FRAME OF MIND

I looked into the mirror, questioning such countless things. My thoughts ricocheted
around with uncertainty, “What in the world is going on? Why? Should I have done
things differently?” My mind’s answers were no less inconsistent and unclear. For what I
saw sent me spiraling into panics stricken anxiety and there was no way of reversing my
feelings or the cause of it. Nonetheless, my brain continues to reflect on the past
leading up to this.

My day began as it regularly does, in the darkness before dawn. I’ll stretch and put
myself into action to a morning routine designed to make the most of very little time. In
fact, my whole day is like that. I have to manage my time wisely and make the most of
every minute. I wondered. “Should I have managed my time better?” It became a
rhetorical question as my mind kept on dashing.

The reflection soon became a suspenseful investigation like that of a Sherlock Holmes
story trying to pursue a mysterious villain. The examination proceeded in my musings
as my appearance moved towards the various discussions of the day. I asked myself,
“Am I my own worst enemy? Should I have withdrawn knowing it wouldn't work out
positively?” My contemplations tried to identify if I am the villain or if I could blame
someone else. Perhaps it was both. Maybe, I just need to yield and back off from the
ones that dare to challenge me without proper unconventional armament. For those that
do challenge me in this way have no way of protecting their fragile state. Could this
issue I’m facing be a repercussion of my actions? Indeed, it would be wise to disengage
and save my strength for the true bulldogs of war, the real antagonist of my world.

The day had me facing a slew of opponents throughout its time. My conflicts are not
pursued with blades, firearms, and armor however with a pen, paper, and precise
words. This day was unlike the rest as we stepped away from the bargaining table late
in the evening. I was both glad about a portion of the outcomes and frustrated and
distraught about other parts. I knew these results were going to enrage some of those I
represented yet; at the same time others would be grateful. Regardless of their
perception of the agreement or my performance it would scale in comparison to what
happened next.

The grim day wore upon me like a hefty handbag. My shoulders drooped and my
depletion both physical and mental was obvious. It was time for me to release the
burdens of my day and retire my responsibilities. Just when I thought my grind was over
a reality set in that I wasn’t prepared for. The news of what my eyes were about to tell
me seemed like a mirage. I got closer to inspect. The color, apparent to its title, grief-
stricken me for what seemed like an eternity. I had received my first gray hair

I was forced to deal with several insecurities, questions, and enormous stress. Finally, I
submitted to the reality of this is going to be what I make of it. My perception moving
forward can be a good one or a bad one. That choice is up to me. I can't generally
control what occurs, yet I can handle my response.

“Love yourself first and everything else

falls into line. You really have to love

yourself to get anything done in this

world.” -Lucille Ball