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Aubree Ferdon

Reynolds

English 1201

5/2//21

The Reality of Divorce

At this day in age, children are widely affected by their parents and their actions. The

phrase “you are just like your mom/dad” has been repeated over and over while visiting family

or friends. This, in fact, goes hand in hand with the effect parents' emotions have on their kids

and how their actions can rub off on their child. Influence, you would say, can be the cause of

good and bad things in the world. Someone may be pressured or influenced to act a certain way,

learn a certain way, and adapt to those ways to please others. Being around an adult who

influences how you may act and their emotions having an effect on you is a key event in terms of

a divorce. When parents divorce, their children may see a different side of them, a different side

to how problems are handled, a different side to how situations are reacted to. With this in mind,

children then change their perspective on how they view certain situations and issues and learn to

cope around them. Divorce can have a negative effect on a child, their emotions, and their mental

health if not dealt with in a truly mature manner. Through personal events, I have seen a different

side to my parents and how they think since they decided to get a divorce. Ever since, the effect

on my younger siblings has begun to become worse and worse and the true issue of divorce has

become a first hand issue for our family. As children with divorced parents grow up, their

emotional and mental stability can be damaged, resulting in many

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different forms of relationship issues with people, themselves, and basic needs surrounding their

lives.

Years ago, divorce wasn’t as known as it is today. As the prime religion in the country is

some form of Christianity, many believed divorce was wrong and parents would stay together

just to raise their families. However, it has become less of an issue and focal point to the religion

that it once was. Since 1980, 40% of married couples have become divorced, that number

continuing to grow (Hopf 1). Ask around, that’s almost half of your friends, teammates,

acquaintances that may have gone through the troubles of divorce in their families. Out of those

families, all must then go to court to finalize the divorce and agree on terms of custody, money,

and housing. According to the State Courts, 3/4 of the cases involve divorce in some manner,

and ⅔ of those cases are dealing with parents of minor children (Gale 1). A growing rate of

divorce means more people being affected, more minds being affected, and more issues needing

to be solved in one's life.

A very important issue that may begin when a child's parents get divorced is their

relationship with each other. Divorce happens for a reason, and therefore in many cases, there is

a side to be picked. In this day in age, certain social norms develop around a divorced family.

Many families will choose to go through with joint custody in which the physical and legal

custody is shared between both the parents. However, in some cases, sole custody may be

occurring in which one parent has all the custody of the child. That results in the child only being

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influenced and cared for by one main parent. About 80 % of these cases are placed in the hands

of the child's mother (Hopf 1). With these terms in mind, relationship issues begin to occur as

children are either always in the hands of their mother or father, and in some terms, those parents

decide whether or not they can see the other parent. During this time, about 20-25 % of children

will experience high conflict during the process of figuring things out with custody. Not only are

they seeing their parents split up, but they are also not being able to choose who they can see and

how it is handled, leaving them with no control of how their life is affected. High conflict that

involves the child, "conflict that is physically violent, threatening or abusive and conflict in

which the child feels caught in the middle has the most adverse consequences for the well-being

of children" (Hopf 6). During this high conflict interaction, mothers and fathers begin to practice

poor parenting, with harsher punishments as they deal with their conflict and issues more

frequently than that of their child. Going through with the process also continues the relationship

loss of those around them, usually their father and his side of the family, as said before, the

mother usually gets custody. Roughly 18-25% of children will not end up seeing their fathers for

2-3 years after the divorce has gone through (Hopf 7). They may be affected through visitation

times, moving, and new parental relationships or remarriage that change the relationship between

the child and their father. Because of this, some children will purposely begin to lose interest in

relationships with friends or their family as they just see it as something that may be lost and not

worthwhile.

As seen in the picture, parents are not connected and are separated,

leaving the children in the middle of what is going on.

https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20201207/pandemic-drives-couples-to-divorce-or-to_seek-help

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 As many will see their parents' relationship not lasting, they grow to have a similar

outlook on their lives and their future (Piorkowski 2). They begin to fall in love and appreciate

the components of a relationship they missed growing up. This now in our society is even seen as

a joke, having people say they like “toxic” relationships, but in reality, they are only appreciating

the things or emotions they didn’t have growing up and that results in an unhealthy way to care

or deal with someone in terms of a relationship. However, they also pick up on the same

problems their parents faced in their relationship and see them all as “red flags” and things that

may cause them to have issues in their future relationship (Piorkowski 3). Their interpretation of

love and support through a relationship has been interpreted by that of one that has ended,

leading them to also have a greater chance of going into a relationship that won't last. Now, there

are some people in which they decide they will not deal with what their parents went through, in

the case of completely giving up on the relationship if they see a familiar issue from their past.

They ultimately begin to look for partners that make up for the issues they faced in childhood,

leading to unhappiness as that feeling of satisfaction can only last so long in a relationship before

the realization they are not fit for you comes to play (Piorkowski 5).

A child's relationship with themselves is also a great conflict that can be impacted

through a divorce. As children grow up they already deal with personal issues, bullying, eating

disorders, depression, and anxiety to name some of the more relevant, common ones nowadays.

However, when one's parents split and the unknown information about the divorce gives reason

to the “externalizing disorders and to a lesser degree internalizing disorders in children” (Hopf

3). Roughly 20-25% of divorced children compared to the 10% living in normal homes will end

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up demonstrating severe emotional and behavior issues (Hopf 3). Many believe that younger

children will be more affected by this as they have a harder time comprehending what has

happened and how to ask for help and find resources of distraction or happiness. Parenting plays

one of the most important roles “in the adjustment of children and in the development of

externalizing or internalizing behaviors.” (Hopf 12). Parents are a major influence in one’s life,

ultimately the greatest one, so how they influence a child’s life when they are young can

influence how they see their life in the future. It has been noted that children nine years of age or

younger have been affected greater by divorce in terms of dependency and insecurity (Gale 8).

They may engage in more harmful behaviors, tantrums, or even just attention from adults. As

younger children learn to develop, they see what is necessary to get the attention they are craving

from their parents, often that being poor behavior or any way to get something out of their

parents.

However, in a different age group, teens and young adults are more likely to have the

opposite effect. They act more in terms of anger and going against what their parents have to say

in means to get back at them for all the trouble and issues they have caused in their lives (Gale

9). Many teenagers go through the phase already in which they just want to do whatever they

want, people say it’s a part of growing up, and misbehaving will just happen. However, now

there is a reason for it, an impact, something to agg it on and make it more meaningful. In more

“normal” households, children can also be punished more adequately than those in a divorced

household as they don’t feel the need to respect their parents. They tend to grow to be more

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independent and lose respect for their parents’ feelings and words as a form of punishment for

what they had to go through.

In terms of mental health and stability, divorce can lead to some of the most stress a child

may go through. From new living arrangements, housing, and even new families, no matter what

age that all must be accepted and urged to be adapted to. There is less discipline, affection, and

more financial issues and problems that even a child can be affected by as their parents are going

through hard times with them. Parents are supposed to be the key adults in one's life, and as

through a divorce, there may only be one adult to give off those aspects a child needs to grow

and mature. Experts have recommended providing younger children with more predictability,

almost a schedule that can give them more security and support while giving teens more

responsibilities and respecting them and their emotions more as the development in terms of

relationships and growing up is important (Gale 11).

As seen in the picture, divorce separates two sides

of the family, leaving each without one another.

https://www.law.com/newyorklawjournal/2020/06/08/has-quarantine-got-

you-thinking-divorce-five-things-you-can-do-right-now-to-prepare/?

slreturn=20210311100451

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With the process of growing up, mental health is already at risk and behavioral issues

change. However with divorce, as stated in the above paragraph, those disorders become
prevalent and impactful. Many will result in becoming “antisocial, aggressive, noncompliant

behavior and lack of self-regulation, low social responsibility, and diminished cognitive agency

and achievement” (Hopf 4). Anxiety, depression, and social relationships also become an even

greater issue as some don’t have anyone to give them the attention, support, or loyalty they need

to grow into strong human beings (Hopf 4). This time is also when many either become people-

pleasers or begin to not care what anyone has to say. Different people react differently to all

situations, some want to make up for the attention and support lost during times of divorce and

therefore base their opinions and relationships on getting others to like them, maybe even

becoming a different person and changing themselves to make others happy. They begin to lose

themselves in a process to seamlessly make themselves happier. On the other hand, kids may

begin to develop anger issues and other forms of aggression as they don’t understand how to

cope with what has happened in their family. Some may take on the troubles their parents had,

including the usage of alcohol or drugs to subside the pain or troubles they have at home or to

distract themselves from reality. A majority of children affected however may go through some

form of academic troubles, failing grades, classes, or even dropping out and teen pregnancy is

greatly increased. All these issues begin to form as a result of the unknown, not knowing why

they feel this way, not knowing how to deal with the situation, or not knowing how to attack the

situation.

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There are many problems in the world, the discussion of divorce being the key one in this

essay. However, another one includes obesity, which can also be linked to divorce. Many issues
in today’s world somehow all may correlate in some manner. As there is less supervision at

home, less attention, and the impact of stress as another key factor, researchers have found that it

may be a possible reason children in divorced families put on more weight(Reingburg 7). In a

study done, 63% of boys in a divorced household were obese or overweight compared to those in

a married household. Often, single-parent families don’t have the time to cook for their children,

let alone monitor everything they eat and do. There is almost no normal routine when it comes to

diet and exercise in a divorced household. Even in some households, a parent may not have the

money to buy better foods for their children, leading to more health issues and adding to the

weight gain. A stressful environment and less supervision lead many children to do as they

please in a way to cope, often this way being unhealthy and not in their favor. These habits

continue to grow and get stronger as they age and even though obesity may not sound like a

major threat, it can develop into something just as bad as alcoholism and drug usage.

As children with divorced parents grow up, they are faced with many emotional issues

that can change their relationships and interactions with people and themselves. There are many

factors that can go into the building of trauma and issues in one's life, but it will almost always

be that the child is affected by their parents and their actions, and base their decisions and actions

on how their parents act and what they do, leading to an unhealthy interpretation of the world.

There are many cases in which a child will not understand what it means to have a good

relationship with someone or create a good relationship with someone. This then leads to many

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issues in that realm for the future or just with people and how to communicate properly and

effectively. They begin to struggle with not only relationships with their parents or their peers
but also with themselves. In many cases, mental health can become a big part of one's life after

their parents have become divorced and can grow into an even greater issue as they age. The

issues one faces growing up in a divorced household can also lead to physical barriers such as

eating disorders, body issues, and obesity as they don’t generally have the support needed from

their parents.

Work Cited
"Children of Divorced Parents." Gale Opposing Viewpoints Online Collection, Gale,

2019. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,

link.gale.com/apps/doc/PC3010999344/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=a7c750fd.

Accessed 21 Mar. 2021.

Hopf, Sarah-Marie. "Most Children Adjust to the Negative Effects of Divorce." Divorce

and Children, edited by Roman Espejo, Greenhaven Press, 2015. At Issue. Gale In

Context: Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/EJ3010953202/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=17d5f369. Accessed 21 Mar. 2021. Originally published

as "Risk and Resilience in Children Coping with Parental Divorce," Dartmouth

Undergraduate Journal of Science, Spring 2010.

Jekielek, Susan M. "Parental conflict, marital disruption and children's emotional well-

being." Social Forces, vol. 76, no. 3, 1998, p. 905+. Gale In Context: Opposing

Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A20565301/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=e1098ecc. Accessed 21 Mar. 2021.

Piorkowski, Geraldine K. "Adult Children of Divorce Are More Likely to Have

Relationship Issues." Divorce and Children, edited by Roman Espejo, Greenhaven Press,

2015. At Issue. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints,

link.gale.com/apps/doc/EJ3010953211/OVIC?u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=38133e53.
Accessed 21 Mar. 2021. Originally published as "Confused Love Seekers: Understanding

Adult Children of Divorce," Going Bonkers Magazine, vol. 12, Oct. 2010.

Reinberg, Steven. "Children Whose Parents Divorce Are More Likely to Be Obese."

Childhood Obesity, edited by Tamara Thompson, Greenhaven Press, 2016. At Issue.

Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/EJ3010964214/OVIC?

u=dayt30401&sid=OVIC&xid=16478387. Accessed 21 Mar. 2021. Originally published

as "Kids' Obesity Risk Rises with Parents' Divorce: Study," HealthDay, 4 June 2014.