Ashokans reveal about the hookup culture on campus

“You start seeing hooking up as a metric of coolness, you see all these people getting Hickeys and you
are like oh why am I not getting any?”- A third-year student at Ashoka University

I was sitting with a few of my friends in the mess one day and we were all listening to my friend’s
detailed description of her last hookup, as I sat there listening to her, I started introspecting. When did I
become okay with discussing sex so publically? I remember the first time I came to college and the
concept of casual hookups and open relationships seemed so strange and alien to me. However, now it
seems very normalized. I have often analyzed the impact of Ashoka’s education system on my thinking,
but, I have never thought how the culture at Ashoka affects my views about sex and relationships. To
explore the impact of this hookup culture on campus I interviewed students of Ashoka from different
batches and backgrounds.

The first thing I was interested in finding out was whether people viewed sex and hooking up as the
same thing. For some people hooking up included everything from a kiss to sex while for some it meant
first and third base without the act of penetrative sex. For a lot of people, it still remains a vague
concept that is hard to describe and is on a broad spectrum. However, for some people, the
demarcation between sex and hooking up is very strict and their association with both is very different.
For instance, one of my queer friends told me that, for him, anal sex is a very intimate thing and that he
will not be comfortable doing it with someone he does not have an emotional connection with.

The next question that popped into my head was why hooking up is so prevalent on campus? When I
asked people whether they would prefer hooking up over dating, a lot of people answered that for them
hooking up seemed like a better option. A fourth-year student told me that dating would mean a lot of
investment emotionally and with all the academic pressure, she did not have the time or energy to deal
with it. Another interviewee said that, for him, hooking up without any strings allowed him to exercise
the freedom that he got away from home, and it allowed him to explore what he liked and didn’t like
which is something he might not have been able to do had he been dating.

A student of the third year explained that the reason she would never date on campus is that
relationships on campus become toxic too quickly, as we live in the same space, dating someone is
almost like being in a live-in relationship for which we neither have the maturity nor the willingness to
commit. Another interviewee described how he felt that her insecurities about herself which she
developed in college have manifested in her relationships. He feels that with so many options available
to people on campus, no one would want to commit to her. Thus, even though he wants to date
secretly, he projects to others that he is just looking for casual sex. In another interesting conversation, a
first-year student explained to me that the reason he hookups regularly on campus because it is simply
much more convenient than dating and hooking up is also something which he feels that the cool kids
do.

As these conversations spiraled in my mind, I started thinking about who gets to participate in this
hookup culture. One of the respondents replied that “As casual sex is a lot based on looks, certain kinds
of bodies and people don’t make it”. Another student responded by saying that hooking up is usually
reserved for attractive and elite students who come from a certain kind of background. However, a
fourth-year student explained that as the numbers of students are growing, the hooking up culture on
campus is also becoming less exclusive and if people are more open everyone ends up finding their kind.
While for some people, this space seems free and welcoming, for some it seems like a space that has its
own hierarchies and selection criteria.

While listening to people talk about their views on sex openly, I started questioning how this exposure
to casual sex impact our ideas about sex. A respondent told me that her fascination with sex has
drastically reduced during her time at Ashoka. She commented, “Sex has now become so normalized
that it is a way of life” (a third-year student). A second-year student told me that for her “In school, sex
was something sacred that someone does only when they are in a long term relationship or are in love,
however, her time at Ashoka has helped her in distinguishing between the physical and emotional
aspect of sex.”

While many respondents told me that the sexual freedom that Ashoka offers has helped them in
exploring their bodies and not think of sex as something forbidden. An interviewee told me that at
times she feels dissuaded to engage in casual sex on campus because who you hook up with is public
knowledge. She explained that she is scared that if she hooks up with someone then they will talk about
her in public. In a space where hookups are discussed publically, many people told me that they were
intimidated to engage in any sexual activity as they felt that they were not experienced enough. A first
year student told me that initially she felt pressured into hooking up as in the orientation week all
people talked about was sex and drinking.

Looking back at these conversations I can’t help but wonder that while destigmatizing sex, are we
creating new taboos and assumptions? Have we built a free space where being a virgin has become
something to be ashamed of? Do we at times engage in casual hookups because we feel left out at
dinner conversations when our friends cannot stop describing their one night stands? In a space where
hooking up is so public how much of it is actually for you? To me, while the hookup culture presents
opportunities to explore, it also seems to constrain, forcing us to look at people and ourselves in a
certain way.