WORDINESS AND CONCISENESS

Wordiness is a state where something is expressed in too many words. A piece of writing
can acquire this state. In that case, the piece of writing uses too many words. Conciseness, on the
other hand, saves time and increases the forcefulness of the piece of writing. If you write a
composition, for instance, try to be concise, try to express your ideas briefly and exactly. Although
you should not omit words necessary to the thought and the desired emotional effect, you should
express your ideas in as few words as possible. An idea may be expressed in a sentence, a clause,
a phrase, or a word. Sometimes we waste many words in trying to make an idea clear. Wordiness
is an offense against exact usage. The exact word or expression says all that is necessary. We say
too much when we use words or phrases that add nothing to the meaning, when we use an
unnecessary elaborate sentence structure, and when we repeat words and phrases carelessly.
There are some ways of how to change wordiness in order to produce concise sentences:
1. You should omit needless or unnecessary words and ideas. Observe the following sentences :
a. Please repeat the sentence again. (5 words)
Please repeat the sentence. (4 words)
b. Drive a nail in the place where the two boards join together. (12 words)
Drive a nail where the two boards join. (8 words)
c. You will like the new style and will be very much pleased with it. (14 words)
You will be very much pleased with the new style. (10 words)
d. Accidents due to excessive speed often end fatally for those involved. (11 words)
Accidents due to excessive speed often end fatally. (8 words)
e. It was in 1702 that the cornerstone of the White House was laid.(13 words)
In 1702 the cornerstone of the White House was laid. (10 words)
Some wordy phrases:
- as a [usual] rule - [joint] partnership - large [in size]
- modern colleges [of today] - Halloween [evening] - yellow [in colour]
- at 10 P.M. [in the evening] - total effect [of all this] - eleven [in number]
2. In some cases, you will find that you can use one word for many words :
a. She never did become a good teacher because she always had her mind too much on what
other people were thinking about her. (25 words)
She was always too self-conscious to become a good teacher. (10 words)
b. The love letter was written by somebody who did not sign his name. (13 words)
The love letter was not signed. (6 words)
The love letter was anonymous. (5 words)
3. When you revise your sentence structure, you get good effects for conciseness :
a. Another element which adds to the effectiveness of a speech is its emotional content. (14
words)
Emotional content also makes a speech more effective. (8 words)
b. The fact that Ahmad was always inattentive caused the teacher to send him to the Dean. (16
words)
Ahmad’s constant inattentiveness caused the teacher to send him to the Dean (12 words)
The teacher sent Ahmad to the Dean because he was constantly inattentive. (12 words)
 c. A good home library is very useful. It also affords its owner a great deal of pleasure. (17
words)
A good home library is very useful and pleasurable. (9 words)
Oftentimes the use of the active sentences gives better results for conciseness :
The truck was overloaded by the workmen with watermelons and pineapples. (11 words)
The workmen overloaded the truck with watermelons and pineapples. (9 words)
In your composition, therefore, study your sentences carefully and make them brief by using all
the above-mentioned methods. The following sentences illustrate wordiness and ways of
correcting the errors:
1. There were two reasons why he did not get there right on time. (13 words)
There were two reasons for his failure to arrive on time. (11 words)
There were two reasons for his late arrival. (8 words)
There were two reasons for his lateness. (7 words)
He was late for two reasons. (6 words)
2. He was the kind of person who always bowed and scraped before his superiors. (14 words)
He always bowed and scraped before his superiors. (8 words)
He was always obsequious. (4 words)
3. In order to become an outstanding tennis player, a person who really loves tennis will
master the four absolutely fundamental strokes. These methods of hitting the ball are, first,
the serve. Next, there is the forehand. Third comes the backhand. And finally we have the
overhead smash. (47 words)
To become outstanding, a tennis player must master four strokes: the serve, the forehand,
the backhand, and the overhead smash. (20 words)
Note in the example below how the fundamental idea becomes successively sharper as the
expression grows less wordy.
The mist hung like a veil. It obscured the top of the mountain. (13 words) [Full sentences
used to express the idea]
The mist hung like a veil and obscured the top of the mountain. [Part of a compound
predicate]
The mist, which hung like a veil, obscured the top of the mountain. [Subordinate clause]
The mist, hanging like a veil, obscured the top of the mountain. [Participial phrase]
The mist, like a veil, obscured the top of the mountain. [Prepositional phrase]
The mist veiled the top of the mountain. [Word]
All of these sentences are acceptable, but they are not equally effective. Although any one of
them may, at times, meet the special needs of the writer, the least wordy will normally be the
most effective.
You should avoid careless or needless repetition of a word or phrase. Use repetition only to attain
greater clearness or emphasis. Use a pronoun instead of needlessly repeating a noun.
CARELESS : Since the committee has already made three general reports, only the
report dealing with promotions will be reported on today.
 BETTER : Since the committee has already made three general reports, it will submit
only its recommendations on promotions today.
In striving for conciseness and brevity, however, guard against sacrificing concreteness and
vividness. The following sentence is concrete and vivid :
At each end of the sunken gardens, worn granite steps, flanked by large magnolia trees,
lead to the formal paths.
But the sentence below is excessively concise :
The garden has steps at both ends.
To make concise sentences from wordy ones, you may apply one of the above methods or
a combination of them. You will be able to achieve the best result if you write sentences using the
fewest words without eliminating important ideas. When you compose a piece of writing, you
should express your ideas, feelings, and desires in as few words as possible although you
sometimes have to make a wordy sentence which is considered necessary to the thought and the
desired emotional effect.
Omission of Necessary Words
Most faulty omissions in student writing may be traced to carelessness. To avoid such
errors, proofread all compositions before submitting them to your lecturer or your instructor. You
should not omit a word or phrase necessary to the meaning of the sentence. Examples:
We have learned the importance ^ using perfume. [Careless omission of the preposition of]
John had been there only ^ moment ago. [Careless omission of the article a]
1. Do not omit an article, a pronoun, a conjunction, or a preposition that is necessary to make
your meaning clear.
His friend and helper stood at his side. [the friend and helper are the same person]
His friend and his helper stood at his side. [To show that the friend and the helper are
different persons, the pronoun his must be repeated]
CONFUSING : They noticed the young men who made up the crew were eager to start.
[Young men can be momentarily mistaken for the object of noticed]
BETTER : They noticed that the young men who made up the crew were eager to
start.
2. Do not omit a necessary verb or a necessary auxiliary.
AWKWARD : The play is good and the characters interesting. [Singular is may be used
with singular play but not with plural characters]
BETTER : The play is good and the characters are interesting.
3. Do not omit words necessary to complete comparisons.
CONFUSING : The equipment of a soldier is heavier than a sailor. [Did the soldier’s
equipment weigh more than an individual sailor?]
CLEAR : The equipment of a soldier is heavier than that of a sailor.
***
 Taken from Taken from Hodges, John C. and Whitten, Mary E.. 1962.
Harbrace College Handbook. Harcourt, brace & World, Inc.