How To

Get Girls
To Like You

George Hutton
Mind Persuasion

©MindPersuasion
Contents
Introduction
No User’s Manual
Human Instincts
Social Instincts
The Selfish Ego
Cialdini And Ancient Humans
Battle of the Sexes
Ancient Humans Falling in Love
Modern Romance Misfires
Diminishing Returns
Male Attraction Triggers
Conscious Mind Theory
Choose A Life Plan
Communication Skills
Active Listening
Leadership Skills
Slippery Slope Language
Commanding Tonality
Embedded Commands
Gestures and Pauses
Identifying Qualified Targets
Increasing Attraction
Future Pacing Desire
General Criteria
Cialdini For Increasing Attraction
Slowly Reveal Your Best Self
Biggest Rule
Short Term Distinctions
Sex Considerations
Final Words
Contact
Further Study
Mind Persuasion Books
Introduction
This guide will teach you the skills and exercises you need to
become more attractive to women. These exercises will not work if
you have one girl in mind. If you are reading this in hopes of getting
the one back who got away, stop reading. If you are reading this in
hopes of convincing that one girl you are in love with you
reciprocate, stop reading. This guide will only teach you how to
become more attractive to women, plural, not a woman, singular.
This is not a quick fix. This will not be based on metaphysics, or any
PUA trickery. The guide will teach you how to transform your natural
personality. When you speak naturally and normally around women,
they will be much more attracted to you than they are now. This,
paradoxically, is not going to be the main thrust of this guide. Right
off the bat, if you are going to learn skills only to attract women, then
you are dead before you even leave your house. As we'll cover later
in much more detail, the one thing women need to feel real and
genuine attraction, based on their subconscious instincts, is you
have something in your life that is more important to you than her.
While this is a guide on how to become more attractive to women,
you will be learning some very powerful techniques and long-term
skills to make you a much better man. In a very broad sense, the
women you dream about are attracted to the stereotypical high-
quality man. Of course, this is slightly different for each woman. Just
like every man will have his own idea of the perfect girl. In that
sense, the idea of attraction is very personal and subjective. On the
other hand, some things are, in general, more attractive than not.
When it comes to attractive women, some things are agreed upon,
among men, to be more attractive than not. To be more attractive to
women, you must understand what these instinctive triggers are that
demonstrate these qualities to women in general. As we'll later learn
in more detail, developing this collection of male traits will take time.
It's much more complicated than wearing the right shoes or cologne.
But you'll be surprised to find that genuine female attraction to males
is not dependent on absolute wealth. Nor is it dependent on looks.
We'll learn some very powerful communication skills that will act as
triggers to her deep and instinctive desires. Women won’t be able to
help but to find you more attractive than the other men competing for
her attention.

Change in Communication

This will be based partly on how, specifically, you communicate the

ideas in your mind. If you are like many thirsty guys out there, you
likely speak in a way that presupposes you need her approval. This
is a killer of attraction. You'll learn to speak in a much more confident
way. A much more authoritative way. A way that will compel her to
want to know more about you. A way that indicates only enough
about yourself to trigger her deep instincts to want to know more
about you.

Change in Social Skills

One of the primary ways a women's deep instincts sort for attractive
males is how they behave socially. Most men are destroying
themselves without knowing it. More than 90% of our communication
is non-verbal, which means it is also subconscious. No matter what
you do, no matter where you go, you are constantly broadcasting
these subconscious signals. Consider this metaphor carefully, and
let this sink in. When men walk into a social situation, they quickly
scan the area to see which women are attractive, and which are not.
Because the attraction signals men use are much more physical, this
happens very quickly. Women place much more important on social
behavior than looks. For them, it takes a little bit longer. But it is just
as clear to them as it is to men who is attractive and who is not. This
is done quickly and subconsciously. There is no choice involved, no
more than you can choose which women you are attracted to. How
you stand, how you talk, how you move, how your head and eyes
scan the room, how you use your gestures, all these are used by her
instincts to judge your attraction, compared to all the other men in
the room. No amount of bling or signals of wealth can overcome
non-attractive subconscious social behavior.
Change in Outlook

How you view yourself in relation to the world will change how you
think. It will change how you speak. It will change how you act and
move. It will change the topics you speak about. It will change how
you spend your free time. It will change the way you speak about the
future. It's easy to fake your way through a few dates. But eventually
the real you will be clear. If the real you, the way you really feel about
yourself, your relationship to the world and your chances to succeed
within it, is not attractive to her, you can only hide this for so long.
Without a fundamental change in how you see yourself in relation to
the world, the best you can do is short term PUA techniques. But if
you are willing to change your outlook of yourself, and your place in
the world, you can become attractive to a great many women. This
means can sort through and choose the ones who are the most
qualified, according to your own subjective criteria. How you choose
to proceed from there is completely and absolutely up to you. If you
want to become a serial monogamist, you can do so with a
succession of high-quality women. If you want to date several
women at once, you will have great success with that as well. If you
want to find that one special lady with which to start a family and
build your empire, that will be within reach.

How to Read This Guide - First Third

The first third will for your intellectual understanding. The process of
attraction between men and women. How it is based on instincts,
instincts that are very much out of calibration in today's modern
world. Without an understanding of how our basic human instincts
work, you will be flying blind. You'll also understand the fundamental
differences between male and female thinking and behavior. Despite
common attempts to persuade us otherwise, men and women are
very much different in many necessary and profound ways.

Second Third
The second third will be based on how to recalibrate your thinking
and behaving to be more attractive to women. This will be a
secondary effect. The main goal is to become a more successful
man. Attractive women are attracted to successful men, and the men
who exhibit the signals of a successful man. This is where you must
face a harsh truth about life. One that politicians, marketers and
gurus have not been wholly honest with us about. And that is life is a
competition. Just as it is impossible to wish yourself rich, and not
provide any value, you cannot simply wish yourself into a
relationship with an attractive and intelligent woman. To attract a
great deal of attractive and intelligent women, you must be a high-
quality man. You must give up a life of laziness. You must give up
the idea that what you want can give given to you. You must fully
embrace that the law of the jungle is still very much in force. If you
want something, you are going to have to get out there and get it.
Nobody is going to make it easy. However, you can take solace
knowing that a great many men today are not much competition. You
will find that once you start doing these recommended exercises in
the second third, most men won't be much competition.

Final Third

The final third will be more specific skills. The second third will be
based on ideas to make you more generally attractive to more
women. The final third will be how to interact with individual women.
Conversation skills. Attraction building skills. Techniques to make
qualified candidates unable to stop thinking about you.

No Upper Limit

The recommended skills and exercises in the second two thirds of

this guide have no upper limit. The more you work on these, the
stronger you will get. This also means that there is no end point. You
cannot think of these as doing the bare minimum until the results are
permanent. These are very much like physical exercises. Once you
develop a daily habit, you should expect to continue with these
exercises for as long as you live. For they will help you live the most
successful life you can possibly dream of.
No User’s Manual
We humans come into this world without a user’s manual. The thing
we do have is a collection of instincts. However, our instincts are so
horribly out of calibration that if we only obeyed our instincts, we'd all
be too fat to leave our houses. This leaves us mostly confused about
how to go about getting the things we want. And the things we want
can be simplified into a few basic categories. Food, shelter, safety,
sex and companionship. Since money can take care of a great many
of these (namely food, shelter, safety, entertainment, etc.) we can
further simply our list of general needs as money and sex and
companionship. Or we can become even simpler and say our basic
needs are centered around money and relationships. Some
relationships will be professional relationships. Some relationships
will be friends. And some, at least once in our life, will be a sexual
relationship. And during this process of finding and creating all these
relationships is the never-ending need for money. For most of human
history, we didn't really need to think about any of that stuff. We just
showed up, and it happened naturally. Up until the last 50 years or
so, most humans in Western Society were born, went through
school, got a job, earned enough to make a living, and along the way
picked up all the relationships we needed. First friends, then a few
girlfriends, and then a wife and kids. This process has been repeated
essentially since the dawn of time. We show up, learn a few skills to
get our needed daily calories, pick up a few relationships along the
way, find a mate, and make some more people. Only in the last few
decades, things have gotten incredibly complicated. There's an old
saying that a dog cannot chase two rabbits, because he won't catch
either. Today it seems very much to a great many men that this is
needed. That chasing money, and chasing women are two separate
skills. This is because the traditional way of doing things no longer
works. Before, the most pressing need was to figure out a way to
make a living, and the rest of the stuff would happen naturally. Today,
there are a great many men who make tons of money, but they
absolutely suck at attracting and keeping women. This is because
they do not create attraction naturally. The reasons for these are
many, and they are complex. But if we just show up, and do our best,
our efforts are much less likely to be successful than they were fifty
or more years ago. Here we'll discuss two different modern
strategies. The common and often unsuccessful strategy, and a
more enlightened one which we will be learning.

Modern Misfires

Today, for many men, being successful in your career and being
successful with women are two completely different skill sets that
rarely overlap. You likely know of several men in your circle that are
skilled in one area, but not the other. Many men have natural skills
with women, but they are always one paycheck away from being
homeless. Similarly, many men are fantastic in their careers, but
couldn't get a decent woman interested in them to save their lives.
Even worse, these men that are successful in their careers tend to
chase women. This is one thing that will absolutely destroy any
natural attraction a normal and healthy woman has for a man. And
when we say chase, we don't literally mean he's chasing her down
the street. This means that he is always worried about her approval.
Even when a wealthy and successful man is always seeking the
approval of any woman, it is a very likely attraction killer. Consider
this idea. Once you get an intention in your head of purposely trying
to convince a woman to date you, you have already lost.
Unfortunately, for any man who is not a natural with women, which is
most men, this is the go-to strategy. Even men who are natural
killers in the board room or the trading floor switch to being approval
seekers when it comes to gaining the attraction of a desired woman.
This is the strategy we will be moving away from.

Enlightened Approach

This is based on our deep instincts, and it is how the world used to
work. We will first to understand how this was and figure out a way to
reverse engineer the process. It will involve first chasing your life.
The things you dream about creating in your life but haven't yet
finished. This must always be a goal in process. You must shift your
thinking so that you are always in the process of creating a much
better life for yourself and those you care about. Once you've
established this, you must interact with women, but never actively
and consciously pursue any of them. A useful idea comes from Dale
Carnegie. That you can get anybody to do anything, so long as they
believe it was their idea. If you walk up and talk to a woman, and
she's not attracted to you and she senses that is your intention, this
violates this important principle. She must be attracted to you before
you express any interest to her. Our strategy will be simple. Build a
very strong and compelling plan for your life. One that involves being
successful and taking care of the people most important to you. And
then interacting with as many women as possible. When you get to
this stage, you will be sorting all the women in your life for women
that are naturally attracted to you for their own subjective reasons.
Then you can choose from within this pre-qualified group. Once you
have a collection of pre-qualified women, based on their initial level
of attraction and physical criteria, you can simultaneously increase
their attraction and further qualify them. You will learn some very
powerful skills that will increase attraction. This is a critical distinction
that you must understand. The attraction must be created by your
natural presence and social behaviors. It must be her idea. She must
not get the idea that you are purposely trying to create attraction in
any one woman. She must see you as desirable by her, and by most
other normal women. In a sense, you will become a catch to most
normal women. Then you will sort for women that are displaying
signs of basic attraction and amplify that. Understand this very
important point. You will learn how to amplify attraction using
conscious techniques. But the attraction must be first created by
your subconscious behavior. If any woman is not minimally attracted
to you based on your natural, subconscious behavior, any conscious
techniques will fail. Most men fail with women because the either
spend no time around potential women, or they spend too much time
chasing women that are not attracted. The enlightened approach
takes a much more effective middle ground. Because in your initial
interactions with women, you will not be actively trying to create
attraction, rather you will be exhibiting simple and friendly social
behavior, there will be zero chance of rejection. Make no mistake,
this will require skills that you do not possess now. But we will go
slow. You will go slow. We will expand your comfort very gradually.
There will be no need for feeling any social anxiety. You will be
learning to develop skills that will continue to get stronger and
stronger for as long as you live.
Human Instincts
Understanding human instincts is critical. As much as we'd like to
believe we have very powerful conscious minds, and that our rational
decision-making power is the prime driver of our behaviors,
neuroscientists would disagree. We'll cover the role of our self-
awareness and our consciousness in a later chapter. Here, we will
discuss the role of human instincts, and how they are out of our
conscious control nearly all the time.

Hunger

This is the easiest of our instincts to understand. We'll start by

imagining a time far in our evolutionary past before we developed
very much self-awareness. Like any other living creature not
attached to the Earth, we need energy to stay alive. We not only
need energy to stay alive, but we need building materials to maintain
our physical structures. We need to have an instinct that drives our
behavior. We need an instinct that not only compels us to
continuously search for food, but to search for the right kind of food.
We might imagine an ancient race of primitive humans who loved the
taste of dirt and tree bark. But since dirt and tree bark doesn't
provide the needed calories, those weirdos didn't last very long. The
only humans that made it through the successive filters of natural
selection were the ones who were naturally compelled to get the
right food. How, exactly does this work? Remember, we need to start
way back before we had any conscious awareness. We can imagine
a dog sniffing around for something to eat. The longer the dog goes
without food, the stronger the drive to get something to eat becomes.
We can see this is as an uncomfortable feeling. The longer the dog
goes without food, the larger and stronger this discomfort grows.
When this dog smells food, it feels good. It is a comfortable feeling.
The stronger the smell of food, the stronger this good feeling gets.
This tells the dog where to go to get some of that food. Very much
like children when playing the “hotter, colder, warmer” game when
finding hidden objects. When the dog starts to chew and swallow
food, the feeling is very good. For things we need, like food, the
longer we go without it, the stronger our discomfort grows. The more
we sense we are getting closer to fulfilling our needs, the stronger a
comfort signal gets. This comfort signal (smell in this case) directs
our mind body system to physically move closer and closer to the
source of this signal. Therefore, eating is very pleasurable. There is
very little that humans (and all other animals) enjoy more than eating
something delicious (a specific word to describe eating pleasure)
when we are very hungry. And from a purely logical sense, the things
that we need the most give us the most pleasure when they are
fulfilled. Food and sex often go hand in hand, because these two
ideas, energy and reproduction, are the most important thing to our
species.

Feasts

In every human culture, the idea of a feast meal shows up in many

places. Wedding feasts, celebration feasts, religious feasts. It wasn't
long ago that getting our needed calories was a very dangerous
thing. Having enough food to feed to many people was the main
cause for having a celebration. This was after successful harvest.
Before farming was invented, large feasts came only after large
animals were killed. Since the felling of large animals likely predates
strong human self-awareness, we can see how enjoying a large
feast meal is a very instinctive desire.

Social Instincts

We have many social instincts that regulate our behavior. It's

important to understand how these work, as these are the primary
cause of not getting our needs met in modern society. Nearly all
healthy adults have a certain amount of social anxiety. Few are
naturals in front of others. Most people are terrified of standing up
and giving an impromptu speech. Without a thorough understanding
of where our instincts come from, and how to recalibrate them,
developing attractive social skills will be difficult. Most people have
an easy time talking and feeling outgoing around familiar people but
tend to close up around strangers. Later we will learn some powerful
strategies to eliminate this common problem.

How to Get A Girl to Like You Fallacy

The dating market is filled with guides for both men and women how
to get a specific person to feel attracted to you. Unless there is a
minimum amount of attraction already there, this is very, very
difficult. If this is so difficult, then why do so many products claim that
it is not? Consider that the main reason something exists on the
market is because people are willing to buy it. Plenty of easy weight
loss guides exist, but most people are overweight. Plenty of make-
money-easy guides exist, but most people are broke. Consider the
harsh truth that if somebody is not attracted to the real you, as you
present yourself naturally, no techniques will help. Let's see why this
is from an instinctive standpoint. Women are attracted to men for
subjective and instinctive reasons. We are attracted to food for
instinctive and subjective reasons. Saying we are attracted to food
sounds kind of goofy, but from an instinctive standpoint, it means the
exact same thing. A woman walks into a bar and interacts with a few
men. She finds some of them attractive, and some of them not. The
ones she finds attractive may either increase or decrease her
attraction, based on how they behave. The ones that don't create
any attraction through their natural social behavior cannot. If you are
hungry, and you walk past a buffet, you will be attracted to some
foods, and not others. You will consciously recognize that some
foods are good for you, and you should eat them, but that requires
conscious willpower. You will also be attracted to some food that you
know is not good for you, but you will enjoy eating very much.
Consider the very basic idea that attraction between people and food
works instinctively very much like attraction between people. There
are the foods we know we should eat, but we don't enjoy eating
them, so we don't. There are the foods we enjoy eating, but know we
shouldn't, but we eat anyway. Most people have a very hard time
eating only the foods they should eat, but don't enjoy, and not eating
the foods they shouldn't eat, but enjoy very much. When it comes to
humans operating in the dating world, it works very much the same
way. But there is one more complication that makes dating far, far
more frustrating than eating. When it comes to being attracted to
food, it's a one-way street. The food doesn't need to be attracted to
you. The food just sits there. When it comes to dating, you need to
be attractive to the same individual that you are attracted to. And to
create successful, long term relationships, you not only need to
maintain mutual attraction, but you also need to believe that the
other person is somebody you should be with. Somebody that is
good for you. To put this in a food metaphor, this would be like trying
to find food that is not only good for you but tastes very good as well.
Needless to say, this is very difficult. You can, however, develop
some very powerful skills that will increase how much you trigger
those natural attraction triggers in as many women as possible.
From your perspective, it will seem like a buffet, where you can
choose the most qualified woman possible. But none of that will be
possible if you don't first trigger her instinctive attraction. And not just
in a few random women here and there, but in as many women as
possible.
Social Instincts
An instinct that is extremely important to your ability to be more
attractive to women is the collection of social instincts. It's commonly
misunderstood that women prefer a guy with money, but that is only
in certain cases. Imagine a woman who is choosing to be with a guy
she's not all that attracted to but is wealthy and will take care of her.
This would be like somebody eating boiled chicken breast and
broccoli, not because they enjoy the taste, but because they've
made a conscious decision to sacrifice short-term pleasure for a
much greater long-term gain. Somebody who only eats what tastes
good in the moment, without regard to the long-term negative
consequences, would be like people who only date based on
emotional and physical attraction without concern for things like
intelligence, career plans or amount of debt. However, we are getting
a bit ahead of ourselves. Our ultimate objective is to be both
attractive in the short term, and to be a logical and conscious choice
for the long term. This will put you in a very unique position of giving
any woman the best of both worlds, both short-term attraction and
long-term gain. This would be equivalent of finding a very healthy
and very delicious food. In this chapter, we will look at how or social
instincts operate. This can be very confusing. Our eating instincts
are easy to understand. It's easy to understand how they helped us
in the past, and it's very easy to understand how they cause troubles
today. But because our social instincts operate on a much more
emotional and subconscious level, they are not so easy to see, not
only in ourselves but in others. But rest assured, the female brain is
hard wired to sort potential mates largely on these social instincts.
Understanding how they operate will give you a significant
advantage.

Chimp Social Status

Our closest living ancestor is the chimpanzee. We share 98% of our

DNA. We split off from a common ancestor between 5 and 7 million
years ago. Extensive studies of chimps indicate that there is a strong
positive correlation between social status and sex, and a strong
positive correlation between social status and food. This means the
higher any chimps social status is, the more sex he has and the
more offspring he will create. Assuming that the social status is not
completely random, and based on the chimps’ behavior, we can
assume there are a collection of genes that will create higher social
status than other genes. This doesn't mean that there is a specific
social status gene. But social status is related to how strong the
chimp is, how much he can assert his will over other chimps, etc. All
these characteristics are determined by genes. The social structure
of chimps is very complicated. When it comes time to depose an
aging alpha and replace him, it is not a simple task. It is very lengthy
and almost political. Chimps also have a very complex, tit-for-tat
favor system. They keep track of who does what for whom, and who
pays back and who doesn't. For us, the bottom line is that whichever
chimps have a collection of traits that create higher social status,
they will tend to pass on those traits more so than other chimps,
since higher social status chimps have more sex, and therefore
create more offspring, than lower social status chimps. This is critical
to understand, as in chimps, there is no money, there is no bling,
there is only non-verbal behavior.

Human Social Status

It is a mistake to assume that social status in humans must be

consciously recognized. Remember that female attraction happens
subconsciously and automatically. It happens just as subconsciously
as looking over a buffet and deciding what looks good and what
doesn't look good. The idea that any woman needs to consciously
sort for social status before feeling attraction doesn't make a lot of
sense. This is hard for men to understand, because men are much
less sensitive to non-verbal and unconscious social status signals
than women are. We tend to think women are attracted to men for
the same reasons that men are attracted to women. But consider
that the main driver in short term attraction in women is relative
social status. The term alpha is appropriate here. The most attractive
man in any given social situation will be the one with the highest
social status. This is not anything that needs to be consciously
recognized or chosen. There is no conscious way to measure this,
there is only an understanding of how this can present itself. Another
term that is commonly used to refer to situational high-status men is
leadership. Several studies have been done that demonstrate just
how quickly this is determined, and how unconsciously. For example,
researchers will put ten people in a room, and give them a task. The
people are strangers and have never met one another before. Yet
they will invariably organize into a hierarchy to complete the task.
This is done quickly and subconsciously. It's as if each of us has a
sixth sense for quickly sorting through the people around us and
finding out who would be the most appropriate leader. It's common
on TV shows for this to be a fight, as if a few stereotypical alpha
types fight over who gets to be the leader. In reality, this rarely
happens. Nobody who doesn't feel wholly comfortable being in
charge generally wants to be in charge. Consider this to be a very
strong, and very necessary instinct. To quickly self-sort into a
hierarchy. Also consider that woman have a very strong radar to
determine who this leader might be should the situation call for it.
From an ancient human society standpoint, this makes perfect
sense. Recall that in chimps, higher social status males had a much
easier time getting food. So, females that were naturally attracted to
high status chimps would have a better chance getting food for their
babies. And considering the long time between we humans split from
chimps, to the time organized societies were formed, it would make
perfect sense that females would feel very strong, and very
unconscious attraction to men who exhibited these signs of high
social status. At this point, we are only talking about subconscious
behavior signals sent by men and picked up by women. We are also
only talking about short term attraction. Women are also very
pragmatic, just like we can be with our eating habits. Just as it is very
easy for many of us to consciously regulate our hunger instinct,
many women can consciously regulate their natural attraction
instinct. But the main point for us is that this social sorting exits.
Women can pick up on it much easier than men can. And unless you
are high up on the social status ladder in any situation, you are not
going to create natural attraction with your behavior. Meaning she is
not going to be attracted to you initially. There are many ways to
learn how to measure your own social status related to others,
exercises you can to do increase it, and how to check to see that she
is indeed attracted to you due to your social status behaviors. For
now, we are still in the intellectual understanding phase.
The Selfish Ego
We can define our ego as our own perception of our own social
status. And we can define the main purpose of the male ego to find
any way to increase our social status that we can. We can roughly
describe the long transition from proto-humans to humans as a
generational social status contest, with the winner having the most
children in the next generation. We can therefore describe the prime
directive of the human male to achieve as much social status as
possible, with our ego is a tool for measuring and projecting our
social status. In this chapter we will see how societies populated by
males described this way would tend to do much better than
societies that were not populated with ego driven males.

Selfish Genes

Richard Dawkins turned biology on its head with the publication of

The Selfish Gene. This is often described as one of the most
influential science books of the twentieth century. Through very clear
writing and painstaking analysis, Dawkins explained how our genes,
and all animal genes, are purely selfish. That is, they only are
concerned with their own individual survival. There is zero concern
from our gene's standpoint for the survival of others. But it just
happens that the only environment in which our genes can thrive is
an environment with other similarly oriented genes. This sounds a bit
complex, so we'll give a basic example, as described in The Selfish
Gene. Imagine animals can be described as a Hawk, or a Dove. If
they are a Hawk, they will fight to the death, every single time. If they
are a Dove, they will never fight, no matter what. First, let's imagine
an animal group whose genes make them Doves. They never fight
each other, under any circumstances. Then there is a mutant, who is
a Hawk. The Hawk kills all the Doves, and the animals become
extinct. Now we'll assume that somehow a group of all Hawks exist.
Since they are always fighting each other to the death, this group
doesn't last very long either and becomes extinct. Then a group
pops up and has a strange mix of Hawk and Dove. This is called the
tit-for-tat strategy. They can be either Hawk of Dove, but it depends
on what the other guy does first. If he is a Hawk, you are a Hawk
back. If he is a Dove, then you become a Dove. This will lead to
stable societies. When fights break out among animals, as soon as
one stops fighting, so will the other one. Without understanding this
selfish, tit-for-tat strategy, it appears as if each animal is voluntarily
giving up for the good of the group. This was the assumption before
The Selfish Gene was published. That animals were driven by a kind
of group evolution. But since they developed computer modeling and
tried all kinds of selfish strategies, it turns out that all animal
behavior, including human behavior, is driven by purely selfish
genes.

Selfish Humans

Let's imagine an ancient group of hunter-gatherers. The men want to

become as high social status as they can. The only way to do this is
through becoming the most productive. The hunters who kill the
biggest game achieve three things. One, they get the most social
validation. Two, they have the most sex, and three, they acquire the
most needed calories for the tribe. But when each man is going out
hunting, he does not need to think:

I'd better do my best! I need to be a valuable member of this tribe!

He only needs to think:

If I kill the biggest animal, I'm going to get laid like crazy! And I'll be
the most popular dude in the tribe!

Men evolved a very selfish desire to have success for the rewards
success would bring. Women evolved a strong attraction to men who
had the highest social status, since high social status was an
indicator of success. They didn't need to see the guy kill the huge
mastodon. She only needed to see how the other guys treated him,
which was an indication of his success. Researchers have seen this
in action, in tribes that still live as our hunter-gatherer ancestors.
Every day the men go out hunting. When they do, there are two
animal choices. Big animals which are hard and dangerous to kill,
and small animals which are safe and much easier to kill. Based
purely on rational thinking, they should go after the small animals.
They would spend less calories per day, and get more meat, on
average. Yet they rarely go after the small animals. Instead, they
always go after the big animals. They researchers only needed to
see them kill a large animal once to understand why. One, they got
treated like rock stars when they came back. Two, they had plenty of
sex, mostly in secret, with women. Three, the entire tribe got to
share a large meal together, which likely added to the social
cohesion. Recall our discussion about ancient feasts. Now, let's do a
mental split test and see what the long-term difference might be
between two tribes.

Tribe A - Rational and Monogamous

This tribe doesn't like taking risks. This tribe doesn't have a lot of
social signals. Every day the men go hunting, and they always try to
kill the easiest possible kill. All men and women are loyal to each
other. This tribe doesn't have much social status, nor do the
individual men have very strong egos. Since every man is loyal to his
wife, and his wife loyal to him, and they always find the easiest
animal to kill, there is no upward pressure over the generations for
hunting skills. Every hunter is doing the bare minimum. Also, they
don't have large feasts, except when they pool their small kills. Very
weak hunters have slightly fewer kids as strong hunters. Therefore,
there is not much upward evolutionary pressure on hunting skills.
Which means there is no strong upward pressure on food acquisition
skills.

Tribe B - Ego Based Cheaters

This tribe, when they go out hunting, they are all fantasizing about
killing the biggest animal they can find. Because the winner will be
treated like a rock star. The winner will get to secretly have sex with
his friends' wives. Which wives? Let's think about this. Imagine a
tribe with twenty female adults. Which ones would be most apt to
have secret sex with the best hunter of the day? Plenty of modern
studies indicate that when women are ovulating, they are attracted to
a different type of man. When they are not ovulating, when they are
not capable of getting pregnant, they are more attracted to the
provider type. The guy who consistently brings back small animals.
But when they are ovulating, they are more attracted to the alpha
type. When the best hunter comes back with the biggest kill, and he
is getting massive social approval from the entire tribe, which means
he is demonstrating signals of very high social status, he is going to
be most attractive to the women who are most capable of getting
pregnant. It's easy to see how this tribe would be have successive
generations that were being populated by the best hunters. This is
not something a lot of people like to hear. But recall that this was true
all the way back from when we were proto-humans. Before we
learned to talk, before we likely developed much self-awareness.
This means that today, these deep instincts exist. It is, however, very
possible to manage them just like we manage our hunger.

Rough Description of Human Attraction Instincts

So far, we can describe the ego of man to drive him to achieve as

much as possible. This is a purely selfish act, and it is based on the
hope of great rewards as both social recognition and a lot of sex. For
women, this means they are most attractive to high social status
males as high social status is an indication of material success.
Always keep in mind that these ideas are always operating
subconsciously. No man thinks consciously if being successful so
they can get social status and sex. No woman looks out over a
crowd and decides consciously who has the highest social status.
These are all very ancient, pre-human instincts we still carry with us
that operate subconsciously. Women will be more attracted, all else
equal, to a man who demonstrates relatively high social status
signals. These social status signals are based on how you act
around others, and how others treat you. Another way to think of
these is as your subconscious leadership potential. Another way to
describe this collection of behaviors is how strong of a relative frame
you have socially. Whatever you think about female attraction, the
physical characteristics you find most compelling, that is how woman
feel about men who exhibit strong frame strength, which is an
indication of relative social status.

Reference

The Selfish Gene

Cialdini And Ancient Humans
Another groundbreaking work that will come in very handy is
Cialdini's work in Influence. In this book was described the various
experiments where people self-sorted into hierarchies. But here is
another interesting angle on those studies. They started off with
plenty of people. Then they put them in various groups and gave
each group a task. Each group, as expected, sorted into a hierarchy
to complete the task. The leader in each group was easy to identify,
as were the people on the very lower rungs. What happened next is
equally interesting. They took all the leaders and put them into a
group. They took all the lower rung people and put them into a
group. The group of leaders again self-sorted into a hierarchy, as did
the lower rung people. This means even people who were leaders in
previous groups were lower rung people in other groups. And people
who were lower rung in some groups were leaders in other groups.
This means that social status is very contextual and should never be
taken for granted. As a quick example, without knowing any of this
information, a guy might luck out and have relatively strong social
status in one location. He meets a girl and takes her to another
location. But just as in the many experiments in Cialdini's work, high
social status in one situation can turn into low social status in
another situation. From the poor guy's perspective, this means the
girl would be naturally and subconsciously attracted to him in his
high social status situation, but this attraction would evaporate if he
had lower social status in the second situation. Since this would be
subconscious, neither of them would really understand why it
happened. She would be exhibiting strong signals of attraction (lots
of touching, laughing at his jokes, extended eye contact) in one
situation, but might go completely cold in another situation. This
would have nothing to do with any conscious thinking on her part,
since this is all based on subconscious social signals. Luckily, there
are a lot of other instincts that drive humans.

Authority
One powerful instinct is authority. The Milgram Experiment famously
demonstrated this. They found that up to seventy percent of people
would give an electric shock to another human, who was often
begging for the shocks to stop, only on the word of an authority
figure. The shocks in this experiment were not real, and the guy
getting shocked was only pretending. But this study demonstrated in
horrific scientific detail how much we will turn off our brains and let
an authority do our thinking for us. Whenever you hear a familiar
actor's voice selling cars on TV or the radio, this is leveraging the
very powerful authority effect.

Social Proof

This is another commonly known effect that was first demonstrated

by Cialdini. When everybody is doing something, it is hard to resist.
When nobody is doing something, it is hard to go first. If you go to a
social situation alone, nobody will notice you. But if you show up with
three or four attractive females, all the girls in the place will notice
you. This was also demonstrated in the famous Asch Conformity
test. When presented with a very simple graphical problem, the test
subject easily solved it. But when he was surrounded by other “test
subjects” who purposely chose the wrong answer, the test subject
also chose the wrong answer 70% of the time. It's hard to find any
advertising that doesn't employ social proof in some way.

Scarcity

This is another commonly known factor of influence. When

something is in limited supply, we value it more. When something is
in abundant supply, we value it less. This is the main reason why
texting or calling too much will obliterate any attraction. When
authority and social proof is combined with slowly Increasing
scarcity, it creates the fear of missing out (FOMO). When everybody
is getting something, and authority figures are talking about that
same thing, and that thing is slowly disappearing, it will trigger a near
panic level desire to get that thing, whatever it is, if you don't already
have some. If this involves any kind of investment (housing, bitcoin,
stock, tulip bulbs, etc.) this is what bubbles are made of. Rising
prices represent increasing scarcity, as the more the price rises, the
less you can buy with what you can afford.

Commitment and Consistency

This is just as powerful as social proof and authority, but it's a bit
more complex. This makes us do things that are familiar, when given
a chance. This is the main driving force behind sales funnels. It's
easy to buy a $3 product. Then it's easy to buy a $9 product. Then
it's easy to buy a $29 product, and so on. Companies have known
for decades that it's much easier to get existing customers to buy
new products (since buying another product is familiar) than it is to
sell existing products to new customers. This is also why Hollywood
tends to make familiar movies over and over and over again. As
much as people complain, we're much more likely to buy a ticket to a
familiar movie, even endless sequels and prequels, than risk our
money on a brand-new story. Also, with endless sequels and
prequels, this adds quite a bit of social proof as well.

Comparison and Contrast

This is another powerful trigger that is a bit complicated. This says

we will judge the value of something based on how it is (or how it is
not) compared to something else. For example, they ask test
subjects to put their hand in a bucket of water and guess the
temperature under three scenarios. One with only one hand in that
bucket. One with other hand in a bucket of very warm water. One
with their other hand in a bucket of very cold water. When the other
hand is in the bucket of warm water, the underestimate the
temperature in the test bucket. When the other hand is in the bucket
of cold water, they overestimate the temperature in a test bucket.
Marketers use this very cleverly. For example, one store wanted to
sell more of a $150 coffee machine, so they put it next to a $400
coffee machine, but the $400 coffee machine only had a few more
features than the $150 coffee machine. Sitting on the shelf by itself,
not a lot of shoppers bought the $150 coffee machine. But next to
the $400 coffee machine (with only a few more features) the $150
looked very good by comparison.

Ancient Instincts and Competing Incentives

All of these are instincts, and we can trace all our modern instincts
back to the harsh life of hunter gatherers. We also need to realize
that just like hunger, we can manage and even ignore these instincts
if we have a stronger, longer term goal. But devoid of any
competition for our thinking brains, these instincts can drive our
behaviors. For example, many people who are in happy relationships
tend to gain weight, simply because there are no competing
incentives. Hollywood actors and athletes, on the other hand, have
plenty of incentives to maintain their health or body image. When it
comes to relationships, most men operate from a scarcity mindset.
This isn't to imply any metaphysical mumbo jumbo, only that most
men never feel very secure about their sexual options. Which means
they are only thinking in terms of short-term success. This makes
them very vulnerable to short term emotions. This is why it is very
hard to avoid texting or calling even when you know it's not a good
idea. This is very much like somebody who knows they shouldn't eat
so much but can't really help themselves. When it comes to fighting
your instincts with only your conscious mind, your instincts will win
every time. Later we will learn some strategies to leverage instincts
against one another. In a sense, this is how Hollywood actors can
get in such good shape for roles. The instinct to get money (and
additional fame and social validation) is much a much stronger and
longer-term instinct than short term desire for food. We'll later learn
that part of being a high quality, high social status man is being
capable of effectively managing ALL your instincts to your own long-
term benefit.

Reference

Cialdini – Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion

Milgram Test

Asch Conformity Test

Battle of the Sexes
Understanding the different roles the genders played in ancient tribal
environments will go a long way in understanding the differences
between the sexes. First, we'll need to understand a bit of how
natural selection works. Natural selection refers to the way the
environment chooses which species get to pass on their genes to
the next generation. The environment is always changing, and there
are always enough genetic mistakes, in copying from generation to
generation, to create a naturally occurring split test. This has been
repeated in laboratories on bacteria that replicate every few hours,
and with things like fruit flies that have short generations. A simple
explanation would be that the environment changes slowly, and the
animals living within that environment can slowly alter their
characteristics to keep up. They don't do this on purpose. This is a
completely organic process. Every generation there are mistakes in
copying. The mistakes that work better in the environment tend to
produce more offspring. The mistakes that work worse in any
environment will produce less offspring. One way to describe this
metaphorically is that the steady stream of genetic mistakes, from
generation to generation, tend to become calibrated to the
environment. For example, if the environment begins to get colder
and colder, genetic mistakes that allow for stronger survival chances
in a colder environment will be kept. More and more animals in any
population will begin having those characteristics. A very simple way
may be as follows. We can imagine a bunch of hairless animals.
Then the environment slowly changes, becoming colder and colder
over a few hundred years. Any genetic mistakes that make it easier
to survive in cold weather will be kept or passed on to the next
generation. The animals, by keeping more and more of these lucky
genetic mistakes, will start to have more and more fur. The animals’
characteristics, then, would tend to be calibrated to the environment.

Human History
Humans have been proto humans for about 2 million years. We've
been humans for a hundred or two hundred thousand years. We've
been living in small tribes up until 10,000 years ago. 10,000 years is
plenty of time for some small changes, but not many large ones. Our
deeper instincts, especially those that make up the differences
between the genders, haven't likely changed much. This means we
can use a typical hunter-gatherer scenario as template to understand
the many differences between the genders.

Different Roles

One of the biggest changes that happened in human primates was a

split of labor between the genders. No other animal has this split. In
every other living, moving creatures, both males and females get the
same food. For some reasons, humans split along gender lines. Men
became hunters, women became gatherers. Men hunted and got
protein and fat. Women gathered and got roots and other things they
could get from plants. This allowed humans to live in many, many
different areas. All other animals are very restricted where they can
live, as they are restricted in what they can eat. Not humans. Once
this split happened, humans could spread all over the globe, and
slowly adapt to the environment. The main differences, even
physiological ones, can be attributed to the difference between a
hunter and a gatherer.

Hunting Men

When men hunt, they need to strategize. This is why men are so
attracted to team sports. It reminds men of the ancient roles of slowly
moving across the landscape and trying to find big animals to kill.
This required a very hierarchical structure. Much like a quarterback
or team captain calling the shots and the rest of the team playing
their various roles. When men behave this way, they are silent and
focused. The eyesight of men is long range and very narrow. Men
adapted a way to communicate using a minimum of words, being
able to leverage gestures and other non-verbal signals. Men also
developed an ability to use trickery in order to conspire against
animals in a strategic way. For example, as soon as humans learned
to create fire, it became an effective hunting tool. A large area that
contained plenty of animals was set ablaze in specific locations,
understanding the direction of wind, and the most likely path of
escape used by fleeing animals. Other hunters were strategically
located to carefully pick off these fleeing animals as they left. This
required strategic planning, forward thinking and a tight
organizational structure. It also required patience and the ability to
spring into action when the time came.

Gathering Women

When women would gather, they would stay close to home. They
had plenty of kids to take care of. Since they were looking for static
plants, they didn't need to be quiet. Quite the opposite. It is believed
that human gossip originated in the women-gathering scenario and
served to maintain tribal cohesion. While the men were out silently
hunting, the women were all gossiping about everything that was
going on. Then the men would come back from the hunt and be told
by their mate what everybody had gossiped about. Women are also
much better at carrying on more than one conversational thread at
once, while men are not. Women also have much shorter, but a
much wider range of vision, as they needed to not only be on the
lookout for anything edible, but also keep an eye on the kids. This is
the main reason why men are much less apt to notice clutter while
women are much more likely to be bothered by it. Women are much
more affected by social signals and the opinions of her reference
group. Men, on the other hand, are much less influenced by their
social group and are much more driven to achieve measurable
success. While it hasn't been this way for a few thousand years, for
the majority of human history, and therefore written into our
genetically programmed instincts, men are much more consistent
providers than women. While ancient humans could survive for a
while without getting any big kills (no protein or fat), the bulk of
human consumption and protection was provided by man.

Attraction Instincts
All signals that drive female attraction are those signals which
indicate he would be a good provider in ancient times. This would
mean he, at the bare minimum, would need to be in good physical
condition. He would also need to be skilled in planning, strategizing,
communicating those plans to others, and being in charge while
carrying out those plans. This would require a strong social
presence, strong and persuasive communication skills, a sufficient
intellect to read the situation and come up with an effective plan that
would satisfy the needs of everybody involved. The more a man
could demonstrate these skills, the more attraction he would trigger
in most women. For men, the things that generate the most
attraction would be primarily signs of youth. So long as a woman
would be past puberty, the younger the better. This is due to simple
mathematics. If an ancient human had a randomly generated genetic
profile to be attracted to young women, that would create more
offspring than an ancient human that was attracted to an older
woman. This is due simply because younger women can have more
children than older woman. From a man's perspective, the younger a
woman he could mate with, the better. For a woman, the higher her
mate's social status was, the better. It is very easy to see these
ancient instincts being played out today. Also recall that high social
status in men would be much more flexible than youth in women.
The tribe would have the same age distribution regardless. But
men's social status could change much more quickly. When women
look for men with high social status, this could be short term social
status, in the case of ovulating women having secret trysts with the
best hunter of the week, or long-term status, of many women being
attracted to the tribal leader or chief. If men decided to trade up, they
would switch to a younger woman. If women decided to trade up,
they would switch (or be secretly with) a more powerful man.

References

Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps

Ancient Humans Falling in Love
Now we're ready to look at a typical case of a young caveman and
cavegirl falling in love. We will explain it in terms of what we've talked
about so far. Namely the things we deduce cause attraction in both
men and women, and the various Cialdini triggers that cause us to
value things more than in the absence of those triggers.

Young Man Young Woman

Suppose you've got a young man and a young girl. The young man
is just old enough to go hunting for the first time. The young girl is
just past puberty. We'll imagine this is a large tribe of a couple
hundred members in total. As we might imagine, the men go on
hunts, and are sometimes gone for a few days. When they leave,
nobody knows how long they'll be gone for. When they are gone, the
only remaining members are the elderly, the young, and the women.
When the men are gone, the women are gossiping like crazy. What
do they talk about? They talk about the men. They talk about who is
getting together with whom. They complain about their mates, how
they are not such good hunters. They tell the mates of the best
hunters how lucky they are. They also might talk about young and
potentially up and coming hunters. Very much like small towns with a
long history, the gossip is thick and vicious. When the men do come
back, the hear everything. They know who was complaining about
whom. They know who was praising whom. They know who likes
whom. It's very unlikely that young cave people got together on their
own accord. The idea of arranged marriages is old and has existed
in plenty of societies. We must consider it likely that if a young
potentially powerful hunter was present, he would be matched with
whomever was socially appropriate. Since females are much more
dependent on their social reference group, our young female cavegirl
has, at the very least, have been given very strong advice to take a
look at the young hunter in question.
First Meetings

Before this young cavegirl was clued in on this potential mate, he

didn't notice her, and she didn't notice him. Regardless of when
young couples get together, one tends to notice the other first. In this
situation, we'll imagine the young cave girl, motivated by plenty of
social proof, started to pay attention to this young hunter. And this
young hunter likely noticed that she noticed. Once this happened,
she was likely on his mind quite a bit. Eventually, they would go out
hunting again. This is an important time period.

First Time Apart

Now that our young hunter knows that she has noticed him, he can't
get her off his mind. Perhaps a few of the older hunters also notice
this. Everything about them would conspire both consciously and
unconsciously to get them together. Young hunters would tend to be
much better hunters if they were trying to impress a girl. So at least a
few of the older hunters would remind him how happy that young
cave girl would be if he came back with a big kill. This would add
social proof to his already large desire to get a big kill to impress her.
While they were out hunting, the gossip would continue. They would
wonder if he would turn out to be a great hunter, or instead a dud.
This would add uncertainty. And since they had no idea when the
hunters would return, this would add scarcity of knowledge. They
would all have hope to see this young hunter be successful. But they
would know when this would happen.

First Big Kill

Finally, the men come back, and the young hunter has been
successful. Of course, one big kill isn't enough. This process repeats
a few times. Every time they are apart, this intensifies. The women
gossip, the men conspire to help the young hunter succeed. Both
sides are conspiring to create a more efficient hunter, which means
more needed calories for the tribe.
Eventual Union

Humans have been anatomically and physiologically correct for

100,000 years or so. This means we've had the same capacity for
thought, for language, for gazing up into the night sky and creating
rich stories based on the configuration of the stars. This means we
also understand the complexity of life and death and new life. So,
when the new couple finally got together, it wasn't a random hookup.
It was a tribal event, something that would create new people and
therefore more mouths to feed and more people to protect. This
would mean that the union would likely have certain ceremonies
associated with it. At the very least, the union would be cemented by
social proof. We can do an imaginary split test to see how might play
out in two different scenarios.

Non-Social Proofed Union

We can imagine the first tribe, where a guy and a girl get together,
but it's not thought to be a big deal. This would mean if either the girl
or the guy decided to end the relationship, there would be zero social
proof keeping them from doing so. The women would not likely do
so, as having children would make this very dangerous. The man,
however, might decide that after she's had a couple of kids, she's not
worth the effort. Without any strong social proof or authority acting as
external incentives to keep them together, he might decide to leave
the relationship. What would the long-term result of such a scenario
be? This tribe would eventually go extinct. With no incentives to
maintain the safety of his family, single mothers and their children
would perish.

Socially Proofed Union

Now we can imagine a strong sense of social proof to stay with a

woman until all her children are old enough to fend for themselves.
Or at the very least, provide them with enough food and safety. With
plenty of social proof and authority behind this idea, this type of tribe
would be much more successful.
Seven Year Itch

A common idea is that many relationships, that begin with true love,
have about a seven-year shelf life. Evolutionary psychologists
believe this is about how long it takes before the children are self-
sufficient. This means that as an added element to the ancient
human pair bond, once a man has sexual relations with a woman,
and she has one or more of his children, there is a strong internal
desire to take care of her and the kids. This, in addition to the
external applied social proof and authority (if you leave your wife and
children, everybody in the tribe, including the tribal leadership will be
very angry), this would further serve to keep kids together.

Ancient Cuckolding

All this can include the potential cheating spouse. The woman who
has a mate, and perhaps children, but is attracted to the best hunter
of the day. So long as they have sex in secret, any children that she
has will be believed to be the child of her public mate.

Survival of The Flexible

An important idea to consider is that the most successful humans

were the most flexible. This means that a woman is driven by her
instincts to choose a mate that demonstrates a strong ability to take
care of her future children. But it also allows for her to choose a
pinch hitter should the need arise, and not upset the social order.
Humans are extremely complex in our social structure, and one of
the ways this complexity presents itself is through how we can
achieve the same ends, namely a thriving and tightly cohesive
society, under a great many circumstances. From a purely biological
and scientific standpoint, we must accept that part of this flexibility
includes the ability for a woman to have a child with a genetically
superior husband (based on her instinctive attraction) while still
convincing her providing husband that it is his child. This same idea
pops up quite a few places in nature. Any animal that can achieve
the same ends through a more flexible system will tend to survive
more in the long run. We can see all these ancient instinctive
behaviors being played out in modern society.
Modern Romance Misfires
Now we're able to see how these ancient instincts, which proved to
be successful for hundreds of thousands of years, can potentially
lead to the destruction of society today. We'll examine the
differences and see how this is very much like our food instinct. Our
food instinct helped us greatly in the ancient past. The hungrier we
were, the more successful we were. The more we enjoyed eating in
the past, the more we ate and the more we would store to last us
when times were tough. Those same collections of food instincts not
only helped us to survive, but they helped us to thrive in a great
many diverse environments. Driven primarily by our never-ending
desire for food, humans have learned to master the environment and
bring forth millions of needed calories from deserts, marshes, high
mountains, and arid plains. Yet those same instincts which propelled
us to success in the past make us all obese and suffering from a
myriad of conditions related to “metabolic syndrome.” Our food
instinct was fantastic in the past, but it is killing us today. Our
collection of male-female attraction instincts, we shall find, are very
similar. The helped us greatly in the past, but they are killing us
today.

Modern Polarity Switch

Recall our discussion about the best hunter coming back and
secretly getting together with whatever woman or women who were
ovulating. This was evolutionarily beneficial, as it led to a slow
upward pressure on hunting skills. It didn't upset the tribal order,
because strong social proof kept it secret. Even in recent times,
social proof and authority (almost always religious) caused any
woman who was blatantly promiscuous to be openly punished. One
common response as societies got larger and larger was to institute
a society wide, one-man-one-woman rule. Even in ancient societies,
monogamy was generally preferred, but cheating accepted, if it was
kept secret. It was one of those things that people knew about but
everybody also knew not to talk about. This is like small town secrets
that everybody knows but nobody talks about. This kind of thing is
only possible in very tight knit communities. In ancient hunter-
gatherer societies, these were all collections of extended families.
But once agriculture was invented, they needed a different system.
Even in Roman Times, before the advent of Christianity, it was
considered morally upright to maintain monogamous relationships. It
was considered scandalous for senators and other public officials to
maintain affairs that were blatant. For a long time, religions played
the role of maintaining control of male-female relationships. This took
the same idea of social proof and authority and simply took it to a
much broader scale. In recent decades, the tide has turned
significantly. Breakups and divorces are common. Cheating is
common and often excusable. The need for a woman to do
everything she can to keep her provider until the children are self-
sufficient no longer exists. This means the few of the internal and
external incentives that keep men and women together exist.
However, there is one that does exist, and it is one you unfortunately
might have experience with. The idea of the seven-year itch, from a
purely instinctive standpoint, is an internal incentive to keep the man
emotionally attached to the woman. The woman is initially
instinctively reluctant to get together with the man. Her instincts kept
her from getting together to hastily. The social proof from her peers
heightened this. This represented an internal reluctance, until she
was sure of his hunting abilities, and her social reference group was
sure of his hunting abilities. But once she did get together with him,
his internal incentives kicked in. His emotional connection to her was
triggered, as an added safety feature to keep him wanting to provide
for her until her children were old enough to fend for themselves.
Always remember these are not conscious choices. These are
subconsciously driven instincts, over which we have very little
conscious control over. Today, her internal reluctance can be
overridden by social proof. But the internal triggers that make a man
internally attached to her are still in effect, as they are not much
heightened by social proof. Modern women are much more
influenced by their social peers, as they have always been. Men
much less so. So, when modern relationships end, it is often the man
that is devastated, especially if he feels financially responsible for
her and her children. Males today feel very much like ancient males
did. Once they were together, once she had children, it was
essentially a done deal. The instinctive feeling was that so long as
the man took care of the woman and her children, that was that.
Even if she cheated on him with the alpha of the day, she took great
care to keep this secret from him. All this was largely due to the
massive and external social pressure from her social reference
group to do so. Today, that has been largely eliminated. For the
modern woman, relationships are much different than they were to
ancient women. But for most men, they are very much the same.
The only men who see things differently are the ones who were likely
to be the alpha of the day. Today, men who are at the very top of the
social and sexual hierarchy (and don't tend to buy books about how
to get girls) act the same way they would have back in ancient times.
They sleep with whoever they can. The only difference for those men
today is that there is no external social proof to keep those
relationships secret.

Love Misfires

Our ancient caveman fell in love slowly. Most of the time those
feelings developed they were separate, and they did not know when
they would see each other gain. For the man, falling in love meant
thinking about her while trying his best to demonstrate his worthiness
by killing a big animal. He was out of contact with her. He needed to
demonstrate some kind of skill. If you feel attraction to a woman you
likely feel this same urge. To do something amazing to show how
worth you are of her love. But one thing is very different today. And
that is that we are no longer forced by our environment to only think
of one another. While the man was away, for sometimes days at a
time, the woman was alone. While she was alone, she and her entire
social reference group were hoping he would kill something big.
Today, this is very much not the case. Most women today have
plenty of options. Which means they are discussing those plenty of
options with their social reference group. And if you are like most
men, you will be compelled, almost against your will to contact her.
This is very much like our hunger instinct. In the past, we wanted to
eat all the time, but we were constrained by our environment.
Ancient men wanted very much to see their love interest but were
constrained by their environment. Just as the willpower diet is nearly
impossible, using only willpower to day to not contact a love interest
is equally impossible, and it is equally dangerous. In the past, love
required thinking about your love interest without contacting them. In
the past, the environment did this for us. Luckily, men have a built-in
set of strategizing instincts that were originally developed to hunt and
kill large animals. We will learn how to use these same instincts to
create as much attraction in as much women as possible. We will
still need to cover a few more theoretical ideas, and then we will
begin to develop strategies.
Diminishing Returns
There is an important idea from economics that we'll have to
understand. It doesn't seem that economics would be appropriate in
a guide on how to become more attractive to women. Most people
tend to think of economics as the realm of government goofs who
come up with complicated formulas about how to rig the economy in
their favor. But it turns out that economics, as we shall endeavor to
understand it, is a descriptive process that intends to describe
human behavior, both individually and collectively. This means we
need to understand the difference between descriptive processes
and prescriptive processes. Descriptive is simple. You observe any
system and try your best to describe what you see. This is
essentially science. Then once you have a rock-solid understanding,
you can take measurements, and then predict what might happen in
the future. Once upon a time nobody knew how things like gravity
worked. Truthfully, nobody does now. But we do have a much better
idea of how gravity works. We can describe with a lot of
mathematical certainty. This is because once upon a time Newton
decided to figure it out. After extensive testing and thinking, he finally
wrote was essentially the very first physics book. We make mistakes
when we have an incomplete understanding, and then use that
incomplete understanding to try and predict what will happen. If we
have an incomplete understanding of what is going on, and this
makes our predictions incorrect, this is natural. You come up with an
idea, try to use that idea to predict something, and then compare
what you saw to what you expected. If there was a big difference,
then you go back to the drawing board. But if you work for the
government, and you happen to be an economist, you never really
have to do that. There's an old joke that a government official asked
his chief economist the answer to a complicated problem. The
economist asked the government official what answer he wanted.
Whenever we speak about economics, we only mean an
observational view of basic human behavior. Not the imagined
science that guides our fearless leaders.
Diminishing Returns

This is a very basic economic idea and it will help us very much to
understand exactly what it means. It will also be very helpful to tune
your mind so you can see this natural phenomenon happening in as
many situations as you can. First, we'll imagine the owner of a factor.
He has ten employees, and they all have the same level of
productivity. The factory owner has been doing well, so he wants to
increase his overall productivity. So, he adds one more worker. This
takes him from ten workers to eleven. This increases his productivity
by ten percent. And this increase in productivity costs him ten dollars
an hour. So far so good? He pays an extra ten dollars an hour, which
represent his costs. His return, that which he gets in exchange for
his costs, is an additional ten percent productivity. Now let's suppose
he wants to add another worker. He figures the numbers and notices
something strange. He'll still have to spend the same amount,
namely another ten bucks and hour. But instead of getting a return of
ten percent increase in productivity, he'll only get a return of 9%,
which is the change going from eleven workers to twelve workers.
He spends the same amount, but he gets less return for the same
spend. Less bang for his buck. This is the law of diminishing returns
in a nutshell. Every business owner has to expand enough to make
sure that his return is always worth the effort. So long as each
additional employee he adds more than pays for themselves in
additional revenue, he's OK. But eventually he'll get to the point
where each extra ten bucks an hour he spends will get him less than
ten bucks an hour in revenue. There are a lot more variables
involved, but this is the gist of it.

Cheating Day

Let's imagine you are on a diet that allows for one cheating day per
week. And the few days leading up to that cheating day, you really
start to look forward to it. When you wake up on your cheating day,
you are excited. The very first bite you take is going to be the most
delicious. But every bite you take after that is going to be slightly less
delicious. Pretty soon you contemplate taking another bite but decide
against it. This happens after you pass a tipping point where
subsequent actions are more painful than they are pleasurable. This
is like the factory owner who gets to a tipping point where each
additional worker would represent a net loss in revenue.

Vacations

If you get a ten-day vacation from school or work, the first day is
going to be the best. The next day, slightly less. Then finally the last
night of the last day will probably be very depressing. This case is
slightly different, as we are starting something that already has a
known end. Compared to the factory and the cheating day, there was
an endpoint, but it wasn't yet known. With some calculations and an
understanding of the market, the factory owner could predict the end
point. Similarly, on your cheating day, you can more or less predict
how much you'll eat. All situations involving diminishing returns will
have a tipping point. Some are fixed, like vacations and enjoyable
movies. Some are yet to be discovered, like with factories and
cheating days.

Serial Monogamists

This is also what kills most relationships. Most people have the idea
that if they keep looking, they'll find that one special person with
whom they'll always feel those wonderful feelings. In fact, this is a
common reason for getting out of one relationship and getting into
another relationship. It's even a justification. The old relationship isn't
causing those feelings any more. That new guy or gal they are flirting
with at work is. Because we have all been brainwashed to believe
we deserve non-stop happiness, it almost feels like it's our human
right to leave a relationship that isn't giving us constant happy
feelings and getting into a relationship that is. But every relationship
will fall prey to the law of diminishing returns. Expecting a
relationship to not fizzle out, at least with respect to those happy
feelings, would be like expecting to eat and eat and eat and never
get full. Let's take a quick look why.
First Stages

The first stages of any good relationship are wonderful. Especially

with people that we hit it off with well from the beginning. Why is
this? If you are with somebody who makes you feel good, it is
because of the way they behave around you. And if you are lucky,
they feel the same about you. You behave in a natural way that
makes them feel good and they behave in a natural way that makes
you feel good. You smile, and that makes them happy, so they smile.
This, of course, makes you smile, which keeps this virtuous cycle
going. But this also starts to become expected. In the early stages of
the relationship, them smiling is both good and unfamiliar. It's not
only unfamiliar, but it is unexpected. But as soon as you get used to
them smiling, the positive feelings will diminish, according to the law
of diminishing returns. They do the same thing but get the less
return. You do the same thing but get less return. This happens with
all your behavior. This is why every single relationship that starts out
wonderful will be boring before long. The tipping point is inevitable.
Back in the days of hunter gathers, this was all that was needed to
start the relationship, and external tribal influences kept it together.
And up until recently, this was still more or less the same.
Communities were tight, people went to church together, etc. That
same spark was needed to start the relationship, but it was helped
along by a lot of external incentives. Today, without those external
incentives, once that spark is gone, there has to be something else,
or else the relationship will fail.

Reverse Engineering Successful Relationships

If you are only intending to become a serial monogamist, that's

perfectly fine. That is entirely your choice. But if it is your intention to
find a long-lasting relationship, you'll have to understand how to build
in when there aren't a lot of external incentives to help. One thing is
to make sure you are both consciously committed to making the
relationship work. Another is to have a lot of common goals. Career
goals, financial goals, etc. Another is to do a lot of sorting, to make
sure you are both a good fit based on your backgrounds. There are a
lot of things you can do, but the most common idea is that you need
to not expect the relationship to work on its own. Up until very
recently, the spark was enough to start it, and the external incentives
were enough to keep it going. But today, everything must be
consciously managed. This is very much like having to maintain a
certain physique by consciously managing your hunger. Ancient
humans didn't need to worry about their health, as their hunger was
managed by their environment. Up until recently, most relationships
were similarly managed, after the initial spark, by their environment.
But if you want to create and maintain a healthy long-term
relationship, it can be created instinctively, but it must be maintained,
by both of you, absolutely consciously and deliberately.
Male Attraction Triggers
We're in a transitional phase of understanding the basics of
attraction. We know enough about ancient instinctive attraction
triggers, and how they worked to create relationships. We
understand about ancient, primitive and recent societies and how
they helped maintain relationships once they started. We know that
maintaining a long-term relationship, should that be a goal, will
require some conscious management. We'll now shift into how to
become as attractive as possible to as many women as possible.
This will take us through the next third this guide. Once we have an
understanding of attraction triggers and how to build them, then we'll
be ready to discuss specific strategies for specific situations and
outcomes. In this chapter we'll cover the main skills whose
improvement will enhance your attractiveness to more women.

Physically Fit

All else equal, being more physically fit will make you more attractive
than being less physically fit. Make sure you understand that all
important phrase, “all else equal.” All these different characteristics
will include the same constraint. Which is more important? That is
impossible to tell. Every woman will have a slightly different
collection in different men that spins her propellers. Ultimately it is up
to you, as developing each one of these traits will take time. And
since you only have twenty-four hours per day, you are going to have
to make some decisions. But it's a safe bet that while physical fitness
is a factor, there are other, more important factors. It would be foolish
to spend tons of time trying to get down to a very low body fat if that
came at the expense of any other attractive qualities. Suffice it to say
that you should not be overweight, if at all possible. Spend some
time on your physical health, but don't try to make the cover of Men's
Health.

Communication Skills
All else equal, better communication skills will make you much more
attractive. This means being articulate, being expressive, being able
to speak eloquently at length about several subjects. This also
means having active listening skills. For most normal humans, this
will take a lot of effort. The stronger your communication skills are,
the more attractive you'll be. Understand that we will later talk about
your intellect. This means you need to understand that
communication itself is a structural skill set. The type of things you
talk about, the content of your communication, will be a function of
the kind of shape your brain is in. You can be an exceptional,
articulate and elegant communicator, but if all you talk about is
market conditions or microbiology, you won't get a lot of action.

Long Term Strategizing

This is a mental skill. This is also a mental skill that you can develop.
Your ability to strategize long term will come out in how you
communicate, what you communicate about, and how you live your
life. It's quite possible to be pegged as a long term strategizer
without ever speaking. The clothes you wear, the way you carry
yourself, all give clues to how you see yourself and the world around
you. Conversely, somebody who only thinks about the next few days
will radiate a different type of energy. Always remember this same
attraction triggers existed long before things like money, clothing, or
perhaps even spoken language.

Long Term Goals

You can be an exceptional long term strategizer, but only use those
skills to support the goals of somebody else. The more you can
apply your skills of strategy to your own life, and your own goals, the
better. Later, in the last third of this guide, we'll go over some specific
linguistic strategies that will demonstrate both long term goals and
your skills of strategy, even if you work part time for minimum wage.

Thinking and Planning

This is related to goals and strategies, but it also applies to
unforeseen events that we must respond to. We can imagine two
diverse types of people when it comes to unexpected events. One
takes their time to understand the event, and the many potential
responses. The other reacts quickly and spontaneously and hopes
for the best. One model to use when thinking about this and all the
other attraction triggers is how they work within the female mind. All
women are programmed by ancient instincts, just like all men are.
And women are hard wired to be attracted to men that will protect
them and take care of them. This doesn't mean women are
wandering around thinking this consciously. But these are the
unconscious triggers that drive female attraction. Similarly, when you
imagine your favorite porn stars or models, they likely exhibit many
signs of youth. These signs of youth cause unconscious and
automatic attraction. You don't look at them and think, “Wow, she
looks pretty young. I bet we could have a lot of babies together!”
Always keep in mind it is women's deep instincts we are targeting
with this behavior, not her conscious mind. And the instincts that
women evolved to respond to are instincts that demonstrate any
man's ability to protect her and provide for her. This includes how he
interacted around other men.

Leadership Skills

The stereotype of the high school quarterback to gets the cutest girl
in school is very accurate. The high school QB is a very close
stereotype of the archetypical alpha male in ancient society. Athletic,
physically attractive and a leader. Not just a leader, but a leader
against opposition. It's one thing to lead a group of buddies to have a
good time. But being a leader in terms of female attraction means
being a leader of men against any opposing force. This primarily
means being the guy other men will naturally follow. A way to think
about general leadership skills is the grand total of all the other skills.
However, we must be careful. If you are a natural leader, this means
you will possess most or all the other skills. But the flip side isn't
necessarily true. Meaning if you take time to cultivate and develop
the other skills, this won't necessarily add up to being a natural
leader. Luckily, all these skills are things you can practice, once you
figure out how to break them down into their most basic components.
This is one idea that will give you an advantage. Very few men and
women take time to learn and enhance anything that can be
regarded as interpersonal skills. We spend most of our time learning
vocational skills. To the extent that we learn any interpersonal skills,
public speaking would be the most common. Most other skills are
essentially picked up along the course of an otherwise normal
career. But with some focus and dedication, you can learn to
enhance any of the behavioral characteristics in this chapter. And all
of these, except for maybe physical fitness, where you get to an
acceptable and then maintain it with routine maintenance, have no
upper limit. This means the more you practice them, the better you'll
get. And the better you get, the more attractive you'll be.
Conscious Mind Theory
Before we start talking about the individual skills and how to practice
them, we need to understand a few things about conscious learning
and skill enhancement. Unfortunately, a lot of mythology regarding
self-development has become accepted as fact. The basic myth is
that you can read about something, or be exposed to a new idea,
and then armed only with that new idea in your brain, go out and
achieve a new level of success. This is dangerous, as this will only
lead to frustration. In this chapter we'll present an uncommon model
of the human mind, specifically the nature of human consciousness.
Don't worry, we won't spend any time in the realm of metaphysics.
This will be kept as practical and pragmatic as possible. We'll take a
few common and accepted ideas and see what happens when we
put them together. And then we'll apply this understanding to our
desire to become more attractive.

Human Learning

Most people have heard that idea about four levels of learning. The
first level is unconscious incompetence, when you don't know that
you don't know. For example, there are thousands of musical
instruments in the world. But most of us can only name a few dozen.
The musical instruments that we don't know exist, and don't know
how to play, would fall under the label of unconscious incompetence.
The next level is conscious incompetence. We know the skill exist,
and we know that we don't know the first thing about it. Once we
begin to practice something, we move into conscious competence.
We have a certain level of competence, but it requires all our
conscious thinking. Once we learn something, either a binary skill or
a level of skill, where we don't have to think, this is the level of
unconscious competence. We can further create two categories of
skills. The ones where we learn once and never have to think about
again. These are skills like tying your shoes, writing, speaking a
second language fluently. Then there are skills that have no upper
limit. Each new limit can go through conscious competence and then
unconscious competence. Sports and music would be two common
examples. There is the level at which one may be unconsciously
competent, and then higher levels where one may be either
consciously competent or consciously incompetent. For example,
you may be able to play “Chopsticks” on the piano at the level of
unconscious competence but playing advanced pieces from classical
music would be at the level of conscious incompetence.

Human Brains

The human animal is born with a brain that is very much still
developing. In fact, the human brain is not finished for at least two
decades. Once upon a time, ancient humans were primates much
like modern chimps. But then something happened and our brain
size skyrocketed. At a certain point in time, a decision had to be
made. We could be born close to fully formed, like most other
mammals, or we could be born much less than fully formed. The
decision (by evolution or whoever makes these kinds of decisions)
was that our brain was important, but so was our ability to walk on
two legs. The only solution was to be born with a much less than a
finished developing brain. This means we must spend a great deal of
our childhood learning basic things like walking and talking. Lucky for
us, the learning never stops. Sure, it's easy to learn when you are
very young, but it's also possible to learn new skills as long as you
are drawing breath.

Human Flexibility

We've discussed how the main differences between men and

women are due to our divergence in labor, based on gender. Once
men started hunting, and women started gathering, this allowed
humans to live pretty much everywhere. But this was only the
beginning. Humans have learned how to get food in a many different
types of environments. When humans were hunters, we either had to
follow migrating animals or stick close to the shoreline for fishing.
Once we figured out how to get food out of the ground, we learned
how to get food out the ground pretty much anywhere. Humans have
learned to change the environment to support large societies. The
different types of farming in the different types of the world are
impressive to say the least. It seems our main selling point as a
species is our flexibility. Of figuring out how, exactly, to get our
various needs met in so many diverse environments.

Human Outcome Generation

Now we'll propose a model for how we get our needs met. We have
a desire, and then we apply behavior to get that outcome. We feel
like eating something. We get a thought into our mind about a
sandwich. We combine that desire with our learned behavior and
create our outcome. This means that so long as we have learned
behavior, and the raw materials, we can turn a desire into an
outcome. But we need both, both the learned behavior and the raw
materials. If you have the learned behavior, but not the raw
materials, you won't get an outcome. If you are hungry, and know
how to make a sandwich, but don't have any bread, you won't get a
sandwich. If you are hungry, and have some raw materials, but don't
know how to cook, you won't get the outcome.

Humans as Desire-Outcome Generators

One way to look at humans, compared to all the other animals, is

that we can choose how we satisfy our desires. Other animals, if
they are hungry, must rely on their instincts. They don't have much of
a choice. If a penguin is hungry, and can't find any fish, he's out of
luck. If a human is hungry, even he doesn't have any money, armed
with plenty of food making skills (learned) and a kitchen full of food,
he can make anything he wants. But humans can do one better. We
can recognize the skills that we do not yet possess. Then through
trial and error learning, we can program those skills in. This is where
it gets a bit confusing. First, let's assume the best-case scenario is
when we get our needs done by using behaviors that were learned
to the point of unconscious competence. This means we are best at
getting our needs met when we use skills we don't need to think
about. This means that the purpose of our conscious minds, our self-
awareness is not to achieve our desires. Rather it is to recognize the
skills we don't yet have trained to the level of unconscious
competence, and then train them to that point.

Consciousness as New Instinct Generator

We can say we have two kinds of instincts. The kind we come pre-
programmed with at birth. And then all the skills we learn to the point
of unconscious competence. This means the one purpose of our
conscious mind is to act as a new instinct generator. To notice the
skills we do not yet possess at the level of unconscious competence,
and figure out how to train them in to that level. Our conscious mind
does serve many other purposes, namely getting together with other
humans, sharing our ideas with theirs, using our communication to
decide who has the best idea, and then apply our collective skills to
achieve that outcome. But as individuals, we can view our self-
awareness as a tool to create new instincts. This is why the idea of
reading about something and then expecting a change is incorrect.
The only way to change your outcome is to change your behavior.
And the only way to change your behavior is learn new skills by
practicing them until they are at the level of unconscious
competence. That is what we will be discussing for the next few
chapters. The behavioral skills that if practiced to higher and higher
levels of unconscious competence, will make you more and more
attractive to more and more women.
Choose A Life Plan
The most important thing you need to have to be attractive to a great
many woman is a plan. A plan for your life. This is much more
important than having wealth. Plenty of women are initially attracted
to a guy with a high paying job, but without any deeper ambition,
she'll get tired of him. And, lucky for us normal people, developing a
plan is much easier than developing wealth. A guy without wealth,
but with strong ambition and a solid, achievable plan powered by
that ambition will be more attractive, based on the instinctive
triggers, than a boring dude with a bunch of money. Remember, we
are always and only talking about the instinctive triggers. Just like we
can forego a cheeseburger for boiled chicken breast if we are on a
diet, a woman will forego the man she is instinctively attracted to (the
man with a plan) and consciously choose the man with money. Of
course, nothing ever happens in a vacuum. Her social reference
group will also have an impact on her instinctive attraction. For
example, if she is deeply and instinctively attracted to a man with a
plan, but a better conscious choice is an otherwise un-ambitious guy
with a lot of money, and her friends all approve the guy with money,
it's going to be hard for her to choose the ambitious guy. That would
mean going against what she believes to be the rational best choice
(big money guy), and going against her social group, and perhaps
her family. Each one of these attraction triggers is not meant to work
in isolation. But we need to understand each, and work on building
each, in isolation. And the first thing you'll need to do is come up with
a plan for your life. Now, what exactly does this mean?

Vague Ambition

It is impossible to predict the future. Forgetting women for a moment,

if you choose a future that is too specific, and too far off, the chances
of it happening are very, very low. Nobody knows what the economy
is going to be like in five or ten years. If you are beginning school
right now, and you are studying to be an engineer, for example, you
must understand that this is just your ticket into the big show. You
might end up working in a career far different than the one you
envision. Most people have several different careers during their life.
One way to think of this is to think of it completely in absence of any
women. It's easy to get lazy, and just expect to pick up whatever
work is available here or there, and many people have accepted
that. But even if your primary goal in life is not to meet women,
consider at least to develop something you are passionate about.
Right away this sounds little too much like a law of attraction
motivational seminar. But every man should have something that
compels them to move forward. Ancient men were hunters and
nomads. They weren't content to laze around and eat bananas like
monkeys. Men were designed, both in brain and body, to explore, to
hunt, to conquer. Trust that this instinct still lives inside you. Ideally,
the thing you find that wakes up this ancient male instinct will be
something that can get you paid. But that is not critical. This is also
something that you can't think about once, and then call it good. Re-
defining where you point your ancient hunter instinct is an ongoing
process. This is precisely why many change careers over the course
of their life. What makes sense to somebody in their mid-twenties no
longer makes sense in their early thirties. Their skills and experience
have changed. The marketplace and general economy have
changed. It's natural to need to find another outlet for your ancient
male hunter instinct.

Daily Brainstorming

One way to explore this is to spend some time brainstorming about

your potential future. Things that not only interest you, but things that
inspire you spend time learning. Everybody would like to magically
get some skills. But few are willing to put in the costs, both direct and
opportunity, to get those skills. Direct costs are just like it sounds.
The time, the money, the frustration spent learning any skill.
Opportunity costs are things you can't do while learning the skill.
Being lazy and watching TV. Hanging out at the bar on the
weekends complaining how rough life is. That kind of stuff is easy.
So easy everybody can do it.
Skill Research

The ideal career should satisfy three criteria. One you are good at
the skill. Two you enjoy performing the skill. Three is you can get
paid plenty of money for that skill. The simple laws of supply and
demand require this be a skill that few others can do. This pretty
much guarantees it won't be a skill you can pick up here and there.
But there is no rush. Budget an hour or so a week researching
potential career opportunities. You may not have any idea what that
might be now, but if you look, you will find it. There are plenty of
ways to make a living these days. If you keep searching, and
brainstorming, and dreaming, you will find something that awakens
your ancient hunter. The one thing that will make you want to pursue
it above all else.

The Ultimate Test

The ideal career should be one that if you were forced to choose,
you would choose your vocation over any particular woman, with a
few qualifications. Naturally, if you have kids, and they utterly depend
on you, then that is your genetic obligation. But before you start a
family (if that is a goal) give any potential woman the career test. If
she demanded you drop your career to follow her, what would you
do? The point here is not to try and convince you that any career is
more important than any woman. It is the idea that when you find a
career or vocation that awakens your ancient hunter instinct, nothing
else can compare. Always remember how ancient humans and proto
humans lived for hundreds of thousands of years. Men hunted.
Women gathered. The men led, and the women followed. You must
find a vocation so compelling, that you are willing to follow it without
concern for which women decides to follow you. When you have a
vocation this compelling, and you describe it in this way to any one
woman, it will instinctively create attraction in her. Just like it is
impossible for any normal man to not be attracted to a voluptuous
young beauty, it would be equally impossible for any normal woman
to not be attracted to a man with a plan. For this reason, thank your
lucky stars you were not born a woman. For only a few women are
gorgeous enough to turn heads when they walk into a room. And
even then, the clock is ticking. But for men, your plans can grow and
become more compelling with every additional year you spend on
this Earth.

Homework

Start a journal, focused only on your life's plan. Put any ideas in
there that you can. Research, brainstorming, even dreams about
things that don't make any sense. Keep writing in your journal until
you awaken your ancient inner hunter. When you are in touch with
him, he will be happy to guide you.
Communication Skills
If the last chapter was easy, because it's something that will not only
inspire you and it is something you can do on your lonesome, this
chapter will be terrifying. Well, maybe not terrifying, but it is
something that is just as important. Now, you might be thinking that
you can attract ladies while being the strong silent type, or you can
use online dating, but that's kind of a copout. All else equal, having
better communication skills will make you more attractive than not.
We'll go through a couple of examples to demonstrate this. Let's say
you become a chiseled man with a plan who is well on his way to a
multi-millionaire. But you're kind of a wallflower, so you decide to
only meet the ladies online. So far this is common. And let's assume
you meet five attractive ladies a week. We'll look at two cases. One
where you are comfortable talking to anybody and everybody. Two is
you are a shy, introverted genius, but when they get to know you,
they love you. How many of the five ladies per week would be
attracted to the shy introverted genius millionaire? Only the ones
willing to take the time. Remember, each one of these women is also
dating other guys. And these days, there are plenty of shy introverts
with money. So, let's say one girl out of five is interested enough for
a second date. That means you get one second date a week, or four
a month. And let's say only one out of four of those second dates
have any real chemistry, as a couple of them are not that attracted,
only giving you another chance. This means you get one third date
per month. This means it would take you a long time to find
somebody you really click with. Now let's imagine the other guy, the
guy who can make small talk to anybody and everybody, regardless
of who they are. Not only is this guy comfortable making small talk,
but he has the uncanny ability to make the people he talks to smile
and feel good about themselves. How many of this guy's first dates
would like a second date? How many attractive females would this
guy meet offline? How many people would want to set this guy up
with their attractive friends, sisters, and even daughters? The guy's a
man with a plan, and he can make anybody he chats up feel like a
million bucks. What's that you say? You're not the talkative type?
Remember our chapter on the purpose of our conscious mind. That
it is a new instinct generator. It turns out that making small talk, and
making people feel good is a skill. And all skills can be practiced, so
long as we know what to practice, and how to practice it.

Stage One - Be Willing

The first step is to just get into the habit of saying hey whenever you
can. Even if it's the eighty-year old dude down at your supermarket
who's trying to work through his retirement. Instead of just nodding at
him, actually ask him, “What's up?” When it comes to practicing the
art of small talk, we'll need to break it down into the smallest chunks
possible. The first step is actually making words come out of your
mouth, through their ears and into their brain. Start with the absolute
easiest people first. The people you see every day. The people you
don't see every day but have a legitimate reason to say hey to. The
old lady down at the coffee shop. The woman working behind the
fast food counter. The people you see in the elevator at work. Get
into the habit of saying one or two words to a couple strangers per
day. That's it. Don't worry about what to say next, don't worry if they
try to carry on a conversation. If they respond, listen until they are
finished talking. Smile and nod your head, but only say something if
it is natural and unforced.

Stage Two - Keep Score and Slowly Increase

This is another skill that will always be in the practice stage. It's one
of those skills that always has a higher level of unconscious
competence available. Since there is no upper limit, there's no rush.
You'll never get to perfect no matter how fast you go, so may as well
take it easy on yourself. Start off with one or two words that are
appropriate. Pretty soon you'll notice that people are very willing to
carry on a small conversation. Working at any type of food counter is
boring. Even if you talk about the weather, or how busy or slow it is,
they'll appreciate. They are human, just like you. And all humans
enjoy a regular, time killing conversation with another normal human.
Stage Three - Get and Remember Information

So long as it is clear you have zero ulterior motive, people will

happily give you their names, and talk about their personal lives. Do
not ask anybody out when you are practicing. That is an absolute,
unbreakable rule. We'll get into how to identify people who are both
qualified and attractive much later. Consider a rock-solid rule never
to ask out anybody in public unless you know they are attracted, you
know they will say yes, and it involves zero nervousness on your
part. If you are nervous, if you are a bit worried what they might say,
don't do it. Now is just skill building exercises. You need to build as
much experiences, and as many memories in your brain of having
friendly conversations with friendly people who enjoy talking to you.
This is something you'll be doing the rest OF your life. Don't be any
hurry to collect any numbers. Once you feel enough natural
confidence, (if you are nervous, you'll make them nervous, and they
may think you are thinking about asking them out), just act like
you're their friends. Offer your name, see if they reciprocate. Ask
about things you normally about when speaking to people you are
comfortable with. If you are a shy or introverted type, this may be
hard to believe, but once you loosen up and realize how much
normal people enjoy having meaningless conversations with other
normal people, you'll find that people will go out of their way to talk to
you. They'll start to smile when they see you. Take plenty of time
getting to this stage. Once you feel comfortable asking them about
personal things, (not too personal) we'll use the techniques in the
next chapter.
Active Listening
There will be a very subtle shift, assuming you start slow, continue
slowly and keep at it. Now, you are likely like most people. You see
somebody interesting, but you are interested in them for your own
selfish reasons. This is normal. This is natural. But it can come
across a little creepy if you aren't quite comfortable. This is one
reason why women are turned off by nice guys. Because nice guys
aren't really nice guys. They very much want sex from women, but
they are too shy to come out and be blatant about it. They are
essentially hiding behind a shell of fear and anxiety. On a meta level,
when you are interested in somebody else, but for your own reason,
and you add a little nervousness into the mix, it can come across as
creepy. This is why many people do not like the idea of talking to
strangers one bit. They usually have a reason for talking to
strangers. This reason involves getting something from the
strangers. It could be a phone number. It could be another MLM
client. But if you take your time, and go as slow as you possibly can,
you'll soon learn that other people are very interesting. Or they can
be if you learn how to talk to them. This is an old idea. Dale Carnegie
talked about this nearly a hundred years ago. That the easiest way
to become interesting to somebody was to become interested in
them. That to be the most interesting conversationalist is to do most
of the listening and let them do most of the talking. But if you are like
most normal people, and are bit shy around strangers, it won’t work
to just walking up and say:

So, tell me your story.

This wouldn't go over well. But if you build the small-talk skill set
very, very slowly, you'll soon shift in being interested in others just
because they are interesting. Not because you're trying to sell them
or seduce them or anything else. Sure, some people will be a bit on
the boring side. But eventually you'll start to kind of hit it off with
some people. Not hit-it-off in a let's be best friends, or let's run off
and get married, hit it off, but soon something will happen. You'll be
talking to somebody and they'll tell you about something coming up
in the future. Then you'll see them again and you'll remember that
and be naturally curious about how it went. And this trait, of being
naturally curious about how other people's lives are going, is very
attractive. Not attractive in a hey, let's have sex attractive, but
attractive in a that guy's a good guy kind of attractive. The kind of
natural, friendly attraction that is the opposite of creepiness or
neediness. This shift won't be a click. It will be a very slow shift that
may take several months. When you shift from being worried about
going out into public and talking to people, to being interested in
various people's lives in your neighborhood. And not in a weird way,
where you're busily thinking about them at home. But in a completely
natural way, where you don't think about them until you see them.
And then you see them, and you remember your last conversation,
and that there was something coming, and your natural curiosity
makes you genuinely curious about what happened. When you
reach this stage, you can shift from small talk into active listening.
Active listening sounds like some goofy skill that you learn in
couple's counseling. But it is a very powerful technique that will
skyrocket your general human attraction.

Meta Model

The meta model is a simple way to get more specific information

when vague information is given. Simply listen to whatever they say
and look for any words that sound kind of vague. You'll have to be
careful. Consider that there are few different reasons for being
vague. One reason is people are vague on purpose because they
don't really want to talk about it. This is the one you need to be
careful of. If you ask for more information when they use this kind of
vagueness, they won't like it. But if you take your time building your
small-talk skills, this type of vagueness should be clear. They won't
make eye contact, they'll turn their body away slightly. These are
clear to notice, if not consciously, then subconsciously. Always
remember that humans communicated with each other just fine for a
couple million years before we learned to speak. When in doubt,
relax and trust your gut. The other kinds of vagueness are perfect.
When they aren't quite sure how to explain what they want to
explain, or they'd like to but are a bit shy.

How Do You Mean?

This is a very helpful all-purpose phrase. If you hear any answers to

your questions that spark genuine interest, but they aren't very clear,
simply ask, “How do you mean?” The question itself is a little bit
vaguer than “What do you mean.” “What do you mean,” can also
make them feel on the spot if they aren't sure how to articulate their
response. But “How do you mean,” invites them to respond pretty
much any way they feel comfortable. If not the meaning of the words,
they might explain how they feel. Remember at this point this is still
small talk with people you are friendly with, but not actually friends
with. If they feel it, they will spill plenty of words in your direction.

Follow Up Questions

With friendly small talk, this is easy. Just pick one specific word that
kind of represents the overall theme of what they just said. Choose
that as a kind of key word or phrase, and then repeat that back with
a question mark.

So, how was the party?

Oh, it was crazy, they had this dog that was licking all the icing, and
he broke the balloons!

Balloons?

Yeah! His mom got a bunch of balloons, and they started off filled
with helium, but they ended up on the floor and the dog tried to eat
them!

Ate them?!
Well, he tried, but he would bite some and they'd fly off, and he'd bite
others, and they would pop.

They'd pop!

Yeah, it was really funny!

One good rule of thumb to use when practicing small talk is to

always leave a little bit left. If you keep asking more and more
questions, they'll eventually run out of answers, or they'll have to get
back to work. The main reason for small talk is a quick exchange
that leaves them happier after the exchange. If you get one or more
follow up questions answered, you're doing great. In the above
example, the very last answer was devoid of any more content. This
is a clue to stop asking questions. One or two extra exchanges back
and forth is all you need. It's better for them to wish you kept talking
to them, but you didn't, than for you to keep talking until they wished
you'd shut up!
Leadership Skills
If you were a pile of blubber and you had to get in shape, it would be
simple, from a theoretical standpoint. Stop eating so much. Get
some exercise. Nobody would have any fantasies about changing
from a 300-pound couch potato to a 175 pound of lean muscle in a
couple of weeks. Anybody with half a functioning brain would realize
a transformation like that would take at least a year. And then it
would take daily behavior for the rest of your life to maintain that new
level of health. Nobody in their right mind would ask a personal
coach at the gym how long they had to exercise until the results
were permanent. Yet when it comes to any kind of personal
development, we seem to not only believe it can happen quickly, but
any desired result is nothing more than putting some ideas into your
head. Hopefully this is something you no longer cling to, at least not
as much as you used to. If you still have doubts, re-read the chapter
on the nature of our consciousness. The idea is that we can only
achieve an outcome if we have the behaviors trained in to the level
of unconscious competence. If reading a book or listening to a bunch
of lectures on YouTube were all it took to program new behaviors in,
nobody would ever need to study. What is studying? The passing of
information from not knowing it to knowing it by heart or knowing it at
the level of unconscious competence. When people study enough to
pass a test, they are actually putting the information in at the level of
conscious competence. This means they need to use their brains
fully to recall the information. This is why taking tests is hard. On the
other hand, imagine a test about ideas that you knew at the level of
unconscious competence. Things like your address, your phone
number, your social security number. They don't even call these
tests. They call them filling out forms. So, the idea that you only need
to read about information or watch somebody talk about information,
and then go out and behave differently is kind of ridiculous.
Changing outward behavior to become more attractive from an
instinctive, subconscious level is going to take time. And when it
comes to the uber skill, of being able to exhibit alpha-like leadership
in more situations, that will take just as long as going from couch
potato to sub-five-minute miler. And when we say alpha-like
leadership, we don't mean superficial alpha qualities. We are talking
about the alpha qualities that you can project simply by how you
move. The qualities you project from the level of unconscious
competence. Not any kind conscious strategy. How will you do this?
By practicing being a leader. This will take time. This won't be easy.
If shifting your body from 300-pound couch potato to low fat gym rat
would be physically difficult, this process will be emotionally difficult.
It will take a long time. It's not something you can do once or twice
and call it good. It's not something you can try out and then come up
with some excuses why it's not for you. This would be like the 300-
pound fat guy deciding that exercise and diet are not for him. If any
normal human were to accept that they would also have to accept
that they'd be a 300-pound (or more) ball of blubber for the rest of
their life. And unless you are willing to do the consistent exercises to
build an aura of real leadership, you won't ever be able to radiate
genuine attraction to many females. This is very harsh, and likely
contracts nearly every other guide on getting girls. Most guys
recognize market dynamics. And unless you can make something
sound achievable to a great many people, you won't sell a lot of
products. One way that dating products do this is by claiming that
any goof, regardless of social skills or confidence, can become
successful with women by only memorizing a few weird pickup lines
and techniques. Humans are primates, and we respond to very
ancient genetic triggers. For women, this means any man she will
feel any attraction to must demonstrate high social status. You
cannot demonstrate high social status by reading a book or watching
a video and understanding a few “red pill” ideas. You must learn to
project genuine leadership skills. You must look around at the crowd,
and genuinely believe that you are of a higher relative social status.
Not by money. Not by wealth. Not even by physical skill or prowess.
But by being able to figure out what needs to be done and be able to
communicate that idea effectively and persuasively, should the need
come across. This is the deep leadership potential that is
subconsciously sent and subconsciously picked up. Not just by
women, but by men. Remember the social experiments. Groups will
always and quickly self-organize into a hierarchy. The goal of
building leadership skills is to be that guy that everybody naturally
and spontaneously chooses as their leader in as many situations as
you can. This will take time. This will take consistent effort. This
won't be any easier than putting down a bag of chips and picking up
a jump rope. Luckily, there is one practice that will slowly build your
leadership skills. If you do this practice consistently, along with the
rest of the exercises in this guide, you will slowly build your natural
alpha-leadership skills. Over the next year or more (yes, we're
talking years of work, not a weekend guru seminar), you can build up
your leadership skills and alpha-dominance as strong as you want.
The more you do this one exercise, the stronger your leadership will
get. What is this one magical exercise that, when done consistently,
will transform you into a real leader of men, the kind that women
seek but cannot find in today's society? This is the exercise you and
most other humans fear most.

Public Speaking

The goal is simple. To get to the point, taking as long as you need, to
be able to stand up in front of a crowd, and deliver a powerfully
persuasive speech that will motivate your listeners to take action.
This would be like running sub-five-minute-mile, or being able to
knock out a thousand pushups, situps and squats. Going from couch
potato to this level of physical fitness would take a long, long time.
But if you go slowly and go consistently you will get there.

Start Extremely Slowly

Ideally, find a local Toastmasters group that you can meet with every
week. If you need to go and just watch others for a couple months,
do that. Eventually you'll want to give your first speech. This is
usually an icebreaker, where you talk about yourself. Then you'll
progressively move through all the different types of speeches.
Whatever you do, do something at least once a week. Start slowly
enough so you don't get too terrified in the first week and quit. But
make a point to do some kind of public speaking at least once a
week. Once you can stand up and speak in front of others for three
minutes without passing out, you can start to ease in some other
techniques. Eventually you will learn a very powerful secret that few
humans ever discover. That once you get over the jitters, once you
stop worrying about remembering the right words, once you start to
feel not only comfortable but confident when speaking in front of a
group of strangers and friends, you will discover the secret. That
public speaking, which is very similar to the ancient instinct of
leading others, is a drug like no other. It will give you a feeling that is
only rivaled by sex itself. And even then, you'll find the rush of giving
a successfully persuasive speech better than many sexual partners.
When you achieve this level of confidence, anybody will follow you in
any situation.
Slippery Slope Language
When you speak to others, on your learning path of becoming more
and more friendly and having deeper and deeper chit chats, they will
eventually ask what you do. Some people like to brag about their
jobs, some people are ashamed of their jobs. While it's very
important to be sensitive to the employment situation of your fellow
humans, that doesn't mean others won't ask you. Some of these will
be indicators of interest. They like you and they want to know more
about you. Understand, of course, that indicators of interest can be
far from sexual. Your neighbor might be interested in hanging out
some time and asking what you do is a question most people think is
acceptable. On the other hand, some might use this question as a
social hierarchy signaling technique. Let's imagine two guys and two
girls are hanging out. They don't know much about one another. Guy
A suspects or is worried that the girls may like guy B better than him.
So, guy A takes a calculated risk that his career is more impressive
than guy B. So, guy A blatantly asks guy B about guy B's job. His
plan is guy B will deliver his description of his career, and then guy A
can say, “Oh wow, that sounds interesting I'm in...” and then
hopefully demonstrate (to the ladies, of course) that his career is
better. The better you can make your career sound, the more
attractive you'll be. This is a very valid rule of all's fair in love and
war. The problem is how do you make your career sound alpha if
you work at Taco Bell? That's why you've hopefully been working on
your dreams. Your future aspirations. The things you want to do
somebody. But it's not enough to say:

Well, I'm the shift manager at Taco Bell, but I think I want to be a
surgeon.

This sounds a bit sketchy. But if you indeed are interested in

becoming a surgeon one day, you can make your plans much more
realistic. The deep instinctive triggers that will generate attraction
come from a Man with a Plan. A man who has big dreams and
ambitions. Sure, a few women dream about finding a guy who is
already rich. But these women tend to be on the materialistic side.
They don't want a rich guy because it's a romantic fantasy.
Otherwise, all the fairy tales would be about a young woman falling
in love with King. But they are not. They are all about a young
woman falling in love with a prince. And what is a prince? A man
who can become a king, if he is ambitious, courageous and
confident enough. Women dream of men who dream of being king.
They don't dream of men who are king. Ambition is what drives
attraction. So, you must learn to express ambition when talking
about your future. This, of course means you need to have a future.
That is something you should be working on. When expressing this,
you'll need to do so in a way that maximizes your believability.

Slippery Slope Language

When copywriters write sales pages, the goal of each and every
sentence is simple. To convince the reader to read the very next
sentence. You will need to express your ambitions in a similar way.
To make each step sound very logical and as a natural subsequent
step. For this, you'll need to leverage a lot of cause-effect
statements. This means you must not use the second conditional.
When speaking in terms of conditionals, we have the first
conditional, and the second conditional. In English, the first
conditional is used to express things that have a high probability of
happening. The first conditional uses present tense verbs and will (or
acceptable variations).

If it rains, I will get wet.

If I drink a lot of water, will need to go to the bathroom a lot.

If I drink coffee, I won't sleep tonight.

When speaking about things that are unlikely, we used past tense
verbs and would.
If I saw a UFO, I would take a picture.

If I ever saved up enough money, I would get my own place.

Needless to say, when speaking in terms of your future, speak in

terms of plans, rather than hopes. Anybody can hope, few make
actual plans. When you are journaling your future dreams, start to
get into the habit of writing in slippery slope language. Write a
sequence of events, from now to your dream job, using only the first
conditional. This will train your brain to think in terms of the first
conditional. This will make it more and more natural to speak in
terms of the first conditional.

Modal Operators

These are words that indicate potential. Since the future is never
quite certain, and much of the future depends on the actions of
others, which nobody can ever predict, you'll need to think and
speak in terms of probabilities. Otherwise, your plans might sound a
little far-fetched.

Once I convince the bank to loan me the money, then I'll apply to
medical school. After I get accepted at medical school, I will start to
study. Once I pass all my classes, I will start applying for internships.
Once I get accepted to an internship, then I can get real practice.
After I have five years of internship practice, I'll be ready to start
practicing surgery.

Somebody that would say something like this would sound much too
cocky, and not very attractive. You must acknowledge that the future
is uncertain. But you must also indicate that no matter what
happens, you will be ready. Consider words like:

can, could, will would, might, may, etc.

These all indicate different levels of probability. Consider a rewritten

statement:
If I can convince the bank to loan me the money for grad school, I'll
start applying. Otherwise, I might have to apply for student loans or
maybe even apply for several grants. Either way, I plan on starting
grad school in the fall, which means if I can handle the classes, I'll
hopefully graduate medical school in 2023. Once that happens, I'll
need to get an internship, which is very difficult from what I've been
able to find out. But assuming I can get accepted to a decent
internship, then it's just a matter of doing the work and learning as
much as I can. Hopefully I'll be full-fledged surgeon by the late
2020's. I know it's a huge plan, and a lot could go wrong, but I'm
pretty excited about it.

Any plan must contain the right balance of appreciating uncertainty,

acknowledging that sometimes things are out of our control, but an
overall confidence that no matter what happens, you can slog
through the difficulties and create your future.

Write Out At Least Once A Week

This is different than goal setting courses that recommending taking

short goal statements and putting them conspicuously around the
house. This process involves writing your life's mission statement, at
least regarding your career over the next five years or so. Start now,
wherever you are. Rewrite it at least once a week and update it as
you find more information and do more research. This will serve
many purposes. One is it will train your brain to think in slippery
slope terms towards your own future. Two is the more you write and
rewrite your plans in slippery slope language, it will feel more and
more real. Third, whenever you express your plans verbally to
others, not only will the language make you sound like a Man with a
Plan, but you will exhibit a natural belief in your plans, which will
come across as confidence and be very attractive. To make sure you
sound even better, always include information in your slippery slope
plan about the economy, market conditions, etc.
Commanding Tonality
How you speak will do a lot to increase how you are perceived. If
you speak confidently, you will be perceived confidently. If you are
black belt underdog hero or a cowboy president, it may be
appropriate to speak softly and carry a big stick. And if this is indeed
your personality, this will come across on how you speak. But this is
also an idea that can serve as a protective shield. It's common for
men to be shy in social situations, and then convince themselves
that if it really mattered, they would step up and say something. You
can speak softly, or you can speak loudly, but how you speak will
determine how you are perceived. The tonality of your speech will
have more of an impact than how loudly or softly you speak. When
we say tonality, there are three main areas to be aware of.

Flat Tonality

This is boring, robotic speaking. Reading directions while somebody

else is driving. Reading something out loud, as pure information, to
somebody else. Speaking with a flat tonality won't create any
attraction, but it won't invite many bullies.

Rising Tonality

This type of speech is endemic today. Every statement sounds like a

question. Unfortunately, unless the statement is an actual
grammatical question, the person saying it will sound unsure. Being
unsure of oneself does not inspire leadership. It does not inspire
attraction.

Falling Tonality

This is what we are looking for. If you have a question, it's OK to

have a rising tonality. This is to invite a response from somebody
else. But otherwise, even if you are making statements, make sure
the last few words have lower tonality than the first few words.

Command Tonality

This is where the money is. Well, not the money, but command
tonality can only come from people who are comfortable giving
commands. People that are leaders, at least in certain situations.
However, before we discuss how to practice this, let's make sure we
understand that the word “command” doesn't imply a drill sergeant,
or even a stereotypically dominant figure. Imagine you had an
appointment to see a dentist. And you walked in, and the receptionist
was somebody’s sweet old grandmother. You told her your name,
and she said:

Thank you. The doctor will be with you shortly. Please have a seat.

When she said the last phrase, “Please have a seat,” she would say
it with command tonality. She would say it with confidence. The
“have a seat” would be lower in tone than the “please.” And guess
what? In this area, the dentist waiting room, she is the authority. She
might be 75 years old, but if something came up, and nobody knew
what to do, she would be the one calling the shots. And she knows
this. When she says, “Please, have a seat,” there is no doubt in her
mind that you will comply. When it comes to telling people to sit
down in the dentists waiting room, she has plenty of experience of
giving orders and having them willingly obeyed. Now, if this same
woman walked into a bank, smiled and said:

Please give me your hundreds.

People would smile and ask her if she was part of a prank or
something. But in the context of her job, she has plenty of
confidence. We only show this example to demonstrate that
command tonality only needs to be noticeable. It doesn't need to
have powerful stereotypical super hero authority energy behind it.
Also note that there is downward tonality, which you use when
making statements. And there is command tonality, made when
giving actual commands. The technical name for a command is an
imperative. And imperative is simply a verb followed by an optional
noun. Some verbs don't go with nouns, some do. The following are
all examples of imperative statements:

sit down

eat peanut butter

wash your hands

make more money

have a nice day

be careful

turn left

add one cup of sugar

Imagine if you had a ten-year-old daughter. And you happened to be

a lumber jack who cut down trees with an ax for a living. And
suppose you and your daughter were making cookies for her school
bake sale. And she was reading you the instructions from the recipe.
It would be legitimate for her to give you commands, and it would be
legitimate for you to follow those commands. It would be legitimate
for her to use command tonality. The only requirement for her to do
so, and for you to willingly follow her orders, is because both you and
she believe the commands are legitimate. The are needed steps to
achieve a mutually desirable end. And to achieve that mutually
desirable end, one person is telling the other person what to do.
Nothing about one person telling another person what to do indicates
any comic book alpha contests. Any time one human is legitimately
telling another human what to do, commands and command tonality
are wholly appropriate.
Pauli Exclusion Principle

This comes from chemistry. All electrons that are in atomic orbits
have a bunch of characteristics. The Pauli Exclusion principle says
that no two electrons can have the same identical characteristics.
These are things like orbit level and spin, and the metaphor
commonly given is kind of like no two houses on planet Earth can
have identical addresses. Whenever two humans are having a
conversation, we can assume as similar exclusion principle. They
will never exist on the identical levels of social status. When we say
social status, we mean every possible thing you can measure.
Imagine you and a buddy are having a conversation. When you talk
about baseball, you are the expert. When you talk about Photoshop,
he is the expert. When you talk about investing, you are the expert.
When you talk about gardening, he is the expert. But one of you will
also be the expert in uncomfortable social situations. Expert only
means slightly more confident than you. Consider that the vaguer the
social status metric is, the more we will compete for social status
dominance. One measure of how much social status dominance we
have is how we speak, particularly the confidence in our voices.
When you speak to others about your future career plans, you will
speak with tons of confidence. When the dental receptionist speaks
to the patients, she speaks with tons of confidence. When the
lumberjack's daughter gives cookie making instructions, she speaks
with tons of confidence. Speaking in downward tonality, and giving
commands in command tonality, is an indication of relative social
status, or general social status. The more you feel comfortable doing
this, the higher social status you'll be perceived as having.

Confidence Men

Con men are the types of guys who can swindle anybody out of
anything. Their main skill is their absolute confidence in themselves.
Often this comes from being a sociopath, but you don't need to be a
sociopath to have massive amounts of confidence. But let this simple
idea sink in. All it takes is massive amount of confidence, and con
men can tell people to do things, and they do them. They give
commands with confidence and believability. And then strangers to
empty their bank accounts. We are not in any way recommending
you become a sociopath or a con man! But it's instructive to
understand that armed only with confidence, which is delivered by
confident body language and confidently delivered statements and
commands, people naturally obey they. When you use command
tonality, you are not tricking anybody. We humans naturally and
willingly and usually pleasantly follow a confident leader. We are self-
organizing, hierarchical social primates. It feels very good to be in
the presence of a confident leader. The more you can practice giving
gentle commands in more situations, the more social status you will
demonstrate, and the more attraction you will generate. We remind
you that the more you practice public speaking, the easier this will
be.
Embedded Commands
Perhaps you've heard of embedded commands. These are allegedly
super powerful and super-secret ways to covertly take control of
another person's thinking. This is often how they are advertised, and
they can be used to enhance persuasion. But as a persuasion tool,
for either sales or seduction, they are only one piece of a much more
complicated communication. The common idea is that you can talk
to a customer for a little bit, without using any technology, and then
drop in something like this:

Well, Mr. Customer, buy now, you realize how valuable this product
is. And buy now, you may have decided you want to take this home
with you. And buy now, you may start to realize that you can imagine
this in your home!

However, if you actually said this, they might think you were a bit
odd. If you were to use embedded commands as part of a much
larger sales strategy, you would need a lot more technology. You
would need to create, measure, maintain and strengthen rapport.
You would have to gain enough of the client's trust to elicit their
deeper criteria. You'd have to convince them, based on their
subjective value system, that the cost of the product is less than the
value they are getting. Within this existing structure, embedded
commands could help, but you would need very many of them. And
when speaking in embedded commands, you would have to do a
couple of things. One is making sure they are just observable
enough to be on the edge of subconscious-conscious perception by
your client. This means that while you were saying them, you would
have to keep very keen focus on their non-verbal responses, while
you were saying them. And you'd also have to keep track of the
commands you'd used up to that point, and you'd have to
understand the commands you were planning on using going
forward. In a sense, you would need to be communicating on two
levels at once. The surface structure communication that the
customer would be focused on. And the string of commands you
would be using within that larger communication. The string of
commands would have to be a slippery slope. You'd have to start off
with commands that they would be very likely to accept, and then
later, perhaps an hour or so later, you'd use much more sales-
inducing commands (e.g. buy now). This would take years of daily
practice. This is why many people have heard about, or perhaps
have read about embedded commands, but very few people use
them with any degree of success. But let's take a step back a
minute. Embedded commands are part of covert hypnosis. Covert
hypnosis is part of NLP. NLP is not something that was invented or
created in a laboratory. NLP was something that was reverse
engineered from speakers and communicators who were naturally
persuasive. That means the people who are best at using embedded
commands don't really know they are using them. We've already
used an imaginary character who matches this description. Namely,
our dental receptionist from the previous chapter.

Don't Hide Your Commands

The first thing we must stress is whenever you use embedded

commands, the word embedded only refers to their grammatical
structure. We don't mean to hide them. We want people to notice
them. This means we don't be using them to try and secretly trick
people into doing things. We are going to blatantly tell people to do
things. What, Dear Reader, will we be telling people to do? The
things we know they want to do! Or the things we truly believe that
they should do. We'll conjure up another character to see what this
means. Let's now imagine an algebra teacher. He loves algebra. He
truly believes that every human on Earth should learn algebra. He
believes that algebra is kung-fu for the brain. That if you can learn
algebra, you can learn a great deal more complicated and useful
things. So, when he teaches, he says things like this:

OK, kids, it's important that you do your homework, because it's
important. People that make a strong decision to study algebra are
much more likely to make a lot of money in their career. And since
algebra is a skill, you need to practice algebra every day. Students
that make a strong decision to practice algebra every day tend to do
much better in school. Then tend to get better grades. This makes it
much easier for them to make more money later in life. So please
kids, listen to me carefully when I tell you it's very important to do
your algebra homework every single day!

Look at each command, and imagine the teacher saying it as

confidently and commandingly as he can. He pauses slightly before,
and slightly after. He wants them to understand and accept each and
every command. He's not trying to secretly persuade them to do
algebra. He's being as blatant as he possibly he. He genuinely
believes that algebra is important. He wants his students to believe
that. He wants his students to understand why he believes that. This
guy is absolutely not shy about making sure everybody within
earshot can pick out the commands, which he believes are the most
important part of the sentence. In fact, he probably imagines the rest
of the words around the commands are just filler. If he could, if he
thought it would work better, he would stand there and say only the
commands! This is the ideal way to deliver embedded commands.
Not covertly or hidden. You want people to know what you are telling
them to do. So long as you believe it is important, and they believe it
is important, it will add a significant amount to your confidence and
your leadership frame.

Universal Desires

Of course, you probably shouldn't go around commanding people to

study algebra. But you should command people to do things that
most people want to do. We'll call these universal desires. Things
like make money, or relax more, or enjoy a vacation, or any other
short command-worthy phrase that you can tell people to do. Once
you tune you ears for these types of phrases, you'll find them
everywhere. Two places will serve as fantastic resources.

Quotes
One way is to quote somebody else. This will give you a bit of
plausible deniability. For example, if you see a guy on TV or hear a
guy on the radio talking about some new diet, you can relay that new
diet to anybody you feel like it. Just make sure to put commands on
phrases people would want to follow.

Hey, I heard this guy on the radio talking about a new way to get in
shape. He said that if you park your car at the far end of the parking
lot, you'll walk an extra mile every couple of weeks. And once you
get used to this, it's like exercising without noticing it. He says if you
do this, you can lose weight and not even realize it! That's like
figuring how to do covert exercise!

Their Own Desires

When you start having small talk conversations with folks, you'll start
to get an idea of the things they want to do. The more you find out
about others, the more you start to drop in your own custom-built
commands based on their personal desires. This will make you very
attractive. You'll have instant authority since you'll be using
commands, and since you'll be telling them things they want to do,
this will add very personal touch.

Hey, how was your weekend? Were you able to get that new car you
were talking about?

Yeah!

Sweet. I bet it feels good to drive a new car, I haven't been able to
ride in a new car in a long time. I'll bet it makes you feel really good
when you pull up to work!
Gestures and Pauses
There are a couple more very powerful and very simple things you
can slowly add into your language. Using command tonality, aside
from commands is pretty simple. It's more a matter of avoiding using
rising tonality at the ends of your sentences. Once you get the hang
of using downward tonality for regular statements, then you can start
to ease them in with commands. Once this becomes familiar, you
can start to use them on embedded commands. Give yourself plenty
of time. It's tempting to try and rush this process but avoid that. The
reason is that if you go too quickly, you'll feel a little unsure when you
use them. If you feel unsure when you speak, people will notice
something is a bit off. But they won't know what. Because you are
feeling unsure, you'll notice that they are noticing, and you might
imagine they are noticing the commands. This would make it much
harder to use them in the future. But if you take your time, go much
slower than you think you need to, you'll build up much more natural
confidence. A great place to practice commands is when you are
giving speeches. Especially at a place like Toastmasters, where
everybody is there specifically to practice giving speeches. In that
environment, it's perfectly acceptable to stumble and mumble around
while practicing new technology. Commands are very powerful, but
they require genuine confidence. Take your time.

Response Potential

This is another powerful speaking technique that you can use with or
separately from commands. When you are learning and practicing,
try and keep these separate in your mind. Always remember these
are lifelong skills without any upper limit. Learning to put in specific
pauses is much easier than commands. It only involves pausing and
waiting a beat before you continue. It's based on the idea that we
tend to speak in thought patterns. Meaning the smallest thought that
we can say out loud, that would make any kind of sense, usually
combines a subject and predicate. The subject, and the thing the
subject does. For example, consider the following small talk
exchange:

Hot today.

Yep. Sure is.

Each sentence represents a full thought. Hot today is both the thing
(today) and something about the thing (hot). The response is a
simple agreement. Even if the first person said only the word “hot,”
the other person would assume what they meant. But what if they
only said “today”? If you walked up a bus stop, stood next to a
stranger, and after a few minutes they glanced in your direction and
said, “today,” it wouldn't make any sense. Your natural response
would be:

Today, what?

Meaning, the idea they tossed out is not finished. This is the idea of
building response potential. To put small pauses in the middle of
otherwise normal sentences to create a natural curiosity of what the
other half of the thought is. For example, suppose you saw a friend
at work, and he asked what you did. And you replied:

I saw a movie.

This is a perfectly complete sentence, you, the subject, saw a movie.

But suppose you put a space in between the “saw” and the “a
movie.”

I saw...

... a movie.

If he asked what you did, and glanced at him, said, “I saw...” and
kind of smiled while he waited, his brain would almost be forced to
shut down while he waited to find out what you saw. This is all you
need to do. You can take otherwise normal sentence and put a small
pause right in the middle of a thought. This will take any normal story
and make it sound a bit more interesting.

I saw a movie. It was about these bank robbers that accidentally

stole from the mafia. But then one of the guys fell in love with a
mobster's daughter, so they had to put the money back before
anybody found out who did what. Kind of a thriller comedy.

If you said this while staring straight ahead, without any pauses,
without any non-verbal energy, it would be just a simple delivery of
information. But just by putting in some pauses, and adding some
facial energy to the pauses, you can make it much more interesting:

I saw a (P) movie. It was about these (P) bank robbers that
accidentally stole from (P) the mafia. But then one of the guys fell in
love with (P) a mobster's daughter, so they had to put the money
back before anybody found out who (P) did what. Kind of a (P)
thriller comedy.

By taking the exact same words, and adding in some slight pauses,
and adding in some extra facial expressions to accompany the
pauses, you can significantly increase the interest you can generate
in others while telling these stories. This is also something you can
practice while giving speeches.

Gestures

Another simple technique to add is to consciously use gestures.

Most people don't use their gestures very congruently. Meaning they
tend to match the strength of their gestures to the strength of the
emotional content. But this can be confusing if the same gesture is
used for a strong negative idea and a strong positive idea. Instead,
consider using only a couple of simple gestures. One on one side,
when you use only positive ideas. And one on your other side, where
you use only negative ideas. Positive ideas are content or
commands that you feel will elicit a good positive emotion in normal
people. Negative ideas are the opposite. For example, consider the
following statement:

I was listening to the radio today and they said our economy might
slip into another recession (L). This means we might face some
layoffs (L) which definitely sucks. But then I heard that we might be
merging with Acme Industries, which means our business might get
huge (R). This means we all might get a raise (R) and a lot more
vacation time (R). I guess we'll have to wait and see.

The (L) indicates a left side, or bad gesture. The (R) indicates right
side, or good gesture. This will take a bit of practice. As you'll have
to plan a little bit what you are talking about, and make sure your
gestures match with the good things and bad things. This is also
another technique you can practice while giving speeches.

Authority Leadership Communication Style

All these techniques will add to your natural charisma as a leader, or

an alpha. The more you practice, the more people will naturally
recognize this. This will enhance your attractiveness far more than
your physical appearance. The more you can practice and master all
these techniques, including feeling confident using them while giving
a speech, the more natural attraction you'll elicit from more women.
Once you have your mind wrapped around these ideas and are
starting to use them with as many people as possible, like friends,
family, strangers, etc., it's time to start seeing who is attracted to you,
and what to do about it.
Identifying Qualified Targets
It's a very common idea that food shopping while hungry is a bad
idea. If it's Saturday afternoon, you haven't eaten yet and you find
yourself wandering around the supermarket with a pocketful of cash
and an empty stomach, it's not going to end well. The reason
shopping while hungry is a bad idea is because we tend to buy food
only based on its appearance. Or it's smell. And since food
manufacturers are advanced ninjas when it comes to tricking our
brains, if we only base our food decisions on what looks good, we'll
end up eating processed food that is not the best choice. On the
other hand, those who are very careful about what the put into their
bodies tend to shop much more proactively. At the very least, they
have an idea before going into the store of what they want, and what
they don't want. They know it's not a good idea to wander down the
frozen foods section where they keep the microwavable burritos and
the ice cream. They head straight to the produce section, and then
make beeline where the rest of their objectives are. They don't
wander around wondering what they might enjoy eating. So far, we
have built up a bunch of skills that will make you very attractive to a
large percentage of women. But if you don't do any more work, you
won't be in any better shape than some guy being led by his taste
buds and nose. This is the problem that most people face today
when it comes to relationships. Most people shop for partners like
unhealthy and obese people shop for food. The take whatever looks
good without any consideration for anything beyond right now. For
most guys, any girl must have two criteria, and one of them is pretty
shaky.

She Must Like Me

This is the most important one for nearly all guys struggling with
dating. A girl must like him, and that's half the battle.

She Must Be Hot Enough

This is the second criteria, but it's not nearly as objective as the first
criteria. Without the first criteria, there is not going to be any action.
But if the first one is present, this second one is really only a strong
desire, rather than a pass-fail-criteria. Because most guys are thirsty,
desperate, playing with scared money or under the influence. This
means if any girl passes these two criteria, that's good enough.
Hopefully by now, you realize how foolish this is. As you slowly build
your natural attractiveness, you should also simultaneously be
building your non-physical criteria. Paradoxically, the more non-
physical criteria you have, the more attractive you will be.

How to Build Criteria

This should be done as soon as, but not before, you start having
small talk conversations with strangers. Anybody with a pulse can
look around and use physical criteria to sort for potential mates.
Chimpanzees can do this. Humans did this before we learned to talk.
This takes no more skill than choosing which flavor burrito you want
from the frozen food section. At the very least, you need to start
wondering about non-physical criteria. This may be hard to believe
now, but the more you practice these skills, the more attractive you
will become. The more attractive you become, the more choices you
will have. The more choices you will have, the more you'll feel the
importance of non-physical criteria. Intelligence, communication
skills, career aspirations, family aspirations, religion, politics. Most
men are under the impression that quality women, let alone halfway
attractive women that are interested enough in them to give them the
time of day, are non-existent. But in reality, the more you build your
natural attractiveness, the more you'll start to see attractive women
who are interested in you. This will require you have something to
sort by other than physical appearance. Once you naturally radiate
the natural leadership aura of an alpha, and you have some solid,
non-physical criteria you are actively sort for, your overall
attractiveness will go through the roof. The idea of building criteria is
both a necessary sorting element, but it will also increase your
attraction level. It will also slowly shift how you view other women.
Now you probably have a sense of desperation, like most men. You
see an attractive woman, and if she gives you any positive signals
you thank your lucky stars and pray to the gods you don't mess it up.
This type of energy is anti-attractive. This please accept me energy
that most men radiate. Instead, you will slowly cultivate a kind of
what kind of personality do you have aura that is very rare today.
And this starts with wondering what the women you are interacting
with are like on the inside. Start to build a list of things about them
you'd like to know.

Secret Agent

One way to approach this is to try and find out these things about
them without asking directly. If you tip them off that you are actively
seeking info about them, you will have failed in your mission. For
example, let's suppose you are a Christian, and you want to find out
what their religion is. We do not mean that you like them, and if you
find out if they are a Christian, then it's all systems go. This is just an
example. If you find out she's a Christian, that's just another piece of
information about her. If you find out she's not, that's just another
piece of information. You might see her at her place of work, and you
might have the following exchange:

She: Hey, how's it going.

You: Pretty good, you?

She: All right. Have a good weekend?

You: Yeah it was. Some guy came and gave an interesting talk
in church on Sunday.

She: Church huh?

You: Yeah, I go sometimes. It's nice. You?

She: Not in forever.

You: Cool. Old habits, I guess.

Here you very carefully slip in some information about yourself, and
then carefully ask about her with respect to that same information.
This is how you very slowly and more importantly, non-judgmentally
find out information about the people you exchange small talk with.
This simple process will do a lot. One is you'll be a real person to
them, and they will be a real person to you. Two is you'll slowly and
organically get to know each other. Many people make the mistake
of starting only with physical attraction and then trying to force the
rest. Unless there is already strong physical attraction, this won't
likely work. It will give the other person the impression you are only
interested in them because of physical reasons. This will also serve
to build your genuine conversational skills. Of revealing personal
things about yourself and finding out things about the other person.
The general rule is to think of what you want to know about the other
person and reveal that same information about yourself first. Then
either allow them to voluntarily reciprocate or ask in a very causal
way for them to reciprocate.

Be Patient - Don't Chase

If a woman is only passively interested in you, and you don't actively

pursue her, she'll give up and find somebody else. No big deal. If a
woman is really interested in you, and remain friendly with her,
continue speaking to her with attractive triggers and slowly get to
know her more, her attraction to you will increase. The moment you
start to make it clear that you are not only interested in her, but you
are willing to actively pursue her, you are setting a very strong
precedent. Instead, go slow. Be friendly. Slowly get to know her (and
all the other people you are slowly getting to know). From a purely
metaphorical standpoint, it will be much easier with any one woman
if you've got several potential women. Now, we are a long way from
there. But it is something you will need to consider. You will rarely
make a mistake by waiting just a little bit longer or being a little bit
more patient. Leave the idea about a guy dropping everything to
chase his girl for the fantasy movies. This is your life. You are
building it. Only allow women in it that are willing to play by your
rules.
Increasing Attraction
When it comes time to increase attraction, you can do so on
anybody you like. A committed relationship partner, somebody you
are playfully flirting with, or just somebody you like to see smile. The
techniques you will learn in the next two chapters are flexible and
applicable in many different situations. These same techniques can
also be used to increase buying temperature among sales clients,
and you can even use these in job interviews. Any time you have a
one-on-one conversation with somebody you have a basic level of
rapport with, these techniques are very powerful.

Communication Models

There are a few basic models of communication. One is when we

are taking the ideas out of our head and putting them into the head
of another person. This is when we are talking, and they are
listening. Or we are listening to another person talking, which means
we are letting them take the ideas out of their head and putting them
into our head. The third most common model is when two or more
people are collectively tossing around a mutual idea. This is when
two people are taking turns adding to an organically evolving
conversational topic. Most communication falls under one of these
three categories. But we will go over and very powerful, and very
enjoyable fourth method. Where you will be doing most of the
thinking and talking, but you will be carefully expanding the ideas
inside their head. Most of us like to think we are good listeners.
However, we tend to imagine we are good listeners so long as the
other person is a good talker. When somebody is particularly
articulate and interesting, it's easy to be a good listener. But how can
you be a good listener if somebody else doesn't know how,
specifically, to describe the ideas in their brain? Often, we think just
being there, and telling them that we are willing to listen is enough.
But consider that while people may be very eager and willing to tell
us all the ideas bouncing around in their brain, most are simply not
capable.

Most People Aren't Articulate

Movies, documentaries, even talk shows involve people who are

very practiced at what they are talking about. Even man on the street
interviews are rehearsed and edited to present a more congruent
idea. Most of us simply cannot start talking about the ideas randomly
bouncing around in our brains for very long without running out of
things to say. Or we start to feel on the spot. Especially if we are
talking to somebody that we are attracted to, speaking at length is a
very difficult process. This is where this technique comes in. You will
make it very easy on the other person. You will make it very
enjoyable for the other person. They will do the thinking, you will do
the talking. And you will only talk about the things that are important
to them. How will you do this?

Start with Meta Model

It starts with any random small talk you are having with anybody. The
only requirement is you are familiar with each other. This means
you've shared a little bit about each other. What you did that past
weekend. What you might be doing the next weekend. This works
even with somebody you've just met. All it requires is you are past
the icebreaker part and are having a friendly conversation. The first
step is to get them talking about anything they like talking about. And
once you get them talking, perhaps after sharing a bit about yourself
first, then start asking some meta model follow up questions. The
meta model is simply asking for more specific information when
vague information is presented. For example, if they say they are
going to the mountains next weekend, you can ask what they will be
doing. Meta model questions tend to start with what, when, who,
which, how, etc. However, you must be careful not to press to hard. If
they know the answer, and they are willing to tell you, they will tell
you. However, sometimes they might not know the answer, or don't
quite know how to express it. This is when this technique comes into
play.

Either-Or

When they seem keen on talking about a subject, but they aren't
quite sure about the details, make it easy on them. For example, if
they say they are going to the mountains with friends, but they aren't
quite sure what they'll do, you can give them a couple of choices.
The only rule is the one choice must be an appropriate answer. This
means you'll need to do some thinking. For example, if they are
going to the mountains, but don't know what, exactly, they'll be
doing, you can ask the following:

Do you think you'll be spending most of your time inside or outside?

This means one or the other must be an appropriate choice. Inside

or outside. On the other hand, if you were to ask this question:

Do you think you'll go fishing, or maybe do some hiking?

It's possible they'll do neither, which means this will end in a dead
end. The purpose of the either-or technique is to give them easy
choices, that will slowly expand their ideas. You do the thinking, you
do the talking, and they simply choose from two easy choices. This
means the longer they talk to you, the more they'll enjoy the
conversation, since you are helping them to expand the ideas in their
head that they enjoy talking and thinking about.

Extremely Versatile

This is a very easy technique to use and practice. It will take time to
develop an idea of which questions to ask, and how to lead them in a
positive direction. This will give them the feeling that you are leading
the conversation, since you are doing the thinking and the asking,
and they are doing the answering, but it will also be very pleasant for
them. This is also something that is very easy to practice on your
friends. For example, if your friend saw a movie, and they said it was
good, you can start asking either-or questions. There are only two
simple rules. One is the question must be one they will enjoy
answering. Two is that the two choices must include one choice that
is an appropriate answer. You can use softeners to make either
choice seem a bit vague.

Example Movie Questions

Was it more like a comedy, or more serious?

Was it one you might see again, or not see again?

Did it have a lot of famous actors, or people you didn't recognize?

Was it easy to follow or kind of confusing?

You can also use these types of questions with a friend with trying to
figure out what they want to do. For example, if you are both hungry,
you can ask the following:

Do you feel like eating fast food or something else?

Do you want to sit down or get take out?

Do you feel like eating something hot or cold?

Do you feel like something spicy or not so spicy?

This is a skill that will take some practice. But the more you practice,
the better you'll get. You can start with one or two simple either-or
questions with the people you are having friendly small talk
conversations with. When customers and clients, you can use this to
find out exactly what it is they are looking for. The longer you ask
these simple to answer questions, the bigger the ideas they will get.
Avoid thinking of this as a game of twenty questions, where you want
to hurry up and guess the answer. Instead, see this as a technique to
slowly expand the ideas in their mind. The more detailed you get the
pictures in their mind, they more they will enjoy talking about them.
As we'll see in the next chapter, with some ideas, there is no end to
how specific and interesting you can get their ideas.
Future Pacing Desire
The best and most enjoyable way to use the either-or technique is to
talk about plans. And the best plans are the ones that are out there,
still kind of vague. If you talked them about their next trip to the
supermarket and got them talking about what the exact items they
were going to buy, it might be interesting, but it could also be boring.
On the other hand, if you were to talk to them about a vacation
they'd like to go on in a year or so, there is no end to the fantasy you
could help them build in their mind. And the bigger, brighter more
specific of a fantasy you could help them build, a lot of cool things
would happen.

Natural Associations

Humans make associations all the time. You see a yellow truck drive
by and then find a dollar on the street. This makes a natural
association, so next time you see a yellow truck you'll
subconsciously check to see if there's a dollar. If you eat a pizza with
extra onions, and then sleep through your alarm clock the next
morning, you'll be at least a little worried next time you eat a pizza
with extra onions. Our brains have a cause-effect generator built in.
We make connections all the time. So, when you are talking to
anybody about anything in the future they are openly fantasizing
about, they will naturally and unconsciously connect those deep
feelings with you. If you do this with your friends, they will value your
friendship more. If you do this with customers, they will buy more
things from you. If you do this with potential romantic partners, they
will be more naturally attracted to you. And since you are the one
doing the thinking and the asking, you will be in a natural leadership
frame. All perfect for increasing attraction in potential targets.

First Stage
This is a very organic process, so it's not appropriate to describe it in
a step by step method. But we can think in stages. The first stage is
when you are having a relaxed conversation that isn't time limited. If
you are using this on a waitress or a barista, you must be careful that
there's nothing else she needs to be doing. A girl you've just met in
any social situation, and you are having a friendly chit chat is the
perfect place for this technique. Once you find yourself in this phase
of the conversation, start looking for conversational topics about any
future desire. So long as they aren't fully planned, and they still exist
as a potential future, it's perfect.

If Everything Went Perfectly

A great way to introduce this is to preface it with any kind of

imagination idea. If everything went perfectly. If you had a magic
wand and could make it perfect. If money weren't an object. If you
didn't have to worry about taking time off from work. If your boss
approved your vacation. If you got a full scholarship. Whatever the
context is, find the natural limitations, usually time or money, and
make those non-existent.

Start with Very Vague Either-Or Questions

Remember, this is not a race to see how quickly you can get a
specific answer. This is also not meant to be used as any kind of
advice giving or anything like that. You must accept their answers
with zero judgement or criticism. For example, if they mentioned they
needed a vacation, this would be a perfect lead in.

Suppose you had the time off, and the money, like you won an all-
expense paid trip somewhere, where would you go?

This gets them out of the land of reality and into the land of
imagination. Once you ask this open-ended question, watch their
body language and facial expression carefully. The ideal response is
a happy, kind of dreamy expression while they consider it. Give them
a few moments, as they might have a pre-set ideal vacation already
ready. But if they don't, start with very vague either-or questions.

Somewhere in the country, or somewhere outside of the country?

Near the ocean, or far away from the ocean?

A kind of quiet place, or more of an exciting place?

Would this be more of a nightlife experience, or more of a daytime

excursion experience?

One Very Critical Caveat

When you are talking to them about any future dream plan, do not,
under any circumstances, place yourself in there. This is purely their
idea, their dream, their fantasy. Even a small statement like this can
kill the entire feeling:

Wow, maybe if you're nice to me I'll take you there sometime.

Unless you are already close to them, emotionally and sexually,

leave their idea devoid of anything related to you. It will be very
tempting to try and consciously connect the idea of you with their
fantasy future, but it's best if you let the connection happen in her
mind, and let it happen in its own way. Here it is appropriate to
remember Dale Carnegie's advice:

You can get anybody to do anything, so long as they believe it was

their idea.

If you get them fired up about imaginary dream vacation, but then
you end it with a hopeful statement like, “Wow, we should go do that
sometime,” it will no longer be their idea. The whole conversation will
not be remembered as your idea. This is very much a long game
strategy. Remember the story of the two cave people who fell in
love? It happened when they were apart, and they were thinking
about each other. It required two kinds of scarcity. One is they didn't
know when they would see each other again. But the second very
critical element of scarcity is they didn't know how the other person
felt about them. As soon as you say anything at all related to you,
you absolutely kill this critical element. She will no longer wonder
how you feel. She will know. It will no longer be an unconscious
process. To maximize the effect of this strategy, do not mention
yourself at all during the process. Treat this simply as a fun
conversational topic. Let it go for five or ten minutes, and then
change the topic. Depending on how you bring this up, where you
are using it, who you are using it on, you may want to close (number
close, kiss close, etc.). But understand that any close is separate
from this strategy. This strategy is only to build unconscious interest.
The moment you connect this process to any conscious ideas of
yours, it will no longer be unconscious.

Several Times Sporadically Built Out

Consider this technique a very powerful, very secret weapon. Only

use it when you think it's appropriate. When it comes up naturally.
Ease into it, expand their thinking for a few minutes, and then ease
back into a normal conversation. The more you do this, the further
you go with this, with any one person, the deeper your connection
will be to them. This method itself should follow the laws of scarcity.
It should come up unexpectedly, and the frequency you use it should
vary.

Remember All Information

These types of conversations can lead to a much deeper

understanding of any love interest you may have. Many romantic
movies are based around the common trope of non-conformist
types, who feel they are outsiders. But then they meet somebody
who truly “gets them.” This simple conversational technique can help
you get anybody. Use it carefully, use it sporadically, and use it with
more and more complex and important topics. Things like ideal
vacations are easy. But you can also use this same technique to
explore any complex topic. All you need to do is start with a very
basic idea, and your own thinking power to use either-or to get
deeper and deeper. This simple conversation technique will help you
find out more about them than anybody else on Earth knows. Always
remember never to judge or criticize. If you do this, and remember
the information, and let them know organically and spontaneously
that you remember the information, this will create a very deep and
very strong connection.
General Criteria
There are two basic types of strategies. Short term and long term.
Humans evolved by only needing to worry about short term
strategies. For the longest time, we didn't need to worry about
anything except getting our daily food and not getting eaten. The
transition from hunting to farming was very, very slow. It took
perhaps a thousand years or more. It most likely occurred when a
few humans were lucky enough to live in the fertile crescent after the
last ice age. There were plenty of naturally growing grains, and very
few humans. Essentially, the entire Earth, at least what was known
at the time, was one very large organic farm. Slowly humans
became too numerous and had to figure out how to deliberately grow
enough food to feed everybody. For the first time, the long term
strategies of planting, waiting and harvesting become much more
important than short term strategies of being hungry and eating. But
even then, once there had been established a new daily routine, of
doing farming work and then eating the results of earlier farming
work, it was a mix of two strategies. Short term strategies on top of
long-term strategies. We can easily see how a misunderstanding of
the necessary mix of short term and long-term strategies can destroy
us today. If you guide your health by only what feels good and tastes
good, you will not be healthy. Similarly, most men want to know the
secret to make any attractive woman like them. A rough
metaphorical description would be like somebody who doesn't have
any money, but really wants to eat some fast food. From this
perspective, eating fast food would be a dream come true. But if you
only ate fast food, you would soon have a huge host of new
problems. When it comes to creating real attraction from a lot of
women, this is definitely a long-term strategy. But once you build up
some natural attraction, based on natural leadership and
communication skills, skills very few men possess, you may be
tempted to go crazy. With just a few simple conversations skills, a
basic understanding and some experience with the either-or
process, you can create quite a bit of attraction. But just like a
starving man who won millions and started gorging on fast food, this
would create problems. Resisting the advances of a physically
attractive woman is extremely difficult. Very much like trying to eat
only boiled chicken breast and broccoli when all your buddies are
eating cheeseburgers and carne asada nachos. Unfortunately, if you
cannot resist the advances of a physically attractive woman, the
long-term damages are much more permanent and devastating than
gaining a few pounds. This is why developing a very solid list of non-
physical criteria while you are building up your attractiveness is
critical. Here we present some basic guidelines to sort for when you
start to create attraction in many women.

She Must Follow You

This must be in the short term, and in the long term. You must have
a will, and you must not be willing to bend it because she wants you
to. You must be a Man with a Plan, and that plan must be more
important than any one woman. Many women may be attracted
enough to date you, to sleep with you, but not to follow you. This
means you must be comfortable leading around any woman. If you
feel you need to defer to her, if you worry about losing her affection,
if you consider her opinion too much before making decisions that
have nothing to do with her, consider these to be very strong warning
sings. All these are indications that your life's plans are not yet
strong enough. That your natural leadership skills are not yet strong
enough. That you don't feel enough natural attraction from enough
women. Many men and women are unhappy today. Consider one of
the main reasons for this is the extreme lack of male leadership in
day-to-day society. Become a leader and choose from among the
followers.

She Must Share Your Values

This requires that you know your own values from which you will not
veer. This requires you have a basic understanding of her values,
that you've elicited through various conversations. This may take
some time, first to understand your own core values, and to decide
which are critical to find in a partner. Also understand that if you are
strong enough in your leadership skills, and you are strong enough if
your values, any woman worth being with will naturally resonate with
those values. Always remember that for hundreds of thousands of
years, even before we became humans, men led, and women
followed. Of all primates, human females leave their own tribe and
join the tribe of their men. This is true on an instinctive level. This
won't happen naturally, you must be worthy of following. Part of this
is based on how strongly you have and adhere to your own values.

You Must Understand Her Social Reference Group

Women are much more dependent on their social reference group

than men are. When men hunted, it was all about killing something
big. But when women were left alone, it was a very tight, very close
social group. Every decision a woman made was highly dependent
on all her close friends and relatives. Those instincts still live deeply
in her brain. You can discern a lot from a woman's childhood, how
she views her parents, and her friends. Consider that she will be
very much like the people she chooses to hang out with. Understand
that her childhood, her relationship with her mother and her father
will have a big impact on her adult personality. Decades of statistics
tell us that, as adults, there are two main contributing factors to our
adult personalities. Our genetics, and our non-family peer group.
This means that the more you are interested in her, the longer term
you are interested in her for, the more you will need to know about
her upbringing and her social reference group.

Your Life Always Comes First

The great tragedy of modern relationships is as follows. A young

man and women meet and fall in love. They have a family, and then
the man focuses on his career. While he does so, he begins to settle
into an auto pilot life. He figures everything is pretty much set. Go to
work, make some money, pay for his wife and kids. But if he loses
his ambition, paying the bills won't be enough. It may have been a
few decades ago, but more and more couples are getting divorced.
One of the many reasons is that men have gotten soft. Men have
lost their ambition. Your ambition is your greatest strength. But it is
very much like a muscle, if you do not cultivate it, you will lose it. And
if you lose your ambition, you will lose any natural attraction you can
generate in a woman, very much like women lose their
attractiveness as they lose their youth and beauty. This is not nice,
this is not fair, but few things in life are. As man, you have great
potential, but only if you consciously and consistently cultivate it.
Build your ambition and chase your life. Women will follow. Or your
woman will follow. Either requires that you lead.
Cialdini For Increasing Attraction
Understanding and using Cialdini triggers can significantly increase
attraction. Not understanding them or misunderstanding them can do
the opposite. Perhaps one of the most common violations of Cialdini
is destroying any potential scarcity through neediness. Both men and
women are equally guilty of this. It generally plays out as follows.
Guy meets girl. Guy hooks up with girl. One or the other likes the
other more than they like them. They text several times per day. The
frequency of the texting kills any scarcity. Remember our instinctive
feelings of attraction and how they were initially calibrated. Guys and
girls fell for each other when they are apart, thinking about each
other and not knowing when they would see each other again. Even
when they were back together, they were always surrounded by
others, so even when they were together, they weren't really
together. Every time they communicated there were always a bunch
of other people around. Consider scarcity to be the most important
Cialdini trigger to understand. There are many ways to leverage it.

Scarcity of Presence

If you are consciously increasing attraction in any particular woman,

whether she be your one true love or a girl you happen to talk to
once in a while, she can't be able to predict when or how often she'll
see you. If you make a habit of going to her restaurant every
Tuesday for lunch, she'll begin to expect you. Any time anybody
begins to expect you, you lose scarcity and they can take you for
granted.

Scarcity of Communication

When you communicate via text, email or phone calls, it should be

equally scarce. Don't text at the same time every day. Don't respond
within the same number of minutes that she texts you.
Scarcity of Information

When you do call or text or email, don't use a lot time or convey a lot
of information. Ideally, text only communication should only be used
to arrange face to face meetups. Always remember that the most
your interactions with her are to stimulate her ancient instincts, not
her conscious thinking.

Scarcity of Unexpected Reminders

Recall the common romance movie trope of one person “getting”

another person. A good way to deliver this is through scarcity.
Scarcity through the spontaneous either-or questions that get deeper
into her fantasies and dreams about the future. And scarcity of
reminding her about the things you've found out about her. For
example, suppose one night over dinner you found out one of her
fantasy dream vacations was on an island beach resort in the South
Pacific. And one thing she would to do on this fantasy future vacation
is to learn to surf. So, you remember that small bit of information.
Imagine then it's a couple weeks later and you are strolling through
the local mall and you pass by a surf shop. Even if you hadn't
mentioned anything about that previous conversation, all you need to
do is casually mention the surf shop and ask if she wants to check if
they have lessons. This will tell her you remember the conversation
from a few weeks ago. When you apply these scarcity-of-
unexpected-reminders, this will go a long way in significantly
deepening her attraction for you.

Easy Way to Apply Scarcity

The easiest way to apply scarcity is to apply it naturally. Spend

plenty of time being busy building your career and life. Also, spend
plenty of time building your natural leadership skills. If you are going
places, talking to people, doing your journaling, and practicing things
like public speaking you will become attractive to a lot of women.
Even if you won't ever consider dating these women, simply talking
to attractive women who are partially attracted to you, on a regular
basis, will keep you from thinking too much about any one girl. Be as
busy as you can, so you always have other things on your mind. The
moment you start to chase one girl at the expense of all other girls,
and at the expense of everything else in your life, you are entering
very dangerous territory.

Authority

The more you build up your authority, over your own life and your
own decisions, the more she will naturally follow you. A very
common attraction killing scenario is for a guy to be on a date with a
girl, and not really know what to do. Normal girls like a man who
leads, not a man who will bend over backwards to please her.
Whenever you are with her, she must believe you are the authority,
and you must believe you are the authority. A very common mistake
is to assume that women must follow men, but this is a mistake.
Instead, assume that men must lead women, but women will only
follow man who is capable and confident enough to lead. For this
reason, women are always testing men. Whenever you get any kind
of test, it is an indication of two things. One is she would very much
like you to pass the tests, which would indicate your natural frame
strength. But the other is that she isn't quite sure. This means there
is something about your frame that doesn't quite ring true. This is
fine. The more you build your natural authority, the less you will
receive these tests.

Reciprocity

This is simple way to measure her attraction. One of Cialdini's laws

says we will tend to reciprocate favors, but only from an unconscious
level. This can be done during conversations, this can be done
during relationships. Since you are the man, you are the authority,
you always go first. You ask her about her day. You ask either-or
questions to get deeper information about her. You lead, and she
follows. A common conversational test is to see how much she is
willing to shoulder to keep the conversation going. If you have been
talking for a while and getting deeper and deeper into her mind with
the either-or questions, pause and let the silence linger. If she sits,
waiting passively for you to continue, that will tell you one thing. If
she tries to carry the conversation, going so far as to emulate your
conversational style, that will tell you something else.

Comparison and Contrast

Always be aware of any other men when you are together. You'll
have to have a decent idea of your own authority with respect to
other men. Remember the social hierarchy experiments. Leaders in
one situation are often not leaders in other situations. As much as
you can control this, make sure when you and she are together, you
maintain a relatively high level of social status to the rest of the
crowd. For example, if you are introverted accountant, it might not be
a good idea to take her to a biker bar.

Commitment and Consistency

This is what sales funnels and brand awareness are made of. The
more we do things, the more we tend to do those same things. If you
are intending to build a quality relationship with a quality woman, the
absolute best thing you can do is take your time. The more time you
spend together, the more time you will likely spend together. Couples
that have been married for decades will put up with quite a bit of
each other's nonsense. Couples that are both serial monogamists,
and neither have been in a relationship for longer than few months,
will bounce at the first sign of trouble. This is another way to test her.
Take your time, if she is willing to wait (more later on commitment)
then this is another indication she is right for you.
Slowly Reveal Your Best Self
A very common movie trope is the hero who falls for the girl. The
hero is genuinely a tough guy who can handle himself. But as he
gets closer and closer to the girl, he starts to worry what will happen
when she learns the truth about who he really is. Sometimes, there
is an actual thing about him that he is worried about. A prison record,
a sketchy past, but often it is only a deep suspicion of being
unworthy. Male and female characters share this worry. A deep
feeling of being unworthy, that lives deeply as a vague doubt. And if
the other person, who they secretly suspect is too good for them,
and will leave them when they find out who they really are, is
incredibly common. The reason that movie trope is so common is
this feeling is a genuine feeling in most normal humans. Without
going into too much detail, most normal adults, due to how we were
raised, have a deep question of our self-worth. This is one of the
reasons to practice something terrifying like public speaking. The
more you speak in public, the more you will overwrite this deep fear
with experience of the opposite. Realize that this deep fear will
always be there. This deep vague uncertainty that things will
suddenly fall apart. One of the most powerful ways to cement her
deep attraction for you is to share this vulnerability. But you must be
careful how you share this. The metaphor of Goldilocks is
appropriate here. If you come on too strong with your vulnerability,
she'll feel like you see her as a surrogate mother. A definite
attraction killer. If you don't share enough of this deep worry, she'll
think you are too strong, and you don't need her at all. How much
you share depends on you, it depends on her, and it depends on
your relationship. The general rule is to go very slowly and see how
she responds. Remember the idea about sharing your future vision.
That it should be filled with plenty of if... then... statements, none of
which are guaranteed. This is good context under which to share
your vulnerabilities. To express a slight amount of doubt about your
future, but not so much you worry her. Ideally, she will feel you need
her moral support, but not so much she feels you will fail without it.
She would like to feel like a partner to your success, but not that you
will collapse emotionally without her continued support and
reassurance.

Slowly Expose Your True Self

Another way to allow her to see the real you is to slowly express the
real you. Express part of yourself to her that you rarely share with
others. The law of scarcity is critically important here. This also
needs to be as honest and congruent as possible. Tell her what you
wish for your future. Share with her your fears about what might
happen, and the things you might not be able to deal with. But don't
let her believe that because of these fears, you won't go boldly into
your future.

Hero's Journey

Joseph Campbell studied mythology from many different cultures.

He found a common story structure that he called the “monomyth.”
Many successful Hollywood stories and best-selling novels follow
this basic structure. The hero usually starts out as an orphan. Then
he is forced against his will along a path not of his own choosing.
Along the way he meets friends and gains skills. Often these skills
are of a magical or supernatural nature. Harry Potter, Spiderman,
Luke Skywalker, Dorothy, etc. Eventually, he has to meet a villain
with whom he must fight to the death. But a very critical component
of the monomyth journey is that when he does do battle with the
villain, he is not certain he will succeed. Part of the hero's journey is
to realize that fighting against the villain, to protect his friends, is
more important than life itself. That even though he might fail, he's
got to do this best. The hero would rather die trying than give up due
to fear. This is the ideal circumstance under which you should
express your doubts. That you have fears that you might fail. That
you have fears that you won't have enough skills to accomplish the
task. That you are less than confident in your abilities. But at the
same time, you must try, even if it means failure. Think of these as
based on ancient human instincts. That tribes of ancient humans
who were willing to “take one for the team” succeeded much more
than any other tribe. That women who had children with men who
had the instinct to “take one for the team” had much stronger
relationships and raised much healthier children. When you exhibit
this uncertainty of outcome combined with a certainty of action, it will
touch her on a deep level.

Multiple Levels of Vulnerability

You can practice this when you are journaling your ideal future.
When you are writing out what you hope to happen in the future.
Once you have a fair idea of what may lie ahead, consider some of
the things that might go wrong. Then consider how you will charge
ahead anyway. You don't need to only express this uncertainty of
outcome combined with certainty of action with heroic acts like
careers and killing monsters. This structure can be applied
anywhere. This is part of being a natural leader. Of not knowing what
is going to happen but being certain that you will charge on ahead
anyway. This is the opposite of, “I don't know, what do you think we
should do?” Instead, consider a much more authoritative, “I'm not
sure what will happen, but I think we should do X. You in?”

Your Dreams and Hopes Can Never Explicitly Contain Her

When you are expressing your biggest hopes and dreams for the
future, avoid using her explicitly. You are building a future for you.
You can imply that she can come along, but never make your future
dependent on her participation.

Speak to Her Instincts

Always remember her deep instincts will make her irresistibly

attractive to a Man with a Plan who boldly goes into his own future.
Whenever in doubt, imagine you are both living in an ancient hunter
gather society. How would an alpha caveman handle the situation?
Would he ask his girl where she thinks he should go hunting that
day? Would he make her promise she's wait for him until he got
back? Or would he simply go out and kill the biggest animal he could
find, and bring it back when he was ready?
Biggest Rule
The question of when to enter a committed relationship is difficult.
Before we discuss this important issue, we should discuss the
economic idea of moral hazard. Today's society is filled with moral
hazard, and it may be our downfall. Moral hazard is an idea that
speaks to how we behave, on an unconscious level, when we know
we will be protected against potential bad outcomes. A circus
metaphor is appropriate.

Safety Nets

An actual safety net is the net the place below the trapeze artists.
Without a safety net, the trapeze artists would be very, very careful.
So careful they wouldn't be very interesting to watch. By putting a
large safety net beneath them, they will be encouraged to try more
dangerous tricks, which will be much more entertaining to watch.
Right away, this gives us a very good example of what safety nets
are meant to do. In the context of a circus, they encourage riskier
behavior. And it turns out this is what they do even when they are
metaphorical.

Moral Hazard

The term moral hazard indicated the situation that the safety nets
create. When we know we have some kind of safety net, that is a
situation of moral hazard. This means we will behave more
dangerously. For example, when some states went from having no
seatbelt laws to having belt laws, this increased the moral hazard.
Before, many drivers were not using safety belts. Once everybody
was forced to wear safety belts, the amount of property damage
increased. This makes logical sense. A million drivers driving with
their safety belts would drive just a little bit more dangerously than
when they weren't wearing their belts. The net result was an
increase in accidents and the resultant property damage by a slight
amount.

Bank Bailouts

Another society wide example of moral hazard are bank bailouts.

During the financial crisis of 2008, most of the banks were bailed out
by the Federal Reserve. This sent them a clear message. If you get
into financial trouble, we've got your back. Naturally, this would
increase dangerous behavior in the future.

Moral Hazard in Relationships

Almost like clockwork, people who get into relationships gain weight.
Even beyond having children. This is due to the moral hazards that a
commitment, particularly a legal commitment like marriage, creates.
When you are single, even if you are in a non-committed
relationship, you are much more likely to be on your best behavior.
Nothing is guaranteed. But once you agree to date each other
exclusively, even moving in together, there is less need to be on your
best behavior. Before, when you were only dating, you never knew
for certain. But now that you're in a committed relationship, things
are much more guaranteed.

Men, Women and Relationships

From a purely instinctive standpoint, it is the burden of the women to

convince the man to stay with her, and only her. Social reference
groups, modern thinking, all these have a strong influence. But on a
deep and instinctive level, she must attract and keep the man. The
woman is the one who needs to choose the man she wants. This is
done by her being naturally and instinctively attracted to the man
who demonstrates the most alpha qualities. But this is only the start.
She must convince him to be with her, and only her, until her children
are old enough to fend for themselves. Nobody ever thinks these
thoughts consciously, but this is how our instincts are written. In the
ancient days of hunters and gatherers, she was attracted to him by
his movements, his skills, his communication. This attraction was
amplified by her social reference group. His attraction to her was
created by her looks, her youth, and his social reference group. But
mutual attraction is just the start. Once they have sex, and have
children, his natural attraction will transform into a deep instinctive
need to provide for her and her children. In modern men, nothing
feels better than having a satisfying career that provides for a
grateful wife and children. But this is much, much less automatic
than it used to be. Many modern ideas and social concepts can
clutter up this natural process. Not least of which is most modern
men's desperate need to be with someone. When a guy is
desperately trying to convince a girl to be with him exclusively, this is
not congruent with our deep instincts. It can work, but it will take a lot
of conscious effort. We recommend another technique.

Leverage Commitment and Consistency

If you truly desire a committed relationship with a quality woman,

consider it something she needs to convince you of. And it should
take time and effort on her part. If she is not willing to wait until you
are ready, if she is not willing to do her best to convince you, then
consider this is a sign that it might not work out in the long run. On
the other hand, the more time she puts in trying to convince you, the
more this will leverage the law of commitment and consistency in her
mind that this relationship she is trying to desperately to build with is
extremely valuable. You don't have to date more than one girl at
once. But beware of being quick to agree to an exclusive and
committed relationship.

Moral Hazard Argument

You can use the moral hazard argument to build her patience and
resolve. You can say that you value your current relationship with
her. That you value relationships. That you are disheartened by the
number of failed relationships in modern society. That you want to
make sure this is a relationship that will last. You don't want to rush
into it. Tell her that you think of a relationship as one of the most
important things a man can have, and you don't want to rush into it.
If you like, you can tell her it's up to her to convince you she is the
one for you. You must feel extremely confident in this to work, so be
very careful. This means you must have a very, very serious plan for
your life that is equally compelling with or without her. Let your
actions show her this, and let her actions show you her response.

Continue Building Desire

Use all the techniques you've learned to continue building more and
more desire. Have deep conversations with her about things she's
never talked about with anybody else. Continue to convince her
through your actions and your behavior that she will never meet
another man like you. Continue to build attraction until it is so strong
within her that she will do anything to keep you, including being as
patient as you need her to be. The more you build desire, the deeper
you build attraction, the more she works to create a committed
relationship with you, the longer and stronger it will be.
Short Term Distinctions
It's very likely you'll meet somebody, they won't quite be qualified for
a long-term relationship, but you also suspect they might be open for
a short term, not quite committed relationship. Having solid criteria
before this happens will help you to avoid a lot of later trouble. A
problem tends to happen when guys that don't have any non-
physical criteria hook up with girls ostensibly for the short term. Once
sex happens a few times, the deeper instincts take over, creating a
deeper emotional attachment. This doesn't tend to have positive
results. If both parties agree to a long term committed relationships,
you are essentially committing to somebody whom you know very
little about. These relationships might work out in the short term, but
as the law of diminishing returns kicks in, soon the physical and
sexual attraction, which was driving the emotional attraction, will
wane. If you are living together, have children or have created a legal
commitment, this can cause serious financial and emotional
problems. If, on the other hand, you develop an emotional
attachment, but she does not, this won't cause any financial issues,
but it can create long term emotional damage. Understand this is
how male emotions work. The attraction is first physical, and slightly
emotional. Once sex happens the emotions and attachment
increase. Humans evolved in a world where sexual relationships
were very difficult to create, so when they happened, our instincts
did everything they could to keep them. Of course, this also
happened in an environment when the external incentives also
provided a lot of support for any relationships that were created.
Today, of course, it's much, much different. So, if you go in only
looking for physical attraction and hope for the best, chances are the
outcome will not be positive. The best way is to prepare for any
eventuality. Most important is to have a rock-solid list of non-physical
criteria for long term commitments. This is very much like sticking to
a diet. Choosing the right food to eat for a diet is easy when you are
not hungry and away from food. But once you are hungry and at the
all-you-can-eat buffet with all your friends (combination of hunger
and social proof) it is very hard to stick to your conscious criteria. But
the dangers of choosing a relationship partner without criteria is
potentially much more devastating that falling off your diet for a big
meal.

Categories

Consider building up your list of non-physical criteria as soon as

possible. You don't need an exhaustive list. Only a few things she
must have, and a few things she cannot have. A few green and red
flags. Girls that don't have the green flags, and have a few red flags
are absolutely disqualified for a long-term relationship. No matter
how gorgeous they are, no matter much they spin your propeller
between the sheets, stick to your non-physical criteria as if your life
depended on it. You can also choose the type of girl you'll have an
uncommitted sexual relationship with. These can be much less
stringent. So long as they are attractive enough and understand
there is no implied relationship in the horizon, then it’s all systems
go. A third category can be girls you enjoy talking to, even flirting
with, but you value much more as a friend or colleague. Having
several attractive females as friends is a very valuable thing to have.
Once you cross the physical boundary, you'll stop being able to have
regular conversations. How you decide on your various criteria for
the various categories is a completely personal choice. The more
you build up your natural leadership skills and the natural attraction
they will create, you will have a lot more choice. Unfortunately, today
most men operate from a scarcity mindset. They are desperate, they
are undersexed, and they take anything they can get. They have sex
with whoever will have sex with them. And if they seem somewhat
normal, have a job, aren't homeless or part of a death cult, the are
qualified for a long-term relationship, marriage and even children.
This is all because our ancient instincts truly believe that once a man
is having repeated sex with any woman, that is that man's only
chance for procreation. That means the man's thinking will change.
His belief system will change. His memories about what is important
to him will change. This is because the need to replicate and
propagate the species is the most important thing for humans. Once
upon a time, getting food was the most important thing, and having
sex was second most important. This may be hard to imagine in
today's modern society, but ancient humans were always hungry.
And food was always hard to find. So, finding decent food was such
a large accomplishment that it tended to keep most people happy.
But today we live in a very different society. We are rarely hungry.
We never need to worry in the least about where or how we will get
food. And at the same time, we are literally bombarded with sexual
images, making our sexual desires much higher than they were in
ancient times. Our sexual instincts are going crazy. When a normal
man has an opportunity for repeated sex with a halfway decent
woman, his instincts truly believe it is a dream come true and
keeping her is the most important thing in the world. But since we do
live in a modern society, and sex with different people is easy, the
law of diminishing returns will eventually show up. If it shows up for
her before any financial or legal commitments are made, it can end
in heartache for him. If it shows up for either of them after any
financial and legal commitments are made, devastation is not far
behind.

Build Criteria and Abundance

As much as you can, build up your criteria while building up an

abundance mentality at the same time. And building up an
abundance mentality is not a mental exercise. It requires slowly
building up your natural attraction, created by your growing
leadership, over time and feeling the real results. It requires getting
out and speaking with people socially. It means interacting with real
people and finding out real things about them, so your criteria is not
created in a vacuum. Considering both the financial and emotional
dangers of relationships gone wrong, accept that any woman you
agree to a committed relationship with must past strict criteria, most
importantly, she must be the one desperately convincing you, not the
other way around.

You Can Always Do Better

Fully embrace the idea that your relationship choices must be as
conscious as healthy food choices. Just eating what tastes good will
end in disaster. Just going out with whomever is hot enough will end
in disaster. No matter who you are contemplating getting into a
relationship with, unless you have a lot of non-physical reasons,
unless she is willing to follow you while you pursue your life, unless
you know based on her upbringing and her social circle that she has
a very high probability of staying you through good times and bad,
you can always do better. The higher quality man you become, the
higher quality woman you can attract.
Sex Considerations
One of the most important human skills in the modern world is the
ability to delay gratification. If there was one measurement that
separated high quality people from low quality people, it would be
their ability to delay gratification. The stronger your skills of delayed
gratification, the better life you will have. The less you can delay
gratification, the less successful of a life you'll have. Of course, there
are many external factors that are out of our control that impact our
ability to delay gratification. One might even go so far as to say we
live in a world ruled by those conspiring to keep our ability to delay
gratification as weak as possible. In this chapter, we will go through
three main areas where delaying gratification will lead to an
obviously better life.

Food

If you want to stay in shape, you have to do things that aren't

enjoyable in the short term but lead to long term results. Exercise is
an acquired taste. Nobody enjoys jogging at first. Even experienced
runners need a little bit of motivation to get going. And the main
reason they enjoy running is the benefits, not because it is
pleasurable in the moment. Eating healthy food is also an acquired
taste. Imagine if there existed a magic pill that allowed one to eat
anything in any quantity. The magic pill would transform whatever
intake into the optimal calories and pass the rest through. If such a
pill existed, and there was no difference in physique between taking
the pill and eating junk food, and not taking the pill and eating
healthy food, few people would not take the pill. Eating healthy food
and maintaining a healthy physique takes plenty of discipline. For
those capable of maintaining such discipline, the results are well
worth it.

Money
Spending money is easy. Saving money is not. Not spending money
when you have it, and want to buy something, but then deciding that
you really don't need that item is very, very difficult. So difficult that
nearly everybody today carries a credit card balance. At the time of
this writing, consumer debt is at an all-time high. There are few
people around with strong financial discipline. How you view money
with respect to delayed gratification will make the difference between
having a healthy investment portfolio or a huge credit card bill every
month.

Sex

This is the ultimate in delayed gratification. This is also the one thing
that can get you into the most trouble. Sexual expression is the most
dangerous slippery slope in modern times. Men are bombarded with
sexual images. Women are encouraged to dress as seductively and
provocatively as they can. Men create enormous amounts of social
proof amongst themselves to score by any means necessary. We've
already discussed what happens when you get lucky with an
undersexed, scarcity mindset. If you develop feelings and she does
not, you will be emotionally devastated. If she develops feelings and
you do not, this can be even worse. Men are do not have the
instinctive makeup to be so callous to women that are in such
obvious emotional pain. If you both become emotionally attached,
chances are it will have a short life. Chances are even higher that
one of you will lose interest before the other, and the devastation will
be compounded. Many men and women go through this cycle over
and over. However, there is a way out. This will not be easy. But it
can lead the highest chances of long-term success. And that is to
practice delayed gratification when it comes to your sexual urges.

Think and Grow Rich

Napoleon Hill's famous book, written nearly a hundred years ago,

compared successful people to unsuccessful people. One clear thing
they had in common was how they treated their natural sexual urges.
The unsuccessful had a very weak ability to control their sexual
urges. The very successful not only controlled their sexual urges but
re-directed them. This was not done by magic or any metaphysical
process. This is purely a matter of being able to delay gratification.
To feel the sexual urge, and not express it in the way nature
intended. To feel the sexual desire and not be controlled by it. Doing
so will give you much more creative energy. It will give you much
more intellectual power, but most importantly, it will give you much
more rational decision-making power over your relationship choices.

Society Is Ruined by Undersexed and Desperate Men

It is not much of a stretch to make this claim. Most men are so

desperate for any sex with any woman, they will do anything to stay
in any woman's favor. You may have seen this locally. Many women
that are only partially attractive tend to have plenty of men willing to
do anything just to be around them. This is a far cry from our natural
state, where men lead, and women follow. Today, very few men are
natural leaders. Consider that one of the most important
characteristics of being a natural leader is to have control over your
own sexual expression. To be the one that many women desire, but
always able to maintain rational control over who you share your
valuable sexual energy with.

If You Control Your Sex - She'll Never Control You

Most women have a very easy time keeping the men around in them
in check. Whenever he misbehaves, according to her, she simply
withdraws affection. Since affection is associated with sex, even if
they haven't yet been intimate, this sets of panic alarms in his mind.
He is desperate to get back into her good graces, so he bends over
backward trying to please her. To make up for any wrongs he might
have made. Once you control your sexual urges, you will no longer
be under any woman's power. Once you combine a solid list of non-
physical criteria with continuous strengthening of delayed
gratification, not only with sex, but with all things, you will be fully in
control of your life. Women will begin hoping for your approval. This
will make you a very powerful, very attractive, very sought-after man
among men. A natural leader. A natural alpha. One that sparks the
deep desire of every woman you come across.
Final Words
If this guide has been inspirational, that is good. But it is only a
beginning. This is not the kind of guide where you read once, get a
few ideas, and then get on with your life. This guide has ideas and
exercises geared toward building skills for which there is no upper
limit. Becoming more attractive to women is not a binary skill. You
cannot do a few exercises, or do a little bit of thinking, and think
you've got it figured out. Unfortunately, many men today do not
understand this. They seem to believe that reading a few “red pill”
ideas on various forums is all you need. This is a mistake. This
would be like thinking you only need to read about boxing strategies
before getting in the ring. Boxing is a sport that, like the skills
described in this guide, have no upper limit. The more you practice
boxing, the better you get. The only time anybody ever stops
practicing boxing is when they decide they want to box no longer.
But the skills in this guide will help you far more than being more
attractive to women. The skills in this guide will help you to become a
better man. And as a man, you are in never ending competition with
all other men. The economy and marketplace will always be
changing. The ways of earning a living will always be changing. You
will always have a desire to earn more than you do now. This will
never change. Since women are attracted to men, the better man
you can become, the more women will be attracted to you.

Start Slowly

It is very tempting to rush ahead as quickly as you can. This is nearly

always a mistake. Consider starting very slowly, very easily. Do
some journaling on your plans for your life. If you do not have a very
solid life plan that gets you excited, consider creating one to be
much more important than the affection of any one woman.

Small Talk
Once you have spent a few weeks building out your plan, writing it
out over and over until you get excited just thinking about it, get out
and mingle. Say hi to a few familiar people. The lady at the
supermarket. The guy down at the bar or coffee shop. Whoever you
see on a regular basis. Ease from saying hi into having a few
exchanges. Go slow. Get comfortable with them and allow them to
become comfortable with you.

Public Speaking

As terrifying as it might seem, get down to your local Toastmasters

as soon as possible. This is the quickest and most powerful way to
build solid interpersonal confidence. This will make you walk taller
with much more attractive energy. Get through a few speeches until
you can start to try some of the language technology. The pausing,
the gestures, the commands. Once this becomes easy, begin to use
this same technology on friends and family, and then on small talk
friends. Go slowly, build slowly, and get better.

Either-Or

Practice either-or questions on anybody as soon as you can. You'll

find this is the easiest way to have a deep and stimulating
conversation with almost anybody. Once you see how happy this
makes people, you will develop some very real, and very rare
conversational confidence.

Women Will Sort Themselves Out

Forget about going places to meet women. Forget about online

dating. Live your life, build your skills, talk to interesting people, both
men and women, whenever you find them, and the women who are
worthy will find a way to make themselves known to you. Continue to
slowly expand your comfort zone and build your natural attraction.
The more attractive you become, the more enjoyable life will
become. Opportunities have a way of presenting themselves to
those who are ready for them. The more you practice the
recommended skills in this guide, the more you will notice these
opportunities.

Create and Chase Your Life - Women Will Follow

If you continue to become a man with a plan, and actively cultivate a

robust social life combined with a friendly confident, outgoing social
personality, women will follow. You will not need to chase them, they
will begin to chase you. Until you see one who satisfies all your non-
verbal criteria, there is absolutely no rush.

The Paradox of Male Success

The more successful you are as a man, the more higher quality
women will want to be with you. This is a fantastic problem to have.
If you are seeking a committed relationship, once you find her, you
will continue to increase your value as man. Some men choose
young, and then become great men, only to switch to a younger
partner later in life. Other men choose young, and stop forward
progress, only to be left alone by a bored woman later in life. Ancient
men and women had it easy. Show up, be constrained by our
environment, and hope for the best. To succeed romantically in
today's landscape, you need incredible powers of planning and an
honest appreciation for you own value. When to finally settle down,
who to finally settle down with may be the greatest problem you face.
But she must have all your non-physical criteria to be chosen. And
the most important is she must be willing to help you become the
best man you can be however you define it.

Get Started Today

Many of the ideas in this guide may be intimidating. Public speaking

is terrifying for many people. Starting small talk with strangers can be
equally terrifying. Go as slowly as you can but make forward
progress at all costs. The more you progress, the more attractive
you'll be. Do not put any constraints on yourself beyond doing just a
little bit more today than you did yesterday. Slowly expanding your
social comfort zone is the most important thing you can do. Do it
slowly, do it gradually, but do it. So long as you make a firm
conviction to continuously expand your comfort zone, you will not
fail. Get started today. Do something. Then do something tomorrow.
Build a habit, and never stop. This life belongs to you. Take it.
Contact
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Email: support@mindpersuasion.com
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