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By NITHYA SIDHHU
HEN I was at school,
the end of the year
was reserved, among
other things, for the filling of
autograph books. These were little
diary-sized note books that were
very popular among girls in the
1 970s and 80s,
In these books, someone was
bound to sign off with the alpha-
the name of a
behind the ears! We also didn't
know many boys so it was the
love and friendship we had for
each other that spilled from our
hearts and poured forth onto
these pages.
Today, there's Facebook and
Twitter for you to do the same. As
for symbols, there are a myriad of
them now which convey a wealth
of meaning and expression. When
my daughters send me text
messages or when my students
write on my FB wall, that's when I
see the diversity of these symbols
["<3" is a symbol for heart, : ) for
happiness, ;-) is a wink and : ( for
sadl. Truncated English words also
abound, with BTW (by the way),
LOL (laugh out loud), BRB (be right
back) and TTYL (talk to you later)
being examples.
In earlier days, cards were the
way to go. When Valentine's Day
came around, most girls would
buy or make their own and these
were filled with words or poems
of love. Some were downright
soppy ("sentimentalin a silly
way", as defined by the Oxford
dictionary) but some, I must
admit, were beautifully written
and conveyed just the right
amount of feeling and emotional
sophistication.
I still remember a Form 5 class-
mate who fell in love with this
handsome Chemistry teacher.
While many other girls were
equally crazy over him, she was
the only one who dared to send
him a huge card on Valentine's
Day. In iL she expressed the
ttrvent hope that he would seri-
ousl-l'consider naiting for her and
nul.lSrrg her after she had
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MARRIAGE CO'IAE5 BY DESTINY
The princess was having a terrible time. 'Golly, I can't decide which frog to
kiss!'she exclaimed. After days of indecision, the frogs grew weary of
waiting. 'l'm going for a swim,'one of them finally croaked. 'lf she selects
one of you while l'm gone, it's because marriage comes by destiny.'The frog
is using a proverb that means people don't reallydecide which person to
marry. That's something that's decided by fate!
finished her Form 6! "Please be
mine and mine alone!" she wrote
urgently in red. (BTW, the red
symbolised her blood.)He got
married that very December but
not to her!
Thinking ofthose heady days
fills me with nostalgia to remem-
ber the feverish words of hope,
passion and love that Valentine's
Day brought out in young girls.
For me, it was only when I went
to university that I met boys who
proved to me that they could get
love-struck too. One of my good
male friends found love in his first
year. The girl and he were poles
.nct send this to her."
Yet, he was so smitten
by her sweet demeanor that no
wise words of advice had any
effect on him.
For Valentine's Day that year,
he showed me the famous sonnet
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by William Shakespeare that he
had chosen to copy in the card he
had made for her.
"Let me not to the marriage of
true minds
Admit irnpediments. Love is not
love,
Which alters when it alterution
finds,
0r bends with the remaver to
remave.
Oh, no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That laolls on fempesfs . . and is
never shaken."
I read these lines and started
to "shake", but with iaugher.
"Please," t begged af him, "do
I told him simply and sincere-
ly, "She's not g0ing to under-
stand a word of it. Buy her a nice
bouquet offlowers or a box of
chocolates and with what little
money you have left over, take
her out for some Hokkien fried
mee. She'd appreciate it more ! "
He sent her the card anyway. I
Bugetrpressions
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don't know how she took it but I
do know this: the relationship
didn't last.
A couple of months later. he
got over his broken hearl and
"fell in love" with a different
girl. In the years that folior.,,ed. I
lost count of the number of giis
whc successfully managed ta
occupy his heart.
He used to tell me his tales of
woe and happiness - what this
girl said, what that girl wanted.
how crushed ire was by this one
and how crazy he was about
an0ther.
There was a time he even
professed he was beginning ra
feel that he would die an sld
bachelor. Wl-ren he asked me
why his relationships kepr fa:l-
ing,l told him to bring me the
Shakespearan sonnet he had
liked so much in his first year.
"Read," I told him, "what the
last few lines say."
Love alters not with his bnef
haurs and
weeks,
com
But bears it out ... even ta the
edge af daom.
If this be error and upon me
proved,
I never writ, nlr na man ever
Ioved.
"You," I.told him, "are a man
who has yet to meet a woman
whom you truly love. Untilyou
do so, I don't think ycu can
appreciate the real power of
love or the lengths a man will go
for it. You have not found such
love yet. When you do, only
then will you realise how
powerful its hold is and how
unwavering you will be in your
commitment."
He knew what I meant. And, I
knew what I meant because,
nr-rlike my friend,I l'rad met the
love of my life. He has been in
mV life for 30 years now and I
have been married to him for a
good 26 ofthose years!
It was Mignon Mclaughlin who
said, "A successful marriage
requires falling in love many
times, always with the same
person." I couldn't agree more.
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