Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware

Wayne & Gordon: WayneradioTV

Tommy: Baaulp
Benrey: Scorpy
Coomer: Holly
Bubby: Gir
Actual NPCs: Their OG Voice Actors

HLVRAI ACT 1
[Start your recording at 0:00 on this video. We will mark down every five
minutes to make sure that you are in sync with the video. Also for
transcribers, there are some resources at the end of this page to help you!
Thank you so much!]

Wayne: [shitty audio quality] Boom. Boom! You should be seeing Half-Life 1
on your TV screen at home right now everybody. Gonna kick this off… by
talking in chat a little bit. Unfortunately, this is in beta. The trolley sequence
is bugged; you can’t play it. But you all know what happens. Gordon
Freeman goes to his day at work at Black Mesa. It’s time to put a crystal into
a laser. You know how it is. So, how are you guys doing? You guys can’t see
me looking in chat. However, you should see yourselves in the bottom left
corner. How- How is everyone doing? Let’s do a little bit of talking real quick.

[reading twitch chat (abbreviated RTC from now on)] “I love how you stand
up from the ground. Gordon Freeman wakes up from being KO’d.”

Yeah, I mean, like that’s what they do when you’re in the mob and shit.
They knock you out and then wake you up at the location. They do that
every day that Gordon Freeman has to go to work. What’s going on
everybody? How are your Thursdays?

[RTC] “Uhmmmmm penis!”

Haha yea. Same. I agre- I concur.

Oh, you know what? I got one last change I gotta make. I gotta make sure
you guys- You guys are getting the wrong microphone right now. That’s a
problem.

[super clear audio quality] Hold on, do we got audio in this game right now?
[pew pew pew] Yes, we do. Okay, we, I’m gonna- It’s gonna say that I have
access to guns that I haven’t found at this point in the game, but don’t
worry about that, okay? The immersion is what they’re testing here, not the
weapon’s system. Weapon system is bugged out. All right, cool.

[RTC] “Oh, that’s much better.”

What? What are you guys talking about? What are you guys are talking
about? What? Hello? What is so much better? I missed something.

[RTC] “Your mic.”

Oh, yeah yeah yeah! This is the index audio not my regular microphone.
We’re in the headset now. All right, so yeah. Like I said, keep in mind that
this is in beta. As you can see, this is Half-Life 1. I- In this game-

[door closing noise] Don’t know what that means. Don’t know what that is.
They shut me out. [door whirrs] Oh, okay. They’re letting me back in. I think
that’s the sign that the NPCs are loaded and the game is rendered and
ready. So yeah. As you can see this is Half-Life 1. Finger tracking… It’s
there, but… Y’know, Gordon Freeman didn’t have- He just kinda had mitts.
These are just his hands in the HEV suit. He also put on the HEV suit before
the changing room.

All right! Let’s go ahead and start the game. It’s my first day at Black Mesa.
Pretty sure that’s the story. In order for this mod to work, guys, there’s
going to be a roleplay of sorts. So I gotta get into the character of Gordon
Freeman. If you’ve watched our last Half Life VR stream, you should know
what that means.

Guard: Hey, Mr. Freeman... I had a bunch of messages for you-

Gordon: Hey!
 Guard: But we had a system crash about twenty minutes ago-

Gordon: A system crash?

Guard: and I’m still trying to find my files.

Wayne: Okay, so that doesn’t seem very immersive.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Can you hear me? Can you understand me?

Guard: [crosstalk] Just one of those days I guess. They were having
some problems down in the test chamber, too, but I think that’s all
straightened out.

Gordon: Do you hear what I’m saying? He’s not-

Guard: They told me to make sure you headed down there as soon as
you got into your hazard suit.

Gordon: Head where. We’re headed to the test chamber?

Wayne: All right, so from what I’m hearing from some of the reports is that
not every NPC is going to have this technology just yet. Modern CPUs…
That’s too heavy of a load.

Gordon: Hey. Hey.

Scientist: You’ll just have to wait until after the test.

Gordon: Wait till what? To talk with you? I want to have a

conversation now. Hey. My name is Gordon Freeman. What’s your
name?

Scientist: I can’t be bothered right now.

Gordon: Fuck you! Fuck that!

Wayne: All right, so let’s just get this on with. I don’t know where we’re
gonna start seeing the new shit, but… You know, otherwise this is a faithful
port. The uh- Everything here… This is Half-Life 1 how I remember it!
Everything here is exactly the same. The- Uh, I see a floating light. Don’t
know what that’s about. Some kind of wisp.

Gordon: Hey, you.

Scientist: Excuse me, Gordon, but I’m rather busy right now.

Gordon: I’m kinda sick of you. I’m kinda sick of your ass.

Wayne: Nobody-

Scientist: [crosstalk] Weren't you supposed to be in the test chamber

half an hour ago?

Wayne: So, is Gordon Freeman hated at his job? Is this a piece of lore I
didn’t get? No one wants to talk with Gordon Freeman? Nobody wants to be
his friend? [looking at chat] What’s up, dianamon?

[RTC] “Classic Half-Life Wisp, what you mean??”

That’s normal- [Black Mesa Sweet Voice, a high pitch angelic sound that
sings “ahhhhh”, plays in distance]. There seems to be, uh, harpies in Black
Mesa. Whatever the fuck that was. Was that the game? Did somebody do a
media share?

Ah, classic scene. These are all normal NPCs.

Gordon: Hey! Hey, hey, fuck you!

Wayne: Okay, they’re not answering me. Yeah. [Black Mesa Sweet Voice
plays for one note] That’s the game. That’s totally echoing from the halls.
What the fuck is that.
 Gordon: I would like some pasta. [increasingly higher pitch plays each
time he pokes the microwave until the pasta explodes with a bang]
Oh!

Scientist: My God! What are you doing?

Gordon: Who knew that would happen? [chuckle] Nobody’s seen that
before.

Wayne: Let’s just go ahead and advance the game. I gotta put on my HEV
suit even though I’m already in it.

[5:00]

Scientist: I wonder if I should run that test again...

Gordon: Yeah, maybe. I don’t know what it- Can you read?

Tommy: [pause] I’m trying, but it’s very- I- the person who printed all
these papers really fucked up!

Gordon: I think they used like 1 DPI. You know how a printer works?
Like dots per inch? I don’t think they got any- like the right amount of
dots. I can’t read any of this. What do you make of that?

Tommy: [pause] I don’t know.

Gordon: I don’t either. Listen. I’m gonna- I’ll- You gonna stay here?

Tommy: [pause] Yeah, I’m on lunchbreak.

Gordon: Okay. [snickering] I’ll catch you later, Tommy.

Tommy: [in the distance as Gordon is in the hallway] I drink soda for
lunch!

Gordon: Apparently, he drinks soda for lunch. What a freak. What the
fuck was that. What the hell was that? Hey Mr. Coomer.
 Coomer: [with a chipper old man voice] Ah, hello Gordon!

Gordon: How are you doing today?

Coomer: Another day, another dollar! Yeah! Ha, ha, ha!

Gordon: Another day, another dollar. [Dr. Coomer chuckles] That’s

what we always say here at Black Mesa. Alright. I got to head to the
test chamber. I got a big day today. You know, you know. Crystals?

Coomer: Good luck in the chamber!

Gordon: Good chamber? Yeah, yeah. All that, all that.

Wayne: This is kinda fucking scary. This is kind of unnerving. Doesn’t seem
very human. Uh, I don’t like the way their mouths move. [ping as Gordon
wears the HEV suit] Cool. I’m in the same clothes I was just wearing. All
right, we can head to the chamber now!

All right, ready for some testing! Ready to have a productive day- Where did
he go? Did he- I guess he already got dressed. Maybe he’s taking a shit or
something over there.

Okay. Hoo! All right, which way to the test chamber? Haven’t been here in a
while. It’s uh… [Scientist mumbles something]

Gordon: Hey, Tommy! You, okay- okay, I’m gonna- Don’t follow me.

Tommy: [as Gordon walks away] Hello?

Wayne: [chuckles] Oh, Jesus Christ! Is he still coming? Is he still- No, I think
I lost him. No, that’s not him. Yeah, he’s done for.

Gordon: Howdy. Hey. How’s it going, everybody?

Guard: [while Benrey and Gordon are talking] Go right on through, sir.
Looks like you’re in the barrel today.
Benrey: [with a bored voice] Hey.

Gordon: Huh? What’s wrong, sir?

Benrey: Can I see your passport?

Gordon: My passport? Why do I need- What do you mean a passport?

You mean a company ID?

Benrey: [whispering to the security guard] He doesn’t have his

passport.

Gordon: I did-

Benrey: Yeah, he’s telling me you’re not allowed in here.

Gordon: [laughing] I don’t have a passport! I have my Black Mesa ID.

Benrey: Look at- Look at how upset he’s getting. Look at his fists.
They’re balled. [Gordon wheeze-laughs] He wants to beat you up so
bad.

Gordon: He’s clenching. I, dude-

Benrey: I’m going to have to protect you- I’m going to have to protect
you from him.

Gordon: Okay?

Benrey: I’m gonna have to follow you around and protect you from
him.

Gordon: Listen, I’m not of any danger to him.

Benrey: I’m gonna give you- I’m gonna give you- He’s so upset right
now. I’m so sorry.
Gordon: I’m in the HEV suit right now. I’m in the fucking company suit
right now.

Benrey: Uh, hold on I need to-

Gordon: I’m in my uniform.

Benrey: I need to soothe him. I’m going to calm him down. [uses
Black Mesa Sweet Voice when balls go into NPC guard’s mouth]

Gordon: [wheeze laughs] What was that? What the fu-

Benrey: Sorry. I’m gonna-

Gordon: What was that?

Benrey: That’s how we calm each other down. That’s the Black Mesa…
Sweet Voice.

Gordon: You blow balls into his mouth with your sweet- Okay, so I
gotta go to the test chamber. Am I being held up here? Like, am I not
allowed to go do my job?

Benrey: No, I’ll follow you just in case he tries to come and beat you
up. I also want your passport? Please.

Gordon: [laughing but in a stressed way] I don’t have a- Look at my

chest! Look at me. I’m suited to- Literally every scientist in the fucking
building is rushing me into the room. I’m going to go. So are you- Are
you coming with me?

Benrey: I have to come with you, I’m sorry. But I need your- I need to
get your passport.

Gordon: We’ll find it, okay? There’ll be a passport somewhere around

here. I’m sure we can find something that’ll make you happy, that’ll
make him happy. I’m kinda scared of him.
Benrey: Yeah, well you know what? He’s never happy, but I’m- Hold
on.

Guard: [grumbling something unintelligible]

Benrey: [uses Black Mesa Sweet Voice]

Gordon: [chuckle] Okay. I don’t know what to-

Benrey: Okay. Go ahead.

Gordon: I know that Black Mesa is a strange place, huh. Alright. So,
do you know where we’re going? You know, you should probably be
suited up for this. There’s gonna be radiation and shit. Are you good?

Benrey: It’s okay, I’m- I’m- I’m not human. Let’s go.

Gordon: Let’s go, man... Sure, sure thing. Sure thing. Okay. Alright,
so down the elevator. I think we’re heading like three levels down so…
How is… Uh, how long have you worked here?

Benrey: I don’t think you know where you’re going. I don’t think you
know where you’re going.

Gordon: Where do we need to go if not the elevator?

Benrey: Is that why you don’t have a passport? Why are you-

Gordon: I- I have worked here for many years. I have never had to
bring my passport to work. I’ve never had a guard ask me for my
passport. I’m a little bit suspicious of you.

Benrey: Why are you shaking?

Gordon: I don’t know why I’m shaking. [laughs] I don’t know why I’m
shaking. I think you’re pushing me into the-

Benrey: Are you nervous?

 Gordon: I’m not nervous. I’m perfectly okay. I’m perfectly healthy.
And smart.

Benrey: You wouldn’t be shaking if you had your passport.

Gordon: [in a stern voice] I need you to move out of the way. So that
we can go. To the test chamber.

Benrey: Why are you yelling at me?

Gordon: T- Listen. I’m going to press the button. I’m gonna press the
button. Over there. I’m gonna press that button. Okay? We’re going to
open the door.

Benrey: I’m uh. I have to follow you, sir.

Gordon: Okay! I’ve accepted that! I’ve come to terms with that! I’ve
come to terms with the fact that you’ve just-

[10:00]

Gordon: You’re gonna babysit me today. Buddy system, right? Buddy

system.

Benrey: Do you have ID?

Gordon: I have- I have as much ID as I’m ever going to have! Listen,

man. I’m not good at squeezing past people. I’m a big guy. I can’t.
Get past you. When you stand right there.

Benrey: But the thing is that there are a lot of people here that are
afraid of you. And I need your ID…

Gordon: [snort chuckle] Who is afraid of me?

Benrey: ‘Cause your ID says if you’re nice or not.

Gordon: Who is afraid of me? [crosstalk] Is that why the scientists
won’t talk to me?

Benrey: [crosstalk] There’s like five people. [pause] Probably?

Gordon: Okay, listen, listen. [crosstalk] We will figure this all out. We
are running.

Benrey: [crosstalk] Did you- Did you meet Tommy? Tommy likes mean
people. That’s why he talked to you.

Gordon: WHAT? What did you just say?

Benrey: Tommy likes mean people.

Gordon: Okay, I don’t- I don’t care! Please! Step to the side! Please.
Thank you. Thank Jesus. Fuck. Alright. You’ve ever ridden-

Benrey: If you jump down it will be faster.

Gordon: I don’t think that’s- I mean, that is true. I don’t think that’s
very safe. For our bodies. I think you should probably save your legs
the trouble and just wait five seconds- Are you trying to get me killed-
Damn. Damn. You wait for nobody, huh?

Benrey: [evil laughter] HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Gordon: [wheeze laughs] He thought that was fuckin sick apparently.

What’s going on, fellows? Gordon here! Gordon in the lab!

Scientist: Now where did I leave that shut-down procedure chart…

Gordon: So hold on, come over here. You’re saying people- They don’t
seem scared of me. They’re not even looking at me. They’re ignoring
me.

Benrey: Yeah, they’re too afraid to look at you.

Gordon: Why- why would they- What reason would they have to be
afraid?

Benrey: Show your ID.

Gordon: I- [annoyed sound followed by sigh] Hey, everybody. How we

doing today? Going to the test chamber, right?

Scientist: Please, leave me alone until after the experiment.

Gordon: Jeez, [crosstalk] that’s what I’m talking about! Everybody’s

pissed at me ‘cause I’m not in the test chamber where I’m supposed
to be!

Benrey: [crosstalk] See, talking to other people- [pause] Maybe you’d

be there if you had your ID.

Gordon: You should-! I’m not talking anymore. [loud huff and puffs]
Gordon Sprint! Let me in, let me in. We’re running late. Thank you.
See! These guys aren’t asking for my ID! You have some fucked up
vendetta against me and my fucking passport. They were no problem!

Benrey: They don’t care.

Gordon: Why don’t they care? You think they don’t care about their
job? You’re just gonna say that in front of them?

Benrey: They’re thinking about fruit loops all day.

Gordon: FRUIT LOOPS? Why did you warp?

Benrey: Fruit loops.

Gordon: FRUIT LO- They didn’t have breakfast? Everybody got

breakfast. They had their fucking breakfast.

Bubby: [with a jaded old man voice] Sir, SIR?

Gordon: What the fuck are you talking about.

Bubby: Sir, excuse me, sir, you can’t be down here.

Gordon: Jesus Christ, can you show him out of here?

Bubby: Sir, you.

Gordon: Huh? You stopped talking. I can’t hear you, bud.

Bubby: You can’t be down here. You don’t have a Hazard Suit.

Gordon: You’re not wearing the fucking radiation gear! You’re gonna
die!

Benrey: I have my- I have my ID.

Gordon: He does have his-

Bubby: Oh, alright.

Gordon: Do-

Benrey: [voice wavering because he wants to laugh] See what

happens when you bring your ID and your Pass Port?

Gordon: [wheeze laughing]

Bubby: Does he not have his passport?

Gordon: I don’t have my passport.

Bubby: Where’s your passport?!

Gordon: [shouting] Do you have your fucking passport? What does

that even mean?
Bubby: Yes!

Gordon: What-

Bubby: Of course I have my passport. [crosstalk] This guy new? Who

the hell are you?

Gordon: [crosstalk] Can I go to the test chamber? Can we- Can we

work? Can we work what they’re paying us for?

Bubby: If you can do your job. Can’t even bring your passport.

Gordon: [shouting] I’m like the boss! Aren’t I? Jesus Christ.

Bubby: [in the distance] Hell no, you’re not the boss!

Gordon: [sing-song voice] I’m leaving you! [normal voice] Everybody’s

being an asshole to me- Hey, everybody. Are we good to do the test? I
have a friend that’s joining- Jesus fucking Christ, do you guys have
passports?

Scientist: I can’t be bothered right now.

Gordon: [pause] Why does everyone-

Scientist: Excuse me, Gordon. I’m rather busy now.

Gordon: They really are- They have something out.

Benrey: [whispering, almost unintelligably] Don’t talk to him.

Gordon:Aren’t you-

Benrey: [still whispering super quietly] Don’t talk to him.

Gordon: Aren’t we supposed to keep this door closed?

Benrey: [still whispering, but can be heard well enough] Don’t talk to
him.

Gordon: [pause] You’re doing- [sigh] Okay. I- I need to call HR. As

soon as possible.

Scientist: Quick, it’s about to go critical!

Gordon: What the fuck is going on? You’re- The computers are blowing
up.

Benrey: I told you!!

Gordon: Are we really fit to do the test?

Benrey: You’re the one…

Gordon: Huh? I’m the- You think I did that. You think- You think I had
anything to do with this because I didn’t bring my fucking passport.

Scientist: [crosstalk] It wasn’t meant to do this in the first place!

Benrey: [crosstalk] Looks like three gigabytes.

Coomer: [crosstalk] Good morning, fellas! Here’s these files you asked
for!

Gordon: How- Hmm? The files? What?

Coomer: Oh, not you, Gordon! Did you forget your passport again?

Gordon: [frustrated sigh] Ah, Jesus Christ. I’m gonna head into the
test chamber. Uh, here’s to a good test today. Yeah, yeah?

Benrey: [uses Black Mesa Sweet Voice in the background]

Gordon: I- I- Somebody-
 Coomer: Well, good luck!

Gordon: Someone deal with that- Do you-

Bubby: I found the bug! I found what broke out computers!

Gordon: WHAT.

Bubby: I’m gonna need a wrench in here…

Gordon: HUH? How did you get in there? I don’t-

Bubby: Shut the fuck- What is your problem?

Gordon: [confused and frustrated noises] Can you move? Can you get
out of my way.

Bubby: Give me a wrench, please!

Gordon: Somebody get him-

Coomer: I’ll be right over!

Gordon: Somebody get him a fucking wrench. Pressing the buttons.

We’re going in the elevators. You gotta ride this one too? You wanna
jump down this one? Buddy?

Benrey: I have to follow you. You didn’t bring your, uh, passport.

Gordon: The passport! I will bring it TOMORROW! Like, I’m fine. I’ll
play your fucking game.

[15:00]

Gordon: Whatever the fuck this is supposed to be. Whatever-

whatever. [long pause] Back up. [sigh] Oh man.

Benrey: [angry] Can’t FUCKIN’ believe it.

 Gordon: Yeah, that’s what I should be saying, huh. Yeah, okay, you
stay over there.

Benrey: Don’t FUCKING talk to m-

Wayne: [light chuckle] And he’s still following me. And he’s still following
me, chat.

Scientist: [in the distance] Now, that’s odd…

Gordon: Can we open this up? Thank you. Okay, you can’t go any
farther. This is the fucking test chamber. This is where you- you DIE if
you go in here. You get it? You get it?

Benrey: There are no- There are no, mmh, predetermined deaths.

Gordon: [stressed] I- You know what, man? I guess you’re right.

There’s- there’s no guarantee-

Benrey: [uses Black Mesa Sweet Voice on Gordon]

Gordon: [calm] What did you just do to me.

Benrey: Calm down.

Gordon: Can we- Can we-

Right Scientist: [crosstalk] I’m afraid we’ll be deviating a bit from

standard analysis procedures today, Gordon.

Gordon: [crosstalk] [excitedly] Yes, YES! He didn’t come! FUCK YEAH.

Fuck YEAH!

Left Scientist: [crosstalk] Yes, but with good reason. This is a rare
opportunity for us. This is the purest sample we’ve seen yet.
 Gordon: [crosstalk] [shouting] Did you know about that guy?! The
fucking security guard just wanted to walk in here and get irradiated
and fucking drop dead?! Geiger counter is off the chart.

Right Scientist: And potentially the most unstable!

Gordon: Unstable, huh.

Left Scientist: Oh, [crosstalk] if you follow standard insertion

procedures, everything will be fine.

[suspicious door sound]

Gordon: [crosstalk] What was that sound? Hold on. Is he still out
there? He’s waiting for me- Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ.

Right Scientist: I don’t know how you can say that. Although I will
admit that the possibility of a resonance cascade scenario [crosstalk]
is extremely unlikely, I remain uncomfortable with the..

Gordon: [crosstalk] A resonance cascade, huh. I don’t know what that

is.

Left Scientist: Gordon doesn’t need to hear this. He’s a highly trained
professional-

Gordon: [crosstalk] Oh my God, someone is fucking respecting me

today. Thank you, sir. Can you- Wanna shake hands?

Left Scientist: [crosstalk] We have assured the Administrator that

nothing will go wrong.

Right Scientist: Ah yes, you’re right. Gordon, we have complete

confidence in you.

Gordon: I love this guy. Yes, yes! That is what I fucking mean-

Left Scientist: Well, go ahead. Let’s let him in now.

Gordon: [shocked pause] Okay, apparently nobody knows how to
socialize. You know, be a friendly coworker. I just- [brief pause as
Gordon sees Benrey in the chamber] [shouts] How the FUCK? Did you?
Manage? Did you go through the window??

Tommy: [in the distance because he’s at the window] Hello?

Gordon: Oh my God, now Tommy’s up there… Uh, dude.

Benrey: [shouting] Tommy!

Tommy: Gordon?

Gordon: You know him? You know Tommy?

Bubby: [in the distance with Tommy] Tommy, do you know this man?

Benrey: [still shouting] Tommy!

Gordon: [laughing] Why-

Tommy: Hi.

Coomer: [in the distance with the other two] You know, he didn’t bring
his passport!

Benrey: [uses Black Mesa Sweet Voice]

Tommy: [crosstalk] I heard you don’t have your passport!

Gordon: [crosstalk] Listen, dude. Dude. You can live. You can survive.
You’re gonna be fine. You just have to go back in the airlock with the
other guys.

Benrey: [pause] You’re not getting rid of me that easy.

Gordon: [shouting] I don’t know how the FUCK you even managed to
get in here?! That’s not supposed to be open!

Benrey: I know your tricks. You steal stuff by telling people to go

away.

Gordon: You think I steal things. What could I steal from this room?
What in this room could be- made- could- We are fucking 50,000 feet
under the- under the goddamn Earth. Or something like that.

Coomer: You could steal someone’s passport!

Benrey: Look at all the buttons in there.

Gordon: Bugs?! We- We keeping bugs-

Benrey: Buttons.

Gordon: Buttons? How about you go- How about you go press some of
those.

Scientist 1: Testing.. testing.. [coughs and taps on mic, receiving

feedback on it]

Gordon: Listen. You know what, you know what. I change my mind.
[crosstalk] You’re more than welcome here. Go in there.

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Everything seems to be in order.

Scientist 2: All right, Gordon, [crosstalk] your suit should keep you
comfortable through all this.

Gordon: [crosstalk] That’s where you go! That’s where it’s safest! For
a citizen. For an employee who is not in their proper gear! That’s
where you want to stand. That’s where the radiation misses.
Everywhere else! You’re fucked. In there, you’re good. You wanna go
in?
Scientist 2: [crosstalk] The specimen will be delivered to you in a few
moments. If you would be so good as to climb up and start the rotors,
we can bring the anti mass spectrometer to eighty percent and hold it
there until the carrier arrives.

Gordon: [awkward pause] You’re thinking really hard about it, huh.
So, listen, I’m going to do my job-

Benrey: Wha- Sorry, I wasn’t listening.

Scientist 1: Gordon, are you not hearing me? Climb up and start the
rotors, please.

Gordon: [tired sigh] Oh my God… [shouting] I’m hearing you loud and
clear! We’re gonna have a fucking death at the workplace today! Jesus
Christ.

Bubby: That’s okay! Acceptable losses!

Gordon: How is- What do you mean acceptable losses?! We don’t need
two people in here! What is he doing? Where is he going? He’s
listening to me. He’s gonna jump in. You’re actually gonna jump in.

Coomer: It’s standard procedure, Gordon!

Gordon: So he’s like a- So he’s like a dummy.

Benrey: [uses higher pitched Black Mesa Sweet Voice]

Tommy: He’s there for your safety!

Gordon: I’m gonna, I’m gonna turn on the fucking rotator… spinning…
device.

Benrey: [shouting] Wait!

Gordon: Wait for- No, he’s coming up. Jesus, he’s so fast! What are-
No, you don’t climb all the way up. You come-
 Scientist 1: [annoyed] Gordon, are you not hearing me? Climb up and
start the rotors, please!

Gordon: Come on, I’ll catch you. Jesus, are you good- You okay?
[grunts as he catches Benrey]

Bubby: [impatient] Gordon! The rotors!

Gordon: [shouting] We’re gonna turn this shit on! I- [normal volume]
This is not standard procedure. You guys are- This is- What is the date
today? April Fucking 1st? Jesus Christ. Okay. I’m- [shouting] I turned
it on! I started the fucking gear! We’re going! We- We’re goin!

[machine makes suspicious whirring noise as smoke blasts through the top
with a shhh]

Gordon: Okay, there’s supposed to be- The- The smoke’s normal,

right?

Bubby: What?

Gordon: The smoke! The smoke off of the top of the rotor!

Coomer: Well, [crosstalk] you’re not supposed to smoke in the test

chamber, Gordon!

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Very good. We’ll take it from here.

Gordon: No, we’re not smoking!

Scientist 2: Power to stage one emitters in three... two... one…

Tommy: Joking isn’t allowed in there either!

Gordon: Could you- Can you guys talk on the mic like that guy? Like,
use the intercom. [crosstalk] You have that for a reason!
[20:00]

Scientist 2: [crosstalk] I’m seeing predictable phase arrays.

Bubby: He’s hogging it! He won’t let us use it!

Gordon: [shouting] I can’t hear you!

Coomer: They only gave us enough budget [crosstalk] for one

microphone, Gordon!

Bubby: [crosstalk] Huh?

Gordon: And apparent- We only have enough budget for one

fucking...test subject! [crosstalk] I’m going down.

Scientist 2: [crosstalk] Stage two emitters… activating… now.

Gordon: [climbing down the ladder] Whoa- Oh!

Scientist 1: Gordon, we cannot predict how long the system can

operate at this level, [crosstalk] nor how long the reading will take.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Jesus Christ, I’ve never seen anything like this.

Scientist 1: Please, [crosstalk] work as quickly as you can.

Benrey: [crosstalk] Don’t steal anything!

Gordon: [shouting] What could I steal? [normal volume] Where even

are you? Where the fuck did you- [crosstalk] Oh, hey, you’re up there.
Okay, you stay up there. That’s probably safer than being down here. I
was joking about the pit. You can see-you can see the laser. God,
you’re probably fucked! You’re probably gonna...contract a terminal
disease tomorrow with the radiation you’re already exposed to! [letting
out a sigh of exasperation] Ughh!
Scientist 2: [crosstalk] Overhead capacitors to one oh five percent.
Uh.. it’s probably not a problem.. probably.. but I’m showing a small
discrepancy in.. well, no, it’s well within acceptable bounds again.
Sustaining sequence.

Scientist 1: I have just been informed [crosstalk] that the sample-

Tommy: [crosstalk] Gordon?

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] -is ready, Gordon. It should be-

Gordon: [crosstalk] [annoyed] What? Is that you?

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] -coming up to you any moment now.

Tommy: [crosstalk] Do you see the next step?

Gordon: The- Yes, I do. [crosstalk] The- We gotta, we gotta push the
test sample into the laser, right?

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Look to the delivery system for your specimen.

Tommy: Yes.

Gordon: Okay.

Bubby: Do it VERY carefully!

Tommy: [crosstalk] Right.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Yeah, carefully.

Tommy: Very carefully. Slower… than molasses drips off a spoon!

Gordon: [wheeze laughs] Sure thing, man. Sure thing. Sure thing.

Scientist 1: Standard insertion [crosstalk] for a nonstandard specimen.

Go ahead, Gordon.
 Gordon: [crosstalk] Standard insertion.

Scientist 1: Slot the carrier [crosstalk] into the analysis port.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Little shaky. We’re good, right? We’re good- we’re
good with the second guy in here?

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] What is he doing in there?

Gordon: [crosstalk] A contaminated- He’s coming down. [crosstalk]

He’s coming down, huh.

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Nothing you need to worry about, Gordon.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Are you sur-

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Go ahead.

Benrey: [crosstalk] Told you not to touch anything!

Gordon: This is my JOB, dude! This is what I’m here- paid to do.
You’re here to [crosstalk] guard the door? Or something.

Benrey: [crosstalk] What are you doing with that?

Gordon: You’re- you’re here- you’re supposed to be, you’re looking for
passports! You’re worried about- we’re… [pause] I’m gonna put it in
there.

Benrey: Why are you moving that?

Gordon: [pause] Because that is [crosstalk] the next step.

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Gordon, we cannot predict how long-

[shutter click as someone (I think Bubby) takes a photo with a camera]

 Scientist 1: [crosstalk] -the system can operate at this level, nor how
long the reading-

Gordon: [crosstalk] I’m, I-

Benrey: [crosstalk] If you didn’t want it, why would you be touching
it?

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] -will take. Please work as quickly as you can.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Where could I take this?! Where, on earth, could I

bring this, that people wouldn’t see?! There are two entrances! The
door you’re supposed to use, and the fucking GLASS you broke!

Tommy: [extremely quickly and loud] Gordon, you’re going too fast!

Gordon: I’m not even doing it! It’s not moving! It’s not even touching
the laser. We’re- we’re- we’re- we are SO far behind schedule, my
mind is about to fucking [makes explosion noises with his mouth].
Fuck!

Bubby: If you don’t hurry up and put that in there, [crosstalk] I’m
going to fucking explode!

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Standard insertion for a-

Gordon: [crosstalk] All right, I’m not- Listen, there’s two- two people
in the test chamber! Not supposed to be that way! Not what they
taught me at MIT! I’m ju- I’m doin it!

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] -nonstandard specimen. Go ahead, Gordon.

Slot the carrier into the analysis port.

Bubby: It’s FINE! Nothing will go wrong! [crosstalk] Just do it-

Gordon: [crosstalk] Nothing will go wrong! Yeah!

[Crashing and explosion sounds as Gordon pushes the cart into the lasers,
causing the resonance cascade. There’s a lot of commotion as all the
characters yell over each other, in addition to the sounds of machinery.]

Scientists: Oh, dear!

Gordon: [shouting] NOTHING WILL- [crosstalk] YEAH OKAY!

Scientist 2: [crosstalk] Gordon! Get away from the beams!

Benrey: [crosstalk] [only slightly concerned, in contrast to everyone

else freaking out] Hey.

Bubby: [crosstalk] [shouting] WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Tommy: [crosstalk] Ah! Ah!

Bubby: [crosstalk] [shouting] WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Shutting down. [pause] Attempting shut-down.

Tommy: [crosstalk] Sparks!

Gordon: [crosstalk] What the fu- You were the-

Tommy: [crosstalk] [shouting] OH NO! YOU DID IT TOO FAST!

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] It’s not..

Coomer: [crosstalk] [shouting] YOU SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT YOUR

PASSPORT, GORDON

Gordon: [crosstalk] Where did he go? [referring to Benrey]

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] It’s not shutting down. It’s not.

Gordon: [crosstalk] [shouting] Get off the top of- you wanna be on the
floor! You don’t wanna be up there, [crosstalk] what if the fucking
rafters fall?
 Bubby: [crosstalk] [shouting] OH MY GOD!

Gordon: Jesus Christ! What is this?! Why are you coming- don’t come
in! No, stay out!

Bubby: [shouting] OH! OH MY GOD! What is [crosstalk] happening?!

AHHHHH!

Gordon: [crosstalk] Go back and- get back into the- Jesus! Wha- the-
man! What the fuck is that?! What the-

[Sparks and static is heard as the resonance cascade fills the screen]

Gordon: AGGGGHHHHH!

[For a moment, only heavy breathing sounds are heard. Then a heartbeat.
Then it cuts to the loading menu.]

Wayne: Oh, God, guys. Have you played Half-Life 1 like this? This is insane!
Valve’s outdone themselves. Oh, my God. Thought I’d died! This is- That’s-
this is insane! [exhales] Ohh.

[RTC] “G”? “G”?

Huh? What about a “g”, I don’t know what you guys are talking about. You
guys like- Is that your favorite letter? We were doing “f”s earlier. That’s the
game- we got new- there’s a new gamer letter? [pauses as he reads the
chat] That’s insane, yo. Well anyways, thanks for tuning in so far, guys. The,
uh, this has been… an experience, to say the least. I don’t know what just
happened in there. Hold on, we’re pretty- We’re pretty close to the next
sequence. I’m going to have to get back in character.

[Weird computer noise as the level loads. Then it goes back to the whirring
of machines and alarms of Black Mesa.]

Wayne: Alright. Okay. Okay, I don’t know what all this is. There seems to
be- It loads all the characters in in the same space and then it will
administer them throughout the level. Alright, hold on. We’re gonna get
back in character. Ready? Chat, you guys have anything important to say to
me before I get back in- in...Freeman mode? Gee, thanks for the sub again,
duckily. Remember you guys, last thing I’ll say to you guys. Subscribe
please. Two and a half dollars. Wait, no, it’s five dollars, what am I talking
about. Or your Amazon Prime subscription. Twitch Prime, baby. Or donate.
Whatever you wanna do. Thanks for- Thanks for coming. Okay, Gordon
Freeman! Alright. One, two, Gordon!

Gordon: What the fuck was... What?! What was that? Okay, so, there
were three people, I have to- Oh, man, my head! There were three
people in here. I can't remember- What was the bald dude's name, the
guy who was in the computer. There was the fucking cop. I didn't even
ask for his name. Jesus. Oh my God, the test chamber.

Coomer: Hello? Is there anyone out there?

Gordon: Hey!

Coomer: Hello?

Gordon: Hey, are you up there? Oh my-

Coomer: Gordon, is that you?

Gordon: What happened?

[25:00]

Coomer: I don't know, Gordon, there was... A bright light! Everything

exploded! I think Jason is dead!

Gordon: Jason?

Coomer: There's blood everywhere!

Gordon: Blood? Oh my God, hang on. I'm going to get up there. Give
me a minute, okay? I got to go through a few corridors.
 Coomer: I don't know if we have a minute, Gordon, but you better get
your keister over here!

Gordon: I'm going- I got to get myself away from this fucking thing.
God, what the hell was that? What the hell was any of that... Oh my
god, he is dead. Is that Tommy? Dude, that guy was only like five
years old. No, that's not Tommy. No, no you're like fourty. Yeah,
you're not Tommy. Okay. Are- are the doors even gonna work? How
the fuck am I gonna get out of here? Hold on, punch this...

[garbled, completely unintelligible mechanic speech]

Gordon: Oh, that ain't good. Oh, that, that thing sounded like a broken
McDonald's toy. Hey! Oh my god. Wait. Yo, was this guy in the test
chamber? I- Dude, you don't know CPR- You're not- That's not the
right pace. That's not the right pace. Hold on, yo- I can, I can do the
pace, listen, hold on. Okay, he's not giving up, I gotta get this crowbar
over here. Okay, listen, get- get the fuck, get off of him. Get off of
him. Oh, I can- [clicks tongue] We're gonna forget-

Scientist: With my brains and your brawn, we'll make an excellent

team.

Gordon: Okay, we're on the same team now, alright. I don't-

Wayne: [whispering] Guys, I don't know this AI's right, I think I fucked that
up.

Gordon: Let's, let's go, okay?

Wayne: Uh. Let's retcon that crowbar. That wasn’t supposed to be a part of
this yet.

Gordon: Are you coming with? Alright, cool! You’re not one of the-
Okay, [sigh] I don’t really get what’s going on here. JESUS CHRIST.

Bubby: [crosstalk] Hey!

Gordon: [crosstalk] Holy shit!

Bubby: Are you that motherfucker that FUCKED up this whole

experiment?

Gordon: You think I fucked it up? You think [forcibly] I fucked it up?!

Bubby: I think you fucked it up.

Gordon: Did you, you- Listen. Were you the one that jumped in there?
You, shou- I thought you DIED. I thought you died on impact.

Bubby: No?

Gordon: Okay, so that was a different…

Bubby: Who the hell are you talking about?

Gordon: Alright, so listen, we need- I need- We need to go over a

report for like the insurance reasons. What went down in there? And
also, for fucking-

Bubby: Bloody hell, what happened?

Scientist: Well… There goes our grant money.

Gordon: Yeah, [crosstalk] It’s fucked.

Bubby: [crosstalk] Yeah, there goes our grant money.

Gordon: We’re not getting it. Like, we’re- The company is DONE for.
You d-

Bubby: Mmm, yes.

Gordon: Fucking everyone in this room is dead. What’s going on

upstairs, do you think?
Bubby: I have no idea! I came down here to try to stop things, and…

Gordon: Yeah, what were you gonna stop? [sighs]

Bubby: Shit… Shit went wrong.

Gordon: This was out of our hands. So, listen, listen-

Bubby: I’ll stop your fuckin’ mouth.

Gordon: Listen a fuckin-

Scientist: [crosstalk] Wouldn't you like to get one of these blood

samples under a microscope?

Gordon: [crosstalk] I’m, I’m a LITTLE stressed, buddy. Okay, so a

guard. A guard, there was a guard insisting that I had my passport. Do
you have your passport?

Bubby: You do have it though, right? Yes?

Gordon: I don’t have my passport. I don’t have my passport.

Bubby: Uhh…

Gordon: This is, as far as I know, this is in company protocol as of

today.

Bubby: It- That’s right!

Gordon: You’ve- You’ve- No, listen, listen, listen.

Bubby: As of today.

Gordon: Let’s forget about the passport thing. I don’t want to even
think about a fucking passport for the rest of my GODdamn life,
[crosstalk] if we make it out of here alive.
Bubby: [crosstalk] I don’t think it matters at this point.

Gordon: It does, it does, it does not matter but listen. A guard

followed me- [pause for the perfect timing] Hey!

Bubby: Oh, THERE he is!

Gordon: Yo, he just- There was a guy giving CPR to him… I thought he
died. Yo, what’s up, man?

Benrey: You talking about your passport?

Scientist: Well, the dimensional breach is definitely transmitting

organic matter.

Gordon: Yeah, sure, whatever.

Bubby: [crosstalk] Shut your fucking mouth.

Benrey: [crosstalk] Do you have a passport.

Gordon: He knows what he’s talking about. Okay, so. Okay, first off,
first off, so-

Scientist: [crosstalk] I suspected this could happen but the

Administrator just would not listen.

Gordon: [crosstalk] [loudly] We’re in- Whatever the fuck happened in

there, he jumped in there, another guy jumped in there. Three
subjects, one sample. Boom! That’s all- That’s all that I know that
happened.

Benrey: Did I not tell you to not touch that.

Gordon: [angrily shouting] Did I not tell YOU to get the FUCK out of
the TEST CHAMBER?!
 Benrey: [whispering] Dude…

Coomer: [in the distance] Is someone swearing over there?

Gordon: We’ll be up in a minute! Please.

Bubby: Who was that? Who’s there?

Gordon: Give us a second. We’re trying- We’re trying to collect our

thoughts. Get our heads back on straight.

Bubby: I believe we should probably make it upstairs.

Gordon: We do need to keep going. Okay.

[Door whirs open]

Gordon: Is this shit going to work? N-

Bubby: Oh God I hope so.

Gordon: Well, every-

Scientist: [in the distance] This is as far as I go.

Gordon: Get on, get on. Man- where did the guard go? Is that him?

Bubby: Going up!

Gordon: I don’t give a shit. There is no time to worry about him.

Clearly there’s something wrong. What happened to Tommy?

[Glass on the door shatters]

Bubby: Um, I don’t know. He ran away.

Gordon: Are you guys okay? Jesus, you wouldn’t [crosstalk] talk to me
before.
 Tommy: [crosstalk] Watch out!!

Bubby: Oh, there he is.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Tommy, TOMMY!

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Why didn't they listen? We tried to warn them!

Tommy: [crosstalk] Watch out, there’s creatures!

Gordon: Creat-

Scientist 2: [crosstalk] I never thought I’d see a resonance cascade,

let alone create one...

Gordon: [crosstalk] What do you mean creatures? Jesus, what are

these things? What the fuck? D’you- Oh, I don’t know where they
went. I’m just gonna.

Scientist 1: Gordon, you’re alive!

Gordon: [crosstalk] Yeah, I’m alive.

Bubby: [crosstalk] Yeah, no thanks to you.

Scientist 1: Thank God for that hazard suit. I’m afraid to move him,
and all our phones are out.

Gordon: [crosstalk] What’s wrong, a few broken ribs or something?

Scientist 1: [crosstalk] Please, get to the surface as soon as you can,

and let someone know we’re stranded down here.

Gordon: Okay, yeah.

[Gunshot]
 Scientist: You’ll need me to activate the retinal scanners. I’m sure the
rest of the science team will gladly help you.

Gordon: Did you just pull out a gun?!

Bubby: It came right at me, Gordon.

Gordon: Where did you get a gun? Okay, I don’t-

[30:00]

Bubby: Now-

Gordon: Okay, you made it up!

Bubby: Ah, a girl never kisses and tells.

Gordon: Listen, so we have to get to the surface. We have to- What

have to make sense-

Bubby: Holy shit!

Gordon: -about what the fuck is happening. We need to make sense-

OH- [panicked yelling] JESUS!

Bubby: Oh my God, it’s loose! Ho-ho! Way to go! [crosstalk]

[unintelligible speak]

Gordon: [crosstalk] What are we arming our guards with?! What the
fuck was that weapon?!

Bubby: Oh my [pause] God, they’re dead!

Benrey: That was, uh. That was a passport.

Scientist: A failure of [crosstalk] this magnitude is extremely

improbable.
 Tommy: Good work, sir!

Gordon: Listen, so we- Okay, I need to- We need to get our heads on
straight. Who- Tommy, okay, Tommy.

[sounds of a fire burning]

Scientist: [crosstalk] [pained yelling] No! Auck! Darugh! Argh!

Gordon: [crosstalk] What is happening. Tommy turn around- [gasp]

Did he- Did he do that? [whispering intensely] Did he do that? [pause]
Hey, what happened to those guys?

Benrey: Th- uh, they didn’t have their passport.

Bubby: You’re gonna want to find that passport, Gordon.

Gordon: Yeah, we’re gonna- I’ll get the passport when we go to the
surface. I prom- We’re gonna get that passport, [whispering] we’re
gonna get that passport. [normal voice] Okay, so Tommy-

Bubby: If you’re like me, it’s in your locker!

Gordon: What is your name?

Bubby: I don’t remember. I took a beating to the head.

Gordon: No, bro, you know your fucking name. Stop joking around,
I’m tired of people fucking with me today. [sigh] What is your name?

Bubby: Hmm… Fine. Mmb, Bubby.

Gordon: Bubby. [condescendingly] Sure, Bubby. [whispers] Okay,

that’s not your name. Fucking with me. [normal voice] Tell me your
name when you’re ready. Tommy- Where did the cop g- [annoyed
groan] Let’s just go, let’s just go find the fuckin- Let’s go find Mr.
Coomer. Dr. Coomer. DOCTO- Get- [stuttering] Get- MOVE!
 Coomer: Alright, the terminal’s fixed. Now if I just press…

[Machine boops]

Coomer: [pained] AGGH!

Gordon: I don’t think [crosstalk] you should be fucking with anything

here.

Coomer: [crosstalk] Communication is down all across the network,

Gordon!

Gordon: Are you sure that pressing any button is not going to cause
another fucking- What was that called, a resonance cascade?! They
didn’t even tell me what that was.

Coomer: I’ve never seen anything like it, Dr. Freeman!

Gordon: You need to MOVE! You are like, an inch away from some kind
of radiation beam. You need to MOVE over here.

Coomer: I’ve got my passport!

Gordon: [shouting] YOU’RE NOT- [normal voice] A passport isn’t

gonna- An HEV suit is not gonna save me from that!

Coomer: It’s perfectly fine, Gordon!

Gordon: It’s-

Coomer: [increasingly panicked] I’m trying to stay calm, and you

should too!

Gordon: I am having a very, very difficult time with that. Okay, so,
listen. Get low, stay low, stay low. Let’s go, let’s go, okay?

Bubby: Let’s goooooo.

 Gordon: We’re going! [pause] Okay. Alright- [grunts while going
through door]. Barely fit through there. Alright, so this is our team.
Alright, so how- Have any of you gone to the surface without the
tram? On foot, even. Like, is there an emergency-

Bubby: I was born down here.

Gordon: You were born down- Is your- [stutters] Black Mesa does
that? Black Mesa does test tube babies? To make scientist-

Bubby: This place is ooooold, Gordon.

Gordon: It’s older than me. That’s for sure. I’m younger than all three
of you guys combined.

Bubby: Older than me!

Gordon: Well, no, Tommy’s like, five, but that’s okay. The- Okay, so
here-

Bubby: We love our little Tommy.

Gordon: We love Tommy, we love Tommy.

Bubby: Ah-

Tommy: More creatures!

Gordon: And I see the fucking cop- Wait, okay, there’s something fishy
going on here. Hold on, guys. I should have a crowbar. Yeah, from
earlier. I picked this up.

[Headcrab squelch]

Gordon: Oh SHIT! Hold on, I got this guys-

Coomer: WHOA!
 Gordon: [grunts as he smacks the headcrab, which then makes a
dying screech] Phew. It’s- I think it’s clear.

Coomer: Fine work, Gordon!

Gordon: Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. Sure. Okay. Let’s keep on going.

[Door whirs open]

Gordon: Alright, so- [sigh]

Coomer: Now, we’ll have to be careful. It appears our laser network

has been compromised.

Gordon: It’s been completely compromised and, uh, the cop from
earlier, the passport guy seems to [crosstalk] be sitting right-

Benrey: [crosstalk] [pained screaming] OOOWWWWWWWWWWW.

Gordon: DUDE! DUDE! GET THE FUCK- GET- [choked noise] MOVE,
MOVE! Holy shit, what kind of helmet is that?! Are you okay? I don’t-
[crosstalk and mumbling] Should I be worried about you?

Bubby: Standard issue Black Mesa helmets!

Gordon: I’m like fifty percent sure this is the reason- You’re the reason
this is happening.

Benrey: [pained grunt]

Gordon: Are you okay, man? Do you-

Benrey: [holding back barf sound]

Gordon: Okay, do any- who has medical-

Benrey: [uses Black Mesa Sweet Voice that rises higher in pitch as the
color changes]
Gordon: Oh God, he’s spitting out blue and purple. [exasperated sigh]

Coomer: Is that normal?

Gordon: I don’t know- I don’t know what that is. I don’t know WHAT
that is.

Tommy: I can read this!

Bubby: Alrigh-

Gordon: You can read it? You g- What is- [stutters]

Coomer: Wonderful, Tommy!

Tommy: [pause] When it’s L- Purple, like the evening of a spring

evening, then it means he’s okay.

Gordon: It’s gone. Okay, he’s okay?

Tommy: Yep!

Gordon: Okay. Thank you, Tommy. That was very-

Bubby: Last one to the elevators is a rotten egg! [starts screaming,

which get fainter the further he is]

Gordon: We’re racing- Why would we race? Please! Please be careful.

[exasperated] Okay.

Bubby: [playful] I almost died, Gordon!

Gordon: Okay, you guys just ran right through the laser!

Bubby: What?
 Gordon: I don’t know what happened to that guy. We need to get
away from him. Hold on, hold on I’ll break the window.

Bubby: What the hell is that?

Gordon: Is this door working? Alright, hold on, wait. [grunts as he

smashes the window]

[Window shatters]

Gordon: Come on though, come on through. [pause] You seem to

know where you’re going. You seem to know what’s going on. You
seem… incredibly calm.

Benrey: Right through here.

Gordon: Okay.

[Elevator beeps. Right after this, terrified screams can be heard.]

Coomer: @ Now Gordon don’t [crosstalk] forget about crisis

management levels-

Gordon:[crosstalk] Oh God, OH MY GOD.

Bubby: [crosstalk] [shouting] WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Benrey: [slightly alarmed] What did you do?

Gordon: I didn’t, I didn’t…

Coomer: Now, Gordon, you may have killed three innocent lives but
it’s important to stay calm.

Gordon: I w- [shaky exhale before gaining composure] So-

Bubby: You’re a murderer!

 Gordon: Yeaah, I’m sure.

[35:00]

Bubby: I hope you know that.

Gordon: Let's worry about this kind of stuff- Listen, I'm the guy with
the crowbar. Let's- Listen, let's- let's worry about that part when we're
on the surface.

Coomer: Threats, is it?!

Gordon: No no no, I'm not threatening you, I'm just saying... Oh my

God. Please, just- Let's- There's- There should be a ladder in here.
Come on, crawl through.

[shutter click as Bubby takes a photo with a camera]

Gordon: You guys go first, I'll watch your backs, make sure none of
those freaky creatures and ghouls-

Coomer: Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Gordon: Holy shit, they're just flying up! There's so much about Black
Mesa that I don't know about. I can't believe I just-

Coomer: [crosstalk] [from far away] Ohhh, you need to get up here
right away Gordon!

Gordon: Oh, shit! Hurry!

Bubby: Uhhh, I'm afraid of heights!

Gordon: Go a little bit faster! I'm holding on to your legs, [crosstalk]

I'm pushing you up, just go a little bit fa-AH who's flashing me in the
face?! Quit taking pictures!

Bubby: [crosstalk] Oh god, I'm so scared! AAH don't touch me!

[a short beep of Black Mesa Sweet Voice]

[continuous nasty alien squelching sounds]

Gordon: Oh, fuck. Hey! Do you know this- Do you know this guy?

Barney Calhoun: Man, am I glad to see you. What the hell are these
things?

Gordon: I have NO idea!

Barney Calhoun: And why are they wearing science team uniforms?

Benrey: Can you believe this guy doesn't have his, fucking passport?

Gordon: Jesus Christ! Oh, shit!

Bubby: OW my god!

Benrey: That makes me so angry, too!

Gordon: [sharp breath] Okay, hold on, I need to-

Benrey: [unintelligible as he walks away]

Gordon: I need to talk to this guy. Please, don't talk to him. Please-
Just be quiet for a second. Do you know who this is? Do you know who
this guy is?

Coomer: That's Barney!

Barney Calhoun: [crosstalk] Okay, why not? Didn't want to die alone
anyway.

Gordon: I've never seen him on the job in my life. Barney's your
name, right?
 Barney Calhoun: [crosstalk] I'll stay here and guard this area.

Benrey: Benrey.

Gordon: Benrey! Wait, who's Benrey? You're Benrey?

Benrey: BENREY!

Gordon: You're Benrey. Okay, so I know your name now. Benrey!

Benrey. Once- You remember your name? You're not fucking with me,
right? Bubby?

Bubby: Bubby.

[a long note of Black Mesa Sweet Voice sounds in the background]

Gordon: That's not your name. That's not your fucking name. You got
hit in the head in the explosion.

Bubby: That's what I said when I was born.

[a higher note of Black Mesa Sweet Voice starts]

Gordon: Okay. Okay.

Bubby: Here. In Black Mesa.

Gordon: Please stop spewing balls. Wait, no no no no no. Tommy said

that means he's okay, right? Okay, so, you- you wanna- Do you want
to follow us?

Barney Calhoun: Yeah, we might stand a better chance if we team up.

Gordon: Yeah. Absolutely. Okay, so we got a pretty-

Benrey: I hate it.

 Gordon: We got a pretty sizable squad here, uh, hold on. [crosstalk]
Let's do a little bit of intel.

Barney Calhoun: [crosstalk] Now, I wonder if those boys could have

made a bigger mess.

Gordon: What the FUCK happened to these people? Clearly, they're

scientists!

Bubby: I don't know.

Coomer: It looks like those parasites we saw earlier latched on to their

heads and... changed them.

Gordon: Parasites, huh... There's two more! Hold on-

Coomer: Gordon, look out!

Gordon: Back up, back up, back up, back up! Back up.

Bubby: Ouough!

[Sounds of gunshots and hits, and alien screeching]

Gordon: Okay. Okay, I got this- [grunts] Oh shit, [through gritted

teeth] Oh God! [exhausted breath] Okay. So they seem to go down
pretty quick- There's another one. Hold on, hold on-

Coomer: Watch out, Gordon!

Gordon: WOAH!

Coomer: BLAGH, Gordon!

Gordon: Don't shoot me! Don't shoot me! Who just- if I'm going in
with a crowbar, please, don't shoot at me.

[lip smacks, like someone is eating something, coming from the left]
Gordon: [terrified] What is he doing? What was that- What was that
noise? What was- What was that? Please, please tell me... Please, give
me a just a- just a sense there's some- there's some- a trickle of
normalcy.

Barney Calhoun: I can’t figure it out...

Gordon: What the fuck did you just do?

Benrey: What?

Gordon: [annoyed] Ah, Jesus Chriiiist... Let's get out of here! Okay,
how- how many- how many feet deep are we underground? I don't
know the actual number. I thought-

Scientist: Do you still say there's nothing to chaos- chaos- chaos

theory?

Gordon: I assume fifty thousand, I know it's something crazy... Who

knows. Does anybody know how deep underground we are?

Tommy: My estimate is that it'll take us HOURS and HOURS to get up,
back up.

Gordon: Oh, we got a ways to go...

Coomer: There's a back way without the tram, to get up, but we must
go through the offices! It's quite a trek!

Gordon: Yeah, that's a long way! [sigh] Come on through. Don't let
the- Don't let the door hit you. Come on. I don't know what the hell is
going on, man... You and me both. Where'd the guy go? Where'd the
guard go? I don't even- There's so many people here- What the fuck?
Where did you even come from? Oh, we just- Hey, buddy. Alright, we
got a pretty big party going on, let's keep going. Come on guys, come
on! Are you okay!
 Barney Calhoun: Who is responsible for this mess?

Gordon: What's going on? I don't know how he's- [sigh]

Benrey: Taking a break.

Gordon: Oh, that's you?! I couldn't recognize you. You look exactly the
same as your partner. Why are you sitting next to the body? You got
a- Ah, Jesus Christ.

Scientist: I hope those people in the Lambda Labs can get this under
control.

[alien screeching from the left]

Gordon: That's me. You're talking about me. We were in the Lambda
Lab. Hold on, hold on- Knock these guys down a few pegs. [grunts of
effort] Group up! Group up!

Bubby: You missed one!

Gordon: Move up!

Bubby: You missed one!

Gordon: Where?

Bubby: You missed one!

Gordon: WHERE? [crosstalk] What are you talking- Behind us?

Bubby: Right here. Over here, yes! Stop him before he goes too far!

Gordon: I think he's okay. I mean- Oh God, behind you! Behind you!
Tommy! Tommy! [grunt] Right, I guess we'll put him out of his misery.
Is he save-able? [grunt]

Bubby: I don't know-

 Coomer: My God, Gordon, you just killed a man!

Gordon: I don't- I think he was already dead! [tired exhale] I don't-

Coomer: You killed a lot of men, Gordon!

Gordon: Please stop add- Please stop tacking on to my murder tally! I

have enough fucknig grievances on my conscience!

Scientist: Let's go.

Gordon: Let's go, let's go! Come on, let's make- let's make some fun
out of this. We'll make a DAY out of it. Boy’s day! Boy’s day! There's
so many of you! Damn, okay! Maybe this wasn't as big of a tragedy as
we thought.

Scientist: How interesting, just look at that...

Gordon: I thought- I figured, like, everybody in the facility was dead.

Should we grab some supplies from the locker room?

Bubby: Yes!

[40:00]

Gordon: Help me raid it, come on. Let’s grab whatever we can. [pitter
patter of scientist feet and a few unintelligible murmurs from the
NPCs.] Oh Jesus. All this blood, where are the bodies?

Tommy: Grab a soda! It’ll help you see faster!

Gordon: [wheeze laughing] I don’t know what THAT means! But sure
thing. [small tap as he presses the machine] I- [sound of glass
shattering as he hits the machine with the crowbar] Ohhh shit! Grab,
grab ‘em! Grab ‘em! Get as many as you can! Get ‘em all, yeah!
Alright, they’re in our pockets. Guys, we’ve got [crosstalk] soda for
days.
 Coomer: [crosstalk] Gentlemen, we’re eating like kings tonight!

Gordon: Alright, hold on, hold on. Get… [stunned silence] Sir? Sir?
Please step out of the fucking… vending machine. So that I can break
it open.

Bubby: I climbed into [crosstalk] the ventilation system!

Benrey: [crosstalk] What?

[Headcrab squelching on the table behind them.]

Gordon: We’re gonna be in here for a few days, even. Okay-

[Gunshots as the other security guard shoots the headcrab.]

Bubby: [crosstalk] Oh, my God!

Gordon: [crosstalk] Jesus!

[More gunshots as the security guard tries to shoot Benrey.]

Bubby: Holy shit, they’re teleporting out of thin air!

Gordon: Straight up, really? Okay. That’s kinda scary. [sound of glass
shattering as he breaks the other soda machine] Alright, grab the
snacks, raid it! Raid it!

Bubby: Soda! [crosstalk] Free soda!

Gordon: [crosstalk] Grab as many as you can! As much- get all the
soda you-

[Benrey, Bubby, Coomer, and Tommy all make loud slurping and sipping
sounds as they pretend to drink the soda off of the ground.]
 Gordon: [laughing over the slurping sounds] No! No, don’t drink it, no!
Guys, guys! [laughs] Don’t drink it, we need that!

Benrey: UUUUUUUUU

Gordon: [laughs so hard he’s breathless.] We need that! [the rest of

the Science Team finishes their slurping] We need that!

Coomer: Come now, Gordon, [crosstalk] have a sip!

Bubby: [crosstalk] Oh, my bad.

Gordon: We needed soda! Oh, my God.

Benrey: Wha- Why did you break those machines?

Gordon: [shouting angrily] Because we were gonna-! [calms down a

little] Oh, my God, you’re really gonna fine me [crosstalk] for company
property damage now?

Bubby: [crosstalk] Did you see those- [unintelligible under the

crosstalk].

Coomer: [crosstalk] That’s going to come out of your paycheck,

Gordon!

Benrey: Look at the mess behind you. What’s happening in the

microwave?

Gordon: [crosstalk] That happened before all this.

Benrey: [crosstalk] Why’d you try to reheat...lasagna?

Gordon: Someone left their fucking lasagna in there when it blew up.

[Headcrab squelching. One of the NPCs mumbles generic dialogue in the

background.]
 Gordon: Ok- Agghh! [thud as he accidentally hits Bubby with the
crowbar.]

Bubby: OW!

Coomer: Whoa-oh!

[Gordon sighs in exasperation.]

Coomer: Vandalizing company property is never the answer, Gordon.

Gordon: You’re really worried about that? You’re really worried about
that? People are dying. And you’re worried about [crosstalk] company
property.

Bubby: [crosstalk] But I did like the soda.

Coomer: [crosstalk] The soda was delicious!

Gordon: Yeah, the soda was great. [crosstalk] Enjoy the soda. Enjoy
the fucking soda.

Bubby: [crosstalk] Yes. Yes!

Gordon: I hope you di- I hope you- ughh. [under his breath] Jesus
Christ. [normal voice] I hope you don’t get indigestion.

[Whirring sound of the automatic door opens.]

Gordon: Okay. Alright. Be on the lookout for those things. So hold on,
tally for weapons. Who’s got weapons? You’ve got a weapon. You’ve
got a pistol. [crosstalk] I know you’re armed.

Barney Calhoun: [crosstalk] I'd like to get my hands on the guy

responsible for this mess.

Gordon: I know. I don’t know who the fuck is-

Benrey: Let me in.

Bubby: I have a revolver!

Gordon: Damn! Nice. Did you just- I just saw a flare come out of it,
but I- You- Must’ve been [crosstalk] a dud.

Benrey: [crosstalk] HEY, who killed him?

Bubby: [crosstalk] What?

Benrey: [crosstalk] Who killed this? Who killed this?

Gordon: You weren’t very concerned about the last one you saw.

Benrey: This...What? You killed someone?

Gordon: I killed- Yes. Yes. [crosstalk] I did!

Barney Calhoun: [crosstalk] Yep, all that target range time is gonna
pay off today.

Gordon: The people in the elevator!

Benrey: Niiice.

Gordon: Let me- [wheeze laughs]. Let me forget about that for now
until we’re out of here. You guys can arrest me once we’re all above
the surface and not dealing with creepy crawlies and- and ghouls and
ghosts and goblins and bugs-

Coomer: Well, I can’t do that Gordon. I’m not a cop.

Gordon: That’s right. I’m talking to the security guard. Who has the
authority to strip me for my passport. Okay, [crosstalk] come on.

Coomer: [crosstalk] Hello, Gordon!

Gordon: [sounding exhausted] Hello! How ya doin? [pause as he waits
for Coomer to answer] Are you hanging in there?

Coomer: Hello, Gordon!

Gordon: Hello, Dr. Coomer. [whirring of a door opening] Are you ready
to go? What was that noise?

Bubby: Dr. Freeman, I found your passport!

Gordon: Is it in there?

Coomer: [crosstalk] Hello, Gordon!

Bubby: [crosstalk] It was in your locker, yes.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Oh, my God, it’s in there! Oh, my God, right up

here. That’s my baby. [crosstalk] I have a son. That’s Joshua.

Scientist: [crosstalk] Why are you asking me?

Benrey: Looks a bit [crosstalk]... shit.

Coomer: [crosstalk] Your boy is beautiful, Gordon!

Gordon: [laughs] What did say that about my boy? Did you call him
shit?

Coomer: Beautiful, Gordon!

Scientist: Well, I think it’s rather stimulating, [crosstalk] don’t you?

Benrey: [crosstalk] Looks like a… [pause] What?

Scientist: It can’t get [crosstalk] any worse than this.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Okay, well, now we’re good now, [crosstalk] we’re
jammed in-
 Benrey: [crosstalk] Get me out of this [bass amplified] BOX!

Gordon: PLEASE!

Coomer: Hello, Gordon!

Gordon: Dr. Coomer! Dr. Coomer- Dr. Coomer, please step out of the
way. Thank you so much. So, you have my passport now, right? So
you- We can leave that in the past?

Benrey: It’s expired.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Man, we-

Coomer: [crosstalk] Hello, Gordon!

Gordon: [shocked] HOW many of you ar- Is this the fucking- Is this
the fucking survival room? Are we all- Are you guys all gonna follow us
now? So we’re all headed to the surface. Listen up. My name is Gordon
Freeman! [crosstalk] I’m gonna get us all out of here, okay?

Scientist: [crosstalk] It appears the containment system has

completely failed.

Gordon: Okay? Does anyone know anything?

[Rattling of a bathroom door stall, along with beeps of an explosive about to

detonate.]

Scientist: My God, what [crosstalk] are you doing?

Gordon: [crosstalk] WHAT THE- ?!

[Explosion. Gordon and a few of the NPC scientists scream.]

Gordon: OH, MY GOD!

 Bubby: Holy shit!

Gordon: Who the fuck did that? [bathroom door rattles some more]
Who the fuck- Who’s in the fucking bath- Get out! Go! Go! Open the-
Fu-!

[Gordon gasps as he sees a poster of a cartoon character. An NPC grunts

behind him, and someone starts using the Black Mesa Sweet Voice.]

Barney Calhoun: This place is a lot bigger than I thought.

Gordon: Okay, so, I was- I was worried about casualties. Oh you

brought some of the soda, huh?

[Barney Calhoun begins grunting, as though he’s taking damage.]

Gordon: Got some of that- ah. Here, no, put it down, put it- I’m- I’m
good, I’ll pick it up myself. Nononono- ugh!

Bubby: It’s rolling down! Catch it!

Gordon: I don’t care, I’m not thirsty! Even- I was just being nice. [to
the security guard who’s still grunting] Are you okay man? Dude, he’s
just- oh, he’s bleeding out, guys. No, don’t throw soda at him!

Coomer: Here, have a drink! [crosstalk] It helps me feel better.

Gordon: [crosstalk] That’s not going to help him. He needs medical

attention.

Bubby: Pick up that can.

Gordon: I’m doing it man.

[Barney Calhoun stops grunting]

Security Guard: Okay, I'll secure [crosstalk] this area.

 Gordon: [crosstalk] I can’t, it’s not working.

Bubby: Now, put it in the trash can.

Gordon: I’m kicking them. You’re- You have the wrong game.

[Barney Calhoun starts grunting again]

Gordon: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Okay. [crosstalk]

Okay, so-

Bubby: [crosstalk] What game?

[45:00]

Gordon: This is everybody who esc- Who survived the blast. Does
anybody know what that even was- What the explosion was? You can’t
get in there. You can’t get in there. I know you used to- That was your
old office, but it’s closed now. I don’t think you should go in there. I’m
assuming there’s a lot of debris that might be dangerous to your well-
being. [pause] Tommy. You hangin’ in there, Tommy? A little bit of
emotional support?

Tommy: Yeah.

Gordon: We saw a lot of people die. Didn’t we?

Tommy: … Yeah.

Gordon: Yeah. Okay. Let’s go. Let’s see what’s going on with the tram-
Maybe we’ll get lucky. Maybe the tram’s still in service.

Coomer: We can only hope-

[A small explosion]

Coomer: I have a bad feeling.

 Gordon: [sucks in air through his teeth] Oh my God! More explosions.
Okay, you guys gotta watch your fucking step. I don't even know what
did that. Ah, we got one of those crawlies! Who had the- Who had the
revolver? Bubby? Bubby had the revolver. Give him a pop. I don't
know what's in-

Bubby: Time to taste the pain!

Tommy: Oh my God, all his blood is outside of him!

[Explosion with the sound of glass breaking, Gordon yells]

Bubby: Holy shit! Oh my God, I almost died!

Gordon: Oh my God, you were an inch away from death! You just- Oh
my God, hold on.

Coomer: Hello, Gordon!

Gordon: Check, check- HELLO DOCTOR C-

Wayne: [through gritted teeth] Oh my God, guys.

Gordon: Okay, is this gonna open up? Damn it. Yeah, we gotta find
another way. Who is- Who was that- Did that just fall from the ceiling?
Okay, so...

Bubby: What's up there?

Gordon: The only three people that made it were Bubby, Tommy and
Dr. Coomer.

Coomer: Hello, Gordon!

Gordon: HELLO! Follow me. Let's go in the hole. [grunts as he climbs

through]
 Bubby: I don't think he's well in the head.

Gordon: Yeah. Yeah, I think a lot’s been happening.

Bubby: We should see if the tram is still there.

Gordon: [crosstalk] How do we open the door?

Bubby: [crosstalk] Maybe we can take the tram back out. I'll show
you.

Gordon: You know how to open it?

Bubby: Yes!

Gordon: Okay.

Bubby: I used this trick all the time when I locked myself out of my
office.

Gordon: Oh wait. Hey, maybe this one?

[button makes a muted ping as pressed and loud gunshot]

Gordon: Oh damn!

Bubby: There we go!

Gordon: Holy shit! You use- How often do you use that trick? You
gotta install a whole new panel now!

Bubby: I- I get yelled at for it a lot.

Gordon: What about the second one though? How are you gonna open
that one?

Bubby: Fuck it.

 Coomer: Well, that's quite simple!

Gordon: Hm? Oh jeez, Tommy! [crosstalk] Oh, no!

Bubby: [crosstalk] Oh no! Augh! Tommy, be careful!

Gordon: Oh wait! Oh, hey! Who is that?

Bubby: What the hell is happening?

Gordon: Yo, is that Dr. Kleiner? [crosstalk] Hold on, how the fuck do
we get that back open.

Bubby: What the hell is happening with the doors?

Gordon: There was a guy out there.

Bubby: I got it, I got it... Hold on. Open sesame.

Gordon: Hey! Hey, man! What- Dude, you gotta get off there. Come-
Come to us, that thing's gonna- I know you're scared. Listen, I know
you're scared, but it's gonna be okay. I want you to walk to me. Walk
to Gordon. Over here... Do you think this can support me?

Bubby: I don't know... Supports him.

[the platform creaks under strain and as it breaks the scientist yelps]

Gordon: Oh, shit!

Scientist: Stay back! GORDON! [screams, the sound growing more

distant as he falls]

[Two discordant notes play as the man falls]

Coomer: Oh my God, you killed another man.

Gordon: How deep is that hole? How deep is that hole?

Bubby: Um, I believe that hole is about five hundred feet deep.

Tommy: We're trying to dig to the center of the Earth.

Gordon: [laughing] I don't- I don't think that's what Black Mesa's

doing, man.

Bubby: I don't think that's what we're doing.

Gordon: [crosstalk] I don't think that's our goal here.

Coomer: [crosstalk] I don't think I've brought a rope long enough to

get- Hello, Gordon!

Gordon: Hey sss... [exasperated] Hey, hey. I don't think we got a

rope. Uh, anyone want to like, Donkey Kong- No, no I think we gotta
go back in. So we gotta go through the offices, the back way you said,
Coomer? Dr. Coomer?

Coomer: Hello, Gordon!

Gordon: You're-

Coomer: The back way!

Gordon: Oh, oh! Okay okay, alright! Snapping in and out of it.

Coomer: Come on now!

Gordon: Do you recognize that something's maybe going on with your

brain? A little bit of dementia, maybe a little bit of, uh, impact trauma.
Maybe a concussion. Uh, maybe a little bit of-

Coomer: I believe going through this grate will help us along.

Gordon: Okay, yeah. Up there, huh? You guys got hops? [grunts]
 Coomer: Oh, dear, the door is locked.

Gordon: Oh, shit! [more grunting]

Coomer: Good thinking, Gordon!

Gordon: Come on in, come on in! There should be enough space.

Bubby: I don't like tight spaces...

Gordon: Oh, God! Hold on, we gotta help that guy.

[a gunshot rings and glass shatters as Gordon hits it]

Bubby: Behind you!

Gordon: Why doesn't this one- Oh, shit!

Coomer: Gordon, watch out!

[gunshot, alien screeching]

Gordon: [grunts] Damn, you're [crosstalk] a nice shot, Bubby!

Bubby: [crosstalk] I saved your goddamn life.

Gordon: They train their test tube babies well, huh? Oh, man, they got
him. There was no helping him, huh... Can we not break- I guess we
shouldn't break it now.

Bubby: [crosstalk] @ That room is impressive!

Tommy: [crosstalk] No! My drawer full of tic tacs is in there. We'll

need the calories!

Gordon: We don't- I don't think we can get in there for your tic tacs,
let alone anything else. We couldn't save that dude's life. These things
are fucking- [sound of glass cracking] bulletproof, apparently.
 Bubby: I, I'll get them!

Gordon: Huh?

[multiple gunshots]

Bubby: Ow!

Gordon: Hold on, back up, back- You're out of ammo?

Bubby: I'm out of bullets!

Gordon: Cool, cool-

Bubby: Yes.

Gordon: Alright, we only had six. We used them all, and it looks-
There's like, there's a lot more- a lot more problems! Come on, come
on, come on- Tricky dick! Come on! Come on! Oh, shit! Oh! [grunts]

[headcrabs screech]

Coomer: Well done!

Gordon: Who's the man? Gordon Freeman.

[50:00]

Gordon: D. D. S. Okay. Wha- hey! I thought I got you!

[a thump as the crowbar wacks the headcrab, which screeches]

Gordon: They just keep fucking- AUGH! Oh, my arm! Whew, out of the
air! [crosstalk] You guys all good?

Bubby: [crosstalk] Good stuff, Tommy.

Gordon: You guys all good?

Bubby: Yep.

Gordon: Alright. I’m- having a little trouble.

Bubby: Oh. What happened to that guy?

Gordon: Oh my God. [annoyed] Hey. Heyy!

Coomer: @ Looks like it’s him.

Gordon: Bernie? Wait, no, was it, was it Bernie? Barney? What was
your name again? That’s you. That’s him. I can’t get- There seems to
be an obstruction. Okay. How did you get in there and I can’t?

Bubby: I went through the door.

Coomer: I went through the window!

Gordon: What are you doing here? How do you keep getting ahead of
us?

Benrey: ...What? I work here.

Gordon: [sighs] Let’s keep going guys. I’m honestly convinced that
guy might not even be real. You can see him, right?

Bubby: What?

Gordon: You can see him, right? That’s not like some radiation bull-

Bubby: Yes, he’s right there.

Gordon: Okay. [under his breath] Jesus, man. [normal voice] Having
a- There we go. Come on, let’s keep [crosstalk] on going.

Coomer: [crosstalk] [in the background] HELLO-

 Gordon: [inhales sharply] Hold on. I gotta- precaution.

[Crowbar swooshes as he misses the body]

Gordon: Ah, should be fine.

Benrey: Oh, what are you doing?

Gordon: Trying to save us. Trying to kill the things-

Benrey: Why would you kill him? [crosstalk] He’s clearly hurt.

Gordon: [crosstalk] They are killing people, man! Bart- Barney! [sighs
and shouts] Shut up!

Benrey: What?

Gordon: [exhales in frustration] I can’t handle this and you. I can’t

handle what’s going on and- [Black Mesa Sweet Voice plays in the
background] Oh my, the mo- Okay. Gordon Free- Everyone’s having
some brain issues, huh. That definitely wasn’t real. Okay, let’s keep
[sharply sucks in air] Holy shit! [Peeper Puppies cry] What are these?!
You still got- You got any bullets?! Whooaa! Hold on, I should have a
pistol.

[Gunshots]

Tommy: More creatures!

[Gunshots]

Gordon: Oh my God! [crosstalk] Oh my God, what is that? What is

that?! What is that?!

Bubby: [crosstalk] [screaming] No! Ow, ow, ow, ow, owwwww!

Gordon: Please stop using that! Please stop- you called that a
passport?! Don’t shoot that again! [gunshot] Get out- get out of the
way! You’re in my- You are in my line of sight.

Bubby: [crosstalk] AHHHH- [grows fainter the further he is]

Gordon: [crosstalk] Do you not see-

Benrey: [crosstalk] Don’t shoot me!

Gordon: I’m not gonna shoot- [under his breath] [crosstalk] I really
should shoot-

Benrey: [crosstalk] Why are you shooting at me?

Bubby: [crosstalk] [in background] AHHHHH-

Gordon: I’m shooting at the-

Benrey: I should’ve never let you in here.

Bubby: [crosstalk] [louder as he approaches] AHHHH- Oww!

Gordon: You- I came in here on my own. You did not let me in here.
[burps]

Benrey: I- So I did. [crosstalk] That was being nice and now you’re
shooting at me and that’s not nice.

Coomer: [crosstalk] It’s like some sort of a hound with eyes!

Gordon: I’m shooting at the fucking… Ball men… I don’t know what to
call these!

Tommy: My HUD told me that [crosstalk] that was a houndeye.

Bubby: [crosstalk] These hounds have a large eye.

 Tommy: [crosstalk] Very aptly named.

Coomer: [crosstalk] By gum, I think we’ve discovered an extraplanar

species!

Gordon: An alien?

Bubby: Hey look, [crosstalk] another one!

[Peeper Puppy screeches]

Gordon: [crosstalk] What the fuck?!

Coomer: [crosstalk] Some sort of hound with eyes!

Gordon: [crosstalk] Hang on, hold up! Back up, back up, back up!

[Gunshots]

Bubby: Oh, oh my God!

[Trigger clicks as Gordon attempts to shoot]

Gordon: Well, now I’m-

Coomer: Beautiful beasts. I think we should call them “Peeper

Puppies”!

Gordon: “Peeper Puppies” is- Sure, sure. Sure thing-

Coomer: HELLO-

Gordon: Mr. Coo- [chuckles]

Bubby: I found a survivor!

Gordon: Oh man. Are you- Do-

Scientist: Yes, let’s go.

Gordon: Come on, come on. He doesn’t even have any words.

Bubby: Oh, straight to the point, yes.

Gordon: Do you- Look-

Scientist: Stop!

Gordon: Why are these skulls here?

Bubby: Stop what?

Gordon: Look at how many men. Did you- I think he killed these.

Scientist: Do you still say [crosstalk] there's nothing to chaos theory?

Benrey: [crosstalk] What have you done? What have you done?

Coomer: I don’t think we can trust him.

Bubby: He’s talking about chaos theory. [crosstalk] He’s a danger!

Gordon: [crosstalk] Hold on, hold on! Hold on, for this kinda thing, for
this-

Scientist: [pained] AUGH! AUGH! UH!

Coomer: [imitating the scientist] Gah!

Gordon: For this kinda thing-

Scientist: NO!

Bubby: Kill him!

Gordon: We need a group vote! Group vote! All in favor, say “aye”.
[Gunshot]

Gordon: Okay, okay.

Bubby: Aye, aye, aye.

[Black Mesa Sweet Voice plays]

Gordon: Alright, so clearly, morality is out the window. [exhales] Oh,

Jesus Christ. You really just shot that guy in the face.

Tommy: Teal means [crosstalk] surprise!

Benrey: [crosstalk] Are you okay?

Gordon: Check and see if [crosstalk] he’s okay, check and…

Benrey: [crosstalk] You okay?

Gordon: [whispering] Are we good here? Are we good with this?

Benrey: How many [crosstalk] times did he die?

Bubby: [crosstalk] I- We need to leave.

Coomer: Check to see if he has a passport!

Gordon: Yeah, I think they usually keep their passports inside… of…
their… pants.

Benrey: Oh, he did have a passport. That’s why, okay.

Gordon: [under his breath] Oh Jesus Christ.

Coomer: I think it’s good that he died!

 Gordon: I don’t think so. I think it’s bad that he died. I think- When-
when- when I was pitching a vote I was gonna subdue him! And then
take him with us! Over the back. I didn’t say “kill”. I never said “kill”.
Let the- Let the word be on record. Let the word be on record.

Bubby: I want to go home.

Gordon: [shouting through gritted teeth] ME TOO, MAN! [sniffles]

Coomer: We’ll need to get to the surface to go home.

Gordon: Yeah, let’s [crosstalk] go to the surface.

Bubby: [crosstalk] We’ll need to get to the surface.

Gordon: Let’s get to the surface.

Tommy: I wanna go home.

Gordon: Who is that?

[Peeper Puppies screech]

Coomer: OH, GORDON!

Gordon: Who [crosstalk] is that?

Bubby: [crosstalk] Hello.

Gordon: Hey, who was that guy? Who was that? Hold on, we’ve got
another one of these fucking things to deal with. [grunts with exertion]
Oh gee! Okay. Ugh! Did you guys see that guy? Up there?

Bubby: Yes.

Gordon: In the suit?

Bubby: I did.
 Coomer: [crosstalk] No.

Gordon: [crosstalk] Who was that?

Bubby: I don’t know why he thought he was stealthy. I- I… stared

right at him.

Gordon: He’s trying to hide.

Bubby: Hey look, another dog!

Coomer: Oh, it’s beautiful!

Gordon: What’s it doing? It’s looking [crosstalk] for health.

Coomer: [crosstalk] It’s watching television!

Bubby: [crosstalk] Kinda hanging out.

[Peeper Puppy screeches]

Gordon: Oh geez!

Bubby: Oh, it’s aggressive!

Gordon: Okay. Uh, hold on-

Coomer: He hates television!

Gordon: Hold on. Do any of you have a gun? I don’t think I want to
jump in there with it.

[Peeper Puppy screeches]

Bubby: Hello.

Gordon: Get the fu-! [crosstalk] Are you…

 Bubby: [crosstalk] What?

Gordon: Oh my God, what happened to you?

Bubby: What? What is happening?

[55:00] @for some reason some of Gordon’s lines just won’t properly
format?? Like they’re not showing up among the lines on the left???@ that’s
wack

Bubby: What’s happening?!

Gordon: Okay, so apparently there seems to be some sort of a... Like,

a-temporal reaction to being hit by that pulse. I would like everybody
to remain calm and step away from it. I'm gonna go in with a crowbar.
I'm gonna give it a few smacks. I'm gonna jump out of the hole.
Okay? Actually, do we even need to get in there? I think we can just
leave him be.

Bubby: Uh, no, yeah.

[Peeper Puppy screeches]

Gordon: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Leave him be. [crosstalk] That one
lives here now.

Coomer: [crosstalk] I think this is his hole now.

Gordon: Okay. Oh, hey. You made a friend.

[Headcrab screeches]

Gordon: I think you should run... So that I can kill that thing that's
trying to get on your head. It seems to be struggling now, but-

[Fire crackles and the headcrab cries in pain]

 Benrey: Oh no.

Gordon: I'm afraid of you. I'm gonna admit that straight up. Okay…
Hoo... Guys, I don't want to leave anyone behind, come on. Let's go.

Coomer: There’s- [crosstalk] [unintelligible]

Gordon: Oh, we got some more big boys! Big boys! Oh, shit! Man, it
would be really nice if I had some kind of a pistol! [Headcrab gurgle
and screech in pain with each twack] Or more specifically some
bullets.

Bubby: Shame, that.

Gordon: Yeah, it's a shame. It's a shame, huh? Let's keep going. He
went up here! Like, the guy in the suit.

[Peeper Puppy makes a sad whining noise]

Gordon: Is he sad? That's kinda cute. Honestly. Ok, we'll leave him be.

[Sound of a magazine being reloaded]

Coomer: Good luck, little fella.

Gordon: Maybe they're not inherently aggressive.

[Sound of a blaster firing and the shot bouncing off various surfaces]

Gordon: Oh my God, please- [shouting] Get down- Get the FUCK

down- Get dow-

Bubby: OW! Ow, my God, my leg!

Gordon: Oh shit, oh shit!

Coomer: Are you okay down there?

 Gordon: Does anyone have any weapon- I'm on the floor! I'm lying
down! [grunts] Oh, back on my feet. [exhale and grunts while beating
alien]

Tommy: Quickly, Gordon, like a gazelle!

Gordon: Yes, like a gazelle, Tommy. Like a gazelle. Like a beautiful

gazelle, full of soda and tic tacs. Ready to survive [crosstalk] on his
wits and candy alone.

Coomer: [crosstalk] The soda was delicious!

Gordon: The soda was great.

[Someone, who isn’t the science team, says “Access Denied” in a robotic
voice]

Gordon: The soda was great, I'm sure it was. What? Access denied?
OH? Okay! Okay.

Tommy: Hh!

[Aggressive door opening sounds]

Gordon: Oh shit. Alright, why do we have fright grenades on hand in

Black Mesa? Do we need that for the staff? Do we really need that?
[crosstalk] Is that really necessary?

Bubby: [crosstalk] Ah, yes, this is a military installation.

Gordon: Well, I've got some grenades.

Tommy: We throw them into the hole for fun!

Gordon: Can you get off of the baby changing station?

Coomer: I think these are a new development from the hazardous

chemicals department.
 Gordon: They made it, huh? They seem to be sticky, I can't get it off
my hand. What are these, bullets? In this box? No, that's just files,
okay. I don't know, how did you guys open this door? Oh well, that
doesn't matter. This doesn't seem to be the right way to go. Where is
the exit? Split up, split up, okay? Everybody look for a way out of
here. We need a clear exit.

Bubby: I think it's down there. To the left.

Gordon: To the left, huh? Didn't we come from over here? Oh hey! Hey
bud.

Bubby: Who's this?

Gordon: I don't know. What's your name? Can you speak? Are you
okay?

Scientist: You lead the way!

Gordon: Okay, we lead the way. No, NO, NO! Do not kill! Anyone else!
Enough people have-

Scientist: [pained] STAHP! HUAAGH! NO!

Gordon: He wants to die?

Scientist: [pained] ARGH!

Benrey: He's in pain.

Gordon: Are you good to walk?

Scientist: Why just look at those peculiar markings...

[Fire crackles]

Scientist: [pained] STAHP! NO! NO!

 Gordon: [exasperated] Oh my God, guys...

Coomer: You could have helped him, Gordon!

Gordon: I just want to-

[Black Mesa Sweet Voice plays and continues as Gordon is talking]

Gordon: I want to sit down and close my eyes and wake up from this
bad dream. What do you mean I could have helped him? What are you
doing to him?! What is that?

Bubby: He's encasing him in a cocoon!

Gordon: Why? Why?

Coomer: [crosstalk] Nature is beautiful!

Gordon: [crosstalk] I.. am tripping... balls! I-

Coomer: Hello, G-!

[Gordon wails and sobs]

Gordon: Where do we go?

Tommy: Gordon, watch out!

Bubby: [crosstalk] [very distant] Down here! Gordon?

Tommy: [crosstalk] If you see any canisters like these, this is danger
gas! Don't inhale any of it.

[Sound of a bullet ricocheting off of the canister and short note of Black
Mesa Sweet Voice]

Gordon: What was that? What was that?

 Bubby: Gordon, down here!

Gordon: You found the way?

Bubby: Yes!

Gordon: Some kind of Black Mesa secret door or something? What is

going on? What is going on? These corridors aren't made for more
than one person at a time. Oh, so it is- Oh, back here!

Bubby: @They were tried to build- Yes.

Gordon: That makes sense. Oh, God, more corpses.

[Small explosion]

Gordon: What is that?

Bubby: What the hell?

Gordon: What is that? Back up, back up! I'm gonna throw one of these
grenades!

Bubby: Oh my God!

Gordon: OH WHAT IS THAT?! Frag out! Frag out! FRAG OUT! FRAG
OUT!

Coomer: Ohhh, I’m getting out of here!

Gordon: Do not touch the grenade! Oh shit, I got two more! I got two
more.

Tommy: More creatures!

 Gordon: Move out of the way! Move out- Stop! Wait, wait. You've
trapped him with barrels. That's perfect. Let's go, let's go! Ignore him.
[grunt] OH! OH MY GOD BACK UP!

Bubby: Good throw, Einstein!

Gordon: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO THROW THESE THINGS! They stick

to your hands at the least opportune moment! [crosstalk] GET OFF OF
THE BARREL! Get off of the-

Scientist: [crosstalk] Wouldn't you like to get one of these blood

samples under a microscope?

[1:00:00]

[Gunshots and headcrab screeches]

Gordon: Jesu— I’m trying to help you man—

Benrey: Don’t shoot at me.

Gordon: I’m not shooting at you! I’m shooting at the— [sigh]

Coomer: Be careful, Gordon! That’s a friend you’re shooting at.

Bubby: Who’s that?

Gordon: What are you doing in there, man?

Bubby: I want to get in there.

Scientist: I certainly hope you know what you’re doing.

Gordon: You wanna come with? Everyone else’s died except for us
three. And I don’t know about that other guy— Where did he go?
Where did he go? No.

[Gunshot]
 Gordon: No! No— Why?!

Coomer: My clone!

Gordon: [laughs] That’s just part of the rules, huh? The rules of
cloning? The Black Mesa Protocol. We’re doing— Apparently we’re
doing [crosstalk] all kinds of fucked up shit!

Bubby: [crosstalk] About that one—

Gordon: Huh?

Coomer: HE-

Bubby: We don’t talk about the Black Mesa Protocol.

Gordon: I think we should.

[Black Mesa Sweet Voice plays in the background]

Gordon: I think we really should talk about the Black Mesa Protocol. I
think the Black Mesa Protocol has put us in a— [crosstalk] Why are
you glowing?!

Coomer: [crosstalk] Watch it, Gordon! Mesa’s Protocol is classified.

[A Black Mesa Sweet Voice beep sounds]

Coomer: Is this safe?

[More Black Mesa Sweet Voice sounds in background]

Gordon: [tired] Oh, my God.

Bubby: I want to go home. Can we move on?

Gordon: Oh, my God. I think we should go on.

[Gunshot]

Coomer: We need to get to the surface if we want to go home.

Benrey: This is the exit.

Gordon: Yeah. I’m trying to figure out how the fuck you got in there.
How the fuck we—

Benrey: Don’t worry about that.

Gordon: You wanna help us get in there? Is there a way out of there?

Benrey: You have a passport?

Gordon: Bye. Bye, everybody. You— I can’t— I’m not strong enough to
move these barrels— Okay, there we go.

[Black Mesa Sweet Voice plays]

{1:01:23 I’ll keep going tomorrow and edit}

[1:05:00]
(Anybody still working on this? Either way, here’s some preliminary
transcribing. Maybe someone will find it useful.)
{1:05:03}
Gordon: Nerd. I don’t know what that is.

Bubby: I’m no nerd.

Gordon: You know about movies. I’ve never seen a TV show, a flic, a
film. Get smacked.

Bubby: That sounds like something a nerd would say.

Gordon: There’s a hell of a lot of them, and they’re coming. Holy shit.
We gotta- What was that? Did you see that man with a shotgun?

Coomer: Everyone stay calm.

Coomer(?): I don’t want to alarm you, but we are headed straight for
the grinder.
Gordon: Barney, can we use that ball thing? Can you shoot the- can
you-

Bubby: Uh, the what?

Gordon: You have a- I know you have a gun. I know you have a gun! I
know you have a gun, do not fucking lie to me.

Benrey: I’m just chillin, man.

Gordon: I know you’re just CHILLIN’!

Benrey: Look at the water.

Gordon: I’m about to do it. I’m about to do it. I can’t do it. Fuck!

Bubby: Have you ever seen anything like it?

Gordon: No, I haven’t seen anything like this. I haven’t seen anything
like anything I’ve seen today. This is the first day on Earth that I’ve
experienced. Get away from- You are going to die.

Bubby: Motherfucker.

Gordon: We need to take a break.

Coomer: Multiple beasts
Gordon: We need to take a break.
Bubby: I believe the kids say, you ‘Pogged’ it.
Gordon: We need to-. (Wayne sighs)

Coomer: Hello, Gordon.

 Gordon: (sobbing) Hello, Dr...

Tommy: Green to blue… That means it’s nice to meet you!

[Wayne laughs. Wayne inhales.]

Gordon: Fetal position… Fe- (Wayne starts laughing again)

[Benry sings an ascending note.]

Gordon(?): How are you guys doing? Are you guys hanging in there?
I’m not doing great.

Coomer: You have to sit criss-cross applesauce, Gordon.

Gordon: I’m lying down. In case you can’t tell.

Bubby: That’s wrong.

{1:07:09: Act 1, Part 2}

Gordon: Okay, okay listen, we need to have a powwow, group
powwow.

Gordon: Okay, everybody sit around. Gather ‘round.

[Just followed sound]

Bubby: I’d love to have a good ol’ yeehaw with you.

Gordon: Yeah, me too man. Hey, I think one of those things survived.
Hold on, I’m going to shoot between you. Don’t move.

Bubby: That’s okay.

Gordon: Don’t move.
Somebody?: Nice shot.

Gordon: Yeah, it was great, now you guys are vanishing.

 Gordon: Okay, so. Where’d the, where’d the- Barney… He has to sit on
something? He’s got a problem with sitting on the floor apparently.
Alright, so-
Bubby: It is dirty.

Gordon: Listen Bubby I know you had a revolver before. You still have
it?

Bubby: Yes, but no bullets.

Gordon: We’ve got to find you something, man. I can’t keep doing all
the fighting myself. I don’t know what that is.

Gordon: I’m not going to question it. There’s no point in questioning

anything anymore. So! We need to get you some bullets. Tommy,
have you ever fought, have you ever fought anything? You ever killed
anything?

Tommy: No.

Gordon: You think you’d be good at it? Like if we- if maybe like we
trained you? Like if I gave you a gun you think you could shoot it, at
something?

Tommy: Do you think I need to practice right now on that pigeon?

[Benrey sings a note]

Gordon: How did a pigeon get down here?

Tommy: Do you want me to kill this?

Gordon: (Chuckling) No. (Wayne sighs) You don’t actually...You don’t

need to k-

[Tommy punches the pigeon]

Gordon: Who did that? I don’t care. I don’t care.
Gordon: Listen man. I’m gonna give you a gun. You...I need you to-
[Benrey singing a note] [Benrey stops]

Gordon: What are you doing?

[Benrey starts singing again]

Tommy: He’s hungry!

[Benrey is still singing]

Tommy: Teal means Need Meal!

[Wayne laughs again] [Benry is still singing]

Gordon: I’m at a loss, guys.
Gordon: Listen, okay, Tommy. [Benry stops singing] I don’t know if
you could use a gun or not, you seem to not be processing what I’m
saying to you-

[A shrill tone plays] [Gunshot]

Gordon: Was that a threat to us in any way? Barney?

Benrey: wha..

Gordon: You need to save your ammo, man. Did you see how many
fucking crabs-

[Gunshot]

Gordon: Shit. Dude, I’m like right here. That could have like bounced
off the concrete and hit me. Huh?

[Gunshot]

Gordon: Please put-

Benrey: Why do you keep putting those there, man?

 Gordon: I don’t know what you’re talking about. Okay, Dr. Coomer.
Coomer: Hello, Gordon.
Gordon: Do you think you could use a gun if we gave you one, if we
found you a gun could you shoot it?

[Just followed sound]

Coomer: May not have a lot of firearms experience but I’ve always
been good [Coomer punches] with these guns!

[1:10:00]
Gordon: Okay, alright. You really- you really- you got the balls to
punch these things. Okay, alright, team, you ready? Let’s break.
Break! That is a big bird. We’re gonna- Come on. Come on. I’m done
with it.

Bubby: [Screaming] AAAUUUUUUUAAGH! I’M BURNING!!!

Gordon: Bubby! Bubby!

Benrey: Get out.

Bubby: Oh, I’m fine now.

[Gunshot]

Gordon: I’m gonna have a heart attack before we get out of here. I’m
not gonna make it. We’re gonna-
Benrey: Right this way.
Gordon: What is that?

[1:15:00]

[1:20:00]

[1:25:00]
[1:30:00]

[1:35:00]

[1:40:00]

[1:45:00]

[1:50:00]

[1:55:00]

[2:00:00]

[2:05:00]

[2:10:00]

[2:15:00]

[2:20:00]

[2:25:00]

[2:30:00]

[2:35:00]

[2:40:00]

[2:45:00]

[2:50:00]

[2:55:00]

[END OF TRANSCRIPTION]
RESOURCES THAT MIGHT BE HELPFUL:

- the act 1: part 1 and act 1: part 2 video! they already have subtitles
and a transcript so you don’t have to reinvent the wheel!
- the invisible guy’s recording of parts of ACT 1! The audio is directly
from the discord call they’re all in, so it’s a blessing or a curse. Either
you get crystal clear audio quality or everyone is laughing at a goof
someone did.
- this webpage that shows important NPC dialogue! a lot (cough, most)
of the time the science team talks over these guys, but what they
have to say still is important.
- this might help with unimportant scientist babble ! sometimes the
science team will hound an npc or spawn one and it says something
that isn’t in the main script. if not completely over spoken, you might
find the dialogue here.
- here’s the list of dialogue for npc security guards