The Buddhit Counseling Psychology

Content Page

1. Introduction
2. What is psychology?
3. What is counseling Psychology
4. What is Buddhist Counseling psychology?
i. Individual counseling
ii. Group Counseling
iii. Family Counseling
iv. Pre-marriage Counseling
5. Qualities required of a Counselor.
6. Jataka Story for counseling
7. Buddhist stories related to Buddhist counseling
8. Conclusion
Endnote
Bibliography

01.Introduction
Buddhist counseling psychology started with the Buddha’s first dhamma preaching in
Migadaya. Buddha found the permanent solution for the suffering. Buddha did a noble
research (ariya pariyesana) to seek the truth and wholesome which pertaining to attain
ultimate happiness, clam and peaceful stage of the mind. Finally he comes up with a perfect
solution for un-satisfactoriness. In Dhammacakkkapavattana Sutta Buddha says before him
no any god, or Brahmin or any one did not preached or found that kind of teaching. That
scope of that teaching goes only for Buddha. The Buddha is the first man who did research
about the psychological attitudes and human nature. Buddha understood suffering arise in the
mind because craving, ignorance and hatred exist in the mind. When a person eradicates
those unwholesome attitudes he can attain to Nibbana. In Pali canon define the Nibbana as
“Tanhakkhaya, Dosakkhaya, Mohakkhaya”.
Mostly people confront to problems and try to find a counselor because they have gone in
wrong way or they have to experience the bad consequences which do their family member
who goes in wrong way. In Buddhist teaching mainly emphasize the important of
introspection. When people understand about them they know their responsibilities and their
value. They understand other people do not like suffer like me so I should not cause for
suffering to others. “Attanam Upaman katva” he takes himself as simile. Buddhism teaches to
people the way of understanding their week points and the way of eradiating it.
As a great counselor Buddha always tries to build good personality in the human beings. He
shows to the people the mind is the most powerful thing in this world. The Arahant who
completely finished their practices “katam karaniyam” they live in same world where we all
live, but they do not going to vicissitude like worldly people, because they have trained their
mind and eradicated all the defilements. Buddha advice to people from praying cannot get
any thing. With effort and skills people can make their life. Suffering or illnesses are not
permanent those problems also can change. “anicca”. The Buddhist way of counseling leads
people toward permanent happiness of Nibbana. The Buddhist teaching can use solve other
problems such as divorces, separation from lover, children or parents, illness of the body and
mind, poor personality, un-skill, problems in the marital life, mental stress etc.  

02. What is psychology?

The word psychology derived from Greek word “psyche” it means soul, breath, spirit, or
mind. “Logos” means study or research. The Latin word psychologia was used in late 15th or
16th century in the book “psichiologia de ratione animae humanae” by Croatian humanist and
Latinist Marko Marulic. In the English language earliest reference find in the physical
Dictionary was wrote by Steven Blankaart in 1694. It says, “Psychology, which treats the
soul”.
To understand what the psychology means accurately these definitions are very valuable,
Definition of the British Psychological Society,
“Psychology is the scientific study of people, the mind and behavior. It is both a thriving
academic discipline and a vital professional practice.”[i]
Definition of the American Psychological Association,
“The scientific study of the behavior of individuals and their mental processes.”
Definition of Wikipedia,
“Psychology is an academic and applied discipline involving the scientific study of mental
processes and behavior.”[ii]
Philosophical context of the psychology relates to the ancient civilization of Egypt, Greece,
China, India and Persia. Robert H. Tousles says early Buddhist teaching was revealed by
Gautama Buddha, is a system of psychotherapy. Historians point out ancient Greek
philosophers such Thales, Plato, and Aristotle are the most important philosophers who
developed psychological thoughts in West. Especially in 4th century BC Hippocrates who
researched on mental disorders.  
German physician Wilhelm Wundt founded first psychological laboratory at Leipzig
University in 1879. With that psychological discoveries brought in to the laboratory, there
fore he named as “father of experimental psychology”. Then many new schools of the
psychology originated. Functionalism, psychoanalysis, Behaviorism, Humanism etc new
schools and theories were found and developed by psychotherapist such William James,
Sigmund Freud, Abraham Maslow etc. they introduced concepts such as pleasure principles,
reality principles, the dynamic unconscious, resistance, transference, the conscious, the
preconscious, unconscious, castration anxiety, the Oedipus complex, latency. These all
concepts lord Buddha introduce in his suttas. Lord Buddha used these Pali word such as
asaya, anusaya, samyojana, nivarana, satipattana, and brahmavihara to explain above
concepts.
Further, modern psychology research areas such as perception, cognition, attention, emotion,
phenomenology, motivation, brain functioning, personality, behavior, and interpersonal
relationships. Some scholars psychology describe as hub science because psychological
findings relating to social science, natural science, medicine, humanities, philosophy.
Psychological knowledge use to treat mental health problems and many different human
activities. The psychologists mostly involve in therapeutic role, practicing in clinical,
counseling etc.  

03. What is counseling Psychology

The word counseling is derived from Latin word ‘consilium’. Its’ mean ‘consultation’ or
‘advice’. Counseling Psychology is to give advices or professional guidance or help to some
one to resolve social, personal or psychological problems. It covers the areas such family,
marriage, sex, education, vocation, employment, unemployment, alcoholism, frustration,
stress, depression, and mental and emotional problems, and physical problems.  
Following definitions convey the accurate meaning of Counseling Psychology,
“Psychotherapy and counseling are interactions between a therapist/counselor and one or
more client/patient. The purpose is to help the patient/client with problems that may have
aspects that are related to disorders of thinking, emotional suffering or problems of behavior.
Therapists may use their knowledge of theory of personality and psychotherapy or counseling
to help the patient/client improve functioning. The therapist’s approach to helping must be
legally and ethically approved”[iii]
(Richard S. Sharf)
“Effective counseling consists of a definitely structured permissive relationship which allows
the client to gain an understanding of himself to a degree which enables him to take positive
in the light of his new orientation”  
(Carl Rogers)
“Counseling is an interactive process conjoining the counselee who needs assistance and the
counselor who is trained and educated to give this assistance”
(perez)
“Counseling is a psychotherapeutic relationship in which an individual client receives direct
help from an advisor or find an opportunity to release negative feelings and thus clear the
way for positive in personality”
(Harriman)  
According to American Psychological Association’s report there are 54 branches in the
psychology. Counseling Psychology became as 17th branch in 1952. According to western
counseling system main objectives are,[iv]
01. Developmental issues
02. resolving problems
03. Making decisions
04. Coping with crises
05. Developing personal insight and knowledge
06. Working through feeling of inner conflict
07. improving relationship with others  

04. What is Buddhist Counseling psychology?

Lord Buddha was born in 623BC in India. He preached great doctrine based on mind and
human behavior. He analytically brings deferent kind of mind sets which are relate to mental
disorders. He shows the way to overcome those difficulties and he used therapeutic theories
which modern psychologists use for their client. Modern psychologists have identified
significant of Buddhist psychology. Western psychologist Robert H. Tousles says,
“I think that primitive Buddhism must be understood as a system of psychotherapy.”[v]
Carl Gustave Jung (1845-1910) says,
“My task was the treatment of psychic suffering, and it was that impelled me to become
acquainted with the views and methods of that great teacher of humanity whose principal
theme was the chain of suffering, old age, sickness and death” 
According to Buddhist text and meditation practices Buddhism can identify as a system of
psychology. Lord Buddha’s character and his career can identify as a counselor, guider, and a
teacher. Lord Buddha’s discourses are known as such pali words,
Upadisati - counsel
deseti - declare
Ovadati - advice pannapeti - reveals
Anusasati - teache pattapeti - set forth  
Adisti - point out vivarana - explain
Acikkati - proclaim vibajana - analysis
Above all pali words convey the meaning counsel. According to Buddhism Buddhist counsel
has two objectives,
01. Long term objectives
02. Short term objectives
All people in this world live unsatisfactory lives. Lord Buddha discovered the way lead to
permanent satisfaction and way of cessation of suffering. Long term objective is cessation of
suffering by attaining Nibbana. Lord Buddha explained when disciples ask about suffering
and cessation of suffering like this,
“This is suffering. This is the origin of suffering. This is the cessation of suffering. This is the
way leading to the cessation of suffering. Why I preached that? Because it is beneficial, it
belongs to the elementary of holy life. It leads to reality of the world, to dispassion, to
cessation, to peace, to correct knowledge, to enlightenment, that is why I preached it”
It is the most admired achieving in Buddhism. The path to Nibbana is for eradicate all
defilement permanently by eradicating roots of the problems. Short term objective is solving
problems related to group or individual using Buddhist techniques and create a person with
complete personality. In satipattana sutta explain purpose of cultivating four bases of
mindfulness,
01. Purification of beings - sattanam visuddiya
02. Overcoming of sorrow, lamentation - sokaparidevanam samtikkamaya
03. Destruction of physical and mental suffering - dukkhadomanssanam attamgamaya
04. Reaching the right realissation - nanassa adhigamaya
05. Attain if nibbana - nibbanassa saccikiriyaya[vi]
Modern psychologists believe strongly that every person can make decisions conducive to
their happiness. In Kalama Sutta Lord Buddha emphasize the autonomy of judgment. Free
judgment is very important to a person to improve self-esteem and human dignity.
Mainly Buddhist counseling consist following components,
01. Individual counseling
02. Group counseling
03. Family Counseling
04. Pre-Marriage counseling  
According to culture and society Buddhist counseling system can divide into more categories
such as couple counseling, mental illness etc. 

I. Individual counseling
In individual counseling counselor has to focus on one client and it is very effective. The
counselor should improve positive thoughts in the client. Among counselor should be a
trustful person and he should protect the personality and confidential of the client. In
Buddhist counseling following Suttas can use in individual counseling.  

1. Anumana Sutta,
2. Anapanasati Sutta,
3. Achinteyya Sutta,
4. Ariyapariyesana sutta,
5. Baradvaja sutta,
6. Labasatkara sutta,
7. Maha nidana Sutta,
8. Maha Dhukkhakkhanda Sutta,
9. Madupindaka Sutta,
10. Nivarana Sutta,
11. piya Jathika Sutta,
12. Potaliya Sutta,
13. Roga Sutta,
14. Ratthapala Sutta,
15. Sabbasava Suta,
16. Sela Sutta,
17. Satipattana Sutta,
18. Vitakkhasantana Sutta,
19. Vattupama Sutta,

Among them Sabbasava Sutta and Satipattana Sutta are teach the way to free from all kind of
stress and un-satisfactoriness. All the problems come to human beings according to
Buddhism not mainly due to the external world. Buddhism emphasize that human mind is the
main object which pertaining to suffer and happiness. In these Suttas Buddha teaches the way
of eradicating all kinds of defilements.
In Sabbasava Sutta Buddha says “monks I will teach you the method of restraining the mind
from all the desire.” Then he explained impotent of wise attention. (Yo niso manasikara)
when people live with wise attention new defilements will not enter into the mind. The
defilements exist in the mind can see clearly through wise attention and it is easy to eradicate
from the mind.  
In any person can arise negative unwholesome thoughts which give pain to him and others. In
this sutta explains seven kinds of methods which can use to clear the mind.[vii] Those are,  

01. Dassanā Pahātabba - By seeing

02. Sanwarā Pahātaba - By restraining
03. Patisevanā Pahātabba - By using
04. Adhivāsanā Pahātaba - By enduring
05. Parivajjanā Pahātabba - By avoiding
06. Vinodanā Pahātabba - By removing
07. Bhāvanā Pahātabba - By developing
01. Dassana Pahatabba - By vision
It explains about eradicating defilements through vision. In this Sutta Buddha explains what
kinds of nature living beings inheriting by their birth. People should understand the reality of
the world. People have to confront to old age, sicknesses, death, separation from lovely
people, and engage with dislike people and so on. Some people tend to suicide, murder, or to
do crime when they can not bear these changes in the life. Some time they cheat others, lies,
blame and making trouble because wrong vision on the life. So right vision is very important
to life.
02. Sanwarā Pahātaba - By restraining
By controlling the five senses should be eradicated the defilements. Buddha says the behavior
of the person whose mind is intoxicated by lust is worse than the animals. Some people tend
to do wrong things due to uncontrollable desire or hatred. After little time ago they start
remorse about their work. Therefore controlling sensual emotion is very important.  
03. Patisevanā Pahātabba - By using 
Removing the defilements by using needy things such as cloths, foods, medicine, and shelter
as enough. Here should be aware about all the worldly things are not useful to life. There are
very harmful things to life. People should be aware about harmful things. When we use needy
things we must select always un-harmful things.  
04. Adhivāsanā Pahātaba - By enduring
Eradicating the defilments by enduring grief which accomplish due to the environmental
issues. We should practice patient in day to day life. In day to day life we have to confront so
many difficulties. Not only that hunger, anger, pain, environmental incidents we have to
endure.  
05. Parivajjanā Pahātabba - By avoiding
Eradicating the defilments by avoiding troublesome conditions which can be reasons to occur
problems. Some time problems come to us because we associate with immoral people. We
should eradicate the troublesome people and also troublesome places to live happy life.  
06. Vinodanā Pahātabba - By removing
By removing the root causes of the defilements should eradicate the defilements. All kind
sufferings arise in our mind due to the greed, hatred, and delusion. These are the root of every
problem. If the person able to eradicate these roots he can live happy life. The family
problems, social problems occur due to the three unwholesome thoughts. People should try to
remove these unwholesome roots.  
07. Bhāvanā Pahātabba - By developing
By developing positive thoughts of the mind should eradicate the defilements. People can
practice Anapanasati meditation, Loving-kindness meditation, etc various meditations to
control and remove unwholesome tendency from the mind. Here Meditation means
developing the wholesome roots.
Another useful Sutta for individual counseling is Satipattana Sutta. Buddha preached this
Sutta in Kammasadhamma village of Kururata. Buddha says that this is the only way to
eradicate all the un-satisfactoriness and only way for liberation.
01. Purification of beings - sattanam visuddiya
02. Overcoming of sorrow, lamentation - sokaparidevanam samtikkamaya
03. Destruction of physical and mental suffering - dukkhadomanssanam attamgamaya
04. Reaching the right realization - nanassa adhigamaya
05. Attain if nibbana - nibbanassa saccikiriyaya
In Satipattana sutta of Diga Nikaya explains purposes of cultivating four bases of
mindfulness. In satipattana Sutta at the beginning explain about “Clear comprehension”
(sampajañña) is also very important to maintain right mindfulness which very important
make unshakable mind. 
i. The clear comprehension of purpose which have planned to achieve
ii. The clear comprehension of suitability of thoughts to achieve planned goal
iii. The clear comprehension of the domain of meditation (daily routings). Whether daily
routings are support to goal or not.  
iv. The clear comprehension of reality (no soul, eternality, ego etc)

In Satipattana Sutta Buddha teaches four kinds of contemplations to practice to develop

mindfulness. Four contemplations are,
01. The contemplation of the body (kayanupasssana)
02. The contemplation of the feeling (vedananupassana)
03. The contemplation of state of the mind (cittanupassana)
04. The contemplation of the mental contents (dhammanupassana)[viii]

01. The contemplation of the body (kayanupasssana)

Under this category come mindfulness of breathing, mindfulness of the bodily postures, and
meditation on the part of the body, the four elements, and the cemetery contemplations.  
02. The contemplation of the feeling (vedananupassana)
The awareness of the feelings such pleasant, unpleasant and indifferent sensation of physical
and mental origin.
03. The contemplation of state of the mind (cittanupassana)
The mind has both beneficial and harmful characteristics, and developed and undeveloped
nature. The contemplation of state of the mind is one kind of self-examination. It is very
important in introspection which consists with inner argument of self-justification and self-
accusations and search for hidden motives.
04. The contemplation of the mental contents (dhammanupassana)
The contemplation on the dhammas such as the five hindrances (nivarana), The five
categories of clinging. (upadanakkhanda), The six sense bases (ayatana) and The fetters
(sanyojana), The seven factors of enlightenment (bojjanga), The four noble truths (sacca).
Under this category come negative thoughts of the mind the practices of the developing
positive thoughts.
As a individual person he can get clear idea about him and live happy life with associating
friends and family members if he has clear understand about these Suttas.

II. Group Counseling

Group counseling different from the individual counseling. In this counseling system take six
to ten members in one time and discuss about similar problem which confront them. Through
that gathering group member, the people can change their attitudes, feelings, and necessities.
From that other group members can identify others problems and can help to others overcome
problems. In group counseling discuss about the problems with details. In group counseling
need more leader training because it is more complex. Group counseling helps to people to
resolve interpersonal conflicts. It promotes greater self awareness and insight. Group
counseling helps individual members to eliminate their self defeating behavior. it use to
resolve specific problems and takes short time like week or a month. It is very useful to make
trust with each other and they study to do team works. Through group counseling they learn
how to understand other people nature. They learn to respect to other members.  
Buddha in his career used group counseling in so many places. Buddhist monks as a group
lived ideal lives. Once King Kosal says the monks live without debating with each other,
“avivadamana” associating each other happily “sammodamana” and with good connection
wit each other “khirodakibhuta”. Buddha menation in another place “sakaccaya kho maharaja
panna veditabbo” through discussion can improve the wisdom and find solution for problems.
In Nandaka Sutta Buddha says,
“sadhu sadhu nandaka evam kho nandaka patirupam kulaputtanam samma agarasma
anagariyam pabbajitam yam tumhe dhammiya kathaya sandesseyyatha”
The discussion useful to improve the knowledge. Once Buddha advice to group of princes
named Baddavaggiya who was searching for a women. Buddha preached them to find about
them not about others. Like that Buddha have used group counseling method in following
suttas,  

1. Alagaddupama Sutta
2. Cullagosingha Sutta
3. Cullavedalha Sutta
4. Dhammacetiya Sutta
5. Mahasaccka Sutta
6. Nandaka Sutta
7. Paharada Sutta
8. Ratavinita Sutta
9. Sammaditthi Sutta
10. Sammaditthi Sutta

III. Family Counseling

Buddhism is not only a teaching which people lead toward supra-mundane life. In Pali canon
we can find many teaching related happy family life. Buddha admired the happy family life.
The family is the basic and most important part of the society. Without good family life
human society can be vanish and it can fall in to inferior state. A good family can make a
good person for society.
In Pali canon mention about the family by the words such as kula, vansa, and gotta. Ther are
many Suttas can use in family counseling. Those are,

1. Aggañña Sutta
2. Acinteyya Sutta
3. Anuruddha Sutta
4. Alagaddupama Sutta
5. Aranavibanga Sutta
6. Avenikadukkha Sutta
7. Anaticāri Sutta
8. Aputtaka Sutta
9. Bhaddekaratta Sutta
10. Cullavyuha Sutta
11. Cullavedalla Sutta
12. Chullagosingha Sutta
13. Chavahalata Sutta
14. Dhammacetiya Sutta
15. Dhananjāni Sutta
16. Ditthi Sutta
17. Dhītu Sutta
18. Dutiya Sutta
19. Dutiya Samvasa Sutta
20. Hetu Sutta
21. Itthibandana Sutta
22. Kalahavivāda Sutta
23. Khinti Sutta
24. Khatthiya Sutta
25. Kosambiya Sutta
26. Kula Sutta
27. Lābasatkāra Sutta  
28. Mahātanhāsankaya Sutta
29. Mahāparinibbāna Sutta
30. Matuposaka Sutta
31. Mahāsaccaka Sutta
32. Mahāsāla Sutta
33. Mallikā Sutta
34. Mātugama Sutta
35. Mahānāma Sutta
36. Mahāgovinda Sutta
37. Manāpakāyikā Sutta
38. Mātāputta Sutta  
39. Migasālā Sutta
40. Nakulapitu Sutta
41. Nattiputta Sutta
42. Nandaka Sutta
43. Pattakamma Sutta
44. Patama Samvāsa Sutta
45. Paharāda Sutta
46. Parisā Sutta
47. Patamanakulapitu sutta
48. Pāsarāsi Sutta
49. Potaliya Sutta
50. Purisabandana Sutta
51. Parābhava Sutta
52. Piyajātika Sutta
53. Ratha Sutta
54. Roga Sutta
55. Rathavinita Sutta
56. Sabbrahma Sutta
57. Sammāditthi Sutta
58. Sattabariyā Sutta
59. Saptajatila Sutta
60. Sattavanapada Sutta
61. Sakkanamassana Sutta
62. Sigālovāda Sutta
63. Samvāsa Sutta
64. Samajivi Sutta
65. Sāleyyaka Sutta
66. Sigālovāda Sutta
67. Vasala Sutta
68. Vatthu Sutta
69. Vajira Sutta
70. Vepulla Sutta
71. Vanijjā Sutta
72. Veludvāra Sutta
73. Visāka Sutta
74. Vitakkasantana Sutta
75. Vyaggapajja Sutta

In Buddhist family counseling Sigālovada Sutta of Diga Nikaya is very important. It show
social responsibilities and claims of a person. Those are very useful to make happy family
life.
In Sigalovada Sutta Buddha first explains about fourteen troublesome activities which
avoided by a responsible person. The four defilements of action, the four causes of evil
action, and the six ways of squandering wealth,  
1. Taking life (panatipato)
2. Stealing (adinnadanam)
3. Sexual misconduct (kamesu micchacaro)
4. Lying (musavado)
5. Desire (chanda)
6. Hate (dosa)
7. Ignorance (moha)
8. Fear (bhaya)
9. Indulging in intoxicants
10. Wandering the streets at inappropriate times
11. Frequenting public spectacle
12. Compulsive gambling
13. Malevolent companionship
14. Habitual idleness
The n in Sigalovada Sutta introduce six types of groups in the society. In this six grouos
include every kinds of person. According to Sigalovada Sutta every person has to do sixty
one duties. By practicing duties a person can make live happy life in the society. In that Sutta
introduce six couples of groups which represent the whole society. According to that sutta
wise young man worship to six directions which symbolize the six couples of groups. Those
six groups are,
01. Parents and children - East
02. Teachers and Students - South
03. Husband and wife - West
04. Friends and associates - North
05. Masters and servants - Nadir
06. Clergy and devotees - Zenith  
Among these groups group of husband and wife and parents and children mainly focus in
family counseling. According to Sigalovada Sutta duties of the children for their parents are,
(i) Having supported me I shall support them, - bhatone harissati  
(ii) I shall do their duties, - kiccam tesam karissati
(iii) I shall keep the family tradition, - kulavansam thapessati  
(iv) I shall make myself worthy of my inheritance, - dāyajjam patipajjati  
(v) I shall offer alms in honor of my departed - petānam kālakatānam dakkhinam
anupadassati  
The parents also must fulfill their duties in five ways,
(i) They restrain them from evil, - pāpā nivārenti 
(ii) They encourage them to do good, - kalyane nivesenti  
(iii) They train them for a profession, - sikkahm sikkhāpenti
(iv) They arrange a suitable marriage, - patirupena darena sanyojenti
(v) At the proper time they hand over their inheritance to them. – samaye dayajjam
nayyadenti
Further Sigalovada Sutta says the husbands should be comments fie duties for their wives,
(i) By being courteous to her, - Sammānanāya
(ii) By not despising her, - Anavamānanāya
(iii) By being faithful to her, - Anaticariya
(iv) By handing over authority to her, - Issariya vossagaghena
(v) By providing her with adornments. - Alnkara nappadānena
The wives also should show their compassion to their husband in five ways,
(i) She performs her duties well, - susamvihita kammantā
(ii) She is hospitable to relations and attendants - sausangahita parijana  
(iii) She is faithful, - Anaticarini
(iv) She protects what he brings, - Samhatam Anurakkhanti
(v) She is skilled and industrious in discharging her duties. - dakkhaca hoti analasa
sabbanivesu[ix]
These duties emphasize that parents always must show the right way of life to the children.
They must teach them first wholesome and unwholesome. Then parents must give good
education to the children. These duties are very useful to make a good person for the society.
In present many social problems arise due to the immoral practices of the young generation.
They do not respect to the parents and do not improve their skills to do any job. The parents
should give more attention to the children from childhood to young age to improve their
children skills and morality. Later parents should find a good lady or gentlemen for their
young son or daughter. Then in proper time must give their property to them. When parents
do not do their duties well many problems occur in the families. Children do not experience
the parents’ love and affection; do not get protection from the parents they hate to the parents
and society.  
The children also after they become to young age, they must feed their parents. Parents
should be looked after. When parents become to old age children must protect them. When
they get ill must provide medicine to them. When children do not show their affection to the
parents they will confront to many problems. Some children be shame to show their poor
parents to the rich friends. If some one does not care about their parents Buddha said that
kind of children must be looked upon by the society. As a duty children should protect the
parent’s properties and family customs.
As husband and wife they should live happy life with understand each other well. According
to Buddhist tradition leadership in the house goes to wife. The society has changed
completely when we compare with the time of the Buddha. The role of the women in the
society changed in many areas. Howsoever duties of the husband and wife can use in present
society also. The wife should perform her duties well. She has many duties to do for husband
and children in every day. She should be able to perform those duties well. She has to treat to
husband’s friends and relatives. In many families arise problems due to the treating relatives.
Some time husband look down upon the wife’s relatives and wife look down upon the
husband’s relatives. As a couple they have to respect to relatives of both side. The wife
should protect the faith. The faith is essential for family life. When damage to the faith
between husband and wife it is the end of marriage life.
Husband also has five duties to do for wife. He must respect her and should not despise her.
Husband also must protect the faith of her. He should not behave misconduct with other
women. The leadership of the house should give to the wife and every needy thing includes
cloths, ornaments should provide to her.
Buddha in Samvāsa Sutta[x] also give four kinds of couple live in the society.  
1. A corpse like man live with corpse like woman
2. A corpse like man live with goddess like woman
3. A god like man live with corpse like woman
4. A god like man live with goddess like woman  
Here Buddha take simile of corpse to symbolize the immoral person and god and goddess
take to symbolize the moral person. Here emphasize that husband and wife both have
responsibility to behave according to social ethics without rejecting those things. In
Sakkanamasana Sutta Buddha mentions the householders who treat his family well the god
Sakka also worship him. Buddha give higher value to good family life. That kind of families
can experiences the highest happiness in their life. In Migasala Sutta Buddha says those kinds
of husband and wife can experience the highest happiness of sexuality.[xi]  
Once Visaka Upasika who was the foremost Upasika of the Buddha, readied to her marriage
and her farther gave eight vital advices to her. Those are,
(i) The inside fire should not give to outside - the family problems should not tell with the
outside people.  
(ii) The outside fire should not take into the inside – the problems not pertaining to their life
should not talk inside the family.  
(iii) Give only for givers – when give debt it should give to who return  
(iv) Do not give to one who not give – do not give debt who not return
(v) Give to one who give and one who not give - Practicing the generosity 
(vi) Eat well
(vii) Sleep well
(viii) Worship the inside God - respect to the family elders
As a good wife she must practice good qualities. In society we can see various people. Their
attitude and character is different to each other. In Sattabariya Sutta[xii] Buddha mention
about seven types of wives. Those are,
01. Vadhakasama bhariya - The wife who lookdown upon the husband and behave sexual
misconduct.
02. Corasama bhariya - The wife who waste the wealth of the husband.
03. Ayyasama bhariya - The wife who like a master and blame to her husband and despise in
the society.
04. Matusama bhariya - The wife gives the protection and affection like a mother.
05. Bhaginisama bhariya - The wife respect to the husband like a younger sister.
06. Sakisama bhariya - The wife happy even seeing the husband and associate as friend.
07. Dasisama bhariya - the wife does all the work and obey like a servant.
In Purisabandana and Itthi bandana Sutta of Anguttara Nikaya mention eight kind of factors
which are related to attract one to another. Those are figure, smile, speech, tears, cloths,
voice, and touch.[xiii] These factors are essential to develop love and attraction among men
and woman. Husband and wife always should think to get other’s attraction to his or her. In
Mahaparinibbana Sutta Buddha mentions about the old person marry young ladies.
According to that sutta it is sign of deterioration.[xiv]  
Buddhism advices to people to live moral happy lay life. That moral happy life is vital to tend
to spiritual development. According to Budddhist Sutta we can see some lay Buddhists also
attained to Arahantship. For instance, King Suddhodana, Minister Santati and so on.  
IV. Pre-marriage Counseling
In western countries every person who expects to enter to the married life he definitely takes
counseling from the counselor. The family is vital for society. It is the basic unit in the
society. Children affect to the family and family affect to the children. Greatest person such
as Buddha, Arahant also born in a family. When a Buddha decide born I human world
Buddha consider about the mother. She must be moral woman. Many sociologists emphasize
that good family life is the foundation for strong nation.  
In Pali canon we find many Suttas related to pre-marriage counseling. Under family
counseling how many suttas come those all suttas related to pre-marriage counseling also.
Beside those sutta  
1. Avenikadukkha Sutta
2. Uggaha Sutta.
Very important to young people to know before enter into the family life. In Avenikadukkha
of Samyutta Nikaya mentioned about five kinds of sufferings which experienced by only
women. Those are,
1. The women have to separate from their parents and relatives when they married.
2. The women have to season of menses
3. The women have period of pregnancy.
4. The women have to bear the travail.
5. The women have to depend on the husbands.[xv]
As a young man before enter in to the married life he should know nature of the womanhood.
The women are not completely similar with men. Their body and attitudes are different from
the men. Before enter into wedded life they should know about the difference. In Uggaha
Sutta of Anguttara Nikaya also Buddha mentions about good qualities which should be
practiced by good young lady in wedded life. Buddha preached this sutta just before married
daughter of Uggaha Mendakanatta.  

A wife should rise betimes before her husband, and sleep after him;
She should respect his wishes,
Give him pleasure and be of sweet speech.
His parents and elders and all those whom he holds in esteem, should she reverence and
honour;
She should be skilful in all the duties of the household;
She should look after the servants in the house and supervise their duties, provide them with
all necessaries and be kind and helpful to them;
She should safeguard her husband's interests and look after his wealth; she should be of
virtuous conduct in every way.[xvi]

Buddha advice she to practice like that after married. When young couple enter into married
life with good understanding about them and life that wedded life will be trouble less.
05. Qualities required of a Counselor.
Buddhist counseling different from western counseling because ability of advising. In
western counseling they don’t advice to client. In Buddhist counseling counselor can advice
to client. Because of that in Buddhist counseling required moral and good qualities and ideal
character from the counselor. In western counseling client not required that kind of quality or
ideal character from the counselor. According to pali canon we can find many qualities which
Buddha and his disciples had. Those qualities should improve in the counselor. Some of them
are,

1. Conviction - saddha
2. Virtuousness - Sīla
3. Learning - suta
4. Generosity - cāga
5. Able - sakko
6. Upright - uju
7. Perfectly - suju
8. Modest - suvaco
9. Gentle - mudu
10. Humble - anatimani
11. Contented - santussako
12. Easily supportable - subharo
13. With few commitments - appakicca
14. Plain living - sallahukavutti
15. Restrained in senses - santindriya
16. Discreet - nipak0
17. Not impudent – appagabbho
18. Free from family bonds – kulesu ananugiddho
19. Abstained even from a slight wrong that the wise censure 
20. His own identity
21. Respect and appreciate themselves
22. Open to change
23. Making changes that shape their lives
24. Authentic, sincere and honest
25. Sense of humor
26. Make the mistake and willing to admist them
27. Live in present
28. Appreciate the influence of culture
29. Able to maintain healthy boundaries
30. Does not get emotionally disturbed and distracted by intense passion for what is attractive
31. Is not irritated by what tempts the average flak to get irritated.
32. Steady, firm and not deluded in the presence of confusing impressions
33. Never falls into fit or anger.
34. Does not get discomposed in wht is enchanting
35. Follows the gradual method in his counseling sessions
36. Keeps the causal genesis in his references
37. Handles not aim at worldly gains
38. Does not attend to the case in a way that it hurts his own interest of others.
39. Able to counsel on his own accord
40. Knowing the interest of others
41. Ability of counseling as an answer to a question
42. Ability counsel according to circumstances.
43. Problems that ought to be solved categorically
44. Problems that ought to be solved with counter question
45. Problems that ought to be set a side
46. Problems that should be solved analytically
47. Gradual method of instruction
48. Knowing the standard method of instruction
49. He himself talk to the concern person
50. Speaks first
51. Talks pleasantly
52. Ready to talk any time for benefit of others
53. Listen to others as best friends
54. Loving kindness
55. Compassion
56. Sympathetic or altruistic
57. Equanimity
58. Charity
59. morality
60. Communicating with others using pleasant words
61. Engaging in welfare work
62. Fellow feeling
63. Restrain from impure moral habit
64. Restrain from impure mode of livelihood
65. Restrain from impure expounding of the norm
66. Restrain from impure exposition
67. Restrain from impure knowledge and insight
68. Should be a listener
69. Should be a drawer of client attention to listen
70. Should be a learner
71. Should be one who cause the lister to remember
72. Should be a person who knows the fact and figures
73. Should be an expounder
74. Should be skilled in what is compatible and in compatible
75. Should not given to quarreling
76. Restrain from killing.
77. Restrain from stealing
78. Restrain from sexual misconduct
79. Restrain from lying
80. Restrain from intoxicants
81. Restrain from back bite
82. Restrain from harsh speech
83. Restrain from vainly talks
84. No greedy
85. No covetousness
86. No hatred  
87. Learned – viyatto
88. Trained – vinito
89. Confidents – visaradho
90. Competent – patibalo
91. Straight – akutilo
92. Speaks truth – saccavadi
93. Wise – dhiro
94. Entered upon a path of lawfulness - dhammanudhammapatipanno
95. Behaved according to dhamma- saddhammacari
96. Seeing the reality – dhammadassi
97. Entered upon the right path - supatipanno
98. Entered upon the up right path - uju patipanno
99. Walking in the right path - nayapatipanno
100. Knower the dhamma – dhammavedi  

For effectiveness of the Buddhist counseling require counselor’s qualities. As well as Buddha
says the client also must be consists with values to take effective counseling services. When
counselor counsel in good way if client do not take it seriously the counseling will be
ineffective. In Anumana Sutta of Majjhima Nikkaya mention negative qualities of the client
which pertaining to fail the counsel. Those are,
1. He has evil wishes and is dominated by evil wishes.
2. Lauds him and disparages others.
3. He is angry and is overcome by anger
4. He is angry and revengeful
5. He is angry and inflexible because of anger
6. He is angry and utters words neighboring anger
7. Resists the criticize
8. Denigrates the criticize
9. Counter reprove
10. Prevaricates, changes the subject, or shows anger, hatred, and hostility
11. Fails to account for his conduct
12. He is contemptuous and domineering
13. He is envious and avaricious
14. He is fraudulent and deceitful
15. He is obstinate and arrogant
16. He adheres to his own views, holds on to them tenaciously, and relinquishes them with
difficulty.[xvii]  
06. Jataka Story for counseling
In Jathaka stories mainly explain the solution for problems. The Jathaka stories give good
examples to the society. When some trouble arises Buddha solve these problems using
special techniques and wisdom. Some Jathaka stories show the mental illness which sickens
the human mind. In same Jathaka stories comes the treatment for that illness. In Buddhist
counseling counselor can use these techniques for client.
In Darimuka Jataka story explain about 8 kinds of psychiatric disorders. Those are sexual
dysfunction, mania, hallucinations, mental retardation, possession disorders, melancholia,
alcohol dependence, and depression. In Dhammapala Jataka come a story about farther killed
his own infant due to the wife did not care about him. That explain Oedipus complex and
great hatred and massive jealousy. In Andapata jataka story mentions about exposition of a
nymphomania. inKshantivada Jataka come a story about sadism.
Astamitta Jataka explain one mother love with her son’s pupil and she tries to kill her son for
sexual misconduct with the pupil. In kanvera Jataka also come a story which explain
abnormal behavior of some person. One lady love to a thief and safe from him execution.
Later the thief took her all ornaments and ran away but she still loves him. She want to find
him and forgive him. IN Ummagga Jataka and Ubaya badra jataka explain about hyper sexual
desire of the human beings. Bahiya Jatika explain about coprophilia, urophilia and patrol
fetishism. In Kunala Jataka mention about exhibition of se, nymphomania, excessive sexual
drive voyeurism, group sex and partial fetishism.
In Bandana Mokka Jataka and Samugga Jataka mention jealousy of partner and pathological
jealousy. In Guttila Jataka explain how a person going to suicide with the stress due to the
loose of self respect. Kamani Jataka, Dasantaka Jataka and kesawa Jataka mention about
psychogenic diarrhea. Acari Jataka, Nangulisa Jataka mention about mental retardation. Culla
Narada Jataka and Parantapa Jataka mention about child sexual abuse. Pannika Jataka and
Seggu Jataka explain about sexual intercourse with relatives. In kaccapa Jataka explain about
oral sex and aural sex. In Asanga Jataka mention about sexual jealousy.
These all kinds of disorders exist in the some human mind and those kinds of people mostly
come to take counseling. Understanding Jataka story is very useful to take right decision for
right person.

07. Buddhist stories related to Buddhist counseling

Buddha simultaneously raised troublesome incidents solved using his own therapies. Those
all methods in modern western counseling psychology also use. Understanding the Buddhist
stories and therapies are very important to the counselor.
01. Kisagotami’s story  
Buddha make the opportunity to understand real situation and problem she face. Then
Buddha let she know the reality of the world with her experiences. Finally she herself
understood the reality of the world. In modern psychology it known as insight therapy.  
02. Patacara’s story  
When Buddha met patacara Buddha used reality therapy. Buddha show the reality of the
world cannot change and every person has to confront similar sorrowful incidents day by day.
Then Buddha tend her to understand about the inside of her herself. It called introspection
therapy.  
03. Angulimala’s story  
Buddha use introspection therapy for Angulimala. Buddha said to Angulimala “I’m already
stopped; now you stop”. Then he tend to understand about him. Then he knew where went
wrong with him and re-corrected it.
04. Sunita, Sopaka, and Rajjumala’s stories  
In these incidents Buddha met these people individually and advice them alone. According
their character Buddha lead them. it is the client centered therapy. After Buddha tend them to
search meaning of the life and maintain life in proper way. That is logo-therapy.  
05. Bhaddavaggiya prince’s story  
Those princes also came to Buddha and asked “did you see a woman running from here?”
Buddha said “you do not search about others, you should search yourself”. Then they
understood actually they must search about them. it is the introspection therapy.
06. Water problem of Rohini River  
In this problem Buddha tend to people who ready to war to see realty of the life and to search
meaning of the life. Buddha asked them “what is the most value, whether water or blood?”
07. Akkosaka Bhardvaja  
Akkossa baradvaja blamed to Buddha in every time. Once Buddha went to meat him. The
 Brahmin blame to Buddha. Buddha allowed to blame and finally question from him. Buddha
allowed releasing the emotional tension from him. It called Catharsis therapy.
08. Yasodara’s story  
When Buddha return to Kibulwata Yasodara did not went to meat Buddha and she thought if
I live ideal life for him in these period he must come to me. Buddha went to see her. After
Buddha came to meat the Buddha Yasodhara holds his foot and cried. Buddha did not avoid
her. Buddha allowed her to cry until her sadness went out. That also catharsis therapy. Then
Buddha preached to her Chandakinnara Jataka and admired her. It call today Biblio therapy.
Finally she attained to Arahantship.
09. Chullapantaka thera’s story  
Chullapantaka thea could not study any thing. He anable to learn. His brother because his
inability ready to return him to home. Buddha knew Chullapantaka thera’s ability and used
another therapy for him. It known as cognitive behavioral therapy.  
10. Sirima’s story  
Sirima was a beautiful prostitute who makes happy all the city people. Every people waste lot
of money for her. After Sirima died Buddha said to prince to not to cremate her body. Then
Buddha addressed the gathering which consist with all the rich people in the city and say to
take her body free. People understood their m
See Less