Relationship Is Key

Chloe Birkholt

Health and Wellness Coaching

Creighton University

Critical Components of the Coaching Relationship

Confidential Conversations

Health and Wellness coaches take on a large portion of forming their relationship with

each of their clients. The first thing every Health and Wellness coach must address with their

clients is that their conversations are confidential. HIPAA protects the privacy and security of

health information and must respect certain rights concerning individuals’ health information

(Moore et al., 2016). While most people feel this is implied when they seek out healthcare,

making sure to clarify and assure, both verbally and in writing, that you will uphold these rights

assures a trusting relationship. However, making sure they understand that if they say anything

that insinuates they will harm themselves, harm someone else, or are doing something illegal or

criminal, you are obligated to report these concerns.

Creating Trust and Intimacy In The Relationship

Trust, authenticity, and connection make up the foundation of any relationship and is the

first goal a Health and Wellness coach needs to establish with their clients. When a coach forms

this foundation, it creates a supportive environment and will foster a space for the client to

develop positive personal growth, discovery, and transformation. One of the key elements when

forming a relationship with clients is having mutual respect and acceptance; confidence and

reassurance; and the client feels safe to share fears without judgment (International Association

of Coaching, 2014, as cited in Moore et al., 2016). Not only does a coach need to facilitate a safe

space, but to pay attention to how they converse with their clients. Throughout each

conversation, it is crucial that coaches are honest, open, reliable, and competent, goes a long way

when building trust and rapport with each client.

 Creating trust, it is important to remember how the relationship can flourish into

respectful intimacy between the coach and client. The type of intimacy that coaches try to gain

with their clients refers to a deeper level of understanding and knowing their client, and what

they want to change and why. The client will gain a new level of respect with their coach when

they develop a sense of concern or yearning to determine what or why these changes are

essential to them. Motivational questions will help improve the confidence a client has with a

coach. The client will see their coach reflecting on what they are saying and know the coach is

hearing what they are sharing. Open-ended questions also allow the client to feel a sense of

genuine curiosity from the coach that gives them the comfort of what they say matters. For

example, asking a client what parts of their life are the most important to them shows

compassion. However, there is a line of asking too many questions where the client feels as

though they are being interrogated instead of being helped.

Characteristics of A Health and Wellness Coach

Empathy, inspiring confidence, appearing competent and confident, own positive mental

health, and operating from the client’s value system are all characteristics that are important for a

Health and Wellness coach to display. Empathy is one of the most important characteristics a

Health and Wellness coach must possess, and it can be easier said than done. The PERMA

Model of Well-Being (P- Positive emotions, E- engagement, R- relationships, M-meaning, A-

achievement) is a model that Health and Wellness coaches can use to guide their empathetic

emotions.
 Barbara Fredrickson gave a list of the top ten positive emotions that also reinforce

empathetic emotions. Her list consisted of inspiration, appreciative inquiry, hope, pride, interest,

love, awe, amusement, joy, gratitude, and serenity. I wanted to highlight inspiration, appreciative

inquiry, hope, and pride. Inspiration comes from connecting health and well-being to allow the

client to find the higher purpose and life meaning for themselves. Inspiring someone happens

through words and actions and following through with what a coach preaches or saying they will

do for their client. Hope is creating a vision of a positive future and overall excitement for a

better life. When a client has hope, they are able to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel and

are not as likely to get caught in a dark spiral that can consume any progress. Hope also fosters a

client’s pride that will uncover their strengths and talents so they and the coach can appreciate

them. Pride can be looked at as a bad attribute, but that is only when it overpowers their entire

personality. A person’s pride can help them see their real interests, ignite setting their own goals

that will engage them in their pursuit to reaching their full potential.

The coach’s job is to ensure their client sets high enough goals that stretch them but does

not produce anxiety that will encourage setbacks. Appreciative inquiry is an approach to nurture

a motivating change and amplifying well-being, and bringing out the best in a person or

situation. However, it does not focus on weaknesses or things they need to fix but instead

promote and acknowledge their strengths. As I mentioned previously, it can be a fallback for

some healthcare professionals to give a person the answers they think work for every person. As

a Health and Wellness coach, it is important to remember that our job is to help our clients

imagine all the possibilities so they can grow and progress to see success. Clients need to be part

of the process to help get them past the things holding them back.
 Coaching Strategies for Defensive or Argumentative Clients

It can be tricky to recognize and help clients that tend to express defensive or

argumentative characteristics, but having the tools to defuse these behaviors will help gain

positive progress for both coach and client. It helps be mindful, empathetic, warm, give them

affirmation, calming, zest, playfulness, courage, and authenticity. Another way to remember

when dealing with negative emotions, clients are more likely to let go of the past, accept

themselves, and feel self-compassion if a Health and Wellness coach shows warmth, patience,

and empathy. It can decrease negativity when the coach is giving their client all of their

compassion and empathy. There are two types of emotional reactions that a coach should

remember to use when working with negative emotions. Low-road reactions occur automatically;

for example, when we hear a crash, our heart rate elevates. High-road reactions are when

appraising the situation and halting the further release of stress hormones (adrenaline or cortisol).

It is vital to watch your reactions and not react quickly to a problem or something that a client

says. Instead, it would be best if you looked at the event's context to ensure you are

distinguishing an event or if it is our interpretation of it. It can be easy to allow our own emotions

or experiences to cloud our judgment. The reactions that we display should be calm, and not how

others would react when they hear the same story. It is the job of a Health and Wellness Coach to

be a different and safe outlet for the client to vent and explain their story. Another aspect is to

watch the level of self-esteem in yourself and the client because too much can lead to adverse

outcomes such as narcissistic or inflated egos.

Nonviolent communication is an excellent tool for supporting compassion. It is a method for

expressing empathy and a critical tool for experiencing compassion. When a coach finds

themselves in a situation that a client is becoming defensive or argumentative, empathetic

connections helps clients relax, open up, and feel accepted. Four aspects go into nonviolent

communication; make observations, not evaluations, expressing feelings, not thoughts, identify

needs, not strategies, and make requests, not demands. I have been raised by, and currently

workaround, nurses and physicians, and their job is to give patients a list of what is wrong and

what they need to fix or heal the issue. I may have a hard time parting from my old habits of

assessing a situation and giving a solution. I now understand the importance of the client

assessing their own situation and developing the possibilities to help them find their answer. It is

also crucial to not tell clients how they should react and behave; everyone experiences and

handles situations on their own terms. The relationship between a Health and Wellness coach

and a client is extraordinary. If it is built on trust and rapport, then nurtured with mindful

listening, authenticity, empathy, and inspiration, they will find success no matter how long it

takes.

Reference

Moore, M., Jackson, E., & Tschannen-Moran, B. (2016). Coaching psychology manual. Wolters

Kluwer.