THE DIGITAL SELF

Like it or not, we all have a digital self—a mask that we put on to engage the technological
world.
Physician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicot once proposed a theory of self which posited
there is a "true self" that is the instinctive core of our personality and must be nurtured and
realized. This is in contrast to the "false self" that is created to protect the "true self" from insult
and danger. The takeaway is, we all have a "true self" that is complex and fragile, but ultimately,
is our essence. In an attempt to share that self with the world, we engage our decoy selves to
manage the day-to-day anxieties and challenges that come before us.
This blog engages thought and discussion about our digital self. For the past two decades in the
mental health field, we have seen countless individuals explore and navigate the many aspects of
their self-identities. Put another way, the digital self has become a frequent visitor on the
couch. We have treated patients who have become divorced over Facebook affairs, couples who
met on Match.com and wound up happily married, adolescents who became suicidal due to
cyber-bullying, single moms now with the flexibility to work at home, and the embarrassing
consequences of "drexting" (aka drunk texting).  
In the last 15 years, we have been introduced to:

 World Wide Web  Foursquare

 Emailing  Wii
 Chat rooms
 Online shopping
 Cell phones
 Internet gambling
 Internet pornography
 MySpace
 Facebook
 Texting
 Sexting
 Tweeting
 iPods
 Search engines
 Dating sites
Let's be honest here: Who hasn't struggled with their digital self-identity? All of this technology has
come at us so fast and furious, that we haven't had the time to think about how our relationship
with it shapes our very identity.
If we can begin to understand this slice of who we are, then we can shape our digital self into a
self that is more closely aligned with our true self, which has a sense of integrity and connected
wholeness that Winnicot would have said harks back to the early stage of development. If we are
unable to take control in defining our digital self, then we become increasingly more dependent
on this digital reality.
In psychological terms, this lack of interaction is referred to as an empathic failure and will
possibly have consequences. Children remain developmentally concrete for many years and
cannot comprehend who their parent is communicating with or why. They just experience the
disconnect and the fact that something they don't understand is coming in between their
relationship with their parent.
How could this seemingly attentive and undoubtedly loving mother create better technologic
boundaries to protect her relationship with her child? How could she better define her digital self
in a way that is more congruent with her true self? How did this mother end up inadvertently
prioritizing her relationship with technology (texting) over her son at that moment in time?
In such a short span of time, how is it that we have learned that when our phone buzzes with a
message we MUST respond? In this blog, I am not suggesting that you should throw your
phones and computers into the ocean, but rather to explore ways to develop a deeper level of
understanding as to how your relationship with technology impacts your primary relationships,
and how it is, as a result, defining you.
Your Digital Self: How to Present Yourself Online
The digital self is the persona you use when you’re online. Some people maintain one or more
online identifies that are distinct from their “real world” selves; others have a single online self
that’s more or less the same as the one they inhabit in the real world.
Why is the digital self so important for your career? The simple reason is that once you go online as
your real self, using your own name or appearance, you have an online presence that can be traced
back to you in the real world. Your online presence is hard to hide, difficult to control, and easy for
recruiters and hiring managers to find. Because of this, it’s important to manage your online
identity carefully, to ensure that your public image—your brand—is presented in the best possible
light.
By doing so, you reap a number of advantages:

 You have more control over your digital identity. It’s not possible to have 100% control, but
by building your own online presence you’ll always maintain the lion’s share.

 You can build a consistent identity, and reduce the impact of problems that might put hirers
or recruiters off contacting you. Think of the damage control that celebrities do when
salacious stories start circulating—it’s this kind of approach, but on a much smaller scale.
  You have the chance to develop your own reputation as an expert or thought leader in your
industry. This can mitigate the negative effects of issues such as employment gaps or an
otherwise spotty work history.
Elements of the Digital Self
Your online identity is like an investment. You start out with a small amount of capital, and the way
you use it over time determines how much you end up with later on. The difference is, it’s actually a
lot easier to control your online identity than it is to predict the stock or real estate markets.
What goes into building your digital self? It can and does include everything you say and do under
your own name. Some elements of your digital self include:

 Your online behavior.

o People tend to assume that your online actions are representative of the way you
are in person.
o Consistency of behavior is important, either in the actual or digital ones,

 Your online voice.

o When you post online, what do you say? Are you controversial, contentious, or
otherwise inappropriate?
o Do you add value to conversations?

 Your online presentation.

o From your blog, vlog, website, or facebook profile, the images, fonts, and other style
elements you choose can say a lot about you.
o Maintaining a professional online visual image is just as important as any other
aspect of digital presentation.
Developing Your Identity with Online Content and Social Media
Given that your online behavior makes a huge impact on how you present your digital self, it’s
important to always use social media with care and consistency—always aware of how your
personal brand can be affected by what you say and do. Always assume that potential employers
will perform an online search, so make sure that everything they find is positive and professional.
LinkedIn
LinkedIn is always the best place to start when you’re building your professional identity.
It’s the world’s biggest online professional network, and both hiring managers and
recruiters use it to find and vet new talent. It’s always cheaper, faster, and overall easier to
hire via a referral than to open up a job to applicants, so make sure you’re the one people
are referring, by building a strong and active LinkedIn presence. Complete your profile and
keep it updates; join and participate in groups; build up a network of connections—then ask
those connections to write recommendations you can include in a resume or job
application.
Twitter and Facebook
If you think Twitter is not appropriate for professional purposes, think again. It’s actually a
valuable tool, giving you the chance to follow and chat informally with people in your
industry. The beauty of Twitter is that it can be whatever you want it to be. If you want it to
be a place for building your professional digital identity, make it happen by following
industry experts, leaders, hiring managers, recruiters, and other people you want to hear
from. And don’t be shy: Twitter is a public forum, so get involved in conversations, and
tweet your own thoughts too.
Even Facebook can be useful in this way, if you’re following the right people. It’s the most
popular social media platform in the world, with more than 1 billion unique users, so there’s
huge potential there for developing professional connections, especially when used in
conjunction with LinkedIn and Twitter.
Create a Personal Blog
Have unique ideas about your industry that you want to share? Creating a personal branded
blog is a great way to start sharing your own content, and blogging offers some unique
advantages. You have the chance to develop your thoughts in much greater depth than on
social media, and this makes it easier to truly define who you are and what you can offer in
terms of professional skills.