Writer: Caleb Tripp Editor: Joshua Toyer

Creative Title: Hustling Through High School Type of

Statement: Personal Memoir- Focuses on an important event, but more focus put on the
relationship between the author and tennis/sports teaching about work ethic.

Your responsibility as Editor is to read and respond to your Partner’s Paper. Please use the
scale of 1 (worst) through 5 (best) to identify quality of writing. Also, please make comments to
provide writer with a valid edit for their use in a strong revision. Do your best! Please type in a
red or blue font for your person.

Writer: Use as your guide in writing Editor: Use for comments on edit

Tell a Story: Is it your own? Does it tell of 5

the things you know that no one else does? Suggestions:
No complaints about the story. It tells of your
personal experience quite well.

Tell a Story: Does the story tie to the 5

essence of your daily life philosophy and the Suggestions:
shaping of your beliefs? The story does tie into your life philosophy
well.

Tell a Story: Does the story have an 5

Anecdote or Personal Experience? Personal Experience

Be Brief: Is it between 400-600 Words? Word Count: 510

Be Brief: Can the belief be named in a Name Belief Statement:

sentence? “I believe that if you have a strong
work ethic, and you’re passionate, you can
achieve anything you put your mind to.”

Be Brief: Does it focus on a core belief? Name the Core Belief:

The idea that even if you are not amazing at
something, you can still work hard at it and
inspire others.

Be Positive: Does the piece preach or 5

editorialize? Cite Where:
I do not think it does.

Be Positive: Is it about what they believe, 5

not what they DO NOT believe? (ie. I believe Cite Where:
vanilla is the best. NOT I believe that No, it is thoroughly about what is believed.
chocolate is not the best because. . .)
Be Personal: Is it written in words and
phrases that are comfortable for the writer to
speak? (Read it aloud; does it sound like
you/them?)
Be Personal: Do the words, tone, and story
truly echo the writer’s belief and the way
he/she speaks?
Style: Does the piece use stylistic elements
(such as dialogue, rhetorical questions,
metaphors/similes, muscled verbs, active
voice) to enhance the quality of writing?
Sensory Experience: Does the writer “take
the reader there” by other senses besides
sight (touch, hearing, smell, taste)?
Introduction: Is it engaging?
5
Cite Three Specific Words/Phrases:
“that was the single greatest
achievement I had ever earned, and I know
for a fact that I earned that win.,” “out hustle,”
and “I was not going to be a quitter, and I was
not going to allow myself to give up. “
4
Cite Three Specific Words:
Hustle, work, and skill.
5
Cite Three Specific Examples:
“Do I give up, and give myself the excuse of
being the weakest, shortest, and most
unskilled player, or do I overcome those
obstacles and be the best teammate and
player I can be?,” “I was not going to be a
quitter, and I was not going to allow myself to
give up,” and “I am not the tallest guy, I am
definitely not the strongest guy, or the fastest
guy, or even the smartest guy. If there is one
thing for certain that I know, it is that I am the
hardest working guy.”
1
Cite Three Examples:
There are not many. If they were in the parts
where you talk about the tennis team (such
as what you saw, describing the tennis ball as
an orb of doom, or even the smell of the
grass), I think that they would add to the
essay immensely.
4
Suggestion: The intro is good, but I would
highly recommend some imagery here so that
we get a better picture. You have about 90
more words to work with, so try to put some
imagery in if you can.
Interest: Does the piece keep you interested,
even if you do not agree with the writer?
4
Cite Example of Where: After the introduction
gets done. Again, I took points off for lacking
imagery, but if you can put that in, it will not
be an issue.

Conclusion: Does the conclusion stick to the 4

belief and drive the point home? Suggestion: I feel it could be stronger, but I
do not know how.

Editors Only:

Favorite Part: What is yours? Summarize: My favorite part has to be at the end, where you
describe how working hard has impacted people. I always love to see how others influence
others, and I feel that you described that quite well at the end of your essay.

What are two things overall you thought this writer did well:
(1) Good job tying your stories into your personal beliefs.

(2) Your diction and grammar are very good. I barely had to correct grammar mistakes, so
thank you for that.

What are one or two suggestions for the writer:

(1) Use more imagery, particularly in regards to the tennis matches. I believe that if you
use imagery there, you can make the essay that much more engaging.

(2) I would double space the essay. There are also minor formatting errors, but it is
nothing too major.