As the plane flew lower, Lou saw the golden beaches of the island below.

It was amazing and Lou

wanted to hurry for his holiday. It was the best holiday ever. While they were taking their suitcases, Lou
looked outside from the window. He was interested in swimming in the sea and eating ice cream. After
taking the suitcases they went to their hotel. The hotel room was big enough for all family. Lou said that
he wants to go to the beach. But his mom said they will have dinner, So he couldn't go to sea in first day.
When they had their dinner, the hotel principle said they have concerts. Lou's sister, Jo wanted to go
there. All family enjoyed the concert. When they arrived to hotel room Lou and Jo quickly slept. They
were tired after all day, they have to gain energy for next day. They didn't know that they had to wake
up early, so they slept till 10 a.m. They miss the breakfast. Luckly they had some extra food for flight.
After breakfast Lou and Jo wore their swimsuits, because they were going to the beach! Jo took her
favorite toy and Lou took his dinosaur. Their parents took towels and children sun glasses. While they
were on road Jo saw markets and wanted chocolate. But mom was ready, so she gave a chocolate from
her bag to Jo. They arrived there soon. Dad put the towels on sand and mom gave them suncream. Lou
took his dinasour and Jo took the doll to sea. They enjoyed the sea all day. At 18.00 they had shower at
beach, but with only water, They had to catch up dinner. In the car Lou slept all the way, and Jo kept
playing with dolls loudly while Lou was sleeping. As if that wasn't enough, dad played music on radio!
After all Lou woke up angrily. There was traffic, so they couldn't arrive as soon. But they catched up the
dinner and there was fish. It was Jo's favorite food. But unfortunately, it was Lou's most disliked food.
This day there was a dance competition. It will be in the childrens who stays in this hotel, and who wants
to join. Mom asked to Lou and Jo about the competition. Lou wanted to join, but Jo was shy and cried.
When mom said "If you don't want, you don't have to join honey." Jo stopped crying. Actually, Lou was a
bit scared from dancing but he didn't cried. They said Lou's name to principals and they note it. First,
they called two names and started a song for them, then they voted each competitor out of 10. The
winner of first competition will play in final part. In 3rd line Lou and a girl called Samantha competed.
Samantha was a student in dance course, so Lou thought that he lose. But it didn't happen like that. She
got nervous before dancing so she couldn't dance perfectly and Lou won the 3rd line. In final there were
Lou, Frank and Harley. Frank was the winner, second was Lou and the third one was Harley. Lou just won
earphones from this competition. His parents and Jo hug to him. They arrived hotel and mom wanted
tea from lobby. They all slept and left hotel 12 o'clock on morning.

Lou: It was great and we had lots of fun. I hope to come here next year too!

C:5 CA:4 O:5 L:4

Comments:

A. All content is relevant to the task. Target reader is fully informed.

B. Used the conventions of the communicative task to hold the target reader’s
attention and communicate straightforward ideas, but over generalized your story
within writing extra words. (negative point)
C. Text is generally well organized and coherent, using a variety of linking words
and cohesive devices.
D. Used a range of everyday vocabulary appropriately, with occasional
inappropriate use of less common lexis. However, some errors are noticeable.