Hi my dear! Once again I must apologise for this insane delay.

Life’s been kinda shitty lately due to

my mental health issues. As I’ve already told you, I texted my therapist that I intended to commit
suicide and thus I ended up going to a psychiatric hospital in Bucharest. They prescribed some meds
to me but I freaked out when the side effects backfired. Now I seem to be doing way better though!
It took me /months/ to regain the energy to get back in touch with you and other people, and I am
very sorry for that. How have you been since the last time we spoke? Wonderful, I hope!

Ohh I’m so happy to hear that the EDMR thing has been working wonders for you!!! Truth be told, I
haven’t tried it yet but I will keep it in mind for the next time when anxiety hits! Many thanks for
sharing your experience with me <3 Ah, I totally get why you don’t feel that comfortable with doing
therapy via Skype. I kinda have the same issue here. Have you started going to your therapist again
in meantime?

Ugh, loud neighbors can be such a pain in the arse so I totally get why you’d wish to move out. I
think I remember you telling me that you moved in the meanwhile? How’s the new apartment? By
the way, how’s Ian doing? :3 AHH I can’t wait to move out as well!!! I’m so excited about going to uni
but ‘cause of the whole corona clusterfuck I’m not sure if I’ll get to spend that much time away from
home. ‘These things are mostly trial and error, really, so it’s great to experiment if that’s something
you enjoy doing! Never know till you try, as they say’- Yup, precisely xD Oh I’m super sorry to hear
that your intercourse with a man wasn’t enjoyable :( You know, I’ve heard that sex between girls
almost always feels better because they both know how and where to do what, unlike men who
tend to chase their own pleasure and forget about their female partner’s needs :P I gave up on
looking for a label as well. Thing is, I think I’m more attracted to girls when it comes to emotional
bonding, and I love making out with them too, but I have a tendency of projecting my gender
dysphoria on other girls and that makes me kinda terrified of vaginas xD So I guess I’m (sexually)
more attracted to guys? I really don’t know and it’s waaay to confusing to start thinking about it in
detail xD

Phew, I’m glad you enjoyed that idea ‘cause I constantly worry that I ramble nonsense lmao. I mean,
I see Melkor as a complete control freak, so, as your rightly pointed out multiple times, he tucks his
(great) insecurities under his exaggerated demands of others. Poor Mairon happens to be in
Melkor’s anger’s way more often than not. ‘Lmao Melkor is a jerk because he can :P He’s a bastard,
but he’s our bastard.’- Yup, this sums up his character pretty much xD I find it so funny and
interesting at the same time that we are so ready to forgive or overlook all the cruel atrocities that
he inflicts on others simply because he’s /our/ bad guy xD But leaving the joke aside, the fact that we
can sympathize with one of the most evil guys of all time speaks volumes about how good the
fandom is at depicting and analyzing Melkor’s character. And yeah, I do support the idea that Melkor
does all of those nasty things to Mairon simply because he can. Because it makes him feel
empowered and in control. He doesn’t wish Mairon to sway from his influence. I was just thinking
that the thought of Mairon slipping from beneath his heel /terrifies/ him considering that Mairon is a
very powerful and influential Maia. Melkor might think that Mairon could easily overthrow him,
should he really wish to do so. Hence, Melkor becomes angry and hurt and frustrated over little,
meaningless gestures, and the sad part is that Mairon will never know all of this. All that Melkor lets
him know is how he should be careful and obey and, as you rightly said, walk on eggshells around
him. AHH Mairon’s loyalty to Melkor will forever pull at my heartstrings :’( I love how you mentioned
that Mairon sees his own defensive behavior as a betrayal of sorts! I can totally see this train of
thought happening. And yesss, Melkor would absolutely feel hurt by Mairon’s defensiveness. I think
that hurt would turn into anger and frustration before Melkor has the time to translate it in a
healthy way to Mairon :/ Jeez, they both need SOOO much therapy lol.
‘Yepppp, I also think that Mairon very rarely speaks out against Melkor. Only when he feels that he
must for the good of the fortress / the troops.’- This sounds like something Mairon would do to me!
Do you think Thuringwethil or Gothmog ever asked Mairon to speak to Melkor on their behalf when
they needed something because they knew how Melkor only ever truly listens to Mairon? Like,
maybe if Thurinwethil fucked something up, she might go to Mairon and say something like ‘Hey, I
know the nature of your relationship with lord Melkor, so could you please ask him to forgive me?’ ?
‘And Mairon stays anyway, because he loves Melkor, and perhaps also because he acknowledges
(deep deep down) that Melkor is giving him everything he can give in his own twisted sort of way,
and it hurts and it doesn’t fulfill Mairon in the ways that he needs or deserves, but he decides that
for him it is enough.’- AHHH THIS HURTS OMG. But I am SO HERE for your idea! Mairon deciding that
what Melkor has to give is such a toxic thing to do. But at the same time, it proves that Mairon,
despite all the bad things that he does, is capable of pure, almost innocent love.