16 Ways To Have An

Incredible First Date

1. Use realistic photos if you're online
dating.
This is technically something you do before the first date, but it
can definitely inform how well it goes. "I'm a size 16, so I was
always nervous to represent myself as me," says Newman. At
first she'd included an admittedly awesome photo of herself on
her online dating profile, but it wasn't 100 percent
representative. She realized that may have been a mistake
when Date Nine looked her up and down then frowned, very
clearly surprised by what he saw. "We had a torturous three-
hour dinner where he didn’t talk to me but kept ordering more
food," she says. Of course it's smart to use attractive photos,
but they're going to see you anyway. No point hiding the real
you!.

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2. Reframe your idea of singlehood.

"So, why are you single?" is high on the list of date questions
that double as minefields. It's all too easy to work yourself up
over crafting the perfect answer when really being single. isn't
some terrible affliction in need of explanation. It's everyone's
default status, after all. "I stopped asking people why they were
single and assumed it was for valid reasons," she says. And if
someone asked her the question? She'd respond with, 'I was
married for 10 years, and we separated for totally valid reasons
that I'll tell you about when I know you better." Her dates
usually respected that boundary.
3. Know that it only takes one.
Sometimes the idea of going on yet another first date with yet
another person to see, yet again, if something's there gets to
be too much. In those moments, remind yourself of this crucial
fact: all you're looking for is one person who's a match, and that
can happen at any time. "Also, if you're dating online, the pool
is constantly refreshed," says Newman.

4. But maybe reconsider the idea of "The

One."
Knowing that it only takes one doesn't automatically
mean there only is one. "In all that dating, I met 121
different men, and I saw 121 different futures," says
Newman. "I found my person, but I met a lot of amazing
men along the way." Looking at your odds—there are so
many people out there, so of course more than one
might make you happy!—can help reduce some of the
pressure to force something when it may not be there,
and some of the disappointment if it isn't.

5. Wear something that makes you feel

bomb AF.
Newman loves high heels, so she continued wearing them
even though they sometimes threw a wrench into things. "We
all know '6 feet' can be code for '5-foot-10' on dating profiles.
I'm 5-foot-7, so I kept showing up and towering over my dates,
which wasn't fun for me," she says. But did she stop wearing
the heels? Nah, because that misrepresentation wasn't on her,
and they made her feel confident.
6. Put thought into immediately agreeing
to dinner.
Grabbing a drink or coffee is often a safer bet. "If you're going
to dinner, there needs to be enough material to have about a
good hour and a half of conversation," says Newman. And if
there isn't? Prepare for awkward silences and escaping to the
bathroom to send your friends a rushed "WTF do I do?!" text.

7. Show up as yourself.
At first, Newman tried to determine what a guy wanted and
conform to that. Once that tactic wasn't successful, she
revaluated and discovered the benefits of being authentic. "It's
exhausting to try to figure out what someone wants instead of
being yourself, and really, you don't need to be a fit for
everybody," she says.

8. Ask the simplest question in the world.

"Something like, 'Hey, how are you doing?' or 'How was your
weekend?' immediately gave the date a sense of familiarity and
made the guys feel more at home with me," says Newman. "It
was an organic way to make things feel more natural, probably
because it helped show that I was looking at them as people
instead of just trying to get the right answers out of them."
9. Get them to share what they're good at.
This especially comes in handy if you want to see if there's a
spark. "I'd say something like, 'You were talking about how
you're really great at guitar,' then have them explain how they
got to be so good at it," she says. When most people talk about
something they're skilled at, they turn into the most attractive
versions of themselves—better posture, radiant confidence,
twinkling eyes. If you weren't 100 percent sure about the
attraction but feel a stomach swoop when that happens, there
may be something there worth exploring.

10. Give yourself permission to end a bad

date.
Don't suffer through an awful experience just because you feel
like you owe it to someone! Newman learned this lesson with
Date 54, which she summed up as "so horrendous, so bad."
For starters, her date showed up looking about 30 years older
than the 48 years he'd claimed. The outing ended an hour and
a half later when he offered up sex. "Apparently he'd gotten in a
motorcycle accident at some point and injured his 'Johnson,' as
he called it, so it was constantly erect," says Newman. "He said
he was a great time in bed because it would be like Viagra."

She declined and left, forever taking with her the knowledge
that it's OK to stop a date if you can tell it's not going to work.
"As he was hobbling across the street with his cane before the
date, I could have been very gentle and said, 'Thank you for
coming, I'm so glad you made it out, but I don’t want to waste
your time,'" says Newman.

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11. And remember lightning rarely strikes
the same place twice.
As in, chances are you won't have to go through the same
exact traumatizing experience in your future. After Date 54, he
of the erect penis, Newman could have been like, "Eff this,
singlehood, I choose you." But she wasn't about to give up,
because she'd probably never have to deal with that situation
again. "I knew my next date wouldn't be a 78-year-old
proposing sex because of his ruined Johnson," says Newman.
"It could only get better from there as long as I was willing to
keep leaving the house instead of watching Law and Order
reruns."

12. Play things a little close to the vest.

It's always good to be upfront about what you want, but that
doesn't mean you have to get elaborate on the first date. "I
would share my hopes and dreams about future relationships,"
says Newman. "I realized starting with the endgame in mind on
a first date with a total stranger can be too much." It's not about
playing hard to get or trying to be something you're not, but
about taking things at a pace that really allows you to see if
you're a fit for each other.

13. Save the complaining for later.

Even if the traffic was a beast and your egomaniac sister is
acting up again, being overly negative on a first date can do
more harm than good. "A first date is really a meet and greet,"
says Newman. "Of course you don't want to hide who you are,
but being your authentic self with a positive spin will serve you
better than going down a negative road with a total stranger."
14. Don't necessarily shy away from
taboo topics.
Conventional wisdom says not to touch on things like politics
and religion on the first date. But isn't it better to know right
away if your beliefs don't align? "It's a good sorting
mechanism," says Newman, who got into a deep discussion
with Date 121—aka her current partner, with whom she had a
commitment ceremony in February 2013—about their shared
pasts growing up in religious households. "He told me he knew
he wanted to sleep with me when he saw me, but he knew he
wanted to get to know me when I talked about purposefully
trying to get excommunicated from the Mormon church," says
Newman. Well, yeah, because that sounds like an awesome
story.

15. When the check comes, feel free to

ask if you can help.
It's the 21st Century! If you do the purse-reach fake-out and
think it needs an upgrade, try asking something like, "Can I
help?" It's upfront but still leaves room for them to take the lead
if that's what you're hoping for. "I saw it as a spirited way of
being available in a partnership, but still seeing his level of
interest and how far he wanted to take it," says Newman. Of
course, that all depends on what you want. Newman was
looking for a take-charge kind of guy, but if you're the one who
wants to play that role, something more direct is probably a
better option.
16. If you're digging your date, get in
touch after.
Sending a text or email to say thanks is a sweet, easy way to
reiterate your interest, even if you think you did a good job of
projecting it in person. Men have told Newman they went on a
great date, didn't hear from the woman, and never asked them
out again for fear of embarrassing themselves. "Sometimes
people just need the green light," she says. It might freak you
out, but if they're not interested, it's just a text. And if they are?
On to date two!

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