DEPRESSION: HOW TO COPE WITH FEELINGS

OF ANGER
MAY 24, 2018  | LIVING WITH DEPRESSION  | BY THE BLURT FOUNDATION | 

When we think of depression, symptoms such as numbness, sadness, and lethargy

often spring to mind. Something we might not immediately think of, but have
probably experienced, is a feeling of anger.

DEPRESSION MAKES US IRRITABLE

Irritability is often a symptom of depression, and it makes total sense; depression
usually plays havoc with our sleep patterns. We spend the night tossing and
turning, we wake up in the early hours of the morning or we sleep more than ever
before. Lack of sleep causes irritability, and makes us less able to cope with day-to-
day challenges. With depression often comes aches and pains, and our digestive
system can also be affected, causing us discomfort. Pain makes us irritable and
frustrated. Moreover, depression can be overwhelming. Getting through each day
often requires Herculean stamina. The busy world, with its sights, sounds and
smells, can feel like an assault on our senses. So much energyis directed towards
trying to cope that, if anything goes wrong, or something else is added to the pile,
we snap. We just can’t handle any more.

Sadly, our irritability is often directed at others, who happen to be in the wrong
place at the wrong time. This isn’t acceptable, but it is understandable. It’s good to
wait until you feel calmer, then apologise, and explain how you felt at the time – it
can be helpful for others to understand your perspective and give them a chance to
help.

WE DON’T FEEL LIKE OURSELVES

The classic symptoms of depression – disinterest, lethargy, sadness, detachment,
and sleep problems, to name a few – can make our lives difficult. Suddenly, we’re
don’t care about the things that we used to enjoy. We can’t concentrate on our
favourite books, or TV shows. We don’t have the energy to get up, get dressed,
and go out to meet friends. We’ve spent a lot of the night awake, and, the next day,
our limbs feel like lead and we feel numb (or everything all at once!). So, we stop
doing things. We start passing up opportunities and declining invitations. Soon, we
might not recognise the person we’ve become. We feel as though we’ve lost
ourselves to depression. This inevitably leads to anger; we become angry at
depression, we might blame ourselves, and feel incredibly angry at our
circumstances– why me, why has this happened?

There’s not an easy fix, but we can learn to manage some of our symptoms,
allowing us to get back to doing the things that we enjoy. Meditation and
mindfulness exercises often help with sleep issues. We can explain to our friends
that we’d really love to catch up with them, but we struggle with feeling so tired.
Perhaps they can come to our house instead? We can make small changes that
will allow us to cope with our symptoms, and still feel engaged in our lives – easing
the anger we feel.

WE ARE FRUSTRATED WITH OURSELVES

Depression is an illness, yet we very often blame ourselves for having depression.
We tell ourselves that we only have depression because we are weak or useless.
We convince ourselves that if only we weren’t so lazy, that if we just tried a bit
harder, we wouldn’t be depressed.  This leads to frustration and anger. We tell
ourselves that we should be able shake it off – so why can’t we just do it? It feels
like a personal failing. We can ease this anger by being kinder to ourselves. When
these self-blaming thoughts intrude, we need to try and remind ourselves that our
depression is not our fault. It is an illness that we are doing our absolute best to
cope with. Telling someone about these thoughts can help. An outside perspective
can often help us to see more clearly that, despite what we might think, we are
trying, and that we aren’t useless at all.

DEPRESSION IS A THIEF
If we’ve been living with depression for a while, it can start to feel like it has been
stealing from us. Before we had depression we might have enjoyed parties, packed
concerts, and sports games. Now, these situations feel too overwhelming,
too noisy and too busy. It can feel like we have lost an aspect of ourselves, of our
identity; we are forced to come to terms with a new ‘us’. We may wish we could go
back to how we were before. Depression can force us to give up work, or our
studies, putting a stop to our life, for months or years. It’s common to feel that
depression has stolen time from us, and to feel angry about what could have been.
Depression can also make us lose touch with friends, or push awayour loved ones.
We might feel angry – both with the depression, but also with them. It’s very easy to
get lost in thoughts of what could have been.

It can help to try and look towards the future, rather than ruminate in the past. We
can’t change what’s happened, but we can set new goals that interest us, as we
are now. We can reflect on the things that depression has taught us about
ourselves, and what makes us happy – and make plans based on this. We can
even try reaching out to the people that we previously pushed away, and explain
what was going on for us at the time. They may have been hoping from afar to hear
from us again. Looking forwards, and achieving new goals, can ease the anger we
feel at depression’s thievery.

Depression can make us feel angry for so many different reasons. This anger is
totally normal, common, and understandable – it doesn’t make us a terrible person.