SEND IN THE CLOWNS

The Duterte administration is a running joke, no one’s laughing anymore

By Randell Jan Palatan

About that time of the year again, the circus is in town. Clowns running around with their
own ridiculous stunts, extreme rides that make you feel sick in the stomach, and who could
forget the carousel that takes you around repeatedly and you don’t care. For the Philippines
though, this goes all year since 2016. They just added new attractions though last May 2019 and
it’s hilarious. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Philippine political circus.

As circus acts go, the Philippine political version has it all. Intrigue. Drama. Suspense.
Comedy. And a predictable finale that still surprises us when it actually hits the fan. So let’s dive
right in to the comedic world of Philippine politics, where the leaders laugh around at the
expense of millions of Filipinos.

Starting from the red corner, we have the people’s champion, the Filipino pride...or that’s
what I would like to call him but nah. Now he’s just the super rich boxer slash preacher slash
movie actor slash commercial model slash basketball enthusiast slash part-time senator — when
he has time anyway — that became the laughing stock of the Philippines, Mannnyyyyyy
“Pacman” Pacquiaaaooooo. He may have earned the world’s admiration in boxing, but as a
‘politiko’, he’s nothing but a clown ignorant of parliamentary rules.

This man can’t seem to pick what career he should take seriously so he’s choosing them
all. You may think that’s not a problem at all and you’re not wrong, but if he has the time to
endorse Shopee’s “ilibin-ilibin” sale, star in his own movie as Batangueño Miguel Malvar —
which is nonsense because Pacquiao’s from Bukidnon — and even consider a Hollywood role as
another hero yet again, he should find time to serve the country as a senator. He’s the clown that
juggles bottles, each representing his many roles and he’s already broken the ‘senator’ bottle
many times.

Yes, the leader of the last election, Cynthia Villar, who, despite being super rich and a
self-labelled ‘smart’ person, doesn’t understand research at all. If you’d at least browse your
timeline, you would’ve known that research developed ‘Pinyapel’, a locally-manufactured,
water-resistant specialty paper from discarded pineapple leaves, and won us an award in New
York. That would’ve angered you though ‘cause that would mean pineapple farming might boost
and that bodes bad for your plan to eradicate all farmers to make room for your housing and
malls. Well I’m sure your son in the DPWH would do his best to create roads for you though.
Come to think of it, I’m not surprised you had a lot of votes, just count the houses you built at
the expense of agriculture. I’d pay seven pesos to watch your show, you’re worth less than that
though.
 Now we have the meme of the senate, the one and only Bong Go, the president’s third
wife ‘cause he seems to be with him 24/7. Go said that he never noticed the first 100 days of
being a senator, why would he? When he’s not travelling, he’s just saying the dumbest of
remarks like only Superman can solve the traffic problem in the country, well you should’ve told
us that from the start, we would’ve voted for him instead. This man said that Duterte’s leadership
decreased the country’s hunger rate. How much exactly? I still see a lot of homeless people
everywhere and they’re growing in numbers. You’re not a special assistant anymore, you’re a
senator, wipe that vexing ‘ching-chong’ smile off your face, don’t follow your master around
like a dog and do your job.

Let’s all welcome our strong man gifted with muscles but up top, nothing’s inside, Bato
Dela Rosa. The eggman behind the failed ‘Oplan Tokhang’ where a three-year-old girl felled by
a policeman’s bullet during a buy-bust operation allegedly used as a human shield by the suspect
was greeted by Bato’s soothing words of condolence “Sh*t happens.” This egg had the audacity
to create a film based on his life to be a hero when he just led the killings of thousands of poor
alleged drug pushers and all he has to say now is “Ako ba pumatay?” Meanwhile, during the
hazing issue which led to the death of a cadet in the Philippine Military Academy, Bato was even
proud to say that hazing made who he is today. What exactly is that? It made him a dumb egg.

Finally, for the main event is this lizard, Salvador Panelo. I don’t get angry that much but
he just makes my blood boil every time. I can’t even enumerate all the brainless remarks this
creature who reigned from lizard hell has spitted from his mouth. Well I guess we all know he’s
infamous stunt, saying there is no transportation crisis and taking a jeepney to work once just to
prove it. So did he proved us wrong? That’s what he’s saying despite the fact that he woke up
early, rode a jeepney with police assistance of course, forced to hook a motorcycle ride, which
he labelled illegal in the past and he was still 46 minutes late for work. If you were a simple
employee, you’ll be home for the day looking for another job.

According to a September 2019 data from Waze, a GPS navigation app by Google, Metro
Manila topped its list of ‘World’s Worst City to Drive In’ with a record of 4.9 minutes per
kilometer. So if you want to cross the 23.8 km EDSA, you’ll be driving for almost two hours to
get from Manila to Manila. And you want to phase out jeepneys? Jeepneys saved your sorry rear
from being humiliated. Be creative in commuting you say? How exactly? Should we do
cartwheels while waiting for a jeep? Will that help?

To add more twists to the circus act, we have side performers like the Marcoses. Imee
who faked her diplomas, Bongbong who lost vice-presidency twice, and Imelda who works her
magic as wealth cases against her are now dropping one by one. Tito Sotto is not safe from the
spotlight too as he joked about sexual harassment, that copping a feel is okay as long as it’s a
joke. I wonder what Eraserheads would say, want to listen to Spoliarium, anybody? Mocha
Uson’s back again in the Overseas Workers Welfare Administration, in other news, public
school teachers and nurses who actually studied to get their jobs still can’t get a pay increase.
They also have a god named Quiboloy on their side so that’s a thing.

Predictable. That’s what makes the circus fun. Nobody really dies in the trapeze act and
gets mauled by a lion, but we still get excited. Like in Philippine politics, you know they’re not
really going to jail the Marcoses, you know what really happens in the drug war, you know
where those billions go to, yet we still watch with excitement and there lies the problem, We.
Just. Watch.

We watch as the drug war promised to succeed in six months over three years ago failed
and turned into a war against the poor. We watch as Duterte now wants to transfer his powers to
Leni Robredo for six months to fix it. “Mas bright ka? Sige ikaw. Subukan Mo!” Smart-shaming
much? Might as well resign. We watch as the China-sponsored Kaliwa dam is forced to be built,
as they deny our rights in the West Philippine Sea, as they offer incentives for an illusion that we
benefit in this so-called ‘friendship’. All we can do is boycott a children’s film depicting just
that. We watch all of these happen with less care than how we watch the Barretto family rivalry
or an episode of Tulfo.

We watch as P700 billion is lost to corruption annually while the new P8.9 billion senate
building is built, as the president’s office’s 2020 budget rises to P8.2 billion, as puppy Alan
Cayetano asks P4 billion for individual congressmen, as they procurate a P1.8 billion private
plane from USA, as CHED’s budget was cut by P11 billion. If we stop for a second and think,
that’s a lot of money. According to statistics in an article by Sunstar, there are 4.5 million
homeless people, at five to a family that’s 900,000 families. P200,000 per house will cost
housing them P180 billion. Statistics also show that in 2015, 8 percent or 8.48 million people
have no access to water. That is a scandalously staggering number of people who have no water
access for basic health and sanitation needs. All of these are very well inside the P700 billion we
lose to corruption yet our so-called “leaders” still have the audacity to ask for more.

For the act’s ending, they’ll probably play the blame against the yellows, Trillanes, De
Lima, even our Catholic priests and we will still watch with enjoyment and surprise. “Wow!
How did that happen?”

All of these are predictable if we only stop watching these dumb political circus shows
like teleseryes we’re supposed to enjoy. People are suffering, dying, living in hell and all we
have as leaders are callous, pretentious, corrupt clowns who spend our money for their own
selfish comfort. How can we not be angry at how they make us into stupid clowns too?
Something to laugh like a joke at and throw leftovers to.
 Well that was a stressful ride wasn’t it? Too much seriousness diving in the Philippine
political circus. Time for some enjoyment. Send in the clowns. Oh, don’t bother. They’re here.