Jillian Hansell

Jodie Jones
COMM1080
May 2, 2021

Forgiveness

Overview

Forgiveness is a choice and a process. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves and

not necessarily the person we are forgiving. When we learn to forget we are teaching ourselves

life lessons, conflict resolution skills, and how to let go of anger. In this paper I will talk about

the benefits of forgiveness and the theories and concepts behind it. I will talk about experiences

I have had with forgiveness and conclude with a reflection of how learning to forgive has

benefited my life today.

Theory/Concept

“Forgiveness is a cognitive process that consists of letting go of feeling of revenge and

desires to retaliate. Overall, forgiveness occurs when a person lets go of his or her feelings of

revenge and need for retaliation, and changes his or her thoughts about the transgression and

the transgressor.” (Cahn & Abigail pg. 6) Not being able to forgive can have many negative side

effects like depression, anxiety and high blood pressure. There are many reasons why people

don’t forgive, like being more comfortable in playing the victim, being afraid of being hurt, just

being angry or not having experience in knowing how to forgive. Sometimes not forgiving can

be an ego issue or maybe fear of forgiving due to outside opinions, but there are so many

overall benefits to forgiving. According to the article “Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It”

that is posted on Johns Hopkins website “ Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can
reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol

levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and

stress. And research points to an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age.”. It

is very clear that not being able to forgive can cause many issues in your own life. Cahn and

Abigail talk about the steps to forgiveness and reconciliation and all forgiveness doesn’t need to

look that same. While you may choose to forgive that doesn’t mean you will continue to have a

relationship, or you may choose a conditional relationship setting certain boundaries. A large

part of forgiveness is also knowing how to forgive ourselves. Not being able to forgive yourself

comes with many possible issues like addition, body image issues, failed relationships, shame

and depression.

Analysis

Forgiveness has impacted my life on such a beneficial level. Growing up my father left

my mother, two brothers and I, he cheated on my mother and set our house on fire. As I got

older, he was completely absent and never reached out to attempt a relationship. So, as I grew

older, I held on to hate and anger my entire childhood. All the pent-up anger and resentment

caused issues in my health, personal relationships and just continued to get worse. I moved

across the country and really started to learn what I meant to be an adult and learning my own

life lessons through mistakes and my own choices. I decided to reach out to my dad in anger, I

felt like I needed to get some things off my chest and wanted to give him a piece of my mind. As

I grew up and started to learn what it was like being an adult with responsibilities, it made me

wonder why he chose the path he chose. So, we talked, at first it wasn’t going well, I think I
caught him by surprised and his reaction wasn’t at all what I expected but after a while we

started to actually talk. He asked if we could talk more often and I agreed, over time I learned a

lot about him and myself. I learned that he has had a lot of his own issues and he never

contacted us because he was ashamed and didn’t know how to confront what he had done.

While that didn’t fix everything for me, I agreed that if he made effort into having a relationship

that I would be open to forgiving and moving forward with life. Ever since that moment, my life

has changed for the better, I feel less angry, I no longer have a short fuse, my relationship

improved, and I started understanding that everyone is human, and people make mistakes. Not

only was my forgiveness good for my father and his life, but it was good for me. I was afraid of

what my family would think for a long time and I held on to the fear of them rejecting me, but

they didn’t. Learning about forgiveness and the benefits in class really has made me look back

on how that moment really changed my life for the better.

Reflection

My takeaway from learning about forgiveness is that you have to forgive event if it’s just

for yourself. Everyone deserves some type of forgiveness; it is a choice, and it is a process.

There is no right or wrong way, it’s just one step at a time.

Sources-

Abigail, R. A., & Cahn, D. D. (2011). Managing conflict through communication (No. 5). Allyn
& Bacon.

Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It. Johns Hopkins Medicine. (n.d.).

https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-
depends-on-it.

Jones, J. (2021, April). Forgiveness. Module. Taylorsville ; Salt Lake Community College.