THE PINK FANCY

9



Copyright © 2003 by Nick Zagone

CAUTION: Professionals and amateurs are hereby

warned that 

is subject to a royalty. It is
fully protected under the copyright laws of the United
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International Copyright Union (including the Dominion
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and of all countries covered by the Pan-American
Copyright convention and the Universal Copyright
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including professional and amateur stage performing,
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systems and photocopying, and the rights of translation
into foreign languages, are strictly reserved.

Inquiries concerning all rights should be addressed to

the author at nickzagone@msn.com or
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CHARACTERS
JOSE
SKOT
BROWN

 

  










    
  
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()

JOSE: I don¶t get it.

SKOT: You don¶t get it?

JOSE: I don¶t get it.

SKOT: You don¶t get it.

JOSE: I don¶t get it.

SKOT: I don¶t understand.

JOSE: I don¶t understand it either.

SKOT: You don¶t get it? What¶s to not understand?

JOSE: Well, the whole comic book for one. The drawings are quite good I guess but--

SKOT: Yes?

JOSE: Are you trying to be smart? You¶re just trying to be smart aren¶t you-- People
don¶t like a smart-guy-

SKOT: So you don¶t like it.

JOSE:  $) I said I don¶t get it.

SKOT: So getting it means liking it? Hmm.

JOSE: I don¶t know if I like your questions.

SKOT: Let me try this-- what do you THINK about it. What did you think about the
³world´ of the strip? Did you like the characters? Would you enjoy being like them? To
think like them? Would you like to live like them? What did you think of the new lives
I¶ve created?

JOSE: Listen Mr. Smarty, I don¶t want to think about it. I want to get it. Like that new
Pink Fancy movie! ³Life with Pink Fancy?´ Now that was a good story. Entertaining. I
didn¶t have to think about that.

SKOT: But! Did you get it?

JOSE: ³Life with Pink Fancy?´ What¶s there to get? Pink Fancy is great!

SKOT: Then what was it about?

JOSE: What?

SKOT: What was it about? What was it trying to say? Did it propose any questions? Did
it suggest any answers? Did it give any alternatives to living life?! Like my comic
book?!!

JOSE: Well of course not! It was about Pink Fancy! And his many lovable adventures!
Pink is great. Pink is funny and charming. Like in ³Life with Pink Fancy?´ When he fell
down and crashed into those stacked cans of Pink Fancy? Ha! Isn¶t life like that? Isn¶t
life like the many adventures of Pink Fancy? I think it¶s because Pink is just like us. I
feel that if I saw him right now I could say ³Hi Pink!´ And he¶d say ³Hi´ right back to
me. Did you know ³Life with Pink Fancy´ was the number one movie for 37 weeks and
grossed more money than any other movie ever in the whole millennium and Pink
Fancy is like the most sought after movie star in the whole world? Why aren¶t you
eating your Pink Fancy balls?

SKOT:  *" #  ) Look, there is life beyond Pink
Fancy, like my comic book«

JOSE: You should draw a Pink Fancy story, that¶s what you should do! Everybody
loves a good old-fashioned Pink Fancy story. Like the Pink Fancy Show on TV? Last
night I swear it was just like real life. Like my life. Like right now! Pink and his friend
weren¶t understanding each other and then they ate their Pink Fancy Balls and
everything turned out just fine, you know?

SKOT: No.    ) I mean I know about it, but I didn¶t watch it--

JOSE: What¶s wrong with you today? Why aren¶t you eating your Pink Fancy Balls?

SKOT:  
 )I¶ve given up the Pink Fancy my friend.  


#

" 
)

JOSE: Ha! Given up the Pink Fancy? What would you talk about? How are you
supposed to communicate with anybody? We could never have a conversation!  

)Why are you wearing white? Where¶s your Pink clothing? Your
Pink hat? Your basketball shoes-- Wait! You¶re not eating your Pink Fancy Balls!
SKOT: That¶s right.

JOSE: Oh my God!  +,
)Pink Fancy wasn¶t in your comic book! You have
given up the Pink Fancy!

SKOT: Now do you get it!?

JOSE: But, but, but,- you said you heard about last night¶s episode-- I mean you still
know what happened right?

SKOT: Well sure, it was advertised like every five minutes«

JOSE:  +-) Whew! Good for you.

SKOT: How could I get away from Pink¶s guerilla marketing?

JOSE: You should thank god for such mass media. You can at least function.

SKOT:   " ,
') Oh no. You¶re right. I DO know what happened in last
night¶s episode. Even if I don¶t watch the Pink Fancy Show I still know what happens. I
bet I could even get everyone to think I saw the Pink Fancy when I really didn¶t!

JOSE: There you go!

SKOT: No!   
) I wanted to do this gradually, but now it becomes clear that I must
take action immediately!  
"
.

  



) Down with the Pink Fancy! Long live the White Glorioso!

JOSE: What are you-

SKOT: I have created a new icon with my comic book.  "  )Joe
White, the White Glorioso! Come with me my friend. Get out of the Pink Fancy rut your
in!   
 )Have a White Glorious Ball.

JOSE: I don¶t get it.

SKOT: It¶s a life underground! A new underground movement! Will you come with
me? A new culture without the Pink fancy!

JOSE: Life without Pink Fancy?   
)Who else is coming?

SKOT: What do you mean who-

JOSE: Anybody I know?

SKOT: Well there¶s only a few who have read the comic-

JOSE: Who? Anybody famous?

SKOT: Well-

JOSE: Have you gotten any funding? Grants?

SKOT: What?

JOSE: Any corporate sponsorship?

SKOT: What? Absolutely not!

JOSE: This sounds like a very un-organized underground movement to me.

SKOT: That¶s what the White Glorioso movement is all about! My stories will never be
enlightening-they will tell the truth. Joe will forever spend his days fighting the evil
corporate conglomerate that is the Pink Fancy. No one outside the movement will ever
get my stories even though they will want to and that will drive them mad and insane!
They will have to think about my stories and they will hate me! My stories will be so
convoluted and incredibly strange and follow such inane logic that even the most
intelligent professors from the most prestigious Pink Universities will throw up their
hands in complete and utter disgust!

[Throughout the previous speech, BROWN has entered surreptitiously. BROWN wears
brown. BROWN carries Hostess Mini Chocolate Doughnuts.]

BROWN: Psst.

SKOT: Who¶s there?

BROWN: Psst.

SKOT: Yes? Can I help you?

BROWN:  /  ) Down with the Pink Fancy!

SKOT: What?

BROWN: Long live the White Glorioso!

SKOT:  ') See? A follower.

BROWN: Oh great leader of the Joe White Movement-your comic book writings have
spread far and wide!

SKOT: Already!

BROWN: In my search to find you I have come many miles, over long terrain from a
great city far away!

SKOT: Really? Where have you come?

BROWN: Cleveland. I have come to give you good news from Cleveland!

SKOT: Wait! If you are with the White Glorioso movement, why are you wearing
brown and carrying chocolate doughnuts?

BROWN: You are very wise oh great one. My outfit correlates with my good news! To
help support Joe White¶s great crusade against the evil Pink Fancy-   "
""
)- we have found a corporate sponsor!

SKOT: A what?

BROWN: A corporate sponsor. Mini Chocolate Doughnuts!

SKOT: No! No! No sponsors!

BROWN: But we thought that is what you-

SKOT: That is exactly the opposite of what I-didn¶t you read the comic?

BROWN: We did! And we came to understand, from your strange, cryptic, unusual
stories that no one understands,--that this is what you wished!

SKOT: Dress in brown and eat brown chocolate doughnuts!!? Why would you think I
would want that?!

JOSE:  $')It¶s okay baby-I didn¶t get the damn thing either.

BROWN: Here.  0
 
" 

) There. See that
right there?

SKOT: What.

BROWN: There.

SKOT: Where?
BROWN: There.

SKOT: That?

BROWN: Yes!

SKOT: It¶s the letter B.

BROWN: Exactly your supreme-ness! It is the most used consonant of all your letters!
There must be about fifteen Bs on this page alone-they¶re everywhere! We felt we had
finally deciphered your prose!

SKOT: How¶s that?

BROWN: B. Brown. Brown« Not white. Brown must mean the White Glorioso is in
fact a prophet, a John the Baptist if you will, for the forthcoming savior-the Brown
Belligerent! And he will burst forth upon the millennium and finally put an end to the
evil and petulant conglomerate that is the Pink Fancy!   1
$)

JOSE: Back off! 
 
"
 "
)

BROWN: Hostess Mini Chocolate Doughnuts liked the idea and sponsored us. With
your okay they can begin sewing their logo on our jumpers.

SKOT: No.

BROWN: No? No what? You don¶t want the sponsorship?

SKOT: No.

BROWN: You don¶t want the doughnuts?

SKOT: No.

BROWN: What- you mean we deciphered your comic incorrectly?

SKOT: Yes.

BROWN: Oh god.   
 
) Well then I guess I don¶t get it.  $
)

JOSE:  / 
) Oh it¶s all right honey.

BROWN: Now what am I supposed to do with all these doughnuts?

JOSE: Well I¶d like to help you out-but I¶m lactose intolerant. I so much as look at a
doughnut and I get gas.

BROWN: I¶m sorry.  +#
 
') We really believed in you. We did. I

enjoyed your comic. But, I guess I was wrong. I¶m sorry.  


#)

SKOT: Wait, wait a minute.  
) Give me a doughnut.  
) Give me one.
  
) Mmm. Not bad. What¶s your name again?

BROWN: Brown. We¶re all named Brown in Cleveland. We can change that«

SKOT: No! No, Brown, you did good. You¶re a good kid. And because of you I¶ve
decided to expand operations.

BROWN: Really? Because of me?

SKOT: That¶s right. We¶re going to branch out. We¶ll call it-- The Brown Initiative.

BROWN: What¶s that mean?

SKOT: One word Brown. One word. Olympics. I¶ve decided we will be the Official
Underground Movement of the upcoming Olympic Games. From there? We¶ll have a
clothing line, a web page, a McDonalds tie-in-we¶ll even sponsor our own Bowl Game!
Then we¶re going to put a White Glorioso sitcom on the air exactly opposite The Pink
Fancy Show and drive their ratings into the ground!

BROWN: Can we have a screen saver?

SKOT: Heck, one day Brown, we¶ll watch our stock rise to a 250 dollars a share and
then level out at 135.

BROWN: So we were right about what your comic book world means oh great one?

SKOT: If that¶s what you want it to mean...  $+.2 
 ) Then I guess
that¶s what it means. Now run along.

 $+.2


-


 
")

BROWN:  1

)Down with the Pink Fancy!

  



"
#$+.2"

 


   


  )

JOSE:  

)Well, I¶ve made my decision and, I¶m sorry-- I don¶t think I can join
your underground movement.

SKOT: I think I¶ve made my decision as well.

JOSE: It¶s a little too commercial. Too mainstream for my tastes.

SKOT:  *
 ) Yea. Right. Me too.  
"
 
)

JOSE: What are you doing? What happened to your underground movement?

SKOT: Sorry, I guess I¶m just not one to follow a crowd.

JOSE: I don¶t get you.

SKOT: Don¶t worry. 

 )It¶s still up here. It¶s still all up here.  

)

  "1 *

  
  




)

JOSE:  " ') I don¶t get it. I just don¶t get it.

SKOT: Maybe we¶re not supposed to.

 
  


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