KO Mig UE ELE by Cynthia Jolicoeur RoodStart listening to your instincts and intuition.. Practice self- and situational awareness. Identify the most likely places and times you could be exposed to danger... 6 Create mental blueprints for potentially dangerous SCENALIOS........ eee 7 Identify YOUr FEArS.... cc esscseeceserssesenesceeversreseueseesevessseacucoeenevessacasucseenecareecaeseseneer® 8 Examine your beliefs, evidence and expectations about those fear... Identify your personal reason to survive Discover your Natural SUIViVal tOOIS..... cesses ceseesscensseseteseenscensseseneseaeenaneees 11 Give yourself permission to act and commit to doing SO! wees teeee 12 Now you Know how to CHOOSE... essences rseseenscsssessecsesscsnsseseeeseanscanenees 13 Acknowledgments and thanks. Copyright © Cynthia A. Jolicoeur, Personal Power and Courage Catalyst OCYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.COMWhy read this quicfe? NO ONE WANTS TO BE A VICTIM BUT NOT MANY PEOPLE KNOW WHAT TO DO TO BE SAFE. With the ten tips in this guide, you will learn how to avoid danger and violence if you can and how to deal with them if you have to. %¥€ You will be willing to take action on your own behalf, as well as for others, and you will commit to doing whatever it takes to survive. %& You will understand fear and how to navigate through it. % You will know what your body is capable of and be confident and comfortable using it. OCYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.COMfhaf violence ended your life af. avg ite 66, NEVER THOUGHT ANYTHING WOULD HAPPEN TO MEQ9 That's what so many victims of violence say. If you don't accept the premise that something can happen, then when you do encounter danger and violence, you run the risk of being like the deer in the headlights: frozen in place, unable to get past thoughts of “This can’t be happening” and “Why is this happening to me?” Many people think that bad things only happen to people who have in some way allowed it to happen: they went to a bad part of town, dressed provocatively, hung out with a bad crowd. And it’s true that sometimes (poor) choices can lead you into potentially dangerous situations. But you are not immune, even if you live in a safe neighborhood, dress like a nun, and only socialize with family members. People bent on doing harm to others don’t care what your beliefs are, or if you think you should be safe wherever you happen to be, or if you don’t “deserve” to encounter them. They want what they want: your property, your body or yout life. In a violent encounter, no matter whether it’s a home invasion, a mugging on the street, a date rape, or even a terrorist driving a car into a crowd, the perpetrator, not you, decides to initiate the attack, chooses the time, the place and the method. You may be an innocent bystander or you may be a specifically-targeted victim, but in the end it doesn’t matter - like it or not, it’s happening, and you either do nothing and suffer the consequences or take action to get safe. Accepting that violence can happen doesn’t mean you should be paranoid, it means that you should prepare yourself mentally, emotionally and physically so that if you find yourself in danger, you will be less likely to freeze and be a victim and more able to get into action to save yourself. Prior to coming to the Unleash Your inner Amazon course, Phoebe was attacked by two women standing behind her in line in the women's restroom. She had no reason to suspect that they intended to harm her, but when a stall opened up and she stepped towards it, they were on her in a flash, shoving her headfirst into the wall. She fell to the floor, and they began to beat her until she was able to craw! past them and escape. Phoebe had done nothing wrong, was not in a dangerous area, and never expected to be attacked by any woman, fet alone two strangers in a café bathroom. CYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.CO2. ay liste (- INSTINCT AND INTUITION ARE TWO POWERFUL TOOLS TO HELP YOU MAKE INTELLIGENT CHOICES TO SURVIVE. Instincts are part of our innate survival system, “hardwired” into our DNA, things that you know without having any experience or learning. It's why you leap away when you suddenly come across a wavy stick on the trail, because your instinct says “snake!” Intuition is what we know based on what we've experienced and learned, although we often don’t know that we know it. Often called a hunch or gut feeling, intuition grows with life experience and is often characterized by recognizing patterns and making connections that aren’t obvious. When danger is present, your instincts and intuition give warning signals - you get a bad feeling. Some signs are: % Asense of unease % Nervousness or anxiety % Aprickle on the back of your neck % Butterflies in your stomach Listen to those signals! Their sole purpose is to alert you to something or someone that could be a threat to your safety. There is absolutely no downside to paying attention and taking action when you get a bad feeling, but the consequence of ignoring or dismissing a warning sign could cost you your life. Corinne and her friends were driving their cars down a narrow mountain road in the middle of the night, fieeing a rapidly-moving fire that had consumed the hotei they had been staying in. She realized that she was low on gas, and when she found an open station she pulled in, hoping to quickly fill up and get back on the road. As she was preparing to get out of her car, she noticed a group of men hanging out in the shadows, all watching her with unusual interest. Because she had recently attended my talk, ‘Living Safely In A Dangerous World,” Corinne paid attention to the uncomfortable feeling she had, and used her cell phone to ask a friend to pull in to the station too (and to stay until she had safely finished getting gas). Then she and her friend continued on, leaving both the fire and the potentially dangerous strangers behind. ©CYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.CO3. Pracfice self- sifuafional avfareness AWARENESS OF WHAT’S GOING ON INTERNALLY IS AS IMPORTANT AS KNOWING WHAT’S GOING ON EXTERNALLY. In fact, being unaware of your thoughts and your emotions can limit your ability to be aware of what's happening around you. Self-awareness includes: % Understanding your beliefs, values and habits, knowing your strengths and faults, and understanding your inner resources and limits. % Knowing what you are feeling and why and how your emotional state affects your thoughts and actions. (For example, if you are upset after an argument with your spouse, you most likely will react differently if someone bumps into your car than you would if you were relaxed and happy). Situational awareness includes: % Knowing what is going on around you, % Having a sense of what is normal in that environment and what is not. % Understanding what is normal human behavior and what is not. You might think that situational awareness is just about what you can see, but all of your senses contribute. You might see a man step towards you as you walk by or hear a car door open as you approach your vehicle. You may notice an “off” taste in a dish at a restaurant or a strange smell emanating from a house you are visiting, or even feel a fresh breeze in a room that’s supposed to have closed windows. Your body is designed to take in information about your surroundings! What could interfere with your ability to be aware of what's going on around you? Being distracted by your own thoughts and emotions. Being focused on your phone or listening to something using headphones. Being wrapped up in a conversation with a friend or engaged in dealing with a child. Phoebe ignored the warning signs in the girls’ behavior while waiting in line (poor situational awareness) and wasn't self-aware enough to recognize her belief that she only needed to be concerned about violent men, not women. Corinne had great situational awareness, despite the fear of the approaching fire, and took steps to stay safe. OCYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.COM a4. [enfify the mesf li oxposed fe leger THINK ABOUT SITUATIONS WHERE YOU COULD BE VULNERABLE, NOT SO YOU CAN BE FRIGHTENED OR PARANOID, BUT TO HELP YOU BE PREPARED. % A home is supposed to be a safe place, but homes are vulnerable to break-ins, and homes are where a family member or guest may become violent. % Public spaces like parking lots at shopping malls and grocery stores are assumed to be safe but are known to be favorite “hunting grounds” for predators. % Workplace violence and mass violence where people are gathered (at concerts, schools, public transportation systems, etc.) happen in every country. Consider the habits and patterns of your life, the places you spend time, and think about the kinds of encounters and attacks that are possible. With that knowledge you are ready for the next step! Ann thought that she was unlikely to face a violent encounter in her daily fife. She lived in a “safe” neighborhood, stayed away from parts of town she knew could be dangerous, and rarely went out at night by herself. When she attended the Unfeash Your inner Amazon Course, Ann realized that she was most vulnerable at work: As a therapist she was frequently alone in her office with clients, some of whom had had previous incidents of rage and aggression. After the class, she made arrangements with her colleagues to ensure that she would not be the only person in the office, and she requested that the facility’s security guard make more frequent rounds in the evening. O©CYNTHIA LICOEURROOD.COM an5. Creafe menfat rinf¢ for polenfially rm Scenarios Thinking about situations where you are most vulnerable and about those you find most frightening is just the first step. Spend some time with each situation and consider every aspect, from the environment to the people involved, and think about not just what the physical interaction might be but what leads up to it. Go into detail. Don’t just think, “I’m walking to my car and get grabbed from behind,” get specific. Why do you want to go into that kind of detail? Because it makes it real. With that, you can now Start to think about different parts of the story, and figure out what options you have at each stage. Some may be better than others, but don’t dismiss any of them - it's important for you to realize that there are always things you can do to improve your situation! Consider your options. And imagine that you've done all of those things and still get grabbed. Then what can you do? Again, brainstorm your options. The more scenarios you envision and the more you create possible ways to deal with them, the more prepared you will be. Every one will be stored in your brain, ready to be used in an instant if you ever find yourself in a real situation similar to one of your blueprints. Lydia picked her daughter up from work late at night; she always arrived early and parked where she could see the door her daughter would come through. Although she felt uneasy waiting in the dark alone, Lydia was more concerned about her daughter's safety than her own. She felt a strong sense of dread and fear of the unknown but had never made plans for what she coufd do if something happened. During the Unleash Your Inner Amazon class, Lydia identified the most likely ways for herself and her daughter to be attacked, and she came up with three ways they could be dealt with, She shared those “mental blueprints” with her daughter, and both now feel less anxious and more prepared. O©CYNTHIA LICOEURROOD.COM P. 78 [denfify your fears WRITE OUT YOUR FEARS. HOW POSSIBLE OR PROBABLE ARE THEY? Some people are afraid of heights, flying, dogs or spiders, and others are afraid of being alone in their homes at night. Many are afraid of being shot or abducted or sexually assaulted. Make a list of things you are afraid of and rank them from most terrifying to least worrisome. Think about how likely they are to occur and note which ones are most probable. For example, dying in a plane crash is possible but not very probable, whereas being accosted by a stranger in a parking lot is both possible and more probable. Being abducted from your home is possible but not very probable, whereas having a date become sexually aggressive is both possible and more probable. Other common fears include: % Being considered racist, sexist, or homophobic % Being rude or offensive % Hurting other people's feelings % Looking stupid or embarrassing yourself * That it might make someone more angry or violent if you assert yourself when that person threatens you Also note which fears are connected to an experience you've had and which fears are just theoretical/hypothetical. Cindy made a list of the things she most feared: top of the list was her deep-seated fear of flying. Next on the list was her fear that she would be abducted and never see her family again. Cindy also feared being thought of as bigoted or discriminatory. And she worried that if a man was acting inappropriately and she resisted or objected, he would become enraged or violent. CYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.COM P.7. Examine jr beliefs eviof A HUGE PART OF FEAR EXISTS WITHIN YOUR MIND. There is a physiological aspect to fear that includes an increased heart-rate, faster breathing, auditory exclusion and “tunnel vision.” You can develop the ability to manage the physical impact of fear by training in an adrenalized state and learning how to use conscious breathing. A far greater challenge is dealing with the mental aspects of fear. A huge part of fear exists within your mind. % You may believe things like, “if | get shot | will die” or “a small woman can’t protect herself against a bigger and more powerful man.” % You may jump to erroneous conclusions based on false evidence: For example, assuming that a man who is wearing an Ultimate Fighter shirt and who has cauliflower ears must be an experienced and expert fighter, so you have no chance against him. % You may hold false expectations, like “I’m 55 years old - there’s no way | can run fast enough to escape.” Those thoughts will trap you in the Fear Loop, and you will feel discouraged until you change your thinking. One negative belief or expectation is enough to keep you feeling threatened and stuck. To break free, you must question your assumptions and ask if they are factual; chances are that they are not! What we hold to be true is frequently something that “everybody knows" (aka, conventional wisdom) or has not actually been proven. Often what we think is true is false: In the previous examples, there is copious evidence of people being shot and being able to continue moving and fighting, just as there is plenty of data showing that smaller women can effectively resist/fight/escape larger male attackers. Yes, some people who are shot die, but the vast majority do not. Yes, some women don’t succeed against larger men, but many do (because this is not a martial arts contest or athletic event, it’s a fight to survivel). Unfortunately, the human brain is wired with a bias towards the negative, so we must consciously focus on generating positive beliefs, expectations and visualizations. That is what allows us to create a plan of action. We don’t need to envision the whole plan, just the first step or two; the brain is remarkably capable of coming up with next steps and options once we give it something to work with. After learning how to manage fear, Cindy started questioning her beliefs and assumptions. She started looking at her fear of flying, doing research on the safety measures incorporated into airplane design, the frequency and causes of crashes, etc. That inspired her to go to a local airport and watch airplanes take off and fand (no crashes!). Recognizing that even with that Knowledge she might still feei anxious when flying, Cindy learned simple breathing and meditative techniques. Realizing that much of her fear was based on false assumptions and false beliefs, and equipped with tools to mitigate any physical symptoms, Cindy was able to accept a new job that involved frequent travel all around the world. OCYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.COMA HUGE PART OF FEAR EXISTS WITHIN YOUR MIND. % It may be that you don’t want your children to grow up without a mother % It may be that your life’s work is unfinished % It may be that your elderly parents depend on you, and losing you leave them with no one to shepherd them through old age and be a devastating emotional blow You are a VERY IMPORTANT PERSON and your life counts. There are people who love you and depend on you, and their lives would be forever changed if you did not survive a violent encounter. Think about what it might cost you and your loved ones if you did not take action - if you did not avoid danger or de-escalate a conflict, or did not fight for your life when you had to. It’s easy to think that the cost might be death, but that’s not necessarily the highest price you could pay: You could end up being held captive, raped and tortured for months, or end up comatose in a hospital for 20 years while your loved ones deal with that financial and emotional burden. Knowing your personal reason to survive can be a powerful emotional trigger, one that jolts you into action and gets you out of the fear loop. Carla was a single mother raising her son. He had Asperger’s Syndrome, and she worked hard to give him the support he needed and help him iearn to live independently. At age 10 though, he was not yet ready to be on his own. Carla identified her personal reason to survive: to ensure that her son reached aduithood happy, healthy and with all the necessary Support in place to live as independently as possible. She knevi that without her, his future would be uncertain and he might not have the help he needed to live a good fife. ©CYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.CO P.9. THE HUMAN BODY COMES WITH SOME EXCELLENT PROTECTIVE TOOLS. iscover 44 uafural If you must fight to save yourself, the one thing you can count on always being available and useable is your body. You can’t guarantee that you'll have pepper spray, a knife, or a firearm available, and even if you do you may not be able to use it right away — if you're taken by surprise, your ability to get to and use an external tool is compromised by the way your brain works. Your primal brain engages to protect you when there’s an immediate threat and bypasses your cognitive faculties, which only become available when you've weathered the ambush and regained emotional, mental and physical control of yourself. The human body comes equipped with some excellent protective tools. Hands can slap, pinch, poke, scratch and gouge You have teeth to bite with, elbows, knees and feet to strike with You can stomp with a foot, hammer with a fist, and butt with your head You don’t have to learn martial arts techniques to use the natural weapons you have; in fact, it’s crucial that you be willing to use whatever you can in whatever way you can without worrying about technique. Using your tools is not complicated: Use the closest weapon you have on the closest target area of your attacker and keep doing that until you're able to get free and get to safety. Each action you take will cause your assailant to react, and that will expose another area you can attack. Once you've made it through the first moments of an attack and escaped the fear loop, you may be able to call on other weapons. If you have martial arts training or carry a self-defense tool, great! If there's something in the environment that you can use, awesome! An improvised weapon can be very effective, whether it’s a mug of hot coffee you can throw or a broom you can swing. You are capable and powerful! Do whatever you can, and don’t stop until you are safe. Ninety-year-old Madge had listened to the discussion of using natural tools to protect yourself but had not participated in the practice drilis and scenarios during the Unleash Your inner Amazon class she attended. Nevertheless, when her son-in-law playfully snuck up behind her and grabbed her in a bear hug as she stood at the kitchen sink, without missing a beat she chomped down, biting his forearm. He let go of her immediately, rubbing his arm, and after the initial surprise Madge realized that even though she had never practiced biting in seif-defense, she had automatically used her closest weapon (her teeth) on the closest target (his arm). Madge's reptilian brain responded to protect her before her cognitive brain could recognize that the “attacker” was just her son-in-law being playful. ©CYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.CO imWe ermuission fr / doing Sar! YOU MUST BE PREPARED TO DO WHAT IT TAKES. It may be the twenty-first century, but many women still worry about being perceived as unladylike or rude or aggressive. You may be concerned about causing a commotion, and you may not want to be seen as racist or hysterical or irrational. When yout life is at stake, though, worries about what other people might think about you are trivial. Remember that your goal is to get to safety. You must be prepared to do whatever it takes to be safe, even if it means that you might be hurt or injured, even if it means that you must hurt or injure another person. Giving yourself permission to act, to take a stand for yourself, to be violent if you have to be, is essential. Give yourself permission to: % Listen when you get a bad feeling, and to act on it % Lie, to act crazy, to turn around and run, to ask a stranger for help, to ask for an escort to your car % Raise your voice, to yell “Leave me alone!” or “Get away from me NOW!" % Create such a scene that you draw the attention of every single person within earshot % Smash another person’s head into a wall % Slice someone with a knife or to run over them with your car % Drive your thumb so deep into another person's eye that the eyeball pops out % Bite an assailant’s tongue or penis so hard that you cut it in half Those thoughts may be shocking, but you must not only give yourself permission to take such drastic action ahead of time, you must envision yourself doing it. And if you have any doubts about your ability to do whatever it takes to get to safety, remember your personal reason to survive and what it could cost you and your loved ones if you do not. Catherine worked as a bartender, often ending her shift well after midnight. Although the club she worked at was upscale and in a good section of town, she had a twenty-minute drive to get home. Catherine came to the Unleash Your inner Amazon course and took steps to increase her safety: she always had one of the bouncers walk her out to her car, and she checked the surroundings before she got out of the car at home. One night though, as Catherine sat in her car waiting at a stoplight on the way home, a man opened the back door of her car and started to get in - she had forgotten to lock the doors when she got in, and unfortunately the car was ald enough that it didn’t lock automatically. Thinking quickly, she stomped on the accelerator and drove off. running over his foot in the process. She did not stop again until she was safely home. ©CYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.CO iyNOW YOU KNOW HOW TO CHOOSE SAFETY. You understand how to stay out of danger if you can and what you can do if you have to defend yourself. You understand fear and how to break free from it. You know why you must survive, and you've given yourself permission to do whatever it takes to get safe. And you know what your body can do naturally to help you survive. These are aspects of personal defense that are explored and developed in the Born To Be A Badass Prep School and hands on events. Advanced Scenario intensives allow you to further prepare yourself mentally, emotionally and physically through a variety of realistic scenarios, including those that you specifically request. haf's Next? Your next step to learn more about how to deal with dangerous and violent situations and discover the tremendous power within you, is to book a spot in an upcoming course and put these tips into real world practice. Discover the tremendous power within you at one of my hands-on events or vritual courses & trainings. www.cynthiajolicoeur.com ACKNOWLEDGMENTS & THANKS The concepts discussed in this guide are based on Tony Blauer’s Personal Defense Readiness program and SPEAR System. Coach Blauer is a pioneer of modern self-defense, whose system - called the SPEAR system - is based on physiology and natural biomechanics and the human survival reflex. His research and work has transformed the training of and been proven effective by law enforcement and military professionals all around the world. OCYNTHIAJOLICOEURROOD.COM ae