Bogdan Stanciu

BogdanOvidiu.Stanciu@etu.unil.ch

Human Resources

NLP at work – the difference that makes a difference

in business
By Sue Knight, Nicholas Brealey Publishing, London, 2002

NLP – neuro linguistic programming – three initials a bit misleading. At a glance, one
could think it’s all about computers…but neuro linguistic? Could it be some scary
futuristic technique coming directly from The Matrix, a new way to control people’s
minds? It took me a while to realise what was all about. The first book I got on the
subject was “NLP At work” by Sue Knight. Sue is a world known author and
practitioner, whom I had the chance to meet during a class on NLP at Henley on
Thames, England. It was a unique experience on self awareness, communication and
human interaction.
The pioneers of NLP were John Grinder and Richard Bandler, who first introduced
the notion in their 1978 work “The Mystery of the Sorrow”. Since their first work,
dozens of books were published, and then NLP “exploded” into the world of therapy
and touched deeply the business one, companies all over the world are teaching or
using it (NLP).

Sue Knight is one of the first to try to put this intriguing theory in an accessible
format, adapted for the business world. Her book is already at its second edition,
maybe the best proof for the interest it provoked worldwide. In order to understand
what NLP is, we can start by putting some light on the initials NLP. Neuro can be
associated with the way you filter and process your own experience through senses;
linguistic represents the way you interpret your experience through language and
programming in nothing else that the way you code your language and behaviour
into your own “program”. One has to be flexible when accepting this broad
description, as not everything falls under this umbrella.

Neuro, from the Greek neuron, nerve, is actually the thinking about thinking. The
principle behind is not a stiff declaration of “best practices” like “think positive”
“keep calm”, &c. it is really a introspection into how to do that, into each one finding
own ways to stay calm or to think positive. Each person has its unique view of the
world, its own way to accumulate experiences. Looking at the very same object, there
are as many views of it as people watching. One could appreciate the softness of the
surface, other the complexity of the structure and yet another could be deceived by the
colour and another, and another… a different side of “Neuro” is the body language.
This is put in a completely new light, without the well known stereotypes like crossed
arms mean defensive, lean forward – interest, and so on. No, again, we are delighted
to find a very different approach, unique to the person and respectful.

Linguistic, this time a self explanatory name, it’s all about words and their power.
“Words that hurt, words that heal”, the title of a book by Joseph Telushkin, expresses
perfectly this magic power. It is widely accepted now that in the world of business
(and not only) the form became as important as the content. And that the charisma,
the power to lead and to motivate people, to persuade and to influence, has a strong
verbal component. That it is very important what you say, and yet more important
how you deliver your message.

Programming is the most applied side of the NLP, is about how to put together all
your skills and furthermore, how to bring to surface all your hidden, dormant
resources, in order to realise your true potential. It about modelling talent in yourself
and in others. It is about results.

All these elements can be used in different ways. Not surprisingly, each one will find
his or her own way. One can find ways to improve relationships and to gain more
control and choice over how to live his life and how to achieve better results. Other
will find finer awareness and understanding of thinking processes, language and
behaviour, will find “the difference which makes the difference”.

Neuro

“The spiritual life is a life beyond moods. It is a life in which we choose joy and do not allow ourselves
to become victims of passing feelings of happiness and depression”
Henry J.M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak

The opening concept of the book is the thinking patterns. Each individual has his own
way to interpret reality. You take information from the world through all the senses:
sight, hearing, smell, touch and taste. Then you represent this information as a
combination of sensory systems and inner feelings. The result is a unique way of
coding experience, a thinking pattern.
We can differentiate three major patterns: visual, auditory and feelings. Three
different ways to look at the same world. Taking a simple example, say a glass of red
wine, one could think about its colour, or maybe a picture of it, whereas another
would retain the sound of pouring it from a bottle ant yet another will find more
relevant the taste, the smell, the feeling of taking a sip. The same glass of wine, all
different results. Everyone has a certain preference for one or another. They are all
valid, and this is actually the first exercise. Acknowledge their existence and use them
as needed. In an era when communication is one of the most widely recognised
problems in business, building an efficient message is crucial. That is not an easy
task, as one should employ with grace all these ways, in order to make sure that the
message will be appealing to everyone.
One way to recognise a visual person is to observe his or her eye movements. Such a
person will constantly look for images and answers “on the ceiling”. Therefore we
should be also more tolerant when one breaks the so much valued eye contact. We
shall think twice when concluding that such a person tries to hide the truth, a very
popular judgement.
Most people have a preference for the visual, while smell and taste are a bit less
common thinking patterns. There is neither a right or wrong preference nor better or
worse; are they just equally valuable possibilities. The more aware we are of these
patterns, the better prepared for communication.
Once you have experienced something it becomes a memory. When you react to a
memory you react to the way that memory is stored in your mind. Managing these
distinctions in thinking gives the ability to influence and change the nature of the
memories, so they are stored in a way that results in feeling them the way we want.
Some people become “skilled” in storing memories in a way which leads to
depression, anger, despair; but one could also store them in a pleasant, positive way,
which gives confidence and optimism. Therefore, managing the thinking patterns can
be a very healthy habit.
We shall go now into a derived topic which covers a better known subject: filters. It is
about the filters everyone puts on incoming and outgoing information which is
therefore let in or kept out.
When two people in dialogue are employing the same filters, they usually build a high
level of rapport. Similar patterns will increase the level of trust and mutual influence.
On the contrary, using different filters may lead to discord and frustration.
First step is learning to recognise the different filters oneself and others use. Then
developing the flexibility in the way one uses the filters dramatically increase the
chance for finding a way to communicate with everyone. This is not as simple as there
are hundreds of filters that we use every day to translate experience into perception.
Of course one cannot know in advance what is and what isn’t going to work, therefore
awareness and flexibility are key elements.
First of all, we can segregate between associated and dissociated state. Thinking let’s
say about a recent experience, one could very well situate himself into a associated
state, meaning that all memories are seen, heard or felt from inside, as they were lived
before. Whereas a dissociated state is described as the experience of being outside
your own body, looking at the situation as being lived by other person.
Being capable to switch between the two states can be very productive, as in the first
situation one can focus on his or her own feelings and sensations, and in the second,
dissociated state, one can detach himself or herself from this, distancing form
unpleasant or traumatic emotions, therefore being capable of looking at this event in
much more objective and unbiased way.
Thinking about objectives, more exactly looking towards or away from them, is
another type of filters. Trying to live the success, the feeling of achieving the goal, be
it personal or professional, to be there, is what it is called towards thinking. At the
other extreme is the away from thinking, the thinking about obstacles, about what you
don’t know, about what could go wrong, about what is to be avoided. In general,
people which think towards the goal, are more likely to achieve or even to go further
the planned goal, whereas the others may achieve only what they are running away
from.
Yet another pair of filters is the match - mismatch one. Basically is the way one can
look to a group of things. You can see the common traits, the similitude, what binds
the group together, or you can look at differences, at what is not like the other, at what
breaks a rule. Again, there is no right or wrong attitude, none s better than the other.
However in a given context, matching could be essential, whereas in other cases
seeing the smallest difference could make the difference.
Talking about how we look at our world, we can also talk about big chunk versus
small chunk thinkers. Whilst a person talks about mission, values, feelings, space,
style, this is what is called big chunk thinking. One can also look at milestones,
planning, schedules, in one word details. Of course, it is useless to repeat the both
ways are equally important.
Making classifications on filters might be an interesting scientific exercise, but the
main gain is to understand them, using and recognising them and applying them in
our life. In business, for example if you need to convince others to achieve whatever
result you want, recognising their thinking patterns can be of high value. You can
match then in this pattern your way of presenting the information.
In politics and business communication, body language is a long explored topic.
There are hundreds of books on what the slightest movement would mean, where and
how to keep your hands, where to look, &c. Still, NLP brings another dimension. It
tries to describe how you think with your body. It is about eyes movements, about
breathing, about posture, gestures, voice tone and intonation, about speaking and body
movements. All these elements and more others are communicating our innermost
thoughts every moment of every day. And it is not that people cannot recognise all
these signals, they do. We all do read others’ body language it just that we “learnt” to
ignore them; to delete or distort what we pick up intuitively. By developing our
conscious awareness of what these signals might be telling us, we start to draw on an
immense potential in our communication.
Learning to be aware of body language and the difference between one person and the
next, between cultures, creates a marked improvement in how well we understand
others, in how we can influence them and they us. Some people have a natural ability
to influence, to build rapport with others instantly, to make everyone feel at ease.
Others find these persons approachable, easy to talk to on any issue. A. Mehrabian
demonstrated since 1972 that non-verbal signals were significantly more influential
that the vocal influence and the content of the message. What was really amazing was
the fact that over 90% of our ability to influence others lies outside the actual words
we use!
The way NLP uses body language is very different from the traditional teaching. It is
not anymore about crossed arms meaning defensive, touching the nose meaning lye,
&c; it is to respectfully recognise signals in each individual and to find their meaning.
The aim is to find patterns in the body language and then to “flex” our behaviour to
connect with them.
On the other hand, we can use the body language inversely. Our behaviour can
influence how we think and feel. A tensed posture can very well connect us to our
problems; looking down we are “looking” to our emotions related to those problems.
Therefore the traditional “chin up!” said to someone feeling down could really
disconnect the person from her bad feelings.

Linguistic

“Language and word choice form a manager’s primary tool. Used wisely, sound guidance can grow
from the seeds of aligned words. Used poorly and all you get are weeds”
Michael Lissack and Johan Roos, The Next Common Sense

In the beginning was the word. Your words are your life. They can be your passport to
learning and choice or your jailer. Your language is an embroidery of patterns which
tells your story. Moreover, in business, language is a powerful tool; it is the currency
of business transactions.
By mastering your language, you can improve the quality of exchanged information,
increase the level of understanding, bypass resistance, influence the outcomes of
situations, communicate in a captivating and compelling way, and finally enrich your
language and your life. You can do all these by practicing language skills not only
when interacting with others, but especially whet you interact with yourself.
Personal success relies enormously on the way we communicate. We have seen
already that what we say matters little compared with how we say it. The quality of
language is one of the important factors that makes the difference between
outstanding leaders and speakers and those who would aspire to that status, but are
not yet igniting the minds and hears of their listeners.
One of the early findings of NLP was that skilled speakers use their language in a way
to create a climate of trust and understanding. They rapidly adapt their discourse
instinctively to the language of the person(s) they are speaking to, in this way building
rapport through language.
It is somehow reassuring that you do not have to be Shakespeare or Churchill to
convey a powerful, rich message. However you can code the writing or speaking style
of any great communicator. In business, the many hours of meetings and presentations
and reports, with their cold and neutral language seem to have cast away the
compelling communication. By trying to see why one have the tendency to shove at
the bottom of the pile certain reports compared to others, you can easily find out that
enriched communication is at least one of the answers.
Knowing the fact that the vast majority of people has a preference for visual, starting
with it can be a good choice. Of course, the scope of a project report would not be to
write it in verses, but still giving an easy to understand example, could help to capture
and hold the reader’s attention. Starting with visual, then passing through auditory and
even sensorial patterns and playing with them once you discover the preferences of
your auditory can be great tactics. Still, the “once you discover” part implies a lot of
attention, respect and interest for your listeners or readers. If you really use the same
means to communicate to the person in front of you, it really means that you are
speaking the same language. If you are using two different systems then you will have
difficulty in understanding and accepting the other’s message, giving place to tension
and frustration.
Leadership nowadays is no longer a choice, it is a necessity. Choosing to be lead by
others could mean the end of your business. However, the ability to lead depends on
the willingness to tolerate ambiguity, take risks, and assume responsibility. And it
also requires the capacity to inspire others to do the same. When we think about
leadership, we always think about leading others, yet the journey really starts from
leading ourselves. NLP, specifically the questioning skills, provides a way to lead
both yourself and others.
Noam Chomsky, a recognised linguist, distinguishes two levels of language: the
surface structure – everything we say, and the deep structure – the underlying
meaning of what we say, containing information neither expressed nor consciously
known. Several things can happen between the two levels. In the process of
conversion from one layer to the other, the message of the communication could be
lost or distorted. The closer is the true meaning of what we say to our words, the more
coherent the message and the bigger the chance to be convincing.
Many processes are involved in our thinking. We delete, distort, and generalise
information regularly, so that it becomes disconnected from its deeper meaning.
Typically, the lazy language is one of central communication issues in today’s
business. It is an imprecise form of expression, elusive and ambiguous. One of the
“famous” examples is maybe the “they” syndrome, the impersonal author of all the
bad things in the world. “They don’t communicate, they don’t do enough, and they do
too much…” illustrate our tendency to put the source of problems outside ourselves.
Therefore the solution goes outside, too. Being elusive and impossible to pin them
down “they” leads to our giving over responsibility and the possibility to influence the
circumstances and people outside ourselves.
The two NLP pioneers John Grinder and Richard Bandler made a study on language
patterns. They put in place a set of questions designed to challenge ad influence the
constraints people put on themselves. They reconnect the speaker with their
experience and are influential in triggering change. By challenging the lazy language
we are in a better position to increase the coherence in who we are and the influence
we have on ourselves in subsequently on others.
Deletions are examples of language where parts of the meaning have been omitted.
Common examples are the lack of precision of the author: “people say”, “they
decided”, “it was decided” &c; the challenging questions, even if sometimes
aggressive, could help a lot in passing the clear message: “who said?”, “who
decided?”. The questions reconnect the speaker to the source of the problem, and also
their answers give more specific information.
Vague subjects, vague action verbs, comparisons without the other compared side,
abstractions, opinions presented as facts, are nothing else than aggravating factors for
the loss of efficiency in communication.
Generalisations are a form of distortion, characterised by taking a specific experience
and generalise it to make it true outside the given context. Sometimes it is essential to
do so. Definitions, rules, concepts are all generalisations. Otherwise we would have to
sail a sea of details, every day being filled with countless minute experiences.
However, universal statements, like “I always catch a cold during winter” or “they
never inform you…” can be very well challenged. Always? Never? Maybe, but it is
safer to be more specific. Other elements, like stoppers, limiters, drivers (musts,
shoulds, oughts) do nothing else than put unwanted and useless tension on the
speaker.
Distortions are examples of language where the owner of the words changed their
experience. It may be that they made wrong connections, used incomplete
information, and they become dependent of their environment and chose to feel the
way they want to feel. Blamers can be very destructive, especially when left
unchallenged. “X de-motivates me” can be true in its essence, but without asking
“how does X do that?” you will have nothing else than bad feelings ruling over your
judgement and your capacity to act reasonably.
Presuming parts of other people’s thinking or feeling is nothing more than personal
interpretations, which so often carry a value judgement. It is much more productive to
present objectively the facts, to ask questions, and wait for answers. Somehow
similar, the interpretations are conclusions drawn on a particular episode based on
another (more general, or not) one. “You are not smiling. You are obviously annoyed
with me”. Of course, it could be true. But it could also be that the other has a
headache, of a sick child, or that he or she does not have a particular reason to smile.
People do business with us, select us as their customers or suppliers, and choose to be
with us, to marry us, to be our friends, more on the basis of the state we induce in
them than on any of the content we might offer. To choose the most appropriate
dialogue, in line with our overall outcomes, we need to be clear which are the
outcomes we want to achieve, not only for ourselves but more important for our
partner of dialogue.

Programming

“It’s about people, the rest is technology.”

Ericsson, quoted in The Next Common Sense

The process of coding talent is known as modelling. When you step in someone else’s
shoes and reproduce what they do ant the results they achieve, you are modelling.
Modelling involves reproducing the same sequence of thinking, language, behaviour,
actions. You might also need to take the other’s beliefs and identity. To use a
metaphor, you are generation the code of the program needed to run in order to
demonstrate the talent you want.
The purpose of modelling talent in business is to reproduce excellence. If you want to
reproduce the success of a certain salesman, presenter, manager, &c, modelling will
enable you to do so. The more you model excellence, the more you discover. NLP,
goes at a higher level than more traditional trainings, in the sense that it does not stop
in presenting what is to be done, but it also tries to explain how those things work.
The process of NLP it enables you to learn how to learn and to enhance ownership
and personal discovery in the process of personal growth.
In order to achieve your goals, it is essential to be capable clearly define them, to
imagine you there, to feel them. But in our chaotic world, where continuous change is
maybe the only thing which does not change, we have to be able to let our goals
unfold, develop together with us. We need to walk forward with clarity, and to be
very well aligned with what we believe, and therefore to be in a position to seize the
opportunities when they occur. Like in sports, we almost never know where the next
opportunity will come from, or how it will look like, we can and have to always be
ready for it and flexible enough to use it.
But in order to achieve such a state, we very often have to change. Sometimes
extremely deep changes are needed. Robert Dilts, a leading NLP trainer, developed a
model for change based on the work of Gregory Bateson, the author of Towards an
Ecology of Mind. This model, the logical levels of change, provides a powerful
framework for achieving alignment.
The first level is the level of purpose, the level of spirituality. It is not necessary
linked to religion. It refers more to the value we bring to bigger systems of which we
are a part. It could also be the family, team, company, faith, or the world.
Our sense of purpose is lived through the kind of person we are. The identity or
mission defines our sense of self and how we define who we are.
Belief systems and values are shaped by our purpose and identity, and they support
who we are and what we give. Our beliefs are views about ourselves, about other
people, about situations, which we hold true. They are emotional and not based on
facts.
Capabilities are increasingly becoming known as competencies. They are resources
one has in the form of skills, qualities, such as flexibility, sensitivity, analytical
thinking, adaptability, &c.
The behaviour is the visible part of the iceberg. It is what we do and what we say. All
previous levels show themselves throughout our behaviour. Most people have
behavioural patterns that support them in achieving their goals and patterns which can
sabotage this.
Finally, the environment defines the context in which we display our behaviour and
therefore demonstrate all the higher (or deeper) levels.
Gregory Batson pointed out that the rules for changing something at one level are
different from those for changing a lower level. Changing something at a lower level,
could, but not necessarily would change the higher levels. However, changing a
higher level will always trigger changes at lower levels.
So often we see in business attempts to solve issues at one level by dealing at the
same level, without searching deeper to correct the above level first.
I will conclude with some of the beliefs of excellence which can be vital for our
positive and sustainable change: “Each person is unique”; “there is no failure, only
feedback”; “behind every behaviour is a positive intention”; “we have within us all
the resources we need” and “mind and body are the same system”. Each of them and
many more has to be understood, discovered and experimented. Once we know where
we want to go, we will certainly find the way to get there!

“The problem is not in what we do, but in what we become.”

Oscar Wilde, De Profundis