It has been exactly ten months since I lost one of my best friends to a bad car accident.

It
was Friday November 24th 2006, I received a phone call from Tim’s little sister while
attending my routine biology class. She was bursting in tears trying to tell me that Tim
just past away…and that they couldn’t save him…they just couldn’t save him.

I paused for a moment and tried to understand the news that she gave me. I didn’t
understand it…how…why…what? The world seemed to freeze and all that was in my
mind was the echo of her voice--“they couldn’t save him…they just couldn’t save him.” I
stared blankly at the thin air for a few minutes, still trying to make out what was going
on. I guess partly in my mind I knew what was going on but I was in no condition to
accept such news. A few minutes later when the world started to take on its course I
gathered my belonging and drove to the hospital.

Standing at the door looking into Tim’s room, I saw the nurses unplugging the medical
equipments and the attachments from Tim’s body. Right next to him was his mother
crying so hard and clinging tight to his hand as if trying to pull him back from the dead. I
entered the room and gave Tim’s mother my shoulder and as she hugged me I pulled her
away from Tim. The hospital personnel took his body away as my eyes glued to their
every movement.

I drove Tim’s mother and his little sister home after all the paper work was done. On the
way home, my mind was still wandering out somewhere. I kept on asking myself, “What
just happened? What is going on? What is ….what?” Is Tim dead? No- I just hang out
with him yesterday. We’re going to play bowling tonight…all these confusions rushing
through my head as I drove the two of them home.

I came home and had dinner with my family without mentioning about my day. After
dinner I went to my room and began my daily routine of reading my science book until it
hit bedtimes. As I flipped through a few pages of my biology book, my tears started to
drop. I wasn’t crying but for some reason my tears unceasingly gushing through my face.
My stomach was cramping and it felt as if someone or something was squeezing my
heart. Oh gosh…I began to realize that Tim just past away due to a bad car accident. I
just lost Tim…Oh god, Tim just past away…my stomach started to cramp so hard and
my tears flooded my face. I cried so hard for a few minutes and my body started shaking.
I dragged myself to bed and wet the pillow for another half an hour before my body gave
up and went into a deep sleep.

A few days later, the day of Tim’s burial. I stood right in front of the hole that they’ve dig
to rest the body of my beloved Tim. I thought to myself, “So this is it. In the end this is
where we’ll all be. What is life? What is the purpose of my existence? Who Am I? Why
do I bother stressing out in school and trying to make all A’s for my class? What’s the
point of me working so hard anyway, in few hours, days, or in a few months I’ll end up
like Tim anyway…” Many thoughts rushing through my head, and I somehow find a way
to contradict all the thing that I have been fighting for and live for (get good grades, go to
medical school, save people…join the doctor without borders program…) all these years.
The semester is ending and I’m dragging myself through the course. At this point of my
life and for the first time in my life I care nothing about the grades. The final exam finally
came and I took the exam without much of preparation and pretty much careless of the
result. After the exam I went home and put all my chemistry, biology, physics, and the
MCAT practice exam booklet in the corner of my over flooded basement where no one
can see them. Not even me. I threw out my medical dictionary (my favorite text) along
with the idea of becoming a physician. I’m tired, I see no meaning of becoming a
physician, and I hate what I have been striving for. I hated myself and I hated my life. I
hate Tim for leaving without saying goodbye and I hate all the doctors that couldn’t save
him. I hate this world.