Anastacya Delvier Miudy

2C/2005126544

Pre intern Reading and Writing

I. Introduction

General Statement : As the rainy season comes, special district of Jakarta faces serious problem

such as flood.

Thesis Statement : There are three main aspects associated with the cause of flood in Jakarta:

global, regional, and local.

II. Body

A. Global Aspect : Global warming partly to support for heavy rainfall events

1. Warmer air can hold more moisture.

2. Extreme amounts of rain/increasing frequently and intensity of heavy rainfall.

3. Global warming changes climate conditions.

B. Regional Aspect : Deforestation region because of development of farms plantations and

housing has reduced rain water absorption.

1. Discouraging flood prone area.

2. Protecting natural system such as wetland that help buffer against floods.

C. Local Aspect : Deforestation region because of human presence and subsequent

activities

near river has also contributed the problem, the city ground surfaces are primarily covered by
hard material.

III. Conclusion

To conclude, to accommodate the levels of rainwater needs integrated drainage system and an

increase in the size of water channels also program to dredge sediment from the city’s rivers,
canals and

lake.
Revision Essay By Hanifah Indriana (2005135797)

FLOOD IN JAKARTA

As the rainy season comes, special district of Jakarta faces serious problem such as flood, the
greater Jakarta districts is prone to floods and mudslides. The very heavy rains in Jakarta have
created severe flooding in many parts of the capital and its surrounding districts. There are three
main aspects associated with the cause of flooding in Jakarta: Global, regional and local.

Revisi paragraph 1 :
1. Special : change to the special

2. Is : change to are , The verb is does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider
changing the verb form. singular subject requires a singular

Jakarta and all coastal cities in the world face a high potential of flooding due to global warming.
Global warming partly to support for heavy rainfall events. Such as Global warming changes
climate conditions, Warmer air can hold more moisture then extreme amounts of rain/increasing
frequently and intensity of heavy rainfall. From the regional point of view, Jakarta’s flood
resulted from large amounts of water from upstream rivers in West Java that flowed across the
capital. Deforestation in the headwater regions because of development of farms, plantations
and housing has reduced rainwater absorption, sparking massive water flows to lower areas and,
hence, flood in Jakarta. To avoid the flood, there are some plans such as discouraging flood
prone area, protecting natural system such as wetland that help buffer against floods, then
develop artificial lakes to act as water reservoirs along the West Java border outside Jakarta to
take the brunt of the overflowing river. The West Java authority is only reluctantly providing
land for this purpose. The third cause of Jakarta’s flood is the local factor. Many urban experts
argue that the lack of open spaces and green areas in Jakarta is a source of the flood, The city
ground surface are primarily covered by hard material, as rainwater cannot be absorbed by the
ground surface. Being an urban area, the city’s ground surfaces are primarily covered by hard
materials in the form of buildings, roads, parking lots and other amenities.

Revisi paragraph 2 :
1. To : the word should be removed

2. For : the word should be removed

3. Then : change to than , The word then doesn't seem to fit this context. Consider
replacing it with a different one.

4. frequently : The word frequently doesn't seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it
with a different one.

5. development : change to the development

 6. flood prone : change to flood-prone, It appears that the flood prone is missing a hyphen.
Consider adding the hyphen (s).

7. area : change to areas, It seems that area may not agree in number with other words in
this phrase.

8. system : change to systems, It seems that system may not agree in number with other
words in this phrase.

9. wetland : change to wetlands, It seems that wetlands may not agree in number with
other words in this phrase.

10. help : change to helps, The plural verb help does not appear to agree with the singular
subject wetland. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

11. are : change to is, It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider
changing the verb form

Unfortunately, Jakarta does not have an integrated drainage system and even lacks appropriate
water channels. Old channels, built in the 1960s are maintained to this day, although they are no
longer sufficient to accommodate the current levels of rainwater. The water channels should be
sufficiently large to accommodate the runoff water and so avoid overflowing water that causes
flood. Beside an integrated drainage system and an increase in the size of water channels, there
needs to be an ongoing program to dredge sediment from the city’s rivers, canals, and lakes.

Revisi paragraph 3 :
1. flood : change to a flood, The noun phrase flood seems to be missing a determiner before
it. Consider adding an article.
2. beside : change to besides, The word Beside may be used incorrectly. Review the
following notes to determine the appropriate usage for your context.

Revised Results By Hanifah Indriana (2005135797)

FLOOD IN JAKARTA

As the rainy season comes, the special district of Jakarta faces serious problems such as floods,
the greater Jakarta districts are prone to floods and mudslides. The very heavy rains in Jakarta
have created severe flooding in many parts of the capital and its surrounding districts. There are
three main aspects associated with the cause of flooding in Jakarta: Global, regional and local.

Jakarta and all coastal cities in the world face a high potential of flooding due to global warming.
Global warming partly supports heavy rainfall events. Such as Global warming changes climate
conditions, Warmer air can hold more moisture than extreme amounts of rain/increasing
frequency and intensity of heavy rainfall. From the regional point of view, Jakarta's flood
resulted from large amounts of water from upstream rivers in West Java that flowed across the
capital. Deforestation in the headwater regions because of the development of farms, plantations
and housing has reduced rainwater absorption, sparking massive water flows to lower areas and,
hence, flood in Jakarta. To avoid the flood, there are some plans such as discouraging flood-
prone areas, protecting natural systems such as wetland that help buffer against floods, then
develop artificial lakes to act as water reservoirs along the West Java border outside Jakarta to
take the brunt of the overflowing river. The West Java authority is only reluctantly providing
land for this purpose. The third cause of Jakarta's flood is the local factor. Many urban experts
argue that the lack of open spaces and green areas in Jakarta is a source of the flood, The city
ground surface is primarily covered by hard material, as rainwater cannot be absorbed by the
ground surface. Being an urban area, the city's ground surfaces are primarily covered by hard
materials in the form of buildings, roads, parking lots, and other amenities.

Unfortunately, Jakarta does not have an integrated drainage system and even lacks appropriate
water channels. Old channels, built in the 1960s are maintained to this day, although they are no
longer sufficient to accommodate the current levels of rainwater. The water channels should be
sufficiently large to accommodate the runoff water and so avoid overflowing water that causes a
flood. Besides an integrated drainage system and an increase in the size of water channels, there
needs to be an ongoing program to dredge sediment from the city's rivers, canals, and lakes.

The Essay Assessment By Hanifah Indriana (2005135797)

1. In the introduction section, namely the general and thesis statement, in my opinion, it is
very good and is explained briefly and clearly
2. on the body paragraph, also it is in order as it says in the outline
3. I also checked the grammar, and there are also some words that are wrong in spelling or
writing, and I have also written the correct part too.
4. The essay is concise and clear and the sequence of the stories is also well explained. and
also the use of language in the essay, I think this will be liked later because it is very easy
for readers to understand
5. In my opinion, the writer only needs to pay attention to a few things such as spelling of
words and writing them well again.