FADE IN:

INT. COUCH - DAY

It is a house.

NARRATOR
Greetings, everyone. It is another
wonderful day here in Fantasy Land.
The lights are shining, the
monsters are experience points, and
the quests are plentiful. But where
is our hero Dice Bag Jeff? Hm, that
is a puzzler.

RING RING.

NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Ah ha! A phone call! This
convenient plot ploy shall surely
direct us towards his whereabouts.
... I just received word that our
hero is unconscious under the
couch. Shall we?

Under the couch is DICE BAG JEFF, a mimic. He yawns.

MURDERER, 32, DINGS his microphone.

MURDERDER
Ah, good, you’re awake. Because I’m
so evil, I have set numerous traps
in this house, and you must
overcome them all, lest you snuff
it. There are clues here, there,
and everywhere that will defeat
each trap, but they are not easy to
find. Can you escape before your
timely demise? Find out inside!
Good luck!

CLICK. Dice Bag Jeff comes out from under the couch. He
surveys the area, and goes across Couch Cliff. CLICK. An
arrow trap flies at him, but misses.

MURDERDER (CONT'D)
Crap!

Dice Bag Jeff looks for the source of the voice, but is
unsuccessful. He continues across Couch Cliff.

At the base of Couch Cliff, Dice Bag Jeff searches. He ROLLS

a d20, and finds a pen.
 2.

DICE BAG JEFF

How dumb.

Dice Bag Jeff ROLLS again, and KABOOM!

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

What’s that?

JASON from Playing War jumps down.

JASON
You die!

Jason SHOOTS his pistol at Dice Bag Jeff. PING.

DICE BAG JEFF

Ha! That didn’t work. But why are
you trying to kill me?

JASON
Because there’s a lot at steak. I’m
hungry, and you look tasty.

DICE BAG JEFF

Repulsion.

JASON
What did that do?

Jason walks towards Dice Bag Jeff, and walks over him.

JASON (CONT'D)
Hm. Odd.

Dice Bag Jeff heads off. Jason follows, but cannot get near
him. Dice Bag Jeff leaves.

Dice Bag Jeff is at Entertainment Shelf. Jason has vanished.

Dice Bag Jeff ROLLS a search check. He finds another pen.

DICE BAG JEFF

Crap! Why can I only find pens?

Dice Bag Jeff throws the pen.

JASON (O.C.)
Ow!

DICE BAG JEFF

Crap...

Jason comes back into the scene, and throws the pen at Dice
Bag Jeff.
 3.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Ouch.

JASON
Are those your last words?

Dice Bag Jeff turns to face Jason.

DICE BAG JEFF

Of course not!

JASON
No matter! You can’t defeat me,
mimic!

Jason SHOOTS at Dice Bag Jeff with his BAR, but no bullets
hit Dice Bag Jeff. Jason runs off.

DICE BAG JEFF

Well, I guess that’s one way to win
a fight.

Dice Bag Jeff goes back to his search for clues when Jason
comes back, and throws a grenade at Dice Bag Jeff, and it
EXPLODES on him. It sends Dice Bag Jeff backwards.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Crap!

Dice Bag Jeff epically BELCHES, and Jason flies away.

JASON
I don’t like this plane!

Dice Bag Jeff watches Jason fly away, and continues to search
for clues, and finds a message in a bottle.

DICE BAG JEFF

Mage hand.

A hand opens the bottle, and dumps out the message.

MURDERDER
You found a clue! Hooray! You must
go to Reclineville, and find your
next clue there. But be careful! If
you find the wrong thing, it will
make your situation worse. Ha ha
ha! I’m evil. Bye!

CLICK. Dice Bag Jeff heads for Reclineville.

 4.

INT. RECLINEVILLE

There, Ben Panther sets a trap, sees Dice Bag Jeff, and heads
off. Dice Bag Jeff comes into the scene.

DICE BAG JEFF

Hm, let’s find clues. And hopefully
find more than a pen.

Dice Bag Jeff rolls a d20, and finds a pen.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Crap!

Ben Panther enters.

BEN PANTHER
Oh ho! A mimic! I thought I would
find you here.

DICE BAG JEFF

Who are you?

BEN PANTHER
Don’t worry about it. I’ve been
sent here to defeat you in combat,
and make Master’s job a little
easier.

DICE BAG JEFF

You have a master?

BEN PANTHER
Yes! You die!

Ben Panther charges Dice Bag Jeff.

DICE BAG JEFF

Lightning bolt!

It ZAPS Ben Panther, and he falls down.

Dice Bag Jeff looks for the clue, and CLICK. HISS.

A d20 falls next to Dice Bag Jeff. DING.

MURDERDER
Ah! Ha ha! Ha! You triggered the
trap! Now, there are noxious fumes
permeating into the house. You will
die sooner than later! Mwa ha ha
ha!
 5.

DICE BAG JEFF

But won’t your flunky die, too?

Silence.

MURDERDER
Crap. Um, I can always make more. I
could make a golem out of the dead
people.

DICE BAG JEFF

Uh, ew.

MURDERDER
Ha ha ha! You’re dead!

CLICK. Dice Bag Jeff goes behind Reclineville, and pops out
the front with a bottle in mouth. BEEP. The hiss stops.

Ben Panther enters.

BEN PANTHER
Your stupid spell can’t stop me!

He advances on Dice Bag Jeff, and trips a pit trap, and falls
into the hole.

BEN PANTHER (CONT'D)

Holy crap!

The pit closes.

A message falls out of the bottle, and Dice Bag Jeff BURPS it
away. He rolls a search d20, and finds a pen.

DICE BAG JEFF

Ugh...

Dice Bag Jeff goes to Land of Small Table.

INT. LAND OF SMALL TABLE

On top of it is Dave Piranha, and below it is Dice Bag Jeff.

Dave Piranha is on the phone.

DAVE PIRANHA
But I am smart. I do well at
everything. I’m a really cool guy.
I’m the best at the rest.

DICE BAG JEFF

Symbol of fear.
 6.

A rune appears next to Dice Bag Jeff.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Go up there.

It does. Dave Piranha sees and reads it, and cries. Dice Bag
Jeff is on Land of Small Table.

DAVE PIRANHA
Are you the jerk who put that
there?

DICE BAG JEFF

No, I’m the mimic who did.

DAVE PIRANHA
Why are you stupid?

Silence.

DAVE PIRANHA (CONT'D)

Why aren’t you responding?

DICE BAG JEFF

Oh I thought you were talking to
yourself.

Dave Piranha cries softly, then collects himself.

DAVE PIRANHA
Begone, foul demon! Symbol of
weakness. Perceive this.

Dice Bag Jeff BURPS, and Dave Piranha flies away as...

DAVE PIRANHA (CONT'D)

You evil cretin! I have always been
better than you!

Dice Bag Jeff rolls a search d20, and finds a message in a

bottle.

DICE BAG JEFF

I’m glad it’s not another pen.

CLICK.

MURDERDER
Ooh! You found the next clue! Good
good.

DICE BAG JEFF

I didn’t have much trouble. You put
it in the open.
 7.

MURDERDER
I hid it really well, didn’t I? My
guardian for it is really powerful.

DICE BAG JEFF

But Dave sucks.

MURDERDER
Your next clue is that there is a
remote somewhere that will turn off
every trap. It’s hidden in plain
sight, but not on a sight plain.
Have fun with that!

Dice Bag Jeff goes to Tiny Table.

MURDERDER (CONT'D)
I bet you’re scratching your head.
I am so confusing, aren’t I? Mwa ha
ha! I’m so clever!

Dice Bag Jeff is gone.

INT. TINY TABLE

It’s the end table by the couch.

Dice Bag Jeff arrives under it.

DICE BAG JEFF

I need up there, but how?

The tension mounts as Dice Bag Jeff thinks about this. DING!

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

I know what to do! Mage hand.

A hand comes, picks up Dice Bag Jeff, and sets him on Tiny
Table. It is cluttered.

Rabbit Boy descends onto the scene.

RABBIT BOY
I am here to defeat the dummy.

Dice Bag Jeff epically BURPS. Rabbit Boy is not fazed.

DICE BAG JEFF

Blast. It didn’t work.

Rabbit Boy SHOOTS at Dice Bag Jeff three times, and misses.
Rabbit Boy bounces.
 8.

RABBIT BOY
I did it. I’m awesome. I’m smart.

Rabbit Boy stops.

RABBIT BOY (CONT'D)

Why aren’t you dead? Blasted
cheater! Tantrum!

Rabbit Boy throws a tantrum.

DICE BAG JEFF

Why do I keep encountering you?

Rabbit Boy stops.

RABBIT BOY
Because I’m awesome. I’m smart.

DICE BAG JEFF

My life you’re obnoxious.

Rabbit Boy SHOOTS at Dice Bag Jeff thrice, and misses each
time. He bounces in admiration.

RABBIT BOY
Well, you’re dead.

DICE BAG JEFF

No I’m not.

Rabbit Boy stops.

RABBIT BOY
You evil cheater!

DICE BAG JEFF

Hold monster.

Rabbit Boy ROLLS a d20.

RABBIT BOY
I saved! Ha ha!

Rabbit Boy bounces.

DICE BAG JEFF

Crap! Stupid turd.

Rabbit Boy SHOOTS at Dice Bag Jeff twice, and HITS once.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Gah! You evil jerk!
 9.

Rabbit Boy bounces again.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Symbol of pain.

The symbol appears in front of Rabbit Boy. He stops, and

looks at it.

RABBIT BOY
Ouch! You hacked! You cheated!
You’re an evil dummy!

Rabbit Boy bounces extra fast.

DICE BAG JEFF

Stop!

Rabbit Boy freezes in place.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Huzzah! I can search in peace now.

Dice Bag Jeff turns away from Rabbit Boy. Rolls search d20
and finds another pen.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Blast it!

Rabbit Boy moves again, and SHOOTS at Dice Bag Jeff twice,
but misses each time.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Ugh.

Dice Bag Jeff turns to face Rabbit Boy, and Rabbit Boy
bounces and MUMBLES an inaudible incantation. Dice Bag Jeff
advances on Rabbit Boy. Rabbit Boy stops, and his gun FARTS.
Dice Bag Jeff GAGS.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

What is that?

Rabbit Boy bounces, and MUMBLES more of his inaudible

incantation. Dice Bag Jeff epically BURPS. Rabbit Boy no
longer mumbles.

RABBIT BOY
You broke my concentration! Jerk!

Rabbit Boy SHOOTS at Dice Bag Jeff thrice. None hit.

RABBIT BOY (CONT'D)

Drat! Cheater! Air walk!
 10.

Rabbit Boy runs up above Dice Bag Jeff.

RABBIT BOY (CONT'D)

Summon monster IV!

Rabbit Boy’s HENCHMAN appears next to Rabbit Boy.

HENCHMAN
What?

RABBIT BOY
Go get the cretin!

Henchman jumps down to Dice Bag Jeff.

DICE BAG JEFF

Repulsion.

Henchman misses, and THUDS on Tiny Table next to Dice Bag

Jeff, unconscious.

Rabbit Boy bounces quickly.

RABBIT BOY
You’re stupid. You can’t do
anything right. I can’t believe I
hired you. You’re a dummy.

Dice Bag Jeff GROANS.

DICE BAG JEFF

Ice storm?

Invisible hail HAILS on Rabbit Boy. TINK. TINK TINK. TINK.

RABBIT BOY
Ouch! You evil dummy! Me-a gonna
kill-a you!

Rabbit Boy runs down from above Dice Bag Jeff.

RABBIT BOY (CONT'D)

Harm!

Rabbit Boy SHOOTS the spell at Dice Bag Jeff, and he GRUNTS
in pain. Dice Bag Jeff DRINKS a healy potion. Rabbit Boy
shoots at him once, and his gun CLICKS empty.

RABBIT BOY (CONT'D)

Darn. Gotta reload.

Dice Bag Jeff BURPS. Rabbit Boy flies away from the table.
 11.

RABBIT BOY (CONT'D)

Son of a cow!

Rabbit Boy EXPLODES when he hits the ground.

DICE BAG JEFF

There. That takes care of that.

Dice Bag Jeff search d20 roll and finds a MESSAGE rune.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Nice rune.

It RINGS thrice, and then CLICK.

MURDERDER
(falsetto)
Your call could not be connected.
We are sorry for the inconvenience.
Please try again in a few years.
Goodbye.

CLICK. Dice Bag Jeff SIGHS in contempt, and rolls a search

d20. He finds a pen.

DICE BAG JEFF

Argh!

Dice Bag Jeff tosses the pen, and it EXPLODES when it his the
floor.

RABBIT BOY
Ouch!

Dice Bag Jeff GROANS.

DICE BAG JEFF

Not him again...

Rabbit Boy runs up atop Tiny Table.

RABBIT BOY
You’re an evil stupid person!
Tantrum!

Rabbit Boy bounces, and speeds up as he goes.

DICE BAG JEFF

Grease.

Rabbit Boy slips, and flies off of Tiny Table.

RABBIT BOY
This didn’t go as planned.
 12.

DICE BAG JEFF

Hold monster!

Rabbit Boy freezes in midair.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Whew. That takes care of that. But
what about the clue?

Dave Piranha comes up through Tiny Table.

DAVE PIRANHA
It is I, your worst nightmare.

DICE BAG JEFF

Oh, you’re not that terrifying.

DAVE PIRANHA
I’m more terrifying than a demonic
clown!

DICE BAG JEFF

And about as clever as dirt.

Dave Piranha pulls out a piece of paper.

DAVE PIRANHA
I will defeat you with my superior
everything. Symbol of weakness.

Dice Bag Jeff BURPS, and Dave Piranha drops the paper.

DAVE PIRANHA (CONT'D)

You evil bastard! You screwed up my
attack!

Dave Piranha advances on Dice Bag Jeff.

DICE BAG JEFF

Repulsion.

Dave Piranha continues to walks towards Dice Bag Jeff, goes

around him, and falls off of Tiny Table.

DAVE PIRANHA
This didn’t go as planned!

Dave Piranha EXPLODES when he hits the ground. There is a

piece of paper where Dave Piranha just stood.

DICE BAG JEFF

I wonder if that’s the clue?

On the paper is scribble marks, and a Message rune.

 13.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

I wonder how you turn on the rune?

CLICK.

MURDERDER
If you’re hearing this message, I
have fired Dave Piranha for being a
horrible guardian. It also means
you’re nearing the end of your
quest. Next, you’ll need to defeat
a party of three in Entertainment
Cliff, or else the entire house
will flood, and you will drown. Can
you do it? I sincerely doubt it.
Have fun!

CLICK. Dice Bag Jeff leaves.

INT. ENTERTAINMENT CLIFF

Atop Entertainment Cliff are Ben Panther, Fred Crocodile, and

Leaf.

BEN PANTHER
And now we wait.

FRED CROCODILE
Didn’t you just set a trap for him?

BEN PANTHER
Huh? Oh, yeah, but that didn’t work
out well.

LEAF
What went wrong?

BEN PANTHER
Plenty, but

Dice Bag Jeff is there.

FRED CROCODILE
Did you put that mimic there?

Ben Panther GROANS.

LEAF
I didn’t, but

BEN PANTHER
Is it that weird Jeff thing?
 14.

DICE BAG JEFF

I’ve come to find and disable the
trap.

Ben Panther gets his sword ready.

BEN PANTHER
Ah! The trap! Yes, you’ve come to
the right place! Prepare to be
defeated!

Leaf SCREAMS and runs away.

BEN PANTHER (CONT'D)

Where are you going?

DICE BAG JEFF

This fight will be easier than I
thought. Prepare to lose!

Fred Crocodile POPS his neck.

FRED CROCODILE
Let’s kick some butt.

Dice Bag Jeff BURPS. Fred freezes in place.

DICE BAG JEFF

Hm, that’s different.

Ben Panther charges Dice Bag Jeff, who has since vanished.

BEN PANTHER
Where’d he go?

Ben looks for him. Dice Bag Jeff is behind him. He SNICKERS.

DICE BAG JEFF

Flesh to stone!

Ben Panther turns to stone. Dice Bag Jeff rolls a d20 search,
and finds another pen.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Blast it! Why do I keep finding
pens! This sucks!

Dice Bag Jeff tosses the pen.

MURDERDER
Hey! That’s where the last clue is!

DICE BAG JEFF

Crap!
 15.

The pen flies back.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

How do you make it give me the
clue?

The pen CLICKS. Dice Bag Jeff vanishes.

MURDERDER
Ha! Just kidding! It’s really a
teleportation device! Mwa ha ha ha!

INT. COUCH

Dice Bag Jeff is in the corner of the couch. It is cluttered.

DICE BAG JEFF

What am I doing here?

MURDERDER
You have found the next part of my
game. You have three minutes to
disable to gaseous trap, or lest
you choke to death on it. There is
a guardian in your way to make it
that much tougher. Ha ha ha! Being
evil is so much fun.

CLICK.

DICE BAG JEFF

Ugh. This is getting on my nerves.

Into the scene comes Murderer, who wears a mask.

MURDERDER
Here I am in all of my glory! It is
time for you to die, O evil mimic!

DICE BAG JEFF

Who are you?

MURDERDER
I’m the one who’s been torturing
you. You have two minutes until the
gas blows in here, and suffocates
you.

Murderer LAUGHS.

DICE BAG JEFF

All right. I’m ready.
 16.

Murderer stops.

MURDERDER
You seem awfully calm for someone
who is about to die.

DICE BAG JEFF

Oh am I? My turn to laugh
manically! Bring on the gas!

MURDERDER
Fine!

Murderer pulls out his phone, and presses a button. HISS.

DICE BAG JEFF

Gust of wind!

MURDERDER
What? What did you?

The gas hits Murderer’s face. He CHOKES on it.

MURDERDER (CONT'D)
You dastardly villain! You
hurglegh!

Murderer grabs his throat and falls down.

DICE BAG JEFF

Hey! It worked! I guess I can go
home now.

Dice Bag Jeff heads for Entertainment Cliff, but stops.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

I changed my mind.

Dice Bag Jeff goes to Couch Cliff, and goes under it.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

I like this den down here.

Dice Bag Jeff finds a light switch.

DICE BAG JEFF (CONT'D)

Time to recoup for my next
adventure.

CLICK. The light goes off.

FADE TO BLACK.