A Prom Recollection

I’m a person with a very poor memory, it may be due to a lot of things, maybe I got it
from my dad who also has a poor memory, or maybe it’s due to lead poisoning I got from all of the
soldering I did in school, but, reason withstanding, all that matters is that I have a poor memory. To
remedy this problem, I do a lot of things, and one of those things that I do is, writing. So when the
time comes that I start to forget about a certain thing I simply read a story I wrote about it to
remember it. And this one night, is a night I don’t ever want to forget.
Before I talk about the night itself, I would like to talk about the “prologue to that night.” (I
never will get where to put a punctuation mark when using quotations, is it after “ or before “, I’m
just going to say sorry in advance to Mam Melanie, my English teacher.) (I also don’t know when to
put punctuation marks when using parenthesis). Ok back to the main topic. You see, there’s this
certain girl I like, C Justice Hillary Onabia Rigos, and yes, her C Justice means Chief Justice, you may
find it weird but I find it cute. And I have been harboring the biggest crush on her I have ever had on
any girl in my life, I have been crushing on her ever since the 2 nd quarter of the 9th grade. And I’ve
been talking to many people on how to deal with it. My crush on Jury, her nickname, is not your
typical crush because she and I don’t talk, we’re not friends or anything, and every time I’m near
her there’s this weird energy, this awkward energy, and I’ve been shouting to everybody I meet,
that I like Jury, and that lead to things being super awkward between us. But one of her friends,
who I’m also friends with, Cappeia Bangad, told me that to finally remove this awkwardness is to
not like her anymore, and to that I would have to confess to Jury to get closure, to know for sure if
she likes me to or not, so I decided to confess to her during prom night while we’re dancing.
So now that you know the premise of this prom night, I’ll talk about my preparations for it.
When I woke up the first thing that I thought of was how I would ask her to dance with me, it
freaking terrified me, the idea of me walking up to her and asking her to dance, the idea was just
unimaginable. But since prom was not for another 10 hours I just put that scary idea at the back of
my mind. So, I went to buy a belt and some socks. During that little shopping trip, I had second
thoughts on what I was going to do on prom night, so first I messaged Cappeia, asking her on what I
would do or if I should still do it, but she wasn’t replying so I did the unthinkable, I messaged Jury. I
asked her what she would do and how would she react if I were to ask her to dance during prom,
and after a while she replied that it would be okay, she messaged “Okay lang”. That should’ve been
the sign for me to really ask her to dance, but being the pussy I am, I said, “okay universe I need a
sign so that I would ask her out to a dance, I’m going to pass across her house since they live
besides the highway, and if I were to see her, I would take that as a sign from you, the universe, to
ask her out.” And when I passed through the place she lives in, I saw her, walking with her mom, it
looked like they were going somewhere. She was wearing a Spurs jersey and some pajamas, I knew
she wasn’t even dressed and she didn’t have any make up on yet, but she was so goddamned
beautiful that even if she was dressed like that during prom and all of the other girls were wearing
these amazing super-sophisticated dresses, I would be the luckiest man that night if I were to dance
with her. But I got my sign from the universe, I was going to ask her out. Then, I went home, got my
hair fixed up, and had a bit of make-up put on me, got dressed, and at exactly 3:48 P.M. went out of
the house and went to the venue of the prom.
We got there by around 4:30, and I immediately began scouring the entire venue looking for
her, but she wasn’t there yet, maybe they would arrive later, so I just went to my friends, we made
jokes about our suits, we had fun, but around 20 minutes later, she came. She was wearing a
headband with a feather, and the most beautiful black one-piece dress, and it just wowed me, when
I saw her, my legs gave out and I had to hold the table next to me for support, and she walked with
this air of elegance and poise around her that I thought to myself that she would easily be the prom
princess. But when I saw her, my fear and my nervousness about asking her to dance grew in leaps
and bounds. But since there would still be production numbers before I would ask her to dance, I
put all my fear and nervousness at the back of my mind yet again. After the entrance and the
ceremony, I danced my mom, I had an outfit change, me and my class practiced for our production
number, and had dinner.
After dinner came the production numbers, or prod for short. Nothing happened between
me and Jury during the prod, but I’m still going to talk about it seeing as it had a bit of importance to
the night. The first to perform was 10-Graviton, Jury’s class. And I watched her perform, I saw her
dance, I heard her sing, and I loved her even more, yes, I love her. After their performance, was 11-
Polaris, then 10-Gluon, then us. During that time, I wasn’t thinking about her that much since I was
a bit nervous about our prod. So, I danced all my worries about Jury during our prod, and I had a
pretty good time, but after the prod, my fear, my nerves, all of it came back to me tenfold. After the
prod, we went back to our seats, and music played for the first sweet dance of the night, and I
immediately looked for her, I wanted to dance with her already, so that it would be over, but when I
saw her she was with her parents, and I’m not stupid enough to ask her to a dance when her
parents are there. Then the music changed into some upbeat party music for those who are happily
single, and then the students came to the dance floor in droves. I decided to go to, seeing that I
would only be looking stupid if I waited for her to be done talking to her parents. On the dancefloor,
I found myself not being able to dance, not being able to let loose, and that’s so not like me, I am a
party animal, I can let loose if I wanted to, but apparently the thought of dancing with your crush
will put you into a non-party animal mood. I tried my best dancing, but I really couldn’t, I tried
jumping to the beat like everybody else, but my feet were like lead stuck to the floor. And then I saw
Jury on the dance floor and that did nothing to help my already bad state. Then the party music was
changed to slow dancing music, and I almost exploded, I really couldn’t handle the pressure, so to
ease my pressure I tried dancing with my other friends, I even wanted to try to tell my crush before
Jury, that I liked her way back then just to practice what it would be like confessing to Jury, but I
saw nothing helpful from ruining the nights of two girls. After dancing with my friends, asking them
tips on how to dance Jury, and receiving but loads of you can do its, I looked for Jury and I saw her
sitting on a table with her friends. Thrice I tried to get her and bring her to the dance floor, and
thrice I couldn’t do it. The third time was rather embarrassing, cause when I went up to their table I
noticed all of them turned their heads to look towards me, including Jury, and that caused me to
hightail back to dance floor where I saw Cel, one of Jury’s best friends, and I danced with her, and
she told me she would bring Jury, and she did, along with Cappeia. They were in some sort of
huddle seeming to talk about something, so, I waited behind them, I waited for my chance to dance
with Jury. After what seemed like 5 eternities, Jury suddenly spun around and placed her hand on
my shoulder, so, in response I held her other hand and we started swaying.
A million thoughts ran across my mind during that and I almost froze, but I knew I couldn’t
freeze, not now. I began to speak, I’ll try to write the exact words I told her.
“Jury, puwede bang makinig ka sa akin.” She then looked at my eyes for a split moment and
then looked down. I leaned forward, putting my mouth right next to her right ear. “Sobra kitang
gusto. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, hindi ko ulam kung paano nagsimula. Pero sobra kitang gusto, pero
ayaw ko na, ayaw ko nang gusto kita. Ayaw ko na dahil alam kong parehas tayong nahihirapan.
Nahihirapan ka dahil sobrang awkward pagmalapit ako sayo, o kaya kung inaasar ka nila sa akin.
Tapos sobrang hirap naman para sa akin dahil alam ko namang walang mangyayari dito eh. Naalala
mo ba nung 1st quarter nang grade 9, ang simple nun, hindi pa kita gusto nun eh. Close kayo ni Dada,
tapos close din kami, so may mga times na naguusap din tayo, tapos usap lang walang awkwardness
or something, gusto kong ganun ako sa buong batch. Ang hirap kasi pag may kaawkward, naalala
mo ba yung piano book na ipanabalik ko kay teacher Rachel, Monday ko pa dapat ipinabalik sayo
yun eh, pero kailan ko na naibalik? Thursday na ata, ang hirap talaga pag may kaawkward.” Every
time I said something, her grip on my left hand gets tighter and tighter and I could feel her hand
trembling, I didn’t know why, but I continued speaking. “Ang tagal na naming pinag-usapan ni
Cappeia ito, siya nagsabi sa akin na isabi ko na itong mga nararamdaman ko, so ito ginagawa ko na.
Hindi ako nag-eexpect nang oo or something, I’m not doing this for you, I’m doing this for me. So
that I could finally be able to move on from you.” She never looked up, and her hands kept on
trembling, I was starting to get worried, was I doing something wrong? But I still continued to
speak. “Jury ok ka lang ba? Ilagay mo lang ulo mo sa balikat ko, ok lang sa akin, ilagay mo both your
hands sa balikat ko para mas may support ka. Okay lang” Silence. “Jury kailangan ko na magmove
on, kailangan ko na sabihin mo sa akin na, Jethro hindi, walang mangyayari sa ating dalawa, at okay
lang sa akin, alam ko namang awkward ka sa akin, kung kailang mo kong umalis, aalis ako, lalayo
ako, I’ll let you go, I’ll let you go.” Then I started to move away, but call me crazy, she moved closer, I
moved backward but she moved forward. And again, I continued to speak. “But if you stay, that
would be the best, but I know, I already know, na wala, na hindi mo ako ever na magugustuhan.
Ayaw ko nang umasa. Alam ko namang hindi ko ako pinapaasa, pero umaasa parin ako. Pero ayaw
ko na.” Silence. “If you don’t want to say anything, I get it, I understand, I’ll just be happy that I got
to dance with the girl I love.” I don’t remember that much if that was what I really said the last,
since I was just repeating over and over some of the things I said, but after that, what I remember is,
she suddenly wiped her eyes, and that was when I noticed that she was crying. I tried to wipe her
years with my suit as well, and then people came and hugged her, they comforted her, they gave her
what I couldn’t give, what I didn’t think about, so in shame, I ran, I left.
I ran away towards the front of the dance floor, where there was no one but grade 11s, and I
sat down on the steps running up to the stage. And all I can think of was why did she cry? Was it
because of me? Was it because of the things I said? I couldn’t bear to think about these questions,
because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the answers. As the music started to finish and the
crowd on the dance floor started to thin down, I started panicking, I wouldn’t be able to meet with
any of my friends, I wouldn’t be able to answer their many questions, and I certainly won’t be able
to meet with her. So, I went outside. As I was met with the warm night air, I started singing, I
started singing city of stars from the musical La La Land, my voice was so tremulous, I was on the
verge of tears, and do you want to know the funny part? That night was a starless night, not one
speck of light in the sky, and there I was, a person all alone, singing about stars. Guess, I was a fool
in love. And then I leaned on the back of a black van, the screen was so dusty, I can clearly
remember that. And once my head met with the cold glass, I wept. I wept for around 5 minutes. All I
could think of was why? Why? Why? And when I felt like I was ready for human contact again, I
went back inside. But I only sat at the tables at the back. I couldn’t sit with my friends, because I
wouldn’t be able to answer their questions, and I don’t want to think about what happened, with
Jury. And as I sat down, they were announcing the winners for the many awards like prom prince
and prom princess, and whatever. All I could think of was, what would happen when Jury would get
awarded and she would be on stage with some guy and they would have to dance together? What
would I feel watching that happen? Strangely enough, she didn’t win any awards, she wasn’t even
nominated, guess the judges don’t know true beauty. I noticed my left fingers smelled like Jury, I
think because of her intense gripping on my hand she imprinted her smell, and I found myself not
being able to stop smelling my fingers, it gave me the happy memory of me being so close to Jury.
During the awarding ceremony I saw Jury, Zam, Cappeia, and Cel walking along the middle of the
room, and my god was Jury so beautiful. But at the instant I saw her, the memory of me making her
cry hit me like a freight train. If it took her this long to look presentable again, it must have been
really hard when I danced with her. I couldn’t bear the thought of it, so I left the hall again. I just
walked around outside smelling my fingers, and when the awarding ceremony was over party
music started to play again, and I went inside, and I just wanted to let go on that dance floor. At first,
I couldn’t, I was simply too devastated. Then I saw her on the dance floor, with the biggest smile
plastered on her face. I didn’t know what to think, I thought she was affected by what I did, but it
turns out it was like nothing, I know I’m unreasonable for thinking that, but I did, as I said, I was a
fool in love. I started to party more, but I was hiding from her, hiding among the people, I wouldn’t
want her to see me, since I thought she would cry again once she sees my face. Then the music
changed into sweet dancing music. The first I person I looked for was Cappeia, I wanted to ask her
what happened? Why did Jury cry? But I found Zam first and I danced with her, while dancing I did
my best to not let my fingers touch with her hand for fear that the smell would go away. I asked
Zam about what happened to Jury and Zam said that it wasn’t my fault, I felt a bit better when I
heard that, but I couldn’t completely accept that, I knew I was the reason, again I was being a fool in
love. Then I danced with Cappeia again keeping my fingers as far away as possible from her hands, I
asked her if I shouldn’t have done what I did, and she said that I did what I needed to do, and
nothing was wrong with that. Then I made up my mind, I wanted to ask Jury myself. So, I looked for
her and I found her on the right most edge of the dance floor. I danced my way towards her, I
danced with girls switching until I got to her, and the last dance on my trip to Jury, was Rasha. My
dance with Rasha, was a fun dance, she jumped crazily and I jumped crazily, and I didn’t know if she
did it for me, but damn that was exactly what I needed before I dance with Jury again. Then, after
my dance with Rasha, when we dabbed together, I saw Rasha go to Jury, and I just found myself not
being able to ask Jury to a dance so I wanted to dance with other girls first, but I saw her extend her
hand towards me and my heart skipped 78 beats, I was going to dance with her again. But I threw
away all my fears and doubts, I had to know why she cried. I took her arm, and I danced with her
again. She was the first to say something. “Sorry, umiyak ako kanina, naoverwhelm lang ako.” That’s
the clincher, while I was dancing with her before, I just kept on speaking about me, I didn’t stop and
think what would she feel. That’s not love. And I said, “Sorry na lang din, at ginawa ko yun, first time
ko yun eh, magconfess habang sumasayaw.” And then I knew, I knew that I didn’t truly love Jury. I
just wanted her to be with me, I didn’t put what she wanted, what she needed, before mine, I didn’t
think about her feelings all the time, I didn’t value her happiness as the highest priority. I didn’t love
her. And I would be able to move on. I cut the dance short, since I was running out of things to say,
and I feared she would cry again or I would cry. So I curtsied and said thank you, and she smiled.
The feeling of me making her cry, was the worst feeling imaginable, it was the most gut-wrenching
pain I have ever felt, and the opposite could be said for me making her smile, knowing I was a bit of
the reason of her joy and laughter was the best euphoric feeling in the world. I guess that was the
most love-like feeling I had with Jury, but the love stops there. Instead of being a fool in love, I was
just being a fool.
So, after that last dance with Jury, I danced with any other girl I could find, finally not being
that afraid of the smell of my fingers getting lost. And for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t
thinking about Jury at all, her presence in my mind could not be seen. I was thinking about me. It
felt good, it felt good being finally free from my intense crush on Jury. I might not instantly move on,
but I know that I would, and that was more than enough for me.
And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, was Vince Jethro I. Ramel’s prom night.