The - Big - Question - Mark by Frank Kern

TABLE OF CONTENTS
SECTION I
They say it takes a lot to win, and even more to lose Page 5
SECTION II
I am American and you can too Page 25
SECTION III
When the going gets weird, the weird go pro Page 37
SECTION IV
If you are the big tree, we are the mall axe.
Sharpened to cut you down. Ready to cut you down. Page 51
SECTION V
Dude, don’t ask him for anything and don’t look at
him. We don’t want to get kicked out. Page 69
SECTION VI
Dude - The waves you don’t take are just as
important as the waves you do take Page 79
SECTION VII
You asked me why another road song…funny,
but I bet you’ve never left home Page 85
SECTION VIII
You got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold
‘em ...Know when to walk away, know when to run Page 89
SECTION IX
Welcome to the jungle, we’ve got fun and games Page 99
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SECTION I
“They say it takes a lot to win ...and

even more to lose.”
- From the song “Deal” by the Grateful Dead.
I started writing the notes you’ll find in this book back in December of 2005.
That’s a long time, isn’t it?
See...this isn’t some hastily thrown together manual that’s used as filler so you’ll experience
a good “thud factor.”
To hell with that.
You’re going to come along with me and peer inside my mind as this whole Mass Control
thing went from idea ...to an amazing money-getter for those who use it properly.
It’s pretty rapid-fire. Don’t expect a novel or good story here. Instead, you’ll get an idea -
instructions on how to execute it…some examples and the occasional sample or two.
You know...stuff you can use. No fluff, no filler.
We ain’t got time to mess around.
Let me start by addressing the quote I inserted above.
It DOES take a lot to win, doesn’t it? We have to stretch way outside of our comfort zones.
We have to take RISKS. We almost always fail in some way or another during the process.
It takes a lot to win. Damn straight.
But it really takes more to lose.
On this journey we’ll call “Making A Bunch Of Damn Money,” you’re bound to get
frustrated, confused, stuck, and discouraged.
You might test a market and have it fall flat.
You might buy some traffic and not sell a damn thing.
And that blows. But it’s life. It’s the way things work. You have to get up, dust off, and get
your ass back in the game.
But let me tell you something. It costs 1,000 times more to lose than it does to win.
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Sure – it can be tough getting up and running. And when things go south on you, it’s
tempting to throw in the towel.
But what will your life be like five years from now if you don’t tough it out?
Where will you be? Same job? Same income? Same lifestyle? Will you possibly go
BACKWARDS?
When I look back at the days following my FTC assault, I remember how hard that was. I
was scared shitless.
Not only did I not have any money, I was publicly humiliated. I had to personally email
18,000 people and basically say, “Hey guys, I’m a fraud.”
And coming back was tough. It was a long hard road. Shit, if you google my name, you
STILL see FTC stuff in the top results.
So working through all of that was a bitch. The legal bills alone were over $100,000.
And it’s only been in the past few months that I no longer get freaked out every time a car
pulls into my driveway.
But when I look at my life now, and my income, and the impact I’ve been able to have on
others, I can’t help but realize the cost of giving up would have been 1,000 times more.
It would have been MUCH easier for me to just “fade”…and become a consultant locally, a
freelance copywriter, a gunslinger for the corporate types, or whatever.
But I chose to walk in front of the firing squad instead. When I came back, I was under the
microscope.
Forums were all buzzing with conversations about whether or not I was a degenerate
criminal or whatever. It’s hard to ignore that. So, yeah.
It takes a fucking lot to win.
But if you think about it, you have no choice but to win.
The cost of losing is almost immeasurable. The cost of losing is a life unfulfilled. The cost
of losing is being trapped in a job you hate. The cost of losing is looking into a loved one’s
eyes and saying “I can’t afford to give you what you want ...or even worse ...what you
need.”
So which path will you choose? Will you live as a tiger or a lamb?
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Will you join me and the ones who came before me and shared what they discovered? Will
you use this ever evolving knowledge to change your life, to better the lives of your loved
ones, and positively influence hundreds ...thousands ...or even millions of people?
Or will you take the “easy” road of certainty and settle for less? Happily blob out on the TV
and let other people dictate your fortune, your mind, and your life?
We both know the answer, don’t we?
That’s right.
Let’s get in the game and kick some ass.
We’ve got a lot to go over, so get ready.
What Do You Want?
Let me ask you a question.
Why are you in this game?
Is it to be a niche marketer?
Is it to be famous?
Is it to be able to quit your job?
Only you can answer, but you MUST be totally clear on your outcome. If you don’t know
EXACTLY what you want, you’ll never get it.
For me, it’s all about lifestyle. Sure …I enjoy having a bunch of money and driving killer
cars (I’ve already “burned through” six BMWs, 2 Porsches, and a Ferrari. Is that obnoxious
or what??)
…But what really does it for me is the FREEDOM to do whatever I want …when I want.
If want to hop on a plane tomorrow and go spend a month at a resort in Fiji, I can do it. No
problem. Might be hard to find a babysitter, but still…
And let me tell you …that’s a GOOD FEELING.
So what I try to shoot for are ULTs.
A “ULT” is an acronym of Ultimate Lifestyle Target. For example - quitting your job might
be a ULT.
Getting a Porsche 911 Turbo might be a ULT.
Creating the financial freedom so your spouse can quit working is another one.
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But what I advise you to do is to really map out ALL of your ULTs and find out what they
cost. I call this phase one of the ULT Acquisition Plan.
I’ll break down my list for you so you can see what I mean.
In order to really discover your true ULTs, you need to ask yourself this question: “If money
were no object, what would I want my life to be like?”
For example …what kind of cars would I drive?
Where would I live? What kind of house? How many vacations would I take? Would I fly
first class or by private jet? …And so on.
I’ll give you an example. Here’s my personal ULT list. You’ll notice that I put the cost by
each item [Note - this list was written in December of 2005. I’ve since hit all of these targets
except for the chef. My wife doesn’t want one. In regards to the villa and the beach house,
we just opted to get a really, really nice house at the beach and skip the Villa. I decided
there was no point in really leaving the beach. Ever.]:
1. Villa Teresa Mansion: $1,420,000.00
2. House on Sea Island: $2,000,000.00
3. Maserati Quattroporte; $140,000.00
4. Marquis Jet membership (25 hours) $110,000.00
5. Exotic Vacation Every 90 Days for 5 adults and 2 children: $35,000 per vacation,
$140,000 per year.
6. Full time personal chef: $90,000.00
7. Full time nanny: $40,000
8. Full time housekeeper: $30,000.00
9. Full time gardener: $25,000.00
10. Fine dining experiences: $36,000.00
11. Groceries: $52,000.00
12. Random bills: $50,000.00 (Insurance, electricity, and so forth.)
13. Lavish Christmas: $30,000.00
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14. Lavish birthdays: $30,000.00
15. Private School for 2 girls: $14,400.00
Big purchases like houses and cars are the “Flat out cost.” Items like “Full time
housekeeper” are estimated annual costs.
Now - this seems like a TON of money. And it is. But let’s break it down into monthly
expenses:
1. Mortgage on Villa Teresa (assuming 30 year mortgage with a 7% interest rate, and no
down payment …according to Bankrate.com): $9,447.30
2. Mortgage on House On Sea Island (assuming 30 year mortgage with a 7% interest rate,
and no down payment …according to Bankrate.com): $13,306.05
3. Maserati Quattroporte (financed with no money down for 60 months at 7% according to

Bankrate.com): $2,772.17
4. Marquis Jet Membership (broken down into one year’s monthly payments for budgeting
purposes): $9166.66
5. Vacations broken down into one year’s monthly payments for budgeting purposes:
$11,666.66
6. Personal Chef: $7,500
7. Nanny: $3,333.33
8. Housekeeper: $2,500.00
9. Gardener: 2,083.33
10. Fine dining experiences broken down into monthly payments for budgeting purposes:
$3,000.00
11. Groceries broken down into monthly payments for budgeting purposes: $4,333.33
12. Random bills broken down into monthly payments for budgeting purposes: $4,166.66
13. Lavish Christmas broken down into monthly payments for budgeting purposes:
$2,500.00
14. Lavish birthdays broken down into monthly payments for budgeting purposes:
$2,500.00
15. Private school tuition: $1,200.00
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Total Monthly cost of Ultimate Lifestyle: $79,475.49
Annual cost: $953,705.49
OK - you might be thinking “HOLY CRAP THAT’S A TON OF MONEY” …and it is a

pretty good bit. But sit tight with me.
Let’s divide it by 365 to get a daily cost: $2612.89 per day.
OK. That’s not too bad. It’s still a lot of money, but let’s break it down by products sold.
Let’s say you sell a product for $97. Let’s also say you net $89 of that after Clickbank or
whatever.
In order to make $2,612.89 per day, you need to make 30 sales a day. Not too big of a deal,
considering your business is open 24 hours a day … 365 days a year.
In fact, that’s really only 1.25 sales an hour. So make 1.25 sales per hour and you’re living
like a movie star. Does this still seem like a big challenge?
What if you sell something for $197?
Assuming you net $180 from every sale, you only need to make 14.5 sales a day. That’s just
one sale every hour and a half or so.
Now listen …don’t you think you can do that? Especially if you build a SYSTEM to do it?
Of course you can! Hell …we have the ability to market NON STOP to the entire world. A
measly little 14.5 sales a day is peanuts.
But it can get you two mansions and a rock star lifestyle. So when you’re at your desk and
you’re planning your business …remember this exercise.
EVERY action I take during “work time” is a result of doing this simple and fun exercise.
Now let’s dig deeper. Say you have the product that nets you $89 a sale.
OK - if your conversion rate is .5% (that’s one sale for every 200 people), you only need
6,000 clicks a day.
That’s only 250 clicks an hour.
That’s less than 5 clicks a minute.
So once you know your numbers (for example, how many clicks you need until you get a
sale) …then you can simply scale out your business to get more and more traffic.
And this helps you make important decisions.
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For example, if you know that according to these figures, you can have an ultimate rock star
life with just 6,000 clicks a day …don’t you think it might be worth it to hire a stay at home
mom to hunt down potential link partners and send them hand addressed link exchange
requests in the mail?
Don’t you think it would be worth it to hire someone else to make telephone calls to every
major website in your market and ask them if you can advertise on their sites?
Don’t you think it might be worth the extra chump $300 a month or so it might take to get
someone to write and submit articles for you?
OF COURSE! THAT’S ALL CHUMP CHANGE compared to the big picture.
After all, we’re just talking about less than 5 clicks a minute. Who can’t do that? It’s child’s
play!
But a lot of times, when you look at the life you want …like having 2 mansions and driving
around in $140,000 cars, spending more on vacations than 90% of the population makes in a
year, and having a full time staff to cater to your every whim…it looks like the road to take
you there is mighty long.
But it’s not. Especially when you really break it down and determine what needs to happen
per minute in order to make that dream a reality.
A Crucial Step ...And Some Mind-Stuff
Then, we’re going to lay out some specific steps for you to take so you can transition from
plain ol’ selling stuff online to jumping in the Mass Control realm and kicking some serious
ass.
After that, I’m going to share some critical inner-game strategies with you that you’d better
pay attention to (assuming you want a life of freedom and prosperity).
So, let’s begin.
What the Hell is THE PLAN here anyway?
Fair enough.
You know how with “Classic Marketing” you could pretty much sum it up by saying, “I
find the niche markets, find out what they want to buy, and then sell it to them.”
Well, when you add in a little Mass Control, it’s a little more complex.
When we throw a little Mass Control in the mix, we go straight to the heart of the matter and
plan for long term success by shifting our focus away from
“Market+Want+Product=Money” to :
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“Market+Want X CULT + Multiple Products = Fortune”
So. That’s it. You get it now, right?
Kidding.
Let me break it down a little better. We still want to find a market, find out what they want,
and then sell it to them.
That’s a no-brainer. But where the magic happens is the CULT part.
What we do with Mass Control is to literally create a CULT FOLLOWING in a market.
We position a “Character”(could be you, a pseudonym, or whatever) as a “Desired

Personality” in front of a market …and sell the market on that CHARACTER first …and
then use the character’s voice to sell them products that they say they want anyway.
Another way to describe this would be to simply call it “Herd Cultivation.”
Your first goal is to create a growing Herd of people who know, like, and trust you (or the
personality you’ve created) …so you can then sell them stuff.
So, our first goal is to … BUILD THE LIST.
Your list will become your Herd. And if you communicate with them the right way, you can
turn that herd into a CULT FOLLOWING that hangs on your every word.
And please don’t get freaked out when I talk to you about creating a cult following. I’m not
talking about that kind of cult following.
Nobody needs to be drinking the magic Kool-Aid and merging with the Mother Ship. (I
actually did merge with the mother ship once after drinking some sort of weird “mushroom
punch,” but that’s a totally different story.)
I’m essentially talking about creating your OWN subculture that looks to you as the leader.
However, this does involve some pretty sneaky stuff.
Three Evil Steps to Creating Your Own Rabid Following within a Niche
Demonstrate Higher Value by becoming an Authority.
So what makes you an authority? Simple. The mere fact that you say you’re an authority.
You don’t have to say you’re a doctor or anything (in fact, you should never falsify
credentials) but you actually can just say, “Hello I’m an authority on Monkey-Butt Aikido.”
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You don’t even have to say that you’re an accomplished practitioner of Monkey-Butt
Aikido, you can just say, “I’ve been involved in Monkey-Butt Aikido in some way or
another for a long time.”
And the definition of “long time” in this case totally subjective. It could be 15 minutes.
Demonstrating higher value is another thing you need to do to establish yourself as The
Leader.
So how do you do it? Simple. Give content with an air of authority. Here’s what I mean by
this. You just need to tell your readers something related to your niche …but do so in a way
that states, “I am an expert and here’s proof …I just told you something.”
And this is a point where people can get all freaked out. You might be saying, “Well … I’m
not an authority and I don’t know shit about the market.”
That’s fine. I can guarantee that if you spend a few HOURS reading up on the market, you’ll
know more than about 99.99% of your readers.
Remember, most people sit on their asses and watch TV to escape from the fact that they
lead lives of quiet desperation.
Sound harsh? It’s true. Be glad you’re not one of them. And use what you’re learning to
help them.
The fact of the matter is this: If you read FOUR books on a topic, you’ll instantly know 99%
more than anyone else in the market.
Even the authors don’t know jack-shit half the time. Trust me on this. I know plenty of best
selling authors and other academics. These folks often have no clue what they’re talking
about.
So here’s what you want to do to demonstrate higher value. Tell them something they
already know, and something they are likely to agree with.
…But say it as if it’s a gospel revelation.
Like this (Let’s say I was talking to the “How to Make Money” Market and I wanted to
demonstrate higher value):
“Look. If you model your business after everyone else, you’ll probably end up broke and out
of business like the majority of people out there. What you must do is differentiate yourself
from the pack, and the best way to do this is by smart marketing. So what is “smart
marketing?” Easy, it’s marketing where you actually OFFER something to your customers
…instead of saying “Hey, look at me! I’m in business!”
Now …you might be reading this and thinking, “Duh! That was totally obvious.”
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That’s the point. See, when you give OBVIOUS content, and you do it with an air of
authority, you’re creating rapport with your readers by VALIDATING them.
This is an old school psychology trick.
You validate your “subject’ by telling them something they already know, or agreeing with
their thinking. This builds trust …and from there you can begin to build rapport with them
…and once you establish trust and rapport, it’s on like donkey kong.
Let them know they’re not alone …and that more people are joining them every day.
This is important.
You need to use good ol’ social proof as much as possible …and the best way to do that is to
basically say, “More people just like you are turning to me, the fearless leader, for advice!”
Of course, you’ll want to word it better than that but you know what I mean.
So if your list is 1,039 people strong, you might say something like, “Right now, there are
1,039 Monkey-Butt Aikido lovers just like you who are reading this newsletter. What’s
really funny is I haven’t really gone out and tried to become a “big shot” in the Monkey-Butt
Aikido world …so this underground newsletter must be getting spread around by word of
mouth.”
Let’s dissect that sentence.
First, you have this: “Right now, there are 1,039 Monkey-Butt Aikido lovers…” You’ve just
made this statement very credible by using a specific number. You’ve also used the words
“right now” …which indicate that more people will be reading it tomorrow and the next day.
Second, you’ve got the phrase “Monkey-Butt Aikido lovers just like you…”
The words “just like you” are crucial here. You’re coming right out and letting them know
they’re not alone, and they’re part of a group of like-minded people just like them.
Listen. This is the type of thing that drives us and feeds our soul.
Yours, mine, everyone’s. We ALL want to be a part of something …and we ALL want to
find a group of people just like us.
Third, you have, “I haven’t really gone out and tried to become a big shot.” What you’re
saying here (without actually saying it) is that you ARE a big shot.
But you haven’t tried to become one. You’re just a regular Joe like anyone else.
(By the way, if you recall some of the greatest movies and stories of all time, it’s usually
“Regular Guy Somehow Stumbles Over Amazing Ability And Becomes Reluctant Hero.”)
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Fourth, you’ve got “…so this underground newsletter must be getting spread around by
word of mouth.”
Two things about that one. First, the word “underground.”
We all want to be a part of something, especially if it’s exclusive. When you use words like
“underground” it gives people the feeling that they’re part of a secret inner circle …and that
they’ve been selected as one of the privileged few.
Also, you’re stating that the newsletter must be spreading by word of mouth. This is more
social proof. Others are talking about it. Like-minded people are being brought together by
spreading the word (whispering it!) about this secret underground newsletter.
You also want to use the fact that more people are subscribing daily as an incentive and a
driver to pay attention to you.
So if you’re getting 100 new subscribers a day, you might say something like this:
“You and I are really part of something special. I’m talking about this underground Monkey-
Butt Aikido scene that we’re a part of. Did you know that an average of 700 Monkey Butt
Aikido lovers just like you are joining us every WEEK? It’s true. An average of 100 fellow
Monkey-Butt Aikido lovers just like you and me are joining us EVERY Day! In fact, our
community (that you helped start) is growing so fast that I’m thinking of going even deeper
underground …so it doesn’t get too big.”
Lots of powerful stuff in that one. The most obvious is the social proof by stating the
numbers.
CULT BUILDING TOOL YOU NEED TO USE IMMEDIATELY: Invent your own
language.
This is a big one. You bond with people when you invent a “secret code” that you (and only
a few selected others) understand.
I learned this from reading The Game by Neil Strauss back in 2005. ...before I’d even met
Neil and long before we broke marketing records together with our work on his Dating
launch. (We did $1.4 million in about 4 hours. To my knowledge, it was the first million-
dollar day outside of the “make money” world.)
Anyway, The Game is a book about pickup artists. If you want to see a rabid and cult-like
community, check that scene out. In fact, I strongly advise you to read that book.
In the Pickup Artist sub culture, they have their own language. And by speaking that
language, you feel included. You also demonstrate that you’re “in the know.”
For example, they call themselves “PUAs.” …which stands for “Pick Up Artist.” They refer
to regular guys as “AFC’s.” That stands for “Average Frustrated Chump.”
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”AMOG” means “Alpha Male of The Group” and it can also be used as a verb, which
means you’re establishing yourself as the Alpha Male by belittling the other men subtly.
“Number Close” means to get a woman’s phone number. It goes on and on.
But when these guys talk, their conversations are littered with these words …which no one
but members of their community would understand.
And this bonds them together. It makes them feel included. Like they’re part of something.
So when you’re following up with your lists, you need to work on creating your own
language for them. It’s powerful, powerful stuff.
Let’s say you have a site about cooking or whatever. You can have NSP …and NSP would
stand for non-stick pan. But because you’re calling it an NSP, it sounds better and you’re
creating lingo and that helps people belong. As silly as that may sound, it works. It’s simple
stuff like this that can make you a fortune.
I’ve just given you the first three powerful steps to creating a cult following.
Get out there and create one.
Now let’s talk about your inner game for a minute.
“As I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death, I

Fear No Evil…FOR I AM THE BADDEST MOTHERFUCKER IN THE
VALLEY.”
- As told to Frank Kern by his Father
Sure, I know. This is getting dangerously close to motivational speaking or something, but
you need to hear it. It’s important that you’re confident in what you’re doing. You need to
BELIEVE that you’re going to kick ass and take names in your market.
If you’re hesitant or lack confidence, they’ll smell it on you. And it’ll cost you a bundle.
If you want an example of how your mindset should be, look at John Reese when he speaks.
Get out your Traffic Secrets DVDs and watch John. Don’t even pay attention to what he’s
saying. Just watch him say it.
That crazy bastard exudes confidence when he speaks.
He could be up there telling you that in order to successfully get dressed, you have to put
your pants on BEFORE your shoes …and you’d think he was giving the key to the universe.
You’d be like, “Damn! I’ve never thought of it like that before! Yeah, first pants … then
shoes! Amazing!”
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Even though what he said was totally obvious.
That’s what I’m talking about. It’s a strong inner game that gives him that ability. John
honestly believes that he’s the baddest motherfucker in the valley, and that’s why everyone
else believes it too. (Plus, he is a bad motherfucker.)
Here’s something you need to understand right now. No matter what your bank account
looks like. You are WAY AHEAD OF THE GAME when it comes to business.
Specifically, when it comes to making people buy stuff.
(If there ever was a magic power, that would be it – the ability to make people buy stuff.
Sometimes when someone asks me what I do for a living, I tell them that I make the phone
ring. They ask what that means, and I say, “If you have a business, I’m the guy that makes
customers call you and ask you to take their money.” Usually, however, I tell them I’m a
coke dealer.)
Think about it. Have you ever been to a party and explained what you do to someone?
Or even better. Have you ever been talking to someone in business (a civilian, not someone
from “our word”) and explained how they could get better results by using…say…a
HEADLINE in their ads or something?
And have you ever had them react as if you had just given them some sort of magic formula?
Like, “Holy shit! You mean if I put an actual offer in my ad instead of my picture and a
slogan, then people will call me? That’s amazing!”
I’m guessing this has happened to you at least once. The truth is that you know more about
making people buy stuff than 99.9% of all business owners on the planet. Period.
If you wanted, you could become a “consultant” right now and get rich. You could just work
for a percentage of the profits you generated…and have more money than you know what to
do with.
I’ll tell you a story.
I went to high school with a guy who has now taken over his dad’s multi-million dollar steel
business.
This is a huge company. They spend a gazillion dollars on ads and trade shows, and all kinds
of crap.
They’re in an environment where it’s super competitive and (they think) all anyone cares
about is price.
Anyway, I’m talking to him about business and stuff and he’s telling me how hard it is to get
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new clients and so forth. Typical sob story about competition and all that.
To make a long story short, this guy (nor his dad for that matter) has never stopped to think
about what would happen if they just TRIED marketing to their existing customers.
He seemed interested in the odd possibility that maybe something like that would work…so I
decided to keep talking to him and see what I can find out.
Turns out, the average profit per order for these guys is $2,500.
They have 2,000 customers.
Now, I use my special magic powers (yeah, right) to figure out that if they could get ten new
orders a week from their existing clients, they’d get 520 extra orders per year.
At $2,500 average profit per order, that’s an extra ONE MILLION THREE HUNDRED
THOUSAND DOLLARS per year, straight to their bottom line.
So, I came up with a genius plan. (I forgot to tell you, they don’t want to spend any serious
money because they are currently wasting…I mean, “investing” a lot on their current
advertising.)
Here was the test plan.
Find 100 of their most recent and their most active customers.
Send them an actual SALES LETTER of all things…which…makes them an offer. (I know.
Revolutionary!)
Amazing! The only reason I came up with such a revolutionary concept as sending someone
a sales letter is because I’m brilliant, right? Sure.
Anyway, I figured the best thing to do would be to:
A. Copy Halbert’s dollar bill letter.

B. FedEx it to the prospects.
C. Offer something with a deadline and a reason why the offer exists.
I figured they’d say they just got XX tons of steel at a discount and they wanted to let their
favorite customers in on it. They only have five batches and the letter was going out to 100
people. We FedExed it to you so you’d have a jump start. These batches of steel won’t last
long. Offer expires in 72 hours, assuming there’s any left. (Typical stuff.)
It costs about $10 to FedEx a letter. We’d also have to get 100 one-dollar bills to use as
grabbers for the letter.
So, the cost of our test would be $1,100 or so to send 100 sales letters.
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Now, do you remember their average profit per order? It’s $2,500.
If we got ONE order, we’d double the money.
I’m guessing the test would generate about five orders or so, considering the fact that they are
existing customers who buy steel all the time anyway.
So, the net would be about $11,400 from the test (at those numbers).
If I worked a deal with my friend for 50% of all the profits I brought in, I’d net $5,700.
Listen. Deals like this are EVERYWHERE. What I just laid out to you is so obvious to
people like you and me.
OF COURSE it makes sense to market to an existing customer.
OF COURSE it makes sense to use an actual sales letter.
OF COURSE we should copy Halbert’s dollar bill letter since it’s been proven to work time
and again.
OF COURSE we should put a time deadline on the offer for scarcity. DUH!
My point is, we take this kind of knowledge for granted because we see it every day.
But in reality, you have millions of dollars between your ears right now.
You know waaaaay more than most people. You know strategies that big businesses would
love to implement.
Right now, you have the knowledge and the POWER to make yourself and others rich. What
are you going to do with it?
When I told my friend abut how he could market to his existing customers, he flipped out.
You would have thought I had just taught him how to fly or something.
Now he and his dad want to “pick my brain” and learn how real marketing works.
If I wanted, I could easily carry out the test for them and have them give me half of the
profits.
I was way too busy to deal with them, but you get the point. I’ll tell them what to do and see
if they do it. There’s about a 5% chance they’ll actually do anything.
Like I said…you have a million dollars sitting between your ears right now.
And you need to KNOW THIS.
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You need to accept it as GOSPEL TRUTH and OWN IT.
Regardless of what you’ve accomplished so far, you are a DAMN GOOD MARKETER.
So, when you’re out there looking at markets and you start getting freaked out by
competition…or if you get a nasty case of the “what ifs,” realize you can kick the shit out of
just about anyone who comes your way.
The Power of Baby Steps
I made a cool discovery I want to share with you.
Only about 5-10% of people who click on Clickbank order forms are buying.
What’s happening to the other 90-95 out of 100 people?
They have to THINK and it’s screwing them up.
They get to that order form and they say, “Hmmm, is this the right thing to do? Do I really
want this? Why isn’t it asking for my address?” And on and on.
Plus, they’re (metaphorically) going straight from meeting me in a bar…and jumping into
bed with me.
There are no baby steps.
Listen. This process is ALL about BABY STEPS.
The first baby step is for them to get on your list. This is when they hit your Namesqueeze™
page and opt in.
The second baby step is for them to actually read your controversial insider-only emails.
The third baby step is for them to actually click on a link in one of them.
The fourth baby step is for them to read your secret webpage (which could be banned at any
moment).
The fifth baby step is for them to click on your order link.
THIS IS WHERE I’VE BEEN DROPPING THE BALL!
When they click on the order link, they’re not totally ready to buy. They haven’t committed.
We’re missing a step.
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Instead of sending them to an order page directly, send them to an OPT IN COMMITMENT
page,
There is where they COMMIT to wanting your stuff by filling out their name and email
address.
When you do this, you’re accomplishing two things:
You’re able to remove them from your “prospect” follow up list and place them on a
“committed to buy” list.
Now, if they don’t buy, you can send them a totally different follow up series that basically
urges them to complete the order.
You’ve employed a POWERFUL psychological tactic, which will compel them to follow
through with what they say they’d do!
I’m going to assume you’ve read Influence by Robert Cialdini.
In his book, he talks about how we’ll often do just about anything, even if we don’t really
want to do it, just because we said we would.
And in the book, he talks about how the Chinese would get American prisoners of war to
publicly praise communism and publicly denounce America by employing the tactic.
And everyone was just amazed at how they got people to do that.
I mean here the American officers, by God. And they’re over here on television denouncing
their country and allegedly they’re not being forced to do so at gunpoint or anything like that.
So how did the Chinese do it?
They got the officers to take tiny little baby steps.
For example, they would offer the guys one cigarette if they simply wrote an essay about
how communism might not be so bad.
Or of they would sign a piece of paper saying, “I, Robert Johnson, acknowledge that
communism exists.”
And by signing that one little piece of paper they would just be making a tiny little bit of
mental commitment in their mind and the Chinese would just build upon that over that time.
And that’s what I mean when I tell you to take baby steps in your marketing.
But back to this order form thing.
It’s using a concept that Cialdini talks about and that’s basically “trapping” someone into
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doing something by using their words. My mother is a master at this. She’ll call and she’ll be
like, “Hey, what are ya’ll doing this weekend?”
And I’ll say “Ah, well, nothing. We’re just going to be sitting around.”
And she’ll say, “Well, great, seeing as you have absolutely no plans, I want you to pick up
Uncle Jessie at the airport and drive him and ten other 90-year-old people all around and let
them eat mashed potatoes in your car all day.
And you know, she’s got me. I just said I have no plans…so I’ve trapped myself.
And you can do the exact same thing in your marketing and here’s how you do it.
You do it in your order form.
When they click to order, you always take them to a page that says, “Yes! I want to test drive
Monkey-Butt Aikido Secrets because I’m committed to becoming a master Monkey-Butt
practitioner!”
…And then you have them enter their name and email. You word it like this:
Step 1: Enter your name and email address below.
That’s it.
When they hit submit, THEN you send them to the Clickbank page.
It’s the baby step and the commitment that makes this work. They just essentially signed their
name on a statement saying that they wanted to try your product and that they were
committed to it.
So if you don’t follow through they’d be going against their word!
Powerful stuff.
So here’s what you do now.
AFTER they order, you send them to ANOTHER opt in page.
They have to enter their name and email again so you can email them their secret link to your
product.
This basically removes them from your “committed to buy list” and places them on your
“already bought” list.
So now, when you look at all the people who are left over on your “committed to buy” list,
you’ve got a group of people who said they’d buy…but did not buy for whatever reason.
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And now you can follow up with them relentlessly until they buy.
Do this, and you’ll increase your sales.
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̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 24
SECTION II
I Am America, And So Can You!

- Stephen Colbert
This next part was written in February 2006. I’d finally had enough of settling for a
mediocre life in Macon, Georgia ...and had begun to really make the ULTs I told you
about in the beginning of this book become a reality.
As I write this to you, I’m in the first class cabin of Delta’s flight 324 en route to La Jolla,
California ...where I’ll be signing a 1-year lease on a beach house.
Yes, Kern is leaving Dixie and engaging in a major “lifestyle makeover” for myself and
my family. It’s time to take up surfing and the lost art of walking around looking at cool
stuff ...and generally chilling out.
This optimistically presupposes that the flight will actually make it to California. Right
now, I’m being tossed around like a 12 year old girl in a mosh pit. For the price of tickets
these days, you should be guaranteed a turbulence-free flight.
I’ve already run through my supply of emergency Xanax ...and we’re not scheduled to
land (intentionally) for another 2 hours.
Anyway - a few of my fellow (possibly doomed) passengers might actually be BETTER

OFF IF THE DAMN PLANE CRASHED.
I’ll explain.
Today’s flight has been one of those scenes where a bunch of people in first class are in
the same industry ...and they’re all coming home from a convention or something.
What’s really just SUPER is that they all know each other, haven’t seen each other since
the last convention ...and are talking amongst themselves with loud Smirnoff-fueled
enthusiasm.
I am surrounded.
And, being the trained secret agent that I am, I listened to their conversation. OK - I
actually had no choice because:
A: My iPod is in my carry on bag so I have no way to drown them out.
B: If I get up to retrieve said iPod, I will be beaten mercilessly by the Delta Airlines
stewardesses (who, I’m pretty sure, used to play defense for the Miami Dolphins).
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So let me give you a glimpse into what you and I have fortunately escaped:
Corporate Drone Guy: Hey! How are yeeeeewww!? I haven’t seen yew since Dallas!
How are your kids?
Corporate Drone Woman: Oh they’re just great. Sara’s just graduated from (college name
not remembered) and she’s gotten a job!
Corporate Drone Guy: Well how about that?
Corporate Drone Woman: I know. We’re so proud. She got a scholarship so her tuition
was only $40,000 a year. And her first job pays $28,000. So we’re going apartment
hunting this weekend.
Corporate Drone Guy: Well how about that? That’s great. My son just graduated and he
moved back home. He’s 24 now and lives with us. He’s looking for a job now.
...Then another one of them chimes in. He’s directly behind me ...and as best I can tell,
well into his third bloody mary. I have named him “El Gordo.”
El Gordo: Y’all better get used to him being around. Ain’t nobody hiring right now. My
daughter has a MASTERS DEGREE IN ENGLISH LITERATURE and she works at
Starbucks.
It is at this time that I summon all will power and refrain from turning to them and
saying, “I just got out of drug rehab and loud noises scare me. So would you keep it
down? Because when I get scared I throw up. And they used to beat me for that at camp.”
But I digress...
Here’s the point of this story:
IT IS UP TO YOU AND I TO KEEP THE WORLD GOING. IF WE, THE

ENTREPRENEURS, RISK-TAKERS, MOVERS, SHAKERS, AND PEOPLE-WHO-
GET-SHIT-DONE EVER STOP DOING WHAT WE DO, IT’S ALL OVER.
We, as a global society, will be totally screwed. No kidding.
Look at the conversation I overheard. (Keep in mind, these were high-earning

professionals! People who have job titles ...nice offices ...and supposedly know what’s
going on!)
Here are the “nuggets of it”:
1. It’s perfectly normal to spend $40,000 a YEAR for four years ($160,000 total) so your
kid can get a degree and therefore get a job that pays $28,000.00. In fact ...if you succeed
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 26
at this, you are to be congratulated. You also encourage said kid to instill the same
“values” in their kids ...therefore perpetuating the cycle.
2. “Normal People” honestly believe that if you get a degree, then you are ENTITLED to
a job.
3. Normal People” honestly believe that having a job is a good idea ...and do not believe
it is the equivalent of a red-hot 300 pound ball of molten iron ore chained to your leg.
Folks, this is complete madness.
And that’s why it is our moral obligation to keep doing what we’re doing. To keep
creating businesses, to keep creating products that people buy, and to keep figuring out
ways to get people to buy stuff.
Because it’s up to us. ALL entrepreneurs.
The world needs more of us ...desperately. If we fade out, it’ll all be in the hands of the
Drones I’m on the plane with. And the world can only take a few generations of “Pay
$160,000 to make $28,000” before the shit totally hits the fan.
However, I bring you good news.
The fact that most “business professionals” (and people in general) walk around in a
mental fog that I like to refer to as “The Cough Syrup Shuffle” is GREAT ...from a strict
“money-in-our-pockets” perspective.
Here’s why.
These Poor Bastards Are So Pathetically Bored That They Are Starved For Anything
Even Remotely Entertaining!
Don’t believe me?
Fine. Close your eyes for a minute. Go ahead. Nobody’s going to sneak up and “liberate”
you while you’re not looking.
Now, with your eyes closed, imagine all the people you know who have one of those
god-awful PLASTIC SINGING FISH on their wall somewhere.
These are the folks I think of when I hear the lyrics I quoted earlier. Just living day to day
like machines.
Think about the undeniable fact that right now, as you read this, there are people standing
around a water cooler ...totally ENGROSSED in conversation about what’s gonna happen
next week on Desperate Housewives. (I’m hoping they’ll all fight in the mud.)
Or how about those emails your “friends” forward to you? You know. The ones with
pictures of kittens and stuff or whatever. Now think about how many GAZILLION
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 27
OTHER PEOPLE have gotten that same stupid email ...and forwarded it to someone else
...who in turn read it, looked at the picture, and forwarded it to yet another person.
…And you KNOW a percentage of these people actually go home and discuss that very
email with their spouses over dinner.
Wife: “Jim in accounting sent everyone that email with the kitten in it today. What a
hoot!” Husband: “If I crush up my Zoloft and snort it, will it work better?”
Why does this type of thing happen?
Because most people on this planet are slowly being sucked down into the Bog Of The
Boring And The Mundane ... and the stupid little diversions I mentioned are their
lifelines. This is all they have. That and the TV. Take a minute right now to extend loving
kindness and compassion toward them all. They are totally lost.
But the Good News is...
You Can Save Them!...And Make Money In The Process.
In fact, it’s your obligation. To know you can help these folks and to NOT help them is
bad karma, plain and simple.
The way you do it is simple. You find out what they want. Find out what would make
them happy. Then put up a website that essentially says, “Give me your name and email
address and I’ll send you stuff about what will make you happy.”
Then all you gotta do is follow through by placing them in an autoresponder sequence
that sends out EESMs.
What, you ask, is an EESM? (Pronounced eee-sum.) Simple.
It’s an Empathetic Entertaining Sales Message. NOT a bullshit canned “mini course.”
NOT a dumb ass “Tip Of The Week” that nobody reads anyway. NOT a canned pitch.
It’s a direct message from you to them. A message that implicitly says, “We’re kindred
spirits. I know what you mean. We’re together in this.”
(Plus it has a little bit of “Hey buy this or the world will end” thrown in for good
measure.) So how do you write these EESMs?
I’ll show you.
The Three Main Types of EESM Sequences.
Pay special attention to the word “SEQUENCE” above.
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It’s not enough to just send out an EESM from time to time.
You’ll need a pre-planned attack. I’d send at LEAST one a day for two weeks straight.
OK - so let’s talk about the three types of EESM sequences.
1. “Us vs. Them”
2. “Reluctant Hero”
3. “Home Town Boy Makes Good”
There are other types of themed sequences you can use, but I’m going to start out with
these three. I’ve used all three of these in various campaigns ...and they’ve all worked
like champs for me.
This month, we’ll go over the “Us Vs. Them” EESM Sequence Theme.
When you’re using this theme, you want to align yourself with the beliefs of your reader,
creating a strong feeling of “us.”
Not only do you want to create this bond with your reader in terms of them feeling like
you two are aligned, you also want to create the feeling of being included in a larger “us.”
When you do this, you’re accomplishing two things:
1. The reader feels aligned with you, and feels that you two have similar values. Trust is
building.
2. The reader feels included in something that is greater than just himself. He’s a part of
something. He belongs...
But simply creating the “us” vibe isn’t enough. We also need to strongly position
ourselves as being staunchly against the evil and dreaded ...THEM.
(Listen. THEY are everywhere. And they are OUT TO GET US!!)
Seriously. The ol’ “Us Vs. Them” thing is one of the strongest unifiers ever. Look at how
American society was in the wake of 9/11.
Sure, we were unified by grief and outrage ...but we were also standing together against
...THEM. (And for good reason.)
And it was “Us Vs. Them” that sold the American public the war in Iraq. But “Us Vs.
Them” doesn’t have to be as dramatic as the post 9/11 scene. Look at subcultures like the
Rock and Roll scene.
It’s “Us,” the cool people ...vs. “Them,” the establishment.
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I remember as a kid I rode skateboards. The same “Us vs. Them” thing was going on in
that subculture as well. It was “Us,” the skateboarders vs. “Them,” the BMX bike riders.
So if you were a skateboarder and you were “against” them, the BMXers, you were cool.
Another thing about “Us vs. Them” is that it’s also so damn ...readable.
As humans, we just like to read that kind of stuff. That’s all soap operas are, really. Just
long and drawn out Us vs. Them stories.
People love it.
It’s in the tabloids too. It’s “Us,” the people who like Jennifer, vs. “Them,” the people
who like Angelina. (I like Angelina. I openly and proudly admit it.)
Anyway - the point is, “Us vs. Them” is a proven seller. It sells entire nations on wars, it
sells football tickets, it sells magazines ...it just plain sells.
And people are conditioned to respond to it. ...Especially when:
A: Those people are bored out of their minds.
B: You’re framing the whole “Us vs. Them” thing around something they’re really
interested in in the first place.
This really works well when you imply that buying your stuff will firmly align the reader
with US ...and that not buying would make the reader fall into the category of ...THEM.
(Egads!)
And there’s a trick to that. The reader has to draw that conclusion on their own. If you
come right out and say it, you’ll lose them.
This is the difference between Internal Buying Pressure (they are putting pressure on
themselves) and External Buying Pressure (someone else is pressuring them to buy).
...But we’ll save that conversation for another day.
Right now, I want to give you some Us vs. Them templates you can use. As always, we’ll
assume that your market is Sausage Making.
These Us vs. Them Email Templates Could Be BANNED!
...Because they hope you never discover them. Ahh ... I jump ahead.
Let’s start the sequence assuming you’re promoting an affiliate site. Here’s the first
message they’d get when they opt in:
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Subj: <$firstname$> - will it be BANNED??
Hi <$firstname$>,
This site could be banned at any moment.

http://www.sausagesecrets.com
Yes, I know this sounds crazy ...but the reason I say it is
simple:
THIS INFORMATION COULD BRING THE SAUSAGE INDUSTRY TO ITS KNEES!
You can see for yourself here:
Before you go there, you should know this is NOT my website.
I don’t own it ...and I don’t know the people who do, but I
proudly stand by them and wish them the best.
Why?
Because they’re exposing the sausage secrets that have been kept
from us for so long.
People like you and me deserve this information. And if the

Sausage Industry wants to ban this site, that PROVES that these
secrets are the real deal. (Why else would they want to keep this
information from us?)
Anyway - here’s the website everybody’s talking about. These are

the “good guys”:
Talk soon,
Hermilio Vasquez
P.S. I really *did* hear a rumor about this being banned because
they don’t want the info being leaked out to folks like us. If
you want to see what all the fuss is about, I’d go to the site
now. It might not be there tomorrow. Here it is:
OK - that’s the end of that template.
Let’s talk about it for a minute before the next one.
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Specific language that bonds you to the reader, creates a sense of “Us” and establishes
“Them”:
1: “Because they’re exposing the sausage secrets that have been kept from us for so
long.”
2: “People like you and me deserve this information.”
3: “(Why else would they want to keep this information from us?)”
4: “I really *did* hear a rumor about this being banned because they don’t want the info
being leaked out to folks like us.”
Let’s move to day 2 in your sequence now.
Subject: <$firstname$>, did you see it?
Hi <$firstname$>,
Yesterday I told you about the website the Sausage industry hopes
we never see.
Here it is: http://www.sausagesecrets.com
Rumors are flying about industry big wigs trying to get this site
shut down.
Why are they trying to ban it?
I think it’s because we’re (finally) getting exposed to the

sausage secrets they’ve been hiding all along.
It’s all right here in black and white:

The sausage industry wants to keep this from us. But that’s too
bad for them.
People like you and me deserve this information. And if the

Sausage Industry wants to ban this site, that PROVES that these
secrets are the real deal. (Why else would they want to keep this
information from us?)
Anyway - here’s the website everybody’s talking about. These are

the “good guys”:
Talk soon,
Hermilio Vasquez
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P.S. The way rumors are flying, this site could be taken down at
any minute. Here it is:
As soon as you read it, you’ll see what the fuss is about.
And that’s the end of template #2.
I’ll bet you can recognize what’s happening now.
That entire email is an Us vs. Them buildup, isn’t it?
And both emails have a little social proof thrown in with this line at the end: “Anyway -
here’s the website everybody’s talking about.”
We’ll begin email #3 with my favorite subject line of all time:
<$firstname$>, why are they so angry??
Hi <$firstname$>,
Professional Sausage makers are FURIOUS about this site:
Why?
Because it shows folks like you and me (the *real* sausage

lovers) the true secrets of making sausage that’s even BETTER
than the expensive stuff they’re selling us!
It’s no wonder people are saying this site might get banned.
You’ve seen what the Sausage Makers are selling sausage for these
days, right? It’s obvious they’re getting rich off of you and me.
So it’s no wonder they see this site as a serious threat:

After all, if we know their secrets, we don’t need to give them

our money!
I’ve personally put this site to the test and let me tell you,
THEY HAVE A REASON TO BE CONCERNED!
I tried the secrets the site talks about ...and I had NO IDEA
that sausage could be *this good*. And I’m really amazed that I
was able to make such great sausage on my first try!
(I don’t know about you, but I’m not a sausage professional.

Don’t get me wrong. I *love* the stuff just as much as anybody
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...but I’ve never had any expensive training or anything. So when
my first batch of sausage had everyone begging for more, I was
pleasantly surprised!)
Anyway - here’s the site. I have no idea if it will still be

there by the time you get this.
All I can say is I hope you get a chance to see it ...and to try
this out for yourself. I feel lucky that I did!
Talk soon,
Hermilio Vasquez
P.S. Looks like you and I are part of an ever-growing group of

REAL sausage lovers. Just this week, we’ve had 1,098 other
sausage lovers from around the world subscribe to this Sausage
newsletter you’re reading!
I guess you and I aren’t the only true sausage lovers out there.
Good to know we’re not alone :-)
The Many Joys of Overt Stupidity!
If I could transplant one thing into your brain, it would be the ability to be fearless in the
face of total stupidity.
Here’s what I mean.
So many people take their marketing too seriously. They present to their prospects like
they were presenting to a Grand Jury or something.
But here’s the deal. The real deal.
HUMANS ARE UNIVERSALLY ENTERTAINED BY ...AND ATTRACTED TO

STUPID-FUN STUFF.
In my testing, the more you “dumb it down,” the better you’ll do.
Jeff Paul taught me to write like I was speaking to Homer Simpson directly. And when I
heard him say that, it didn’t take much convincing.
Here’s some “off the top of my head” proof that we, as a general species, LOVE stupid
stuff ...and will respond to it whether we want to or not:
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1. Beavis and Butthead Do America (the full length movie about Beavis and butthead)
did $63,118,386.00 in box office sales in the United States alone. (Heh heh ... I said “full
length.”)
2. The song, “Macarena” sold more than 10 million copies and spent 60 weeks in the Top
100 charts.
3. Gemmy, the novelty company responsible for the singing fish, “Billy Bass,” sold so
many of those dumb ass singing fish that shoe manufacturers in China were temporarily
SHUT DOWN.
Why?
Because all of the manufacturing facilities in that district of China were running full
throttle ...trying (unsuccessfully) to keep up with the demand for Billy Bass.
Billy Bass Facts You Need To Know:
A: Bill Clinton gave one to Al Gore as a gift.
B: There’s one at Queen Elizabeth’s Balmoral Castle.
C: One was seen on George W. Bush’s (my man!) wall during a press conference while
the Florida recount was going on.
OK - let’s look at this for a minute.
Whenever I advocate being stupid, people say, “yeah that works if you’re selling to so-
and-so market.” Well look at the list above for Billy Bass.
THOSE PEOPLE BOUGHT IT AND THEY’RE THE “CREAM OF THE CROP”!

(Except Dubya.)
So there. Stupid stuff works. It’s UNIVERSALLY appealing.
But you don’t want to be stupid just for the sake of being stupid. That’s just ...well
...stupid.
Instead, use stupidity in your marketing to: A: Contribute to the whole EESM vibe. B:
Get them laughing with you.
C: Make yourself more approachable and ...HUMAN in your marketing.
I was recently watching a very expensive DVD course by Neil Strauss ...the author of
“The Game.”
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Neil is called the greatest pickup artist in the world ...and for good reason. This guy
knows his stuff. He’s the guy in the bar that’s surrounded by supermodel-looking women
...while their (soon to be former) boyfriends slap him on the back and buy him beers.
And you’d never know it by looking at the guy or talking to him. He’s just a regular
person like anybody else. But when he “turns it on,” he’s like a magnet. Damnedest thing
you ever saw...
Anyway - the DVD course was basically 10 hours of Neil explaining how all this
advanced nookie-getting stuff works.
Here’s one thing he said that will forever stick out in my mind:
The Stuff That Was Funny In Second Grade Is Even Funnier Now!
And when I saw him say it, I didn’t believe it. (Yes, I strayed away from my faith in
stupidity ...and ask for forgiveness.)
Anyway - to prove a point, Neil brought in some female “test subjects.” He then
proceeded to demonstrate the power of stupidity.
For example, he got one girl to join the “Pen 15 Club” by having her write “Pen 15” on
her hand. If you look at “Pen 15” from a distance, it looks like the word “Penis.”
Amazingly, the woman thought this was funny. And no ...she wasn’t a dumb bimbo type.
Regular person like us. She didn’t fall out laughing or anything ...but she did laugh with
Neil.
Now it wasn’t like he did that and then she said, “Let’s Get Naked!”
Instead, the whole “Pen 15” thing was just an ice-breaker. It was a little use of stupid-fun
stuff to break down defenses and get someone laughing with you.
A HUGE part of our jobs as marketers is to just get our foot in the door.
...Separate ourselves from the “gimme money” armies that lay siege to our prospects’
defenses.
So who do you think the woman would remember more? A guy that delivered the
standard lines, or the guy from the “Pen 15 Club”?
Yup. Thought so.
This was next part written in March of 2006. I’d just moved my family from Macon,
Georgia to La Jolla, California.
We didn’t know a soul, and were entering a world where you could buy 1/2 as much
house for roughly 8 times the price.
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I also knew I’d found paradise ...or at least the closest thing to it within the continental
United States.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 37
SECTION III
“When the going gets weird, the

weird turn pro.”
- Dr. Hunter S. Thompson
I want to tell you about a guy. His name is Tucker. Tucker Max. Here’s a guy who has
somehow managed to get fame and fortune by being notoriously drunk and insane. I’m
serious. All this guy does is gets liquored up, makes an ass of himself, and then writes
about it. And he gets to sleep with a bunch of women in the process.
You can read all about him on his infamous website, Tuckermax.com.
I found out about him at the local Barnes and Noble. I was in the psychology section
looking for books that had helpful information on how to convince people to do what I
want, when I stumbled over his book, “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell.” Your guess is as
good as mine as to why they had his book in the Psychology section.
Anyway, I immediately snatched it up. (How could anyone resist that title?)
This is a book of short stories, all allegedly true. All based on wild nights of drunken
stupidity with Tucker being the main character in each one.
A typical story goes like this:
1. I went out and somehow ended up incoherently drunk.
2. I jabbered at a series of women and was rudely rejected by all of them.
3. Eventually, I uttered some magical combination of words, which caused one of the
women to want to take me home with her.
4. I complied with her request to accompany her to her home, and when we arrived there
we got naked.
5. We had sex; and afterwards, I did something really crazy but I don’t remember doing
it. (Like peeing in her closet, showing my privates to her roommate, vomiting behind her
night table while she freshens up in the bathroom, etc.)
6. As a result of my actions, I was asked to leave.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 38
7. Between her house and mine, I had many strange encounters (such as passing out in
someone’s shrubbery, belligerently arguing with police, almost making out with a
transvestite, and so forth.)
8. Upon finally returning home, going to bed, and then waking up, I realize I don’t feel
too well.
9. I therefore begin drinking in order to alleviate my discomfort.
10. Steps 1-9 are repeated.
O.K. - that’s the whole book in a nutshell. But it’s a damn good read and it’s something
you should read immediately.
Yes, you may be VERY offended by the stories in this book. It has swear words in it.
Like “shit, fuck, damn, and ass.”
It even glorifies drunkenness and degrades women. (I’m not cool with the whole
degrading women thing, but I’m still glad I read the book.) If you’re easily offended, put
your morals on hold for a minute and read it anyway.
Why?
Because the book is one of those disguised marketing lessons that so few people pick up
on.
And it teaches this lesson by example. Here’s the lesson:
Being Controversial, Outspoken, And Even Offensive Flat Out WORKS.
Especially if you inject your writing with PERSONALITY. In Tucker’s book, his
personality comes out at you like a rocket-propelled grenade.
There’s no getting around it.
In your face, balls-out madness.
It’s 110% “I’m Tucker Max so you can just kiss my ass.” And guess what?
His Market Eats It Up!
Hell, they want to BE Tucker Max.
He’s writing to 18-25 year old college kids. Mostly men. And they swear allegiance to
him like he’s a Demigod of Debauchery. Don’t believe me? Go get his book and look at
the back cover. There’s a reader testimonial that basically says, “Tucker, you rule. If you
slept with my girlfriend it would make me love her MORE.”
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 39
This guy is so popular, he’s booked most of the year touring colleges and doing book
signings. His herd of backwards baseball hat wearing frat boys flock to see him. And
while this is great for Tucker Max, you might be wondering,
What The Hell Does This Have To Do With ME?!?
As usual, the answer is EVERYTHING.
Let me tell you how I think his book came to be. Young Tucker has a website. And on
that website, he has a Blog.
And on that website and in that blog, he posts stories. Many are the same stories that are
in his book.
Stay with me here.
Anyway, from what I can tell, this is what happened:
1. Tucker made a website.
2. Tucker did a bunch of crazy shit and wrote about it on his website and in his blog.
3. His website and blog became very popular, probably because Frat-Boy A told Frat-
Boy B about it, and it spread through word of mouth.
4. Someone said, “Hey, you should take those stories on your site and make a book out of
them.”
5. He said, “O.K.”
6. He made the book and sold a bunch of copies.
7. He is now famous and is presumably making money from the book sales.
My psychic powers tell me you’re still wondering what this has to do with you. Let me
ask you a question:
Is There THAT Big Of A Difference Between His Blog Posts And Say ... An Auto
responder Sequence?
Not really.
He just posted stuff on a website instead of sending stuff by email. The mechanics are
different but the process is similar, if not the same. He:
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 40
A: Cultivated a herd by standing out and offering something they wanted. (In this case,
stories which let them live vicariously through someone they wish they were like. AKA -
Escape from daily boredom.)
B: Built a relationship with that herd by delivering fun and entertaining messages. (In the
form of blog posts instead of email, but the end result was the same.)
C: Positioned himself as the Leader by basically saying, “I’m Tucker Max and I’m the
leader. By the way, kiss my ass.”
D: Now uses his relationship with that herd to make money. (In this case, sell his book.)
Wanna know what made it work? PERSONALITY.
You gotta have it. If you don’t stand out, you’re dead in the water. Someone else is going
to come along and take YOUR MONEY from your prospect’s wallet ...and transfer it to
their own account instead of yours.
Are we going to put up with this?
HELL NO!
Now listen, I’m about to give you some more Auto responder fodder and continue on
with the Us Vs. Them theme we talked about a few pages back.
But before I do, I want to give you a warning. YOU CANNOT FAKE PERSONALITY.
If you try, it’s as transparent as Saran Wrap. Seen it happen too many times.
There’s one guy in our industry. A guy who I respect and admire. This guy knows his
stuff COLD and has a lot to offer.
He publishes a newsletter about marketing. It’s a good newsletter.
It’s also a BLATANT ATTEMPT TO BE JOHN CARLTON. This guy’s writing is the
exact opposite from his real personality. And it shows. You read his newsletter and can’t
help but think, “Man ...If I wanted to read John Carlton, I’d read John Carlton.” (By the
way, it is a good idea to read John Carlton.)
And this reaction makes the writer lose credibility instantly. You can tell that he’s faking
it.
So when I tell you about Tucker Max, I don’t want you to go out and copy his style or
anything ..unless you’re really like him.
I’m just giving you an example of how someone can capitalize on personality alone. You
need to find your own groove, and then merge with your market’s groove ...and that’s
what I’m here to help you do.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 41
I’m going to give you more of the Us Vs. Them templates to model after. But when you
do, keep your market in mind.
Choose your language carefully.
Just because you and I respond to sentences like, “This software will put search engines
in a kung-fu death grip and make your web site skyrocket to #1 overnight!” doesn’t
necessarily mean your market will respond to the same overall vibe.
Can you imagine writing the Scrapbooking market with something like that?
“This font collection will make your scrapbooks look so good, the other girls in your
scrapbooking club will beg for mercy, red-faced and humiliated.”
Ain’t gonna fly, is it?
That’s not how the market thinks or talks. They don’t want to humiliate anyone in their
scrapbooking club. They do want their scrapbooks to look good, however. And they do
want them to look better than anyone else’s, and get compliments, right? Of course. So
how could you convey that with personality ...while staying in tune with the market?
Maybe like this:
“When my wife came home from her scrapbooking club, I couldn’t help but notice the
three home made coffee cakes and the cherry pie she was carrying. She blushingly told
me they were bribes the other ladies had given her ...because they all wanted to know
how she was making her scrapbooks look so good!”
Or this:
“You’ll love this exciting new scrapbooking system, but let me give you a warning.
Prepare to be the envy of your scrapbooking club! And don’t be surprised if the other
girls flatter you more and more at every meeting ... hoping you’ll tell them your secret.”
Or this:
“You probably know the woman I’m talking about. She’s a surgeon’s wife and she shows
up for our scrapbook club meetings in her Mercedes convertible looking like she just
stepped out of a magazine. Every scrapbook club has one of these women and I’m sure
yours does too.”
“She doesn’t have to work so she spends hours on her scrapbooks ...and boy does it
show! They’re always the talk of our group.”
“If you’re like me, you can’t help but be a little envious of these women. But now you
and I have an unfair advantage. At least when it comes to scrapbooking.”
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 42
“The very first time I showed off my scrapbook after using the Scrapbook Secrets
system, it was like she was invisible! Every eye in our scrap book club was on my
scrapbook ...including hers!”
All three of these examples imply the same thing:
“You will be better than others and they will be impressed by you.” ...But they say it in a
language more fitting to the market.
So remember, when I explain auto responder techniques to you and give you templates,
you need to use them as GUIDES for your own stuff.
ALWAYS keep your market in mind. Know who you’re writing to and be sure you speak
their language.
With that said, let me give you two of ...
The Best Us vs. Them Templates of All Time!
For the first one, I’m going to exploit a concept I learned from the Great Grumpy Dan
Kennedy.
If you listen to his copywriting seminar tapes (which you should do at once), you’ll hear
him talk about how important it is for your prospects to know that ... it’s not their fault!
Like this:
“Are you 700 pounds overweight? It’s not your fault! You’re a victim of the diet industry
that’s taking advantage of you by keeping the real weight loss secrets to themselves ...so
you’ll have to give them your money forever.”
Or this:
“So your kid smokes crack every morning, skips school, and mugs old ladies. It’s not
your fault! (And it’s not your kid’s fault either!)”
“The blame lies on the television networks. They’re the ones filling our children’s heads
with poison. But now you can take a stand against them and turn your kid into a well
behaved Cub Scout overnight thanks to our new in-home electro-shock therapy kit...”
You get the picture.
So, here’s a template for an email broadcast that for me, is like an ATM machine.
Every time I send this out, I have a huge spike in sales.
Subject: <$firstname$> It’s NOT your fault!
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 43
Hi <$firstname$>,
It’s NOT your fault that your sausages aren’t turning out like
you want ...yet. The truth is ...we’ve been misled by the so-
called experts! You see, 99% of the ‘professional” sausage making
techniques are DEAD WRONG!
In fact, many of them will make your sausage come out worse!
For example, most pro sausage makers will tell you to use fennel
seeds for that Italian flavor.
What they don’t tell you is that when fennel seeds are cooked at
a temperature over 200 degrees, they release an ACID which makes
the sausage taste BITTER!
But everybody knows that you HAVE to cook sausage at 350 degrees,
right?
The real trick is to cook the sausage at the normal 350 degrees
like we always do, and then when it’s almost done, take it out,
let it cool ...and THEN press the whole fennel seeds through the
skin.
When you’re done, finish it up by cooking it for 10 minutes at

175.
WARNING: If you serve this, be prepared to have your friends

STALKING you for the recipe.
But let me ask you a question, <$firstname$>...
If they’re not telling you this, what else are they hiding from
you?
Plenty. They don’t want you to know the right way to make sausage
because if you did, you’d never have to buy another product from
them again!
That little tip I just gave you was only a tiny fraction of
what’s being exposed here:
And that’s why I’m taking so much heat from the Sausage Making
industry right now ...for revealing secrets like the one I just
shared with you.
But that was nothing! When they find out how I really blow the
whistle in Sausage Making Secrets, I’ll probably get all kinds of
pressure to stop selling it. And that’s why this controversial
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 44
Sausage making system could be taken off the market at any
minute,
See for yourself what all the fuss is about here:
http://www.SausageSecrets.com
Talk soon,
Christopher Wallace
P.S. NOTICE: There’s talk of lawsuits being filed against me for

letting this information out.
As it stands now, I will NOT back down.
However, if they have their way, I’ll have to take the site down.
I urge you to get your copy of this highly confidential and
controversial sausage making system immediately ... before it’s
too late!
Here’s the site: http://www.sausagesecrets.com
Powerful stuff. In this example, I give a hint of what’s being kept from them ...and leave
them wanting more.
Plus, the ever-present implied scarcity of not being able to access the “secrets” in the
event THEY win.
OK - next one.
By the way, I like to send this one out the day after I send out the “It’s Not Your Fault”
message.
Subject: <$firstname$> - Why are they so ANGRY??
Hi <$firstname$>,
Professional sausage makers are furious with me because I’m

making them look bad with my outrageous guarantee.
It’s true.
If you try my controversial (and possibly soon-to-be-BANNED)

Sausage Secrets system and you’re not the talk of every kitchen
in town, I’ll give you a refund and let you keep the entire
system for FREE.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 45
No questions asked, no forms to fill out, no tricks. It’s all in
black and white right here:
NOBODY in the Sausage industry is willing to put their money

where their mouth is like this.
Do you know why?
Because they’re giving you BAD information! And you know what’s
really got ‘em steamed? I’m not even a professional sausage
maker!
I’m just a regular guy from Alabama who loves sausage ...just
like you.
The only difference is, I’ve dedicated YEARS to sausage making

...and I’ve finally “cracked the code” to the real way to make
amazing sausage every time ...even if you’re a beginner!
But don’t take my word for it, see what your fellow sausage
lovers have to say about it here:
Talk soon,
Christopher Wallace
P.S. Remember that guarantee? That’s the real deal. You can see
it in plain English here:
The fact is, if you’re not the talk of every kitchen in your
neighborhood after
you put Sausage Secrets to work for you, then I refuse to accept
your money.
In fact, I’d rather you keep my entire system for free ...just as
my way of saying, “thanks for trying it out.”
Who knows, maybe you’ll have a friend who’d like to try it.
Either way, don’t you wish *everything* came with a guarantee

like this?
Test drive this today. You’ll be glad you did:
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 46
There’s something you need to recognize about both of these templates. Notice how
many times I inserted the LINK in the message.
It’s very important that you put the link to your site in each message as many times as
you can get away with.
I like a MINIMUM of three in mine. The reason I do this is because I know the TRUE
purpose of a follow up sequence.
Can you guess it?
The REAL purpose of your auto responders is to ...
Get Them To Click The Damn Link!
That’s all.
It is NOT to sell your product.
It is NOT to discredit your competition. It’s ONLY to get them to go to your sales letter.
Now ...let me clarify. You still need to make sure you’re sending out EESMs instead of
boring junk.
But the reason your autoresponders need to be empathetic and entertaining is just so your
prospects will actually READ them.
That’s the driver behind this whole thing.
We can’t sell shit if they don’t go to the site.
...And it’s the SALES LETTER’S JOB to sell the product. NOT the autoresponder’s job.
However, you can (and should) pre-frame the prospect and put him in a buying mood
before he clicks the link.
In the second template, I pre-framed the prospect by hammering the guarantee.
I didn’t talk about how great the guarantee was as much as I simply stated that it:
A: Existed
B: Was pissing THEM off.
C: You can see it at this link here...
Here’s the exact lingo that makes this pre-frame happen:
“If you try my controversial (and possibly soon-to-be-BANNED) Sausage Secrets system
and you’re not the talk of every kitchen in town, I’ll give you a refund and let you keep
the entire system for FREE.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 47
No questions asked, no forms to fill out, no tricks. It’s all in black and white right here:
http://www.sausagesecrets.com”
And ...
“ P.S. Remember that guarantee? That’s the real deal. You can see it in plain English
here: http://www.sausagesecrets.com”
Notice how I’m not overtly selling here. I’m just sneaking in a little pre-frame and sliding
in a link to where my prospect can see what the fuss is about for himself.
And your wording is important when you do this.
You don’t want to say, “Click here.” You want to fly under the radar and say things like
this:
“See what others had to say here.” “Here’s the site.”
“When they get wind of this they’re going to flip out. You can see why here.”
All of those sentences are geared to get them to click on the link.
So if you were to outline the function of your auto responder components it would look
like this:
Subject line:
1. Get attention.
2. Get message opened.
Body copy:
1. Get link clicked.
2. Pre frame buyer.
3. Create bond with prospect.
4. Create anticipation for next message.
P.S.:
1. Get link clicked
Remember. It’s crucial that you let each component do its job ...and no more than its job
alone.
In our Mass Control world, everything has a clear and defined purpose. Act with that
purpose in mind. Know your outcome. And speaking of your outcome, my psychic
powers are telling me you’re a part of this Mass Control community for one primary
reason:
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 48
TO MAKE A BUNCH OF MONEY.
So here’s a very underutilized tip for doing just that: STEAL
No. Do not steal from others.

STEAL FROM YOURSELF.
Do you remember how I advise you to play your cards close to your vest so your sites
won’t get knocked off?
Well even if you’re even more cautious and paranoid than John “Howard Huges” Reese
himself, eventually you’ll have some competition.
So why not go ahead and knock off your own site? It’s easy.
Just get another domain, create a similar product to the one you’re already selling, and
send traffic to it!
Use a different character for the sales process, of course. And you’ll naturally want a
different sales letter.
You basically do the same thing a competitor would do.
Not only does this make you more money, it also creates a false sense of competition for
others who might want to move in to your niche.
And you can cross promote the “competing” products to each list! So you’re basically
doubling your exposure in the market.
You can expect to almost double your traffic and sales from this strategy once you have
your “competitor” site up and running optimally.
I’m telling you. This is a no-brainer. I wouldn’t advise moving into any new niches until
you’ve cloned yourself at least once in the niches you’re already in.
And speaking of making more money, here’s a test I did that ... Increased Profits By
300%!
I have one market I play in where I’m still in the “send ‘em to an affiliate program” stage.
I’ve been in this stage forever because I’m too damned lazy to make a product ...even
though it’s OBVIOUS this market is ripe for the plundering.
Anyway - I wanted to see if I could squeeze out some more money so I decided to see
what would happen if I put Adsense on the opt in pages.
I put it right under the headline ...above the bullets.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 49
I spend about $150.00 a day in PPC traffic in this market.
Ever since I started the test, I’ve brought in about $120 a day in adsense! This means I’ve
reduced my expenses by about 75%!
So now it costs me only $30 or so a day for 1,500+ unique visitors.
The great thing is the adsense didn’t really kill my opt in conversion the way I thought it
might.
I dropped from 20% to about 15% opt in conversion.
So while my list is growing at a slightly slower pace, my profits have shot up

dramatically.
My daily sales are the same as always. Around $200 or so on average. So where my daily
profit used to average around $50 ...it is now around $170! Pretty nice pay raise from a
simple test :-) Sometimes, the answer is right under our noses.
I took me over a year to test putting Adsense on the opt in pages because I “knew” it
wouldn’t work.
Obviously I was wrong.
We don’t know ANYTHING until we test it. Period.
Take a minute right now to think of any aspects of your business you might be making
false assumptions about.
For example, are you using audio on your sites because your competition does and you
therefore assume it pulls better? Or have you tested to find out for yourself ?
Are you using a particular opt in layout because you’ve seen everyone else using it so
you assume it works? ...Or have you tested it against something different entirely ...just to
be sure?
I know that YOU KNOW to test. But do you actually do it?
You should.
One test could give you a pay raise that will pay for this book many times over.
This part was written right around Tax time, after I’d written out somewhere in the
neighborhood of $500,000.00 worth of checks for taxes.
Good ol’ Uncle Sam. Gotta pay your protection money.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 50
I knew that everyone was feeling the tax squeeze and would need some quick cash ...so
that’s what I wrote about. Getting quick cash.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 51
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 52
SECTION IV
“If you are the big tree, we are the

mall axe. Sharpened to cut you down.
Ready to cut you down.”
- From Bob Marley’s “Small Axe.”
I’ll tell you.
Bob Marley didn’t screw around.
And he sho’ nuff didn’t like The Man. You know ...the government. If you listen to
Bob’s lyrics they’re almost always about God or revolution against government tyranny.
So why am I telling you this?
Because Those Bastards In Washington Are Taking More Of YOUR Money Than
You Think!
...And it’s time to do something about it.
As I write this to you from my La Jolla headquarters, millions of people ...including me

...are getting ready for TAX TIME.
No. This newsletter is not about how bad it sucks to pay taxes. I personally don’t mind it
all that much. In fact, if I could pay a few bucks extra as “protection money” or
something that would guarantee they left me alone, I probably would.
“Here boys. Here’s a little extra. Buy yourselves some nice tanks or file cabinets or
something ...but leave me the hell alone.”
“Sure thing Mr. Kern. Thank you for your support.” Whatever.
The reason I’m bringing up the dreaded tax issue is this: IT FEAKS PEOPLE OUT.
Namely the people who buy your stuff. Right now, as I write this, there are visitors on
your website who are reading your sales pitch, getting out their credit cards ...and at the
last minute, changing their minds.
Why? Because they gotta pay taxes and they want to make sure they have enough scratch
left for The Man.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 53
And that, my friend, is taking money out of your pocket. In fact, it’s almost like you’re
being hit with a “business slowdown tax” or something.
I was on the phone a few minutes with my buddy Rappin’ Matt “Thundercat” of
http://www.ThunderCatSeductionLayer.com.
He told me his sales are down about 60% from last month.
My degenerate cousin, Trey, told me his sales were so slow he thought his website was
broken.
In my business, I’m about $1,000 per DAY behind normal sales volume. It blows.
But to Hell with whining about it ...and to hell with worrying about it. Why not turn this
problem into profits?
See, we’re not the only ones thinking about taxes. Our customers are thinking about them
too.
Walk up to any person in America right now and say, “Damn taxes ...” and shazam!
You have an instant friend.
So right now, we have an opportunity to follow the advice of the masters of marketing
who came before us.
We have an almost UNIVERSAL opportunity to
Enter The Conversation In Our Prospects’ Minds!
See, if everyone is pissed off about taxes ...why not use it to your advantage?
All you have to do is build rapport with your prospects by telling them you know how
they feel ...and you feel the same way.
Sound obvious? Sound easy? Good. Because it is. Here are
Two Quick And Easy Ways To Make Money During Tax Season ...In Spite Of
Those Shit Birds In Washington
The first thing you can do is have a TAX SALE. In a TAX SALE, you basically have two
options.
First, you can give a discount on your product and say it’s because of tax time. I’m sure
by now you know my feelings about such foolishness.
I ask, “Why lower prices when you can just add more value?”
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 54
So my advice is to choose Door Number Two: offer a new bonus as a tax time incentive.
And do it in a way that ties in the whole “taxes suck” vibe we ALL have going on right
now.
So, lets say you’re in the Sausage Market, and you’re selling a book about how to make
sausage.
A great bonus that would match the whole anti-tax vibe would be a detailed report on
how to get premium sausage for pennies on the dollar.
The key here is to make the bonus some how “tie in” with the tax problem. in this case,
we’d position it like this:
With taxes upon us, we sausage makers need all the extra money we can get! And that’s
why I’ve created this breakthrough report, “How To Get Premium Sausages For Pennies
On The Dollar”!
If you were going to use this strategy, here’s a SAMPLE TEMPLATE of an email you
might send out to promote it:
Subject: <$firstname$>, are you one of these people?
Hi <$firstname$>,
Right now, millions of people (myself included) are feeling the

sting of tax time.
Are you one of us?
You’re gonna love this:
LINK TO SALES PAGE WITH BONUS ON IT.
Here’s the scoop.
You know how much it costs to buy sausage these days. The stuff
ain’t cheap! And with the Tax Man knocking on our doors, we need
all the extra cash we can get.
And that’s why I foot the bill to get us this new system called
“Free Sausage For Life.”
You can see it here: LINK
People in the Sausage community are freaking out over this. The
reason why is now you can get premium sausage for pennies on the
dollar ...and sometimes you can even get it free!
See how here: LINK
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 55
Yes, I know it sounds crazy but it’s true. It took me forever to
figure out how to do this, but the timing couldn’t be better.
My wife tells me I should sell this new system for $97. She says
we need the money for taxes!
But if you’re anything like me, you’re wanting to watch your

wallet until tax season is over.
And that’s why YOU CAN JUST FLAT-OUT HAVE THIS FOR FREE. No
kidding.
All you have to do is test drive my Sausage Secrets course and

this amazing new “Free Sausage” system is yours at no charge.
BUT THERE’S A CATCH.
It’s no biggie though. The catch is, I can only guarantee this
for today. The reason why is once tax season is over, I plan to
start selling it at full price. (It’s worth its weight in gold,
and you’ll see why when you check it out here: LINK)
Anyway - if you want this brand new system for NOTHING, you can
get it here: LINK
Talk soon,
Alphonso Gomez
P.S. This offer is set to expire at the end of today. Go here and
check it out before it’s too late: LINK
P.P.S. If you try to go here and the web page is gone, it means
the offer has expired already.
Here’s the special site again: LINK
P.P.P.S. This is only for a select group of my closest

subscribers. Please don’t share it with anyone. Let’s keep it in
the family : LINK
OK - you’ll notice I had a link to the special page in this email EIGHT times.
Remember last section when I told you to interweave the link into your email
conversationally? That’s how you do it.
Also notice I’m suggesting you send them to a special web page that mentions the free
bonus. Don’t just send them to your regular page and expect them to “get it.”
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Here’s another way to make some quick sales during tax season.
You use the old “try before you buy” method.
In this method, you set up your merchant account to simply verify the credit card today
...and then bill them in a week, a month, or whatever if they don’t cancel.
You can expect two things to happen:
1. You’ll get a lot of takers.

2. You’ll get a lot of cancellations. (About 30-40%)
Don’t sweat the cancellations. It’s a part of this process.
Now, I know a lot of our members use Clickbank ...and I know they don’t offer this free
trial thingy.
Fortunately, PayPal does.
So if you have PayPal. You can set it up straight through them.
When you’re in your main account section, select “merchant tools” from the tabs at the
top.
From the “merchant tools” section, select “Subscriptions and recurring payments” from
the “Key Features” menu at the bottom right hand side of the page.
You’ll then be taken to the page where you can set up your free trial. It’s a beauty. Really
simple.
Now - simply having a free trial isn’t going to do you much good unless you TELL your
list about it ...and tell them WHY you’re doing it.
Here’s a SAMPLE TEMPLATE of an email I would send out:
Subject: <$firstname$> - are you one of these people?
Hi <$firstname$>,
Are you like me? You know ...one of the millions of people who
hate paying taxes this time of year?
If so, you’ll love this: LINK
Here’s the scoop.
I’m guessing you’d like to hang on to your wallet until tax time
is over. I know how you feel because I’m the same way.
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And that’s why you can have my entire Sausage Making system today
...WITHOUT PAYING A DIME.
Yup. It’s all in black and white right here: LINK
The bottom line is you can have my entire system today for
nothing ...and if you like it, you can buy it later. If you don’t
like it, no problem. You don’t pay anything and we’re still
friends.
There’s no funny business or anything, and you can see it all

spelled out in plain English here: LINK
BUT THERE’S A CATCH! It’s no biggie though.
The catch is, I can only guarantee this for today. The reason why
is once tax season is over, I plan to start selling it at full
price.
Anyway - if you want this acclaimed system for NOTHING, you can
get it here: LINK
Talk soon,
Alphonso Gomez
P.S. This offer is set to expire at the end of today. Go here and
check it out before it’s too late: LINK
P.P.S. If you try to go here and the web page is gone, it means
the offer has expired already.
Here’s the special site again: LINK
P.P.P.S. This is only for a select group of my closest

subscribers. Please don’t share it with anyone. Let’s keep it in
the family :-) If I notice an unusual amount of people taking
advantage of this, I’ll assume this secret web page has been
“leaked,” and I’ll have to take it down. I don’t want to give
away the farm, you know ;-)
LINK
OK - once again, there are a ton of links to the special page. I’m not really trying to sell it
in this email ...just telling them about it and giving them the URL.
Oh - and here’s a thought.
You could do the “tax sale” today ...and do the free trial tomorrow.
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And on the next day, you could do an even bigger offer where you let them have the extra
bonus COMBINED with the free trial.
There’s really no end to the special promotions you can come up with. But they only way
to find one that works is to TRY something!
Now get to work. We got taxes to pay!
It’s the end of the world as we know

it ...and I feel fine.”
R.E.M.
We’re clearly doomed. As I write this, 1Shoppingcart has announced that they will be
making some CHANGES regarding their permission-based email.
Yes. CHANGES.
And already, the death knell can be heard. “Are we gonna have to do double opt in?”
“Are we gonna be able to use email any more?” “ARE WE SCREWED?” Here’s the
answer to all three:
Who Knows? ... But Who Cares?
First let me acknowledge some things.
I’m writing this on May 11th (2006). So the whole thing has probably been resolved by
the time you get this. We either have to do double opt in or we don’t.
Second. Change is always scary as hell. Yeah, even for me.
(Except for right this very minute. Right now I’m tucking into Corona #4 and am feeling
very ...um... relaxed about the whole thing.)
Anyway, back to the original point.
WHO GIVES A DAMN?
Think about it.
If the whole word goes double opt in ...what’s that going to do? First, it’s gonna thin the
herd.
Much of your competition in Niche marketing is just the gutless wussbags that copy
people like us ...in hopes of making a fast buck.
They’ll undoubtedly VANISH or they’ll stop building lists. Both scenarios are good for
you.
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Second, it’s going to probably make your life much easier. Now how could I say this?
The main reason is ...you’ll only be getting people on your list who really REALLY want
to hear from you.
Think about it.
If a guy won’t double opt in, he probably won’t be in too much of a hurry to buy your
stuff now will he? No. Didn’t think so.
So screw him. Really.
Let Me Share A DISGUSTING Fact With You
I get around 1,000 - 1,500 new opt ins a day.
O.K. That’s not so disgusting. But here’s where it gets ugly.
My combined niches that I actually TRY to market to have a total of 288,000 unique
people on the lists.
Not too shabby.
But guess how many actually OPEN the email. UNDER TWO PERCENT. Yup. No
kidding.
Now why is this?
First of all, lots of these people have been on the list forever (like 2 years) and just don’t
give a damn anymore. Plus, I don’t really try all that hard. Second of all, I pummel them
CONSTANTLY with propaganda. (Big surprise.) And while that might fly for a month
or so ...after a long period, people might just get a little tired of getting nothing but sales
letters. (Shocking.)
So here’s the way it’s really going down. People on your list, my list ...anyone’s list
pretty much quit caring about what we have to say after about a few months.
Sure - it’s still good to have a huge list with tons of “seasoned” subscribers on it ...but
these “old timers” aren’t that into it unless you take steps to hold their interest. (We’ll get
to those. Stay with me here.)
With the new folks, it’s a different story. Take the 1,500 or so people that are opting in
every day.
They open like crazy. And I actually track the sales that come from:
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A: The thank-you page they see immediately after opting in.
B: The “normal” autoresponder messages they get automatically for their first month.
C: The “buy my stuff or we’ll all die and go to hell” broadcasts I relentlessly pound them
with forever.
Stay with me here, we’re about to do math. Yeah. Really.
OK - so - on average, 2.25% of the people who opt in buy immediately.
5.1% of the people who respond to the first 30 days worth of follow up messages are
buying, and 4.7% of the people who respond to the pummeling broadcasts buy.
Get this - in a given month, only 45,000 people get the 30-day auto responder messages,
But over TWO HUNDRED EIGHTY EIGHT THOUSAND people get the “pummel”
messages.
But guess what?
The people who are in the pile of 45,000 actually bought MORE than the people who
were in the 288,000 pile.
Meaning - more actual dollars came from the smaller group.
(Remember, we’re measuring sales from people who respond ...as in clicking the link in
the offer ...not measuring a percentage of the list as a whole.)
So the small group of people who are coming in fresh are responsible for the most money
in my pocket.
Finally, size really doesn’t count! (All right! We can quit buying Corvettes and
Hummers!)
What matters is ...responsiveness. Now ...let me further explain.
Off all those 288,000 people ...only about 5,000 will actually OPEN THE DAMN
EMAIL on any given day. And that’s a good day. I’ve had worse.
So that leaves about 283,000 people who aren’t even paying attention. Where is the
money coming from?
It’s coming from the small pocket of 5,000 people.
It’s coming from 1.7% of the people who are opting in. Can you believe that? You
should.
Oh - and it’s not the same people month in and month out. The group of 5,000 is ever-
evolving. People drop off and are replaced by new responsive people every month.
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(Interestingly, in this same business ... I make roughly 2,500 sales a month. When
someone buys, they’re taken of the list. They leave the group of 5,000 and are replaced
with the new guys that are coming in every day.)
But here’s my point.
IT’S ALL ABOUT THAT SMALL POCKET OF PEOPLE WHO ARE HIGHLY
INTERESTED.
And this is why double-opt in doesn’t really matter. I just told you I make about 2,500
sales a month. I get about 45,000 opt ins.
If I only got 2,500 opt ins ...and they were those same people who were buying, it
wouldn’t make a bit of difference.
The other 42,500 people aren’t making me a dime.
Now Hang On Just A Gosh Dang Minute!
I’m not telling you there’s no point in building a big ass list ...I’m just trying to get you to
believe me when I tell you that a big list doesn’t automatically mean big profits.
And I’m trying to explain that if you end up having to go double opt-in, it’s not the end of
the world. It’s only a matter of time until we ALL have to do it ...no matter who hosts our
lists. So you might as well start planning for the future.
Oh - and those 2,500 people who buy each month. Do you think they would’ve
confirmed their subscriptions? Of course.
So hopefully this eases your mind a little. Now, let’s talk about
How To Get More People Into Your Sweet Spot
(Doesn’t that sound kind of ...dirty? Pervert.)
Remember how I told you that there is always a “pocket” of about 5,000 people on my
list who are opening the broadcasts and responding?
I call this the “sweet spot” of the list.
It only makes sense that if I had more people in the sweet spot, I’d make more money.
So how do you do it?
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The first way is to have more people opting in in general. (Duh.) And if we go to double
opt in, we’re going to see a decrease in overall subscriptions due to the fact that nobody
gets 100% of the people to confirm.
So we have to do two things right off the bat.
First, we have to improve the conversion of the opt in form.
Second, we have to get more people to confirm their subscriptions. We’ll save opt in
form conversion for another day. (This will give me a chance to run my 300,000 monthly
unique visitors through a series of split tests so I can have some proven techniques for
you.)
Next is Confirmation.
If we’re going to have to go double opt in, we’re going to have to have “mini campaigns”
that convince people to confirm their subscriptions.
Two things come to mind immediately.
First ...we gotta SHOW them how to do it.
You know how when you opt in to a double opt in system, you usually see a totally lame
thank you page that says something like “Don’t forget to whitelist our email address and
confirm your subscription!”
Yeah, right.
Like the folks in our Niche markets even know what a whitelist is. You’re going to have
to SHOW them what to do. As in video.
O.K. Here it goes. I think this is officially the millionth time I’ve said this in the past five
years. Ready?
Here goes...
If You’re Not Using Video In Your Marketing, You’re Leaving Wads Of Cash On
The Table!
I’ll save the lecture for later ...but just trust me here. You need to be using video.
Especially when it comes to convincing people to double opt in.
So let me walk you through it. Remember ... I’ve never bothered with double opt in
before, so I’m offering you something I *think* will work. You know I’m not in the habit
of giving you a bunch of theory, but this is what I’m going to do personally in terms of
coping with the double opt in thing.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 63
As soon as they opt in, they’ll hit a “thank you” page with a video on it. The video will
SHOW them how to confirm ...and it’ll explain why. It will SHOW them what the
confirmation email will look like, it will SHOW them how to click the damn link in there,
and it’ll explain that when they click the link to confirm, they’ll get a SURPRISE that
they didn’t originally count on.
Then it will SHOW them the surprise.
So I’d basically say, “Here’s how you make sure you get your free Sausage Making
report. After this video, check your email like I’m doing here. You’ll see an email just
like this one in your inbox.”
“Open it like I’m doing, and click the link you see inside ...like this.” (Then, I’d click the
link.)
“When you do, two things will happen. First, you’ll get your free Sausage Making Report
sent to you by email immediately.”
“Second, you’ll be taken to a special web page where you can get my latest video (or
audio or report or whatever) called “The Seven Biggest Sausage Making Myths”
...absolutely free.”
“Here’s what that looks like.”
So you’re selling them on confirming ...but you’re showing them how to do it and letting
them “get to know you” in the process by letting them hear your voice and have you
guide them through the process of confirming.
Plus, you’re holding out a “carrot” that makes them want to confirm so they can get it.
This makes you look even better ...because already you’re over delivering on your
promise.
Your prospect is thinking, “Man ...I just thought I was going to get a free report, but now
I’m watching a video and I’m getting this other thing too. This is good stuff!”
See? You’re killing two birds with one stone here.
First, you’re getting them to confirm ...and second, you’re making them know, like, and
trust you immediately by giving them way more than you promised.
O.K. So that’s a no-brainer. Do it.
Now.
If you don’t have Camtasia, you can get a free 30-day trial of it here:
http://www.Camtasia.com
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You can watch video tutorials that show you how to use it here:
http://www.techsmith.com/learn/default.asp#cs
(Weird URL, I know.)
Now, once you make the video, there’s one more important step.
You need to produce it in FLASH (as a .swf file) and have it “Jump” to your sales letter
when it’s done playing.
This way, people will know how to confirm their subscriptions, they’ll be thinking you’re
super cool for giving them even more stuff ...and then, BLAMMO ...they’ll have the
wonderful opportunity to give you money.
Here’s how you do it.
After you’ve imported your video into the Camtasia Editor. (Mindlessly easy if you
watch the tutorials I just gave you a link to.)
Time for the next step...
How to Keep Your Subscribers Interested
OK - so we’re getting people opting in, they’re confirming their subscriptions, and they
love you because you’ve already blown their mind with video interaction and you’ve
over delivered.
We have two roads we can take:
1. Short term road: Pummel the hell out of them relentlessly until they buy your stuff.
This is what I do. This is where the classic Us Vs. Them stuff comes into play. This is
where piling on bonuses comes into play. This is where time deadlines come into play.
It’s worked like a champ for me ... for the people in the sweet spot.
The drawback is that after a while, people get tired of it. That’s why my list of 288,000
has such a low open rate. It’s the reason why under 2% of them are paying attention at
any given time.
So you might consider road #2,
The Long Term Road: In this one, you do three things:
I. Sell Like Hell.

II. Entertain And Amaze (Multimedia)
III. Segment
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O.K. Let’s dig in.
The first part is self-explanatory. Sell like hell. In the first 14 days, these guys need to be
drawn into your story and put under immense pressure to buy.
The reason why is this is the time period where there interest in your topic will most
likely be the highest.
And this makes sense, right? They JUST searched for “Sausage making.” they JUST
opted in. They haven’t had time to find a new interest yet.
It’s just like the time I took up Tennis. Right after my first lesson, I was hooked. I bought
the fancy gear. New racquet, new shoes, sunglasses to see the ball better, bag, more
lessons, club membership ...everything.
Had I waited until 2 weeks later, I’d have bought less stuff. We’re all like this.
So sell like hell during those first two weeks. Email every day. No exceptions.
The next thing you want to do is to entertain and amaze your list. And the best way to do
this is through multimedia. Especially...VIDEO.
Yep. Like I said earlier, if you’re not using video, you’re leaving gobs of cash on the
table.
Plus, you’ll find that once you learn Camtasia (takes maybe an hour), you’ll be hooked.
Hell ...Harlan just sold out a $5,000 workshop using nothing BUT video.
I used a ghetto video to sell $25,000.00 of seats to a Jay Abraham teleseminar once just
screwing around.
I made a video showing how, despite my ineptitude, I was able to make a few bucks with
Adsense thanks to Directory Generator, and it resulted in $50,000.00 in sales for that
product.
It’s EASIER to make videos than it is to write copy. Plus it’s more fun.
Now wait a minute.
You’re probably thinking, I don’t know a damn thing about Sausage Making! I can’t be
in a video about it!
No problem.
Just make a Camtasia recording of a PowerPoint presentation and have it jump to your
sales letter at the end.
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That’s what I do in one of my Niches.
...And 4.5% of the people who watch the video end up buying. Also - don’t forget the
good ol’ Audio Postcard.
Use Audio Generator ...or whatever ...then record yourself talking about Sausage Making
...and let your list have it.
People like multimedia. And it makes them feel like they know you.
HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I’M ABLE TO MAKE SO DAMN MUCH
MONEY IN THE “MARKETING” WORLD ...EVEN THOUGH I PUT ZERO EFFORT
INTO IT???
It’s the VIDEOS.
Every time...
Let me repeat that.
EVERY time I’m at a seminar or something, people tell me how much they love the
screencams I make, and how they feel like the know me because of them.
EVERY TIME.
Look at the launch for Serializers I and II. Video.
Million bucks.
Video.
What are you gonna use starting NOW?
Video.
Thank you.
Now, once you’re entertaining and amazing your list with video and or audio, you need
to move to step three. SEGMENT.
(NOTE: You should still SELL in the videos and audios. Just give content as well ..and
make them fun. And if you make a mistake, don’t edit it out. Laugh about it in the video.
People like that. It makes you a “real person.”)
OK.
Segmenting the list.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 67
All this is taking your list and breaking it up into smaller categories based on interest.
No biggie ...but when you do it, you create MULTIPLE SWEET SPOTS of very targeted,
very interested people.
So let’s say you’re selling a sausage-making book and you’ve only got one product.
...And you’re worried that you’re beating the hell out of your list too much with that one
offer.
Here’s what you do.
You find other stuff to sell as an affiliate, and you sign up and get your affiliate links.
Do this for about 5 programs ...but try to find them on a particular aspect of the market
...like Italian Sausage.
Then you offer your list a FREE VIDEO TOUR called “The Sausage Maker’s Guide to
The Internet - Italian Edition!.”
Oh hell, I’ll just write the email for you.
Subject: NAME - More free videos!
Hi NAME,
I embarrassed to say it ...but I’m a SAUSAGE NERD.
You’ll probably think I’m nuts but I’ve spent the last 11 days on
my computer doing NOTHING but checking out Sausage Making stuff
on the internet.
Let me tell you,
THERE’S SOME REALLY COOL STUFF OUT THERE! Especially when it

comes to making Italian Sausage. Anyway - you gotta see some of
this stuff.
Now I know you probably don’t have time to sit in front of your
computer for 11 days like I did, so I’ve made you a *free* Video
Series called “The Sausage Maker’s Guide To The Internet -
Italian Edition!.”
In this video, I’m your “tour guide” and I show you all the neat
Sausage Making “gems” I’ve found on the Internet.
(Think of it as being able to take a quick “Sausage Making

Vacation”).
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 68
Anyway - I’d love for you to have it ...FREE.
***BUT THERE’S A CATCH*** (Isn’t there always?)
It’s no biggie though.
It’s just that due to the cost of having these videos on my web
site, I can only give them to 100 people. Any more than that and
my web site might crash and I’ll have to pay an arm and a leg.
So if you want to take the free video tour, just go here and sign
up: YOUR LINK HERE.
Remember, it doesn’t cost anything. (But I know you’ll love it!)
Talk soon,
Pablo Escobar
P.S. I can only offer this free tour for 100 people. So if you’d
like the free videos, go here now :-)
YOUR LINK HERE
OK - here’s what you do next:
1. Make an opt-in page for the video people.
2. Make a five day follow up series for them that just gives them the links to each day’s
video.
3. Make five videos, one for each affiliate product you’re selling, and make the videos
“jump” to your affiliate link at the end.
That’s it. You’ve just segmented your list and now you have a sub list of people who are
particularly interested in Italian Sausage.
So they’re ALL in a Sweet Spot ...and they’re targeted to Italian Sausage. Get enough of
them and you can make an Italian Sausage product.
...Or you can just give them cool content and links to Italian Sausage affiliate products.
Follow these three steps and you’ll prosper. It’s a NO-BRAINER. Just get out there and
do it.
This next part was written in May 2006, right after Neil Strauss, Trey “Tea Bag” Smith,
“Rappin” Matt Kadish, and I broke launch records with Neil’s dating launch.
I remember writing this after getting a particularly whiny email from a customer.
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̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 70
SECTION V
“Dude, don’t ask him for anything and

don’t look at him. We don’t want to get
kicked out.”
- Neil Strauss on “The Sushi Nazi”
I’ll never forget it. Neil said it would be one of the best dining experiences of our lives,
but I thought he was just talking.
The place was a hole in the wall sushi spot called “Sushi Nozawa” and it’s in some strip
mall in Hollywood. Parking is cramped and the restaurant is even tighter.
You walk in and you can literally feel the tension in the air. People eat quietly ...heads
down ... focused.
I was totally nervous when we walked in because Neil had been telling us how the
owner/chef (which he calls the Sushi Nazi) will kick you out for the slightest infraction.
Want soy sauce on a piece that already has sauce on it? You’re gone. Eat a piece of sushi
in more than one bite? You’re toast.
One of Neil’s buddies went there a few years ago and pissed the Sushi Nazi off. He was
immediately kicked out. He snuck back in a year and a half later and the Sushi Nazi
recognized him. He got kicked out again. Never been back.
The Sushi Nazi takes absolutely ZERO shit off anyone, will kick you out in a nano-
second (possibly after humiliating you in front of everyone), and refuses to compromise
even a little.
We Should All Take Note
As soon as we walked in, we sat at the Sushi bar and ordered drinks. Beer for me, Sake
for Yanik Silver and Neil.
That was the only thing we ordered.
As soon as the drinks came, a stern faced waiter started bringing us sushi. No menus, no
nothing.
Here’s your food.
Eat it.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 71
Now.
You should know that I normally wouldn’t dig this type of service very much ...but I’ll
return to Sushi Nozawa any time I can. I might even make the two hour combat-drive to
L.A. just to eat there.
Why?
Because It’s The Best Sushi I’ve Ever Had, Period
In fact, it might have been one of the best meals I’ve ever had. (And I eat a lot.)
And this is why Chef Nozawa can “get away” with acting the way he does.
His product is excellent. You want good sushi, you get the best there is, hands down.
No need for fanfare. Just sit down and enjoy.
And I think one of the reasons his sushi is as good as it is is BECAUSE of his “don’t piss
me off or you’re gone” policy.
It allows him to FOCUS on creating an outstanding product ...instead of having to deal

with troublesome patrons who steal his attention and drain his energy.
Like I Said, We Should All Take Note
There is absolutely no reason at all for you to put up with ANY bullshit from your
customers or subscribers.
This is YOUR show. It’s YOUR life. You run it how YOU want. Period.
You need to be RUTHLESS with your “No Bullshit” policy because ...
One Bad Customer Can Cost You A Fortune!
Here’s how that very thing almost happened.
As you probably heard, on May 27th (2006) Neil Strauss, Trey “Tea Bag” Smith,
Rappin’ Matt Kadish, and I did $1,000,000.00 in sales in 30 minutes ...forever
PULVERIZING John Reese’s Million Dollar Day record. (HAHAHAHA!)
After four hours, we had sold over $1.4 MILLION dollars of product.
This was Neil’s Annihilation Method DVD set.
Not a marketing course.
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Right around that time, Ed Dale and I published an exclusive newsletter called “Ultra
Underachievers.”
I remember an Ultra member griping about how all the big launches were only for
Internet Marketing products once ...and how this whole “launch thing” wouldn’t work in
the “real world.”
If we hadn’t kicked him out for being a persistently whiny bastard, he’d be eating his
words right now.
But I digress.
I’ll get to the details of the launch in a minute but right now I want to show you
How A Few Whiny Assholes Almost Cost Us $1,400,000.00
When I first started writing the launch emails for Neil, it was the first time his list of
23,000 or so people had ever been exposed to any type of heavy marketing.
Up until then, he had written them only sporadically ...and it was 100% content when he
did.
He had basically trained them to expect random surprises from him ...chock full of
excellent content.
Which is fine, I guess.
But when it came time to start selling, a handful of them got pissed. He’d get emails from
guys saying things like, “I’ve totally lost respect for you as a writer because of this
marketing.” Or, “You’re just like the rest of the PUA Gurus ...only out for a buck.”
And Those Few Emails REALLY Threw Neil Off His Game
But they’d throw ANYONE off their game is they weren’t prepared for them ...and if
they hadn’t been indoctrinated into the Frank Kern School Of Fukuism.
See, here at the Frank Kern School of Fukuism we believe that all uncool clients,
prospects or subscribers should be gotten rid of IMMEDIATELY ...and never heard from
again. (We do a silent meditation for them where we repeat the mantra “Fah - Queue,”
which means “peace for you” in Sudanese.)
In fact, we believe that YOU ...the person in charge ...should never even SEE
correspondence form assholes because ONE little shithead can throw you off your game
for hours.
Take the launch I did with Neil. On one well-orchestrated day, he got several HUNDRED
success stories from guys who’ve used his materials to change their lives in a major way.
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Formerly shy dweebs were now confident men with beautiful girlfriends. The chess-team
dork from high school that got beat up all the time was now the life of the party.
It was really moving stuff and it made all of us (Neil, Trey, Matt, and I) feel great about
the product we were selling. We were helping people and we were set to be rewarded
mightily for it. Sweet.
(If you’re into dating stuff, by the way, Neil’s materials are top notch. He really gives a
damn and puts out excellent content. His site is http://stylelife.com.)
But as we were pouring through the success stories, we landed on some hate mail.
Whiny people who were basically venting their life’s frustrations on Neil. It sucked.
And it almost ground our operation to a halt.
Neil got totally flipped out and wanted me to back off on the aggressive marketing.
I started to get flipped out and began to wonder if we should back off as well.
Neil and I wasted hours trying to come up with a way to market the course on a “soft
sell” basis ...as not to upset any more people.
Until we realized the obvious:
ONLY Focus on The Good Ones!
You know that guy who gripes about your auto responders not having any content or
whatever?
HE AIN’T GONNA BUY ANYWAY SO SCREW HIM.
I’m serious. You don’t even need to see his message where he’s calling you an asshole or
bitching in general.
The reason why is that stuff will throw you off your game.
And here’s something else.
ONE “asshole” email is more powerful than 20 “thank you” emails.
What I mean is this: You can get 20 emails in a row where people are thanking you for
all your great work ...and then get ONE “asshole” email where someone is bitching or
insulting or whatever.
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...And chances are, your brain will focus on that one nasty email. This wastes time and
energy and costs you money. It set Neil and I back by about 24 hours and we were on a
major deadline.
It caused me to re-write several drafts of the broadcast messages when I should have been
focusing on the sales letter. And it damn near made Neil want to pull the plug on the
whole project.
And that’s why you should have someone filter your email for you. In my Niche
business, I don’t see ANY of the email. Someone else does. I NEVER see the messages
where people are abusive or insulting. That’s filtered out. I see legitimate requests for
help and that’s it.
The reason I set this up is so I can focus on...
THE BUYERS.
Screw everyone else. This is a BUSINESS ...not a campfire sing-along. I’m here to make
money and help people. Period. So if a person is not cool or not interested in what I’m
doing, they’re history.
Their name is IMMEDIATELY taken off the list.
When Neil and I got our heads straight and realized we needed to focus ONLY on the
people who wanted buy ...or who at least wanted to hear more ... we were like a laser
guided missile. And we kicked ass. Everything came together and the whole team
functioned as one.
(I’m amazed I even let it get to me. I’m usually pretty good about this type of thing.)
So let me spare you potential loss and extra work by again telling you this: If someone
isn’t cool, GET RID OF THEM.
It’s not worth it. Do your marketing right and provide excellent value and you’re set. You
can afford to get rid of people. The extra productivity you’ll gain by not wasting time
with bad customers will more than make up for any lost sales.
Look at Chef Nozawa if you don’t believe me. That guy’s got more business than he can
handle ...and it’s all on HIS terms.
Speaking of sales...
Here’s How We Sold $1,400,000.00 Worth Of Stuff In 4 Hours!
I’ll tell you the story from the beginning. The reason why I want you to hear this is so
you’ll know that anything is possible ...and whoever says otherwise needs the “Fah -
Queue” prayer said aloud to them.
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I got turned on to Neil Strauss because my wife reads People magazine. OK. I read it too.
Fine.
Anyway - I saw a review of “The Game” in People and it immediately caught my eye.
But not for reasons you might think. You know that site DoubleYourDating.com? The
one by David Deangelo?
Well “Deangelo” is really good friends with a good friend of mine named Dean Jackson.
So when I saw the review in People, I basically thought, “Hey - I’ll check this out
because maybe David Deangelo is in it.”
So I went down to my local Barnes and Noble and grabbed a copy. I was hooked after
two sentences.
I’ll tell you. That Neil Strauss can write like hell.
Anyway - I couldn’t put it down. Not only was it a killer story about the evolution of a
subculture, it was also a very eye opening study of human psychology.
And two days later when I was done reading it, I passed it along to my cousin Trey “Tea
Bag” Smith.
He was immediately sucked in and done with the book in a day or so as well.
That’s when I go the phone call.
Dude, We Should Do A Deal With Neil And Sell An Ebook!
Fortunately, Trey was too new to realize there was no way Neil would work with us.
After all, he’s a big-time writer for Rolling Stone and the New York Times ...and he has
multiple best sellers under his belt. He hangs out with rock stars and knows Tom Cruise.
Surely he’d never give us the time of day.
Trey is partially deaf so he must not have heard me when I told him it wouldn’t work.
That’s probably why he emailed Neil ANYWAY and asked if he wanted to do a deal.
Neil ignored him and we wrote the whole thing off. I reveled in saying “I told you so.”
Proof That It’s A Smaller World Than You Think
About a week later, a guy named Mike Long was in town visiting. I told him about Neil’s
book and our failed attempt to get in touch with Neil.
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I also told him about a seduction community blog I’d found at
ThunderCatSeductionLair.com ...and how the seduction community was very similar to
the marketing community. As soon as I gave him the blog name, he jumped up and said,
Holy Shit! I Know That Dude! Turns out that Mike met Rappin Matt (who runs the blog)
at a Dan Kennedy conference a while back.
It also turns out that Rappin’ Matt knew who I am because he studies Internet Marketing.
And it also turns out that Rappin’ Matt is friends with Neil Strauss!
Next Thing You Know, We’re On A Conference Call Me, Trey, Matt, and Neil.
I immediately abandoned Trey’s idea of doing an e-book and suggested instead that we
sell a Big Box Of Stuff For A Lot Of Money instead. (I still believe it’s just as easy to
sell something for $5,000.00 as it is for $19.95.)
Everyone agreed.
The only problem was we were missing a Big Box Of Stuff.
So I suggested Neil hold a very expensive seminar for a few people and use the money to
pay for the cost of getting it filmed.
He agreed and a plan was formed.
The First $35,000.00
I can tell you one thing about our boy Neil Strauss.
He does NOT screw around.
Once he made up his mind to hold the seminar, it was full steam ahead.
Trey and I (but mainly Trey) wrote out some launch emails and we were off to the races.
The seminar cost $7,000.00 per person and Neil was only accepting FIVE guys.
You had to APPLY to attend.
In 30 minutes or so, over 200 applications came in.
We intentionally left the price out of the marketing materials so it wouldn’t get leaked out
to the community. (They’re even more incestuous and backbiting than the Internet
Marketing crowd.)
So Neil goes over the applications and selects a group of guys for Trey to call and sell
over the phone. It took around 20 calls for Trey to sell all five seats. Tea Bag doesn’t
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screw around either. Neil and Matt held the seminar and had a beautiful set of fully edited
and mastered DVDs to us in no time.
The material was absolutely amazing.
I had to watch ALL of it so I could write down bullet points and notes for the copy.
My wife watched it with me and we were so absorbed in the DVDs that we stayed home
and watched them on New Year’s Eve ...instead of going out.
Neil and Matt were totally on top of their games ...everything was done and ready to get
duplicated. It was time to crank up the Marketing Machine.
But Trouble Loomed Ahead
I don’t know if you were around when Ed Dale and I released the Underachiever Mastery
course, but it was a disaster.
It sold out in a hurry ...but the damn DVDs were defective and we had to replace every
single one of them.
It ended up costing us close to $250,000.00 in refunds and added duplication expenses.

Plus it was a total time drain.
So this time, I was SUPER STRICT about the DVD duplication process.
We spent the extra money and had glass masters pressed. We replicated the DVDs
instead of duplicating them. We used a big name company instead of the idiots we hired
last time.
And that was a good call.
They immediately found a mysterious error on one of the DVDs, which was making it
play weird on some DVD players.
I’ll spare you the details but just know that it took FIVE MONTHS for the problem to get
resolved.
During those five months, we were all pulling our hair out because the market was
getting cold. We feared it was only a matter of time before they got tired of waiting
around for the “Big Thing” ...and spent their money somewhere else.
But finally, on May 8th (or so) we got the call that we were all set to go.
So We Cranked Up The Marketing Machine
The first thing I did was call Harlan Kilstein and ask him to write the copy.
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I knew I’d have to edit the hell out of it because he’d never seen the product ...and there
wasn’t enough time to get him a copy of it before our scheduled launch date.
I also knew I’d have to edit it because Neil doesn’t market like we do. He’s not into the
over-the-top style super aggressive approach that we take.
(I’m working on him.)
The next thing I did was have Trey get me up a rough draft of a launch sequence. I knew
I’d probably have to scrap them and start fresh ...but it’s easier for me to work when I
have something to go on as opposed to a blank sheet of paper staring me down.
(NOTE: Trey writes excellent email copy. It’s just a little too over-the-top for Neil’s taste
...and Neil was the client.) As soon as I got Trey’s drafts, I had something to go on. I was
set.
We had about 11 days until the launch date and that was all I needed.
There was no screwing around. No “meetings,” no committees, no “let’s wait and see.”
We just put our heads down and got to work.
The rest is Internet history.
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SECTION VI
“Dude - The waves you don’t take are

just as important as the waves you
do take.”
- As told to Frank Kern by Greg Salmon, freakishly good surfer.
This next section was written in June of 2006, right after I’d started surfing. I didn’t know
it at the time, but the decision to start surfing was one that would change my life forever.
La Jolla - July, 2006
I just finished a road race called The Player’s Run with Yanik Silver.
I don’t know if you kept up with our Tom-Foolery or not by checking out
InternetRoadTrip.com, but someone sure did.
That site made it to #10 on Alexa’s “movers and shakers” list ...beating out all kinds of
people who were like ...actually trying or something.
Once again proving that just having a little personality and bringing some fun into
people’s lives can go a long, long way.
And you might be wondering,
“What The Hell Were You Idiots Doing Anyway?”
Fair enough.
We entered a race, I mean “road rally,” I mean “poker run,” I mean “road trip for auto
enthusiasts” called “The Player’s Run.”
The fact that the Player’s Run even exists at all is proof positive that it’s just not that
freakin’ hard to make a buck.
To enter the ...umm ... “road trip,” you have to pay $10,000 per car. Granted, you get free
breakfast and a free hotel room for 3 nights ...but that’s still a shit load of money to pay
just to basically drive like hell for three days in your own car. (Or in our case, a rented
Lotus that topped out at only 130mph. Pansies.)
Anyway - there were no less than 50 cars “driving” in this thing. Do the math here.
That’s $500,000.00 in sales.
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But what’s important is to realize that for some people, spending $10,000.00 to drive
your own car on public roads for 3 days is a perfectly good idea.
Please keep this in the front of your mind.
It’s proof positive that money is everywhere and people WILL spend it on what they
want. No matter how dumb it might appear to someone else.
There’s A Whole Different Planet Out There That Has Yet To Really Be Discovered
It’s called the planet “Rich As Hell” and it’s inhabited by people who can wreck a
$400,000 car at 9:00 AM, wrap some duct tape around the hood to hold the front end
together, and keep on rolling like nothing happened.
(Saw it happen on day 1 of the race. A guy in a Lamborghini rear-ended a Porsche Turbo
Cabriolet. They both laughed it off and continued the race.)
Listen, everything we believe about money right now is nothing more than what’s been
conjured up by our imaginations.
If you think a million bucks is a lot of money, there’s some guy out there who’d slit his
wrists if that’s all he had.
On the Player’s run, I saw affluence like I’d never seen in person.
One guy (who buys and sells businesses, oddly enough) was so rich he had over 70 exotic
cars.
The one he was racing was a $300,000 Bentley.
We were talking about web businesses and I mentioned one of mine that’s had a good run
this year and was hitting $100,000 a month for a spell.
I thought that was pretty good until he told me about his ONE site that does
$1,000,000.00 a month and nets $500,000.00.
My point is, we’re only limited by our imaginations. To this guy, $1,000,000.00 a month
for one business was perfectly normal.
So of course that was his reality.
We might want to start thinking bigger.
Anyway - I don’t want to get all Tony Robbins on you but I couldn’t see where this guy
had any magical powers or anything.
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I think the one characteristic the super affluent people I met shared was that money just
wasn’t a big deal. I don’t mean this in the sense that they had so much it just didn’t matter
anymore. I mean they looked at money how we might look at laundry detergent. Just an
everyday thing that’s nothing special.
I mean ... you wouldn’t freak out if your friend had five boxes of Tide would you?
That’s how these folks acted about money. Sort of like, “Of course he has a lot of laundry
detergent. What’s the big deal?”
As Weird As That Sounds, It Works
Think about it.
Two years ago (or so) John “Magnum P.I.” Reese did a million dollar launch in a day.
Before he did that, nobody in our community thought is was even possible.
It was so far out of our frame of reference that we didn’t even talk about it.
Fast forward to right now.
How many mega launches have you seen since then in the “Marketing Market”?
Here are mine that I’ve been involved in:
1. Underachiever Mastery - $1 million in 2 weeks.
2. Serializer 1 - $320,000 in nine minutes (or something.)
3. Serializer 2 - $680,000 in 30 minutes (or something.)
4. Neil Strauss - $1,400,000 in four hours.
[NOTE: This was written before the now legendary StomperNet launches, the Pipeline
Profits launch, or Mass Control.]
None of these even had affiliate programs, except the first one.
(Note - these numbers reflect orders received. In all instances, we offered payment plans
...so we didn’t actually *collect* that much money in that time period.)
AND THAT’S JUST THE STUFF I’VE DONE PERSONALLY!
Look at Jeff Walker with the product launch formula. Look at Potash with the portal
feeder thingy. Look at Yanik’s Underground events. Look at Jeff Johnson’s coaching
program. Look at Filsame’s Butterfly Marketing. He sold a gazillion dollars worth of that
thing and I still have no idea what the hell it is.
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I just got off the phone with Rich Schefren. His coaching program sold out (actually over
sold) in just over 2 hours this week. Did like $981,000 in sales or something.
Big launches are so common they barely even register on our radars now.
But if someone had suggested it was possible before John went and did it, I would have
laughed at them.
The point is ...

Abundance Breeds Abundance
...And if you believe it can be done, then god dammit ...it can be done. The proof is right
there in these launches.
I think what made all this happen was that when we, as a community, saw John do a
million bucks in a day ...be began to BELIEVE it could be done.
And belief creates reality. End of discussion.
And now to something equally as important... Surfing!
I freely admit that I’m hopelessly addicted to surfing ...and that it has completely taken
over my life.
I started in late May when I had my first lesson from Surf Diva, an ALL GIRLS surf
school.
(Big lesson regarding Surf Diva but I’ll save that for later.)
Anyway - I’ve been surfing about 3-5 times a week ever since then. In fact, as soon as I
finish this newsletter, I’m off to the beach. Can’t beat it. I think I’ll call my man MoFo
and see if he wants to come along.
Anyway, surfing rules ...but it’s hard as hell!
After a 3 hour surf session, you feel like...
A Gang Of Bikers Worked You Over With A Tire Iron!
I’m not kidding. I’ve never done anything this exhausting in my life. So when I decided it
was time to get better at surfing, I went to my good friend Greg “The Grogger” Salmon
for advice.
Greg (AKA The Big Lewbowski) has been surfing forever. He’s 40 years old, weighs in
at about 245 pounds, and never seems tired.
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So I asked him his secret.
That’s when he told me the words I quoted at the beginning of this section.
The waves you don’t take are just as important as the ones you do.
See, catching a wave is a lot of work. You have to paddle your ass off to get positioned
right so the wave can take you in.
Plus, it’s like COMBAT just getting out to where the good breaks are.
You’ve got to paddle against the tide while these monsters are rolling down on you like
tractor trailers.
It’s a bitch.
And if you take shitty waves, you’re working like hell to catch them ...plus when you’re
done with the sub-par ride they give you, you have to fight tooth and nail just to get back
out to catch the next one! So a big trick to surfing is to just chill out and focus only on the
best waves that come your way.
Well guess what...
It’s The Same In Business!
I can tell you this from personal experience:
You will make more money by saying “HELL NO!” than you will by saying “yes.”
Here’s what I mean:
There’s opportunity EVERYWHERE online. I mean ...every day, you’re pummeled with
emails telling you a new way to make money.
And you wanna know sumpn’? They probably WILL make you some money. A little bit
anyway.
But if you scatter your focus on too much stuff, you’ll end up like me in the water ...all
worn out and missing the good stuff. So if you have a niche that’s making some money,
work on it A LOT before you jump to the next thing. Guess what? If you increase your
opt-ins by 50% and you increase your conversion by 50%, YOU DOUBLE YOUR
INCOME.
It’s a lot easier to tweak something than it is to start something new.
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SECTION VII
“You ask me why another road

song…funny, but I bet you never left
home”
- From the song “Wiser Time” by the Black Crowes, Straight from the dirt covered desk of Frank Kern. La Jolla,
California.
This section was written in July of 2006. It was hot as hell.
Dammit.
I don’t have (or really need) air conditioning here in my Secret Headquarters ...so I just
leave the windows open 24-7. Until now.
NOW mass quantities of dirt are making their way in through the screens and coating ...
literally COATING everything in here.
I think I’ve already lost one PC as a casualty. Oh well. Screw it. If you close the
windows, you can’t hear the ocean. ...The sacrifice is worth it.
It’s Time To Buckle Down And Make Some Damn Money!
A point so important I didn’t even need to transition into the subhead. I’ll say it again.
It’s time to buckle down and make some damn money. A bunch of it.
Why do I say this?
Because summer’s almost over.
And in the almighty world of Direct Response ... the summer months are the slow
months.
Yes.
I can hear some readers saying, “Well why the hell didn’t you tell us this? No wonder my
business has been off the past few months!” I didn’t mention it because I didn’t want to
give energy to it.
God.
That sounds so ... California.
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So I don’t mean that in a hokey “Space Dolphins from Venus” kind of way. What I mean
is if I came out in May and said, “OK ... the next few months are traditionally slow”
...then a lot of people would have said “Well ...screw it. There’s no point in really trying
because this is the slow season. I’ll work hard when it picks back up.”
However ...since I sort of failed to mention that the summer is traditionally slow, some
people who didn’t know any better failed to experience a slowdown in sales.
Take my degenerate cousin Trey, for example. That bastard did over $9,000.00 PER
DAY this weekend. How?
By not knowing it’s supposed to be slow.
And by not knowing that people are spending their money on school supplies right now
and not info products.
And by launching yet another niche business and not understanding that “the Google
Slap” is killing everyone so we’d better wait and see what happens next before we do
anything.”
Poor ignorant man, my cousin. This month marks a full year that he’s been online. He’s
new so give him some slack.
Anyway ...here’s the deal:
It’s Officially Time To Quit Screwing Around And Make A Bunch Of Damn Money
On The Internet!
Summer’s over.
And it’s my understanding that exactly 24 hours after Labor Day ends, the tourists will
LEAVE LA JOLLA and we’ll be able to surf again without having to watch out for pasty
white CPAs from Arizona on foam boards.
Yes ...the great mass we call “Normal People” will get out of “Summer Vacation” mode
and get back into work/school/BUY STUFF mode.
Hooray!
And since they’re gonna be ready to get in front of their computers and buy stuff ...you
might as well be ready to (of all things) sell them stuff !
Here’s how I’d prepare if I were you:
1. Develop a SALE campaign and launch it. This doesn’t have to be a price-cut sale. It
can be anything. Back to School extra bonus added for the first 100 buyers, free trial, you
name it. Remember in April when I gave you the tax sale template? Modify that for back-
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to-school, Thanksgiving, Halloween, or ALL of those. But go ahead and plan the attack
NOW. Don’t wait and do it on the fly. Get ready. It’s game time.
2. Start split testing NOW and find control pieces that work. This is the equivalent of
getting your best pitch polished and ready for the “Big Day” when all your customers
come into your store. We’re about to be in PRIME BUYING TIME and your selling
machine needs to be running at full speed. Think about this: If you double your opt in rate
and you double your conversion, you will QUADRUPLE your business. What are you
waiting for? Invest in testing NOW so you’ll be primed and ready when the time comes.
3. Get a BACK END running. Even if you’re too lazy to make your own product, find
affiliate stuff that you can promote to your customers. Strike a deal with the owner of the
affiliate product and see if you can score some extra goodies for your customers. Then
ready, pre-launch, LAUNCH that sucker just like you would a new product.
4. CLONE YOURSELF. (But do so with caution.) Out of all the times I’ve heard of
people trying this, it has backfired ONCE. It will PROBABLY increase your sales
quickly. Good ol’ Trey called me over the weekend with news that his clone of his latest
site brought in an extra $2,500 on it’s second day. It’s worth a try, right?
5. Do joint ventures. Now’s the time. Take screenshots of your conversion stats, show
potential partners how they can make money, solicit testimonials from previous partners
and go to town. It’s game time.
What That Weird Black Crowes Quote Was All About
Well, first of all that song is in my head because I just got back from Denver where I saw
the Crowes play it.
They smoked as usual.
Anyway - that’s reason number one. Reason number two is because I just saw an old
photo of me, Ed Dale, and John Reese on a trip to Japan.
...Thus the reference to being on the road and leaving home. I don’t know about you but
some of my best ideas come to me on airplanes and in hotel showers.
I think the picture I saw was taken in Hong Kong on the day we all bought tailored suits.
I had the guy embroider the phrase “VICTORY OR DEATH” on the inside of all mine.
Awesome.
After Hong Kong, we flew to Japan where the three of us engaged in all sorts of
depravity.
But the standout thing from that trip was when Ed and I sat down in a Tokyo coffee shop
and mapped out the entire launch for our Underachiever Mastery product.
The reason I bring this up is to point out that..
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There Ain’t Nothing To It But To Do It!
The whole build up to our sitting down in the coffee shop and banging the launch plan
out went like this:
Ed: Where’s John?
Frank: He’s in his room taking his nappy time.
Ed: Oh. Hey let’s plan the launch for Underachiever.
Frank: Umm ... OK.
Ed: We can duck into this coffee shop and do it.
Frank: OK.
The end.
We didn’t wait around until we were ready ...didn’t wait till we got home, and didn’t
even wait until we were near a computer. We just grabbed a legal pad and got to work.
For four straight hours. And when we were done, we were done.
Lately, I’ve been seeing forum posts and emails from subscribers who are apparently
waiting for SOMETHING to happen before they “go for it.”
Some are waiting to see what will happen with Google. I’ll save them the trouble of
waiting and let you know what my psychic powers have revealed:
Google will work itself out and then screw up something else. This will happen over
and over again forever.
Not only will this be the case with Google, but it’ll also happen with everything else in
business. Forever. Just like it always has. Unfortunately, there is no “set for life” button
for our businesses.
We’ll always have to put out little fires and tweak stuff. That’s the way it is. If you can’t
handle that, go get a job with someone who CAN and let them write your paycheck for
you.
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SECTION VIII
“You got to know when to hold ‘em,

know when to fold ‘em ...Know when
to walk away, know when to run.”
This was written in September of 2006, a time when I was secretly considering
“vanishing” from the Internet Marketing scene once again.
I later did just that ...I shut down my profitable “Ultra Underachievers” newsletter and
focused entirely on Niche marketing from November 2006 until October 2007.
The quote above needs no explanation; if you’re not familiar with The Gambler, get on
over to iTunes and get right.
I’ve included it because I had a pretty heavy revelation.
Yes, that sounds dramatic and hokey ...and it sort of is.
Happened anyway, though.
Here’s what I discovered.
The Reason Why We’re All In Business
It ain’t about the money.
It ain’t about the time freedom.
It ain’t about fancy cars and private jets. It’s about ...
What’s Cool ... And What’s NOT Cool!
I swear to God I’m being serious.
Think about why you got started in this game.
For most folks, it was so you wouldn’t have to work at a job, right? A job is clearly NOT
COOL.
So for many, the primary motivation to get into business was to eliminate something that
was NOT COOL from your life.
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Here. Do this for me.
Take a blank piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left, write “Cool.”
On the right, write “Not Cool.”
It should look like this:
Now - on the left side (in the “cool” column) write down all the stuff you do in your daily
life that’s cool.
Remember we’re talking about day-to-day stuff here. Not stuff you want to do like
“travel to Africa” or whatever. Just the stuff you do on a daily or semi-daily basis that
you really enjoy.
Now do the same on the right side in the “not cool” column.
Write down all the stuff you do on a daily basis that you don’t like. Please keep this part
limited to your “normal” life ..and not to your “business” life.
We’ll get to the business part in a minute.
(It’s OK to list “going to work” as not cool ...but something like “answering customer
service emails” should be saved for later.)
Alright. When you’re done, your list should look something like this:
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Pretty easy, right?
We’ll here’s the deal. I’m willing to bet that the primary reason you’re in business is to...
Do More of the Cool Stuff And Eliminate the Stuff That’s Not Cool From Your Life
Forever!
Assuming I had a job (God forbid), my biggest reason for going into business would be
to stop having to work and surf more.
For you it could be something else entirely ...but you get my point.
Now - as obvious as this seems, very few people actually take the time to think about it.
I mean yeah, we all set goals and yadda yadda yadda ... but WHY do we set them?
WHY do you want to make $100,000.00 a month or whatever? Most likely so you can
ONLY DO THE COOL STUFF.
Well, if you get really honest with yourself and really drill down the cool daily stuff
that’s most important, you’ll see that you really don’t need that much money at all. Think
about it, if you can just do cool stuff all day and never do stuff that’s not cool ... You’re
FREE!
Don’t get me wrong. It’s VERY GOOD to want to make a lot of money ...and it’s even
BETTER to actually do it.
But money is just money. It’s paper and metal. It’s a number on a statement. That’s all.
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So if we’re really in business to make our lives more fun, you might want to focus really
hard on this question:
“What will it take so all I have is cool stuff in my life every day?” Let’s tackle that one
first. A huge bank account is really just a bonus. I speak from experience.
Anyway - we’re not done.
Now take another piece of paper and draw a line down the middle again like last time.
This time, write “fun” on the left and “not fun” on the right.
It should look like this:
Now.
This one’s for your business.
I want you to take all the fun things you do in your business and write them in the “fun”
column.
Next, take all the stuff that sucks and write it down in the right column.
When you’re done, it’ll look something like this:
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Now as basic as it sounds, you need to listen to me very carefully here.
If You Don’t ELIMINATE All The Stuff That’s Not Fun, You’ll Unconsciously
KILL Your Business.
I promise you this is true.
Go back and listen to your old Tony Robbins tapes if you have them.
Remember that part where he says your brain will do ANYTHING to avoid pain and gain
pleasure?
He wasn’t making that shit up, you know.
If you have parts of your business that you have to do every day that suck, you will
sabotage your business (without even knowing you’re doing it) in order to eliminate that
from your life.
Again, I speak from experience.
This is why it’s vital that you get CRYSTAL CLEAR on what you like to do ...and what
you hate to do.
If you don’t, it’s like walking around with gauze taped over your eyes. You can see a
little bit ...but you don’t really know where you’re going.
Now, here’s what’s sort of funny.
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Take a scrap of paper just big enough to cover the fun/not fun words at the top of your
page. Write “money” on the left and “not money” on the right.
Like this:
Next, in the “money” column (which used to be the “fun” column), circle everything that
can be directly traced to putting money in your pocket.
Finally, in the “not money” column, circle everything that doesn’t DIRECTLY contribute
to you receiving cash from people. Then draw a LINE through it.
So when you’re done, it’ll look like this:
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Well gosh dang ol’ diggity dang!
You see there?
On mine, it looks like the “fun” stuff is also the stuff that makes the most money.
And the flip side is, the “not fun” stuff is stuff that doesn’t make money directly ...and
should therefore be outsourced.
(Some of my “not fun” stuff actually makes money ...but I still outsource it because
...well, it’s not fun. Plus, if you love doing something and you WANT to do it, you’ll do
it well ...whereas if you’re doing something begrudgingly because you have to, it’ll
show.)
OK - so what’s the point?
If you’ve done these exercises then you should have a list of all the things you want to
spend your daily time doing ...and all the things you want to eliminate from your life
(either by outsourcing or simply refusing to do them anymore.)
And that leads us to the following question:
How Can I Pull This Off ?
Well, I’ll use my personal lists as an example.
In my “cool” column, I listed fun stuff like surfing, going out to eat, riding around,
playing music, watching movies, reading, and working when I felt like it. (I actually *do*
like to work when I can do so on my terms.)
Anyway - none of that stuff is overly expensive, right? So I suppose you could pull off
doing all the “cool” stuff in my life with one thing:
TIME FREEDOM.
Now, let’s look at the un-cool side. The stuff I want to avoid is typical, right? Working
when I don’t feel like it, cleaning the house, sitting down and paying the bills, running
errands, and changing diapers.
So the answer to all of that (except the work part) is: OUTSOURCING.
The work part and the outsourcing can be accomplished by getting some of one thing:
MONEY.
OK - stick with me.

Now let’s look at the work part.
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The “fun” column was mostly creative work. “Evil Schemes” translates into “finding fun
new ways to make money.”
Launches, email copy, and sales copy (when in the mood) are also 100% creative work.
Therefore, the true juice for me in my work life can be summed up by: CREATING.
Now let’s look at the “not fun” stuff.
It’s all ...well ... work. (Except for writing copy when I’m not in the mood.)
I have tech stuff, customer service, dealing with google, dealing with overture, and
product development listed ...along with “having to show up” and “having to do
something.”
I think we could replace “having to show up” and “having to do something” with a better
not-cool phrase which would be “required input.”
Anyway - the “not fun” stuff can be summed up by the word:
BUSY WORK.
...And I think you’d agree that it can all be outsourced. So again, how do I pull this off ?
Well, going back to the “cool/not cool” worksheet, it shows that I clearly need money in
order to avoid work and outsource stuff I don’t enjoy.
And if you look at the fun/not fun worksheet you’ll see that I need money to outsource
the stuff that I don’t enjoy. As you can tell by the “fun/not fun” sheet, a perfect situation
for me would be to come up with an idea, hand it off to a capable team, and say “hey -
see if this works.” So we obviously need money. But how do we do it? Well, the only
way to get the answer is to ask the right question.
And in order to pull off my “dream scenario,” I’ll need a business that:
1. Spits out enough money to support my lifestyle.
2. Doesn’t require my direct input.
Furthermore, my role in the business is ideally limited to:
1. Brainstorming.
2. Organizing product launches.
3. Writing email copy.
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4. Writing sales letters when I feel like it.
In order for this business to run in an ideal manner, I need a team that will:
1. Do all the tech stuff.
2. Handle customer service.
3. Handle product development.
4. Create and manage Google and overture ad campaigns.
5. Write sales copy when I don’t want to.
Wow! OK - now we’re getting somewhere. And you know what? Now that I’ve broken it
down, it doesn’t seem so out of reach.
I’ll confess something to you.
I sort of believe in a lot of hokey new age stuff. And one thing I REALLY believe in is
that if you ask your brain for the answer to a question, it will work tirelessly to give you
that answer.
It will run in the background all day ...even while you’re sleeping, until it figures out the
answer for you.
And then one day, you’ll be standing in line at the DMV or something and you’ll have
one of those “AHA!” moments where the answer suddenly “appears.” So let’s see if I can
come up with the right question for my poor battered brain to answer.
How’s this?
“How can I create a business that runs on autopilot and only requires me to come up with
new ideas and write email copy? And how can I attract a perfect team to handle the tasks
I choose not to?”
Or this?
“What can I do to my existing businesses to make them run on auto pilot while only
requiring me to come up with fun new ideas and write email copy for launches? And how
can I attract the perfect team to handle the tasks I choose not to?”
Oh - wait. I’ve got it:
“How can I change my existing business or (start a new business) where the business
runs perfectly without my direct involvement, makes $100,000.00 per month in net profit,
and only requires that I feed it new ideas and write email copy for product launches
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...when I choose to? And how can I attract a perfect team to handle the tasks I choose not
to ...while the business makes them wealthy as well?”
There. Now I know exactly what I want.
The next step is for me to SHUT UP AND LISTEN.
My brain (and yours too) might throw a hint or two my way while it’s working this out.
And we need to be ready to write it down and take action.
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SECTION IX
“Welcome to The Jungle, We’ve Got

Fun And Games...”
- Guns N Roses
From The War Room, Orlando Florida
Hey.
I’m writing this from John Reese’s War Room here in Orlando. This room is the
damnedest thing you’ve ever seen.
Two-Dog Johnny (formerly Four-Dog Johnny) has this room that’s about 20 X 20 ...and
he’s had the walls entirely covered with white-board stuff.
So when you get an idea or whatever, you just start writing on the wall.
...Really helps with mapping out strategy and planning full scale market assaults.
Oh - and speaking of full scale Marketing Assaults, I’d like to take a minute to say...
Harlan Kilstein Can Kiss My Ass!
OK, let me explain.
First, Harlan Kilstein is one very, VERY bad mofo. He’s got killer chops and writes
amazing copy. Case in point, Serializer. Another case in point, Annihilation Method.
Another case in point, Ultra Underachievers sales letter.
.And the list goes on. The guy’s a machine.
And Harlan’s a cool guy. Cool enough to not get pissed and put some weird Rabbi Hex
on me for publicly stating that he can kiss my ass. (Which he can.)
So why do I defame him so?
Because I SHATTERED His Record!
As you know, John Reese did a million smackers in a day a few years back and we all
flipped out over it.
At the time, that was almost as amazing as someone lifting grand pianos with their mind
or something.
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But Two-Dog Johnny did it and set the marketing world on fire.
And once a million dollar day happened, it was time to raise the bar.
That’ why Nervous Neil Strauss, Rappin Matt, Trey “Tea Bag” Smith, and I set out to do
a million bucks in an hour when we launched the Annihilation Method.
We wanted to accomplish three things:
1. Beat John’s record and set a new one.
2. Do a non-marketing related launch so all the punk-ass whiners out there would shut up
about how this stuff only works if you’re selling “marketing” materials.
3, Make a bunch of damn money. ...And we did them all.
Except #2.
The whiners are still whining. Screw ‘em.
Anyway ...we did a million dollars in orders within 30 minutes or something, and we did
1.4 million in four hours.
So that was cool.
I wrote the launch sequence with help from Trey, and Dr. Rabbi Harlan Kilstein wrote
the sales letter.
The only thing that bugged me was that Harlan wrote the letter and was able to publicly
take credit for it.
Whereas I did the launch sequence (which in my opinion was more important ...mainly
because it was the part I wrote) ...but I was writing as Neil ...so I couldn’t really go out
and take bragging rights.
I was worried that if I did, all the people who bought would find out and get pissed
because it wasn’t Neil writing all those emails.
So I had to sit tight while Harlan got all the glory on the forums. (And you know how
important those forums are, right?? :-)
At least I made a big pile of money from the whole thing. Anyway, I sort of forgot about
it until...
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The Invasion of Mike Long
OK. I promise this story is going somewhere and it has some very important lessons. Just
bear with me here.
Anyway...
I’m hanging out in La Jolla when I get a call from my man Mike Long. Mike is well
known in the “inner circle” of Internet Marketers but he’s never really hung his shingle
out there for the world to see.
You might remember him from us referencing his niche site, MTGSecrets.com. See,
Mike is in the marketing game ...but he’s also the three-time world champ at the card
game, Magic The Gathering.
So he’s the Magic The Gathering Guru ...selling info products to the Magic The
Gathering crowd. But he’s also been a key “behind-the-scenes” man in some big
moments in Internet Marketing history. Like the Traffic Secrets launch and Jeff Walker’s
launch. (I promise this is going somewhere.)
So Mike calls and tells me has some huge new project and wants some advice on it.
“Sure,” I say. “Come on out here to La Jolla and I’ll put you up. We’ll figure it out while
I take you out surfing.”
...And off to La Jolla he goes.
When he gets to La Jolla he tells me his bizarre story about how he met Brad Fallon and
Andy Jenkins and how he’d been hired by them to help launch the now famous Stomper
Net.
Now here’s where the first lesson in this story comes in. Mike is a regular dude. He
doesn’t have super powers or anything like that. (But he does have glaucoma.)
Anyway - the guy knows his stuff when it comes to marketing and managing huge
projects and getting things done ... but nobody really knows about him.
He’s not out there in the public eye or anything. He had no “marketing street cred,” so to
speak.
So when he told me that Brad Fallon and Andy Jenkins, two big-time fancy pants Internet
guys, had agreed to give him an obnoxious sum of money in exchange for helping them
build their business ...I was floored.
Not because I didn’t think he could do it, mind you ...but because he convinced THEM
that he could ...and got some money out of ‘em right off the bat.
Neato.
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When I prodded him into telling me how he did it, his answer was simple: “I just asked.”
And that’s the first lesson in this long and bizarre tale. A lesson you’ve heard countless
times.
Ask And You Shall Receive.
...And don’t screw around.
Let me explain the “don’t screw around” part.
Mike’s disadvantage (perceived disadvantage, anyway), was that the Stomper Boys
didn’t know him, he wasn’t a Big Shot Marketer Dude, and he didn’t have any
credentials they could readily reference.
But he knew he could get the job done, which he did.
Most people in this situation would never have the cojones to ask for the gig though.
Even if they knew they had the chops, they’d still get all hung up on not having a proven
track record or not being enough of a big shot or WHATEVER.
...When all it took for Mike was to say, “Yeah man, I can help you launch that thing no
problem. Here’s how much it’ll cost you.”
And they agreed. And Mike now makes a ton of money as a result. And you know what?
You Could Do The Same Damn Thing!
Listen.
We haven’t let anyone new join us for around six months now so I know you’ve been
reading our stuff for at least that long.
And I’m no psychic but I’ll bet this isn’t the only marketing stuff you read. So even if
you’ve been barely paying attention for the past six months, you’ve most likely absorbed
more marketing and money-making knowhow than 99.999% of the population will ever
know.
This means you can go to just about any business out there and say, “I can make you a
bunch of money really fast. Gimme some money.”
...And if you do that enough times, one or two of ‘em will say, “OK.”
Oh - and you actually WILL make them money if you just do the stuff you’ve learned.
But there’s one catch...
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You Have To Keep A Straight Face When You Ask For The Money!
When I tell you to keep a straight face, I’m not implying that you’re pulling one over on
anyone or anything like that.
I’m telling you not to listen to that little voice inside of you that’s saying “OH MY GOD
I’M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT BECAUSE IT’S TIME TO ASK SOMEONE FOR
SOME MONEY!!!”
That little voice will make you get all squirmy and botch everything. So you have to be
calm and cool and say, “You’re making a great decision by doing this. My fee is
$25,000.00 plus royalties.”
...Or whatever,
One trick to staying calm and cool about it is to believe you can deliver. That’s how I
keep a straight face when I demand a bunch of money. I KNOW I can deliver the results.
So it’s no big deal. And I also have another trick I use:
I Don’t Give A Damn!
And that’s the second lesson.
If you act like you don’t need the sale, it makes people want to buy stuff from you even
more.
The reason for this is because it gives people confidence in you.
If people think you’re desperate for the sale, they’ll think you’re some incompetent boob
who doesn’t have their shit together.
...And they’ll immediately second guess you and doubt your credibility.
Like it or not, modern society often gauges a person’s value based on how much money
they make or have. This is inherently stupid. It’s wrong. I’m guilty of it too. We all are on
some level.
But that’s the way it is. And as marketers, it’s a total blessing.
If you take the time to look at all the big launches I’ve been involved in, you’ll see that
I’ve pretty much come right out and said, “I don’t give a shit if you buy this or not.”
I do that because it works.
In fact, it works too well sometimes.
And this brings us to the third lesson in this long (and getting longer) bizarre tale...
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How My Screw Up Made Millions (For Other People)
OK - so I sort of got off on a tangent in the story there, but I needed to make a few points.
So let’s resume the tale of Mike Long And The StomperNet Launch.
Once Mike gave me the lowdown, I asked him what the goal for the launch was.
Turns out the Stomper Boys weren’t screwing around. They wanted to do...
Ten Million Dollars in One Day!
Actually, I think they just wanted to build a Ten Million dollar business ...but Mike
figured it would be best to just knock that out in a day.
And when Mike asked me to help with the email launch copy, I was
Totally Not Interested!
I mean ...c’mon. I don’t want to do a bunch of work helping someone else build their
business. Not when it was Summer time in La Jolla.
Not when the surf was up.
And besides, I didn’t know Brad and Andy at the time, I hate SEO stuff, they weren’t
clear on what exactly they were offering yet, and writing email copy that gets a market
ready to pony up ten million bucks is no easy task.
OK, it’s sort of easy once you get the hang of it ...but it still requires a lot of NON
SURFING activity.
So I didn’t want to mess with it.
After all, I had my niche businesses to run, I had to keep on top of the Ultra business, and
Ed and I had to deal with putting the Ultra Conference and AV Conference together.
I was already maxed out!
But I didn’t want to say “no” and not help Mike out.
After all, the guy is my friend ...and if anyone can write email copy that makes people
buy, it’s me.
So I was sort of in a bind. My friend needed me...And that’s when it hit me! All I had to
do is tell them to pay me a bunch of money and they’d refuse, right? I mean Brad and
Andy didn’t know me. I’d never hung out with them.
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All they really knew is that I’m some weird dude who got sued by the FTC and teaches
Niche Marketing. It’s not like I’m high profile or anything. Hell - I don’t even take new
subscribers to my email list.
And I rarely even mail to my own subscribers! So in terms of the Internet Marketing
scene, I’m pretty low key. That’s why I said this to Mike:
“Tell ‘Em I’ll Do It For $XX,000.00 And If They Don’t Like It, Screw ‘Em”
I won’t tell you what I charged for this because I’m embarrassed by how little it was.
But it was enough to make someone stop and think for a minute. See, I really didn’t want
them to accept.
I was banking of the fact that they didn’t know me and that I was abruptly demanding
money ... “just for writing email.”
Turns out I was right!
Brad Fallon thought I was totally out of my mind and immediately refused the proposal.
...That is, until Mike screwed up my summer. Like I said, they refused at first. (Fools.)
...But Mike latched on to them like a PIT BULL and MADE them pony up!
DAMN YOU MIKE LONG!
If I thought they’d actually go for it, there’s NO WAY I’d take $XX,000.00.
Think about it.
You give me $XX,000.00.
I write some emails that make people give you $10,000,000.00. Hmm ... Doesn’t take a
rocket scientist to realize I’d sold myself a little short on that one. But I honored the deal.
I didn’t want to be an asshole and say, “Damn guys I didn’t think you’d actually agree to
this. The truth is, I won’t even pick up the phone for $XX,000.00. This is going to cost
you $50,000.00 and 5% of the gross sales forever.”
That would have been un-cool. So there I was, employed by the Stomper Boys to do their
email copy. For a whopping $XX,000.00.
Anyway - here’s the lesson.
NEVER offer to do something in exchange for money unless you actually want to do it.
And NEVER quote less than what you’re worth. Ever. Ever ever ever. I’m hoping you
can see how dumb it was for me to charge $XX,000.00 in exchange for generating
$10,000,000.00.
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(We actually generated a LOT more than that, but I can’t tell the actual number because
they don’t want anyone knowing how any members they have.)
So that’s how I got involved in the StomperNet launch.
But It Gets Even Weirder From Here!
So as soon as I was “in,” the phone rang off the hook.
See, the truth about the StomperNet launch was that it was a total team effort.
Just like the Annihilation Method launch was.
Here are the players on the StomperNet launch:
Brad Fallon and Andy Jenkins: The talent. We were selling THEM ...and the end result
they can deliver.
These boys were really easy to work with. Sure, there were a few times when they didn’t
just lay down and agree with all of my hair brained schemes ...but who in their right mind
would?
And they did a great job with those videos, didn’t they?
Mike Long: Talent broker, affiliate manager and guy who does other stuff.
Mike’s job was to get guys like me and John Reese to bring marketing firepower to the
table, and it was his job to get and manage affiliates.
It was also his job to do other stuff like set up the case study videos, make sure stuff was
uploaded and working, and so forth.
Mike had a killer team helping him and they deserve a lot of credit.
Dave Bass, Jessica Hollies, and Dave Mills all worked like tireless dogs behind the
scenes.
John Reese: Overall strategy and keeper of everyone else in line. John was the guy we’d
run plans by and he would make them better.
I don’t need to explain to you how valuable John Reese is to any internet project.
He was like the Godfather of the team. We’d come up with something, run it by John,
and execute the plan based on his input.
When we were about to royally screw up, John would politely alert us to the fact and tell
us what to do about it.
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It was John’s idea to delay the launch.
It was John’s idea to make the opt in page come AFTER the videos played.
Lots of other stuff was John’s idea as well, but I’ll let him tell you about it when he’s
ready.
Yours Truly, Frank Kern: Email copy and Mass Control. My job was originally to just
write the email copy.
But truth be told, I love this stuff. So I ended up doing a lot more.
One of the really fun things I got to do was to implement Mass Control.
“Mass Control” is a term I came up with that means: Influencing The Behavior Of A
Group To The Extent That They Are Willingly But Unknowingly Under Your Control.
They think, “Hey, this guy might be influencing me ...but I don’t think he is. Yeah ...he’s
not even trying to influence me. Cool. But you know? If he was trying to influence me,
that would be all right because I really like and trust him. But he’s not influencing me.
I’m the one calling the shots.”
I’ve been working on Mass Control strategies for years and I’ve never spoken about it
publicly. It is, literally, the most powerful stuff I’ve ever seen in action.
I’m not going to go into detail about it right now because it wouldn’t make sense unless I
explained it to you fully ...and that would take around 1,000 pages. Really. But I will tell
you that Mass Control is way more than sending out a few emails.
For example.
The going Natural video introductions and closes. I scripted those based on Mass Control
methodologies.
The Stomper PDF.
I wrote the intro to that based on Mass Control.
The way the case studies were introduced into the sequence. Mass Control.
And there’s more but I don’t want to go into that right now because it’s not relevant to
the story.
Just know that I signed up to write the email copy, but quickly realized the launch
process needed a LOT of structural work (aka: a PLAN) ...so I ended up doing more.
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Damn I’m rambling today. OK where was I? Oh yeah. The phone. As soon as I was on
board, it started ringing off the hook because there were so many people working on this.
At one point, we were having conference calls about the most minute details you could
imagine.
And it drove me nuts!
One major sticking point was the sales letter.
I did NOT sign up to write the actual sales letter. Just the emails.
But Those Stomper Bastards Tricked Me Into Doing It Anyway!
OK. They didn’t trick me.
I just ended up doing it at the last minute. ...And this brings us to the next lesson in this
long and bizarre tale, which is FINALLY coming to a close.
Here’s the lesson:
When you’re doing a big project, plan in ADVANCE.
I can hear you now. “No shit,” you say. “Why don’t you tell us something new?” you
ask.
Well hear me out.
See ... nobody really thought about the sales letter.
It was sort of an afterthought.
Hell ... the OFFER wasn’t really agreed on until halfway through the damn launch!
Originally, Mike was going to write the sales letter.
And originally, StomperNet was going to be delivered in an entirely different format to

the way it’s delivered now.
And originally, the price was going to be much more painful to the end user.
OK - so let me revise the lesson:
Plan in ADVANCE but also be FLUID and willing to accept CHANGES when they
arise.
Right.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 110
Onward.
So the launch is in progress, the videos are going out, and people are lining up. They’re
going nuts over this thing. (As they should. It’s a good service and the boys can deliver.
Plus, my emails were a work of art.)
Right before we’re about to get into hard-core launch mode, one of us Jeniuses (TM) asks
the following question:
Where The Hell Is The Sales Letter?
Umm...
Mike?
Turns out Mike had been working on it but it wasn’t near ready.
“No problem,” replies Team Jenius. “Let’s just get it done over the next few days.” So
Mike consults with John Carlton and about 20 million other people and finally turns over
a sales letter draft.
They hated it. Turns out, Mike forgot to consult with Brad and Andy and see what the
hell they wanted to letter to say. So the letter was good ...but it was totally in the wrong
voice. It was a typical hard-hitting letter ...complete with ballsy headline and so forth.
Nothing wrong with that, but it didn’t match the voice of all my emails leading up to the
launch.
See, I was writing as “Mr. Nice Guy,” but the sales letter was more of a “If-You-Don’t-
Buy-This-You’ll-Get-Hit-By-A-Truck” type of thing.
And again, that’s OK ...but it wasn’t what we were looking for at the time.
No real fault of Mike’s or anyone else for that matter. We were so busy with all the other
stuff, we let it slide.
Anyway - Andy Jenkins calls me up after he gets Mike’s draft and he basically says,
“Dude. I hate it. This is horrible.”
And I reply, “Well dude, just call John Carlton, give him a bunch of money, tell him
exactly what you want, and then relax. He’ll deliver.”
At the end of the discussion, we agreed that Andy would try to get Carlton, and if he
couldn’t get Carlton, he’d write a draft himself ...and I would look it over as an absolute
last resort.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 111
As it turns out, you can’t just call John Carlton on the phone and hire him at the last
minute.
He’s in greater demand than Paris Hilton at a fraternity party and is therefore totally
booked all the time.
So Andy writes a draft and gets it to me roughly 72 hours before the launch.
It Was Horrible!
No disrespect to Andy or anything, but that letter would have killed the launch.
And that’s to be expected.
You can’t really expect someone to write good copy when they’re under a ton of stress
and they’re right about to launch their product.
For one thing, it was at the very last minute and Andy was doing a ton of other stuff.
Plus, Andy’s not a copywriter. The Stomper Boys mainly do e-commerce stuff. They
make those big sites with shopping carts and catalogs and all that.
So they don’t write sales letters really. They’re SEO guys, you know?
So I get the draft, read a few paragraphs, and come to the conclusion that...
I’m screwed!
There’s no way Andy’s draft could be brushed up. I was going to have to start all over
from scratch and just write the damn thing myself.
Shit.
So that’s what I did. But here’s where it gets a little complicated.
I got the draft on a Friday afternoon at around 4 PM or so.
Now you may not know this, but my wife keeps me on a pretty tight leash.
I’m basically not allowed to work after 6 PM ...and I’m not allowed to work on weekends
unless it’s an emergency.
And ...well ...considering that I never even thought to say “I’ll write it if you slide me an
extra $25,000.00 or so,” I was basically working for free.
I was really putting the “FREE” into “Freelance Copywriting” wasn’t I? And ...well...
that kind of made it a non-emergency.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 112
So with that said, I began work on the sales letter at roughly 10:00 AM on that Monday
morning. I took the weekend off as usual.
The launch was scheduled for 9AM (my time) the next day. So I wrote it in around six
hours.
The end result?
The letter converted at around 10.1% for the first hour or so. After all was said and done,
it converted at something like 6%. But as you know, you can’t eat a conversion rate.
So here’s the bottom line:
The launch did over $10,000,00.00 in orders during the first few hours. Well over that,
actually.
So my sales letter beat Harlan’s record on that front. And my launch emails beat my own
record for launch emails.
But here’s the deal.
You know how we have these big launches and do a million in an hour or whatever?
That’s a million in ORDERS, but not cash received.
This is because people choose to pay in installments and so forth.
It still counts, but it’s not like all the launches we talked about actually collected a million
bucks in a day or whatever.
But check this out.
During the StomperNet launch, we did a million dollars CASH-IN-HAND in just under
89 minutes.
So we broke two records:
1. The biggest launch in Internet Marketing history.
2. The most money collected in cash in one day. And I wrote the sales letter.
For free. In about 6 hours.
Plus I wrote the emails (most of them anyway) and implemented Mass Control.
Pretty cool.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 113
The best part?
Getting to tell Harlan to kiss my ass. ;-) Thanks for bearing with me for this long story. I
hope you get the lessons in it.
̹ʹͲͲͺǤǤ 114

The - Big - Question - Mark by Frank Kern

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The - Big - Question - Mark by Frank Kern

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

“They say it takes a lot to win ...and

That’s a long time, isn’t it?

To hell with that.

You know...stuff you can use. No fluff, no filler.

We ain’t got time to mess around.

Let me start by addressing the quote I inserted above.

It takes a lot to win. Damn straight.

But it really takes more to lose.

You might test a market and have it fall flat.

It takes a fucking lot to win.

We both know the answer, don’t we?

Let’s get in the game and kick some ass.

We’ve got a lot to go over, so get ready.

What Do You Want?

Let me ask you a question.

Why are you in this game?

Is it to be able to quit your job?

And let me tell you …that’s a GOOD FEELING.

So what I try to shoot for are ULTs.

Getting a Porsche 911 Turbo might be a ULT.

For example …what kind of cars would I drive?

1. Villa Teresa Mansion: $1,420,000.00

2. House on Sea Island: $2,000,000.00

3. Maserati Quattroporte; $140,000.00

4. Marquis Jet membership (25 hours) $110,000.00

6. Full time personal chef: $90,000.00

7. Full time nanny: $40,000

8. Full time housekeeper: $30,000.00

9. Full time gardener: $25,000.00

10. Fine dining experiences: $36,000.00

11. Groceries: $52,000.00

12. Random bills: $50,000.00 (Insurance, electricity, and so forth.)

13. Lavish Christmas: $30,000.00

15. Private School for 2 girls: $14,400.00

3. Maserati Quattroporte (financed with no money down for 60 months at 7% according to

6. Personal Chef: $7,500

15. Private school tuition: $1,200.00

Annual cost: $953,705.49

OK - you might be thinking “HOLY CRAP THAT’S A TON OF MONEY” …and it is a

Let’s divide it by 365 to get a daily cost: $2612.89 per day.

What if you sell something for $197?

That’s only 250 clicks an hour.

That’s less than 5 clicks a minute.

And this helps you make important decisions.

OF COURSE! THAT’S ALL CHUMP CHANGE compared to the big picture.

A Crucial Step ...And Some Mind-Stuff

So, let’s begin.

What the Hell is THE PLAN here anyway?

So. That’s it. You get it now, right?

What we do with Mass Control is to literally create a CULT FOLLOWING in a market.

We position a “Character”(could be you, a pseudonym, or whatever) as a “Desired

Another way to describe this would be to simply call it “Herd Cultivation.”

So, our first goal is to … BUILD THE LIST.

However, this does involve some pretty sneaky stuff.

Demonstrate Higher Value by becoming an Authority.

…But say it as if it’s a gospel revelation.

This is an old school psychology trick.

Let’s dissect that sentence.

Two things about that one. First, the word “underground.”

Get out there and create one.

Now let’s talk about your inner game for a minute.

“As I Walk Through The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death, I