Pause eBook Summary

Harnessing the Life-Changing Power

of Giving Yourself a Break
Rachael O'Meara
Perigee, 2017

Qualities

• Innovative
• Well Structured
• Inspiring

Page 1 of 8
Recommendation
Executive coach Rachael O’Meara calls any break a “pause,” whether it’s a 30-second
breathing exercise, a few vacation days, or a multiyear exploration of your inner self or
the world around you. She covers important territory and refers to scientific evidence to
demonstrate that a pause really does refresh. O’Meara’s pithy insights and advice will
give a boost to anyone new to – or in serious need of – taking a break from an otherwise
hectic daily life.

Take-Aways
• A “pause” can be a 30-second breathing break, a two-year exploration of the
planet or any sojourn in between.
• You may need a pause if you hate your job or if you’re addicted to your devices.
• Don’t let fears or money stop you. When you pause, you invest in your future and
wellness.
• Plan your pause. Leave openings for the unexpected and spontaneous. Learn
about your strengths and passions.
• Use the “TASER technique” to clear your mind.
• Consider 11 ways to create your best pause.
• Focus on the quality of your pause, not its length.
• Long pauses require more planning but can change your life.
• When coming off a long pause, give yourself time to adjust.
• Make pausing a habit, and reject obsolete, negative thinking.

Summary
A “pause” can be a 30-second breathing break, a two-year exploration of the
planet or any sojourn in between.

Rachael O’Meara enjoyed success in her life and at work before she became a customer
support team manager at Google, when she “hit a wall” and floundered. Poor
performance reviews – one after the other – led to an ultimatum from her boss: Join a
performance improvement program – and likely lose her job anyway – or take on a
different assignment at Google.

“Pausing is an opportunity to shift what isn’t working for you and take personal
responsibility, without jumping into the next activity, role or job and repeating your
pattern all over again.”

Page 2 of 8
O’Meara checked her savings account and thought of a third option – a pause. She asked
for a 90-day, unpaid leave of absence, stipulating that she would give up her current job,
move her replacement through the transition stage and take a new assignment on her
return. Her boss agreed, and O’Meara’s adventure began. She took what she calls an
“extended pause,” ultimately staying away 60 days, before returning to Google.

A pause is “any intentional shift in behavior that allows you space to experience a
mental shift and attitude, thoughts or emotions that otherwise would not have
occurred.”
One way to take a pause is by meditating: Take a deep breath. As you inhale, say, “I am
present.” As you exhale, say, “I listen to my inner voice to truly know what’s best for
me.” Do this for 30 seconds while listening to your body and your emotions. Then spend
three to five minutes recording your thoughts in a journal.

You may need a pause if you hate your job or if you’re addicted to your
devices.

You might need a pause if:

• You don’t love your job – For no discernible reason, perhaps you don’t love it
as much as you used to, or perhaps your performance decline makes you feel bad
about yourself.
• The boss notices – Your supervisor tells you that you’re a poor fit for your job.
• You say “what if” a lot – Pause to explore any “what if”. Think about the
signals you receive; ask what they’re telling you.
• You’re in a “major life event” – Consider using it to pause, reflect and learn
what you want to do with the rest of your career or your life.

“When you do allow yourself the time to pause, even if it’s for one breath, you create
the opportunity for a new thought, emotion, yearning or behavior to emerge.”
Disconnect from your devices frequently to resist their attraction and addictive qualities.
Stop using devices as substitutes for fulfilling your deep desires – such as finding love
and meaning. Internet surfing, TV, shopping, texting, and other trivialities comprise
what life coach Judith Wright calls “soft addictions” in her book The Soft Addiction
Solution. They are a poor substitute for the real thing. Recognize your true yearnings
and fulfill them.

“Every time you pause, your potential energy can be restored.”

Resist the temptation to check emails or texts in social situations. Overcome your
compulsion by keeping your devices out of your bedroom. Get better rest by putting

Page 3 of 8
them away about 90 minutes before sleep. Ban devices entirely one day each week. Set
aside device-free time every day. Declare one room in your house or apartment a
“device-free zone.” If you can, try to disconnect entirely for a month. If you can’t, try
joining the National Day of Unplugging. On the first weekend of March each year,
disconnect from the internet and your devices, or go all the way and turn off your
electricity entirely.

Don’t let fears or money stop you. When you pause, you invest in your
future and wellness.

To take a break for a few months, you may need to muster incredible courage. You are
about to embark on your “hero’s journey.” Overcome the fear and other emotions you
may feel by reminding yourself that you will emerge from it more fulfilled, having
escaped the conventional life that most people live.

Plan your pause. Leave openings for the unexpected and spontaneous.
Learn about your strengths and passions.

Three steps will get you started:

1. Make a plan – Brainstorm all possible schemes at first. Write them all down.
2. Know what you want – Figure out what you want to gain during your pause.
Record it in a journal – your “personal power tool” through which new ideas will
come to you. Learn about your strengths. The more you spend time doing what you
do best, the happier and more productive you’ll be. Ask others about their
assessment of your strengths.
3. Leave room for possibilities – Make a more complete plan. Leave plenty of
room for the unexpected. Listen to your inner self to know what you want and need
from your break. Imagine “your ideal pause.”

Use the “TASER technique” to clear your mind.

Your subconscious, automatic thinking process handles millions more thoughts every
day than your conscious mind. You must deliberately override it, or it will control you.
You can reprogram your brain through sustained effort – as the field of neuroplasticity
demonstrates. Practice “mental flossing” to stop yourself when you have undesirable,
automatic thoughts such as self-doubt or self-criticism. Turn these notions into
constructive, self-affirming thoughts. Over time, you’ll build new neurological pathways
and will eventually stop hearing outdated, negative messages. Use the TASER technique
to get unwanted thoughts out of your mind by:

Page 4 of 8
 • “Tuning in” – Catch each negative thought as it occurs.
• “Acknowledging” – Accept the thought and realize that it comes from your
past.
• “ Shifting” – Turn your unwanted thought into a good one. For example, turn “I
am not good enough” into “I am good enough.”
• “Expressing” – Say all your confirming messages out loud.
• “Repeating” – Go through this cycle every time you have an unwanted
thought.

Consider 11 ways to create your best pause.

You can maximize your pause by:

1. Structuring – Lay out everyday rules for your pause, like showering, getting
outside, reading and exercising.
2. Taking care of yourself – Get cozy in your pajamas and blanket. Rock back-and-
forth, perhaps holding a stuffed animal. Treat yourself to small comforts.
3. Keeping happy routines and habits – Do things that nourish you – like having
friends over or going for a bike ride. Don’t binge on TV, snacks, alcohol, or the like.
4. Enforcing your own rules – Reward yourself for following your rules; put
negative incentives in place to discourage you from breaking them.
5. Aligning – Make sure what you do next matches what you really want to do.
6. Taking a “pause purpose pledge” – Write down your commitment to learning
and growing during your pause. Sign it. Read it once a day for 30 days.
7. Finding your strengths – Identify and document your strengths; then think
about how you can match them to what you might do next.
8. Experimenting – Try new things related to your strengths, ambitions and
desires.
9. “Saying yes” – Keep an open mind to trying new things, taking risks and pursuing
opportunities you might have otherwise turned down.
10. “Staying present” – Stop living in and worrying about the future. Don’t dwell on
what you’ll do after your pauses. Stay in the moment so you can maximize your
break time.
11. Journaling – Keep a log of your pause and what you’ve learned.

Page 5 of 8
Focus on the quality of your pause, not its length.

Almost anything can constitute a pause, including reading books like this one. Don’t let
money or the lack of it dictate the type or length of your break. Focus on doing it well
and wisely as opposed to aiming for quantity. If you get paid leave, take it. If you have to
use unpaid leave, consider selling some possessions to raise money. Use what you have,
plan accordingly and maximize your time off. Break your routine, and get out of your
everyday environment. You don’t have to travel internationally. Consider taking a week
off to explore your city as a visitor might. Build in plenty of leisure time; use your pause
to get fit and have fun.

Long pauses require more planning but can change your life.

A 2016 WorldatWork survey found that 10% fewer organizations offer sabbaticals now
than did five years earlier. Almost half of those that offer these lengthy but usually
unpaid leaves put restrictions on their use, such as having to pursue relevant education
while on leave. Corporate America appears reluctant to support long pauses. Overcome
this by taking whatever paid leave your employer offers; add your vacation days to take a
longer break. Combine your leave with national holidays to get more time. Ask if you can
work remotely part-time so you can stretch your break. If allowed, tack break days onto
the backs of business trips.

“If you are like the majority who do not get paid to take time off, don’t worry. With a
little planning, you will be on your way to a purposeful pause.”
Figure out what you want to do during your sabbatical – the people and places you want
to visit and the activities you want to pursue. Use the time to slow down and connect.
Get in touch with old friends, reflect on your life, consider journaling and building your
emotional intelligence. If you travel, do so like a local resident of the places you visit to
experience new perspectives.

“Your plan does not need to be specific or detailed. It is better to leave it somewhat
vague and open.”
To be creative and learn, take time to play. Don’t worry that you have no money coming
in while you’re on your pause. Plan ahead and consider it a payment to yourself – a
reward and investment in your well-being and future. If you lost your job, reflect on
what you really want to do in your career, but don’t rush back to work. Connect with
family and friends, write the book you always hoped to create, volunteer for a cause
that’s important to you, or go back to school.

Page 6 of 8
When coming off a long pause, give yourself time to adjust.

Ending your break and returning to your job or other routines might be a shock. Prepare
by “transitioning”: Take a pause from your pause, especially if you took a long break.
Use this time to solidify your learning and new habits so you retain the best of what you
gained from your pause. Leverage what you learned about yourself so you can uncover
what you really want to do next. Remain open and eager to learn. Reject past bad habits,
such as excessive screen time.

“Pausing is one way to allow yourself the space to evaluate your choices and align
with what matters to you. It could be driven by your yearnings or what is most
important.”
Decide whether you will return to the company from which you paused – if that’s an
option – or if you prefer to pursue something else. If you do return, consider whether
you should resume your old position or seek a new one in your company. If neither
works, look for a new employer or start your own business. To look for work, do your
research, prepare, build an online profile – such as on LinkedIn – and remember to
thank anyone and everyone who can help you find a job.

Make pausing a habit, and reject obsolete, negative thinking.

Get in touch with your emotions daily; ideally, several times each day. Stop and consider
what you’re feeling, whether joy, sadness, fear or another core emotion. Experience the
thrill of knowing that you can feel afraid, happy, sad or joyful. You’ll live more in the
moment, you’ll be more grateful and you’ll consider your thoughts before you react to
events.

“Taking a pause isn’t so you can think more. It’s…the exact opposite. It’s the perfect
excuse to step away from your everyday life and not focus on what is ruling your
thoughts.”
Turn any moment into a meditation by thinking consciously about what you’re doing
and feeling. Meditate to gain self-awareness; for example, when you go for a walk, notice
the sky, the sun and the wind. Capture more of the essence of life \by feeling and
appreciating. Practice breathing exercises. Small breaks throughout the day reduce
stress and improve productivity. If you train yourself to pause momentarily and notice
your feelings or the smells and sounds of nature, you can take yourself off autopilot.

“One of the fundamental principles of why we exist as humans is to feel alive through
all our feelings and experiences.”

Page 7 of 8
Incorporate regular pauses into your life to reflect, to live in the moment, and to remain
present with yourself and your goals. Pause every day by slowing down, breathing,
tuning out the internet and email, or going for a walk. Clear your mind so you can hear
the answers you seek.

About the Author

Transformation leadership and executive coach Rachael O’Meara
almost lost her job at Google before she realized she needed a break.

Since then, she’s been thinking, writing and speaking about pauses while
continuing as a sales executive at Google.

Page 8 of 8