SARENA NICERIO’S PERSONAL NARRATIVE

Sarena nicerio’s personal narrative

Sarena Nicerio

OGL 482: Org-Leadership Pro Seminar II

Kenneth Willmott

03/21/2021
SARENA NICERIO’S PERSONAL NARRATIVE

Sarena Nicerio’s Personal Narrative

In this first assignment, I go back in time and reflect on events that have impacted my

life. I begin by discussing my early childhood, and then move on to my teenage years. Finally, I

discuss my young adult days and a current situation that’s been heavily on my mind.

Being an Only Child

I am an only child. Since I was a kid, this is what I have always told myself and others.

Although I technically do have an older half-sister, I never grew up with her. It was always just

me, myself and I throughout my childhood. At home, I basically played with toys and games by

myself. My parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins would play with me, but there was

never anyone close to my age. All of my cousins are either a lot older than me, or significantly

younger. Therefore, I’ve always felt a little alone and like the odd one out. This forced me to

heavily rely on the friendships I made in school. School was the only place where I was really

able to play and be around children my age.

Even when I was at school, I still felt a little out of place because mostly all of my friends

had siblings. From elementary school until high school, everyone - both children and adults -

would always tell me I’m so lucky that I’m an only child. I had no one else to argue or compete

with. I’ve had many people say to me, “You must be so spoiled!” Granted, I was showered with

attention and a lot of nice things. Constantly hearing these “benefits” was enough to convince me

for some time that I was, in fact, lucky to be an only child. However, I’ve always felt some sort

of emptiness inside of me. I had all of these nice things, but something was missing. I lacked and

desired the connection that came with having siblings.

It’s always been hard for me knowing I have a half-sister, but not actually knowing her.

My sister is over twenty years older than me; her oldest daughter - my niece - is five years older
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than me. This age difference was always something a little weird for me to process. My sister

and I aren’t strangers to each other, but we don’t really have a relationship either. All of the

memories I do have with her were during special occasions, because those were the only times

my dad took me to see her. As I got older, though, the visits occurred less and eventually turned

into not seeing her at all anymore. I never knew or understood why my dad didn’t try to push my

sister and I to have a close relationship. As I got older, I also started to question why my sister

didn’t make more effort to be in my life. I realized that she’s old enough to make her own

decisions - so, why wasn’t she trying to get to know me? The only time I felt hopeful about her

making an effort was when she got married in 2012. My sister told my dad and I that being with

her fiancé helped her realize the importance of family. I vividly remember her saying she wants

to be around us more. Fast forward to now, 2021, and my sister is still not in my life. The last

time we actually spoke to each other was in October 2019, when our dad was in the hospital.

Over the years, I’ve managed to keep up with my sister’s life through Facebook and

Instagram. There have been several times when I found myself wishing I was a part of the

pictures she was posting. To this day, I’m still contemplating whether or not I should just reach

out to her. I’m definitely at the age where I can do this on my own; however, something is just

holding me back. I think I’m just afraid of the very possible rejection - that she won’t want me in

her life - even though I’m used to her not being around anyways. Over the years, I’ve tried to fill

the void through having older friends. I called these friends “the older sisters I never had, but

always wanted.” However, it still wasn’t the same - and I don’t even speak to those “big sisters”

anymore.

Because I grew up as an only child, I had a desire for some sort of companionship. From

a very young age, I always wanted my parents to get me a dog. Every time we would go to our
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local mall, I would beg my mom to take me to the pet store. I loved seeing all of the different

dogs that were available. Each time, I would desperately ask my mom to buy me one. I threw fits

and cried over her refusing to buy me one. As I got older, the crying and fits stopped, but my

desire to have a dog never, ever went away. Every chance I had to be around a dog, I would take

with no hesitation. I tried so hard to show my mom I can take care of a dog, but she never

stopped telling me I was in over my head.

It wasn’t until July 2017, when I was twenty-years-old, that I finally decided to just come

home with a dog. Although I knew my mom would be pissed, I knew it would all be worth it. It’s

definitely been one of the best decisions I’ve made so far, too. Getting my dog has made me

happier, but it has also shown me what it’s basically like to have a child and constantly worry

about them. After having my dog for four years now, I realize my mom was right about my

younger self being in over my head about having a dog. I really thought it would be so easy. All I

cared about was having a dog; I wasn’t thinking about the real responsibility or emotional

investment that comes with owning one. However, I do think this would’ve been a good lesson

for me to learn at a young age. Not only would I have a companion, but I also would’ve learned

about the patience and discipline needed to raise a dog.

As I discuss my experience being an only child, I feel a little bad for what I’m saying. I

don’t intend to sound ungrateful because I still had a good childhood. I had a lot of nice things

and a family who was actually there for me. However, no matter how much older I get, I always

think about the “what ifs.” What if I did grow up with my half-sister? What if I did have a dog at

an early age? Would I have been a little happier during my teenage years? These questions

continue to bother me even though I needed to move on from them a long time ago. However,

with these questions constantly on my mind, it helps me remember who I’ve become despite
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being and feeling alone when I was a child. This situation with my half-sister hasn’t been ideal,

but it has made me realize what I want with my future. There are a lot of things I haven’t been

sure of in life, but now, the one thing I’ve never been so sure of is the kind of parent I want to be.

I know for a fact that if I am fortunate enough to have kids, I want to have more than one so my

children will have each other. Additionally, I’ve already had a long-history of loving dogs, so I

won’t even hesitate when my kids ask me for one. My mom wasn’t willing to teach me the

responsibility of owning one, so that is also something I strive to teach my children early on.

Middle School and High School Life

Because I didn’t have an older sibling to look up to and try to copy, I ended up figuring

out a lot of things on my own. Middle school was when I was probably the most eager and

ambitious to participate in school and extracurricular activities. I joined a lot of school clubs and

was a part of the honor society from 6th-8th grade. I also had a lot of school spirit and willingly

participated in the pep rallies we would have every so often. Middle school was also the time

when I decided to play sports. I didn’t play sports when I was in elementary school, but for

whatever reason, I decided to play basketball and volleyball in middle school. I started off not

knowing how to play at all, but with time, I got the hang of the two games and ended up loving

them both. These were two sports I really enjoyed and hoped to play in high school.

Despite my hopes of playing sports in high school, I didn’t follow through with this plan

when I eventually became a freshman. I went to a different high school than most of my middle

school friends, so I didn’t have anyone I knew that would try out for the basketball and

volleyball teams with me. I had a lot of doubt in myself and was intimidated by the

upperclassmen. In middle school, no one would get cut - everyone was placed on some team. In

high school, there were cuts made. What held me back from trying was pure fear. I remember
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going to one conditioning practice and just feeling so discouraged. No one there was being mean

to me, but I just felt like I sucked compared to everyone else. I was also really shy and didn’t talk

to anyone who was there there, so I was just really intimidated. That was the first and last

practice I went to.

What also didn’t help was my mom wasn’t as supportive of me spending time after

school going to the conditioning practices. My mom was concerned about me not getting my

school work done. In addition, I realized that I couldn’t spend a lot of time with my friends

because I would have to be at practice. Since I went to a different high school than my middle

school friends, I had to make new friends at this school. During this time, I was more concerned

about hanging out with the friends that I did make instead of doing what I really enjoyed.

Not trying out for the basketball or volleyball team has been one of the biggest regrets of

my life. I remember all of the times I watched our team’s games and just sitting in the bleachers,

wishing I was there on the court. This regret is something I’ll always live with. However, living

with this has influenced the person I am today because I’m now more willing to put myself out

there. I made a vow to not hold myself back from opportunities just because I’m scared. I’ve

learned how to accept rejection and move on from it. With this experience in mind, I’ve also

made a promise to make sure I always support my future kids in whatever they enjoy and push

them to just go for it whenever they’re afraid.

The one activity I did participate in high school was student leadership. I didn’t join

student leadership until my junior year. This soon became another situation where I wished I

joined earlier, as a freshman. However, I was glad to have joined at all, instead of letting my fear

hold me back. What really encouraged me to go through with student leadership was having

friends who also wanted to join. My friends and I were tired of the students who were
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representing our class, so we decided to go for it together. Fortunately, we all won and took on

our class together.

I was the junior class secretary and I continued with this position into my senior year. I

eventually held the positions of both senior class secretary and senior class president because

some things didn’t work out with the original class president. Being in student leadership was a

time when I really broke out of my shell. I was really introverted during my first two years of

high school. After joining leadership, I became more comfortable speaking up and talking to

other students from different grade levels. Being in this class helped spark my interest in

leadership. I really saw my potential in this class because my teacher and classmates helped me

realize I was a leader by inclination.

Something I struggled with all throughout high school was listening and communicating

effectively with others. Whenever I was faced with an argument or confrontation, I would get

defensive. I took people’s comments to heart - instead of trying to understand where they were

coming from, I would get defensive. I tried to find ways of “attacking” them back. I clearly

remember an argument I had over text with one friend, where we were sending long paragraphs

back and forth to each other. The friend was expressing how she felt about how I was acting. I

read what she said, but I wasn’t really hearing her. I responded by trying to turn everything back

on her. For example, I would say something along the lines of, “It’s funny that you say I do this

when you do that all the time.” I reacted and responded with anger; always trying to find a way

to blame her instead of take accountability.

This is how it went for a lot of friendships. It took losing friends and some growth for me

to realize I could’ve handled these situations so much better. In other cases, I realized I just

needed to surround myself with a different group of people. Over the years, I’ve reflected on
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how toxic I once was and how much I’ve evolved since then. Although I sometimes wish I

approached certain situations differently, I wouldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t handle

those situations in the way that I did.

My Work Life

In 2015, I started working for Starbucks - I am currently still with the company. Working

here for the past five and a half years has impacted my life in ways I never would’ve imagined.

For starters, the job has helped me find so much confidence in myself. When I was first hired, I

was fresh out of high school and just felt completely lost. I didn’t think too positively of myself,

and I didn’t realize the potential I had that was just waiting to be unlocked. Working at the

Starbucks that was right next to my high school just made me feel like I was stuck, as if I never

left. Most of my friends at the time were at several different colleges throughout California, and I

was the only one still close to home. I was attending San Francisco State University at the time,

but I didn’t enjoy my time there. I ended up dropping out and just focused on working at

Starbucks.

My manager and some of my coworkers really helped me realize my worth. Being on the

job allowed me to see things in myself that I never really saw before. I realized what I do really

well in - to name a few: taking initiative, connecting with others, and easily adapting to

situations. Through my manager’s guidance and feedback, I was also able to see what skills can

be developed - some of which include: conflict management, coaching, and presentation. After

eight months of first being hired, my manager wanted to promote me to a shift supervisor. It was

a great feeling to know my manager saw potential in me and that my coworkers were also happy

with the decision.

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Being at Starbucks is also a big part of who I am today because it allowed me to change

and open up my mindset. Over the years, I have dealt with several different coworkers and

customers. In my earlier years on the job, I had many situations where I found myself frustrated

with the work ethic of my coworkers. I had customers yell at me for something I did or didn’t do.

In those moments, I didn’t really consider the cultural differences between us. I didn’t consider

the fact that everyone is raised differently. While I have never acted out on the other person by

blaming them, I still felt anger and frustration inside. Now, I can say that my mind has opened up

a lot more and I feel less frustration. As food-service workers, we will still always have a handful

of customers who are rude to us, but I like to think that they are going through something we are

unaware of. Although they shouldn’t be taking it out on us, we don’t need to make them feel any

worse than they already do. Similarly, when dealing with coworkers who don’t seem to work as

hard, I try to think of ways in which I can personally help them. Sometimes, they are unaware of

how to do something and are too afraid to ask for help. Other times, it’s just that they aren’t used

to doing something. As a leader, it’s important for me to understand and acknowledge our

differences.

The Current Situation

The most recent event that has been affecting me is seeing the decline of my 95-year-old

grandma. My grandma is one of the strongest people I know and my biggest inspiration; she has

helped shape me into the person I am today. When she came to the United States at 16-years-old,

she had the education of a middle school child and didn’t know a single word of English. With

time and practice, she taught herself how to read, write, talk, and understand English. The United

States’ history, cooking and baseball are just a few of the many other things that she took the

time to learn about over the years. I obviously didn’t know my grandma in her younger days, but
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I have heard plenty of stories from my mom, aunties and uncles about how hard she worked to

provide for her family.

My grandma worked two jobs - at a post office and at Eastern Bakery in Chinatown, San

Francisco. With my grandpa, she managed to raise and provide for seven children. When I was

born, my grandma was already retired. This was helpful for my mom because she didn’t have to

worry about hiring a nanny or putting me in daycare. I spent a lot of my childhood at my

grandparent’s house since both of my parents had to work. I’ve been fortunate enough to get to

know my grandma when I was a child and now as I am an adult. My grandma is one of my

biggest inspirations because of how selfless she is. When she was living in her own house, she

always took care of anyone who came over - it didn’t matter if it was someone she just met. Even

when she moved into my house with my parents, she still made sure anyone who came into our

home felt welcomed and taken care of. Food has always been her love language; she always

makes sure everyone is fed.

Throughout her life, my grandma faced discrimination and other hardships, yet she

always remained strong. I look up to her tremendously because she’s always been so

independent. No matter what it was - cleaning, cooking, going to the store - she always insisted

on doing everything herself. A couple years ago, my grandma was diagnosed with colon cancer.

No one would’ve ever known she was even sick because she held herself so well. Despite the

pain she was dealing with, she never showed it or complained. While she still insisted on doing

things on her own, she did begin to accept more help from others. Unfortunately, just last week,

my grandma had a stroke. Although the clot was removed, there were other complications that

have left her paralyzed on her right side. With her age, there isn’t much that can be done. My

grandma is fortunately home, but bedridden. The past week has been chaotic with all of my
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family coming in and out of my house to help out and visit. It’s been so hard seeing the woman I

once knew as extremely strong and independent, become so weak and dependent on her family

to take care of her.

This whole situation with my grandma has really put a lot of things into perspective for

me. It’s crazy to see how fast life can change. What my grandma is going through right now is a

lot like having a newborn baby. My grandma can’t speak, eat solid food, or use the bathroom by

herself - just how babies can’t. Even though my grandma can’t say anything, I know she hates

being in this situation right now. I know it’s hurting her to see everyone having to adjust their

schedules to come take care of her. Before her stroke, she was already telling everyone that she’s

been ready to go for a while now.

Since this situation occurred, I’ve been questioning how I’ve been feeling, thinking and

acting lately. Am I selfish for thinking it would’ve been easier if she just went peacefully? Does

it make me a bad granddaughter for not feeling comfortable to help clean her? I’ve been trying to

avoid helping out as much as I can, leaving it up to my mom and her siblings to deal with my

grandma. Maybe it’s because I’m still having trouble accepting things for how they are. Maybe

it’s because I’m just that terrible. My grandma gave me the world; I will always acknowledge

and be grateful for that. Granted, I have willingly helped her out plenty of times before this

situation. It’s just now where I’m really having trouble facing her. It’s been so devastating seeing

her in this physical state - I’ll never be ready to lose her. So why am I being like this?

Conclusion

Reflecting on all of these events has made me realize how far I’ve come. It has also

served as a reminder to not be so hard on myself because I’m human. I’ve made mistakes, and I

will continue to make more in the future. I should be proud of who I’ve become while also
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acknowledging all of the events that allowed me to be this person. It’s nice to see how my

thoughts are finally being written down. This was the first time I’ve openly talked about

everything that’s been on my mind lately. I look forward to being able to add on this story in a

few years.