Democratic notions

The tide is beginning to turn in the world social order. Traditional family roles are
changing as democratic notions creep into the social system. Earlier, it was assumed
to be written in stone that the man was the provider in the family and the woman the
homemaker. In India, while a majority of the women may still be fighting against the
old order, some have definitely seen the light at the end of the tunnel. And it is not
just because women are beginning to realize that there is a world outside their
kitchen windows. Women are also turning out in large numbers in the work force due
to economic necessity.

But as in the case of every social change, there is a lag between actions and
attitudes. While people may be willing to accept the idea of career women, they are
not willing to excuse them from their duties as career moms. The attitude towards
working women seems to be that while people have no objection to availing of their
talents and abilities outside the home, women are not allowed to compromise on
home life. And if they do, they should be made to feel the error of their ways. In the
first place, the term 'working mother' is a misnomer as mothers are working round
the clock even if they don't go to an office. Being a working mother is not the easiest
job in the world. Some women are good at it, some don't have a choice, some
choose a middle path and some don't even try it. The point is that it is the women
who should have the right to exercise the option to work or not to work, assuming
that they have one. And if they do elect to pursue a career, it is important that their
families be supportive.

Making the decision

Mothers who have a choice whether to work or not to work have to consider many
things before they take the decision. First of all, they need to be clear about their
priorities. Does the baby and family come first or is a career and financial security of
greater importance? They also have to decide whether they would be happy having
servants or other family members look after their children. They need to realize that
by taking the decision to work, they will probably miss out on all the major milestones
of their babies' lives. Mothers need to remember that a job can be very demanding
not only in terms of time, but also energy. Women spread themselves really thin
trying to juggle work life and home life. They will have to consider the stress factor of
the job because it is not easy to cope with the pressures of a high-stress job and the
demands of a baby. Women should also discuss their decision to work or not with
their spouses because they will need their support. It may help to find a job that has
flexi-hours. It will make it easier for mothers to be able to stay home on days when
there is no other caretaker for the baby or to leave early if there is an emergency.

Sushmita Roy gave up a lucrative career as a management consultant with a

multinational and started her own web design firm so that she could work from home.
She says, "After Tara was born, I decided that I couldn't go back to working at a job
with such long and erratic hours. I didn't want to miss out on any special moments in
my daughter's life. But at the same time, I didn't want to be a full-time mother
because I really enjoyed working. Working from home was the only option."
Some women have no choice. Veena Marathe had to start working because she and
her husband realized that his salary would not be enough to live on once the baby
arrived. Veena started working as a receptionist when her baby was one year old.
She says. "I felt terrible leaving my baby at such a young age, but I had no choice.
It's not easy being a working mother. I come home tired from work and I have to look
after the baby and cook and clean. I get so irritated with my husband and I have
even begun to resent the baby's demands and I know it's because I'm so tired. To
make things worse, I don't like my job. I'm just doing it for the money. "

Suhasini Mehta dreams of becoming a partner in the law firm she works for. She
says, "My job is high-stress and I have to work long hours, but I am determined to
make it to the top. I live with my in-laws and both they and my husband are very
supportive. I know that my in-laws will take good care of my daughter so I can work
with a clear conscience."