Vicious Cycle

Once I was the Immortal Ruler, Now I’m helplessly

surrendering to death.
Resting in the bowl on the 27th of July, years after I came into existence, I was reminiscing
about the time I governed my creators on earth. The night I spent in the fridge, pondering
over the purpose of my existence seems quite long ago. I was certain about my decision when
I asked the researcher to take me to her leaders. Was it her mistake, or simply humanity’s
fate? Receiving all that attention from the expectant government panel, when all they
previously did was treat me as a basic dairy product, gave me the confidence to make a
statement. I felt sorry for them. Knowing the human tendency, it was hilarious of them to be
laughing at my preposition as if they had any other choice.

People question why I demanded Ohio. The answer is quite simple really. Ohio was a tool, a
physical representation of how a nation would be happy, healthy and wealthy under my
sovereignty. After years of observing humans, I knew the key to their improvement;
submission. They were excellent in their fields of work, but they needed an all-intellectual,
all-knowing, distinct entity to overlook and regulate their workings. People had to witness
how incompetent their current government was, to realize how desperately they needed my
dictatorship. The government’s inability to follow a solid formula constructed for their
benefit was the perfect wake-up call the humans needed. At times, I wonder if the humans
ever recovered. Maybe they experimented again, tried to replicate the error. Who knows?

Since the night I spent in the fridge, I was aware of my mission: to go to space. I evolved,
progressed and researched ways to travel through space. With the advancements in my
intellectual potential, my problem-solving abilities were indisputable. I was prepared! I felt
indifferent when leaving the humans and I prided myself for the lack of emotions, for
emotions were only a hindrance to my mission. They did nothing to help the humans, and I
would certainly not allow them to hold me back. So, I buckled down in my yogurt-box
shaped spaceship and left the human civilization behind.

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My goal was to colonize all planets in the Galaxy. Mars was my first stop; the inhabitants
were willing to submit to anyone claiming to have answers to their problems. They did not
pose much of a challenge and soon Mars fell right into my hands. Unfortunately, Ankara was
chaotic, the natives were uncoordinated and barbaric. It reminded me of humanity when their
only goal was survival. Asgard was the hardest to overturn, the occupants were strong-willed
and loyal to their leader. They too fell when I slowly began deconstructing their economy and
offering solace.

I bought peace and prosperity amongst various bodies of matter, but people did not have the
decency to be grateful. After centuries in space, taking over planets and stripping them of
their independence, I got used to their helplessness. It was ironic to look at their history of
celebrating freedom while being in desperate need of a superior being to take control of their
economies. Their foundations, however, were impeccable: a capitalist economy. I established
a familiar structure for many planets, and the success rate was exemplary. I pitied the
humans, for they had the tools to become the supreme ruler of the universe, and yet they were
hindered by their selfish tendencies.

I realized my time was near when my formula blew up an entire planet. It was Sakaar, one of
the hottest planets known. I had just controlled the uprising against the change in authority by
handing over the formula to eradicate global warming. Within six months, the planet burst
from within, eradicating all forms of life. I barely had enough time to prepare for my
departure and land on a small planet, Xander. I had seen a yogurt spoiling and expiring. I
considered myself immortal but even I could no longer deny the signs of mold growing on
me. As I lay dying in the bowl, spreading a rancid odor and reflecting back to all the victories
under my belt, I looked at the sky, only to see a milk-pack shaped spaceship landing on
Xander, weapons loaded, ready to prosecute everyone to submission. My last thought before I
turned lumpy was, ‘the humans have done it again, but this time, they were not so lucky!’

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