The Heart of

Conflict
Poirier, A. J. (2006). Peacemaking Pastor, The: A Biblical Guide to
Resolving Church Conflict. Baker Books. pp. 47-70.

Brayan Maldonado
 WE WILL LOOK
INITIALLY AT
MARITAL CONFLICT
FRIST, MARITAL CONFLICT IS ONE
OF THE HARDEST KINDS OF
COUNSELING TO DO

SECOND, MARRIAGE
COUNSELING IS A STAPLE OF
PASTORAL COUNSELING
What Causes Could it be the poor
communication?
Conflict?
James 1: 19

But from where

do words come?

"From your heart."

 James 1: 19

19 My dear brothers and sisters,

take note of this: Everyone should
be quick to listen, slow to speak
and slow to become angry,
 "The narratives of Singaporean divorced
respondents suggest that one of the motivating
factors behind such a life-changing decision is
the desire to be authentic.
As discussed by scholars like Giddens (1991),
Taylor (1991) and Budgeon (2003),
the notion of authenticity involves ‘being true to
yourself’, ‘being your real self’,
‘knowing who you really are’ and ‘listening to your
heart and following it" (Quah 2015, p. 54)
 According to Jesus,
reckless words
come from the
heart.

MATT. 15: 18-19 It is the heart

"The things that come out of the mouth that turns the
come from the heart, and these make a tongue to make
man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil it either a fount
thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual of blessing or a
immorality, theft, false testimony, slander fount of
cursing.
 "Emotions are factors in practical reasoning,
understood broadly as reasoning that issues in
action. At the very least emotions can function as
‘enabling’ causes of rational decision-making
(despite the many cases in which they are
disabling) insofar as they direct attention toward
certain objects of thought and away from others"
(Greenspan 2002, p. 206)
 WE ARE NOT EMPTY GLASSES THAT
NEED TO BE FILLED, WE ARE
OVERFLOWING GLASSES
WITH PRIDE, AMBITION,
VANITY AND
SELFISH DESIRES

OUR DESIRES CAUSE

CONFLICT

And our desires can break a

marriage
The
experience
of a pastor

Ps. 139:23-24

James 4:2:
You desire but do not have,
so you kill. You covet but
you cannot get what you
want, so you quarrel and
fight.
FRUSTRATED WE ONLY CONDEMN OUR
FIRST WE START WITH
THE DESIRE
SOON OUR DESIRE RISES
TO THE LEVEL OF A
DEMAND
THIS QUICKLY DEMANDS
BECOMES A DICTATORIAL
DEMAND
THEN WE PUT OUR
SPOUSE AGAINST THE
WALL
SPOUSE
Our 11 Brothers and sisters, do not slander
one another. Anyone who speaks
Damning against a brother or sister[a] or
judges them speaks against the law
Desires and judges it. When you judge the
law, you are not keeping it, but sitting
in judgment on it. 12 There is only one
Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is
able to save and destroy. But you—
who are you to judge your neighbor?
(James 4:11-12)
 I will fulfill your
wishes, and you fulfill mine.
Don't point out my flaws and I
won't
point to yours. If we leave our
spouse to her own desires it is
an equally cruel form of hatred
and
deadly like war.
Reconciliation
 Our Distorting Desires

We remember the The distorted desires shape and bend

fish we ate in Egypt all that she hears, sees, and
at no cost—also the remembers
cucumbers, melons,
leeks, onions and
If you were Israel's marriage counselor,
garlic. 6 But now we
have lost our you might ask:
appetite; we never
Surely your husband,
see anything but
this manna! the Lord,
Numbers 11:5-6 seems quite selfish
and negligent
Deceived by Our
"Good" Desires

THEY TURN BAD WHEN WE

START "SERVING" THEM

WHEN WE TREAT THEM AS

GODS
Our Idolatrous GOD
Desires
Desires

Desires
YOU
 BROKEN IF A MARRIAGE IS
RELATIONSHIPS BREAKING UP, IT
IS A BROKEN IS BECAUSE THE
RELATIONSHIP FIRST MARRIAGE
WITH THE LORD (WITH GOD)
WAS BROKEN

People in IF A HUSBAND
IS LEAVING HIS

conflict must WIFE IT IS GO BACK TO

BECAUSE HE GOD

begin with God HAS ALREADY

LEFT GOD
Come near to God and he will come near
to you. Wash your hands, you sinners,
and purify your hearts, you double-
minded. (James 4:8)
 Submit our will to God

Resist the Devil

Draw close to God

Specific Steps
for Our Feet to Clean your hands and

Take purify your heart

 THE CAUSE OF SIN
IS IN OUR DESIRES.

A DESIRE IS BAD
WHEN IT TAKES THE
PLACE OF GOD

A BROKEN
RELATIONSHIP

Conclusion
IMPLIES A BROKEN
RELATIONSHIP WITH
GOD

GOING BACK TO GOD AND

SUBMITTING OUR DESIRES
TO HIM IS THE SOLUTION
 References
Poirier, A. J. (2006). Peacemaking Pastor, The: A Biblical Guide to
Resolving Church Conflict. Baker Books.

Greenspan P. (2002). Practical reasoning and emotion. Rationality (eds ,

Conclusion
Mele A.& Rawlings P.). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Quah, S. E. L. (2015). Perspectives on marital dissolution : divorce

biographies in singapore (Ser. Online access with purchase: springer
(t). Springer. https://doi-org.ezproxy-cicco.conacyt.gov.py/10.1007/978-
981-287-465-8