Waiting for Our Miracle

I married my wonderful husband, Steven, twelve years ago on Christmas Eve. It may
seem crazy, but it was the wedding day we knew suited us to a T. Steven and I tried for
many years to have a family, without having success.

Our wedding day

 IVF: Craziness & Waiting

While we were on the path to trying to have a family biologically of our very own and
then healing, my mother-in-law was on another path. At the time, we did not know that
her path would soon involve us as well. Before I begin to share about our journey let me
pause to give you the backdrop to what led us to the miracle we could not yet even
dream about.

My mother-in-law had chosen to take care of her first cousin long term. While doing so,
she also took care of her cousin's daughter. Her cousin's daughter soon became
pregnant with her first born. Having the caring disposition that she has, my mother-in-
law tried her best to help the pregnant daughter. She would take the family (mother,
father, and baby) to all the appointments she could. She bought diapers, food, clothes,
and the necessities for the baby. One night the family disappeared and was sadly
nowhere to be found. Three days later, my mother-in-law received a call from her first
cousin (grandmother of the baby). When she answered, she was greeted with, “Come
get this baby. It won’t shut up.”

My mother-in-law met the greeting by immediately calling the police and asking for a
well check to find out what on earth was happening. The police found the mother, father
and their child at the residence. The couple were attempting to hide from not only the
police, but also children's protective services (CPS) and even my MIL. They feared
someone would take their baby from them. Even though my MIL provided support
taking several ways, taking care of their child proved too difficult.
 Baby boy Bryant 

Bryant, the couple's birth son, was six months old at the time. Due to neglect, he could
not do anything a six-month-old could do. Such things as holding his head up,
demonstrating affection were milestones he had yet to meet. Bryant would just lay with
his fingers in his mouth. He was born weighing 10+ lbs. in April of 2013. Six months
later he only had gained 3lbs! In October 2013, my mother-in-law took Bryant in and
fought for custody of him. It was apparent when the police found the couple with Bryant,
the birth parents could not really take care of him. 

Steven and I really did not get to know Bryant during this time as we were still trying to
have biological children. We did finally meet him when he was 8 months old. As time
moved forward, we spent more time with him and soon we found ourselves attached to
this beautiful little boy.

Then in November of 2013, we all found out the birth parents were pregnant again and
due in July of 2014.  At the time, my husbands’ brother and wife planned to adopt both
Bryant and the unborn child. I remember feeling our family was in a holding pattern of
sorts.. we were waiting to begin our IVF process as well as waiting to see if Bryant's
younger sibling would be delivered as a healthy infant. In July, a beautiful baby girl was
born. Bryant's baby sister was named Charley. She was perfect in every way. After an
emergency housing placement was filed on Charley's behalf, she was able to leave the
hospital two days later. It took me awhile to hold her because of the whole infertility path
we were on. 

Our two embryos from our IVF.

In October of 2014 we did our only round of IVF and it failed. For those who don't know
IVF is physically, mentally, and emotionally draining from days and weeks filled with
daily doses of a round of shots, traveling to the hospital from our hometown for blood
work and monitoring throughout the month before implantation of an embryo or embryos
take place. We decided it was best to take a little getaway for ourselves to relax. We
came to the conclusion that it was just not in the cards for us to have kids at the time. 

Baby girl Charley

After the IVF failed, my husband and I were driving into work together. I was still filled
with more hormones than anyone ever needs to be on and so the following
conversation occurred.

“Why don’t we adopt Bryant and Charley, they need parents, and we want a family?”
~Me
“Settle down and lets really think about this, I think you are jumping to conclusions.”, my
husband said.
To say the least I was mad. In all honesty I was irate with my husband's response! After
having a day to cool off, he figured out that if I wanted to adopt the kids, we would work
together to make it happen. 
Our next action was to meet with the lawyer who knew the whole story of how the
children came into my mother in law's custody and who had helped her fight to get it.
We went to see the lawyer in hopes of finding how to make them our own children.  By
that time, Bryant was almost two years old and Charley was just under 7 months old.
We updated our lawyer that the birth parents had moved so many places that we didn't
know where they were actually located anymore. Our lawyer then informed us that we
could try and get them on abandonment charges as they still had birth rights. A little
background... my mother-in-law was given legal custody but that does not end a birth
parent's rights.
The birth parents have to agree in Ohio to give up their rights or the courts have to
sever rights in order for an adoption to occur. Sometimes it is easier for the courts to
have birth parents agree to allowing a relative or non-relative to take their child in order
to not involve the foster care system. Many times, birth parents will choose this route
and in return the courts don't have to put the kids through a time-consuming legal battle.
Unfortunately, it is not that easy to ask for abandonment charges and/or adoption to
take place.
Clearly it was not that easy because at the time the kids were only coming over to stay
with us on the weekends. It was more of a weekend visitation than anything else. Our
lawyer recommended the following:
“This is up to your mother-in-law, but if she is comfortable, she can let the kids live with
you, but she still has control of them and what goes on.  She needs to be there when
they need to go to the doctor.  She needs to be there for everything until we can get
you to have them legally.”
The Hurry Up & Then Wait Game Called Adoption
We agreed and in January of 2016 both kids were living with us. Our lawyer tried to file
a motion for adoption again and the birth parents were served. Unfortunately, that
meant they could show up to court and throw a wrench into everything.  

We went to court in September of 2016. The judge asked the birth parents if they gave
their consent for us to adopt the kids.  Of course, they said no and we had to move on
to the next step of the process. The kids had to be in our custody for at least six months
to a year. At the same time, it had to be proven that the birth parents were unfit and
could not take care of the needs of the kids. Bryant and Charley had no understanding
of their birth parents. They only knew us as Mommy and Daddy.
Within the year, we had to prove our house was safe with a home study and that we
were able to provide for them. In that time period the birth parents took off again and we
had no idea where they were. We continued on the path to moving forward. In October
of 2016, we bought our first home, where the kids both had their own rooms.  They had
a basement and back yard all their own. Finally, in January of 2018 we were able to file
for custody of the kids, that way my husband and I were in charge of the parenting
decisions. 
From January of 2018 to March of 2019, we had the kids in our custody and it was
amazing.  We were able to take them on vacations, have special adventures such as
trips to Fulton Farms, Young Jersey Farms, and go to Indianapolis. Time past and our
next steps of adoption were coming up. We had do a lot of the same steps again, a part
of the process many people don't understand. In total, we had three adoptive home
studies along with having the fingerprinting and background checks done twice. Yes, it's
a lot of work, but it was all worth it!
As 2018 went into 2019, the biological parents moved from place to place and had no
communication or contact with the kids.  We had to let them know about the custody
hearing via publication, because we could not find the biological parents.  The kids were
now 5 and 6 years old. They had started preschool and kindergarten which they both
loved.  All we could do was wait...wait for the courts, wait for the year to progress until
we could file for adoption again, just wait.  In August of 2019, finally had the perfect time
to file for adoption of the kids.  We had all the time behind us, with no contact or
communication from the birth parents. The only thing that was in our way was the birth
parents. They had moved so much and weren't in any data base to help find them. I
chose to use Facebook to find them and have contact with them both. I was able to get
the addresses of where they lived. 
 The birth father was the only parent who was present at the determination hearing
where we actually needed consent from the birth parents to adopt the kids. He
requested a continuance to find a lawyer.  Our date for adoption finally was on March
24th of 2020, but the birth father again showed up with no lawyer. The judge went
through the hearing asking the birth father about his contact with the kids. The judge
also had a long discussion with the birth father, asking if he had done anything for the
kids, bought anything for the kids, if he knew where they went to school or what they
liked.  He answered, "No." Unfortunately, at the end of hearing, all we knew was that we
no longer needed the consent of the birth mother. The only thing we did know was the
judge would let my husband, myself and the birth father know his decision at the end of
that week.  At the end of the week our lawyer called and said, "Well the judge decided
we did not need the consent of either birth parents and we could move forward with the
final adoption.”

 
Finally, something was going in the right direction for us and the kids! And then Covid-
19 hit and literally shut down everything. We had to wait till the United States basically
opened back up again.  More waiting. Given so much time helped the birth father save
up and find a lawyer.  After about four months of waiting, we finally got another date
September 30th.
 

We were told to bring the kids to celebrate for the final step; it was everything but
celebration. The birth father showed up with a lawyer to fight to keep the kids.  The one
thing I did not want them to hear was what they overheard about their birth father during
that hearing. We had raised them that their birth parents were not bad people they just
did not make the right decisions.  In the court room however they saw with their own
eyes the reality of their birth parents' choices. In the end we came to a compromise that
the birth father would have visitation once a month and in turn he would allow us to
adopt them.  With that being said he signed away his parental rights and we became
their legal parents. 
September 30th, 2020 became the greatest day of the kids’ lives and the greatest gift
God has ever given my husband and me.  The kids got their Gotcha day that day and
we have not looked back since.