so uneasy right
now. He thought she would be here.

I settle on a couch as Gundo walks around the room trying to get hold of Diana.
“Oh, ndi vha makhuwani naahh?” Rudzani says with a bottle of Heineken in hand, wearing just
a checked boxers. Him and Thulani…same whatsapp group; they love booze.
“Have you spoken to Diana lately?” Gundo asks and Rudzani shakes his head. I keep my eyes on
him…I swear I saw something.
“What happened?” Mam Angie enquires.
“Well…she took Ciara and packed up,” Gundo says.
“I need to take a shower,” Rudzani says and walks out of the room.
“Imagine, she told me Ciara is not my daughter. That woman is evil,” Gundo says, “She told me
to get my facts right before dragging her court. Can you imagine her confidence when she told
me that?”
“Ohhh…she said that?” Mam Angie asks.

“Imagine Aunt Angie. This woman is testing me. She is testing me for real….”
“Rudzani, come here,” Mam Angie calls out. She calls out a few times until she stands up and
says, “I am tired of this…I am really tired of this.”
We can hear collusion in the corridor until Mam Angie shows up with Rudzani still in his boxer.
He is skinny so she can easily pull him; I think he is tipsy too.
“Aunt Angie…why are you???”
“He will tell you the truth now.”
“What truth?”

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“About Ciara…” Mam Angie yells out.
“I don’t know what….”
“WHAT TRUTH???”
“That Rudzani is Ciara’s father. I am not going to sit here and die for other people’s sins. No no
no…” Mam Angie says. I cover my mouth. What? How? Where?
“WHAT?” Gundo asks. That monster I saw hitting the steering wheel surfaces again. He gives
Rudzani a hardest blow, he found himself on the floor. I literally see blood splashing
everywhere in the room.
“Gundo, stop it…” I yell out while Mam Angie tries to hold him back. What is she doing? He is
going to hurt her. “Gundo…Gundo…please stop it. He is not worth it.”

Rudzani ribs are ripping off.

“Go and call someone…” Mam Angie yells out to me. There is no way Gundo is going to stop
hitting his brother. I call out for an old guy working in the garden from the next door house. He
comes rushing and I lead him to the house.
He pulls Gundo off from his brother.
“Gundo! Gundo! He is not worth it,” I call out so many times until he stares into my eyes.
Rudzani is rolling on the floor and Gundo is trying to control his breathing. This man…this
perfect man…has so much anger in him. who can blame him though? Such betrayal from his
own blood? His own blood??? This is unforgivable.
“I am going to kill you boy…I am going to kill you,” Gundo says while fighting off from the old
man’s arms. “I am going to kill you.”
“I told you to come with the truth for long Rudzani…I told you…” Mam Angie says to Rudzani,
trying to help him stand.
“Why didn’t his wife tell him?”
“He is your blood. She is not…”
“But how is it my fault…”

“How is it your fault???” Gundo yells out trying to pull off from the grip.
“I was young…I was drunk…she was there…how is it my fault?”
“Shut up! Shut up!” Mam Angie yells.
“Let me go…” Gundo calls out to the old man who pushes him out of the house. If he doesn’t
get out of this house, he is going to kill Rudzani right now. I follow behind and watch Gundo pull

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his keys from the back pocket. I want to rush to stop him from going but maybe that is what he
needs. Maybe he needs some air. But what if he does something stupid?
“Gundo…can I come with you?” I ask him and he ignores me. Maybe not! He needs to cool off. I
am just worried about him.
I feel like crying so hard. I thought Robert hurt me…Robert did nothing to me compared to what
Rudzani did to his brother.
“Grow up man….for how long did I tell you to talk to your brother?” Mam Angie asks.
“I went to Joburg the other day but his girlfriend fainted the day I wanted to tell him,” Rudzani
mumbles while cleaning his nose. I sit at the corner of the room.
“Gundo is your brother…he is your brother…”

“Diana promised not to say anything.”

“Where is she now?” I ask.
“She is in Joburg.”
“What?” I ask. I give up. Gundo called him all night asking if he knew where she was? So
Rudzani knew that Gundo is driving to Limpopo for nothing and never said a thing? I give up.
“You make me sick,” I hiss at him and stand, “Mam Angie, please call me when Gundo is back.”

I pick my handbag and angrily walk out of the house.

Rudzani is an idiot of a spoilt brat.

INSERT 24
THANDEKA

“I am going to give you hundred babies,” I say while on top of Gundo.

“I want more than that.”
“I will give you many more children,” I say and plant a long kiss on his lips. He squeezes me in
while deepening the kiss.
“I love you,” he says while hugging me. I am still lying on top of him. It is a Saturday morning
and we have no plans for the day.
“What do you feel like today? Omelet?”
“Omelet is fine,” he says and get up. He stares at me while I wear my silk gown. I open the
curtains and jump to the bathroom to brush my teeth. He joins me and brush his teeth with me.

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I head to the kitchen to make us breakfast. Gundo joins me and sets the table while I finish up
cooking. He puts the juice in the middle of the table and seats.
“When are we going to Joburg?” he asks while buttering the toast. We moved to Cape Town
after that situation at Venda. He needed some time off and I came along with him. He felt
betrayed by what his family did to him. he wrote Rudzani off from his life. He doesn’t want
anything to do Mam Angie – I understood what. She knew the truth for over three years but
never said anything to Gundo. Even though Rudzani told her when he was drunk, she should
have made it a means for them to sort this out when Ciara was two years old. Even though he
loves Ciara with his whole life, he should have been told the truth once it came out. Now he
trusts no one. It would be bothering me that he has written everyone out of his life but he
needs some time off from everyone – he is only human.
I remember that day when he drove away while angry. I was so worried about him and Mam
Angie only called me in the evening, telling me that he is back but parked outside. He was drunk
and didn’t want to walk into the house. I had to walk all the way from my house to his, just to
sleep in the car with him. Things we do for love? I don’t regret loving him though; Gundo is
everything I need in my life.
“This must be very painful right now…but my son, I am glad that this happened like this.
Nothing right now attaches you to that witch…nothing,” these were Mam Angie’s words the
following day when she woke us up from the car. Gundo just looked at her and walk away. I, on
the other hand, was glad that the situation turned out this way. I know what Ciara means to
Gundo but Diana is very toxic and I would be glad if she is never going to be part of his life. I
don’t know how we are going to handle the Ciara issue, but I am glad nothing attaches him to
Diana. His situation is exactly like mine. It was for a reason that my baby had to be an angel
instead. I was going to suffer from the hands of Robert. I was never ever going to understand
what it meant when a man says he loves me. Gundo says it and I feel every word that comes
out of his mouth. His actions even speaks louder.
“Are you ready to speak to Njabulo?” Gundo asks after taking a bite from his bread.
“I don’t think I am ready…”
“Why do you keep making excuses?”
“These are not excuses…I am just not ready.”
“Come on, I call the shorts. You can be anything you want to be in my company,” he says. I
don’t want to work in his company anymore. I need him to find me at home. I need him to miss
me. I want a job somewhere else…not his company.

“I will get a job on my own Gundo,” I say.

“What? Why? Why don’t you want to work with me?”

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“Because I want to be me Gundo. I was not tailored to be what you are. I don’t seat behind the
desk. I don’t go to all day meetings. I want to do what I like the most,” I say. I don’t want to turn
into another Diana. He needs his own space and I need mine too. “Look, I have another
interview with some clothing store in town. I believe something will materialize.”
We finish having breakfast and get ready to go do some grocery shopping.
This is our third month in Cape Town. I love it here but I still say, it is over expensive. I know I
don’t need to worry about money because I am not the one who spends the money…but
‘angeke’ …everything is overpriced.
We do the grocery shopping and my shopping too. It feels bad to live off from him but he
doesn’t mind doing things for him.
“Do you know how to make the best ice coffee? Lots and lots of ice cream…” he says while
packing away the ice cream in the freezer.
“Ice cream and coffee?”
“The best…Ciara and I used to do it a lot…we used to drink it almost every weekend…together
with pan cakes. Haven't you realized that I hate pan cakes? I have eaten so much pancakes in
my life…” he says.
“Babe, do you miss her?”
“So much,” he says and sighs deeply.

“Would you like to go and visit her?”

“I don’t think so…” he says and pulls a chair to seat. I pull the chair next to him and sit aswell, “I
think Diana messed with my head so much that I don’t want anything that connects me to her.
don’t get me wrong…Ciara didn’t do anything wrong here…but I think I wont see her the same
way. It has been three months but I still need more time to get used to the fact that she is my
brother’s daughter.”
“Babe…”
“You don’t have to lecture me. I think it is best that I don’t see her now. I don’t want to be cold
towards her. I don’t want her to see me as broken as I am. I don’t want her to feel like I don’t
love her anymore.”

“It’s okay…I understand where you are coming from…you don’t have to feel bad about it.”
“Everything is just unfair on her, you know?”
“I know…”

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“But you promised to give me hundred children, right?” he asks and smile. His smile is not yet
warm but it is good enough.
“I will give you hundred children and more,” I say.
*****
There are days like today, where Gundo is not in a good mood. I know it from the time he
wakes up. If he is not lovey-dovey from the second he wakes up, I know for sure that he is not
in a good mood. I walk on egg shells when he is in such a foul mood.
“Babe, let’s try that Italian restaurant you told me about when you knock off?” I say while
putting a bowl of fruits infront of him. I am used to waking up so early so I always make him
breakfast before he goes. This man should just marry me already.
“No…”

“Why not? We haven’t gone out this week…don’t you want some fresh air?”
“No…”
“But why not…”
“I said NO!,” he yells out and I jump.
“Stop yelling at me,” I yell back, “I am trying to cheer you up here.”

He stares at me.
“Sorry.”
“That is not enough Gundo. We were fine the past week and you are recently cold towards
me…I am trying here.”
“I am sorry.”
“What is wrong? We were fine just days ago. What is going on?”
“My father called me last night to come back home to fix my issues with Diana. I bet she went
to see them and ask them to jump into this. She is that manipulative.”
“Are we still there?”

“Still where?”
“Her working you up?” I ask, “She knows you like a back of her hand Gundo. She knows what
would move you…she is trying to get to you.”
“I know…”

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“If you know, then why are you punishing me for her mistakes? One week we are fine…the next
we are not fine…I am worried sick about you in days like these. I gave up everything to be here
Gundo. I don’t even have a job because I have your back…we cannot be going back and forth
about this,” I say. I might be heartless right now but he should just understand that it is
frustrating when he does this whenever Diana pulls a prank. She has been blowing his phone
the whole week and I was the one to take the heat. She has been sending him emails and I am
the one to take the heat when he is irritated.
“When are you going to see someone?”

“I told you I don’t need to…”

“You have to see someone Gundo to help you deal with all of these…”
“I am fine.”
FINE!
I wash the dishes in silence and head to the bathroom to take a shower. I have an interview to
attend to and Gundo is dropping me there before heading to work.
It is a bad day altogether. I didn’t get a job because – MATRIC. I feel demotivated right now. The
way I don’t want to depend fully on Gundo? It hurts that no one sees my potential beyond the
matric certificate that everyone values. I do a great job better than many people.
“Are you okay?” Gundo asks when we are in bed. It has been a horrible day for me.

“I am fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“I didn’t get a job because I don’t have matric.”
“But babe…there is a job waiting for you at my new company…”
“Let me do this on my own.”

“Why do you refuse my help?”

“Because I want to stand on my own feet?”
“Why?”
“What if you are not here to take care of me? what if we are no longer together?”
“Are you planning to leave me?” he asks and I shrug, “Are you planning to leave me? am I too
much to handle?”
“I didn’t say that…”

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“But your body says it all. Are you leaving me?”
No I love him. I know he would go crazy if I even dare right now. He literally needs just one
person on his side and I am her. He would literally lose his mind if I walk away right now. With
all of that, I am staying for my own reasons. I am staying because I am deeply in love with him
and he loves me too. I am staying because I don’t think there is ever a man who will love me
the way Gundo loves me. I don’t think any man would see me worthy as much as Gundo sees
me. He believes in me even when I have no little faith on myself. Why would I leave such a man
because he is fighting some demons that are there to destroy him? Why would I leave him
when joyful days are more than these dark days? I always believe that there is happiness
coming after the dawn? I mean the dawn is the darkest time of the day, right?
What comes AFTER DAWN? Sunlight, right?

“I am not planning to leave you Gundo. I love you so much…” I say and he pulls me tightly.
“I love you so much Thandeka…thank you for being here.”
His phone rings. I pick it from the pedestal and pass him.
He frowns and stares at me.
“Hello,” he says, “Hello…hello?” He checks the screen as no one is responding. He puts the
phone on speaker and say hello a few times. He is about to hang up when we hear sobs.
“Hello…”
“Daddy!,” the sweet voice calls out and more sobs…this time heart breaking.
“Ciara?” he calls out while sitting up, “Ciara? What is wrong? Why are you crying?” she sobs
some more, “Ciara, why are you crying?”
“I miss you so much…” she says in between sobs and Gundo drops his shoulders. This is
heartbreaking.
“I miss you too baby.”
“Mommy says you don’t want to see me ever again,” she says and Gundo shakes his head, “Can
I come visit home? I miss aunty Rosie too.”
“Baby…I am in Cape Town.”
“Can I come visit you in Cape Town so that we swim with the dolphins?”
“Baby…”
“Daddy please…” she sobs, “Mommy doesn’t swim with me.”

Diana might have given her the phone to call but she sounds too heart breaking right now.

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“Ciara baby…” Gundo says while staring into my eyes. I shrug. I don’t know what to say. I am
game with whatever he decides…but Ciara’s cry is breaking my heart.
“Daddy please…”

INSERT 25

GUNDO
I don’t believe I had the guts to break Ciara’s heart some more. I think it is too soon for me to
engage with my baby; also…I think Diana told the baby to call me. I am going through with
Diana ever again. Ciara, will be fine with time. I told her to visit her grandparents when the
school closes. Rudzani should start taking responsibility as the father. As spoilt as he is, he
needs to man up and take care of his daughter. For now, I need to be excused. I provided for
Ciara for so long and the trust fund that Diana can access can last Ciara a life-time. I had to open
a trust fund for her when she was born and from then…it has been accumulating. I approve all
the payments that needs to be withdrawn or transfered from the account so I am not going to
nurse Diana’s lifestyle but Ciara needs to go to school. I approve only transfer payments to
school’s account, that’s it. The rest of the expenses, Diana will handle them.
Thandeka is snoring on my chest. This woman is everything to me right now – literally. I don’t
have anyone else but her in my corner. She takes the heat some of the days. I am ashamed to
even admit, but I am hard on her and she takes the heat. She was destined to be with me. I say
so because it is not everyone who would easily stay with me with such a complicated life. I yell
at her sometimes but she sure yells back at me for yelling at her. I like that. I need that. I need
someone to remind me to stay sane. Only Thandeka does it so effortlessly.
I switch the side lamp and sleep until Thandeka wakes me u in the morning. She usually helps
me with my daily preparations.
“How did you sleep?” she asks while fixing me breakfast. I used to eat breakfast in the office
but since I moved here with Thandeka, I grab breakfast at home. I think Thandeka likes to keep
an eye on me when it comes to food. I easily lose my apetite – mostly with everything that is
going on in my life right now.
“I slept well even though you were snoring,” I say and she throws the kitchen towel at me. “It
doesn’t matter that you snore babes…I love you still.”
“I don’t snore.”
“Of course you don’t,” I say and she rolls her eyes. i don’t know where I would be without her.
Diana has been torturing me so bad and I would have lost my focus if Thandeka was not around
to yell at me with her squeaky voice.

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She places a plate with breakfast on the table, in front of me and then joins me.
“I feel bad for Ciara.”
“You don’t have to feel bad…you did the right thing Gundo. Ciara is going to grow up and she
will catch a flight herself and come see you when you are fine and you are ready to carry on
with a life with her. I think it is too soon now…”
“It just breaks my heart to know that Diana is tormenting the child with all those words she told
her. imagine telling a child that I don’t want see her ever again? Diana doesn’t deserve to be a
mother…and Rudzani doesn’t deserve to be a father.”
“Do you want custody of Ciara? I mean…she is your child…and you are a better parent.”
“I would love that but I am not ready to fight anyone in the court of law…there is no justice in
South Africa.”

“I understand,” Thandeka says.

“Should we do dinner tonight? Maybe we could drive out of town tonight?”
“That would be nice…”
“See you when I come back,” I say while kissing her. I pick my jacket from the chair and put it
on. I pick my car keys and laptop bag and hurry to drive to work.
I have been setting up my company for three months now and things are looking good if I can
say so myself. I need more three creative and we will be producing the magazines from the
Cape Town offices. Right now the Cape Town office is handling and developing the content for
the head office. I left my office in the hands of a good manager who is doing absolutely great.
He reports to me three times a week and I am pleased with our numbers. He is making money
for me.
*****
Thandeka and I managed another three more months away from everyone. Our life is now a
routine. We wake up, get ready to work and come back home to just chill. Thandeka is working
at a clothing store in town. She loves it so much, I can tell that she is content with the job. I
don’t know how many times I tried to beg her to work with me. She refused. I bet it is for the
best. I have lived that life with Diana, I should embrace new things.
I am stuck in the office today. There seems to be mix up with some content for tomorrow’s
publication.

“Babe, don’t wait up…I will be back late,” I say to her.

“Ahh…I was about to put a movie.”

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“Maybe I will still be in the office until ten thirty…there was just a mess with some content and
it going to printing tomorrow.”
“Don’t wake me up when you get here,” she mumbles.
“You won’t even hear that I am back…I will let you rest.”
“Thank you…”
“I love you,” I say and hang up afterwards. Njabulo stares at me until I shrug at him. “Why are
you staring at me?”
“You look smitten…that’s all…” he says, “When are you marrying this girl?”
“Actually…I don’t know,” I say and he stares at me with his eyes widened, “Not that I don’t
want to propose to her. I bought the ring this other day but I didn’t have the guts to propose.
What if she says NO?” I ask and Njabulo laughs. But seriously…what if she doesn’t want to
marry me? what if she says it is too soon? I mean I have a complicated life and she has all the
rights to run away from me? Her choosing to get a job far from me scares me even more. It
feels like she wants to be far from me and my troubles soo…
“You guys love each…that is for sure.”
“I know but marriage is a life time commitment which I promised myself that I never want to
enter. That’s why I am even returning the ring for a watch.”
“Are you basing these on your failed marriage with Diana?”
“The divorce is quite new..”
“But that has nothing to do with her…does it?”
I bought a ring two weeks ago but I chicken away whenever I want to propose. One, the
relationship is a bit new, secondly – my life is a mess and Thandeka might not want to tag along
forever and forever, thirdly – marriage can complicate things, really.
“It has nothing to do with her… but..”
“Make up your mind man. What if she is tagging along because she wants to get married?”

He is right! We just haven’t spoken about marriage and all…on a serious note.
Njabulo and I work on the content until it is time to go home. It is just after nine so I hurry
home. I knew Thandeka would be sleeping. She hardly stays up during the week.
I take off my clothes until I am in my boxers and vest. I walk towards the drawer and pick the
ring that I bought. I stare at it for what seems like forever.

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I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tag Thandeka along, knowing that I don’t want to get
married again – it would be best that she knows I don’t have intentions to marry her. I am
scared that if I propose now, she might tell me to see someone to deal with my issues. My life is
a mess, remember?
No need to rush. Marriage can really wait! I thought to myself while hiding the ring away. I need
to exchange it for a watch.
“Thandeka…” I shake her softly.
“What?”
“We need to talk…”
“Babe, you promised not to wake me up when you come back…”

“Do you want to get married to me some day?”

“What?” she shakes her head, confused.
“Do you want to get married to me some day?” I ask again and now she seems awake. She sits
on the bed and stares at me and sigh deeply!
I knew it.
“We haven’t spoken much about marriage…so I wanted to find out if you wanted to be married
to me some day or if you are fine with us just dating?”
She stares at her nails and starts playing with her hands. She covers her mouth while yawning.

“Why don’t we sleep and chat about this tomorrow?” she suggests.
Why did Njabulo make me touch this topic? I nod the head while joining her in the duvets.
I shouldn’t have asked!!!
“Why don’t we sleep and chat about this tomorrow?” she suggests.
Why did Njabulo make me touch this topic? I nod my head while joining her in the duvets.

I shouldn’t have asked!!!

Now I am tossing and turning, wondering about this whole thing? I don’t want to lose Thandeka
– I can’t. She is my world. She has made “me” these past months. She gets me right and I don’t
think God still makes women with her heart. I cannot have a diamond right in my hand and
throw it away.

I pray she wants to get married to me.

I pray she loves me enough to stick with me…even when my life is unbearable sometimes.

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“Babe…” I whisper to wake her up. I shake her a few times until she wiggles on the bed. She
doesn’t like to be woken up. I need to talk. I have been up since ten and the time is 1 AM in the
morning. I can’t sleep.
“Gundo…why are you waking me up before the alarm?” she whines and closes her eyes. She
always jumps after her alarm rings but don’t wake her up before then.
“We need to talk,” I say. I am dying here.
“Can we talk in the morning?”
“I can’t sleep,” I say and she giggles without opening her eyes.
“But I am sleepy…and you woke me up from a dream…I was about to drive a car for the first
time and you just woke me up…”

“What car was it?”

“Your car…”
“I can’t trust you with my car…” I say and she giggles. She finally opens her eyes and stares at
me – her raw beauty turning me on. I love her.
“Why won’t you sleep?” she says and yawns.
“I don’t know…I just can’t wait for the morning to have that marriage chat.”

“Really Gundo?”
“Really…” I say. I am sweating right here and she is talking this lightly.
“Okay, let’s talk,” she sits up straight and stares right at me.
“Do you want to get married to me someday?” I ask. My heart is beating up my chest. “Be
honest with me, I can take anything that you will tell me.”
I lied. I don’t know if I can take a NO.
“I thought it was obvious Gundo…but the answer is yes,” she says and I smile; ”…but….”

Oh, there is a BUT.

“But what?”
“But you need to fix your issues…all of them…”
“What issues?”
“Diana raping you,” she says and I flinch, “You need to deal with it…talk to someone about it.”

“But I am fine…”

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“Not always. What about some days when I am on top of you? You flip me around instead. You
look away and close your eyes whenever I am on top of you while we are having sex. Just talk to
someone…even if it is a friend…but I would prefer that you talk to a professional.”
I sigh!
“But do you love me despite everything?”
“Are my actions not enough Gundo?” she whines.

“The thing is…”

“I moved mountains with you. I moved cities for you…why would I do that if I didn’t love you
enough? I want to have babies with you…did you think I am going to be a donor?”
“No…”
“I have to deal with your moods now and then…and I don’t have even have a friend to vent
on…do you think I am just sticking with you for the fun of it?”
“I think…I know that I am too much to handle…that’s why I am scared that maybe you feel pity
for me.”
“Feel pity for a grown ass man?”
“I think it is not every woman who would stick around to such a life…that’s all…that’s why.”

“I love you…full stop,” she says.

“Thank you,” I say. “I love you too.”
“Talk to someone,” she says and I kiss her while getting on top of her. Maybe we can seal this
conversation with something…special. I lift her PJ vest and drop kisses on her stomach…tracing
down to my favorite place…just for a baby kiss.
“I’m on my periods,” she says and I jump.
“Okay…good night,” I say and she laughs out loud. Isn’t she just the cutest when she laughs?
I pull her close and cuddle her to sleep until her alarm rings.
She showers first because she takes longer than me…plus she prefers that we eat before
leaving the house.

“Wanna grab supper after work?” I ask while finishing my breakfast.

“I gat plans after work.”
“What are you doing after work?” Maybe I can also grab a beer with Njabulo.

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“Remember that novel, THE ROYAL MISTRESS, which I was reading? I recommended it to my
colleagues and theeyyyy loved it…so we are going to discussing it after work over supper…”
“Why do you sound so happy?”
“Because… I can’t wait to discuss about Mulatswawe with other ladies…” she says happily as if
this Mulatshawe guy exists. She waves her hand at me, “Please don’t ask more…you won’t
understand.”
“Fiinnee.”
“I’ll call you when I’m done so you can pick me up…”

*****
“The incident that happened last night should never happen again…I only slept after eleven last
night,” Njabulo says. We are seated at the rooftop of where we are renting our working spaces.
I have a thing for rooftops. They have a bar and we are having a few drinks before I go pick up
Thandeka when she is done.

“Atleast we handled it well…” I say and raise my whisky glass.

“So, what did she say?”
“Who?”
“Your girlfriend…the one you are supposed to be married to by now.”
“She says I need to fix my issues first.”

“What issues?” Njabulo asks and laughs out loud.

“The rape issue,” I respond and his face turns sour.
“What rape issue?”
“Diana drugged me and I don’t fucken know if she had sex with me or not…” I say coldly and he
stares at me with his mouth dropped.
“Man…”
“Shit happens…” I gulp on my drink.

“Did you open a case?”

“For what? So that the newspaper can announce to the whole world that the great Gundo
Radzilani believes he was raped by his ex-wife and later found out that he was raising his
brother’s daughter?”
“WHAT?”

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“Exactly.”
He drinks from his beer bottle for so long without saying anything. A good ten minutes in
silence.
“I can’t even allow my girlfriend to ride me…she can’t ride me…” I say.
“Talk to a professional…they will know how to help you…I have no idea what to say to you right
now…”

“I think it is about time…or else I will lose a good woman over this.”
“You can’t lose her. She loves you.”
“She does.”
“Wow!”
“Yeah.”

“She really loves you,” he emphasizes.

We have our drinks in silence. There is nothing to laugh about. I pick my phone and send out an
email that I have been dreading to send.
‘Your booking is confirmed’ – an email response.
“Dude…come with me…you are going to be the camera man,” I say while getting up. I paid for
our drinks and hurry to my car.
*****
Cape Town Fish Market is a bit busy since it is supper time. I look around the restaurant until
my eyes land on the table where Thandeka is sitting with her four colleagues. They are all
laughing while holding this pinkish book that Thandeka always kept in her handbag for a week.
The same book that is always on her side of the bed now and then.
Her laughter is the loudest.
“The world would be a better place if all men where like Mula, you know?” she says and then
sips her wine. She picks her phone and snap a picture of her hand holding a wine glass.
“Can I be Mula then?” I ask and she lifts her eyes to me.

“Gundo!!!” she calls out and smile.

I place the bouquet of flowers on the table, take the ring from my pocket and get on one
knee…. Njabulo better be taking a perfect video. He is joined by Thandeka’s colleagues who are
snapping pictures.

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“Can I be your Mula?” I ask and all the ladies laugh out.
“You are better than him,” she says and laughs. I believe her – even though she said the world
would be a better place if all men were like Mula.
“I love you so much Thandeka and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I have said the
same thing to someone else before but that person is not even a quarter of what you are. Take
my word…I want to live the rest of my life with you. I never thought I could love a woman like
this ever again. I can’t imagine my life without you….infact…I am scared to even imagine my life
without you. I want hundred kids and I want all of them with you,” I say and she laughs at the
hundred kids. “You were my strength when I was at my weakest moment…what more can I ask
for? I made my very first appointment with a psychologist because I owe you happiness and
unfiltered love. I want to be the best man for you. I will even be like that Mula guy you speak of
if that’s what you want.” The table is filled with laughter. “..I am willing to do anything to be a
best man for you. I love you my sweetheart.”
“I love you too.”
“Can you please be my wife?” I ask and she smiles.

INSERT 26
THANDEKA
“Can you please be my wife?” Gundo asks. I stand from my seat and help him to stand. I throw
my hands around his neck and force a hug. He finally listened. I am so happy he took the bold
step to see someone about his issues. He needs healing. He deserves happiness too. He hugs
me back but I can feel his heart throbbing out of his chest.
“Gundo, are you okay?” I ask after breaking the hug. Why is he shaking and sweating?
“You haven’t responded to my question,” he says and points at the ring he is still holding.
“Oh…sorry…I got carried away when you mentioned that you made the appointment…yes
Gundo I will marry you.”

“Me?” he sounds shocked. Kanti who asked to marry me?

“Yes…you Gundo can marry me,” I say and his face lights up. He puts the ring on my finger why
my colleagues scream and the whole restaurant is filled with applause. He slides the ring and
then tightly hug me before a long kiss.

“Get a room already,” Njabulo says while holding out a phone to our faces.
“Can we see the ring?” Bev asks while standing. My colleagues gather around to witness the
stone shining on my finger.

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Whaattt? Gundo proposed? I know he loves me – I never doubted that…but I thought he didn’t
want to get married again after the messy divorce. I want to be Mrs Radzilani. I want to start a
family with him – no doubt about it.
“How about we go and celebrate?” Njabulo asks. “Shimmy beach club everybody?”
We don’t even look the part but everyone is game for drinks at Shimmy beach. I ride with my
Gundo to Shimmy Club. We get a corner table, just the two of us while everybody is celebrating
on our behalf.
“You don’t know how scared I was,” Gundo says. He has his hand on mine.
“You almost threw up…the way you were trembling,” I say and laugh at him.
“You were stingy with the answer,” he says. “I need my family to meet with yours for lobola,
right?”

“You mean your family needs to meet with Thulani, right?”

“I am not his favourite person…am I?”
“It doesn’t matter. You are my favourite person.”
We watched as everyone dance and enjoy on our behalf. We only joined the dance floor few
minutes before we call it a night.
“When are your periods ending?”
“Few days,” I say and I snuggle in his arms in bed. We do not attempt to get intimate when I am
on my periods…for some reason my flow becomes heavy if I ever try to get sexual. He has made
peace with it so he won’t even dare ask for a blow or anything.
Tonight is my turn to stay up; it is just that I am over excited about getting married. I think I am
even more excited that Gundo is getting help. He has been through the worst and these
meetings will make him feel better. I need my man back.
I let out a laugh when I remember where we come from. The days I used to crush on
him…thinking he is the womaniser Rudzani. Thank God he insisted and forced me to get to
know him. I would have missed out on the best life.
The alarm wakes me at six o’clock. I shower and get ready for work while Gundo is still sleeping.
The shop opens on Saturday and it is my turn to turn up. I get into my black pencil dress and
platform heels before tying my hair. I have changed slightly since we came to Cape Town. I
dress up a bit more and I am more lady like. It is because I got a chance to start over again in a
City far away from home. Gundo and I are living the life we both want with no one judging how
much we have changed.

131
I wake Gundo up to freshen up while I prepare breakfast. I make two fresh sandwhiches and
coffee. Gundo joins me while I finish up my plate.
“You need to get a car,” he mumbles while pulling a chair. He was not even drinking much last
night.
“I can’t even drive Gundo,” I say.
“I will teach you,” he says and pick his cup of coffee. I lift my hand and fix my hair, “That ring
looks good on you.”
“You think?” I check it out with a smile. He did get a perfect size.

“It does. I should return the other one for a watch.”

“You bought two rings?”
“I bought one but I was shit scared to propose…so yesterday I went to a store to buy this one
because I wanted to be spontaneous.”
“It was really spontaneous,” I say and grin at him. “Come on…finish up before I run late.”
He finishes breakfast and drives me to work.
“Look at her glowing,” Bev says when I walk into the shop.
“Someone got it all this morning,” Portia adds. I laugh without saying anything. I won’t correct
them. I don’t have to tell them that there was nothing given to me by Gundo.
“Can I see the ring?” Lucia asks while reaching for my hand. “Oh, my God…this is a real stone. A
real real real diamond.”
“He is a keeper,” Bev says, “Definitely better than Mula.”
“So, what is next?” Portia asks.
“Lobola negotiations.”
“Oh…I hope your father won’t be stingy with you. You know how daddies are with their little
girls,” Portia says.
“My brother will actually be the one to receive the lobola,” I respond.

“Is that how it works in your culture?” Bev asks. She is coloured.
“Not really,” I say while putting my bag away in my drawer. “My brother is the only family that I
have. I don’t recognize anybody else.”
“Why?” Bev asks as if I didn’t just tell her that I am am orphan.
“Because everybody turned their backs on us when my parents died.”

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“That is sad,” she says, “Atleast you have a handsome man to start a family with.”
“That is true,” I say. I have Thulani and I also have Gundo. They are enough.
*****
We both don’t want to be here. It is two weeks after Gundo proposed and he has to pay lobola.
Ofcourse we are not in a hurry but this had to be done. This is the only time we could both take
a week off from work.
His appointment with the psychologist have been going well, even though he comes home
tramautised. I attended one appointment when I was invited by Mrs Molefe, the psychologist. I
can safely say that he is in great hands. It is going to be hard for him but he is facing his demons
to be a better man. I applaud him for that.
I just don’t know how ready he is to face his brother when he gets home. He booked a hotel
room in Thohoyandou so that he doesn’t have to stay at home with his family. It is unfortunate
that his uncles need to meet with Thulani and two of the elderly man he organised. I am fine
with anything. As long as the formalities are done – I am fine.
“The next time I see you, you are going to be my wife,” Gundo says. We are parked at the
corner.
“And the next time I see you…you are going to be my husband.”
“I wish you could go with me,” he says.
“If I want everything to go according to plan, I need to stay home until you come with your
uncles.”

“I love you and see you tomorrow,” he says.

“I love you too.”
We kiss before he drops me off a few houses away from his gate. Thulani is home when I walk
into the yard. I left few hours ago to go get some food with Gundo. I am back with a bucket of
KFC.
“So you have turned into a slay queen,” Thulani says when I get to him. I arrived last night and
he was already sleeping when I got here. I had to bang the windows for him to wake up.
“What is a slay queen?” I ask. People confuses beauty with slay queening.
“This guy changed you,” Thulani says.
“For the best…yes he changed me. I was used to selling eggs while everybody laughed at me.
Gundo came and changed my life. Please don’t give him a hard time tomorrow.”

“Mxim.”

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“Thulani, I am serious…please don’t give Gundo and his family a hard time. I beg you,” I say and
he stares at me as if I am just blubbing. “Thulani, I have been through thick and thin with you
Thulani…I know you love me as much as you love me. I know you wish me happiness. Gundo is
my happiness…please don’t ruin this for me.”
Thulani keeps drinking his beer. I hate him right now. I decide to go sleep – I can’t deal with him
right now.
The following day I woke up very early to clean the yard and the house before preparing lunch
for my guests. Maria came through to help me. Her mother is much better since she went to
the hospital in Pretoria and Joburg. To be honest – I had lost hope but Maria’s mother is well
and doing great. She is part of the elders sitting with Thulani. I couldn’t get anyone from my
mother’s family – I didn’t want anyone of them to be part of this. I wrote all of them off when
my mom passed away and I needed a shoulder to cry on.
“It is easier to prepare traditional food…just get the stew on game and the rest is history,”
Maria says while stirring the pot. She is cooking the porridge.
“I am worried about how the negotiations will go…Thulani doesn’t like Gundo much…I am even
worried that he might not be sober by the time the guests arrive.”

“He won’t ruin this for you,” Maria says,

We make the food preparations until we are told Gundo’s family is here. I and Maria run to my
bedroom.
I am anxious. Thulani has been drinking this morning – as usual. How do I even act normal? He
can shout at them if he wants. He can chase my guests around.
We cannot hear anything since my room is far from the living room. Gundo’s phone is off or
maybe the network is just horrible.
“Relax…everything will go perfectly.”
“I don’t trust Thulani…” I say. I think I am panicking. I think I don’t want anything to come
between Gundo and I. If Thulani knew how much Gundo loves me
“He won’t dare. Relax…wena just get ready for the minute they come and ask for you.”
“Fine…” I say while fixing my face.

I am panicking.
I want to get married to Gundo but Thulani is the problem.
I am drawing my perfect eyebrows when I hear Thulani yells out and say, “No…my sister is not
on sale. She is not on sale.”

134
I stare at Maria. What is Thulani doing?
“She is not on sale…so please go and reconsider….” Thulani yells. “If you are paying fifty
thousand then you can go home…she is not going for that little.”
Really Thulani?
Really Thulani?

I told him that this has nothing to do with money.

“There is no need to yell…” one of Gundo’s uncles say.
“I don’t care. This is my home,” Thulani says.
Lord help me.
Gundo is very traditional and so is his family. They might walk away from this transaction – right
now.

“This is my home…reconsider your offer,” Thulani says, “Reconsider.”

Yoh! Thulani!!!!!!!

INSERT 27
GUNDO
“This is my home…reconsider your offer…reconsider,” I hear Thandeka’s brother yell out from
the top of his voice. I still don’t understand why I was told to park here because with my
windows rolled down, I can easily hear their conversation. I cannot stay loyal and close the
windows, but it is freaking hot in here.
I don’t like this at all.
I pick my phone and text my uncle to give Thulani what he wants. I just want formalities to be
done so that Thandeka and I can live happily ever after.
‘Malume, give the man what he wants. I am ready to pay anything,’ I text my uncle but he
doesn’t respond. I try to buzz his phone but it goes straight to voice mail. Damn network. My
network bar is almost empty.
The more Thulani yells, the more I feel like going inside and negotiate for myself. Why is
everyone trying to calm him down other than offering him what he wants? Thandeka is worth
everything that belongs to me – I can match whatever he desires.
“If you don’t want…then live my house…” he yells out.

135
Can somebody give this man what he wants?
I keep trying my phone until I see Thandeka’s friend pulling Thulani outside of the house.
“What are you doing Thulani?” she hisses at him. “What is your problem?”

“What problem?”
“You tell me.”
“There is no problem.”
“Then why are you making things difficult for everyone? Do you know how much Thandeka is
hurt right now? I am not going to watch you destroy her life just because you have your own
issues.”
Thulani drinks beer from his bottle.
“I am doing what is right.”

“What is right? You are making things difficult for your own sister…what is wrong?”
He stares right at Maria without saying anything. He keeps drinking from the bottle until he is
done. He throw it to the ground and sits down on a brick.
“She is done with me,” he says. “It was just the two of us but I don’t matter to her anymore.”
“Come on Thulani…you know Thandeka loves you before anybody else. She is not done with
you.”
“I don’t know her anymore. I don’t know her at all.”
“Look…I think it is about time you stop drinking alcohol.”
“Then what is going to numb this void in my heart? What? Alcohol helps me to forget
everything….it numbs the pain of what I could have been if my parents were here. I had to drop
out from school because I needed to fend for Thandeka. We used to be a team.”
“You are still a team.”
This guy is pap drunk. Maybe I shouldn’t judge him; I don’t know the pain that he is feeling. My
life experience has taught me never to judge anyone or look down at their problems.
“Right now Thandeka needs you. She trusted you when she called the Radzilanis to come see
you Thulani. Do you think Gundo’s family would be here if they didn’t respect you? Gundo and
Thandeka flew all the way from Cape Town for you…because they respect you. You cannot
mess things like this. I need you to go back inside there and accept their offer. Fifty thousand is
a lot of money…you know it too.”
Thulani sits and stares at the ground. He is drunk – too drunk.

136
“Do you know what you can do with all that money? You can start afresh. You can also marry
someone you love and start a family.”
“I am not good enough for my sister…am i?” Thulani says and Maria throws her hands in the air.
There is no hope here.
Maria walks back to the house and I watch as Thulani stays sitting on the brick. We are no close
to closing this chapter. He is not ready to let his brother go.
I am tempted to go have a man-talk with him…but that would be wrong. But what am I going to
lose if I just tell him that Thandeka is not walking away from him? I am ready to get out of the
car when I notice Thandeka walking towards where her brother is sitted. He is sitted in the
middle of the yard – no shade, no nothing.
“Really Thulani? Really?” Thandeka asks with her hands on her hips. “Why do you have to
embrass me like this?”
Thulani lifts his head to her and then drops it again.
“Out of all days, you chose to be drunk today,” Thandeka says with a broken voice. “If you don’t
go back there and fix your mess…then I will walk out of your life Thulani…I promise you.”
No no no, my love…things don’t have to go that way.

“Go ahead and walk away. You already did it.”

“Stop being childish Thulani…please…”
“Oh, so I am childish today. I am childish now when you are guaranteed a good life huh?” he
hisses at her.
“What are you talking about?”
“I had to drop out of school for you Thandeka. I put my life on hold for you and now I am not
good enough for you? Now you can tell me how much you can leave me alone? I gave up my
life and became a useless builder…all for you. Can’t I ask for something a little more than just
fifty thousand?”
“But this is not about money…Thulani we spoke about this?” Thandeka says.
“What about all the things I did for you?”
“I thought all things were out of love. I didn’t know you had to put your life on hold. How was I
going to know if you never mentioned it?”
I step out of the car. I cannot just sit here and watch them fight like cat and dog.

“How much do you want?” I ask while walking towards them.

137
“Gundo? What are you doing here?” Thandeka asks and Thulani lifts his head to me. He stares
at me and then laughs loudly.
“It is the billionaire himself…” Thulani claps his hands
“How much do you want for your sister? I want to marry her because I love her so much but I
am willing to give you anything you want.”
“Gundo…go back to the car…Thulani go back to the house.”
“No babe…let him name his price. I cannot have him hurt you just because he has a problem
with me. Let him mention his price right now and I will give it to him.”
“Really? Really Gundo?” Thandeka asks and then walk away to the house. What did I do wrong?
Cant a man pay for what he wants?
Thulani stands and then walks to the house. The next minute my uncles walk out of the hosue,
one after another.
“What happened?” I ask.
“Let’s go…let us get out of here,” my uncle says and I walk to the car.
“What happened?” I ask while reversing outside the yard. I know why we are leaving… I just
need clarity.
“We need real people to negotiate with. That boy needs nothing…” one uncle says.
“I was trying to call you. I told SMSed you to tell you that you can offer him whatever he
wants.”
“The dowry negotiations have nothing to do with money. He doesn’t know that. Let us go
home.”

“I need to marry Thandeka…”

“Let’s go home.”
*****
I never got a chance to see Thandeka since the lobola day. It never happened. I don’t even
know what is the way forward. I didn’t want to disrespect Thulani by asking him to do the right
thing. I had to give them space. Thandeka said she needed some time with her. I don’t know
what is going on.
We are flying back to Cape Town tonight and we are leaving the lobola negotiations unresolved.
Thandeka is sitting beside me. She is silent and is not herself. It bothers me to see her like this.
“Are you alright?” I ask and she nods. “Babe…you are not fine.”

138
“I am okay Gundo.”
“Is there anything you want me to do?” I ask and she shakes her head. I would love to force an
answer from her but it might come with some yelling – so rather not. I let her rest her head on
my shoulder until we landed to Cape Town. I grab our bags and lead the way to my car.
Thandeka is still not herself. I buy food on our way home. There is no way Thandeka is going to
cook.
“Babe, what is your problem?”
“Thulani,” she says and sighs.
“I am sorry things had to be this way.”
“No, I am sorry things turned out the way they did…but I am worried about my brother.”

“Can we help?”
“I don’t know how anyone can help. Thulani is bottling all the pain and he burst whenever he
wants. I don’t know what to do with him anymore.”
“Why didn’t you let me give him what he was looking for?”
“This has nothing to do with money. Thulani and I need to build our relationship…with or
without money,” she says, “and whats the use of giving him money coz I know he is going to
drink all of it?”
“So, what is the way forward? Do I get to make you my wife or … we need to win this battle?”
“I love Thulani with all my heart but my happiness come first. I didn’t ask him to drop off from
school so he cannot blame me…please…”
“True…”
“I am in love with you and want to be your wife…so I say…lets go ahead and get married.
Thulani will jump on board when he feels like it.”

“Really?”
“I deserve to be happy with anyone I want to spend my life with. It is unfair that Thulani wishes
for me to be with someone else other than you.”
What?
I didn’t know.
“Who does he wish you were with?”
“Oh…please babe…that is not important.”

139
Why does it bother me?
“Tell me…”
“He says Robert would make a better husband…”

“Oh…wow…”
What is special about Robert? What does he have?
“Don’t get yourself worked up… Robert is manipulative. He knows how to mess with Thulani’s
head.”
“Ofcourse.” Even though I am worried.
“Can we set the wedding date?” she asks and I smile.
“Oh, yeah!!!!” I say happily. Ofcoourse Thulani will jump on board if he wants to. Thandeka and
I are getting married.

Thandeka whispers the date to my ear. No need to whisper but that was sexy as hell.
“So soon?” I ask.
“Yes…so soon!” she says.
With Thandeka, I am keen!
Le’ts do this!!!!!

INSERT 28
THANDEKA
My phone keeps ringing non-stop. I can hear that it is not my alarm but a ringtone. I get up and
drag my feet to where my handbag is. We came back home late last night and I left everything
on the couch at the end of the room.
“Hey Maria?” I respond while getting back to the bed. I wonder why she is calling me at four.
“Thandeka…thank God you answered…”
“What is going on?”
“It is about Thulani. He is not fine. My Mom and the ladies from church found him lying just
outside the gate. They are rushing him to hospital.”
“Is he okay?” I call out while getting up.
“He was unconscious when they drove him to the hospital,” she says.

140
“Oh, my God Thulani…” I say while shaking Gundo to get up. “I am sooo far…okay look
Maria…please go check up on him, I will be there as soon as possible. It will take me the whole
day but I will be there before the end of the day.”
“Okay,” she says and disappears.
Gundo sits up and stares at me.
“Please book me an earliest flight to Joburg…Thulani is not well…”

“What happened?”
“He was found unconscious…outside the gate. Imagine,” I say while passing him the laptop. I
hope he gets a six o’clock flight.”
“You can take a shower…I will try to get us flights from here to OR Tambo and then to
Polokwane. It will make things easier.”
“Please book one seat,” I say.
“I need to come with you.”
“No…I will be fine. I will keep you posted about everything…let me do this alone,” I say. I don’t
want to upset Thulani in any little way.
“I won’t see him if he doesn’t want me to…”
“What if I need to stay longer than normal? You have an empire to build for our babies…let me
do this.”

“Okay,” he says and lets me run to take a shower.

What happened though? Atleast he was not mugged. Maybe he drank more than he could
handle. I don’t remember when last Thulani was sober for the whole day. If he is not drinking
for the day, then he is nursing the hang-over with more beer. He is a mess. He looks older than
he is. It needs to stop.

I finish showering and hurry back to the bedroom.

“Did you get anything?” I ask from the door.
“Seven thirty to OR Tambo and you will jump to the next one to Polokwane at eleven thirty…so
at twelve thirty you should be at Polokwane and I’ll get a friend to get a driver for you to
Venda.”
Wow. This works out much better. I didn’t even think of a flight to Polokwane. If it was another
day, I would be asking him to let me get a public transport to Venda. I need all the help I can get
to get to my brother the soonest.

141
I get into a pair of leggings and a dress shirt and a pair of sneakers. I pack a few clothes to last
me another week in Venda. I don’t know how long I am going to stay, Bev needs to give me a
week off from work atleast.
By pass seven I am seated in the flight to Joburg. I don’t even want to read anything. My mind is
in Venda right now. I don’t know how he is doing. Maria is not even answering my phone calls
and we are about to put our phones on flight mode. Is Thulani getting any help? I manage to
sleep for half an hour before landing at OR Tambo. I don’t even have apetite so I chill and wait
for my next flight. Gundo already sent me the name of the person who is picking me up for
Venda. Maria already told me that Thulani is in hospital. This should be very serious.
“Don’t worry my love…Thulani will be fine,” Gundo says on the phone.
“I don’t know what to think,” I say after a longest sigh. A few days ago I was so angry at him for
ruining my lobola negotiations but now I worried about him. I cannot lose him. I don’t want to
lose him. He is my only family.
“Don’t worry yourself babe…he will be fine. Just let me know how I can assist when you get
there. Just shout and I will take care of it…” he says. Ofcourse he is talking about money issues. I
will call him. I have been saving up from what he gives me all the time but I might need more
than I have in my accounts.
“Thank you, I really appreciate,” I say.

“I am getting in a meeting now…I will call you later…love you,” he says and hangs up.
In the next two hours, I am already in the car and heading home. I haven’t eaten anything since
I woke up. I am not hungry. I am not tired. I don’t have appetite and I don’t feel like doing
anything other than seeing my brother.
I am seated in the back seat though. Just incase I need to sleep. I also don’t want to be rude to
the old man riding me.
“Are you related to the Radzilanis?” the driver asks. We have been driving for an hour in
silence.
“I am engaged to Gundo.”
“Oh, he is getting married again?” he asks and I don’t respond. What am I supposed to say?
“Oh…I mean…it is a good thing. He is one man who deserves happiness. The last time I heard,
he was divorced…so yeah…he deserves another chance in love.”
“He does,” I respond. I am trying to keep it short so that we do not have to have small talks.
I think he felt it that I am in no mood to be having a chat right now so he drives in silence.
*****

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“Where is the doctor? Can I see him?” I ask Maria. She is seated outside the ward.
“They are busy with him,” she says. She looks extremely tired. “I didn’t expect to see you this
early.”
“Gundo got me flights til Polokwane….” I say while getting on the chair next to her. “Do you
know what happened? Did his drinking buddy say anything?”
“Oh…he will tell you for himself.”

“Who?” I ask and she points at Robert with her head. He is walking towards us.
“What is he doing here?” I ask.
“He has been here since his mother told him about Gundo. She was with my mother when they
found him outside the gate,” she says.
“Thandeka, you are here,” Robert says while getting on a chair next to me. He looks extremely
tired – like he hasn’t slept in days. I knew that he is back in Venda. He moved back here since
the retrenchment. He wasn’t lucky with a job in Gundo’s company and I know that getting a job
is not so easy.
“What happened to him?” I ask. I don’t have time for formalities and greetings.
“I don’t know. I dropped him home and drove home. I only woke up to the news that he was
rushed here.”
“He was with you?”
“I just gave him a ride back from the lounge. You know how it is at the lounge…we were just
many…and I gave him a ride as I know him.”
“What was he drinking?”
“Countless bottles…ofcourse I don’t know how many. We were all just having fun…and he was
fine when I dropped him home.”
“Can I go home? I haven’t showered the whole day and I am so hungry,” Maria says while
standing up.

“Yes…ofcourse…thank you for staying here. I will wait for the doctor,” I say.
“Are you leaving with me?” Maria poses a question to Robert. He should be going with her. I
can take care of everything now. He looks like a ghost anyway.
“I am staying…” he says.
“Please go. I will keep you guys posted.”

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“No…I am staying,” he insists and Maria leaves us sitting together. I pull my phone and text
Gundo who calls me immediately.
“How is he?” he asks just when I answer the phone.
“I haven’t seen the doctor,” I say.
“Okay…how are you?”

“I am fine.”
“Have you eaten anything?”
“I am not hungry.”
“Remember what you told me? That even a bite is enough when you don’t have an apetite?
You need to bite on something baby. I don’t want you to faint or anything. You are already
dealing with a lot.”
“I will grab a fruit.”
“That is much better,” he says and we chat for another few minutes until a doctor mentions
Thulani’s name from the corridor.
“I have to go babe,” I say then hang up. I walk towards the doctor. “Doctor, I am Thulani’s
sister.”
“Okay…you can come with me,” he says while leading the way down the corridor. I pick my
overnight bag and hurry behind him with Robert running behind me. He stops at ward with four
more people lying lifelessly on the hospital beds.
These people look dead. Why are we in a dead room. He pulls the curtain and walks through to
the other ward. I follow behind.
“He messed up his liver…pretty bad,” the doctor says while standing next to Thulani’s bed. He
doesn’t have a t-shirt on. He looks so skinny and so sick. Robert stands next to me. Shouldn’t he
be going home?
“Is he going to be fine?”

“Hopefully…?”
“Yes. We are busy with the liver functioning tests…you can go home…tomorrow would be the
best time to visit him. We sedated him after pumping out the alcohol. Let him rest and you will
be able to see him tomorrow,” the doctor says.
“But is he going to be fine?”
“He will be fine…” the doctor says, “You can see him for a few minutes before you let him rest.”

144
“Thank you…” I say.
“Who stays with him? I think when he leaves this place he is going to need full time support or
he needs to go to rehab. His level of alcoholism is outrageous…he is going to need all the help
he can get. Prepare for his return home. Be prepared to help him….he needs all the help he can
get…when I mean all the help he can get…I mean all the help in the world,” the doctor says
before walking out of the ward.
Thulani is lying there…breaking my heart. This is my only brother. The only family I have. The
nurse walks in, to wash him and dress him so we had to excuse them.
I walk outside and Robert follows behind. I would ask why he is following me but I don’t care.
“Are you going home? or your boyfriend booked you a hotel?” Robert asks.
“It shouldn’t matter to you…really,” I say while walking towards the reception so that I can get
to the main road to catch a taxi to Thohoyandou. I need to catch another taxi to the village.
“Thandeka, look..i think we need to talk,” he says.

“No, we don’t need to talk…not at all.”

“Look, I am going home. I can give you a ride,” he says.
Okay, my boyfriend bought me two flight tickets to fly to Polokwane and get me a man to drive
to Venda just to drop me to the hospital to see my brother…do I have the guts to shove all of
that in his face and ride to a village – a fourty minutes drive – with my ex? Hell no! I am not that
stupid.
I walk to the main gate to get a taxi to town and another one to the village.
The house is not even locked. My heart is broken when I walk into the kitchen. It is filthy and I
don’t believe Thulani continues to live in such a condition.
I was here a few days ago for the lobola negotiations, but it doesn’t look like I was ever here. He
doesn’t clean after himself and bottles of beers are all over the house. By all over the house…I
mean…all over the house including the bathroom.
I try to clean up until I retire to bed. I am so tired and hungry right now. Gundo calls me just
when I throw myself on the bed.
“Hey babe,” I say while lying on the bed.
“Are you okay? You sound tired,” he says.
“I am exhausted.”

“What did the doctor say?”

145
“They are busy with the liver functions test…it seems like he messed his liver.”
“That is bad.”
“And…..”

“And what?”
“I might stay for longer than I thought.”
“Okay…whats up?”
“The doctor says he is going to need full support from a family member or rehab…he says
Thulani needs all the support he is going to need in the whole world…I think I should be that
support,” I say and there is silence.
“I understand…”
“I just got home and I understand what he means…Thulani has been drinking a lot…spirits and
whiskeys and everything…I think he is getting worse by the day…and putting him to a rehab
doesn’t feel right…”
Gundo sighs.
“I need to do this for my brother.”

“I know.”
“I don’t know how we are going to make everything work.”
“I will find some time next week and come up to see you,” he sadly says. I know this is going to
affect our relationship but I think Thulani needs me right now.
“That would be great.”
“I think I’ll have to give up on the job aswell unless Bev agrees to give some few months off…”

“Months?” Gundo asks.

“I don’t know how long I am going to stay here…” I say. I really don’t know what to do.
“Okay…I understand…” he says but doesn’t sound convincing. I can’t tell how he sound.
Oh my God! This is hurting me so bad.

INSERT 29
THANDEKA

146
It has been a week now and I miss my Gundo so much. We talk and chat the whole day but I
miss doing things with him.
I lift my hand and glare at the perfect ring he put on my finger. I am meant to be with this man.
I am sitting in a taxi to the hospital. Thulani is getting better than the day I came back from
Cape Town. I always make sure to sit down with him and chat until visiting hours are over.
Yesterday the doctor told me that they were trying the detoxification process with him. He was
trying to help him get rid of the alcohol naturally but my dear brother did not survive at all. He
was trembling for hours, begging me to get him just one can of beer.
Imagine a grown man crying for just a sip of beer. Thulani depended on alcohol for as long as I
remember. Talking about it with him was just a waste of time. That is how he dealt with his
problems - for as long as I knew.
He is tossing and turning when I get to his bed. I would like to think that he is dramatic but the
sweat all over his body makes me think he is in serious pain.
“Thulani, please have some water,” I say while sitting on the bed next to him.
“I don’t want water….Thandeka…I don’t want water,” he says and tears streams down his
cheeks. “I am going to die.”
“You are not going to die…”
“Please just get me a can of beer…I beg you Thandeka…I beg you,” he says while pulling my
hands.
“No, Thulani…please…we spoke about this,” I say while pulling my hands from his grip.

“Please…”
I jump up and hurry to get the doctor. He is going to lose his mind. I hurry down the corridor to
a small reception just outside the ward.
“Can I help you?”
“Can I see the doctor? My brother needs help…” I say.
“The doctor is doing rounds in twenty minutes,” she says.

Is she hearing me? What if Thulani was choking? Useless hospitals.

“Please help him…”
“Who are you talking about?”
“Thulani…”
“The one who asks for beer everyday? Yooohh…”

147
I turn back without saying anything else. What was I thinking?
Thulani is still tossing and turning when I return to his bed. It pains me to see him like this. He
looks like he can lose his last breathe right here and right now. I won’t be able to help him when
he gets out of here.
I sit on the chair beside the bed and wait impatiently for the doctor. i felt like jumping when the
doctor walks into the room. I couldn’t even let him see the patient sleeping next to the door. He
needs to help Thulani first.
“Please help him…” I say and he walks towards the bed. “What is wrong with him?”
“Delirium tremens,” he says while checking on Thulani who is crying.
“A what?”
“He is having alcohol withdrawal…” he says while checking on him some more. Things are really
bad for my brother, it is a pity.
“He needs a sedative…” he says to the nurse and she picks some things from her tray. She
passes an injection to him and he uses it on Thulani. I see my brother sigh deeply before
relaxing on the bed. “His withdrawals are severe…very very severe,” he says while recording on
his book.

“How am I going to help?” I ask.

“Start looking for a rehab centre for him. This is bigger than you. Get him into a facility but still
be his support until he is on his feet. There are brochures with more information at the
reception. Start shopping for a facility for him. I will keep him here until he is good enough to
stand. Should take just a few days. The delirium tremens happens around five days or less…so
after this…things will look better.”
“So, he should never touch alcohol?”
“Yes. So it will be best that right after he gets discharged, he goes to a facility…or else he might
be tempted to drink again and you might not be able to help him. He was extremely dependent
on alcohol.”

“How long is he going to stay here?”

“Just a few days might be enough.”
I have a burden to get a facility for Thulani before he comes out. He might kill me for just a
drink.
I told Gundo about finding a rehab for my brother and he offered to get one in Cape Town. I
hope Thulani agrees. It would be a win-win situation to have my brother and my man in my life
without choosing sides.

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*****
I have the same belief as Maria’s mother. I was confiding in her and she told me that great
things are coming my way. I have been through the storm and out and the rainbow is about to
shine. I spent the afternoon with Maria and her mother, trying to get a rehab facility in
Thohoyandou. I haven’t been lucky and Thulani will see that taking him to Cape Town will be
the best option. I visited him this morning and he told me that he is not going to Cape Town
even if I have to carry him as a corpse. His excuse is the language barrier. Right now I just need
to book him in somewhere and thereafter convince him to come with me to Cape Town. Having
him there will be much better. Gundo can assist me.
“God is watching you my child,” Maria’s mother says, “Better days are coming.”

“Ofcourse Mma, I believe,” I say.

“You should join me at church sometimes,” she says while getting up. Since she became better,
she doesn’t skip church. Day and night she is at church. I pick my bag and walk with her until I
get to my gate.
I left their home because Maria needed to cook. I don’t have appetite so I won’t be cooking
tonight. I will have tea with bread tonight.
I pick a magazine and sit at the veranda. Kids are playing outside my yard like they always did. I
smile at them. They have always kept me company when I was here. I remember when I was
pregnant, I use to sit here and watch the kids play…trying to visualise how my child will be like.
“They are so cute,” I say to myself when I notice them dancing. I wish I could be as carefree as
them. All they are doing is sing and dance without a care in the world. I think the schools are
closed. There is a lot of them, including faces I don’t know.
I pull my phone from my pocket and call Gundo.
“Hey, love…” he says. He is busy. I can already hear it from the way he responded.
“I miss you so much,” I say. I really do. I miss his hug. I need his hug.
“Are you okay? I miss you too.”

“I am fine,” I sigh.
“Have you spoken to Thulani again?” he asks.
“Yeah…he says he doesn’t want to go to Cape Town.”
“But why are you giving him an option?”
“He has a say in this…”

“He doesn’t have a say. Book him here…finish and klaar..”

149
“I am worried about him Gundo…and I cannot just make decisions without his consent. I want
to meet him half way. He has to agree to this.”
“And if he doesn’t agree?”
“I will talk to him…”
“Thandeka, your brother needs your help…not the other way around. Book him into the
facility…there is no need for you to be apologetic about it.”
“I don’t know Gundo…I feel like I have failed him…he needed me and I was never there. Cant I
just do what he asks for? Just for once?”
“Stop blaming yourself Thandeka….Thulani is a grown ass man. I need you here as much as he
needs you…why can’t you come this side?”

“Gundo…”
“I can’t pack up and move there…we are only setting up the new company here…”
“Ofcourse I can’t expect you to move this side…”
“Then come back home. I will help you to get Thulani back on his feet…” he says, “Look, I need
to get into a meeting, I will call you in thirty minutes…it is just a brief meeting.”
“Okay,” I say before he hangs up. I drop the phone on the pillow next to me. I am sitting
outside, just watching a group of kids playing.
“Sesi Thandi, ri kho humbela madi,” a young girl calls out from the gate.
“Use that tap over there,” I yell out showing them the tap just behind the gate. Four girls hurry
to the tap with empty water bottles. I drop my eyes to the book that I am paging.
“Are we going to play house?” a girl calls out and she takes my attention. I sway my eyes to the
gate. She has a pink cute jump suit and pink water boots. Her curly hair is tied in a bun and she
is the only one speaking in English.

The other girls ignore her as she keeps asking.

“Don’t you want to play with me?” she asks, sounding frustrated. She looks like the girl I used to
see in Gundo’s house. I might be wrong. There are so many kids here and the schools are
closed, so she can be anyone’s child.
“You don’t want to play with me? My Mom is going to have a baby and I am going to play with
him all the time.”
What?
I feel like puking.

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Okay Thandeka! Stop jumping the gun. I try to calm myself. That might not even be Ciara.
Would Diana allow her child to come down to the village without her?
No! and what baby is she talking about?
Why am I feeling sick? That girl can belong to anyone.
My heart breaks into pieces when I see mam Angie walking towards the group of girls. I see her
walking away from the group with the girl’s hand in hers.

Breathe, Thandeka…breathe.
I stand and watch as they walk down the street. What if that is Ronnie’s child? I haven’t met
Ciara other than on the pictures.
I slide my feet into the sleepers and hurry outside the gate. If I don’t ask, I am going to die from
a heart attack.
“Mam Angie,” I call out and she turns. She stops at her tracks while I rush towards her. I am not
even afraid to find out the truth.
“Thandeka, I didn’t know you were back,” she says while I try to catch my breath.
“My brother is not well…I came to see him.”
“How is he doing?”

“He is fine,” I respond, “Who is that?”

“Huh?”
“Who is that?” I point at the cute girl standing infront of me. She has Gundo’s cheeks – I mean
Rudzani’s cheeks, no wonder Gundo couldn’t tell that she is not his. She smiles at me, showing
off her perfect teeth.
“Ciara,” Mam Angie says after swallowing hard.
“My name is Ciara,” the girl confirms.
“Mam Angie… Mme a Ciara vho di hwala?” I ask. I am sure Ciara did not hear what I said.
“We need to go…” Mam Angie says and pulls Ciara’s hand as they walks down the road.

Oh my God!

INSERT 30
GUNDO

151
That was the shortest briefing I have ever attended. Works for me because my mind was on
Thandeka. I don’t understand why she has to feel guilty for doing what is right for her brother.
We are booking Thulani in Cape Town CBD. Thandeka and I work around here and our house is
just 30 minutes’ drive…come on? This place it perfect.
“Hey man, are you joining me for drinks?” Njabulo asks.
“I was thinking of flying to Venda tomorrow morning, I need to talk to Thandeka about bringing
her brother here.”
“Her brother?” Njabulo asks.
“He needs some rehab and I think the one in town is better so that Thandeka can see him
whenever she wants and be part of his life. The problem is that she feels guilty for leaving him
alone…making him turn into alcohol. I need her too…the same way her brother needs her too. I
will make things better for all of us.”
“That should work for the three of you,” he says.
“Tell that to my woman,” I say and he laughs.
“They are always right those people,” he says.

“So, I’ll pass on tonight’s drinks.”

“Go do what you got to do,” he says while we walk to the parking lot. I jump into my machine
and dial Thandeka’s number immediately.
“Hi Gundo,” she answers breathlessly. I am reversing out of the parking and my car is filled with
her voice.
“Babe, why do you sound so breathless?” I ask with a chuckle. She sounds like someone who is
running.
“I was just going up the hill,” she says.
“See when I say you should join gym with me? You wouldn’t be loosing your breath,” I say,
“Look my love, I think the Cape Town rehab will be the best for Thulani. I browsed their pictures
on the internet and the facilities are the best. It is right in town…not far from your work.”
“It's fine.”
“Excuse me?”

“It's fine.”
What just happened? Did Thandeka just agreed without arguing or protesting what I am
suggesting?

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“Babe, whats wrong? Are you okay?”
“Yes.”
“You don’t sound fine. Please tell me what is wrong?” I ask and she stays long without
responding. What is going on here?
“When am I going to see you?” she asks after the hundredth time I ask what is going on.
“Tomorrow…I am thinking of coming up there for a few days. I thought I would take some time
to convience you to come here with Thulani…but since that is settled, I am coming so that we
can all fly back together. You might need help with Thulani.”

“I will see you tomorrow,” she says. She sounds so strange.

“Babe, do you want to tell me what is going on?”
“I will see you tomorrow,” she says and I finally agree to let her go. I have a session with Mrs
Molefe. Sessions with her are always good. I am happy with my progress. They do mean it when
they say talking to someone does help a lot. I don’t have the dreams I used to have. My anger is
subsiding by the day.
Today’s session focuses on forgiveness. I think this is the most difficult part: forgiving and
letting go.
“Do it for yourself,” she says. I don’t think I can ever forgive Diana for all the things she has
done to me and Ciara. I can never forgive my brother for such a betrayal. That is too much to
ask from me. She must continue to teach me to move on, not forgetting those two.
“Take your time Gundo. I am not saying that you should do it right now…but consider it…for
your own good. Get to a position where nothing bothers you,” she says.
“Thank you,” I say.
“What are you looking forward in life?”
“Getting married to my fiancée…she makes me happy.”
“She is a special woman,” she says with a smile. Indeed, Thandeka is very special.
She asks more questions about my future and what I want to see happen in my life. I broke it
down to her until she released me to go. My next task is forgiving people who have hurt me.
Maybe I can visit my family when I go see Thandeka, that will be the start.
When I get home, I make a sandwich and settle for bed. I hardly watch TV alone. It is either I am
working or I am sleeping.

153
I scored a first flight to Johannesburg and pass by the office for a few hours before taking a
company car and driving to Venda.
Thandeka tells me she is in hospital, visiting Thulani so I have no choice but to visit my family
home first. I am booked at my father’s lodge around Thohoyandou. I cannot sleep in the same
house with Rudzani.
I drive into the yard and park the car under the shade. I can’t believe this, Ciara is here. She is
standing at the end of the yard with three more girls. She is shocked to see me. My heart just
skipped a beat.
“Daddy?” she calls out as I step outside the car. She starts crying while running towards the car.
Ohhh, Ciara.
I pick her when she gets to me and she cries some more.
“My baby…” I say while rubbing her back. This breaks my heart. Aunt Angie walks out of the
house and watches as I try to calm her down.

This is all Diana’s fault. This whole fucken mess, is all her fault.
“Daddy…”
“Yes my baby.”
“I missed you so much,” she says while trying to clean her face with her cute tiny hands. Her
cute little face is pink and puffy in just a minute.
“Don’t cry…I am here now.”
“You came to see me?”
“I came to see you,” I say while walking to the house. She doesn’t want to let go and I don’t
blame her.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” Aunt Angie says while making a way inside the house.
“I came to see Thandeka so I thought I should pass by,” I say while getting on the couch. The
last time I was here, I had Rudzani on the floor. It is not a good memory at all.
“Yes, I heard her brother is not well. That boy lived for a bottle…everyday,” I say.
“So is your nephew,” I say. Rudzani lives the same lifestyle. I won’t be shocked if he is out
gallivanting without the care in the world.
“When did Ciara come to visit?” I ask.
“Last week…for the school holidays.” We would have been on family vacation.

154
“Daddy, when are we going to Kruger?” Ciara asks. It used to be her favourite place during
school holidays.
“Uhmmm… “ what do I tell the child? Is Rudzani even trying to take responsibility?
“Ciara, why don’t you go and play outside with your friends? Daddy and I need to talk.”
“No,” she says while clinging tightly on me. We are going to have a problem here.
Aunt Angie gets us drinks before joining me again. Thank God Rudzani is not home – I thought I
was ready to face him, but maybe not. I will just visit my parents before driving back to Joburg.
Thandeka calls me that she is done and is on her way back to the village. I need to pick her from
the bus stop.
“I need to get going,” I say to Aunt Angie.
“Daddy, I am going with you,” Ciara says.
“I will be back tomorrow Ciara,” I say but she cries hysterically.
“You can go with her, bring her when she is sleeping,” Aunt Angie says in deep venda. I have no
choice but to go with her.
*****
She looks so beautiful in a short red dress. She is crossing the road and walking towards my car.
Her smile makes her look so perfect. She opens the passenger door and jumps in happily.
“Hey my love,” she says, about to throw herself on me. She notices Ciara standing behind my
seat.
“We got company,” I say and she smiles at Ciara.
“We met yesterday,” she says and clears her throat.
“Ohh…”
“I saw her playing just outside my yard.” She never told me about it.

“I didn’t even know that she was around…” I say.

“I am hungry,” Thandeka says to change the subject.
“I am booked at the lodge, should we drive there and grab something to eat?”
“Yeah,” she says and I drive us to the lodge. We order food and sit outside where Ciara can play
on the jungle gym with the other girls who are here with their parents. She looks happier now.
Aunt Angie changed her into a cute pink dress and sandals earlier. I missed my baby so much.
“She is adorable,” Thandeka says. I have been staring at Ciara for far too long.

155
“She is,” I say, “She doesn’t want to let me go. I will drop her when she is asleep.”
“Why don’t you spend some few days with her? Thulani is going to be discharged on Monday so
you can spend a weekend with her and Monday we will leave for Cape Town.”
“Did you convience him?”
“No…you were right…I can’t give him options like he has a choice. We are going to Cape Town.”

“I am glad.”
We both turn to Ciara when we heard her loud laugh.
“Do you know where her mother is? When last did you speak to her?”
“I don’t even remember when last I spoke to her. I have nothing to say to her…nothing at all.”
Thandeka looks unsettled. “You don’t believe me…do you?”
“I do…”
“Then what’s up with you?” I ask. She looks shaken. “Your genuine smile was wiped away when
you saw Ciara in the car. I promise you, I couldn’t leave her home as she was crying so bad. I felt
so so bad. Diana is not even here, she dropped the child and went AWOL…probably until the
school re-opens.”
Thandeka deeply sighs.

“Didn’t Mam Angie tell you anything?”

“Uhmm…she did want to talk to me about something very important but Ciara never gave her a
chance,” I sway my eyes to Ciara who is happily jumping around. “She better tell me whatever
she needs to tell me. I am tired of people keeping news from me. Never…ever protect me from
the truth Thandeka. I rather know the truth than to deal with secrets coming out later. I don’t
trust my family anymore.”
Thandeka reaches for my hand.
“I wanted to tell you when the time is right but I can’t keep this from you because it is eating
me up,” she says. “This is not the right place though but I don’t want you to lose trust on me.”

“Tell me what?” I ask and she stares at Ciara.

“I don’t want you to think that I kept this from you when I knew…”
“Babe, what’s up?”
“Diana might be pregnant.”
“What?” I laugh.

156
“Yeah.”
“Well, she can be pregnant for all I care,” I say and smirk. Thandeka stares at me as if I have lost
it. It only kicks in later that I MIGHT BE THE FATHER.
“What the hell!” I spit out.
“Love, it’s okay…listen…it’s okay,” she says and squeezes my hand.

We are sitting outside but I feel suffocated!!!! … out of the blue.

No! She cannot be pregnant with my child. IMPOSSIBLE! How am I even sure when I don’t even
know what the hell happened to me that night?
“Gundo…look at me…look at me…” Thandeka says sweetly, trying to be as calm as possible. I
feel like a bucket of water is thrown on my head. I am sweating up but freezing at the same
time. “Don’t worry babe…it is fine. Don’t let it work you up.”
“I need to breath,” I say. I need a smoke. I need a beer. I need something.
“No…let’s breathe together right here,” she says not letting go of my hand. “Remember Mrs
Molefe said we should learn to breathe together? Let’s do it together.”
Ciara comes back to our table. She picks her milkshake and drinks some, then bite on her
pancake. I drop my head. She cannot see me like this.
“Daddy, they have a swimming pool at the back,” she says.
“Come Ciara…let’s get some ice cream,” Thandeka says while standing. She squeezes my hand
so tight.
“I won’t go anywhere Thandeka…I won’t go anywhere,” I say. I used to walk away when I am
worked up.

“Daddy, are you fine?”

“Pink or white mashmallows? Which ones do you like?” Thandeka distract Ciara while letting go
of my hand. “Let’s get mash-mallows with Ice cream.”
“Pink mashmallows,” Ciara says happily.

INSERT 31
DIANA
“What makes you think that I care about what you think?” I say while pouring juice into my
glass.

157
“Diana, you are rude,” Prudence says while pouring her champagne.
“Can somebody get me ice?” I call out to the group of waiters standing by the door, “How do
they even expect me to drink a hot juice like this?”
“I swear I am never going out with you,” Prudy mumbles. “You keep shouting at people.”
“Your loss…” I say.

“When is my niece coming back from Venda?”

“In a week’s time. She is going to be back here looking like a lost child. She likes to play in the
sun and they never apply sunscreen on her.”
“Let the child be. Who cares about the sun when they are at that age?”
“Everybody should know better than let her roam around those streets. The grooming I need to
do when she comes back? It always digs deep into my pocket.”
“Since when do you stress about money? Gundo takes care of everything, doesn’t he?” Prudy
asks. She doesn’t know about everything that has happened recently. She knows about the
divorce and the fact that we are continuing with our relationship regardless.
“But I cannot always be careless about the money.”
“What happened to you? Is it the new pregnancy?” she asks and I find myself rubbing on the
stomach. “I bet Gundo is extremely happy about having a son.”
“Why are we discussing my family when it is you who is getting married,” I say and she blushes.
My sister is getting married in a few months and she looks happy. If I could go back to those
young days when Gundo and I met, I would really do things differently.
Gundo has always been boring but he had a guaranteed future – I am not shocked that he runs
one of the most successful companies in the country. When we were in varsity, all he did was to
study and look for opportunities to invest. I liked that about him. He was boring…but well…he
took good care of me.
“Your life is interesting Diana. You get divorced but your EX is still in love with you…giving you
more babies and taking good care of you. What is the secret?”
“Why would I tell you my secret?” I smirk at her.
“I also want to keep my hubby,” she says.

“Lots of sex.”
“But sex doesn’t guarantee a perfect marriage,” she says.
“Is that what they teach you at church?” I ask.

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“Yes,” she says and smiles. “When are you coming down to Kimberley and visit Mom?”
“I will get some time and go see her.”
“She doesn’t even know that you are pregnant again…with a son.”

“Please don’t tell her when you go back?”

“Why not? She understands that you and Gundo are working things out and she will be excited
to know that you are expecting…she will be very happy.”
I feel sick all of a sudden. Maybe if we could stop talking about my pregnancy and Gundo and
everything concerning me.
“Excuse me…I need the bathroom,” I say while getting up and walking to the bathroom. I pull
my phone from my purse and check if there is a message or anything – but there is none. I run
the water, wet a tissue-towel and pat my forehead – I easily sweat when I am uneasy. All these
questions that my sister keeps asking are difficult for me. Keeping up with a lie is very difficult.
I do a few breathing exercises before heading back to the table.
“I am starting to feel sick,” I say while raising my hand for a waitress, “Please bring me a bill.”
The waitress brings a bill a few minutes later. She places the bill on the table and steps aside. I
give her my card and she swipes it.
“Ma’ am, it is not going through,” she says.
“Better be the network, right?” Prudy giggles while I pull another card. The waitress swipes and
looks at me with pity eyes.
“Oh…let it be on me…” Prudy says while taking her blue debit card…a goddam blue card. The
waitress swipes the card and leaves.

“Diana, what is going on?” she asks.

“I forgot that I transferred everything into the savings pocket.”
“Be honest with me. This is unlike you…everything…from the cheap plate you ordered…to what
you are wearing today. What is going on?”
I pick my bag and walk to my car. I don't need to explain myself to anyone – not to my
sister…not to anyone. I get into my car and drive home.
I retire to bed. This pregnancy will be the death of me.
I am woken by a call. It is Rudzani. He annoys me so much.
“What do you want?” I ask annoyingly.

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“Will you ever stop being rude?”
“What do you want?”
“Your daughter wants to speak to you.”

“Our daughter you mean?”

“Dude…stop that…stop that bull…”
“Don’t use that language in front of my child. Can you just grow up for once?” I ask and he clicks
his tongue.
“Mommy…how are you?” Ciara says happily. I get up and sit straight. It has been a while since
Ciara was this excited.
“I am fine my baby…how are you?”
“I am fine.”

“Why do you sound so happy?”

“I was swimming with daddy,” she says, “He came to see me and he says he loves me.”
“What?” You were swimming with who?” I ask.
“With daddy. He came to see me. He bought me pancakes and milkshake…and we were
swimming…”
“Give uncle Rudzani the phone?” I ask. I have been looking for Gundo for so long. I took Ciara to
Venda so that I can get access to Gundo’s family. They didn’t want to tell me where he is. They
claim they don’t know.
“What?” Rudzani rudely says. He hates me since the day he learned that I told Gundo the truth
about Ciara’s paternity. I wish I could take back those words I told Gundo. He didn’t have to
know. I think jealousy got the best of me.
“Is Gundo there?”
“He was here…he just dropped off Ciara.”
“I need to speak to him…can you please get me his number?”

“I am not giving you nothing…the last time I trusted you…I ended up written off by my family.”
“I told you, I am sorry. Right now I need Gundo’s number. I could drive there right now but I
don’t have enough to travel at this moment. I need Gundo’s number.”
“I don’t have his number.”
“But your aunt might have. Please…find a way to get them for me.”

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“No…”
“Rudzani…grow up man. Do you think a thousand rands that you send me monthly will
maintain that child and the baby? I need money…”
“You make me sick.”
“So, do you…” I say, “I will wait for the numbers.”

I decide to get up so that I could grab something to eat while I wait for the numbers.
Gundo, Rudzani, and Ronnie – may his soul rest in peace, are brothers. Gundo is the first born
and the hard-working brother while Rudzani is a womanizer. Rudzani can make any shitty girl
feel better about herself with just a few words. I wouldn’t say I fell for his words, I just wanted a
piece of him while my husband was at work. Gundo used to work day-in-and-out just to give me
a perfect life which at first I didn’t want. I didn’t fancy staying in a double storey or shopping for
anything without getting worried about the bank balance. I didn’t fancy that life until I started
living it. I would shop all I want while Gundo searched for more operations to get more money.
To be honest, I was not too attracted to him. He came off as just a man while Rudzani came off
as a man who would give me one look and I blush off the whole day. I got tempted, I did. I fell
into the trap until Ciara was conceived. Gundo didn’t have to find out because I know that was
one thing I knew would break him. I shouldn’t have said anything because now he has cut me
off from his life. I didn’t even know that he was capable of saying NO to Ciara. He is not capable.
It is that cleaner that he fell in love with. I know how to push that man.
Rudzani sent me an SMS with Gundo’s new number.
“Bingo!”
I try the number but it is on voice mail.
“Damn!”
I need to speak to Gundo ASAP. My world cannot come crumbling down while he is alive.
I try the phone again and this time, a woman answers, “Gundo’s phone hello.”
“Can I speak to Gundo?”
“Diana?”
Oh, it is the cleaner girl.

“Can I speak to Gundo?”

“You can speak to me. Gundo is taking a shower,” she says, gloating that she won the man.
“Tell him to call me when he is done.”

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“He won't be calling you when he is done with a shower.”
“Oh, then I will call him later.”
“What do you want from him? Can't you let him be in peace?”

“What do you know what he wants?”

“I call shots in his life right now…so I know what he wants.”
“You are going to wear out and he is going to leave you…do not think that you are special.”
“Goodbye Diana.”
“His unborn son needs his attention…by the way,” I say, maybe this will take her attention.
“Like I said, you can speak to me about that unborn baby. What do you need? Money? I can
make a transfer for a few bucks to your account right now. What do you want from him? Are
your pockets getting dry already?” she chuckles. What the fuck. I hang up.

“Fuck!” I yell out while throwing the phone on the bed. Who does she think she is?
I walk into my closet and check what I can sell online tomorrow. Since Gundo fired me…I am
struggling to get a job. Damn poor South African economy. I am not really out of all the cents
but I am careful with money now.

My phone rings from the bedroom. I want to ignore it but what if it is Gundo?
What? Yes! It is him…unless it his cleaner girlfriend.
“Hello…”
“Diana,” Gundo’s voice. I smile. He called back. I am still important to him.
“Hi Gundo. I called earlier.”

“What do you want?” he asks. He sounds so polite and humble.

“I wanted to invite you to my next doctor’s appointment on Tuesday. I am pregnant with our
son,” I say happily. This is the first time he hears about this unless his family told him. I doubt
his family told him because he would have tried to reach out. Gundo would do anything for
Ciara and Khuthi…I believe he can do anything for any of his children – born or unborn.

“How are you?” he asks. He sounds so angelic like the young man I got married to. He still cares.
“I am struggling with this pregnancy because I am on my own. Look…I don’t want you to feel
sorry for me because you are done with me…but I just wanted to invite you to the next doctor’s
appointment…and maybe we can sit down for coffee afterwards.”
“Alright,” he says.

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“What? You will come?”
“Send me the time and I will be there.”
“Gundo…” I sob. “You are a wonderful man.”

“I believe so. See you on Tuesday.”

“Yeah…yeah…Monday it is,” I say and he hangs up.
What did I say?
LOL.
Gundo will always, ALWAYS, be mine.

INSERT 32
GUNDO
I think I have breathed enough!
Where is Thandeka and Ciara? They have been gone for longer than thirty minutes. I don’t want
burden Thandeka with my mess.
We were doing just fine. I don’t even know why I am bothered by all of this information, I
should actually see this as a way forward.
I pick my phone, ready to call my woman but she appears before I could dial. She is laughing
hysterically to what Ciara is saying. They both have ice creams and are walking hand-in-hand. I
can just imagine her already with our hundred kids. She will make a perfect beautiful mother.
Her pitchy voice is even made for reprimanding.
Her smile fades away when she reaches the table – I know why. She is worried about me. I give
her a smile instead, to show her that I am fine. Ciara is still laughing.
“What is so funny?” I ask.

“I was telling her that I always beat you whenever we swim. Always and always…”
“Ciara,” I gasp loudly, “That is a lie.”
“It is not a lie, daddy…I always win.”
“Liar.”
“I am not lying,” she defends herself after licking her ice cream.

“Okay, okay…why don’t we have a re-match…I will be the judge? Tomorrow!”

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“Yes, yes, yes,” Ciara says happily.
“Tomorrow, I will show you who the winner is,” I say and Ciara laughs while Thandeka smiles.
“Looks like your new friend is waiting for you?” Thandeka says to Ciara who turns towards the
small park. She gives me the ice cream and runs to the jungle gym.
“And what am I supposed to do with this? It is going to melt,” I say with a shrug. It is already
melting as we speak.
“Let me with that,” Thandeka says while sitting down. She reaches for an empty mug from the
table next to us and places the ice cream it.
“Thank you Thandeka…thank you for taking her for a walk when I needed to breathe,” I say
while squeezing her hand.

“Don’t mention it. I know you would have done the same for me.”
I watch as she carefully licks the ice cream tower that threatens to fall.
“The way you are licking that thing,” I say and she laughs.
“What about it? It is melting in seconds,” she says while getting more of it.
“Wish I could get that sort of licking.”

“Pity we have a guest tonight…I was going to show you flames,” she says and we both laugh.
What can I do without her? she has been part of my healing.
I only took Ciara home on Saturday afternoon after our competition which she HAD to win, if
you know what I am talking about. I had to convince her that I need to go back to work. I gave
my aunt my number for her to call me when she misses me. I bought her a few clothes to let
her keep her smile.
Thandeka and I head back to my room after a long shopping we had to do for Thulani. He is
going back to Gauteng with us tomorrow. He has no choice but to go with me.
“They should make a bathtub and a shower,” I say while taking off my clothes for a shower.
“Something to suggest to your father,” she says.
“Ofcourse.”

I jump into the shower, for a quick one.

“Gundo…your phone is ringing,” Thandeka calls out from the bedroom.
“Answer it for me,” I call out. Who might be calling me on a weekend?

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I finish up and dry myself up. Thandeka is quiet, not even giving me the message from the
phone call. I wrap the towel around my waist and walk back to the room/.
“Who was that?”
“It was Diana.”
Diana again!
“Ohh…did she say why she was calling?” I ask why drying my head. I don’t have anything to say
Diana. I just need to deal with her once and for all.
“Well…she was just being her old rude self.”
“We are going to sit down with her. I am done with her nonsense,” I say and she stares at me.
“We?”
“Me and you.”

“What are we going to say to her?”

“I have a plan,” I say and she deeply sighs.
I call Diana back and she is inviting me to a doctor’s appointment.
How crazy can this woman be? Thinking that I am playing happy family with her?
****
Sunday morning, I drive back to Joburg with Thandeka and her brother. I couldn’t book us hotel
rooms so we are crashing at Njabulo’s house in Joburg South. I am in a process of selling my old
house so we are renting it out. I want to start afresh with Thandkea when we get
married…which is in few weeks. Njabulo’s sister stays here with her son…so we are able to
leave Thulani with her while Thandeka and I go to meet Diana.
She is using the same gynae she has used all her life with me. We are in the same hospital that
we were in when Ciara was born. It breaks my heart to know that, I was overjoyed for nothing. I
wasted my tears of joy.
I remember, when Ciara was born, I took a month off just to help around the house, do skin-to-
skin contact with the baby…only to be told that she is not yours? What a slap on my face.
“Babe, I will wait for you here,” Thandeka says. She insists on staying in the car. “Let me allow
you to do this…I feel like she will know that something is up if I show up with you. Let her
believe that you are there to give her support.”

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“I think you are right,” I say. I kiss her before jumping out of the car. I know my way around the
hospital, so I hurry to Dr Lucas’s consultation room. I open the door and I am welcomed by
women staring at me. I forgot how uncomfortable this room is.
“Psssst….babe…I am here,” Diana whispers from the corner and she waves her manicured hand
– as always.
I greet while finding my way to the chair next to her.
“You made it,” she whispers and throws her hands around my neck.
“Diana…” I untangle her hands around my neck…trying not to bring attention to us.
“Sorry, I am just so happy to see you. You look amazing,” she says and scans me from head to
toe.

“How are you?”

“I am fine, thank you…and you?” she asks. Does she have to ask? She has messed up my life.
“What time are we getting in?” I ask instead.
“When the patient comes out of the room.”
I relax on the chair and get my phone out from my pocket. Thandeka has been sending me
selfies of herself in the car – I can’t help but smile.

“Ciara told me you took her swimming,” Diana says, obviously disturbing my smile.
“Yes…”
“Your daughter loves to swim…”
Some people are crazy, huh!
“When can she move in with me?” I ask and she almost froze.

“Uhm…can we talk about this over coffee?”

“Ofcourse!”
The nurse comes and asks us to follow her to the consultation room. The doctor is finishing up
with another patient in his office. The nurse passes a gown to Diana and walks out of the room.
Diana picks the gown and walks to the changing room. She comes back in a morning gown and
her hair tied. She seats on top of the bed and stares at me.
“I am so sorry Gundo.”
There is a lot of things she needs to be sorry about.
“What are you sorry for?”

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“I am sorry about what I said about Ciara. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“You shouldn’t have said anything so that I continue to live a lie? You watched while I raised
that baby from the day she was born and I don’t understand why it took you that long to come
with the truth.”
“It was wrong for me to do what I did…it is unforgivable…but Ciara will always be your
daughter.”
“Hence I asked when is she moving in with me? You know why? I spent a weekend with her and
I was able to pick it up that she is not happy with you. You don’t give her attention…”
“How was I supposed to give her attention when I am busy trying to find a job…you left me with
a big house which I cannot even maintain…and…”
“Sell it…”

The doctor knocks on the door once and walks into the room.
“Oh, Mr Radzilani…good to see you after such a long time…how are you?” Dr Lucas asks while
walking towards me to shake my hand.
“It has been a while…” I say while shaking his hand. He sits next to the bed while Diana lies on
the bed. He does his check-up and ends with up an ultra-sound.
This should have been the best experience…but it is horrific for me. I am not even paying
attention to what is happening. I just need the picture, that is all.
“The boy is growing up fast,” Dr Lucas advises with a smile. He snaps the pictures.
“And he kicks a lot…he takes it from his father,” Diana says with a smile. This woman is sick in
the head.
Dr Lucas prints out the pictures.
“Can I have them emailed to me instead?” I ask while he is still sitting behind the ultrasound.

“Ofcourse,” he says, “We can email or even print on a disc.”

“Email, please,” I say and recite my address to him.
“Done. It should get into your mail soon. So…do you already have a name for the boy?”
“Yes.”
“No,” I say.
We proceed to the office where the doctor prescribed more vitamins for Diana and procedures
to book the hospital for birth. The sooner the better, he says.

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“Congradulations once again Mr Radzilani,” Dr Lucas says as we stand from our seat.
*****
I take Thandeka’s hand as we walk inside the coffee shop. We are here to meet Diana. I told
Diana to go ahead to the shop and I will follow. Thandeka looks at me and smile. She is fierce,
isn’t she?
Diana is texting on her phone when we arrive.
“We are here,” I say and she lifts her head to meet us. I could literally see her face change. She
is sitting on a table big enough for the three of us.

“What is she doing here?”

“She is accompanying me to have coffee with you,” I say while pulling the chair for her. I sit
when she is settled.
I watch as Diana traces her eyes to Thandeka’s hand.
“What are you here for? To gloat?”
“You asked me to be in your doctor’s appointment and grab tea afterwards…that is what I am
here for.”
“I am out of here…”

“No…sit your arse down,” I say. We need to talk and we are going to talk.
“You don’t tell me what to do…”
“I do when we have to discuss Ciara…and that child you are carrying.”
“We are here to talk to you…nothing else,” Thandeka says sweetly.
“I have nothing to say to you.”

“She is going to be my wife…and she is going to be Ciara’s mother.”

“Over my dead body.”
“Why do you keep telling Ciara that I am her father? You keep feeding her these bad things
about me and I am not going to sit down and watch. Listen to me…I don’t want to sue for
paternity fraud. You know that if I win the case, which I will, you are going to pay back
everything that I paid for Ciara since she was born? I can get you to pay for the pain you have
caused me by making me believe that I am the father…I don’t want to go through with that…I
don’t want to destroy that girl’s future… so if you want me to continue to be her father…give
me the rights and let me do my job,” I say and she keeps frowning with each word. “You and
Rudzani are both incapable.”

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“I am capable to raise my own child,” Diana hisses.
“Ciara asked if she could move in with us because she is always crying every day when you
shout at her.”
“I don’t shout at my child.”
“She says you do,” Thandeka says. “And this is just until she grows up to be old enough to
understand what is going on.”

My phone rings, it is my lawyer.

“Hey, this is going to be the best evidence to bring her down for sexual assault. I just called the
gynae to set-up a meeting for him to confirm in word, I will take my tape recorder and in
writing what the conception date is and to calculate back to the possible date of the
intercourse…I am meeting him tomorrow morning. If the intercourse date is confirmed to be
around the day of the incident…we are going to win this without a doubt.”
“That is good news, right? We can prove that she sexually assaulted me, right?”

“It is great news,” he says before hanging up.

Diana stares at me, fuming.
“That was my lawyer. We are still building up evidence that you sexually assaulted me Diana…
and I am going to win the case. Dr Lucas is in to attest to the dates necessary for us to win.”
“I never sexually assaulted you.”
“You cannot even fool a blind person. I have a team of best lawyers to tackle this one and I
know that by now you are penniless to even fight back the truth,” I say while putting my phone
on the table.
“I never assaulted you.”
“You did.”

“No, I did not.”

“I have proof…come on…I told you that the nanny cam has evidence of you drugging me. You
were even a fool enough to send the video around…I woke up to this weird thought or
dream…whatever it is…we had sex and …”
“I never had sex with you…” she says shaking. “I…I just did the video and…that was it.”
“So…the baby you are carrying is not Gundo?”
“I never said it is his…”
“You called me to tell me that you were pregnant with my baby…”

169
“No! I never said that he was yours,” she says and I laugh. This woman is crazy.
“I asked you countless time if we had sex that day Diana…why did you let me go through that
trauma if you didn’t sleep with me? How cruel can you be?” I loudly say. I don’t care who is
listening to us. “I am seeing a damn therapist because of you…because of you Diana…”
“I never said…”
“Shut up!” I yell out and laugh. “For so many months Diana I have been sick…I have been fucken
sick because of this whole mess. You watched me. I moved away from my life and my business
because of you. How messed up can you be? You are cruel Diana.”
She sobs.
"Gundo..."
"I can't believe this. How can you?" She enjoyed tormenting me with these lies. I couldn't sleep
for weeks.
“What proof do you have that Gundo is not the father?” Thandeka asks. I didn’t even think of
asking that…because she might still be lying at this point. I don't trust her a bit.
“I…I…went to see the doctor way before that day…and…the...”
So what she means is...she wanted to trap me with another child?
“You are sick!!!!” Thandeka says and stands from her seat.
“You are so so sick Diana….you are so so sick…you need help” I spit. “You know what? You can
rot in hell.”

INSERT 33
THANDEKA
We walk into a house full of laughter. Gundo and I look at each other as we walk to the dining
area. It has been a while since I heard Thulani laugh so hard and genuinely. They don’t notice us
so we stand by the door and watch them.
“I knew I was never ever going to be a father since that day,” Thulani says.
“Come on…you were what? Ten years? You can’t decide from that incident that you won’t
make a good father. Thandeka probably doesn’t remember that you fed her cat food…” she
says and laughs, “Let me tell you something…I have heard of worst scenarios.”
“What worst scenario?”
“A case where a man faints when he has to change a diaper.”

170
“Those are cowards,” Thulani says and they both laugh. “But who am I to judge. My mother told
me I once ran away when Thandake messed her diaper.”
“Say what?”
“Sengiw’xolisile umoya wami, ak’mele ngithenjwe ngezingane,” Thulani says.
“Whohh yazini Thulani, ung’khumbuze ngingalokothi nje ng’shiye uBundle of joy wami nawe,”
Zizipho responds and the room is filled with laughter.
I lift my head to Gundo and smile. Their conversation is flowing and it is interesting. I end up
clearing my throat, and they both turn towards our direction.

“Sorry…we knocked and you guys didn’t answer,” I say and they both dig on their plates.
“Babe, I need a shower…I will see you a little later,” Gundo says. He does need a moment alone
and I am going to give him. We spent an hour just seated in the car, contemplating what just
happened during our meeting with Diana.
That woman is sick! She needs help.
“Should I prepare you something to eat?”
“No…later,” Gundo says and disappears to the guest room.
I cross my arms and watch as Zizipho and Thulani continues to eat. I wish they could continue
talking. I missed having my brother around.
“Can I join you?” I ask and they both nod. I pick a plate and dish for myself. They are having
pasta and mince – something that Thulani would have refused to eat if I cooked.
I settle on a chair next to my brother. I am impressed by how he is doing. I have been scared for
days. I wish we were staying here for longer so that he could have more of these family
moments. I am just worried that something might trigger an idea for him to drink. We don’t
watch TV because chances of seeing an AD with someone drinking alcohol are too high and it
might give Thulani some ideas.
“Zizipho, how often do you visit Njabulo in Cape Town?” I ask.
“I hardly visit that side. It is too white for me,” she says.

“Exactly what I said,” Thulani joins and shrugs his shoulder.

“I disagree with the both of you…I think Cape Town is so warm and homely,” I say. Maybe I am
so used to an idea of starting over that side. Even worse when Thulani is joining Gundo and I.
“If I had a choice, I wouldn’t be going,” Thulani adds. It is good that he knows that he doesn’t
have any choice. He came to understand that Gundo and I are in his team. He knows very well

171
that those guys in Venda were just going to bring him down with them. Or maybe, the whole
detoxing experience at the hospital opened his eyes.
Whatever the reason, I am glad to have my brother back.
Ziizipho finishes eating and takes the dishes to the kitchen. Thulani picks his plate and follow to
the kitchen.
What is happening to my brother? He has changed so much. He never cleans up after himself.

“Does your son sleep the whole night?” Thulani asks.

“He will wake up at ten…he has weird nap hours,” Zizipho adds.
“Uhmm…do you mind washing this for me?” I request.
“Not a problem,” she says and takes the plate from me. I disappear to the guest room where
Gundo is. He is sitting in the darkness when I enter the room. Had I known that he is not fine…I
wouldn’t have stayed in the living room for dinner.
“Gundo? Are you okay?” I ask while getting in and sitting down next to him.
“I am fine.”
“Why are you sitting in the darkness.”
“I didn’t even notice,” he says. “I was just wondering how Diana can be so cruel?” He shakes his
head.
“I am glad that she is out of your life…out of our lives.”
“What about Ciara?”
“I was thinking…Ciara is not your priority right now. Let your aunt take care of her for now…if
Diana and Rudzani are incapable…and when she is old enough, she can always visit us.”
“But she is so young and lost…”
“But she is your connection to Diana. I am done with you stressing youself over things. Let’s
start afresh….just me and you…please…”
I hope he understands.

“Yeah…you are right.”

“Why don’t you take a shower and go have supper? We have an early flight tomorrow.”
He stands from the bed and takes off his shirt.
“So, what were they laughing at? Thulani and Zizipho?” he asks while heading to the shower.

172
“I don’t even know…they were just having a flowing conversation…”
“Interesting…”
“I think Thulani likes her,” I say and laugh, “He even took his plate to the kitchen.”

“He did?”
“Imagine? Thulani…my brother took his plate to the kitchen…allow me to celebrate,” I say with
a chuckle, with the hope of cheering my man up. The afternoon meeting with Ciara was kinda
messed up. I am glad that there is nothing connecting us with her. I trust that the baby does not
belong to Gundo. Ofcourse we are waiting for the lawyer to come back with a report after
seeing Dr Lucas. I believe Dr Lucas has all Diana’s records.
“Are you fine?” Gundo asks. I might have looked like a ghost.

“Yeah…”
“No…you look like you have just seen a ghost.” What did I say? It was too obvious.
“I was just wondering…did you ever try out for a baby with Diana?” I ask. Gundo seats next to
me.
“Why?”
“I mean…why would Diana be pregnant with Rudzani and not with you? I mean the time she
had Ciara,” I ask.
“Well…honestly speaking…I was not ready to have another child before I could build an empire.
It was very wrong of me to keep it from her…but when she was pregnant with Ciara…I was the
happiest man in the world,” he says and I nod. It is best that I keep it here. I still have a million
of questions. I think Diana knew what she was doing with Rudzani. She wanted to keep
Gundo…and she knew that a baby would be the foundation of their marriage. But why not get
pregnant with Gundo’s baby?
“Babe?” Gundo shakes me.
“Hey…”
“What are you thinking about?”
“I am just thinking about how cruel Diana is,” I say and Gundo stands. He walks to the end of
the room and turns back to look at me.
“From now on…we are never discussing about Diana or anything related to her. Let us focus on
getting Thulani on his feet so that he can walk you down the aisle.”

“I agree.”

173
*****
Gundo has enough money to last him a life time so I am not shocked at the therapy house he
picked for Thulani. I mean, this place is even better than most hotels I know. Thulani has his
own room as he is not a threat of a patient anymore. He has his own TV. I think the only thing
that is out of place is the drug testing room. Other than that, this place looks like a five star
hotel.
I am walking around his room. I am a proud sister, right now. Thulani is seated on a small bed at
the corner of the room.
“Do you like it?” I ask. He might not be seeing things the way I am seeing them…and it is fine. I
high jacked his life. He has a right to be happy or unhappy about this.
“It is better than I expected,” he says – that brought a smile on my face.
“They even have a recreation room…did you see? Maybe if you tell them that you are
interested in construction…they can link you to a job or something.”
“Who is going to hire me?”
“What? You think I don’t know that you are the best brick layer, ever? I have heard rumors,” I
say. I was once told that he is the best – the bottle was a problem.
“Thank you,” he finally says. I have been longing to hear this words from him. I walk up to him
and give him a hug.

“Thank you for coming with me,” I say. “They are going to help you.”
We sit in silence. Thulani and I have grown apart since I moved to Pretoria. We are going to get
a day to talk about everything. Right now, he needs to be on his feet.
“He loves you,” Thulani utters after a long while. “He really loves you.”
“He does. He makes me happy.”
“It shows,” he says with a smirk. “Now, can you excuse me? Can I get settled?”
“Ofcourse,“ I say while standing up. “I will visit you tomorrow…I work just few streets away
from here.”
I am so emotional as I tread to the car. Gundo is waiting for me there. He wanted my brother
and I to have a moment.

He starts the car as I jump in.

“Where are we going?”
“Home,” I say and he drives us out of town, in silence.

174
How can I thank this man? I take his hand and hold to it. Everything seem to be working for our
good and this feels like AFTER DAWN, after all.
Gundo puts the car on park and lead the way to the house. He can feel what I am feeling. I close
the kitchen door and he is already grabbing my shirt. He drops his head to kiss me and I stand
on my toes to reach for a perfect peck.
I need to love him with my body right now. He needs to love me back.
He kisses me while undoing the buttons of my shirt. He helps me to pull his t-shirt off. His touch
is warm – as always. I rest both of my palms on his bare chest.
“I love you Gundo Radzilani,” I say with my eyes on him. No words can explain how much I feel
for this man.
“I love you more Thandeka Sibiya,” he says.
I know for sure that Gundo loves me…he loves me way more than I can love him back. I feel it. I
see it. I live to witness it every day.
He picks me and lands me on the kitchen counter. He does this when he wants to talk. I want to
shag. I want to feel him.
“When the time is right, I am going to marry you and we are going to grow old together,” he
says while staring up to my eyes. “Tell me what you want….tell me what you need and I will you
get you just that?”

“Gundo…”
“I mean it…I am happy again…and you made it possible. I owe you everything…I owe you
everything I have ever worked for.”
“I don’t need anything…I just need to be with you,” I say…hoping that we can get done with this
convo. I want some loving.
“Forever? Will you be with me forever?”
“I promise!” I say and he pulls my head so that he could reach for my lips.
I promise to be with him forever! I mean it!

INSERT 34
GUNDO
I unbutton her dress and drop it on the floor after few minutes. She helps me with her bra and
it joins her dress on the floor. Her bare chest is confidently staring at me – the sight so

175
beautiful. I cup one breast with my right hand and she gasps for air. Her body is chilly but I can
feel it heating up by a second. She helps me take my shirt off. I move closer to the counter and
she spreads her legs so that I can stand in between them. I cup both her boobs with both my
hands and continue to kiss her. Her moans tell me she is getting ready for me. Her lips become
more wet as I carry on kissing her and sucking her tongue while my hands explore the whole of
her.

“I miss you so much,” she says, yet I am here.

“I miss you too,” I say to her. I have been distant with her. I have been so distant that sex would
be the last thing on my mind. I would burry myself in my work and she would allow me to be so.
I pick her up from the kitchen counter and she wraps her legs around my waist. I cannot help
but kiss her just perfect. She receives me in her mouth so sweetly that I get even more
hardened. I drop her on the sofa. I take off my pants while she watches. I pull her panty and
throw it somewhere in the living room. She spreads her legs and allows me in.
“Ahhhhh…damnit!” I swear while she moans. It feels like heaven – like it has always felt. She is
so wet as I continue to slide inside. She gasps as I get ready to pump her up. She closes her eyes
when I start stroking her. I kinda shiver with each stroke. This feel like god damn heaven.

She locks me in by pushing me towards her and wrapping her legs around my waist.
“Can…I…come inside?” I ask, knowing that I am I can explode any minute.
“Wait for me to come…” she whispers.
“Babe…” I close my eyes while I explode without a warning. I grit my teeth when all seeds fill
her up.
“Gundoooo…”
“Damn! I…didn’t see it coming,” I say and plant a kiss on her forehead and roll on the side.
“I told you to wait for me,” she says while getting up.
I cover my eyes with my hand and sigh. That was an unfinished job.
“I am going for a shower,” she says while picking the clothes. She is not happy with me.
“But babe…” I call out. “Come on…”
“What?” she asks.

“You are mad at me…” I say. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“Ofcourse!” she says and disappears. She is not kidding. We are not going to sleep until she
cums - It is a job I am ready to do. I pull myself to stand and follow to the bedroom. I can hear
the water from the bathroom so I carry on there. I close the toilet and sit on top.

176
“Babe, are you ready to have babies with me?” I ask. I know that she is going to take morning
after pills since she stopped taking the contra pills. She was starting to pick up some weight so
she is waiting to move to another contraceptive.
“I told you that I am going to give you hundred babies once we get married.”
“What about now?”
“What do you mean, what about now?” she asks.

“I mean are you going to take morning after pills?”

“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you…skip this time? We are going to get married in a few months…or weeks to be
precise.”
“Then, we will have babies after a few months.”
She turns off the water and opens the shower door. I watch as she steps out of the shower,
naked and tempting. She picks the towel from the rack and start drying herself.
“Why don’t we have babies now?”
“We spoke about this Gundo. Lets get married first.”

“But we are as good as married.”

"We are not."
“So, is it that you don’t trust me enough? I mean, we are getting married in a few weeks.”
“What changed then because we said we are going to start making babies when we are
married? In a few weeks…what changed?”
“I am sure that I am going to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Then, you do not have to be in a hurry…I am not going anywhere.”

“I am not …”
“Drop it Gundo. I am not making babies before we get married.”
“What? Are you just in a bad mood that I came first? I am sorry I couldn’t hold myself.”
“Really? Really Gundo?” she says and picks her lotion. She marches to the bedroom and start
applying lotion while I watch.
I am turned on so I walk closer to her.

“Babe…let me make you cum then so that we can have a proper chat.”

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“Mxm.” She looks at me from the corner of her eyes and continue putting on lotion. She walks
to the closet and grabs a silk night dress.
“Don’t put it on…”
“I am not in the mood anymore.”
“What? But you just turned me on…”
She puts her nightie on and get inside the duvet. I cannot help but smile. She gets moody in
days when I don’t make her come when she wanted to.
“Babe…come on…” I say and she switches off her side lamp and cover her head with her duvets.
I jump into the shower for five minutes before walking back to the kitchen to make sure that
doors are locked and lights are switched off.
I get into the duvet and spoon her. this is the way we sleep. Whether one is angry or not. I get
hardened on whenever she shakes her booty – sometimes I think she is doing it intentionally.
By morning, she is still in a foul mood. I know so because I didn’t get my morning kiss when she
got off from bed. She just went straight to shower and came back to the room to pick her
clothes for the day.
“Babe, are you okay?” I ask while I sit up. She is supposed to be fine by now. If this had anything
to do with sex, she would have woken me up for a morning glory.
“Yeah, I am fine.”
I get up, kiss her on her forehead before walking to the bathroom for a shower. By the time I
walk back to the room, the bed is laid but she didn’t attempt to pick clothes for me to wear. I
grab a blue formal pair of trousers and a white shirt. I take my brown shoes and put them on
before walking to the kitchen for breakfast. She is packing her lunch bag.
“Looks like you are taking the whole house,” I say and she continues to pack the fruits and
snacks.
“We are staying at the shop until eight today. We are stock-taking.”
“Oh, okay…maybe Njabulo and I can stay up at the office and have some drinks while I wait for
you.”
“Sure.”
“Babe…are you okay? I don’t know what I did…Whats up? Are you being a woman nje? Or
what?”
“Am I being a woman?” she asks.

178
“Like you are just moody for no reason?” I ask and she continues to pack her lunch box.
“Thandeka…this is childish, really…what is wrong with you? Is it about me asking for a baby?”
“Yes!”
“What did I do wrong by asking to have a baby with you?”
“What if we can’t have babies?” she asks and stares into my eyes.

“Uhm…why not?”
“Never mind,” she says.
“No…do you know something that I dont?”
“I just want you to marry me first before we start planning for a baby…what if you are marrying
me just to have children with you? …and maybe if we never get to have children…you won’t be
happy with me?”
“I will be happy with you with or without a child…I was just loving an idea of having a child.”
“But what if we cant have children?”

“How so?”
“What if any of us is infertile?”
“Uhm…well…we can always adopt if we want…but you shouldn’t be worried about that. You
were once pregnant some years ago, remember? And I had Khuthi…so…I don’t think we have
anything to worry about.”
She relaxes. I don’t know why she is getting so worked up.
“Why don’t we stay in today…you can call in sick and we can finish what we started last night,” I
say while walking towards her. I kiss her on her lips and she kisses back.
“We have stock taking today…I can’t call in sick.”
“Ouch!”

“Finish up your breakfast and let us go.

The ride to work is quiet. She is worried about something. Maybe, this baby thing didn’t seat
well with her. I should stop mentioning it.
She kisses me on the cheek before she jumps off from the car.
*****
Njabulo has a meeting with an associate so I couldn’t ask him to join me for drinks while I wait
for Thandeka. Instead I drive around town, get Thandeka flowers and a little something that I

179
know she is going to love. She is going to be so excited. I get home and carefully place her
flowers and a perfectly wrapped gift on the bed and hurry to cook her supper. There is nothing
special to cook than rice and roast chicken. I get everything ready until at half past seven when
she calls me to pick her up. I drive to her work and park just outside the shop. I watch as she
laughs with her colleagues while walking towards the door. She is in a better mood – lucky me.

She jumps into the car and I speed off to our home.
“Did you have a good day?”
“I did…you?”
“Did you forgive me for whatever I did?” I ask and she smiles.
“I am sorry I was that childish. I was just worked up by something and I should have handled it
better.”

“You know you are allowed to tell me anything,” I say while we park on the driveway, at home.
“I know.”
“Then why are you not honest about what is working you up? Remember we promised each
other that we are going to be open about anything and everything…no matter how painful and
how great?”
“Yes!”
“Then talk to me.”
She picks my hand and rubs it while she settles to seat well.
“I am just worried about you.”

“Why? Is the Diana issue with the rape and all?”

“Not the rape.”
“Then what are you worried about?”
“I was just thinking…that you were married to Diana…and in all the years you were with
her…she never fell pregnant with your baby…”
“Well…we didn’t plan for babies as I was busy with my businesses…”
“But honestly Gundo…if Diana wanted to be pregnant with your baby…she would have fallen
pregnant. She would have stopped taking contraceptive and let you father her children…but
you never did…” she says and I shrug.
“So…”

180
“She looks like someone who wanted to be pregnant with your child…or she wouldn’t have
fallen pregnant with Rudzani if she was really preventing…so…what if you were the one who
was infertile?”
“What?” I can’t help but awkwardly smile. I never thought about it in this way.
“I am just afraid that you might want to stop the wedding if you ever try for babies before we
get married. Somethings are better to fight together when we are married than not…because if
we are not married…you might easily give up on us.”
“Look,” I say, “I am going to stick with you…with or without babies. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she says and hugs me.
“Come…I cooked for you and got you a present,” I say, trying to stay strong and calm…but in
reality – I am fucking scared.

“Aint you just sweet?” she says while jumping out of the car. We walk to the kitchen for supper.
“Where is my present?”
“Have supper first.”
“No…I want to see what you got me.”
“In the bedroom,” I say and she leaves for the bedroom.
What if I could only have Khuthi? What if this theory is true? I have so many plans with
Thandeka…I cannot be infertile. I need to give her babies - many babies.

Thandeka comes from nowhere and jumps on me, saving me from my own thoughts.
“How did you know about this book?”
“I was passing by Protea books store and saw it next to that Royal Mistress book and the book
seller told me it is the second instalment of the series.”
“You know what? I have been looking for ADELAIDE everywhere….thank you my love…I am
going to start reading this while I get soaked in a lavender bubble bath.
“What about supper?” I ask.
“That can wait. Don’t dish up. I will take longer,” she says and disappears.

‘I forgot how much she loves her novels,’ I thought to myself while I get on the couch.
I deeply sigh before picking a remote and tuning into the news channel.

INSERT 35

181
THANDEKA
“And then, you?” Bev asks as I drag my feet to the shop. I throw my bags on the table and
throw myself on the couch.
“You look like a mess,” Daisy says.
“I was reading a book the whole night…bad idea.”

“What book?”
“Okay, when I got home, Gundo told me he bought me something…when I opened the
pressie…it was Adelaide.”
“What is Adelaide? Is it a mermaid doll?” Simon asks from the counter. Really Simon? Really?
“Adelaide, The Royal Mistress?” Bev asks with her hands on her cheeks.
“Yes. I had to read half of it before Gundo dragged me to bed at three. I was no longer feeling
exhausted when I started reading it.”
“So…did Rotshi get married? What, what…tell me...”
“Buy yours…and we will discuss the book next week,” I say while standing up. I regret staying up
the whole night…but I am glad I did. I mean Ranwedzi is…not Mula…but he kinda has his thing,
you know? Always in shorts and bare footed, damn.

“Why are you smiling?” Bev asks.

“Just thinking about the new bae…” I say while standing up.
“I am starting to think that if you guys were given a chance, you would cheat with this fiction
men of yours,” Simon says. We forced him to buy the first book for his wife – I bet he doesn’t
hear the end of it.
“My man is better than all these fiction men combined.”
“I believe you…after that proposal speech? I believe you…and I want him to teach my
boyfriend,” Bev says seriously. “Tell him I will pay him whatever he wants.”
“Come on Bev…your boyfriend is the best. He brings you lunch now and again.”
“When I force him.”
“Oh…so these lunches that he delivers are not his doing?” Simon asks and laughs. I pick my bags
and walk to the back.
I pick an apple from the lunch bag and take a few bites. I really don’t have energy today. I think
it is because of stock taking we did last night and I didn’t rest and only slept for three hours.

182
Gundo had to be the one to wake up first and get breakfast ready while I drag my feet around
the house. I brush my hair, it was messy and join others at the front.
By lunch time, I am almost dead. I cannot even fake an illness because I already told Bev I am
exhausted from reading the whole night – that is a lame excuse to get a half day. I check the
time and it is half past twelve. I need to walk down the block to get morning-after pills. I pull my
handbag and tell Simon that I am taking the half twelve lunch hour. I drag my feet to the
pharmacy. The queue is just so ridiculous and moving so slow.
My turn! I hurry to the counter and settle on the chair.
“What can I help you with?” this cute guy asks. I always have to deal with male pharmacist
when I need to get morning-after pills, I don’t know why.
“Morning after pills please,” I kinda whisper.
“Someone is being naughty, hey…” he says while getting that booklet. “Please fill in this details
before I get you Norlevo.”
He drops the booklet and a pen.
The first question makes me sigh.
“Does the patient want to fall pregnant? Yes or No...” I read it softly. The pharmacist comes
back with a pink box, ready to scan it for me.
“Do you want me to help you with the questionnaire?”
“No.”
“Okay…” he says and folds his arms. He waits for me to re-read the same question for the tenth
time.
“I think I won’t be needing this,” I say while pushing the booklet to him.
“Are you sure?” he asks and I nod. “Should I get you a pregnancy test kit instead?”

“No…I haven’t been trying…I don’t need the test now.”

“Oh, okay then…” he says with a shrug.
I grab a bottle of water and sit on a small bench just outside the pharmacy. I think that question
got to me. I want to fall pregnant. I love Gundo and he loves me…and what I know is that he
loves me even more. He has asked for a baby for so long and I think I am ready. I am doing this
for me though! I think I am ready – I know I am ready.
*****

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I wish to get home and sleep the whole night, but I can’t. I missed yesterday’s appointment
with Thulani because of stock-taking, I cannot skip today’s session. Gundo will pick me here
when I am done. Thulani stands when he notices me walking into the visitor’s reception. It
would be awkward to hug so we smile at each other before he leads me to the garden.
“Why are you sweating,” he asks.
“This long sleeve uniform is not working for me today,” I complain. It is hot today.
“But the weather here is unpredictable.”
“True that,” I say while rolling the sleeves, I feel hot.
“We have a pass this weekend and I am clean enough to go outside,” he says. I smile. My
brother is back. That brother of mine who used to put me on his back on rainy days and fight
off all boys just like all brothers do. He has always been over protective.

“Do you want to spend a weekend with us?”

“No…” he says and my heart sinks. “I love my space…you can pick me up just for tomorrow.”
“Ohh, that would be lovely Thulani. I will tell Gundo about it and I know he won’t mind.”
“Sure.”
“Don’t you miss Zizipho?”

“What?” he asks with a frown.

“She is single.”
“What are you on about?"
“I saw how you looked at her that time when we were in joburg…she asked about you...” I lie
but Thulani’s face lights up.
“Really?”
“Yeah!” Gundo is going to have to play along on this one and maybe give him tips to propose
one of these good days.
“You should send my greeting. She was a good hostess.”

“She was.”
We spend the rest of the visiting hour talking about our childhood in Soweto. Gundo joined us
when it is time to pick me up. He brought a pizza and juice and we have a cute little pizza picnic
– how thoughtful of him.
“Gundo…can we have a family lunch tomorrow? Thulani has an open weekend.”

184
“Oh, that is fine with me.”
“Yay! Thulani, Gundo will pick you up tomorrow morning…and I’ll be busy cooking pasta and
mince…”
“I don’t eat that,” Thulani says.
“Ohhhh…I see!” What did I say? He ate a lot of foreign things when Zizipho cooked.
“I will see you tomorrow bro,” Gundo says while standing up. I follow him to the car and throw
myself on the passenger seat. I am so exhausted.
“Are you okay?” Gundo asks as he reverses from the parking.
“Yeah! I just need to sleep.”
“Ofourse, you didn’t sleep at all. A book is meant to be read in a month…not that stunt you
pulled,” he says and I stare at him for a second. Is he crazy? Okay fine…the book should be very
boring to last a month. Maybe he is talking from experience because he reads history books.
I dozed off! Gundo only wakes me up when we reach the house.
Can he just carry me to the house for once?
“I booked an appointment with Dr Mandla. He is an urologist,” Gundo says as I take my clothes
off. No shower – I am jumping to bed right now.

“Urologist?”
“I want to understand my fertility status.”
“Gundo….” I walk up to give and give him a hug. I scared him with my theories, didn’t I?
“I think it is best to know the answers. I just can’t stop thinking about the possibilities.”
“I didn’t take the….”

“You didn’t take what?”

Oh God! I Can’t tell him that I didn’t take the pill. I don’t want him to stress himself if I don’t get
pregnant. My periods are irregular and I can’t tell my ovulation days anymore.
“I didn’t take that issue serious.”
“But it is serious…mostly when there is a possibility that it is true.”
Phew!!!
“So, when is the appointment?” I ask while putting on a nightie. I am feeling cold al of a
sudden…like someone was beating me.

185
“Monday afternoon,” I say. “Can you ask for a one o'clock lunch hour? I want you to come with
me. Incase…”
“I’ll come with you,” I say while getting into the duvets. I want to stay with him and chat some
more but I need to sleep.
*****
“Look who decided to wake up?” Gundo says and claps his hands for me. I pass him and drag
my feet to the fridge.
“Can I go back to sleep?” I mumble. I don’t feel any better. I don’t feel better at all.

“No! We are having guests in two hours,” he says.

“Two hours?”
“At one? for lunch?”
“What? Did I sleep that long?”
“And you want to sleep some more,” he says, shakes his head and points at the grocery
shopping he even did.
“What are we going to eat?”

“Already sorted. Njabulo got me platters from some caterer he knows.”

“Ohhh!”
“He knows everybody in Cape Town. Why don’t you invite Bev and the gang? Strictly no
drinking alcohol. Lets just seat by the garden and chat about everything? I already told my gang
that we are doing this for Thulani, you know? so that he sees that there is more to life than
drinking.”
“Aint you just the best fiancé ever?”
“I still need to soften up Thulani for him to let me marry you.”
“Ooh, and by the way…Zizipho asked about Thulani. Tell him that. I think he likes her.”
“Serious?” he says and giggles.
“Yeah,” I yell from the corridor. I get to the bedroom, pick my phone from my handbag and call
Bev to come by when they close shop. I have been postponing the house warming and this is
the perfect time for it.

Yassss! Bev, Simon and Daisy are coming.

186
I run the bath while I pick what to wear. I drop the dress on the bed and proceed to the window
when I hear a hoot. I watch as Gundo walks to the car. Thulani, looking all sorts of dapper,
jumps out of the bed. So Gundo got him an Uber. What an experience for my brother. See,
Thulani is handsome and I am beautiful. He is taller, just like Gundo and from all the weight he
has lost at the hospital, he looks like a fit man. I wish he stays in this size. He doesn’t have a fair
complexion anymore because alcohol kinda messed his face – something fixable though.
Overall – he is quite a handsome man. I pray, I pray every day that he never goes back to where
he was before the clean-up. He was a mess.
I rush to the bathroom to soak myself before going to meet my brother. He is watching TV with
Gundo who is trying to explain why a lion is the king of the jungle.
“Don’t you have better things to discuss?” I ask and Thulani laughs. So, I rescued him, didn’t I?
In no time our small house is filled with people. For the first time, this place feels like home.
Gundo keeps glancing at me when he gets a chance and I find it cute. I am loving this.
My brother is part of the debates going on outside. It was raining but when it stopped, the guys
decided to set the table and chairs by the pool – the lawn is still wet. I place another platter of
meat on the men’s table and walk back to the porch to join Bev and the other ladies. I settle on
the couch and watch Gundo as he walks towards the porch. He is laughing out loudly.
“Yoh! Guys I am so exhausted. And this place is soooo hot,” I say while fanning myself with my
hand.
“It just rained an hour ago. It is not hot,” Bev says.

“But I feel sooooo damn hot,” I say, continuing to fan myself.

“Are you sure you are not pregnant?” she asks and Gundo stops on his tracks.
“Why do you think she is pregnant?” Gundo asks while walking next to Bev. The smile is gone.
“Oh, I was just saying…” she says, “…coz she is always exhausted…and well…we always tell her
she is going to need gym coz she gained weight…”
“But…” I try to say but Bev stares at me, ready to tell us more.
“And since when do you pack up four fruits and snacks and lunch box? You are always biting on
something…” she adds. “And during the stock-taking, didn’t you ask to lie on a couch because
you were exhausted and couldn’t breathe? I thought you were just waiting for the right time to
tell us.”
Gundo sighs!

“Thandeka, can I see you…inside?” he nervously asks and leads the way to the house.

187
INSERT 36
THANDEKA
“Thandeka, the mood swings…do you think you are pregnant?” he asks while pacing around the
kitchen.
“I..I don’t know…but I have been tired and offish since the beginning of the week…but I thought
I was just extremely tired from the stock taking…and the book…nothing other than that.”

“And the change of diet?”

“Remember when I started the injection, the doctor did say I might get a huge appetite? ... and
gain weight?...and even thought I stopped taking a shot, a lot of it is still in my body…that’s
what I think,” I say with a shrug.
“Did you take the morning-after pill the last time I came inside you?” he asks and I nod. I
remember taping Gundo’s card at Clicks for the pill and water and took it right there.
“I did…remember you gave me your card to purchase…I did take it,” I say and his face drops. He
is broken by this revelation. He walks to the bedroom and I follow behind.
“I just like the idea of us getting pregnant,” he says while sitting on the bed. I get on his lap and
land there, with my hands around his neck.
“I like the idea too.”
“You do?” he asks and I nod.
“I didn’t buy the pill yesterday…so that if God is ready to bless us…let it be.”
“That’s if I am not infertile.”
“Gundo…we are going to find out on Monday…please don’t conclude such things,” I say. It is my
fault that he is thinking of such.
“But it is a possibility.”
“Thank you for doing this for my brother. He is so happy,” I say with a smile. I think it is time to
change the subject, or elseee.
“After this, he is going to let me marry you.”
“He doesn’t have a choice,” I say. I try some more to cheer him up until we both got the
courage to walk back to our guests. I won’t lie, I love the idea of being pregnant with Gundo’s
baby. I love how he is with Ciara. He put Ciara first before anything. I witness that when we
used to sneak into his house. She was his princess – his only princess.
He goes to the guys while I go back to the couch at the porch.

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“And then?” Bev asks, “I am sorry for being so loquacious…I just got carried away…and I just
talked and talked…until I realised I shared more than I should have.”
“It’s okay,” I say.
“So, are you going to test?” Daisy asks and I shake my head. “Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to disappoint him if it is a false alarm,” I say. I don’t want to break
Gundo’s heart. If he confirms that I am not pregnant, then he is going to conclude that he is
infertile. I am scared to break my heart too. I love the idea of being pregnant. It doesn’t matter
that I started feeling this way yesterday. I’ll be disappointed to know that I am not pregnant
when there was a seed planted in my head.
I don’t know. Maybe I will get the guts to test when I am alone and keep it to myself if there is a
need. Gundo would die if the pregnancy test comes back with one line.
The last guests leave the house at eight thirty. Thulani is spending a night with us and we
already informed the facility. He is helping Gundo to pack the furniture nicely while I wash the
dishes. Gundo and Thulani are getting closer by the day.
“Zizipho was asking about you a while ago,” Gundo says. I smile because I know he has my back.
“Ohhh…what did she say?” Thulani asks. I giggle, thinking of a lie that Gundo has to come with.

“Well…she just asked how you were doing.”

“Oh, okay…I hope you told her that I am doing fine.”
“I did.”
“Do you know much about her?”
“Uhm…I just know that she is Njabulo’s sister. She comes across as a very nice lady.”

“She does.”
“So…do you have a girlfriend back in Venda?” Gundo asks.
“Naaahhh…nothing serious. You know how things are…you just get someone you push life
with…” Thulani responds.
“Zizipho would make a very nice girlfriend…”
“As if she would go for a man like me. I don’t even have thinga figured out.”
“What? Did you here yourself when you explained to those guys what makes a perfect
foundation? Oohhh please…I don’t believe there is a better brick layer than you.”
“Are you serious?”

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“Are you asking me if I am serious? I am dead serious. Did you see that guy in a yellow cup? He
runs the big construction deals like no other…you won the debate,” Gundo says. Whether he is
making everything up or not – I am grateful for his wise words. It is always great to make
someone else feel better about themselves.
I retire to bed and Gundo only wakes me when he gets to bed, minutes later. He slides in the
duvets, just close to me.
“Today, was fun,” he says while snuggling me in.
“But I am sleeping,” I say and he holds me tighly.
“No, you are not…you snore when you sleep,” he says and I turn to stare at him – in the
darkness.
“No, I don’t,” I defend myself but I am starting to believe him. He always says that I snore!!!

“How are you feeling?” he asks and I turn back to face the wall.
“I am okay.”
“Do you want to test for the pregnancy?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe you should test…so that we can settle this once and for all.”

We will see that tomorrow.

I doze off and only wake up when Gundo gets out of bed. I sit up and inspect if I feel exhausted
like I felt days ago.
I am disappointed because I feel fine today. Gundo get back on the bed and kisses my forehead.
“How are you?” he asks while standing.
“I am fine…” I say and he frowns. I know – I am also disappointed that I am actually feeling fine
today. I feel just a bit tired…but normal for a person who was hosting guests. Gundo takes the
shower while I take a bath. It always works better because when we are both cleaned up, we
are able to lazy around the whole day or even go to the mall.
I get to the kitchen and prepare breakfast for the three of us. We have breakfast while I cook
lunch for Thulani to take with when we drop him back to the facility. Gundo and Njabulo are
working today so Thulani will need to be dropped off.
“Thank you for inviting me,” he says while following Gundo behind. He sounds more like a
human.
They drive away while I clean the house.

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Why don’t I feel as sick as yesterday?
****
Gundo parks just outside the shop. It is few minutes one oclock – our appointment time with
the urologist. I feel like puking. There is a lot of things that we are both scared to know about.
We get the urologist offices and walk hand-in-hand to the reception.
“The doctor will be ready for you in a few minutes,” the receptionist says while showing us
where to sit.
I have never been this nervous. I was once nervous for my job interview, but I have never been
this scared!
The doctor calls us in his room. He lets us seat in his perfect office. He invested in making this
place a peaceful place.
“How can I help today…Mr and Mrs Radzilani,” the doctor says. I am not yet Mrs Radzilani but I
love to be called there.

“We just want to know if I can make children,” Gundo says uncomfortable.
“Any kids you have?”
“I had a son…he passed away,” Gundo said. We don’t speak much about him. The doctor makes
the note on the file.
“How long have you been trying?” he asks and stares at the both us.
“We haven’t really tried…as yet,” Gundo tries to explain.
“Then what makes you think that you can’t make more children?”
“My ex-wife…it’s just a mess…but I never had children with my ex…so we assumed that I might
not be able to make children.”
The doctor makes a longest note.
“Do you know your sperm count?” Dr Mandla asks.
“No.”
“Well, it is difficult for me to advice on anything because you guys are not trying for a baby.
But…there are a lot of things that can cause you not to have children with certain people.”
“Uhm…what are those?”

“incompatibility…” Dr Mandla says.

“Incompatibility?”

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“Yes…sometime you can be 1000% fertile and so is your wife…but maybe something just
doesn’t work out right for the two of you to have children together…. It happens to a few of
us.”
“But can I have children with other people?” I ask – for interest sake.
“Yes…you can even fall pregnant at the first try.”
“Wow!” Gundo says.
“We get cases like those orrrr…maybe the male has a low sperm count. We can get that tested
right now…but it would be best if we do the tests after you have given up on trying.”

“Uhm…maybe we can give it a try, what do you think?” I ask Gundo.

“Yeah!”
The doctor informs us more about fertility and all the procedures that Gundo need to follow
days before he comes for a sperm test.
We finally buy the pregnancy test on our way home. We both got the courage to find out the
truth before we take a month to try for a baby.
Gundo seats on the bed while I get into the bathroom. I pee on the stick and place it on the
basin while I pace around the room.
“What does it say?” Gundo yells from the other room.
“I don’t know,” I yell back.
It has been a few minutes so I pick the stick from the basin and check the results. I drop my
shoulders and cry so hard that Gundo comes to the bathroom running.

“Babe, what is wrong?” he calls out with panic.

I pass him the stick and he inspects it.
“What does it mean? It has two bold lines…” he asks nervously. I shake my head in disbelief.
“Thandeka, what does this mean? It has two bold lines. What does it mean?”
I cant help but cry. I am so emotional right now. He picks the test kit and search for instruction
paper. I try to breath and stay calm as he searches for the answers.
“Two lines means you are pregnant…baby…this has two lines…are you pregnant?” he asks.
“I am pregnant Gundo.”

“Thandeka, are you pregnant with my baby?” he asks again and I nod.

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He drops on the floor next to me and hugs me tightly. I rest my head on his chest and keep
crying – with him. Gundo is crying with me and I don’t know how I feel about that.
This breaks my heart.
“Babe, please don’t cry,” I say while brushing his back. I now feel bad for crying and being
emotional for him. I never ever ever ever imagined Gundo crying in his whole life. If he didn’t
cry when Diana tortured him with that rape case and the news about Ciara, I never thought I
would see his tear ever again.
“Gundo…please don’t cry…you are making me so emotional,” I say.
“Thank you Thandeka…thank you…thank you,” he says while squeezing me. He holds me tightly.
“I am going to make you the happiest woman on earth…I promise.”
“Gundo!” I call out and he pulls out of the hug. “We are going to be parents.”
“You are going to be a lazy mother,” he says and we both laugh in tears, “But I love you so
much, regardless.”

“I love you too!”

INSERT 37
GUNDO
Look at her! She is walking out of the shop while laughing. I think she loves her job and she
loves being here. She doesn’t look pregnant as yet but the weight is piling up by the day, she
even looks shorter. She hurries to the car, opens the boot and throw the bags in the boot. She
jumps into the car seat and reaches for a kiss – our kisses are a norm.
“How was your day?” I ask while putting the car on drive.
“Hectic but fine,” she mumbles.

“I hope they are not making you carry boxes and…”

“Simon carries all the boxes.”
“Are you fine though?” I ask.
“Gundo, I said I am fine,” she says and rolls her eyes.
“Don’t roll your eyes on me young miss…I have a right to know if you are fine or not.”

“For the hundredth time? For the hundredth time?” she asks annoyingly.

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“I don’t even know why you are complaining because I know you like the attention,” I say and
shrug.
“No, I don’t.”
“What’s wrong? You were laughing just now…with your colleagues…what did I do?” I ask while
stopping at the traffic light.
“Did I say you did anything wrong? I never said anything. All I was saying was that I am fine and
you don’t have to ask me for the thousand time.”
“I just don’t get why you are so angry at me.”

“Who said I am angry at you?”

The car behind me hoots and I accelerate.
“Okay fine, Thandeka! Let me not work you out even further.”
“Fine! Thank you.”
I drive us home in silence. She has her days but her moody days are more than the happy days.
It is tiring but I caused this upon her, didn’t I?
I park at the drive-way and lead my way to the house. She is angry. I don’t know what I did but
she is angry and we are going to have an unpleasant evening. She gets in the house and starts
taking the pots from the cupboards.
“I will cook, you know?” I say. I cook most of the days so that she can rest as much as she can. I
can see how tired she is sometimes so I volunteered to cook most of the days. At work, she
spends most of her day on her feet.
“So that you have something to say about me? That I am lazy?”
“What are you talking about?” I ask while taking my jacket off. I have been cooking for the last
three months. The doctor did say that she must take things easy in this first trimester as the
baby is still building up. Also, I only told her once that she is my lazy wife, and I am not hearing
the end of it. I was just joking with her – I always joke with her.
I drop my jacket on the couch and walk back to the kitchen where Thandeka is pulling a packet
of meat from the freezer.
“Are you seriously cooking?” I ask.

“I said yes I will cook.”

“What is wrong with you Thandeka? What did I do to you? Come on…I am trying to help here
but you keep shutting me out. Please man!”

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I annoy her? Don’t I?
She defrosts the meat while I watch. You know what? I am going to my office to cook my books,
rather. Tonight is one of those nights.
I pick my jacket and hang it in the closet before changing into track pants and a vest. I slide my
feet into my sleepers and proceed to my home office.
Maybe I can shortlist a few CVs of people joining my Cape Town branch. We are gradually
growing and it is time to extend the team. We ran some advertisements on Sunday Times
newspaper and applications have been clicking in our mail. My Joburg HR office is assisting in
handling this but I want to be part of everything. Cape Town branch is quite small and I need a
team that I can tolerate.
Thandeka will be fine – when she chooses to be fine.
My phone rings, it is Angela – one of the content developers in my Joburg office.
“Angela?” I answer and sway my eyes to the clock on the wall.

“Good evening Mr R, I am sorry to interrupt you,” she says in a shaky voice.

“What’s wrong?”
“I have bad news and good news.”
“What’s the bad?”
“Mr Ngozi cannot make it for the front cover interview,” Angela says.
“Are you kidding me? His name is on the bill boards for the next monthly issue…what do you
mean he cannot make the interview?”
“We did the shoot the other day and he had to attend to an emergency. He doesn’t want to do
a telephonic interview…he says telephonic interviews has no emotions attached to them.”
“Are you kidding me?” I say while standing.
“No Sir, he asked that we postpone his issue. This was the fourth time he postponed the
interview.”
Dammit!
“What is the good news?”
“Mr Ngozi is spending a night in Cape Town before he flies to London tomorrow morning…so
we were thinking that maybe you can interview him…maybe…?”
“Do you know where he is staying at?”

195
“Yeah! I forwarded you his email just now. I told him that you can meet him at …seven
thirty…he is only available at seven thirty,” she nervously says. I don’t do interviews but I do not
have a choice today.
“Fine!” I say before hanging up. I close my laptop and hurry to the bedroom to change. It is just
after six thirty. I pick my notepad and laptop before carefully placing them in a sleeve.
Thandeka stares at me when I walk into the kitchen.
“Babe, I got a call from Joburg…there is an important interview I need to do for our next cover
guy.”
“Interview? Since when do you do interviews?”
“I don’t…but this one has to be done and I am the only person close to this client,” I say while
opening the fridge. I pull a bottle of juice and kiss her on the cheek.
“You are not cheating on me, are you?” she asks and I widen my eyes. Since when does she
think of such stupid things?

“You know I would never do that to you.”

“Since when do you get home, shower and change before going out again?” she asks with her
hands folded to her chest.
“Look…I need to make a seven thirty meeting…I need to go.”
This is going to be the longest journey until we meet our baby but Thandeka is not giving me a
break. Atleast she doesn’t cry, to upset the baby, but she is rude and irritated when she wants
to. I kiss her on the cheek and hurry to Victoria and Alfred Hotel. Mr Ngozi invited me to his loft.
He is one of the successful IT business owners and his story will inspire many.
I settle on a white chair while Mr Ngozi gets me a drink.
“You are one dedicated man Mr Radzilani,” Mr Ngozi says.
“Yes Sir…things we do when we want to build an empire.”
“Ofcourse! Ofcourse!” he hands me whiskey. He doesn’t look like someone who is ready for a
meeting. If only he knew…I need to get back home to my pregnant wife.

“Are you ready for an interview?” I ask, reaching for my notepad.

“What is the hurry? The night is still young.”
“Uhm…I have an angry pregnant wife waiting for me at home…I am not in her good books
tonight.”

196
“What? You will never be in her good books. Its either she loves you or hate you throughout her
whole pregnancy.”
“That cannot be true,” I say and laugh. Thandeka cannot afford to be moody the whole nine
months. I am waiting for things to change next semester.
“I am a father of four…I endoured all sorts of treatment…they differ with each pregnancy…I
know what I am talking about,” he says with a laugh.
“If that is the case…then I need to rush home before she calls the police on me.”
“If she had left three calls already…then you need to go home. If not, then it is evident that she
needs some time aswell.”
I check my phone. No missed call or anything.

“I rather play it safe,” I say with a laugh. I know my very own wife.
“I am expecting…” he says and we are disturbed by a knock on the door. “Ohhh…here they
are.”
He walks to the door with a grin. Two girls walk in. They are wearing tight little leather dresses.
Oh, I mustn’t be here.
“Oh, Mr Ngozi, I didn’t know you were expecting visitors,” I say while on my feet. This is very
awkward.
“I got my booking mixed up.”
“Uhm…should we get atleast a few questions done? I don’t want to intrude?”
“Intrude? Oh please…you are welcome to have a little fun with one I won’t pick. I paid for the
both of them but I only need one.”
“Ohhh…No…No…” I say, sounding like an idiot. The girls standing infront of us are top notch
classy and sexy. I wouldn’t even pick that they are booked for whatever reason. They are just
perfect.
“Scared of your wife?” he asks and cracks into a laugh. “What she doesn’t know won’t kill her.”
“Mr Ngozi, I will be at the bar,” I say while getting my laptop sleeve. I hurry out – like I am
chased by the dogs. I am chased by the thought of hurting Thandeka in anyway.
I get a corner table and order a glass of whiskey. I hate this. That is why I pay people to run
around for content.
The whole room smells like cigar – I like the scent so I don’t move tables. I get my phone and
call Angela, I don’t care if she is sleeping or not, this is her mess.

197
“Mr R,” she says loudly. I can tell she is still in the office.
“What is the back-up content?” I ask and there is silence. “Angela, I am talking to you. What is
the back-up content for Wednesday edition?”
“None!”
“Are you kidding me?”
“We were so sure about sitting down with Mr Ngozi. We tried four times. He promised to meet
with us today but when we got to the venue of our meeting, he told us he is in Cape Town.”
“Didn’t we discuss this? What if anything beyond our control happens? Are we going to skip
publication?”
“No, Sir…we have other things but the month end edition need high tech content,” she says.
“This should be the last time this is happening.”
“What is wrong? Didn’t he meet you?”
“He is still busy,” I say. I cannot tell anyone what he is busy with, can I? “I have got to go.”

“Sure Sir.”
I put my phone on the table. I was distracted by one of the girls who were in Ngozi’s room. She
pulled a chair and sat on the opposite chair while I was on the phone.
“Can I sit with you? Maybe this will make me feel better,” she says.
“Well…I need to work,” I say while pointing at the laptop sleeve.
“Please…I feel like a jerk…like a loser…I feel like I am ugly,” she says. I feel bad for her. Tears are
so close to falling on her cheeks.
“Why would you feel like a jerk,” I ask.
“This job…I never get picked to double my pay. I feel like I am ugly,” she says and I feel like
laughing. What does she mean, she feels ugly. She is one of the most beautiful woman I have
ever seen. I don’t care that she has half of the make-up bottle on her face. Isn’t that supposed
to make her feel good and beautiful?
“Why do you do this to yourself?” I ask.
“To feed my son and my two little sisters at home. I am all they have,” she says. This reminds
me of Thandeka and Thulani, so I am not going to sit here and judge her. She has her own
reasons.
“I see…”

198
“You look nothing like Ngozi’s associates,” she says while cleaning her eyes.
“How do Ngozi’s associates look like?”
“Are you even asking? They would have taken the opportunity to have fun.”

“I am nothing like that…but I won’t judge him.”

“Then makes you a wonderful man. Any kids?”
“In a few months…we are pregnant.”
“I hated those days. I hated everything and anyone…”
“I can relate,” I say.
Before I know it, I'm on my fourth glass and I am getting drunk. This girl – I don’t even know her
name even now – is laughing her lungs out. I had missed laughing loudly like this but it feels
wrong. I check my watch and it is almost eleven.

Shit! I call out while standing.

“Mr Ngozi, can we please just…” I say on the phone.
“Hey my man…I had little more to drink and…I am not fit for an interview…why don’t we do …
the interview in the morning before I leave at five?”
“Are you serious?” I ask. What kind of a businessman is this? I am even paying him for this
interview. “Mr Ngozi, I stayed here since seven…” He hangs up on me.
Dammit!
I wasted time!
“I need to go.”

“Do you have to go?”

“Yes! I need to go,” I say while getting my things on the table. What a waste of time? The girl
walks up to me and gives me a hug, with her head on my shoulder.
“Thank you for listening to me. I feel so much better.”
“Don’t mention it. Just do what I advised you…get a proper job and stop selling your soul.”
“Ofcourse!”

How could I lose track of time though? I wish Thandeka is sleeping right now.
If the traffic officers are to stop me, they are going to lock me up. I drove home as fast as I
could.

199
All lights are off when I get into our room.
Oh thank God. I tip-toe in and aim to get to the bathroom.
“You can switch the lights on,” Thandeka’s voice startles me.

“Damn babe, you freaked me out.”

“Why are you sneaking around?” she asks and puts on her side-lamp. She is sitting up.
“I…I didn’t want to wake you up.”
“How did your meeting go?” she asks.
“It went well.”

“Where was it.”

“Down by Mr Ngozi’s loft.”
“So, you had to celebrate afterwards?”
“No.”
“You smell like a cigar house Gundo. What do you mean?”
“Ohhh…well…yeah,” I say. I hate lying to her but I am not about to work her up. She is going to
cry the whole night.
She sneezes. I think the cigar is stronger than I thought. I was not even smoking. She keeps
sneezing so she gets up and hurry to take the tissue from the table. She switches the lights on
while cleaning her face.

“Gundo! What is that?” she asks while walking towards me, slowly.
“What are you talking about?”
“Are you cheating on me Gundo?” she yells.
“What? Never! I told you I can never do that to you.”
“Why are you lying to me?” she yells and cries. HEY! This pregnancy is going to be the death of
me! Jesus!
“Babe…relax…”
“What the hell is that?” she pokes my right shoulder. I follow her finger and my eyes meet my
white jacket covered in brown dirt. I turn to the mirror and get the full view.
Ohh dammit!
That girl’s whole face is on my shoulder, the whole damn face including lipstick and all that.

200
“You had me sitting her, waiting for you while you get on with someone else Gundo? Why
didn’t you tell me the truth? Why did you have to lie to me? Is it because I am pregnant?”
“Hey….hey….”
“I will never have anything so easy, will I?” she asks and pulls a duvet from the bed. “I thought
you would respect me so much to spare me some pain Gundo…I really thought you would
respect this pregnancy enough to let me be the only woman for you… what? Is she also
pregnant? Is she also pregnant? Tell me…”
“I am not Robert…don’t you dare confuse me with him…I told you I will never cheat on you…”
“So I am confusing you with my EX?” she asks, stares at me before pulling the duvet out of the
room.
Perfect Gundo! Just bloody perfect.

I shake my head and take off the dirty jacket.

INSERT 38
GUNDO
Content! I need content for our Wednesday publication. I hate working like an amateur. Maybe
nobody understands the pain of building something on your own. I worked my arse up all my
life and I am not going to have no man mess with my hustle. The team should have told me the
second time they couldn’t sit with Ngozi for a meeting. That man is incompetent – I even
wonder how he runs his successful businesses.
I pull my phone from my back pocket.
“Hey Gundo,” Njabulo says. He sounds sleepy. Damn right he should sound sleepy, it is after
twelve. “Why aint you sleeping, man?”
“We need content for Wednesday IT corner.”
“Ain’t we doing that Ngozi guy anymore? Angela was running the show last week.”
“That man is pathetic. We need a replacement.”
“It is…what time is it? It is Tuesday morning Gundo…where the hell are we supposed to get
content from?”
“Dude!”
“This is unacceptable. This is the second time something like this is happening. You need to go
down there and sort the team up. We cannot work like this….really,” he says, sounding like he is
getting up.

201
“Can’t we get someone…anyone?”
“I know a guy in Kempton Park. I will send him an email to request an interview in the morning.
Get the team to his company for a shoot and interview,” he says. “Angela must not disappoint
this time.”
“I’ll go see this guy. If I need things to be done, I need to do them myself.”
“Are you sure?”
“There is a lot of mess I need to fix there. For now…I will get the photographer ready to meet
me there for the shoot.”

“Sure!”
“Sorry for waking you up man.”
“Not a problem.”
Damn, I still smell like cigar. I jump into a shower for a power shower before going to beg
Thandeka to open the door for me. I tried earlier and she doesn’t say anything. I tried
explaining myself from outside the door but she did not respond, I am starting to think that she
is asleep.
She has left the key on the door so there is no need for me to try the spare key. I get back to
our room to pack two overnight bags. I hope I pick the right clothes.
I thought I was a little drunk earlier when I left the bar – but right now, I am sobered up. I
cannot let my empire crumble down with me watching. I book the flights to Johannesburg – no
return tickets as yet. I might stay longer than a day.
I didn’t sleep much! I have been building questions for the interview with this new replacement
guy. Mr Ngozi left a missed call thirty minutes ago – I think he is now ready for an interview
now. I am just not interested in wasting my time again. It is five thirty, so I jump into a shower.
Thandeka will be waking up in few minutes. She is going to be forced to walk out of that room –
because morning sickness don’t play a game. She spends half an hour in the bathroom everyday
before she showers. She is really having a horrible time with morning sickness.
What did I say? The guest bedroom door flies opens and she hurry to the bathroom. My chance
to have a chat with her.
“Babe…are you okay?” I ask. She is standing with both her hands on the washing basin. She is
frowning – looking all sick. I pour water for her while she maintains her position. I try to give it
to her but she doesn’t take it.

I check the time. It is after six and we need to be leaving soon.

“Please ask to be excused from work. We are going to joburg in few hours,” I say.

202
“I am not going anywhere.”
“There is a mess with our Wednesday publication. I need to jump in and deal with this.”
She stares at herself on the mirror and burst into tears. Her face is swollen – like she didn’t
sleep at all.
“Babe…please…what’s up?”
“Are you really asking me what’s up Gundo? Are you going to stand here and pretend that
everything is fine when you know it is not? Huh?”
I sigh!
I wish I could tell her to stop upsetting the baby with this stupid accusation but I’ll be a fool to
say that. She is going to spit fire.
“Babe…I did not cheat on you.”
“How do you explain make-up all over your jacket Gundo? How long have you been cheating on
me?”
“I have not been cheating on you.”
She cries some more – I am out here feeling so bad. I try to get to her but she fights for me not
to touch her.
“Thandeka, I swear to you…I did not cheat on you. That…was some girl…I was sitting with while
I was waiting for Mr Ngozi to meet me for an interview. I went to that bar because I needed to
meet Mr Ngozi.”
“So you go around hugging everyone you meet in the bar?”
Oh LORD! It is a long story and I am not about to tell her that I knew the girl from Ngozi’s room
because she was not picked to sleep with him. I am not about to get a divorce before I even
marry.

“She was just confiding in me…believe me.”

She washes her face and sit on top of the closed toilet. She is having it real bad. I am even
worried that she will miscarry because she is upsetting herself for no reason.
“Babe…look…when you feel better…please get ready to leave with me to Joburg.”
“I am not going to Joburg.”
“Please babe…I am not going to leave you here when I am not sure when I will be back. Please
put on leave for this week.”
“No.”

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“Thandeka I am not about to leave you here all alone when I know you are going to be worried
sick about where I am. I am not about to have that. We are going to joburg,” I say, “I need to
know that you are fine babe, please. I cannot leave you alone. Please get ready.”
I walk out and head to the kitchen to make her food. I make her favourite, toast with cheese
and tomato. We are not yet at the weird combination foods.
I keep staring at my watch because we need to get done and leave.
“Babe, please…I am going to be late.”
“I am staying. I will uber Thulani to come by until you come back. He is cleared to leave the
facility for a few days. I cannot drop my work.”
I drop my shoulders. I wish she would come with me so that I don’t have to stress about her but
she is right – she cannot always drop her work because of me.
I think I am having a solo trip. This bothers me because I can tell she didn’t sleep at all. Leaving
her here feels like I am betraying her but to need to save the sinking ship.
I force her to hug me before I pick my bags and hurry to the car. I throw everything in the boot
and jump into the car. I pick my cologne from the arm rest and wear it. Thandeka hates the
smell of fresh cologne so I always put it on after dropping her at work.
Njabulo is a life saver. I managed to interview a young man called Yusuf. He started an IT
company with his father a few years ago and he taking over the country by storm. I never knew
about him before today. A well-mannered man who gave me all I wanted.
“Thank you so much for meeting us and agreeing to do the interview,” I say while standing up
from my chair.

“It is only a pleasure.”

“I will have someone deliver a copy to you once printed. Thank you, again,” I say, following him
to the door.
“I will wait for the copy,” Mr Yusuf says.
Colbert, my camera guy leads the way to his car. He picked me earlier from the airport. We
drive in silence – like he doesn’t want to tell me something. I go through a few emails until we
get to the office.
I still have my office untouched. I don’t even bother to start at the fifth floor. I head straight to
the second floor to meet up with the creatives.
Angela and Boitumelo are sitting, staring to a computer while a lady in a red pencil dress is
leaning to the screen.

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“Angela, I need to see you and the creative team, right now,” I say.
WHAT THE HELL? The lady in a pencil dress is the mighty Diana. She looks like….Diana. Not
pregnant anymore! Ofcourse she gave birth but she looks to perfect for a person who gave
birth a month ago.
Everyone seem shocked to see me.
“Diana, what are you doing here?” I ask and she looks around before standing up straight.

“Gundo!”
“Angela, I need to see your team right now,” I say and turn to head for the boardroom. I hear
chairs moving and everyone is rushing to the boardroom. I pull a seat and before I know it, the
table is full. Diana is here too.

“What content do you have to cover for Mr Ngozi’s five pager?” I ask and stare at Angela.
“Gundo…let me explain?”
“What are you explaining? You don’t work here and I don’t know why you are here.”
“I am a consultant…”
“A consultant? A consultant in my company?” I laugh. This better be a joke.

“We can take it offline…” Diana says and sits back.

“Mr R…the team decided to put the sport content that we worked on last week.”
“Sports content to replace technology content? Who gave you a go-ahead to that? How do you
replace IT with sports?”
“The manager,” she says.
Is this guy working for me or against me? I need to come back here.
My phone rings! I pull it from the pocket and notice it is Thandeka. Are they not lucky she called
right at this second? I pull the iPad and place it next to the guy sitting next to me.
“Last recording is an interview with Mr Yusuf? Type that interview out and get Colbert to give
you the pictures. You guys have two hours to put everything together,” I say before leaving the
room. I head to my office so that I can call and deal with Thandeka in my own space.

“Hello,” Thandeka says when I call her back.

“Hey babe…how are you feeling?”
“I am fine.”

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“Please hold on,” I say after walking out of the elevator at my floor. I pick the key from my
pocket and open the office. The new manager’s PA is not at her desk so I am going to order my
own food. “Hey, babe are you there?”
“Yah.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I am fine…just a little tired,” she says. Looks like we are back at our senses.

“And work? How is work this morning?” I ask.

“I didn’t go.”
“You needed to rest?” She didn’t sleep last night – my fault.
“I did.”
“Okay…that’s good. You must stay in bed.”

“I want to come to Joburg.”

“You do?” I ask with a grin. Why did she have to make everything so difficult, huh? I cancelled
her tickets. She didn’t want to see a sight of me earlier.
“Okay…I will book you to the next flight out,” I say, still with a grin. Now she has to travel two
hours all by herself. But that is what I want. I want her to come to me. I might have to stay
longer. This place is a mess.
“Okay.”
“Okay…I’ll send you just now.”
“Okay…sharp,” she says and hangs up.
Hormones neh?? They decide what they want to decide. She doesn’t even say, Gundo I am
sorry I didn’t want to leave with you earlier but I miss you already. I shake my head while login
on to book a flight.
A soft knock on my door and the door flies open.
“Diana, what do you want here?” This woman!
“We need to talk,” she says while standing at the door. “I need this job…please don’t fire me. I
am struggling with the new born and…bills are piling up. I am just a consultant…and…”

INSERT 39
THANDEKA

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I have been pregnant before, but this one is tougher than the first one. Maybe, with my first
pregnancy, I had no time to listen to cravings and all of that. All I did was to worry about when
my boyfriend was coming back to Venda to visit me. Instead, he came back with another fully
pregnant woman. I was so thin – yet right now I am piling up the weight daily! I don’t even
know why I am thinking about all these. Maybe it is because Gundo told me not to compare
him with my EX. That kinda made me so angry…but who am I fooling? Everything makes me
angry.
Gundo left few hours ago and I didn’t have the strength to go to work. I stayed in bed after
breakfast.
The house is silent.
As much as Gundo is getting on my nerves sometimes, I like his attention. I am so mad at him
for going out to hook with someone last night…and it is not going to be easy for me to forgive
him. I am not going to tolerate that because I will be giving him space to do as he please.

I feel so lonely though. I feel a bit depressed so I get my phone and call Maria.
“Hey, Thandeka,” she says happily.
“Morning…are you at work?” I ask. She once told me that she got a smaller nyana job in
Thohoyandou.
“Yes, but I can chat. What’s up?”
“I just wanted to check up on you.”
“I am alright…how are you? We miss you up here. When are you visiting?”

“I don’t even know…but I will hopefully visit before I get bigger.”

“Before you get bigger? Are you pregnant Thandeka Sibiya?”
“What do you think?” I say and she screams happily. I haven’t told anyone as the first trimester
is the most sensitive trimester. I am ready to share these moments with friends now, and Maria
is it.
“I am so happy for you Thandeka…I hope you are not giving the poor guy a hard time.”
“I wish I could say NO!”
“What do you mean?”
“He just makes me so angry easily…really,” I say, “Last night he came back very late. I think he is
cheating. He came back last night with make-up on his jacket. He says it was some girl he
met…who was confiding in him. Imagine…the guts to fool me.”

“Haw…but…”

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“But what Maria? He has a full make-up on his jacket.”
“What if he is telling the truth?”
“And what if he is lying?”
“Come on…you know your man…but I thought by now you knew a hug is innocent. You didn’t
find an empty condom box…or underwear in his bag…come on!”

“A hug is innocent???”
“Where you not the one who jumped and happily hugged my cousin when we met him that
time in hospital? You…Thandeka…jumped on my cousin and you held on to him because it was
years since you saw him. Were you cheating on Gundo with that hug?”
“Ohhh…”
“And if you wore make-up that day…don’t you think you would have stained the white shirt he
was wearing?”
“Yah…”
I was excited to see Thanyani at the hospital. He came to visit Maria’s mother and I was there.
She is right, it was an innocent hug because I was so happy to see him. Yes, I jumped on him
and he allowed me. Thanyani stayed at Maria’s house for a year and I got pretty close to him –
everything so innocent.
“So, why can’t women jump on Gundo? He is a fine man and it is going to need a mature
woman to handle that fact. I think Gundo loves you too much to cheat on you, don’t you think?
He is not Robert,” she says. There she goes…I should stop comparing Gundo with Robert.
“When he comes back from work, you need to give it to him really nice…just to apologise.”
“He is in joburg,” I mumble.
“Yoh! Hay…okay make it up to him when he returns,” she says
“Ofcourse!”
We stay on the phone for a few minutes before hanging up.
I was wrong, wasn’t I? I mean, I jumped on Thanyani that day. Why don’t I take this incident at
the same situation?
Mxm!
I call Gundo to get me a flight to Joburg. I might have been wrong to jump into conclusion – it’s
just that the make-up on his jacket freaked me out. I don’t want to go through what I went
through with Robert. Also, the fact that I am intolerable, I always think that Gundo might be

208
tired of me and he would be getting the attention somewhere else. That’s nonsense but that
what I think sometime!
*****
At pass three, I am stepping out of one of Gundo’s company cars. He sent one of the drivers to
pick me from the airport. The car is parked just by the entrance. Life is funny. A while back, I use
to walk into these offices as a cleaner.
Luckily I don’t meet anyone I know on my way to the fifth floor. I am carrying an overnight bag,
wearing boots sleepers. I don’t even know how many people know about my relationship with
Gundo.
I get to Gundo’s office and knock before he tells me to come in.
“You made it,” he says while standing. Am I not lucky that he is not angry at me? He never is. He
walks to me and cuddles me into his arms. I rest my head on his chest and wrap my hands
around his waist.
The hug lasts just a few seconds because the cologne is heavy.
“I didn’t want you to miss me too much,” I say and he laughs out loud.
“I believe you,” he says and let’s go of me. He walks back to his leather seat while I get to the
couch. Nothing in his office has changed. It is still the same office with that rug that Diana
wanted me to carry out of the office to go wash.

The pictures are unmoved, including the ones he always had of Ciara and Khuthi.
“I am going to have a meeting in thirty minutes…do you want to order yourself food?”
“I had lunch on my way here.”
He stops working on his laptop and stares at me. I shrug because he seems like someone who
has something he wants to tell me.
“You won’t believe this,” he says and walks towards the couch. He settles next to me.
“What?” My heart is already pumping out of my chest.
“Diana is working here. She was a consultant,” he says and I widened my eyes. Diana Diana?
That snake of a woman?
“Did you hire her again?”
“What? I wouldn’t even dare…even if she was the last person on earth,” he says. It is good to
hear that. I don’t want nothing to do with her.
“Did you fire her?”

209
“I did…hence the meeting I am having with HR and our new manager,” he says.
“Wow!”
“Are you okay? You mustn’t stress about her. I can handle her.”
“I am not worried about her. She must just stay the hell away from us,” I say. She has messed
up with our life for so long for me to be intimidated by her.
Gundo grabs his laptop and walks out of the office. His meeting is on the third floor, so I can go
make a turn at the second floor. I lock the office and get to the second floor.
So many memories here! I remember pushing the trolley in the corridors! I remember always
running away from Gundo, thinking that he was his womaniser brother. Even when I was falling
in love with Gundo, I used to hide it – I was so sure that he was the womaniser and I wasn’t
ready to get my heart broken. Maybe because he always had this aura nje! Or maybe because
he always looked so perfect! He wore those slim fit suits. He was and still is friendly, even
though his workers run around when he walks in their floor. I remember the kiss we shared in
the boardroom and Diana walking on us!
I laugh!
Atleast we have something funny to tell our baby someday.
My fellow cleaners are gone! I should come to the office with Gundo tomorrow so that I can
spend the day with them. We were a big family – I hope it is still the case. I head to the
creatives office space. Half of them are not in their workstation, so I guess they have a task to
do. I am quite sure that they are busy with tomorrow’s publication.
“Hi…is Phuti around?” I ask the lady who is having tea while working. I don’t know her and I bet
she doesn’t know me.
“Phuti? He doesn’t work here anymore,” she says.
“Really? Then who is leading the creatives?” I ask. Phuti was a hardworker. He pushed me to
join their brainstorming sessions and I liked how he was with everyone.

“Angela…” she says and I frown. I don’t remember Angela quite well.
“Okay, thanks. I wanted to see Phuti and the team.”
“Are you not the cleaner?” she asks. So, she knows me.
“I was once a cleaner here…” I say with a smile.
“And now you are engaged to Mr R?” she asks. It is evident that I am sometimes a topic around
here.

“Now, I am engaged to Mr R.”

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“Oh, wow!”
“Oh Wow, what?”
“Nothing…you just look different,” she says. “Like you gained weight.”

Do you need to remind me that I gained weight? I wish to ask her but rather not.
“I see,” I mumble before walking back to Gundo’s office. I had a lot to tell that girl but I don’t
want to leave her with something to discuss about me.
I close the office door and decide to lie on the couch. The TV is playing softly when I hear a
knock. I sway my head to the door but not wake up. Whoever is in the door can turn back and
come back when they get an answer to come in. Instead, the door opens.
“Gundo…look who is here,” Diana says while walking into the office with Ciara in hand. She is
wearing a red pencil dress – looking all perfect like she was not pregnant just a few months ago.
I immediately feel like puking.
Really?
I sit up straight while Diana stops at her tracks.
“Oh, what do we have here,” she says and puts her hands on her waist.
“Sis Thandeka?” Ciara says and Diana stops her from walking up to me. I didn’t think Ciara
remember my name.
“What are you doing here Diana?” I ask while getting up. Her eyes lands on my stomach. I am
wearing a slightly tight dress that shows just a little bump but the weight obviously gives away
the fact that I am pregnant. She grins at me.
“So you managed to trap him,” she says.

This woman!!!
It is all about trapping with her.
“Ciara, why don’t you watch some cartoons…” I say while handing her the remote. Diana tries
to stop her but I beat her to it by pushing her backwards slightly. The long stilettos that she is
wearing fail her because she stumbles backwards.
“What the…”
“We are going to talk,” I say while pushing her outside the office. how am I this brave? Blame it
on the pregnancy perhaps.
She walks out with her hands folded to her chest. I close the door and also cross my arms.
Diana giggles while shaking her head.

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“It is funny how life can turn out, huh,” she says and giggles some more. “Just to think that I
took you from the villages…and brought you here…heeee…you have become this bitch. I should
have left you in those long skirts of yours…had I known that you are going to snatch my man
from me…I would have left you there. Look at you now…fat from all my hard earned money.”
“Don’t you…”
“Hmmm,” she grins, “I made that man from nothing. He was a nobody and I made him! I made
Gundo Radzilani…I made that man.”
“What makes you think I care?”
“You should care. He jumps when I tell him to. He jumps when I snap my finger,” she says and
snap her finger loudly.
“That was then…”
“That’s what you think, huh?” she says, “So, he lies to you too…and you believe all the
lies…don’t you?”

“Diana! I want you to stay away from Gundo…do you hear me?”
“Or else what?” she asks and licks her perfect lips. I feel like slapping her – but that is just not
me. I am not going to allow her to make me that angry. I am not violent.
“What do you want from him?” I ask.
“That is none of your business. What I do with Gundo is none of your business…”
Thandeka breathe! Breathe! I know she is manipulative and trying to make me angry…but…but
she is still making me soooo angry.
“What you do with him has everything to do with me. He is my husband now. I call the shots. I
call all the shots.”
“So, that’s what he makes you think?”

“That is what it is.”

“You know you are nothing but just a useless villager, right? Look at you? Gundo probably feels
pity at this,” she says and waves her hand on my face. “He feels pity for you.”
I raise my hand and it lands on her cheek. It wasn’t intentional but it landed on her tender
cheek. I slapped her. I finally slapped her.
She returns the favour!
Outch! The witch slapped me harder. I cover my cheek while lodging my right hand to her face.
It becomes a heated fight until Gundo yells from the elevator. He runs to us and stands in

212
between us. I am fuming. I have no tears to shed today. I am so furious. Thank God Gundo
showed up wgen he did!
“What is going on here,” Gundo asks while swaying his head between Diana and I.
“She started this,” Diana says.
“Yes, I started this because I am tired of your nonsense,” I yell. I am fuming and if Gundo
doesn’t stop this fight, I am going to lose my breath.

“What nonsense?”
“Your nonsense?” I yell back.
What am I doing? I don’t fight for a man. I never do! But this woman has told me so much
nonsense to make me do the impossible.
Gundo’s door opens and Ciara walks out slowly.
“Mommy?” she softly says. “Daddy?”
The grin on Diana’s face when Ciara said Mommy and Daddy just defeated me. Gundo lets go of
the both of us.
“Diana, I want you to leave right now,” Gundo says. His face is dark enough to let anyone run
away but not this devil right here. She is not moved.

“Gundo, I am here to talk to you,” she says instead, while fixing her dress.
“Gundo, take Ciara outside…this one is going to talk to me today,” I say breathlessly, “Take
Ciara outside. If she wants to talk…she is going to do so with me…right here, right now.”
“Babe, she is not worth it,” Gundo says to me.
“She is worth every punch she is going to get… I am tired of her nonsense,” I say loudly – but in
venda so that Ciara doesn’t get that I am about to black slam her mother. I am tired of Diana’s
nonsense!!!!

INSERT 40
GUNDO
I am starting to regret my move to the Cape Town office. I am allergic to incompetent people
and the newly appointed manager is very incompetent. I didn’t see it coming because he
handled the due dates and we never ran late with any of the publications. However, he has a
list of consultants that do all the work for him. He outsources all the skills, that is why we were
able to get the job done for so long.

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I am told Phuti left because they used to fight in all meetings. I need that guy back in my team.
There was no man who understood my vision and what I was all about more than him. He left,
and when he called me to tell me about it, he told me he got a deal he couldn’t resist. I fell for
that until today.
“Who else is consulting right at this moment?”
“It was only Diana.”
“What is she assisting with by the way? What content development can she do? She was head
of corporate services…how did she jump to be a content developer?”
“She presented herself as one person that knew a lot about the company…and when I saw that
she was one of the founders…i…”
“One of the founders?”

“Yes! Her CV does have all that information…”

“You know what?” I am so defeated. If I sit here, I am going to end up strangling him. “I want
her out of my company right at this second.”
“Yes…”
“And…I am giving you a month’s notice. I cannot keep you here…” I say while standing up. I
have better things to do than seat here and listen to how Diana manipulated people.
“Mr Radzilani…can’t we talk about this?” he asks while standing from his seat.
“You expensed a lot of money to fund these people who were doing your job. Why should I
keep you?”
He stands there with his hands on his waist. I did great by flying here without telling anyone.
We are printing tomorrow and he didn’t even do anything out of the ordinary to get the IT
corner content ready. Instead, he lets Diana suggest and force everyone to work on the sport
content. That tells me that he doesn’t believe in the same beliefs as mine. I deliver – come rain
or thunder – I deliver.
I pick my phone and Ipad from the table and head to the elevators. Thandeka and I need to go
retire for the day – I bet she is tired from traveling.
The elevator opens on the fifth floor and I am welcomed by screaming and ear piercing noise. I
hurry to stand in between Diana and Thandeka? Are they crazy?
“What is going on here,” I asks while swaying my head between Diana and Thandeka. Since
when is Thandeka this violent? She is fuming!
“She started this,” Diana says.

214
“Yes, I started this because I am tired of your nonsense,” Thandeka yells at her. I have never
seen Thandeka so pissed. I don’t even know why she is pissed.
“What nonsense?” Diana asks Thandeka.
“Your nonsense?” Thandeka responses.
Oh! Is Ciara here too? She walks towards us from my office

“Mommy…Daddy?” Ciara says.

You know what? This is getting uglier by the minute and that smile on Diana’s face is going to
piss Thandeka even worse.
“Diana, I want you to leave right now,” I say. I cannot have my EX here to intimidate and make
my fiancée angry. I know for sure that whatever happened, Diana started it. This woman should
stop interfering in my life. It is getting annoying!
“Gundo, I am here to talk to you,” Diana says while fixing her pencil dress. She still have those
curves that once drove me crazy and I know she worked an extra hard to get her body back in
just a month – unless it is all stress.
“Gundo, take Ciara outside…this one is going to talk to me today. Take Ciara outside. If she
wants to talk…she is going to do so with me…right here, right now,” Thandeka says breathlessly.
I am so glad that this floor belongs to just two offices, mine and the manager’s.
“Babe, she is not worth it,” I say, trying to calm my sweetheart.
“She is worth every punch she is going to get… I am tired of her nonsense.”
I had to hold on Thandeka so she doesn’t kick or slap Diana infront of Ciara and I. I found them
kicking and scratching each other – I don’t know how bad things were before I got here.
Imagine if I stayed in that meeting for longer than I did? It could have been chaos right now.
“Thandeka…you are not going to kick anyone…you are pregnant?” I say.

“So what Gundo…so what?” she yells back. “You don’t know the things she said to me.”
“It’s okay…but calm down,” I say as calm as I can without embarrassing her.
“Gundo…step aside…” Thandeka says with her finger on me.
“I am not stepping aside…” I get closer to her and push her back to my door. I open it and force
her in.
“Thandeka,” I say, “I am not going to allow you to get yourself and the baby in danger. Diana is
not even worth your energy…why are you allowing her to bring you down to her level. She is
not worth anything…anything at all.”

215
“Are you on her side?”
“Are you kidding me? I don’t even know why you are fighting. Why would I be on her side? I
don’t care about her but I damn care about you.”
“Gundo, please step aside. Diana needs me to…”
“Thandeka if anything happens to that baby that you are carrying…I am not going to forgive you
at all…so don’t dare me,” I say and step aside from the door, “If you want to be
stubborn…fine…go ahead but if anything happens…I am not going to forgive you…I swear!”
She stands with her hands folded on her chest. Thank God she is getting back to her senses. I
am not going to have her put herself in danger.
“Sit down…I will talk to Diana. She is my problem…not yours,” I say and Thandeka stays in one
position. I open the door and get back to Diana. She is trying to stop Ciara from crying.
“Ciara…why don’t you go inside the office?” I ask her and she nods while cleaning her face. I
think Diana is too hard on this baby.
I move to the couches at the corner of the floor. Diana follows and sits on her old favourite
couch.
“Remember when we used to sit here after a heated meeting with a client?” Diana says with a
chuckle.
“I want you to stay away from my family Diana…and I mean it.”
“Your family?” she asks. Oh, I shouldn’t have said that because Rudzani has to father Ciara –
this is one of the deepest pain I had to endure. That sweet little girl will always be my
daughter…everyt
hing is just complicated right now and I cannot wait for her to grow up.
“I want you to stay away from me and Thandeka.”
“I am never interfering with your life.”
“Yes, you are. What are you doing here with Ciara?”

“She wanted to see you and you are here now…”

“No! I told you to leave Ciara out of this. I don’t want to hurt her feelings…she is young and
doesn’t understand what is going on.”
“Gundo.”
“No…I think you like taking advantage of me and I am getting pissed by all of these. Please leave
me alone. I told you I don’t want to go the legal route.”

216
“Oh please…”
“Don’t dare me Diana…don’t dare me.”
“Gundo, you changed.”
“You changed me. You are so fucked up…you turned my world upside down. I don’t know how
you expect us to move on as if nothing happened. You ruined my life. You broke me and that
woman had to pick up the pieces which you broke. I might forgive you but she might not
because she witness how you ruined my life… I don’t want anything to do with you…not in my
life…not in my business…I want you out of my life.”
“I made you.”
“You did not make me. I made you…from nothing to this…” I stand from the seat and she stands
too.
“Gundo, please….” She says while putting her palm on my cheek. She must be joking. I grab her
hand. “Ouch! Gundo! You are hurting me.”

“I am getting sick of you…what am I supposed to do to make you listen?”

“Gundo! you are hurting me,” she yells.
“What is it going to take for you to stay away from me?”
“Ouch! Gundo! you are hurting me.”
“What is it going to take?”

“Nothing…nothing…” she yells. Bet the pain was becoming unbearable.

“Stay away from us,” I let go of her hand and walk towards the door. “Get your things because
the next time you step into this building, you are going to get your ass sued.”
I have tried everything with Diana. She is just like an annoying mosquito – she never goes away.
Diana walks to the rest room while I walk towards my office. I open the door and Ciara is sitting
with Thandeka.
“Ciara…mommy is calling you. You need to go my baby,” I say.
“Daddy, when are we going home?” Ciara asks.
You know what! I need to have a chat with her.
“Come here,” I call her out and she walks to me. I pick her and let her seat on the table.
“Ciara…there is something that daddy needs to tell you.” How does one explain a divorce to a
child? This is going to be harder than anything I have ever done.
“Daddy had to leave home for good…but it is not because of you,” I start.

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“Did you leave because you are sad that Khuthi left us?” she asks.
“No sweetheart…remember Khuthi and uncle Ronnie went to heaven? I am not sad about that
anymore because they are with God and they are fine…”
“Then why did you leave home?”
“I left because mommy and I are no longer good friends.”
“You don’t love her anymore?” she asks. Oh! She knows better. But what does she know about
love and break-up.
“See mommy and I were boyfriend and girlfriend…and now…mommy and daddy are no longer a
girlfriend and boyfriend,” I say. How can I explain this to a six year old?
“Is it because of me?”
“No. It is not because of you…it just happens…you will see for yourself when you grow up.
See…when you grow up you might not like Sim anymore?” I say and she blushes. Sim is some
boy kid she likes. Im trying to bring this close to home as possible. “You might like someone
else…so that is what happened to mommy and daddy. Daddy now likes sis Thandeka.”
“Okay.”
“Do you understand now?” I ask and she nods. “When you are a bigger girl…you are going to
come and visit me…is that okay?”
“Yes.”
“Do you like your new brother?” I ask trying to lighten the mood and change the subject.
“He cries a lot.”

“You used to cry a lot too.”

“No, I didn’t.”
“You did. I never used to sleep,” I say and she blushes. I let her stand on the table so that I can
snuggle her in a warm hug. Diana opens the door and coldly asks for Ciara to join her. I help her
down and she walks to her mother.
That chat with Ciara warmed Thandeka’s heart. She is no longer angry but she looks sad.
“Babe, are you okay?”
“Yeah!”

*****

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Thandeka went straight to bed when we arrive at the hotel. Since Diana and Ciara left my
office, we never spoke about what transpired earlier. She didn’t want to talk so let her be. I
wish she could vent but she chooses not to.
Tomorrow’s print out was sent to my room earlier so I am going through it to ensure that
everything is in place.
The light at the corner of the room takes my attention. It is Thandeka’s side lamp. She sits up
with a frown before getting out of bed to the loo.
“Babe, are you fine?” I ask. I don’t know if it will be good to talk about today’s incident.
“Yeah!” she says but I am not convinced. I switch the main light and wait for her.
She walks back, dragging her feet. She reaches the bed and sits carefully.

“Are you okay?”

“I am just exhausted.”
Ofcourse! After kicking and fighting! Ofcourse.
“Do you want to tell me what she told you?”
“She told me that…I finally trapped you.”

“That is rubbish. You are nothing like her.”

“I know,” she sadly says.
“Are you okay, babe? You don’t have to feel bad about this afternoon. I understand your
frustrations. Diana is one hell of a woman.”
“Did you mean it…that you were not going to forgive me if…anything happens to the baby?”
she asks and she looks like she is slightly trembling.
“Well…I meant…if you didn’t stop being stubborn…I was not going to…but…” I say but she cries
before I could even finish.
“Gundo…”
“Whats wrong? Why are you crying? No man…don’t feel bad…”

“OUCH!!!!” she cries loudly.

“Babe…what’s wrong?” I ask and she picks herself to stand and hurry to the bathroom. I follow
behind and find her wiping herself with a tissue. She raises it and it is clean.
“Aaawww!” she moans while trying to stand. “Please take me to the hospital.”

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I hurry to pick my jacket. I pick her morning gown and help her put it on before trying to help
her out of the room.
Thank God I took the company car. I wasn’t going to trust Uber to be as fast I can be. I get her
to the car and accelerate out of the hotel.
“Are you going to forgive me if anything happens to the baby?” she asks with tears streaming
down her face.
“Ofcourse baby…ofcourse…nothing is your fault.”
“I should have known better…”
“Shhhh…try to breath…we will be in hospital in a few minutes,” I say trying to navigate around
the streets. I know this place so getting to the hospital is not a big deal.

She is not bleeding…so she can’t be losing the baby.

I am shaking while sitting in the waiting room. How can I tell her that I will never forgive her if
anything happens to the baby? She is now stressed about what I said more than she is stressing
about her well-being.
God knows I didn’t mean it that way. I just wanted her to stop fighting.
She didn't lose the baby…did she? I mean she was not bleeding.
“Mr Radzilani,” the doctor called out at the corridor. With a speed of light, I get to where he is
standing.
“Is she fine?” I ask. That is what matters the most.
“Uhmmm…”
“Is my wife fine?” Wife or Fiancee – same thing. I am marrying her when she walks out of that
hospital bed.
“Yes!”
“And the baby?” I ask. That feeling of losing Khuthi just came. I can’t go through that again. Not
now. not ever if possible. I can’t.
“Babies…they are fine.”
“Babies?”
“Twins.”

“Twins?”
“Yes, twins.”

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“Like two babies?”
“Yes, twins are two babies…sir,” he says with a chuckle.
“Are they fine…the two of them? The three of them?”
“They are alright!” he says and I drop to sit on the bench next to us. I was shiiiiiiiit scared for a
moment. “You can come through and see her. She had cramps but…there was no bleeding…so
don’t stress. What we were worried about is the high blood pressure.”
High blood pressure, huh? Ofcourse! She was ready to fly kick my EX…that might have messed
up everything nje!

“Can I see her?”

“Ofcourse!”

INSERT 41
THANDEKA
Gundo walks into the room. He looks funny in pyjama pants and a casual jacket. He was
stressed more than I am. I can just see it in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“I am okay,” I say and he walks to hug me. I can literally hear his heartbeat.
“I don’t ever want to see you stressed about stupid things…never again Thandeka, do you hear
me?”
“Yeah!”
“Never again are you going to worry about Diana or me cheating or me not picking up my
phone or…any other stupid thing that you worry about. I love you and I want to assure you…I
won’t do anything to hurt you…so stop stressing.”
“Yeah babe!”
“We are having twins…” he says and I smile widely. “Two are almost here…and ninety eight to
go.”

“Ninety eight to go,” I say with a laugh.

“He said I can go home with you…hotel for us…provided you get there and rest…and take your
meds because high blood pressure is not good for you and the babies.”
“He told me,” I say.

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“When did he say the moods are going to be fixed?” he asks and I push him off the bed. “What?
I need to know for how long am I going to suffer?”
“Am I that bad?”
“You are better than I thought you would be. I read a lot of these things…they say things are
bad out there…people even break up because of hormones.”
“You are not planning to leave me and blame it on the hormones…are you?”
“I wouldn’t dare. Who is going to give me ninety eight more babies?” he says and sits on the
chair.
I don’t know what got to me earlier. I think I am just so DONE with Diana and all her stunts.
That woman is just chaos nje! Now I am worried about Ciara. She doesn’t look happy with her
own mother – but is the story for another day. Right now! I have to celebrate the two babies. I
need to start looking after myself.
“Isn’t it funny how we thought you shoot blanks?...only to find out that you are as fertile as
they come?”
“I told you I don’t shoot blanks,” he says and sticks his tongue out.
“Did you? You did!” I wink at him. He is lying – he was freaked out by the thought that he
doesn’t give birth. We both were scared. “Love, please pass me my gown.”
He picks the morning gown from the chair and passes it to me. I jump out of bed and put on my
shoes and gown.
“Are you feeling okay?” I ask.
“Yeah!”
“I need to marry you,” he says.
“Ofcourse Gundo…I am wearing your ring.”
“Now, that I am in Thulani’s good books? Can we finalise the lobola and get married? I want to
make you my wife.”
“Any day,” I say with a smile. Who wouldn’t want to be officially married by Gundo? “I will call
Thulani tomorrow.”
A nurse walks in with my medication. Gundo follows the nurse to the reception for paper work
before coming to get me.
When we get the hotel, he lets me sleep while he works.

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I didn’t hear him come to bed but I am now woken up by him in the shower. He hardly sleeps
when he has work to do. No wonder he runs a successful business. He has passion for what he
does.
“Hey, you are up,” he says while getting to the bedroom. He has a towel on his waist. I feel like
some. So unlike me….but I want some of the nice things under the towel.
“I am up…do you have to go?” I ask. I feel so much better than any other morning.
“Babe, I have to run. I overslept.”
“What time is it?”
“Eight thirty,” he says while pulling his suit cover. He picks a shirt and put it on as fast as he
could. “Get the hotel shuttle to drop you at the office after breakfast.”

“Maybe I can go shopping for some new clothes,” I say.

“Are you sure? Won’t you want me to push your trolley?”
“No...” I quickly say. Gundo doesn’t mind pushing my trolley but he complains and drags his
feet to show that he wants to leave. I can get a few things without anyone disturbing me. I can
even get my braids done. Joburg braids are the best.
He sits on the bed and put on his shoes. He quickly picks his laptop and packs it in his bag.
“I have to go…see you later, right?” he says.
“See you later,” I say while receiving a kiss on my forehead.
I have a day to myself. First, I need to nurse the morning sickness. I wonder how I am going to
survive giving Gundo so many children. Morning sickness is the worst!!!!
In two hours, I am downstairs for breakfast. I dish my breakfast from the buffet table and pick a
corner table to settle on. The waiter brought me a teapot of tea and juice. I feel like tea and
juice. My table is kinda full, but it doesn’t matter, I have all morning to finish the food if I want.

“Uhm…sorry…do I know you from somewhere?” a guy in an Arsenal jersey asks.

“Sorry?” I lift my eyes to him. I don’t know him.
“Do I know you?” he asks again.
“Well…I don’t know.”
“Where do you work?” he asks.

“Cape Town…retail,” I say and he shakes his head.

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“Can I sit? I will move when they arrive,” he says while sitting down. I didn’t agree but he is
already seated.
“No one will come. I am here alone,” I say.
“All of these…is yours?” he asks and I nod with a grin.
“I don’t know you from Cape Town.”

“Venda?”
“Yes…Yes…you are…”
“I am Thandeka.”
“Robert’s girlfriend,” he says happily.
“Ex girlfriend,” I say while rolling my eyes.
“Haaa…but that dude messed up hey. He lost it when he impregnated you together with that
girl who was in his life for money. He is now stuck in Venda…no money..nothing! The last time I
was with him we were planning of opening a car wash and braai joint in Chiawelo…but he
chowed all the capital money…but I am sure his girlfriend told him not to invest in this
opportunity.”
Dude! I don’t know why he is telling me all these. I am not interested in Robert and anything
that has to do with him.
“He has his own reasons.”
“What reasons? He is now drinking his money away…and…heeyyy…you are also Thulani’s
sister…right? Where is he by the way?”

“He is in Cape Town…working…”

“He is working in Cape Town?” he asks. His face says it all – he is shocked. I don’t blame him.
Thulani and I were so poor for people to ever imagine us out of the village. We moved in our
mother’s house already broke and poor so everybody in the village knew us. I was known to sell
eggs while Thulani was well-known for drinking his liver away. Things are different now. Thulani
is doing greatly. He will be out in a few weeks. My own brother, who would sleep on his own
vomit, looks dapper now. I look dapper myself too.
“Yes!” I say. He doesn’t have to know what he is working on. Thulani is working on himself.
“Wow,” he says and sway his eyes to my finger. Gundo picked a huge stone to mark his
territory. “Are you married now?”

“Engaged!” I say and he chuckles.

224
“Life is just funny nje…very funny.”
“Indeed!” I respond and roll my eyes inwardly. My phone beeps. I pick it and it is Gundo. He
sent a text checking up on me. I respond that I am fine and he asks me to catch a shuttle to the
office. He misses me and is worried about me. I miss him too.
I call for the waiter to pack me half of the food on the table. I am taking them with me.
“I need to go.”
“It was nice meeting you again…” he says while standing. I flash a fake smile at him – I don’t
even know why he was here. I hate gossiping with people that I don’t know.
What does drinking all the capital money has to do with me? Robert made his choice when it
came to life. I am glad he didn’t choose to stay with me. I would have loved him whole
heartedly like I did those years when he was fooling me. But, he wouldn’t have loved me the
way I deserve to be loved. No man is capable to love me perfectly than Gundo Radzilani.
The waiter brings my take-away bag and I get a shuttle outside to tell me to Gundo’s office. He
is in his powder blue shirt, jacket off and the sleeves folded. He is working harder!
“Look at you,” he says when I walk in. I check myself out. What is he talking about? “Don’t mind
me, you just look sexy.”

“Why are you being nice?”

“Because I want you to ask for more days at work. We need to stay in Joburg for longer… a lot
need to be done. I can’t leave now.”
“I am not going back to work,” I say and I notice Gundo’s grin turn into a smile. “I thought
maybe I can work on my fashion line at home…without pressure. I need to rest and since they
told me how hectic the high blood is…I cannot risk it. I need to rest.”
“Really?”
“Why does it sound like you wanted to ask me to quit?”
“I’ll never ask you to quit something you want to do…but your job is straining Thandeka…we
cannot risk anything…we can’t.”
“We don’t have to risk anything…I’ll call Bev and explain. I hope she understands.”
*****
Today, I am freaking out! I have learned to stay calm but today is such a big deal for Thulani and
I. We are travelling to Venda for the first time since the incident. He is clean and I am worried
that he might go back to his old ways when he meets his friends. I am freaking out because I
don’t want him to go back to where he was. He was sick. I saw him cry. I saw him choke in his

225
own tears…and I don’t ever want to see him go back there. Cape Town was better because we
made sure that no one around him had a drink infront of him. Back at home, everybody drinks
whenever they want. Men walk around with bottle in hand.
He, on the other side, seems very fine. He looks like someone who has everything in control.
“Why are you so fat too early?” Thulani asks. Gundo laughs, as if I am not carrying his twins.
“Pregnant women gain weight…it is normal.”

“Good luck,” he says.

“Good luck on what?”
“I mean…I don’t see your big tummy but you are already fat,” he says.
“That doesn’t mean that we are not having a wedding…you look just fine,” Gundo jumps in as if
he read my thoughts. “You look perfect, babe.”
“Yeah, right!” I say.
Gundo parks inside our yard. Thulani jumps out first before I do. He walks around the yard
before coming back to the car to get the bags.
“Babe, I won’t be staying…I need to pick the uncles for tomorrow.”

“Ofcourse!” I say and kiss him deeply.

I watch as he drives away. Thulani walks to the door and unlocks it.
This is home!
Cape Town is classy and beautiful but home is home. Thulani goes to his room while I walk
around the kitchen. Maria cleaned the house for me. I called her a few days ago to tell her
about the lobola negotiations. Her mother had to organise the uncles again. This time Thulani
promised to be in his best behaviour.
“I am just going around the hood,” Thulani says to me. I am sitting with Maria in the kitchen.
“Are you going to stay for long?” I ask, trying to be calm about it.
“I don’t think so. I just want to check some peeps.”
“Okay,” I say and make a little prayer. I wish he is not going to meet the wrong friends. Maria
and I watch as he walks out of the house.
“Yoh! Thandeka…I don’t believe Thulani turned out so well. He looks so handsome.”
“It took a lot…I hope he won’t mess it up.”
“He wouldn’t dare.”

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Maria stays with me until after eight. We were talking about everything I have been missing out
when I was gone. I am told that Robert comes and knock on my bedroom window everyday. I
don’t know what his problem is.
Thulani isn’t home at ten o’clock. I am tempted to call him but my other heart doesn’t want to
look like an over protective sister.
I retire on a couch. I pick The Royal Mistress book to read again, I haven’t collected new books
yet so while I wait for the third book, I shall repeat these two books until the author decides to
do the right thing.
I am startled by the lock turning. Thulani opens the door and walks in.
“Oh, you are still up,” he says calmly.
“Yeah…just reading a book. I am not sleepy at all.”

“You should rest. Tomorrow is your big day,” he says.

“You are right,” I say while getting from the couch. I pick my book and hurry to the bedroom.
Tears gush down my face! My brother disappeared to the streets for hours and he didn’t come
back drunk? I am a proud sister right now.
“Thandeka, are you alright?” he asks from, outside my door. I forgot we don’t have a ceiling, so
he probably heard me sniffing the tears away.
“Yes, I am fine.”
The lobola negotiations went perfectly fine. Thulani took what was offered to him. My brother
was even in a greatest mood, today. God knows how happy I am to know that nothing stands
between Gundo and I?
What was supposed to be a small family affair turned into a village traditional wedding.
Everyone seemed to be happy for me more than I was for myself. Maria’s mother and her
friends danced with me in the streets while everybody watched. Nothing was planned –
everyone was just joyous. I also noticed Robert in the crowds while I did the rounds in the
streets. He seems lost and miserable. Do I care? Hell No!
This was the best Saturday of my life. I laughed tears and cried tears of joy. I couldn’t have
asked for a better send-off than this one. I was also exhausted but it was a fun filled day.

Only hours later, I get a chance to see Gundo alone. We get a queit corner and settle there.
“How are you Mrs Radzilani?” he asks while I sit on his lap.
“I am happy,” I say before planting a kiss on his lips.
“I am happier.”

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“When are we getting you a white wedding?” he asks. I don’t want anymore. I look like hell.
This send-off was fun and perfect.
“I don’t want a white wedding.”
“What? Since when?”
“Since I look fat.”

“You are just perfect!”

“No.”
“Yes, you are. Why don’t we get married on the 13th April? It is in few weeks and you will get
everything done and ready by then and you will still be this size.”
“I…”
“Come on…you told me that you want a beautiful white wedding. I want to give you just that.”

I smile.
“I want a water front wedding.”
“A beach wedding?”
“Not really a beach wedding…but just a water front wedding.”
“Okay, then I am going to give you a water front wedding…what do you say?” he asks.

“Yes!
“13th April? Is it the final date?”
“The 13th April it is,” I say happily before kissing him deeply once again! The 13th April it is!!!!!

INSERT 42

GUNDO
She is sleeping peacefully - Mrs Radzilani is sleeping peacefully. I slide out of bed and sneak out
of the room to the bathroom. People are already awake. I thought most would be sleeping
since they drank all night. I hurry to the bathroom, I use the toilet and get a chance to wash my
face. It is going to be a long day and I wonder if Thandeka is going to survive half of it.
It is our first night in my father’s house. Maybe I should consider getting a vacant land and build
a house for times when I come down here with my family. Staying in my father’s house seems
so wrong, even though it is just for this event. I could have booked in a hotel but my uncles told
me it would be a disgrace. I open the bathroom and try to sneak back to my bedroom but one

228
of my father’s brothers call me from the living room. He is already drinking tea, dressed in his
formal pants and shirt and also shining shoes – classic man!!! There is also a small pocket
whiskey.
“The man of the moment,” he says. His name is Sathiel. I think he is the one who named
Ronnie, Ronald. I like him. He has better style than my father and their other brothers.
“How did you sleep?”
“I slept very well…very very well,” he says and picks a glass from the table. He is already
drinking, so early, but it looks good on him.
“That is good,” I say while sitting on a couch next to him. Mam Angie walks in with a plate of
food.
“Is she still sleeping?” she asks and I nod.

“She is very tired. Let her sleep,” he says. He is cool like that.
“Thank you.”
“Ofcourse! We are not going to slave her away if that is what you are worried about…your
cousins are here to do all the work,” she says with a smile. I turn to the direction of the kitchen
and indeed my cousins are running up and down the kitchen, trying to have everything ready.
Thank God my wife can sleep as much as she wants.
“You chose well…” Aunt Angie says.
“Thank you…I totally agree.”
“You should thank me,” she says, feeling proud of herself.
“I should?”

“Remember I had to get you the number?”

“Ofcourse!” I say with a laugh. She laughs but her laugh turns into a frown.
“Please talk to your brother? He is losing his mind,” my aunt says, in a begging tone. I saw him
yesterday but we never got a chance to chat. What do I need to say to him? He is not worth my
forgiveness. He can go jump to hell for all I care…with Diana. I am not going to forgive him for
what he did to me. Rather I die than to accept what he did to me.
“I have nothing to talk to him about anything. I want him out of my life,” I say.
“No Gundo…it is best to start on a clean slate.”
“It is best to keep your enemies far from you. Rudzani is capable of killing me…”

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“I feel like you need to have a chat with him,” Uncle Sathiel says. I don’t care what everybody
feels, I am not forgiving him for what he did.
I am about to stand when my father walks in, followed by my mother. I settle back on the couch
while they seat across my uncle and I.
“Is she still sleeping?” Mom asks and I nod. I know she is asking from a good heart and not to
shame her. Thandeka needs all the rest she can get. She is pregnant with my twins.
“We are getting officially married on the 13th April,” I say.
“Why so soon? There is a lot we need to do,” my father enquires.
“She needs to be my wife before she gives birth. She is already my wife by the way. Whatever
you want to do can be done once I marry her legally,” I say. This has to be done now!
“Are we ever going to meet her family? Not those uncles who were paid to be part of the whole
process,” Dad says. I feel like lying but I am not going to be disrespectful to my father.
“She does not have a family,” I say. I tried speaking to her last night, asking her if we should go
to Soweto to invite everyone from her family, but her answer was a firm NO. I respect her
wishes, mostly when it brings tears to her face. She survived without them when she needed
them the most. Why would she need them now? I can contest that but that is exactly how I feel
about my brother.
“I feel like you are rushing things…and the next thing you are going to find yourself in the same
mess you got yourself with Mme a Ciara.”
“My marriage with Diana cannot be compared with what I have with Thandeka.”
“Don’t get me wrong…I am not fighting,” he says. I want to respond but Rudzani walks into the
room. Atleast he looks decent. Everyone stays silent and sway heads between us. Rudzani sits
down and Uncle Sathiel pulls me down when I try to stand. Aunt Angie walks back into the
room. This is all her doings.
“I think it is best we solve this,” Aunt Angie says. I think she is the one who feels the guiltiest for
knowing the truth and keeping it from me.

“There is nothing to solve, really,” I say.

“We don’t want you to think that we are behind your brother’s barbaric actions… but resolving
things with your brother would be better,” Dad says. He sounds like an executive – he doesn’t
make a good negotiator like Uncle Sathiel and all of them. My dad is too…rich for that. He
doesn’t solve matters, he has people solve matters for him. His attempt to sit us down is
making me laugh. That is just aint him.

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“I raised you,” Aunt Angie says. She is correct. My aunt raised us more than our parents did. She
was divorced when we were young and it was best that she stayed with us. When my parents
were traveling or working or doing everything they had to do, my aunt was there. She is the
one who broke the fights between my brothers and I, so I trust her to solve this if she wants to
attempt.

“Uncle Sathiel, would you forgive your brother if he slept with your wife?” I ask.
“Well…eventually…” he says. “You see…the one I won’t forgive is my wife.”
“I choose to not forgive the both of them,” I say before he could continue. “He is my
brother…he should have known better than to stab me on my back. I don’t care about
Diana…but him? He should have known better.”
“Gundo…”
“I don’t need anything from him,” I say and stand. Oh, I do need something. I sit down again, “If
there is one thing I need from you Rudzani, is that child you cannot even mend. I raised her and
I can do a better job than you and Diana combined. That’s all I need. Other than that…you can
go to hell.”
Thandeka and I spoke about it and we agreed that if things are possible, we can adopt Ciara.
We just need to settle with the twins first. It can take a few years for us to settle with the twins
while we try to do the adoption procedures, but we are aiming to take her in. Thank goodness
Thandeka saw what I saw that day – Ciara is unhappy. She is hurt and lost in all this mess.
However, it is a lot of things to consider. I don’t want Diana’s nuisance again in my life. But we
cannot always run away.

“It’s fine,” Rudzani mumbles with his head on the floor.

It is fine? It is fine? What is fine?
I stand from my chair.
“Gundo…my son…we are sorry for doing this because today is supposed to be a joyous day for
you…I think it is best we let you be,” Mom says.
“Thank you,” I say and get back to my bedroom. Thandeka is sitting on the bed. “Hey, you are
up.”
“Yeah!”
“Are you okay?” I ask.

“I’m fine. Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“You needed to rest.”

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“But I have to help clean and prepare the…”
“Are you crazy? I have enough cousins to do that. They are already busy with everything,” I say.
“Are you okay?” she asks. I bet she heard a bit of the conversations I had with the elders.
“I am pissed,” Truth be told. “…people expect me to forgive Rudzani for betraying me. Isn’t that
funny?”

“Don’t you want to forgive him for your own peace?”

“What peace?” I ask and laugh, “I am more at peace when he is out of my life.”
“Do you think we should postpone the wedding? We can do the wedding maybe next year.
There is no need to rush.”
“Are you kidding me? What if I don’t have money next year. I already married you. I just want
you to party for the fact that you are my wife..thats all. We are not rushing anything,” I say. She
probably heard what my father said.
“Fine! If you say so.”
“Now…come…let me give the babies some vitamins,” I say while crawling to her.
“Are you kidding me? Your whole family is out there…”

“So?” I say while cupping her boobs.

“Leave me alone…I am not having sex with you while your family…”
“I will close your mouth with my hand,” I say and jump out of bed to go lock the door.
“Gundo, No!” she hisses while I take my shirt off. One look at the results of abs day…she smiles.
I knew she would fall for it. We are on second trimester and Mrs Radzilani is loving herself some
SEX.
*****
“We are buying it,” I say to my realtor who is showing us the house that Thandeka picked for
us.
“Are you kidding me Gundo?” Thandeka says.
“No. it has enough rooms…look…the twins can share their bedroom until they are ready to
split…Ciara can have her own room if she comes stay with us… we can keep the guests in the
guest house…it is perfect.”

“Five bedrooms?” she says.

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“We might want to move to a mansion at baby number ten,” I say and Thandeka giggles. “Okay
look…if it is our final decision to come back to Joburg…then this is perfect. We won’t need to
move again.”
Thandeka and I decided to move back to Joburg so that I focus on rebuilding my company.
There was a lot of mess I had to fix and if I want to build an empire – it is best I do it myself.
Njabulo will run the Cape Town office – I already shipped three team members to work with
him. I am moving back to joburg.
Phew! Cape Town is far and expensive to travel. For some reason, Thandeka loves Venda so
much that I might end up building a two bedroom house for us.
“We are taking the house,” I say in confidence. You know…after putting down the deposit for
this house and paying for our wedding, then I am going to be officially broke. But that is just
perfect when I know I did the right thing.
“Gundo…” she says and then her face changes. She has that ugly frown she makes before she
starts crying.
“Thandeka, stop crying…we need it,” I say.
“I will get the paper work done. Congadulations Mrs and Mr Radzilani,” the realtor says and
walk out of the dining room to give us space.
“It is perfect,” Thandeka.
“I told you,” I say.
Thandeka’s phone rings. She swipes her tears and picks it up. Thank God the ugly face is gone.
“Hi…” she says, “Yes…No…I want everything white in the blessing ceremony…yes…and then the
traditional set-up for the reception. Yes…I choose the colours with
Rofhiwa…yellow…yes…alright, thank you. The wedding is next week and I am starting to freak
out if you are asking me this….ohh alright, I understand.”
She places her phone in the bag.

“They better not mess my wedding,” she mumbles.

Oh, by the way, she wants a white wedding and a traditional reception. She was inspired by
some wedding on one of the books she reads. Need I say which book? I made peace with it.
These books she reads are now manuals in our life. Now she wants us to go the Gorge Private
Game Lodge because one of her favourite characters in the book was engaged there. I am
taking her there after the wedding since we cannot fly out now. I don’t want any complications
with our pregnancy. I will take her somewhere nice after she gives birth.

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“I trust them not to mess anything,” I say. We got the venue and luckily they do everything for a
package. All we need to do is to show up. We also got someone who sent out invitations for us.
I know these things because I was once married and I don’t want Thandeka to stress about
anything. We are just showing up nje!
After our meeting with our realtor, we stop for lunch before flying back home.
*****
I am impressed by these resorts we have here. The wedding is tomorrow and they boys and I
are booked in a lodge. I have Njabulo, Phuti and my three cousins with me and I know it is going
to be a long night.
“I was given instructions not to drink more than I can handle,” I say.
“For the last time, you are going to do the opposite of what your wife asks you,” my cousin,
Thembu says. The guys agrees with him.
“You were smart enough to choose an afternoon wedding,” Phuti says, “We have all morning to
nurse the hang-over…and there is no room to be late.”
“Lets go fishing,” Njabulo says while taking a view at the lake. There are a few fishing bouts.

“I’ll stay here,” Thembu says, “I like the water from afar.”
“He is right. The last time we went on a cruise, he turned the whole boat,” my other cousin says
and laughs. “The dude was close to cry tears.”
Thembu drinks from his Heineken bottle – not bothered by us laughing at him.
“So, you can go fish…” he says.
“Do you even know how to fish?” I ask.

“No,” Njabulo says and we all laugh. He is being ambitious.

“Where can we order strippers?” Phuti asks.
“No strippers…please…” I say with my hands in the air.
“What kind of a bachelor party is this?” Phuti asks.
“The last time we had strippers…one stripper didn’t wanna leave our table,” I say and Njabulo
laughs.
“She almost broke your marriage at day one that one…”

“Dude…she didn’t want to leave…and I didn’t have more plans with her.”
“She probably felt the iron while she was grinding you…”

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“For that reason…I don’t want stripper…they catch feeling,” I say and laugh. I think I am too
excited for tomorrow. I just cannot wait.
“So, have you decided if you want to sign after getting married?...or are you going to keep as
customary?” Thembu asks.
I drink from my beer bottle.
“Well…I feel…like it is best to sign to protect…”
“To protect yourself, right?” Thembu jumbs in, “After what Diana did…you are right…you need
to protect yourself.”
What I wanted to say was that it is best to sign to protect my wife if anything happens to me.
But…he was ready to jump into conclusion.

“I don’t think I am going to sign with anyone…” my other cousin says.

“But…you guys are confusing thing…you cannot base your love on money,” I say and Thembu
turns to me.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what…you wont understand if I try to explain…so…”
“I’ll advise that you sign with a prenup,” Njabulo says.
“Guys…can we drink? Like can we have fun and call in strippers if we want? This serious things
are for him to decide when we are not here…can we drink?” Phuti rescues me.

Please!!!!
THANDEKA
“Do you guys think I should agree to sign with Gundo?” I ask. I am sitting with Maria, Bev and
Boitumelo. We are at my home. The wedding is tomorrow and I want to leave from home.
Gundo wanted to book a hotel for us but I thought NO! I want to put some respect in my
mother’s house.
“Have you guys spoken about it?” Bev asks.
“I always shy away from this conversation…” I say, “I think it is because of his first divorce. I
don’t know if it affected him financially…or…”
“What do you want?”
“Not so sign with him…I don’t even anything that I am bringing into this marriage..”
“You are bringing him heirs. What do you mean?” Boitumelo says.

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“Yes..right…” I smile, “But…”
“Can we shy away from this topic?” Maria suggest from the stove.
“Right? It is kinda depressing…” I say.

“Are we going to go to the club?”

“Club in the village?”
“But…we need a bachelorrete’s party.”
“We are going to have a shower later…”
“Shower with my mother and her friends from church,” Maria adds.
“Tea party with the old ladies?” Bev asks with a disgusted face. “You should have let us take you
out when we were still in Cape Town.”

“What the point? I won’t be able to drink.”

“But we would drink on your behalf…”
“We could go out for lunch. We need to go out…” Boitumelo says.
“Who is going to drive us?”
“Uber!” Bev says and Maria laughs out loud.

“Mara Bev…” I say and laugh.

“I know Gundo’s cousin who has a car. We can invite her and she would drive us there.”
“Pleaseee….we have some sex chats to do and some selfies to take.”
Maria called Tshinaki to drive us to some lodge I didn’t know existed. The girls insisted I wear a
white dress while they all wear floral dresses. They are taking this thing serious.
I almost peed on myself when a group of girls yell ‘SURPRISE’.
“Really, you guys?” I call out and cover my mouth. “Do you want me to give birth at five
months?”
“You thought we were going to have it slide?” Bev asks. How did they even do this? Oh! Gundo
has everything to do with this.
It is just a few girls but it looks so perfect. They are Gundo’s cousins and their friends I suppose.
There is also two of my neighbours aswell.
“Ahhh, you guys…” I say while Maria puts the crown on my hair.
“Can we talk about sex now?” Bev asks with her champagne glass in the air.

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Wow! This is happening.

INSERT 43

THANDEKA
“Are you ever going to stop crying? We need to finish the make-up,” Maria says with a laugh
and the camera guy keeps snapping pictures.
“Maria, shut up,” I snap at her and slightly push her. I am having a moment. Gundo sent his
cousin to bring me flowers and I cannot help but cry. He still thought of getting me flowers. I
don’t like the smell of roses right now but I am so happy he did this. He is many kilometres
away from me but he thought to arrange this. He is the best.

“Aint you used to your man by now?”

“Your perfect man to be exact,” Bev says.
“He doesn’t give me a chance to breathe.”
“How is everything at the venue, do you know?” I ask Lorraine, one of Gundo’s cousins.
“Everything is getting ready and beautiful,” she says.
I don’t want to see the pictures of the place because if there is something that I don’t like, I
might not be able to change it and I am going to flip!!!
“Is Gundo and the guys up? I hope they didn’t drink their lives away.”
“I don’t know…but he sent someone to bring the flowers home this morning. So I think they are
already getting ready. Their lodge is just ten minutes from the venue,” she says.
“Okay, thank you.” She walks out of the room.
“I think I am ready,”Boitumelo.
“Thandeka is not even half way done,” Bev says.
“The bride is allowed to be late,” the make-up lady says while cleaning my tears. This is my first
time I have someone work on my face. I do put make-up but only when necessary. Today is a
different day. This lady has been putting things on my face, I wonder what I look like. I thought
the natural look would take just a few minutes…but no. she spent the whole thirty minutes just
doing the eyes. They say an hour to go – I hope they are lying.
“Can I get a bite of something?” I ask and Maria walks out of the house…to go get me a fruit.
“The babies, are hungry?”

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“Yoh…and we ate just an hour ago,” I say.
Everyone seem to be ready but me. They are all sitting on my old bed while the make-up lady
finishes the final touches.
“You look amazing,” Bev says and the smile says it all. She means it.
“Thank you.”

“I hope you don’t cry when you see yourself.”

“Can you open the window? I need to breathe,” I say fanning myself.
“The windows are open…the fan is rolling…are you okay?” Boitumelo asks.
“I am … losing my breathe.”
“Gundo told you to stop stressing yourself Thandeka. Why are you panicking?”

“I don’t know…I think…I am just anxious.”

“Don’t worry yourself…everything is going to go perfectly fine.”
I stand and take a deepest breathe. I need to breathe.
“Get the dress…get the dresss…” Bev says happily.
“I need the pictures of her in make-up and her morning gown only,” the camera guy says. Thank
God he brought the background set because my room wouldn’t give my pictures a good
background. Maria’s mother knocks and walks in just when I was done with the shoot.
“Can we get you in the dress? Just an hour and a half left,” Maria says.
“I will wait be taking the pictures outside,” the camera guy says and walks out. Thank God! The
room is getting smaller each time someone walks in.

Maria’s mother smiles at me.

“You are so beautiful, Thandeka,” she says while standing infront of me.
“Thank you.”
“Mma, can we get Thandeka in the dress? We are running late…”
“I just came for a prayer,” she says. A prayer is what I need first. “Can you call the other
women? They are sitting in the living room.”

“Haaaa Mma,” Maria says.

“Go call them Maria,” I say. We can never be cool for a prayer. Maria walks out and in few
minutes, my bedroom was small but I didn’t mind. This is important.

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“Thandeka, I have seen how great God is,” Maria’s mother says, “I saw him in my life.” She tells
us this testimony all the time but I don’t mind listening to it always. It gives me hope too.
“Thandeka, God is going to bless you abundantly. He is going to bless you for this heart of
yours.” She points at my heart. “I remember when I was sick and ready to die…you called us to
come stay with you in Johannesburg. God will bless you for that.”

“Thank you Ma,” I say.

“I wish you only great thing, Thandeka. What you did for your brother is exceptional. I watched
helplessly when that boy was killing himself. I had already given up on him…ask Maria. I didn’t
know how I could help Thulani…but you picked him up when he needed you the most,” she
says. Talking about Thulani…where is he? I hope he is ready and in a suit. He picked a suit
though so I hope he wears it.
“God will bless you abundantly my child,” Maria’s mother says and thereafter the room was
filled with prayer. I am trying everything in me not to cry. Ten minutes later, the room is filled
with an AMEN!!
“Everybody..out…fast…” Maria calls out until her mother and the gang walks out of the room. I
get dressed and finally get a chance to see myself on the mirror.
“I think the make-up artist is going to walk beside you,” Bev says and they laugh, “You are doing
that frowning thing.”

I look A M A Z I N G!!! I can’t even see myself because my tears are blurring my eyes.
*****
“I found a young girl who can fit in this dress,” Khangwelo, one of the cousins says. She shows
me a girl in a cutest smile ever. Luckliy, her hair is perfectly done.
“Okay, get her changed!” Maria says. We are in the limo and waiting for our time to go outside
and I walk down the aisle. Ciara was supposed to be the flower girl. It would have made Gundo
happy but I guess Diana did not want. Khangwelo was supposed to come back with her from
joburg this morning but she told us Diana did not pick her phone up when they wanted to pick
the child.
I am fine! I have learnt to not allow Diana to mess with me.
The make-up artist fixes my make-up when the planner came to the car to get the bridesmaid.
It is about to happen!!!!!
“Come…come…ladies…lets go. People are ready for you,” the planner calls out.
“Can I have something to chew on?” I ask Bev before she steps out of the car. She passes me a
bowl with grapes.

239
“See you on the other side,” Bev says and Thulani walks to the door.
“Are you ready to do this?” he asks.
“I am ready,” I say. He is wearing the suit I picked for him. A navy blue suit like the groomsmen.
He likes it or else who wouldn’t have worn it.
I hear ululations. They bridesmaids and the bridesgrooms are walking to the front. In a few
minutes, I hear even better ululations. This is definitely for Gundo. I cannot help but smile. I
know for sure – he is looking amazing.
“Okay, we are ready for you Mrs Radzilani,” the planner says and I take my time to step out of
the car. My make-up is on point because the artist just fixed me again.
I step out of the car and stand beside Thulani. The planner helps me to iron straight my dress
with her hands. She then gives the flower basket to the little girl who should have been Ciara.
She shows the girl where to go and I follow.
Just as I wished for.
Everything is white..with just a bit of peach. Everybody stand on their feet when they see me. I
giggle at the sight of the attendes. Some people are in their elegant gowns and others are fully
geared into a traditional wear – ready for the reception.

“Ready?” Thulani asks and then take my hand. I nod and take his hand.
This feels like a dream. I keep my eyes on Gundo as we walk towards the front. I cannot hear
the song playing because the ululations are louder.
Oh, my GOD!
Gundo has a widest smile on. A perfect glorious smile. I aim my eyes on him. He looks perfect in
a tuxedo.
Gundo Radzilani!
Thulani gets to the front and hands me over to handsome man. They shake hands before he
walks away.
People seem to be in an ululation competition. The Pastor raises his hand for people to calm
down.
He does the greetings and pray before telling us to face each other.

We are about to get married.

“You look so so so beautiful,” he easily says. I am not wearing a veil so I can see him perfectly.
“You look way better.”

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“That’s a lie.”
“Should I continue or should I wait for them to stop talking?” the Pastor asks and the crowd
laughs.
Gundo laughs harder until his smile disappears. He looks like…he has seen a ghost. I turn to
where his eyes are. My eyes land at Diana who just settled in with Ciara. She picks the chair at
the far end of the front row.
I shake Gundo’s hands so that he focuses on me.
“I am asking because these two are having a conversation while I am here…ready to wed
them,” the Pastor continues and the crowd laughs except Khathu.
The laughter dies down and I drop Gundo’s hands. I pick my dress and walk towards where
Diana is seated.

*************************
GUNDO
What is she doing? I watch as she walks and stand infront of Diana and Ciara. She gives Diana
one look, takes Ciara’s hand and walk back with her. She lets her stand next to the other flower
girl and walk back to where I am.
Phew!
“Our flower girl is here,” she says.
“Thank you,” I whispher.
“can I ask the parents of the groom to stand behind the groom…and the parents of the bride to
stand behind her? Uhm…my groom and bride…please move over there and let your parents
stand behind you.”
Thandeka and I move backwards. My parents stand behind me while Thulani and Maria’s
mother stand behind my wife.
“Now…I want you Gundo and Thandeka…to walk towards each,” the pastor says and we do as
advised.

The crowd ululates as we walk towards each other.

“Did you see what just happened? Did you see?” the pastor asks the crowd and everyone roars
YES! I turn to see my parents standing at the spot where I left them.”
“Did you see what you just did?” the pastor asks.
“Yes,” I speak on the mike and Thandeka does the same.

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“Both you just parted ways with your parents,” the pastor says in a confident voice. “Gundo,
you left your parents..and Thandeka you also left your family to be with the love of your life.”
I smile. she smiles too.
“The bible says therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife. The
two will become one Gundo and Thandeka…the two shall become one.”
He preaches for another few minutes before he lets us speak our vows.

We slide the rings in each other’s fingers and do what everybody was waiting for.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife!!!” the Pastor says, “You may kiss your bride Mr
Gundo.”
I kissed her. Tongue in, tongue out, kisses on the lips…I did all of it while everybody watched
and ululated.
She is shy and I am not. I reach for another kiss while everybody laughs.
“I love you Mrs Radzilani,” I say while kissing her for the last time.
“I love you more Mr Radzilani,” she says.
The music starts and that was a queue for Thandeka and I to walk up the aisle – lol. I take her
hand and we walk on the aisle while so that we get ready for the reception.
“Everybody…starters will be served over there….once you are done please get ready to proceed
to the reception area,” the announcement is made on the loud speaker while Thandeka and I
walk to the room that is prepared for us to change.
“Hello Mrs Radzilani…” I say and she smiles, glaring at the second ring I got her. she can wear it
together with her engagement ring or alone…its up to her.

“I am so happy Gundo.”
“I am happy too.”
“I just need something to eat before we get to reception.”
She picks the fruits that are on the table. I take off my blazer and throw it on the bed. The
bridesmaids are in the other room and the groom in the opposite room. We are just freshening
up before we go for a photoshoot.
A knock disturbs us.
“Should be the make-up girl,” Thandeka says while walking to the door. She opens the door but
her apple falls to the ground.

242
“What are you doing here?” she asks…and I see the that ugly frown on her face. I wake up from
where I am and walk to the door.
“Thandeka…we need to talk…your husband called us a few days ago…and…”
“Did you call her?” Thandeka asks. I walk to the door. “Gundo…did you call my aunt to come?”
“Babe…I wanted…”

“I want you to leave right now,” she says to her aunt.

“Thandeka…”
“I want you to leave…right now,” Thandeka says before slamming the door.
“Babe…listen…”
“She can go to hell for all I care,” Thandeka says while walkng to the ensuite bathroom.

INSERT 44
GUNDO
“Gundo…I told you I don’t want them here. I don’t want any of them here,” she says. She is
about to cry and it is my entire fault.
“I didn’t ask her to come…I was just informing her about this and I requested that we meet
after the wedding. I never told her to come.”
“Then what is she doing here?” she asks.
“I shouldn’t have called her before the wedding. I know how you feel about her and the rest of
your family…but I didn’t think that she would show up. She probably followed us to our room.”

Thandeka blows her nose and sits on the toilet.

“Babe, please don’t cry.”
“It is not me…it is your babies…” she says.
“I know…I know…” I say while getting next to her. I bet she is carrying twin girls – the way she is
so emotional.
“My aunt left us to rot in hell Gundo. She left us to rot in hell. Sometimes I wish that she could
have just taken us and abused us instead of leaving us to suffer the way we did.”
“My love…it is okay to feel hurt by what she did…I am sorry for calling her behind your back…I
didn’t mean any harm.”

243
“It’s fine! Can you excuse me for a minute?” she asks. What is she going to do in the toilet?
“What is wrong?”
“I just feel sick…and I need a minute.”

I leave her in the bathroom.

I feel like following the aunt and strangle her. I never thought there would be any drama until
the end. I thought Diana was here to cause drama for us. I am glad it was otherwise. Thandeka
even scared me by walking towards her. I felt like running after her and pulling her away before
she kicked my ex wife.

The planner girl knocks on the door, calling our names. What if we were making out?
“Yes…” I say while standing at the door.
“We need you at the back for a photoshoot.”
“Just give us a minute.”
“Thandeka needs make-up touch up…and…”

“See, Thandeka is not fine right now…but just give us a minute or two.”
“Okay…but time…” I know that time is essential but we have serious issues to deal with right
now. We bought enough champagne and drinks for people to drink all night.
I walk back to the bathroom door and Thandeka is still sniffing them tears away.
“Babe, don’t you feel like KFC?” I ask and press my ear to the door. She loves KFC. All that fatty
chicken is her favourite. “I could get you dunked wings and chicken…and verryberry crushers.”
I hear her giggle.
She wants KFC. She always wants KFC.

“Do they even deliver?” she asks. Ohhh, the cravings are shaken and there is no turning back.
“I can drive us there,” I say. We need something to eat and after what Phuti told us about his
cousin who died after eating food from his wedding, I am not risking it…just for control.
“Really?” she opens the door and I almost fell on her.
“Yeah. I could ask Phuti to borrow us his car.”
“Okay,” she says with a giggle. Trust food to make a woman happy. I call Phuti to drive his car
towards our room. I am going to get my wife some food and krushers.
Phuti reverses the car and gives me the car keys. He can rescue me anytime.

244
“I need money too. Njabulo has my wallet,” I say and Phuti gives me a few bucks. “I will be
back.”
I help Thandeka in the car and jump into the driver’s seat. Luckily most people didn’t see us the
ones who saw us blow our cover by ululating.
The planner will be mad as hell. I don’t care right now. Babe needs KFC…babe gets KFC. The
closest KFC is just fifteen minutes away but add another fifteen minutes because the old
bakkies driving infront of me are not in a hurry.
“Are you okay?” I ask, taking her hand and kissing it at the back.
“I am fine,” she says.
“Thank you for taking Ciara…I thought you were going to kick Diana out of your wedding”

“She is not worth my energy anymore.”

“You are right,” I say.
I get to the drive-thru and get us food – streetwise two, dunked wings and krushers just to be
exact. I get us a parking under a shade and dig in.
“Better not get those dunked wings on your dress,” I say. “Or else we will ruin the pictures.”
“I’ll be careful.”

“Please!”
“Thank you for this wedding,” she says. “Everything is soooo beautiful. It feels like a dream.”
“I can’t wait to see the reception.”
“Let’s get done and hurry back. I am sure people are starting to get worried.”
I let her eat her heart out. I am not hungry…maybe I am just anxious. I have been nervous the
whole day. She finishes her meal and passes me the empty boxes.
“You were right you know,” she says after taking a sip from her drink.
“I was right about?” I ask. I start the car so that we drive back before the sun sets. We need a
few pictures with our families.

“That you will forgive Rudzani when you are ready to…at your own time.”
“Right!”
“That is how I feel about my aunt and everyone…I am fine with them in the distance. I am
happier that way,” she says.

245
I didn’t see it this way. I thought she was just mad at them but when she compares it to how I
feel about my brother, it makes all sense. I don’t even know where he is right now. I don’t even
care where he is – that’s how much I don’t care.
I park by where the camera guy is busy with the family portraits.
“There you are…you almost got us so stress,” Bev says walking towards us. I bet Phuti didn’t tell
anyone where we went.
We did the photoshoot as fast as we could before getting to change for the reception. I am
wearing a white shirt with the venda print – same as the décor. I am standing outside with the
guys when Thandeka walks out of the room with her bridesmaids.
SHE LOOKS LIKE AN ANGEL. She has a mermaid dress – they call it a mermaid dress – right? The
one that shapes the hips and everything perfectly. The little bump is showing yet she looks so
beautiful. The whole dress is white but the tall has the yellow venda print.
“You chose well my brother,” Njabulo says.
Right I did!
“Do you remember the dance routine?” she asks while getting close to me. Bev lets go of her
dress while Thandeka take my hand.

“I…remember most of it…” I say.

The wedding planner comes rushing. The better pay this woman enough money. She probably
loses a kilo with each wedding.
“Okay! Okay! Everyone is ready for you…we are two hours late…and…”
“Ofcourse…and please tell the MC never to bother mentioning the time…we know we are late,”
I say. I hate events where the programme director keeps telling people that we are out of time.
People already ate lunch…so if we are taking time, they can leave.
“Please line up by the door,” she says and hurries back. I hope she heard me.
The song starts and the team shows off the dance moves. See, Njabulo and Phuti are
professional party animals…so they are taking the crowd’s attention. My cousin Thembu is a bit
off beat and I bet my family is laughing at him and capturing the moment.
Thandeka is laughing at him too. It is good to see her smile again.
“Are you ready?” she asks and I take her hand.
“Ofcourse! I am ready.”

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I remember most of the routine and the only thing I free-styled is the Thuso phala dance. How
do you throw your hands in the air and shake your shoulders? I’ll pass. I am not about to make
a fool of myself. My wife on the other side has this under control.
I didn’t even know she could thuso phala more than Thuso Phala himself! Jesus! It is official –
my wife is cooler than yours.
The crowd is on their feet by the time we got to the centre. I feel they are applauding Thandeka
more than I ooorrrr they are just trying to be nice.
Phew! That was fun!
“Can we do that again,” Thandeka says while throwing herself on the couch.
“No…nope…” I say.
“Wasn’t that just beautiful?” the MC says. “But…Gundo my man…you need a little practise
man…just a little twist and you will be fine.”
I saw that one coming. I shrug to show that I surrender.
“This is how you Thuso Phala my brother….” He says and then dances. Whhhaaattt? He does it
so perfect, he has me smiling. The hall is going crazy as he continues to show off some more
moves. “Mr Radzilani…and that is how you should dance,” he says while fixing his suit.
“Alright…alright…let’s get down to the business of the day. We are going to get the Pastor to
bless this beautiful occasion.”
We begin the day with a prayer and those long speeches by family and friends. The one that
stood up for me was from Maria’s mother. She described Thandeka the way I met her the day I
was driving back from Johannesburg for my son’s funeral. Ever since that day, my life changed.
“Mr Radzilani…I want to ask…before I give you the microphone…” the MC says as I stand to
make my speech, “Those vows that you said at the matrimonial service…where they written for
you? Or…you googled them?”
“They came from my heart,” I say.
“Can I use them for my own wedding? If I ever get married…and you happen to come to my
wedding…can we agree that you will act impressed by my vows?” he adds and the crowd
laughs, “I mean…how do people come up with words such as, your happiness guides my
heart?” He quotes almost half of my vows, but with a twist ofcourse.
Really? This guy? I meant all the things I said.

“I stole a few lines,” he says and gives me the mic.

“I am content developer Sir…those words don’t come cheap,” I say to him before turning to the
crowd. “Thank you all for coming today…and my apologies for making you wait for so long…my

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wife wanted KFC,” the crowd laughs, “No…I am not joking – that’s if you think I am. She needed
KFC and I had to provide. Anyway, thank you for coming, we really appreciate. It wouldn’t have
been a beautiful day if you were not here. Thandeka…thank you for making me happy…actually,
thank you for making me happier than I have ever been. I remember when we first met, you
were mourning your daughter and I was on my way to burry my son. From that second…my life
changed. I can easily say that you helped me to mourn my son. You are such a strong
woman…very strong that I don’t know what to do with you. Damn…girl…you looked so fine
when I met you but I wasn’t sure that I will ever get married again. I didn’t want to get married
but my love, you changed all of that. I am scared to even do this life thing without you…” she is
smiling, “I don’t want to repeat my vows, but thank you for loving me when I was unlovable.
When I was broken and empty…you were selfless enough to fill me up with joy and everything
you could. I owe everything to you my love. Thank you for being humble. I can attest that what
your friends said is true about you. Everything is true. You are such an amazing person…” I turn
to the MC, “I have a way of showing off with words. Come to me and I will teach you,” the
crowd laughs, “But on a serious note, I can never thank my wife enough. Thank you Thandeka
Radzilani. Thank you for choosing to do life with me…and thank you for agreeing to give me
hundred babies. Please do not ask us why we have so many babies…my wife promised me just
that.”
I thank the rest of the people and give my wife the mic to share her words.
“First of all I would like to thank God for protecting me and watching over my brother and I. I
never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be sitting here…getting married to a perfect
man like Gundo,” she says and turns to me, “Remember I confused you for someone else and I
kept pushing you away?? Thank you for sticking around.” She once thought I was a looser –
imagine. “Thank you Gundo for loving me. I remember the first day we met…I fell while walking
back from the egg farm…by the way…I use to sell eggs. So that evening, I was walking back from
the egg farm and I was deep in my thoughts when I fell. Gundo came to me and tried to help
me up. I was still mourning the death of my daughter…I mourned for a good year. He came to
help me up and when I told him why I was crying, he told me something that I will never forget.
He told me that my angel is watching over me…and from that day…my life also changed. I
decided to stop crying and kept the smile…so that when my baby looked down at me, she finds
me happy. I know that she is happy right now. I know that she is looking down at me and giving
me a thumbs up for making it this far…” she says and that ugly frown starts creeping on her
face. I stand. She is about to cry.

“It’s okay,” I say while rubbing her back.

“Thank you Gundo for making me this happy. Thank you…” She shakes her head and gives me
the mic because she couldn’t finish the sentence.
She will have to write the cards to everyone else she wanted to thank today…for now, we can’t
work up the babies.

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“Thank you everyone for coming,” I say and pass the mic to the MC.

INSERT 45

THULANI
You know what is funny? Watching Thandeka getting married. She looked everything but the
little sister I knew.
Heee! I used to put her on my back when we were growing up. It is safe to say that I raised her
from the first day she was born. I was four years when she was born and if I remember well, I
used to sit around the house when my mother was with her. I remember she was so tiny and
our mother never allowed me to touch her. I would sneak into the house when our mother was
doing laundry. I would sneak in there just to steal a touch. If she wasn’t sleeping, she would
smile at me and I felt like a big brother. If she was sleeping, I would just watch her.
Everything changed years later when our father lost a job in the coal mine. It was when Soweto
was becoming too modernized than it was. People were buying electrical stoves and electrical
heaters, and no longer looking to buy coal stoves…so coal miners started losing their job – I
guess that was the reason; our father never gave us a reason. We had one coal stove in the
house and during winter, we would sit around the small warm kitchen, listening to our parent’s
tales. Dad lost a job and our mother had to assist where she could. I would take care of
Thandeka after school since our father was somehow clueless. I didn’t want to miss the soccer
games by the park, so I would put Thandeka on my back and run around the streets,
barefooted.

Eish, such memories!!

She is now a woman.
“I hope you are going to manage to live without me,” Thandeka said when she was dishing food
for me after her wedding. We left the venue to let the family accompany her to her new home.
I went there with most of the people who were at the wedding.
I had to sneak away from the group of guys who were drinking at the gate. Some days, things
are easier…some days I need to remind myself where I come from. It was bad days. I sneaked
away from them and Thandeka met me before I could disappear to the back. She called me to
the serving station that was placed outside the kitchen.
“I should be saying that to you,” I said instead. I received the plate of food and followed her to
the empty chairs.
“How was everything? I am so exhausted.”

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“Everything was amazing,” I said. It truly was amazing – I still cannot believe it was her that was
getting married.
“I saw Aunt Munzhedzi,” she said.
“I wanted to talk to you about it,” I responded. “She came and greeted me when you two
disappeared. She told me that Gundo called her, asking for a reunion. She even told me that
she would really like to sit down with the both of us.”
“Are you ready to forgive her?” she asked and gazed at me. Eish, well, honestly, I am not
bothered by any of these. Whether I forgive her or not, it would not change a damn thing…so I
don’t know and I don’t care. She left us and we cannot reverse anything back. I shook my head.
“Thulani, if you ever forgive her…then you can write me off.”
“You don’t mean that,” I said and scoop rice from a plate. I watched as she shook her head. She
stared at as I shove a full spoon into my mouth. The plan is to gain half of the weight I lost.
“I mean it,” she said, “How much did we suffer when she was there? Why does it matter now?
Gundo shouldn’t have called her.”
“Eish…but…”
“No, Thulani…there is nothing to think about. She left us…and you became a mess because of
her Thulani. No, she must stay away from us,” she said and shrugged.
I don’t care. Anything works for me.
I watched as she rubbed her stomach. She has gained weight and the stomach is starting to
show.

I sighed deeply! This has been a longest day ever. Since we woke up just after dawn.
“I saw you chatting with Zizipho,” she said with a smile. I fell for her trap so I smiled back. I had
no choice but to tell her all about it.
“Yeah, I just offered to show her around town,” I responded before picking a drum stick.
“Ohhh…Thohoyandou?”
“Yes.”

“Oh…okay…and then what are you doing afterwards?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged and continued to devour the drumstick, “Maybe we will grab lunch
at Wimpy. It is close to where she is.”
“Please…don’t dare go to her wearing those grey pair of pants you like so much…or those
construction boots you can’t throw away. Please….” She said while shaking her head. What is
wrong with my pants and boots? They are the most comfortable items in my wardrope.

250
“You know I cannot catch a taxi in this suit,” I said shrugging my shoulders. Thandeka got me a
tailor made suit for her wedding and Maria’s mother already told me to wear it when I visit her
church.
“But I am serious…don’t dare wear those things or else you will make her run away.” Point
taken. I cannot chase her away.
“Sure…fine.”
Gundo asked for her, probably to introduce her to another group of uncles and aunt. I finished
off my food, placed the plate on the serving table and walked to the gate. Gundo’s friends were
still standing and drinking…and I was the odd one out.
There were a few groups of people drinking…and then there was darkness. I looked around and
decided to sneak into the darkness and made my way home.
*****
My phone rings under my pillow. I pick and check the screen. It is Maria calling me. I grab a t-
shirt on the chair, put it on and walk to open the kitchen door. There were a few knocks before
she started calling my phone.
“We came to get the pots from the back…and some are in the kitchen,” Maria says and darts
inside the house with three little girls. In a minute, the noise of the pots and plates erupts in the
kitchen. It is very early in the morning but I don’t have a choice but to let them be. I wouldn’t
clean up this place.
“I will come back later to get the rest of the pots,” she says.
“Well…what time will that be?” I ask while scratching my head.
“Maybe after church,” she responds while putting the huge pot, filled with more pots inside, on
her head.
“Then, I will have to put the keys under the mat,” I say, “I am going to Thohoyandou later.”
“Oh, what are you doing in Thohoyandou? Maybe I can send you to buy me a 25 kg mealie
meal. yoooh, the one down the mealie depot is too expensive,” she says.
“No, Maria.”
“Haw! Why not? You always buy us mealie meal when you go there. It is cheaper.”
“I am going to be busy with something important,” I say and look away. She stares at me and
clap her hands, still with a huge pot on her head, before walking out of the house.
“Please buy me if you get a chance after whatever you are busy, I will pay you back.”

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Zizipho said she is staying in Khoroni Hotel and we can meet at Wimpy at the Plaza. I don’t
know what I was thinking, asking her out for out for lunch. I think I listed too much to Gundo,
telling me that I need to ask her out.
I get to the same routine I use to do when I was at the facility. I do a little meditations, make my
bed before I get cleaned up. I get dress in some jean and a shirt. I am tempted to wear my
favourite jeans but Thandeka already judged me. She is a woman, so she knows better when it
comes to these things. I polish my construction boots, giving it life. Thandeka will need to
forgive me on this one. All sneakers I have are unwashed.
I hurry down the dusty streets. I walked this streets so much that I am tapping into my
memories as I pass some corners. Corners were I used to chill with the guys and drinks our
livers away. It is Sunday so there are no people in the streets. People are getting ready for
church.
I get into a taxi to Thohoyandou Plaza. This, I am going to do for the first time and last time. I
never dine anyone in a restaurant. Thanks to Gundo, I know what this is all about. Thandeka
and Gundo live a different life so for a few months when I was in Cape Town, they allowed me
into their world, and I must say…it is good. It is just not my kind of life.
“Can I get you a table for one?” I ask.
“A table for two,” the girl, with a name tag written Mulalo leads a way to a table next to a huge
window. I slide on the couch and she places a menu on the table. “Would you like something to
drink and eat?”
“Is there pap?”

“Yes, we have pap and chicken with gravy.”

“I will order later,” I say, “Oh, maybe you can get me some water for now.”
The waitress disappears and walks back with a glass of water.
This is funny!
For some reason, I pray she doesn’t show up. I don’t know what I was thinking, asking her on a
date with nothing to say to her.
Eish! I can see her walking towards the shop. She notices me from outside the window and
waves at me. Eish, I can’t run away now.
“Hey you,” she says while sitting on the couch opposite mine. She is not shy at all. I on the other
side, do not want to look at people in their face. It was better when I was drunk.

“Thank you for coming,” I say and she places her bag beside her and grab the menu.
“Ofcourse!”

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This is tougher than I thought. Gundo shouldn’t have pushed me to do this.
“Do you want to order something?” I ask.
“I think I want a dagwood,” she says and luckily Mulalo is by our table to take the order.

“Can I take your order?” the waitress asks.

“I want this dagwood,” Zizipho points on the picture… “I will have it with coke…coke with lots of
ice.”
“Got it…and you sir.”
“Pap and chicken…and coke,” I say and the waitress leaves our table. Zizipho reaches for my
glass of water and drinks it.
“How do you survive in this heat?” she asks while fanning herself. It is hot but I am so used to
ignoring it. No need to complain about it.
I watch her.
I watch her until it becomes awkward.

"Ubungeve umuhle emshadweni izolo," I compliment her.

"Ncooh, ng'yabonga oe. Ubumuhle nawe."
"Mnxm, ng'yazi umana uyasho nje ngoba uzama ukung'jabulisa," I respond.
"Kahle ke, eyani idrama? Ubu baba rhaaa… mtaka Ma."
Mtaka Ma?

Thank God the food arrives before I get speechless. What kind of family zoning is this?
“When do you travel back to Jozi?” I ask.
“Tonight, Njabulo is picking me up later.”
“Okay.”
“So, I heard you are out of the facility,” she says.

“Yes. I am done with the treatments.”

“How was the whole experience?”
“Eish...ahhh well…It was the toughest thing I have ever done in my life…but it was worth it. All I
need to do now is to gain back my weight…and get a job…” I say and the frown on her face
disturbs me. It tells me she feels pity for me. “You don’t have to fill pity for me.”

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“No…no…no… I don’t feel pity for you. I am just imagining how everything might have been for
you. It sounds hectic.”
“Okay…” that is better. I don’t like people feeling pity for me. I told my old friends to pretend
that I almost died because the last time I walked up to them, they all hid their alcohol.
“What do you do?” she asks.
“Construction is what I know. I do piece jobs here and there…and yah!” I say and she gives me
that awkward smile.
“That’s great,” she says. “My baby daddy was also a construction worker. But yena ke….he is
just a mess of a man.”
“Why did you break up?” I ask. “I hope I am not asking personal questions.” She shakes her
head.

“The distance…long distance relationships are just a NO NO.”

Oh!
“Didn’t you visit him on weekends? When you were still dating?”
“He was forever working. There was always something t o construct…according to her.”
“I see,” I say.
We finish off our food and by the time we are done, I am depressed. It feels like this was just a
friendly date and I should keep it like that. She is not looking for love, so she said. I wonder why
she even agreed to meet me.
Oh! Konje I am mtaka Ma!
I walk her until she crosses the road to the hotel. I then go to Boxers to get Maria the 25kg she
wants.
Did I turn her off? She seemed fine until I told her I do construction. Is it because it reminds her
of her EX?
See? This is silly, eish.
I shake the thought as I hurry to the taxi rank to catch a taxi home. I jump into one and settle in.
it is going to take time for it to get full.
“Haw Thulani…I heard your sister got married,” a lady sitting next to me says. trust the whole
taxi to know about my sister’s wedding. We live in a small village, so I don’t blame them.
“Yes, she did.”

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“She married into a good family. Gundo is a wonderful man,” she responds. She is right, Gundo
is a wonderful man. I can attest to that.
Twenty minutes later and the taxi is not full. I rest my head on the window, hoping to nap but I
am disturbed by the noise from outside.
Now I know why Zizipho wants nothing to do with me. The noise is coming from a group of
construction workers yelling at the girls passing by.
“Hey, mabebeza,” the other yells, waving off a young girl passing where they are laying the
bricks. I shake my head. She doesn’t even look like a type that would respond back, but they
insist she respond to the six of them.
“Hai sesi…you are not even beautiful enough to ignore us mahn,” the other one yells at her.
Eish! These guys!!! This is quite embarrassing. I know I used to do this too…but hai mahn…this
is embarrassing.
I pull my phone from my pocket and text Zizipho.
‘I hope you got to your room safely. I am coming to Joburg next week or so, can I see you?’ – I
send the text and keep the phone on my lap. I am not even going to Jozi next week, I am just
testing the waters. But if she wants me to come…maybe I can consider it.

The driver jumps in with two last passengers and starts the taxi.
I keep checking the screen of my phone for a text back. No text message! I change the airtym,
maybe it didn’t go through, but it looks like it went through.
I text Thandeka, just to test if my text messages are going through! My SMSs are going through
because Thandeka texts me back.
But nothing from Zizipho.
MXM!
Is it my job? Or maybe my dress code? Or maybe I wasn’t good company like I was when we
were at her brother’s house?
Eish! I rub my head with my one hand. I hate feeling so anxious.

I check my phone after twenty minutes, and still – NOTHING!

The taxi drops me off by the bus station. I pay, grab the mealie bag and sit by the bus stop. I try
sending the message via whatsapp. Yes! She is online. I copy the message and paste it on
whatsapp. Yes! She reads the message so I wait for a few minutes for her to respond.

Five minutes later, no text back.

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I check my phone again, ten minutes later, before lifting the mealie bag and putting it on my
right shoulder.
Still – no text back but she blue ticked me.
Mxm.

INSERT 46
THANDEKA
It has been a week since the wedding. The toughest week, if I can say. I had to spend it at
Gundo’s home. I didn’t mind but sometimes I would feel like out of place when I am left alone
with Gundo’s mother. She is sweet but she is not mam Angie. She doesn’t talk much and I end
up not knowing what to do with myself.
We are leaving tonight, and I cannot wait to go home. Our new home is waiting for us, but we
still have a lot to do when we get there. I am exhausted just thinking about the moving logistics.
I need to get a few days to go pack up and have a removing truck drive our furniture to
Johannesburg.
I am polishing the couches when Gundo’s father walks in with newspaper. My throat dries up
when he decides to sit down.
“How did you sleep?” he asks while folding the newspaper and starting with the first story he
wants to read.
“I slept well…it is just hot.”
“We can never run away from the heat,” he calmly says.
“Aunty Thandi…may you please open this for me?” Ciara walks in with a tub of yoghurt. “I
finished my oats.”
“I was about to ask,” I say while getting the tub from her tiny hands. She has a perfect smile on.
I think this has been the best week of her life. Staying with her father’s family and Gundo being
around to spoil her was just priceless.
“Are you going to do my hair today?” she asks.
“Yes…I will do your hair before we leave,” I say.

“Thank you,” she shyly mumbles and walk out of the room.
“You are good with her,” Gundo’s father says without lifting his eyes from the newspaper.
“She is such a sweet girl.”

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“Gundo tells me you are looking to taking her in…in a few years,” he adds. Where is Gundo to
jump in? How do I have a conversation with Mr Radzilani?
“Yes…Gundo and I believe that it will be good for her.”
“Don’t you think it would interfere with your marriage?”
“I…I…don’t think so if we do everything legally.”

“I see.”
I pick the polish and a bucket of water, hoping to hurry out of the room.
“Please, bring us tea…we need to chat,” he says.
“Okay, I will call Gundo…”
“I don’t need Gundo.”

“Oh…alright, I will get the tea.”

I hurry out of the room to the kitchen? I don’t even know how he likes his tea? Where is
everyone today? The cousins left a few days ago, just when I was getting used to having them
around. Oh, thank God the helper walks into the kitchen.
“Mr Radzilani wants tea,” I whisper.
I watch as she walks around the kitchen, getting everything on the tray. She is doing it so
effortless while I cannot breathe. I plug the kettle and fix myself a cup of tea.
“Here,” she places the tray on the table next to me, “He likes it with rusks.”
“Now I know,” I say, “Have you seen Gundo?”
“He is in the garden with Ciara,” she responds. If he is in the garden, then he is in boots and he
won’t easily come to my rescue. There is no running away from Mr Radzilani.
I place the tray on the table and take the couch far from him. He folds the newspaper and put it
on the table before taking his cup of tea. He drinks rooibos with honey. I wasn’t paying
attention all week when his wife made him tea.
“When are we meeting your family?” he asks after a few sips.

“Uhm…I don’t have a family…” I mumble.

“I knew your mother.”
“You did?” I ask.
“You know everybody knows each other around here… she had two sisters. What happened to
them?”

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“Why do you younger stars want to live your life with such a baggage? Same thing that Gundo
wants to do the same to his brother.”
“It is betrayal that….”
“What good does it do when you hold grudges on people? I mean…take it from me…as old as I
am, do you think I never fought with people?”
“It is not that….”
“I bet by now the elders that failed you want to make peace because family is everything at the
end of the day. Why not give them a chance to explain themselves and take it from there?”

“I don’t think I am ready to do that…” I honestly say in a mumble.

“Did Gundo tell you what I wish to name the children?” he asks. Thank God we are changing the
subject.
“He hasn’t mentioned.”
“Ronewa na Rotondwa,” he says. I smile. Those are beautiful names.
“They are beautiful names,” I say.
Gundo walks into the room. Where was he when I needed him few minutes ago?

“Here you are,” he says with a smile. “Oh…Paps, you are here.”
“We were just catching up,” Mr Radzilani says.
“Isnt it taboo?
“What taboo? Who cares about rules?” he responds while landing the cup on the coffee table.
He picks the newspaper and rests on the couch.
“Let’s take a walk…” Gundo suggests and I shoot up from the couch. Anything to get away from
Gundo’s father.
“Thank you,” I finally say when we walk out of the gate.

“Why are you scared of the old man? He is the sweetest.”

“He is your father Gundo,” I say, “I am obviously going to be scared of him.”
“What was were you guys talking about? If you don’t mind asking?”
“My family.”
“What?” Gundo stops dead on his tracks, “I told him to let it go.”

“He meant well.”

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Gundo takes my hand and lead me down the road. I can see my home from here and I wonder
what Thulani is doing right at this minute. I am dying to know how the date went on Monday.
“My father gave us this vacant land,” Gundo says while opening the gate. I stare at him and he
keeps a straight face.
“Are you seious?”
“Yes,” Gundo says and lets me follow him in the yard. It is big land I must say. “He said it is
wedding gift. I can build us a house here so that I don’t have to bring my big family to his
house.”
Wow! I am impressed.
I watch as Gundo walks around the yard. It needs a lot of work but it is the best piece of land in
the street. The best part is that it is so close to my mother’s house.
We need to go back to the house so that I can do Ciara’s hair before we drive to Joburg, but
first things first, I need to see Thulani. Gundo agrees to come with me.
I love taking a walk around this place. It brings such good and horrible memories but mostly
good. We even pass the spot where Gundo and I met.

“You were sweet and innocent when I met you,” Gundo says after I reminded him of the spot.
“And now? I would like to believe that I am still sweet and innocent,” I respond as we stroll
down the street. The yard is swept when I get home. Thulani can do all things but not sweep
the yard – never. I open the gate and walk to the back where I hear him laughing with
someone.
“Haw…Maria, you are here?” I ask. Maria is standing, with her back on the wall and Thulani is
washing his sneakers.
“Hey, the Radzilanis,” Maria responds with a sweet smile. Gundo greets back and Thulani does
too.
“Weee Thulani…how did the date go?” I ask.
“He went on a date?” Maria asks.
“Ahhhh…it was not a date,” Thulani responds while focusing on his sneakers.
“Haw…didn’t you say Zizipho?”
“She needed me to show her some place in town,” Thulani says and Gundo gives me an eye. I
shrug.

“Oh…it was on Sunday?” Maria asks and Gundo shakes his head at me.

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“Uhm…guys we won’t be staying for long. We are leaving for Joburg tonight…so we thought we
should come and see you before our journey,” Gundo says while staring in my eyes.
“Ohhh…” I mumble and Gundo takes my hand.
“You are leaving already?” Maria asks while opening her arms wide for a hug.
“I guess so,” I say while giving her a hug. Gundo is in some kind of a hurry.
I promise to call Thulani when I get to Joburg and then follow behind Gundo. He takes my hand
as we walk back home – my new home.
“Didn’t you see that Maria likes Thulani?” he asks without turning to look at me.
“What?” I laugh. Never! Maria wants Rudzani’s type – not Thulani.
“I am telling you…and there you were asking Thulani about his date infront of her?
Haikhona…that was so awkward.”
“What? Are you kidding me?” I ask before laughing. Maria and Thulani? No way.
“Are you that blind?”

“It is just impossible.”

“Don’t say I didn’t tell you,” he says while I roll my eyes.
*****
The hardest thing to watch was when Gundo was dropping off Ciara to Diana. I didn’t even
jump out of the car but I watched as she clung on him for her dear life. It touched me. We kept
discussing that Ciara is not happy with her mother and as much as we can assist, we don’t want
to complicate our new family. She missed school for a week but it didn’t bother her. She was so
happy as we sang the whole journey to Johannesburg. Now she couldn’t let go of him.
This is harder for Gundo. I watch as he walk back to the car. He is no longer the sweet husband
of mine. He jumps into the driver’s seat and starts the car.
“She will be fine,” I say as he drive us away from the filling station. We opted to meet Diana
here.
“Yeah!”
We drive to our new home in silence. This is an empty house but it feels like home already.
There is only a bed and the rest will come from Cape Town.
Gundo and I are the happiest since our wedding day. I am blessed to witness life as good as this.
He is over protective of me and I like it. This is what prayer and holding-on does. It brings joy at
the end of the day.

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“My Dad said he wants to name the children,” Gundo says from the floor. He is working on his
laptop and I am reading a magazine from the bed.
“He told me. He has nice names.”
“I told him I will talk to you about it. Did you have names in mind?”
“I think I do like Ronewa and Rotondwa,” I say.
“I love you Mrs Radzilani,” Gundo says while standing from the floor. He walks to me and pull
me to a hug while getting on top of me. I know what he wants but right now his cologne is too
strong for my liking.

“Babe, please take a shower,” I say and he stares at me like I am mad.

“Are you serious?”
“I am dead serious,” I say and he jumps off and picks his laptop from where he was sitting.
“Wanna search up a honey moon destination or you still want to go to the Gorge?”
“I wanna go to the Gorge,” I say with a smile. I wanna go to where Ria was proposed. That place
seems like a best place to go since Gundo doesn’t want us to fly out of the country. I could be
joining him but I already took a shower a few minutes ago.
No TV, so I lie on the bed, day-dreaming about my perfect family. I think God blessed me with
everything I ever needed in my life and I pray that nothing wrong goes on in our lives.
Sometimes, I am scared to be overexcited because my life feels like a dream. What if anything
happens? I always shake away a bad feeling of the worst that could happen between Gundo
and I. At times I feel like Gundo and I have been through the worst situation to survive anything
that might attempt to find its way between us. I love this man perfectly and he loves me back.
Gundo’s phone vibrates on the bed.
“Babe, your phone is ringing,” I call out to him.
“Who is calling me?”
“A Vodacom number, it doesn’t say.”

“Please answer it for me.”

I pick it.
“Gundo’s phone hello?” I say while getting from the bed. I slide my feet in the sleepers and
walk towards the bathroom. “Hello.”
I hear sobs…and more sobs building up on the other end of the phone.
“Who is this?” I ask. My heart breaks at the cry and I am starting to freak out.

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“Can I please to Gundo?” the voice – a woman’s voice calls out in between sobs. I continue to
walk to the bathroom. I am starting to freak out even more.
“Who is this? I am Gundo’s wife, can I help you?”
She doesn’t respond but cries out instead.
“Diana, I am sorry to bother you…this late. May I speak to khotsi a Khuthi,” she says after what
seems like forever. Whoever it is, doesn’t know Gundo is divorced and remarried. “I want to…”
The phone cuts before she could finish her sentence. Gundo turns off the water, pick the towel
and wrap it around his waist.
“Hey, who is it?” he asks while drying his back with the other towel.
“I don’t know…she didn’t say…but she is crying.”
“A woman?” he asks with a frown. I am as shocked as he it. But in all this confusion, I know it is
nothing to worry about. Maybe it is a family member who needs his assistance. But which
family member doesn’t know that I am the new wife? We just did a wedding last week and I
met all his family member.
“Give me the phone,” he asks and I pass it to him. By now a few text sounds chips in. He dials
the number back while following me to the bedroom.
“Hello…Hello….” Gundo says on the phone. He takes the phone from his ear and put it on loud
speaker.
“Drink up…drink up the water…” I hear Mam Angie’s voice. I can recognize it anytime and
anyday.

“Kha vha mu litshe…leave her alone…let her be…” I hear the other voice.
He hangs up and stares at me.
What is going on? He dials Mam Angie’s phone this time.
“What is going on? Who is screaming my name?” he yells on the phone. “What? No! I tried
looking everywhere for her. No…that is not true. Why?...When? Didn’t they tell her? No…I did
but who is at fault here? Please step aside, I can’t hear you now Aunt Angie.” He walks around
the room. “Yes, I can hear you now. That is a lie. Her sisters can attest to that….No…I can’t just
drive up there again…I just got here. Fine… Okay...okay…its fine…I said its fine, I’ll speak to my
wife. Yes…I’ll speak to my wife right now.”
SPEAK TO ME ABOUT WHAT? My heart is pumping out of my chest. This pregnancy makes me
panic a lot and if Gundo doesn’t tell me what is going on, I might end up on the floor.
“WHAT? What’s going on?” I ask when he hangs up the phone.

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“It is Khuthi’s mother,” he says, “She came back from wherever she came back from and only
learnt today that Khuthi passed away.”
I stare at him without blinking. We never spoke much about Khuthi’s mother because she was
never in the picture in the first place.
“Oh…okay…” I say and clear my throat.
“She is demanding that my family and I explain things to her because she left our son with me.”

“Okay…”
“I might need to drive back home to sort this out with her family.”
Wow!
I sigh deeply and shrug.

INSERT 47
GUNDO
Khuthi looks just like me, except for his widest smile. I made peace with it that he took this wide
smile from his mother. He is playing his playstation and from that grin on his face, I know that
his homework is not done.
Ciara is painting from her art table and minding her own business. This is how much my children
are so different. I am a referee at times.
“Khuthi, is your homework done?” I ask while picking Ciara’s sleepers on the floor. I throw it to
her for her to put it on.
“Daddy…I am always winning.”
“Didn’t I say you only play the playstation after homework?” I ask with my hands crossed on my
chest. I know he is going to come back with a sweet respond to bribe me.
“Daddy…I am going to wash your car on Saturday.”
“I don’t want my car washed.”

“I will swim with Ciara on Saturday.”

“Khuthadzo, put down that console and go do your homework,” I say and he grins at me, ready
to do this some more.
“Daddy…”

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“No! Homework first, supper next and you can play until eight,” I say and he places the game
console on the table with a mumble. I watch as he slides his feet into the black dog sleepers he
loves so much. I am supposed to walk to my room now that he is doing what I asked him to do.
But it feels so wrong this time. I feel my heart tightening as he walks out of the room.
“Khuthi…Khuthi…come back…Khuthi,” I call out as I run after him. He walks away without
turning back. “Khuthi!”
I quickly wake up when my heart was starting to tighten even harder.
I grab my phone from under the pillow. It is just after twelve midnight! I get out of bed and
head for light. We don’t have the side lamps as yet, our furniture is arriving tomorrow.
“Are you okay?” Thandeka asks when she sees me sitting at the edge of the bed, “More
nightmares?”
“Yes!” I say after a sigh.
“Come, I’ll cuddle you back to sleep.”
“No…sleep. I need to work on some report anyway,” I say, still seated on the edge of the bed.
“Go back to sleep.”
She pulls the duvet over her head and leave me sitting. This is the third time I am having this
nightmare! I keep dreaming of the last evening Khuthi was in the house before I drove him to
visit his grandparents down in Venda. I can say, he so persistent that evening but because of his
character, I didn’t find it somehow. He spoke his mind – as young as he was, he did. I remember
he once sat me down and told me that he doesn’t like my wife Diana. They never got along and
his grandparents became his escape.
What if I didn’t agree to take him to Venda that day? I always ask myself this question. I should
have taken some time off from work and take him on a vacation with Ciara – things would have
been different.
I pull my gown and reach for my laptop. I am not going to fall asleep soon so I might aswell just
get some work done.
Thandeka is already softly snoring again. She tries to wake up with me when I wake up from
these nightmares. I think I am getting these dreams because I have been thinking about my son
so much since a week ago when we receive a call from his mother. After hanging up my phone
with Aunt Angie that night, Thandeka asked me if there was a need for me to drive up to
Limpopo to explain something that my family can perfectly explain to Mashudu. There was no
need for me to drive back - considering that I was there that morning. Also, there was nothing
special that I needed to tell her. I did go to Venda and I believe my aunt and parents dealt with
everything that needs to be dealt with.

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I work until I felt my eyes heavy. I hope not to be woken up by another nightmare.
“Hey,are you going to work?” Thandeka asks from the corner of the room. I fell asleep and only
woke up when I heard her close the bedroom door.
“What time is it?”
“It should be twenty to eight…”
“I will make a turn later,” I say and cover my head with a duvet. I did most of the work which I
needed to do this morning anyway.
I hear the bedroom door close!
*****
Thank God I haven’t had those dreams for two days now. Maybe it is because his pictures are
all over our dining wall. Our furniture arrived with all our belongings so I had to put our pictures
up. I hanged Ciaras, Khuthis, mine with Thandeka and I left enough space for our wedding
pictures – we should be getting them back from the photographer soon.
It is a Saturday and Thandeka went out to meet up with Zizipho. I am glad that she is super
active and is not yet complaining about boredom. But anyway, even if she complains, she
wouldn’t want to come back and take her own job after maternity.
My phone beeps – a text from my cousin Thembu. He is asking where in Joburg I am at. I text
back the area.
“Are you around? Maybe you can come join me for a soccer match,” I say on the phone. I
ended up calling him because he had texted back, saying he is driving.
“Eish…about that… well…I am with the old man,” he says.
“Oh, is it? Come through with him. I will send you the location. You guys are going to be the
first people ever to come to my new home.”
“Gundo…it wasn’t my idea…”
“What idea? Come on, I don’t mind.”

“My battery is about to die,” he says.

“Okay…see you when…” I try to say but it cuts out. I send him the location anyway.
I get into a great mood after that. It would be great to chill with Thembu and uncle Sathiel. My
uncle is the cool dude. He dress better than my father and is even cooler that him. I find my
father very uptight and unwelcoming.

265
I grab the remote and watch a match between Supersport and Chiefs. I no longer invest my
feeling in local soccer. I rather put all my feeling in the Premier League.
Two hours later, I hear the car hoot at the gate. Thembu, you should have just buzzed at the
gate. I pick the gate remote and press it open for them to get in.
Looks like the car is full. The more, the merrier, right?
My phone rings so I hurry inside to check who it is.

“Hey babe,” I say when I answer. It is my wife.

“Are we cooking tonight?” she asks.
“You know what? I think I am just going to braai with Thembu and uncle Sathiel,” I say. “I will
make enough for dinner.”
“Are they there?”
“Yes. They just got here.”
“It means I am going to stay here for a few more hours.”

“I’ll pick you up before they leave though…so that you can see them.”
“Ofcourse! Let me know when you come,” she says.
“Okay sure,” I say and hang up.
“Oh…you build such a beautiful house,” Uncle says from the kitchen door.
“I bought it uncle…I didn’t build it,” I say while walking towards him for a handshake. I stop at
my tracks when I see the people walking in behind him. “What is going on here?”
“Let’s seat and…”
“Why didn’t you tell me before coming to my house unnaunced?” I ask while swaying my head
between my uncle and Khuthi’s mother.
“We knew you were going to make excuses,” he says while walking further in.
I don’t believe this.
I stand in the middle of the kitchen with my hands on my waist. Khuthi’s mother is in black
clothes – obviously mourning her son and her sister looks uninterested to be here.
“Boy…lets have a chat…” my uncle says and rests his hand on my shoulder.
I am defeated! So I make a way for them to pass and settle in the living room. Thembu is still
outside. He probably knows how pissed I am and how betrayed I feel.

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“Listen…this is really unacceptable,” I say with my eyes on my uncle. He should know better. My
wedding was two Saturday ago and already he is here, unannounced and expects everything to
go smoothly? They are lucky that she is not here.
“I understand…and I would like to apologise for coming in like this. Where is your wife? I would
like to apologise before we get you in trouble.”
“She is out.”
“Look…Mme a Khuthi came home last week and she came hoping to see her son after a long
while but was told by her sisters that Khuthi was buried many months ago…so she came to us,
asking that we explain things to her…which we did. So now, she needs closure.”
“She needs closure from me?” I ask.
“Gundo, you never told me that my son was killed.”

“No one killed your son, Mashudu…it was an accident.”

“What accident when you are still intact?” she asks.
Didn’t they explain things to her?
“I lost my brother in that same accident. Listen…you are being selfish right now. We already
mourned his death and here you are dragging us backwards. I really don’t understand what you
are doing here.”
“Why wasn’t I told?”
“Ask you sister…she is right there next to you. I looked everywhere for you…everywhere….and I
also asked your family to inform you. They were there when I buried your son,” I say and she
cries out loud.
Look, I won’t judge her for mourning her son as much as she wants and however she wants, but
she mustn’t come here and blame us. I did the best I could to find her. I don’t even give a damn
about where she was – I did my part when Khuthi passed away.
“Malume, I really don’t understand why you came here. Did you sort everything out?” I ask.
“We did…and we also took her to the graveyard…but she is haunted,” he says. I am also
haunted but I am not here causing drama for everyone. “She came to us a day before yesterday
after consulting with a Seer… she was told to do a small ceremony with you.”
WHAT? I laugh out loud. I didn’t mean to laugh out so loudly but I did. He must be joking.
“What does this ceremony entails by the way?”
“We are given the herbs to mix with the blood of a chicken…and we just….” The sister is trying
to explain but I am on my feet.

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“I respect your beliefs…but unfortunately, I won’t be able to join you.”
“Gundo…”
“No uncle…I am not doing anything I don’t believe. I mourned my son until I was fine. I am not
going to do anything in addition to please anyone…I am sorry.”
“This is important,” uncle Sath says.

“For who?”
We argue for a good hour until I had to kick them out of my house. NO!
“Gundo…”my uncle tries to reason with me.
“Please leave…I need to pick up my wife,” I say, pleading with my uncle.
“We are going to stay with your aunt in Orlando. Please discuss this with your wife? This kind of
cleansing and ceremonies are important.”
“She is also not going to change my mind…I am not doing it,” I say while showing them a way. I
hope I am not rude.

My phone beeps. It is Thandeka with a thousand question marks.

“I am coming just now,” I text back.
My uncle stands, followed by Mashudu and her sister. I lead the way out and they follow
without protesting. Mashudu should know by now – I did not believe in her beliefs and that is
why we were always a mismatch. One of the reasons we broke up – too sad there was already a
baby in the picture.
*****
Thandeka is pissed when I pick her up. I would be pissed too. I spent more than four hours
debating with my uncle and his guests.
“Really Gundo?”
“Sorry! My uncle got me tied up,” I say while driving off from Njabulo’s house. She had been
waiting for me for so long, Zizipho had to cancel her other plans.
We drive in silence – so that she could cool off.

“Guess what Zizipho said about her date with Thulani?” she says.
“Mmmhhhh…”
“You are not even interested…” she says.
“Mmmhhhh…”

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“Gundo!” she says.
“Yes?”
“What is wrong? Don’t tell me it is nothing.”

“Uhm…yeah…”
“Gundo.”
“WHAT?” I say. Eish! My mind is just wandering around. “Uncle Sath came with Mashudu.”
“Who is Mashudu?”
“Khuthi’s mother.”
“Why? What’s going on?” she asks. She has so much sympathy on Khuthi’s mother, for some
reason. She handles this situation differently.
“They wanted me to cleanse with Khuthi’s mother,” I say and she widens her eyes. “Ofcourse I
told them I wont be doing that. I didn’t even know my uncle was coming with her…imagine.”
“Wow!”
“You are not worried about anything…are you?”
“Not really. I am just wondering what she wants from you?” she asks. “Why now?”
“I don’t know.”

“Doesn’t she want you back?”

“What?” I laugh loudly but Thandeka doesn’t. “Are you serious?”
“I am.”
“Why would she want me now? I got married to Diana and got divorced without her even
interfering. We just could work and she knows it perfectly to even try to suggest such
nonsense.”
“I see.”
“Are you jealous Mrs Radzilani?”
“Jelous? I am not jelous. I am just fed up by all these drama that keeps following you. Maybe
you do need that cleansing.”

Ouch! I know she is being sarcastic, but ouch!

I stare at her and she doesn’t take her words back.
Ouch!

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INSERT 47
THANDEKA
I love tea these days. I promise I can have five cups a day and still need more – the only
problem is the loo visits.
Gundo picks the cup, puts two spoons of sugar and a rooibos tea bag before switching the
kettle on. The sandwich is infront of me but I am not going to take a bite before I take a sip of
the tea. I wait patiently for the kettle to boil the water while Gundo keeps stealing glances of
me.
“Say it,” I say.

“Say what?” he asks and raise his brow.

“Say what you wanna say,” I respond. “You have been stealing glances since I came in here.”
“Nah…”
He picks the kettle and pours water into our cups. He stirs mine and places it infront of me. He
picks his cup and settles on a chair next to me. He looks like my husband in his white formal
shirt and a pair of chinos. Like always, we have breakfast early in the morning before he goes to
work. I get a lot of house work done when he leaves for work and then I can sleep the whole
day if I want.
“Did you mean what you said on Saturday?” he asks after sipping his tea.
“What?”
“That I need cleansing for all the drama that follows me?” he asks and I sigh.

“Well…not really.”
“Be honest.”
“I was just saying. I didn’t mean any harm,” I say and take a bite of my sandwich.
He eats in silence. He is not fine and I am not in the mood right now to dig the information from
him.
“My mess is tiring, am I right?” he asks.
“Come on Gundo…do we have to do this right now?”
“Not really,” he says and stands from his seat. He takes a huge bite of the sandwhich, sips tea
and walks to the bedroom to get his laptop bag. He walks back wearing his blazer – looking
damn fine. “I’ll see you when I come back.”

270
“Alright, cool.”
“When is the doctor’s visit?”
“Next week,” I respond.
“Alright then,” he says, picks his car keys and hurry out of the room. I feel bad for what I said on
Saturday but I meant half of it.
I finish breakfast before cleaning the house, watching TV and doing laundry. I am lazy to work
on the project that I said I will do from home. I spend my days sleeping and feel bad about it,
but repeat it again the next time. I have this pregnancy to blame. I am forever exhausted, even
though sometimes I try my best not show how exhausted I am because Gundo thinks I am lazy.
I am lazy vele, but I don’t want my husband to tell it to my face always. I was never that girl that
woke up to sweep the yard like Maria.
Only at three, I drag my feet to the kitchen to prepare supper. We usually have supper before
six unless Gundo is stuck at work. I hope he is not stuck at work. I miss him. He can be silent
here in the house with me.
Thank God he walks in when I am about to dish for myself.
“Hey,” he says and drops his laptop bag on the couch.

“How was today? I hope today was great at work?”

“Yeah! Phuti is building the team again, we should be back on our feet soon,” he says while
taking off his blazer. He folds it once and throws it on top of the laptop bag.
“That’s great. He was always great with the team,” I say while picking his plate.
“I agree,” he says.
I finish dishing up and he picks his plate, puts the sauces and walk to the living room to watch
TV. I follow him with my plate.
“Babe, I am sorry about what I said on Saturday,” I say. I think he is not taking it well or he is
either bothered by something else, but he is not himself. “The thing is…I am just tired of solving
issues always and I feel like it is so because you give them a chance to do so. If it isn’t Diana, it is
Rudzani…and if it isn’t Rudzani, it is this old baby mother. It is not normal…really.”
“It is not like I ask to be bothered,” he says. I knew it has everything to do with this. “Do you
think it is fun to be dealing with all these issues?”
“No…”
“I am a man Thandeka and my worry is losing you because of all these stupid things that keep
following me when I know that I have put you through so much already.”

271
“You are not going to lose me.”
“So, this drama is just going to tire you nje? You are going to retaliate soon…I know…and
hearing you giving me that attitude just…gave me an idea that there is a chance you can leave
me to avoid such things.”
“Come on Gundo…you know that is not true.”
“It is true. I am a divorcee…I know what I am talking about.”

“How many times should I tell you not to compare me with Diana?”
“I am not comparing you with Diana.”
“I just don’t want another failed marriage Thandeka…I don’t want to mess things again…so
when my wife tells me I need to cleanse to run away from the drama…it is just…”
“I was just mad. I didn’t mean it.”
“It’s okay…”
“I know it is not okay.”
“What do you want me to do? To avoid all these drama that keeps following me…what should I
do?” he asks. I eat my food in silence but he keeps asking me the same question. “Thandeka,
help me deal with this…what do you want me to do? Advise me as my wife.”
“Tell your parents not to involve you in whatever they choose to do with your previous
partners…because it seems like these women have access to your family…and your family has a
tendency of deciding things for you.”
“Ofcourse.”
“Remember the demonstration done by the Pastor in our wedding…we need them to do
exactly that…let us be and stop bringing people back in our lives. It is unacceptable what your
uncle did and it is obvious that the whole family agreed for him to bring her here. What
business do you have with her?”
“You are right.”
“You don’t need cleansing…I was just pissed. You just need to remind your parents what the
Pastor said. We are doing us. We don’t need all these things so if they want this women in their
lives…they should do just that without involving us.”

“You are right.”

“Now…can I have my husband back?”
“What do you mean?”

272
“Can you smile again?”
“Yeah…ofcourse.”
“Are you still having Khuthi’s dreams?”
“Not really. It has been a few days. I think I was just thinking a lot about him since his mother
showed up.”
“How did you meet by the way? We never spoke much about her,” I ask. We once did but I
forgot what he said. She was never interesting like Diana and the other EX that left him for his
other friend who was monied more than he was.

“Do we have to go there?” he asks and laughs.

“Yeah…just for interest sake.”
“I told you that I was friends with her cousin…so…yeah…I used to see her with him and I got her
numbers and the rest is history, really.” He says.
“She sounds nothing like your type,” I say.
“What is my type?”
“Me!”
“Ofcourse,” he says with a smile. We finish eating and he takes the plates to the kitchen.
ofcourse – I am lazy and I really do get lazy when he is home.
“When are we getting a nanny?” he asks from the kitchen.
“When the babies are here.”
“Are you sure? Don’t you want to get someone sooner? So that you can get to know them
before the babies are here? I was going to call Rossie back but she has a job by now for sure.
She is such a wonderful caretaker. I can drop the agency an email to send a few candidates to
interview?” he says.
“I don’t know hey….Are we even financially ready for one?”
“We can cut eating out and a few things…we need one at the end of the day.”
“Okay!” I respond. The thought of having someone to help around sounds great. Maybe I can
drag myself to work on my project…or even take an online course to sew or design. Before
getting to bed, Gundo sends an email to an agency that had him hire Rossie. He always gets
things done.
“Perfect!” Gundo says when he wakes up. He has his phone in hand.
“What?” I ask while putting on my gown.

273
“The lady from the agency has a perfect candidate to send this week…but she said the
candidate needs to go back to Limpopo on Thursday so we can have an interview today or
tomorrow.”
“So soon?”
“Let us let her come today after four since tomorrow we are driving to our mini honeymoon.”
“Okay…fine by me.”

I hurry to the bathroom – because morning sickness. This has become a tradition.
“You can go back to sleep…I have a breakfast meeting with a client,” Gundo says when he walks
in the bathroom.
Fine by me! I go back to sleep.
No plans all day until three o’clock – time to prepare supper. I drag my feet to the kitchen to
prepare something for my husband. I am trying not to rely on take-aways and since a few days
ago, KFC makes me vomit. My phone beeps and it is Gundo reminding me of the interview with
the agent and the possible nanny.
I hurry to change into something decent, just incase they arrive sooner than five o’clock.
What did I say? It is three thirty and there is buzz from the gate.
“Hello…” I say. This gate does not have the screen like Gundo’s old house.
“Halllo,” I hear a woman respond.
“Are you here for the interview? Come in,” I say and press for the gate to open. It will take her
two minutes to reach the kitchen door so I quickly pick a juice from the fridge and place it on a
tray with a glass.

She knocks and I hurry to open the door.

Oh! She is not what I thought she looked like. I thought Gundo specified that we need someone
in her fourties. This one looks younger than that.
“Hi…I am Mrs Radzilani,” I say and let her in. She is wearing a black long dress and a pure white
head wrap. “Uhm, my husband is still at work…but he should be here soon…”
I lead the way to the living room. She doesn’t say much but follows behind until she settles on a
couch. I bring her juice and sit on the couch opposite of her.
She has so much sadness in her eyes, I am even afraid to look in her eyes.
“Where are you from?” I ask.

274
“Venda,” she says. I know she is from Venda because Gundo specified that we need one from
Venda. It will be easier when we make our trips there and it is easier for communication
purposes.
“Sorry…I was cooking. If you don’t mind….can I finish up? You can watch TV,” I say and hurry to
the kitchen.
Yoh! It is going to be weird to stay with someone in the house. The first weeks are going to be
the hardest. Imagine, living with a stranger for the first time? Gundo was right. I was going to
frustrated if the babies were already here…so the sooner the better.
I stir my chicken stew. I am making rice, chicken and one salad. The rice is done, the salad is
ready and the stew will be ready in a few minutes.
I hear the garage door opening. My husband is here.
“Oh, we are going to start now. My husband just got here,” I say and lift my head towards the
living room. I notice the empty couch.
Haibo!
Where did she go?

Who decides to just stand and take a tour in someone’s house.

I wipe my hands with an apron while I hurry towards the living room to start searching for her.
“Can I help you?” I ask while staring at her. She is standing in the dining area. She doesn’t turn
back to look at me. She keeps staring at our family pictures. “Oh…that is our small family.”
She turns towards me and tears are streaming down her face.
Haibo!!

“Hey babe,” Gundo says from the kitchen and I startle.

“Ohhh,” I say with my hand on my chest. I sway my head to Gundo and then back at this
woman.
“Mashudu, what are you doing here?” Gundo asks with panic, while walking towards us.
Mashudu?
Mashudu? As in Khuthi’s mother?
“What are you doing here?” Gundo humbly asks.

“I am here to do a ceremony that we spoke about.”

“Not in my house…have you lost your mind? I already told you that I will not change my mind.”

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“My son’s soul is not at peace because we are fighting…” she spits, tears still streaming down
her cheeks.
“No…I am not fighting with you Mashudu. His soul is at peace and you are the one disturbing
it.”
“Let my son rest in peace,” she pleads. She raises her voice, “Let my son’s soul rest in peace
Gundo. Let it rest in peace.”
“You know what Mashudu, I am not going to entertain you,” Gundo says and throws his laptop
bag on the couch.
“Okay, okay…maybe we can all sit down…honestly,” I say to har and then stare at Gundo, “Let’s
sit and talk like adults.”
I can feel her pain. I know her pain. I know it too well. We all mourn in different ways and she
must be given a chance to mourn her son the best way she knows how.
She wipes her tears and sits on a couch. Gundo sits with me.
“What is the best way to do this? We don’t believe in what you want Gundo to do…how else
can we help you?” I ask.

“It needs to be done.”

“I disagree.”
“I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important for me.”
“What do you need from us? I am not going to do what you want me to do. What can I get
you?” Gundo asks and I rub his thigh to not get angry. Maybe we can solve this peacefully.
“Why don’t we prepare half of Khuthi’s belongings and give her…atleast she can connect with
him…and maybe that will bring closure.”
“Yah! I can do that. We have toy boxes in the garage…and clothes in the…”

“My son’s soul is not at peace. I don’t care about toys…I am crying for his soul.”
“Then we cannot help you with that,” I say and shrug, “Maybe we can pray. Yes…we can pray.”
She picks a white plastic bag from her bag and stands. She hangs her handbag on her shoulder,
takes a handful of whatever was in the plastic bag and throws it at Gundo.
“What the fuck?” Gundo says while standing up. His shirt is filled with dust from the brown soil
– probably something she was supposed to mix for her ceremony.
“Really?” I ask. I was ready to help them solve this once and for all.
“My son’s soul is not at peace,” she says and walks out of the house.

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I walk to the kitchen to buzz her out of the gate.
“Why did you let her in?” Gundo asks trying to dust his shirt.
“I thought she was here for an interview. Anyway…how was I to know that she is in
Johannesburg?” I ask. Gundo never had her pictures and she is obviously not a social media
type for me to stalk her.
“My uncle said they will stay around so that I get a chance to think about everything. So I guess
she was here to change my mind.”
“Take that shirt off…” I say.

“What is this, by the way?” Gundo smells his shirt after taking it off.
The gate intercom rings.
I walk to the kitchen to answer.
“Hello.”
“Hi ma’am, I am from NeatIt. I am here for an interview with Mr and Mrs Radzilani regarding
the placement of a nanny,” the lady says.
Now the real nanny and her agent are here!

“Come in!”

INSERT 48
GUNDO
“Vha bva ngafhi Venda?” I ask the old lady sitting opposite of us. She is fairly Aunt Angie’s age. I
hope she is able to mind her own business. Rossie was the best care giver ever! She used to
give me space when I needed to and she never minded my business- none of it. I hope it is the
case with this one aswell.
“I am from Nzhelele,” she responds.
“Okay! So are you going to be able to handle the twins?” I ask.

“And the main focus will be the babies ofcourse…” Thandeka adds.
“Yes! I have been taking care of children all my life…and even though I haven’t taken care of a
set of twins, I will manage perfectly.”
She looks promising.
After another set of hundred questions, we walk them out.

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“She looks like a nice person, doesn’t she?” Thandeka asks.
Don’t they all, when they start?
“She does.”
I pick of bottle of water in the fridge. My throat feels extremely dry. I follow Thandeka to the
bedroom. If we want to leave early in the morning for our trip, we need to start packing
tonight. We are staying for four nights so there is a lot to pack and choosing vacation clothes is
the most difficult task ever.
“Thandeka…you must never just open the gate for anyone…ever,” I say while taking a few pairs
of shoes from the closet.
“Yeah! The thing is I was just so sure. I was so stupid…really…”
“Maybe I should get the same buzzer like the one I previous had,” I say. It is better to see the
face of a person asking to enter your property.
“Yah…maybe…but I was so sure yazi?”
“Did you forget that I said the nanny will come with the agent?”
“It didn’t ring a bell at all.”
“Imagine if she was a thief or something?” I ask, she stands and stares at me with her hands on
her waist.
“Yoh, imagine! The worst could have happened.”

“Please, be careful. It must never ever happen again.”

“Got it.”
I sneeze! Damn! Should be that dust I sniffed from the shirt. Thandeka threw it in the washing
machine while we were having a meeting. It is my favourite shirt.
I keep picking the casual shirts and changing my mind. Clothes don’t really matter but the
pictures we are going to take should look good. I collect pictures for memories.
“And I think you are right about sharing Khuthi’s belongings…maybe it will make Mashudu
accept and find closure. I should get time to sort that out and have it couriered to her family.”
“I think that’ll help,” Thandeka says, “She really needs to get to accept first before everyone
expect her to move on. She looks so so sad…and I felt so bad for her.”
“I guess…but she should keep us away from her mourning process. Everyone mourned and now
we have to mourn again to let her fit in? That is not how it works…and the worst thing is my

278
son’s soul was resting peacefully and only now it will be disturbed,” I say while folding a few
shirts. I pick a bottle of water and gulp it down.
Thandeka stops what she is doing and places her hands on her stomach. She smiles.
“Gundo…come…come…” she says without moving her hands. Her smile gets wider.
“Aren’t they just cute?” I say with a laugh. They are kicking. Cute little feet kicking and we can
feel it.
“Guys…why are you so excited?” Thandeka laughs out because they are kicking like they are
dancing. It is the first time they kick so hard. Few weeks ago it was just little tickling that I
couldn’t feel sometimes.
“This is so cute.”

“So, do you want to know the sex of the babies?” she asks.
“These are boys…did you feel the way they kicked? And they are so young.”
“You are exaggerating haw,” she says while getting back to packing her dresses and shirts.
“I am not,” I say. “Do you have set of twin in your family? We don’t have in my
family…remember I wants told you?”
“My mother’s brother has two sets of twins. I think my grandmother’s sister had twins too. See,
my uncle moved to Mozambique long time ago.”
“You never told me about him.”
“I don’t have a family like yours. My uncle chose to live his own life. Believe me, the last time I
saw him, I was about thirteen.”

“He never came back?”

“Not even on my mother’s funeral. I don’t know why he disappeared.”
“There must be a reason.”
“But I bet the family blamed it on the wife…families always blame the wives.”
“I bet.”

“So, what time are we leaving?” Thandeka asks.

“Around eight, when the morning traffic dies down.”
“So, we can wake up and have breakfast first, right?” she says, “I am sick and tired of take-
aways.”
“Sure!”

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I am proud that we finished packing. It was best that we sleep ready than waking up early to
run around the house. Thandeka gets into the duvet and I change into my PJs.
“Let me get water…”
“Are you okay? You have been gulping water the whole evening,” she asks with a chuckle.
“Water is life Mrs Radzilani…water is life,” I say before leaving the room. When I walk back, she
is already drifting to sleep so I don’t disturb her. I book a few activities we will do there. I am
not taking my laptop with me so I make sure that I read all my emails and everything is
attended to. For the first time in such a long time, I will spend five days without working on
anything. Even if I receive the emails, I won’t have my laptop to work on any report. Infact – I
will put my phone on flight mode. Thandeka also deserves my undivided attention. She needs a
break from my drama.
I switch the lights off and join my wife in bed.
“Babe…wake up,” Thandeka says shaking me.
Is it morning already?
“WHAT?” I open one eye before closing it again and ignore her.

“Gundo? Wake up and get ready.”

“Wake me in an hour, I didn’t sleep much…I was working.”
“No…we are already late my love.”
“What is wrong with you?” I say pulling the duvets.
“It is half past seven already. Can you wake up? Please? I am so excited to go…” she says while
giggling.
“Whether it is seven or ten…we are still going to go,” I say, pissed. “Please man. You were
sleeping all night while I work…that’s what you do anyway…sleep when we all work.”

I cover my head and she pulls the duvet.

Is she trying me?
What is wrong with this woman.
“What did you just say?” She sighs!
“Can I sleep?”
“Gundo, you are not going to talk to me like that…do you hear me? You are not going to talk to
me like that,” she says while she pulls the duvet from me.

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“Stop waking me up when I am telling you that I am tired. Did I bother you when you were
sleeping? I didn’t…so please…I will wake up when I am ready to.”
She stares at me like I am a piece of trash. I don’t care right now! I need to sleep.
“You know what? Fine,” she says and storms out.
Women!

I get to sleep again but I am woken up my stupid phone ringing!

Will I ever sleep? I hit the mattress and pull myself to wake up. I pull the phone from under the
pillow. It is an office number. I put my phone on silent and shove it under the pillow.
Thandeka walks into the room and walk to the closet. She picks a t-shirt dress and change into
it.
I drop my head on the bed and sleep some more. This time I feel an urge to get water. I am
damn thirty.
I pull my gown, put it on and walk to the kitchen.
“Morning,” I say as I walk past the living room where Thandeka is watching TV, to the kitchen.
“Good afternoon,” she responds without turning to me.

“Good afternoon? Kanti what time is it?” I ask and gaze at the walk clock.
12h45!!!!! But how? It was just a few minutes ago when I took a nap.
“Oh, we are so late. Look…I am going to quickly get ready…and we will be out of here in a few
minutes,” I say while picking a glass and getting water. I gulp it down my throat.
“Don’t bother.”
“What do you mean?”

“I am not going anymore.”

“What?”
“I am not going anymore. Go get your rest.”
“Are you kidding me? They are not going to refund the money I paid for tonight and do you
know how much I paid just for one night?” I ask.
She crosses her arms and keep her gaze on the TV.
“Okay babe…I am sorry for shouting at you. I was super exhausted because I was working all
night. I was responding to millions of emails because I am leaving the laptop behind. I want this
holiday to be all about us.”

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I walk to her and plant a kiss on her head before rushing to get ready. Thank God we packed
last night.
In few minutes I am dressed and packing the luggage in the car. It is a seven hours’ drive so we
need to leave right about this moment.
“Ready?” I ask when Thandeka is settled on the passenger’s seat.
“Yeah!”
“Honey-moon…here we come!!!” I say and she doesn’t smile. “Can you cheer up babe? This is
supposed to be best time of our lives…hmmmm?”

She shrugs as I start the car.

We drive in silence for a few hours.
“I booked us into a spa tomorrow,” I say. It was supposed to be a surprise but I am trying
everything to cheer her up.
“Thank you,” she says.
“Are you okay babe?” I ask and she nods. “No, you are not.”
She stares outside the window as I drive and try my best to cheer her up.
“Does it bother you that I don’t work anymore? That you get to wake up early and do all the
work while I sleep?”
“What? Thandeka no! Where is that coming from?”
“From what you told me this morning.”
“What did I say this morning?”
“That I was sleeping all night while you work and that is what I do always.”
“No man! Come on babe…I was just angry that you are waking me up. I didn’t mean any of
that…really…you know me.”
“First I left my job in your company because you needed to move to Cape Town and again, I
chose to leave my job in Cape Town so that I move back with you here…so that I support what
you want for us…and hearing what you said, even if you don’t mean it kinda disturbs me.”

What is wrong with me? How can I say that to her?

I reach for her hand and she allows me to hold her. “Thandeka, I love you so much to do
anything for you and our babies. I don’t know what got to me, really. I shouldn’t have said that.
I am sorry.”

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“Fine!”
“We are going to our honey-moon baby. We are going to have so much fun…and when we go
back home, we are going to get ready for our babies. That is something to be excited about.
Our new start, right?”
“Sure!”
I keep her hand on mine as I continue to drive. I put her favourite album, Joyous Celebrations
and when her favourite song comes on, I see her smile creeping on her lips. Things even get
better when she starts singing along. Thank God to music, she is starting to warm up again.
We stop in few garages to stock up a few bottles of water. I think I am getting tonsils or flue –
my throat is so dry.
Tjeerrr! Now I know why I paid so much money. This is by far the coolest place I have ever been
to. I cannot wait for tomorrow morning, to see it clearly. We arrived late, I am exhausted for
driving for more than seven hours without any assistance.
“No wonder why you wanted to come here,” I say while sitting on our bed.
“It is perfect…isn’t it?” she asks while walking around.
“Come here,” I call her to come closer. I let her stand in between my legs. “I love you so much
Mrs Radzilani.”
“I love you too,” she says and kisses me.
“We are stuck together…right?” I ask while unbuttoning her denim dress. She smiles down at
me. She watches as I undo all the buttons. She shrugs the dress off from her shoulders and she
is standing infront of me in her bra and underwear. I start by kissing her stomach before
rubbing my hands all over her body. I caress her body and she lets out a soft moan when my
hands land on her full breasts.
“Don’t you want to shower first? It has been a very long day,” I say to her.
“No…baby…I am ready now,” she says while getting on top of me.
“Love…wait…wait…”
“Wait for what?”
“Why don’t you shower first while I order us food?”

“No…babe…” she is on top of me, kissing me. “I don’t want food. I want you.”
“Thandeka, let’s eat first,” I mumble, trying to let her stop kissing me.
“Love…don’t…”

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“Thandeka, I said stop!” I loudly say and she sits up and stares at me with a frown.
“Why did you touch me like that if you don’t want me to have sex with you right now?”
“Come on babe…we are going to have lots of sex the whole week. Let me get us food…and we
shower..and…”
“Are you serious?”

“Yeah! What do you feel like? Something light, right? I also need an ice cold glass of water.”
“You must be kidding me,” she says and gets off from me.
“Babe! What is wrong now?” I call out as she walks to the other side of the room.
Oh man!
Women!

INSERT 49
THANDEKA
Breathe Thandeka.
“Breathe…breathe Thandeka,” I say softly, trying so hard not to cry or to upset my babies. I am
so hurt right now and I am standing right here, trying to stay calm.
Takalani M described this place perfectly in The Royal Mistress, this place is remarkable. The
views are to die for but I am standing here…feeling so sad, I wish I was at home. I feel so lonely
yet my husband is lying on that bed, reading a newspaper because it is more important to him
than doing this with me. We are in honey-moon for crying out loud, we are supposed to be
happy. We are supposed to be having the best time of our lives like he suggested but I am not
having any of that.
I turn to check if he is regretting shouting at me for disturbing him. He doesn’t look remorseful.
He doesn’t even look like he care.
You know what? I need to get out of here.
I pick my bag from the table and march out of the villa. He can read his newspaper in peace.
We were supposed to go down to have a romantic breakfast, but he asked me not to disturb
him.

Just like that! I annoy him so much.

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What is wrong with him? You see Gundo is a piece of work sometimes but I think he has taken
things too far now!
Or is it true that people change once you get married to them? I mean, he was the sweetest
before the wedding and now…he has changed!
I march up to the reception area. It is a bit far from our villa but I don’t mind and I don’t care.
Thank God I am wearing a comfortable t-shirt dress and sneakers.
Why did we even come here if he didn’t want to be here?
A car stops infront of me, disturbing me from my own thoughts.

“Hey, need a lift?” the driver asks.

“Yes, please,” I say and the driver wave at me to get into the car.
I jump on the back-seat.
“You don’t look like you are hiking…” the girl sitting at the back says while taking a selfie.
“No…I wasn’t. I just need to get to the restaurant,” I say.
“I am Nomvuyo…and that is Zandi…and that is Nolwazi,” the lady sitting on the passenger’s seat
says. They are very friendly.

“Nice to meet you, I am Thandeka.”

“Where are you from?” Nomvuyo asks.
“Joburg…but I am also from Venda.”
“A zulu in Venda?” Zandi asks. She is the one sitting at the back with me.
“I grew up in Soweto and ended up in Venda. Long story.”

“Makes sense,” she responds.

I am enjoying their company but the trip to the restaurant is so short. Atleats these strangers
are sweet towards me and I feel a little better.
“Here we are,” Nolwazi says while getting her handbag.
“Are you here alone?” Zandi asks as we jump out of the car.
“Uhm…not really. I came with my husband but he is tied up with some work…” I say. I cannot
bad mouth him to these strangers before me. I cannot even mention that I am on honeymoon. I
don’t want people raising their eyebrows on me and feeling pity for me.

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“What a waste, righgt? But he is not alone. One of our friend is busy with a Skpe meeting in the
villa…imagine!!!” Nolwazi says while rolling her eyes. “Why don’t you join us? We are grabbing
breakfast before we go for our spa session.”
“That’ll be nice,” I say while walking into a restaurant.
WOW! Thank God I won’t be here alone!
Every corner of the restaurant is filled with couples. I was supposed to be here with my
husband!
We pick a table for four, outside. I am trying to keep a warm smile and not giveaway that I am
miserable and that I have a husband who is turning his back on me.
The whole breakfast session…I was listening to their varsity stories. Apparently they all met at
University of KZN and have been friends since then. I admire their friendship. They look like
they are genuine to each other.
“How far are you?” Nolwazi asks after sipping her coffee. I trace her eyes, they are on my
tummy.
“Six months,” I say.

“First baby?” she asks.

“Twins.”
“Oh…that is sweet,” she says with a warm smile. “Aren’t you scared?”
“I have a supportive husband…so I am not scared!” I say but my smile fades away. I cannot say
that about Gundo right now. He changed overnight. I wished he had let me enjoy our honey
moon stage before he showed me his true colour.
The rest of the breakfast session, I feel like an outsider even though they try to include me in
their chats. I keep staring at the entrance, hoping that Gundo would come searching the whole
place for me. He is nowhere to be found! There are no texts either.
“Are you okay?” Zandi asks. I figured they asked me a question which I didn’t get. My mind is
miles away.
“Excuse me…”
“I said we are going to the SPA, are you coming?” Zandi asks. The waiter is clearing our table.
“My husband is coming to join me for a SPA session,” I respond while reaching my wallet for my
card so that I swipe for my bill.
“Okay, hope we see you around,” Nomvula says. “Why don’t you join us in the late afternoon
game drive?”

286
“I wouldn’t want to intrude,” I say and she shakes her head. It feels like she sees through me.
“Nah! Come on…the more the merrier,” she says. “Why don’t you take my number…if your
husband is still working…halla and come join us.”
“Sure,” I say while receiving a piece of paper with her number. I watch as the three of them
leave the table. I save the number on my phone and throw the paper into my bag.
I am left sitting alone with a cup of tea.

How did we get here?

Mashudu!
Damnit!!!
What!!!!!!
Why didn’t I think of this yesterday when Gundo woke up a different man? That man who is in
that room is not my husband.
Never!
I pick my bag from the table and hurry to the reception to get someone to drive me to my villa.
Mashudu has everyhting to do with Gundo’s recent behaviour.
Luckily, there is shuttle waiting to render a service. I jump in and give the driver the shuttle
number. My heart is already beating fast. How am I going to handle this?
“Gundo,” I say when I walk into our room. He is sitting at the balcony, his full focus on the view
before him. I touch his shoulder and he jumps. “Sorry…sorry…it’s me.”
“WHAT?” he asks after clicking his tongue in annoyance. His eyes are full of fury. This is just a
confirmation of what I was thinking.
“How did you sleep?” I ask while getting a chair on the chair positioned opposite to his.
“Fine, thanks,” he says.
“How is your throat?”
“I said I am fine,” he says.

I sigh!
He is so impatient with me.
I let him sit there in silence. I let him be but I am scared right now.
You know what? Maybe I can go to the spa session by myself. I can always make friends like I
did earlier. I need to think about what to do with Gundo.

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“Okay Gundo…are you ready for our Spa session?” I ask and check the time on my wrist watch.
“What time is our session?”
I should have checked the times when I was down there.
“I think later.”
When is later? I don’t want to push him, I might end up crying from his response.
“Can we go for a game drive?” I ask happily. “I met these other ladies. They are doing a late
afternoon drive. Maybe we can join them.”
I am trying to make a conversation here!
He stares at me without saying anything.
God! Save my man! He looks like a lost soul. He looks so empty!
God!
He stands from the seat and walks inside the room. My gaze follows him around, through the
glass walls. He picks his phone and walks back.
I am getting freaked out because I don’t know what he is thinking but I can tell that he is
extremely distant. He looks somehow!

“Let’s go to the Spa,” he says happily.

It looks like he snapped out from a different world. This is freaking me out!
“Ofcourse!” I say with a fake smile.
“Let me quickly freshen up,” he says and stands from his seat. He lands a kiss on my forehead
and hurry inside for a shower.
This is not on!
I am tempted to call Maria’s mother to ask her what to do…but I think I already know her
answer. The answer is always PRAY! She told me not to call her before I get on my knees and
pray for whatever I want God to do for me. I am a wife now and I need to pray for my family.
She said the time I come to her, should be when I have depleted everything in me to pray.
This needs prayer!
I could call Mam Angie but what if she thinks that I am making things up? I shake away the
thought to call Mam Angie. I am not ready for the whole family to intervene. If feels like I have
failed in my family. It hasn’t been a month and I am already calling the family to intervene.
No, I can’t call Mam Angie. I can’t call anyone either.

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He picks his wallet from the table and takes my hand so we could get to the car. He drives with
my hand on his.
“This place is amazing,” he says as he drives up to the spa area.
“It is,” I respond with a forced smile.
Luckily they had an opening for a couple. Gundo and I change into gowns and lie on the beds
for the ladies to start working on our backs. I am sleeping on my side, because the bigger nyana
bump is disturbing me and I am already sad that I won’t get the hot stone massage.
“How long have you guys been married?” the lady massaging me asks.
“It has been two weeks,” Gundo says and turn his head to look at me. He has a perfect smile on.
This is the husband I know.
The whole session was just so perfect! This is exactly what we came to do here. Gundo smiled
at me throughout the session and his touch is turning me on.
We know what we are going to do when we leave here.
Thank Goodness, we are thinking the same thing. He asked if we could go back to our room to
bond.
*****
“I love you so much,” he says while he pulls my dress. I am moaning as his hands touch my skin.
I want him like I did last night. I want all of him but there is that little room for disappointment.
I am praying so hard that what I was thinking about earlier…about Mashudu…is not true. It
can’t be true. God don’t make it true!
“Babe, are you okay?” he asks. My mind trailed off and it showed.
“Yeah!” I say.
“Come here,” he says pulling me closer to him.
God don’t let it be true! – I pray in my heart repeatedly as I allow him to take off my bra. God
don’t let it be true. I am worried about my children. You know what they say about sex and
spirits and all? I pray that it is not case here.

“I miss this,” he says while sucking my breasts.

Oh damn! It feels so good. My body, the whole of it lets go…and welcomes the feeling. He lets
me on top of the bed and continues to caress me and carefully sucking on my breasts. They are
full but he knows how to handle them now.

“I love you,” he mumbles with his eyes on me. They are so bright and full of love.

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Maybe I was just wrong.
Maybe…just maybe.
“I love you too,” I say. With that, he slides his penis inside of me. I close my eyes as he carefully
slides the whole of him inside. I spread my legs and wrap them on his butt so that I can lock him
and let him have me. This is my husband!
He is so gentle and loving…not rushed. He keeps getting his head up to stare into my eyes to tell
me how much he loves me. His penis continues to grow bigger inside of me.
We are masters of missionary style since I am getting bigger. I think Gundo is scared to hurt the
babies. I am too but I am game to try it all.
Gundo stops and my heart drops. He cannot stop now! He pulls the pillow from the side and
positioned it under my butt!

Phew!
He kisses my lips while caressing my breasts before he continues to grind me slow and so
sweetly. It has been so long that I feel my body welcoming a wave of feelings…good feelings. He
lifts my legs and let him give me a few strokes before I moan louder as I cum.
“Can I cum now,” he asks as I try to catch my breathe. I nod at him and watch his lips curve into
a smile. He lets out all the energy left in him and grind me until I see him gritting his teeth.
“Damn!” he calls out. He pulls himself and lie on the side. He pulls a towel and hands it to me to
clean myself.
He pulls me closer to snuggle.
Wow!
My husband is back.
We doze off. I only wake up when my phone is ringing on the table. I just missed a call from
Maria.
“Hey Maria,” I say while getting on the couch.

“Did I wake up?”

“I was supposed to wake up anyway,” I say. “What’s up?”
“There is this company in Rosebank that I need to submit my CV to. Can you please help?” she
says.
“I am out of town until next week Monday,” I say.

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“Still fine. I met this other lady at church and she said they are looking for a receptionist so she
wants me to drop my CV so that she finalises everything.”
“Why don’t you email the CV?”
“She needs the certified copies of my matric and my ID…so I am going to give some guy who
drives trucks that side to drop my envelope to you and you will take it personally to Rosebank…I
don’t want mistakes.”
“Okay, not a problem.”
“Can I give this guy your number? I don’t even know where you live. I will tell him to call you on
Monday.”
“Not a problem”
“Thank you! Go back to sleep,” she says happily before hanging up. That would be cool – having
Maria in Joburg?
I feel so hungry. These babies make me eat a lot.
I walk to the bed to wake Gundo up.
“Babe, let’s go grab lunch! I am dying to try their dessert,” I say while shaking him.
“Hay mahn Thandeka….”

“Should I order instead?” I ask.

“Can I sleep, please?” he calls out and clicks his tongue.
Here we go again!
My heart drops.
I was right!

INSERT 50
THANDEKA
“This was the worst vacation…ever,” Gundo spits as he throws his clothes into his luggage bag. I
am also packing my bags. “Had I known…I would have stayed in Joburg and worked on building
my empire…since that is what I do best. The rest…I flop. I flop with everything else except
work.”
I continue packing my shoes into my bag – in silence.
“Are you going to say something?” he asks with his hands on his waist.

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“No, I don’t have anything to say,” I respond and walk around the villa, making sure that I don’t
leave anything behind.
“So, you are not going to apologise?”
“What did I do?” I ask.
“Going around with strangers when I sat here waiting for you?” he asks.

“I am sorry,” I say.
“Don’t you dare fool me Thandeka….don’t you dare fool me.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Why did you have to go around with strangers?”
“I thought you wanted to rest…you said you want to rest so I was giving you room to rest.”
“Where did you go? Last night? Where were you? Are you cheating on me?” he asks and throws
a pair of jean on the bed.
I keep reminding myself that he is not himself but this is getting tiring. The whole week was just
draining. The more I pray the more he becomes worse. He would shout at me for nothing and I
need to take the punches. God knows I want to be there for my husband but sometimes it
becomes stressful.
Anyway, apart from the morning and evening fights I had with Gundo, I had the best time of my
life. I did everything that I was supposed to do in this vacation and I didn’t care what Gundo got
up to. He would fight me for waking him up so I made sure to join the girls on their adventure.
We did horse riding – even though I got on a smaller pony and only rode for a short distance, I
experienced it. I joined them on a picnic by the beach. I envy them. They are living their best
lives and do not have anything holding them back. I love to be married but Gundo and I have
been through a little much since we met and sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I was single.
I also did a little shopping when we went to Shelly Centre. I got a few dresses to push me till I
give birth. I also bought white baby clothes for my twins.
“Why didn’t you tell me not to bother myself by coming here?” he asks. I roll my eyes with my
back on him.
“I am sorry Gundo. I will make it up to you?” I say while turning towards him. He has a furious
face on and it doesn’t look good on him. I pray…I pray he doesn’t do anything stupid. He can
shout at me however he wants, but if he ever lays his hand on me, it is a done deal.
“Make it up to me? Are you going to refund all the money I used to pay for this place?” he asks.

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“Would you like me to refund you all the money you used to pay for this place?” I ask, my arms
crossed on my chest. “Would you like me to pay you all the money you used for this vacation?”
I keep my gaze at him until he drops his eyes.
“Ofcourse you know I won’t make you refund me,” he says.
“Then, stop saying the nonsense you don’t mean,” I say and walk outside to the balcony. Gundo
is not himself, whatever it is that is going on with him, but he hits my nerves sometimes. The
things he says?? I only wonder if it is things he has always bottled and whatever that is pushing
him is just making him to be voice them out. I don’t know!!!!
I walk back to the room and pull my luggage bag.
“I’ll take that for you.”

“I’ll take it myself,” I say and he frowns.

“You are pregnant and you can’t be carrying such a huge bag like that,” he says while taking the
bag from me. I follow him to the car with my handbag and my other small overnight bag. He
walks back to get more bags while I get into the front seat.
I watch as he locks the villa’s door and pull the rest of the bags to the car.
I sigh as he jumps on the driver’s seat. It might be a long or short drive. I wish to seat at the
back and to fall asleep. That’ll help.
“I can’t believe I am going to work on Tuesday,” he says as he reverses the car.
“The week went by so fast,” I say.
He drops the keys and checks out before driving us out of the lodge.
“Are you fine?” he asks as I pull a new book I bought at the mall. It’ll help me push the journey
in silence.
“Yeah,” I say with a weak smile.
“Did I do something?” he asks and my weak smile breaks into a sarcastic laugh. How can he ask
me that?
“No, not at all,” I say and he continues driving. “Gundo?”
“Yes?”
“Can I ask something?”

“Yes,” he says, his focus still on the road.

“Can you feel anything different…can you feel that you are different?”

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“Anything different?”
“Uhm…there is nothing different with me,” he says.
“Are you exhausted from work? You always wanted to sleep and…”

“I think I was catching a cold or something…but…nah…”

“Remember that evening when Mashudu was in our house? She threw something on
you…what do you think that was?”
“I don’t know…Uhm…but she has always loved to learn this African herbs and all that stuff…so I
am used to her.”
“That was not just some normal herbs Gundo.”
“What was it?”
“I don’t know…” I say. I hate myself for not being open and honest about what I think. Mashudu
used muti on Gundo.
“It is herbs…I bet…”

“No, it was not.”

“But…”
“It was muti.” There I said it. Gundo takes a quick glance at me before turning back to the road.
I watch as he laughs out loudly.
“Muti? What muti?” he asks, trying to stop laughing.
I sigh deeply.
“Since that night, you changed Gundo.”

“I changed?”
“Yes, you did,” I say.
“I changed?”
“Gundo, you changed,” I raise my voice at him. How can he not feel something? How can he not
see anything wrong in our relationship? He has turned into a monster. “You changed
Gundo…you shout at me…you yell at me whenever you feel like….” I say but stop when I am
starting to cry.
“Why are you crying?” he asks with shock written all over his face.
“See what I mean?” I say. “You don’t even see anything wrong…”

294
“Please babe…,” he picks my hand, “…don’t cry. You are going to stress the babies.”
I stare outside the window.
I am on my own here.

“I promise not to shout at you,” he says and rubs my hand with his thumb. “I am sorry, okay.”
“Fine,” I mumble. I know it is just a matter of time before he starts yelling at me.
*****
“God, I pray that you bring light into my marriage. Open my husband’s eyes…let him see again,”
I pray. This has become a norm when he is sleeping. I pray with him when he is in the mood
these days but I pray for him more when I am alone and he is sleeping.
The morning sicknesses are disappearing now so my mornings are not as horrible. I go back to
back after half an hour of prayer. He is going to wake up for work anytime. It is Tuesday and he
is supposed to report to work today.
His alarm rings and I pretend to be sleeping. I don’t want to chat to him when he is angry.
He pulls the phone from under the pillow and gets up. I can feel him sliding out of bed without
swearing! The whole week when his phone rang when he was sleeping, he would erupt like a
volcano.
I open my eyes and watch him. He walks to the end of the room and switch on his laptop before
going to the bathroom.
Wow!
He is more like himself today.
I hear the shower goes on. I get up and decide to pick what he could wear. Things are looking
better today.
A few minutes later, he walks back to the bedroom with a towel wrapped on his waist.
“Hey, how did you sleep?” I ask, inspecting if he is fine.
“Fine,” he says while getting lotion from the closet.
I drop my shoulder. Nothing changed!
“I’ll prepare breakfast,” I say, rushing out of the room without waiting for the response. I rush
to the kitchen and prepare sandwich for the both of us.
I am dropping Maria’s CV later today. I will get a cab from down the street. Someone dropped
her envelope yesterday.

295
“Thandeka…” I hear Gundo’s loud voice echoing from the corridor.
“What did I do now?” I whisper to myself while bracing myself for whatever that is coming.
“Six thousands Thandeka?” he roars walking towards me. He is not wearing the clothes I picked
for him.
“What about it?”

“You spent six thousand in one day Thandeka? In one day?” he spits on my face.
“You said I could get everything I need for maternity wear and the babies.”
“But to spend six thousand on clothes?”
What is six thousands to him though?
“Maybe I got carried away. I am becoming big and nothing fits anymore…I am buying for the
rest of the year…and most of the items I will use after giving birth. I didn’t mean to be
irresponsible.”
“How many times should I tell you that we don’t have much money anymore? I paid for the
wedding….i got us this house….i got us that vacation and you go all out to swipe six thousand in
one day? Thandeka?”
“I’ll pay it back!” I cry out. “I’ll pay you.”

“How?”
“I said I will pay you back,” I say and storm out of the room. I get to the guest room and lock
myself in.
“Breathe Thandeka…Breathe!!!!” I say to myself as tears stream down my cheeks. I used a card
he gave me for my personal use. All the money in that card was mine. I saved all of it and
decided to spoil myself. The bank notifications clock in my phone but he receives all the bank
statements. He probably saw the bank statement from his laptop.

After a few minutes, I hear the door shut.

Just like that he left the house.
I cry myself to sleep. I know I am pregnant and I am not supposed to cry but I need anything to
make me feel a little better.
I slept the whole afternoon until my phone rings. It is Maria.
“Hey,” I say while sitting up.
“Are you sleeping?”

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“I was just taking a nap,” I say.
“Did you manage to take my CV?”
“I am going to take it right now. I will just take a shower and catch a cab,” I say.

“Ohh…you can take it tomorrow,” she says.

“No, I am going to take it now,” I say.
“It is half past three…they are probably leaving the office,” she says.
“It is three thirty?” I say and my heart jumps. I need to cook before Gundo comes back. I don’t
want to do anything that will upset him.
“Don’t forget to take it tomorrow,” she says, “I cannot wait to come to Joburg.”
“Who are you leaving Thulani with?” I ask and she burst into a loud laugh.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Ohhh…Gundo was right,” I say. “You are blushing.”
“Bye bye Thandeka,” she says with a laugh before cutting the phone.
OUCH!!!!
I am soooo hungry.
I get to the kitchen first to eat the sandwich I made in the morning. I lost all my appetite and
slept all day. I feast on it while defrosting the beef that I am going to cook.
I pick the remote to switch on the TV. I am disturbed by the garage opening. Gundo is back. A
minute later I hear him burst into a loud laughter.
We have a guest. I wait for them to walk in.
Heeee!!! The devil is testing me, right?
Gundo is walking into the house carrying an overnight bag and is followed by Mashudu. She is
probably here to see if her muti is working or not.
“What is she doing here?”
“She was in town and….”

“No, she is not welcomed in this house.”

“Are you kidding me,” Gundo chuckles.
“No, I am not,” I say and grab the overnight bag from Gundo and walk outside with him
following me. I put the bag by the gate.

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“What are you doing?” Gundo asks.
Oh my poor husband. Did she have to make him this dumb, huh? He is so dumb.
“She is leaving. She is not welcomed here.”

“She is not going anywhere,” he says calmly.

“If she is not leaving, then I will do so,” I say, not meaning it but I said it. “I am not going to sit
with a witch…the same witch who bewitched you.”
“Heee…Thandeka…go take that bag and come inside. She is not leaving. She is the mother of
my son…can you just be nice to her?”
“No.”
“Thandeka?”
“Gundo?”

“I am not going to kick her away,” he says.

“Your choice…not mine,” I say and walk to the house. This is my fight anyway.

INSERT 51
THANDEKA
I march back to the house and Gundo is taking his time because he needs to go pick the bag at
the gate.
“You won’t fool me…not even once!” I say, pointing my finger at Mashudu who has made
herself comfortable in my living room. “You won’t fool me. I know what you did to my
husband.”
“What did I do to your husband?” she giggles. “Diana was right about you…you are full of
noise.”

Oh wow!
Gundo walks in with the bag. He leaves it on the floor and walks to take my hand. He leads the
way to our bedroom.
“What are you doing? Behaving like a child?” he asks while closing the bedroom door.
“I don’t want her in this house,” I say while fuming. I won’t even mention what she said about
Diana. It is either she is working with Diana or they are good friends and I am definitely their
topic. Whatever it is makes me sick.

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“Why are you doing this? What came over you?” he asks.
He must be kidding me.
I am trying by all means to stay calm. The doctor warned me about getting myself stressed. It is
bad; not for me alone, but for my babies too. But how do I stay calm in such a situation?
“Gundo, I am your wife…listen to me…”

“How can I listen to you when you are acting like a child?”
I sit on the bed and cry my lungs out with him watching. I feel so exhausted. I cry so hard until
my babies start kicking.
“Shhhhh…” I say with my hands on my stomach. They don’t stop kicking and their tiny kicks are
more than usual. Maybe they can feel that I am sad. Or maybe they can sense that something
wrong. Gundo is still standing, staring at me. He is not even worried about the muti that
Mashudu might be putting around our house.
“Gundo…I am worried about my children.”
“What are you worried about?”
“These daily fights…they are not good for my health…and as much as I want to be a perfect
wife…I need to choose what is important for me.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“She needs to go or I go…”
“Oh please Thandeka…stop these childish games. Please freshen up and meet me in the living
room…we have a guest,” he says and walks out of the room.
I thought marrying a bread winner was the worst things ever! Marrying a man, who has all his
EXs hooked, is something else. First it was Diana and when I thought I have won the battle…this
one pops out.

He walks out and leaves me sitting on the bed.

I can’t believe this.
“Thandeka, beathe!!!!” I whisper to myself. This exercise helps me to stay calm. I walk to the
guest room to get my phone. I can hear my husband laughing at some lame joke and it makes
me sick.
Where is Zoleka when you need her? I need a guardian angel like her. Atleast she would have
warned me about this disaster.

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Mam Angie’s phone is off. I dial Maria’s number, put it on speaker and throw it on the bed
while I try to breathe slowly.
“Hello,” she says.
“Are you busy?” I ask. She sounds like she is in the middle of something.
“Nah! I am just waiting for my pot to start boiling…I am cooking.”
“Did you know Khuthi’s mother?” I ask. I don’t want to get into details but I need someone to
talk to and asking about what kind of a person she is might be a good start.
“Who is Khuthi konje?” she asks. “The name sounds very familiar but I forgot.”
“Gundo’s first son,” I say.
“Gundo’s …. Oooh… you mean Mashudu?” she asks, sounding jumpy.
“Yah, that is her name.”

“Why are you asking about Mashudu?” she whispers.

“Why are you whispering?”
“Because my mom mustn’t know that I am talking about her. She is the talk of town. Apparently
she went to Gundo’s house to claim her son’s body.”
“Her son’s body?”
“Yes…apparently she wants to bury him where his soul will rest in internal peace…imagine? I
didn’t want to tell you about it because you know people love to talk about things they are not
even sure about.”
“She is here.””
“She is here where?” her voice is loud again.

“In my house. She came to….”

“Get her out of there right now.”
“What? Why?” I chuckle nervously. Why is Maria so worked up?
“Thandeka that woman is not safe. I don’t care what people say…but I think you need to stay
far away from her.”
“You are scaring me.”
“Eish…it is just the stories they say about her since she came back from where God knows
where…my hair stands…just by thinking about it.”

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“Maria, please don’t play about something so serious.”
“I am not playing,” she says. I could just hear her seriousness in the way she said that. I am
starting to freak out. I don’t want to tell her what she already did to Gundo…but what I know is
that I am out of this place.
“Uhm…let me call you in a few minutes,” I say as I walk towards the closet to pick something
warm to wear.
I shove a dress, a bra and underwear into my huge shopper’s handbag. I don’t want her to think
like I am moving out of my house. I check a few cards in my wallet and everything is there,
including the card that Gundo was complaining about.
I get into a comfortable pair of sneakers and walk out of the room.
When I walk to the living room, Gundo and his guest are standing by our wall of fame. They are
gazing at the pictures of their son. Gundo turns to me when he notices me into the room.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“I need to get this dropped off somewhere,” I say showing him Maria’s envelope, walking
towards the kitchen door.

“Are you serious? Do you have to go out now?” Gundo asks.

“You can come join me if you want,” I plead with him. I need to get him back into his senses.
“And leave her alone?” he asks and I gaze at him until he looks away. It looks like he cannot
look me in the eyes.
“Gundo, look at me,” I say. He tries but does not win!
“Khuthi was so grown up in this picture,” Mashudu says loudly from where she is standing –
probably disturbing him and making him not to look me.
‘GET OUT OF THERE,’ I remember Maria’s words loud and clear.
I head for the door. I don’t want any regrets. I cannot lose my babies again like I lost my first
born. I can’t, even it means leaving Gundo in this house with his ex. I need to prioritize my own
health and the babies I am carrying before anything else.

Where do I go?
I tag myself out of the gate and walk down the street until I get to a shopping centre. I don’t
even have a plan right now. What I know is that I needed to leave the house. I still try Mam
Angie’s phone while I pick a corner table at Wimpy.
At least this time the call to Mam Angie went through. She will call me back when she notices a
missed call; she always calls back or buzz.

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I ask for a glass of water while I decide what to order. I don’t even have appetite; I am just
seated here, trying to figure out what to do.
I almost jump when Mam Angie’s name flashes on my screen.
“Hello…” I say as if my life depends on her.
“Haw Thandeka…are you okay?” Mam Angie asks and I feel like crying. I am not fine.

“I was trying to call you,” I say trying to act normal. I take a deepest sigh.
“What is wrong?”
“Gundo is not fine.”
“What is wrong?” she emphasizes the question again.
I tell her the story from the day Mashudu came by with Gundo’s uncle and how she showed up
alone few days later and threw Gundo with something I don’t understand. I told her about
Gundo’s changed behavior and she was just as shocked at what he was doing to me.
“He is not himself,” she says.
“I didn’t believe these things existed until I saw it with my own eyes. Now I don’t even know
how to chase Mashudu away from the house. I am worried about the babies and there is no
way I am going to sleep there Mam Angie.”
“I understand,” she says and I let a deep sigh. I thought she was going to go home and be a
wife. I can be a wife from here.

“Thank you…”
“Is there someone you can call so that you stay there for a night? I will be on the first bus to
Joburg tomorrow,” she asks. “For now I will try to call him and put him back into his senses and
I know the right herbalist to help me.”
“Yeah, I’ll try to call someone,” I say. By calling someone I mean the hotel. I have no one to call
except Maria and Bev who is in Cape Town or my new friends in Kwazulu Natal.
Thank God there is a City Lodge not far from here.
*****
I woke up with a broken heart. No call, no text, no nothing from Gundo. I hoped he cared.
It is eleven o’clock and I am so exhausted. I stayed almost the whole night with Maria’s mom
praying with her team. She had me on speaker and she kept telling me to pray out loud. I am
exhausted.
“Ma’am, it is way past check-out time,” a lady says on the phone when I answered it.

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“Can you book me to this room for tonight? I will settle it when I am up,” I say. Gundo can shout
at me however he wants but I have nowhere else to go until Mam Angie gets here.
“Okay, noted.”
I hang up and throw myself on the bed again. I don’t even have the energy to go drop Maria’s
CV today but I need to. If only she could get this job and come closer. I need someone.
Hours later, I got the little energy to go drop off the CV. I asked the cab driver to wait for me so
that he goes with me to pick Mam Angie. She was close when I called her earlier.
I felt like crying when I saw Mam Angie standing with her bags, waiting for us. She gets in the
back with me.
“Yoh…I never get used to these trips from Venda.”

“Thank you for coming Mam Angie,” I say.

“I had to… hu na phungo hangei hayani,” she says while settling well on the seat.
“What rumors?”
“That Mashudu disappeared to initiate herself into this thing that she is doing,” she says.
I don’t even want to know.
The driver drops us at the gate. It looks like no one is here. Gundo should be at work and I hope
Mashudu is gone.
“He didn’t even care where I was,” I say as I unlock the door.
“He is not himself,” she responds while walking behind me.
The house is silent. There is no one in here.
“I’ll take your bags to the guest room,” I say while picking her bag. She takes a container out of
her handbag and gives it to me. “What is that?”
“Just some herbs I need to cook for Gundo,” she says. I won’t even ask. I pick the rest of the
bags and place them in the guest room. It doesn’t look used. I check the other room and it is
looks unused aswell. I feel a little better. Maybe she left after I left last night.
I get a chance to call Maria.

“Hello,” she says.

“I dropped your papers today,” I say.
“You are the best.”
“Maria…tell your mother thank you for last night. I feel much better.”

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“She is out praying for you…they are fasting too,” she says and giggles.
“I really appreciate. I really do.”
“How are you though? For real? Wihtout putting a strong wife act,” she asks. I wish she was
here to lie with me on the bed.
“I am okay. I got home now and Gundo is still at work…and Mam Angie is here.”

“That’s better…she’ll know what to do.”

“I bet,” I say.
I walk back to the kitchen and Mam Angie is taking pots out from the cupboards.
“Ahhhh…I’ll cook… you need to relax,” I say to her.
“You will cook for the two of us…I will cook for Gundo,” she says. “And from tonight until I tell
you so…I want you to stay away from being intimate with him. The herbs I have will clear the
poison away but do not be intimate until I tell you so.”
‘Do your part Thandeka and leave the aunt to do her part,’ I remind myself. I need to continue
to kneel on my knees and do what works for me.
My heart jumps when I hear the garage door opening. He is back.

“He is here,” I say and in no time, he walks to the kitchen.

“Oh, you are back,” he says coldly without registering his aunt. He places the laptop bag on the
kitchen counter.
“That is not how you speak to your wife,” Mam Angie says. Thank God I have someone on my
back.
“Aunt Angie, when did you get here?” he asks with a smile.
“This afternoon,” she responds.
“Welcome to our new home. I was going to invite you when we are set,” he sweetly says. I miss
this part of him.
“Quite a beautiful home,” she responds. She hasn’t even seen the house. She is here for
business.

“Would you like tea or something to drink?” I ask.

“Where were you when I was driving around town…looking for you? Where were you? You are
soooo careless…what got into you?”
Do I have to answer him?

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Marriage neh?
“That is why I am here,” Mam Angie jumps in, “I figured she might need some guidance in this
new life.”
“Some things are just common sense! Common sense,” he spits.
Am I ever going to forgive him when he is back to his sense? How am I supposed to forget all of
these words he continues to tell me?

He walks out of the room and Mam Angie places her hand on my shoulder.
“It is going to be fine.”
*****
It has been a week and a half with Mam Angie around. I have lost some weight because I always
do not have an appetite. The house always smells of the herbs that Mam Angie mixes for
Gundo’s food. She boils it when Gundo wakes up. Since he refuses to eat most of the food
prepared for him, Mam Angie resorted to boiling water and let the steam fill the kitchen. She
also prepared his bath sometimes. She says it will eventually work.
I am exhausted.
When Gundo was himself, I once asked him what happened that night when I left him with
Mashudu. He said he felt like something was wrong. It was a gut feeling he couldn’t shake so he
had to ask her to leave so that he could look for me. When I asked him why he didn’t call, he
said he didn’t think of it but he was so worried and frustrated and for some reason, he had
peace that I was fine. Talk about them prayers.
Today, Mam Angie has been boiling her usual water and when she hears the garage door open
she signalized for me to leave. When I disappear, she always waits for Gundo to walk in before
she takes the lid off so that Gundo walks into a steamy room.
“Arrgggggg Aunt Angie, when are you going to stop this disgusting thing?” he yells out like he
always did the whole week.

“I am doing this for the twins,” she says, as always.

“Haayyyyy man, this thing is disgusting,” he says. I can hear his footsteps in the corridor until
the door opens.
“Hey, you are back?” I say when he closes the door.
“Will my aunt ever stop?” he asks. He is no longer as angry as a week ago. “Now the whole
house smells ridiculous.”
“Come on…it is not that bad,” I say, walking to the bathroom. “I ran you a bath.”

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“I just want to take a swim first and then take a quick shower. I had a longest day.”
“I already ran the water for you,” I say. He stares at the full bathtub.
“Fine, I’ll take an early swim.”

I walk out of the bathroom and go sit on the bed.

“This water smells funny…everything in this house smells funny,” he shouts from the bathroom.
As long as he got in the water. Mam Angie prepared the bath for him.
I always make a silent prayer whenever I get a chance.
I am so exhausted so I end up taking a nap while he baths. I am woken by a cold hand on my
face. I slowly open my eyes and find Gundo staring down at me with a smile.
“Are you okay?” he asks, genuinely.
“Uhm…I am just a little exhausted,” I say as I sit up. He sits on the bed too.

“Would you like me to give you a massage?” he asks.

“Well…not really,” I say.
“I haven’t given you a foot rub in such a long time,” he says while picking one of my legs.
“Gundo, look at me,” I say and he stares right into my eyes.
“What?” he smiles sweetly at me.

“I love you,” I say.

“I love you too Mrs Radzilani,” he says. He hasn’t said that since forever.
“Look at me?” I ask.
“What?” he stares at me for a little while. “Why are you smiling?”
He is coming back. His eyes are becoming gently once again.

“I missed you so much!”

“What?” he giggles while massaging my toes. “I was gone to work for like how long? Eight hours
nyana and you miss me?”
“It doesn’t matter how long you were gone…I missed you,” I say. He won’t understand!

INSERT 52
GUNDO

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I feel so lighter this morning! Like a huge weight is lifted off from my shoulders. Thandeka is
sleeping peacefully next to me. She looks like she needed the rest.
Is it me or she has lost some weight?
I shake off the thought and pull my gown from the stand, put it on and head to the kitchen to
get a glass of water before I start preparing for the day.
“Nooo…Aunt Angie…this is getting out of hand. What is this thing you keep boiling in my house?
My whole house is smelling like a forest.”
“I am doing this for the…”

“For the twins. I get it. But why???? What kind of exercise is this?” I ask while covering my nose.
“Sit down,” Aunt Angie says.
“Stop boiling that thing… I am going to…”
“Sit down!!”
“No…”
“Sit down Gundo!” she shouts. This is so unlike her. I pull a chair while covering my nose with
the sleeves of the gown.
“Do you think I like doing this? Do you think that I am enjoying standing in the kitchen for the
whole of two weeks? I left my life in Venda and I haven’t slept a wink,” she says. I didn’t ask her
to drop everything to come cook these things she is cooking. My twins are doing just fine – the
last time I checked – which has been a while. We need to go for check-up if I am not mistaken.
“Aunt Angie…but I did say that there is no need to do these for the twins.”
“Have you seen Thandeka sitting here since I got here? For you to believe that this is for the
babies?” she asks.
“Uhm…” Come to think of it. Thandeka spends her time in the bedroom whenever I am in the
house.
“You are getting better so I think it is time for us to chat,” she says while switching off the
stove.
“Getting better?” I ask.
Thandeka said the same thing few days ago!!!
“How is your wife doing?”
“She looks exhausted,” I say.

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“That child has seen it all,” Aunt Angie says and shakes her head. “I want you to be remorseful
to her. I want you to take care of that woman with everything in you. Do everything to win her
heart again.”
“What are you talking about?”
What does she mean I need to win her heat AGAIN?
“You haven’t been yourself for a while and I was here for two weeks, trying to brew these herbs
to bring you back to your old self,” she says. “Thandeka told me that Mashudu paid you a visit
and she threw you with something that you sniffed. She used muti on you.”
“What?” I laugh. “I don’t believe in muti and all that…no disrespect.”
“You don’t need to believe in it for it to do the job it was intended to do.”

“What?” I ask.
“You were a beast. I watched you break your wife into pieces…” she says and shakes her head.
She has never been this serious.
“I don’t understand.”
“I am going to ask you to try to drink tea with these herbs…just to cleanse yourself…you are
back to your old self but you need to drink this so that we are sure that none of the poison she
used is in you.”
“Aunt Angie…I don’t understand.”
“You won’t understand. I bet you don’t remember much…you won’t. Some memories will just
come back but … if none of it comes back…I want you to remember to honour your wife.”
“Didn’t you say you were cooking these herbs for the twins?”

“That was the only way to get you to agree…”

“What really happened? What did Mashudu do to me?”
“You turned your back on Thandeka. That was what the muti was supposed to do…you are
lucky Thandeka picked it up when it happened…or else you would have been history.”
“ohhh…”
It makes sense that I feel lighter since the beginning of the week – today I feel way too lighter. I
thought it was my imagination, but Thandeka seems offish. She doesn’t want to even get
intimate with me – making excuses about my aunt being here.

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Also, the headaches I had since the beginning of the week. I thought I was catching a flue. I
can’t argue with my aunt because I do remember the night Mashudu was here and I remember
the substance she threw at me.
Wow! This is fucked up.
Wow! I don’t even smell the disgusting herbs anymore. If it what I need to reverse what Aunt
Angie is talking about, then let it be.
“I don’t even know what to say,” I mumble.
“You don’t need to say anything. Just be grateful that you are getting well,” she says. “I am
leaving tomorrow. I have stayed here for long enough.”
She mixes some herbs with tea and puts it infront of me.

“Drink up,” she says and walks out of the kitchen.

I sit for a minute without taking the mug. How the hell am I going to drink just a disgusting
concoction?
I take a sip.
“Yuck!!!!” I yell out and take a few more sips. I can rather inhale this than to drink up.
I take the mug and walk to the living room. The house smells disgusting but I don’t care right
not. I try to take a few more sips before going up to see if Thandeka is up. I am not going to
work. Even if I force myself to go, I won’t even focus.
Thandeka is reading a bible when I walk in the room. I was not imagining things, Thandeka lost
a lot of weight. She just doesn’t look as chubby as she was on our wedding day.
“I thought you’d be gone for work,” she says with a weak smile. My heart feels so tight.
Thandeka is so so sad and drained. That smile, that perfect smile is not there. I have been so
naïve this whole time, thinking that she doesn’t want Mam Angie around, burning our kitchen.
“I thought maybe I could…take you out…” I say and she opens her eyes widely like she is
shocked.
“Uhm…are you sure? I mean, we can always go out on Saturday.”

“No, I insist.”
“Babe, I feel a little tired,” she says and I nod.
“Okay, I understand. I will work from home and when you feel a little better, you will let me
know and we can maybe go grab something to eat.”

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“Okay,” she says and smiles. I don’t even know how to bring the topic. It is written all over
Thandeka’s eyes that everything is wrong.
I don’t know what to say.
I get into a shower and get into comfortable clothes for me to work from home if I will ever
work. The kitchen is clean and smelling much better now. Mam Angie cleaned up the place.
I make a toast and tea for Thandeka. I didn’t hear her leave the bedroom so I know she hasn’t
eaten. I prepare it the way she used to love it. I haven’t done this in a very long while.
When I am done, I carry the tray to the bedroom. I stop at my tracks when I hear her praying.
“…and thank you for your protection throughout this whole ordeal. I don’t know what I would
have done if it wasn’t for your grace,” she prays while crying.
This breaks my heart. I take turn and walk back to the kitchen. I place the tray on the table and
sit on one of the chairs.
I am startled when I hear footsteps behind me.
“Hey…” I say. It is Thandeka. She sneezes a few times while walking into the kitchen.
“What are you having?” she asks.
“I wanted to bring this to you but I think the tea is cold now. I will make another one…” I say
while getting up. “I made your favourite.”
She walks to the tray and open the sandwich.
“Your babies do not want Jam anyone,” she say and walks to the other side of the table to get
the bread.

Oh! I didn’t know.

“What should I prepare for you?”
“What’s up?” she finally asks. I am shaking infront of her. I am not used to walking around on
egg shells.
“Uhm…I had a chat with Aunt Angie.”
“And…?” she asks as if a chat with Aunt Angie is supposed to be normal. The chat I had with my
aunt was not normal.
“She told me some things about…Mashudu and….”
“Oohh…” she says and walks to the fridge to pick the butter. She picks two slices of bread and
butters it while I watch.

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“Babe…did I ever hurt you?” I ask and I watch as she butters the bread in silence. “I did…didn’t
I? My aunt told me that I was a monster to you. I don’t know what was wrong with me.”
She continues to butter the bread. She reaches for the tea, tastes it and throws it in the basin. It
should be cold.
“Babe, please talk to me…”
“Gundo, I don’t want to talk about this. I am just glad that you are fine now.”
I did hurt her. I was a monster to her because if I wasn’t, she was going to confidently tell me
that she is fine.
I watch as she prepares her food. So many changes in her diet. I haven’t been a great husband
to her.

She picks her food and walks to the living room to eat and watch TV.
“Thandeka, I want us to talk,” I say.
“Talk about what?”
“Talk about everything that happened these past weeks,” I say.
“What do you want to talk about?”

“What did I say? What did I do?”

“Gundo…there is no need to dwell in that. Just focus on getting better and everything will be
fine.”
Things are not the same and I bet they will never be the same.
*****
I drive Aunt Angie to Park Station. She spent the whole morning telling me that I should make it
up to Thandeka when I can. I have been walking on egg shells since yesterday. She is avoiding to
chat to me about what really happened. I asked Aunt Angie to tell me what I did to Thandeka
and I am not proud of what I did to her. Worse part is, I also gave Thandeka a hard time infront
of Aunt Angie. I don’t know how I am going to make it up to her.
“Never…ever…allow Mashudu in your house….never again,” Aunt Angie advises.
“Yes..”
“No matter what…she must never get into your house.”

“Ofcourse.”
“Pray for your family. It is not everybody that is happy about your life…pray at all time.”

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“Yes Aunt Angie.”
“Call me if there is anything…” she says before jumping into the bus. I wave at her before
walking back to the car.
I get into a garage to get my wife flowers and Mugg & Beans muffins. I just want to make
everything up to her. From the report I got from Aunt Angie…I don’t deserve my wife.
I need to make her feel appreciated.

She is not in the kitchen when I walk in.

“Hey babe,” I say when I notice her in the living room. She is watching TV.
“Hi,” she greets back.
“I got you these,” I say while showing off a dozen of muffins and flowers.
“Thank you,” she says and stands from the couch. She takes the flowers and prepares them into
a vase.
Things are different! Very different!
I walk to our memory wall. I have pictures of our wedding day up. I spot a picture of us laughing
when we were asked to kiss. I miss this bubbly Thandeka. Not that I blame her for being quiet
right now!!! I just wish I could make things right.

She lost so much weight and it is my fault. I will never live to forgive myself.
“Would you like some muffin and tea?” she asks from the kitchen.
“Babe, please come here…”
“Huh?” she seems shocked. Was I that bad?
“Please come this side,” I say and wave my hand for her to come. She wipes her hands and
walks to me. I let her stand infront of me while I rest both my hands on her shoulder.
“Remember this shot?” I ask her while pointing at our favourite picture.
“Yeah,” I feel her body loosen up. “The photographer asked for a kiss and you kept joking,” she
says.

“It came out perfectly,” I say and she nods.

I turn her to look at me. I need my wife back and I am going to claim her back.
“Babe…I am so sorry for how I treated you these past weeks,” I say and she tries to walk away. I
pull her to stand. We need to talk.
“It is fine.”

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“No…it is not fine,” I say. “I need my wife back Thandeka. I need you back. I know I might have
said hurtful things…I don’t want to blame it on anything…I just want to apologise for how I
treated you. my aunt told me I ruined the honeymoon..” she shakes her head. “I am sorry.”
She can’t hold herself. She weeps infront of me.
“Thandeka…forgive me…” She shakes her head with tears streaming down her cheeks. “I need
my wife back…”
“I never went anywhere Gundo. I never left you.”
“What do I need to do to get us back to that moment?” I ask and point at the wedding picture.
“Just give me time,” she says. “there is a lot of things you told me these past weeks and they
need a big girl to digest them.”

“What did I say?”

“Gundo…please…” she says trying not to cry. It doesn’t work because she ends up crying sooo
hard that I feel my heart breaking into pieces.
I pull her to hug her tightly.
Oh my God! I didn’t mean to make her sad.
“Babe…I am so sorry for what happened. Can we go back to where we were before this whole
thing? Can we be happy again?” I ask while caressing her back. “I am sorry for everything….can
you forgive me?”
She lets out of the hug after what seems like forever. She cleans her eyes while walking back to
seat on the couch.
“Babe…can you forgive me?”

INSERT 53
GUNDO
Nothing is working! I tried everything I could to cheer her up but I am failing. It has been a week
and still, she is not warming up to me.
I am losing focus here. I come to work but want to run home to make sure that she is fine. I am
worried about her and I am more worried about the babies. I am glad that we are going for
check-up later during the day.
A soft knock on my office door brings me out of my thoughts.
“Come in,” I yell out while I open a few emails.

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“Mr R, do you have a minute?” he asks and I glare to my wrist watch.
“A minute,” I say. I should be leaving the office in the next fifteen minutes if I want to make it to
the doctor’s appointment.
“Okay…Mr Ndlovu wants us to profile his company but he wants us to use his own images and
material,” he says and drops a number of pictures, “I cannot work with that. I tried explaining
to him how unprofessional those pictures are. Even if we indicate on the article that images
were supplied by the owner, most people might miss that and assume that we took those
pictures for him.”
“Did he say why he doesn’t want us to do the shoot?”
“Preference! That is what he said.”
“We can’t work with these…nah…” I say while browsing the pictures.
“Please talk to him. I tried to explain to him but he seems to get impatient with me when I give
him a call.”

“Fine! I will call him.”

“Are we still taking Mrs Scotts to a golf meeting?” he asks.
“I will confirm the date,” I say. I am in no mood for these kinds of things. I am worried about my
wife and I always want to run home.”
“Alright, I’ll hear from you,” he says and leaves the office. I pack up my things to run home to
pick Thandeka for the doctor’s appointment. Mr Ndlovu can wait.
I pick my keys and push my bag to the car.
“Babe, I am home,” I yell out when I get into the kitchen. She is not in the living room or the
kitchen. I head to our bedroom. “Babe, are you okay?”
“Yeah! I was just taking a nap,” she says while sitting up. I found her sleeping. She is always
sleeping, sometimes I feel like she does so to avoid me. She disappears to the bathroom and
comes back after a few minutes.
“Should I reschedule our appointment with the doctor? Do you want to rest some more?” I ask
helplessly. I don’t know what I am supposed to do to make things better around here.
“No…I am fine. No need to reschedule,” she says while picking a dress from the closet. She puts
it on and slide her feet into her sandals. She picks her handbag and follows me to the car.
The drive to the doctor was silence, even when we were stuck in traffic. Luckily, we get to the
doctor’s practise just a few minutes before our appointment.

The nurse leads us to an empty office and lets Thandeka change into a gown.

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“How are we doing today?” the doctor asks when we are settled.
“I am fine,” Thandeka says with a forced smile.
“We are getting big, ain’t we?” the doctor asks while pressing gently on the stomach.

“Yes…and we kick a lot,” Thandeka says.

“So, is the morning sickness better than before?”
“Much better yes…”
“I told you second trimester is going to be a walk in the park. Now the third trimester is
here…you should get ready to give birth and tune yourself in.”
“Yes sir,” she says as he takes her blood pressure.
“Ah, I am just slightly worried about your blood pressure ma’am,” the doctor says while reading
from the small machine. “Are you eating healthy Mrs Radzilani?”

“I lose appetite most of the time,” she says.

“Just two and a half months to go and you will go back to your life. Hang in there,” the doctor
says and takes a seat next to the bed. He gets the ultra sound ready.
“Three months feels like a year,” she responds. I wish to be part of this chat. Even though it is
about doctor’s appointment and all…I wish for Thandeka to chat with me this way. I miss my
wife.
“So, are we getting to know the gender?” the doctor asks.
“That would be lovely,” she says and turns to look at me. I nod at her. It is about time we start
getting them stuff and we can do all that when we know the gender.
The doctor does his job and for the first time in a very long time, I see Thandeka’s genuine
smile! The doctor points at their little penises to confirm that we are having two boys.
“Boys it is,” the doctor says while printing the pics.
“Double the trouble,” I say. I am thrilled. Not that I wouldn’t be happy to have girls. I am just
happy to have boys, not to replace Khuthi but they are easier to raise… and anyway, they are
babies and I am glad to have babies.
“You can change and meet me in the front,” the doctor says and leaves the room.
The doctor gives us the next appointment date. He also gives us the forms to book a delivery
room and ward.
“Would you like to grab something at the coffee shop? Maybe muffins or ice cream?” I ask as
we leave the doctor’s room. She shakes her head. “Listen…I think we need to talk.”

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“Talk about what?” she whispers as we pass the reception.
“This whole thing about us. Are you ever going to forgive me?” I ask while we march to the car
together.
“I forgave you.”
“But it doesn’t feel like it Thandeka.”

“I asked you to give me time…thats all I ever asked from you.”

“Yes..ofcourse,” I mumble as we get into the car.
She refuses to get takeaways so I have to help her to cook something light for supper. When
she leaves for bed, I call Aunt Angie.
“I am out of ideas, right now,” I say to her. “Nothing I do or say makes her happy.”
“Give her time.”
“Please do me a favour. Please ask that friend of hers to come by to Joburg and insist to spend
time with Thandeka. I am worried about her and the doctor mentioned that she should stress
less.”
“Okay…I can talk to her.”
“Please ask her to come as soon as possible. She can stay at a lodge near us and spends time
with Thandeka during the day.”
“I will be on top of it.”
*****
I am grateful for my Aunt. She comes through for me in all ways. She spoke to Maria. Maria
showed up yesterday and Thandeka has been in a better mood. I booked her in a lodge not so
far from our house.
“Gundo…can Maria stay for the night? We want to rent movies til late…so I think it would be
safer if she stays the night.”
“Ofcourse! I have so much work to do tonight,” I say. I don’t really have work but I will make up
some work. As long as she has all the fun with her friend.
“Thank you,” I say.
“Should I get you anything?” she asks.

“Not really!”
“Will you order something to eat? Maybe I can order you pizza or…”

316
“Thanks…but there is no need.”
“Okay,” I say as I get my laptop bag. I kiss her and hurry to work.
This is tougher than I thought. She needs time and I should give her just that. I just wish that
things would get better. Even when they are not back to normal but atleast if they could get a
little better. Thandeka doesn’t want to do anything outside of the house. She doesn’t want me
to order her food. She doesn’t want to eat take-away. She doesn’t get excited if I buy her
something.
I pray that things get better! I pray.
At four, I called my wife to check up on her. Her friend is already there so I decided to join Phuti
for a few drinks to get my mind off things. When I get home at seven, they were having supper
while watching TV. I already ate and I thought Thandeka ordered food.
“Would you like me to get you guys snacks?” I ask.
“We are fine, right Maria,” Thandeka says to her friend.

“Yeah! We have enough pop corns,” Maria responds.

“Alright, I will be in the office if you need me,” I say and go to our room to change. I drag my
feet to the office. I usually do my monthly expenses recon once, if not twice a month. It helps
me to invest most of the money and to keep track of our budget.
I open the bank statements to populate the expenses.
‘Flip! This is not the correct statement,’ I thought to myself as I scroll down the statement. This
account belongs to Thandeka. I close it and move to mine. I don’t touch Thandeka’s account.
I am reconciling my expenses when I hear sobs.
“Haaw Thandeka…do you cry at the end of a movie?” I hear Maria ask and laugh. My home
office is just down the corridor and if my door is not shut, I can easily hear the noise from the
living room. kitchen. “Thandeka…is it the movie or you are crying for real?” I hear more sobs
and then a heart piercing cry. I quickly stand up and walk towards the living room. I stop on my
tracks when Thandeka started speaking.
“I have been bottling so much…and this movie just made me cry…” she says.
“Wanna talk about? That is why I am here…”
“I don’t want to be a nuisance…”
“A nuisance…to me? You can be a nuisance to me at any time. What is wrong?”

317
“I don’t know how to move on…” Thandeka says in between sobs. “He makes me so angry
when I look at him. When I remember all the things he said to my face. He told me that I was
plain stupid.”
“He was not…”
“He was not himself, I know…but where are those things coming from? What if that is how he
thinks of me but can never tell me?”
“Is it why you are looking for a job?”
Thandeka is looking for a job?
She blows her nose and continue, “I failed to count how many times he told me that he is the
only one that does everything around here while I sleep. I lost count of how many times he told
me that nonsense. You know what hurts the most? I dropped everything for him. I threw away
jobs because I had to be by his side.”
This breaks my heart.

“Have you spoken to him about this?”

“I don’t want to talk to him.”
“Remember when my Mom said communication is not old fashioned?” Maria says.
“Even if I talk to him…he is not going to erase the things he said to me…what is the use of
talking?”
“So that you can work on getting back to where you were?”
“Things will never be the same Maria…things will never be the same,” Thandeka responds and
blows her nose.

I feel like hitting a wall.

What kind of a jack was I?
“Remember when you said no man will love you the way Gundo loves you? Why don’t you hold
on to that…”
“Why am I even crying? We are having a movie party.”
“I think you should speak to Gundo about how you feel and how this whole past month
affected you.”
“Nah! I am fine.”
*****

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Now I know why Thandeka never wants to eat out again or let us go shopping. It has everything
to do with the words I told her. Words I cannot take back.
Maria left for Venda two days ago and we are back to where we were before she came. She
doesn’t speak much and she locks herself in the house when I am at work.
She is sleeping right now and her laptop is on the pedestal next to her. She was browsing
waitressing jobs!
This is painful.
I pick the laptop and place it on the table. She hears me and opens her eyes.

“Sorry…I was putting your laptop safely on the table.”

“Thank you,” she says and turns back to sleep.
“Babe… can I have a minute with you?”
“Yes?”
“I have noticed that you are looking for a job. I spoke to someone I know and he might be able
to place you in his company after your maternity leave.”
She stares blankly at me, “You shouldn’t have.”

“I thought that would make you happy.”

“The fact that you got another thing to brag about when things go wrong? You want something
to tell me…don’t you?” she snaps and I sit on the bed.
Have you ever felt so happy to be shouted at? That is how I feel right now because I miss my
wife.
“I overheard your conversation with Maria when she was here for a movie. I can’t live with
myself after hearing all the things I said…” I say and she looks away. “I don’t even know what to
say or what to do. I am so sorry Thandeka.”
“It is…”
“It is not fine. I promised to love you the way you are…I love you the way you are…I still love
you the way you are. I am grateful to have you in my life. From the first day you came into my
life…til today…I am grateful.”
“Gundo.”
“I will do anything for you to forgive me. Please. But I want to provide for you and my children. I
want to take care of you…and I want you to do whatever makes you happy. I just changed the
email address of your bank account. I don’t get to see how you use your money…”

319
“It is not about money…”
“I know. I know,” I say and take her hand, “I am helpless without you. I don’t know what to do. I
am lost Thandeka. Please give me a chance to prove myself to you. Give me a chance to be the
man I vowed to be? Please…even if you give just one chance…I will grab the opportunity with
one hand and run with it.”
She stares at me.
“You look cute when you beg,” she says and smiles.
“Cute? I am sweating here…I am trembling right now,” I say.

“We will be fine,” she says. I trust her. I should just be a little patient.
“Come…I have a surprise for you,” I say.
“What surprise.”
“It won’t be a surprise if I tell you,” I say and held out my hand to help her stand. She gets up
and we walk to the bedroom close to our room.
“What is all these?” she asks with a chuckle.
“We are going to paint the twins bedroom…”

“What? I don’t know how to paint.”

“I will teach you,” I say. “So…I suggest you go and change Mrs Radzilani.”
“Do we even know what we are painting?”
“Daddy has everything figured out,” I say and kiss her on her forehead.
“Okay…okay…I will join you,” she says and leaves for her bedroom.

Welcome back Mrs Radzilani, welcome back.

INSERT 54
THANDEKA
“And then…” Gundo says from behind and laughs.
“Stop sneaking on me,” I yell out. He walked on me dancing happily around the bedroom with
my phone on my hand.
“Care to share the good news?” he asks while pointing to the phone. It is obvious that this has
everything to do with the phone call.

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I beam at him.
“What? Did you score an interview…or something?” he asks.
“Oh… I wish.”

“What is it then?”
“Thulani and Maria are coming to Joburg tomorrow,” I say while sitting on the bed.
“Thulani and Maria?”
“Maria got a job here…and Thulani is coming by to see me,” I say. “Can he stay the weekend?”
“Ofcourse!” he says while picking his blazer from the bed. He puts in while I watch. I find myself
staring at him as he finishes getting ready for work. I missed us…and things are much better
since the day I chose to put our issues aside and focus on getting ready to give birth to my boys.
“Maybe he can help to paint the nursery, you know?” I say and laugh. Gundo and I did a
horrible job in that room. Gundo should stick to running his empire and I should stick to making
clothes.
“You had to bring that up, didn’t you?” he says with a smirk on his face. I am glad he tried. It is
the thought that counts.
“If we need to start buying furniture for the house…we need to fix the walls first,” I say with a
shrug. I know how much he wanted to paint the room perfectly.
“Okay uncle Thulani can fix my mess…it is alright,” he says and picks his laptop bag. “I will see
you later. Don’t cook. I booked us a table for dinner.”
“Okay,” I say while I receive a kiss on my forehead. I watch as he walks out of the room. Things
are a little better now since two weeks ago.

Gundo and I will be fine.

I pick my bible from the pedestal before going for my morning prayer. After my session, I pull
my gown and head for our home office. I have been putting up a scrap book for the things I
need to make for my babies. I am going to sew the curtains and bed linens for the nursery. I am
making cushions and duvets. I note down all the things I need to buy from the stores to put up
everything together.
I am so thrilled to have Maria move to Joburg for a job. She is my strength. It doesn’t matter
that she will be staying in CBD…she will be just a phone call away and I’ll have someone to
spend my Saturday with when Gundo is catching up with his boys.
I worked the whole morning until I felt so hungry. It is already noon and Gundo will be here in a
few hours. I used to refuse going out so that we can save as he initially suggested, but I am not

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winning. He told me not to mention money ever again. He asked me to let him do his job. I also
agreed to go on a baby moon for him to make-up for our honeymoon. I agreed for the sake of
peace and to show him that I am ready to move on. Gundo is trying to take us to where we
were before the whole Mashudu episode and I am grateful. Things will never be the same but
atleast, I am trying to move on and enjoy the remaining months before the boys take over my
life. I am scared about giving birth, however I know God has my back. They are going to be
healthy and we are going to be a big happy family.
I quickly get ready for Gundo to pick me up. I am so huge now and I don’t look very beautiful.
My face is recently breaking and my feet are swollen. I get into a huge knee length dress that I
made for myself last week. I am back on my sewing machine and I love it. I pick a pair of kitten
heels and wait for Gundo to arrive.
*****
I laughed when Gundo parks at Melrose Arch. He booked us a table at Fire & Ice…the hotel we
shared when agreed to be partners. I remember our agreement was after our movie date and
the next day I thought it was a dream.
Gundo and I kinda come a long way. From the days I thought he was his womaniser brothers, to
the days when I thought he was married and the days we used to sneak around his old house. I
laugh at those memories. It makes sense when Maria told me to hold to those days! He showed
me the kind of love I never thought existed. I felt loved. I saw the love right infront of me. I
witnessed it. I experienced it. That is why I chose to move on from the huge hiccup we that.
The waiter receives us and lead us to the table perfectly set for two.
“You drove me crazy the evening I brought you here…and that kiss??” he says and I blush. I
remember I was tispy and I fell asleep when he came back for me.
“You made me drink a whole bottle of wine.”
“And you liked it.”

“Ofcourse, I did,” I say and watch as the waiter places the drinks we ordered.
“You used to drive me crazy…you still do,” he says and smiles at me. “Do you remember we
used to sneak into my house so that Ciara doesn’t find us? Imagine! An old man like me
sneaking around his own house.”
“It was fun.”
“It was fun but we had to hold our breath when we hear any noise in the corridor.”
“It seems like Ciara knew…she just chose not to tell us.”

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“Ohhh…she wouldn’t have kept it to herself. She would have questioned me until I come with
the news.”
“I trust her to do that…she is such a smart kid,” I say and he smile widely. “You miss her much,
don’t you?”
“Everyday!”
“Do you want her to visit us sometimes?”
“No…no…no,” he says and drinks from his glass. “I want to focus on us and get ready for the
boys. I don’t want any destruction…plus I will see her when we go to Venda sometimes. I don’t
want to give Diana room to come back to our lives. I prefer her that far.”
He is right! We cannot always do the back and forth with his EXs. I am fed up about them. It is
just that it was once our wish to adopt her. I bet it is best we wait for her to grow up and make
her own choices. I know she will choose to be in Gundo’s life.
We order our supper and eat it over conversations about his company. I miss it there. I miss the
few people I knew but I choose to keep my distance. I don’t want to be hands on like how Diana
was. I don’t even want a job there. I want to be independent without depending on Gundo. I
want to own my own things.
“I saw your scrapbook,” he says while cutting a piece of his steak.
“Oh…I am just putting up things I want to make for the twins.”

“Make or buy?”
“Make!”
“You want to make all those things?” he asks, his brows arched.
“Yes! I want to personalise everything. I was going to ask you to take me fabric shopping…but I
will go with Maria because it takes time and needs some patience,” I say.
“You are going to make those pillows cases I saw on the pictures?”
“The pillows cases are the easiest,” I say with a chuckle and he nods. He looks impressed.
I ask to pack away the rest of my supper so that I leave space for dessert. We only leave the
hotel after eight and at this time, I am exhausted.
I head for the bed when we get home. Gundo goes around the house, putting away things and
switching off the lights. Our nanny is coming next week and he won’t have to do these little
errands around the house before bed.

He walks into the bedroom with my scrapbook.

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“What are you doing with that?” I ask.
“I can’t get enough of these things,” he says while pointing at the nursery décor items. I want
the best for my babies and Gundo’s money is readily waiting to make it happen. I want their
room to be peaceful, which is why I am going to ask Thulani to repaint it when he gets here.
“It is going to be beautiful.”
“Why don’t you start your own baby line for things like these?” he asks while paging through
the rest of the book. "I mean if you are going to personalise all these things…imagine how many
parents are going to want something similar to this with their kiddies names on them? I can get
you Bab Nqcobo to come around and do a shoot when the nursery is ready…and you can blog
about it. I bet you, you are going to get people interested.”
“I think…you are on something…”
“Make these…” he points at the pictures, “… and see how everything comes up. You might be
opening a baby boutique soon.”
“I like that,” I say while nodding my head. “I like the sound of that.”
*****
“I just got here and you are already giving me a job?” Thulani mumbles as he follows me to the
nursery.
“I just want to show you…you will work on it on Sunday,” I say while opening the door.
“What the hell happened here?” he asks while walking in and I cnt help but laugh loudly.
“Gundo and I were trying to be creative…”
“Tjjeeeeerrrrr…” he says and whistles. He is being dramatic. It isn’t that bad.

“It isn’t that bad Thulani…stop exaggerating.”

“No…it is bad. Very very bad.”
“Can you fix this?”
“Ofcourse!”
“We needed to do this painting,” I say while showing him a picture of the rainbow and blue
clouds. He laughs loudly. “Dude!!! Stop laughing.”
“You two suck at this,” he says while inspecting the drawing and what we painted. I agree – we
are horrible.
“Can you fix the walls?”

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“I’ll do it,” he says and places the picture on the table which is in the corner of the room.
“You are going to be the best uncle ever!!!!”
“I guess,” he says with a smirk on his face. My brother is becoming softer than he was. I can
even tell that he hasn’t touched alcohol since the last time I saw him. He is also gaining his
weight back.
“Do you ever dream of having your own family? Like a wife and kids?” I ask while leading the
way out of the room, to the living room.
“Eish!! That is the last thing on my mind,” he responds.
“What about Zizipho?” I ask and he clicks his tongue. He doesn’t like it when I mention her
name and forcing it out of him will just piss him off. “Okay…what about Maria?”

“What about Maria?” he asks. He is standing and staring at me. I shrug at him.
“Are you guys not an item?” I ask and he shakes his head. Case closed! I know there is
something between them. Maria will soon come out with the news.
Gundo and Thulani are good friends. They spent the whole Friday evening chatting up about
construction and soccer. I even retired to bed while they catch up. It is nine o’clock and they are
both still sleeping.
I prepare breakfast with the hope of waking them up when I am done. It takes me a few
minutes for me to prepare a feast of a breakfast – a feast I won’t even enjoy. I hate the smell of
bacon and eggs makes things worse. I didn’t need to wake them up because they both invited
themselves to the dining room – it must be the smell of the food.

“Any plans for the day?” I ask. “I might go fabric shopping with Maria later when she arrives.”
“I have to make a turn at the office…I should be back before two ocklock though,” Gundo says
while dishing the eggs for himself.
“I will be painting the room,” Thulani says with a smile. He hasn’t wiped that smile away since
last night when we told him we are having twins. His eyes lit up when I told him he is going to
be an uncle to two boys. It felt like he wishes for one.
Gundo leaves for the office after breakfast and Thulani starts with his task. Maria walks in just
after I was done getting ready for shopping.
“Do you want to eat something before we leave?” I ask as she walks into the kitchen.
“Where is Thulani?” she asks and I smile. these two are hiding something.
“I ask you if you need food and you ask me about Thulani?” I ask. I yell out for Thulani to show
himself.

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“Why are you yelling?” he asks while walking into the kitchen. “Ohhh…Maria…you are here?”
Is that a smirk on his face.
“Why are you on overalls? You got here yesterday…”

“Just painting the kiddies room,” he responds.

“Are you guys dating?” I ask with my hands on my chest. Thulani shakes his head and walks out
of the kitchen. “What are you guys hiding? We can all see it by the way.”
“You are crazy!” Thulani yells from the corridor.
“Maria? Are we keeping secrets?” I ask and she rolls her eyes.
Fine! I will catch them someday.
Maria picks a mug from the cupboard and makes herself tea. I grab a bottle of water and seat
on the opposite side of the table – watching her fix a sandwich for herself.

“You know I am happy for you and Thulani?” I say after sipping my water.
“What are you on about?” she asks with a shrug!
“If there was nothing between you…what is he doing here?” I ask. “I know he is not here to see
me. He is my brother. I know how he thinks. No matter how much he loves me…he wouldn’t
just come here to spend a weekend with me and my husband. I know he wanted to see to it
that you arrived safely.”
She clears her throat, stares at the corridor before sitting on the chair next to me.
“Didn’t he tell you why he is here?” she asks.
“He is here because of you…”
“On a serious note…didn’t he say anything?” she asks, her voice a little lower.

“Nooo…is there something I should know?”

“I thought he spoke to you last night. He promised to speak to you last night.”
“What is going on?” I ask. “Please tell me… I won’t tell him anything.”
She stares at her tea and then back at me and say, “He came here so that he can go to Soweto
to track down some of your family members.”
“What?”
“He said he wants to go to your old house in Soweto to see who stays there. He said that he
wants to make peace with everyone.”

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“I don’t know what to think…” I say after a minute. I thought we both wanted to keep them
away from us. “I don’t think I am ready to welcome them back into my life. He can’t betray me
like that.”
“He is lonely Thandeka… Thulani is lonely. Atleast you have Gundo and in two months you are
going to have your babies aswell. He has no one… I tried to be there for him but Thulani is
lonely.”
Wow!
“Let him do this…and when you are ready to forgive…you will also do it when you are ready. He
needs this and you need this too.”
I shake my head. I don’t need this.
“Okay fine! If you don’t want to do this…then let him do it. He needs it.”

“Hey Thandeka…do you have more blue paint?” Thulani walks towards us.
“Uhm…no…” I say. He caught me off guard…I was still processing these news. I don’t believe
Thulani wants to dig the past. I thought we agreed to do this together.
“Maria…you told her, didn’t you?” he asks and dart his eyes between the two of us. I might
have given him the clue.
“I didn’t think you would want to dig the past. Are you sure you want to meet them?”
“We are going to meet them.”
“You and who?”
“You are coming with me. I think we need to do this Thandeka.”

“No… I am not ready to do so.”

“Okay, then I’ll do it myself.”
“Why now? Why now? After so many years of struggling.”
“Because I want to have a family too…I need my children to belong somewhere,” he says with
his eyes on Maria.
“What? Are you pregnant?” I ask with my eyes on Maria.

“Nooooooo…” Maria yells out.

“I am just telling you that things are different for me. Your children have Gundo’s family. And
one day…I want the same…so I need to do this now…don’t be selfish!”
He is serious. He is dead serious.

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“Okay…okay!” I say with my hands in the air. He is right! I need to stop being selfish. Maria is
right too! I have Gundo and soon, I will have more little people too.
“Thanks,” he mumbles.
“So, are you guys????????” I ask.
“Nooooo…” they both say in unicorn. Thulani walks out of the room and Maria gets up from the
chair and walks to the basin to put the mug away.

Yeah right!!

INSERT 55
THANDEKA
I think I am happy. No – I am actually happy.
My friend moved to Johannesburg and my husband loves me way better than before. Thulani
left Johannesburg after meeting one of our uncles who is now staying in Orlando East. He
promised to call us when he has gathered the other family members for a meeting. I am fine
with whatever happens. Like Thulani said, I don’t really need them as I have my own family. I
know I need to forgive and forget but that can wait until I give birth. Right now, at this moment,
I just want to enjoy myself and get ready for the birth of my sons. We are just three weeks away
and Gundo is forcing us into a babymoon to make-up for the honeymoon.
He is driving us to Mongena Private Game Lodge because it is the furthest I can travel to. It is
going to take us an hour and a half to get there.
Gundo is driving with his hand on mine. He keeps stealing glances of me now and then; and
always smiles when I glance back at him.
“You are going to make a great mother, do you know that?” he says and turns his focus back on
the road.
“Thank you…” I mumble, “But I am scared.”
“Why? I’ll be by your side throughout the whole journey,” he says and squeezes my hand.
“What are you scared of?”
“Nothing…I am just worried…”
“Do not worry about a thing,” he says and I truly believe him. “Remember I already took a week
off towards delivery date…I will be by your side through it all.”

“Yeah!”

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“Are you going to need me to call Aunt Angie to help you for a few weeks after you give birth?”
he asks and I turn to him. “We spoke about this…you are not going to Venda after giving birth.
And if Aunt Angie thinks I won’t be able to keep myself away from you…you are allowed to lock
your room.”
“I also don’t want to go to Venda…so I guess she can come for just two weeks…and the nanny
will help me aswell,” I say. Our helper started last week and so far so good. Maybe it is because
there is nothing much to do in the house. I cook supper for my husband and since I am always
up before he goes to work, Gundo prepares breakfast for the both of us – that is our way to
bond and catch up as I sleep early these days.
We turn into the beautiful lodge.
“We are here,” Gundo says as he pulls up at the parking lot. “Nothing like the Gorge but this will
do.”
“It is perfect,” I say while getting off.
Ohhh! The air is fresh – nothing like what we have in Johannesburg. We are here for a weekend
and I am going to love it!!!!
A gentleman rushes to our car to assist with the bags. Gundo picks his huge luggage bag while
the man grabs my bag.
“Leave this one in the car,” Gundo says while pointing at my hospital bag. He helped me pack a
hospital bag, jusssttttt incase. He is a planner.
“Right this way,” the gentleman say while leading the way to the reception area. We checked in
and retire to our beautiful huge room.
Gundo walks to the corner of the room to open the sliding door. We have the view of the game
reserve.
“Would you like something to eat?” he asks while taking off his sneakers.
“No… I just need to pee,” I say as I rush to the toilet. This has become my life – toilet and food.
I drag my feet back to the bedroom afterwards. Gundo is lying on the bed, staring at me. He
looks sexy in his shorts but I am too exhausted to initiate a dance. And anyway, my hormones
are playing games with me. Sometimes I want to sleep with him…sometime I don’t want. Since
Aunt Angie gave us a thumbs up to dance, we have done it just a few times. Sometimes I feel
bad for starving him but what am I supposed to do? I feel like a hippo! I am a hippo! I don’t
have energy for anything. I am even worried that I might not be up for the activities that Gundo
booked us for.

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“I think I am ready for lunch,” I say. Trying to run away from him initiating sex or anything
related to it. Things are worse because I can’t even stick his thing into my mouth without
vomiting.
“I thought we would…”
“I am exhausted Gundo. We just got here,” I say.
“You are right,” he says and stands from the bed. He puts on the sneakers and leads the way to
the restaurant.
It is just a few of us. I love the view more than everything else. I think I am more like Gundo – I
am into nature and all that stuff.
“I miss you,” he says and takes my hand. I know exactly what he means and I think this is the
only reason we are on vacation. Why can’t I be like other women? Why can’t I always be horny?

“Gundo…”
“Aint you feeling fine? Are you sick?” he asks. Those are my daily excuses.
“I don’t know what is wrong with me,” I mumble.
“No…I understand. Don’t stress,” he says focused on the drink he ordered.
*****
He doesn’t understand because in the evening, he kept pulling me closer to him. He wakes me
up in the middle of the night. There is no running away from him so I turn to face him.

“Are you awake?” he asks.

Ofcourse! He woke me up, didn’t he?
“Yeah!” I mumble.
“Baby…I miss you so much,” he says while sliding his hands into my night dress. I close my eyes
at his touch. I am in no mood but it has to be done. He caress my boobs with me trying so hard
to breathe and not swear at him.
What is this thing they teach you when you get married? You have to dish it to him at all times.
They should have said I can take some time off now that I am pregnant until I give birth.
He takes the night dress off, letting the breeze pierce my skin. He reach for my underwear and
it is already soaking wet. How? I don’t know.
“You are ready for me, ain’t you?” he asks while gently helping me to the edge of the bed. I
flinch when he rubs between my thighs. He lifts his head and stares at me. “You don’t want, do
you?”

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“Gundo!”
“What? What is wrong?”
“I am just not in the mood.”
“You are never in the mood Thandeka and in three weeks you are going to give birth…and I
have to wait for another few months for you to heal…and…” he says and gets up from the bed,
“You know what? It’s okay!”

He is defeated.
“It is not okay and I know it…we can try again…”
“What is the point? Why would I force you into doing something you don’t want to do? How do
you think I will enjoy myself…knowing very well that you are hating each and every second of
it?”
“Where are you going?” I ask because he is putting on his clothes.
“To get some air. I think I’ll just work on some reports.”
“I thought you said no work this weekend.”
“Babe…what do you honestly want me to do? I can’t sleep next to you without wanting to get
inside of you. I understand that you are exhausted and feeling sick…whatever…so let me just
take a walk to tire myself to bed.”
What do I say? I don’t have a solution to this issue. My hormones are playing tricks on me.

“Are you going to hook up with someone?” I ask.

“Hook up with someone? Babe…are you out of your mind?”
“You want sex, I don’t give you sex…and now you want to take a walk?” I ask. I know I sound
crazy…but it is good to know.
“You know the answer to that,” he says while putting on the slippers.
“What if I get sick while you are out there at night? Huh?” I ask and he shakes his head with a
smile on his face.
“I’ll take a shower instead,” he says while taking his clothes off. I know it is going to be a cold
one.
He disappears to the bathroom and I doze off.
Gundo says I am punishing him for making me pregnant. I think, these few months have been
the only time I enjoyed being pregnant. Before then, it was just horrific for me. I had no time
for cravings or those useless things that pregnant women go through. I had Mashudu to deal

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with. Now my cravings are uncontrollable and my hormones are the worst. Gundo is always by
my side, ready to run to feed my craving or fulfil anything I want.
He ordered breakfast for me and the two trays are filled with everything and anything I might
want to eat. I have been feasting on the pancakes and bacon.
“What do you want to do today?” he asks.
“I am exhausted…I just want to sleep the whole day.”

“I knew it!”
“What?” I ask.
“I knew you would want to sleep the whole Saturday…so I loaded this USB with movies,” he
says while showing off a memory stick. Phewww!!!! I thought he would be disappointment
because he was looking forward to explore this place with me.
He puts on one of Madea’s movies. No matter how many times we watch these movies…we still
laugh at our favourite scenes.
“Babe…please be honest with me, right?” he asks after pausing the TV.
“Yeah!”
“You not wanting sex…does it have anything to do with Mashudu and what we went through?”
“No!” I say. “It has nothing to do with anything we went through…I am just not in the mood
always…and my back hurts…and I feel bloated and heart burn threatens to show up every
minute of the day…”
“I get it.”

“You shouldn’t have made me pregnant,” I say with a chuckle.

“Don’t say that when you owe me ninety eight babies,” he says and kisses the back of my hand.
I am loved.
*****
Gundo shouldn’t have wasted money on this babymoon. I mean, I slept half of the weekend. He
doesn’t seem to be bothered by it though. Out of all things here, I wanted a massage but
Gundo kept brushing my idea away. Does he know what my body feels like?
“Why are you driving so slow?” I ask. We checked out two hours ago and he is taking his time
driving back home.
“I am driving slow?” he asks while placing his phone back on the arm rest.

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“Yes…and what is on that phone?”
“I was just checking if Phuti sent an email I have been waiting for,” he says and his phone
beeps. He picks it, read the message and places the phone down. “I just got my email.”
He starts driving normal until we get home. He parks the car by the drive way, text on his phone
and hurry to my door.
“Let me help you Mrs Radzilani,” he says after opening the door.

“What?” I chuckle. “Why are you being nice?”

“Are you saying that I am not nice?” he asks while helping me out. “I will come back for the
bags.”
He walks to the house while holding my hand.
“Surprise!!!!!!!!” the ladies say calmly before laughing. Thank God they didn’t yell out the
‘surprise’ song or else I would have peed on myself.
“What are you guys doing here?” I yell while laughing.
“Thandeka look at you,” Bev says while giggling. She walks up to me and hugs me. Boitumelo
hugs me after her, followed by Maria and then Zizipho. These are the only ladies that have my
back.
“When did you get here?” I ask Bev while following everyone to the dining room.
“Ohh…WOW!..you guys.”
They changed my dining room into something out of this world. Balloons are floating up to our
ceiling and the table is filled with all sorts of food.
“Ladies, you will call me when you are done,” Gundo says.

“So, this is an email from Phuti?” I ask and pout, waiting for an answer.
“Yes!!!” he says with a laugh and disappears.
I don’t believe this.
“Boitumelo and I flew in this morning…we had to ask hubby to delay your arrival because we
were still setting up.”
“Now it makes sense why he was driving like a leaner,” I say.
“How was the babymoon…did you get some some?” Zizipho asks. Maria doesn’t seem pleased
by the question. Oohh konje Zizipho once blue ticked Thulani after their date… and Maria and
Thulani have something going on – story for another day.
“Guys!!!! I don’t have the appetite,” I whisper – just incase Gundo is still in the house.

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“No sisi…you are going to give it to him…” Boitumelo says.
“Do you know how sick that makes me?”
“I know someone who made another girl pregnant while his wife was also pregnant…they say
their blood is hot and…”
“And why are we telling Thandeka all these?” Maria interrupts Zizipho. “I think Gundo
understands…and after what they have been through…Gundo wouldn’t dare.”
“What have you been through?” Bev asks. I didn’t tell any of them about Mashudu – it wasn’t
necessary.
“I was just not fine throughout the pregnancy….yeah…but I am fine now,” I say and Maria nods.
“Can we eat first? I am starving.”

“Yes…yes…”Bev says while standing up to help me dish up.

“So, Mrs Radzilani, your husband is buying you everything you need for the baby so…”
“How do you know?” I ask Bev.
“Because when I asked what your wishlist for the babies is, he sent me a screenshot of things
that are on his Takealot cart…he picked everything that you are going to need…and Maria said
you are busy sewing things for the nursery…we thought we should just spend a day with you.
Sooooo…we hired a mobile spa,” Bev says.
“No wonder Gundo didn’t want me to go a spa.”
“Yes! We booked a mobile spa for all of us and got you this clothing voucher!” Maria puts a
voucher infront of me.
“Thank you my ladies,” I say.

“We had to get just a voucher… He insisted to get everything for the babies.”
“He is a great father,” I respond. He really is.
*****
I spent the whole week telling Gundo how blessed I am to have the girls and him in my life. I
had so much fun on my mini baby shower. It was smaller than the bridal shower – it takes the
cup. I also spent the whole week shopping for clothes online. Thank God there is that option. I
am due in two weeks but it feels like I can pop at any time.
Ohhh, everything that Gundo ordered for the babies were delivered this morning. The nursery
is full now.
“I am glad everything is delivered now. I will set up everything this weekend,” he says.

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“Babe…the girls were telling me that you didn’t want to give them a chance to choose
somethings to buy,” I respond while getting on the bed.
“Yeah! I had to get everything myself…” he responds while putting away his phone.
“They are trust funds kids…ain’t they?” I joke.
“The thing is…after Mashudu’s episode…I don’t trust anyone…and Thandeka, I don’t want you
to just trust anybody with our babies,” he sternly says. I nod. I know what he means. “So, I
wanted to get them everything…so that I know that it comes from us...from deep down our
hearts as their parents.”
“Yeah…I understand…” I say.
I turn my side lamp off. Gundo turns his side lamp too and slides closer to me.
“Babe…do you want to…” he asks while sliding his hand under my night dress. I cannot sleep
naked recently.
“Babe…I am not…”
“Feeling well?” he finishes my sentence. “Story of my life.”
“WHAATTTT???” I shoot up and sit up.
“How long are…”
“My water just broke,” I say while reaching for the side lamp. Gundo jumps out of bed and
inspects the bed. My night dress is wet.

“Uhm…are you feeling any pain?” he asks while putting on his clothes.
“Not really…” I say. “Relax Gundo…”
“Relax? Are you kidding me?” he asks in the most panicked tone. He picks a t-shirt dress and
passes it to me.
“I need to shower first Gundo.”
“Shower?” he asks, his eyes zoomed at me. “Your water just broke.”
“I feel fine…” I say while getting up.

Gundo sits on the bed to tie his sneakers.

“Awwwwww!!!” I yell out to a sharp pain. I didn’t mean to be dramatic. The pain was sharp and
unexpected.
“Thandeka…lets go,” Gundo yells back while grabbing the hospital bag from the closet.

335
“Fine!!” I say while putting on the dress he picked for me. I slide my feet into the slippers and
put on the gown. I don’t even have a bra on but I am already following Gundo to the car.

INSERT 56
GUNDO

“Can you please stop yelling at me?” Thandeka says sharply.

“But I am not yelling,” I respond with a shrug.
“You are yelling…” she responds while rubbing her tummy.
“Sorry…but I am not yelling at you,” I say. I am just a bit nervous. Mostly because the doctor
mentioned that we should always be ready to rush to the hospital because Thandeka had a
little issue with high-blood pressure. She seems to be relaxed and I don’t think the contractions
are that bad – if they are ever there.
I hate not having control over things.
“If you don’t stay calm…you are going to make me panic,” she says.
“Okay…sorry…” I say as I stop by the red light. I already called the doctor and he told me the
nurses should be able to assist us. I don’t want the nurses to assist us – I want him to assist us.
“Do you know that they might turn us at the hospital…or I am going to stay there for the whole
night?”
“It is always best to be sure!” I sternly say. I am not going to ignore things and later regret not
taking actions. “Are you in pain?”

“Do I look like I am in pain?” she asks.

“Thandeka…I don’t know. You might be putting on a strong face or what-not. This is not the
time to act strong. If you are not fine, can you let me know?” I ask, my voice so sharp. I focus on
the road but I am disturbed by Thandeka sniffing tears away. “Babe, are you crying?”
Oh Lord!
“No…” she says while wiping the tears away.
“Are you fine or are you not fine?” I ask, trying to be calm. I am just trying to help. I know I am
failing but I am just trying. She cannot expect to sit at home when her water just broke. I don’t
care what the books say. She rather stayS in hospital and I will settle the bill.

336
“I am fine,” she responds boldly and I drive in silence. Maybe I am too nervous – I should just
shut the hell up. I make at a turn at the hospital and find a parking near the entrance door. I
pick my wallet and rush to open Thandeka’s door.
“Are you okay?” I ask as she stays on her seat. She is supposed to be getting up.
“I am just scared,” she says – her voice breaking. “The last time I was giving birth…”
Ohh! Dammit! I completely forgot about her experience with child birth.

I pull her to stand so that I can give her an assuring hug.

“I heard you pray for these children each and every night…they are going to be fine. I prayed for
them too. God heard us, alright?” I ask and she nods. “You did your part remember? You
carried them for so long… now it is time for God to do his job. And your handsome husband is
by your side.”

“Handsome husband huh?” she mumbles and thereafter chuckles.

“You told me I am handsome…unless you just were being nice,” I say while letting go of her. I
get to the boot to get the hospital bed. Our hospital bag is a huge travelling luggage. Clothes,
blankets and all sorts of necessary things – double of each item.
The nurse leads us to the delivery room. They say a person can wait for half a day after their
water breaks but we cannot risk it when Thandeka has a child birth history. I am glad I was right
to rush her here and thank God I was calm enough not to cause a scene at the reception. I have
a tendency of getting loud when things are not going my way.
Thandeka is lying on the bed. She changed into a blue hospital gown. I don’t know what the fuss
about the bra was…because she was going to take it off anyway.
“And you just had to spread those legs…didn’t you?” I say the moment the nurse walks out of
the room. She is butt naked under that gown and she know how much starved I am.
“Whaaattt??? It feels good to lie like this,” she says and sticks her tongue out. I shake my head.
She has no idea how painful it is to be starved.
I snap a picture of her. She has this little wires stuck on her stomach to check the babies heart
rate. She is not really in pain – just now and then…she gets a little uncomfortable.
This reminds me of Ciara. I was so ecstatic that day. I was the happiest man on earth when she
was born. Khuthi was already older and I was in need of another baby. Diana gave birth to the
most beautiful baby…and it hurts that she is not mine. It hurts that she might never be part of
my life in anyway.
I feel the same today! Or let me say – double joy? I cannot wait to meet our precious son! Two
down and ninety eight to go.

337
The machine makes a beeping sound.
“What is that?” I ask and Thandeka shakes her head.
“I don’t know.”
“Why is the red light flickering?” I ask. I think I am starting to panic. I reach for the button to call
in the nurse – she said we must call her if we need anything.

“Did you buzz me?” she asks just a minute later.

“The machine beeped and there is that red light flickering,” I say, pointing at the machine. She
hurries to the little machine and pick the report it was busy printing out. She inspects the report
and slightly shakes her head.
“Uhm…there is…” she says and drops the report. “I will call the doctor.”
“What is going on?” I ask.
“There is a slight change in the heart rate…” she says and quickly adds, “Babies' heart rates do
dip and rise throughout the course of labor…so don’t worry much. I just want the doctor to
make sure that everything is fine.”
She rushes out of the room before I could ask some more.
Thandeka blankly stares at me. I swallow hard. I don’t know what to say.
“You see why I was scared?” she says. Fear is written all over her face. “Please pass me my
phone.”
I pick her phone from the table and give it to her. She calls Maria’s mother – I know for sure she
is going to pray until the minute we tell her that everything went well. Thandeka is on the
phone, nodding with tears falling down her cheeks. I am still standing in the middle of the
room. I am shit scared.
The doctor walks in. He inspects the reports and wheels the scanner which was in the corner of
the room. He runs the scans and tells the nurse to call our Gynaecologist.
“It will be best that we do the emergency C-section. You don’t have to worry much… I am just
concerned about the heart rate. See, you might have been in labour for long without knowing
and the babies do get exhausted and all…and here Baby A is not positioned right at this
minute…so he is closing the way for baby B. But don’t stress…don’t stress,” he says and walks
out.
Don’t stress?
He is a doctor – that I know – but what does he mean don’t stress? How do I keep calm when I
know giving birth is a risk to both the babies and the mother?

338
The other nurse walks in with injections and some kits.
“We just want to shave her and prepare her for theatre,” she says. This one is my mother’s age.
She places her items on the table. “You know what you can do? Go down to the cafeteria…get
yourself a cup of tea…take a ten minutes’ walk and come back. You will be fine.”
I must be looking like hell for her to tell me that. She nods at me and Thandeka does the same.
Maybe they are right! I need to calm down!
I need a smoke!
Hell! I don’t even smoke but I am craving for one.
I hurry to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee instead. I pick it from the waitress and walk
outside to get some air. I don’t know what to think. I don’t even know what to say to God – I
prayed every day.

“Please keep my wife safe,” I mumble a prayer. “…and my boys.”

It is almost Winter. It is a chilly out here and extremely dark. I finish my coffee, throw the paper
cup to the bin next to the bench and hurry upstairs to the delivery room.
I think I am calmer now. I think I am good enough to be my wife’s strength – no matter what
happens.
“Right on time Sir,” the older nurse says. “Put on the scrubs. We are set for theatre.”
I pick the blue kit and put it on while the nurse covers Thandeka hair.
“You look like a doctor,” Thandeka says with a beautiful smile.
“Like that Mulatshawe doctor you love so much?” I ask and her smile turns into a blush. Trust a
book character to make my wife smile in pain.

“They are ready for us,” a younger nurse says while walking into the room.
“Are you fine?” I ask my wife. She seems relaxed, even though I can trace fear in her eyes.
“I am alright,” she says.
The nurses push her bed to the theatre. The room is filled with a million nurses and doctors.
Like it if full of people going up and down. Our gynae is also here, ready to do his job.
“Mrs Radzilani, we are going to give you an epidural. Are you ready?” one of the doctors asks. I
am standing and watching them do their job.
I keep taking pictures and videos just to keep myself busy and not to stress much. After a little
while, Thandeka is lying on the bed and they are putting the sheet for us not to see how they
are doing their job.

339
“Keep chatting…she won’t feel anything,” one of the doctors says with a smile.
How do all these people stay calm and collected?
“Are you okay?” Thandeka asks me. I should be the one asking her just that. But then again – I
am shaking.
“I am okay. I just can’t wait to meet the boys,” I say with a smile. I have to be strong for her
remember? I watch as Thandeka swallows hard. She closes her eyes and sighs deeply.

“I also can’t wait.”

“What do you want me to get you when we get out of here?” I ask, trying to get her mind away
from what she might be thinking.
“I want a tub of ice cream,” she says with a weak smile.
“Tin roof, right?”
“Or blueberry,” she says.
“I’ll get you both.”
We are disturbed by a loud cry from one baby. Thandeka and I exchange looks. By the time the
second cry feels the room, my wife’s face is filled with tears.
The doctors are discussing and working. I have Thandeka’s hand as we wait for them to finish
their job.
“And here Mr and Mrs Radzilani…meet your sons.” The two nurses walk to us with the babies.
“They look like you Gundo,” Thandeka says in between sobs. They do look like me…or not…I
don’t know. I am just glad to meet them. The nurse places one baby in my arms. I show the
baby off to Thandeka. Oh shame man – my wife is in tears.
“They are so beautiful,” she says as I place the baby on her chest. They place the other twin on
her chest so we could take a family picture.
“Okay, we are taking them in for tests,” the doctor says as he continues to stitch Thandeka.
“Are they fine? The heart rate and all?” I ask.
“Yes! They seem fine…but the tests will give us a clear indication. The thing is…labour does
stress babies as much as it does the parents.”
“I hope all is well,” I say before I watch as they wheel the babies away.
When they are done, they run some tests on Thandeka before she is taken to her ward. I
booked for a private ward so that I can stay as long as I want without disturbing anyone.

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“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Yes.” She nods with a perfect smile – so angelic.
*****
Trust Dzuvha Florist to pack a perfect bouquet of flowers in just a few hours. I don’t know how
they did it but a basket of fruits and flowers arrived a few minutes ago. I came back home in the
early hours of the morning, ordered a fruit basket and flowers to take to the hospital in the
morning.
It doesn’t matter that I woke up after ten. I was exhausted since I stayed up the whole night.
The doctor told me to give Thandeka and the babies some time to rest but I can’t wait
anymore. At ten thirty, I am done getting ready to leave for the hospital.
Dammit! My phone is dead! I forgot to charge it last night. I am sure everyone is trying to call
asking if I can send pictures of the babies. I am only going to share the pictures today after
capturing decent ones.
I grab the flower and the fruit basket before rushing to the car. I am a happy man today.
I reverse out of the gate and drive straight to the hospital. Eish I am too excited and I am not
thinking straight – I forgot to grab my charger from my laptop bag.
My sons are so beautiful. The baby room is just by the entrance to the maternity section. They
are inside the incubators but they look so peaceful and perfectly fine.
“Thank you God for my family,” I mumble as I walk past the glass room to Thandeka’s room.
Fathers are given access to the wards without taking visiting hours into consideration – what a
privilege.
I softly knock on the door before opening it. I am welcomed by an empty bed. I place the basket
on the table and walk to the small bathroom in the ward.
“Thandeka?” She is also not here.
I walk back to the entrance to check with the nurses at the reception. I didn’t talk to them after
getting access from the security guy.
“Sorry…where is my wife?” I ask.
“Who is your wife Sir?”
“Thandeka Radzilani?” I say as if they are supposed to know. “Room number 42.” The nurses
exchanges glances without saying anything to me. “Where is my wife?”
“The doctor…”

“What is so difficult? Where is my wife?” my voice is loud and trembling by now.

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The security guy walks up to me, “Sir, please keep your voice down…”
“Don’t tell me to keep my voice down.”
“See the sign over there?” he points to the wall. “Keep your voice down.”
“That is the last thing I care about right now. Where is my wife?” I can be loud sometimes but I
don’t give a damn about how fucking loud or low my voice is.
“We were trying to call you…there was a….,” one nurse tries to say but my head is already
spinning and I can feel my body getting cold instantly.
I walk to the closest bench and throw myself on it.

INSERT 57 (not edited)

GUNDO

This is not how I imagined things to be like. This is not how I imagined my boys coming home.
They are sleeping peacefully in Aunt Angie’s and my mother’s arms. I was driving as slow as I
could – I feel like keeping them safe from any pain that might threaten to harm them. I want to
protect them from the world. I want to protect them from everything.

I get home and park in the garage.

“They are sleeping peacefully…” Mom comments as she tries to get out of the car.
“Do you need help?” I ask.
“I am fine…get the bags from the boot,” she responds.
Aunt Angie and Mom, proceed to the room that I put together this past week. I had bought
everything needed in the nursery but I needed to set it up since the twins arrived two weeks
earlier than their initial delivery date.
I follow behind but turn to my bedroom. I throw the bag on the door way and take a seat on
the bed. I hear the mumbles between my aunt and the helper…and thereafter footsteps away
from the nursery. I take off my jacket, hang it in the closest before walking to the twins’ room.
They are sleeping peacefully. I wish I could sleep like them. So peaceful – without the care in
the world. What I wished for them was to have their mother put them to bed with me.
The bedding that Thandeka made for them is so perfect! It makes me miss her so much. My
wife! The love of my life.

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I slightly close their door without making noise and go to my room. I sit back on the bed and
stare at the laptop which is on top of the pedestal. I am even scared to open it. I haven’t been
to the office for a good week and I bet there is a lot I need to handle.
I changed into comfortable clothes and pick my laptop. My empire cannot crumble too.
“No…no…no…” Aunt Angie says when she sees me. “I thought you were sleeping. I told you to
rest Gundo Radzilani.”
“I just need to check a few emails,” I say while dragging my feet to the office.
“You haven’t slept since I came here. You need to sleep. These children need you right now,”
she says while following behind me.
“I just need to…”

“No!” she says while grabbing the laptop.

“Gundo! Your aunt is right…” my mother says from the end of the corridor. Why does it seem
like these two women are ganging up on me.
“Have a warm meal and retire to bed. Everything will be fine,” my aunt says and grabs the
laptop. Ofcourse I let her take it. They are both right at the end of the day. I haven’t slept well
since the boys were born and I should appreciate their assistance.
I watch as my aunt closes the office door and walk back to the kitchen. I follow her and grab a
table beside my mother. Vho Mavis – our helper is finishing preparing the food.
Imagine! I am surrounded by old ladies. How crazy! I don’t even have the energy to call a few
friends for a glass of beer. I don’t have the energy at all.
“Your wife did a great job with the nursery,” Mom says with a smile. We hardly talk and
sometimes it is weird to have a conversation with her. Aunt Angie is my main person! She
raised me in my mother’s absence.
“She did! I watched her do all those things…it made her happy,” I say.
“She is talented,” she responded. “Your father is arriving tomorrow. He called me earlier.”
“Thandeka’s sister is also coming tomorrow…maybe they drive together,” I respond. I doubt
Thulani would agree but I will let him choose for himself.
“You know we should be celebrating life in this family?” Aunt Angie jumps in.

“Ofcourse! You are blessed my son.”

“Right?” I ask. They don’t know what they are talking about. I want my wife to be with me, right
here! We promised each other to be right beside each other. That is the main reason I want her
here with me.

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Vho Mavis prepares the dining room for us to have supper. I am forced to eat her food this
week. Thandeka spoilt me so much with fancy recipes.
After supper, I ask to be excused with a promise that I am going to rest. Indeed! I needed to
rest. My eyes are heavy and I can feel my body failing me.
I drag my feet to my room. I passed by the nursery to give the boys goodnight kisses. Ronewa
flinches when I kissed his chubby cheek. It seems Ronewa is the light sleeper compared to his
brother, Rotondwa.
I throw myself on the bed when I get to my room.
*****
I was deep in sleep when I start hearing piercing cries from the nursery. I pull myself to sit when
I hear footsteps towards their door.
Dammit! I slept for hours even thought I tossed and turn half of the evening. The sun is already
up – meaning it already morning. The clock on my pedestal confirms it. It is half past seven. I
pull the gown from the floor and put it on before heading to the nursery to check on my sons.
“Looks like Rotondwa has a big apetite,” My mom says when I walk into the room.
“Is he the only one up?” I ask. She is already feeding him the bottle – while rocking him on the
couch I picked for Thandeka.
“Yeah,” she whispers while feeding him. She is too attached to the boys, it even seems like she
is making up for all the time she was not in my life when I was younger. I don’t blame her – she
had to work for my brothers and I.
Emails!!! I need to check my emails today. I cannot ignore my work for ever. Anyway, I have
enough time until ten o’clock.
My laptop pings a hundred emails when I connect it to the WI-FI! What was expecting? I scroll
to the urgent emails including the payment authorisation for two projects that we running. I
also attend to three client review. The rest of the emails are reports from my teams. Thank God
there is nothing stressful to attend to.
At past nine, I rush to get ready for the hospital visit. I quickly drive down there. I need to utilise
the whole thirty minutes – it is better than nothing!

She is sitting up, her eyes on the floor.

“Babe…” I whisper when I get to her bed. She lifts her eyes to me. “How are you feeling?”
She smiles at me and nods.

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“How are you feeling today?” I ask. I almost died the day I couldn’t find her in her maternity
ward. I was told that the doctor tried to call me all evening to tell me she wasn’t well and had to
be taken to intensive care. You could have seen me pray – just to thank God for her life. I don’t
think I was going to survive if she left me. I would have followed her in another way. Thandeka
is my life! And it even hurts me to see her like this. My deserve happiness – all the happiness in
the world but here she is, trying to get by. She is trying to keep going for our sake.
I almost cried the day she told me she is in so much pain she would rather die than to go
through this. I had to watch her cry her heart out! I felt useless at that moment. I didn’t know
what to do and how to help her. All I could do was shout at the doctors for being competent.
There was nothing else I could do.
They told me she has postpartum haemorrhage. It happened just few hours after giving birth. I
don’t know who to blame! Mostly when I was told that cases like these do happen where a
mother bleeds after giving birth. I had no one to blame but myself. I blamed myself for making
her pregnant.
“Would you like me to help you stand? Would you be able to stand?” I ask and she shakes her
head. I pull a seat and burry myself there. I don’t want to show her how scared I am. She is so
fragile and looks like she is in pain.
“I am fine Gundo,” she says. I might have been blankly staring at her.
“They boys are also fine,” I say and she looks away. Our babies do not excite her and it worries
me so much. I tried bringing them here the whole week but she wouldn’t want to hold them. I
thought their cute faces would cheer her up.
I spend the remaining minutes telling her about what is happening on her favourite TV shows.
Something to keep us chatting. She laughs now and then…but I feel like she is just pulling a
façade to make me think like she is alright.
“Do you know when I can go home?” she asks. “I would like to visit my brother.”
“Thulani is arriving today,” I say happily. Atleast – someone she is looking forward to see.

“Can I go with him?” she asks.

“What do you mean?” I didn’t mean to ask.
“I just want to spend time with him,” she says.
I nod! We can settle this when she is out of hospital.
The nurses are strolling around – it is time to leave. I have given up on trying to make a noise
about how ridiculous the visiting hours are. I was told to take my wife to a better hospital that
will allow me to stay the whole day in ICU.

345
I see Thandeka’s tears filling her eyes. She always does this when it is time to go and it breaks
my heart. This is why I don’t sleep. This is why I am worried about her.
“Babe, I am going to come back in a few hours,” I say while standing up. I ask for a hug and she
lets in. Her boy is hot! “I am not leaving. I am going to wait outside, just to see you.”
“Thank you,” she responds and let’s go.
The first thing I do when I walk out of the ICU, is to check where Thulani is. Thank God he is
passing Carrosel Toll gate – meaning he will be here in the next hour or so. I thereafter wait to
see the doctor on duty.
“Any progress?” I ask when I get to meet the doctor.
“Yes,” he says, “She should be out of ICU tomorrow.”

“But she still looks weak…”

“We have treated the life threatening issue we were worried about. She will continue to take
the treatments,” he responds.
“She seems like she lost interest on our babies…I can’t tell rreally but she changes when I talk
about them? And now she wants to leave us and go home to be with her brother…and I don’t
understand…”
The doctor stares at me and sighs deeply.
“Okay, you see…she might be a little depressed.”
“Depressed?”
“Some new mothers go through this…right? They tend to be depressed by the experience. It is
too soon for me to conclude but if it carries on…then we need to put her on medication.”

“I don’t understand.”
“Some people find it difficult to bond with their babies. You see…we assume that every mother
would be happy after giving birth, right? It is not the case with everyone. Her sickness might
have affected her…and fear does that as well. So, we will need to keep a close on her.”

“How long does it take to have her back to her old self?”
“Just a few months…even less. It depends on how severe it is…and thank God you picked it up
early. Sad cases are when things like these happen when you are settled and don’t know why
your partner is unhappy.”
He taps me on my shoulder and walks away before I sit on the closest bench next to me.
LIFE NEH? It hasn’t been a walk on the park.

346
*****
Thulani is as nervous as I am. I explained what the doctor said and he is glad that she is out of
ICU tomorrow.
Thandeka cried when she sees Thulani walking in with me. She throws her arms around him
and he was gentle enough to receive her.
God help me!
He lets her cry until she is done. I walk to the other side of the bed and place my phone and
wallet on the small table by the window.

“Hey…I am an uncle now,” he says and she gives him a weak smile. “How are you feeling?”
“I am okay,” she responds.
“Maria’s mom sent her greetings. She couldn’t come with me but she sent a few clothes for the
babies.”
“Thank you,” she responds. Maria always comes around to see Thandeka when she knocks off
from work. I am grateful for her and her mother.
Thandeka coughs a few times.
“Gundo, can you excuse us a bit?” Thandeka asks. Her eyes are begging.

“Oh…sure,” I say and leave the bed. I close the curtain and walk away.
Oh Dammit! I left my phone on the table and I need to check on my babies.
I make a turn to Thandeka’s bed.
“Please Thulani…I beg you,” I hear Thandeka say. I stop on my tracks.
“What about the babies?” he asks.

“Gundo will take care of them. I just need to rest. I am exhausted.”

“But I wouldn’t know how to take care of you Thandeka. I don’t think it is a good idea.
“Please…I beg you…” she cries.
“Let me talk to Gundo about it.”
“Please just tell him that you think it is a good idea to go with me to Venda. Just for a few
days…a few days…I need to rest,” she cries. The more my wife cries, the more it breaks my
heart. “Thulani…I am exhausted. So, so exhausted… I am exhausted from my life. I feel like I am
going to explode…I am exhausted.”

347
“Thandeka…but I…” Thulani tries to say but he stops when he sees me. Thandeka drops her
eyes.
I caused her all this pain. My babies might have added on that pain. It is my entire fault, isn’t it?
“Babe, I will take you to Venda when they discharge you,” I say. “I want you to get better and I
will do anything to make you happy again.”
“Gundo…” she whispers.
“It is not your fault that you are not fine. If you need to rest…in Venda…I will release you to go
until you are fine. I will take care of the boys for us,” I don’t know what I am saying but if this
will make her feel better, I am ready to let her go just that.
Thulani seems like he has seen a ghost. It is his time to take care of his sister. He would
understand if he has seen how sad she looks when her babies are in the room. I believe her
when she says she is exhausted. This week has been hell for all of us.
“Thank you,” Thandeka says.
“I will come see you in the evening,” I say while picking my wallet and phone, and thereafter
kiss her on the forehead. I know by the time I walk out of the door, the visiting hour – it is not
even an hour - will be over and she still needs to see her brother.

“Thank you,” she mumbles.

“I will wait for you in the reception area,” I advise Thulani before walking away.

INSERT 58
GUNDO

I am worn out!
Thandeka was discharged last week Monday and I am juggling between being a father to my
sons and a great wife to her. I am literally doing this alone since I asked my aunt and mother to
leave and give us space. Thandeka did need the space. We all did. Atleast they spent the week
with the boys before leaving for Venda.
Now I am a single parent with my wife around. Thulani talked himself out of taking Thandeka to
Venda with him. He came up with excuses after excuses! I understood his concerns but it left
Thandeka broken. It looks like she just wants an escape from her life – this life.
I am glad she is here. This way I can take care of her and make sure she takes her medication.
The doctor also prescribed something to get rid of the post natal depression. We have to do
everything not to let it get to a major depression.

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She is probably watching TV. I checked on the boys and I am ready to sleep. Running a family
and also an empire cannot be easy. I am behind meetings. I have been postponing them daily.
Oh, I am also horny as hell. What a life!
I get into the duvets and doze off instantly.
What’s wrong now?
I am woken up by the piercing screams from the nursery. I jump up. It is morning and Thandeka
is already up, sitting on the bed.
“Thandeka, you are up?” I ask – not believing her depression is this deep. The babies are crying
and she is sitting right here without a care in the world. She looks like she doesn’t even hear
them. She is not bothered.
Where is Vho Mavis!!!
I dart my eyes to the clock on the pedestal, it is half past six. It is definitely their time for a
morning feed.

Thandeka is still seated as I get dressed to look decent enough to go look for Vho Mavis.
“I overslept,” Vho Mavis advises when I walk out of my room. She hurries into the nursery and
set the bottles on the table.
“I’ll be right back…I will help you with Ronewa just now,” I say while heading to the bathroom
to wash my hands. My wife is still seated quietly on the same spot. She is not bothered by
anything.
I rush back to the nursery to feed Ronewa.
“Did you get some sleep?” I ask. She smiles at me and from that I know she hasn’t slept much.
We normally take turns to feed them in the middle of the night but I didn’t wake up last night.
It is a little tough now that they are still small and cannot feed while lying on the bed. “You
know…you can go back to sleep when they sleep. I will stay up and leave for the office when
you wake up.”

“Haaaa…”
“Please!” I insist. What is the use of having her stay up and sleep while I am gone to the office?
If she gets some rest, I’ll be rest assured that things are running smoothly in my absence. It
takes us twenty minutes to put them back to sleep after changing their nappies.
“Go sleep…and I will get ready to work,” I say. They normally sleep for two hours before waking
up again.
“Thank you,” she leaves me in the room.

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Lord help me!!
Thandeka is still sitting and at this moment, I don’t have no energy to talk to her. I honestly
don’t know what to say.
“Can you please get me something to wear?” I ask and she stares at me. I don’t need her to
help with the babies but I need some other help.
“What would you like to wear?” she asks.
“Anything formal,” I advise and jump into the shower. When I walk back to the bedroom, she
has my clothes laid on the bed.

“Gundo!”
“Yes.”
“I need to take some time off to go to Venda.”
At this minute, I am exhausted.
“Can I take you there next week?”

“You promised me…I need to go….”

“How? How Thandeka?” I yell at her before she could even finish her sentence. I don’t mean to
but I am only human. What does she want me to do? I am struggling. I don’t sleep. I don’t
attend to my meetings. I cannot drive down to Venda now. I know I promised. But please!!! Can
I get a break today? Just today?

“Sorry,” she says.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you,” I say. “I am sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she responds.
I get dressed with her watching. If I knew getting married was going to be this tough…I would
have a waited – most probably. I hate disappointing people – more especially Thandeka. I have
failed her before and whatever we are going on is worse than I thought we would ever face.
I know she is too depressed to assist me…but these are our children.
“I’ll make breakfast,” she says and leaves the room.

I get my laptop and files and take them to the car before joining Thandeka in the kitchen.
“Any plans for the day?” I ask.

350
“I am going to do a little of sewing. Maybe I’ll meet Maria when she knocks off,” she says
happily. No plans to spend some time with the babies. She tries to carry them sometimes but
not as much as I wish.
She stops buttering the bread and places her hands on her stomach.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Yeah…just a tiny bit of a pain. I am fine,” she says. She continues making breakfast. I let her do
so when she feels like it as she was advised to be activate. It has been two weeks since she got
home and she does try to be active. She helps around the kitchen, but not with the stove.
She places a sandwich and juice infront of me and takes a seat.
“Gundo…do you ever feel like we shouldn’t have together?” she asks after taking a bite of her
sandwich.

“Why is that?”
“Nothing between us goes right and I can see you that you are breaking. I think you are more
affected than I am.”
“I want what is best for you…for us. That’s why it breaks me to see you in pain.”
“Do you ever think maybe we shouldn’t have gotten married?” she asks as if she was reading
my thoughts few hours ago.
“I just think I have put you through so much…Our relationship is kinda breaking you into
pieces.”
“I am glad you married me,” she says. “I am just not the kind of a mother you were expecting
me to be…and I am scared we might not survive this.”
“You are not fine, Thandeka. I cannot blame you.”
“What kind of a mother hates nurturing her children? They are my babies and I should be the
one staying up the whole night to feed them. Why can’t I do that? I feel like going home will
keep me sane. I won’t have to hear them cry for me.”
“Babe…it’s okay. I am here.”
“It has been two weeks Gundo. I can see how exhausted you are. You are going to
blast…infact…you have started,” she says and I sigh deeply. I didn’t mean to snap earlier on. I
am indeed exhausted.
“I just need to attend to a few things in the office…”
“Maria can spend the weekend. She can help with the babies tonight. Why don’t you meet your
friends after work. Get some air…before you suffocate.”

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“Ofcourse!” I say.
I do need a break but I don’t think going out with the boys would be a good idea – I need to
sleep.
Vho Mavis walks into the living room after two hours. She was probably woken up by Ronewa
who is in her arms but she looks well rested and that is exactly what I want. She places him in
the camp cot which is in the living room.
“I need to get to work,” I say to Thandeka who is sitting on the couch with a book. I kiss her
forehead, Ronewa’s cheek and hurry out.
It is about ten o’clock when I get to the office and I know I can have a lot of work done today.
For the next two hours, I respond to emails and confirm meetings. I have to attend about eight
meeting next week. I have been postponing a lot of these and time is no longer on our side.
I ring Phuti’s landline to get the feedback on the new client that we are currently profiling on
our business magazine.
“Good day Mr R,” someone chips in. It is not Phuti.
“I am looking for Phuti.”

“He is at the photoshoot studio. He is conducting a photoshoot for a new client,” she responds.
I place the phone down, put on my blazer and head to the studio. I am welcomed by loud
kwaito music that filled the studio. Phuti is giving directions to a young girl who is wearing a
tight aviation jump suit with tons of chains and exaggerated make-up on her face. The other
two guys are standing, waiting to be told to join her.

This is different! If they are our clients – they are too different.
“Hey Mr R,” Phuti says while walking towards me. I nod my head at him and wave at the people
who are around the studio.
“Do you have to turn on the music?” I enquire while leading the way outside.
“Yes…it hypes them up. They are musicians, boss.”
“Is everything going well though?”
“Definitely! They are pleased and they already recommended us to their friends. We are
profiling two more recording labels next month.”
“That’s great,” I say, “Can we stay up til late today. I need us to go through Donald’s report. He
sent them through on Tuesday and I cannot procrastinate even further.”

“Errrr…”

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“What? Do you have plans?” I enquire. Ofcourse, I won’t keep him here if he has plans. It is
Friday and it is not his fault that my work is not up to date.
“After work I promised to meet these guys to celebrate their album. Pam is performing tonight
at Rosebank. We can have supper there and discuss a few things before it gets busy…and
before you need to rush home.”
I don’t know.
“Okay, fine! My wife approved my visa tonight.”
“Perfect! I’ll go straight there at five…so you can come through at anytime.”

Fine by me. I will just stay for two or so hours before rushing home.
I visit a few offices before going up to mine. Thandeka and the kids are fine. I always check on
them when I get a chance. My phone is always fully charged – I don’t want mistakes anymore.
*****
It is indeed a Friday evening. I can also feel the vibe now that I am at Rosebank. News Café is
packed. It is just after six o’clock – imagine!! I know why! There are posters of the music group
that was in my offices today. Our new clients.
Don’t they do these performances at midnight? Who performs at seven?
I look around for Phuti. He is right in the middle of attention with people taking pictures with
the music group. I am not going there!
I grab a tall stool and settle on it as I go through my texts.
“Can I get you something to drink?” one of the busy waiters asks.
“I am not sure if I am staying for long, but bring me a bottle of Heineken…and bring the next
one later.” I hand him the money, he nods and brings back the bottle in no time. He deserves a
tip.

This is the first time I am going out in three weeks.

Wow! People are happy out here. I am fascinated by the people dancing to soft music playing in
the background – what is going to happen when they increase the volume.
After my first bottle, the waiter drops the other bottle. I am just having this last one and leave. I
feel out of place.
“No friends?” some lady asks as she pulls herself to sit on the stool next to me. It is the only
chair available.
“Excuse me?”

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“Are you here alone?” she asks.
“Kind of.”
“It sucks right?” she says. “My friends are over there trying to score a selfie with Pam and the
gang. Imagine being a groupie at this age and time?” She rolls her eyes. There is humour in the
way she said it so I laugh.
“Are you that old?” I shake my head.

“Is it a compliment?” she asks.

“How is it a compliment?” I shake my head once again.
“If you are asking me if I am that old…means I don’t look old at all. Yes, I am old enough to find
groupies old fashioned.”
She must be boring. She taps the waiter walking past her and places her order. In no time the
waiter places an ice bucket with a number of ciders. They produce new ciders each time I go to
a club. I don’t even know what she is drinking.
“Do they always play this stupid music in Joburg?” she asks and waves her hand in the air.
“Is this stupid?” I laugh out loudly. Who calls AMAPIANO music stupid?
“Yes!” she confidently says. “If you want good music…come to Durban. Nice vibes only there.”

“Are you on vacation?”

“I wish! I came to do a research with Denel. Also here for some few engineering workshops.”
“Engineering?”
“Yes!” she says and starts to explain what she does. It is evident in her eyes – she loves what
she does. She even looks younger than she says she is. Maybe it is what she is wearing. It has
been ages since I saw someone wearing jean to jean…in a club. She looks like someone who
was hijacked to come here.
She offers me one drink.
“I don’t drink ciders.”
“Order a few of what you drink…or are you broke?” she asks.

Am I broke? Yeah right – I am.

“It is mid-month,” I play along.
“It is your lucky day, today,” she says and takes her wallet.
“You don’t have to…”

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“I won’t ask you to pay back. I am not trying to get into your pants…” she says and my penis
twitches as I drift my mind to a thought of anyone getting into my pants. “I just need company
til my friends are done taking videos for their Instagram. They forced me to come here…all I
wanted was supper.” I nod and she orders me four Heineken bottles. “Honestly…you don’t look
like these guys who are here to fish for women to feast on tonight.”

“Oh…I don’t?”
“Nope. You look exhausted. You look like life has fucked with you so much to mess around with
women. Plus…you are broke,” she says and laughs. Her laugh is contagious.
“So, you are one of those who don’t do broke guys,” I ask and she nods. I laugh while shaking
her head.
“Imagine buying drinks every weekend? I once dated one…and he milked me dry. No more.”
“He messed our reputation.”
“He did,” she says.

Wow! For once – a normal conversation.

She takes off her jacket and hangs it behind the stool.
Shit!
I am turned on! She has a perfect smooth skin. She is wearing an over revealing tank top. I
didn’t notice when she was all covered up.
Gundo Randilani! Gundo Randzilani! I thought to myself as I try to cover my forever growing
dick. Even if I want to stand and run, how am I going to do so with my penis fighting to get out
of my pants.
I try to think about my twins just to get my mind away from THIS. It doesn’t help because she
keeps smiling at me with her hand on my shoulder.
Dammit! I hiss quietly. This thing is shit painful.
“You know what the problem with broke guys is? They know how to give it to you so damn
wellllll,” she says and dances to the music that keeps increasing with each song.

“Right?”
“Don’t you agree?” she asks.
The more I try to shift my mind away from thhiisss…the more she brings me back. She tucks her
hair behind her ears and smiles sweetly, waiting for my response.”
“I do…I do.”

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She claps her hands and laughs.
Thank God the music starts playing loudly and the team goes up the small stage to perform.
Everyone turn to watch them.
My time to sneak out!
I get up, pick a few bucks from my wallet and drop it infront of this lady.

She pulls me so that she would shout to my ear. The music is loud for a chat.
“I am so sorry…I kept insulting you about being broke but you can keep the money,” she yells
with a laughter in her voice. Her hands are burning my shoulders. The waves of lust keep
suffocating me.
“You keep it.”
“Thank you…I’ll keep it,” she says and she stares into my eyes – her warm hands pressing
against my shirt. “Don’t you want to stay?”
“I need to go before I do something stupid…honestly,” I try to yell.
“What?”
“I need to go before I …” I try to say but I think my voice is too hoarse for the loud music. She
stares down to my growing front. I don’t know if she noticed but she doesn’t seem shocked or
anything.
She picks her bag and throws three ciders in before leading the way outside. I follow her –
shamefully so. She saw my dilemma and it is embarrassing.
“The music is so loud,” she says when we are standing outside. It is little chilly so she puts on
her jacket.

“It is,” I say.

“What were you saying?”
“I said…I need to go. It is getting late.”
“Wanna grab burgers at McD or something?” she asks. “Honestly!! I am so hungry and I don’t
know what to do with myself until they are done performing. Thuli is a big fan of Pam and I
know she is not going to leave until they are done. I bet it is an hour performance.”
“Eish…” Does she know what she is doing to me? My penis keeps jerking!!! I am in damn pain
here.
“Come on! Unless your wife is commanding you home.” My ring has been shinning on my finger
the whole night.

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I check my phone. Thandeka hasn’t called or texted and I know by now the twins are sleeping.
“I don’t eat McDonald’s burgers but we can get you one if you want,” I say.
“A chicken burger for me…thank you,” she says with a lustful smile.

“Sure!” I mumble. “Chicken burger it is.”

INSERT 59
THANDEKA
Oh, I don’t like winter. I don’t like winter nights.
I roll to Gundo’s side of the bed and he is not there. I reach for my side-lamp. He never came to
bed because the duvets on his side of the bed are untouched.

He is not home.
No wonder I feel so cold. He usually pulls me closer to him and lock me in his arms for warmth.
It has always been like that since I met him.
Where is he? He should have been home by now because Maria and I went to bed after
midnight. I have trouble sleeping these days so Maria stayed with me until she retired. I also
forced myself to take a nap. Thank God I did, until now.
I wear my gown and pull my phone.
No messages. No calls. Nothing from my so-called husband. It is half past three.
“Thandeka, calm down,” I whisper to myself as I try to do breathing exercises. I told the man to
go out with his friends for drinks – he probably got carried away.
He really needed the time-off. My husband is starting to lose himself and that is the last thing I
wish for him. He can only do much.
I slide my cold feet into the sleepers and walk out of the bedroom.
‘Check on the babies,’ I thought to myself as I walk past their room. It was just two hours ago
when they were on a crying contest. I can’t really explain what that does to me…but it makes
me scared. She drives me so crazy when I am unable to ignore their little cries. Sometimes I am
able to shut them out of my thought. I don’t know how…but I do.
They are sleeping peacefully. I stand by the door. I don’t want to wake them up. I manage to
sneak into the room and cover them up.
I carefully close the door and walk down the corridor. I hear mumbles in Maria’s room. I
thought she was sleeping.

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The time is almost three oclock – it isn’t a mistake. I just got a confirmation from the DSTV
decoder. I pick the remote and switch the TV on, reducing the volume not to wake anyone up.
Tea! I need tea.
‘Gundo, are you okay?’ I text him. Two WhatsApp ticks and I know the phone is on. I carefully
put the phone down and make myself tea.
“Can I also have a cup?” I am startled by the voice. “Hey…hey…sorry… I am sorry, I didn’t mean
to scare you. I thought you saw me coming.”
“Why are you not sleeping? Jeeezzz,” I ask with my hand on m chest.
“Mom woke me up for prayer…I won’t be sleeping anytime soon,” Maria says. He eyes are
puffy. She is sleepy but in denial.
“I hope you are not staying up to guard me. I am fine,” I say and she sighs deeply. I knew she is
here to make sure that I am fine. “Go, to sleep.”
“No…I want to chill with you,” she says, pity in her tired eyes.
“He is not home yet,” I say. I am worried about him, yet I want him to enjoy himself wherever
he is. I don’t want to cry for him. I want to depend on myself, just this once.
“I bet he isn’t checking the time. Thulani tells me sometimes he waits for the door to close
before he goes home…and mind you, he doesn’t drink anymore but goes out to have fun once
in a while. I guess, it is the case with your husband.”
I shake my head.
“I bet,” I finally say.
The water boils – as my mind trails off to the worse scenario. What if Gundo went out and
hooked up with someone? I haven’t been doing a great job as a wife. He must be busy
somewhere? Is he? I don’t know. I don’t want to think so…but what if it the case? He won’t! He
can’t! No…not…
“Thandeka!” Maria yells while shaking off. I turn to face her. “What is wrong? Are you okay?”
I swallow hard.
I hate these kind of episodes. Like, I find myself thinking a million times at the same time. I
wonder off sometimes, when I panic.

“Are you alright?” Maria asks again.

“Yes!” I say sharply.
“Do you want to call him to check if he is fine?”

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I pick my phone without giving her an answer. I dial it. He doesn’t take long before he answers.
“Hello,” he says in panic. He asks me if I am fine but his voice is hoarse. I expected to hear
noise. I expected to hear just a little noise from afar. Nothing! There is no noise but just him
asking me if I was okay.
“Did I wake you?” I murmur.
“Shit!! No…” he says. “No.”

“Are you fine?”

“I am fine. Are you fine?” he asks. I can trace panic in his voice. I drop the phone, pick my tea
and walk to the couch.
Maria joins me. She stares at me while I stare back at her. I don’t know how I feel.
“He should have just allowed me to go home,” I mumble.
“Remember how lifeless she was when she ran away from him?” Maria asks.
“Who?”

“Ria.”
“Ria?”
“From The Royal Mistress?” she asks. “Remember when how unhappy she was when she left
him and started a new life all by herself? And do you remember how happy she was with Mula
when they reconnected?”
I nod.
“I feel like going home is going to leave you lifeless when your family is here. Figure things out
together…don’t you think?”
“I don’t know.”
“Believe me.”

“I feel like a burden to him Maria. I watch him do my job every day.”
“He is also the father to the twins. It is his job too. He is doing what he was supposed to
do…whether you were fine or not. It is his job.”
“I disagree,” I say while shaking my head.
“But I am telling the truth. That’s why your husband don’t mind doing all these things. If he
minded, he was going to pack away the kids with his mother and aunt…but he insisted on
staying with them…you know why? Because it is his job to nurture them too.”

359
I didn’t look at it this way.
“I guess.”
“If you miss home so much…then let’s go there for a weekend. Just me and you. But promise
me you will come back with me.”
Before I could respond, I hear the gate opening. So, he wasn’t far. Minutes later, he opens the
door while Maria leaves me on the couch.

Gundo rushes in to only stop on his tracks when he sees me.

“Thandeka…are you alright?” he asks while walking towards me. He doesn’t have his pants
tucked in like he left the house this morning. Comfort right? He probably wanted to relax.
Maybe, he booked himself into a hotel to get some meaningful rest.
“I was just worried sick about you,” I respond and take a sip from my cup. I don’t have an
appetite but I want to stop myself from crying.
Dammit! It doesn’t work. My tears wells up like a fountain. I don’t know why I feel like this. I am
just scared. I am worried. I am angry. All at once.
Gundo rushes to me. I stop him by raising my hand. I don’t know want him to get to me. What if
he smells like someone else’s perfume? What if? Just, what if!
“Babe…I just fell asleep in the car,” he says.
“You did?”
“I was exhausted and…I might have dozed off because I didn’t plan to fall asleep,” he says. I
don’t want to look at him because his face might tell me something else…and I am not ready to
break down. I keep my eyes on the TV.
“It’s okay! I want to watch TV. You can go and rest,” I say.
“We can…”
“I can by stand by your side until death do part…but if you ever cheat on me…please allow me
to go back to my mother’s house,” I say before walking out of the room.

“Thandeka…” he calls out from behind me.

“I don’t have the energy Gundo…I said what I wanted to say…” I say, trying to lower my voice as
we pass the nursery. It didn’t work because we woke up one twin.
We stare at each other.
I close my eyes and sigh deeply before walking into the room. Ronewa is the light sleeper.
Gundo follows me in, most probably to watch and make sure I won’t harm him.

360
The feeding bottles are on the warmer so I take one and walk towards his cot. I pick him up and
settle on the couch.
I jerks my head up when he starts sucking the bottle for his dear life. Gundo curves his lips into
a smile. If he knew what made me to do this, he wouldn’t be smiling.
I need to do this.
He takes his phone and snaps a picture of me.
“I won’t harm him,” I say to Gundo. He doesn’t have to stand here and watch me. He quietly
walks out of the room.
He was watching me on the small monitor which is in our room. I know so because, just when I
put the baby back to sleep, he starts the shower. I clean up the tears which were wetting my
eyes.

One step at a time, Thandeka, one step at a time.

I walk back to the living room to watch TV.
“Babe, can we talk?” Gundo asks. The fragrance from the shower gel fills me up as he sits next
to me.
“I don’t want to talk Gundo,” I say.
“Please…” he says and take my hand, “Im sorry I stayed up until late.”
“Where did you sleep?”

“In the car?” he says.

“I better not find otherwise,” I say. I don’t have the energy to entertain this.
“Ofcourse!”
*****
I think Maria is to me what Zoleka is to Rialivhuwa. It is funny how I made my friend fall in love
with reading. She just finished reading ADELAIDE right this now and she is on my throat about
what happened to Ria and Rialivhuwa…as if I am the author. That is what books do to you. They
draw you so close to the character, everything feels so real.
“Are you going to buy another one?” I ask.
“Another book?” she asks while staring at Adelaide – the book. “I think I need to calm down
first.”
“I see…” I say with a laugh. She never used to understand when I cuddled with a book all day
instead of watching TV. A mere book can paralyses you.

361
“But how could that happen?” she asks. She is still shocked.
“Welcome to my world…” I laugh at her. “Wait for
We are sitting by the swimming pool. It has been a month since her last visit. I feel so much
better. I feel like I just woken up from a long bad dream. I have seen a therapist a few times.
“Gundo and I are taking the kids to Venda for a weekend visit,” I announce.

“That is so nice. Thank God it is winter…they were going to turn red from the heat.”
“I thought so too,” I say with a smile. “Thank you Maria.”
“For what?” she asks with a frown.
“You kept me sane.”
“I did?” she asks and flashes a smile to me.
“I wouldn’t have survived half of the things I did. Mostly…when it came to my doubts about my
relationship.”
“You would have done the same. I am glad you are feeling much better.”
I notice Gundo walking towards us.
“Are you re-reading that book again?” Gundo asks as he notices the book on the table.
“This one is not mine,” I say. He drops on the chair next to me.

“I was about to confiscate it,” he says with a smile. “I have a surprise for you.”
“What is it?” I ask.
“Come!” he says and takes my hand. He leads me to our bedroom. I doesn’t let go of my hands
until I notice a huge gift bag on the bed.
“Open it,” he says. I do as he says and open the box. I pick a while linen, followed by a tiny
pillow and the duvet cover. They are exactly in the colours I picked on my scrap book.
“What is this,” I say as I keep pulling out a number of items I had pinned on my scrap book.
“Check the back,” he advises. I pick the duvet and almost cry when I notice it.
“Oh, my God Gundo!”

“I had this done for your own inspiration,” he says with a goofy smile.
“Lovable Rascals by Thandeka,” I call out, reading from a little design done on the corner of the
linen. This is the name I once picked when I was putting together my scrap book. My sons were
not born yet and it was before this mountain I had to overcome.

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“I love these!” He picks the pillow cases. He literally had all the items from my scrap book done.
Done perfectly.
“Thank you!” I mumble. I didn’t expect this at all.
“Are you going to design more?” he asks. I nod. I have to do this for myself…and him. this is a
great start.
“I am going to design more,” I respond and hug him tightly.

This changed everything for me.

I have been in a great mood since then, even when we got to Venda, I was happy and looking
forward to our visit.
Mam Angie walks to the driveway when she notices our car. Ciara runs after her.
“My girl is here,” Gundo says as he turns off the ignition. Wow! He has a warmest smile ever.
“The schools are closed,” I say. I watch as Ciara smiles, staring at Gundo. I feel their connection
from my seat.
“Now you remind me,” he responds unbuckling the belt while opening the door. I watch as he
picks Ciara and spins her around a few time before squeezing her into a hug. That man right
there is the GundoI know. He is the husband I married. I have been paranoid since the night he
spent in the streets. Maybe it is the fear I have – fear that Gundo and I will not survive infidelity,
out of all things.
Gundo waves at me as if he is reading my thoughts.
“We are home,” I say to aunt Mavis. The boys are sleeping in their car seats.
Aunt Angie gives me a brief hug before running the the back seat. I hug Ciara as told her to go
see the boys.
“Are you okay?” Gundo asks when everyone is by the car.

“Yeah!
“You seem like you are miles away.”
I smile at him. It would be silly to ask where he was the night he didn’t sleep home. Like I said, I
have just been paranoid and I need to let it go.
We stand – hand in hand as Mam Angie is showing the twins to Ciara. This warms Gundo’s
heart. It warms my heart too.

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