Irish 1

Braden Irish

Mr. O’Leary

English 9

30 January 2019

Rootkit: Hell

It’s a bright sunny day. To your left, there is a road, and on your right, houses passing by.

You’re on your bike flying down your neighborhood listening to the latest album from Logic.

AirPods in, the music is pumping through you releasing its motivational power into your legs.

Earlier today you made plans to hang out with your best friend Tim Brook. Almost there you’re

suddenly blown to the side, into an alleyway that appeared out of nowhere. You’re lying on the

ground next to a brick wall, and your bike is broken into pieces piled up against the wall to your

right. You notice that your music is still playing. Oh, they actually do stay in, nice. Somehow

you aren’t hurt, everything feels fine. After hearing a noise you look left, there is a person.

Walking out of the pitch black and into the barely visible light, with movements like a bird

gliding through the sky, he comes up to you. You aren’t able to see his face, but he lets out a cold

breath and speaks.

“There is a new manager position open in hell. You have been chosen. If you accept you

will know where to go,” The black figure poured out of his mouth.

A second later and you are back on the sidewalk. There is no alleyway next to you, and your bike

is still broken next to your feet.

 Irish 2

Now it's 4:30 pm that day. You’re hanging with Tim, playing a few rounds of Smash. You

are winning, obviously. But the memory of that moment just a few hours before still lingers in

your head and won't go away no matter how hard you try. It keeps coming back to you

interrupting every thought, sorta like that time when your boss fired you and you waited forever

to tell your parents. Should you say something to Tim? Keep it to yourself? You are in the worst

state of mind you have ever been in. But a while later you decide that you should tell him, he is

your best friend after all.

You stutter, “Ay, uh Tim.”

“Wassup man?” Said Tim, the freakishly tiny black man.

“Have you ever had some like, existential, once in a lifetime, almost horror experiences

or opportunities happen to you?”

“Oh yeah man, like all the time.”

Utterly confused you stare at what he just said. “Wait, what happened?” Tim says after he

realizes what you said to him. You explain everything, how your bike got destroyed, the man,

and the vanishing alleyway.

“Dang man, that sounds like one of the best hecking things that could ever happen,” Tim

said very intrigued.

“Yah I just don't want to leave my current life. I got so much for me here.” You reply.

“What? What you got here is nothing compared to the life you would have there. What

you got here that is better than there?”

“My job, my girlfriend..”

“Bruh you don't have a girlfriend,” Tim said cutting you off.
 Irish 3

“Ok, but maybe I will someday.”

“Mhm right,” Tim said while rolling his eyes.

“I guess I could always go and see what it would be like.”

“Yeah man, go for it.”

Your Apple Watch vibrates your wrist. You look at it and it's a text from your roommate, “Dude

its 6. U said u were making dinner tonight!”.

“Ah shoot man, I got to go. I’ll talk to you later.” You say to Tim as you quickly grab

your things.

“All right, see ya later.” He replies.

It’s now the next day and you’re eating lunch. You’ve thought about that whole experience long

and hard. But now you have decided that you want to go. And the second you say that your body

has an irresistible urge to move, you have no idea where but you just have to go. Quickly you

finish your sandwich, grab your Apple products, and head out the door. With your AirPods in,

you begin walking down the sidewalk. Every turn that you come to you just know where to go. A

few tiring hours later, you are standing right outside of the Microsoft store. Ew. They definitely

picked the best spot for the entrance to hell. Now all of a sudden a figure appears in front of you.

Almost angel like. Its glow is blinding at first, but within a few seconds your well-trained pupils

dilate and you’re able to see who it is. Wait, could it be? Is it really him? Yes, it is. The man

standing right in front of you is the one and only, Jony Ive. The man. The myth. The Legend.

“Hello, Braden,” Jony says with the most graceful voice in the world.

“H...H...Hi” You struggle to say still in disbelief.

“I see that you’ve come for the manager position.”

 Irish 4

“Ya...uh..yah. Can everyone see you?”

“Haha! No, only you can. Well, shall we go then?”

“Woah, uh, yeah. Let’s go.”

Jony, being an angel (you think, you really have no idea what he is), walks right through the

doors into the building. And you follow forgetting that you can't just walk through doors and

walk right into them. You open the door and you walk into a room that is obviously not the

Microsoft store. The room is perfectly white, seemingly infinite. It reminds you of those old “I’m

a Mac” commercials. In the middle of the room, there is a giant tv behind a silver aluminum

pedestal.

“Welcome to the entrance to hell, this is the beginning where everyone is judged to find

where they deserve to go. The iCloud or Hell. Please, place your iPhone on the aluminum

pedestal.” Jony tells you in his usual voice that is impossible to not follow.

You place your iPhone XS Max on the pedestal, working at Apple does have its perks. The TV

lights up. And your entire browser history is scrolling past, your apps, texts, and everything else

that has to do with your interactions with tech companies.

“Wow. Impressive. This is one of the cleanest records we have ever seen. Your tech life is

pretty incredible.” Jony says astonished.

Woah, did I really just impress Jony Ive?

“Uh, yeah I guess it is. I just really love the company I work for.” You respond.

The wall opens on your right. Revealing a concrete road where an Uber pulls up. It’s a green

Lamborghini Aventador, your dream car.

 Irish 5

“Ah, looks like our ride is here. After the judgment, every person is taken to the level of

hell that they deserve. But we will be going through all the levels so that you can see

what you will be looking over with this job.” Jony Ive explains

You and Jony proceed to get into the car. You go from 0-60 in what feels like -2 seconds. Who’s

driving the car? Jeff Williams? Woah. Soon you arrive at the end of the long corridor and step

into another white room. Jony follows.

“Are you ready?” Jony asks.

You nod and he opens a door where you are greeted with what looks like the outside of the

Microsoft store you just came out of. But something is off, you suddenly feel darkness all around

you. Every feeling of happiness from Apple products are gone.

“What’s different about this place?” You ask quite worried.

“Welcome to Surface. This is the first level of hell. It’s the exact same as your earth, but Apple

never existed and Microsoft has taken over the world.” Jon replies. He sounds just fine and

makes it seem normal as if he has lived here his whole life.

“Oh my gosh. That's horrible. How could someone deserve to go to a place like this and live in

this pain?”

“This is the place for all people that may have been born before Apple was a company or had

some association with Apple, but denied it because they didn't want people to know. This isn’t all

though. There are 8 more levels, each one getting worse. Let's have a look around before we

proceed.
 Irish 6

You and Jony walk around, looking and feeling all the pain of the people. You can just barely

relate and feel their frustration having to live their life using only Microsoft products. How can

this just be the first level? Eventually, you and Jony arrive at a door.

“Through here we will move on to the next level. Outlook.” Jony said holding open the

door.

You both walk through into a room surrounded by glass. It’s full of people walking around and

sitting. Through the glass, you see a world where everyone is happy. It looks like the opposite of

Surface.

“This doesn’t seem so bad. Why are they so sad?” You ask.

“For you maybe. But for them, it's real torture. All these people must spend the rest of

their lives here watching the highest level of heaven. They are sent here because they

were too ignorant to realize how superior Apple’s products are so they never associated

with the company.” Jony replied with the slightest hint of sympathy.

You now realize what these people have to go through for the rest of their lives, and looking

around you see how miserable they are. There are people trying to sleep but are unable to, people

trying to get the privileged on the other side to hear them. You try so hard to comprehend the

pain and suffering that they are going through but you can't, and you never will. Without

speaking Jony leads you to another door. You both enter.

“Welcome to Vista. The third level. These are the people that have purposefully harmed

and disrespected Apple products, users, and the company. Here they spend every second

of their day sitting in a cubicle, trying to do a simple job, using computers running beta

builds of Vista.” Jony tells as you walk around the building.

 Irish 7

All emotion in your body fades as you see the look on everyone’s face. Tired. Dead. Frustrated.

Monday. Occasionally there will be a louder grunt of frustration in the background of clicks,

boot sounds, and Windows alerts. It's the most uncomfortable and painful place that you’ve been

in. During your time there, you witnessed someone so frustrated they yeet their computer across

the room only to disappear with a new computer on that person's desk.

“Hey, can we go now?” You ask Jony.

“Oh yes, most definitely.” He responds leading you out of the building.

You both now walk out on to a seemingly never-ending road, lined with Microsoft, HP, and

Samsung office buildings. It feels like a combination of Surface, Vista, and Outlook, only worse.

It’s so cold here.

“Office. The fourth level. In this world, everyone works for Microsoft, HP, or Samsung.

Their entire life is one never-ending horrible day at the office knowing that they are

forced to ruin the lives of everyone in both in Hell and on Earth. It’s a brutal life.” Jony

says noticing your interest.

You’re speechless from the forced empathy for everyone in this world. You had no idea that

people had to endure this much pain because of their actions.

“Still considering the Management job?” Jony asks you while you are both walking

through the buildings.

Taking a second to gather your thoughts you respond, “Um, yeah. I think I really wanna

do this.”

“Great. Let’s go onto the next level. We’re almost done.”

 Irish 8

Jony leads you into one of the buildings, and both of you walk into a room. It’s incredibly small

and full of desks. There are people walking in and out of the building, moving between desks

carrying luggables. Of course, they have the same, if worse, look on their face. Depressed, tired,

and frustrated.

“And here is level 5. Forms. Everyone here is a Non-Apple Product IT guy for all the

other levels. This is one of the worst levels. They spend every day in the pain of having to

figure out and solve all the reoccurring windows problems.” Jony explained.

“That's horrible. Are there really people worthy of this torture and pain?” You ask.

After asking, a man walks up to you. Dressed in rage clothes, covered in dirt, and straight up

filthy. He might as well have been a homeless man on the streets.

“Yes. There are. It’s us. We did horrible things,” The man says to you, almost sobbing.

“We regret it all. Everything we did. All the people we hurt, all the lives we destroyed.

We live here every day in constant pain. Please. Help us.”

You notice that the man, who has shed some tears by now, has a name tag. It says, Ajit Pai. Hah.

I get why he’s here. It would suck to be him.

“I understand why you’re here. But those choices that you made gave you this life here.

There’s nothing I can do about that. You deserve this.” You say to him.

“Come on, let's go,” Jony says noticing the uncomfortable tension in the air.

You and Jony walk out of the building and into a new one. Unlike the last, this building is huge.

It’s split into three sections. Each one is a little smaller than the last. But all three are full of

production lines and people making products.

“What... is this place?” You ask confused.

 Irish 9

“These are levels 6, 7, and 8. Skype, Galaxy, Pavilion.” Jony says pointing to each one.

“In each of these levels, the people are forced to work on production lines for the

respective companies. Microsoft, Samsung, and HP.”

You and Jony are going through each of the levels. As you’re walking by the rows of people

working you can't help but look at their faces. Most of them are emotionless, just going through

their lives. Some are pleading for help and forgiveness. And the others, crying and saying their

sorrows. And it only gets worse as you go through each level. Just being there is so painful

enough for you shed a tear or two.

“I believe it's time for us to visit the final level,” Jony says as he wipes a tear from your

face and his.

“Yah let’s go.” You respond looking back at the people as you leave.

You and Jony are now walking down a long hallway. Eventually arriving at a door leading to a

room about the size of the Boise Apple store you used to love going to growing up. Inside are 5

people. Woah. There’s David Packard, Bill Hewlett, Lee Byung-Chul, Logan Paul? Ok then. Bill

Gates… All of them are equally spaced out in the room. Except for Bill Gates, who is off in a

dark corner. The entire room is silent from the moment you stepped in. It feels as if there is

overbearing darkness surrounding you, but being lifted by the presence of Jony.

Through all the shock you find a way to ask Jony, “This… this is the last level?”

“Yes, welcome to Delve. The last level. These 5 people are the only ones. I assume you

know who they are and why they are here?” Jony responds.

“Yah. I uh, I do.”

 Irish 10

“Well then, these first 4 lucky individuals have the worst punishment of all. They must replay the

life of Bill Gates over and over again. If they die in that life, whether it be on or off story, it

restarts.”

You’re walking around them. They are all motionless, expressionless, full of nothing but death.

You could stab one of them and they wouldn’t react at all. They are just statues standing there,

experiencing nothing but trauma. You then walk over to Bill Gates.

“Bill here has a completely separate punishment. He has to experience all the pain and

suffering that he has caused others at the exact same time over and over.” Jony explains

to you.

Bill is curled up into a ball in his corner. Covered in bruises, blood, burns, and scars he sits there

in tears. It is motionless most of the time but he will flinch every once and awhile. Jony turns to

him and says, “Wake.” Bill jerks up and is now on his knees, gasping for air.

Stuttering Bill says, “Why have you woken me from my punishment?”

“Literally no reason. Someone interviewing for the manager position is here. Just having

fun.” Jony tells him as he chuckles.”

“Why can’t you just let me serve my time? Why do you have to do this to me?” Bill

asked while trying to breathe and not cry.

Jony just laughed and said, “Sleep.” Then Bill went back to his punishment. You and Jony walk

back to the door and stop.

“So, what do you think?” Jony asks.

“Well, frankly it's been interesting. I had no idea that Hell was like this. I learned a lot.”

You respond.
 Irish 11

“Still want the job?”

“Honestly, it could be fun and a good experience. But I think there is someone better out

there for the job. So, no I don't want it.”

“Well, if that's what you want.”

After Jony said that he snapped his fingers, and all of a sudden you’re sitting back down with

your sandwich in front of you, AirPods in, Logic playing, and with a new perspective on life.

Dang, I forgot how good this tastes.

Fun fact: You, Your, and You're are used 192 times.