Jenna Schmitt

Losing But Thriving

I have been in colorguard for four years now. I have been through seven whole seasons of
wins, losses, laughs, and cries. Each season has changed and shaped me in a different way. My
first few seasons went by so quickly I can’t even remember most of it. However, by the time my
third season rolled around, things had changed. My third season I really started to “get it.” That
was the season I began to get noticed by the director, and that put a lot of pressure on me. It
changed the way I looked at colorguard. I was getting too competitive with my own teammates
and taking it all too seriously. I wasn’t myself, I was the ideal image of what my director thought
I should have been.
The Hamilton competition is by far the worst performance I have ever done in my
colorguard career. I dropped absolutely everything my hands grasped. I even dropped when there
wasn’t a toss. Every flag, rifle, and sabre I held ended up on the floor in front of everyone. It was
the second worst experience I have ever had in a colorguard setting. The absolute worst came
directly after when my director met up with me after that performance. I never heard the end of it
from him. He yelled and yelled at me and I was too shy and scared to defend myself so I sat there
and I took it. Everyone was there too, all my friends just listening to him scream at me for
putting “that” on the floor. He was livid. The night of the competition I went home and beat
myself up over it. He held a grudge against me for a few weeks after that, and it really got to me.
I wanted to succeed; I wanted to be the best, and when I wasn’t, I thought I was the worst.
I was spiraling downward and my own stubbornness, competitiveness, and perfectionism
was holding me back from asking for help. Even though I didn’t ask for it, however, that didn’t
stop my teammates from helping me anyway. They not only helped me get through the
repercussions of that competition, they helped me show our director that I am not so easily
broken. They gave me the strength to say, “This is me and I’m proud of who I’ve become.” It
reminded me of why I fell in love with this activity in the first place. They saw the courage and
strength in me when I couldn’t see it myself, and I know I would not be where I am today
without them. They were there for me when I needed it the most and they showed me that I
didn’t need to face this alone. We were a team, and teams win, lose, laugh, and cry together.
With this realization, my performance began improving. When I strived to be the best, I
let it stress me out and affect the way I performed, but when I started doing colorguard for
myself, that’s when I began to flourish. I became more confident and it started showing in my
performances and that’s what got me noticed. It wasn’t my skill set or the cool tricks I could do,
it was my confidence and pride. It was the way I carried myself. And when I gained that
confidence, I started to perform better, and harder tricks started coming more easily to me.
I got better at colorguard when I stopped trying to be the best ever and focused instead on
being the best version of myself. I still give my all every practice, football game, and
competition, but it’s with a different mindset. And now I am thriving. I came out of my third
season ready to attack my fourth, and it was all uphill from there. I’m excited to carry this
newfound confidence and pride into my next steps; college and career.