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Act 2, Scene 3

Original Text Modern Text

Enter BENEDICK BENEDICK enters.
BENEDICK BENEDICK
Boy! Boy!
Enter BOY A BOY enters.
BOY BOY
Signior? Yes Signior?
BENEDICK
BENEDICK
In my chamber window lies a
In my bedroom window there is a book. Go get it and bring it to me here in the
book. Bring it hither to me in
orchard.
the orchard.
BOY BOY
5 I am here already, sir. I’m already here, sir.
BENEDICK
BENEDICK
I know that, but I would have
I see that you are here, but I’d like you to go there and then come back again.
thee hence and here again.
Exit BOY The BOY exits.
I do much wonder that one
man, seeing how much another
man is a fool when he dedicates
his behaviors to love, will,
after he hath laughed at such
shallow follies in others,
become the argument of his
own scorn by falling in love—
and such a man is Claudio. I
have known when there was no I’m amazed that a man, after watching romance turn another man into a fool
music with him but the drum and laughing at that man, can turn right around and become the thing he’s
10
and the fife, and now had he scorned. That’s the kind of man Claudio is. I knew him when he listened to
rather hear the tabor and the nothing but the military drum and fife; now he would rather hear the sweet and
pipe. I have known when he refined music of the tabor and pipe. I knew him when he would’ve walked ten
would have walked ten mile miles to see a well-crafted suit of armor; now he spends ten nights awake in his
afoot to see a good armor, and room designing himself a fancy new jacket. He used to speak plainly and to the
15
now will he lie ten nights point, like an honorable man and soldier; now his speech is elaborate and
awake carving the fashion of a flowery. His words are like a miraculous banquet, full of strange new dishes.
new Will I be changed like that, and see the world through a lover’s eyes? I’m not
doublet. He was wont to speak sure, but I don’t think so.
plain and to the purpose,
20
like an honest man and a
soldier, and now is he turned
orthography; his words are a
very fantastical banquet, just
so many strange dishes. May I
be so converted and see with
these eyes? I cannot tell; I think
not.
Act 2, Scene 3, Page 2

Original Text Modern Text

I will not be sworn but love may
transform me to an oyster,
but I’ll take my oath on it, till he
have made an oyster of me,
he shall never make me such a
fool. One woman is fair, yet
I am well; another is wise, yet I I can’t promise that love won’t transform me, but I can promise you this: until I
am well; another virtuous, truly fall in love, a woman will never make me act like such a fool. A beautiful
yet I am well; but till all graces woman comes along, but I’m unmoved. A wise woman turns up, but I’m
be in one woman, one unmoved. A virtuous woman appears, but I’m unmoved. I refuse to fall in love
25 woman shall not come in my until all three qualities unite in a single woman. She must be rich, certainly, and
grace. Rich she shall be, that’s smart, or I’ll have nothing to do with her. She has to be virtuous, or I’ll never bid
certain; wise, or I’ll none; on her; beautiful, or I won’t bother to look at her. Mild-mannered, or else she
virtuous, or I’ll never cheapen should stay away from me. Noble, or I won’t have her even if she’s an angel.
her; fair, or I’ll ever look on her; She must be well spoken, an excellent musician, and her hair should be—well, I
30 mild, or come not near suppose the color doesn’t matter. Ha! Look, it’s the Prince and Mr. Love. I’ll
me; noble, or not I for an angel; hide in the arbor.
of good discourse, an
excellent musician, and her hair
shall be of what color it
please God. Ha! The Prince and
Monsieur Love! I will hide
me in the arbor.
He hides He hides.
Enter DON
PEDRO,CLAUDIO, and DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO enter. BALTHASAR enters with
LEONATO, music.
andBALTHASAR with music
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
Come, shall we hear this music? Well, should we hear some music?
CLAUDIO
Yea, my good lord. How still CLAUDIO
the evening is, Yes, my lord. Listen to how quiet the evening is, as if it’s purposefully setting
35 As hushed on purpose to grace the stage for a song.
harmony!
DON PEDRO
DON PEDRO
(aside to CLAUDIO)
(speaking so that only CLAUDIOcan hear) Do you see where Benedick is
See you where Benedick hath
hiding?
hid himself?
CLAUDIO
(aside to DON PEDRO)
CLAUDIO
O, very well, my lord. The
(speaking so that only DON PEDROcan hear) Yes, very well, my lord. Once the
music ended,
music has ended, we’ll give him more than he bargained for.
40 We’ll fit the kid-fox with a
pennyworth.
DON PEDRO
DON PEDRO
Come on, Balthasar, let’s hear that song again.
Come, Balthasar, we’ll hear that
song again.
Original Text

Modern Text

BALTHASAR
O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice
To slander music anymore than once.
BALTHASAR
Oh, my good lord, don’t make me insult music again with my awful singing.

45
DON PEDRO
It is the witness still of excellency
To put a strange face on his own perfection.
I pray thee, sing, and let me woo no more.
DON PEDRO
You can tell an artist is excellent when he denies his own perfection. Please, sing for us; don’t make me woo you
anymore!

50 BALTHASAR
Because you talk of wooing, I will sing,
Since many a wooer doth commence his suit
To her he thinks not worthy, yet he woos,
Yet will he swear he loves.
BALTHASAR
Since you put it that way, I’ll sing. You’re like a suitor who courts a woman insincerely, swearing that he loves her
even though he really doesn’t find her worthy.

DON PEDRO
    Nay, pray thee, come,
Or, if thou wilt hold longer argument,
Do it in notes.
DON PEDRO
Come on, please sing. If you’d like to continue this discussion, at least do so with music.

BALTHASAR
   Note this before my notes:
There’s not a note of mine that’s worth the noting.
BALTHASAR
Just know this before I begin: I can’t play a single note that’s worthy of note.

55 DON PEDRO
Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks!
Note notes, forsooth, and nothing.
DON PEDRO
Listen to him speaking in quarter notes! Get on with your note-playing now.
Music plays
Music plays.

BENEDICK
(aside) Now, divine air! Now is his soul ravished. Is it not
strange that sheeps' guts should hale souls out of men’s
bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when all’s done.
BENEDICK
(to himself) That music must be divine, because their souls have been captivated. Isn’t it strange that strings made of
sheep’s guts are capable of drawing men’s souls out of their bodies? Well, I’d rather listen to a plain old hunting
horn than this music, when all is said and done.

Original Text

Modern Text

BALTHASAR
(singing)
 Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
 Men were deceivers ever,
 One foot in sea and one on shore,
 To one thing constant never.
 Then sigh not so, but let them go,
 And be you blithe and bonny,
 Converting all your sounds of woe
 Into Hey, nonny nonny.
 Sing no more ditties, sing no mo
 Of dumps so dull and heavy.
 The fraud of men was ever so,
 Since summer first was leavy.
 Then sigh not so, but let them go
 And be you blithe and bonny,
 Converting all your sounds of woe
 Into Hey, nonny nonny.
BALTHASAR
(singing)
 Don’t cry anymore, ladies, don’t cry anymore
 Men have always been deceivers,
 One foot on a ship and one on the shore,
 Never devoted to anything.
 So don’t cry like that, just let them go
 And be happy and carefree forever,
 Turning all your sad sounds around
 When you sing “Hey, nonny nonny” instead.
 Don’t sing more sad songs
 About being down in the dumps
 For men have been committing this kind of fraud
 Ever since the first summer trees had leaves.
 So don’t cry like that, just let them go
 And be happy and carefree forever,
 Turning all your sad sounds around
 When you sing “Hey, nonny nonny” instead.

60 DON PEDRO
By my troth, a good song.
DON PEDRO
That’s a good song.

BALTHASAR
And an ill singer, my lord.
BALTHASAR
And a bad singer, my lord.

DON PEDRO
Ha, no, no, faith, thou sing’st well enough for a shift.
DON PEDRO
Ha! No, no, really, your voice is good enough in a pinch.

65
BENEDICK
(aside) An he had been a dog that should have howled thus,
they would have hanged him. And I pray God his bad voice
bode no mischief. I had as lief have heard the night raven,
come what plague could have come after it.
BENEDICK
(to himself) If a dog had howled like that, I would have hung it. I hope his horrible singing doesn’t have any ill
effects. I would’ve rather listened to the night raven screech, even if the bird’s noise does give me the plague, as
they say it will.

DON PEDRO
Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee, get us
some excellent music, for tomorrow night we would have it
at the Lady Hero’s chamber window
DON PEDRO
Yes, do you hear me, Balthasar? Please, get some excellent music, because tomorrow we want to serenade Lady
Hero at her bedroom window.

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Modern Text

70 BALTHASAR
The best I can, my lord.
BALTHASAR
I’ll do the best I can, my lord.

DON PEDRO
Do so. Farewell.
DON PEDRO
Please do. Goodbye.
Exit BALTHASAR
BALTHASAR exits.

Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of today,

that your niece Beatrice was in love with Signor Benedick?
Come here, Leonato. What was it that you told me today—that your niece Beatrice was in love with Signior
Benedick?

75
CLAUDIO
Oh, ay. (aside to DON PEDRO) Stalk on, stalk on; the fowl
sits.—I did never think that lady would have loved any
man.
CLAUDIO
Oh yes. (speaking so that only DON PEDRO can hear) Go on, keep walking: our prey is in sight.—I never thought
that woman would love any man.

LEONATO
No, nor I neither, but most wonderful that she should so
dote on Signor Benedick, whom she hath in all outward
behaviors seemed ever to abhor.
LEONATO
I didn’t, either. But how wonderful that she should be so fond of Signior Benedick, whom she has always appeared
to hate.

80 BENEDICK
(aside) Is ’t possible? Sits the wind in that corner?
BENEDICK
(to himself) Is it possible? Is that the way the wind is blowing?
LEONATO
By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think of it, but
that she loves him with an enraged affection, it is past the
infinite of thought.
LEONATO
Really, my lord, I don’t know what to make of it, but she loves him with such a passion that it’s past all
understanding.

DON PEDRO
May be she doth but counterfeit.
DON PEDRO
Maybe she’s just pretending.

85 CLAUDIO
Faith, like enough.
CLAUDIO
Yes, that’s quite likely.

LEONATO
O God! Counterfeit? There was never counterfeit of
passion came so near the life of passion as she discovers it.
LEONATO
Oh God! Pretending? No one has ever faked passion as skillfully as this, then.

DON PEDRO
Why, what effects of passion shows she?
DON PEDRO
Why, what symptoms of love does she exhibit?

CLAUDIO
(aside to LEONATO) Bait the hook well; this fish will bite.
CLAUDIO
(speaking so that only LEONATOcan hear) Bait the hook well; this fish is going to bite.

Act 2, Scene 3, Page 6

Original Text Modern Text

LEONATO
LEONATO
What effects, my lord? She will sit you—
What symptoms, my lord? She will have a seat—you heard my daughter tell
90 you heard my
you how.
daughter tell you how.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
She did indeed. Yes, she did tell us.
DON PEDRO
How, how I pray you? You amaze me. I DON PEDRO
would have thought Please, please tell me! This is amazing. I would have thought she was
her spirit had been invincible against all invincible against any assault of love.
assaults of affection.
LEONATO LEONATO
 I would have sworn it had, my lord,
95 especially against I would have sworn that, too, my lord, especially against Benedick.
Benedick.
BENEDICK
(aside) I should think this a gull but that
BENEDICK
the white-bearded
(to himself) I would take this as a joke if the old man weren’t saying it.
fellow speaks it. Knavery cannot, sure,
Mischief surely can’t be hiding in such a respectable man.
hide himself in such
reverence.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
(aside to DON PEDRO) He hath ta'en th' (speaking so that only DON PEDROcan hear) We’ve infected him! Keep it
100
infection. Hold it up. up.
DON PEDRO
DON PEDRO
Hath she made her affection known to
Has she told Benedick how she feels?
Benedick?
LEONATO
LEONATO
No, and swears she never will. That’s her
No, and she swears she never will. That’s what’s driving her crazy.
torment.
CLAUDIO
'Tis true indeed, so your daughter says.
CLAUDIO
“Shall I,” says she,
It’s true, Hero says so. Beatrice asks, “Does it make any sense to write and tell
“that have so oft encountered him with
him I love him when I have always treated him with scorn?”
105 scorn, write to him
that I love him?”
LEONATO
This says she now when she is beginning
to write to him, for LEONATO
she’ll be up twenty times a night, and there She says this as she begins to write the letter. She’ll be getting up twenty times
will she sit in her in a night, sitting there in her slip until she’s written a page. My daughter told
smock till she have writ a sheet of paper. me everything.
My daughter tells
us all.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I Now that you speak of paper, I remember a funny story of Hero’s.
110 remember a pretty jest
your daughter told.

Act 2, Scene 3, Page 7

Original Text Modern Text

LEONATO
Oh, when she had writ it
and was reading it over, LEONATO
she found Oh, you mean when Beatrice writes a letter and Hero sees that it has “Benedick” and
“Benedick” and “Beatrice” written all over it?
“Beatrice” between the
sheet?
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
That. Yes, that’s the one.
LEONATO LEONATO
 O, she tore the letter into
a thousand halfpence,
railed at
herself that she should
be so immodest to write
115 to one that Oh, she tears that letter into a thousand small pieces and berates herself for being so
she knew would flout forward as to write a letter to a man she knows would mock her. “I compare him,” she
her. “I measure him,” says, “to myself, and I know that I would mock him if he wrote me such a letter. Yes,
says she, “by even though I love him, I would mock him.”
my own spirit, for I
should flout him if he
writ to me, yea,
though I love him, I
should.”
CLAUDIO
Then down upon her
knees she falls, weeps,
CLAUDIO
sobs, beats her
120 Then she falls down to her knees, weeps, sobs, beats her breast, tears her hair, prays,
heart, tears her hair,
and curses: “Oh sweet Benedick! God give me patience!”
prays, curses: “O sweet
Benedick! God
give me patience!”
LEONATO
She doth indeed, my
daughter says so, and
the ecstasy hath
so much overborne her LEONATO
that my daughter is She did indeed, my daughter says so. She worries that Beatrice is so overwrought that
sometime she might do herself harm someday. It’s true.
125
afeared
she will do a desperate
outrage to herself. It is
very true.
DON PEDRO
It were good that
DON PEDRO
Benedick knew of it by
If she won’t tell Benedick, someone else should.
some other, if she
will not discover it.
CLAUDIO
To what end? He would CLAUDIO
make but a sport of it And what would that accomplish? He’ll just turn it into a joke and torment the poor
130 and torment woman even more.
the poor lady worse.
DON PEDRO
An he should, it were an
alms to hang him. She’s
DON PEDRO
an
If he did that, it would be a charitable deed to hang him. She’s an excellent, sweet
excellent sweet lady,
woman, and there’s no doubt that she is virtuous.
and, out of all suspicion,
she is
virtuous.
CLAUDIO
CLAUDIO
And she is exceeding
And she is very smart.
wise.
DON PEDRO DON PEDRO
 In every thing but in
135 Except for the fact that she loves Benedick.
loving Benedick.

Act 2, Scene 3, Page 8

Original Text Modern Text

LEONATO
Oh, my lord, wisdom and
blood combating in so tender
a
LEONATO
body, we have ten proofs to
Oh, my lord, when wisdom and passion are in one body, it’s ten to one that the
one that blood hath the
passion will win. I am sorry for her, as I should be, since I am both her uncle and
victory.
her guardian.
I am sorry for her, as I have
just cause, being her uncle
and
her guardian.
DON PEDRO
I would she had bestowed
this dotage on me. I would DON PEDRO
have I wish she were in love with me instead. I would have thrown away all other
140
daffed all other respects and considerations and made her my wife. Please, tell Benedick about her feelings and
made her half myself. I pray see what he has to say.
you tell Benedick of it and
hear what he will say.
LEONATO LEONATO
Were it good, think you? Is that a good idea, do you think?
CLAUDIO
Hero thinks surely she will
die, for she says she will die
if he CLAUDIO
love her not, and she will die Hero thinks Beatrice will surely die, for she says she’ll die if he doesn’t love her,
145 ere she make her love known, and that she’ll die before she tells him, and she’ll die if he woos her and she’s
and she will die if he woo her made to hold back even one of her usual insults.
rather than she will bate one
breath of her accustomed
crossness.
DON PEDRO
She doth well. If she should
DON PEDRO
make tender of her love, ’tis
She’s probably right. If she offers him her love, it’s very possible that he’ll scorn
very possible he’ll scorn it,
it, since, as we all know, he tends to be contemptuous.
150 for the man, as you know all,
hath a contemptible spirit.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
He is a very proper man. He’s a very proper man.
DON PEDRO
DON PEDRO
He hath indeed a good
Indeed, he is good-looking and carries himself well.
outward happiness.
CLAUDIO
CLAUDIO
Before God, and in my mind,
And I swear to God he’s very smart.
very wise.
 DON PEDRO
DON PEDRO
He doth indeed show some
He does indeed show sparks of something like wit.
sparks that are like wit.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
155 And I take him to be valiant. And I believe him to be brave.
DON PEDRO
As Hector, I assure you, and
in the managing of quarrels
you may say he is wise, for DON PEDRO
either he avoids them with As brave as Hector, surely. And you could say that he is wise in managing fights,
great for he either avoids them discreetly or enters into them timidly.
discretion or undertakes them
with a most Christian-like
fear.

Act 2, Scene 3, Page 9

Original Text Modern Text

LEONATO
If he do fear God, he must necessarily keep peace.
LEONATO
If he
160 If he fears God, he must necessarily keep the peace. If he breaks the peace, he
break the peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel
enter into a quarrel with fear and trembling.
with fear
and trembling.
DON PEDRO
And so will he do, for the man doth fear God,
howsoever it DON PEDRO
seems not in him by some large jests he will make. And he’ll do that, because he’s a God-fearing man, even though his joking ma
Well, I seem otherwise. Well, I’m sorry for your niece. Should we go find Benedick a
165 am sorry for your niece. Shall we go seek Benedick him about Beatrice’s love?
and tell
him of her love?
CLAUDIO
Never tell him, my lord, let her wear it out with CLAUDIO
good No, don’t ever tell him, my lord. Let her get over it, with the help of good adv
counsel.
LEONATO
LEONATO
Nay, that’s impossible. She may wear her heart out
No, that’s impossible. Her heart will break first.
first.
DON PEDRO
Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter.
Let it cool DON PEDRO
170 the while. I love Benedick well, and I could wish he Well, we’ll hear more about it from your daughter. Let it sit for a while. I am
would of Benedick, and I just wish he would take a look at himself and realize how u
modestly examine himself to see how much he is he’s treating this good woman.
unworthy
so good a lady.
LEONATO LEONATO
My lord, will you walk? Dinner is ready. My lord, will you come with me? Dinner is ready.
CLAUDIO CLAUDIO
175 (aside to DON PEDRO and LEONATO) If he do (speaking so that only DON PEDROand LEONATO can hear) If he doesn’t f
 not dote on her
with her now, I’ll never trust my intuition again.
upon this, I will never trust my expectation.
DON PEDRO
(aside to LEONATO) Let there be the same net
spread for her,
DON PEDRO
and that must your daughter and her gentlewomen
(speaking so that only LEONATOcan hear) The same trap must be set for her
carry.
your daughter’s and servants' job. The real fun will be when they both believe
The sport will be when they hold one an opinion of
to be in love, without any of it being true. I can’t wait to watch that drama—it
another’s dotage, and no such matter. That’s the
180 pantomime, since both of them will be totally speechless! Let’s send Beatrice
scene that
Benedick in to dinner
I would see, which will be merely a dumb show.
Let us send
her to call him in to dinner.

Act 2, Scene 3, Page 10

Original Text Modern Text

BENEDICK BENEDICK
(coming forward) This (coming forward) This can’t be a trick. They spoke with great seriousness, and they have
can be no trick. The Hero’s testimony. They seem to pity the lady. It seems her love is stretched to the limit.
185 conference was She loves me? Well, that love must be returned! I hear how I’m criticized. They say I’ll
sadly borne; they have be smug if I find out she loves me. They also say she’d rather die than give any sign of
the truth of this from her feelings. I never thought I’d marry. I can’t appear to be proud. People who discover
Hero; they their faults and can then change them are lucky indeed. They say the lady is beautiful;
seem to pity the lady. it’s true, I’ve seen it myself. And virtuous; that’s true, I can’t disprove that. And smart,
190 It seems her affections except that she loves me. That may not be any proof of her intelligence, but I swear it
have their full won’t be evidence of her stupidity—for I’m going to be horribly in love with her! People
bent. Love me? Why, might tease me here and there, since I attacked marriage for so long. But don’t tastes
it must be requited! I change? A man can love a dish when he is young that he hates when he turns old. Will
hear how I am quips and clever remarks and scathing written words keep a man from getting what his
195 censured. They sy I heart desires? No! The world needs to be populated. When I said that I’d die as a
will bear myself bachelor, I just meant that I didn’t think I’d live until I got married. Here comes Beatrice.
proudly if I perceive By God! She’s a beautiful lady. I think I sense some signs of love in her.
the love come from
her. They say, too,
200 that she will rather
die than give any sign
of affection. I did
never think to
marry. I must not
205 seem proud. Happy
are they that hear
their detractions and
can put them to
mending. They say
the lady is fair; ’tis a
truth, I can bear them
witness. And
virtuous; ’tis so, I
cannot reprove it. And
wise, but for
loving me; by my
 troth, it is no addition
to her wit, nor no
great argument of her
folly, for I will be
horribly in love
with her! I may
chance have some odd
quirks and remnants
of wit broken on me
because I have railed
so long against
marriage, but doth not
the appetite alter? A
man loves the
meat in his youth that
he cannot endure in
his age. Shall
quips and sentences
and these paper bullets
of the
brain awe a man from
the career of his
humor?
No! The world must
be peopled. When I
said I would die a
bachelor, I did not
think I should live till
I were married.
Here comes Beatrice.
By this day, she’s a
fair lady. I do spy
some marks of love in
her.
Enter BEATRICE BEATRICE enters.
BEATRICE
Against my will, I am BEATRICE
sent to bid you come Against my will, I’ve been told to bring you in to dinner.
in to dinner.
BENEDICK
BENEDICK
Fair Beatrice, I thank
Lovely Beatrice, I thank you for taking the pains to tell me that.
you for your pains.

Act 2, Scene 3, Page 11

Original Text Modern Text

BEATRICE BEATRICE
I took no more pains I didn’t take any more pains bringing this message than you took pains in thanking me. If
for those thanks than the job had been painful, I would not have come.
you take pains to
thank me. If it had
 been painful, I would
not have come.
BENEDICK
BENEDICK
You take pleasure then
210 So you took pleasure in bringing me this message?
in the message?
BEATRICE
Yea, just so much as
you may take upon a
BEATRICE
knife’s point and
Yes, as much pleasure as one might take in choking a bird at knifepoint. You don’t want
choke a daw withal.
to eat, sir? Goodbye, then.
You have no stomach,
Signior. Fare you
well.
Exit She exits.
BENEDICK
Ha! “Against my will I
am sent to bid you
come in to
dinner.” There’s a
double meaning in
that. “I took no more
BENEDICK
pains for those thanks
Ha! “Against my will, I’ve been told to bring you in to dinner.” There’s a double
215 than you took pains to meaning in that. “I didn’t take any more pains bringing this message than you took pains
thank me.”
in thanking me.” That’s like saying, “Any thing I do for you is as easy as saying ‘thank
That’s as much as to
you.’” If this doesn’t move me to take pity on her, I’m a horrible person. If I don’t love
say, “Any pains that I
her, I’m completely hard-hearted. I will go get her picture.
take for you is as
easy as thanks.” If I do
not take pity of her, I
am a villain.
If I do not love her, I
am a Jew. I will go get
her picture.
Exit He exits.