Fantastic Failure Lab - Perspective video

By Aila Kubat, 400107, ICV2B

‘Life is about perspective, it’s neither all good nor all bad. Failure sucks, but it shouldn’t
control you, it’s what you do with it that makes a difference”. This is how I ended my video
presentation on my exploration of my relationship with failure, and with it the end of the
Fantastic Failure Lab. However, I can imagine that it needs some elaboration.

To start off, I want to point out one aspect which comes back a couple of times in the video
‘this isn’t a story of recovery or motivation, this is a story about reality and realizations.
When I was writing the text and the video concept, I caught myself more than ones trying to
make my relationship with failure look like it’s something that I’ve recovered from and could
motivate others to do too. However, I realized every time that this was far from the truth.
The Fantastic Failure Lab hasn’t helped me recover from the way failing makes me feel and
how I deal with it. This lab has shown me the reality of my relationship with failure and
helped me realize that it hasn’t always been healthy.

‘Fight, flight, hide’ these three coping mechanisms have played their role in my life and my
relationship with failure. The video only scratched the surface on what has happened in my
life so far and how these coping mechanisms have played their role in each of their periods
in my life. But I was not comfortable to mention more than I did.

Furthermore, I didn’t want this video presentation to be simply my story, I wanted it to be

more than that. So, I sat down and looked at my journal for this lab and my diary in which I
have been writing for some years now. I discovered something while reading these two
notebooks: for each failure, or bad memory I made it a habit to create something I could
celebrate or be happy about. It’s like unconsciously I was trying to create a balance in these
books. It’s that same balance that I wanted to implement in my video.

That’s when I started to ask my friends and my family for videos, they had of times in which
they remembered me being happy. I collected them and put them together, to create the
video that could be seen on my laptop next to the text. Because ‘while I was talking about
fear and failure, a video of happy things in my life played alongside it. I wanted to show you
that life is about perspective, it’s neither all good nor all bad.’

I added the entire text of the video on the second page.

This isn’t a story of recovery or motivation, 
This is a story about reality and realizations
Because failure has many faces in my story. Many names. 
Many painful consequences for which only I am to blame. 
My journey with failure lies in fear. Because there isn’t a day that goes by in which I am not
afraid to fail.
Afraid to fail in school, in my friendships, in my relationships, my life. 
But most of all I’m afraid of my failure resulting in loss. 

This isn’t a story of recovery or motivation. 

This is a story about reality and realizations
Fight, Flight, Hide. I’ve done them all, and in that exact order. 
When I was in primary school kids would call me names because my parents were from
another country, 
I used to fight back and stand up for myself but that only got me in trouble with teachers,
because the blonde Dutch girl couldn’t possibly be at fault. 
So, I failed to fight. 

Now in High school, I used to run from confrontations, but in school there’s really nowhere

to run to. 
So, I failed at flight. 

Now that fighting and running from my fears has failed, I am at the last stage, ‘hiding’ 

and let’s be honest this pandemic has presented me with the perfect excuse to hide out. 
But the thing is deep down, I don’t want to. 

Fear and failure
It turns out they aren’t my enemy
They are a part of me
A part that I don’t like and never asked for
And I’d love to say that they don’t control me anymore
But they do, and I’m working on it

So, this isn’t a story of recovery or motivation

This is a story about reality and realizations

But life isn’t just about fear and failure

The video that was playing on my laptop is a collection of things that make me happy. 
While I was talking about fear and failure, a video of happy things in my life played alongside
it. I wanted to show you that life is about perspective, it’s neither all good nor all bad. Failure
sucks but it shouldn’t control you, it’s what you do with it that makes a difference.