Harley Charlebois

Primary Critique
Cycle III-Dramatic Monologue

Ariana Meewes’ A day in the Life is subtle and poignant. The alternating of short and

long lines guides the reader through the monotony of a normal day with a hidden tapestry of gray

determination to get through the day simply because you have to. Living life by a check list of

necessary activates is a common method of living with many mental illnesses and even just hard

times in general. Nearly every reader will be able to read this piece and conjure to mind a

memory of a time when going through the motions was the only thing keeping them going

through the day. This piece recognizes and addresses mental health/illness without attempting to

say that it is wrong or a failing. I am finding it difficult to offer much in the way of useful

critique, but I will do my absolute best to offer something that will help the poet to enrich the

piece.

The diction works well throughout and the capitalization works to emphasize certain

points. In the third stanza the consistent punctuation and capitalization seems to represent a

check list or routine unhealthy and unenjoyed but necessary. What illness the character is

struggling with is left undefined which allows for a personal reading by nearly all readers.

Though some might suggest making it clear what illness the poet was specifically thinking of or

representing, I think being explicit would detract from rather than enrich the piece.

I think the piece could benefit from more of an emphasize on sound; assonance,

consonance, alliteration and the like. I think it would also add to the piece to put some more

focus on the interaction between the world and the character’s senses. Are things in sharper focus

or seem further away? Or a mixture of both? How does the numbness that the character

approaches the day with effect the senses that are often times second nature anyway? We see a

few examples of the character seeming to chase warmth; I think that can be expanded on.
 Harley Charlebois
Primary Critique
Cycle III-Dramatic Monologue

Two minor things that I noticed that read odd to me were lines 2 and 52. Line two is the

only one in the entire peace to be written in passed tense and I would suggest switching it to

present to fit the rest of the piece. Line 52 begins with an uncapitalized “away” but follows one

of the few periods punctuation marks in the piece. Line 45 does the same thing, but it was less

noticeable to me because it was the beginning of a new stanza. However, capitalization is

something I know the poet put much thought into and so might have had a reason for this that I

did not see.

Line 34 “thanks mom” which is situated by itself feels as though it should have a clear

and important meaning, but I think that the reader isn’t sure what it is. I think the piece would

benefit from a few more lines added on to further explore the feelings behind the characters

seemingly silent thanks. Is it sarcastic? Heartfelt? Pained or guilty? I also think that (whether the

poet adds more to the previous line or not) line 35 should be on the second page with the rest of

that particular stanza.

There seems to be a significance to the fact that the first two lines avoid enjambment, but

the rest of the poem does not seem to hesitate with this poetic device. The average length of the

long lines actually seem to get shorter as the poem progresses. If this is purposeful it’s great, if it

was not, I would urge the poet to continue the theme when adding more content if possible.

Overall, I think that the piece is wonderfully done, and I have not much to suggest or

urge that would enrich the piece, but I will offer a shortened list of some suggestions I feel the

most strongly about what I have said above. I think the piece would benefit from the inclusion of

more poetic devices. I also suggest expanding the piece through the inclusion of interactions

between the world/the day and the character’s senses. I suggest more explanation and feeling to
 Harley Charlebois
Primary Critique
Cycle III-Dramatic Monologue

go along with line 34: “thanks mom”. In conclusion I loved the piece and as with all of Ari’s

pieces I was privileged to read it.

 Harley Charlebois
Primary Critique
Cycle III-Dramatic Monologue

All the pieces written and offered to workshop by Ari Meewes were insightful and well

done. This makes my job as primary critic more difficult, but I enjoy the challenge. The final

piece, Ari’s dramatic monologue was no exception. The cyclical process of living, struggling,

and being guided by anxiety as well as the poet’s ability to turn this disorder (much as she hates

the term) into a full character presence was amazing.

As a poem and a work of art Ari Meewes’ Relationship with Anxiety employs diction and

literary functions to showcase an all too relatable experience. However, despite the

personification of Anxiety as a character, it is easy to read this piece as being a genre other then

dramatic monologue. As it is, Anxiety’s responses, though reading and feeling like dialogue

coming from a real character, are actually personification and a manifestation of the speakers’

own thoughts, making the argument for this piece to be considered dramatic monologue slightly

rocky. I do not think that a shift to dramatic monologue is necessary or paramount to improving

or enriching the piece itself but, for the purposes of the assignment I would suggest a different

character be added as that of audience member. The first suggestion that comes to my mind

would be a counselor. I myself have had a counselor suggest that I write a letter to my anxiety

and depression and I have read said letter to a counselor before. Adding such a character would

allow the piece to be more deeply rooted in the dramatic monologue genre, without

fundamentally shifting or altering the personification of the Anxiety which adds so much depth

and poignancy to the piece.

I enjoyed the use of the image however I think there are ways to bring it forward more

and connect the image to the piece and the reader more fully. One such way would be to enlarge

the image and center the text inside of it. Given the extra space this would allow, while
 Harley Charlebois
Primary Critique
Cycle III-Dramatic Monologue

maintaining a clear boarder, I think the poem would also benefit from being mostly centered with

a slightly larger distance set between the start of the speaker’s words and that of the Anxiety.

In the piece there are moments where the poet’s use of the concrete and physical

reactions more closely ties the speaker and the anxiety together. One such example is the use of

“shaking” and “quivering” in the third stanza. I think employing this more throughout would

enrich the piece.

There was some confusion during workshop in relation to the title. I know that titles can

be a difficult thing and so can offer very little advice except to say that if the reader doesn’t

understand the implications of the title in the beginning, they certainly should by the end.

However, if it is a concern to the poet my suggestion would be to add some kind of possessive

pronoun such as saying “My relationship with Anxiety”, “Relationship with My anxiety”, or

“My Anxiety and I: A Relationship”; alternatively the poet can also substitute the word

“conversation” for relationship and make necessary grammatical adjustments from there.

There were many things in this piece that worked well from a reader and/or listener’s

point of view. The sound, diction, and cyclical nature of the piece were all clearly representative

of the repetitive cycle that is a relationship with anxiety. The reader is also struck by the fact that

though the speaker begins the discourse they do not seem in control of the conversation. The

interaction is led by the anxiety. This subtle attention further enforces what it is actually like to

live with anxiety. All of the aforementioned functions lend themselves to a greater raw and

honest representation that feels genuine and therefore relates closer to the reader. I greatly

enjoyed and appreciated this piece and thank the poet for sharing and for allowing me to present

it to the class.