Identifying Your Child's Personality Type

 Highly sensitive, self-absorbed, or defiant  Inattentive or active/aggressive

Each child is born with certain physical traits that underlie his basic personality. Many children become
difficult because their "equipment" just isn't working right. As they struggle, they can become fussy,
irritable, negative, or self-absorbed. The final shape of a child's personality is determined partly by how
his parents and other caregivers relate to these physical traits. Challenging children can become more
pleasant, flexible people. They can become easier to live with - less at odds with the world, more
trusting and secure. Life with a difficult child, as you have seen in this book, doesn't have to be a
perpetual battleground.

This is a quick guide to figuring out your child's personality type and your reaction to it. It should help
you identify which pattern your child most closely approximates, even though most youngsters won't -
as is always true in life - fit neatly into one category or another.

Keep in mind that challenging children may vary greatly in day-to-day moods and outlook. One
moment, they appear mature, respectful, empathetic, compassionate. Later that same day, they are
crawling under tables, whining, clinging, throwing tantrums, and bossing everyone around. So don't
take any one piece of behavior as a way of labeling your child. Look for patterns over a period of time.
And, above all, don't be discouraged if your child appears to be making no progress at all! In time, he
will. Sometimes it can just be hard to see.

The Highly Sensitive Child

Behavior: Children who are highly sensitive tend to exhibit several types of behavior. Among the most
common patterns are fearfulness and caution. In infancy, a sensitive baby dislikes new routines and is
especially clingy in new situations. He restricts his range of exploration and avoids being assertive. In
the early years, this child may be plagued with excessive fears and worries and display shyness when
trying to form friendships and interact with new adults. In late childhood, he may feel anxious or
panicky and have mood swings. He may become depressed. In general, he tends to be inhibited,
reactive, and detail-oriented. He becomes easily overloaded by emotional or interpersonal events. The
highly sensitive child also tends to be very perceptive. He senses every nuance and subtlety of his
world and is also quite sensitive to the feelings of other people; he can "read" other people through their
expressions, body language, and voice tone. Because sensitive youngsters are so attuned to the world,
they tend to focus on the details of what they see, hear, and experience.

Physical Makeup: Sensitive children may overreact to touch, loud noises, and bright lights. Sights,
sounds, certain smells, and tactile experiences that bring other people pleasure can be overwhelming,
irritating, and sometimes downright painful to them.

Some sensitive children face difficulty in dealing with "spatial" concepts (that is, they have trouble
processing information in terms of the space around them). For example, they might get lost easily.
They may not be able to figure out distances (when mom leaves the room, for example, they haven't an

1
emotional sense of where she went - to the next room or across the country). As a result, they feel less
secure than other children and may panic when their parents leave them.

In addition to spatial difficulties, the highly sensitive child may also exhibit motor-planning challenges
- that is, he lacks the skills that are required to carry out a series of motor sequences, such as putting on
socks, kicking a soccer ball, or writing a sentence. So if your child is very verbal but seems to get lost
when he has to do anything that involves a series of behaviors or movements, be aware that his
difficulty may be linked to a motor-planning problem. He could be very organized when he is operating
in an area of strength, but might appear disorganized when dealing with a vulnerable area.

Sensitive children may be overstimulated by internal forces as well as outside events. Their own
emotions are experienced very intensely. The child may throw himself down, sobbing with
disappointment, jump up and down screaming with joy, or shriek and pound the walls with rage. This
emotional sensitivity extends to the physical realm as well. He may complain of muscle aches, stomach
aches, and other internal pains. Puberty may be especially scary because of its new sensations.

How Parents Respond: The patterns described here may be inadvertently intensified by parents or
caregivers who respond to the child by vacillating - for example, by being overindulgent and
overprotective some of the time and punitive and intrusive at other times. The best approach is for
parents and caregivers to provide consistent empathy; very gentle, but firm, limits; and gradual and
supportive encouragement to explore new experiences.

The Self-Absorbed Child

Behavior: The self-absorbed child may appear apathetic, easily tired. As an infant, she may seem
quiet, perhaps even depressed and uninterested in exploring people or objects. She may not respond
quickly to touch, sound, or other stimuli. As a preschooler, she may sit passively rather than explore her
world. More than most toddlers, she may appreciate familiar routines. As an older child or a teenager,
she may appear self-absorbed and disinterested in the world. However, her powers of fantasy and
capacity for independence may become assets as she matures.

Physical Makeup: Unlike the highly sensitive child, the self-absorbed child needs a lot of stimuli: a
great deal of sound before she takes notice, stronger touch before she feels pressure, plenty of
movement before she perceives kinetic pleasures. The loud slamming of a car door, a roaring vacuum
cleaner, noisy older siblings - these noises don't attract her attention as easily as they would other
children's. Parents of a baby with this self-absorbed temperament find that it takes twenty or even forty
seconds of energetic talking to get her to take notice. They may find that she craves bright lights, loud
sounds, lots of motion and speed (big swings, exciting carnival rides) because she simply isn't sensitive
to subdued activity.

The self-absorbed child may appear to prefer her own thoughts and fantasies to the outside world.
Given her lack of reactivity to outside stimuli, it is much easier for her to tune inward and become self-
absorbed.

Low muscle tone and poor balance and concentration may make this child work harder to crawl, push a
toy, reach out, jump, and climb. Difficulties arise with skills that require sequencing physical

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movements (motor planning). This can include drawing a picture, tying a shoe, climbing a ladder, or
getting through the kitchen without knocking anything over.

This child may also have difficulties with auditory-verbal processing and expressive language (the
ability to put thoughts into words). She may be slow to talk, and later finds it difficult to express
herself. It is hard for her to find the words to describe what she did or what she feels or wants.

How Parents Respond: It is all too easy for parents to neglect or give up on a self-absorbed child. She
requires intense input from them and other caregivers and teachers to attract her interest and capture her
emotional engagement. If people close to her are low-key or laid-back in voice tone and speech rhythm,
this child is likely to tune them out. Parents and others need to reach out energetically, responding to
her cues (however faint) to help her engage, attend, interact, and explore the world.

The Defiant Child

Behavior: The defiant child can be negative, stubborn, controlling. He often does the opposite of what
is expected or asked of him. He faces difficulty with transitions and prefers repetition or slow change.
He tends to be perfectionist and compulsive.

As an infant, this child may be fussy, difficult, and resistant to changes in routine. As a toddler, when
negative behavior is common to all children, he may be even more angry, defiant, and stubborn than
most children his age. This child, however, can show joyful exuberance at certain times. A defiant older
child or adult may be argumentative and frequently engage in power struggles. He may use passive
defiance as a coping strategy, or he may try to avoid difficult situations. In contrast to the fearful,
cautious person, he doesn't become fragmented when overwhelmed, but reacts instead by trying to
control his world as tightly as possible. When moderated, this child's perfectionism and boldness may
well help him as a student or in later work.

Physical Makeup: The defiant child may have many of the same sensitivities to touch, sound, sight,
and motion as the highly sensitive child. But, unlike the highly sensitive child, the defiant child tends to
have relatively better "visual-spatial" abilities. That is, he can organize in his mind what he sees and
hears better than many other children. He uses this strong ability to help keep himself from getting
overwhelmed by what he is experiencing. This means that he becomes very controlling about his
environment, hence, his demanding, stubborn behavior.

How Parents Respond: It is tempting to respond to the defiant child by becoming angry, intrusive, and
punitive. While this is an understandable response to infuriating behavior, it is likely to intensify the
defiant child's behavior. Caregiver patterns that are soothing, empathetic, and supportive of slow,
gradual change (and that avoid power struggles) tend to enhance the defiant child's flexibility.

Read more on FamilyEducation: http://life.familyeducation.com/child-psychology/personality-

development/40418.html#ixzz1FtSRlQU8

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 Understanding Your Child's Personality
New researches contradict the old theories that said that a child's nature and behavior depended entirely
on how his upbringing has been. It is now proposed that how your child behaves could largely depend
on his genes and whatever his nature is, it is by birth.

If you notice, you can observe your child's behavior soon after the first few months of his birth - much
before you even think of teaching him something. He could be a happy child, or a fussy one. A naughty
child or an over sensitive one. You can learn his temperament by just noticing his behavior for a few
days.

If you're a mother yourself, or have had a chance of listening to two mothers discussing their babies,
you would know that no two babies behave in the same manner. Some would want a lot of attention,
some would not. Some would be very difficult to handle and some would just be fine by themselves.
Every child has his own personality and you only need to take a closer look to judge your child.

Your child could be a happy one if he is usually playful, does not throw too many tantrums and easily
adaptive to any kind of change.

A sensitive child starts crying easily, does not accept anything or anybody new and wants only to be in
his own familiar surroundings.

These are a part of nature your child was born with and there is really nothing too worry about. On your
part as a parent if you notice something in your child's personality that needs to be changed you can
start working on it as soon as your baby is ready to understand.

You can do this by keeping the following in mind;

 First, be extremely patient with the child.

 Identify his weak areas and work on them gradually.

 Introduce new things and people slowly.

 Do not leave your child to face what he hates alone, be there with him.

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  Use encouragement as your basic tool.

 Praise your child on every good thing that he adapts and also reward him. He will remember
that and would want to repeat it.

Slowly it would become a part of his habits and viola! There's a change in his personality!

So all in all, a right time for learning, patience and encouragement could be the key tools for
understanding and if necessary re molding your child's personality.

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Each child is born with a unique personality. A great deal is learned through circumstances and other
people, but our specific preferences are believed to be inherent in us by the time we are born.

There are various ways of looking at personality, but one of the most popular and helpful is the Myers
Briggs indicator, based on Jungian psychology, and now used widely in churches, job applications and
training. This system looks at our preferences on four different scales, and can be observed in even very
young children and toddlers. As parents it is important to respect our children's personalities and help
them develop a good self-image and understanding of who they are - while obviously not boxing them
in, or expecting them always to behave in the same way!

Sensing or Intuiting
Perhaps the most significant set of preferences in education is the difference between Sensing and
Intuiting. People who strongly prefer Sensing are those who feel very much at home in the concrete
world, learning primarily through their senses, often in a step-by-step manner. They will generally take
in information in single pieces, even if very rapidly, but won't instantly spot links or patterns. Children
who have a preference for Sensing tend to like facts and play based on everyday life, and are interested
at an early age in what things are for.

By contrast, those who strongly prefer iNtuiting often learn by what is not actually seen: grasping the
big picture, seeing patterns, and then getting to grips with concepts before grasping fine detail. Children
who prefer iNtuition are often drawn to fantasy and imaginary worlds, and love hearing stories over
and over again. Their favourite kind of game will tend to involve their imaginations, and they may be
highly creative, wanting to write stories at a young age.

Temperament theory
Keirseyan Temperament Theory tells us that there are basically four broad temperaments into which
we can all be grouped, and two of them have preferences for Sensing. These are the people he calls
Guardians (with a core need for security, a great sense of responsibility and loyalty) and those he calls
Artisans (with a core need for impact and freedom, and generally an excellent ability with arts and
crafts). Guardians tend to direct their Sensing inwardly, comparing what is with what has been, learning
from the past. Artisans tend to direct their Sensing outwardly, concentrating on what is, what looks
right, what is aesthetically pleasing.

Also according to Keirseyan Temperament Theory, the people who prefer iNtuiting are the Rationals
(whose core need is for competence, with a great need for efficiency and understanding) and the
Idealists (whose core need is for authenticity, with a great need for harmony and empathic
relationships). People of either temperament may mainly use their iNtuition inwardly - focussing on
what will be - or outwardly - focussing on what might be.

Different learning styles depend partly on personality

preferences
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Whereas a child who strongly prefers Sensing may easily learn to read using phonics, gradually
building up the ability to read from the details, those who prefer iNtuition are more likely to learn from
a whole language approach, at a young age. They tend first to read sentences or long words, and then
form their own idea of phonics as they observe patterns.

All children, whatever their learning style, should be encouraged to learn to read when they are ready
and interested, not according to anyone's predefined schedule. My younger son, who clearly preferred
iNtuition, taught himself to read at the age of three without being able to hear any individual letter
sounds within words. Had he not learned in his own way, he would have been completely mystified by
phonic-type teaching in school. It was not until he was about seven that he could truly break down
words into component parts and 'hear' the sounds. Yet by this stage he was reading fluently, with
comprehension, at a 15-year-old level.

Of course everyone has access to both the concrete world and their imaginations. Nobody 'is' a type,
they simply prefer one type of information processing to the other. Most people (and particularly
children) learn in many ways, although a distinct preference for either Sensing or iNtuition is usually
clear by the time the child is three or four, if not before. Encourage both preferences to develop by
reading a wide range of books with your children, encouraging imaginative play, and also practical play
using the senses, such as sand, water, playdough and finger-painting.

Feeling or Thinking in decision-making

The next pair of preferences of the Myers-Briggs system is that of Feeling or Thinking. These are
mainly related to how we make decisions. Clearly everyone is able to feel and to think, but we tend
towards one or the other when making major decisions. Those with a preference for Feeling tend to
trust their emotional reactions most, and make decisions based on what they (or others) would like.
Those who prefer Thinking tend to trust logic above emotion, and make decisions based on what seems
best. Both types of person are needed, and everyone should learn to use each function as appropriate,
but one will always be the preferred.

Children with a clear preference for Thinking will usually be able to grasp reasonable arguments at
a young age. They - and particularly those of Rational temperament - will often ask, 'Why?' when the
parents tell them they may not do something, and usually respond well to a logical reason. On the other
hand they may become very argumentative if they do not believe the parents are being logical, or if
they are not given a good reason for something! If your child's mind works this way, be prepared to
back up your decisions with logic, and also to explain things thoroughly.

Respect your child's arguments too: teach him to be respectful to others as he tries to argue, and he will
learn the useful skill of reasoned discussion. Help him too to be aware of his emotions and free to
express them when necessary, as he will be likely to repress them. Make sure you give lots of hugs and
let them know they are loved: Children with a preference for Thinking tend to be undemanding
emotionally, but this does not mean that they are unfeeling, or that they do not need cuddles.

Children whose preference is for Feeling tend to be more emotionally driven, sometimes laughing or
crying for no apparent reason. Parents whose preference is for Thinking are often totally mystified by
some children who declare in one instant that they hate something, but the following day declare the

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opposite. It's important that children,whatever their preference, learn what their emotions are, and how
they can express them without causing damage. They also need to learn to say what they are feeling
with respect for others, and to realise that their emotions may change when circumstances change.

Children whose preference is clearly for Feeling need a great deal of overt affection and open
expression of unconditional love, as they can be prone to hurt and taking offence more easily than
children whose preference is for Feeling. Help them to enjoy logic puzzles, to exercise their Thinking
skills in a situation where the emotions do not come into play. Help them too not to give up when
things seem difficult, but to understand that making mistakes can be an important part of learning.

Introversion or Extraversion
The next pair of preferences is known as Introversion and Extraversion. These preferences are related
to whether we are basically more comfortable in the world of other people, or by ourselves in our inner
world. It's perhaps most obviously expressed in the way we re-charge and relax. For an Extravert, other
people are needed frequently whereas an Introvert needs significant time alone.

All of us have both needs, but one will be the preference. This does significantly not tend to affect the
way we learn, so long as we have plenty of time for our main preferences. A strongly Introverted child
may well be happier educated at home than being in a classroom all day, and a strongly Extraverted
child may prefer being at school. An Extraverted child who is home educated will want other children
to play with, and plenty of opportunity for social events and group activities, and an Introverted child
who goes to school will probably need at least an hour by himself each day after school to unwind.

Introversion and Extraversion also relate to the way we use the first four functions - Sensing, iNtuiting,
Thinking and Feeling. Those who use Feeling primarily in the outer world - more conscious of other
people's feelings than their own - tend to use Thinking inwardly, analysing the world and trying to
make sense of it when on their own. By contrast, those who are most driven by their own Feelings, and
tend to look inwardly in their emotions are those who more naturally organise the outer world. We all
need to find how we best relate to others, and to find ways of expressing the preferences which we
internalise.

Judging or Perceiving
The final scale used in Myers-Briggs theory, Judging or Perceiving, was not used by Jung but
developed to make the system easier to understand. It refers to whether we prefer to extravert primarily
our decision-making function (Feeling or Thinking) or the perceptive function (Sensing or Intuition).
Those who primarily extravert their decision-making function will tend to like decisions, and often will
be more organised and structured than those who prefer to extravert their perceptive function.

For more information about these preferences in children, I recommend the book 'Nurture by Nature '
by Paul D Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger.

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How to Parent Different Personality Types
By Libby Anderson, eHow Member

Read more: How to Parent Different Personality Types | eHow.com

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Tell me if this sounds familiar..."Time for bed!"..."NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'M NOT SLEEPY! I

DON'T WANT TO GO TO BED!" etc., etc. If the answer is no, then you probably don't have children.
For the rest of us, here are some useful tips for peacefully transitioning children from doing something
they like to do to doing something they need to do.
Different personality types have different needs- - different motivations. No one knows your child as
well as you do, but it is not a given that you understand your child. If you have differing personality
types, you may at times seem to be speaking different languages. What makes sense to you may not
necessarily make sense to your child. What influences you may not influence your child. What interests
you... well, you get the idea.
Here are some tips on motivating different personality type children to do some everyday things that
are often a struggle for parents...

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions
1. 1

The Headstrong Child

I don't have to explain this personality type too much. This is the outgoing, outspoken, I'll-do-it-
my-way child. They're all like this at 2, but when they haven't grown out of it by 4 or 5, guess
what...it's their personality type. They're not going to grow out of it. No need to fear, though,
this kind of child grows up to be a great leader and can achieve amazing things in his or her life.
They can be very powerful people. Your job is to channel that power for good. The most
important thing to remember with this type of child is that they need to feel some measure of
control in their own lives. When we as parents make all the decisions and just call out orders,
this personality type senses a challenge. And what's the natural reaction when we are
challenged? Your child comes out fighting- - bucking against your every command. "Brush
your teeth and get your jammies on."..."I DON'T WANT TO BRUSH MY TEETH! I'M NOT
TIRED!" ad infinitum... But it doesn't have to be this way. There's actually a very simple
solution to motivating your headstrong child. Are you ready for this? It's easy. I mean really
easy. You're not going to believe how easy...let them make some of the decisions. I'm not
talking the big, keep-them-alive kind of decisions. I'm talking the little every day,
inconsequential ones. Watch this; I'll show you how simple it can be..."It's time for bed,
Sweetie. Which pajamas do you want to wear tonight, the princess ones or the red ones?" or
"Time for bed. Do you want to brush your teeth first or put on your pajamas first?" Now, your

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 strong willed child has a say in the matter. You have given options, all of which are acceptable
to you as the parent, and the child is now able to decide for herself what she will do. They focus
on the decision and forget to wail about the going to bed part. Since the decision was theirs, you
now have their cooperation. It works for every situation imaginable..."Time to get dressed. Do
you want to wear the purple shirt or the yellow one?"..."Time for dinner. Do you want carrot
sticks or salad with your chicken?"..."Time to buckle up. Do you want me to help you or do you
want to do it yourself?" You're dying to try it now, aren't you? It's like magic, I promise.

2. 2

The Happy, Active Child

If you have an outgoing, people oriented child, you're probably exhausted. It's not that they
misbehave all the time, they're just hard to keep up with. This type of child loves fun and is not
a fan of anything routine, boring or that involves sitting in waiting rooms for more than 5
minutes. These children are not motivated by a need for control, but more by their feelings and
emotions. Homework? Boring. Chores? Not fun. Bedtime? Don't want to stop playing. So how
do you motivate this type child to do things they don't want to do? Make it fun. Of course you
can't do this with everything in life, but there are many situations where a little effort on your
part equals cooperation on your child's part (which we all know equals everyone's happy).
Instead of "Get your shoes on." try "I'll race you to see who can get their shoes on first." Instead
of "Clean your room." try "Hey, I need you to clean your room. I thought maybe we could play
a board game when you're done." Instead of "Do your homework," try "If you get your
homework done now, we'll have time to watch a movie together later." This type of child
responds beautifully to positive statements. Also of note with this type child, they work best if
you work alongside them. They get easily distracted if left without help, plus, they just like the
company. They're "people" people.

3. 3

The Shy, Sweet Child

This is the child we all often wish we had. They're easy to parent in a lot of ways- - they're
compliant, they're good natured, they're calm and they almost never make that piercing
shrieking sound that only dogs can hear. These children don't like to rock the boat and they
don't want you to either. They're sweet, but they can be stubborn, too. So when trying to
motivate this child, here are some things to remember...Don't issue commands in your drill
sergeant voice. Instead, talk a little more softly. When correcting them, pull them up on your lap
and discuss what they did wrong with your arms wrapped around them in a loving way. This
personality type also works better when you work alongside them. They're not opposed to
whatever it is you've asked them to do, but may need more support to actually finish the task- -
on time. And that's a big problem with this personality type- -they don't do deadlines. It's too
much pressure. They don't like pressure. Or being put on the spot. Or hurrying. You probably
have a hard time getting this child moving in the morning. You're rushing around getting your
child and yourself ready and out the door by a specific time. Your child isn't responding as
quickly as you'd like, so you tell him to hurry. He doesn't. You get impatient. Your voice raises
a few decibels... you see where this is going. Solution? Allow more time for this personality
type child in the morning. I know you hit the snooze at least once this morning. Don't. Get your

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 child up earlier than usual tomorrow. Take an extra five or ten minutes to sit together on the
sofa, or if you don't have time for that, put your child on the sofa with their favorite blankie and
give them the extra time to wake up while you get yourself moving. They need to ease into their
day a little more slowly than the rest of us. Your patience will reduce everybody's anxiety level
and help your day to start out on a positive note. And not just in this situation, but in any
situation with this personality type.

4. 4

The Reserved, Analytical Child

These kids are reserved and able to focus on tasks easily. They're naturally curious and ask lots
of questions. Unlike your happy, active, fun loving child, these kids like routine. And they don't
like change. You probably don't have to tell this child to do their homework. And if you have a
set routine for bedtime that you follow every night faithfully, that probably isn't a big problem
for you either. The biggest difficulty parents encounter with this type child is that life is change.
We are constantly changing from one task to the next, going from one place or activity to
another. When your child is resisting that change at every turn, life is not fun. Again, you
eventually lose your patience, start yelling and then feel like a bad parent because you're sure
your child will have horrible memories of his childhood and blame you for his repressed anger
issues when he's 42. Well, nobody wants that, so here's a tip on how to avoid ruining his life,
not to mention your day...You've heard of the 5 minute warning? This child needs it more than
all the other types put together. I take it a few steps further...I call it "the five minute warning on
steroids." Here's how it works... at the beginning of each day, if there is any change in the
normal routine expected, I inform my child with this personality type. "Today after school
we've got to go to the grocery."..."You're spending the night at Grandma and Grandpa's
tonight."..."I'll need everyone's help cleaning up the house later today."...or whatever the change
may be. It seems silly, but the difference when the time comes for cooperation is remarkable.
They'll have lots of questions for you, but will be so much more relaxed in dealing with the
change. They love to know what's going on and they want to be prepared. Have them help you
make a list for the grocery. Help them pack a bag for Grandma's. Make a list of chores they'll be
doing when it's time to clean the house so they'll know exactly what's expected of them. We go
so far as to having our daughter put her clothes out for the next day before she goes to bed. She
gets her backpack ready, too, and has it waiting by the door. Just those little preparations make
her feel calmer-- more together. And she's more cooperative the next morning because she
knows exactly what she's wearing and that her homework is done and by the door. Again, it
takes planning ahead on my part (which doesn't come naturally for me!), but you'll be surprised
att

5. 5

You may be saying, "But my child doesn't fit exactly into any one of these groups." Of course
they don't. We all have a unique blend of characteristics that make up our personalities. Usually,
though, a child will be primarily one of those types, with a blend of the other traits mixed in. So
you blend the techniques and tailor them to your child. What it comes down to is this... they're
not all the same. It's crazy to think we can parent them all the same. What is a problem for one
child may not be for another. A really great parenting tip will only work on the child who

11
 understands the language in which it was spoken. So learn your child's language! Take the effort
to parent each of your children as the unique individuals that they are. It will be well worth your
effort when you see your happy, cooperative child (not to mention the savings in therapy bills
later).

Read more: How to Parent Different Personality Types | eHow.com

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