Running head: WHO AM I?

Who am I? How did I get where I am? And what shaped me

Abraham Cervantes

Northern Illinois University

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Overview

Ever thought about the question of who am I? What makes me, me? And what makes me

believe the things I do? As a baby or toddler, many learn by watching their parent and at times

are very good at mimicking what they do. If that is how my parents do it, then it must be how I

should do it. By picking up after what we see become part of our personality and the advice we

receive influence us to create our own “assumptions” of the world.

Even as teens our beliefs are made up by someone else’s contribution even though we

can argue that we have independent thoughts. If you grew up in a religious affiliation household,

how did that influence you and your belief system? Did you belong to that religious affiliation by

choice? Or did your parents influence it? Naysayers will say that you choose that affiliation due

to your parents or someone in authority belonged to it.

Purpose

The process of figuring out who you are is a journey that Baxter Magolda refers to “self-

authorship”. In this paper, I will discuss an overview of Baxter Magolda theory on self-

authorship. I will do so by establishing a concrete definition of self-authorship theory and how it

is crucial in understanding how I reached self-authorship. By analyzing my collage, I will

analyze specific artifacts from it and apply the theory of self-authorship.

Theory

To begin, student development looks at students grow and develop during their academic

career during college. This might include how students come about defining the meaning of life.

Self-authorship takes a holistic approach in student development, bringing several factors such as

intellectual, identity and relationship development. Answering the following questions of; how

do I know? Who am I? How do I build relationships with others, Baxter Magolda defined self-
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authorship as “the internal capacity to define one’s beliefs, identity and social relations” (). Self-

authorship takes a holistic approach because it “integrates development in ways of making

meaning of knowledge (cognitive development), relationships with others (interpersonal

development), and sense of self (intrapersonal development)” (Abes and Hernandez, 2016).

Baxter, identified 3 distinct phases in self-authorship:

1. Following external formulas

2. Crossroads (which includes both listening to internal voice and cultivating interval voice)

3. Self-authorship (which includes trusting the internal voice, building an internal

foundation, and securing internal commitments; Pizzolato and Olson 2016)

In the first phase Following External Formulas, the way you see yourself, the relationships

you build and what you believe in is predetermined by an authority figure (i.e. parents, teacher,

guardian). Some students do not self-authorship because the authority figure is strongly present

that they obliged to what is presented to them and believe what is told to them is true. Magolda

states that predominantly White students “recorded knowledge provided by their college

instructors (sometimes literally), chose majors that advisors or parents suggested” (Magolda,

2009). Similar to that “Latino/a participants used external formulas to decide what to believe,

make sense of their ethnic identities, and adopt cultural orientations” (Torres & Hernandez,

2007, p.628).

Young adults enter the second phase of crossroads in different times and vary widely

depending on the individual and different variables attached to them. This phase emerges when

students start listening to their inner voice. Students start to explore and “identifying what made

them happy, examining their own beliefs, finding parts of themselves that were important to

them and establishing a distinction between their feelings and external expectations” (Magolda,
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2009, p.630). This phase students start to see any complications allowing others to determine

who they are and really start to question their persona or integrity. At this point we might

realized that people we cherish or look up to may have distinct differences from you and

acknowledge that it is alright to have different views and differences.

The third phase in self-authorship theory is becoming the author of one’s life. Magolda states

in Activity of Meaning Making that “participants reported as instrumental in their beginning to

trust their internal voices was the distinction between reality and their reaction to it” (p.631). In

this phase, we start to put in place our identity, beliefs and values what makes it real for us. This

is the phase were we are connected to our identity that we know exactly who we are and are

secure. We may not know every single aspect of who we are but we are comfortable enough in

our identity.

My Journey to self-authorship

I grew up in a Hispanic household were the authority figure where my parents. I had a strong

authority figure in which I did not question what was right or what was wrong. I grew up in a

Catholic household. I was told that no other race was superior to Catholicism and I was not to

venture out of my religion. It was embedded in me any other race outside of Catholic was bad.

Even when I was younger I automatically thought everyone was Catholic. I was prematurely

making assumptions that every person I met was Catholic. It happened to be true growing up in a

heavily Hispanic community. It was to my surprised when one day I asked one of my classmates

in fifth grade what religion afflation she belonged to and her answer was something else but

Catholic; I was more than shocked that she did not practice my religion. When I was a kid I was

not able to choose what religion affiliation I wanted to belong to. I belong to this particular

religious affiliation because my parents chose it for me.

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Before, deciding on what institution I wanted to attend my parents kept telling me that I

should choose an institution close to home. American movies had painted a very descriptive

picture of how college was supposed to be. When I was applying to college all I wanted was to

have the same experience like the actors did on those movies. I wanted to experience move in

day and meeting my roommate for the first time yet that dream was taken from me because my

parents decided that I had to choose an institution close to home. My first year at the University

of Illinois at Chicago was nothing like those movies. I was commuting an hour or so back and

fourth each day. I dreaded the fact that I had to commute and wondered what living on campus

was like. Even though I was over age, I was still listening to my parent’s choice of not living on

campus. They had a major weight on what school I wanted to attend. I know I could not attend

an institution that was far because that required me to live on campus. I followed instruction

because one I did not want to disappoint them and two I wanted their approval and that was very

important to me.

After my first year at UIC, I decided that I was going to live on campus. I was in a crossroad

between committing to live on campus or not. I still saw my parents are an authority yet I wanted

to start making my own decisions for once. I was scared to let them know my decision. The

problem associated with my parents making decisions for me was making me question if they

really had the best interest in me. Although, I knew they did I was no longer letting them chose

my faith. I still respected my parents but ultimately I choose to live on campus. A major decision

I made and do not regret.

One of the biggest accomplishments I had in my undergrad career is being able to find

myself. It is already difficult being a first generation student and entering college. College is not

only a place where you helps you increase your knowledge, it is also a place and plays a major
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role in discovering who you really are. This is the time where you find out the type of person you

are whom you want to be, the morals you live by whom you like to associate with. Most

importantly, there is only one version of yourself. Although, the world might categorize you in

many different groups and the labels associated with you are constantly there, you know there

can never be another you. You start to realize that the external voices do not matter and they can

serve you some good up to a point but gaining control on your inner voice is so much important.

Coming to college I did not know who I was. I knew I was just Abraham. I never thought

about who I really was or whom I categorize myself. It was until my third year of college in

which I was put in a position where I had to really think about who I was. I started my collage

with a specific quote from one of Lady Gaga’s songs.

Even though growing up I never thought about my sexual orientation. I did not think

about it until I was having a hard time in college I guess suppressing my thoughts on men. It was

until the summer when my roommate bluntly asked me “so what are you?”. That question alone
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made me break down into tears because I legit did not know whom I was. All these years I was

just being Abraham that I did not reach deep though to really question myself. This is the phase

were I was in a crossroad because I started listening to what Abraham really wanted and not

what society wanted me to be. It was a very hard time, in which I cried, vented and looked for

other alternatives instead of listening to what I really wanted. I wanted to be truly free. I wanted

to fully live a true life of happiness that I was missing. Once I was ready to come out and finally

accept the real me, I started to really trust myself. I believe that was the hardest thing to do,

trusting myself and telling my inner voice that everything was going to be okay. The lyric of

Lady Gaga’s Born This Way song “rejoice and love yourself today cause baby you were born

this way” really resonated with me because it was a period in which I had to love myself. I did

not know how to do that but luckily I had the love of friends and family that helped me reach my

inner peace.

Conclusion

The beauty of attending an institution is about the ability to expand your knowledge and

gain new experiences yet it is also the time to find who you really are the journey that gets you

there. There are many people who do not reach self-authorship in college and that is okay. The

ones that do is a journey of figuring out why do you believe the things you do and who do I

believe them. Self-authorship stars in phase one where your opinions about who you are shaped

by authority figures in your life. You do not question what you are told and whatever it is told

you believe. The second phase is crossroads in which the self starts to question those decisions

made for you or the beliefs put in place for you. You finally start to listen to your inner voice and

start to form your own values morals. Finally the student enters the self-authorship, the phase in

which the self is comfortable in their identity and has a secure knowledge of whom they are.
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These phases played a key role in my development during undergrad. I faced authority; in where

I listened to my parents make decisions for me even though I had to deal with the consequences.

I also came to a hard crossroad in which I had to really search for who Abraham was and

accepting my true self. Lastly, with that hardship I was able to conquer my self and have a better

idea of who I was.

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References

Magolda,M. B. B. (2009). The Activity of Meaning Making: A Holistic Perspective on College

Student Development. Journal of College Student Development, 50(6), 621-639. doi:

10.1353/csd.0.0106

Pizzolato, J. E., & Olson, A. B. (2016). Exploring the Relationship Between the Three

Dimensions of Self-Authorship. Journal of College Student Development, 57(4), 411-

427. doi:10.1353/csd.2016.0052
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Appendix A