Transcriber:

Linda
Anderson
Reviewer:
Rebecca
DeHovitz
So,
I
have
a
Facebook
friend
whose
life
seems
perfect.
She
lives
in
gorgeous
house.
And
she
has
really
rewarding
career.
and
her
family
go
on
all
these
exciting
adventures
together
the
weekends.
swear
that
they
must
take
professional
photographer
along
with
them,
(Laughter)
because
no
matter
where
or
what
do,
whole
just
looks
beautiful.
she's
always
posting
about
how
blessed
is,
grateful
is
for
has.
get
feeling
not
saying
those
things
sake
of
Facebook,
but
truly
means
it.
How
many
you
kind
like
that?
don't
person
sometimes?
We
do
this,
right?
It's
hard
to
do.
But
way
thinking
costs
us
something.
that's
want
talk
today--
our
bad
habits
cost
us.
Maybe
you've
scrolled
through
your
feed
think,
"So
if
roll
my
eyes?
five
seconds
time.
could
it
be
hurting
me?"
Well,
researchers
found
envying
friends
actually
leads
depression.
That's
one
traps
minds
can
set
Have
ever
complained
boss?
Or
looked
at
friends'
thought,
"Why
luck?"
You
can't
help
way,
That
small
moment.
In
fact,
might
even
make
feel
better
eating
away
mental
strength.
There's
three
kinds
destructive
beliefs
less
effective,
rob
The
first
unhealthy
ourselves.
tend
sorry
while
it's
OK
sad
when
something
happens,
self-pity
goes
beyond
that.
start
magnify
misfortune.
When
think
like,
happen
"I
shouldn't
deal
it."
keeps
stuck,
focused
problem,
from
finding
solution.
create
solution,
steps
somebody
else's
better.
you're
busy
hosting
own
pity
party.
second
type
belief
holds
back
others.
other
people
control
us,
we
give
power.
as
adults
who
live
free
country,
there's
very
few
So
say,
work
late,"
Yeah,
maybe
there
will
consequences
late,
still
choice.
"My
mother-in-law
drives
me
crazy,"
nicest
earth,
up
respond
her,
control.
third
back,
world.
world
owes
"If
put
enough
work,
then
deserve
success."
expecting
success
fall
into
lap
some
sort
cosmic
reward,
only
lead
disappointment.
know
habits.
rid
we've
carried
around
so
long.
afford
them
up.
Because
sooner
later,
going
hit
time
need
strength
muster.
was
23
years
old,
thought
had
figured
out.
graduated
grad
school.
landed
big
job
therapist.
got
married.
bought
"This
great!"
"I've
this
incredible
jump
What
wrong?
changed
day
phone
call
sister.
said
mother
unresponsive
she'd
been
taken
hospital.
My
husband
Lincoln
jumped
car
rushed
couldn't
imagine
wrong.
51.
didn't
any
history
health
problems.
hospital,
doctors
explained
brain
aneurysm.
within
24
hours,
mother,
used
wake
morning
saying,
"It's
great
alive,"
passed
away.
news
devastating
me.
close.
As
therapist,
knew
an
intellectual
level
grief.
knowing
it,
doing
two
different
things.
It
took
long
before
felt
healing.
year
anniversary
mother's
death,
called,
invited
basketball
game.
Coincidentally,
being
played
same
auditorium
I'd
last
seen
night
hadn't
since.
wasn't
sure
wanted
back.
talked
ultimately
said,
"Maybe
would
good
honor
memory."
went
friends.
On
drive
home
night,
finally
able
place,
remember
smile,
rather
than
feelings
sadness.
shortly
after
he
well.
A
minutes
collapsed.
ambulance.
His
met
emergency
room.
waited
seemed
forever,
until
doctor
came
taking
out
see
Lincoln,
private
room,
sat
down,
most
adventurous
met,
gone.
time,
he'd
heart
attack.
He
26.
now
myself
26-year-old
widow,
mom.
"How
am
this/"
describe
painful
period
feels
understatement.
during
realized
tough
times,
aren't
enough.
takes
hold
worked
could,
life,
habits,
seem.
Throughout
all,
held
hope
someday
eventually
did.
down
road,
Steve.
fell
love.
remarried.
sold
house
lived
in,
new
house,
area,
job.
almost
quickly
breathed
sigh
relief
over
fresh
had,
Steve's
dad
terminal
cancer.
started
keep
happening?"
losing
loved
ones?"
isn't
fair."
learned
anything,
much
muster,
more
loss.
wrote
list
mentally
strong
read
list.
reminder
done
another,
stuck.
kept
reading
over.
needed
weeks
writing
journey
taught
secret
strong,
Mental
lot
physical
If
physically
you'd
gym
lift
weights.
results,
also
junk
food.
same.
practicing
gratitude.
resenting
success.
No
often
train
differently?
you?
starts
by
countering
about,
healthier
ones.
For
example,
ourselves
mostly
come
we're
uncomfortable
feelings.
Feeling
sad,
hurt,
angry,
scared,
are
uncomfortable.
lengths
avoid
discomfort.
try
escape
although
temporary
distraction,
prolongs
pain.
emotions,
them.
To
let
yourself
move
on.
gain
confidence
ability
Unhealthy
others
compare
people.
they're
either
above
below
feel.
behave.
blame
holding
really,
choices
accept
person,
separate
you.
should
to,
were
yesterday.
deep
fair.
deeds,
we'll
reward.
liberating.
won't
necessarily
rewarded
goodness,
suffered,
doomed
suffering.
doesn't
way.
Your
course
change
world,
believe
once
man
diabetic
years.
referred
him
therapy
starting
affect
his
health.
died
complications
diabetes
young
age,
believed
doomed,
given
trying
manage
blood
sugar
altogether.
gotten
high
lately,
vision.
driver's
license
shrinking.
office,
clear
sugar.
worth
effort.
eventually,
agreed
change.
"I'll
liter-a-day
Pepsi
habit,
I'll
trade
Diet
Pepsi."
numbers
improve.
though
every
week
remind
horrible
tasted,
stuck
little
bit
improvement,
"Well,
look
habits."
nightly
bowl
ice
cream
snack
sugar."
thrift
store
friends,
beat-up
old
exercise
bike.
couple
bucks,
brought
home,
parked
front
TV.
pedal
watch
favorite
shows
night.
did
lose
weight,
day,
noticed
TV
clearly
before.
suddenly
occurred
him,
damage
eyesight
permanent.
goal
himself--
forward,
fire.
By
end
together,
coming
"OK,
week?"
step.
invite
consider
back?
keeping
be?
step
today?
Right
here,
right
now.
Thank
(Applause)