Ryan 1

Banneker Essay Revision

Thomas Jefferson contributed to the creation of the Declaration of Independence and

stood as Washington’s secretary of state. Benjamin Banneker, a scholar, and son to former

slaves, boldly wrote to Jefferson. In his letter to Thomas Jefferson in 1791, Benjamin Banneker

attempts to persuade him to reconnect with his previous belief of the injustice of slavery.

Banneker uses the idea of hypocrisy, pathos, and God-like diction to convey the unconstitutional

aspect of slavery.

Banneker employs the idea of hypocrisy to remind Jefferson of his former anti-slavery

morals. He argues that after revolting from British rule they were “so fully convinced of the

benevolence of the Father of mankind and of his equal and impartial distribution of those rights

and privileges” (32) however, the country is now to “be found guilty of that most criminal act”

(39). Banneker is implying that as one of this nation’s founders, Jefferson is liable for these

wrongful actions towards slavery. Banneker is comparing the United States government

(Jefferson) to the British rule and slavery to the colonies. Banneker is, therefore, conveying that

he believes slavery is wrong and everyone should be free. In addition to this, Banneker reminds

Jefferson that after winning independence, there “was a time in which [he] clearly saw into the

injustice of a state of slavery” (15). It is highly noticeable that Banneker is accusing Jefferson of

being a hypocrite. Jefferson undoubtedly believed that slavery was discriminatory, most

specifically when writing “that all men are created equal” (Declaration of Independence). This

document, in which this nation was founded upon, shows evident deception. Therefore,

Banneker implicates that Jefferson is acting as a hypocrite when writing of that equality, then

acting on a contrasting viewpoint. It also conveys Banneker’s beliefs that slavery should be

abolished and America should follow the truths of the Constitution.

 Ryan 2

Furthermore, Banneker also utilizes Jefferson’s past experience to allow him to

sympathize with the slaves. Banneker asks Jefferson to recall “the variety of dangers to which

[he was] exposed; reflect on that time in which every human aid appeared unavailable” (5). This

request made to Jefferson develops a humanizing of the slaves and proves their right to live like

everyone else. This example was meant to spark a relatable aspect for Jefferson when connecting

slavery to the lack of representation the colonies had not long ago under British rule. Banneker

uses this example to emotionally link Jefferson to the slaves and express that this lack of hope is

what the slaves constantly feel. Also, Banneker encourages Jefferson to “put [his soul] in their

souls” so his heart “will be enlarged with kindness and benevolence toward them” (49) when

alluding to the Bible. This is intended to give Jefferson empathy and build perspective towards

the slaves. In can be inferred that Banneker believes that if people look through the eyes of the

slaves they can ultimately become more involved in lifting the slaves from their captivity. Due to

that fact that Jefferson is a highly esteemed figure in America he can assist in bringing that

about.

Additionally, Banneker includes justified, biblical diction to argue that slavery is unjust

and unchristian. As Banneker discusses to Jefferson why he helps abolish slavery he explains the

“blessing of Heaven” that Jefferson has “mercifully received” (13). This aids to disclose

Banneker’s feelings that slavery is unholy in the sight of God. In using this biblical diction,

Banneker hopes to show Jefferson, a religious man, that God gave him mercy so he should do

the same to the slaves. Furthermore, Banneker questions how Jefferson fully believed in “the

benevolence of the Father of mankind” and his “equal and impartial distribution[s]” (32) to all

people. Banneker uses this diction and example to demonstrate that Jefferson is not only a

hypocrite but is also untrue to his religious beliefs. Knowing of Jefferson’s religious beliefs and
 Ryan 3

the strength of his point, Banneker repeatedly uses the God-like diction throughout his argument

to constantly remind Jefferson of this assertion. Besides being an argument against Jefferson, this

diction also acknowledges that Banneker believes that slavery is against God as well.

Overall, Banneker’s usage of rhetorical strategies, hypocrisy, pathos, and biblical diction

to craft an argument against Jefferson and beliefs. Banneker hopes to push Jefferson back into

the anti-slavery viewpoint he once had. This also elicits Banneker’s hate and disapproval of

slavery and its unlawful nature.

Original Essay

Hailey Ryan

AP Lang / p.2

Ms. McKiddy

28 September

Banneker Essay

In his letter to Thomas Jefferson in 1791, son of former slaves, Benjamin Bannekar

attempts to persuade him to reconnect with his previous belief of the injustice of slavery.

Banneker uses rhetorical appeals logos and pathos to convey the unconstitutional and inhumane

truth of slavery.

Benneker relies on logos to show Jefferson why slavery should be abolished. He argues

that after revolting from British rule they were “so fully convinced of the benevolence of the

father of mankind and of his equal and impartial distribution of those rights and privileges.” (32)

However, the country is now to “be found guilty of that most criminal act.” (39) Banneker is
 Ryan 4

using this hypocritism to show they are acting in a similar manner to that of the British tyrant.

Banneker attempts to persuade Jefferson that he is portraying the same cruelty he fled from

before. In addition to this Benneker alludes to the BIble when stating that “ Job proposed to his

friends, ‘put your souls in their souls instead’ thus shall your heaths be enlarged with kindness

and benevolence towards them.”(48) This statement compares to the popular saying “put

yourself in their shoes” and that if Jefferson and many others will look through the slaves’

perspective he will be able to so clearly see the horrid condition they are oppressed to live

through. All in all, Banneker utilizes these logical examples to convince Jefferson.

Benneker additionally relies on the rhetorical appeal, pathos, to get his point across. He

makes a connection to JEfferson and the slaves when reminding Jefferson to remember “the

variety of dangers to which you were exposed” and to “reflect on that time in which every

human aid appeared unavailable” (4) Benneker’s purpose is to allow Jefferson to remember the

injustice he once felt and cause him to lift the slaves from this same feeling. Banneker also

reminds Jefferson of the freedom Jefferson has “mercifully received”(13)

Rhetorical apparel logos and pathos aid to push Jefferson back into the anti-slavery

viewpiont he once had.

Revision Analysis

In my revision, I dramatically altered the essay, basically rewriting the entire thing. My

foundation and arguments were weak so I decided to use the idea of hypocrisy, pathos, and

diction instead of logos and pathos to strengthen my understanding of the passage. I also

lengthened the essay quite a bit because it barely filled one page. I also used an elevated
 Ryan 5

vocabulary in order to avoid repetition and tried using more elaborate writing to avoid a cookie

cutter essay structure. I added more advanced analysis and often connected it back to the main

idea and thesis. I also tried to avoid lengthy quotes to insert more of my own words and less of a

summarization of the text.

Original Prompt