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Lindsey Kirker

Prof. Lisa Tyler

English 1201

11 February 2021

What Have I Become?

“What have I become?” (Reznor) is a question many ponder at a turning point or

at the end of life. In April 1995, Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails released a hit single

called “Hurt”. The song was later reimagined by Johnny Cash in 2002. Reznor

interprets the song in a downward, inward, and emotional spiral. Johnny Cash’s version

portrays a remorseful reflection, embracing the end of existence, as if he is fading away.

The song was originally written during a time of deep depression for Reznor.

“Someone who was trying to find salvation through sex and drugs, self-destruction and

self-loathing” (qtd.in Steiner). Into It has been speculated that the lyrics were written as

a suicide note, searching for a reason to live in spite of depression and pain. “I hurt

myself today/ to see if I still feel/ I focus on the pain/ the only thing that’s real” (Reznor),

is interpreted as self-harm. In a 1994 USA Today interview, Reznor admitted “I’m not

proud to say I hate myself, and I don’t like what I am.” (qtd. in Steiner).

Reznor’s version of a music video is filled with death and decay. Time-lapse

images of wildlife and animals dying and withering into the earth haunt the screen.

Images of nuclear war invoke the idea of the emulation of his emotional psyche. It

becomes very apparent that Reznor’s addiction to fame and heroin have plummeted

him into a perpetual cycle of transient life. It’s as if he is asking himself, “What am I

doing, becoming?”
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Reznor has an empathy towards damaged people. His lyrics give a voice to an

audience that have struggled through some sort of pain and despair that they don’t

know how to come back from. The images plea to our pathos, portraying emotions of

consequences and regret. The self-loathing nature of his album “The Downward Spiral”

is a powerful, desolate outcry.

Conversely, while Trent Reznor is raging and grasping for any emotional

significance for a semblance of stability, Johnny Cash’s version seems to be a

remorseful resignation to fate. His version uses pathos to reflect on the choices he has

made to get to this place of isolation. Cash also uses ethos by exhibiting that he is on

the other side of this story, he has come through the journey that Reznor was just

beginning. The newer version is a lesson that the audience can learn from, that love,

family, friendships, should not be traded for a grandiose vision of fame and fortune.

Cash may not have written the song, but he sings it with just as much conviction as

Reznor, adding a new depth. In a time that Cash’s health was declining, filming the

video at the closed and abandoned House of Cash Museum brought a candid sense of

time passing. Three short months after the filming, Mrs. Cash passed away, and four

months later Johnny followed. His interpretation was the embodiment of the lyrics “what

have I become?” (Reznor). From the imagery of the closed museum, to the cracked

platinum records, we feel the end of his story realized. The caviar and lobster banquet

with ornate golden statues, but no diners, elicits a feeling of loneliness. Cash reflects

on all that he has sacrificed in the pursuit of fame. A derelict father, husband, and

friend, he is left with nothing but “an empire of dirt” (Reznor) at the end of his life. The
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final scene shows Cash closing the lid of his piano, as if to say this is the final chapter,

and closing the book.

By breaking away from its alternative rock origins, “Hurt” has transcended

genres. Physical and emotional vulnerability from Cash is layered over the mental and

emotional fragility from the original version, and the impact is both immense and

profound. Trent Reznor wrote powerful and vulnerable lyrics about his personal hurt,

reimagined by Johnny Cash to show remorse for those that he had himself hurt.

Together, they created an ode to entropy.

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Works Cited

Cash, Johnny. “Hurt”. YouTube. American Recording Company, LLC, 2002.

https://youtu.be/8AHCfZTRGiI. Accessed 12 Feb 2021.

Reznor, Trent. “Hurt”. YouTube. A&M Studios, Record Plant Studios, 1994.

https://youtu.be/PbHz9p7Z4OU. Accessed 12 Feb 2021.

Steiner, Adam. Into The Never: Nine Inch Nails and the Creation of The Downward

Spiral. Backbeat Books, 2020