Personal Statement, Magdalena Ochoa

My earliest memories are sitting in my car seat in the back of my dad’s pick up truck, a
gray Ford F-150, 2004 model to be exact, we still have it. I remember sitting, looking out the
window and listening to whatever CD’s my parents were playing. Spanish music. My biggest
enemy as a child, besides the dark, Chucky the doll and vegetables. I absolutely disliked that
entire genre in music. I grew up speaking english, the only time I ever heard spanish was
around parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My parents swore that as I grew into
teenagedom and adulthood that I would cherish the culture more.

After a few years, I eventually learned the language. More in the sense of understanding,
rather than speaking. It was difficult hitting High School and having friends who spoke
spanish, even some who were native speakers. The communication was there but the connection
wasn’t. When we went to parties, I just sat down or stood while my friends went out on the
dance floor to some banda or bachata. It always felt like I was less than.

​ hen people found out I understood spanish, they were surprised. They would never
W
guess I was mexican. The answer was always “Are you like white, or some type of european?” or
“You have to be asian”, wrong, I was neither. I was assumed as two whole other ethnicities
except my own. “You don’t look mexican”, I never understood that phrase. Was I supposed to
have more melanin than my naturally pale skin? Was I supposed to speak fluent spanish and talk
with an accent? I’ll still never understand what it means. I am Mexican-American. Truthfully,
even now, while writing this, I don’t feel like either. I can’t speak spanish. I can’t dance. I don’t
celebrate Cinco de Mayo, Dia de los Muertos, or the Dia de los Reyes. I don't travel to Mexico
every year. I like celebrating Thanksgiving and the 4th of July. Hamburgers are the way to go, but
don’t forget the street tacos. I love watching novelas and listening to Christian Nodal, Banda
MS, Bad Bunny and Maluma. But I also love watching sitcoms and listening to Eminem, Lana
Del Rey, and One Direction.

Yet, that’s what makes me, me. I don’t understand how I expected myself to fit into one
category. I am not just one. I was born here but my roots, my ancestors, they all reside in
another country. I am the outcome of my mother coming to this country in 1993, the outcome of
my father being born in this country. My sisters and I are the outcome of two mexican families
coming together. If you’re ever seen the movie, “Selena”, you’ll know this iconic quote. “...we
gotta prove to the mexicans how mexican we are and we gotta prove to the americans how
american we are… it’s exhausting...” I wouldn’t have it any other way. Kids like us are a
connection of two countries, whether they’re 1st gen or 2nd. We are all proud of who we are. I
am proud of who I am.
Here’s the poem that inspired this personal statement

Mexican American

Born in the united states of america, april of 2003

A connection of two countries, separated by a border, there are millions like me

I don’t feel mexican enough, I don’t feel american enough

So, what am I to do?

Embrace the culture I was born with, or the culture I was born into

Cinco de Mayo, Dia de los muertos, Posadas, days I don’t celebrate

Bachata, Cumbia, dances I don’t know how to do

Sometimes, don’t you feel so out of touch with your roots?

Novelas, Tamales, chisme, y los ranchos

La Banda, Reggaeton, Corridos, the music I love to hear play

Thanksgiving, Halloween, and 4th of July, the joy of these days

I speak in broken spanish, so I’m considered whitewashed

I sing to my favorite Bad Bunny song, and they’re all surprised, that I can follow along

Imagine having two cultures, that you don’t fit into

Imagine having two lives, that you don’t understand

Imagine, as a whole, just feeling less than

A connection of two countries, separated by a border, there are millions like me

If I don’t feel mexican enough, If I don’t feel american enough

Then what does that mean?

- Magdalena Ochoa, 11.19.20