I want to buy a onesie… but know it won’t suit me.

She had some amazing news to share but nobody to share it with.

Beach-combing replaced wine tasting as his new obsession.

Nobody loves a pig wearing lipstick.

Dan ate the clouds like cotton candy.

The shooter says goodbye to his love.

He had a vague sense that trees gave birth to dinosaurs.

I hear that Nancy is very pretty.

She was the type of girl who wanted to live in a pink house.

The truth is that you pay for your lifestyle in hours.

There can never be too many cherries on an ice cream sundae.

While all her friends were positive that Mary had a sixth sense, she knew she actually had a seventh
sense.

Fluffy pink unicorns are a popular status symbol among macho men.

There were three sphered rocks congregating in a cubed room.

I come from a tribe of head-hunters, so I will never need a shrink.

You're good at English when you know the difference between a man eating chicken and a man-
eating chicken.

The tortoise jumped into the lake with dreams of becoming a sea turtle.

Greetings from the real universe.

He learned the important lesson that a picnic at the beach on a windy day is a bad idea.

She saw the brake lights, but not in time.

Martha came to the conclusion that shake weights are a great gift for any occasion.

She borrowed the book from him many years ago and hasn't yet returned it.

Stop waiting for exceptional things to just happen.

He used to get confused between soldiers and shoulders, but as a military man, he now soldiers
responsibility.

The clouds formed beautiful animals in the sky that eventually created a tornado to wreak havoc.

He wasn't bitter that she had moved on but from the radish.

People keep telling me "orange" but I still prefer "pink".

He turned in the research paper on Friday; otherwise, he would have not passed the class.

Andy loved to sleep on a bed of nails.

He decided to fake his disappearance to avoid jail.

I was very proud of my nickname throughout high school but today- I couldn’t be any different to
what my nickname was.

Seek success, but always be prepared for random cats.

He wondered if she would appreciate his toenail collection.

The two walked down the slot canyon oblivious to the sound of thunder in the distance.

I don’t respect anybody who can’t tell the difference between Pepsi and Coke.

He loved eating his bananas in hot dog buns.

He had reached the point where he was paranoid about being paranoid.

No matter how beautiful the sunset, it saddened her knowing she was one day older.

Three years later, the coffin was still full of Jello.

The Great Dane looked more like a horse than a dog.

He uses onomatopoeia as a weapon of mental destruction.

It's difficult to understand the lengths he'd go to remain short.

Gary didn't understand why Doug went upstairs to get one dollar bills when he invited him to go cow
tipping.

She traveled because it cost the same as therapy and was a lot more enjoyable.

She had that tint of craziness in her soul that made her believe she could actually make a difference.

She always speaks to him in a loud voice.

His thought process was on so many levels that he gave himself a phobia of heights.

The trick to getting kids to eat anything is to put catchup on it.

Please tell me you don't work in a morgue.

For the 216th time, he said he would quit drinking soda after this last Coke.